Oh, man.
If They Gunned Me Down. Silence Is Not an Option.
I have only ever enjoyed one Richard Linklater movie, which was Bernie, and I think Boyhood looks UN-BEARABLE, so I am happy to believe that Michelle Markowitz is right. Rebecca Mead didn’t like it either!
Buzzfeed finds employees who lie about their mental health to avoid being discriminated against:
Jacobin on the thwarted attempt to unionize pro-wrestling:
Nothing is more real — and more obscured by the smoke and mirrors of the mat — than a simple fact: the billion dollar spectacle of pro wrestling relies entirely on the ruthless economic, mental, and physical exploitation of its performers. In that world, of lingering physical ailments, screwjob employment contracts, and chugalug drug abuse, Hulk Hogan is a millionaire named Terry Bollea, a favorite of WWF management, poached from a Minneapolis wrestling promotion and transformed into the star of “Hulkamania.” In that world, in 1986, Bollea ratted out his fellow wrestlers to crush a nascent unionization drive ahead of Wrestlemania II.
This is a ripping yarn!
For the first 24 hours, Danny Danihel had felt pretty comfortable with the bomb. A device that big could easily bring the entire building down, but he knew that no sensible extortionist would blow up his target before he’d gotten his money. Since the midnight deadline had come and gone, the situation was different. Now the thing could go off at any moment. And Danihel still had dozens of questions: When did the timer start running? How accurate was it? How reliable were the batteries? How good was this guy’s wiring? Was he really an expert or just some nut job who wanted people to think he was?
Some people have very easy, unchallenging lives, and they do not react well to that.
New journal taking submissions on mental health:
We are particularly interested in work that emphasises the multiplicity of experiences, prioritising marginalised stories that may otherwise go ignored by so called ‘mainstream’ media.
To speak of your struggles is not a privilege; in our publication it is a right. We want to challenge the idea that in order to speak authoritatively on ‘mental illness’ you need to be a college educated white dude. If you’re dealing with mental health problems and have a story to tell, we don’t care about your clips, we’d be honoured to have you.
Yeah, gonna link to anything called “When Alfred Hitchcock Went Gay,” and also it’s fun:
The subtext isn’t an accident; the film’s screenwriter Authur Laurents was gay, as were both Granger and Dall. It’s likely that Hitchcock, seeing the opportunity to create an underlying tension in his audience, took advantage of his stars’ personal experience by heightening the sexuality — albeit with an attempt at subtlety in order to appease studio censors. Yet, with the sophistication that comes with decades’ worth of progress and understanding of queer identities and experience, the motif in Rope is, at times, hilariously obvious — especially when Rupert brings up Brandon’s youthful penchant for murdering chickens on an acquaintance’s farm. Brandon tries to deny he ever did such a thing, but Rupert announces that he knows he has not just once but multiple times. “You’re quite a good chicken-strangler, as I recall,” is an actual line of dialogue. (I mean, c’mon!)
Whatever the Reddit thing was has been taken down, OR possibly I’m just too unfamiliar with Reddit to parse it, but the comments are pretty awful so I’m imagining something terrible happened there.
Also that article about the beach in Penticton is shit-ass hilarious. “The nudists have actually perpetuated their blatant crimes to a point of terrorist activity and should be convicted of terrorism,” BECAUSE WHY NOT. Naked folks = terrorists. OK, I follow, if I were high as a god-damned kite maybe.
I’m burning with curiosity about the Reddit thing! WHAT WAS HE GOING TO DO! the comments are only fueling my imagination…
From what I understand, he consulted with 30+ (!!!) divorce attorneys in his area in order to prevent his wife from being able to use them during the proceedings. She probably had to go a town over and get one from there who is much more expensive and inconvenient and they are suing him for the rate increase/being a jerk.
Even better is that he enacted this Sopranos subplot on the previous advice of reddit.
I am a sucker for any redditsucks story, but this one is extra fun.
What a dingus.
I think my state just changed atty ethics rules to prevent people from doing this, so I guess it’s not as rare of a tactic as one might hope!
In Canada we (lawyers) have an ethical obligation to try to be aware of this. I mean, it can be tricky, because someone comes for a consult, how do you know they are deliberately shopping? But if someone shops, you may be free to take the other side on as a client, depending on the circumstances.
That’s really interesting, thanks!
Deadspin has a pretty good breakdown of what happened to the reddit idiot http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/this-is-what-hap…
Thanks for the DeadSpin link. Not quite what I was imagining, but my imagination is a dark hole of terror.
from the reddit comment thread: “Yeah, solid legal advice always is at least 5 pts, we all know this.”
“I am too riddled with terror to go on this beach because I might see someone’s bits! Does that not fill you with shock and fear? Bodies are so scary, and so antithetical to the idea of relaxation!”
…yeah, I’m actually having a hard time doing this even in jest, because of the nonsensical.
HERE IS THE BEST ARTICLE ON THE PENTICTON NUDIST THING: http://www.theprovince.com/news/Nudists+scaring+b…
Read on. Just wait til you get to the best part. You’ll know when you are there.
ETA: They appear to have put the best part in the headline on the online version, so you don’t have far to go.
OMG, that online headline! But what can you expect from The Province, says Serious Newspaper Sibling, The Vancouver Sun, shaking it’s head in total disgust.
Also, as much as I love the idea of free wheelin’ nude beaches, I just think “ewwwww, all of the the fecal because people are generally gross in the wilderness.
But I mean, a bathing suit is not really filtering out all the poop particles, is it? I don’t think it’s much of a difference.
Plus Penticton is hardly the wilderness!
Live nude or die! (I definitely spent the entire weekend on a nude beach, so, grain of salt.)
You’re totally right, Penticton is hardly wilderness! I should have substituted “outdoors” for wilderness because I’ve found people are gross with their litter whether in a manicured urban setting or in a forest service campsite. Throw your menstrual pads and/or dirty diapers and/or shit wadded toilet paper in the container provided (or pack it out or burn it with fire, choices are endless!) not halfway down a gopher hole where I can see it peeking out like some horror show hamster. Just.Gross.
Whoops, ranting! Rock on free wheelin’ nudies, rock on.
Sent from my iPad
I plan to blame you when all my friends and family members get mad about how often I say “wangin’ their dangs.”
EVERYBODY WANG DANG TONIGHT.
