Band Names That Would Also Be Good Names for Your Dildo

by Becca and Allison · January 28, 2014

acdchighwaytohellDisappointing Partner?

  1. Better Than Ezra
  2. Boyz II Men
  3. The Prodigy

Size Queen?

  1. Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
  2. Master P
  3. Nine Inch Nails
  4. Notorious B.I.G.

Sexually Adventurous?

  1. AC/DC
  2. Butthole Surfers
  3. Sir Mix-a-Lot

Is Your Dildo Your Patronus?

  1. Def Leppard
  2. Imagine Dragons
  3. Whitesnake

Do You Dream of Electric Sheep?

  1. Jefferson Airplane
  2. Machine Head
  3. REO Speedwagon

url-1I’m Not Here to Be Creative, I’m Just Here to Get Off?

  1. Deep Purple
  2. Pink Floyd
  3. Queen
  4. Cream

Our Bodies, Ourselves?

  1. Dido
  2. Girl Talk
  3. Indigo Girls
  4. Lovin’ Spoonful

Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am?

  1. Bachman-Turner Overdrive
  2. OK Go
  3. The Postal Service

His & Hers?

  1. Hole
  2. Nirvana

BobSegerLiveBulletNo Boys Allowed?

  1. The Pointer Sisters
  2. Thin Lizzie
  3. Velvet Underground

Everyone’s Invited?

  1. Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
  2. George Strait and the Ace in the Hole Band
  3. Neko Case and Her Boyfriends

Becca and Allison, the team behind the podcast This Week in Ladies, are a couple of punk ass book jockeys who live in Austin, Texas. They spend their time eating queso, haunting their local comic book shop, and getting way too invested in pub trivia.


34 Comments

    1. mamacitaconpistoles +17

      Or Steely Dan? Or is that rumor about the name being a sex toy fake?

      Sex Pistols, same thing.

      Oh Dude Music Bands of the Mid-Late Century, you take the fun out of band name games.

      2. Buzz the Bear +1

        Steely Dan is the name of a Dildo in the much banned novel NAKED LUNCH by William S. Burroughs published in 1959

  2. aravisthequeen +2

    This was weird because Better than Ezra was my first concert, and them and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy were 50% of the soundtrack to my high school years. (The other 50% was Jump Little Children and Great Big Sea, with a brief interlude at age 14 where I fell deeply and shortly in love with Good Charlotte. Much to my now regret.) So suddenly I feel all nostalgic for high school and my CD cases!

  3. CleverManka +21

    This might be my favorite Toast post yet.

    I offer for consideration: Stimulator and Bo Diddley.

  4. rubelang +2

    Hah, this is excellent!

    And I’m also relieved that I’ve heard of all the bands. **not old, yet!**

  9. mamacitaconpistoles +24

    The Pacemakers

    Sexually Unsatisfying Partner/ You Just Broke Up: The Replacements.

  16. JennCulp +9

    “Is Your Dildo Your Patronus?” “Is Your Dildo Your Patronus?” “Is Your Dildo Your Patronus?”

    My new favorite phrase, say it again with me!

  18. Katethekate

    Blue Canary in the Outlet By the Lightswitch = rechargeable vibrator from here on out in life.

  21. peachimpediment +4

    Fresh batteries:
    Slayer, Bikini Kill, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Death Grips, Lightning Bolt, The Devastations

  22. Dilillili +2

    Just putting this out there for the ones who like it extreme… Five Finger Death Punch.

  23. OoTheHumanities

    (for the amusement of anyone else still surfing the archives post-Toastocalypse, I submit)

    Mr. Mister
    Ween
    Candlebox
    Love & Rockets
    Urge Overkill
    Cheap Trick
    Eagle-Eye Cherry
    Luscious Jackson
    Oingo Boingo
    Iggy Pop
    The Flaming Lips
    MOTHER LOVE BONE