How to get a dog:
I hope you get the little guy. You can do it without saying, “You’re horrible people and your dog is suffering.” Just say, “I have become so attached to Chester that I wanted to see if I could adopt him or purchase him. He and I have really bonded, and I’d love to be able to be with him full-time.” Let’s hope they’ve long wished they could dump the dog and you have turned into the proverbial “home in the country” for an unwanted pet.
How to get a cat:
Take Carmel! I think it’s setting a worse example for your daughters to say you could have done something to save an animal’s life, but you didn’t. Your neighbor is out of compliance with the law. She is mentally ill and is endangering every animal in her home. Depending on how old your girls are you can explain in an age-appropriate way the difference between stealing and rescuing this animal who shouldn’t be with your neighbor in the first place. And you’re right, the hoarder will never notice Carmel is gone.
That’s got to have infuriated at least a third of you, and I want to see you marshal forth your fanciest arguments. You are not allowed to complain about any of the other letters, Dear Prudence’s attitude towards your pet issues, or the additional complication of hoarding in the second letter. That’s not fair, but then this isn’t your website.
Now fight for my amusement. [Belligerently, while stumbling into you and spilling a bit of beer on your coat without apologizing] Come on, this is the internet, you’ve got opinions about animals. Don’t be stuck up.
*shrug*
I pretty much agree with Prudie here, but only for the reason that the family LW1 babysits for has her name, and thus a clear suspect to provide to the police. The people in the second letter could get the cat for free, so hey, savings! Also, they’re moving far away (clear getaway strategy).
I like that this response focuses on the important issue: the feasibility of taking the animals in question without any repercussions.
(Not being sarcastic, I fully support these people in their pet-napping endeavors, I hate irresponsible pet owners/hoarders)
I’ll get us started!
Buy the dog, call animal control and hopefully get all the cats put down. That would’ve been the *moral* advice to give.
#songbirdpopulationsaremoreimportantthannastysmellycats
Birds have a huge natural advantage over cats – they can freaking fly! Any bird that is too stupid or slow or whatever to fly away in order to escape a cat attack deserves to be eaten.
Some animals exist partly for the purpose of providing other animals with a source of food. The other animals are not at fault for killing and/or eating them.
Whenever we passed a run-over pigeon in the car, my mother would solemnly say to me, “And that, PJ, is why God made so many of them. They are too stupid to know better.”
This is exactly what I told my mom when she was bitching about an ‘evil’ cat taking down a hummingbird. Seriously, mom?
They cannot fly when they are small; a lot of the cat deaths are from killng nests of baby birds, or killing bird parents that are guarding or distracting cats from their nests.
Uhm, songbirds? You know what birds used to be? Dinosaurs. Friggin dinosaurs.
If you ask me, they could use some more predators. Anything that puts them back on an evolutionary track befitting what used to be nature’s most badass creation is a good thing.
They still are, and they carry creepy dinosaur parasites and dinosaur flu.
BUT SONGBIRDS DO NOT CUDDLE AND ROLL ABOUT WHEN THEY ARE PLEASED OR SOMETIMES SNORE HILARIOUSLY
I LOVE WHEN CATS SNORE IT’S HILARIOUS AND ADORABLE AND KITTY CUDDLES ARE THE BEST
(I could literally spend all day screaming in capslock about how much I love cats, mine in particular)
Cats shit in a designated box, or in holes they have politely dug in the ground.
Birds drop their shit from the SKY at random to fall upon your head or shoulders.
Cats win, death to birds. No further discussion necessary.
Cats shit in neighbors veggie gardens which is eminently Not Cool.
What’s cooler than free fertilizer??
Toxoplasmosis: it makes us friendlier!
Well not men, obviously, but who cares.
My cats don’t go outside, so they aren’t hurting your precious song birds. Several birds have flown straight into my windows, breaking their little bird necks though. So my house is a total bird murderer.
I HAVE A CHART FOR YOU.
http://10000birds.com/how-many-birds-are-killed-b…
This is amazing and I love it!
Maybe you should stop cleaning your windows.
I’m with you. Domestic cats kill over A BILLION birds per year and are seriously fucking up ecosystems! I like cats as pets, but like…come on. Keep them inside.
<a href=”http://(http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/30/science/that-cuddly-kitty-of-yours-is-a-killer.html?_r=0)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/30/science/that-cuddly-kitty-of-yours-is-a-killer.html?_r=0)
I totally agree. Cats also kill a lot of rodents and small reptiles. Most people don’t realize that cats can be major nest predators for birds, and that fledgling birds spend a couple weeks living on the ground before they are strong enough to fly. We have data showing that birds living in suburbia do just fine–except they have waaay lower breeding success for this very reason.
I put it to people this way: Domestic animals are little satellites of human development. You can include the rats and insects and diseases people also bring with them when they move somewhere. They are ecological hazards. Think of cats/dogs/feral livestock as cute, furry oil spills. They absolutely decimate native species of all types, and they have no ecological reason to be there. If pets were air pollution or a fracking well, progressive-minded people would be up in arms about the amount of damage they can do to wild populations.
I think she gave the right advice in each case. I’m sorry Mallory, it hurts me to disappoint you.
Do you got any nerd stuff? Or people advocating for outdoor cats? I could pick a fight about those things! I’ll make it up to you!
Or the old standby of tipping.
everybody loves to argue about percentage points!
Ooh! Ooh! I can be the European who doesn’t get your barbaric American ways!
I just spent more time than I want to admit trying to figure out how one could tip cats. It ended up being like cow-tipping, except since they don’t sleep on their feet you’d have to get them distracted somehow. Perhaps with a sunbeam.
…aaaaaand then I realized you meant tipping as in money. But everyone knows cats are socialist-anarchists and don’t believe in private property.
I tip my cat over sometimes. The trick is to catch them sitting in the “loaf” posture, then all it takes is a gentle shove.
Yep. I do this to one of ours a lot – his affronted look is too much fun to pass up.
My dude and his cat have a tipping thing. She stands still, he pushes her onto her side, then he rubs her belly. She loves it and will just fall over at will if he looks like he’s about to push her over because belly rubs! She purrs like a madwoman when this happens. It’s all really very cute.
I think we have the same dude and/or cat
It warms my heart that there are multiple cat loving, cat rolling, belly rubbing dudes out there!
Unless we actually do have the same cat and dude…
This is also my cat and dude!
Cats absolutely believe in private property: theirs.
Man, I agree too, on all of it. But I can also fight about advocating for outdoor cats! (I think you and I agree though so we’re going to need somebody else in here.)
I let my cat outside! We live in the mountains with no neighbors and she was a feral stray when we got her and I do not care about songbirds or birds in general (she also only ever brings back mice, though I am sure she kills birds on the DL), and I firmly believe that she is living #herbestlife, you can yell at me and we can make Mallory happy!
But what do I do if it totally agree with everything in this comment because it’s what I do with my cat! (I live by a forest, only one street, cat is terrified of cars and never goes on street, do not care about songbirds but cat has only ever brought back 3 dead mice in 8 years)
I’M SORRY THIS POST IS NOT TURNING OUT THE WAY MALLORY WANTED
My cats don’t go outside, mainly because I live with foxes, hawks, ospreys, giant owls and bald eagles in my woods, and my cats are sweet but not in anyway feral. They are too dumb to survive-the birds would eat THEM. We found just the tail of a squirrel on our front lawn recently…like a warning.
Yep, this right here. If you want to let your pwecious wittle kitties go outside to eat other critters, you damn well better be prepared for them to be eaten as well. Hey, it’s Nature.
This is fine, because you have no neighbours and are living in the sound of music! I don’t think that’s an irresponsible choice. Although I have had enough country friends lose their cats to coyotes that I still would not do it.
Can you pretend that you live in a city where there are cars and trappers and other cats that will injure your cats? Then I can get a froth on.
I know someone who has had to take their cat to the vet three times this year/last due to injuries from being outside in the city. The safest place for a cat is inside, and this goes double if it’s a city cat.
One time I went away for a short weekend trip (Friday afternoon through Sunday morning) and left small bowls of food in every room of my apartment, figuring my cat would wander around and find them all eventually (or find them all immediately and gorge herself like a glutton and sleep for 36 hours). I returned home to the SADDEST CAT IN THE WORLD — she had not found any of the food except what I had left in her regular bowl (despite evidence that she had gone into the bedroom and ravaged my sock drawer, like a weirdo).
