Toasties, sometimes you just have to eat and drink what your heart desires, and if that happens to be Montepulciano with stinky kimchee? So be it.
More to the point, what resolutions have you already broken? Who’s already over 2014? I am determined to make this the best year ever, but events are not complying. Thus, 2014 does not officially start for The Bartender until Feb. 1st. So tell me good things and let’s collectively wish Mallory health!
HEALTH, Mallory.
Tags: cocktail hour, meta, open thread, the bartender
I’m not over it yet, but it’s getting there. I’ve been in a semi-awkward living situation for the past 6 months, living with friend-turned lover-turned now ex lover. It was one of those weird modern relationships where nothing was named for 7 years, but we treated each other like significant others. And then I fell in love with him. And told him. And was shot down.
It broke my heart, but it’s not my first love-rodeo, and I’m a goddamn adult. And we are tied into a lease until March. We’re in separate rooms, living as roommates and I can fucking deal. Like an Adult.
Then he texts me Tuesday morning, with basically “hey, do you still love me? Guess what, still don’t love you! Let’s go separate ways when the lease is up, kay?”
WHICH IS WHAT I WAS PLANNING ON IN THE FIRST PLACE. THANK YOU FOR TWISTING THAT KNIFE A LITTLE MORE.
So, I’m not counting it as a new year until I move out, and start my new fabulous life without men (boys) with the emotional maturity of gerbils.
What kind of monster texts that? Anyone who sends that text is unlovable. Let the count-down begin, soon as your lease is up you’ll move on and things will get better. Zero patience for the emotionally immature and insecure = fabulous.
The even better part was his “justification” for it, being that he just wanted me to understand that he doesn’t have any ill-will towards me. And then pretty much said that I should be his neighbor in either the apartment complex I was looking at, or the houses (that his parents own) he was looking at renting. Gerbil.
Do not let him stay close to you, in proximity or emotionally. He’s trying to keep you as a crutch for his cold dead heart. At least that’s what I’m getting from this.
dude is definitely trying to tie a string to yank when he feels like gettin’ some. what a toad.
Same. Which is why I am looking at areas I know he cannot afford. More expensive for me, but worth it.
Yes! Leave him in your dust.
Ugh, that sounds dreadful. Maybe you should make some sort of advent-calendar-style countdown until you move out to keep your spirits up (I recommend making it chocolate-based for this very reason)?
This is a perfect idea!
Put it in an apartment common area and tell him he can’t have any. (OK, don’t really do that. But think about doing it and giggle.)
oh my goddddddddddddddddd fuck that guy, and by that I mean I hope no one ever fucks him again.
What the fuckety fuck? You are so lucky he’s out of your life (or will be imminently). That text is just gross.
Ughhh, hang in there!
He sounds like a thoughtless coward, and I’m sorry he broke your heart. Your life will be infinitely more fabulous without him.
i really liked mallory’s advice about romantic grey areas a while back. Maybe not exactly tailored to your situation, but still excellent. http://the-toast.net/2013/09/06/advice-on-flirtin…
He is a cold bloodless reptile, and you are better off without him. What a jerk!
Thank you for pushing back the new year, off to an uncomfortable start having the sickness everyone has and a kink in my back/neck–both of which just won’t. go. away. But I have been good at getting drunk a lot less and exercising more. I set vaguely defined goals, so meeting them is pretty realistic.
I had a kink in my back neck for a few days! Just the worst, woke up with it and couldn’t turn my head for days. Hope you feel better soon
Thanks, it’s been like 13 days! How did you get rid of it? I will not go to a chiropractor because it’s a strained muscle. I’m searching for a nearby massage therapist.
Try a hot water bottle on your neck? Sometimes helps, and if it doesn’t, at least you’re warm and cozy.
Seconding this. Last time I had a kinked muscle* it wasn’t bad enough to justify seeing a doctor/muscle relaxers or anything like that so I just took some Advil, spent a lot of time with a heating pad and took more hot showers than usual. A few days of that and it eased up enough that I could stretch and exercise a little more, while helped further, and a good massage got everything back in working order.
*I once tweaked a muscle in my back sneezing while crossing a road (I think I was trying not to sneeze so I could keep my full attention on traffic?) and now it’s a reoccurring kink. GETTIN’ OLD.
omg are you me.
Hello, Toastrons! I feel like I haven’t talked to any of you in a while. Brief summary of my current situation: started working out again, still haven’t found a new job, crushes are stupid.
Who’s doing Drynuary and wants to commiserate?
Crushes are the worst, ugh. My sympathies.
I am heavily NOT doing Drynuary, but I did also just start working out again and it is so nice. I joined a gym where they have Zumba classes, and dumb though it sounds, it makes me so happy to spend an hour jumping around and attempting absurd dance moves.
Also, in class the other day, there was an unsmiling girl wearing a black sweatshirt that said in all caps “I’M NOT SORRY.” I wanted to marry her.
It doesn’t sound dumb at all! Lots of people love Zumba and if you love it, well.. fuck the haters.
That sweatshirt sounds SWEET. Also sweet is Zumba, or whatever it is you enjoy doing, fitness-wise! I have friends who LOVE it and I’ve allowed myself to be dragged along to classes. I’ve had a good enough time when I’ve gone, but it is SO not for me and I have nothing but respect for people who get really into it. (And especially those who can actually stay on beat.)
I am! I am on day 9, because I went out to breakfast on New Year’s Day and had a bloody mary. So far it hasn’t been so bad, but I do have a built in cheat day on the 21st because I signed up for a whiskey tasting before I decided to do it. I also may be going away to go skiing on the 24th-26th so… that may be a cheat as well. Maybe I’ll try to extend into February to make up for it. So I guess it will be sort of a modified Drynuary. Still, considering I have a drink almost every single day, it’s a good break.
I almost found myself reaching for the whiskey last night out of habit more than anything else. Seltzer instead!
I told my friends who are doing it with me that my Drynuary would end on the 27th. I’m going to a Neutral Milk Hotel show that night, and I can’t really imagine NOT drinking for that. Then again, this week I was thinking maybe I could make it and just charge through the rest of the month with them, but we’ll see how smug I’m feeling at the end of the month. (My guess is not at all.)
Yes! I’m not doing a drynuary thing, but I decided I needed to cut back on drinking during the week. I went to Cash & Carry and bought lots of bottles of sugar free flavoring syrups and also got a few bottles of club soda. A lot of my craving is just for something that isn’t water, and having more non-alcoholic options really helps.
I very vocally said I WASN’T doing Drynuary this year, but then I found out I’m pregnant (ON new year’s day, of course) so now I’m doing Secret Drynuary which is WAY WAY harder than normal Drynuary. Seltzer for all!
I’m doing Dry-with-a-chance-of-showers-nuary. I thought about going fully dry but I have not had luck with quitting things altogether so I have to be lenient with myself while focusing on changing my habits. Sorry I can’t commiserate, if it’s driving you that crazy I give permission to have a couple drinks here and there. The wagon doesn’t move that fast, you can catch up if you’re smart about it.
I’m actually pretty smug about it right now and not really feeling tempted, but it’s only been 10 days. I have a feeling by next week this wonderful feeling will have faded.
I also quit smoking, so needless to say, I’ve been drinking lots and lots of coffee.
I haven’t had a smoke all year. Then again I would only smoke when drunk or playing baseball (I know, but it’s a thing) so it’s been fairly easy since those things aren’t happening lately.
I refuse to do Drynuary because it is my birthday month. I will do Dry – February.
Februardry (dree? dri? I dunno, fun to say either way)
I’m doing Drynuary by default (nine months sober from booze now woooooo) and I started working out hardcore in the beginning of December, and it hurt and was hard but worth it because I can do pushups now! Also, agreed on crushes, they are horrible.
I haven’t been swimming ONCE, which as my new year’s resolution is “train for a triathlon”, isn’t great. I bought a new cozzie in the sales though, so at least I can achieve my resolution at some point. I got it on my lunch break, it was £10 for one of the ones with tiny short legs, and I came back to work and told my two female colleagues about it, and they each went and bought one the next day. The reason we all agreed, is so we never have to do our bikini lines in order to swim, as that’s the only reason, ever again.
Our new dog, when asked whether he could confirm or deny the extremely serious allegation that he is, in fact, a bug who snuggles, did not even try to deny it.
GASP!
I am AGHAST, please provide photographic evidence of the miscreant’s crimes.
Literally a monster.
CABLE
KNIT
DOG SWEATERRRRRRRR
CABLE-KNIT SWEATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
CABLE-KNIT DOG SWEATERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Aaaaaaaah! I sentence that dog to smothering with kisses, to be carried out immediately!
This whole thing made me giggle out lout (gol?). So thanks and happy snuggling!
Was back on campus this week and got talking with a co-worker. If you feel like you maybe had a rotten end to the holidays, be thankful that yours didn’t end like his did. After visiting family for six days, they made the long drive home with the kids, glad to arrive in the afternoon. I’m sure they looked forward to unpacking, dinner, and if they played it right, getting to bed at a decent hour. Instead, they returned home to find that a squirrel had gotten into their house and had one hell of a party. It crapped everywhere, pulled food and all kinds of other stuff out of the cupboards, spreading crap all over the place. While it was just one squirrel, it caused a lot of mess. They spent several days tossing, washing, wiping and disinfecting almost their entire house.
I am pretty sure I would just burn the house down and start over. Ugh, squirrels. *shudder*
Squirrels are the worst!
Squirrels *are* the worst. When my husband was in college, a squirrel got into his house through a hole in the roof (his landlord, to put it mildly, was not the most competent). The squirrel managed to cut itself on a knife that was on the kitchen counter, and left little bloody squirrel-footprints all over the kitchen. Floors, walls, dishes, just all over the place. I still can’t think about it without cringing.
Unfortunately, burning the place down was apparently not an option. 🙁
Shudder indeed. Ugh. When I was a kid, a squirrel got into our heating system and then died, so whenever we turned on the heat thereafter, it smelled like dead squirrel. I am not a squirrel fan.
Ugh, that sounds awful. And so unexpected. Like, how the hell does that even happen?
I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT SQUIRRELS ARE EVIL FOR OVER A DECADE.
They’ll steal your lunch. >:[ And I feel super-vindicated now. They’re not CUTE they’re EVIL.
I resolved to start working out again. Then I got an e-mail from my apartment building’s manager saying that a pipe had burst and flooded the gym in my building, and it will be closed indefinitely for repairs. I’m taking this as a sign from God that She doesn’t want me to work out, and that I should just try to go for walks and dance more often.
Dancing approved. A couple of my friends teach bellydance, and while I am all ehhhhh about the cultural appropriation aspects, I’m thinking about signing up, because I miss dancing.
seize the opportunity to ask for a rent reduction!
I just want to briefly complain. I’m 25, graduated college three years ago, and currently have a job in my chosen field. Amazing! So grateful for that!! However, I have been looking for another job for nigh on *checks calendar* nine months. I am ready for a more challenging job, I am ready to move to my home city (which is also much cheaper), I am ready to move on. THIS IS ENDLESSSSSSSSSSSS.
But on the plus side, a former coworker just sent me a super kind email about serving as one of my references! So silver linings, etc.
Job hunting is the worst, eh? My deepest sympathies to those currently searching.
Good luck! I’m in a similar situation, without the nine months. Just started looking.
Godspeed! I hope yours is shorter, but if it’s not, do your best to keep positive! Except on Toast open threads, where you will be greeted with much sympathy and kindness.
I did this recently, sort of! Moved out east for grad school and job opportunities, worked in my chosen field for a number of years, and then felt that pull…. I didn’t exactly move back to my home city, but I’m much closer now. And happier, even though some would argue that I took a step backward, career-wise. Life-wise, though, I feel like I took a giant leap forward. Good luck!!!
Yeah, I have no idea where my career is going to go from here, but I’m kind of open to a lateral or even slight back step? I feel like the “life-wise” piece is SO much more important. Good job, you!!!!
Commiserating with you. I only graduated two years ago, and my search is shorter, but I get the feeling. This shit is HARD.
It IS. Great work in finding a job!!!
Are you… are you me? I’m at least not trying to move cities, but same situation (and same age!) otherwise. I’m guessing part of my problem is that I’m being a little more choosy in my applications–I already have a job so I’m not applying for just ANYTHING, like I did when I was first looking for work–but it’s still annoying.
Good luck in your search though… and your eventual move!
We are possibly the same person, yes! And TOTALLY — I am applying much more selectively because I now have a better grasp on what types of work I am good at and what kind of things I really don’t want. So yeah, that’s totally a factor, because I’m not just like desperately trying to find anything that will pay bills, which is SO GREAT, but which definitely necessitates more selectiveness.
GOOD LUCK! You will get a job soon!!! (And I’m not just saying that because you might be me and I really want a job!)
Hello, person in the same boat! I too am being choosier about the jobs I’ve been applying to now vs. the wider net I was casting when I was right out of college, which is great in a lot of ways–I know what I want to do! I know what I’m good at! I don’t have to accept any old thing just to pay the rent! The “fling spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks” post-college job hunt was a lot more stressful, but now the rejection (or, ugh, lack of response) feels much more personal. Like, Mr. or Ms. Hiring Manager, how do you not see that I’m the perfect person for this job? Why would I even bother applying otherwise?
In a similar situation (24, graduated 2 years ago, am working in a job that’s related to my field of interest), but i”m just starting to apply for others. It’s rough – I get discouraged sometimes by how difficult I know it will be, then I feel guilty that I want to leave a good job when so many people my age/with my qualifications can’t even find anything and would love to be in my position, then I think about how much I’d miss my lovely co-workers….But I do need something more challenging; I know I’ve outgrown this, and it’s about time I start going after the things I want instead of overthinking everything to death. I wish you the best of luck in your search and hope to hear good news soon 🙂
Ugh, I so feel you! I know *exactly* what you mean — complaining about a job hunt while having a job that is more than meeting my financial needs is definitely a privileged problem. But that doesn’t mean it’s not incredibly demoralizing to get struck down by rejections (or, IMO, worse: flat out lack of response, total nothingness). I think it’s really just about keeping some perspective and trying to remain grateful for where you’re currently at (which it sounds like you are). In other words, it’s definitely not something I’d complain about in front of unemployed friends because they’re going through something a lot harder, but it is something I try to talk about constructively as a goal of mine (while of course taking time to vent, either to supportive, employed friends or wonderful people on message boards).
Ugh, yes, I have been searching for a job full force for about six months, had multiple interviews for things I got turned down for, and now just still looking and hoping. Luckily the rest of my life is in a good place, but it still sucks.
It is very demoralizing. I’m kind of being a douche when I say this because it is the same line I’m sometimes frustrated by, myself, but: you WILL find a job. You will! This is just an in between phase and this too shall pass. Godspeed!
(sobs)
giiiiiiiiiiirl, I feel you. We will find jobs! WE WILL FIND JOBS! And we can reserve the right to occasionally sob about it in the meantime, because this shit is hard.
Gamer toasties!
Who else got a beta invite to the ESO stress test? That’s what I’M doing this weekend.
JEALOUS. Although like Diet_of_Worms, I really don’t need the temptation. Please let us know how it goes, though!!
I’m currently doing a retro rewind play-through of Dragon Quest VIII. It’s like a palate-cleanser.
I I can’t let you know how it goes! I signed a non-disclosure agreement. People are allowed to know I’m doing it, but not, well, anything else.
No!!! AAAUGH!
Well, that makes sense.
I’m cautiously optimistic about 2014. I’m excited about most of my classes this semester (Anglo-Saxon monsters, Jane Austen and pop culture, creative writing nonfiction, and bad romances & dysfunctional families in 18th century literature), and I’ve got an on-campus publishing internship starting the 21st. My resolutions are basically just work hard, be kind to myself and others, and dress super cute. I’m doing fairly well so far, haha.
GET WELL SOON, MALLORY. THE INTERNET NEEDS YOU.
That class schedule sounds like a real-life dream. I envy you.
Those classes sound legitimately amazing (and exactly like what I would take if I were still in school which I’m not and I really miss my ridiculously impractical classes). I hope you enjoy them! Anglo-Saxon monsters are great! Now I’m really craving my Old English Language & Literature course.
That class line-up is making me wish I was back in school, which is rare! Tell us all about Anglo-Saxon monsters, because that shit is wacky.
English major perks! I might be getting a certificate in medieval studies, too. The textbook lineup for Anglo-Saxon Monsters is Heaney’s Beowulf (of course; this’ll be like the third time I’ve read it), a couple novels about Grendel and/or Beowulf, and a book of Anglo-Saxon poetry. It’s gonna be interesting.
I read Heaney’s translation last semester and was blown away! That man sure knew how to handle an epic poem of the oral tradition!
Beowulf! The best, of course.
I have a deep and abiding passion for Anglo-Saxon poetry! The Dream of the Rood and the Wife’s Lament are my favourites, but I absolutely adore the structure and alliteration and the imagery it creates. I was also hoping to focus on medieval studies but, alas, I dropped out of school. Someday I’ll do it.
I like Beowulf more each time I read it (first time was the day before summer reading was due senior year, so obviously I didn’t take much in) so I’m hoping this time I love it! I think we read The Dream of the Rood the first day in one of my classes last semester, maybe we’ll read it again. I forgot to mention that it’s medieval AND renaissance studies, and as a big Shakes geek my focus is more on the latter, but I’m super excited about medieval studies, too! I hope you get to go back to school for that someday. 🙂
Also, you may or may not have seen this but here is a video of Benjamin Bagby reciting/singing the opening lines of Beowulf in Old English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y13cES7MMd8
My OEL&L prof showed some of this to us in class and it makes me so happy. Er, sorry, I’m getting my enthusiasm all over your thread, but this is legitimately my favourite subject in the world.
Oh man, thank you! My professor read the opening to us in Anglo-Saxon, and also read Chaucer aloud to us in Old English. It was A Lot and super awesome. And don’t worry, I super appreciate your enthusiasm!!!
Sometimes I sit and read Chaucer out loud in my room (or Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, which is a fun different dialect of middle english with more Zs) because nobody appreciates my Chaucer-reading skills.
Additionally, starting your sentences with ‘HWAET’ is a legitimate lifestyle choice and no one can tell me differently.
Thank you so much for putting this in my life
OK, you are one of the 4 people on earth who will be impressed by this, then! I took a year of anglo-saxon to fulfill the “foreign language” portion of my degree, and the 2nd semester was translating Beowulf in its entirety. I nicknamed it Beowulf: Bane of my Existence.
But I took it while Heaney was doing his translation, and I remember my professor walking in and dropping the manuscript on the table all like, “This is probably better than your versions.” He, my other anglo-saxon prof, and 3 of my medieval lit professors are all thanked in Heaney’s acknowledgements, so obviously I have a ridiculous fondness for that translation.
Oh man, that’s funny. That’s really cool, too! Nothing like having a Big Fancy Professional attempt the same thing you’re doing at the exact same time, damn.
