Previously: The Early Signs of Pregnancy.
Sudden left-handedness
Secret river awareness
Decreased acceptance
Bundles of sage appear under pillow
Moral bankruptcy
Night independence
Wrist ghosts
Dreams of murders that happen the next day in real life
Fires immediately go out when you enter the room
Roaming fulfillment
Hair turns to stone
Unexplained cackling
Increased levels of both whimsy and malice
Redefined beauty
Poisonously afraid of a fresh shock of wheat or a handsome young priest
Increased roaring/sandstorms
Bones turn into filmy light-blue scarves
Sudden-onset cronery
Bathing in whirlpools
Hill dancing
Wickedness
Inducing suicide in young lovers
Hearing but not understanding the language of the stars
Ground freezes under your feet
Taking the form of a gigantic bird on February 1
Able to remotely control flight patterns of up to thirty birds at a time
Curses increase in strength and duration
Ability to unite warring tribal chieftains increases
Brain triplication
Stick hoarding
Warding off death and evil
Hexing cattle
Sleep paralysis (in others)
Sleeping in River Trees
Disappearing from mortal eyes during the winter months
Unexplained increase in long, bloodred cloaks
Defeating Satan in all-night chess games
Occasional early-morning haggery
Tide-induced migraines
Bile tears
Wrestling Thor
Increased rivalry with the Infernal Crocodile
Riding upon the storm, blessing the fields of the enemies of your rivals
Mountain mastery
[Image via Nordic Wiccan]
Tags: aging, invisible signs of aging
Hm. I’ve always been left handed, wicked and morally bankrupt. Have I been ancient since birth?
Given my lifelong laundry detergent-induced headaches, I’m there with you.
Samesies, and now I’m really looking forward to February 1.
I have been a Crone Since Birth, apparently.
Increased rivalry with the infernal crocodile?
That can INCREASE? We’re already sending each other nasty messages about our respective gamer scores.
I won’t even tell you what that nasty beast said the other day about you.
If it was about how few Driving Achievements I have in Borderlands 2 NOT EVERYONE IS GOOD AT PILOTING COMPUTER GAME VEHICLES OK
“I don’t even have opposable thumbs,” she said, placidly breathing her brimstone breath. “I suppose not everyone is as evolved as they think, now, are they?”
“Increased levels of both whimsy and malice”
Is this a reference to that Maya Angelou SNL sketch or have I just cackled at that sketch too many times for my own good?
“Wrestling Thor”
hello yes please I would like to age myself as quickly as possible
Right? I will take the tide-induced migraines and bile tears in exchange for more effective curses, devilish chess prowess, and storm-riding crop-dusting abilities.
(Also, for all fellow Nordic fable fans, just gonna leave this link to the Thor-wrestling crone in question’s Wikipedia page here.)
Migraines are not worth any skill you gain. Migraines are the worst.
Sounds like a new X-Men character.
I suddenly have a reason to look forward to February.
My right hand was busy shoveling Nicole’s Evil/Easy Cookies into my mouth yesterday and I had to fill out a permission slip for the kid, so I wrote with my left hand. I was freaked out by how readable it was, but now I understand.
“Able to remotely control flight patterns of up to thirty birds at a time”
So when I get older, I’ll be able to create murmurations? Sweet! I mean, I’ve already perfected “occasional early-morning haggery”, so…
Not gonna lie, I welcome aging if it means I can create murmurations and wear blood-red cloaks.
yes i’m forever young as long as I don’t have any of these, right?
I am going to paint that picture as a mural on my living room wall. It is perfection.
It’s the cover of a Vivian Vande Velde book! Curses, Inc. You should probably read it in your newly redecorated living room.
I was just coming to say that! Though it looks from amazon that the cover of the current edition is different and substantially less cool.
Oh holy Hecate, even better. Thanks!
“Unexplained cackling” – yes.
“Curses increase in strength and duration” – I wish.
Pretty sure that image is the cover of Vivian Vande Velde’s short stories: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/573699.Curses_…
From this artist: http://www.tristanelwell.com/fantasy.htm#Curses_I…
The wrist ghost on my right side must partly explain the sudden left-handedness! And here I thought I just liked variety. Huh.
Today I bought a pair of penguin slippers for myself then had a bout of road rage. Is this “increased levels of both whimsy and malice”? Should I be concerned?
Moral bankruptcy
Wrist ghosts
Unexplained cackling
Increased levels of both whimsy and malice
Curses increase in strength and duration
Occasional early-morning haggery
……yup, getting older. Stupid wrist ghosts.
well I, for one, am looking forward to storm-riding.
COME FOR ME DEATH-CRONE
Well, I yelled at the wind the other day while walking my dog. “Come on, seriously? That’s all you’ve got?”
And now it’s 2 degrees, with an expected high of 3 degrees. So, maybe I’m getting more powerful?
Great, now I have to cancel all my plans for February 1.
Or, alternately, you could make MORE plans? Eh?
I think it’d be hard to wrestle myself, but I’ll give it a go.
I think it'd be hard to wrestle myself, but I'll give it a go.
Toast meetup at hot springs to bathe in whirlpools?
So earlier today I was all “This menopause business is BULLSHIT!”
But now I see this list and it’s not so bad after all. I just needed a change of perspective.
Thank you, TOAST!
P.S. Toast was my parents’ nickname for me when I was little. As in, Melba Toast.
That explains the unexplained cackling, then.
That explains the unexplained cackling, then.
“Sudden Onset Cronery” would make an awesome band name.
I have been away, having a breakdown, but this has filled me with so much love and comfort. Your powers are so weird.
I am very excited about these upcoming changes.