She does not go outside, because she is so spectacularly dumb that she would be dead in about four seconds flat.
My suburban cat goes outside. We keep telling him he’s an indoor cat, but he doesn’t give a damn. Past cats have all be indoor, but this one just needs roaming in his life. He doesn’t kill – well, that we’ve seen (he certainly doesn’t bring me gifts if he does, the ingrate) – though he does fight other outdoor cats sometimes. There’s one neighbor cat who’s fond of our front yard and my cat shuts that shit down. When he does fight, he gets out (or maybe triumphs) before he gets much hurt – never hurt enough to require a vet visit. And we keep him up to date on shots, etc.
He also follows me whenever I walk the dog, and we go up & down suburban streets for a couple of miles – he’s very aware of and cautious about cars, runs to the nearest bush as soon as one approaches, and about other neighborhood animals.
I recognize that he could get snatched by a hawk (like my gran’s Yorkie was, ages ago, in the same neighborhood) or otherwise encounter harm. But for this cat, having a wider territory than my house is important.
(Plus, it’s totally hilarious to have him following the dog & I, yowling if we go too fast, during walks.)
OMG Yorkie snatched by a HAWK? Really?? We must hear more…
Yeah it was missing for a day and then we found it dropped & eviscerated on their driveway & were like D:
The neighbors said they’d seen a hawk swoop down & grab something but they thought it was a squirrel.
It was not a squirrel.
I can’t believe it landed *in their driveway*! It’s like the hawk had a vendetta!
Also very sad and sorry for the little guy and your grandparents.
My suburban cat goes outside. Previously, she could only go outside if I was working in the yard, so I could go retrieve her if she tried to wander too far. Then I discovered that she’s afraid of everything, so the problem was solved.
i love birds! but i sympathize with cats being allowed to live happily. plus, even though cats kill like 1 billion birds every year (according to one study, of which i’d be interested in seeing the species breakdown; surely it must mostly be common birds like sparrows, pigeons and mourning doves), i’d wager human-caused habitat loss + climate change dooms FAR more.
plus i think jonathan franzen’s ‘freedom’ made me reflexively dislike vehemently anti-outdoor cat people.
There is a horrible serial-killer-in-training here in my neighborhood (the Heights in Houston) who murders and displays outdoor cats around the ‘hood. So Fred is now inside-only.
WHAT
Yeah. It has been going on for years, off and on. Creepy.
D:
D:<
We let our cats outside too! We live in a quiet neighborhood, they have a door flap if they need/want to come inside, they have microchips in case they get lost (they do not ever wander far), they are fixed, and we have a fence that keeps out big stuff from the backyard. They are living #theirbestlife I am sure, there are many other roaming kitties in my neighborhood that they can see from the window and they are miserable when they don’t get to roam too.
I know that living inside would give them a longer lifespan, just as I’m sure I would have a longer projected lifespan if I never left the house and had all my food brought right to me. I feel that life would suck.
I live in Europe where outdoor cats are totally the norm and I still feel really weird about letting my cat out. (Fortunately, Klaas-Jan is a homebody and a diva and rarely spends more than half an hour in the front garden before deciding to come in and sleep on the office chair.) I had a discussion with an English woman at a conference who was convinced that keeping cats inside was cruel and her cats needed to be outside and fight foxes (?!?!).
I’m not sure how I’d cope if KJ wasn’t so cool with being inside a lot.
I can definitely fight in favour of outdoor cats! Like [sic] below, I can also be the European who doesn’t get your barbaric American ways!
Cats that dont go outside go … strange.
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I have an indoor/outdoor cat. She keeps the vermin out of my garden – mostly by laying around in the rows, so the whole thing smells like cat. She doesn’t seem to care much about birds, but she will happily chase rodents out of the yard. She is fat and happy and at 11 years old does not appear to be slowing down much. I live in a little town, surrounded by corn fields. There’s not a lot that can get to her. We don’t have coyotes. She’s fixed, so there’s no worry about making more kitties. I get why people keep their cats indoors, but sometimes, they like to have a job to do, and the position of watchdog has been taken.
In all matters cat related, I just ask myself, “what would Ayn Rand do?” and act accordingly.#WWARD
Our foster kitten uses a plant for her litter tray. WWARD?
AR would recognize her true masters, and ask herself “what would a cat do?” So, #WWCD.
Kiss their wittle earsies and take notes on their behavior.
See if you can encourage human males to have barbed penises.
Yeah, animal welfare trumps human ego every time for me, so I’m all in favour of getting animals out of neglect or abusive situations and bollocks to neglectful owners’ feelings.
The first person obviously needs to stage the scene so that it looks like Chester just got out and ran away.
And liberate the family’s TV and whatever other valuables they may have, by the same occasion (Chester made off with them to start his new life).
I’m envisioning a dog at a pawn shop, whining and nudging the good jewelry closer to the owner. “I just can’t give you more than $500 for this. The diamond’s not that big.” [Whine whine whiiiiiiiiine, Labrador eyes] “GEEZ. Okay. Fine. Five hundred.”
Can we just replace the entire cast of Pawn Stars with adorable dogs? Maybe keep Chumlee, he’s a-OK, but MORE PUPPIES.
Related:
A Dear John letter would be a nice touch:
Dear Humans,
I’m writing to tell you that I met someone. Someone who thinks that I have a very fuzzy face. Someone who likes tummy rubs and frisbee in the park. Don’t try to follow us, please. This is for the best. We both know our relationship’s devolved into a tug-of-war, and not the awesome kind with a squeaky frog. I hope that one day, when you ask, as you so often did at the beginning, “who’s a good boy?”, you will be able to look in the mirror and see the answer there.
Cordially,
Rufus
I literally LOLd at this letter.
<a href=”http://threepanelsoul.com/2014/08/19/dog-philosophy/” target=”_blank”>http://threepanelsoul.com/2014/08/19/dog-philosophy/
I think that’s how the couple in Gone Girl got their cat.
If LW1 can figure out a way to get the dog, get the dog.
A few Christmases ago my cousins were dog-sitting this sweet lovely golden retriever, and her owners had never given her any toys, nor did they ever walk her, and she was only allowed to be in their kitchen and never in any other room of the house. We half-jokingly considered just keeping the dog and telling its monstrous owners that she ran away.
How would they even keep her from going in other rooms? Like, was the door always shut? Why would you shut your dog up in the room where you keep all your food?
Baby gates, I think? But yeah it’s just silly.
When my mom got huskie puppies, she locked them in the kitchen while she was at work and they were teething. But that was mostly because my mom wanted to remodel the kitchen and was happy to let the puppies destroy it utterly. And they of course got plenty of walks and cuddles and such when she was home.
When my mom was in law school, she had two dogs, one of whom was quite smart and the other of whom was extremely stupid. Once she had to go on an overnight trip, so she put up a baby gate and left the dogs in the kitchen with lots of food and water and newspaper on which to do their doggy business.
When she got home, she discovered that the smart dog had chewed through the baby gate and escaped into the front hall, and the stupid dog was still sitting in the kitchen, whining to be let out, even though there was a GIGANTIC HOLE IN THE BABY GATE IT COULD HAVE CRAWLED THROUGH. Some dogs do not hear the call of the wild.
A former priest of mine had a German Shepherd with separation anxiety. One day, while Nik was at church doing priest things, the dog did serious damage to the door frame, BROKE OUT through a window (cutting his paws and tongue in the process), and somehow found his way to the church 2 miles away (across busy streets and everything!).
That dog now lives on a farm with a nice family, the nice family being Nik’s cousins who have lots of space for a neurotic dog.
I’ll argue with anyone about outdoor cats because this weekend, my neighbours’ horrid (un-neutered) black cat that roams the neighbourhood actually crossed my path, TWICE, and then I had a really shitty week because SUPERSTITIONS ARE REAL. Just saying.
you know, in some cultures it’s GOOD luck.
They should neuter him though He’s less likely to fight, get testicular cancer and roam so far he gets lost.
