One of the nice things about going back to where all your friends live is hearing dating horror stories, is it not? The two following dates were related to me in a hushed tone, and it is my great honour to share them with you. Your own terrible dating stories can find a home in the comments.
Let me begin this narrative as it was first told to me:
I had eight OKCupid dates last week. Let me tell you the best, and then the worst.
*
We had a nice time. Stayed for a third drink. He was cute, seemed cool.
“How old are you?” he asked me, just before the waitress returned with the check.
“31,” I said, and smiled.
His hand snaked out and patted my belly.
“We’re going to have to put a baby in there pretty quickly then, huh.”
*
It was cold, I got to the bar about five minutes early, sat down and ordered a beer.
About fifteen minutes later, I got a text:
Where r u?
At the bar.
He came in, irritated.
“Most girls would wait outside.”
We made a few minutes of small talk.
“So, I’ve got a cat,” he said. “But I think he’s gay.”
“Hm?” I said, non-committally.
“In the morning, when I get up to pee-pee, sometimes I’m pretty hard, and I’m also, you know, hung.”
“…”
“And he sort of bats at it, like this.”
(makes cupped palm swatting gesture)
“But he’s declawed, so I’m still, you know, intact?”
Our drinks were charged to the credit card I had put down when I arrived. He did not reimburse me for his.
*
Tags: cats, dating, horror, okcupid, parenting, relationships
*calls husband, begs him never to leave, ever.*
Seriously. Is this what those P.U.A. books are teaching dudes?
Before I read this, I had nearly convinced myself to give OKCupid another try.
SAME. Then remembered the guy who asked me to meet him in the woods and said he wouldn’t have his phone on him, and when I asked how I would find him he said “I’ll just be in a tree somewhere”
Excellent regurgitation of the cat-eating-mouse pic. Very apt.
Also, I haven’t had a first date in like 22 years, and the horror was just starting to abate, and then you posted this.
I was convinced, after reading the first one, that you’d gotten the best/worst switched.
Oh, no.
I love how the “best” one is the one with the baby-assumptions and inappropriate touching.
(Tonight I’m going home and getting reassurance from my husband that I never have to go out there again.)
Right? I WILL DO THE DISHES FOREVER PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME!
(I won’t really do all the dishes. Sorry.)
I still think the first one is worse. Just.
your cat is declawed?
you monster
IT’S AWESOME *creed arms*
I was wondering how long it would take you to show up
“When I get up to pee-pee”
I might’ve walked away from the date right there.
| might’ve?
I can’t tell – are you questioning my grammar or my commitment to walking away from bad dates?
Oh, definitely the latter BUT I’m also fully admitting that I don’t know if I could straight up and walk out of a place (as someone in a below comment says they did – huge props there). But I would really really have an issue with someone using that word, in sincerity, to someone they just met.
Yeah, I don’t know if I’d be able walk away either, no matter how much I wanted to. Hence: “might’ve.” 🙂
Might could. I might could do that.
Anyone else raised by American Southerners?
what is wrong with people?
So much. So much. That’s why I haven’t dated in 10 years.
Holy shitsnacks. My worst date is a charming anecdote compared to either of those. I will cherish it and know I am lucky.
The baby guy was the best? Of eight human beings? Oh dear.
Yeah, that’s…really depressing.
that is the most horrifying part of this whole thing.
I’m operating on an assumption of “he successfully made 30 minutes of small talk, and laughed an appropriate amount at all the jokes, before using the second drink to up the ante…by BEING SO WRONG”. Because… how else to understand…? *scared face*
(clutches head like Psyduck)
This needs to be my standard reaction gif
I’m always batting at my dude’s penis with a cupped-palm swatting gesture. Perhaps he shouldn’t have agreed to date me.
But you probably retract your claws first, right? I think you’re fine.
Is that not how handjobs are supposed to go?
*boop*
UGH the guy that told me, all on the first date, that “if we can’t say it, then they can’t either” (re: the n-word). He also told me that feminists are a hate group and went on and on about how much he “fucking hates” his “bitch ex.” UGH I shudder just thinking about it.
Guy #2 is confused about sex if he thinks attacking a penis with violent intent indicates gay.
secret misandrist cat
I wonder if Mallory would like her cat better if it was a secret misandrist.
Just busted out the snorting chortle at work.
this is a perfect image with your user name!
What, you don’t come on to guys by swatting at the cock?
AM I DOING THIS WRONG
Hahahaaaaauuughhhh WOW.
I had a date with a guy who described himself as vegetarian, but said he ate chicken. Then again, I think I may have been a few people’s worst dates myself.
WHICH WAS THE BAD ONE? OH GOD
oh the baby thing oh no oh NO
Okay so to actually contribute: because I felt it was fair somehow, I put up with this one guy for three whole dates.
On date one, he told me that he had had the epiphany that the Comanche tribe is/was exactly like the Reavers from Firefly; then he loudly raved about the “blue collar” delights of the powdered soap in the bar bathroom; then he debated the bartender at length about whether or not a cop should have given him a ticket for something.
On date two, when I was trying to explain the difference between prescriptive and descriptive grammar, he shouted, “YOU MEAN LIKE CUNT?” No, I did not. I think he also made some weird conversation about sex noises?
On date three, I said thank you very much but I am not feeling the romantic chemistry. He said, “oh yeah, totally!” like it was a mutual thing, so that was great, but then he offered to give me a ride home “because that’s what friends do” and on the ride home he gave me unsolicited constructive criticism on how to make an anecdote I’d told him funnier.
I was like, yeah, thanks OKC, I think I’m out.
Who even ARE these men? I mean that seriously. I feel like I have only encountered a few such douchebags in the real world, but then they seem to be everywhere and horrible. Ugh, I am so sorry that you had to spend time with this dude.
I forgot to mention that after that, when I was rapidly fading into the distance, he texted me a few times to invite me to events such as “help me shop for a suit” and “come watch me fix my bike at the co-op”.
Every part of that: “watch me” is insufferable, then “fix my bike” makes it even worse, then we finish with the more-bang-for-your-buck “AT THE CO-OP”
It’s really the perfect storm. I kind of admire him for it, in a way.
“You mean like cunt?” …what is that even, what are men
oh god, powdered soap just makes me think of elementary school. I hated that stuff.
Why was there a date two and date three? :/
Okay so now I kinda want to date you because you know and actively want to talk about descriptive and prescriptive grammar <3 no one understands my passion…
“We’re going to have to put a baby in there pretty quickly then, huh”–the point I threw up a little in my mouth, as someone who 100% wants to have kids.
I definitely physically recoiled from the screen when I read that. EW.
I have had a kid and UGH UGH UGH. Who says that? WHO.
It’s somehow even more offensive/disgusting than saying, like, “better get started on kids soon.” Something about the phrasing of “put a baby in there” is just vomit-inducing.
Even beyond just the phrasing, the presumption of it. Like dude, it’s a first date. It’s not okay to even joke about that on a first date.
Yes! Like, it’s marginally better than “Let’s insert a fetus into that womb, huh?” but only slightly.
It reminds me of this one time I met someone in a different city, but we hit it off and were chatting on the phone regularly. I agreed to travel to his city again (I have several friends there to visit anyway). He seemed cool and we really got along. The day before my trip we were chatting, and he was talking about how much he liked me and how excited he was before he blurted, “So, are you fertile?”
Too bad I already bought those plane tickets. I went anyway and we had fun, but what the hell, man?
My fave was a second date with a guy who seemed you know, fine on the first one – at least not completely batshit or awful. Kind of funny, bit of a chip on his shoulder but eh. The second date he shows up WC Fields drunk (at 1pm on a Sunday). Like, elbows sliding off the table so he faceplants into it twice drunk. Then he proceeds to make jokes about having sex with 12 year old girls (who were in the restaurant, they were not hypothetical girls at all). Like, several jokes. Even after I made this face D: at the first one and said out loud with my words “What’s wrong with you, that shit’s not fucking funny”. Then tells me he’s really drunk (What? NO!) and proceeds to mock me for “having hobbies and volunteering and shit…who does that?”
I also had a BUST PERSONALS date a thousand years ago where a fellow opened with a rape joke, followed with a second rape joke, interrupted me while I was ordering food to tell the waiter I’d have something else entirely, then informed me that I’d “learn to eat steak the right way from now on, or suffer the consequences”. That’s the first date I walked out of in the middle. I just realized, holy shit, I drove here, why am I sitting at this table and not leaving? He screamed “bitch!” at me across the room as I was walking out of the restaurant.
Good for you for walking out! Man, even if I hadn’t driven, I would have walked out. A cab is a small price to pay.
I was pretty young, so still somewhat concerned with not being rude to people lest my dead grandmother come back to life to slap me in the back of the head for having no manners but it suddenly hit me that HE had no manners so it was at the very least a draw. I just started laughing a little hysterically and grabbed my bag and walked out. I felt really giddy and it was kind of awesome.
I think your grandmother would have been firmly behind that decision, as that guy was clearly moving into Patrick Bateman territory.
The rush of just walking away from bullshit is INSANE. It’s like a high.
YES. It’s the best. Leaving a party that is sketching you out is that same rush.
Is that why people still go back to OKCupid?
God damn, what winners. It is awesome that you walked out.
Did you go on a date with Rob Ford, perchance? *high fives self
Like I would have walked out on that pile of red and sweaty delight!
Massive good for you for getting the hell out!
I think I would have hit that baby guy
Seriously. I’m impressed the guy’s hand didn’t end up broken from the pressure of being forcibly wrenched away, never mind that a punch didn’t land on his body somewhere afterwards.
Uh oh… I read that as, like, “yeah I’d hit that!” And I was totally confused and sad for you. But now I know that you meant the right kind of hit!!