Medieval lit is like the #1 thing I miss about college. No one in the real (“real”) world thinks Le Morte D’Arthur is an appropriate party conversation topic. 🙁 🙁 🙁
I want to learn about Anglo-Saxon monsters!
One of the best things I ever did in college was take a Jane Austen class. Ugh, I miss college. I don’t miss homework though!
That sounds like a great schedule! Have you downloaded the itunes U Anglo Saxon podcasts? There’s one where an Anglo-Saxonist reads from the A/S Chronicle and it’s dope (to be specific, the blood feud between Cynewulf and Cyneheard.)
I used to think Twitter was just another way to scream into the void, but it turns out (so far) it’s like a giant continuous Open Thread full of joy and laughter.
TL;DR Tell me your twitters and if I don’t already follow you I will! (mine is @IceBergMama, and I tweet mainly about my triplets the Bergy Bits)
OMG triplet tweets. Can’t wait. I just followed you, I’m @safvn!
I can confirm that Bergy’s tweets are consistently HILARIOUS, click that follow button, do it now!
<3 u sassy 😉
😀
I went off on twitter yesterday (@soundandnoise), and now we’re better internet friends. That was six months of pent up tweets and I think the tank’s on E now.
we are, there was bonding over cheese appreciation!
cheese enriches everything
@combledore, and I am SO HERE for bergy bit tweeting!
I tweet absolute nonsense, but if anyone wants to send me a follow request, please do! @dancing_robot
My thing for the New Year is also trying to figure out The Twitter!! @agreenballoon
I, also, can confirm that the BergyBits now bring both terror and joy to my life on a daily basis. @embryoconcepts #ToastiesUnite
Bergy Bit tweets! I’m so there. Following you now. 🙂
ETA I’m @Grumpy in Boston. It’s where I do most of my complaining, sort of anonymously and in direct violation of my second New Year’s resolution of “less complaining.”
You follow me now (and I follow you!), but anyone else who needs more pictures of a tortoiseshell cat with a white stripe down her nose in their life should definitely look me up too (@logicbutton)!
I’m @lizbizfizz but I rarely tweet…I’ve been reading yours though and they are all adorable!
Pamplemoussi!
Following all the Toasties! I’m @heartstillatwar
followed you. follow me too? Just figuring Twitter out now. @colonelchabert1
I’m so pleased that a more-than-weekly update on the Bergy Bits is an option in my life. I’m @akhornbeck! I mostly forget I have a twitter until I’m doing something really stupid like getting drunk while watching Titanic and then I just spam everyone’s feed with nonsense… so follow me if you’re into that, I guess?
I’m so excited to follow everyone here! I’m @rosencrantz and constantly get tweeted at by (I’m assuming) students doing Hamlet projects on Twitter.
Oh yay! I keep meaning to get more into Twitter! I’m @rallisaurus. And now I shall follow all of you!
The sum total of my twittering – pictures of my cats, pictures of me being pregnant, commentary about being a teacher, ie: making fun of my students. This is why my twitter is private, but I am enjoying the bergybits updates! I can make an exception for the-toast if no one will tell on me for making fun of my students’ essays. @noxmunk
Hooray! Bergy bits! (And Bergmama!) I’m @bringinsexybach
Highly recommend Bergy’s tweets, you will not regret the choice to follow her.
About to follow you! I’m @jaimieatkins and I need more twitter friends! I’m basically tweeting into the void right now, and it’s sad.
@thelaureno (!) *goes and follows all toasties*
@yrpretendfriend !
also tumblr is yourpretendfriend for tumblees
Gotta go back to school next week! I am excited for learning, even as I watch all my free time gently evaporate into a fine, misty haze.
I also need to decide whether or not to return this jacket I got from Nordstrom Rack. Pros: super, super cute, makes me look badass, on really good sale. Cons: won’t be able to wear it till march, not the kind of jacket I can wear on a daily basis anyway, was still 50 dollars.
Now what I really need to do is have a budgeting plan more involved that “spend a ridiculous time agonizing over every single purchase you make, regardless of the price.” But, hey.
Unless you could use the $50 elsewhere, keep the jacket! Especially since it was on sale and makes you look badass. Treat yo self.
On the Steam Sale last week I picked up You Need A Budget for a steal ($14.99). It’s been really good for the first ten days so I figure I might actually stick with it. Full price is $59.99 though, which is expensive, but it might come on sale again. If you have a smartphone, maybe try Mint? It’s free and lets you set monthly limits for categories.
I have been meaning to do Mint forever! I’ve always been a bit nervous about handing over that information to an external site, but enough people are doing it that I should just go for it.
See, If I returned the jacket, I would just prolly use the money to buy a Leatherman, because all of my theater tech friends have them and I am eternally jealous.
RIP, Amiri Baraka.
So sad I’d never heard of him until he died…
It has been a hard week. I <3 you, The Toast. Here’s to the weekend!
On the plus, I’ve been running twice a week at lunch with a girl from another department and it is really fun, but super hard. How long til running gets easier?
It stays fun, but (at least in my experience) it never really gets easy. As you get better, your old routes could feel easier, but you’ll find yourself taking hills a little faster or stopping to breathe less often. As you get more accustomed to running, you’ll be able to do more with the same amount of effort, and I find that to be one of the most exciting parts of running regularly.
I’ve never done running, but I’ve been biking a lot recently and it feels about the same. I definitely have more stamina than I did before I started, but I need to do more hills instead of slacking off because hills suck.
I feel that I am right there. Isn’t it enough that I’m trying? I’m not going up a hill, too.
I’ve been running for over a year now and I’m wondering the same thing. It doesn’t help that I end up taking months off during the cold season. Because one, literally, freezing and I hate treadmills, and two, illness. Winter is often the worst.
Where I live there is no real winter (just constant rain) so maybe I can keep it up?
I loooove running in the rain. Good luck and keep with it! Even though it’s sometimes hard and sometimes I can’t believe I started such a thing, because running isn’t always fun, I think it’s worth it. I feel accomplished. Three years ago I never would have guessed I would be able to run a 5K. It’s a nice feeling.
I would say give it at least a month until you start feeling better cardiovascular-wise. I re-started running last November and in about February all of a sudden I felt fantastic. But then again, once it starts to feel easier you end up pushing yourself harder, so I wouldn’t say it ever gets “easier” 🙂
I also enjoy smoking, so this is probably great.
I’ve run two half marathons and…. i think it never gets EASY, per se. I think it gets more enjoyable and you might get more confident in your abilities. But it’s still hard.
Agree with all of the above. I played sports and stuff through high school but only started running for fun this past year (2 years out of college), and it frustratingly gets easier and not easier at the same time. I have a lot of luck with basically just tricking myself — running different routes/distances/speeds so it feels like I’m progressing at something. Also, sign up for a race! I ran a 5k for a local charity a couple months ago with some work friends and it was super laid back and tons of fun and just generally made me more excited about running.
Should I go see Blue is the Warmest Color? Y/N?
NO. EILEEN MYLES HATES IT.
I’ve read in several places that the actresses said that they felt really victimised and pressured by the director during some of the filming. So if you do see it and are comfortable with possibky watching that I at least wouldn’t pay money to do so.
Okay that is what I was originally thinking, that I didn’t want to see/pay for it. Then a friend really recommended it, so I’m sort of torn.
I got back last weekend from a magical vacation in Nicaragua. The transition from sunny days on a beach to polar vortex was… shocking :-/ Sometimes I feel like vacations aren’t worth it, because I get so depressed when I get back.
I had a brief stay with a friend who lives by water… took a photo of my own feet at said water’s edge, set it as phone wallpaper and now use it to *calmblueocean* myself as needed.
I appreciate the delay of the new year until February 1st. I refuse to accept that 2014 is already kicking my ass. This way, it’s just more of the same from 2013. Although! I am proactively trying to locate a therapist in my area to help wrangle the gaping black hole of darkness that has moved into my chest/gut/head over the past couple of months and feeds off of my energy.
On that note, an inquiry for anyone who knows: how does the whole sliding scale thing go? I have insurance, but for behavioral health stuff I have to meet my $500 deductible before they start paying any of it, and I’m a recent college grad who doesn’t make much money at all. Is it worth even asking if there is a way for make the visits more affordable while still chipping away at the $500 deductible each visit, or is my insurance tying my hands?
I’m in the same boat. And how the hell does billing them work anyways?
(I find it ironic that therapist finding is so much harder/draining than all other medical professional finding. It’s almost like they cause the need for their work.)
Therapist finding is the hardest kind of finding. I just finished my course of therapy with the hospital, and now I have to start combing through private therapists and whatnot. And trying to understand sliding scales.
(I appreciate that I am very lucky to live in a country where the NHS will give me a psychiatrist for free for even five months. But it is jarring.)
I split my time between Britain and US (having grown up in the states) and have found the NHS approach to mental health care very odd. Particularly the dearth of choice and the lack of charities dealing with counselling after trauma.
The willingness of GPs to prescribe anti-depressants also freaks me out, although it might just be my GP who tells people who say they’re sad ” I can give you an anti-depressant, or you can have a hearty meal.”
It really is so hard and so draining to find a therapist and figure out how to pay them. Ridiculous! I miss the days when finding/paying for the therapist was my parents’ job.
Might as well ask! So long as you’re nice about it, it can’t go wrong…
My new resolution to bring my lunch to work everyday is, so far, going swimmingly. I’m being hardcore about it- if I fail to bring lunch that does not mean I get to go out and spend $10 on a sandwich. No. I have to starve. Potential starvation is a pretty good motivator to get up and make a sandwich or pack up leftovers before leaving the house.
Hopefully this will also help me lose the ten pounds I managed to pack on in the last year. Ugh. Weight.
Can you stash some snacks like seeds and dried fruit at your work? I do the same – I will starrrrve to save my ten dollars – and I find the little snacks help.
Ya. I gotta get some. I have to resist the temptation to stock the drawer with doritos and twinkies (I sometimes fall into the eating habits of a 15 year old boy).
I keep a box of healthy-ish cereal in my desk at work. I don’t like it for breakfast (I’m a savory breakfast person) but it makes a fine light and/or emergency lunch or afternoon snack. Better than hitting the vending machine or the candy bowl.
Though I will confess I indulge in a pure-sugar-artificial-flavor-and-color-palooza cereal. This week I indulged a mad craving for Fruity Pebbles and I have no regrets as it was exactly what I wanted.
I didn’t make a resolution but I decided I was sick of the few things that are easy for me to bike to for lunch. So today I brought homemade chicken shawarma and homemade pitas, and I’m really really excited about lunch. I wish we had a nicer cafeteria/breakroom thing to eat in. Working at a tech company means it’s always full of dudes I don’t know and I just want to have a nice table in the corner to hide in and eat and read a book…
Breakrooms make all the difference. Our school is in the middle of construction and we don’t have a lunch area. Which means I usually end up eating in my car (booo).
(the only other alternative is eating at my desk… which is also the library reference desk… which is not a real alternative because I would get interupted and it’s not restful. This introvert needs her hour of alone-time in the middle of the day).
I’ve been eating quick-ishly at my desk and then going for a walk in the residential neighborhood near my office, which not only gets me alone time but also lets me see daylight. It’s been working pretty well lately- I’m a lot more relaxed when I get back, and I don’t get quite so sleepy in the afternoons.
I brought tortillas, frozen grilled chicken, hummus, feta, jarred roasted red peppers and spinach into work and every day I’ve been making myself a wrap! I find it soooo much easier to just not have to worry about what I’m going to bring in. If you’ve got a big enough work fridge, that might help!
Toasties, tell me your tattoo stories! I’m gestating the idea of getting a pretty large piece as my first tattoo and would love to hear everyone’s good/bad experiences. I’m most interested in hearing about how you feel about your tattoos over time.
I got my one and only tattoo on a whim. I’d been thinking about one for years, but never got around to it. I happened to be in a shop when my friend was getting her nose pierced. I asked if someone happened to have an opening. Conveniently, one of the artists had a no-show that day and squeezed me in. I just got my first initial on my side, nothing fancy, but I love it. Have had it for 4 years now and I don’t regret it a bit.
My first tattoo was a very large one on my back. I’ve had it about 6 years now, and I’m still in love with it. I’d been planning it for quite some time.
Getting it was painful, but not as painful as the one I later got on my leg. At some points I slipped into a trance.
Oh! That’s lovely!
Thanks! It took two sessions and six hours.
One thing I would advise anyone going in for a large tatt, if you’ve not had one before, is to tak water and some kind of easy-eating, non-contaminating food. I got sugar crashes at some point in all of my tattoos and having a little flapjack or something that I could eat in the waiting room and a quiet place I could put my head between my knees was a godsend.
Oh god yes. Be well-fed and well-hydrated before you go in, stay that way as much as you can, and have stuff lined up for afterward. I actually almost passed out after I got the one on my back – not that it was that painful, but I had been lying on my stomach for four hours with my head turned and I kept tensing up, so I wasn’t breathing as deeply as I should have been. I’ve had some kind of shocky effects (though usually not that bad) every time I’ve sat for more than an hour or two.
slow-release carbs before you go and protein when you’re done and quick carbs during and DO NOT DRINK within 48 hours or you will bleeeeeeeeeeeed (you’ll bleed a little anyway, but let’s not make it a gusher)
I bled a TON at my last appointment for my big arm piece, & we could not figure out why – I had a beer the night before, but I probably had more than that before the other appointments; I hadn’t taken any painkillers; and I was well-fed/hydrated. I guess it might just have been sort of a cumulative reaction to the stress of getting poked by needles a lot over three months?
Wow, that’s BEAUTIFUL.
That is gorgeous! (As are you!)
I am generally in favour of larger tattoos over smaller tattoos, as they look more cohesive, look better on the skin. If you get small tattoos, I tend to suggest getting them in a place where they can then be incorporated into a larger work.
The actual physical experience of getting it was weird. It hurt, sometimes, but the rest of the time it was like… a hot scratching, or just a buzzing against my skin. Healing felt like a really bad sunburn.
In order to find my tattooist I worked from word of mouth and portfolios.
I wanted a wee tatie for the longest time and thought carefully about image and placement. I designed a small fox, curled into a tight ball with only his eyes and pointy ears peeking out behind a thick, bushy tail. He’s about an inch and a half total and lies between my left hip bone and nether regions.
I can wear any high cut brief, swimsuit, etc. and he’s undiscernable; only myself and partner knows he’s there which was the whole point of it – a secret thrill on every occasion!
He needs a touch up, though – his lines are beginning to blur because of his age and when that time comes, I think I’ll have him coloured, too.
I’ve never regretted getting him done. NEVER.
That sounds adorable!
MA’AM
I decided to get a rather large thigh piece as my first tattoo (about 10 inches high) and I’ve been pretty happy with it. I decided I wanted to commit to the idea of being TATTOOED in a fairly visible way. It’s only been a year and a half, but no regrets. Though I do think I could have searched for a better artist, he did an overall good job.
Since I’m on a comment rampage I’ll keep going. I waited until I was 30 to get my first, so that goes along with my stance of not letting it be impulsive. When you have an idea you want to get, I say mull that over for about 4 to 8 months before taking ink to skin. Then again, I’m a hypocrite because my friends and I all gave each other the same design one unprofessional night when we were drunk. Turned out alright though and I have no regrets. My next one is going to be expensive and detailed and I’ve been thinking about it for months so I’m ready.
Yeah, I’m making a pinterest board and I’ll mull it over for a few months. And the artist I want to contact for it has a waiting list, so that will help me make sure I really want it too.
That’s generally a good sign of their competence!
Hooray tattoos!
I have three, all smallish. I only sort of regret the first one I got at 19 on my back. It’s not really the best artwork, and I wish I would have waited it out. I’ve had 4-5 years between each. My second and third are in my inner wrists, and I love them a lot and stare at them all the time.
I want to do inner wrist or maybe forearm, but I am a little nervous that staring at it all day would lead me to notice any little flaw and obsess about it.
I have three – one I got on my lower back when I was 18 (it’s some modern art design), one on my right ankle of ducks I got on a whim after a medical scare in uni, and an outline of an albertosaurus on the inside of my left foot. That last one is a matched tattoo to my husband.
I don’t necessarily regret the first two, but I wish I had been more creative or something. I have all these ideas now for how I could have done them better. I love my matching marriage dino though.
Aw, marriage dino! I love it.
So, I have just one tattoo – it’s fairly large and is positioned in a way that makes it invisible for a significant portion of the year (it’s on my right thigh & I’m in full-length pants pretty much year round), but I hemmed and hawed over whether or not to get it for basically FOREVER. (You can see a picture here.)
One of the things that tipped the scales for me was meeting and becoming good friends with a woman who works as a tattooer. She was endlessly patient with answering questions about her process (what type of inks she uses and why, why she uses certain colors and line widths, explaining how tattoos age and change over the course of a person’s lifetime, etc.). One of the things that I really liked was that she was someone who was very committed to making tattoo shops comfortable places for women, which was something I really appreciated because I have all sorts of nebulous, “well, as a woman” baggage that makes me feel very weird about strangers touching/looking at my body. She was kind enough to deal with my years of hemming & hawing & eventually did my dumb tattoo for me when I decided to just go for it.
Anyway, I was really worried about my tattoo becoming one of those, “Oh god, what have I done” kind of things where I would have to give “I was young and stupid” speeches to people for the rest of my life, but it turned out to be kind of a non-event. Which is not to say that I don’t think my tattoo is cool or meaningful, just that after a few years of having it, it feels not unlike a giant (slightly more symbolic) freckle. It’s become another part of my body. Really, the only thing I don’t like about being tattooed is when people (usually strangers) are like, “Oh, BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN?” and I have to fumble around for something to say about the ~significance~ of my tattoo.
The shop I really want to go to is woman-owned and 2 of the 3 artists are women. It’s not that I have issues with being tattooed by a guy, but I’m contrary and knowing that the industry is so male-dominated made me want to give my business to a woman!
Love it.
Got mine when I was 18. It’s a sort of mandala-looking symmetrical design on my upper back, which vaguely represents my wanting to feel whole/focused/meditative while in the worst throes of depression. I’m a little meh about it now, but I don’t dislike it or anything. Usually I kind of forget it’s there.
I love mine. I waited until I was 30, always sit on a design for at least a couple of months without looking at it before getting it done. My oldest one is now 6 years old, the newest is almost a year old, and as soon as current back problems stop taking up all my pain threshold, number 7 is on the menu, it’s having its ‘sit in a drawer and do not look at it’ phase while my back is fucked.
I was very pleasantly surprised at how little it hurt – but my tattoo artist says I am a freak of nature and have the highest pain threshold he knows of. I fell asleep having my ribcage done last time.
