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Just, you know, to cap this week/month/year/ever:
The police officer who shot and killed 12-year-old Tamir Rice is described as emotionally unstable and unable to properly use a firearm, according to documents from the city of Independence, Ohio, obtained by BuzzFeed News. The Cleveland Police Department confirmed to BuzzFeed News that during Officer Loehmann’s background check “Cleveland Police detectives did not review his Independence Police Department personnel file.”
Timothy Loehmann, 26, worked as a patrolman in Independence for less than one year prior to joining the Cleveland Police Department in 2014. He was ultimately asked to resign from his job or be fired, according to the documents. This contradicts the information he provided in his job application to the Cleveland Police Department two years later.
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A central issue in cases like this is a failure to fully value black lives. That alone can be deadly. But we should also ask about a companion problem, one that shows itself the most with regard to accountability: an over-weighting of white intentions. As any prosecutor knows, there are offenses on the books that don’t turn on a will to murder, or crude racism, or even unkindness. Officer Pantaleo says that he didn’t want to kill anyone; Officer Wilson was scared. Each of them might still have been charged with a crime.
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Leslie Jamison’s A Year in Reading is great (they are all great, I enjoy Years in Reading despite being too lazy to do one.)
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This seems like something that more media outlets should be covering:
The late-September disappearance, and likely massacre, of forty-three students in the southern Mexican state of Guerrero has stripped bare the symbiosis between Mexico’s political establishment and its criminal underworld. Based on what prosecutors have learned so far, a mayor and his wife, the local police force, and members of a drug gang called Guerreros Unidos (United Warriors) were involved. Meanwhile, horrifyingly, repeated searches for the students have turned up scores of other bodies, in mass graves, in the area where they vanished.
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They’re trying to preserve and restore these old Theresa Duncan CD-ROMs from the 1990s:
Confronting a videogame culture lacking diversity of digital experience (shoot-em-ups and fantasy adventures for boys, prom role-play and dress-up for girls), Theresa Duncan’s CD-ROM work was something markedly different: uniquely personal, passionately invested in the creative possibilities of her medium, and daring (in the words of critic Jenn Frank) to “represent the criminally underrepresented: that is, the wild imagination of some girl aged 7 to 12.”
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I’m sure that no harm can come from this.
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(you may cease reading now if you do not have any interest in vaginal oversharing)
I’m finding myself weirdly AMPED for labor, which is funny, because my husband tells me that for the first two weeks after my daughter was born, I repeatedly said “that was so fucked-up, I was an idiot, next time I’m getting the drugs,” and then almost to the DAY two weeks later, it started to fade out like in a sci-fi movie and I began to say things like “that was hard, but really meaningful, I would do that again,” which is obviously Evolution and Magical Thinking taking over. But I am genuinely starting to get a little jazzed for it. I think unmedicated childbirth is a little like doing some sort of horrible mountain summit, in that the pleasure is all in the reflection after the fact, and while you’re doing it, it’s fucking awful. I don’t know. We’ll see!
My doula (I HAVE MAD LOVE FOR YOU, ANGIE, YOUR COUNTERPRESSURE IS EVERYTHING TO ME) came over to do her “let’s talk about anything you want to do differently!” meeting with us, and I said, “well, I got out of the tub to be checked, and I was at nine centimeters, so I figured I would be having the baby STAT and never got back in, but then I was stuck at nine for two hours and pushed for three and a half hours, so this time I am Getting Back in the Tub until hospital rules mandate me leaving it, and I’m also not gonna start pushing until I feel an uncontrollable urge to push, because last time I definitely TRIED to push when, in retrospect, it was not yet time, and that burned me out, and also I am going to eat more early on, so that it digests before the puking starts.”
Which might make it better and might not, it’s all the illusion of control, I guess. I will report back. My mom is arriving on Saturday, and Steve loves her and wants her to stay forever, so this is what he retrieved from the Utah liquor store for her visit:
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
I love a good author/artist meltdown and flounce. I derive an inappropriate amount of glee from watching an adult person wave their hands and cry and talk about Their Art being Unfairly Maligned. So, Ayelet, thank you for doing that because it gives me such schadenfreude and joy. “Could you PLEASE, if you love me (or like me a little) just preorder my book in paperback?” Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
This is even more eye-opening contrasted with basically everything else in this link roundup. Perspective, what is that?