Is what my boyfriend and I sing to each other with some regularity. He also practices wangin’ his dang at me, which is a fun way to wake up.
Or as Howling Wolf put it, “we gonna pitch a wang dang doodle, all night long, all night long.”
“Wangin'”. Do you suppose this concerned citizen meant “wankin'”?
No I totally don’t because there’s SUCH a small chance that the nudists were wanking. Those beaches usually have a strong community and pretty strict unwritten rules that are carefully enforced. At Vancouver’s nude beach, if you take photos you will get swarmed and be forced to delete them. Any open wanking would be shut down post haste.
I think he just mean that their dangs were out there, wangin’ around, being dangs, and therefore disgusting and offensive.
To clarify, I had no expectation that wanking was actually happening, just that the hysteria level around this is clearly so high that Mr. Concerned Citizen might be insinuating that. Or, Jesus, even have convinced himself that he saw it. If you’re capable of claiming that nudists are terrorists, you obviously don’t have a firm grip on reality.
hehe “firm grip” hehe
***grinning***
Also, I haven’t been to Vancouver’s nude beach in decades, but open wanking was at one time a problem there. Glad to hear that the community is taking care of business.
Glad to hear that the community is taking care of business.
Or, more accurately, making sure other people don’t do so in public.
To be fair, there is probably wanking happening in the secluded corners/bushes.
I am absolutely beside myself for Robin Williams. I don’t even know how to process it, really. Depression and suicide are such difficult things, and as someone with a history of both in my family I’m just having a really hard time with all this. I’m having an even worse time with social media; I’m not handling perspectives I disagree with well at all. I’ve basically chosen to not get on twitter for a few days because I can’t handle the people smugly stating “I knew it,” or “Of course he did,” or anything like that, nor am I handling the “people have a right to decide they want to die” folks who are not taking severe depression seriously at all. So I’m out. I don’t really know what to say to anyone like that, or if I even want to engage, and a lot of it just makes me sad or angry. Either way, I end up crying.
I grew up watching Robin Williams movies. I remember catching reruns of Mork and Mindy on Nick at Nite when I was a kid, and he’s been in so many beloved films. Dead Poet’s Society, The World According to Garp, Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire, Hook, the list goes on and on. Bangarang, Robin Williams, wherever you are. You’ll be missed, and remembered always.
^ Basically all of this. I think no matter when this happened, I’d be really upset, but it’s hitting me particularly hard right now because my father died in the hospital following a suicide attempt (his second, that I know of) at the beginning of the summer.
Robin Williams was in my life as long as my dad was. Some of the roles he played that were fundamentally part of my formative years were roles where he played a dad who had fucked up trying to get things right (Mrs. Doubtfire, Hook). Even though my life never looked like the movies and my dad never admitted to fucking up or tried to fix things he’d done, those films were still a comfort to me.
It really breaks my heart that I’ve lost both my dad and Robin Williams to these demons. I hope that both of them have found peace in death that they maybe never had in life.
I’m with you. For me, it was my aunt, many years ago. But I think about her all the time, and I think about what our family went through after her passing. About how it changed my grandmother. About how my uncle has attempted three times since then. Depression is the monster that hides under my family’s bed. This hits so, so close to home. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I’m so sorry to hear about your father.
I am so sorry, Ham. Fuck.
(I wish I could offer you more than that. I got hugs for you.)
I’m sorry for your loss of your dad.
Thanks, everyone.
Oh, dear. That’s the kind of accidental emotional resonance that can knock you hard. I’m so sorry, ArsenioB_Ham, that’s a tough bunch of feelings to have roiled up again.
That’s a really touching point you bring up of Williams’ recurring roles as repentant father (or brother, or husband), and I think you’ve tapped into something about why he speaks to so many of us. It’s not just generational timing, that we grew up watching him; it’s about a role he played in films that some of us needed filled in our lives.
It’s always hard to know what public losses will strike us hardest. I was gutted by David Foster Wallace’s death for weeks, for months, though I have no special connection to him or his work. It was the timing and the circumstances of my own life and the vulnerability of the moment that pierced me. Take sweet, good care of yourself in this moment. I’m so sorry for your loss.
As always, Elsa is Emily, I am grateful for your thoughtful and measured response. You’ve made this (literally) gray day a little brighter, as has all the Toast community, as is its way.
I am so so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry about your father and this terrible convergence. I’m having trouble myself with the connections I’m feeling between Williams’ death and the death last summer of my brother, who struggled with addiction for 20 years and at least one suicide attempt before fatally overdosing (and who will ever know how accidental that was). I hope you are well, Ham.
I’m just now checking my Toast for the day and even though I’m nine hours late on this, I wanted to add to the chorus of condolences here. I’m so sorry about your dad, that is the worst fucking thing. The timing and resonance of today is also an awful fucking thing. Love to you and your family, and know that you can always holla at us for anything.
I’m right here with you. Last night we watched The Birdcage, which was healing, but the movie I keep thinking of is What Dreams May Come. I’m the only person I know who likes that movie, but I went through a period in middle school or high school where I watched it over and over again. I guess it’s like It’s A Wonderful Life to me–it encapsulates a lot of my feelings about deaths in my family I’ve been dealing with for a long time, all wrapped up in a traversable, bedrock certain kind of afterlife you only get in fiction. It makes me hope, dimly, for a reunion with my dad, and I associate Robin Williams with that feeling, and…yeah. I’m taking it hard too. We’re here for you.
Whittingly, we watched The Birdcage last night, too! We started with Good Morning, Vietnam but I made it an hour in and was like, “No, I need some Birdcage.”
I haven’t watched What Dreams May Come since middle school, when most of it probably went over my head. I’m a little nervous to rewatch it now because I’m not sure what it will bring up for me. I hope you’re getting comfort from it and I’m sending <3 to you and Scandyhoovian, always.
Oh gosh. I loved What Dreams May Come. I have a lot of feelings about it that I can’t really go into right now, but thank you for reminding me of that film.
What Dreams May Come is beautiful but heartbreaking, and I have a feeling that right now it would probably be the worst choice for me of all his films. Even before his death it was hard for me to see it considering the subject matter, and I always had to be in the right mood to even try. I caught some of his goofy comedy this morning in a newscast about it, and it made me smile and laugh, and so I think for myself I need to watch Mrs. Doubtfire or something.