I should have been more clear – I would have punched his lights out.
haha, “guy with inappropriate sense of boundaries who sees women as breeding vessels–I’D HIT THAT!”
“confused & sad” seems like the most compassionate possible response to that mistaken assumption.
A relative did a similar thing (belly touching, maybe you’re preggers) to ask why I was moody… while my mom was dying LITERALLY in the next room. But yes, all thirtysomething cis women have one emotional state: needin’ babies.
…WHAT THE FUCK
Stories like this are why GIFs are invented, because I don’t have the words. I’m sorry you had to deal with something like that at all, let alone during a time of loss.
8 DATES IN A WEEK.
I feel accomplished when I manage ONE.
Seriously, I went on two dates last week and it was EXHAUSTING! I vowed to never let it happen again.
I have met one person who does this REGULARLY, and I just don’t understand. Doesn’t he get tired? HOW DOES HE HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT?
I read an issue of Women’s Health yesterday, and there was an article on taking a break from dating wherein the writer’s friend forswears dating for a month. I wasn’t aware that was something people have to try to do.
EIGHT dates in one week? Did she have to double book one day? That is too many dates!
I feel accomplished when I manage one in a YEAR.
Whenever OKC comes up I feel the need to defend it–I’ve made some good friends there when I was looking for friends not dates, and I’ve had some good dates when I was looking for dates not friends. I’ve had a few nice, reasonable relationships with men I’ve met on OKC.
But you have to do SO MUCH sifting. Like shopping at a thrift store, but all the shirts are trying to grab your wrist as you go by and all the pants that don’t fit are like “give me a chaaaaance” and some of the dresses say mean things and ALL of the shoes are just IMing you over and over to say “ur cute wanna meet up”
Sometimes I don’t mind, because I think dating is fun and I’m good at sifting. But last weekend I re-enabled my account and disabled about six hours later, after a whole bunch of “wanna meet” and one neg. Not feeling it!
and all the pants that don’t fit are like “give me a chaaaaance”
This made me laugh until I wheezed.
Can Matt Lubchansky illustrate this?
Oh, I have a wonderful analogy about how sex is totally like board games that I’ve been trying to find the words to flesh out. If we teamed up and wrote a big list of relationship analogies and asked Matt to illustrate them, could we break the internet with awesome?
Sex with me is like Settlers of Catan. I always win by laying down the Longest Road. HEY-O!
I’m thinking about Dixit sex now and it’s either incredible or really cosmic and terrifying. Or both.
Dixit art is definitely in the realm of tantric and/or modern spirituality sex. So yeah, cosmic and terrifying but super-beautiful if you’re into that sort of thing.
But leaving aside the art, how does one play Dixit? One person thinks creatively about the beautiful piece of art that’s just come before them, and everyone else has to guess what the people around them will approve of. It’s trying to have good sex as a guessing game, with a high ‘goldilocks’ factor of not-too-this, not-too-that thrown in. Which, I guess, is part of why that game always turns boring (for me) well before it seems like it should.
Once we used “tip-top” as a reference for the hot dude with the crow head and the pyramid – and now it’s what all our friends use to describe someone as attractive.
This is an amazing analogy for OKC dating.
I leave mine on, and never answer messages. No one sounds INTERESTING anymore. Every message starts to seem the same and I can’t care about them anymore. But I never go on dates now, so that’s a definite downside.
There are plenty of decent people on there, it’s just OVERWHELMING. Dudes are like a ravening crowd of seagulls, and that’s just the ok ones. Wept tears of joy upon finding the “hide from straight people” button, it’s a much calmer side.
I need one of those buttons for real life.
Oh my god, I was on OKC from 2005 until like three weeks ago (when I finally got around to disabling my account after being in a relationship for a year, WHOOPS), and this is one million percent accurate. I’ve had some perfectly decent relationships with lovely gentlemen I met on OKC, and while I’ve had some dates that were clearly going nowhere, I’ve never been skeeved by anyone I met there. (The only date I’ve ever been on that verged into possible-Patrick-Bateman territory was with a dude I met on LiveJournal, of all places.)
HOWEVER, the sifting is relentless, and exhausting. I will also add that there are SO MANY PANTS BEGGING FOR A CHAAAAANCE that it very quickly turns you (or at least, turned me) into the shallowest snob alive, rejecting dudes for patently absurd reasons (shorter than me! balding! into a band I hate! prone to typos!) because it’s the only way to narrow the field down to a manageable size. This might be a big-city-specific thing, but it made me feel pretty gross after a while.
That is the best description of Ok Cupid I have ever heard. Very accurate.
Yeah. I met my now boyfriend for nearly four years on OKC. I went on a few dates with some people I met online who were totally nice people, just not for me.
However, that does not include the hundreds of horribly terrible messages received on a regular basis.
OH GOD OH GOD THE BABY ONE IS THE GOOD ONE WHY WHY WHYYYYY
Seriously what are men. And I had just finally been working myself up to start the whole online dating thing AHHHHHHHHHHHkasljdakjsdfaaslkdjfajs
I am beginning to think that the mythological Amazons had the right idea. Just meet up with a band of roving nomads for drunken hookups a couple of times a year. Live in misandrist paradise the rest of the time.
I know I’ve told this story before, but bear with me. I only ever went on one proper date (as in, got-asked-out, went-to-movies type thing)–it was nice, we had pizza and saw Once and then went back to his dorm to watch Serenity. It was nice! Then, at some point, he told me eagerly and with a straight face that he liked going out with me because he was tired of dating pretty girls and wanted to date a smart girl for once.
OH WOW you encountered a negging in the wild! I didn’t know that real guys who know you for real in the real world ever did that; I thought that was usually reserved for ships-in-the-night contacts like OKC or bars or the guys who interrupt your quiet reading on the subway.
Wild NEGGING appeared. FIGWIGGIN used DICK KICK (hopefully)
So much Pokemon in this thread, I love it.
“negging in the wild”
*ded*
I hope you said “Yeah, I was tired of dating decent guys and wanted to date a douchebag for once.”
The best part is how he probably felt really proud. Almost like when a toddler draws on the wall on his own shit and thinks he’s done something super neat.
Was he Leonard Cohen and were you Janis Joplin?
OMG it must be the same guy who told my daughter she was his “smart date”
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I had a similar experience with a dude after I dumped him (we hadn’t dated long) that said he was proud of himself for dating a bigger girl because he usually dated thin girls. So, good job dumping that douche, 20-something me.
When I was 12 or so, before negging was even a thing, some son of a family friend told me “you’re not as nice or as smart as your sister, but you’re prettier, and that’s what counts.”
I shit you not he seemed to expect me to be flattered.
I’ve been lucky enough to have mostly mediocre or good dates from OKC, but there was one guy.
I had gotten to the bar early and sat down with a beer. When he got there, he ordered a hard cider. I started to talk about different brands and types of cider, and which ones I liked the best. “You’re kind of a lush, huh?”
Uhh…no. Knowledge of alcohol does not a lush make.
Oh, yeah, the casual judgment. It’s so common! I went out on a first date with a guy like that. Everything sounded like a slam, including when he came back from the bathroom and I was a bit embarrassed to be caught checking my lipstick and he said, “You look like a kid who just got caught with their hand in the candy jar!” What? What kind of a thing is that to say? What a new kind of weirdness that was to me. Unfortunately, that’s the only one I remember, but trust me, he was full of all kinds of judgey statements. Who behaves like that on a first date?
“thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is why you’re single — it’s because you’re a dick!” I want to come up with like, a little jingle to sing this at assholes.
I went out with a guy that I met online (pre-OK Cupid). We were at dinner, I was hungry, so…I ate everything on my plate. It was some form of chicken sandwich and fries, nothing unusually large. His response? “Wow – you have a voracious appetite.”. To be clear – this was not said in a complimentary way.
Didn’t hear from him again, until six months later – when he sent an email saying “he didn’t think this would work out”. I’m not even kidding – six months later. Yeah, I think I got that, champ.
“We were at dinner, I was hungry, so…I ate everything on my plate. It was some form of chicken sandwich and fries, nothing unusually large. His response? “Wow – you have a voracious appetite.”. To be clear – this was not said in a complimentary way. “
I know neither him nor you … but I’m still going to guess that at some point in his previous life this dudehead has said “I don’t want one of those salad-eating girls. Give me somebody who’s willing to go out for a burger and a beer without worrying if she’s going to gain three pounds!”
And I can imagine what he’d say to “that girl” if he found her and she actually gained five, instead of three.
Oh noooooooo!!!
Phew, ok, the horror has slightly diminished. Would any of you in relationships mind sharing how you met your SO? I’m seriously trying to figure out how to meet nice dudes because I do not seem to be encountering them very often in the wild.
A friend very unsubtly set us up.
“Oh, you like blank? This friend of mine is great at blank!”
“oh hey, funny running into you here at your place of employment. This is that guy I oh so casually mentioned 10 times last week. Oh my, look at my wrist I’ve got to go.”
I really like your friend, just through this description.
Bless.
OKC! Although I may be in the minority of having a mostly-positive experience on there, apart from the one time a guy wanted me to join him in a playground at night. That was just weird.
OKC for me too! The creepers for sure out number the good folks but there are in fact some good folks to be found. Or there were, large_marge and I may have gotten the last 2…
OKC…. five? Six? But yeah, definitely OKC. I was sleeping with a Not Nice Dude, and decided I needed a crash pad, and crashed into my beloved boyfriend, with whom I live and cat-parent.
Funnily, I remember very early on, after we had started having sex, we were in bed, and I said something like “my birthday is only like 4.5 months away!” (guh I’m self obsessed maybe?). And he was said “That’s half a gestation period!” and I went silent. DUDE. He thinks he’s soooooo funny.