Mine are all my own art, and that is what it’s about for me. I’ve got a horse’s head on my shoulder, an almost-done back piece that is a bit like wrought iron, with the last gap in it being the one I’ll have done next, and both sides of my ribcage – my horse’s name in Iranian calligraphy on one side, and a calligraphic poem in the shape of a horse’s head on the other.
I have one medium-sized one – a bird on my mid-back that I got at about 25. Pain was very bearable. Kind of wish it showed more, definitely want another.
I got my first tattoo (a treble clef on my shoulder) when I was 18, which I had spent a lot of time thinking about and decided would be small and tasteful and meaningful, and then almost immediately stopped playing music. My second one is a couple lines from a song on my inner arm, which was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing. Then just before I got married, I decided to get the treble clef covered up with lilacs, and then went and did that immediately (and I mean right before I got married, it started peeling on the honemoon), so that was another spur-of-the-moment one.
And then last year I was looking at this poster for the first movie Mr. Fringehead and I watched alone together, which is hanging on our wall, and I thought, “that’s pretty sweet.” After four months, three appointments (totaling 10 hours), and about $900, we have this, finished just in time for Christmas:
I’m pretty madly in love with it so far.
Wow. That is fabulous.
Thanks!
I have three fairly large pieces – two are about 9″ by 3″ and the third is larger and curves along the back of my shoulder down my arm.
I absolutely adore my first one. I wanted it for well over a year and it means a lot to me. It is, admittedly, a bit messed up – it’s blown out in places and somehow I got a smudge of green where there was not supposed to be any green. I went to the best artist I could find where I was living at the time, and if I’d known I would be moving I would have waited to get it, but I love it regardless. It runs along my hip, starting at my abdomen and ending on my back.
My second one is the one that runs down my arm, and in all honesty, I regret that one sometimes. It’s beautiful and I get complimented on it a lot, but I got it on a whim and it’s very bold and mostly red. Sometimes I can see it in my peripheral vision and it just looks like my shoulder has been badly mutilated. (Or just mutilated; the adjective “badly” probably doesn’t add anything to a word as strong as mutilated) Anyway. I do recommend the artist I went to, and it is a lovely piece, but sometimes I do wish that I hadn’t done it.
I have no feelings at all about the third one. It’s pretty, it’s meaningful, and I got it because I felt weird about having two tattoos on my left side and nothing on my right. It balances out my first one.
I almost never see the ones along my hips, which makes it easier not to have feelings about the third one and to be okay with the flaws in the first. I see the one running down my arm a lot, which makes it a lot more regrettable.
The two along my hips hurt a lot, and my pain tolerance is pretty high. The one on my shoulder and arm barely hurt at all. They say bonier areas hurt more, but for me it’s the fleshy areas that hurt.
I got my first tattoo two years ago, it’s larger than a softball and completely filled in, so it was a decently-sized piece for a first tattoo (3 hours of sitting to get it finished). My most recent endeavor is a half-sleeve and I’m one 3.5 hour session into it. I LOVE them. I love the entire experience, and have only been to wonderful, clean, well-lit shops with artists that I looked extensively into to make sure I loved their work/thought they were brilliant. I’ve had a couple moments on each one where the pain was grit-your-teeth-and-grip-the-arm-rest painful, but for the most part, neither was even that painful. Not saying it felt like the best thing ever, but comparable to a cat scratch. Also, this could be because my oldest tattoo is only two years old, but I still love mine every day and am planning more.
I have the symbol of the deathly hallows (from Harry Potter) on my right ankle (got it senior year of college 5.5 years ago) and some lines of from Sonnet 116 on my inner left wrist (got it just over a year ago). Love them both!
Interestingly, I’ve gotten way more comments about my ankle one than my wrist one. In fact, I just yesterday had a conversation about my HP tattoo with two ladies in the locker room at the YMCA, who were gloriously naked and surrounded by naked chidrins. I was clothed. It was a little weird, but I do like people’s words of tattoo appreciation, I guess.
And thanks for the combination of you posting this and the toast asking for a gormenghast piece, I ahve just commission the design of my gormenghast full sleeve
That sounds AMAZING. Show us the design when it’s done please!
Oh, for sure. I’m unemployed so actually getting it is going to be a slow and expensive process.
But here is my inspiration pinterest. http://www.pinterest.com/anninynicos/tattoo-inspi…
I have pinterest-stalked that board! I’ve been toying with the idea of a Groke tattoo for years now and have found a guy who specialises in Moomin ink and has done some beautiful ones, but I am dithering over having someone else’s art on me. All mine are my own design and thankfully my artist isn’t precious about doing my designs (when they work – he is involved in the process and won’t just whack it on if it won’t) and I am not sure I want to change that.
I am totally ambivalent about tattoos in general, but a GROKE TATTOO!!! And a guy who specializes in Moomin tattoos?! AMAZING. I have MANY FEELINGS about the Groke, even though I was *terrified* of the illustrations of her when I was a wee lass.
She just wants to be warm! The hattifatteners would be my real first choice as Moomin ink but I can’t see them translating well into a tattoo and while they are for me and not for the people looking at them, the thought of spending the rest of my life explaining that no, they’re not condoms with wings, they’re an obscure and misunderstood villain from a Finnish children’s book just makes me want to weep. I do love the Groke.
He is called Matt Cooley – http://mattcooleytattoo.com/tag/moomin/
……..I will never look at hattifatteners the same way again! I love that the villains in the books are all basically misunderstood folks and not actually straight-up evil, and once everyone realizes this they hang out and have a party. I love those books so, so much.
If you can get your hands on them, her adult books are wonderful. Not nearly as jolly as the Moomins, but beautiful, spare, and kind of heartbreaking. The True Deceiver and The Summer Book especially are incredible.
I have a hattifattener keyring and people ask me if that’s what it is all the time! I am not sure that Thingumy and Bob are misunderstood though, they’re just thieving little shits. Poor Hobgoblin.
I’ve got the Winter and Summer Books and the True Deceiver – they are inded absolutely beautiful. I recently went to the Moominland Midwinter theatre show and that was lovely, it was done with puppets with the original illustrations on the backdrop and stuck to the story like glue.
You are clearly a lady (or gent?) of excellent taste and judgement! I honestly think you’re the first person other than my Dad (who gave me the books as a birthday present) who I’ve mentioned this to who not only knew that the books existed by has actually read them. My (very late — I hope you have email notifications on this!) evening has totally been made, and I hope if you do get a Groke tattoo that it’s gorgeous and you love it.
I forgot about Thingumy and Bob and was thinking more of the Hobgoblin/Groke/Hattifatteners triumvirate of villains — T&B are clearly jerks (though I’d argue not so much evil as selfish). That theatre show sounds entirely charming — where was it?
I am a lady! I think you’re the only person I know of who knows about them as well. My general rule on tattoos is that if I don’t get them unless I’m 100% sure, and I’m still dithering over having someone else’s art on me, so it won’t be soon if I do decide to do it. Also the dude who does them is 250 miles away so it will need Planning with a capital P.
The theatre show was in Bath: http://www.theatreroyal.org.uk/page/3030/Moominla…
Did you know it’s the Tove100 celebrations this year – 100 years since her birth? Stuff happening all over the place. http://www.tove100.com
If you are in NYC area I have got to recommend my artist Rachel — she is amazing and really intuitive about potential designs. –> http://instagram.com/rachelhauer
My way of vetting tattoo ideas is I imagine that I’m 80 with wrinkly, sagging skin all over the place and then I ask my 80-year-old self if I still love my ink.
I got my first on a whim. A week before my wedding my maid-of-honor and I had (a totally sober) dinner together and when talking about what to do next I was all “let’s get tattoos. I’ll do something blue!” So we did. Which is 100% not like me at all. I got a little blue flower on my foot.
About 6 years later, after thinking about it for a long time, I got a salad-plate-sized tree of life on my back. I love it too, but I kinda dislike that I rarely see it. Now I have another idea percolating, but I am not sure where it would go.
I do not have a tattoo, but your post has made me realize what I should do as my resolution: this year, I will either get a tattoo or stop waffling about it. I’ve been half-assedly trying to get one for two years now, but there isn’t a good tattoo artist within 3 hours of me, and when I tried with the one 4 hours away she was so unhelpful and made it so uncomfortable to even get the drawing made up that I backed out. But this year I will either get it done or make myself content with my uninked body!
I’m pretty indifferent about the first tattoo I got when I was 19 – it’s a celtic cross on my ankle, and while it’s pretty, I’m not particularly religious anymore. I usually forget it’s there. I probably need to get it touched up and am considering getting something done to it to make it more meaningful somehow, if not cover it up, but I don’t know what that would be exactly. It’s about 3inx3in.
I do want to get a new one after my daughter is born. I have two black cats and our daughter is going to be named Katherine (Kat), so I want this one, probably in the same place it’s pictured:
Spent week rebelliously configuring raspberry pi, since my new year’s resolution is to get out of grad school successfully and being able to serve my thesis privately to a select audience is part of that. Every time I think about grad school instead of day job or thesis, just the administration parts of it, the deadlines I can never remember, I have a jolt of adrenaline, and I can’t wait for it to be over.
Raspberry Pi is so neat! I should do something actually cool with mine; it’s basically just a media center in my living room for right now.
Ooooo….whatcha makin? I’ve never done anything with the Pi, or even Arduino, but there are tons of projects that I’d like to try.
I’m making a headless webserver that serves a web app locally via wiFi. So… you go into a room, connect, open a browser, and play browser-based web games _even though there is no actual internet present_.
Or, related, use my custom synched video server to run synched and sort-of-interactive video art under the same conditions. It’s essentially replacing a $500 mac mini I would use otherwise, because Android 4.1 devices for some _bizarre_ reason can’t see the wiFi networks generated by Apple products.
Wait, I know the reason! The reason is company fights.
I just watched Firefly and Serenity for the first time this week. They were glorious and amazing and all of the other superlatives that everyone had told me they would be, but no one warned me about the emotional sucker punch that was the end of Serenity. It’s been a long time since I’ve cried so much over a fictional character! Fortunately, my charming boyfriend had already seen Serenity, and had hot chocolate and bourbon on hand to console me.
He’s a keeper! We’re rewatching the series now. Love it so much.
Aww .. yeah. That ending is a terrible gut-wrench.
:internet hugs of condolence:
Still not over it.
You can’t warn people about the end of Serenity. As awful as it is (I cry every time) it’s better not known about!
Saw it in the theater opening night and kind of thought everyone there was going to puke when [awful thing] happened. I have never wished harder that I’d been spoiled.
There was a secret sneak preview in London of a ‘mystery film’ and I had heard on Whedonesque that it was going to be Serenity so I went. I think everyone there knew what it was going to be as there were whoops when the titles came up, and the whole theatre howled in horror when It Happened.
I’ve resolved that if I ever meet Joss Whedon, I will very strongly debate kicking him in the shins for all of the emotional pain he’s cause me and countless others.
I just started introducing my new gentleman caller to Firefly! And he likes it! But – what on earth is up with the new intro/voiceover nonsense. Ugh, the worst.
Also, Netflix totally messed up the play order of the episodes, and it’s driving me crazy.
Serenity sparked a discussion among my housemates and I in which we determined that there should be a standard makeouts-to-deaths ratio that Joss Whedon is forced to comply with in everything he makes. Serenity does not meet it.
I am still in the cautious optimism phase of the new year. I went back to work this week and it was better than my anxiety told me it would be (because my anxiety is a jerk) but I just really hate working. A lot. Despite the fact that my job is very nice and it helps people and the other staff are very nice and I like having money.
I really wish my boss would stop misspelling clients’ names and/or only using their first names to title documents, though.
One thing I’m worried about, though, that I was just reminded of by the receptionist on the phone being her amazing, knowledgeable self to one of our clients is that she’s going on vacation for a month in March and I’m expected to replace her. She has 30 years of experience in the field, I have… um, going on four months now. Obviously I’ll be directing most of the questions she’d usually be able to answer to our boss or someone else, but I still feel like if I try to fill her shoes I will just trip all over my own feet and break several important bones.
Fist bump of anxiety solidarity! Anxiety is a jerk. You’re doing swell! Your year is gonna be great! I feel you on misspelled names, too, I used to copyedit for my school newspaper and the reporters were an AP Style nightmare.
My anxiety did have a very small basis in reality, but it really went overboard on building disaster castles over our winter holiday. The main problem with the names is that it’s making it very hard to FIND things, because when you’re looking for Roque, Roche doesn’t necessarily register as the same thing.
I am in a period of January Blues and last night had a full-fledged crying for no reason “event” with my boyfriend. He knows that I have anxiety issues + have been depressed before (lolol all my fingers crossed that this is just winter blues and not getting legitimately depressed again), but he’s never experienced a meltdown of this caliber from me, for no apparent reason. I want to talk to him and try to explain that it’s just: -sad- and there isn’t a cause that I can discern and things just feel sort of blah right now. But none of that is about him and even though he makes me very happy, sometimes I might still be sad around/with him. So anyone else who’s had this conversation or experience, from either end, do you have any advice? I’m really terrible at having “big talks.” I will plan out everything I want to say and then just crumble like feta cheese (I’m hungry) in the moment.
On a happier note, I am wearing multiple layers + a scarf today so I am (whispers) not wearing a bra oh my god I feel so free and subversive.
Bras can be the worst. One time last year, I was in an 8am chemistry lecture when the underwire came loose from my bra and started poking me in the chest. I was very lucky in that a) our professor gives us a break halfway through and b) it was winter so I was wearing two layers of shirts and a jacket, so I was able to go into the bathroom and take it off.
Oof. No advice but I did the exact same thing to the new guy I’m dating and it was the combination of the crying, the “it’s too early in the relationship for this” and the “he’s dealing with this so well and I’m a mess who doesn’t deserve him” that really did me in. And I logically know that was all jerk brain talking but at the time it wasn’t good. And when I try to explain I crumble too. I’m debating writing it down for him to read because then I can for sure get my thoughts out in a coherent way but I don’t want him to feel ambushed. Thoughts?
It appears the Toast majority votes yes in favor of writing down!! I hope you’re able to say what you need to him. (Also, if he took it well even early in a relationship, it sounds like he is a good dude.)
Definitely write it down, but, just my advice, don’t do it as an email. There’s something about email that sometimes feels a bit shitty–especially if he uses one address, he probably doesn’t want to be receiving intense personal emails next to work emails. I’d write it down in hard copy–like an old person.
Oh man, January. The worst. This morning I cried while curled up on the kitchen floor for a while. Just because it’s really gray outside, I guess. :-/ I have no advice about talking to other people about being depressed (because I am SO BAD at it), but something from S. Pebbletush’s comment in today’s “She Said, She Said” post has sort of stuck in my brain and seems relevant here: “Don’t make the person who has experienced Tough Stuff comfort you about their Tough Stuff.”
Anyway. Good luck. Bring a list to the conversation? Ugh.
I have TOTALLY been there. I would say to just keep emphasizing that it’s not anything he’s done. I try to remind my husband that this has happened before and will pass, I just need him to be extra nice to me and not try to investigate the source of my depression (spoiler: there is none!). Maybe it would help to have some conversation points written down, just as reminders of what you want to say? And weekly counseling sessions really have helped me. Even when I sometimes feel like counseling is useless, I go a week or two without an appointment and I really feel it. Good luck, and I truly hope you feel better soon!
My number one most effective tip to make certain conversations easier – try to think of a conversation you’ve had in which you were relaxed, casual, not stressed, etc. Remember the way you felt, your tone, body language and stance, and put yourself in that mindset before you start the potentially stressful convo. It takes practice, but when it works…so much better.
Just had a talk with someone yesterday that once-upon-a-time would have made me vomit with anxiety, but was fine because I was able to embrace the relax. I was able to tell my boss last week that when he gets stressed and anxious (aka, yells because he doesn’t understand a computer thing), I get stressed and anxious, and I wish we could communicate better. MY BOSS. That would never have happened 5 years ago. Keeping it light, confident and casual is all it takes.
Oh, I feel you. I’ve been on both ends of this (he’s had the anxiety that sometimes spiraled into meltdown, I’ve had the occasional stress/blues-related meltdown). If your boyfriend knows you’ve had depression/anxiety issues in the past, he may have already surmised that your meltdown wasn’t about him. From what you’ve written, I think you’ve got a good outline of what to say! Think also about what you need from him, because he’ll want to help you. When you’re feeling bad, should he leave you alone/distract you with something amusing/give you a hug/buy you chocolate? If you’re worried about getting legitimately depressed, do you need him to let you know if he thinks your mood starts to take a general turn for the worse?
My other suggestion is: don’t have this conversation (a) in public, (b) while you’re hungry, (c) while he’s distracted or (d) right before bed.
PS I’m not wearing a bra today either. It’s great.
My New Year’s resolution was to stop anticipating calamities. On January 4th, I got a call from my roommate saying our apartment had flooded (a pipe burst in the attic apartment, so water ran down the walls/floors/ceiling and flooded the whole building) and that a chunk of my ceiling had fallen in, getting plaster everywhere and soaking my computer/sewing machine.
My new New Year’s resolution is to stop making New Year’s resolutions, since apparently that’s just tempting fate. Although this isn’t really a calamity, since nobody was injured and all pets were safely evacuated, it’s just an Inconvenience. And we had renters’ insurance, thanks to my hyperactive calamity-prediction center, so maybe I should keep that tendency around after all.
Maybe not quite a calamity, but definitely major suckage. The one thing I do value about my own calamity-anticipating is what you said about it making you prepared. I can plan events and whatnot like a mofo because all the “what ifs” run through my mind. But it’s definitely more a curse than a blessing.
I have a coworker who, having failed to get her way in yesterday’s meeting, spent thirty minutes complaining about the deadlines I had set in increasingly strident tones to two other coworkers (including my boss). Fortunately they were both politely supportive of what I’d done. Now I just have to put up with a few days of passive-aggressive interactions and email. ::long, amused eye-roll:: Whatever, I’m on vacation Monday and Tuesday where I’ll be drinking vividly colored cocktails with a college buddy.
A young woman who reports to me and is working with me on a large (and very complex and stressful) research project, actually freaked out and berated me after a client call earlier this week. Then she started telling me what I *had* do about the client issue. Then the next day she left the office for a week-long MBA training class, thereby making herself unavailable to help with the client issue or, in fact, do any of her job at all. I wish I could go on vacation next week, but I’ll be doing all the work for this project until she gets back. She’s an analyst; I’m a PM/ Director.
We are hiring a young man in a similar role to this young woman. When we made him the offer, the first thing out of his mouth was, “What’s the career path? When can I plan to get promoted?” He and this other woman are both 26. Are they thinking they’ll be running the company in a year or two?
(Sorry to whine about this, you guys, but it’s frustrating. I don’t need more “leaders” in my group right now – I need worker bees who are willing to do scads of research and then help me make sense of it. Sigh.)