I actually really hated What Dreams May Come because I normally find it manipulative and insipid and kind of like it talks down to me as a human being even though visually it’s beautiful, but I think if I watched it now I’d dissolve into a puddle of tears. The Birdcage is one of my favourite movies ever and I’m totally down to watch it soon, but I went with Aladdin last night because I wasn’t quite ready to look at his face yet.
You now know another person who loves What Dreams May come! <3
I also love What Dreams May Come, & I keep thinking about it too. Williams’s death is affecting me more than I would’ve expected.
I like What Dreams May Come as well, but only for sentimental reasons. I will share a little Robin Williams story for everyone:
My family was staying at Glacier National Park while they were filming WDMC because our lodge was the set for heaven. My dad and I got up early one morning to go out to the lake that’s in front of the lodge, and when we got out there there was only one other person there. It was, of course, Robin Williams, and he said “beautiful morning, isn’t it?” and he and my dad chatted for a bit and then we went our separate ways. I wish I had been a little older and able to remember the morning better, but I do remember standing there with the two of them looking out over the water. I am so sad that he is gone.
Thank you for sharing that.
Me too. I’m totally staying away from Twitter for at least the next few days.
The comments on my FB that are making me uneasy are those that say, “Help is there if you need it. You only need to reach out. Here is a suicide hotline number,” and things of that nature. I know they come from a good place, but they seem to minimize mental illness to me. As if things are that simple. As if it is all so tidy. From what I know, Robin Williams reached out for help many, many times over the course of his life. He was in and out of treatment constantly, and was always honest about the addictions and depression that he battled each and every day. I guess when people say that stuff, it feels like they are blaming him or saying he didn’t do enough to avoid this, and I just don’t think that’s fair.
I sort of agree with you, and the people on my FB making those comments are, for the most part, not suffering with mental illness. A few are, and have posted links to mental illness sites and suicide prevention numbers, and I appreciate their input because I know it comes from an honest place. I do think people, whether they are dealing with mental illness or not, are coming from a good place, they’ll never quite understand that depression usually isn’t solved by just calling a number, taking a pill and going to therapy.
I agree that it’s not so simple, but I’m happy to see that kind of stuff versus the crowd that’s just like, oh suicide is inevitable. I did a series of articles on suicide prevention awhile back and was really surprised to come across the stat that 60 percent of people who commit suicide had no contact with anyone in the mental health profession in the year prior to their deaths, though around 75 percent had seen their primary care doctors. We’ve got some real problems with recognizing and screening mental illness (duh, in other news, rain is wet). Anything that lessens the stigma of reaching out is good in my book (even if the real answer is probably going to require the medical profession to step up instead of insisting depressed people pull themselves up by their bootstraps).
I was just thinking about that. I have Kaiser, and last night they sent me a little “health book” that had information about my last check-up (stuff like whether my BP and Cholesterol were good) and it included a thing about recognizing unhealthy/abusive relationships. I’d really like to see Primary Care physicians do more mental health screenings in addition to the other screenings they do for things like cancer. I know a depression screening is harder and more time consuming, but think about the lives that could be saved.
I can’t speak for everyone sharing like that but I know for myself, when I see people sharing resources following something like this it doesn’t feel patronizing or condescending, it’s just a way people try to help. I don’t know everyone’s background that is sharing those things; I don’t know other people’s demons. I don’t know if someone’s suffering and sharing or if they’re not suffering and sharing. Not everyone’s going to be really vocal about their problems, you know? I’ve known people who shared their mental health with others and I’ve known people to keep it completely close to the chest; some may not suffer personally but have loved ones who do. Even if they themselves don’t suffer from mental illness, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re callous or they don’t understand. I know for myself and the people in my life that I know of, help has been abundant, as has therapy and medication and support. It’s not going to help 100% of the people that receive it but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying to get as many people connected with resources that can help them as possible.
You make great points. Like I said, I’m sure the people posting this kind of stuff come from a good place and certainly want to help. I guess it is just in the context of Robin Williams’ death that it is not sitting well with me. He was a 63-year-old man who certainly knew the ropes, knew the ins and outs of seeking help. That “getting help” conversation just feels like it doesn’t apply here, you know? It feels speculative (Was he receiving treatment recently? If not, would it have helped?) and condescending to bring it up in the wake of his loss. I dunno. It’s just irking me.
I don’t think the “get help” is aimed at Robin Williams, though, or even as a commentary on him and his life. I think it’s people responding to his death by turning around and offering resources to people in their own lives that may see themselves in Robin Williams. He was so open about his treatments and his struggles, surely there are people out there that can relate to what he went through on some level. I honestly think people sharing resources like that are trying to tell their loved ones that they want to help in any way they can and to try and keep someone they love from making the same choice that Robin Williams did to end his life. I guess I just don’t see it as inappropriate or condescending.
I am someone who posted about how I hope people with depression are able to find help, because I do hope for that. I also suffer from depression and suicidal ideation, which is why I cling so strongly to the hope that if I need help in the future, I will find it. I think you raise good points about how he did try and find help, again and again, and that doesn’t make it his fault (or anyone’s fault, necessarily) that this happened.
I mean, my actual conclusion is not that suicide is inevitable, but that combating it is difficult because it is not just due to depression, it is due to that and myriad other factors that are so difficult to influence or process or deal with. But also, it’s not just people at risk for suicide that should reach out and be reached towards, it’s anyone going through mental health problems. Especially because it is often portrayed as a young person’s phase, instead of something that is dangerous and devastating at every age (and especially in men Robin Williams’s age). So basically, yeah, maybe I”m part of the problem, but I’m also just at a loss because I am definitely someone who is at risk due to her own mental health who wants people to know they aren’t alone.
I don’t think it’s a problem necessarily, and I’m truly sorry if I made too broad a generalization here. I’m reconsidering my stance 🙂 I think I was reading too deeply into the statements being made on FB. I saw these kinds of remarks as tangentially being directed AT Robin Williams, when the posters were maybe just piggybacking off of the news of his death by taking the opportunity to spread helpful information. __I do get the feeling that the people I know who posted this kind of stuff are not terribly educated about mental illness and do actually think that one phone call is all it takes to be “cured.” But each person certainly has their own intentions behind their words.