I derive an inappropriate amount of glee from watching an adult person wave their hands and cry and talk about Their Art being Unfairly Maligned.
THIS GIF IS AMAZING
i didn’t get at first but then i saw the shadows
and then I was like *flail*
WHAT IS IT FROM I MUST KNOW YOU MUST TELL ME
Supernatural! Behind the scenes with Jensen Ackles. 🙂
Remember Ayelet’s previous meltdown about her child(ren?) making hundreds of dollars of in-game purchases while playing the Kim Kardashian game? And how it was somehow the fault of the evil Kardashian pigs? (It couldn’t have been due to her or her husband’s oversight because he is “incredibly sophisticated on Macs.”)
But all’s well that ends well, because the whole experience taught her son to “really hate the Kardashians.”
I DO NOW.
She doesn’t impress me much. And you know what? I play the FUCK out of that game, and I have no shame, and it’s not actually easy to spend money without knowing it. It’s pretty clearly marked. I am not “incredibly sophisticated on Macs” and I still manage to spend $0.00 playing to an obscenely high level in that game! Wow! I must be a wizard!
I had never heard of Ayelet Waldman until her various Twitter ragefits, and they have virtually guaranteed that I will never read one of her books, no matter how well-written they are (or she thinks they are). I mean, for one thing, they could never give me the same deep joy as the single sentence “My husband is incredibly sophisticated on Macs.”
I read Bad Mother when it came out and enjoyed it at the time, but fuck if I would spend money on anything she’s written. There are plenty of other, better authors out there who don’t fall to lying on their couch sobbing in oceans of tears if their books aren’t considered “notable” by the New York Times year-end list. Or if they do, they have the god-damned good sense not to fucking tell the world.
YES just go have your meltdown at your long-suffering friends like the rest of us do.
Even leaving aside her pissy fits, I made a vow to avoid her work after reading this ( http://lareviewofbooks.org/essay/literature-secon… ), which (apperently positively) positions her as an prominent exemplar of a Franzenite (ugh) New Gilded Age author – the least appealing way possible he could have described her.
Same here. I firmly believe the twitter freakout is the form in which she has achieved the highest mastery, and as such I don’t need to read her books since they can’t possibly be as entertaining.
You gotta admit this is a brilliant piece of syntax that captures in one sentence years of befuddled dads installing every virus and browser toolbar they can find.
Me too! Wizard high five!
DUDE I have advanced to Level 27 and I am waiting for an update because I’ve actually gone through all the quests. And bought my private jet. It’s awesome.
I think I’m only at Level…26? I want to get the private jet but I don’t seem to accumulate enough stars 🙁
I never tend to accumulate any stars, but I got really lucky during the Thanksgiving daily draws and won 40 stars two times, which bumped me up to enough stars for the jet. I was reading the Bustle guide to the game, but it seemed to revolve around watching videos for stars, which I didn’t think was an option? It looks like all the free-star options are downloading and installing apps that I didn’t want to do.
Have you stalled out on available quests thus far?
You can watch 30-second ads for stars! That’s how I stock up.
WHERE do you find those??? Do you check the free-stars every day? Because mostly when I look it seems to only be like, download-this-app things. Do they change a lot?
Just go to the Starshop and click the “Get Free Stars!” or “Get Free Cash!” button at the very bottom, then click “video offer” (the “other offers” are the download things). You can only watch a couple videos a day though. They’re usually for other app games but sometimes there’s a TV show preview in there.
Wow, I play way too much Kim K.
I’m starting to wonder if this is something about Canadians, because I keep hearing this but I don’t see a “video offer” on there ANYWHERE. So I’m beginning to wonder if this is something only Americans have access to.
I’m at Level 27 and on my third marriage!
THREE marriages! You are a wizard. I’m on my first but steadily working my way to Top Couple status.
I always wait too long to go on dates with them and then they divorce me. 🙁
That meltdown was cheese fondue to my soul. Your kid blows hundreds of dollars on digital makeovers or whatever, and instead of teaching them a valuable lesson about reading the terms and conditions, you take to Twitter calling for the blood of Kim Kardashian, who more than likely makes almost no decisions about the way the game is monetized? Like, I guess I’m happy for Waldman that this is apparently the most devastating thing to ever happen to her family.