Oh, the “career path” thing. I heard that about ten years ago when my group first got shuffled under IT, and the programmers were complaining about “career paths”, all, “It just seems like you can only go so far until you hit a ceiling!” I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking if they’d thought that the company might someday have 200 simultaneous CEOs.
Is it bad to inquire about a career path? I always thought if you convey that you are happy to stay in the position forever and ever, you are considered kind of a slacker and unambitious. Also, is it poor form to express interest in the potential for development in an interview or whatever?
*Currently job hunting and don’t want to annoy/be hated by interviewers.*
No, I think it’s fine to inquire about a career path, both in your interviews and once you get a job and start working at it. But when a company makes you an offer for a specific job, and they call you and tell they’re making you an offer, the first thing out of your mouth is usually, “That’s wonderful, thank you! Let’s talk salary and benefits” or some such.
Asking right then when you can expect to be promoted fuels fears of you (a) not really being interested doing a good job in the position you’re being offered right now, and (b) leaving quickly if your expectations of a promotion aren’t met in your preferred timeframe, no matter how reasonable/unreasonable that timeframe is.
Good luck job hunting!
Nicole’s mention of the Essential Dykes To Watch Out For in the links post reminded me that I read it recently and emerged craving more collections of observational comics about particular times and places and subcultures. Any suggestions?
“The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green”, a very funny portrait of gay men in the 90s. I think this is the first volume: http://www.amazon.com/Mostly-Unfabulous-Social-Et…
The Essential Dykes to Watch Out for is like the perfect anthology. Other “slice of life” type comics that I’ve enjoyed: Love and Rockets by Gilbert and Jaime Hernandez (particularly Jaime’s Maggie & Hopey stories, which initially focus on hispanic teens in the LA punk scene, but follow them through their lives to the present day), anything by Lynda Barry (The Freddie Stories is especially good, though), and Perfect Example by John Porcellino. Have you read anything by Phoebe Gloeckner? Her work is great, but TEN FOOT TALL TRIGGER WARNING for sexual assault, drug use, talk of suicide. Her book Diary of a Teenage Girl (mix of writing & illustration) is a great peek into San Francisco in the 70s.
I’m reading The Freddie Stories right now at a very slow pace! (Just one comic before bedtime as a delicious treat/appetizer for more substantial bedtime reading, I want it to last forever.) Lynda Barry’s stuff is wonderful and appeals to my particular sense of humor in a very specific way. I definitely recommend it.
Thanks for the warning – I think I’m probably looking for something with the same general gentleness level as DTWOF. I’m very under-read in the comics/graphic arena so anything will probably be new to me!
Try some of Phoebe Gloeckner’s memiors.
Coding Open Thread! I did nothing coding related this week, but I did talk to a friend in a CS grad program who has a job lined up at Google for post-graduation. SO JEALOUS.
I just started putting together a small portfolio project, and I’m trying to do it TDD style, and it’s making me a little crazy. Well, that and it’s in a new language (Ruby), so there’s that. Ruby is just so casual compared to Java, it’s disorienting. Oh, and I can only work on it at home (Mac), and not at work/on lunch (PC), so that cuts into my time.
This is barely coding, but I spent a while this morning trying to figure out how to do loops in the command line in Windows. Finally gave up and just manually changed my variable to each new value. I think I was confused about where to put the %s at various points.
I am starting to learn R, finally! I have been using SQL + Excel for data analysis for a while, with the intent to learn R when I had time (there is never time). But now I am explicitly being given a project so I can work on learning R, hooray! I am excited to get more into “real” programming, partly because logic is my favorite, and partly because I hate clicking and love typing.
(Also I do actually have an intensedebate account, but it’s logged in on another computer and I am too lazy to reset/find the password.)
I have one bit of good news and another bit of possible future good news! The first bit is that I got into laguardia community college so I can start taking computer science classes on weekends and evenings in preparation for my career change (I currently work in development/fundraising and want to move into web development). Classes start March 1st!!!
The bit of future good news is that I identified a project at work I can do. I’ve been trying to find things that can incorporate my learning more about computers with what I do all day, so that if I were to apply for a new job it could be mentioned in a reference from a coworker.
And my boss had mentioned something about wanting a visual way to track our progress during fundraising events, so I want to create something (this may not be even possible but whatever) that links to excel or even better to google docs so that when I input info into the spreadsheet it shows up on a little fundraising thermometer.
My job at events is to take down gifts and input them into a spreadsheet already and it would be nice to combine that into a little website or app (or icon that can go on our company website) that will show people our progress during calling nights or galas or whatever.
I had a terrible moment where, after several days of computing time, my data plots didn’t run correctly. But then I realized I had the values stored elsewhere in text files, and rather than messing around with Cplusplus (can’t make the plus signs in this textbox?) again, I could use Python to parse the files and grab the numbers, and I remade them in like 30 min.
Long story short: I need to remember that I know Python more often. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PYTHON.
Work is hardcore stressing me out at this moment. Are there any other theatre (or general arts) administrators out there in Toastland who want to commiserate? Organizing international tours is not my jam.
(Slash if there are any stage managers/designers/producers hiding out there I’d love to chat with you too.)
I did stage managing and a little bit of design in high school and college. Even on that small scale I would get stressed out the wazoo so MAJOR PROPS for organizing a global tour!!!
Thank you! It’s a very short jaunt to the States from Canada, but there are like eight million applications for motor licenses, visas, tax exemption, etc etc etc on top of hotels, flights, car rentals ET CETERA that are just… I need a nap. US! Canada! Let’s fling open our borders and become brothers in the truest sense! It will save me many headaches!
Ohhh geez. I was going to say, that’s not even what the stage manager is trained to do but really, the stage manager is trained to do whatever needs doing and figure it out along the way… even if it involves cross-country legal and logistical details. Good luck!! When it’s done, naps galore!
I’m actually not a stage manager, I work in the office as a company manager, but I have stage managed and been asked to do any variety of weird-o tasks so this isn’t necessarily out of my realm. Still, though; being responsible for anything with legal ramifications stresses me out and I need a big gigantic glass of wine to get through this. Which I am happily now on my way home to have!
Also, props for stage management/design. I always believe the best in anyone I meet who does either, particularly stage management. It takes a very specific personality to succeed at that, so kudos to you!
Man, I feel like today is specifically trying to make everybody super mad. What is with that.
I FINISHED MIDDLEMARCH AND I’M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.
My resolutions were “wear more lipstick” and “stop picking at face so much.” A couple days off for the first thanks to the terror cold that meant I only wanted to wear layers and layers of lip balm, and I am picking at my face… less. But not stopping entirely. But that still counts!
We have similar goals! I’ve decided that this will be the year of bright lipstick. I bought myself a couple of bold shades (a red and a pink) and have been rocking it out with my merry matte lips for the past two weeks. Though I have the occasional “omg everyone must be staring at my lips” moment, it’s been fun, and a confidence booster.
My resolution for… 5 years? has been to stop picking at my arms, so I feel you on that one. Good luck!
I stick post-it notes all over my mirror with reminders when I’m on a quest to quit touching my face! It works for me, mostly.
2014 was the first New Year’s Day in several years that didn’t include either me or my partner or both lying in bed moaning with a violent flu, so I’m calling it a win.
I got 5/6 of my work in for the deadline, which…is good, but not ideal. I was sort of hoping 2014 would be the year that my stupid mind didn’t cock up everything, but everyone is being pretty understanding. ALSO, I made this excellent salmon and a bright pink salad: http://eatingwithmyfingers.com/2014/01/06/just-se…
And I am thinking of ordering a bright pink sofa. Grey walls, cerise sofa. Thoughts, Toasties?
It turns out 2014 may just be the year of the Bright Pink.
Yes to both those color choices.
YES. Bonus points if it has a chaise lounge.
It literally does. Or it claims to, anyway, although it is not *precisely* what I think of when I think of chaise longues. It’s this one: http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/502432…
Grey stripy cushions, pale grey walls, darker grey bookcase, maps on the walls…right?! I can SEE this. The Tall Man is less convinced.
Convince him! That sounds awesome.
YES YES YES! I must now see if that couch is available in the US.
RIGHT. Toast says yes. I think this must be go.
YES. I like this! You can tell the Tall Man that a bunch of ladies on the internet think he’s wrong.
UPDATE ALL: I have JUST got a measuring tape and that sofa is COMING TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE. Tall Man is ON BOARD.
I am not a huge fan of pink, but I am a huge fan of outrageously-colored furniture. I say yes!
I have never been a huge fan of pink before. I think how relentlessly grey London is right now is tipping me into perfect colour-based madness: I just bought a whole bunch of jersey dresses and jersey tights in bright and clashing teals and oranges and greens.
actually, blue & orange are weirdly good together. opposites on the color wheel and all.
Do you love the color? Then DO IT. We had a candy-apple red sofa (goodbye, broken sofa, you served us well) and I was surprised how great it is to have a brightly colored anchor piece in a room.
That salad looks delicious. Must get some beets.
The salad was absolutely the tits, I swear. I think, basically, the key with salad is to make it interesting enough that I forget it’s “just salad”.
And YES. I have never loved the colour before, but on that sofa…yup.
I do love the idea of one big, bright piece, with most everything else in the room being shades of neutrals.
Yes! That’s pretty much what I’m going for- just that one bright thing and everything else a really beautiful grey colour. Cushions grey. Bookshelf grey. Walls grey.
I painted one of the walls in my room bright pink recently! All for the year of the Bright pink!
It’s basically available in that pink, or beige. And I am NOT a beige person. BRIGHT PINK FOREVER.
YES to the bright pink sofa. If your dude can’t live with it, I hear Ikea slipcovers take dye pretty well.
In a side step from Nicole mentioning Alison Bechdel, if any Toasties are in London UK, I do a Bechdel Test Film Club once a month in New Cross. The next screening on 27 Jan is Desert Hearts, which I was actually reminded about and put on because Mallory mentioned it in a Toast article about lesbian films. I wouldn’t normally promote things I am doing on cool Toast open threads but this one seemed reasonable as it has double-Toast connections. Hope that’s ok! If you search on Facebook for The Bechdel Test Film Club you’ll find it no probs.
YES PLEASE! Also, always looking for Oxford toasties.
Hi! I am in Oxford! Surely there are more than two of us?
I am not in London full time but generally work there Mondays and Tuesdays – I’m not in town at the minute due to a back problem but if there are Monday-night things happening in London in a couple of months I would be up for it!
I’m down on the south coast but am in Oxford semi-regularly to visit old haunts!
I am actually just moving to London and delurked to see if there are London Toasties! Not to derail but I’m pretty stressed about the move — it’s the right move for me and what I’ve been wanting for a while, but it’s also going to be a big change. (And if one of my current coworkers asks me ONE MORE TIME if I’ve found a place to live yet, I will be forced to take to the sea. I know it’s just a polite question but apartment hunting is the woooooorst so I’m very glad to be reminded of it constantly.)
Anyway are there any London meetups or could there be?
ALSO, can we have a cooking open thread? I am trying to hate myself less (see post above), and eat better, and all my cooking is butter central.
What does not feel diet-ish, but is still good for you? What do you cook to feel zen?
Mussels in white wine, matzoh ball soup, and dal! All super easy, filling without making you feel gross, and flavorful.
I have not had super success with dal- my whole family loves it, and I can never quiiite make it the way my dad does. However: mussels in white wine forever. (Apologies for linking to myself again, but THIS RECIPE is just the TITS: http://eatingwithmyfingers.com/2013/10/21/look-ho… )
My basic is 4 cups water to 1 cup red lentils, teaspoon of turmeric, simmer for maybe 45 minutes. It should definitely be soupy, and then you sort of mash some of the lentils against the side of the pot to make it a bit thicker, but not all of them. That’s like, the basic basic dal, but you can add other spices in, or ghee on top, or fried onions to the base, or lots of other things.
I eat a lot of rice bowls, sweet potato + broccoli bowl
A soup that still has some butter
Or a not shitty salad
Soup! It also has the advantages of being a comfort food and being very appropriate to the season.
You can make a nice easy winter-y soup out of pretty much any root vegetable, roasted and then pureed with your favorite herbs/spices. Miso soup is also super easy to make, feels healthy, and you can trick it out with all the fancy add-ins you want (soft-boiled eggs, mushrooms, ginger, garlic, etc.).
ROAST AND PUREE. Obviously. How have I never worked this out before?! How have I never realised I could make miso soup at home before? THANK YOU x
This is also an EXCELLENT time to pick up lots and lots of winter squashes. I especially love butternut because it’s so easy to prepare, though acorn is also good. And you can find all sorts of curious varieties at farmers’ markets.
squash 4 lyfe
If you don’t want to take the time to roast, you can always just cut the veggies up and saute them, but I find that roasting gives them a really nice depth of flavor that you don’t get otherwise.
One of my favourite dinners is random roasted root vegetables made into pureed soup, served with feta sprinkled on top, some heavy whole wheat bread, and a green salad. It’s so homey and rustic, meanwhile you’re eating tons of veggies.
I cook from the original Moosewood Cookbook a lot – I don’t find it to be diet-y, and I find the earth mother vibes comforting.
It’s pretty much a bowl of carbs, kind of, but jook. You boil a couple of tablespoons of rice (preferably glutenous rice, regular in a few cups of water or stock until it disintegrates into the stock, making a thin porridge. Then add whatever veggies, protein, and sesame oil and/or hot sauce to taste (mine is chili bamboo shoots, pork threads and a ton of both, but you do you). A small bowl of it will fill you up, and the base porridge is something like 50 calories if you’re counting. Also, you can make it in either a rice cooker or a slow cooker to make it even easier to make.
I always feels like curries are nice and warm and hearty, but you can fill them with all sorts of veggies and legumes and so they are fairly healthy. Except when I gobble them up with mass portions of naan.
To piggy-back on this, coconut milk-based curries + whatever veggies and protein you like + rice = heaven.
My go-to online site for great vegan recipes that are delicious and rich (without containing a lot of crap) is http://veganfeastkitchen.blogspot.com/ . I can’t vouch for those chickpea chocolate chip cookies on the first page though.
Chickpea cookies are so amazing. I use that recipe off the Hairpin, and they are SO GOOD and magical.
One of my favorite things to cook (bonus points for being literally the easiest recipe) is RED LENTILS! Put in whatever spices you like, water, pot, lentils, bam. I usually will saute some onions and garlic in a pot before putting in the lentils. And frequently will mix in chunks of sweet potato, carrots, and peas.
I also just made this soup: http://pinchofyum.com/simple-san-marzano-pasta-e-…, subbing whole wheat pasta, minus sausage, and plus more, unpureed beans. Also put in the spices I normally use in a tomato sauce because I was worried this would be a little bland without sausage. Anyway, it was DELICIOUS. This website also has a creamy cauliflower sauce recipe which I liked too. It tastes less healthy than it is.
And another easy thing that I love to eat anytime is saute some spinach with some white beans and garlic and olive oil. It ‘s very comfort food-y.
My go-to “I’m tired and grumpy” winter meal is hot broth with noodles and things in it. You can use a ramen packet and add as much of the flavoring as you desire, or just do broth with whatever noodly starch you have around, both are good. Then I like to add in some veggie (peas are good, or frozen leafy greens) and then crack an egg or two in the whole mess and stir it up until the eggs is cooked. If you have easy protein lying around (tofu, cooked meat, leftover lunchmeat) throw that in.
Another good one is kielbasa and cabbage- cut up kielbasa into little chunks, cook them in a little olive oil until they’re nice and browned, then throw a whole bunch of chopped cabbage in there and steam it down for 15-20 minutes. You get a nice sausage-flavored cabbage pile with little kielbasa bits floating around to nom on. I also like to substitute mushrooms in for half of the meat in a recipe. Hamburger Helper with half-mushrooms is def. tasty.
I used to subscribe to a meal plan site so I got 4 healthy, quick dinner recipes every week that I could customize and had a grocery list and everything. I definitely felt zen because I kind of stopped worrying about what I was eating but ymmv.
Does that site still exist?
Yes! There are a couple out there but I use(d) CookSmarts.
I’m totally a broken record because I gush about how great CookSmarts is all the time. Recipes are consistently good, quick, and cheap and I use zero brainpower on choosing meals or grocery shopping. The only reason I’m not currently subscribed is because I have a year+ of plans printed out that I cook from continually.
Ha, that’s amazing. My friend’s friend is the founder of that website, and I’ve actually met her in person. I’d been hesitant to pay for a subscription but your comment is pretty good encouragement. 🙂
Small world! There are some free meal plans on the website, definitely try them and see if it’s a good fit.
Good but not diet-ish: spinach and chickpeas, over rice.
To feel zen: big one-pot meals that require a lot of chopping and stirring. Risotto, because of making myself stand by the stove to ladle it in and focus.
I was actually going to ask what people’s favorite big pot meals were, but maybe that’s better suited to another thread!
Seconding big-pot meals thread! I would also like to request Crock-Pot related ideas?
Crock-Pot = pot roast. With potatoes and carrots and it is delicious.
Beer-braised carnitas from Bon Appetit. Never done them in a crock pot, but god are they delicious and simple. http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Beer…
This slow cooker tofu curry is really good, and easy (we also subbed in chicken and that worked well):
http://onceamonthmeals.com/slow-cooker-coconut-to…
God, I love one pots of things! Or I should say one dish, because half of mine are roasting pans.
I love soup the most, but I also like roasting a big pan with chicken thighs and a bunch of whatever veggies I like (one great recipe is chicken plus cauliflower plus shallots plus olives).
It depends on your particular diet plan, but I’m a big fan of quiches with lots and lots of veggies. It does still have a lot of butter (I love butter) but you can keep it in the fridge and take slices for work and it’s actually filling (bc decent portion of fat/protein) but you have basically endless options for customization.
Yes, quiches are excellent! They keep well, you can customize as you like, you can make them with milk instead of half and half or cream if you have a recipe that suggests that. You can also make them crustless and do them in a smaller pan. I had some leftover egg yolks and an egg that I cracked while trying to separate it that I put into a custard and baked in a loaf pan with some sauteed onion and English bacon. It worked really well and I took slices to work.
This lentil (though I use split peas) soup hits the “fairly healthy but not austere” mark for me, especially when I do the paneer cube garnish.
A lot of Japanese cooking is EXCELLENT for feeling healthy. If you’re not into lots of white rice, feel free to substitute brown rice. I love doing chicken teriyaki, tamagoyaki (like the egg that goes on egg sushi), etc. Carrot kinpira and other kinds of kinpira, which are basically just sauteeing matchstick-sized cut vegetables in some sesame oil and adding soy sauce. justbento.com has some great recipes and I love her cookbook.
I love JustBento/JustHungry. That site taught me how to cook killer sushi rice, which I’d always had trouble with before.
Yes! My sushi rice is not yet killer, but it is perfectly adequate to my needs. Now if I could just find a kind of nori that didn’t taste weird to me, I would be set! (For now, I just always use soy paper/soy wrappers if I make sushi rolls.)