Possibly, but in my culture it is bad luck that was borne out by my terrible, terrible, terrible few days since it happened. Also this cat runs across my backyard to shit by the garage and gets my cats all wound up and cranky, so: no. We live next to a hydro station–how has this cat not been squished by a truck yet???
I spent like 10 minutes telling my mother that superstitions are NOT REAL after a black cat ran in front of our car the other day.
So many people have had this discussion with me and it’s worthless because no one can reason me out of it tralalalalalala
I am not trying to reason you out of it AT ALL. (Seriously.)
And you’re right, the hoarder will never notice Carmel is gone.
TWIST: Emily Yoffe can write this with such confidence because Emily Yoffe is the hoarder!
But seriously, I’m a little uncomfortable with the highly selective nature of the liberation. Jack the cat if you like, but ring up the ASPCA and ask about lasting measures against recurrent hoarding. In some states, it might be possible to impose mandatory counseling on the neighbor.
…tell me more about mandatory counseling for hoarders? Like, since we have been specifically instructed to fight, I am going to go ahead and say this is not a thing.
Also, the ASPCA is an NYC specific org, not a national org, and they are not any sort of umbrella organization. They are not the boss of or providing funding to any local group that happens to have SPCA in their name.
Any SPCA,unless they are specifically contracting as a municipality’s animal control, is not going to have the authority to seize animals.
I see. Turns out it’s only my home state of Illinois:
Only two states, Illinois and Hawaii, currently have statutory language specifically addressing animal hoarding. With guidance from ASPCA, the Illinois Companion Animal Hoarder Act was created in 2001 to create a legal definition for “companion animal hoarder” and mandate counseling for those convicted of animal cruelty who meet the definition. Animal hoarding itself is not prohibited by the statute. Hawaii’s 2008 law is the only state law specifically outlawing animal hoarding. It does not mandate psychological counseling for convicted hoarders or restrict future animal ownership.
We spent the weekend at a B&B on a farm in Vermont, and we met an adorable, super-friendly pony that belonged to the neighbours. Its whole mane was all tangled up with burrs (it looked like it had pony dreadlocks) and it even had burrs in its ears. If it had been at all possible for me to steal that pony, cross the border with it, and give it a good home in my 700-sq-ft apartment, I would have done it all in a heartbeat.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMN PONY.
Ehhhhh, more important than mane burrs are the hooves. If they look like elf shoes or are visibly cracked, bad owners! If not, mane burrs might just mean the pony keeps rolling on the damn plant with the burrs and the owners have given up because it’s futile, ponies do what they want.
Ponies love to dress themselves up with mud and burrs and hay, it makes them feel fancy. Neglecting to brush a pony for a few days is not a big deal, but neglecting hooves and letting them grow out to the point where the animal can’t walk or stand comfortably is horribly cruel and I hope people who do it get running sores and horrible bunions.
The animal rescue volunteer/insane cat lady in me wants to agree that taking the cat is the right thing, but it’s not, and other situations like this have ended poorly. Ask Metafilter has some interesting threads on situations like this. http://ask.metafilter.com/206261/Helping-a-Neighb… ; http://ask.metafilter.com/12459/Keeping-the-Cat
This person clearly doesn’t actually know how the supposed “hoarder” feels about her cats– she should talk to her. It could be possible that she could talk about how much her daughters care about Carmel, and make the case for a loving home. It shouldn’t be any different than with a dog. It’s terrible and disgusting and horrifying how often some people just don’t seem to care for their pets, but it’s not ethical to just take one. I think it would be setting a bad example for her daughters, and while her intentions are good, it would definitely be better to ask.
Also potential fighting words: please do not have an indoor/outdoor cat. It’s bad for the cat and bad for the environment, and you reduce the risk of being in the position of a neighbor thinking you don’t take care of your cat for some reason or some horrifying person hurting your cat. If you must, must, must let your cat outdoors (I grew up with I/O cats and I know how difficult it can be), please put a collar and a bell on.
Also cat killing is uh, not an option. TNR has been proven to work (yes I’m aware of the articles saying it doesn’t, and no, I don’t agree, and there are plenty of studies proving it DOES work, so let’s just all calm the eff down and not go around shooting animals). Imho I/O cats are not a responsible choice, but no.
I agree with you.They need to ask before taking a pet. Period. And there is a good chance the woman will miss the cat.
Hoarding is a separate issue. The family should call the authorities about that one so all the cats can get the care they need and the woman can too, but it’s not okay to steal a cat.
And you’re right, the hoarder will never notice Carmel is gone.
No, you’re wrong. Hoarders form strong attachments to everything/everyone they hoard. She will notice Carmel missing. By the way, did she name the cat or did you? If she did, you really shouldn’t say she wouldn’t notice if Carmel went missing. The question is, will she think that you took the cat?
(I do not condone hoarding of any live animals)
I don’t want to promote harmful stereotypes but I remember at least one episodes of Hoarders where the cleanup crew found multiple dead, mummified cats under the massive piles of crap in the hoarder’s home, and the hoarder was all, “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize they had died” – it’s hard to believe that person had a very strong attachment…
Yeah I also remember an episode of Hoarders where they retrieved a cat skeleton and she goes “Oh so THAT’S where Fluffy went!” or something like that. I’m pretty sure I dry-heaved.
Yeah but I also remember episodes of Hoarders where people have complete freak outs at the idea of throwing away, like, a broken coffee mug, so I think it depends.
Uh, can we vote a comment down? Because, no.
I feel like if/when people want to keep animals, despite treating them very poorly, it’s a pretty effed up situation, so yeah – I would have to back up prudie on this.
Reminds me of back in the early days of being a vet tech, working at a hospital where people would bring in their animals to be put down because they were moving. When I would gently inquire about why they were euthanizing their pet, instead of finding them another home, they would inevitably say something like “well, they’re my pet. I don’t want anyone else to have them” which made me go to the kennels, lock myself in, and cry quietly about how horrible people can be. So eff that – try to find ways to take great care of pets. They give love unconditionally, they deserve good care.
WHAT.
I want to cry then smash things.
Off-topic, but: crying for that golden retriever right now. Obviously I don’t think it’s okay to neglect/abuse any animal ever, but golden retrievers are so sweet and perfect and literally all they ever want to do is sleep, eat, and make humans happy. WHAT KIND OF MONSTER MISTREATS A PERFECT CREATURE LIKE THAT.
EDIT: this was a reply to merrite but comments are being weird. :/
I know, right? Golden retrievers are so cuddly and friendly. Mine (family dog, but I picked him out) had to be put down a couple of months ago, and I’m still being blindsided by waves of grief.
About the question of stealing a mistreated animal: my family has a precious sweetheart of a German shepherd (I’m going to call him Noodle here; not his real name) my family has. We adopted him after he was stolen from his original abusive jerk of an owner. I don’t even want to think about what you’d have to do to make such a gentle, goofy dog so scared. I mean, Noodle would flee in terror if he saw a man in a baseball cap or if someone picked up a stick. He didn’t know how to play: no idea what fetch was, and when our neighbor’s dog tried to pounce on him in fun, he hid behind my dad.
Two years later, Noodle gets excited when he sees my dad or brother putting on baseball caps and workboots because yay! we’re going OUTSIDE! it’s the best thing ever! Last spring I was helping clear brush, and he barked at me until I found him a stick and threw it. That’s another new thing: he used to be very quiet. Now he’s very talkative. And playing fetch is his zomg most favorite thing ever. If there’s a tennis ball in sight, well, have you ever seen an eighty-pound German shepherd hop up and down, six feet in the air, while squealing with glee? And he tussles with the neighbor dog all the time.
Now, I have a friend whose cat was stolen by an extended family member. With no mistreatment of the animal, that’s entirely contemptible. But in Noodle’s case, I’m totally okay with the theft.
Sorry, that got kinda long. Not as long as it could be, though. I’M JUST SO FULL OF FEELINGS.
Rehabbing abused animals is the most amazing thing. We had a cat who’d clearly been abused in some way, and it was AMAZING when she finally, after years, became ok with being picked up. She sat on my lap voluntarily after we’d had her for long enough.
She never, though, became able to handle family vacations. She got really mad at us when we came back.
