I bought a car, it was an absolute triumph of feminism and negotiation and I will tell you all about it tomorrow in the form of a helpful guide, because I’m picking it up today at noon.
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Why you may be looking at Teen Wolf gifs in another tab right now:
In my public school sex ed class in the ‘90s, they told us that men reach their sexual peak at 18 and women at 35. I always assumed this was in the same category as other BS aphorisms like “boys only want one thing” or “who would buy the cow when he could get the milk for free” — an explanation for dudes’ voracious behavior and an exhortation to resist. Your boyfriend will get off at just about anything, and it’s not his fault, but you aren’t even physically capable of feeling the kind of pleasure you seek.
I was not prepared to hit 35 and find out that it’s totally true.
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A live-action Dumbo is literally the worst idea anyone has ever had.
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I try not to subject you to too much horse content, but this is a perfect example of why dressage makes no sense to a non-dressage audience and also that sports commentators treat everything with a greater intensity than it deserves.
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I am thinking a lot about this piece by Elizabeth Spiers about profiling Shanley Kane.
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On the closing of rural school districts.
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The duality of transgender issues in the United States:
As the trans community wins crucial rights, I am seeing the drive from some quarters to shift focus to issues of mainstream acceptability. Both Janet Mock and Feministing’s own Katherine Cross have called out the way a debate over the word “tranny” has drawn more attention and visible outrage than Jane Doe’s incarceration. I’m not going to pretend language is not important – I’ve spent much of my media career calling out poor press coverage that misgenders trans women and brings up salacious details to construct a victim-blaming narrative when trans women of color are murdered. As I have argued before, this terrible press coverage dehumanizes trans women, paints them as victims who deserve what they get, and therefore contributes to cycles of violence. So yes, words matter. But as Monica Roberts points out, this media disrespect continues, as it showed up in coverage of three of the four murdered trans women of color last month. I wish disrespect of these murdered women garnered the same level of attention as the language used on a game show on Logo.
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The whitening of Neymar.
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So, yesterday, I went to my Zen teacher’s house, which is up in the hills, as you would expect, and when I entered, she was frozen with fear, and said: “Nicole…you are okay with snakes, right?” and I was all…”yeah, I guess,” being not particularly afraid of snakes, and she pointed to this towel with a huge overturned bowl on it, and then hid upstairs, and I picked up the bowl by the towel, discovering, of course, that the snake was UNDER the towel, not under the bowl, and it ran over my foot and was large and hid behind the couch, and I picked up the towel and pulled the couch away from the wall and grasped the snake and kicked open her side door and tossed it gently down the hill and said something like “little lady, you can come out now,” and was filled with perhaps the greatest sense of accomplishment of my life, and now I think I may also understand masculinity and its appeal?
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
Because it ran over your foot, I am imagining a normal snake, except it has four teeny-tiny feet, and for some reason it’s wearing teeny-tiny sneakers.
And a jaunty cap.
No, it’s true. Doing things for pretty ladies is basically great.
I am in a two-hour phone meeting and I can’t put secrecy on because they keep asking me things, but I want to watch the dressage video!!
My first reaction: lady, your spurs are constantly jabbing into your horse. Gah! Not that the horse cares, he’s probably tuned them out ages ago. I wish I could appreciate the sport more but as I understand it, there is substantial abuse involved (as in most sport horse events. Sigh.). But if I knew of a horse/rider team that used humane training methods, I’d be their biggest fan because I really respect and admire the whole discipline of dressage.
Rant over!
And I freaking LOVE dressage fashion. I’d wear that shit on the constant.
I share your rant about an awful lot of continental European dressage! I think the trend for the overbent stressed leg-flingers like Parzival, Totilas (who looks more like a big lick sored TWH to me than anything harmonious), Bonfire etc, is coming to an end. Charlotte Dujardin and Carl hester seem to be promoting a much more ‘happy athlete’ emphasis – their horses are turned out, they go out trail riding, they jump, they have normal lives and aren’t confined to a stable and never allowed to be a horse. I also think it really shows in their tests – much more of a partnership, much less tension, no blue tongues, no rollkur.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXVCVPA7vJo
I’ve always said that if doing well at a discipline requires me to torment my horse then thanks but no. There is a lot of abuse at the higher levels where money starts to override the ethics, but it’s not all bad.