Yeah, I’m going back and forth between these two points of view. He was getting publicly announced help just a couple of weeks ago – and as you’ve said – he was 63 and had been very public about getting help many, many times. I guess I do appreciate that people seem to be going the route that includes information and promotes healing – I haven’t seen a single “what a waste” type post – and it is important for other people to know that help is out there. But like Scandyhoovian I’m also not ready for the “suicide is inevitable” people or the people promoting that it was his right to choose this. Mostly I just feel sad.
I also feel guilty. Does anyone else feel guilty? He was a very different kind of celebrity – just such a giver. By all accounts, he was generous with his money and time even in the presence of complete strangers, and he was certainly more generous than any celebrity I can think of in giving all of us every ounce of what was inside him. You could also tell that he loved us all, and we loved him right back. I know it’s all speculative and it’s a totally irrational thing to think, but it makes me feel like we took (not selfishly, necessarily, but in general) and that we left him exhausted and hollowed out with no more to give. And I can’t stop crying about it.
🙁 That is so sad! I hadn’t thought of things that way. Let’s look at the bright side though: someone with long history of addiction and depression made it to the age of 63! He fought his ass off and kept at it for so long! He had a wife and 3 kids and a truly incredible career that must have been fulfilling on a professional level. Perhaps the business is what kept him going for so long. Perhaps the joy he got in bringing others joy sustained him for all these years? He would want us to laugh, not cry!
Aw, thanks. That did actually make me feel better! My Episcopalian/addict-in-the-family upbringing usually means I find a way to make myself feel guilty for just about anything that goes wrong, so I’m sure that’s some of this. It is just as possible that performing brought him great joy and actually lifted him out of the hole. So I’m going to hang on to that!
Suicide can be “contagious”. Publicity about famous suicides can provoke or empower people who are depressed to think, “see he did it and his life wasn’t even as bad as mine.” Teen suicides in communities can spark a rash of teen suicide. People who are depressed feel very alone, and if people they know or respect or feel connected to in some way take actions that are related to depression, they note it. And from above comments, I think it’s clear that Robin Williams was a person so many people felt connected to through his familiarity in their lives and his roles.
It might feel pat to you, or trivial, but in the face of an illness that can be fatal and can be triggered by other people, its a tiny counter measure.
Getting help isn’t a cure. Our system is inadequate. Mental health issues are incredibly resistant to treatment. Given that the deck is stacked, I think it’s a responsible counterbalance.
People certainly can be pat about mental illness, but the pat answers are also the only things that really help. Talk therapy, medication, exercise and good social connections are the things that help depression. They don’t cure it for everyone, but for most people they do help manage it. Some people might be flip, but I think a lot of people get it. They get that even for someone respected and successful and loved, its a lifelong issue and it’s not always winnable. Suicide hotlines do the work of angels.
I have had suicidal ideation since I was 10 years old. It’s almost always there. Clinical depression was a constant from 4 years old until I got treatment about 10 years ago. It’s still lurking around the corner and will be, probably, forever. All. My. F-ing. Life.
I would be so relieved if I saw anyone in my family offer even the most trite, superficial, tidy reminder to reach out for help. It would be a signal. At least I would know that *one* person cares, has thought about depression, wants to help. I wouldn’t have been so alone for so long.
No worries, Toastfolk, I have carefully culled who gets proximity to me. My Beloved is well-versed in depression symptoms and care. And then there are the therapeutic, cuddly little dogs.
Ugh. Hadn’t thought of it from that perspective. Thanks for sharing RoseCamelia. So glad you have a beloved to help you through, and for cuddly little dogs of course!
Not that I am suggesting you go on Twitter AT ALL, but if it helps ease your mind I have seen quite honestly nothing at all but outpourings of sympathy, grief and understanding over not only his death, but also how it’s making so very many of us feel. So please, stay off Twitter (I am as well now because I kept getting weepy) but know in the back of your mind that there’s a lot of good things being said there.
A friend of mine posted “I was afraid because I didn’t want to grow up, because everybody who grows up has to die some day.” on FB, and I still don’t know how to deal with that. Some lines are just too close, y’know?
Robin Williams was such a defining force of my childhood (Hook! Aladdin! Jumanji!) and I haven’t felt this sad about a celebrity death since Michael Jackson. Damn.
The sweetest thing I read yesterday was a comment on AV club: “Let the hairy arms of the universe embrace you with its love. Goodnight, funnyman.”
http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/this-is-what-hap… Here is a link that describes what the dude did – basically, he called all the lawyers in town, thinking that telling them about his case would mean that the lawyer then had a conflict of interest and couldn’t represent his ex. Well, she found a lawyer anyway and he is now required to pay some of her attorneys’ fees because he made it more difficult for her.
Everything about this sounds like a ridiculous idea. For starters, using Reddit for any type of legal advice, or frankly any advice at all relating to human beings (and indeed, other living creatures and also nonsentient things). This sounds like a horrid example of “Sure, I watch a lot of Law and Order so I know a lot about the law. Let me advise you!” or self-taught lawyers going “Yeah but I read the case law!!!! Surely there is nothing more involved than that?!?!”
thank you, not knowing was killing me!
Also interesting: one of the deadspin commenters noted that the American Bar Association Model Rules (which are used by most states) say that “a person who communicates with a lawyer for the purpose of disqualifying the lawyer is not a “prospective client.”” http://www.americanbar.org/groups/professional_re…
I WILL CITE YOU THE LAW, AND YOU WILL SUFFER.
Also here is the post with the original advice: http://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/222o70/… <– original post http://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/222o70/… <– excellent legal advice
Didn’t Tony Soprano do that? Taking advice from him is not really the best life choice.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sad about a celeb death as Robin Williams. I grew up on Mork and Mindy, and all his movies. His ability to communicate emotions through the screen was unparalleled. I feel like I lost a friend. 🙁 And since it was an apparent suicide, it feels all the worse that we couldn’t help our friend.
I have never felt so sad either. He was something else, that’s for sure. And an absolute fixture in my childhood. I feel like I’ve lost an old family friend.
I saw this wonderful quote of his: ‘You are only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.’
RIP, Robin.
I’ve been thinking about this, and I think one of the saddest things about it is that because of his illness, I don’t think he realized how much he touched peoples’ lives. I really hope he did, that he knew he was beloved by millions of people who hadn’t even met him, and that it gave him some amount of comfort in the end.
I am having a shockingly difficult time dealing with Robin Williams being dead. It’s like that time George Carlin died, except worse.