Save the animals however you can, but try and get a rescu involved to prevent further animals suffering in the same way surely that is the answer
I am prepared to fight about:
The proper diet for a cat (high meat, no grain, but NOT RAW)
Outdoor Access for cats (sure as long as you live in a safe area with no endangered species)
Whether it is animal abuse to pick you cat up and jiggle them so that their plaintive mews sound all warbly (nah, it’s just funny)
Vegan cat diets (NO)
Actually, I’m not, I’m pretty OK with people doing whatever with their cats as long as they feed them, love them and try to do th best they can for them.
If imposing punitive cuddles on your cat (or putting a washcloth on her head and calling her ‘Disappointed Babushka’ as she glares and glares at you) is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
The greatest thing is to carry a cat around like a baby while she waggles her limbs at you pathetically
If I wanted to be glared at by a disappointed babushka, I would fly to the motherland and tell my grandmothers in person that I am not pregnant and don’t intend to be pregnant at any point in the future.
Well, that just made my day! As someone who speaks Russian, the English usage of the word babushka is an infinite source of perplexed amusement to me.
(Am also with you on the (non and probably never) pregnant part!)
My cat has her own bandanna that she enjoys having draped over her head so that she can attack things from underneath it. One paw shooting out from under the fabric to grab whatever is passing by? Awesome.
I don’t normally do things to annoy my cat, which means that sometimes I can make him into Mulan’s proud steed and he just doesn’t care at all:
Yes, we should be friends.
I’ll maybe fight about this. I live in a pretty urban area of town and people let their cats roam free. They poop in our yard. Hiss and get mean with my kids and get into the trash. I get so pissed. WHY HAVE CATS IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CARE FOR THEM?
So, I am not a fan of letting cats roam free. Unless they are farm cats, then that is their job.
Also, related, Dogs off leash? NO.
Eh, letting them out doesn’t mean not caring for them. Our cats go maybe 20 yards from our house, maximum? They poop only in our garden.
You’d hate the UK. Outdoor access is the norm here. Cats everywhere.
I don’t know. I think constantly losing your cats in the middle of an Iowa winter is not really caring for them. It got to -30 more than five days in a row last year and they couldn’t find their cats. One never came home. So, they got a new one. FFS.
You are right. I’m not a big fan of pets roaming free. Cats, it’s okay as long as they aren’t hissing and attacking. (And to be fair there is only one cat in the ‘hood who does that.) Because cats just mind their own damn business.
But dogs? Fuck no. I’ve been chased down by more dogs than I care to count in this neighborhood. I carry mace now.
Yeah, that’s straight-up neglect. My cats aren’t allowed out if the snow is too deep, or around halloween or fireworks night. (kids can be shits, and I love my cats)
Okay, Maybe we aren’t really fighting. Because when I think about it. I’m only ever annoyed when the cats get in my kids face (just the one cat). Or the neighbors are texting me when it’s -30 to help them find their damn cat.
I suppose I don’t really mind most of the other times.
WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE MEAN DOGS! (I probably need to just get some therapy for that dog-rage, huh?)
I’m NOT good with free-roaming dogs. I once had to save my cat Olive from a pack of farm dogs who had treed her.
And I once got bitten by a free-roaming terrier.
See, even in our modicum of disagreement, we agree. Also, I don’t think I could ever really fight someone on the Toast, because if you are on the Toast, you are good people. Period.
Suck it, Mallory! We won’t become savages.
And I’m sorry for your dog bite and for your cat. I just had a bad run-in with a dog yesterday. So, now I carry mace. Not because of people, but because of people not caring for the dogs.
I feel like we’ve been disappointingly reasonable about this, complete with an understanding that we have different cultural backgrounds that inform our decisions.
Sorry, Mallory.
The cat I grew up with would stand at the door in the dead of winter and beg to go out. Not summer. No, then she slept on my head. Specifically the dead of winter, something about the cold and the snow and the dark tripped some trigger in her furry little brain and it was all, “I am a Siberian tiger, I must commune with the dark forces of nature.” She would also stalk moose (and chase the neighbor’s dogs).
The vet tried to talk us into keeping her in, and we explained that on such nights she would slip out any time the door was opened. And the vet looked at the tiny ball of long-haired, calico fluff, and said dubiously, “well, I guess she’s furry enough.”
She lived to be sixteen and I still miss her. But not having her sleep on my head, when it was hot.
Outdoor access is the norm here. Cats everywhere.
It’s the best. Walking home from work, oh look, a cat! Maybe it will let me stroke it! And then I get to befriend an adorable cat, and it gets stroked, and everyone is happy.
(My cats have always had a catflap and can come and go as they please, except for rare occasions like Bonfire Night when they’re kept in because of the fireworks. One lived to 19, the current two are 16, and they seem very happy and hardly ever bring in mice.)
“Whether it is animal abuse to pick you cat up and jiggle them so that their plaintive mews sound all warbly (nah, it’s just funny)”
Cat yodeling!
Sadly, I have not gotten either of my cats to do this. They turn into creatures composed 100% of elbows, poke at me, and leap away.
What do you feed your cats?
I feed them wet food with minimum 70% named meat, usually the brands Applaws, Almo Nature etc, and dry food (70% meat, no grain) for nibbling between meals.
This is apaprently working for them, because their fur is super-soft and shiny, their eyes are bright, they have lots of energy and according to the vet they healed from their neutering very fast and very cleanly.
I dismiss raw diets, I sneer at them. Everyone keeps telling me to raw diet my cats, but they won’t eat raw food.
They will eat – exclusively – small chunks of meat in gravy or dried meat/kibble.
Of course, they will also lick marmite off the knife if you let them.
Klaas-Jan eats bread. He *likes* bread. I was eating bread and some really nice freshly smoked fish, and I put some fish aside for him, and he ignored it and went for the breadcrumbs. He even tried to take a bite of the loaf.
Cats, man.
Putting clothes on cats? There’s a community I’m a member of where the 2007 flame war about whether or not it was acceptable to make cats wear costumes is still legendary.
I will totally fight with people about vegan diets for cats. Also about declawing.
My roommate’s cat is allowed to play outside, and he only goes where he knows he’s not bothering anyone. (Seriously. He won’t go into a neighbor’s yard unless that neighbor is very friendly to him, mostly hangs out in our yard anyway, and doesn’t even really get fighty with the neighborhood stray, Terrible Brown Cat.) And he slinks around in the cemetery behind the house, which tickles me. He was a barn kitten who was brought inside when he had to recover from an eye infection as a kitten.
I do NOT let him outside (even if he complains) when it’s stormy, if I’m not going to be back within a few hours, or on July 4th/Halloween. Less because the kids in the neighborhood are bad, more because I don’t want him getting scared and bolting and then getting lost.
And he’s actually starting to chub up, so he’s OBVIOUSLY not neglected. The only thing he “should” have and doesn’t is a collar, because he has managed to escape every collar in existence.
Prudie gave the right advice but you should always get cats by bringing home feral strays then leaving them in the locale where they can wander, killing freely, until there are very few songbirds left in your general area but also no rats or pigeons.
Weirdly, the mourning doves survived.
All pets, particularly single-breed, should be rescue pets from families that thought a dog was enough but realized after two years they wanted a child. Children should be rescue pets from uncaring homes, where they are left to their own devices until they show up at your home.
Goddesses of the spring and winter should be rescued from the underworld but you need to abide by the laws of fertility and, much like cats, they will go back after they’ve been fed once, there’s nothing for it.
(shiftily dumps asian carp into wading pool in backyard)
VEGAN CAT FOOD: NOT EVEN ONCE
NO, NOT EVEN ONCE. I am a vegetarian and I am HERE for meat-heavy diets for cats. I will happily feed them all the meats their little hearts desire; I will simply just make my carnivorous man clean up the cat-food Tupperware if it is especially meat-smelling-y.
But my cat wants to take a moral stand against the exploitation of animals, and also kill like, a thousand rodents and songbirds.
People who want vegan pets should get goldfinches.
winterbymorning, that’s not really true. Cats were introduced to North America, and their impact on songbird populations is extremely detrimental and well-documented (though the greatest threat continues to be loss of habitat. Thanks, humans). Additionally, due to the lack of owner responsibility and spay/neuter practices (which is getting better), the cat population is out of control, especially feral colonies. HOWEVER, rescue and TNR (trap/neuter/release) groups are getting a handle on it, and are fairly successfully reducing the feral population humanely over time. So uh, please don’t put cats down.