“…they have normal lives…”
Yes to everything you’ve said, and thanks for the link; I’m gonna save it for later viewing! It’s SO nice seeing happy animals doing their athletic best. I dabbled in Schutzhund training before moving east and anyone with a decent eye could see the difference in those dog/handler combos that used heavy negative reinforcement training vs. positive.
With horses, totally different approach, I know (from what I read, horses actually learn best using pressure release) but there’s “do it or the pain intensifies” and there’s “do it, but let’s break it down into baby steps using moderate pressure so you really understand it and not have to worry about it” approaches. Guess which one I’m trying!
Yup, a fan of Dr. Andrew Mclean, here!
Sent from my iPad
I once rescued one of my high school’s varsity football team linebackers from a spider (I have my own issues with spiders but it was no where near my hair, so I was okay). I walked on air for days. It was the best.
In the house where I live, with three men, I am the one who kills the spiders. I understand your victory.
I am never the brave rescuing one, but always the rescued.
Though I did womanfully rescue one of my friends from a millipede once. She was so flutteringly grateful and pretty and flushed I completely understood victorian novels.
Discovering the profundities of one’s own nerd nature: having to hit Wikipedia to confirm that a half-second glimpse of Aguero’s arm during last night’s World Cup did indeed show a Tengwar tattoo. Discovering the depths of Apple’s nerd nature: finding that the iPhone autocompletes Tengwar.
That dressage video was hilarious! Only in dressage can do you do the wrong elegant and intensely-controlled move and be called “completely mad.” I predict that my mid-life crisis will be to switch from riding bareback through fields with reckless abandon to buying the sports-car version of a horse and getting into dressage. I can’t wait.
I would also be considered “completely mad” if my horse were to do flying lead changes. Primarily because the only way it would happen is if I were hallucinating it. Lazy uncoordinated ponies 4eva!
The first horse I learned to ride would never, ever do flying changes, because she was really good at counter-cantering and would just say “oh, no, I’m fine, I’ll just go around like this instead, no need to launch myself in the air like a damn fool.”
I borrowed a friend’s warmblood so I could feel the flying change, and I asked how to cue it, and she just said “oh, canter him across the diagonal, switch your legs halfway, and then try to run him into the corner, he’ll probably switch.”
I was supposed to learn simple changes on a retired Second-Level TB. We got to the middle of the ring, I asked him to come down to the trot, and clear as daylight he said, “Oh no. That’s not what you want,” and kersproing, flying change.
My current buddy would be more content doing dressage if he had an enemy in view; he adores bossing around other animals and would leg-yield daintily over the bodies of the fallen. He doesn’t, however, share a former horse’s fondness for doing cutting moves to chase foxes out of the ring at night.
Same here – did my first flying change on a friend’s high-level hunter/jumper and it was glorious. The horse I had been riding would sooner stand up on his hind legs than do a change, and I could never quite convince him that they are, in fact, quite easy.
you guys are saying the most amazing words and i don’t understand any of them
My low-level eventer thought flying changes were the dumbest things ever, but only when I was on him. I would watch him in the turnouts daintily doing one tempis and shake my fist at him.
My mom’s Arab, on the other hand, took great pride in how perfect his flying changes were. That horse was and is the smuggest thing I have ever met. Yes, we know you are a dazzling example of perfection, we were watching just now. Show off.
Small hooves, pointed ears, dainty muzzle, high tail carriage, smugness at own perfection, and large eyes are standards of the breed.
Precisely. All denizens of planet “Look at me, look at me.”
I was completely spoiled when I was learning because I got to exercise ride a retired Intermediate level Lipizzan TB cross who just automatically went into perfect two tempi changes the first time I cantered her on the diagonal.
Then I switched over to an eventer who was like “I will jump all the things for you, but this skipping thing is NONSENSE, and I won’t have it”, and I suddenly understood everyone else’s grumbling about flying lead changes.
