Happy birthday, Joan Didion! One of these women is Joan herself. The other is Vogue editor Anna Wintour. Can you guess which is which?
As a special gift to those of you who clicked through, please enjoy the following Anna Wintour/Joan Didion friend fiction.
Anna Wintour and Joan Didion ooze bonelessly past one another on a New York sidewalk. Both of them attempt to lower their giant sunglasses, shattering several knuckles in the process. Anna valiantly uses her cigarette holder to prop hers up over a quizzical brow.
JOAN I like your severe gray bob.
ANNA (thinking, rather than speaking): I LIKE YOUR SEVERE GREY BOB AS WELL.
They both think about smiling, then dismiss the idea as rather too too.
ANNA (thinking, rather than speaking as humans do) DO YOU THINK PERHAPS THAT WE ARE BUGS. I SOMETIMES WISH THAT I WERE A BUG. FREE OF THE CONSTRAINTS OF THE HUMAN BODY. LITHE AND LIGHT, WITH ONLY AN EXOSKELETON AND COMPOUND EYES. SKINNY ENOUGH TO FLY AND LIVE INSIDE OF FLOWERS. HOW SIMPLY MARVELOUS.
JOAN Do you ever think that perhaps we are cousins?
Suddenly the two of them are caught in a hailstorm of September issues. They are too weak to push the glossies out of the way. Didion extends a frail arm out to Wintour, but her gold bracelets are too heavy to lift.
JOAN Have I ever told you about the development of the 57 freeway?
Wintour tries desperately to free herself.
JOAN Have I ever told you about the native flowers of Sacramento?
Wintour stops struggling. She appears to be won over by the better angels of our nature
ANNA (thinking, rather than speaking as humans do) NO YOU HAVEN’T YET. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANIE. AS SOON AS SOMEONE COMES ALONG TO FREE US I’D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT.
Patti Smith whizzes past on her skateboard.
PATTI Happy birthday, Joan! See you at the party tonight; I’m bringing the orchids!
She ollies over the two of them. They shake their heads.
IN UNISON Oh, Patti.
Tags: anna wintour, best friends forever, birthdays, fan fiction, joan didion, this piece is dedicated to my sister laura who loves joan didion so much and does a great joan didion impression
1. That is a trick question.
2. I am in love with the idea of Anna thought-speaking in all caps like Death.
This is entirely too much (perfect thank you), particularly given that I am re-reading Just Kids.
RELATED POSTS: “A Chat With A Green and A White Witch”
I DO NOT LIKE JUST KIDS.
DO NOT.
NOT.
There, now you can all throw things at me. Whatever. I don’t care.
I love this for real
ooze bonelessly
ooze bonelessly
Joan Didion! Time to go home and reread “On Self-Respect.” Or “In Bed,” depending how the rest of this day goes.
how do you keep doing this. who is letting you into my brain at night to see what i most want?
Ditto ^.
And don’t worry, dakimel, I didn’t like it, in fact only read the first few pages, flipped to the middle and read a few more, and walked away carefree. She’s almost as overrated as Jim Morrison (runs away.)
*whispers* How do you feel about Bret Easton Ellis?
Mallory, you are really fucking exquisite.