Listen to Bob Barker– always spay and neuter!
WHAT HAVE SONGBIRDS EVER DONE FOR US?
#TEAMBATS
You manage to pleasure yourself much too much in this oddest of places.
Before I touch on anything else I would just like to say that I am unreasonably infuriated by people who pronounce “caramel” as “carmel”, unless this cat with named after a place in California. Steal the cat, rename it.
I did not know until I was in my twenties that people pronounced that word as “car-a-mel.” I had never once heard it. According to this map http://www.businessinsider.com/22-maps-that-show-… it’s an East Coast/South vs. Rest of America thing.
I live in Canada so I will have to do further research on our pronunciation patterns! All I know is that East Coast = Minnesota accents.
My theory is that it was named after the Carmelite order of nuns.
What if you pronounce it “CARE-mel”?
What? But Carmel is a given name. It’s from Hebrew and means “Garden.”
I am REALLY annoying because I pronounce the place “car-MEL” and the food item “Car-mul.”
My opinion about cats is that they have the weirdest buttholes
and they’re always at eye level.
And retractable penises!
I wish humans had retractable penises, I hate when my husband and I are cuddling in bed and I accidentally graze his flaccid dick *shudder*
Ok, this is doing weird things to my comments, but whatever. Vegan cat food does not exist and your cat will die if it doesn’t get meat. If you cannot stomach feeding an animal what it needs, then you should not have that animal. #sorrynotsorry
Unfortunately, vegan cat food does exist, both as recipes and as pre-made cat food. (I agree with you completely that a vegan diet will make your cat ill and eventually kill it; OBLIGATE CARNIVORE, dammit! But sadly, you can buy vegan cat food.)
The best fighting about cats is watching my rural mother’s face during Fancy Feast commercials. She can’t believe people let cats inside or feed them ANYTHING, bc cats are basically badgers to her.
Our rural cat came inside and ate stuff we fed her but my mother is gobsmacked that we feed ours good stuff.
‘Just buy the supermarket own-brand’, she says ‘they’ll make up the rest in wildlife’.
No, mum, they won’t, between the two of them they’ve caught two birds and a mouse in two years, they’re shit hunters.
My mother objects to Fancy Feast commercials because she swears that there is a weird, erotic subtext to them. I am inclined to agree with her.
My cat is basically a pillow that talks. She has escaped outside on her own maybe 2x in her life, and both involved her looking like the scene in breakfast at tiffanys when AH lets Cat go.
Well, cats, like honey badgers, do not care. So she’s right on that count.
My dad is a farm kid, and doesn’t like animals living in the house. His feeling is that animals can only be inside when it’s -70F, and then you bring the dog inside from its home in the garage. The barn cats, however, can fend for themselves (although when you have horses, the cats are fine).
When I was home a little while ago, I went into the kitchen to see a lovely-looking chicken roasting in the oven.
‘Yummy,’ I said. ‘is that lunch?’
My dad: ‘leave it alone, it’s for Smokey (the cat).’
Me: ‘…you’re roasting an organic chicken for the cat?’
My dad: ‘Darling, what do you expect us to do, it’s not pheasant season yet.’
My other opinion about cats is that my cats are the best cats and all of your cats are sucky in comparison. Also, my cats are the prettiest and the sweetest. Not the cleverest, though, I couldn’t claim that with a straight face.
Now FIGHT ME.
Scratch that, Bonny is currently wailing and deliberately knocking books down the stairs, she’s not the best cat at all
At least 50% of my cats do suck, tbh.
I will ABSOLUTELY fight you on this, MY cat is the best and the sweetest. (Not the cleverest; also not the prettiest. She has no tail and her fur is no identifiable color and she is plain weird-looking.)
SWEETEST CAT EVIDENCE: My cat has interrupted a D&D game by jumping up in a random player’s lap and going to sleep.
One of my cats was dubbed “assistant DM” because every single week she would glue herself to the DM as soon as he sat down and purr all over him and try to sit on as many of his papers as possible. (She could sit on most of them because she is fat.)
I’m sure your cats are perfectly nice. My cat is not the best cat, but I’m afraid I am going to have to stop you there and say she is in fact the prettiest. She’s also very snuggly. She’s poofy and fun brown colors. Google “Somali Cat” and you’ll get a sense of what we’re dealing with here.
But she has a caramel stomach, cool grey stripey leggings on the backs of her legs, green eyes, long eyelashes and fetching white eyeshadow. How do I embed an image? Lets see if this works:
Oh hell, I can’t even argue in the face of this evidence; hello pretty kitty!
Her tail is a giant fuzzy squirrel tail too. When she walks away she looks like she is waving a duster above a pair of hammer pants.
Snort!
I always refer to those cats as wearing knickerbockers.
My cat would always rather I stay in bed to cuddle with him than get up and make breakfast.
My cat is the handsomest boy but he’s kind of a diva.
My cat is snoring right now. SNORING. She’s all curled up in a ball except for one sock foot, just sticking out.
I’m most intrigued by the cat stealing family’s relationship with the hoarder. Have they ever spoken? Is the cat wearing a collar? How do they know the cat’s name is Carmel?
I think that’s probably their name for her when she hangs out at their house.
Yeah, but many cats receive unfair subsidies (cat food) from humans, so it becomes about sport and not food.
So what, cats shouldn’t have the right to entertain themselves in a way that comes naturally?
My biggest problem with Prudie’s advice is that she says to take Carmel and… forget about all of the other cats that might be living in unsanitary/unsafe conditions? Why is Carmel the only cat that matters?
Carmel has clearly been petitioning for removal more successfully than the other cats. Obviously Carmel wants it more.
Complete sarcasm here. I am 100% Team Free All the Cats in that horrible situation.
LOoooooooooooooooooooove you. Outdoor cats are straight up immoral and if you can’t handle the responsibility of keeping cats indoors you shouldn’t get to keep your cats.
Lol, like there aren’t equally strong arguments that keeping cats strictly indoors is the immoral thing to do. (Disclaimer that I have two indoor-only cats, but I’ve seen good arguments that cats live a fuller, more natural [if also shorter] life outdoors.)
you should be able to keep your cats literally wherever you want because humans are more important than cats
Better idea: steal ALL your neighbours’ cats, start your own cat hoard in your new home.
drawback: driving ANY distance to that new home with a car full of cats
My parents let their cats out. Neighbors sometimes whine about “songbirds” or whatever, but also the cats do a land-office business in exterminating the moles that otherwise everyone would be paying to have exterminated for the sake of lawns and gardens, so once more, saving money triumphs! (It’s the midwest, so you can usually count on that.)
We keep our cats indoors, but sometimes I feel bad for them. They are Mighty Hunters, and you can tell by the way they chase moths that they want to live their destiny! It seems a little douchey to violate a perfectly good domestication bargain, this many centuries in — live with us and exterminate rodents and other pests to protect our food supply, and you’ll get treats and scritches! Now it’s all treats and scritches and no meaningful work to be done, which on the one hand, yes, sounds sort of awesome, but I’ve read a lot of Wendell Berry, and I wonder.
My parents used to as well, but too many coyotes started coming around (as well as other animals).
Our cats are also strictly indoors, but that because they always have been, and we are in a more urban environment where it would be less safe for them to roam.
The real problem with the advice (and most Dear —– columns) is that Prudence does not actually KNOW the letter-writers and how unstable or untruthful THEY might be in their bitching about their neighbors. There’s zero justification for saying, “Take the cat, the hoarder will never notice she’s gone.” Your confidence for making that assumption comes from what, exactly? And you feel A-okay making that assumption and posting it publicly on the internet for lots of people to use as justification for stealing other people’s pets?
The irresponsibility of it all really unnerves me.
this is exactly what i was thinking. you are telling a person whom you don’t know, who has offered you a one-sided story, to take definitive action in a situation. that’s the equivalent of taking psych advice from a radio show host. would you call into your 9pm on the air and follow instructions definitively as to what they tell you to do with your life? would you, as a radio host, feel knowledgable enough about a situation shared with you from a stranger who has every reason to paint themselves in a positive light?
let me be clear: i worked in an animal shelter. both of my cats are FeLV+ rescues. i am all for the rescuing if they need rescue, and a rescue that doesn’t involve euthanasia. i have experienced cat hoarders. i get it. but for the love of gods, it’s a bit extreme to judge a situation without knowing the people or the situation.