The Arab I’m currently training thinks counter-cantering is just as good as cantering, and therefore only picks up the left lead when he feels like it, which is only about half the time. And his counter-canter is so well balanced that it’s hard to tell from the rhythm if he’s on the correct lead.
I spent summers teaching basic riding at girl camp. With camp horses. Who were lovely and generally willing, but often not that coordinated. There was so much counter-cantering. So much. Eventually, it just felt right to me and I didn’t argue. Oh hey, horse, whatever works. You do you.
As a woman who grew up barrel racing Paints, I could never, ever, understand what the heck was up with dressage. In my mind it was always just reining with top hats.
I’ve been learning baby eventing with my friend’s mom’s trail horse. You guys would have appreciated our very first dressage test, wherein he picked up the wrong lead, I realized that he doesn’t have simple changes installed, briefly panicked, and then spent the the rest of the circle trying to broadcast “look how good we are at this counter cantering business!!!!! upper level!!!! ten out of ten!!!!!” vibes at the judges, mostly via deranged smiling. (P.S. more dressage on The Toast pls)
My midlife crisis involved buying the sports-car pony who I’d competed all her life for her owner and galloping her round bareback with reckless abandon all the time because I am too lazy to get a saddle or change out of my shorts. I thoroughly recommend it. (Along with the toyboy and tattoos.)
DAMN that sounds like fun.
If anyone else told me the story of my life from about 30-34, I would think they were making it up. I had *so* much fun. The crisis is well over now, but I have just carried on behaving ridiculously because it’s so entertaining.
Sounds like *soooomeone* needs to write an article. Perhaps there is a website with a cheerful and willing audience of like-minded ladies?
I would, but my mother is far too computer-literate for me to put half of the content on the internet-at-large.
#21stcenturyproblems
I’m just really concerned that 30-34 is now considered “midlife”?????? But also jealous of what your midlife crisis entailed, dang.
I want this life, period. Wait, already got a tatty, a small horse and a large/boy. Just need your amazing confidence and I’m all set!
Nothing wrong with riding bareback through fields with reckless abandon! I’m rather jealous, to tell the truth; I lost my confidence just over a year ago and I’m just getting back into riding.
Reckless riders, let me live vicariously through you!
Here you go, have a vicarious reckless bareback canter in the field with me and Petal.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/lebatihem/464721182…
Whoo Yoo! I can totally feel the wind in my hair!
Sent from my iPad
One of the first times I competed in dressage, it literally turned into a riding lesson from the judge. My horse was a very athletic, super intelligent dude, but he would take a while to come around to taking any sort of dressage business seriously. She spent my entire routine teaching me to get him to flex his neck. It was very embarrassing at the time, but I was grateful to her forever after.
I (perhaps unfairly) think of dressage as a fairly posh sport, so is hilarious to hear someone with a decidedly not-posh accent getting worked up about it. “She’s supposed to be doing the zigzags!”
(buys pearls and CLUTCHES THEM in horror)
Ohhhh my God. My sorority sister is (was, I guess) a teacher at Wellington. The article says that all staff members are staying wihin the district, but she’s still trying to find a full-time position for the fall. Maine is a lot more isolated and poverty-stricken than I think most people realize.
Yeah, I was interested to learn a while ago that, by numbers, the most challenged school districts are in rural areas (often including, unsurprisingly, schools on or near Indian reservations). I suppose they get less coverage because news vans and livery service can’t get there and back as quickly as they can get to the urban ghetto. Also rural people don’t really have the threat of rioting as leverage.
Live action version of Dumbo: agreed, terrible idea.
As an adult experimenting with drugs and alcohol, I have never experienced anything close to the type of epic trip depicted in “Pink Elephants on Parade.” Disney — setting children’s expectations too high yet again.
But, oh my goodness, the crows. How on earth would the live action version handle them? I would say they’re some of the most racist depictions I’ve seen in a Disney movie, but, unfortunately, I’ve seen Peter Pan (and I once saw a bit of Song of the South which, for some inexplicable reason, was airing in a hotel lobby in Polynesia).
Disney: giving parents teachable moments about racism since forever.