Yes! Tamagoyaki is a staple in my diet. And I love packing bento lunches. I just started experimenting with making onigiri and stuffing them with different fillings.
Also trying to stick to the 80/20 rule (hara hachi bu)!
Basically I would love to spend all day talking about food. Sadly, one of my favorite dishes is risotto and that is pretty much out of bounds, even if you cut out a fair bit of the olive oil and butter. 🙁
A good pot of pinto beans is excellent. Tablespoon of canola/vegetable oil, sautee an entire chopped onion for about ten minutes, throw in a pound of pinto beans (presoaked about 6 hours if you have the time) and enough water to cover, then simmer for at least two hours, until they are soft all the way through and not chalky, adding more water if needed, then just add salt to taste. You can also add garlic with the onion but I find they don’t need it.
I love most of the recipes on Budget Bytes. I have already made the curried chickpeas and spinach twice since the new year and her coconut rice recipe is amazing and simple. Her recipes are delicious, cheap, and tend to be fairly healthy. I am trying to not eat processed foods in January and I keep heading there for ideas.
I didn’t grow up eating much butter (margarine was the name of the game in the 80s) and I’ve never been one to eat bread or rolls with dinner, but the last couple of nights I have been having a snack of a slice of sourdough with butter and it is SO GOOD. Butter is so good!
I’m actually in my most zen cooking state while working through some outrageously complicated recipe with at least three simultaneous steps (because I am weird) The Jerusalem cookbook is good that way because things are medium-complicated and ridiculously tasty.
On the healthy but not a diet front, I like to focus on loading up on veggies and flavors- fish with fresh salsas (this time of year is great for anything grapefruit + fennel flavored), stir fries and curries (all cultures and flavors- you can wilt a pound of spinach into almost anything), pasta sauce loaded with zucchini and bell peppers and whatever else looks good topped with fresh parsley (sautee your tomato paste before adding your other ingredients- umami magic!)
On the dal front, I like making lots of different ones- there’s a Bengali one out of Vaswani’s Complete Book of Indian Cooking that I adore, and really any of the ones that use split yellow peas (because they are the best).
Mostly I figure if we’re eating at home the majority of the time, we’re probably doing all right. Keeping the snack food down to quick healthy stuff or a long process to make them at home helps too (cookies, basically I’m talking about cookies).
well, my husband the Spaniard cooks everything in olive oil, including omelets, and dips his bread in it, so there’s always that as a substitute. but the other posters are right that butter is really not so very bad for you.
lentil salad (green lentils, plus onion, bay leaf, vinegar, olive oil, and if you want cilantro or parsley or little cornichons or a little mustard mixed in) is fantastic. or maybe brussel sprouts + garlic + pancetta + dried sour cherries + walnuts + balsamic vinegar. that can be a whole meal if you want.
OR there is always squid cooked in peanut oil with garlic and some crushed red pepper and lots of fresh basil leaves. that one is good for you AND the planet and yummy.
Every year my New Year’s resolution has been to stop biting my nails, and it never works, so this year I didn’t even bother deciding on it. HOWEVER, when I was home for the holidays I borrowed my sister’s sparkly nail polish and liked how it looked so much that I actually managed to refrain from biting/picking. I have since bought fancy polish of my own and have been touching up my nails on the regular, and it has resulted in my not biting for like TWO WEEKS now. This is about the longest I have ever gone. My nails look like people nails! I AM SO EXCITED.
One of my actual resolutions has been to keep working out, so I signed on for another 4 months of the kickboxing classes I had tentatively been trying out. I am going twice a week so far but am hoping to bump it up to three.
On the other hand, I have one of those head colds where you wake up every morning feeling like your skull is stuffed full of cotton balls and phlegm. I’ve had it since Christmas. WHY WON’T IT STOP.
Nice! For some people, committing to an active change (“I’ll paint my nails sparkly!”) works waaaaay better than committing to a passive change (“I won’t bite my nails”). Congratulations on finding the trick that works for you!
Congrats! I’m trying to stop biting my nails again, too. I had stopped for three months (!!!) but never got out of the habit of sort of having my fingers near my mouth, so I started again. I miss having unembarrassing hands.
Nail polish makes me bite more, for some reason, so I need another strategy. Nice that it’s working for you!
ME TOO ON THE NAILS. Blue sparkly! Gold! Can this be the thread where people put links to nice nail varnish?
YES. I am wearing this one right now, in Nova (the red one): http://www.sephora.com/celestials-P382105?skuId=1…
I’m trying to organize a girls trip to Vegas with some college friends and I fear my emails are starting to verge on the ‘Hey Ladies’ side of things. ( I will never, ever be able to begin an email with ‘Hey Ladies’ ever again.) Anyone have tips on organizing a trip for 7-8 people?
Co-captains and dividing labor. Anybody as committed to the trip as you are?
Yes, one of the other girls is helping with research/rates and being a sounding board. I guess the problem is everyone has been onboard in theory, but now that it’s time to put money down, I haven’t had any responses, so I don’t know if I should devote more time to it or just let it go for now.
Are there one or two other girls who are set on going? When I try to do stuff like this, I get my small, easily managed core group and go from there: “x, y, and I will be in Las Vegas these dates and would love to see you. We have booked at hotel XXX and hope to see you there! We are planning on these activities….”
I like that idea, it takes some of the organizing burden off my shoulders. Thanks!
Good luck! I arranged a trip with people from three cities to a nearby beerfest like this and it worked out really well.
I would definitely consult with the ladies who are reluctant to put down money. Have a conversation stating the same thing– “Now is the time for commitment or not” and hopefully from their responses you will know what your best course of action will be!
Just give up. Don’t do it. There is no way to organize a trip with that many people and come out the other end with your sanity and all relationships intact.
I only begin group emails with “Hey Ladies” now, thanks to The Toast.
I never thought I would be in my 30s and living with people who USE MY BATH TOWEL AND LEAVE IT COMPLETELY SOAKING WET. IT IS DISGUSTING ON SO MANY LEVELS.
Someone tell me horrible roommate stories, because the pain of others is a balm to my raging soul.
MY WORST ROOMMATE.
1. When I asked how he wanted to divide the cleaning schedule, he said “I don’t like people telling me what to do.” And didn’t clean. Anything. Ever.
2. Up to and including his own room.
2b. He had a lady friend over once and washed his sheets. It was the only time in a year he did so. He gathered two garbage bags of trash out of his room but rather than walk down the hall to the trash chute, put them in his closet.
2c. Including the Pringles cans he stuffed with tissues from jerking it.
3. He smoked pot and cigarettes in his bed and then sprayed both Febreze and Axe to cover it.
4. He injured himself and left bloody tissues and band-aids all over the bathroom.
5. Once he left the toilet full of poo.
6. Fancied himself an amazing drummer thanks to the hours (yes) every day (yes) spent on Rock Band, on “hard” mode, despite never having touched a real drum kit ever.
7. Asked me out on a date and then told me “I figured you’d take it because you never have guys over.”
8. Called his mommy to complain when I told him to clean, split the rent so I’d get a rent cut for doing all the cleaning, or move out at the end of the lease, and she yelled at me for mistreating her son.
9. Dirtied all the dishes and kept them in his room and occasionally in his bed.
I forced him to move out and my best friend moved in and it was awesome. THE END.
OMG ewwwwww. Do love the happy ending, though.
YOU WIN.
Jesus, though, this really puts my situation into perspective. My roommate will spend 10 minutes rearranging the contents of the dishrack rather than spend 2 minutes just putting everything away but clearly IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE.
I actually had to stop reading this list.
I think I just broke out in hives.
“she yelled at me for mistreating her son”
I was on an airplane recently next to a woman who was telling me about her son and how he complains that all of the girls he dates are terrible and how he’ll never get married because no one can cook and clean for him like his mother can. I think your roommate maybe perhaps was her son. Do you live in Miami by any chance?
I came home once in college to a smoking pot of I-forget-what on the stove. My roommate had started something boiling and then just left. Jeeeesssus.
We didn’t really get along in general. She’d also get mad if other roommates tried to use the living room when she had (unbeknownst to anyone) planned to watch TV in there at that time. (She also had a TV in her room, but apparently that didn’t cut it.) And she was one of those people who talked incessantly about herself. I once timed her talking to our other roommate for an hour straight with no breaks.
Oh! And I had another college roommate situation where two of my friends went to study abroad the same semester, and two transfer students moved in. One was an awesome and normal black girl. The other one had a Confederate flag bedspread. You can imagine the awkward.
The first roommate I ever had gave me a wet willie within the first week. Though she was not as bad as the passive aggressive girl who left angry notes all over the apartment.
Is writing an email with the title ‘please don’t use my bath towel’ passive aggressive? Because it’s the easiest way for me to communicate with all my roommates, and also i I think that if I try to speak to them directly, I will rip their throats out with my teeth.
Not passive aggressive at all! That’s a very grown-up way to handle very childlike behavior on your roommates’ parts.
Email is normal! Passive aggressive post-it notes on the bathroom mirror (literally signed with a <3) are the danger zone.
I would not mention the towel, but tell them you have some sort of really contagious fungal condition. Towel usage will stop, and then you get the fun of seeing who starts buying anti-fungal treatments!
My email initially included the line ‘I could have infectious skin lesions. You don’t know.’
Not at all! Your roommates sound disgusting.
….literally my nightmares.
Ugh my roommates are just lackidaisical as shit about cleaning so I have to ask them if I want to not do all the cleaning myself, and I hate having to do that. To be fair, when I ask them to clean shit, they do it, but I’m thinking maybe I need to set up a cleaning schedule?
For some reason at first I read that as “jackadaisical” and I thought it was the perfect description of a lackadaisical jackass, so I’m going to pretend that’s what you mean 🙂
I rented an extra bedroom out in grad school:
1. When she cooked she’d take the pots and pans into her room and leave them there for weeks at a time.
2. If she didn’t feel like doing dishes she would throw them away (they were my dishes).
3. I’m pretty sure she didn’t shower once during the semester she lived with me. The combined stench of her and her room was impressive.
4. She like to open the windows in her room in the middle of winter and then deny they were open when I asked her to close them.
5. When I was looking for a new roommate I would schedule people to look at the room at her convenience and give her several days notice. She refused to clean up at all.
6. She never used sheets so the mattress she used (which was mine) was so stained and smelly when she moved out that it was unsalvageable.
7. Her sublease was up at the end of December but she informed (not asked) me she’s be staying another week. I said “Fuck No” She waited until 11pm on New Years Eve.
GOOD GOD. I’m so sorry you experienced this.
*CRACKS KNUCKLES*
– Roommates who invited over houseguests who smeared their own excrement on the bathroom mirror and didn’t seem perturbed when I told them about it
– Roommates who let a bunch of dudes I didn’t know into my (disastrously messy) room without permission when I wasn’t home. I came home to a bunch of strange guys in my room and heard later they’d been 1. putting my dirty clothes on their heads and stuff and 2. noting what expensive music gear I owned, which I promptly moved out of the space
– Roommates who, after personally setting a quiet-on-worknights house policy, played pingpong over my room until 6am on Thursdays and brought home parties of people at 4am on Sunday nights
– Roommates who not only ate my expensive aged cheese out of the fridge but put it back in my groceries cupboard, not the fridge, in the middle of summer, thereby making it clear they knew it wasn’t theirs and spoiling it
– Roommate who moved her boyfriend in (who never paid rent) and allowed him to break our internet for weeks due to his attempt to torrent all of The Shield while unemployed
– Roommate who, upon turning on the kitchen faucet, said “Oh my God, is there blood in the sink? What is this, SOMALIA?” It turned out to be a fragment of tomato skin.
– Roommate in a small 2-bedroom apartment who couldn’t decide which guy from a group of friends she’d met in a distant town to sleep with, so moved all three of them in successively for week-and-a-half trial stints of loud sex and kitchen takeovers, without asking me
– Roommate who emotionally manipulated me, tried to sleep with our other roommate, and then gave us less than a month’s notice to move out, not only almost getting us evicted but abruptly no longer talking to me even though we were extremely close friends
– Roommates who would abandon their cats for days on partying and sex jags while the cats pissed all over the house or attacked me in frustration (I have scars), never acknowledging a) the cats had behavioral problems b) it was because their owners weren’t paying them enough attention
– Downstairs neighbours (with, it turns out, criminal assault records) whose apartment we had to go through to enter ours who thought it was fun to threaten to chloroform and rape me while I was trying to get into my home
– In a disintegrating six-person house with one shower and one reliably working toilet, people started trying to move their significant others in. One girl’s boyfriend turned out to be the dude that sexually assaulted one of my other female roommates at a party at our house a few months earlier and then had his friends bully her online for “lying” about it. (This was obviously shitty for the assaulted roommate, not me, but did not contribute to a happy living situation.)
– Roommate who won a short story contest and in the ensuing online interview decided to take a bizarre personal potshot at the poetry manuscript I was working on, intelligible to no one else
– Objectivist paleo roommate who threw tantrum over chore card system in six-person house, saying he would not submit to “Communist bullshit”
(this will make it obvious who I am to my pals who read The Toast, HI GUYS)
Ultimate conclusion: everyone is terrible there is no hope to be had in communal living situations, lets all move to shacks in Idaho and raise goats/alpacas/heritage-breed pigs.
I will say, I really like the place I live now (though it is more expensive than every other place I’ve lived) and I have actually had wonderful random roommate situations a few times. Other than that, though, I must have spent a past life peeing in my roommates’ beds or something.
I had these two roommates in college– it would have been remarkable to me that even one person existed who could behave this way, but there were two of them and they were exactly alike, oh my god. Every morning I would leave the house and walk past the two of them sitting on the couches in our living room getting baked and watching TV with the blinds drawn, and I would walk back in at the end of the day to see the two of them in precisely the same spot but now with a slightly larger pile of fast food wrappers and half-eaten plates of food piled up around them. I never used the living room because it was such a health hazard, but like once a week roommate #3 and I would sneak in there and fill up a couple of trash bags with empty pizza boxes and half-full burger king cups and other assorted awful trash that had been stuffed under/behind furniture and was literally beginning to grow mold. And this was just from our living room. The kitchen was pretty bad, too. I didn’t use it much but at one point I was looking for something and found that someone had put a bunch of produce into one of the high-up cabinets and apparently left it there for months. People would spill large amounts of food on the floor and just walk away from it. They allowed a friend to use our dining room as “storage space” while he looked for an apartment for months. Luckily I was subleasing on a fairly unofficial basis and could move out as soon as I found a better place (read: literally anything else)
Uggghhh. One of my roommates is moving out next month and we need to wade back into interviewing Craigslist candidates and I do not want someone who will do any of the things in this thread. I don’t even have the heart to think about my previous bad roommate experiences. Any toasties looking for a room in Chicago [Logan Square]?
hi Logan Square! I’ll keep my eyes open! Also, you could always try (*gasp*) reddit. The Chicago subreddit isn’t THAT bad. Let me know if you’d want me to post anything at UIC (I’m a grad student there).
I was just talking to a friend of mine who happened to be the best roommate I ever had, and he’s looking for a place in Logan Square. Though I’m not sure what he’d say if I told him that “I was talking to some strangers on the internetabout housing, and . . .”
Well, it’s a very nice apartment. Great kitchen, free laundry. Three bedroom, me [woman, 24] and my roommate [guy, 26]. Available in Feb. Email me at faember at yahoo if you/he want more info.
Weed farmer. In July. In Chicago. When it was 90 degrees. Who thought we were going to help him cover a $200 electric bill due to his stupid fucking lights.
He also had long blonde hair and it clogged the bathroom tub in the aforementioned heat wave.
I want to show this whole thread to my new roommate. “Hey, I offer you crackers in exchange for the fantastic meals you cook and I just bought an alarm clock that is approximately 80 decibels and I don’t know where the trash goes, but I don’t do all of these!”
(I think I’m an okay roommate, though? I mean, not only do I only use my own bath towels, I have multiple sets!)
You sound totally OK. (But maybe learn where the trash goes …)
current roommate:
1a. Is apparently unaware that his stomping perambulations can be heard ringing throughout the house because of our hardwood floors
1b. Sees no problem with pacing in the wee hours of the morning (because he is nocturnal (because he is unemployed)), even though all other roommates take pains to be quiet while he is sleeping (not too difficult, since we are all working students)
2. Is given to taking hour-and-a-half-long “baths,” so-called because he spends most of this time just letting the hot water run while he sits on the toilet, drinking and hacking up bits of lung which he then LEAVES IN THE SINK
3. For a time tried to smoke cigarettes while taking one of the aforementioned “baths” and covering it up by turning on the ventilator (what is this, high school?), a futile effort since even Dewey Cox could smell the reek of a Pall Mall from a mile away
4. Is profoundly liberated from most hygienic social conventions – relating both to space and self – despite my repeated STRONG hints that, because of my ongoing hormone therapy I am both very sensitive to smells and easily nauseated
5. Subjects my cats to non-consensual dress-up sessions, accidentally-on-purpose lets them out and “forgets” that they are outside so I come home to terrified and confused furbabies huddling on the porch
5a. Has the gall to act indignant when one of them reacts to his gropes with a growl or claw
He is still vastly preferable to the former roommate who colonized the living room couch after her filth-encrusted room became a health hazard, who also threw away dishes and bought disposable replacements rather than wash them.
I did pretty good with not having an intense and seemingly endless crying fit this holiday season, but it turns out that my annual holiday meltdown was just delayed because I spent like an hour crying in bed like a jilted sock-hopper over Florida State Winning the NCAA championship bowl game – which is not the kind of thing I ever even thought I would care about because I am not at all passionate about college football, but somehow this year I just got super sucked into the whole “let’s not prosecute FSU’s quarterback for raping a girl, because, really, who even knows what rape is and two of his teammates said he didn’t do it.” (Hey there, run-on sentence!!!) And, like, it is hard enough to deal with rape culture on a day in day out basis, but for some reason this was the fragment of rape culture that Got To Me this year, so instead of crying about my actual problems, I cried about this instead and it was marginally cathartic, I guess.
In news that makes me sound slightly more sane: I’ve been listening to the new Stephen Malkmus album incessantly, my mediocre job FINALLY gave me a raise (a raise so tiny that it’s more like finding some money on the sidewalk on a monthly basis, but still!), and I am making an active resolution to blog about what I’m reading instead of just tossing finished books into a pile on the floor.
Really love the phrase “jilted sockhopper.” Sorry about all of the context, though.
I hope you post your book blog here when it exists! I’d like to find a way to slow down my reading so that I’m actually processing things more but am loath to commit to a blog for [insert excuse-reasons].
I didn’t even know there was going to be a new Malkmus album until I saw a bunch of delightful interviews popping up this week and now I am super stoked! It feels like not a lot of people enjoy his solo career that much, but I’m really into a lot of it.
Speaking of butter in moderation, last night I baked white fish topped with slivers of herb and garlic Kerrygold butter and sprinkled with panko and it was delightful.