Sidenote I’m so happy that article brought up the teddy bears in venice authorial meltdown, you should really check it out if you haven’t. Male Auteur tears are sweet to my taste, yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth.
There’s something so unsettling about her reaction… like, yes, teach your son to hate a woman for his own financial indiscretions. That’s a good life lesson. I’m sure he’ll turn out fine, and not fiscally irresponsible & mysoginistic. Her “wahh put me on a best of list” rant is funny, but the Kardashian one is… where abusers come from. Just icky.
The Teddy Bear one is just lovely. I was hoping the author would be someone famous, though. (“Franzen to Critics: ‘[My Teddy-Bear Detective Novel] Is Straight Out Of Fitzgerald'”)
Ayelet Waldman always seems like she’s living the real-life version of that satire NYT trend-piece (http://www.theawl.com/2011/01/the-most-emailed-new-york-times-article-ever). For some reason, in my head, that satire is literally actually about her.
I had not previously read that article and it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
I pretty much envision her as The Person The NYT Writes About, all the time.
Back when I was still a bookseller, I had to call the Waldman/Chabon household to set up a UPS pickup for some books Michael Chabon had agreed to sign for us – my boss gave me a number to call, and I was promptly treated to a tirade from Ms. Waldman who apparently felt that no one should have that number. She was perfectly horrid, and meanwhile I’m thinking “but… this is the number your husband gave us? to arrange pickup?” Since then, none of her rants really surprise me…
It was only just now that I realized Ayelet Waldman was a different novelist from Adelle Waldman. Ayelet, honey, you’re not as important as you think you are.
I always have the same reaction whenever Ayelet Waldman has one of her public meltdowns, and then I’m filled with existential despair because I liked The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. way too much to deal with the idea that Adelle Waldman might be so clueless.
Me too. I have to stop and remember which is which every time.
I know it doesn’t work this way, but these stories about crazy authors make me feel better about my own chances. Like, when I’m finally ready to send manuscripts around, I can assure them with perfect sincerity that I am not a crazy person who will go after reviewers or, I dunno, be grossly unprofessional any other way.
I guess it’s more like, “Well, if *they* can be published, my chances can’t be so bad…”
(Although yeah, professional/sane behavior does not correlate to talent.)
Yep yep yep! I am right there with you.
Also, I did something moderately embarrassing this morning and I’ve been fretting about it for approximately three hours, so I’m going to real ALL the Ayelet Public Meltdowns to make myself feel better.
It definitely gives some perspective for your own transgressions that your brain won’t let you forget or forgive!
At [name redacted] Publishing Concern LTD Incorporated, where I work, this is an editorial concern that is explicitly discussed when we are deciding whether or not to publish something. Not so much is the author crazy or not — anyone who writes a book is crazy, we accept that — but whether or not it’s our kind of crazy. Like, can you keep your crazy limited to your friends and family and your long suffering, underpaid editor [me]? Ok, great, we can work with that, no problem. Are you gonna unleash your crazy on twitter, facebook, NPR, or television, or any other public forum? Then we have a problem.
All of which is to say, your instincts are good ones. Keep not being crazy! (But also you have to have written a good book.)
I totally understand the joy that snickering at an unreasonable person brings, but it still feels kind of icky to be rolling eyes at her for this. Probably because she’s a woman, who might be justified in thinking that she’s being left off for reason unrelated to her writing quality or “notability” whatever that means. And also because it has a hint of “LOL hysterical females amirite?”
I was surprised, but I saw a bunch of non-male and non-white authors on the list, it looks like maybe they put some effort into balancing the list. And she’s not really shoehorned into chicklit the way some other female authors are.
Yeah, exactly. This list actually did have a number of nonwhite and female authors on it, which was notable in a good way.
And I roll my eyes at all authors who flip shit on Twitter.
“I am Getting Back in the Tub until hospital rules mandate me leaving it, and I’m also not gonna start pushing until I feel an uncontrollable urge to push, because last time I definitely TRIED to push when, in retrospect, it was not yet time, and that burned me out, and also I am going to eat more early on, so that it digests before the puking starts.”
As a (almost) new graduate nurse, this sounds like a solid plan. So glad you have a doula to be your advocate!
I find childbirth fascinating, and love hearing about your experiences. I hope for more updates after you have bebe #2?
She mentioned recently that someone sponsored her birthing story, so yes, we should get more details afterward!