My housemate’s cats are de-clawed and live indoors.
Come at me bro.
You want us to attack you for how your housemate keeps his/her pets?
Well, I’m fully on-board with her decision. But I also don’t like calling them “my cats” as a life-long dog person.
it is great to surgically remove the ends of your pets’ fingers for your own convenience! suck it, Mallory
it absolutely is and I have no problem with it, it’s very convenient for me
Forthcoming: “The Randian Guide to Pet Ownership and Care,” M. Ortberg
I’m sure they don’t object to missing the ends of each of their digits, they probably don’t need those joints anyway.
We live in the UK. The RSPCA (premier animal welfare charity) strongly recommends outdoor-access cats unless you live in a very high traffic area or they have FIV. Cats have lived alongside us here for thousands of years, most of our surviving songbirds can escape them pretty easily now.
I think a lot of people do assume that their concerns are global, when they may not apply in other countries.
Our old cat Olive was half feral. If we’d tried to keep her inside she’d have killed us in our sleep and I’m not even kidding.
Edit: This wasa reply to Hththe1st
I’m not 100% sure why this is in response to me. I didn’t really take a stance on songbirds vs. cats, globally or otherwise, other than to say that my parents’ neighbors have objected to their cats’ death toll, which isn’t even a stance, just a story that happened. I feel like you may have confused me with one of the other posters who has concerns of any kind to assume anything about.
Oh, I was including it to agree with you. Apologiies for the confusion!
okay, cool! I knew I was missing something. 🙂
I’m glad that it’s not just me that’s surprised that there are strong feelings on this subject. Unless you’ve got one of those hilarious thick furbags with the flat furious faces who can’t really go out because they’ll fall asleep in the middle of the road, in the UK kitties going out is pretty much the norm.
Yes – I live in the UK and my cat has outdoor access (during the day, when we are home). We don’t have large carnivores (except foxes) here, and people tend to be nicer about cats. If I were still living in Australia I don’t think I would let a cat have outdoor access – much more vulnerable ecosystem and much more unpleasant people.
I guess I should say here that, in a way, I “stole” my cat. A friend was going into the Peace Corps and needed someone to take care of his cat. He offered to pay $500 total and would give $250 up front. “Sure!” I said. “I’ll definitely give him back after two years.” Four years later I still have him.
Necessary explanation: Once his old roommates came over and said, “MT’s fur is so soft now!” “What was it like before?” I asked. “It was really wirey and he was really thin.” Chris* would forget to feed him and then finally give him food, so the cat would always vomit it up. That was the day I decided that I was not giving the cat back.
No explanation is needed beyond “offered to pay $500 total” because that is nowhere near a reasonable estimate of the cost of 2 years’ worth of food, litter, toys, and vet care.
That is sadly exactly what I would expect from about 80% of the PCVs in my cohort, which is one of the reasons I stopped being in the Peace Corps.
I think technically he paid you to take his cat, so well done!
Totally. I just got a cat from someone who left the country and, though I adore the furry jerk, I wouldn’t have minded a little financial assistance because he goes through litter like crazy.
Actually, I want to fight about the advice that Prudie just gave to the woman who is trying to decide to out the politician for their affair.
UM, YES!
But not for political reasons. For honesty reasons.
*Thread hijack*
True story: once an uncollared cat came and sat at my windows fairly regularly and tried to make friends with my cats (who weren’t having any of it), so I aggressively papered the neighborhood with flyers containing a picture of the cat and stating that I would take it to an animal rescue organization if no one contacted me and told me it was theirs. The cat had a collar on the next day. However, what I really wanted to do was snatch it. I also did steal a cat before, thinking it was a stray, and the owners were PISSED, even though they took crappy care of it. We dewormed it and got it free dental work (a local vet clinic was offering this as a promo to our rescue group that week, luckily), but I really didn’t want to return it.
What I’m trying to say is that a. I’m a crazy cat lady and I don’t care what people think/think that means and b. even though I can’t ethically talk myself into snatching a cat I know belongs to people, I’m secretly terribly glad so many of you would.
Sometimes you really don’t know the story, though — My neighbors had an indoor/outdoor cat who got double-fed every day for YEARS because he cried so piteously at another neighbor’s door that they thought he was just on his own. And then he went home every night to a family that loved and took care of him.
The kitty-cat long con!
And we all thought that cat was so dumb!
My roommates and I “had” a cat that turned out to be doing this! He would turn up at our door at night, meowing piteously and begging to be let in; when we opened the door in the morning, no matter how hard we tried to keep him in, he’d bolt outside and we wouldn’t see him all day. Eventually one of my roommates followed him and caught him returning to an apartment in the next building over, where he lived during the daytime and was put out at night.
My parents had a cat who would sneak out and just, like, take naps various places. And she didn’t have a collar, so one day some college students found her sleeping, and they very responsibly took her to the animal rescue, where my parents had to pay to get her back.
My mom’s cat does that! She’s extremely well fed, and is actually on a diet because she’s put on extra weight lately, but we’re pretty sure she’s going somewhere else in the neighbourhood to get fed. Little jerk. She cries like she’s starving at mealtime, so I have no doubt she could easily convince a stranger that she hasn’t eaten in days. She has a collar with a bell, but a couple of times she’s come home without a collar, which makes me think that perhaps someone has removed her collar in an attempt to keep her. (Or she could have just lost it somewhere, but I like my conspiracy theory.)
I’m having a hard time thinking of a case where a mistreated animal should NOT be kidnapped. Maybe if it belonged to the president or a world leader? But still.
Maybe because everyone has different ideas about what constitutes pet abuse, and that’s why there are organizations to investigate and take legal action, rather than everyone taking up pet vigilante justice? See comments in this thread about all outdoor cats being “immoral.”
Also, yeah, my previous comment not withstanding, I think Emily Yoffe is off on this too. You can’t just do whatever you like because *you* think an animal might be in danger. You can’t just steal, beg or borrow other people’s property just because you’ve decided to be pet justice league. Honestly. For the hoarder call animal control. Or the city (city ordinances and all). For the dog people. maybe offer. But this sounds like a righteousness situation. How does she know the dog is not happy?
Well, you can beg maybe. But I see your point.
I don’t know, I had some friends who stole a dog in a small city where animal control existed to collect dogs/ put them down & the dog was chained up outside, covered in ticks, and clearly malnourished. He’s now fat, glossy pittie who loves to roll in fresh cut grass, and nobody’s property rights trump this little guy’s right to not be neglected.
In a less extreme example, my partner grew up in a house where pets were regularly purchased, kept for a desultory period of time, and then given away or taken to the pound because they were too much work. (Why? GOD KNOWS.) I think if someone kind had offered to take the dog off their hands, it would’ve been more than ok -welcome, even! Though it probably wouldn’t have stopped them from getting another pet down the road eventually.
My cats like to think they’re mighty hunters (well, the younger ones) when they are watching squirrels and things outside the window, but when a squirrel got into my house and was hanging out eating chocolate on the couch they were like, cool dude, let’s be BFFs.
One of them has only been an indoor cat since last Christmas, after my aunt guilted me into taking in the feral cat that lived in her backyard.
Re: outdoor cats, songbirds have nothing to fear from me because even if I did not live in an apartment, I am far too neurotic to let my precious babies outside without supervision. I am a helicopter cat person, I accept that about myself. Luckily one refuses to cross the apartment threshold, and the other, while a great lover of the hallway, will run like the DEVIL inside if he hears anyone else coming up the stairs. I really don’t think they’re missing much.
Helicoptor cat moms unite! After living in San Diego county for many years with my cats (where going outside for cats is truly a dangerous pasttime, with all the coyotes who love to eat them), I am LOATHE to let them out. Primarily because I don’t want anything to happen to them, but at this point I don’t think they would have any sort of “street smarts” and it seems like it would be even more dangerous. They seem quite alright with this arrangement 🙂
Look. Of course you should steal the cat. ALL cats should be stolen. Acquiring a cat by lawful means is an offense to the nature of cats.