I am not shockingly having a difficult time dealing with what’s going on in Ferguson. What the fuck is wrong with cops?
thanks for the link to that mental illness journal, I think I’ll submit.
It looks good, right?
I’ve followed the blog, too.
I have been having a lot of Thoughts about how my bisexuality and my mental illness coincide, and how the one of them often makes doctors think different things lately. If I can get them down into something vaguely coherent, I might submit that.
I’d be interested to read that! I don’t know whether I really have something that I could submit, myself, or really if I’m the kind of person they’re after, but I do like the idea of reading different voices. And the publication itself is something I’d like to support.
I sent a writer their way yesterday! I get a tremendous, tremendous number of submissions and pitches every week from young women who want to write about their experiences with depression or other forms of mental illness, and, like I said to the lovely contributor in question, the awful honest answer is “I get a whole bunch of stories just like this, so I’m looking for something completely new, or absolutely different, or from a perspective I haven’t seen before,” and I’m always excited to have alternative venues to offer writers when, for whatever reason, I cannot accommodate their piece but do not relish the experience of saying SORRY YOUR DEPRESSION STORY ISN’T COMPELLING ENOUGH, LADY. See also: personal narratives about sexual assault! Everything is garbage. More journals. Thank you.
I suspected you got a lot of pitches for that kind of narrative. And yes, more journals! Specialising in specific things, like this does.
That was me you guys. Or at least I assume it is.
If it was, I look forward to linking your Doll Hospital or [other] piece in a future roundup!
Aw, thanks, Nicole!
A big thank you for this link; I’m off to peruse their submissions page!
I appreciated that the background image is a Chansey nurse, and it just makes me want to submit more.
I’ve had to resort to Emergency Kittens more than once today. Sigh. I’m so sad.
RUMOR HAS IT Hitchock wanted Montgomery Clift and Cary Grant for lead roles in Rope, but that would have cranked the homoerotic up to at least an 11! They both turned down the roles (or the studio heads nixed the idea) but wouldn’t that have been something.
Oh man. That is too much for my little shipper heart to bear.
Can you imagine it? I can. I have, probably repeatedly. Heck, I might again later. Clift was also one of the first choices for William Holden’s roll in Sunset Boulevard, which would have been THE BEST THING EVER.
I will be imagining it all day. 😛
LET’S TALK ABOUT THE HOMOEROTIC SUBTEXT IN HITCHCOCK’S FILMS – It’s often very deliberate. The studio actually asked him to tone down the James Mason/Henchman performance in North By Northwest cause it was just a little too obvious they where screwing (and Henchman is basically jealous that Cary Grant is all this attention)
I don’t know why, but I find Martin Landau (the henchman) so attractive in that movie.
He’s super hot in that movie but also like, hilariously prissily jealous of Cary Grant. I only wonder what the original filming looked like.
The screenwriter of Psycho has said he never meant to put in a gay/queer subtext for Norman Bates and I believe him cause I think that all comes from Perkins’ performance.
HOMOEROTIC SUBTEXT IS MY FAVORITE. I need to re-watch these movies. I love this kind of stuff.
Amity, you would probably love Rock Hudson’s Home Movies, a strange, wonderful documentary written and directed by Mark Rappaport. It’s all clips from RH’s movies, all rife with homoerotic subtext, narrated as if by Hudson himself.
KISS KISS KISS
WELL I’M SAD, TODAY IS SAD EVERYTHING IS SAD
I normally don’t feel this upset when celebrities die – I think the last one was James Gandolfini, just because he seemed like such a kind person and I associate a lot of good memories with watching The Sopranos with my mom, but this is so brutal because it’s just such a sad circumstance and Robin Williams was such a huge part of my appreciation of comedy and my childhood in general, really.
My boyfriend has depression and he just lost his uncle, so I’ve been worried about how he’s taking it, too 🙁
Also thanks for the general resounding “Meh” to Boyhood because it really does look unbearable in the most pretentious possible way, although the correct answer to “I have only enjoyed one Richard Linklater movie” is “School of Rock”.
RIGHT???? Boyhood sounds like the most boring shit alive. “Let’s watch a white dude grow up!” because god knows we haven’t seen that often enough.
Yeah, I kinda felt the same way about Wolf of Wall Street, like “oh ok another movie about rich white dudes, sweet, totally brand new POV”
The only person I know that liked it was…surprise…a white dude!
Boyhood went on my list of “looks like a drag” early. One of the movie reviewers I listened to was like, “I wonder if this was a genre and there were 15 movies made this way, would this one be more than solidly middle of the pack?”
It seems more in service to the experiment than anything. Also real life is boring, I don’t think I want to pay to watch fake real life.
There are a lot of movies like this that you are supposed to want to watch if you run in a liberal artsy crowd, and really I just want to see things explode, movies where the final battle is some kind of dance, complicated thefts and people wearing bustles.
I went to film school, and have a lot of very dear friends who insist on watching this sort of thing, definitely “movies that you are supposed to watch if you run in a liberal artsy crowd”. I dunno, I feel like I’m adult enough to come to terms with the fact that I am happy simply watching black comedies where people are confused and sometimes feminism and neon space robots.
My favourite films of 2013 were “Inside Llewyn Davis”, “Only Lovers Left Alive”, and “Pacific Rim”, so I mean, it’s a good trifecta to keep in mind when I consider what I do and don’t want to watch.
Re. the real life thing: when walking out of the theater I said “well, being a kid/teenager is basically a lot of boredly waiting around for something interesting to happen and that’s exactly how this movie feels, so I guess they got it right.”
It’s slowly paced, but it’s definitely not pretentious. I found the characters extremely honest. I also thought it had more to say about class and money issues in America than anything else — imagine watching Rosanne as a movie only without the laugh track.
(Or you could just watch Rosanne and pretend you were watching Boyhood as a 22-minute sitcom stretched out over 10 years.)
Total yes to “School of Rock.” Whenever I come across it channel-surfing, I end up watching the whole thing again. Well, the first 20 minutes or so are plot set-up, you can skip that, but the rest I never get tired of.
That Jezebel gif thing lines up neatly with the Jessica Valenti shitstorm to paint the message loud and clear that we are not allowed to be female on the internet, it is not ok to be female in public, and apparently we should just expect to be punished for it.