The idea of a live action Dumbo upsets me so so much, unless all of the animals are Life of Pi-esque CGI. I literally cannot look at pictures of elephants without getting upset. They’re incredibly smart and loving creatures and humans treat them so poorly.
Somewhat off topic: The song “Baby Mine” used to make my mom cry every time she heard it, which bratty tweenaged me used to her advantage.
Mannnn, moms and Disney songs about motherhood! At the wedding of a friend of mine, the mother/groom dance was to “You’ll Be In My Heart” from Tarzan, at her request. SO MANY TEARS.
Cripes, are you me? Just looking at elephants gets me upset because I think about the horrible things that happen to them. Same with chimps.
And yeah, the moms and the ‘Baby Mine’ tears. Good grief.
No kidding. Elephants are amazing creatures and I can’t watch that Dumbo scene without imploding from grief.
Oh god me too! Then after years of not watching Dumbo I caught that scene as a late twenty something, burst into a great big snotty puddle of tears (They took her baby away!! She was just trying to protect him!! Why god, why?!?! blubber blubber blubber) and called my mother on regaining my powers of speach to apologize for being such a little shit. Then we cried about that scene together on the phone. Now we watch Up on the phone with each other and cry and cry while my husband gives us some side eye (he only cries at the end the jerk).
What do you mean, he only cries at the end? Does he not watch the beginning?
He does not cry in the opening scene despite watching it, the wierdo! He bottles it up until the scene when Carl pins the grape soda bottle top on Russell’s sash and then the sniffles start and I have to share my box of tissues. I think that scene is the straw that breaks my camel husband’s back.
ETA: powers of speech, not powers of speach. I was a Hooked on Phonics kid, could you tell? Ugh.
I was so traumatized by that scene when I was four years old that I have never been able to watch Dumbo again.
THEY TOOK AWAY HER BABY! THEY TOOK DUMBO FROM HIS MOTHER!
Not cool, Disney. Not cool.
1. agreed about the elephants
2. I used “Sunrise, Sunset” from Fiddler on my mom alllll the time as a teen. cheers for manipulative, tension-diffusing songs.
A live action Dumbo is a terrible idea because Dumbo is the saddest movie in creation.
Seriously, awhile ago my husband was like “want to watch Dumbo?” and I was like “okay, but we have to skip all the upsetting parts.” So we watched the last five minutes.
I had a moment of panic during the snake story where I forgot you don’t don’t live in Australia where any reptile is likely to kill you. Bless you harmless snakes!
I feel like I would have paused in this process to google the pattern on the snake no matter where I was. I am not as heroic as Nicole.
lest we forget she did this while PREGNANT, I believe that she is pregnant with the spirit of bravery
Her child is Godric Gryffindor. Time traveling, obviously.
Godric Gryffindor…or Godric Cliffendor?
(I’ll see myself out.)
NO GUARANTEE OF THIS: in the hills of Utah there are for sure rattlers. BE CAREFUL NICOLE
It did not have a rattle, which all (seven kinds of) venomous Utah snakes do! TOTALLY SAFE.
ok good. As a child my parents scared the shit out of me with true stories of mountain bikers and hikers along the shoreline trail who had rattlers strike at them and would do insane things like bite off their heads only to be bit on the tongue. NO THANK YOU
Yeah my immediate instinct would be to find the nearest shovel and hack it to death because it’s you or me, snake! But I can understand how if you didn’t grow up in the country of tiger snakes and taipans and red-bellied black snakes then that’s probably not the call you would make.
I saw the Neymar article when it was posted on Africa is a Country! Ever since I read the article I can’t help but stare at his current hair and wonder about the upkeep.
Well, Nicole, I just swooned.
Hey do you guys need something infuriating to get your blood going this morning?
Here you go
http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/07/todd-akin…
See especially: “And Akin doubles down on the term “legitimate,” which he says refers to a rape claim that can be proved by “evidence,” as opposed to one used “to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.””
Normally I’m against responding to things on the internet without reading them myself, but I’m gonna go ahead and rely just on your summary to say FUCK THAT GUY and allow that to be my entire opinion on the matter.