Another OKC here! And he was only the third guy from the site I went out with, so every time one of these articles crops up I feel really, really, really lucky. Of the other two, one was inexcusably boring- had done many interesting things but would not talk about any of them, and the other was a reasonable person to hang out with although not life partner material. So also a mostly positive, albeit brief, experience.
I technically met my husband in high school though we didn’t actually get to know each other until well after that, through a friend we’d both known in high school. So I sadly cannot help with the “find an SO in the wild” encounters. My only other experiences finding dates all sort of happened by accident at DragonCon and did nooooot go well.
I met Mr DrLadyBusiness through online dating, but our first date consisted of me going: “Hey, I’ll be grading freshman comp papers in X cafe this Friday, feel free to swing by if you want to have a coffee, I have nerdy glasses and a red streak in my hair,” and here we are 11 years later. So, um, low pressure?
Well, I met my now-husband at Locally Owned Supercool Videostore (sadly, not its real name), where he worked (and which is still his day job). I was immediately and powerfully attracted to him, but I didn’t think we had much in common besides our shared love of horror movies.
Then I noticed that he just seemed to radiate goodness; in retrospect, I think I saw that because I could hear how he treated everyone – co-workers, little-old-lady customers, a gaggle of teenagers, hot-single-ladies – with respect and courtesy.
After, no kidding, a few years of crushing on him, I actually broke one of my very few dating rules: I asked him out at work. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS; I worked retail for yeeeeears and I know that a customer who puts you on the spot at work can make yo miserable. It can ruin your whole day, it can make you feel anxious every time that customer comes in.
But, well, it worked out for us, because I was so very careful to respect his boundaries and observe his overtures. I waited until he’d started treating me more like a friend than a customer: he’d give me a HUGE grin and jog over to talk to me when I came in, and he started bringing in movies from his home collection (live footage of 1970s Shakespeare in the Park!) for me to borrow. Also, I asked him out once and only once. After our first date, I told him frankly that I’d had a great time, here’s my contact info, if you’d like to do this again just ask me because I’d love to, but I will never put you on the spot at work again.
And, y’know, eventually he asked me out again, and now here we are, ~9 years later. I am the luckiest.
I think this may be the one and only time that asking someone out at their place of work actually succeeded. Good for you guys!
I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT. But, yeah, I totally did it because I am a bad person.
Weird fact: I’ve been (basically) asked out twice by guys at their work (once a barista, once the checkout guy at Safeway.) The barista was a horrendously bad kisser, I dated the checkout guy for six months! So, not a bad record, but not a good one.
For the record: my personal rule* is only against a customer asking a service worker for a date**. Typically, a retail or service worker is paid, in part, to be friendly and pleasant, which 1. a customer can easily confuse with a personal relationship and 2. can create a power imbalance in which it’s especially awkward for the person at work to say “no” as forcefully as they might like.
I mean, I personally don’t usually love it when someone I encounter routinely in the course of their work asks me out – indeed, it can make me anxious about returning to, say, that bus or that library or that shop – but that’s not the rule I was describing at all.
*the breaking of which did lead to me getting married, whatever, why the third degree OMG I DO NOT NEED TO STAND FOR THIS EVERYBODY COOL IT oh it is just me?
**after getting to know everyone at The Fella’s store better, I realized that almost all of the men had met their partners by being asked out by a customer, and that not one of the women had, which is an interesting sample.
I’m sorry, I met my husband at Freshman orientation at UC Berkeley. That would be difficult to recreate
However, my daughter met her boyfriend while buying yogurt at the grocery store in Rome
And my BFF met her husband in the after church punch and cookies reception; he spilled punch on her.
So….go back to college, buy yogurt, or become a Methodist?
Can confirm, met BF at a Methodist church.
I also met BF at church, cannot entirely recommend that particular church (Evangelical, not Methodist, though), definitely can recommend boy.
(The story also involves having crushes on each other in high school, having a massively awkward estrangement for a while, then gradually drifting back together again years later after we had both grown up a bit… so the path was unconventional anyway.)
A good friend of mine keeps getting hit on while she’s buying yogurt. Something about the glow of the dairy case must be magic?
I’m gonna use the classic “magic glow of dairy case” excuse with my husband next time I come home with 4 types of cheese and, like, 23 yogurts.
No one can live w/o *at least* 4 types of cheese and 23 yogurts, imho. But maybe that’s just my Wisconsin roots showing.
omg childhood memories of Methodist punch and cookies. Always good times.
Blind date set up by a friend of mine and a friend of his, when all my friend could tell me about him was “I’ve met him once, he seemed nice. Well, what else have you got going on this weekend?”
Past long-term relationship meetings have been: “on a date with a friend of his”, and “living in my house” (he was a roommate, not in the crawlspace or something). So, basically, I have no good advice.
I love that you clarified he was not in the crawlspace.
NOT IN THE CRAWLSPACE should be on evreyone’s prerequisite list
I have high standards: a guy has to have his own crawlspace to creep about in if he wants to get with me. #noscrubs
On the interwebs. I was expressly looking for something short-term BUT that did not pan out.
Same!
Me too. Precisely.
Yeah, I met my current boyfriend at a party when I was a sophomore in high school and he was a senior, and then seduced him through AIM conversations two years later when he was single again. Pretty weird and hard to re-create but we’ve been dating for almost 5.5 years so it’s worked out pretty well? On the real, though, what’s worked for my friends has mostly been other people setting them up. From what they’ve said, it can be awkward at first but work out really well in the end because you both have an expectation that you’ll probably like each other.
Team sports! I joined a softball team in my city. He played second base, I played first. We pulled off a stellar double-play, he tapped me on the butt with his glove and we’ve been at it ever since. (butt-touching)
the parentheses are KILLING ME. also congratulations that’s adorable
This makes me so happy, thank you for sharing. Butt-touching forever!
My BF was my waiter at a local bar. I gave him my number as we left, which I’ve never done before. But it worked!
I was 14 and at summer camp. I am the worst at dating advice.
There are way more “met my SO when I was really young” stories on here than I had expected! How do y’all feel when people are like “you are in your twenties, you should sow your wild vagina-oats” etc.? I have very mixed feelings.
lulz IRL at vagina-oats, coworkers are looking at me funny
Well we haven’t dated straight since I was 14! There was lots of oats-sowing/dating other people that happened in between dating as teens and now getting married, and then also realizing that I just prefer to have sex with him a lot rather than lots of people infrequently.
Yes everyone please answer this question. I am still in my first ever relationship (going on 4 yrs, I’m in my early-mid 20s) and it feels like everyone around me is saying, “But what about your FREEEEEEEEDOM??”
I met my now-ex husband when I was just barely 20 (introduced by scheming friends), married him when I was 27, divorced him when I was 31. Right before I met him and between him and my current SO of a year (met online, somehow we work like magic gangbusters), I took super-duper-cray advantage of my freeeeeeeeedom.
It was fun for those short periods, but I learned that I really prefer the reliability, safety, and companionship of a solid relationship. It makes me feel like a better person, because I’m not constantly worried about DOES SOMEBODY LOVE ME? I don’t think that the kiss of death on my marriage was that I was so young when we got together, I think it was that I was a young, not-fully-formed human while he was an older (28) set-in-his-ways human, so I compromised a whole lot more than he did because he knew what he wanted for himself and I didn’t know myself well enough to know that yet. I think that if we’d both been young and learning and flexible we might still be happy together today.
However, in the current version of reality? Divorce and another bout of freeeeeeeedom was the best decision ever, and I am WAY healthier in my own damn self and my current relationship for having had it. So I think that when people say “freedom” what they mean is “get to know your real self, not just yourself as somebody’s sweetheart.”
I’m in a situation similar to yours, and while people around me aren’t asking me about wild oats, I counter the inner parts of me mumbling about wild oats by being super laid back about it. Like, yeah I’m in a long-term relationship that was also my first relationship, but I like it! I still feel good about it! And I’m happy with my choice and honestly I’m not very impressed with the other options out there! It’s totally valid to just know exactly the person you want to be with and to want to be with them long term, just like it’s totally valid to go sow your wild oats!
Married at 25 here. And I just…..get over everyone else’s problems. If they want to Be Concerned For My Oats that their business. I’m not concerned. I like what I have, so mostly I just give quizzical looks when people ask me things like that.
I was married at 25 too! SISTERS. (Although I think you’re quite a bit younger, so maybe AUNT-NIECE…?)
“Be Concerned For My Oats.” Hee!
But yeah, this, pretty much. Someone once sent me this thing about how “getting married at 22 (I’ll be 24, but whatever) is like leaving a party at 9:30” but the rebuttal underneath it was “yeah but I’m leaving with the best person and we’re going home to eat pizza and watch Mad Men.” That’s about how I feel re: oats.
Someone sent my husband that macro “LIKE LEAVING A PARTY AT 9:30” the other day and he legit got really upset because who the hell does stuff like that? DOUCHES. That’s who. There is no need to negatively comment on other people’s choices! Urgh.
That doesn’t even make sense! Unless you think marriage means you have to stop having fun or going out or doing anything without your SO ever again. Unless..the party is hooking up with people that are not the person you’re marrying? Which, one there are open relationships, and two, maybe the reason you are marrying that person is because they are the only person you want to hook up with? I don’t understand.
I got married 3 1/2 years ago when I was 23, and it’s awesome. We started dating when I was 17 and he was 18, got engaged when I was 19 (cue shrieks of ‘But you’re 19!!!!! to which I replied “Engaged is not married, calm your tits”)
We also moved in together when I was 19 and lived together for 4 years before getting married, so we both knew what we were getting in to. In November we’ll be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary and 10 years together. (And a new baby any day now)
Sure we “left the party early” but I’d much rather be at home with him than at that increasingly frantic and noisy party any day.