If bizarre child birth stories are your thing, check out episode 8 of Katharine Heller’s Tell the Bartender podcast. It’s called “Oops.” I believe it’s the last story on the episode and oh my god, I LOST IT on the bus listening to it. It’s from A Man’s perspective, but it makes for a good story.
Refer to Steve’s upcoming article in MOM magazine: “How to Bribe Her to Stay Forever: Box Wine!”
That wine is surprisingly delicious.
To be fair, that also works on those of us who aren’t moms.
Replace the Black Boxes with Bota Boxes and the pile of alcohol looks exactly like mine. My pile of alcohol.
I would really really like for that pile of alcohol to be on my desk rn
Dang, I didn’t even notice the Scotch. This is basically a dream pile now.
We buy both! (?Porque no los dos?)
I gave birth six and a half weeks ago, and I wanted a fairly natural birth because I figured I would forget the pain of labour quicker than I’d forget the pain of healing from stitches. Alas, it wasn’t to be: I wasn’t in established labour 24 hours after my waters broke, so I consented to be chemically induced, and then things happened VERY QUICKLY and VERY PAINFULL and I couldn’t really move or anything because of the monitors on the bump and the canula in my hand (MAN that canula hurt.) I ended up,having an epidural and an episiotomy and a forceps delivery.
And MAN I was right about the memory of labour pain fading. I already feel kind of ok about going through labour pain again, but the recovery has been brutal. Assuming I do actually get better, I find it really hard to imagine consenting to being this beaten up and sore and weak and rubbish again. I’d really like my kid to have at least one sibling, so hopefully this will fade, but I’m seriously considering adoption as a possibility. (We’re a queer family, so all options were on the table before I got pregnant, so we have looked seriously into adoption and it kind of seems like it has a lot of advantages.)
Right? My last one was induced and my mother swears to this day they jacked up the Pitocin too quickly, but I called my husband about two weeks later (he was at boot camp) and was like “if you’re serious about being done you need to get fixed, because I am thinking about a #4 eventually.”
I am dreadfully sorry about your tough recovery, and hope you’re feeling better soon!
(Hey! I know you!)
Total yes on the memories fading. I had scheduled C-sections for my two and will with my third (in <10 weeks aieee), and the part I remember hating the most wasn’t the recovery — it was the freaking IV in my hand. So clearly we’re cool with a third C/S, and then everyone is getting closed for business so that I don’t change my mind and think a fourth wouldn’t be a terrible idea.
Anon, I hope your recovery picks up from here!
HEY YOU!
Oh, Anon, that’s brutal. I’m sorry you had such an awful experience.
I was lucky enough to have this perfect textbook natural labor and an easy recovery, and I still swore for the first few days that going without drugs had been pointless showing-off. I was proud that I could do it, but there was no need — it was like decoupaging an entire barn or something. Then, of course, the switch flipped, and I am psyched to go through another unmedicated labor and TOTALLY CRUSH IT.
LIKE DECOUPAGING AN ENTIRE BARN. A++++
Hugs and sympathy. I’m sorry you had such a rough time. Similar story here, including epidural and episiotomy and forceps, though I was induced early due to gestational diabetes. Canulas are horrible things and as for syntocinon induced contractions – ugh! 🙁 My two little triumphs: being able to be on a wireless monitor which meant I spent the first two hours on the drip bouncing on a birthing ball and puffing gas and air until I couldn’t stand it any more and asked for the epidural; it was a close run thing whether it was going to be forceps or a c-section but I did enough good pushing between being examined in the delivery room and in theatre (ER) that forceps were enough.
That was 4 months ago now. It did feel like I took a long time to recover (and my pelvic floor still isn’t quite right) but I have. Emotionally, I’m ok, now. I’m resigned to the fact that if I give birth again it’ll probably be similar, but it took a long time. At the beginning of my pregnancy I wanted a natural birth, possibly in a pool, with as little intervention as possible. As time went on it became clear that that wasn’t going to be possible and there were lots of little episodes of grief and mourning as I let go of my plans and accepted what had to be. Sounds like you didn’t have that option though, having induction thrust upon you. Maybe being able to mourn the birth you didn’t have and talk about what did happen would be helpful?