Awkward house-guest update! (next weekend, wife of husband’s friend is staying with me while husband and friend are camping):
Friend & wife are, in fact, going on to visit others in the area afterwards! A huge weight has been lifted. Also, both of my (divorced, but genial) parents are coming that weekend (because husband is bad at calendars and told them he was camping the weekend after) to help work on the baby room, so there will be plenty of activities to entertian guest, even if they aren’t exactly what most people are probably looking for when they come visiting.
And so that just leaves me with a sleeping problem:
My bed, in which I will sleep, the mattress of which everyone else hates
Guest bed in guest / baby’s room, where dirty dusty work will be happening
Twin mattress that is not very good and can be thrown on the living room floor
Uncomfortable living room couch that is also in the living room
What is the least awkward possible sleeping arrangement???
The trick is to start by taking two of them across the river in the first trip, but then bring one immediately back across the river.
I am so glad you reported back! It was such a mystifying situation, and I’m happy to hear that there was a normal, rational explanation. I agree with SorchaMaire’s suggestion re sleeping arrangements.
You + your mom in your bed (or mom on twin mattress on the bedroom floor if she really can’t stand your mattress), dad in living room (couch or twin mattress, as available), stranger in guest room? Or maybe flip stranger-lady and your dad, depending on the severity of the construction.
AHA I was thinking about this today, actually, and wondering what on earth happened. (I’m staying with a friend I haven’t seen for years and it’s been a little quiet, I was comparing to your worst-case-scenario.) I’m glad you followed up!
Thank you for all your suggestions! I found out yesterday that my stepdad is also coming, so he and my mom will get the guest room, and I guess my dad and friend’s wife will stay on opposite sides of the living room (it’s very large, and we have dividing screens…)
I will report back again after to let you know how much fun we all had!
Here is some advice I wish that I’d had 10 years ago. If you, like me, are a hot cocoa fiend in the winter, do yourself a favor and make your own damn mix. It’s so easy, just a 1 to 1 ratio of good quality cocoa powder and granulated sugar. Adjust to taste if you prefer something more sweet or bitter.
I can’t believe I’d never tired it before but it tastes one million times better than even the fanciest of free trade organic whole foods bullshit hot cocoas. Oh, and don’t use water, I feel like goes without saying but all the mixes seem to want you to use water.
I second this advice! When I mix this up, though, I also like to add a pinch of salt and some vanilla extract (or bourbon) to each mug for extra flavor. I also like to use just enough boiling water to make a slurry of the mix and then fill the mug the rest of the way with hot milk. Somehow, the boiling water seems to “wake up” the cocoa powder and make the cocoa even more delicious. Yes, I over-think my winter drinks.
Mmm-hmmmm. Or rum. Or brandy. Or kahlua. Or the homemade coffee liqueur I made someone for Christmas but there was a little bit left over for me. Or, like, kinda of a lot of the vanilla-bean vodka extract I made.
… yeah, cocoa has been my cocktail/dessert of choice for a few weeks running now.
(Homemade) peppermint vodka is hot cocoa’s best friend.
What a great idea. I have a jillion mini-candy canes. So far, I’ve been smashing up one at a time and pouring hot cocoa over it. Side note: one pulverized mini-cane turns out to be exactly the amount needed to make a cup of cocoa pleasantly minty.
A friend gave me a jar of hot cocoa mix and marshmallows and an airplane bottle of Kahlua cinnamon spice. IT WAS DELICIOUS.
If you want to mix it up, hot cider with cinnamon whiskey is right up there on the list of amazing winter drinks.
OOOOOH yes. I’m partial to hot (non-alcoholic) cider spiked with applejack, but that sounds swell.
And this reminds me that I have to find somewhere I can buy The King’s Ginger, a fabulous ginger liqueur that a friend brought me last summer. I liked it so much I kept pushing it on guests until there was only an inch left i the bottle, at which point I hoarded it under the sink for my greedy self.
My other hot cocoa tip, for people who don’t/can’t have dairy: your hot chocolate attempts are all fucked-up texture-wise because they probably don’t contain enough fat. Throw some coconut oil in there (like, 1/2 to a full tablespoon) while you’re heating up your dairy substitute+cocoa+whatever and PROBLEM SOLVED, my friend. I’ve been triumphant about this all week.
Just using coconut milk or a coconut/almond milk blend would probably help you out a bunch too.
You and rallisaurus are wizards. Thank you for your tips.
Jeepers, what can’t coconut oil do? I’ve been using it to pop corn (and gave little heart-shaped pucks of coconut oil with the popcorn toppings kits I gave as Christmas presents), filled up a tiny tub with it to use as lip balm and cuticle salve, and I keep a small jar on the side of the tub for shaving my legs. I am loving this stuff.
It’s also really good with maple syrup as sweetener!
I have just found out I don’t have to have spinal surgery so hurrah. I had an accident last summer in which some loose dogs attacked my horse, who tried to jump the gate I was standing in front of to get away, and I broke two ribs and damaged my sacroiliac joint. The ribs are fine but the lower back is not, so I’ve had referrals and an MRI and found out today that it’s muscle and soft tissue damage, no damaged vertebrae which is a huge relief. So I am fairly cheerful about 2014 so far! I never make resolutions though, there’s just no point.
Yikes, what a misery that sounds like, but so glad you’re not going to need spinal surgery.
Did every medical professional come in to tell you? When they realized I didn’t need spinal surgery, every doctor, nurse, and tech I’d seen on that visit poured into the room for the announcement. It was like watching a clown car unload. I think they all have plenty of occasion to give bad news, but not nearly enough chances to give good news.
That would have been much more fun! It was just me and the consultant, sadly. It’s still going to be a long haul as there’s a lot of muscle damage, but I’m really relieved that an operation is off the table.
So, so relieved for you. Sending lots of good thoughts for your recovery!
You guys, you know what’s blowing my mind right now? A friend of mine who’s really into nuclear culture/history was telling me about how the Department of Energy has to come up with warning signs for various nuclear test/waste storage sites, but the problem is that they have to last and be intelligible for at least 10,000 years. Like, people have a hard time understanding languages/traditions from 500 years ago.
We talked about that in my LIS program! I think it came up in my Digital Stewardship class when we were talking about how difficult it is to guess what file formats/hardware/software/etc. will still be in use in five decades, as a “you think THAT’s hard, try finding a way to make your data readable in 10,000 years!” example. Definitely mind-boggling.
Welp, I found my new obsession.
Somebody once proposed writing a short story in which the Finns digging the giant hole to bury their nuclear waste run into … someone else’s buried nuclear waste.
D:
Ohh man. That pushes all of my post-apocalypse/mysterious past society/”don’t make the mistakes we made!” buttons.
Whoa.
I saw a movie about this problem a couple years ago! It was weird and fascinating. “Into Eternity” is what it’s called, it follows the construction of a permanent disposal site in Finland which is supposed to last for 100 000 years.
I am in an Awkward Situation, or at least adjacent to it. Friends broke up (LDR) when he finally realized he wasn’t attracted to women. On a visit to her city this week. I am friends with both of them and not sure how to be a good friend to both of them. Mostly right now I’m texting her puppy pictures.
Would it be too awkward to just ask them? Just tell them (separately) what you said above – “I’m friends with both of you and I’d like to keep it that way – what can I do to make this easier?” Try to make it clear that you’ll absolutely listen and sympathize about the shitty situation, but you’re not interested in participating in a shit-talking session about the other person.
I would suggest not choosing a side unless one did something terribly unforgiveable to the other. Also, I would suggest not being overinvolved in them for a little bit. Hang out with other friends. But of course, still be there for emotional support if they need you. I’m not suggesting avoidance as much as a bit of careful treading– you don’t want to be dragged into anything, but still try and be there for them. Sounds like a difficult situation and I hope all friendships stay positive and intact!
Eeek. Yeah, that’s a rough one. Do you interact with one of them on a more regular basis? Do they both have decent support networks?
ALTERNATE COOKING THREAD: it is January, it’s frigging cold, all I want to do with my weekends is make enormous pots full of glop and eat them forever. What are your favorite big-pot meals? I got a dutch oven for my last birthday so anything using that is a plus, but I am sure others would be delighted by slow cookers!
Thus far this year I’ve made Hoppin’ John (black-eyed pea stew) and a white bean, kale and chorizo stew thing. This weekend: chili. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Not quite “one pot” (I usually make it in one pot and one casserole dish), but Smitten Kitchen’s White Bean Swiss Chard Pot Pie (I leave out the bacon) is delicious!
Also: Smitten Kitchen’s tomato and sausage risotto. Healthier than most risottos, because the cooking liquid is the juice from cans of tomatoes, and it is delicious.
SOUP! Lately it’s been sweet potato/squash/pumpkin with coconut milk/ginger/curry powder.
I just ate a wonderful crock-pot sherpherds pie thing?? IT WAS SUPER GOOD
HUH. I thought part of the thing with shepherd’s pie was having the potatoes get all crispy on top in the oven – how’d they turn out in the crock pot?
It was made with sweet potato instead of regular– my family has a paleo lean to our diet most of the time– and they were definitely mush and not crispy. Everything tasted wonderful though!
I’m waiting for a good rainy weekend and then I will be going to town on a giant pot of chicken and dumplings.
Though we’re in a period of extreme drought with no rain in the forecast for the foreseeable future so I may be waiting a while. 🙁
Second on the chicken and dumplings. They’re so good!
I really love this stew with chickpeas and quinoa and coconut milk, which happens to be vegan. Her whole website is great!
Ack! That link just goes to this thread and I am very interested in this actual recipe!
Oh no! I don’t know what I did wrong, and I can’t edit, so: http://joanne-eatswellwithothers.com/2011/02/afri…
Awesome. Thank you! I want to make some batch meals for my bummed-out vegan friend and this seems like a great candidate.
I would eat Splendid Table’s Cuban Black Bean Stew every day all winter, if I could.
I repeat from above: beer braised carnitas will always save us; they are magical. http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Beer…
Also: pinto beans, with optional ham. Serve with cornbread and cheese and onion.
My sister-in-law got me a fabulous-looking vegan cookbook with her favorite recipes highlighted, and I am dying to try this kale and quinoa and white bean stew in it. (And after you mentioned chorizo? Might have to throw that in too.) I also made potato and leek soup, which was succulent. om nom. Thinking of making red lentil and potato stew, but my doctor wants me to cool it on the potassium intake for a little, and that recipe’s loaded with it, so I might put it off until I get another blood test.
Haha are you me? Those are the exact last two things that I cooked. Maybe I will also make chili this weekend and my transformation will be complete……..
I did kale/potato/red bean/ham soup last week! My pot wasn’t big enough for all the kale so I ended up eating half the soup, then adding more kale and another can of beans. It worked out pretty deliciously. I think I might do a chicken soup thing this weekend since I have like 15 bags of thighs in my freezer right now and I’m trying to be cheap for the rest of the month.
I’ve also been looking at Mark Bittman’s Vegan Before 6 thing because I want to get away from eating eggs every goddamn day for breakfast.
Almost any peanut + chicken stew combination. Also, sweet potatoes or pumpkin or squash (something orange, basically) + stock + blackbeans + chipotles in adobo is an awesome soup. And barley + beef + mushrooms.
One of Fine Cooking’s fall issues had basically a choose your own adventure guide for stew that has become a go-to in our house whenever we decide we want stew but can’t get any farther than that.
I quit smoking a few months ago and about two weeks ago I even quit the patch but then last night I had a big anxiety meltdown (I recently moved to a new city and I don’t have any friends and I probably never will and I bet I’ll just sit in my stupid apartment and stare at the walls every night for the rest of forever) and so I went out and bought a pack. I was doing so well! I’m not doomed, right?
Nope. NOPE. YOU ARE PERFECT AND FINE. Seriously, it happens to the best of us all. It’s a process. Get rid of what you have now, and carry on.
I guess I just find it really disheartening that even after I’ve kicked the physical cravings my first reaction to stress is still “I need a cigarette.” And like I said, I don’t have a ton of people around right now who can hold me to quitting/ yell at me when I have a cigarette in my hand.
It’s okay! I quit five months ago too, and some days I’m still AHHHH I NEED CIGARETTE. I haven’t fallen off the wagon yet, but I’m sure I will sometime or other. You just get back up again, I know you can do it!!! Sending all my support through the Interwebz, you’re doing great.
backsliding is ok and not a sign of futility at all! I quit smoking in August and at first had a lot of trouble with the anxiety/emotional-crutch aspect of it, and ended up smoking a few times in fits of uncontrollable anxiety. eventually though i had a backsliding episode where it had been long enough since my last cigarette that it just felt physically unpleasant and i still felt anxious afterwards and my mind finally made the connection somehow that it isn’t a solution for anxious feelings, and I haven’t had much trouble with giving it up since (although I’ll sometimes still really crave one when I’ve been drinking, but I find that’s an easier temptation to exist than the anxiety kind.) It definitely takes time to break the association of smoking with de-stressing, but you can do it! don’t be too hard on yourself, and good luck!!
We’re probably going to have to put one of my cats down and I am a horrible unfeeling monster because I’m not really sad. My roommate/cat co-parent is laying around weeping, and I’m mostly just relieved. We’ve had her for not quite a year, and this is her third major illness (they think it’s FIP this time). After all this stress and literally thousands of dollars of vet bills, I just want to not have to think about it any more.
ugh, that sucks about your cat 🙁 I don’t think it means you’re a horrible unfeeling monster because you’re not really sad: in many ways it could be indicative that you really care for the cat, because it sounds like she is really struggling with her health and you’re going to help her find peace. One of the vets I used to work for always said it best: “Euthanasia is the last caring gift a pet owner can give to their pet.”
And FIP is really gnarly, ugh. There’s no recovering from that.
Best of luck, and hugs.
I’m really really sorry. And grieve however you have to. I was given custody of two very senior cats who I knew were not long for the earth and earlier this year one definitely was dying and I just begged that it would happen naturally at my house, but alas, no, and I had to take him on the bus to the vet. I wept because it was a really rough time, but for three days of him dying I was mostly just sort of exhausted.
Take care of yourself and I hope your vet is good to you guys!
You’re definitely not a monster. I agree with the other Toasties, it shows that you really care about doing the best thing for your cat. I had to put down my (19 year old!) cat and although I was definitely weepy for ages, I also knew that it was a long time coming, she wasn’t happy anymore and it needed to happen. Just try to be kind to your roommate and be patient with their grieving process, as I hope they are doing with you. Everyone processes stuff like this differently.
One of my best friends made a game and it’s now on the iTunes app store, which is super exciting. I’m really proud of him so I’m plugging this everywhere. If you have an iDevice, you should download it here!
I am militantly anti-New Year’s resolutions, yet I am trying something new and sticking with it pretty well. I’m trying to learn French using a computer program and corresponding app that are actually quite fun. My accent is atrocious but I’m having a good time and my mother, who took a lot of French, corrects my pronunciation when I say things on the phone.
One of my obstacles is French people speak so fast and it all runs together so I can’t really understand anything I would hear in a movie or on the radio. Any French-speaking Toasties who could recommend some additional resources that are more real life than a language app? I think YouTube would be a good place to start. Maybe some French cartoons?
Est-ce que tu veux pratiquer le français avec un ami? C’est le meilleur procédé. Peut-être trouver un ami et pratiquer avec Skype?
Good suggestion. I also work with a woman from Brittany. I should practice on her as well.
are you using duolingo? I’m using it to try to brush up my Spanish right now, and have found it fun to use and useful for written vocab/grammar skills, but not so great for listening comprehension. if you’re using something else, please share!
Yep, I’m using duolingo. It’s a good starting point and I like that each lesson can be finished quickly, but yeah, the listening comprehension is what I struggle with too.
I know more written than spoken French, but in watching The Returned (with English subtitles) I’ve found they speak more slowly than I’m used to in other French-language media and that’s helped me get a better handle on some of my vocabulary. It’s also very good!
BBC has some good resources, with lots of videos and listening activities. I’d second the recommendation for Duolingo, especially for beginners. At the advanced level it gets a bit wonky, and there are a lot of mistakes. Cartoons can be a little tricky – the exaggerated voices can make it harder to understand, rather than easier. That said, watching something like The Simpsons in French, especially if you’ve already seen it in English and remember the story, can be really good practice. Bon courage, et très bonne continuation!
Watching The Simpsons helped me so much with real life English (I’m French Canadian), so I second this strategy!
Maybe an audiobook if you’re looking to practice your listening skills? If you can find movies/tv series in French with French subtitles, it also helps a lot. Bonne chance!
Actually, IPA helped me a lot with my pronunciation whenever I had to learn a new language. It’s not for everyone, but maybe you could try it: it’s pretty easy to pick up. And that way, there’s no speed issue.
Depending on where you live, there might be language learning/practice meet-up groups?
The news is generally either slower or more clearly enunciated as well much less slangy than TV shows, I found. I like http://www.francetvinfo.fr/replay-jt/france-2/ for tv-style news hours and the RFI (Radio France Internationale) site for streaming radio.
Awesome! RFI would be good to listen to on my phone.
My mom listens to French radio stations for exactly this reason! They usually speak very clearly with lots of names of people and places and companies that will be the same in English and French to help you if you get lost. She listens to Radio-Canada, but I’m guessing that’s Quebecois-French not France-French and you probably don’t want to end up with a Quebecois accent.
Someone already mentioned the news, which is more clearly enunciated and has predictable, often repetitive content, which is very helpful, but I’d also recommend watching movies you already know (even better movies you know pretty well) dubbed into French. It’s usually an option on most mainstream DVDs. You’ll have extra context clues to help your brain start sorting streams of sound into individual words. Star Wars, Dirty Dancing, Children of Paradise, whatever floats your boat. Even french-dubbed American TV series over youtube.
Also, if you watch African-French movies, they speak a lot more slowly. Sembene Ousmane is a good director.
you guys know how Janet says in Tam Lin that the fatal flaw of a novel-reader is to want to know what will happen if you allow a situation to develop unmolested? here is what happens: you get a fucking hat for christmas. the most awkward of all situations!
I was brought up to believe that you do not accept jewelry or any other personal adornments from a gentleman you are not sleeping with unless you either want him to believe that you are willing to sleep with him or you just have no morals at all. (I was brought up in the nineteenth century.) And you do not offer intimate items [1] to a woman you are not sleeping with, whom you wish to sleep with, and who does not wish to sleep with you, unless you are just awful. And I do believe that it is incredibly forward of a man to give you A HAT for christmas especially when anybody who is close enough to you to be permitted to give you hats would know that you would rather lose your eartips to frostbite than wear a fucking cloche hat.
but since it was wrapped and I did not unwrap it until days later, I did not know at the time to decline it or fling it upon the ground or whatever you do. and now it is much too late. but jesus. don’t give a woman a hat, it will enrage her.
another thing: is it a good idea to get a massage from a place that is not only gender-variance-positive, woman positive, and fat positive (all fine things) but also “kink-positive” to such a degree that they set you up with a safeword first? I feel like that is kind of the opposite of earnestly respecting boundaries and also hilarious, but I have had a knot under my shoulder blade since grad school on top of my recent broken spine problems so I am trying to keep an open mind.