TL;DR – Married at 23, and 3 years later it’s still awesome.
“Engaged is not married, calm your tits”
YES EXACTLY. I’m not that young, but I had to basically explain this to my boyfriend, since I’m at the point where I would kind of like the “hey we should get married someday” to be official, but don’t actually want to *get* married for a few years for various reason. He initially kind of freaked because basically everyone he knows got or is getting married within a year of engagement, which is fine but geez, not a *requirement*.
I met Mr. Toffeecape 10 years ago, married him 7 years ago, and had a baby with him 2 years ago. I’m 30. He was my first serious boyfriend. Prior to meeting him I had only dated a little, but my pre-dating behaviour involves lots of creepy circling, like a vulture. Many many MANY men were observed and rejected without me ever swooping in to make closer contact, and a few more perceived what I was doing and communicated that swooping would be unwelcome. Mr. Toffeecape’s particular combination of beauty and shyness can intimidate people; I was lucky to be the first person he met crass enough to carry him off, to our continuing mutual enjoyment. I love having my suitable mate locked down almost as much as I love him on his own merits. “Freedom” is no loss if the main thing you would do with that freedom is seek out the very thing you already have.
“Freedom” is no loss if the main thing you would do with that freedom is seek out the very thing you already have.”
A-MEN
I always quote that old article on the Hairpin that said wanting to be with someone in a long-term, monogamous relationship involves giving up the Fucks That Could Have Been. And that’s okay.
Me too! (One partner ever, we’ve been together for five years after getting together in our first year of university. I have never attempted dating – we were friends before we got together.) The people around me are all pretty positive about it, but I do feel a bit weird sometimes – I don’t know how to casually date people! How do normal humans work?
Eh. I’m 30 and I was freeeeeee for many years (happily! it was fun!) and I have to say, there are many many good things about being in a relationship. There are good things about being single and freeeeee too, but people act like one is horrible and the other is all sunshine and roses, and it’s just not the case. Freeeeeeeedom has its pros and cons, so does being in a couple, tell them to calm down and figure out what THEY want and you can figure out what YOU want without their random one-size-fits-all judgments.
Yesss! I enjoyed some relationships, and not others! And then I enjoyed some sleeping-around freedom and then stopped enjoying it! And then I found what worked for me. It’s not losing your freeeeeedom if doing what I’m doing is what I actively choose over anything else.
Met mine in college and we’ve been together since we were like 19 or 20, I don’t know. I felt somewhat judged when I got married at 23 but also didn’t really care, so I guess my answer is just ignore it?
My personality is such that I would not have been sowing vagina-oats anyway because I’m afflicted with misanthropy with a side of misandry, so I don’t really feel I missed out.
I met my dude when we were freshmen in college, we were casual friends but we never dated, and so I sowed LOTS of vagina-oats in my 20s…. then we reconnected randomly 10 years later, dated and got married! But I don’t think oat-sowing is all that important – all you discover with that is that there are a bunch of duds out there….. I say if you’ve got a person that makes you happy, don’t worry worry about what you’re missing out on!
(With the caveat that the person I am at 30 is WAYYY different than me at 18. The type of partner that I would have married in my early twenties, ugh I shudder. So I guess that’s a pro for oat-sowing.)
I am extremely pro sowing vagina-oats (thought not in one’s twenties, I think that this is good advice for all ages unless you’re like..11). However I think three big things impacted me ending up in a long term relationship in my twenties and one is that I’m very picky about what I like in bed so it’s, uh, hard for guys to learn to harvest my oats correctly over the course of one night, I’m also picky about personalities so it’s hard for me to meet people I’m attracted to (this applies to friends too, although I have a way easier time befriending ladies than finding man dates), and three, is that I love being single and not in a ‘party party party’ way but just in a I am content being alone forever way so I wasn’t really doing any sowing in the 3 years I was single prior to meeting my boyfriend so the only thing I gave up when I started dating him was a couple hours of free time a week and extra space in my bed.
So yeah, super pro oat sowing (again, at any age, I think this shouldn’t be just limited to your twenties it’s not like people don’t go through major life changes in their 30s and 40s that might benefit from oat sowing*) it just didn’t work for me because I’m a finicky solitary bitch.
*so we’re clear, this is not in reaction to what you said but more into the cultural stereotype that one should sow one’s oats in one’s 20s and then settle down forever on one’s 30th birthday.
Your reasons are a lot like my current reasons, but I have an extra scoop of “did at one time sow many oats, realized it was very bad for me psychologically.”
Also a totally valid reason! People should absolutely do what is most healthiest for them! I also did briefly sow some oats and while it was fine for me psychologically it was boring for me sexually in that, because of my pickinyess/how hard it is for me to relax around strangers there wasn’t anything someone else could do that I couldn’t do myself, until I met my boyfriend. I’ve found I really enjoy hearing about other peoples one night stands but in practice they end in blue ovaries.
YES thank you – my roommate is much more oat-sow-y than me (I haven’t had sex in~2 years, partly my own choice partly not) and it’s hard to get her and others to understand that having sex with someone I don’t love, or at least have a really strong connection with, is virtually pointless and also a bit damaging for me.
My psychological problems with it were less to do with connecting or not with the other person, and more to do with how poorly I was treating my own sexuality, which of course was an extension of sundry other problems, and so on. But the point remains: not everyone responds well to lots of casual sex!
Met my husband when we were 11, started dating at 17, married at 21 and we’ve been married almost nine years now. We grew up together, and fortunately, on similar trajectories. I guess that wouldn’t always work out as well, but we were best friends before we started dating and we still are, so that helps.
Sure, I wonder about what could have been. So does he. (Yes, we’ve talked about it.) But what we have is totally worth not having found out. I admit that when someone brings it up incredulously, I am a little bit embarrassed that he’s the only guy I’ve ever been serious with. But 13 years of being together speaks for itself, I think, so I usually don’t have any problem telling people exactly where they can stick it when need be. 🙂
My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years, and he was a one night stand that kind of lasted longer than planned. I met him in a bar because I am a classy lady; he liked the beer I was drinking.
I met my partner through a meet-skeezy, and will now give that advice to anyone who asks. We met through drunk make-outs while out with our slutty friends in a kinda-seedy gay bar (we are an opposite-sex couple, the drinks are cheap there, though). After a couple different sessions of the make-outs, I decided he was worthy of bedding, and that, since we both love food, we could eat a meal in conjunction with the bedding. The story gets kinda boring after that.
(I should mention that while I am happy to describe myself as slutty and other such terms that might seem perjorative, I mean to cast no shade on your tale. Classy ladies drink beers in bars and then pick out suitable liaisons accordingly.)
A friend accidentally double-booked us for dinner, so the three of us went out. He had a girlfriend, and we got together a few years later after doing the “only one of us is single” thing for quite some time. We actually got together by making out at a party full of capitol hill interns where I was the only girl (neither of us was an intern).
I’ve met two dudes in the last several months working catering gigs. I do it as an occasional temp thing rather than consistently working for the same company so there’s less risk of having to run into people again if it doesn’t work out. One of them didn’t go beyond a couple dates, but the other one is going strong three months in.
WARNING: THIS IS A VERY PORTLANDIA MEET-CUTE, AND IT’S BASICALLY THE ONLY CUTESY THING ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. I SWEAR WE ARE NOT AS INSUFFERABLE AS THIS STORY SOUNDS
I met my boyfriend of almost 8 years on Valentines Day at this coffeeshop near my art school while I was doing my poetry homework. He was there doing the first day of this weekly ambient/noise dj set with projections. He was cute, and I got the gut feeling I always get when I know I’m going to really get along with someone. This combo kind of sealed the deal for me. I went up to task him about the music, but that’s all we talked about.
Since I had a late class that ended when his weekly set started, I basically stalked him, dragging whichever friend would go with me. Unfortunately, that ended up being platonic dude friend most of the time, which led future-boyfriend to think I was taken. This went on for a couple months, during which I went out on a lot of dates with other dudes, but I still went to his set every week. Eventually I got up the nerve to approach him again, and basically our love was set in stone when I made a Clueless reference and he got it immediately.
So, go to neutral places, stalk cute boys who there, and quote 90s teen movies when you finally ask them out?
YOUR POETRY HOMEWORK. INCREDIBLE. (I say this with affection, not derision; this story is so twee it came back around to adorable.)
Oh no, it’s basically the definition of twee! If someone were to put that story in a movie everyone would hate how unrealistic and obnoxious it is.
we worked together at a (wait for it) anarchist co-op vegan coffeeshop/bookstore/grocery store… place. kinda tends to weed out the overly blatant misogynists. but I would be careful of looking in those places – the hipsters can look confusingly similar to the crust punks, not that hipsters are all that dateable either.
We met at a LRP.
We were pretending to be vampires.
The rest of it is even more pathetically nerdy.
I met my husband on the first day of freshman year at Sarah Lawrence, because we had the same advisor. We didn’t start dating until several years after graduation, by which point we’d moved across the country from each other and started jobs/graduate school, so it was obviously super convenient.
However, my sister met HER husband on a dating website, I forget which one, and they’re doing great!
My band played a show with his, and he asked if we wanted to jam, and eventually I let him join the band because a) he is a good musician and b) I wanted in his pants.
Mostly b, but still.
Success.
The lead singer from Terrorvision introduced me to mine. That is only impressive if you were into UK indie-rock in the 1990s and/r remember their hit Tequila, it makes me happy.
He was meant to be a fun distraction at gigs (he does the merch selling for the singer’s other band) and it went from sauce to an actual proper thing without me really noticing. I like being single and didn’t want a boyfriend!