🙁 🙁
“allowed”? Well that’s a bit uhm… defeatist and victimy I’d say…
Also, I feel the motivation of the asshats who are doing the spamming is not: “Men, let’s band together to finally rid the interwebs of these pesky females, so it can be the old boys’ club it was always supposed to be.”
It’s more: “I’m a simpleton, I like poking things with sticks. I like it when the things react. I shall poke more.”
Should have clarified: in the eyes of these trolls it is not acceptable for women to exist on the internet. And I do feel there is an element, however subconscious, of asshats thinking “but fun things are for me, not for you. You’re a product, not a consumer, and if you’re not acting as such then there’s a malfunction.”
oh man, I loved Boyhood. It might have been influenced by going back home to visit my family, but I think they captured the nostalgia for being young, growing up, and experiencing things for the first time extremely well. There were definitely some parts that could have been edited a bit better, but I think the parents and, of course, the Boy were written extremely well.
I loved it too. I don’ t think it’s some sort of grand statement on the meaning of life or anything, but I felt a lot of feelings and was happy when I left. I LOVED his mother.
But then, I have a track record of liking Richard Linklater (though you would probably have to pay me to get me to watch any of the Before Thingy movies). School of Rock, A Scanner Darkly–I even went through a Waking Life phase as a teen, because that is the kind of teen I was.
God, Robin Williams. I feel like we’ve all lost a friend.
I’m going to be glib for a moment as a coping mechanism – you all understand, safe space, etc.
Basically, the world got so shitty this summer that Robin Williams offed himself. That’s what it comes down to. I also blame that horrible iPad commercial for co-opting his life-affirming lines from Dead Poets Society in order to sell tablets made by exploited Chinese workers.
And now each of his films will be marred with sadness. Just uuuugh.
So many of his films already had that sadness. I mean, sure, there were the plain comedies – but think about Mrs. Doubtfire where there was the sadness of his family breaking up, and Dead Poets Society and all the loss in that film, and Good Will Hunting when he talks about his wife, and The Birdcage where he had to be hiding who he was, and of course films like The Fisher King and Good Morning Vietnam… Part of his gift was taking sadness and adding lightness to it.
I am having trouble reconciling that a person like Robin Williams can bring so much joy to so many people and in so many ways, can be in so much pain. The more I think about it, the more heartbreaking I find it.
I wish his illness had allowed him to keep some of the joy he gave.
I keep thinking of some lines from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:
“Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears…..
Some of you say, ‘Joy is greater than sorrow,’ and others say, ‘Nay, sorrow is the greater.’
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
This piece by David Wong about comedians and depression/suicide is a worthy read to help parse: http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/robin-williams…
That was a fantastic piece, thanks for posting.
I think what I wanted to say was how unfair it is that he could make so many people happy, and yet the person immune to his gift was himself.
Ive met people like this in my daily life who are so warm and sympathetic and will happily help with any problem, but then everyone forgets to help them as they seem so ‘fine’, which is pretty damn tragic.
Robin Williams was the favorite comedian of all the adults in my family, so I grew up watching his movies and, when I was (barely) old enough, his standup. So many fond childhood memories are attached to his work, and it makes me so sad to think of how much he was suffering.
Robin Williams is making me think a lot of things and feel a lot of feelings, mainly about mental illness and whatever role it has in my life. I’d classify the type of depression that runs in my family as not exactly “clinical,” but more just a vague melancholy. The type where you have a few down days here and there, and can get yourself out of them with friends and care and attention, but if you don’t it’s easy to just sit around and wallow. I had a day like this last week, where I just felt on the verge of tears all day for no particular reason, with a lot of negative thoughts in my head, and only getting out of it when I pushed myself to meet up with a friend. It took me a long time to realize that capital-D Depression isn’t the same as this, though it can often look the same, and I feel awful that for so long my advice to friends going through this was along the “just get out there and feel better!” lines. I’m still working on it, because my reaction to any problem is to just try to “solve” it, but I hope everyone recognizes that these issues look different for everyone, and it’s our job to listen to those suffering for what they need.
Same! I get the chemical doldrums, but not Depression, along with much of my family.
I like the chemical doldrums, both as a potential clinical term and as a band name.
I also get the “chemical doldrums”, and mild panic attacks at times, and am stealing that term! It’s perfect. I had another friend who was the same and described it as “itinerant sadness” which seems fitting too.
Yessss. I’m saying it’s chemical, because half the time, I just suddenly feel better with no change in actual circumstances. Just, my brain chemicals shake themselves back together!
Chemical doldrums is a great term.
I have these spells of “vague melancholy” too, as well as occasional anxiety…I don’t want to call them attacks, but I start crying for no reason and get short of breath, thankfully only a few times a year. They’re not easy to deal with, but they put real, clinical depression and anxiety disorders in perspective for me.
One of the things that makes dealing with weird mood or cognitive stuff so difficult is how nebulous it can be. IME even when you go to get help, you’ll get a bunch of different opinions, and if they’re honest many of them will end with “but we don’t really know.” Which is difficult to hear if you also don’t know what’s happening and have no idea what you need.
Bargle. I would like nationalized single payer health care now, please, complete with full coverage for mental health care and preventative care for all.
Yes! Like, I have no idea if what I described above is what other people feel. And even if someone has the exact same symptoms/feelings as you, that doesn’t mean it can be “cured” the same way.
I know! So like half the time people never get help because they have no idea they can or that they should. It’s taken me 30 years of being a mild-moderate crazy person to figure out what some of this stuff is, and I was super freaking lucky the whole time.
I am adding free childcare to my wishlist, because I feel like this would make a big difference in stress levels and mental health outcomes for single mothers, no? (Edit: fuck that, all parents.) And thus their kids? Single payer, free childcare. Let’s get the feminist conspiracy on it.
(Is there not a feminist conspiracy yet? Can we have one? Let’s have one.)
Yes! I feel exactly the same way as you described – sometimes it’s solved by getting out there, sometimes it’s solved by wallowing for a little while. Capital-D Depression runs in my family, so I try to watch out for when the wallowing gets to be too much, but so far I’ve been able to pull myself out of it within a week or so.
If anyone’s interested BTW, Marc Maron reposted his 2010 interview with Robin Williams from his WTF Podcast, along with a very heartbreaking eulogy. Super sad but super great. http://www.wtfpod.com/podcast/episodes/rememberin…
Like, seriously heartbreaking, I’m crying at my desk because Marc is crying!