Anyway, probably if I read it my opinion would remain “FUCK THAT GUY,” but louder, and I’m a little iffy on how to make text bigger in a comment using HTML. So this seems like a good way to do things.
I absolutely cannot wait to read his book, because it is entitled Firing Back: Taking on the Party Bosses and Media Elite to Protect Our Faith and Freedom, and that’s the best joke I’ve heard all week.
Taking on the elite! He’s heir to a manufacturing fortune and lives in one of the wealthiest zip codes in the US. Meanwhile, he’s been arrested for harassing women at clinics.
I guess “firing back” is one way to fill your time while you’re unemployed and a woman holds the Senate seat you wanted so much.
SET HIM ABLAZE ON A PYRE OF HIS OWN BOOKS
So this actually gets at a lot of the issues in the Hyde amendment that have existed since its conception, such as the fact that in one version the rape had to be reported to the police specifically to qualify for an exception. And Carter* is on the record saying that he doesn’t want women lying about rape to get into “abortion mills.” So much rage!
*ugh why is he hailed as a women’s rights hero.
My local abortion mill has become so popular because of fake rape accusations that they’ve had to start stamping hands and limiting entry to just the pretty women so they don’t exceed fire codes.
So when Todd Akin and “legitimate rape” were first in the news, I happened to be taking a Medieval Sexuality class. Said class covered perceptions of sex and sexuality, marriage, pregnancy, etc- but the most intriguing thing, to me, was the fact that medieval people believed that a woman had to orgasm in order to get pregnant. ERGO, if a woman complained of being raped but ended up falling pregnant, she had clearly not been raped, because she had to have orgasmed to get pregnant in the first place. Therefore, a woman could not get pregnant if the rape had been- sing it if you know the words- LEGITIMATE.
Todd Akin: bringing rape culture back, medieval style.
That sexual peak article is rad and hilarious but I am 23 and already horny as fuck (pretty much exactly as she describes) so either 35 will be unbearable or I am just ahead of the curve.
I am 36. It will be unbearable, thinking back to when I was 23 and also in much the same state. Sorry…
Seconded.
I wrote that article, and I can confirm that It Gets Worse even when you were a horndog as a young woman. My exes/friends/attractive strangers can confirm that.
Ummmm…oh yes, indeed (says the forty something broad).
I thought it was PRETTY AMAZING, me. The difference between my libido at ~25 and my libido at ~35 was the difference between clinging to a bucking pony of lust and masterfully commanding a powerful horse to run its graceful paces; the difference between trying to slake my thirst at a firehose and getting a faceful of blasted water and using that same firehose to quench a bonfire.
As a 25 year old, this is DELIGHTFUL to hear.
I certainly don’t mean to naysay what Dr. LadyBusiness says so eloquently in her linked article! There’s a whole range of experiences, and mine happened to be accompanied by greater competence of all sorts: I’d been sorting out long-standing issues of my own emotional and psychological landscape, examining some internalized cultural messages, and teaching myself to communicate in a healthier way, to make requests clearly, and to set boundaries appropriately. It’s no surprise all that translated into a healthier, happier, more satisfying sexual experience, too.
I was also lucky enough to start dating my now-husband the year I turned 35, so rather than an established relationship being disrupted by a shake-up in my libido, we were diving into a new, fervent, fresh relationship* that nonetheless quickly established all the trust and affection of a long-standing couple.
But really, the best thing I ever did for my sexual self is also the best thing I ever did for my entire self: learning how to be clear, compassionate, and firm about my needs and boundaries — and learning to respect other people’s boundaries — made my whole life better, and it’s no coincidence that it made sex better, too.
*Best typo ever: I originally spelled it “elationship.”
First things first: only using “elationship” from now on.
Secondly: I affirm what you are saying! I totally agree about my own understanding of my body and my desires and my boundaries, and I enjoy my sexual life a ton and feel much more confident about it than I did as a young lass. It’s just ALSO that this hijacking thing has happened at the same time. I happened to meet my partner when we were both 23, and he happens to be male and not having this experience that I am, so it was like WHOA EASE UP TIGER when this all started to ramp up. So my experience of this is partly an experience of revisiting conversations had a decade ago about all of the things you talked about with your now-husband when you first met. 🙂
Life is weird, is what I’m saying.
