A real feminist would be able to pull the sword from yonder stone that has lain there for nigh these thirteen years.
A real feminist would have the strength of ten men in her arms and would lay waste to the fields of the Green Knight.
A real feminist can cross the foot-bridge into the church whispering “Foot-bridge, break not; I am not the true bride,” and the foot-bridge will not break, and a horse’s head will serve her.
A real feminist can awaken the Sleepers in the Hill by singing:
Seven long years I served for thee,
The glassy hill I clamb for thee,
Thy bloody clothes I wrang for thee;
And wilt thou not waken and turn to me?
A real feminist will have a cauldron that can wake the dead, and will carry healing in her hands.
A real feminist will drink three draughts from the drinking-horn of Útgarða-Loki, which has its tail end in the sea, and thus create the tides. She will lift the foot of the cat, which is really Miðgarðsormr, off of the ground, sending the ice giants into a secret panic. She will hold her own as she battles Elli, the specter of old age and death.
A real feminist dares to arrest a Knight of the Temple of Zion on grounds of high treason, within the girth of his own Preceptory, and in the presence of the Grand Master.
A real feminist will catch the cast-off bear-skin her enchanted husband sloughs off every night and cast it in the fire, freeing him from the sorceress’ curse.
A real feminist will not blanch when passed through the fire; she is armed so strong in honesty that the flames pass before her like the idle wind, which she respects not.
A real feminist can track a falcon on a cloudy day and has eyes like the sea before a storm.
A real feminist can never be defeated in honest battle by man of feminist born.
A real feminist will achieve total consciousness right before she dies, so she has that going for her, which is nice.
A real feminist will ask about the bleeding spear as the procession of the Holy Grail appears before her, healing the Fisher King and restoring his blasted lands to their full fecundity.
You will know the real feminist when she comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.
[Image via Wellesley.edu]
Tags: feminism, real feminism, secret quotes from ivanhoe, secret quotes from julius caesar, secret quotes from the bible, secret quotes from the princess bride, swords, things mallory does for no reason
A real feminist will understand all these references and not be all braggy about it, but just smile knowingly.
(sobs)
So a real feminist is both Prince Humperdinck and Wesley wrapped into one? I can get behind that.
that was one of the only references I caught…
a real feminist can instinctively read the alethiometer and pick out the cloud pine ridden by Serafina Pekkala
…and wield the subtle knife skillfully.
Side note, have we ever talked about those witches on this site? because omfg
My Halloween costume last year was Serafina Pekkala, because the party theme was “Which Witch”, and Serafina Pekkala is amazing.
this is absolutely brilliant. I especially loved the trials of Thor part. oh, and you used fecundity. I love that word.
Had a sneaky suspicion I was a fraud, this just confirms it.
Yeah, ditto. I mean, I’ll achieve total consciousness before I die and all, but I don’t have enough strength in my forearms to pull out that freaking sword.
Well, there’s your problem. Use your legs.
A real feminist shall draw from the fire a burning sword, and that sword shall be Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes, and she who clasps it shall be Azor Ahai come again, and the darkness shall flee before her.
A real feminist will be the Mare who Mounts the World.
She can also be the Stallion! She gets to define that!
As well as the cauldron, does she have a bauble to bring light that the assistant pig-keeper can’t work?
A real feminist read and reread Tatterhood and Other Tales as a child.
I had totally forgotten about Tatterhood until you just mentioned her. Marvellous!
A real feminist makes up her reading list mostly from comments on the Toast.
A real feminist doesn’t need the other five when the Dark comes rising, even if they’re from the circle and the track.
They can return; she will go alone.
p. sure the Lady is the original Real Feminist.
WHY DID THE KIDS HAVE TO LOSE THEIR MEMORY OF WILL AND BRAN AT THE END THOUGH
I’ve read an awful lot of fanfic about fixing that….
So they could have normal lives. (Bran lost his memory as well; it was just Will who remembered anything.)
you can have a normal life with sickass memories of wizards and kings and shit
I feel we could adapt this into a pretty sick video game that I would want to play all the time.
A real feminist will wield the Elder Wand in the name of justice and evil spells will not harm those under her protection.
I thought it was just: And you shall know them by their “This is What a Feminist Looks Like” T-Shirts?
So they could have normal lives. (Bran lost his memory as well; it was just Will who remembered anything.)
Lies do not become a real feminist. She is a woman of action.
This is awesome! I want a modern one (a real feminist does not order her coffee “extra hot”, a real feminist never fills rubbish bags more than 3/4ths full, a real feminist has never used all four elements of her stove simultaneously etc etc) (also aware that websites aren’t vending machines).
A real feminist can be of three minds, like a tree in which there are three blackbirds.