[1] the head is the most intimate of all womanly places as it is where we keep our brains
…is “hat” a euphemism?
I have never had to deal with odd unsolicited gifts from men before, but I have a close friend who recieved an emerald necklace (!!??) from one and a rose gold watch (??????) from another. One she attempted to return but the gift giver insisted she keep it. So I guess make an attempt to return it??
They set up a safeword with you??? That sounds… I don’t know how to feel about that other than confused.
I mean….that’s what the owner’s blog leads me to believe. all this business about trusting the client to say particular words if they are in the bad kind of pain so that they can trust that all other noises are not to be regarded and are just part of the process.
also you have to do a 30-minute talk with your particular massage therapist before your first visit so that they know allll about you and your needs. that is fine with me because I can talk about my back for literal hours and if I run out of things to say I can just start reading off my MRI report. but I wonder what normal people with normal back spasms find to talk about for that long.
30 minutes seems long for that. But that does actually sound nice. I feel like… in the context of a massage, you should be able to communicate well enough without needing a specific safeword, but I guess if that’s how they want to do it, it makes sense? I find the fact that they use that paradigm odd just because massage parlors are so explicit about sexual anything not being allowed in their business.
That, uh, doesn’t sound like a massage parlor. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. Or, perhaps it is, in an even more traditional sense.
the last massage I got was from a place whose marketing gimmick was lack of sleaze so I am looking forward to a change.
(they are just super serious hippies though I think. Nice people I am sure. yelp reviews love them. and they are right around the corner from my metro stop so it is ok if they are just a little bit creepy.)
I hit thumbs-up as soon as I read that first paragraph, and I regret I could not hit it more times.
Seriously, don’t give me a cloche for Christmas unless it’s 1922 and you are my Bosom Friend.
you can give it to me! I look damn fine in a cloche and will take hats from ANYONE at ANYTIME!
My day has been a rollercoaster. Tripped in the dark this morning and hit my head on a wall. Getting out of the car to begin my bus commute, my shoe slipped off (having a wide foot and wearing flats usually means I need to go up a half a size, and it’s all fine and dandy until I decide to wear tights) and I stepped in a really deep puddle. But then when I got to work, a lot of stuff I’d been waiting on got resolved. I’ve been able to be super productive. AND ALSO IT’S FRIDAY. So today is good! 2014 so far though has overall been kind of mellow and quiet. And I don’t like quiet.
So… maybe all the bungling bits of the day got themselves over with first thing? That would be good, right?
You’re right!! I generally injure myself at least once a day so I’m glad I don’t have it hanging over my head anymore :p
Internet Dating Thread!!! Tell your stories of terror and glory and whatnot with the humans from the Interwebz.
Mine: Went on a Tinder date on Wednesday with someone who spent the whole time talking about his failed marriage/ongoing divorce and all the other women he’s dated since separating from his wife three months ago. DAfuq.
Oh man, I told myself I would get back on the dating trend in the new year and now we’re in the new year so I guess I should do that. So maybe I should stay away from what is sure to be a scary thread.
I think I may be leaving this thread?? I met a lovely man from OKC before the holidays and we’ve really hit it off. The problem is I like being single and dating casually whereas he is a capital-R-Relationship guy. It sounds weird but I have plans for my spinster life and I wasn’t expecting to sort-of-grieve for that life. I know logically there’s a very small chance that any relationship will go long-term and I can always change and adapt my plans but ugh. I’m tempted to just throw everything out and take to the sea.
As of last Saturday night, I have a boyfriend…to whom I will be saying “I love you” the next time I see him, per our agreement of Saturday night. So, that’s fun.
And, I’m talking to 2 ladies on OKC that I really like AND am attracted to, which I’m very excited about. There was a slight debacle about 6 weeks ago with a lady I went out with that I didn’t know I wasn’t attracted to. Unfortunately, I don’t know of any other way to meet women than online dating, and that is a huge downside to the whole concept.
Definitely the guy who can’t stop talking about his divorce despite saying he isn’t going to go on about his divorce is the worst guy. I had one of those back in the fall, and he disappeared one week because he had fallen in love in 3 days with someone he met on a bender…
Prawns! I hoped you would be here! Also, meeting women is hard, especially if you don’t have some lady baiting tricks. Honestly, my friend EJ and I were talking yesterday– it is easy for us to pick up teh queerz at hetero bars? But it depends the lady you want.
I know you talk about being poly? And I think I’m sort of trying a poly thing and it both exhilarates and confuses me and I wondered if I could ask you a question? SORRY TO HIJACK THE THREAD.
teach me your ways
No, seriously, I go to THE MOST HETERO SCHOOL and I am too lazy to go to LGBT things. I’d prefer if I could just aggressively flirt my way into knowing their queerness.
The most hetero college? Because that might be more difficult. And to be fair, I recognize I have an amount of privilege because while not androgynous in the slightest, I definitely work at my genderqueer presentation when out and trying to flirt with the ladies. So fuck femme invisibility, but you know, if you have short hair and a little swag, it goes miles.
It is not super hard to aggressively flirt into someone’s queerness (I find house parties and dive bars to be excellent about this!), HOWEVER the ramifications are often sort of awful. I may or may not be a judgey pants about enjoying making out with a straight lassie (often with a boyfriend who thinks IT DOESNT COUNT, or that making out and tit grabbing doesn’t make her a queer, fine by me, lady) who then falls into a tailspin of WHO AM I? I had to make a conscious decision to stop being a starter queer because I dunno, it gets kind of old, which makes me sound awful but I just wanted to warn you. And I think all the queer stuff on campuses is about people really being into their labels and you know, that’s important for a lot of people for a time, it just isn’t for me right now.
Other good places to flirt with ladies: any sort of retro dance night (soul dancing/queer contra dancing/the new wave night I went to last night), kareoke, art galleries. What kind of ladies are yo looking for?
Ask away! I may not know the answer, but I’ll tell you what I think, at the very least. 🙂
Okay! So I’m currently in a fun play thing with a young man who was very open about telling me he was poly and has a GF and they both do things. I guess he would be more “open relationship”. From the outset he’s been great about being direct and honest with me. We’ve now met up twice and since my semester is starting, I’d like for our fun times to continue but it is going to be a challenge, with my schedule etc. I’m trying to get him to come this weekend for a playdate and basically I want to know if it is within my boundaries to ask:
What’s the deal with his primary partner, aka, are there rules about hosting and perhaps me and him going to a play party, us hanging out, etc?
How often does he want to hang out and see me?
Would he want to do things in tandem with the sexing (I am more comfortable playing with people I can hold conversation with)? I asked him off the bat what his expectations were and he said he was looking for a mid-to-long relationship involving playing and kinky stuff.
(sad admission: I creeped him on the internet hard because I am very good at it and also found his OKC profile where he says he is interested in like, doing not just the sexing with other partners? also I dunno, I think I have a crush D:)
You can definitely ask about his rules with his primary partner. I’ve generally discussed this with prospective partners when A) the prospective partner asks, or B) 2nd or 3rd date depending on where the conversation leads. There’s nothing wrong with not having asked up to now, but if you like him, you need to know what not do do, eh? Any poly/open person should be open to you knowing their rules, or at least the rules that are relevant to you. (I have a few rules that apply only to my husband and my relationship that other partners need not know about.)
You should definitely ask how much room he has for dating/playing with you, if only to be sure that this is a guy you yourself have time for. If he wants way more time than you can give, it is better to know that now before things get un-pantsy, or any more un-pantsy.
Also definitely say that you get along better in sex with people you can spend time with apart from the sex. Then, follow through with that if it’s what you want.
It’s completely fine to have crushes on people you’re playing with/sexing! I mean, seriously. Why wouldn’t you do that stuff with someone you like?
Hope I didn’t get too rambly…
Un-pantsy. I love that term! Thanks for improving my world today.
No no this is GREAT! You are wonderful! I guess I just haven’t had a crush in a while, tbh. And thank you so much for making me feel not crazy because I was like aw shit I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to ask him :\ (I was out of the country/in a hurry our last play date) and want to get the ducks rowed up before life turns into what it is.
Please be an advice columnist you are great! Good luck with the ladies!
Oh man, do I need this thread right now!
So I have been seeing this okcupid guy for, like, a month. And he’s fine, I guess? I don’t feel strongly one way or the other about him, which is a bad sign, right? But he’s a perfectly nice dude!
So I saw him last week and haven’t talked to him since. I feel like I should text him, but I don’t really know what to say, since I don’t feel that strongly about the whole thing? I mean, I feel strongly enough to be like “but whyyyyy hasn’t he texted me,” but I feel that strongly about basically everyone I text, so. I should just be like “come do this activity with me,” right? Or should I leave well enough alone?
I also have Tales of Past Hilarity, like the dude who sent me a breakup email written in the exact style of a failed job application. Wishing me luck in all of my future endeavors, when all my endeavors are dudes? Weird.
Oh man, this is a weird one. Look, it is winter, we’re all cold and want company. But I’d cut him loose. Wait to see if he follows up with you and asks questions, to which you can say that you’re just not feeling it (because honesty is good) but if not and you want a booty call, maybe just let it lie?
If not, and you are looking for a boo because you want to date, cut him free. It is a good thing to do for you both.
Thanks! Yeah, I think mostly I just needed to hear that from someone else. Internet moral support is the best! And I mean that sincerely!
Take to heart the first LW in today’s advice column.
Terror: See last week’s Batman incident (other dealbreakers I should’ve paid attention to: he was really into being an athiest, he collected flags but only had three and ONE WAS THE STARS AND BARS, giving me hickeys when i said no hickeys ever porfa); the dude who after I said I was in school and busy and not into commitment proceeded to call me like daily and just become overeager then very nasty when I backed off (“nice guy” syndrome), the beautiful girl who called me a bad lesbian (which, yes, that’s true) and trapped me in a bathroom wanting to fuck even though I just wanted to make out right at that moment, a dude I’m pretty sure had sex with me because he was in the closet but wanted to see what it was like to fuck someone with a high-tight fade?
Glory: see two very cute dudes I want on rotation; a one night stand using OKC locals with a very tall brit who bought me drinks, a sweet community organizer who was super cool about me going through really weird shit meaning I wasn’t happy enough to be dating anyone. I don’t do OKC right now but being a veteran of CL was fun for a time!
Woke up with a GIANT ingrown hair/boil thing on the very very upper inside part of my thigh, constantly rubbing on everything, and I am deeply displeased.
I HATE THOSE THINGS 🙁
Is “terrified for you” an appropriate emotion?
oh noooo….hot compresses!
Lance that sucker!
See a doc if it’s warm / red / potentially infected! I get those reasonable-sized bumps a lot, but I also got a terrifying protrusion one a few months ago that appeared out of nowhere, and it turned out to require antibiotics.
I’m trying to branch out from my current friends (I love them all dearly, but I am tired of being single and also it would be good to know more people.) Problem: I do not really know how to meet people. Tonight, I would like to go to a bar and meet people. What bar do I go to in Portland to meet people? I really have no idea how to go about making new friends and it’s been two and a half years since I left college and I have basically one new friend that I see regularly since then, and I only know her because she’s dating one of my college friends. She’s the best though; I adore her.
I have never been to Portland so I cannot help you, but I am in the same boat. All my friends are coupled up and none of them know anyone else outside the group either. It’s so hard to make new friends!
Ahhhh right? My friends are mostly single but I do not want to date them; they are terrible. (Not really; I love them. But not my type for dates and relationships.) Still, I want to go out and meet nice men and make new friends, and today seems like the Perfect day for this because my friends are going to be playing Magic: The Gathering and I do not wish to.
OR IF THERE ARE PORTLAND TOASTIES: Do you want to hang out?
Come to Ashland! I will hang out with you in Ashland!
If I could drive I would be super tempted, but I cannot drive, which is why I live near Portland and bike around in hideous bike clothing and take light rail everywhere.
Oh, we would be besties. I do the same, just substitute bus for light rail.
I am a not bar person, and if you suspect you may not be either you will probably have better luck finding friends at an activity group, like a sport or hobby or volunteering.
This is good advice for sure! I think I am a person who can very much like bars, provided they are the right sort of bars. I did rather well at making friends at PAX pub crawls, so I think I might do rather well if I can find a nice bar where nerds congregate? I also find a mild to moderate amount of alcohol does pretty well on bringing out some extroversion and shoving my anxieties into the corner of my mind so that I do not fret that people are not liking me, et cetera. But I do plan on finding a good group of board game playing sort of folks, or that sort of thing. I guess I just want to be less of a hermit this year. Or at least try being extroverted and meeting people and if it goes wrong I can always Take to the Sea with my cat.
Trying to decide on what to have for lunch/afternoon snack:
Option A: One of those weird, vegetal, green juices from a hippie cafe, followed by a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
Option B: Milkshake (flavor tbd) followed by a bowl of Grape Nuts for snack time.
Both options sound good to me right now, but consuming all of the above in one afternoon will make me feel gross, and feeling gross negates the awesomeness of food.
A! Fruity Pebbles are the bomb
They are! They really really are. I was stuck with a mad craving the other day and promptly went out and bought a box and they tasted JUST LIKE they were supposed to! Never before, and probably never again, has a craving been so quickly and easily satisfied.
How amazing are Tylenol liquid gel caps? My head was a pain-tornado this morning and now I’m functional enough to read The Toast and not contemplate the merits of Just Ending It All. Sickness is really not my thing. On the other hand, my puppy is super into my illness hibernation because he is ALSO cuddle bug and immediately went to spoon me when I laid back down. MY PRINCE.
All of this to say, keep the DIY soup recipes coming ladies.
Ugh, how miserable, except for the puppy and the Tylenol.
When I’m sick, the only soup I can bear to make* is miso soup, a big scoop of miso stirred to a slurry with a bit of hot water and whatever seasonings I can muster: grated ginger, scissored-up scallions, maybe some garlic and some sesame oil. Then I add whatever looks good in the fridge: spinach, cooked broccoli, cubes of tofu, edamame. If I’m on the mend, I might stand over the stove long enough to cook some noodles or poach an egg and plop it into the bowl, then top everything up with hot water or stock and retire to the couch, where I slurp it up.
*As opposed to canned chicken noodle soup, which I keep in an emergency stash and break out only when I have a terrible cold.
Mmmmm that sounds amazing and doable. I’m about to start a chicken broth + curry thing and throw in everything I can find.
Edit: I actually meant Advil Liquid Gel Caps and feel VERY guilty for incorrectly identifying my Saving Grace.
I’ve been doing do almost the same thing except instead of poaching the egg I crack it directly in the soup for maximum easiness. Also sriracha because it’s delicious and clears out my sinuses.
Poaching eggs in soup is an excellent choice, always.
… I did not know you could do this. You just… crack an egg INTO the soup? What happens? Is this what egg drop soup is ? Does everyone know this? I’m so excited.
Chicken Tortellini Soup:
Some chicken broth — I used two small containers
A chicken breast
A package of fresh cheese tortellini — the kind you pick up from a refrigerated case
A bag of baby spinach
Pour chicken broth into a pot and place chicken breast in pot. Broth should cover chicken. Heat.
When the chicken is done, take it out of the broth and shred it with a fork and knife. Basically, you want pieces you can fit on a spoon. Drop shredded chicken back into broth.
Drop tortellini into broth and cook until al dente. Then, pour spinach into broth.
When spinach is wilted, soup is done. Turn off heat and ladle into bowl.
Oh, and my afternoon soup turned into pumpkin curry w crab! It was delicious and much less intimidating than the title sounds (Plus I had leftover pumpkin in the pantry from the holidays / Trader Joes crab-in-a-can is great in a pinch). Loosely adapted from this recipe: https://www.phillipsfoods.com/recipes-cooking-tip…
I think I need to have a scary DTR talk this weekend with the guy I’ve been seeing except he HASN’T RESPONDED TO MY TEXT and I’m reacting like a tenth grader with an overactive imagination. More than 24 hours have passed and all I asked was if he’s around this weekend!! A totally innocent message. He obviously has decided he hates me.
(ok I don’t really think that but I ALSO am considering saying that my texts are acting weird and sending another. They intermittently are acting kinda weird, but … ugh that feels kinda slimy idk)
(alternately, it has crossed my mind that he could be dead and I would have no way of knowing. SOMEONE TURN OFF MY BRAIN)
I DO THE SAME THING ALL THE TIME. Try texting him about something else, something really super innocuous like “wow I just ate the best lunch ever” and see if he responds and if he does trap him with your question again :p
THIS DO THIS!
Also, it’s very possible that he read the text (erasing the notification), but didn’t/couldn’t respond right then and forgot about it (I do this allll the tiiiiiime) (because I am the wooooorst), so re-asking might not even end up being necessary.
I think it’s totally okay to text again. Do it!
Brain, behave!
2014 is pretty great so far for me! I found an apartment! I went to see it on Sunday, they offered it to me on Monday, and now I’m frantically packing up all my shit to move tomorrow! I have been in a temporary spot for seven months, and it FELT temporary. I am SO looking forward to being in a new space that’s all mine and that will be mine for a while. And the roommates seem really nice and normal. AND there’s a washer and dryer in the unit!!!! And it’s only ….. half my monthly salary. At least it’s half my NET salary! (I’m in San Francisco so that is pretty normal.)
CONGRATULATIONS! That’s huge, wonderful news! There’s nothing so grounding and restful as having a home after living space-to-space for a while.
hey DC toasties! I’m visiting my parents, who just moved here (to NoVA). What should I do this weekend??
If you’re down at the Mall, make a point to visit the Botanical Garden! Especially when it’s cold outside, it’s the perfect place to escape. It’s balmy and gorgeous and just a fun place to wander around for a bit.
If it’s not TOO cold, I also suggest visiting the National Arboretum, which is a bit outside of downtown in kind of a sketchy area, but the arboretum itself is amazing and definitely off the beaten path, if you’re into that kind of thing. Also, one of the Smithsonian museums that gets overlooked is the Renwick, which is fantastic and kind of weird. I recommend that, as well.
The Renwick is closed for the next two years for a renovation, sadly. I highly recommend the Portrait Gallery/Museum of American Art, though! It’s where Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Ball was held and there’s all sorts of super cool, semi-hidden stuff.
I have never heard of the Renwick! I feel severely lacking in my DC-ness. I also agree that the Portrait Gallery is great, even just to sit in the courtyard and stare up at the ceiling.