I think I’m talking about a few different things: one is the maturing that we all do, some of us earlier and some later, when we ease into knowing our own minds and bodies. Another is the pure unfucking of my mental state, which was well and truly jacked up and required a complete overhaul for about a decade of slow, steady work. Not everyone needs that second thing; I really, really did.
And yes, the sensation you speak of sounds familiar to me, too; I just had a handy outlet for it in a new relationship. The time between getting to know my now-husband and, y’know, getting to know him was… intense. Vivid. Excruciating in a delicious way.
god that firehose metaphor just made my day
Just to be clear, in that metaphor I am both the firehose and the fire.
it isn’t a penis metaphor is what im saying
the hammer is my penis
HAMMER, MEET NAIL
in this metaphor i am both hammer and nail see
Captain Hammer wil save us!
27 and asexual; maybe a libido will randomly appear (now picturing a libido as a rare type of Pokemon) when I am 35?
I would super not recommend it, being asexual + having a libido is not a good time, zero out of ten stars, would not buy again. I wish I could get rid of that Pokemon!
W/R/T snakes:
1) My partner and I have been watching old Jeff Corwin reruns lately.
2) We’ve also been doing a lot of wetland exploring, and are particularly fixated on the Eastern Massassuaga, a small, chubby, and retreating little swamp rattler which is almost extinct in the Chicagoland area. ALMOST. That leads us to believe that every single snake we see with a vaguely diamond-ish pattern must absolutely be one of the last massassuagas around. Every park ranger we have eagerly shown our fuzzy camera phone pictures to has laughed at us.
3) We talk a LOT about picking up snakes and how we totally could but neither of us has yet to do so.
4) You have all my respect, Nicole.
I had an inexplicable crush on Jeff Corwin as a teen. He still kind of does it for me. :-\
That is, like, the MOST explicable crush! He’s a herpetologist who wears his perfectly smooth t-shirts tucked firmly into his belted shorts and makes terrible jokes and puns constantly, and who cries when elephants get close to him! My partner and I have agreed that it is 100% acceptable if either of us were to be a Jeff Corwin sister-wife. (Or brother-wife, in my partner’s case.) I won’t even be mad, bro.
I should have never doubted that I was among My People.
If I were a dressage announcer it would just be “That person is making that horse do funny dances! That’s amazing!”
HAH! Me, too!
I would add fashion commentary as well, because Lady Top Hats.
Toxic masculinity: trying to make people feel weak/constrained
A-OK masculinity: trying to help people feel safe/free
This one shall be spared. He gets it.
I don’t have much of a right to complain about this, because
a) I only have these problems when I’m reading the Toast at work, and
b) I work for the government and my office uses IE9 exclusively.
BUT work is my prime Toast-reading time, so if anyone has any pointers for resolving my issues that don’t involve downloading a not-terrible (and not-work-approved) browser, I would be eternally grateful.
Page content keeps jumping around. From the banner ad and up, the content adheres to the top of the page. Everything else, from the article title and down, sometimes is at the top of the page, sometimes has a desert of blank space between it and the top of the page. When I scroll down to it and try to read it there, the blank space disappears and it pops back up to the top. Sometimes it then stays there, and I can read in peace. Other times, just when I reach it, the blank space reappears, and I have to keep chasing it around the page until I give up.
Does anyone have any ideas?
I can’t help, but this government employee is jealous that you have IE9. We’re still stuck on 8.
I also work for the government, we also exclusively use IE9……I downloaded Chrome anyway :/ Sure, technically we’re not supposed to, but I also can’t get anything else done on the internet that I need to do on IE9 so…
Sorry I was not more helpful.
I work for a government agency as well, and when I ran into the same issues, I just went ahead and got Chrome. Considering my work computer still runs Windows XP, if I were trying to use that and IE together, I would never get anything done.
Heyheyheyheyhey
THE CHEAT IS NOT DEAD!
http://www.vulture.com/m/2014/07/homestar-runner-…
This is incredibly relevant to my interests, and I wanted to share.