I was listening to that on the way to work today and also started tearing up when Marc started crying. 🙁
I’m not even going to tell you in advance but Dear Prudence this week
OMMMMMGGGGG.
I think Prudie realllllly missed the mark with that first letter.
I am so glad that there are smart people who didn’t like Boyhood. I saw it Saturday and thought the first hour was ok, but the next two hours were the most bored I have ever been. I kept whispering to my husband “this has to be it, right?” but the movie just kept on going.
Omg that movie is THREE hours???
I am going to open a movie studio and if you want funding, no movie can be over 120 minutes. 130 if you have a wordless montage scene with a great score.
Yes, please! I hate long movies SO MUCH, and they just get longer and longer all the time. Even mindless popcorn flicks all seem to run over two hours now. I can’t sit still that long! My ideal entertainment format is the half-hour sitcom.
164 minutes! The last 40 were the most interminable, so I’m down with a hard 120 cap, with a few exceptions for super plot-y epics. But arty coming of age movies do not need to be that long.
Does anyone know if Gawker Media has responded to the rape gif thing yet? That is just…I mean, holy shit.
A saw I tweet by uh, a dude with a fancyish sounding title, but that’s it.
well it looks like an in-charge dude has responded in the comment thread on that piece, but I haven’t seen any more official updates
Yeah, thinking about it, it seems hostile work environment-ish enough that any response might need to be strained through a layer or two of lawyers.
Yay to the Jezebel staff for making it all public. Also, again, because once was not enough: holy fucking shit.
or get at least 10 upvotes on r/legaladvice
Denton fires the entire Jezebel staff “for cause,” replaces them with men because he’s never had this problem with men BOOM problem solved
There’s a note on the bottom of this post (which, lol) that says comments have been turned off because of violent gif trolling. Guess it matters now!
http://gawker.com/the-teen-choice-awards-destroye…
It makes me so grateful the Toast is able to keep its comment space safe.
But I wonder if The Toast gets the same kind of harassment, that Mallory and Nicole are protecting us from?
I’m sure there’s shitty trolly stuff occasionally, but I feel The Toast is thankfully in a smaller corner of the Internet, one that doesn’t attract dudebros from 4chan and the other, more turdier spaces on Gawker
NOPE. We get very little nonsense, honestly. And Mallory and I get basically no horrible emails! Let\’s keep that info to ourselves, though.
Maybe it’s the Wodehouse quotes? Like, they don’t even get to see women get righteously angry, so they just don’t think it’s worth it?
Very, very sad about Robin Williams’ death. I was watching this hilarious set of outtakes of Season 1 Mork & Mindy yesterday, and it helped, somehow. He seems so… human in these scenes that never made it on screen. I loved that show SO MUCH as a kid.
With respect to Ferguson, the murder of Mike Brown is horrible, and now in the aftermath we are seeing the cops use excessive force in all possible ways. When you militarize the police, the inevitable use of all that “tactical” cop gear on local residents is inevitable. And goddamn despicable.
sometimes I think that Reddit exists primarily to give terrible advice to people who are actually stupid enough to take it, and I love finding examples of this happening. thank you Nicole!
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Boyhood, even though I was initially pretty underwhelmed. I have been coming up short in my hunt for less-extreme reviews that tackle its unevenness. I feel like everything has focused entirely on the form–so, it’s either an innovative masterpiece or a gimmicky slog. For me, it had some small moments that really worked and a few big moments that felt incredibly trite and also would have been way more interesting had it been called Girlhood and followed Sam as she grew up.
I really would have liked for Sam to get a more rounded treatment from the film.
I thought all the most interesting moments were from the adults–his parents and stepparents, and also all the different people trying to guide him, like his boss at the restaurant and his photography teacher. The boy himself almost felt like a negative space defined by their expectations.
Apparently the actress wanted out later on and wanted her character to be killed off, so I’m guessing the minimalism of her presence toward the back end was at least partly affected by that. (Also, knowing that makes me really uncomfortable, because Richard Linklater forced his kid to be in this movie even when she decided she didn’t want to be anymore, and I know it was just a few days a summer, but it really, really bugs me.)
I haven't been able to stop thinking about Boyhood, even though I was initially pretty underwhelmed. I have been coming up short in my hunt for less-extreme reviews that tackle its unevenness. I feel like everything has focused entirely on the form–so, it's either an innovative masterpiece or a gimmicky slog. For me, it had some small moments that really worked for me and a few big moments that felt incredibly trite and also would have been way more interesting had it been called Girlhood and followed Sam as she grew up.
So! I have an 18 year old son. We live in Houston. In 1 week I will be driving him to his first year of college, and we will be spending a couple of nights in Big Bend (where Boyhood’s final scene is) on the way. My son has just grown his first baby-version of a beard, like the Boy in Boyhood has when he goes to college. My spouse works at the same university as the first stepdad. We take our kids to Astros games. My spouse & sons saw the movie while I was out of town & loved it & warned me repeatedly: go see it, but bring tissues. I am a MAJOR movie crier.
I mean. By every outward sign, this movie is custom-made for me to spend it in a puddle of nostalgic weeping.
I went to see it. I brought tissues and friends (also moms of sons) to hold my hand.
Damn that was a long movie.
I appreciated having nostalgia moments over ‘the little things’ like Spiderman jammies and midnight Harry Potter releases, and the soundtrack and all that. I enjoyed the transformations of all the actors as they aged. I did tear up a little at graduation.
But – nope. It just didn’t touch my heart. We left, stashing the unused tissues back in our pockets, and all we could think about was what to eat, because we were STARVING by then.
Maybe if I rewatch it in a decade, I’ll be more nostalgic. Meanwhile, I’m just lecturing our kids about porn and drinking and being glad I also saw Guardians of the Galaxy that day.
I was in line at my local giant multiplex to buy tickets for Vin Diesel Space Tree this weekend, and my friend and I were momentarily concerned when an usher got on the PA system to announce that they had sold out of the 4 pm showing…of Boyhood. (HOW?) I get drowsy every time I think of the basic premise of Boyhood. And Guardians of the Galaxy was a deeply flawed movie, but at least it asked the important question of “What if the Iron Giant were an Ent?”
Calling it “Vin Diesel Space Tree” forever now.