That said, I’ve never ‘dated’ and never really want to. I met my first proper boyfriend at university, he was a one-night stand at a party that lasted 10 years. Then I had a toyboy who asked me to teach him how to be a good lover, a few vastly inappropriate flings that started up via going to gigs and out with friends and one from a mutual FB friend, we started bantering on her statuses, then he friended me and we started flirting directly and it went from there, and then current chap.
I sowed my vagina-oats in my 30s after the 10 year relationship. It started as an ‘I’ve lost everything and nothing else matters so fuck it’ midlife crisis thing and then I was having so much fun that I carried on after the crisis ended.
He bit my finger. I was two months old at the time so I don’t really remember the details 🙂
[then we were friends growing up, screwed around in high school, he BROKE MY TEENAGE HEART, we lost touch for about 13 years, then got together at a party at my mom’s house]
Met my husband on a message board in 2007 and actually in person that same year in New Jersey, of all fucking places. He was born/raised/lived in New Zealand, had a girlfriend, but I was a smitten kitten from the start. Eventually, things worked out as they should – he and girlfriend broke up, he and I got together and long-distanced our shit between suburban Chicago and Australia (he moved to Australia in ’08), got engaged in Canada, and I imported him in December 2011. I got married a few days after my 40th birthday – and he was the first guy I ever dated. So, you know, my romantic history consists of about…five-ish years of being with the same fellow (best fellow in the universe).
I really, really like the phrase “imported him.” FANCY IMPORTED HUSBANDS.
Met mine on Twitter, HILARIOUSLY.
I knew “JD” through his online fiction before I met him in person. He was in town visiting friends. The guy I was seeing at the time asked me if I wanted to meet JD, and I was like “Hell yeah!” We all met up at the student union. The others talked a mile a minute. JD and I just smiled at each other and flicked a gum wrapper back and forth for the entire hour.
That was twenty-five years ago. JD is sitting next to me. I just flicked a gum wrapper at him. He smiled.
It is amazing to think “met through online fiction” could be 25 years ago.
My “met through online fiction” was only 15 years ago, and that seems like forever.
I met my boyfriend-to-whom-I-am-very-likely-getting-married at Super Nerd Night, which is a monthly video/board game night held at the time at an excellent pub.I showed up alone because my brother bailed on me, and I asked the organizer to help me find something to do. She sat me at a table with three guys and had us pick a game to play – we ended up playing Munchkin C’thulu, and I ended up kicking serious ass. One of the guys was supremely condescending (he actually patted me on the shoulder when he left, I shit you not), but one of them was funny and got very happy when I talked about how Super Smash Bros. had been my friends’ default “there are more than two of us here” activity and how I was currently playing D&D at a local game shop. We walked out together and he almost forgot to turn the other way when it came time for me to go to the bus stop and him to walk to his apartment.
And then he utterly failed to ask for my number or any identifying information at all.
I had to wait until the next month, when I went with two of my friends, my brother, and his friend (who I was also trying to date at the time – that went nowhere, my brother is a cockblocker, funny story, some other time), but even though I was pretty certain he was interested (he basically threw the game he was playing so he could come sit with us), I chickened out on giving him my number, and he didn’t ask – but he shared a cab home with my friend, so I asked her to give it to him, and a week later he asked me out for drinks, and about six months later, we moved in together (lease was up). And he is nerdy and cuddly and awesome and incredibly supportive and adores my cat and it’s been 2 1/2 years.
Through the campus email server. There was a chat feature outside the email program that not many people knew how to use (it was 1999). He was the only other person on the system at the ungodly hour my brain decided to have one of those early-twenties emotional crises.
My SO was encountered in the wild. At a bar, but through a mutual friend. I also apparently got his number that night and then never called him. Happened upon him in the bar again and I drunk-invited him to go a see a movie we both wanted to see the next day. So that works?
My now-husband was one of my roommate’s coworkers; roomie invited him on a camping trip, and I eventually sucedded in asking him out (took several tries; he is very clueless).
BF before that was an old summer camp flame I got back in touch with.
BF before that was a grad-school classmate.
BF before that was a convention hook up that just kept going.
Before that, all classmates.
We met each other playing together in the worst band in the world, my senior year in college. It was an 8-or-9-piece (depending who showed up to rehearsal) post-rock noise band. I played electric cello and he played keyboards. We rehearsed in the noise-box-dude’s shitty apartment and in abandoned hallways of the campus center at 2 in the morning. We played one show, at which we discovered the lead singer was a terrible singer (he had never brought a mic to rehearsal, so we couldn’t actually HEAR him — he was decent in other ways musically). The band broke up amidst acrimony and shouted midnight arguments. We joined a splinter group started by the backup guitarist, who is a DEAD RINGER for Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords. This band ALSO played one show and then broke up. That was 10 years ago. We have been married for 6 years now.
I went to a giant party for this now-defunct website called Consumating. We had never ever interacted on the website (in fact, he had just joined). Basically a giant meet-up, except we all got dressed up and called it Prom. I got super drunk and made out with everyone (I was 24, forgive me) and then when I encountered him I thought he was super duper cute and said something like, “I haven’t made out with you yet.” After which, we made out. I would have stumbled into the sunset twice but he refused to let me go (in a noncreepy way).
First, he asked me out on a lunch date the following Monday, which was so charming of him that I just had to go, and the lunch date turned into an all-day sort of date which turned into a late-night date, and then he dropped me off at my friend’s house at about 10 PM because I didn’t want her to be mad at me coming in late (did I mention I was from out of town?).
The next day, I tried to fly out into the sunset. He was great and I was totally into him, but didn’t really want to throw myself out there emotionally, and besides, it made absolutely no sense since we were from separate coasts. I called him to say I’d had a great time and “if he was ever in my city, to give me a call” (SERIOUSLY. I was so silly). His response? “Wait, but when is your flight?” And then he insisted on taking me out to dinner and riding the train with me all the way to the airport. By the time we got there, I felt like my heart was breaking because I wanted to hang out forever.
Four months later, I moved out here.
Sorry if that was TL;DR. I’m feeling Sentimental.
I met my husband (of eight years as of today, actually) through LIveJournal, lo these many moons ago. It was literally random chance – as in, he got bored and used the “random user” function they used to have to go to the most recent public post of some journal. Just happened to hit mine, and my posts interested him, so he friended me and we started chatting back and forth.
The funny thing was, the first thought I had when I saw his journal was “I should know who this is” – I thought it had to be somebody I knew IRL, somehow, because he seemed so…familiar? Sort of? Either way, we didn’t meet in person for another three months, then started dating about a month after that.
My best dating story is how as soon as I hit 33 eHarmony started matching me solely with men over 40.
I’m taking a break from dating right now.
Uh yeah, being over thirty on OKC is not recommended. Suddenly a lot of your initial messages are just either much older or much younger guys asking if you do anal.
On the plus side, this gives me a lot of spare time to build my own mausoleum. And a matching reliquary for my hopes to have a family.
HIGH FIVE OF SOLIDARITY, FELLOW SPINSTER LADY.
{sigh}
oh, RUDE eharmony!
Worst OKC Date: Went to an art museum. Guy was 45 minutes late. He was a SUPER loud talker, which was a bit awkward given the hushed setting. Talked about himself the whole time. When I asked questions about the research he does, which I was legitimately interested in, he said I wouldn’t understand. Only when I said I had to leave after listening to him talk for over an hour did he take an interest in me and start asking questions. “What do you have to do? When do you need to get there? But that’s not for another hour, why do you have to leave now? What errands do you have to run? Why do you need to go to Bed Bath and Beyond? Why do you need bed risers?”
NIGHTMARE
Oh my god one time I went on an internet date to a museum and it was AWFUL because the dude just COULD NOT discuss the items calmly and pleasantly or anything. Nope. Had to discuss his family history of cholesterol, instead.
Hahaha! Yes! This dude was the same. I even tried to make it more fun, like playing Bang Marry Kill with people in the portraits. Nope. Dude wanted to talk about random other things that I don’t even remember.
Oh my god, part of me hopes it was the same guy just so there aren’t multiple horrible museum date dudes running around the planet.
What an amazing version of that game! You are great at dates.
Sometimes, I think to myself, “maybe you should try dating dudes again, you just never know,* it might be okay this time” and then I read something like this and realize, nope, ain’t nothing there I want so bad I’d be willing to put up with this.
*disclaimer: statement pertains only to my own feelings about my own sexuality and should not be interpreted to mean that I think that anyone else’s sexytime preferences and activities are a “phase” or whatever.**
**disclaimer to disclaimer: but like, if they are a phase, so fucking what.
A friend of mine went on a date with a guy from OKC who proceeded to think “the date went well SHE’S THE ONE” and then start texting her incessantly about what she was doing and where she had been and why won’t she call him her boyfriend? After she rightfully said “dude we went on one date wtf SLOW DOWN” he accused her of having commitment issues and being confined by society’s rules of how you’re supposed to act on a date and “why should I have to go on some predetermined set of dates before I can tell you how I really feel” and stuff like that.
Needless to say she ended that as fast as she could.
So she met Ted…?
Or Ross Gellar. They’re basically the same person.
The scary amount of dudes who do this on the internet are awful. They also get so obnoxiously microaggressey when you calmly try to chill them the fuck out and in my case downright nasty when you are like, wow, you are not listening to ANY of this. Ick.
I’m going on a date with a nice girl from an embarrassing online dating app (ugh) this week and this has really encouraged my desire to cancel the whole thing.
Is she a nice girl, or a Nice Girl ™?
No don’t cancel!
Maybe she’s reading this, and you can talk about it on your date!!