RELEVANT TO MINE AS WELL.
THIS IS LITERALLY THE BEST NEWS I’VE HEARD ALL WEEK.
SO GLAD THE CHEAT IS NOT DEAD
(THE CHEAT IS NOT DEADDDDDD)
Time to dig my old The Cheat hoodie out of storage!
JUST THE CLAPS!
For anyone else who missed the April Fool’s update, you can watch it here. It doesn’t seem to be in the toons menu, though, or at least I couldn’t find it there.
They’re performing at a thing I’m going to this weekend! Well, “Strongbad,” but I assume he is voiced by a brother chap. SO PUMPED.
ALL HAIL THE SNAKE-DEFEATING CAR-PURCHASING NEW LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD
HAIL!
HAIL!
I thought dressage was, like, jumps and stuff. I didn’t realize it was making horses dance.
Dressage is 1/3 of eventing; the other two parts involve jumping, which may be what you were thinking of.
SNAKE HANDLING AND DRESSAGE this is the best day ever.
I spent the entirety of my teenage summer weekends being yelled at in German by German members of the Canadian Olympic Dressage team, it is the serioust-est business ever, and never call anyone into the ring early if you a whip, _ever_, it matters A LOT YOU GUYS and *paper bag breathing*
That piece about Teen Wolf gifs DID NOT HAVE ANY TEEN WOLF GIFS WHAT THE HELL.
BUT IT HAD CHRIS HEMSWORTH.
Here is that same shot of Chris Hemsworth multiplied by 4 and in slow motion. By Youtube user AllAboutStrength whose entire Best Shirtless Performances of 2011 series is heartily recommended. A+ editing, A+ soundtrack, A+ subject matter. There’s even one for the boys of Teen Wolf, if that’s your thing.
I would take a million Chris Hemsworths over Teen Wolves.
But it does have that gif of nearly-naked Chris Helmsworth, so you know… pluses and minuses.
Are people really that into Michael J Fox as a teenager?
Aaaand one more for good luck:
discovering, of course, that the snake was UNDER the towel, not under the bowl
AAAAAAH NO
Throwing snakes, buying cars, what can’t you do?
Back in my wayward youth I worked for a horse magazine, and it was both amazing and bizarre. Weirdest mix of people with more money than sense and people who could be described as “salt of the earth”, with a smattering of the resolutely horse-ignorant (ie, me) for good measure.
Teen Wolf facts: the one that I thought was the Teen Wolf is not! And that’s why you should never rely solely on Tumblr to form opinions about shows you don’t watch.
I am also very confused about what happens in Teen Wolf (besides tumblr shouting about it), but not interested enough to investigate or figure out who is who. “Have you seen that show?” “Uhh, well, I’ve seen some gifs of it on the internet?”
Who did you think was the Teen Wolf? What do they look like?
As far as I could tell from Tumblr gifs Teen Wolf had two characters: Stiles and Derek. I assumed Stiles, the one with the shaved head who appeared on an episode of New Girl, was the Teen Wolf. Derek is the 20-something bro with dark hair who can’t be the Teen Wolf because there’s no way that guy is a teen. I believe he is some sort of wolf authority figure.
Lately, I have realized that the Teen Wolf is some other dude (perhaps the one whose mom buys the juice?). I have no idea what his name is. I think the actor’s name is Tyler?
Oh shit — I just googled who the Teen Wolf is, and it it’s true — Tumblr has never showed me a picture of that guy. Sorry, that guy!
I am so disappointed that Google did not autocomplete “Which one is the teen wolf?” for me.
This is like when my friend was shocked to discover that in Inception, Leonardo DiCaprio played neither Arthur nor Eames. FANDOM!
Ahahahahaha sobbing about the horror that is the Teen Wolf fandom. (What I’m hinting at here is erasing the not-white protagonist in favor of two white supporting characters, even though either of those white dudes is more logically shippable with said protag than with one another. FUN TIMES)
The other day I found a dead mouse in my sink that might well have been there for a couple of days. I don’t have running water, so I keep a couple of washbasins overturned in one half of the sink, and use the other half for things like brushing my teeth. The mouse had gotten trapped between the basins and the side of the sink. I saw it and shrieked and jumped away. Then I put on rubber gloves and made several determined approaches to the sink, only to flinch back at the last second like a horse refusing a jump. (That simile was for you, Nicole.) So I called my dad and he gave me elaborate instructions that involved a plastic cup, a piece of cardboard and lots of squinting. And it worked! And I thought, now I understand how men do it. There is a code, and I have cracked it!