DO YOU THINK YOUR CAT IS GOING TO FUCKING RESPECT YOU IF YOU DON’T PAY THE IRON PRICE?
You make excellent points. I cannot fight with this logic.
(well done.)
Do you really think your cat will respect you even if you do?
Obviously the cat will never truly respect you, but there are degrees of disrespect, and the cat considers them all.
Eat bugs/act as a crucial link in the ecosystem? Just sayin…I’m all for cats, but, we should probably care about how irresponsible animal husbandry impacts other species. #unaskedforseriousreply
When I was in college we had an acquaintance in the dorms that was blind. She had been provided with a service dog, but most of the time kept her locked in the dorm while she walked around with her cane. She was underfed and did not get nearly enough exercise because she was tied to the girl’s bedpost when she was away. We contacted the Seeing Eye and reported it because we felt it was too unfair to the poor dog and we eventually found out that she (dog) was re-homed with a companion that was a much better fit. The reporting was anonymous but I remember dorm acquaintance being very upset when she was told that she was effectively abusing her animal and was an unfit owner.
Ugh, that sucks. Wish someone had worked with her to improve the dog’s treatment while it was still with her, rather than the first step being to take it away.
I’m on board with Prudie for most of it, from a knee-jerk reaction. I DO think the hoarder will notice the cat being missing, but I also think the cat deserves better.
If we’re doing the indoor/outdoor fight, my feelings on this are I prefer indoor cats, personally, for a variety of reasons. The cat lives longer, and I selfishly want my cat to live longer. Outdoor cats can bring in fleas and ticks and who-knows-what-else into the home, and while so can people, animals who roam at will through woods are MORE likely to do so. Also, I live next to a highway and coming home the other day my boyfriend saw a cat he thought looked just like my Sida dead on the side of the road across from our house and came home panicking even though he doesn’t like cats at all, because he thought Sida had gotten out and I’d be devastated.
So, indoor cats 4life is what I’m saying here.
The hoarder will notice. My neighbor is a cat hoarder and she hysterically chases down every one that tries to escape.
My last cat lived to 19 (catflap in back door, she could go out whenever she liked). My current two are 16 and in rude health. Is early death for outdoor cats a thing?
Statistically, indoor-only cats live 3-5 years longer than outdoor cats. On average, of course, but it’s a non-trivial difference.
Yeah, this is anecdotal evidence, but my family has had five cats in our current home that is on a busy-ish street (for the neighborhood, especially) and an apartment building away from a highway. The ones that have lived the longest have been the two we let outdoors (one is ~15 and still kicking, the other just got hit by a car at 9). Two of the other three got out and pretty much immediately got hit by cars, the third got out and we never saw her again. I/O cats learn to be afraid of cars, indoor cats do not. I don’t know about other reasons they live longer–higher risk for disease maybe? But I doubt natural causes stuff like that would kick in before the cat was relatively old anyways. My cats already went crazy when they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) go outside during the winter, I don’t know what they would have done if they had to stay inside all the time.
As far as killing wild animals goes, well, my mom had problems with rabbits in her vegetable garden until we got the second cat (the older one was de-clawed in the front when we got him). Maybe saying this makes me a monster, but it’s not always a bad thing.
Fighting words: you know who else made innocents fight for their amusement, Mallory? Dean Corrl. How’s that for hyperbolic vitriol!
P.S. Save all the animals.
I recently got a passive-aggressive email from my neighbor subtly suggesting that I had given his cat fleas (my cats don’t have fleas, so this is not likely) and asking if I had a flea comb he could borrow. I just need to put this out there because it is so bizarre.
Note: the reason I could have been implicated at all is because I was doing him the favor of taking care of his cat while he was out of town.
If by “come at you”, you mean send you these articles on how de-clawing cats is basically cutting off their fingers and results in lasting pain and possibly ingrown claws, then sure… http://www.humanesociety.org/animals/cats/tips/de…
“Declawing traditionally involves the amputation of the last bone of each toe. If performed on a human being, it would be like cutting off each finger at the last knuckle.”
Also, couldn’t find a way to link it, but a vet I know recently posted this on her facebook page: “Blue Boots. In 2013 Blue Boots was surrendered for behavioral issues including litter box aversion and extreme aggression. Fortunately, someone stepped in and Blue Boots went to a Specialty Purebred CAT Rescue foster. The vet through SPCR found the cause that explained everything, though most people would not have connected the dots, as Blue Boots’ original owner did not. See, years earlier, Blue Boots had undergone a 4-paw declaw procedure. It’s quite routine and widely accepted in the US and even vehemently defended. What you see in these photos are the deformed claws that were growing WITHIN and THROUGH Blue Boots’ paw pads.
In one study of declawed cats in a particular shelter, one vet found that 66% had left over P3 fragments from the declaw being performed improperly. 33% of them had more than 5 fragments. Of those with fragments, 45% had at least one fragment larger than 5 mm. 28% had a 100% fully BOTCHED declaw procedure, meaning they had bone fragments larger than 5 mm left in each declawed toe.
In the case of Blue Boots, he was 100% botched, meaning those bone fragments left behind in each toe also included a part of each nail bed. Over the space of time after his declaw, the ingrown claws caused constant pain and resulted in his litter box issues and his aggression. Again, his owners weren’t able to connected the behavior with the cause and he would have been killed.
If an individual MUST have a declawed cat, either due to the potential health risks of a possible scratch or due to the rules of their living arrangement, please consider adopting an adult feline from a rescue or shelter that has already been declawed. If a child colors on a wall, you do not cut off their fingers. You teach them not to. The same applies to kittens and training them to use an appropriate scratching surface. There are so many alternatives and humane solutions. This is not merely my opinion, but a truth based upon the research of countless veterinary professionals, proven statistics and studies done throughout the world. Declawing is now banned in at least 22 countries.”
I would do it, I would cut off my kid’s fingers if he drew on the walls. I think it’s important to hear both sides.
But kids’ fingers grow back right? Don’t they have baby fingers like they have baby teeth?
That’s enough out of you, Jonathan Franzen
I really love that “child implies the dog is unwanted” is given as evidence in the dog case.
The best advice would be to advocate for putting both of the animals down. Pet ownership is a luxury expense of the faux middle class to keep us placated, train us to love things that will never consciously love us, and divert our attention from bettering the lives of other humans.
Dogs are better than cats, and fights about declawing etc. are the most boring thing in the world. That is my opinion.
Team Indoor Cats here. The area where I live is not at all conducive to outdoor pets (major thoroughfare outside, Lake Michigan across the street, behind the house is an 80-acre wooded parcel that houses ALL KINDS OF PREDATORS from bald eagles to, you know, cougars and/or black bears) and just nope.
My lovey baby ten-year-old cat is not good at jumping on the couch, so escaping anything coming at him is not really something I think he could accomplish. He has perfect teeth and no parasites and is in wonderful health and enjoys watching the birds through the front window.
Cats are better than dogs and people who can’t deal with an apex predator in their bed are inferior.
The only apex predator in my bed is me.
APPARENTLY cats are either mousers or birders but not both. My cat is a hardcore birder but also salamanders on the side. I know because he brings them to me. Once the bird wasn’t quite dead yet. In my living room.
He goes outside because he would probably actually kill us in our sleep if he didn’t.
I don’t take any issue with Prudie’s advice, but I will say this: our neighbors once stole our (well-loved, excellently-cared-for) cat. He was always indoor/outdoor, and smart as a tack, and he realized pretty quickly that whining for food (which I must emphasize was EXTRA food, since we always fed him plenty) at the neighbor’s house would yield rewards. They, I guess, assumed that we weren’t taking care of him and gently broached the subject of adopting him away from us. My dad said: “No, we love and care for him, you guys are being manipulated BY A CAT, leave him alone, he belongs to my young daughter.” But they didn’t believe him, and started locking the cat inside, and we never saw him again.
Oh my god those jerks
THANK YOU.
Something like that happened to me when I was 10! Except the woman didn’t “broach the subject,” she just jumped straight to keeping my cat inside her house. My dad decided to accompany me as I went door to door to ask the neighbours if they had seen the cat – it didn’t take long because she lived right next door. She refused to give the cat back and my parents were like “We’ve always gotten a bad vibe from her, she is obviously a crazy lady, let’s not antagonize her by demanding that she return the cat” so they basically let her steal Piper from me.