As a queer person with perhaps embarrassingly extensive experience with online dating, my impression is that the women on average tend to be less abrasive/inappropriate/anger-inducing than the men.
Go on the date!
Go on your date! And if it’s great, that’s awesome! And if it’s horribly weird, come back and tell us about it!
Online dating in a nutshell
I haven’t done the online dating thing, but my best friend has, and we’ve spent many nights drinking and giggling over her OKCupid messages. We live in a small town, which adds a whole new level of weird in that there’s always a distinct possibility of running into that dude you had one shitty date with in like the grocery store or whatever.
My favorite story of hers is the time she almost got into a car accident with a guy who had messaged her on OKCupid… and she knew it was him because she recognized his NOVELTY SIDEBURNS THAT HE HAD SHAVED INTO SHAPES. (I believe this was the same dude whose profile featured a picture of his fedora collection. TRUE STORY.)
STARBURNS?!?!
Small town dating is the worst. I turned down this really pushy guy two years ago, and he has spent the last TWO YEARS acting weird and put out about it. TWO YEARS. And it’s not like we have a social connection, we just go to the same gym and see each other on the street.
People are nuts! When I was about 14, I turned down someone who I had thought was a good friend. (I would have said yes if he’d asked me in any kind of normal fashion, but his whole approach was kind of creepy and overbearing and “we haven’t been on a date yet, but let’s have a super-serious relationship and never split up-ish,” and did I mention I was a KID?) He became totally icy and weird with me after that, and then when I was in my late twenties, I reconnected with an old friend who was very surprised to hear from me, because as it turns out, turned-down guy from over a decade before had been going around telling people I was dead.
NOVELTY SIDEBURNS. :-/
The last time I was single was before internet dating was a thing (I met my husband when I was 21 and that was 14 years ago yeah I know) but even thinking about what it was like back then gives me the heebies and the jeebies. One guy I met asked me about what I was studying at uni and I gave him a serious answer and he told me I didn’t look smart enough to be doing that, then when I put on my glasses at one point he told me he thought girls with glasses were ugly.
I’ve had some awkward OKC dates, but I’m so happy my worst experience was the time my date and I met at a Tex-Mex joint and our server took our chips from the table TWICE without asking.
Border Cafe in Harvard Square=shit list forever.
No! The frozen margaritas!
But for real, I think the service at Border transcends “bad” service and becomes comically amusing, like Armageddon.
oh my god, so many memories of that fucking place. I loved those tortilla chips and yet, in retrospect, they were kind of stale and terrible.
A friend and I went there last year “for old time’s sake” – we went to grad school together at Tufts and ate many a terribly served meal at Border. The service was still terrible, but it gave us 2 hours to catch up.
What’s really terrifying is I know a similar place that’s WORSE.
I went on an OKC date with a guy who was quite upfront with the fact that he could meet me any time because his life consisted of work and video games. First he laughed at me for not knowing how to work the ipad menus. Then knowing that I have an advanced degree he went on a rant that college is a crutch and that the only people who go to college are rich brats who can’t hack it in the real world. Also anything that can’t be taught at a job is useless knowledge. Also science (my profession) is a waste of time and money because it doesn’t produce usable goods. Also he wore a shiny black shirt with dragons on it so I really should have expected it.
Nothing says quality like Dragon Tales pjs on the first date.
it’s official, I’m staying single forever and taking to the sea, who’s with me
(also: I’m glad to get confirmation that deleting my OKCupid account a few months ago was probably a smart decision.)
Can I interest you in forming a band of Amazons and roving the steppes?
I am IN.
I’ll carve my resume into a torso and send it your way posthaste
Yes. This appeals to me more than taking to the sea, for some reason.
Probably because the steppes seem slightly less likely to kill me.
I am sure the steppes are as deadly as the sea, but perhaps require less in the way of elaborate knot-knowledge …
I am unconvinced!
But this may be because I grew up near the sea, and thus got occasional reminders of its deadliness, while I am far less familiar with the hazards of the steppes.
I have a solid knowledge of elaborate knots and plan on being single foreverrrrrrrr, so I am in!
Homo sapiens evolved as land-dwelling mammals, and as such I am inclined to stay.
Plus, the steppes probably gave us stirrups, which I am also quite happy about. And I’ve never tried kumis, so I have no fear of it.
I also recently deleted my OKC account a couple months ago… I Got Rid of It, It Was the Worst.
Also I have always wanted to live at sea so I will totally join you. I would say we could make t-shirts but oh wait Mal and Nicole already did and I live in mine.
Our three ships will be named “Kill”, “All”, and “Men”.
To give the devil his due: I only went out with one guy from OKCupid, and he was actually pleasant and easy to talk to and not at all horrible! So they do exist, you just have to (as someone said above) do a lot of sorting. (Also we were both shy and ended up writing a lot of long chatty messages to each other before deciding to meet, which I think helped pare down on the likelihood that either of us was going to turn out to be a dick in person.)
I’ve never been on a date with someone I didn’t already know, and now I feel the THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ALIVE. For reals, y’all. These are terrifying.
It’s not worth it, seriously.
The face I am making right now at all these comments. I feel muscles moving that normally do not move. I don’t want to look in the mirror.
You are all the bravest.
This response is the greatest response.
A couple of months ago I went on one with a dude who spent the whole time yapping about his sort of vague “career” in a creative field and lamenting the fact that he had to work a “stupid day job” to support it. When he finally got around to asking me about myself it turned out that he and I have exactly the same job title, except that mine is my actual career that I take great interest in. If I did that to someone I would be embarrassed, but he just seemed disappointed that I wasn’t cooler. The only thing we had in common was that we had both lied about not being smokers, so we spent the last like 15 minutes of the date smoking cigarettes in near-silence while waiting at the same bus stop.
Also, just this week the same guy started getting retweeted into my timeline a bunch, probably just because the cruel heart of the internet wasn’t satisfied with simply sending me on a date with him.
Yes, a dating thread! These are my favorite!
I don’t have many stories though. The one I usually tell is about the girl I went to go see The Happening with, who said it was “scary because it could actually happen.” But that’s minor in comparison with most of these.
I dunno, my seasonal allergies suggest that plants are capable of waging chemical warfare.
I once had an OKC date with a lady who told me afterwards that she had decided she didn’t like women after all.
WHAT?! I use OKC all the damn time and am a straight up bitch just ~dying~ to throw a drink* in someone’s face, but I’ve only had pleasant (if mundane) encounters. LET ME AT THEM.
*water, I’m not a monster. And I don’t waste alcohol.
I finally – FINALLY – got the chance to do this and did not follow through. I am so ashamed of myself.
(I had been chatting with the bartenders and it was my friend’s place of employment so I didn’t want to do anything that would cause her to get in trouble/get the side-eye. But after telling me I ‘didn’t mean it’ when I told the guy flat-out I wasn’t going to sleep with him, he said, ‘Well, what about just a little oral sex? That always cheers people up!’
She told me the other night that she’d polled the bartenders and they all would have been okay with me throwing the drink in his face. So, you know, saving that piece of information for next time.)
no gay okcupid horror stories?? i honestly can’t think of any bad dates i’ve had with women, just… kind of boring ones with lots of talking about cats. (i don’t have any cats.)
She checked Snapchat during sex. TWICE. It’s just her, I have otherwise good reviews!
The first time I tried it, I went on a few dates that didn’t lead to much more, had a lot of conversations that never made it to F2F, and found a very lovely book group. I’m hoping for more actual dating this time around, although I certainly wouldn’t mind finding another book group.
I went out with a girl I met on Ok Cupid who invited me to her birthday party, a dinner with friends, and when I got there I met at least two other girls who were under the impression that they were her date also.
GUYS I’VE BEEN DATING MY FIRST OKCUPID DATE FOR THREE YEARS NOW I’M SORRY 🙁
DON’T BE SORRY ONLINE DATING IS KINDA LIKE PLAYING A “GAME” THAT IS REALLY JUST A RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR, AND SOME PEOPLE WIN WITH THE FIRST QUARTER IN THE SLOT MACHINE. JUST BUY YOUR FRIENDS SOME MARGARITAS WITH YOUR WINNINGS SO THEY CAN TELL YOU THEIR DATING HORROR STORIES
Well I mean I did have to use up a lot of dimes on instant messages with dudes who read that I was a feminist and tried to convince me that Ayn Rand is great before meeting someone who wasn’t The Worst.
Me too! Live with mine! (Okay, second. But still.)
After a string of wildly successful OKC dates, I somehow thought that “spending the evening walking in the woods far away from my house, with no knowledge of said woods or the local bus routes” was an EXCELLENT first date idea. Luckily I did not get murdered, but I DID get conversationally-trapped in the woods for THREE HOURS after I was 100% done and ready to leave. I’d wonder idly where the nearest bus stop was, and how long it would be before the busses stopped running. Then he’d, like, touch my face. Then he’d say, “Oh, sorry, I should have asked first– was that okay?” Then I would say, “Ehhhhh,” and move my entire body four feet away from him. He would then ask me when I’d be free to go on a second date, inspiring me to once more ask the trees to let me go home. Repeat until ONE IN THE FUCKING MORNING. Cue needy texts for weeks. But I learned my lesson. All future OKC dates: CAFES. Cafes that CLOSE EARLY.
WHAT *red flags waving*
YEP. I was definitely eyeballing those trees, wondering which way to run.
He was also terrible at conservational boundaries; he kept asking prying questions about assorted teenage traumas. “I don’t really like to talk about it,” I’d say; “Why?” he’d ask. “Tell me about it,” he’d insist. It was like he was trying to think of every possible thing he could do or say, to convince me that I should never, ever have sex with him.
