Everyone here is on board with Prince, yes? Prince is the greatest. He is the only person who can say “I sincerely wanna f**k the taste out of your mouth” and you’ll be like “well yeah, that makes sense.” But what does he really mean?
This is how it’s gonna be
If U wanna be with me
Ain’t no room 4 disagreein’, uh
1+1+1 is 3
In his dream, Prince is interviewing to become an elementary school math teacher. “U have 3 gold earrings and give 1 2 Apollonia. How many do U have left?” he asks, as he presents his curriculum.
So, look here
I put her on the back of my bike
And-a we went riding
Down by Old Man Johnson’s farm
Does Prince know an Old Man Johnson? Prince does not seem like the type to know an Old Man Johnson. What would Prince in overalls look like?
I’ve seen the future and it will be
BATMAN
One night after a little too much orange juice, visions of Earth’s future revealed themselves to Prince. Among the truths he saw that evening: one dance to unite all humanity. The dance? BATDANCE.
If u really really want to be a star
We gotta do it in your momma’s car
Prince really wants to have sex in a station wagon.
Admission is easy, just say U
Believe and come 2 this
Place in your heart
Paisley Park is in your heart
Elevator pitch for Prince’s amusement park, built just outside of St. Paul, Minnesota. Rides include the “Raspberry Breakdance,” “Soft and Wet Log Flume,” and the “Little Red Corvette Bumpercars.”
My name is Prince and I am funky
When it come to funk I am a junky
I guess this one is just self explanatory.
If I came back as a dolphin
Would U listen 2 me then?
Prince has grown tired of your selective conservation efforts. Dolphins are cute, yes, but does that mean they deserve life more than sharks? More than spiders? Prince wants to know if you even understand that dolphins are voracious predators. Nature is a cruel place and chaos reins, but maybe if Prince were a dolphin you’d understand that.
Say baby, the soup tastes kinda funny
I don’t know
My skin’s crawling
It feels strange
Is this the same soup as usual?
Mmm, I don’t know
It feels strange
Prince is on an acid trip and is texting Mallory.
Tags: batdance, dolphin prince, dolphins, jaya saxena, make a friend watch the Batdance video today, matt lubchansky, music, prince, station wagons, this post brought to you by the number 4 and the letter U
In the far distant future, when the world has become a desolate wasteland, a small band of survivors remain. They are silent, hardly daring to breathe, as they hide from the monstrosity that stalks the shattered cities and fields ofd dust that are all there is left of the world.
Then, one of them bursts out laughing. Before the monstrosity breaks in and tears them to pieces, she lifts her head. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I was just thinking about that cartoon of Prince as a dolphin.’
Everyone nods sagely, and waits for their imminent deaths, glad to be dying wearing their tattered ‘The Toast’ garb. They were the toasties, and they are no more.
I saved it to my work computer, where I will consult it in times of great stress.
Later in our post-apocalypse narrative, two young women discover that only the Dolphin Prince has the power to right the wrongs they have suffered. They turn the world to an eden using its incredible power.
I tried to explain this to my husband this morning, and he could only nod confusedly because he was making my breakfast.
But he’ll see it. Oh, he’ll see it.
Print it out and put it ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
DOLPHIN PRINCE DOLPHIN PRINCE
Need this on a Toast t-shirt NOW. Unless that would, like, get you guys into legal trouble.
New FB profile picture: achieved.
SOMEONE GO MAKE ME THOSE PURPLE OVERALLS NOW PLEASE I NEED THEM NOW NOT LATER BUT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!
Thx
Why doesn’t Prince text ME when he’s on an acid trip?
WHERE IS THE “FUNK JUNKY” ILLUSTRATION, MATT LUBCHANSKY?! Huh?? Its exclusion is a disservice.
i’m saving “funk junkyard” for a mural*
*this is a lie
Oh man, you guys, this is so so great.
Has anyone else seen this? IT IS REAL AND IT IS THE BEST:
http://heavytable.com/whats-in-princes-fridge/
DUNKAROOS
everybody, ‘what’s in Prince’s fridge’ is almost as good as Prince as a Dolphin. I just snorted like a hog in the library and the lady next to me patently thinks I’m a loon. How else am I supposed to respond to the news that Prince has yak milk, pork sausage and 18 kinds of mustard in his fridge? I mean, really.
the milk is given freely by the yak
Soooo good. I was reading it to my husband, and he says “I don’t see why this is funny” to which I replied “who the fuck has a shit-ton of Dunkaroos in their fridge?”
The response: “I don’t know, Dunkaroos are pretty good.”
Dunkaroos are not even manufactured anymore!! Prince is a time-travelling sprite from beyond the edge of the known universe.
And now I know that to touch Prince’s waffles, I need only magick myself into becoming REAL maple syrup.
how can u just leave me swimmin
alone in an ocean so cold
this is what it sounds like
when dolphins cry
You’re just taunting me now with the Prince thing, aren’t you Jaya? Little dolphin Princes. His tiny jumpers. His wee chalkboard. It’s like a visit from the Funky Lollipop Guild.
*chases pavich out of the comments with a broom* GIT
Mattttttt, can we keep him?
Will be singing all day: If I was your funky dolphin friend, would u let me dress u? I mean, help u pick out ur clothes b4 we go out? Girl I ain’t sayin’ ur helpless! I’m the one tryna put this dress on u with flippers 4 fuxsake…
I think what we all need is a gif of Dolphin Prince playing the prince-guitar, to a midi version of Let’s Go Crazy. I don’t have that, but here is a video of Prince singing Let’s Go Crazy wherein he makes a dolphin-like squeal.
<iframe width=”540″ height=”380″ src=”http://www.guavaleaf.com/embed/6169″ frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>
Wow, you’re all welcome for that terrific embed code i pasted above here.
Pffft.
Here’s a link to the video.
I may be the only person who loves that Dolphin song, but I do! And all of the lyrics are amazing:
U can cut off all my fins
But 2 your ways I will not bend
I’ll die before I let U tell me how 2 swim
“Dolphin” is an excellent tune.
“(I’ll) Come back in the end as a dolphin”
Need this on a Toast t-shirt NOW. Unless that would, like, get you guys into legal trouble.
“Rave Un2 the Joy Mathematic” is my new Prince cover band. We’ll all dress up in purple overalls except for the drummer, who will wear a dolphin costume.