Oh my, that Hitchcock article. Heck, that image above is practically NSFW. I’ll have to have a Hitchcock movie marathon soon. That, and the Nick & Norah movies.
Don’t forget to include North by Northwest, during which I almost always feel the urge to yell “KISS KISS KISS” at Martin Landau and James Mason.
I thought I wanted to see Boyhood just for the 12-years-of-filming gimmick…then I found out it was 3 hours long and decided to skip out and watch the 3 Downton Abbeys that have been sitting on my DVR since January. Definitely a better time. I find the concept interesting but don’t think I actually have the patience to watch the whole thing. I just…don’t care.
Bangarang, Mr. Williams 🙁 I’m still so bummed about this. One of my friends on facebook put it nicely: “Whenever I watched [his movies], I felt that I was watching someone who battled terrible loneliness by helping others find joy and meaning in life.” And it’s true. What an incredible loss.
“You can fly, you can fight…”
I’m having a really difficult time dealing with Ferguson. Roxanne Gay’s beautiful post was both grounding and agitating for me. In a pattern that started with the Oklahoma City bombing, and was most recently repeated with Katrina, I find myself obsessively consuming coverage as it unfolds. What is has looked like for the past few days is refreshing Twitter a lot. Finally stepped away from the internet last night, and hope to keep myself away from news today (mostly).
Normally I would never think to read an article on pro-wrestling, but for what it’s worth, it was a really interesting and thought provoking piece; thanks for the link, Nicole!
This is absolutely the wrong place for this question, but does anybody here watch current pro wrestling? My husband’s been a big fan since literally the week I was born, and I started watching it with him a few months ago because I had never realized just how incredibly stupid it is, and it’s super fun to get hella drunk/other things and watch it.
I watch it with the sound off. Nearly naked large, bulky men. For me, it’s soft porn.
I occasionally watch it for the PURE RIDICULOUSNESS and campiness and silliness of it all. Also I spend a lot of time complaining about everyone’s hair.
As soon as I saw the Rope screencap, I started to shriek and jump up and down like an overexcited toddler. The content did not disappoint.
“Then I felt . . . tremendously exhilarated. How did you feel?”
I felt a tenuous connection to Robin Williams. He said he got started in performance arts as a child, desperately trying to gain his mother’s attention. I, too, was a neglected child.
And I was named after a man named Robinson.
And I have struggled with clinical depression my whole life.
In high school a couple of older boys semi-adopted me, became my big brothers. I think they subconsciously recognized that I was always scared, was not safe at home. The one I was closest to looks just like Robin Williams. I have forever thought of that big brother every time I see Robin Williams’ face, felt that comfort of my big brother’s presence just watching Williams on a screen. It was the first social comfort I had ever known, the closest I had ever come to feeling protected.
Rest in peace, Robin Williams.
Hey Toast folk, can I solicit some advice regarding mental health promotion? I teach super-smart, super-creative, super-emotionally complicated college students, including a new batch of first-years soon. I try to include some How to College lessons with my first-semester curriculum. What’s the best way to acknowledge that some of them may have struggled/may be struggling/may someday struggle with depression or anxiety? Our campus counseling center has a crap reputation, so I feel like promoting them makes me seem less trustworthy or helpful.
Cornell is well known for having an excellent mental health framework: http://www.gannett.cornell.edu/campus/welfare/fra… They also have a handbook for faculty and staff for recognizing and dealing with student mental health issues: http://dos.cornell.edu/dos/cms/upload/Total-Book-… While obviously the university-specific programs won’t apply, the handbook has very good explanations and examples of issues students may be facing and how to react appropriately to them. Most universities also have external mental health resource pages like this: http://mhds.info.yorku.ca/mhresources/ which you could add to your syllabus (although you’d probably have to clear that with your Department first? I’m not 100% up on how that works).
And since I’ve wiggled a hand and a half out from under a sleeping baby, I also want to say that in addition to the sad, I’m so goddamn ANGRY at addiction, which is as much to blame for Williams’s death (and Hoffman’s and Ledger’s and andand).
And Ferguson, fuck, just makes me want to burn things down. How is there not one cop there who refuses to be part of this? Who just takes off his riot gear, throws it in the truck, and joins the actual people grieving for Mike Brown? Who decides to be a goddamn person?
Often addiction is driven by depression. Sometimes depression is caused by trauma. Williams reported being a neglected child. His childhood may have been traumatic. We don’t know. I know my childhood was traumatic and my psychiatrist says it likely caused my lifelong bouts with clinical depression. I have a genetic component that made that more likely to happen.
What we can do: learn good parenting and teach good parenting. To every child. Should be part of basic child rearing and basic schooling. This is how to brush your teeth. This is how to protect a child and encourage her at the same time.
And don’t refuse to touch your daughters. While making your daughters grow up watching you cuddle their brother!
You are a wonderful parent, Madge. Another forehead kiss for your daughter from me. Blessings on you both.
During my worst periods of depression, I’ve often thought that a drug habit would be a good distraction, if I could afford it.
…so I guess there’s an upside to that year of grinding poverty.
Self-medicating is so understandable and so hard to treat. I hope you are well now, Unreadaethel, or at least on your way.
I was unemployed for about a year (after quitting a job because it made me increasingly afraid I wasn’t going to be able to stop myself from suiciding). But now I have a great job which provides a living wage and health insurance and, like, respect and self-actualization and stuff! Which means that my depression manifests as nothing worse than ennui and lethargy, which tend to go away in a few days. Basically, I can now self-medicate with food and a day of lying in the sun not doing anything (also Zoloft).
But seriously, I was doing shots before entering social situations. It was bad.
Thank you–I’m hoping that a really functional home life will help my kids balance some bad genetic odds. And there’s a lot of cuddling for everyone!
I inherited clinical depression from my mom, but I’ve found that it’s actually a good bonding point. I can tell her about times I’m feeling crappy, and she understands exactly where I’m coming from. She doesn’t feel rejected when I honestly can’t manage to call her for a while, and I don’t feel like I have to hide how I’m feeling. So there’s a positive side to those crappy genetic odds.
Thank you–I'm hoping that a really functional home life will help my kids balance some bad genetic odds. And there's a lot of cuddling for everyone!
Self-medicating is so understandable and so hard to treat. I hope you are well now, Unreadaethel, or at least on your way.