Somehow we make it through a week of messaging and two hours of a nice-enough date to talk about what we do for a living. Him: “I just left my job in New York and I’m trying now to make a living as a freelance writer.” Me: “Oh, how cool! Who are you writing for?” Him: “Myself. I’m blogging. It’s actually harder than you’d think to make money blogging.” Me: “Oh, I know, I’m travel blogging a little bit but seriously even the most famous travel bloggers make a very low income doing what they do, and it’s seriously hard work! What kind of blog do you write?” Him: “A Sex and the City blog” Me: “Oh, so like, a dating blog! That’s cool, ha ha, are you going to write about me?” Him: “No, a Sex and the City recap blog. I’m watching all the episodes, and writing about them, but like, from the point of view of a dude.” Me: “Oh, should we get the check?” ****NOTE: THIS DATE HAPPENED IN THE YEAR 2013.
No no no, that’s just insane. While he’s at it he should have started editing the Wikipedia page for the show, too.
I actually had a moment of lightheadedness reading this.
Yes.No.Yes.No. No.Nonononono, OMG you WIN.
he lost me at “it’s actually harder than you’d think to make money blogging.” YOUDON’TSAY.gif.
the fact that he somehow picked the most irrelevant & unlikely to be come popular niche for himself is just icing on the cake.
Right? Assuming he’d gain a following and make a living off of it, it’s kind of a thing that has an endpoint. I actually asked him this, what he planned on doing when he ran out of SATC episodes and he said (I SHIT YOU NOT) “I was thinking about moving on to Gilmore Girls.”
I like a guy with a plan.
I give up.
QUICK, someone give me some dating encouragement! I’m 22, but I have the romantic experience of a fourteen-year-old and I have no idea how to date like a normal person and this is terrifying!
I was in exactly the same boat when I decided to try the online thing last year, and I would say that I now have the dating experience of a 15-year-old. Progress! The positive side of meeting people online is that there is limited expectation that you will be in any way like a normal person.
There is no dating “like a normal person,” we are all weird and can only hope to find someone compatible with our weirdness. It’s okay!
Yes, this! Sometimes you’ll actually meet people in person and smash your face against theirs and maybe never hear from them again, or sometimes you might have fun times hanging out or get busy, or make out and sleepover for months with someone and never be able to commit, or not understand why someone can’t see how awesome you are, or want to think someone is awesome but isn’t, but there are no rules. Mostly it is fun and sometimes it is awful and sometimes hilarious, but just go with it. You’ll be ok!!!
I think most people who haven’t dated much, especially young people, think there’s some dating secret that more experienced people know. As far as I can tell, there isn’t: there’s only the confidence of knowing yourself better.
After my first partner died and, years later, my second (badly-chosen) partner and I split up, I spent the first half of my 30s believing I would spend my life mostly single, peppered with a few short-term romances. That was a weird luxury: it allowed me to become the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, which is a good thing to figure out at any age.
That really cleared my vision about dating: if I’d be fine alone, why waste time coupling up with people who were unkind, or who didn’t truly like me, or who made me unhappy, or whom I made unhappy? When the man who is now my husband appeared in my life, I was able to see him clearly and understand that being with him would be the best possible life, even better than living happily alone.
Believe that you are awesome and hold out for the awesome people who can see how awesome you are. They’re out there! I promise.
I’m 38, and I don’t think anyone knows how to date like a normal person. Normal people are a persistent myth, like unicorns.
Given your awesome username, I think you should try staying at inns.
But really, as everyone else is saying, there is no normal. It’s all about finding someone whose weird complements yours, and the best way to do that is to be your own gloriously weird self.
I mostly used dating as an excuse to get people to tell me interesting stories. Also getting out of the house with someone who will probably at least help you come up with a reason to leave your house, which is easier than doing it by yourself. It helped me to think of dating that had value/ amusement /enjoyment in and of itself, rather than the means to find a relationship.
Good dates are awesome because, well, good date, and bad dates give you stories for life, which are also valuable currency. The mediocre ones are the real tragedy. (Also no one else knows how to date either, so you’ll be in good company)
Instead of dating like a normal person, date like yourself. Which I know, afterschool special advice if ever there was some, but it does work. I think the best advice I’d give anyone starting out dating is to not take it too seriously, don’t rule people out for minor things (bad grammar, doesn’t like an album you love), and don’t try to play games (ie, he texted me on wednesday so I’m only replying on a wednesday).
If you do that, and you are prepared to have many dates where there’s no spark, I find it can be even kind of fun, including the parts that aren’t great- they make good stories to live off of later when you are coupled off and no longer get to have fun new stories every week. I think there are people who hate dating with a thousand firey suns, and for good reason but I also think people make it sound crazier than it is. Given that most people are jerks, it always seemed reasonable to me that you might only like 2-5% of the people you randomly select from the internet.
I dunno, I’ve met lots of nice men while dating. And men who were ok, but not my cup of tea. I also had some weird messages, but overall, given that I’m a misanthrope and an introvert in general I have to say dating is really not the worst. Making small talk with an overly friendly cashier or waiter is much much worse.
I met a guy at a bar, and after a few drinks I decided he was too arrogant for me – fine, moving on. As we were finishing our last drink he started telling me a story about another woman he’d had an online flirtation with, and when he went to meet her for casual sex, he decided she was too fat. So, he walked with her to her apartment and then actually said to her, “You are too fat for me and you are misrepresenting yourself on the internet and that’s why I won’t have casual sex with you right now.” He said she cried, but he said to her “I’m French, we are just very direct, you need to be a stronger person.”
The rage! I leveled up like 20 misandry points and told him he was the worst person I’d ever been out with, being a dick is not the same as being from France, and that I was leaving right then – at which point he asked me to come back to his apartment and “just cuddle and eat cheese, I’m not feeling very sexual right now.”
PSYDUCKING SO HARD
the mention of cheese is the only good part of that nightmare
But who would eat beautiful cheese with such a monster? Why should he even have access to cheese?
No one should but the reminder that cheese exists is comforting
“being a dick is not the same as being from France” YES. But being a dick who wants to eat fine cheeses probably correlates pretty strongly with being a dick from France.
Does this also explain why he texted me for weeks after I walked out on him, including on Thanksgiving Day? “Who cares about your American holiday, come have cuddle cheese, but only if you are thin.”
Dicks love nothing more than women who say no to them. It’s a paradox.
That’s why puking on their shoes is the only truly effective defense.
I am sorry for making light of your pain, but I just tried to read this to my boyfriend and was laughing too hard to continue. The last line is amazing.
It’s great that you’re laughing because I actually did so in his face at the time (a rage-laugh, but still a laugh), and I still chuckle about it when the story comes up. My friends and I quote this dickbag years later!
“Being a dick is not the same as being from France” I need a needlepoint of this
This sounds so very much like my ex-boss.
HOW IS THE FIRST ONE REMOTELY GOOD IN ANY WAY
Actually, this is like 25% reminding me how annoying dating is, and like 75% reminding me how annoying your married friends are when you are single. Because most of my OKC dates were basically fine, not horror stories, not going to end in a wedding, just fine. Met a nice guy, exchanged our best anecdotes, decided we might go out again. But for the marrieds, it’s like high school never ends. “OOOH, you went on a DATE!?” and they die to hear these horror stories. I suspect they want you to validate their life choices by telling them how awful it is to be single. When really it’s usually pretty fun!
Sing it! I am dipping a toe back into dating after a long relationship, and all my married friends are freaking out that I get to kiss new people. (And I plan to kiss a lot of them before I’m done.)
Do it! Don’t let all these terrible stories deter you. “Kissing” (wink) new people is really fun!
Worst: the ones who want to talk all about OK Cupid on the first date as if mentioning it is a hugely brave and unconventional thing to do, and they always preface it with “Okay, this is taboo and I know no one wants to talk about it, but that’s just the kind of guy I am”.
WHOA YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND WITH YOUR DANGEROUS WAYS
Agreed, it doesn’t make these guys unusual or ‘meta’ to discuss OKC on your first OKC date. With EVERY person I’ve dated through OKC I have used OKC itself as one of our first conversation topics and guys love it! It always leads to us trading funny stories and is a great icebreaker.
Are those the same people who criticize the people on OKC in their OKC profiles? “Everyone on here is so shallow, only message me if you fit these specific criteria…”
Slightly less bad: the people who talk about how bad they are about writing things about themselves. Yes, so is everyone, that is not the thing you should start with to stand out.
On hearing these stories I now feel better about my worst OKC date. Met a guy for coffee. He was late, the date was “meh”, and I suspected he just wasn’t attracted to me. He still messaged me later to tell me he was only looking for a non-monogamous relationship. I told him he should have put that in his profile, especially since OKC was a place where people were up-front about being poly. He said he didn’t put it in his profile because then fewer women would be willing to meet him. Next he tried to argue that I didn’t really want monogamy, I had just been conditioned to think I wanted it. I hope he is now happy with all the women who were willing to give up their silly ideas about monogamy after one crappy coffee date with him.
!!!!!!! My jaw dropped so hard at all of these.
I am only just dipping my toe into the okc world, but none of my dates have been worse than inoffensively boring.
I did have a sitcom moment this weekend though! I went on a date last weekend with a guy I wasn’t into, and didn’t text back after. Then THIS weekend while I was on a coffee date with another guy, the guy from last weekend walked in to the cafe! And SAT NEXT TO US. I didn’t know what to do, so I pretended I didn’t see him.
The second guy I liked, but he never texted me back. Oh well.
I had an experience a couple weeks ago where I had traded a couple messages with a guy on OKC but was pretty eh on him and wasn’t planning on meeting up, and then he recognized me in a coffee shop, came up to me, and started talking about it. Which, like, OKC is not *shameful* or anything, but A) I had been pretty obviously engrossed in what I was doing (studying), B) I didn’t recognize him until he started mentioning things we had talked about, and C) I had NO intention of seeing him in person, so I had no idea what to do. The conversation basically went:
Him: Hey, we’ve been talking on OkCupid!