I am quite excited about this car buying guide.
@Dr LadyBusiness: I enjoyed your article, and wanted to add that the Kinsey Reports do go into a lot of detail about where the orgasms come from and why the sexual peaks of women and men seem to be at such different ages. It was mostly due to teenagers and young boys discovering masturbation earlier in life (from their own experimentation and their friends discussing it) and engaging it frequently, and a large proportion of the male sample being high school- and college-aged. The women interviewed tended to discover masturbation on their own and much later in life, and their marital sex led to orgasm much less frequently than men’s did. So the age differential in the Kinsey Reports has as much to do with boy’s adolescent peer culture in the 1930s-40s and young women being denied sexual information in that era as much as any potential physiological reason.
How is it possible that nobody has considered the potential trauma that would result from a LIVE ACTION VERSION of the momma elephant swinging baby Dumbo in her trunk through a cage window and singing him a lullaby? (Note: Typing this sentence alone made my eyes well up.)
Nicole how does one get a Zen teacher? Yelp? or climbing a mountain with a cup of hot green tea?
The teacher finds you, she says solemnly.
(lol no I do this hippie zen ski camp once a year with a famous ex-extreme skier turned Zen teacher and I always have a PROFOUND PERSONAL REALIZATION or experience of the infinite and she has created a little cabal of people who would literally pick up snakes for her and I became one of them and now Mallory has to listen to koans and stuff)
No one else spent part of their childhood fascinated with snakes, identifying and capturing harmless ones? And most wild snakes, especially the smaller ones, people encounter in the US are harmless. A snake’s skin feels like the softest leather: they’re not “slimy” at all.
I did, I did! Childhood in desert at outskirts of Phoenix. Looooove snakes. And it’s how I explain my extreme anxiety around simple medical procedures: Yes, I will be premedicating with Diazepam for the removal of my stitches. Yes, I know it’s a simple procedure. Look, I once picked up a rattle snake. I can make grown men cry. I am a fierce woman if anyone threatens me or mine. So I get a pass on this. Got it?
You’re not alone, I love snakes too! I never caught any wild ones because they’re not super common here. But my brother and I did have a pet garter snake, and one summer we got to take care of a family friend’s Nubian ball python. It was about 3 feet long and thick as my forearm. I loved holding it while watching TV.
I once pet a cactus because out of the corner of my eye I thought it was a snake. (I was 4) My mother did not think “I thought it was a snake!” was a good reason.
Oh you dressage people and your cute lil’ oopses.
This guy’s bridle fell off during a Grand Prix showjumping round. He went clear.
http://www.chronofhorse.com/article/who-needs-bri…
I love that the horse’s TINY EARS are to blame, and that he has a FANCY HAT to keep his bridle on. What a good boy for not freaking out when all those straps started flopping around his face.
My horse’s father has weirdly soft tiny ears, and will whip his bridle off by rubbing it on people, the stable door, his front leg, at a moment’s notice whenever he fancies. He has been known to do it in the show ring in the lineup by pretending he has an itchy nose and needs to rub it on his knee.
Friend, no! That is not a fancy hat for keeping the bridle on, it’s a fancy hat for keeping the flies out of his ears! (But, we are in agreement about what a good boy that horse is, seriously.)
Here's a version of Chrome you can run off a USB drive, if you're allowed to do that: http://portableapps.com/apps/internet/google_chro…
And here's Firefox: http://portableapps.com/apps/internet/firefox_por…
That way you're not installing anything – just pop in the USB key and run the browser from there.
Oh god seriously can we have a regular horsey Toast feature?? Look how many people would be here for that! I mean, I know there are horseblogs aplenty, but horseblog people can be weird. And not the fun kind of weird, usually.