March 18, 2014
Attn: YouTube User “illuminati puppet”
Re: Defamatory statements made by ILLUMINATI PUPPET to THE ILLUMINATI regarding JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS.
Dear YouTube user ILLUMINATI PUPPET,
We represent THE ILLUMINATI, a secret society dedicated to uniting the public through various techniques of mind and government control. With regards to your YouTube video uploaded March 28, 2011 entitled “Josie & The Pussycats: Illuminati Mind Control, Subliminal Messages, and Truth in Fiction,” you are hereby warned and notified to CEASE AND DESIST making dangerous claims against THE ILLUMINATI that could severely undermine the organization’s ongoing attempts to create a New World Order. We find this video in direct opposition to Illuminati Law.
It has come to our attention that harmful statements were made by ILLUMINATI PUPPET regarding the 2001 film Josie & The Pussycats. In a YouTube video running fourteen minutes and seventeen seconds, ILLUMINATI PUPPET argues that plot points about the government and corporations, tied to THE ILLUMINATI, using media to “brainwash” teenagers are true. The same is true for references to assassinations and subsequent cover-ups by THE ILLUMINATI of any figures “with the eyes and ears of the masses” that undermine THE ILLUMINATI’s long term goals.
For instance, at two minutes and fifteen seconds into the video in question, ILLUMINATI PUPPET discusses the number of “pop stars” who have died in plane crashes, and says “I will provide a link to a Wikipedia article on many people who have died this way, and you will see that something is seriously wrong.” Not only do revelations such as this agitate the masses against THE ILLUMINATI’s plans, to suggest that orchestrating plane crashes in order to subdue uncooperative celebrities is somehow “wrong” is clearly a biased statement against THE ILLUMINATI.
ILLUMINATI PUPPET’s comments also indicate that various symbols used in the film represent THE ILLUMINATI’s harnessing the power of ancient Egyptian gods. “One of the main symbols that is placed everywhere is the logo for Target. This logo is also a symbol for the sun and a symbol for Amun-Ra the Sun God . . .None of the advertising was paid promotion, so on one hand it’s a joke, on the other hand there is sun symbolism completely everywhere.” The similarity between Target’s logo and the symbol for Amun-Ra is, in public knowledge, a coincidence, and to suggest otherwise does irreversible damage to THE ILLUMINATI’s image.
Furthermore, ILLUMINATI PUPPET suggests that the only reason the teenagers in the movie are listening to such brilliant pop songs as “Three Small Words” and “Pretend To Be Nice” is because they have been brainwashed into doing so. This not only implies that THE ILLUMINATI is using music to control the public, but that the public would not find such songs incredibly catchy and well written on their own.
We also ask that you change your username from ILLUMINATI PUPPET. It violates copyright as well as libels THE ILLUMINATI as having a mission of making human puppets. THE ILLUMINATI’s stated intent is clearly the mind control of the masses, not making human marionettes. That’s just creepy.
The statements made by ILLUMINATI PUPPET regarding THE ILLUMINATI are defamatory and constitute tortious interference with secret Illuminati business, and as such, are actionable under Illuminati Law. Unfortunately, Illuminati Law is not yet recognized as legal in the United States of America, but we are prepared to pursue whatever avenues are necessary on behalf of our client to stop the continued defamatory statements made against THE ILLUMINATI by ILLUMINATI PUPPET. Please CEASE AND DESIST all such statements before we are forced to take further measures.
Sincerely,
THE ILLUMINATI
Illustration by Matt Lubchansky.
Tags: i miss parker posey, Illuminati, illuminati puppet, Josie & The Pussycats, movies, youtube
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Love this.
Why do conspiracy theorists never consider that if they were right they’d be in an unregistered prison facility faster than they could say ‘illuminati’? These are really shit global conspiracies if they can’t shut up a sweaty guy with a frightening beard.
John, our infamously spectral houseguest, had never heard of the reptilians, and it was SO what a reptilian would have said when the topic arose! Which, in my house, it’s gonna.
(Off topic, but does John know of his spectral qualities (i.e. did Mallory let him know in the morning), and also does he know if his internet infamy?)
(Also last night, as I was falling asleep, I thought I saw an unusual shape in my room and for half a second thought that it was John. Sorry, John!)
He knows he is exceptionally tall, and is exceptionally thin by design for bike racing, and felt bad for having accidentally terrified Mallory, but, since Steve had reminded HIM about Mallory, was never in any fear for his life. No men read this blog, except for the four men who read this blog, so I think he has no great awareness of his…fame.
I didn’t mean to blame John for his exceptional tallness and thinness or for scaring Mallory, I was just curious. I once sent something from the Toast to a man and while I believe he enjoyed it, he was physically unable to view any other parts of the site and had to restart his computer to be able to carry on with his work. Well done with that.
That may be my favorite part of the Toast.
I mean, if he’s a reptilian he’s probably gotten a memo about it. It’s a fortuitous first step towards becoming alderman or something, with the nervous support of thousands of toasties.
Orrrr maybe…
Conspiracy PR manager: Yup, release the herd of bearded sweaties
Conspiracy Ad. Asst: But…won’t they give away all of our carefully guarded secrets about world domination and mind control?
Conspiracy PR manager: Muahahahaha! Everyone will dismiss our bearded sweaties as crazy and delusional. We shall slip even farther under the radar and do our bidding uninterrupted.
Maybe they’re grown in labs and trained to be as ridiculous and unbelievable as possible.
Advanced training – Extreme leaps of logic: How to take ‘some people like cheese’ to ‘hyper-intelligent cow overlords’ in three steps or less!
josieandthepussycatsisthebestmovieeverjointhearmy
best end line of any movie ever.
First Rule of the Illuminati: DON’T TALK ABOUT THE ILLUMINATI
or we’ll send you a Cease and Desist letter
I legit love this movie. Fake pop bands! Alexandra! Alan Cumming and Parker Posey! DuJour means friendship!
All that video convinced me of is that I need to watch Josie and the Pussycats again.
I love how he has to explain why, such a serious dude as he is, would watch such a silly movie in the first place.
The similarity between Target’s logo and the symbol for Amun-Ra is, in public knowledge, a coincidence,
In public knowledge! Bless.
14 minute YouTube video. GTFO.
14 minute YouTube video. GTFO.
Josie and the Pussycats really is a fantastic movie, though.
(Although my favorite thing about it is not the movie, but that when I went to see it with a friend when it came out, we ended up sitting in the same row as our about-to-retire high school astronomy teacher.)
About-to-retire [illuminati] high school astronomy teacher
I like how sensitive the Illuminati are about their songwriting. Outstanding.
(Also, I forgot that the villains of this movie are Parker Posey and Alan Cumming, which is perfect.)
I’ve never seen the movie, but that combination is by far the most winning movie villain combination I have ever heard of in my entire life, so now I have to.