I also recommend the Arboretum, should be a fairly nice winter’s day on Sunday. But sure to walk to the top of the hill on the azelea trail to see the glimpse of the Capitol. Also walk down Asia Valley to stand by the Anacostia river and look for birds. Or go to peer through the reeds for frogs at the frog pond in fern valley (unless, are frogs not year round? No idea)
But the metro is going to be FUBAR this weekend, if you can avoid it!! (OK maybe not that bad, but delays on all lines)
The Freer & Sackler galleries have some super cool stuff for the artsy folk– the Peacock Room at the Freer is incredible, and the Art of Yoga exhibit that’s on at the Sackler gallery right now is very cool, even if you don’t do yoga. Bonus: these 2 museums are connected by an underground tunnel.
The Air & Space Museum annex at Dulles is also very cool if you care about planes, etc. They have a space shuttle! (!!!!!!) (I assume you’ve got car access if your parents are in NoVa)
Also, have a nice meal out! There are a bajillion great restaurants in DC these days.
Are there any other Toasties who live here in San Diego? (be jealous, it’s 64 degrees and sunny)
I’d like to have a meetup, maybe a cocktail hour IN REAL LIFE!
I JUST MOVED TO SAN DIEGO A COUPLE MONTHS AGOOOOO. I live in Bay Park and love it.
Im in LA but just had a very extended wkd vacay there w the bf and we had SOOO MUCH FUN. Do you know about that place in the gas lamp district w the dollar oyster happy hour???
I’ve been pretty indifferent to 2014 so far, but that matches my general outlook on the months January-mid March.
I get to go on week-long vacation to a tropical island next in 10 days, which is great. I’ve also had vague symptoms of illness for the past week, without the joy of getting to indulge in Sickness Activities (go to sleep at 6pm, work from home, general sympathy from others), so that’s been annoying. At least I don’t have Throat Plague like Mallory, though (feel better SOON!)
You guys, I just woke up and realized that the last book in the Clan of the Cave Bear series came out like two years ago, and I read it. Why was it SO AWFUL. Why is Jondalar such an oversized fart of a human being.
Clan of the Cave Bear was unfortunately my first real introduction to sex ed. I can’t believe it only ended two years ago!
Am I taking well-meant advice gracelessly or was this a bone-headed move on my friends part?
Background (without giving too many details because paranoid): Have been unhappily unemployed for a very long time and have had a series of three pretty traumatic events happen this fall (one example – major car accident) that has left me pretty exhausted and down. I am aware of and am trying to shake things up and try different approaches to my job search, but am feeling stuck.
Earlier this week, when out to lunch with a friend, she said, “So… You’ve been out of work for XX months right now and something’s not working. You need to try a different approach. Why don’t you try…” (named things that are obvious to try and I have considered, and have done some of them but not others.) “I’m worried for you.”
She went on to describe that she’s been there and understands, but her understanding was annoying, e.g., “I know you’re probably thinking, ‘I wish XXX would just hire me back'” (ugh, NO I DO NOT THINK THIS) and “No-one is going to save you,” (triple ugh, I ESPECIALLY DO NOT THINK THIS!)
Anyhow, hearing this hurt and I felt blind-sided by it. I tried to just listen and let it absorb, i.e., take advice/criticism like a mature person, but – there was no advice there, other than “just do it!” It also sent me into a bit of a depression/tailspin. I’m trying to stay positive and have things to hope for, but she just so clearly outlined all my failures and did not really tell me anything new that I did not know/give me any new ideas, so this just left me feeling bad. On the other hand, I know she meant well… and I know she’s partly right – I just need to do something, anything to get out of my funk, but I feel irritated with her now! Like, I need you to just be my friend, not be my mother. This sort of “tough love” just makes me feel dumb and embarrassed!
Ugh, should I tell my friend my feelings about this or am I just not really taking advice/concern like and adult? (A strong possibility, I worry?)
It is my humble opinion that unless someone explicitly asks for advice or is about to kill or maim someone in short order, one should kindly shut the hell up. It’s not her job to give you advice you did not want or ask for. If you do decide to talk about it, you can always acknowledge that her intentions may have been good, but the effect of her “concern” was pretty negative and hurtful to your self-esteem (or whatever you want to say).
Basically, you are being a perfectly fine adult, in my opinion. No one wants unsolicited advice, especially not patronizing, crappy unsolicited advice.
Thanks for your feedback… I have decided to talk to her about it, and in the vein you’ve noted above. She was so genuine in her concern, and frankly correct about part of what she was saying, that I wanted to be sure I wasn’t just annoyed at being called out. Also, I want to be the kind of person who can truly take ‘difficult’ feedback! It’s worth noting that she comes from a “stick” worldview and I come from a “carrot” worldview and that plays in to this whole mess, as well.
Again, thanks for the input. :O)
Am I taking well-meant advice gracelessly or was this a bone-headed move on my friends part?
Background (without giving too many details because paranoid): Have been unhappily unemployed for a very long time and have had a series of three pretty traumatic events happen this fall (one example – major car accident) that has left me pretty exhausted and down. I am aware of and am trying to shake things up and try different approaches to my job search, but am feeling stuck.
Earlier this week, when out to lunch with a friend, she said, “So… You’ve been out of work for XX months right now and something’s not working. You need to try a different approach. Why don’t you try…” (named things that are obvious to try and I have considered, and have done some of them but not others.) “I’m worried for you.”
She went on to describe that she’s been there and understands, but her understanding was annoying, e.g., “I know you’re probably thinking, ‘I wish XXX would just hire me back'” (ugh, NO I DO NOT THINK THIS) and “No-one is going to save you,” (triple ugh, I ESPECIALLY DO NOT THINK THIS!)
Anyhow, hearing this hurt and I felt blind-sided by it. I tried to just listen and let it absorb, i.e., take advice/criticism like a mature person, but – there was no advice there, other than “just do it!” It also sent me into a bit of a depression/tailspin. I’m trying to stay positive and have things to hope for, but she just so clearly outlined all my failures and did not really tell me anything new that I did not know/give me any new ideas, so this just left me feeling bad. On the other hand, I know she meant well… and I know she’s partly right – I just need to do something, anything to get out of my funk, but I feel irritated with her now! Like, I need you to just be my friend, not be my mother. This sort of “tough love” just makes me feel dumb and embarrassed!
Ugh, should I tell my friend my feelings about this or am I just not really taking advice/concern like and adult? (A strong possibility, I worry?)
It’s good that you can see her advice was well-meant, but it CLEARLY has not helped you. If you can convey to her that: 1: you appreciate that she is trying to help you, but 2: it did not help, and 3: she does not understand where you are or how you are thinking and feeling about things, which is understandable because we cannot always intuit others feelings.
You listened to her advice, and you can see that it is probably from good intentions and these are good and important things. But another thing that a mature person gets to do is say things like: “I know that this came from good intentions, but it is not helping me. If you want to help me out, it would help if you did x, y, or z” (substitute appropriately if you can think of something that would help you.) I think you sound perfectly adult, at least from what you’ve said here.
Completely unsolicited advice is irksome at best, and when it doesn’t appear to include any actual ADVICE it is even worse. I feel like in general, theoretically, this kind of situation doesn’t have to be terrible – but the situation you described sounds awful. So yeah, your feelings sound justified!
As to telling your friend… do you think she would accept it or would she flip out and make you feel even worse for daring to not take her advice as gospel? (Not that this has ever happened to me.) Is this a one-time thing or does she do this a lot?
This might be incoherent, I’ve hit the “why the fuck isn’t it the weekend” wall, but you are absolutely not being a baby about this.
It sounds to me like you have a friend that is concerned about you and not that great with handling tough situations! If it really continues to bother you very badly then talk to her about it, but it sounds like you have some other stuff to focus on resolving that seems more vital just now.
What she said is terrible and judgmental. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that.
If you think she will respond defensively to your feelings, I wouldn’t talk to her about it. But, if you think she just didn’t get that saying all of those things to you would be shitty and she might apologize, then you could talk to her about it.
I’ve been on both sides of that kind of judgmental bullshit. I’ve thought I was being helpful when really I was just spewing awfulness. And, I’ve been told I wasn’t doing enough in some situations where there was literally no way I-as-myself could have done more, and it ruined me briefly to be told that.
Job search advice from peers/friends is almost always useless (not to mention faintly condescending: “Make sure to tailor your resume to the position you’re applying for!” Thank you; I am, as you know, exceptionally dull-witted).
I’m sure your friend meant well, but if she wanted to help, she should have offered to help. “Can I give my friend your resume–she works in HR” is helping; “You need to shape up” is not.
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies! Toasties are truly the best. I think I do need to talk to my friend about the conversation. She is someone who has become a friend over the past year or so, so mostly she has known me as sort of depressed and unemployed and doesn’t have a lot of real exposure to my best self, so to speak. I think she will be able to take gentle advice on her advice, and I think I do want to give it, if only so she learns how to give me effective advice/consolation in the future.
Again, thank you so much! It feels so good to be understood!
I was unemployed for a long while, and I totally feel you. I don’t think some people realize how exhausting and condescending their “advice” can be, especially if you’re hearing it from lots of people.
One other thing you might try is just redirecting the conversation when people start to give you unsolicited advice. Either something really heartfelt, or more joke-y if you don’t want to get into it; like, “Oh my God, I am so sick of spending all my time thinking about jobs that I can’t bear to talk about it for one more moment. Tell me about your cat/favorite TV show/vacation/etc!” Repeat as needed, ad nauseum.
Especially if they have a cat. I will talk to you about my cat for days. SHE’S SO CUTE etc etc
her name is Commander and she’s a stupid sweetie who climbs like crazy
I would love to hear about your cat! I desperately want one but I am not allowed to. 🙁
I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT HER. AT LENGTH. She’s a not-even-9 pound ball of ridiculousness who is super chatty and instead of jumping up her cat tree, she climbs it like a terrifying monkey. She’s all black except for a teeny patch of white on her belly, like, quarter-sized. And she does that head butting/bunting friendly thing cats do, but sometimes she does it kind of hard and it’s like, CAT I NEED THIS FOREHEAD but you are such a sweetie. She hooks her claws into little foam balls and throws them to chase for herself; it’s insane and adorable. Commander’s friendly with everyone, but she doesn’t really cuddle much. Except with books. She will sit on all of your books. Especially while you are in the middle of reading them. And she is so best even though she jumps on the table all the time.
No, you’re not overreacting. Even if she meant well, what she said was extremely condescending. If it were me, I’d talk to her about it if I thought she’d respond well. If not, and if it happens again, you could try responding with a breezy, “yes, the job hunt is plugging along, keep your fingers crossed for me!” and then tactfully change the subject.
Toasties, someone I work with just thought “seminal” meant “full of semen”.
You realize you now have an obligation to tell the story? To completion. (Hey-O!)
0.o
Same root!
ETA: It’s medical definition actually does mean “of or pertaining to semen,” so they’re not super duper wrong. Although I’m guessing in context, they were. Hopefully.
I’m having a high anxiety day and I feel pretty worthless so I’m going to put on dark side of the moon, take a xanax, bust out my work for the day and go to the bar. And then I’m going to play the Cheers theme song on the jukebox.
Amazing. I, too, listen to dark side of the moon when I’m feeling anxious. Feel better!
I just walked in, tossed my stuff on a chair, and told the bartender “B, I need a shot, a beer, and a bite of that sandwich you’re eating.”
I feel better already. It was a good sandwich too. He gave me three bites 🙂
2014 is going pretty well! I only have my book reading resolution and some fitness/strength benchmarks that I want to hit for the year, and so far I have been pretty consistent on both.
re. books: Thank you to everyone who responded to my questions about goodreads vs. tumblr; I’ve created a tumblr page for my book reading resolution and have been posting regularly (booktasticvoyage.tumblr.com, if anyone is curious) and joined a couple of groups in goodreads as well.
re. fitness: Okay, I lied. I want to do a log clean and press (not with any weight added, just the log as demonstrated in that clip) and I haven’t been practicing that. I can clean & jerk the equivalent of a log on a barbell but I’ve struggled with pressing the log because it is a really awkwardly shaped implement. BUT that is mostly because I am more focused on being able to low bar back squat 200lbs at least once this year, and have been making good progress on that.
My other goal is to work on my pull ups so I can do more than one. Or maybe I should just change that to “work on your pull ups at least once a week.” I’m terrible at keeping up with my pull ups and that hasn’t really changed. Last year I managed to do one unassisted a day, and would have to jump or do other silliness to do more reps.
I followed you on tumblr! I’m chulachula.tumblr.com. Mine was ostensibly created to write book reviews but I haven’t had any time to read recently….hopefully I will get back to it soon! I love book tumblrs.
I saw that and followed you back immediately. 🙂 Thanks! I was on tumblr before but never explored the world of book tumblrs.
Guys! This week has been both great and sad for me. I am in London, whereas normally I am in Canada, so that is good. I got a bad mark back (which, sadly, does actually Matter For My Life as I’m in a professional program). My mother and I are going to Morocco for two weeks but she just broke her toe and will be on crutches the whole time. However, TWO men stopped me on the street today to comment on my radiant beauty &c. CLEARLY I need to stay in England forever.
Holy crap, your radiant beauty must be REALLY fucking radiant if London dudes are actually so moved by it that they’d willingly speak to a stranger!
I started a Kettlebell class this week and I kind of wanted to puke during the class yesterday. I like to think it’s because I ate too much and not because I am that out shape. My everything hurts today though!
NYC TOASTIES!!!
MEETUP TONIGHT
OK former hairpin nyc group is encouraging and welcoming all toasties to come. We’re in the process of a name change to be more welcoming of all smart ladies of the internet as well.
If you are interested our book club is tonight at 7pm at rpm bar and the meetup is 8pm at the same place. Were moving to do karaoke elsewhere beginning around 9pm.
The book is Americanah but if you haven’t read it come anyway, there will be less people during the book discussion and it will be easy to introduce yourselves. We’re fun I promise.
TODAY I WENT TO THE STORE
now I am safely back in bed, the end
So happy you’re not dying as much!
The week was insane. INSANE. For reasons I can’t really go into.
Also I missed the favorite non-english teacher post, so I’m just going to list mine here: Mr. D’Orazio taught spanish at my high school. He was an old Italian-Jewish former Golden Gloves boxer from the Bronx. He taught us very little Spanish and told us stories instead. We laughed about the Illuminati on more than one occasion.
NYC TOASTIES!!!
Omg I posted like an hour ago but it didn’t go through but there is a meetup tonight. Our book club is now and were having a sweet discussion about Americanah. The meetup officially starts at 8 and were leaving the bar at 9 ish for karaoke. If my nattery isnt dead ill post the karaoke location.
Were at rpm bar on the corner of broome amd allen. Come out internet feminist ladies.
We are inhabot karaoke on the third floor. The one woth the creepy outsode witg the children painted on it but the nice inside
I am sorry I missed this meetup, but very much not sorry I rechecked this thread and found this amazing comment
Ahahaha sorry this was postrd after a vigorous book club discussion in a bar during happy hour. By the time karaoke rolled around my typing skills were only shot, and my brain could onky focus on belting out the lyrics to every Robyn song.
Anyone have good recipes for mustard greens?
I may have gotten overly excited when I saw them looking so very fresh in the Market Basket yesterday… packed in the huge bunches that they will only sell them in…
COOK ‘EM WITH BACON
-Your friendly neighborhood Boston-residing southerner
This looks similar to how my mother does them, except without the red pepper or cajun seasoning. Mustard greens are the most noble of greens and require no spice.
oh nice, thank you both!
Last night I made a great big batch of caramelized onions + wilted mustard greens pasta, which was great, but I still have almost have of the bunch left over, so I will begin experimenting with the bacon and possibly mashed potatoes.
Cooked well with garlic (and/ or bacon) and mixed with mashed potatoes is a willing formula. Make sure they’re cooked though- mashed potatoes with slightly raw mustard greens is not so good.
Help, guys, how do I do therapy? I finally found a therapist and have been to a few meetings with her and I feel like I’m not really doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I started going to her because I was feeling kind of stuck in general and I realized that my upbringing has left me with some baggage I’d probably do well to work on. Other than that, I feel like she’s expecting me to lead all of our discussion, like if I finish talking about a subject she’ll sit quietly until I think up something else to talk about. Today she asked me what “threads and themes” I expected us to be discussing throughout our meetings and I feel like if I had enough self-awareness to see the themes connecting my issues, I probably wouldn’t need therapy. I head people saying they’re working really hard at therapy and I don’t really know what that means. At the moment it basically is just me rambling and her being supportive and non-judgemental but if this is all just about having someone sit quietly while I ramble I feel like rambling at my cat would be cheaper.
I feel like I’m missing some sort of essential component of how this is supposed to work.
The best thing I could tell you is that you don’t have to stick with a therapist you don’t feel is clicking with you. I think that if she doesn’t ask questions or reframe things that you said back to her that’s a bit odd.
Or, if you need to stick with her (for insurance reasons or whatnot), you could always talk about these concerns to her in your next session. You could talk about how what you expected and see if she thinks that this is going to be a beneficial therapy relationship for you. If she’s not toxic or a monster, she’ll probably want you to be getting therapy that you feel is beneficial to you.
Thanks! I’m not able to change therapists at the moment, but hopefully we can set up a different dynamic.
I agree with Prawns. It sounds like your & her styles don’t mesh. I had one like yours once, always sitting there silently, and it was awful because I am just not a monologuer and not good at opening up to a silent person, but eventually I found someone else who makes it more of a conversation and it is MUCH better!
when in doubt, though, you can definitely just say explicitly to her the things that you told us right here, which are very clear, and she should be able to take it from there.
the people who “work” really hard in therapy may be in very bad shape, though. also no need to take their experience as a model for yours.
I’m recovering from minor surgery right now and have discovered the most marvelous cheesy TV, i.e. the Korean drama “You Are Beautiful” (available on Netflix Instant and maybe on Youtube too). Teenage nun-in-training has to pass as her twin brother to join an idol boy band? YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Holy crap, that sounds amazing. Someone needs to start an app or a blog or something with details on awesome-but-unknown movies/shows on Netflix Instant and Hulu. Because I have neither the time nor the inclination to sit there and wade through it all.
Feel better soon! I hope your recovery goes smoothly, aided mightily by cheesy television.
For sure. Another one I’ve been enjoying is “Red Dwarf” – absurdist British sci-fi comedy from the early ’90s with three main characters: an underachieving stoner who is the last living human in the universe, his uptight hologram frenemy, and a creature who evolved from his pet cat to become basically the reincarnation of James Brown.
So many discoveries out there!
I bled a lot for the first few months, but then hardly any for years! Try to push through, it will (probably) be worth it!
I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time! It may be not so much that the mirena has bad effects, but that the pill was doing you some good… I have a friend who was having a terrible time with depression, trying many medications, never getting a handle on it. Then she started on a strong BC pill for endometriosis (she's a lesbian, so she wasn't on one before), and *poof* no more depression, all better! So, you might need the higher dose of hormones…