IT’S BEEN 15 YEARS, STILL NOT OVER IT.
Who are these people?? Seriously.
I really want to go back in time and steal your cat back for you! Then I’ll whap their hands with a ruler and make them write “don’t steal other people’s pets” 100 times.
I just like telling a related story about how I had a crazy housemate in college and one of the crazy things she would do is go down the list of people giving away their pets on craigslist and write each of them long, expletive-filled emails about how they were monsters for giving away an animal and they should rot in hell, etc.
I’ve always let my cats outside. CREED ARMS
Do you know if well-fed outdoor or I/O cats still have significant negative effects on songbird populations? I know that since we tamed/adopted some of the strays in our neighborhood, the number of dove carcasses I come across has decreased significantly, but we do find the occasional one still and I don’t know if they are the work of other feral cats in the neighborhood or if our outdoor cats are still killing birds for fun occasionally. Basically I guess I can’t tell if the songbird issue is because of outdoor cats or because of starving outdoor cats.
I’m sure your cats are perfectly nice. My cat is not the best cat, but I’m afraid I am going to have to stop you there and say she is in fact the prettiest. She’s poofy and fun brown colors. Google “Somali Cat” and you’ll get a sense of what we’re dealing with here. This one is not my cat (she is unfortunately not cross eyed), but it’s close in color: http://www.fimho.com/wp-content/gallery/somali-ca…
This one is also like her color on her back: http://www.catsofaustralia.com/images/pompom0023….. But she has a caramel stomach, cool grey stripey leggings on the backs of her legs, green eyes, long eyelashes and fetching white eyeshadow. How do I embed an image?
These situations, relevant as they are to ourselves as a society, shine a much needed light on a heretofore unknown social disparity between the treatment of cats and dogs.See with your own eyes how much more dogs are integrated into mainstream society.
To take an abused dog away from a family, one must go through channels, obtain proper papers, offer remuneration, be polite, and make an effort not to upset the owners by engaging in a chatty subterfuge. Cats, and their rescuers are plainly subject to no such oversight. One is advised to merely take the cat. Pick it up off the street, as it were. With nary a kind word to the owner to soften the transition. No subterfuge, no shallow deceits. Just outright theft!
It’s as if cats were somehow less important than dogs, or that an owner might be less attached to their feline pets than to their canine ones. Truly it appears that a woman, perhaps a lonely woman, perhaps a woman afflicted with an unfortunate parasite, is somehow second best to a family, no matter how dysfunctional that family may be. How is it that the family is more deserving of the web of kindly lies a rescuer will weave to release Bowser or Scout into their loving arms, than the poor unfortunate woman for whom her cats are the only thing tethering her to reality?
Just take the cat?! Truly, we cannot function as a society if this is let stand.
It’s true. There is a petition going on one of the online sites at the moment asking for legal equality for cats & dogs – apparently if a dog is killed by a car the body will automatically be scanned for a microchip and the owners notified, but cats are not, their bodies are just destroyed.
We have a feral cat population in the neighborhood, and while I appreciate the distinct lack of rodents, it infuriates me when they use my kids’ swing set as a litter box. They are all pretty much descendants of my neighbor’s cats, who are not spayed/neutered and roam the streets freely. Now I’m mad thinking about it and need emergency chocolate.
This advice is wrong in both cases because the obvious solution is: steal cat and dog, tell owners you found them dead and “took care of it.”
So, they are furry four-legged humans?
Aaaaaggghhh I know that getting the cat(s) away from the hoarder is the right thing, but as someone whose cat was stolen, I wince. I’m not a hoarder. I don’t even like cats usually. But my cat broke into my home (and my heart) via an open basement window and I loved her fiercely until someone snatched her up. Apparently this is how a lot of cat-vigilantes treat outdoor cats? Like the office candy jar? I reckon whoever took her assumed we wouldn’t miss her, since she was initially a stray and we let her live outside. BUT I DO MISS HER, A YEAR LATER. </cat feelings>
I’m being That Person, but raw food (Stella & Chewy’s freeze-dried raw) controls my boy’s IBS like nothing else does. We feed a combo of frozen raw/canned to the other girlie because she also thrives on it. We spend a shitload of money on cat food. Sigh.
I find it really odd and quite interesting that there seems to be a US/UK divide re indoor/outdoor cats. In the UK the default is to let your cats come and go as they please and most people consider it cruel to shut them up inside. In the US, it appears to be the opposite?
I live in the UK and my family have two indoor Ragdoll cats. I always feel a bit on the defensive when I explain that they’re indoor cats though considering the breeder we bought them off made us promise we wouldn’t let them outside without constant supervision and since they’ve been selectively bred into extremely useless docility and they’re scared of wind-up mice, it’s a bit easier to convince people that this is the right thing. (Also I once took them outside supervised and one of them crawled because he was too scared to walk. He then crawled under the nearest bush and hid, yowling in distress.)
Someone forgot to tell my cats they are either mousers or birders. They take pleasure in releasing live specimens of both in the house. They specialise in chasing mice around the bedroom in the middle of the night. Bastards.
See, here is my problem. I never trust that the perspective of the letter writers is actually The Truth. How do we know that the family LW1 describes are not lovely people with a clean home who love their dog? Perhaps LW1 is just a pathological liar who wants to justify dog theft. How do we know that LW2 is not a lying shit who wants “internet permission” to catnap an innocent little ginger tabby?
Maybe Prudence entirely invents all of these letters in order to position herself as some kind of know-it-all genius! PRUDENCE, YOU NARCISSIST!
Yes, it’s a flaw in her argument. Cats are vastly superior to children, and the main reason not to declaw is that someday they’ll be our furry overlords and then WHERE WILL YOU BE. Fingerless, that’s where.
Oh I’m perfectly aware that a vegan mishmash purporting to be “cat” “”””food”””” exists, but I refuse to acknowledge it because it isn’t nutritionally complete. I’m glad to know, though, that other people are aware of this @_@
I’m definitely on team rescue/steal the animal and peace out. Try asking? Who knows, they may be trying to look for a new home for it already. That’s how Mr. Floridagal got our rabbit Loki pokey–
“We don’t want this rabbit. Our son neglects it. We might give it to this guy so that he can feed to it his snake.” –former rabbit owners
“NO this rabbit is mine” –Mr. Floridagal, heroically
“ok”
I’m ready to fight!
Stealing is wrong unless you are a charming thief, or femme fatale a la Carmen Sandiego. Prudence should have advised both the cat and dog people to ask to adopt the animals.
Also, cats should not be allowed outside because they are vermin.
#sorrynotsorry
Also wanna say that dogs are a thousand times better than cats, and birds are at least ten times better than dogs, so cats deserve no consideration, ever.
Thanks for the offer, Mallory!
Yes to nabbing Carmel, absolutely. People who hoard cats (and anything else) are weird and it’s wrong to be weird. Also, the family should just help themselves to the hoarder’s stuff, too, because weird people don’t deserve to make their own decisions about what they own or do. (Same thing for relieving homeless people of their stuff because you shouldn’t have to figure out whether they’re weird or mentally impaired.) Just don’t let other people see you, or they will get in on the game and that would mean less stuff for you. Sharing sucks.
As for the dog, yes there, too. Remember, people who save dogs will get to have 72 virgins in heaven. (Yes, this is a thing. I know because an angel came and told me. I knew by the wings. I am not making this up.)
The most important thing is to never, under any circumstances, talk to another human about a problem you are experiencing with them. That would just stir up a s**t-cloud of opinions, feelings, facts and explanations that will only muddy the situation. Empathy is also weird, and feeling closer to other people because you understand them is poison. Remember, you can’t stay in your happy little problem-free world where you and your family are perfect if you do something as ridiculous as communicate with other humans.
You’re welcome! Next question!
My in-laws acquired a cat in the same way Prudence is advocating getting the dog – he’d belonged to a neighbour, and when they were moving, they went to say goodbye to Andrew. My sister in law sobbed over the cat, so the neighbours said “You like the cat more than we do. Take him”. Andrew was rapidly renamed Fred.