Me: uhhhh…
Him: Yeah, my name is BLANK and we talked about THIS and THAT!
Me. Oh right. Um… *awkward silence* nicetomeetyoubye.
Like, is it just me, or do other people find that awkward? For the record I would not have found it creepy at all if he had said nothing at the time, but sent me a message later saying “I saw you at this place, haha, what a coincidence!”
definitely awkward/uncool. you don’t want to impose yourself on someone else like that! & like…what if you’d been waiting to meet up with someone else for a date?
Oh dear God. Maybe this was the wrong week to decide to go back on OKC. Then again, I’m only looking to date women, and I set my profile to “invisible to straight dudes.” I’m now thinking that was a very good move.
How about the guy who insisted on each of us going to the bar separately to get our drinks, answered my questions with monosyllables, then asked what I would do if he kissed me a half hour into our date? When I said I didn’t really feel much chemistry, he went on a tirade in which he berated me for buying my own drink and dominating the conversation. I started chugging my beer halfway through the rant; as I gulped the last drop he sarcastically said “Are you going to leave now, theeellsee?” I said, “uh huh,” put down my glass, went to the bar, convinced them to close out my tab even though I had purchased half the credit card minimum, and strode out of the place with a smile on my face. I laughed all the way home
HIGH FIVE.
Good God. I just date my friends until I run out of friends and…then I make new friends? I think. I haven’t run out of friends yet! (I do have a very lovely boyfriend whose face I sort of fell onto last summer after knowing him for a few years.)
The only time I went on a date with someone I hadn’t already hooked up with, I was so nervous the whole day leading up to it that I ate nothing but drank tons of coffee, so I was a jittery mess at dinner and almost vomited a piece of sushi in my napkin. We went out a few times, but he turned out to not be able to handle his liquor and weed, and I meanly ditched him after he formed a one-man mosh pit at a show we went to. I ended my last text to him with “Best of luck!” (In case anyone was wondering why I don’t date more.)
I end with some variation on “best of luck” to…everyone it doesn’t work out with on OKC. Oneee time it was “Good luck out there!” followed by “Maybe I’ll see you on the trails” with an Emoji of a hiking boot (final date had been hiking, I have not hiked since)
Guys, you know who are the worst to date? Aspiring comedians. They make me want to move out of Chicago.
That’s so funny because I was just on a work trip to Chicago (from Philly) thumbing through Tinder and thinking “my my my! All the gentlemen in Chicago look so much more well-adjusted than all the Philly hipsters I normally swipe through” and then seriously coming up with a plan to move to Chicago.
Oooh girl. I’m originally from Philly. I prefer Chicago men, but that could be because I have zero desire to sleep with the dickheads who called me fat in 6th grade.
YES OMG! WHYYYYY are there so so so many?
I wouldn’t realize how many if I never joined OkC or Tinder. They are the worst to date.
Marian Keyes’ book “Sushi for Beginners” is good therapy for anyone who’s made the mistake of comedian-dating.
My worst first date was pretty awful but not in an entertaining or relatable way, so I’ll tell you about my second-worst first date, which was mostly a lesson in not letting people who don’t really get you set you up.
So, a friend-of-a-friend (who frankly thought I was a little weird, and whom frankly I thought was oddly conservative) set me up on a date with a guy I’d met in passing. After I agreed to have her pass on my phone number*, she squealed about how he was THE MOST INCREDIBLE GUY YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE HIM HE’S IN FINANCE.
This was not a great sign: not because of the stereotypes of people “in finance” but because she was leading with it, which either meant she felt it spoke volumes about him or she didn’t know anything else about him.
He wanted to take me out to dinner; I don’t love being “taken out” by people I don’t know, and I believe in making first one-on-one meetings short just in case, so we met for coffee instead, at my then-local coffeehouse, where I got my morning cup, where I often spent my break from work, where I sometimes got dessert after dinner, where the staff and I knew each other. We weren’t friends, but we were friendly.
I don’t remember the date very clearly; we had no level of connection, nothing in common, but we were both being polite and pleasant. Then he Did The Thing: in this clearly self-service coffeehouse where we’d both fetched our drinks from the counter, where I’d greeted the staff by name and been greeted by name, my date decided he wanted another cup.
So, still sitting at the table, he turned to look over his shoulder at the guy behind the counter and without a word, he snapped his fingers. Twice.
By the time he turned back around, I had gathered my gloves and bag, shrugged on my coat, and was standing up gathering my cup and napkin to self-bus (BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT WORKS, DUDE). “Well, I have to go. Good night.”
I waited ’til the next day to apologize to the staff; I knew that if I stuck around even a minute longer, I was going to lose it and start yelling, which would have been so much more unpleasant for everyone including the staff than just dropping the guy, clearing my place, and walking out. He kinda bustled around me asking where I was going, and I had to bite back everything except the briefest remark. I think it was “You can’t treat people like that.”
*In my admittedly limited experience, this was always a mistake for me. I have always been much happier, short-term or long-term, with men I asked out than with men who asked me out, much less ones who did it through an intermediary.
Magnificent.
Well, compared to everyone else’s Bad First Date stories and even to my own Actual Worst First Date story (which is both worse and much longer, if you can imagine), it’s very mild. But it seemed like a very clear indication that, though he was on his best behavior with me for the moment, he wasn’t in the habit of treating other people as human beings.
I meant your response. Your response was magnificent. I wish I had that decisive elan.
I am overwhelmingly grateful that I have been in a relationship with one person ever (five years so far) and never attempted to venture into the dating world. I do not think I would do well.
oh good lord. PEOPLE, DON’T BE LIKE THIS.
i met my dude on okc but it was certainly after many months of filtering through messages that said things like “i want to smear your body with avocados” by way of introduction.
This is completely perverse but this thread of nightmares has actually given me the courage to get back online. We’re a tough bunch, Toasties. If nothing else I’ll come back with stories for cocktail hour someday.
I just dipped my toe into OKC and online dating for the first time a couple weeks ago. I waiver between deleting my profile forever and keeping vane hope alive…every two days or so (my roommate, who also has an OKC, is ready to cheerfully murder me over the constant vacillating). This comment chain has given me both hope, and made me want to just give in and spinster it up with my cats. Ah Toast. What would I do without you?
I used Tinder for approximately one week before going to see a band and discovering I had been separately Tinder-chatting with both the drummer and the lead singer. I cannot in good conscience recommend Tinder to anyone.
So luckily I never actually met this guy, but started chatting to a perfectly ‘normal’ seeming dude, he gave me a call and we agreed to do something at the weekend. cue: “Can’t wait for Saturday!” and “I can’t stop thinking about you” messages. So I send a very nice message bowing out of the whole thing. Threatens to come to my work if I won’t talk to him. Sends me pictures of his dick and asks “can we just meet for a fuck then?” HOLYBACKFLIPBATMAN.
Freaks, they are out there.
I had a lot of shitty OKCupid dates. The guy who wasn’t ACTUALLY broken up with his boyfriend, hated his job and life, shared his desire for someone to pee on him, and then offered me a ride home because I lived near his dealer. I guess it tells you how desperate I was that all I could think about at the time was that he was the hottest guy who had ever called me cute.
But I’d like to share a different one with you: I show up, he’s waiting for me at a table near the door. We immediately get sucked into conversation, he smiles and laughs. He’s cuter than his profile picture, and really smart. He listens to me, but he also shares about himself. We suddenly realize we’ve been at the restaurant for six hours, but I swear it felt like it went by in 30 minutes. I get up to go to the washroom and when I come back, he has secretly picked up the tab. I walk him home, we talk for a while, he doesn’t make any unwelcomed moves. Less than four months later we are living together, 3 months after that we’ve adopted a cat, and now, just a little over a year from our first date, I’m buying an engagement ring.
So, you know what? You just never know who you’re going to find, or when.
Shut up this is adorable.
Yay! Congratulations!
Well, I have dated three guys in the last 3 years who I have met on OKC and they were all gong shows… unfortunately I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, so hang in longer than I should. For context: I was in a 21 year relationship before that and waited a couple of years before even trying, so was virtually clueless about dating. Plus, I tend to take people at their word when they tell me things (I am trying to hold on the belief that being trusting is a good thing).
I live in a small and rather conservative city, and I am an artist and quite progressive. So it’s slim pickings here, which is what led me to finally try OKC.
The first dude was a ‘long distance’ one… we got really close via email over the course of 3 months… and when I finally went to see him it turned out that he was somewhere on the personality disorder spectrum and was totally overwhelmed by me being a real human. He was completely smitten with me, but, well, he actually fainted. And made tea for himself and didn’t offer to make any for me (I was visiting him at his place), only cared about his own shit and was seemingly not able to empathize very well. (He was way better via email). He had also lied about his age and height.
The second one was a daily weed smoker who managed to hide it from me for the first couple of months though his texts were really inconsistent and he was not very dependable. It also turned out that he was a conspiracy theory dude to the point of WORRYING about aliens, Bildebergs?, lizard people, illuminati and who knows what else.
The last one claimed to be a non-smoker and to be looking for a relationship, and then about 8 weeks in revealed that he was a smoker and it became obvious that he was a consummate skirt chaser and was scared shitless of anything feeling ‘real’. I found him back on OKC actively trying to meet other women, just a few days after he told me that he wasn’t.
It’s hard to keep believing that there’s good ones.
Okay so now I kinda want to date you because you know and actively want to talk about descriptive and prescriptive grammar <3 no one understands my passion…