I hope your recovery gets less difficult soon! I had a very difficult labour but found after a year giving birth I was ready to face the idea of doing it again. So, give it time. (My daughter is still an only child because I’m worried about risking PPD again, but this time with a toddler to take care of too, but that’s a seperate issue from birth/physical recovery for me).
This business in Mexico is OUTRAGEOUS and UNCONSCIONABLE. What in the actual hell? NPR has been doing a decent job covering it.
And OMG Nicole! I can’t believe the birth is so close! Prayers and good thoughts headed y’all’s way.
It’s really so sad and horrible and just incredibly fucked up. It’s been getting some coverage in the European press but not nearly the attention it deserves.
Le Monde had a great headline denoucing the narcoestado. But I couldn’t read the whole thing because I only speak English and Spanish. The Guardian was doing an OK job but then I couldn’t find anything about the abuse of the protesters.
Agreed, I’ve heard about this on NPR pretty consistently and basically not at all from any other media outlet. It’s hard to tell if they’re doing a good job covering it when there’s nothing to compare their coverage to, but it seems like they’re doing well.
Good thoughts to you and baby, Nicole!
I will check it out. I sent this one to Nicole, but I didn’t find anything about, for example, the 11 young people arrested last November 20th after a protest. Is NPR covering that? They were tortured and charged with terrorism, and later released for lack of evidence.
Also, for anyone interested in the subject, check out the news about Peña Nieto’s personal relationship with a big government contractor. That issue is the one that convinced me that he has to resign. The problem is that there’s no opposition. Almost nobody in other political parties has called for his resignation.
I just read a pretty detailed story on it in TIME, published a few weeks ago.
there’s a lot of great stuff being written in Spanish. If you can read Spanish, I would encourage you to follow #yamecanse (I am tired, which was deleted by spambots) and #yamecanse2 on twitter. to clarify, this is about US activism on the Ayotzinapa situation, and mass disappearances of up to 26 000 (or more) people since the revamped war on drugs began in 2000.
This isn’t to say that things are getting better, or to make up for anything, but it is interesting to note that 3 cops have been indicted in South Carolina for shooting unarmed black men: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/news/south-carolina-…
Still terrible that these men were shot, and terrible that it is so hard to get an indictment.
Nicole, regarding your comment that “This seems like something that more media outlets should be covering,” I can just add that Democracy Now! has been covering it since day one, I believe. For anyone interested in really compassionate, independent and progressive media coverage, you have to check them out. I know some people are against the way they cover Israel/Palestine issues, but outside of that, I really think everyone interested in social justice should watch DN! #notashillfordemocracynow, just love amy goodman! 🙂
I was coming down to say the same thing! Amy Goodman is such a badass.
She’s my hero! I hope my daughter will hold Amy up as a role model as she grows up.
Seconded! Amy Goodman is really, truly, my hero. I can’t recommend Democracy Now! highly enough
I have a sidebar ad on this page touting “A new biography of Lincoln and the Civil War” which claims that “Reading it is like drinking from a fire hose.”
So now all I can think of is
That’s a strange choice for the advertiser to have made, it doesn’t make the book sound appealing at all.
What did your doula say about second childbirths? Because my understanding is they usually go faster than firsts.
I was a second, and unfortunately I was a real pain in the vagina. My sister was a third, and she took like 20 minutes. Hopefully Nicole’s second is like my mom’s third!
She said anything can happen, but most of her second-time moms basically cut the whole thing in half, especially the pushing stage. So don’t stay home too long, etc. (I am GBS+ this time, so they want me in sooner anyway.)
I knew a woman who waited too long at home because her husband who had never experienced labor before told her “Well, last time you took a really long time to dilate, so let’s just hold off and wait a while,” and then had the baby on their sofa.
yeah, but you never know. I pushed for 5.5 hours with baby #2 after 36 hours of labor. It was awesome (no) especially since everyone had said the second baby would come so fast.
I worked briefly with a faculty member who researches the murders and mass burials in Juarez, and it’s an endless, dangerous job that’s resulted in PTSD and colleagues afraid of being quoted because they could be killed. So, yes, we aren’t hearing probably 95% of what is going on in Mexico. There is a lot of corruption (murders hired out byoliticians, cops ordering kidnappings and working for cartels) and it goes so high up that if it happened in the US… Well, whose to say it hasn’t?
One of her articles, http://naftamemorial.info/fregtext.php
Ugh, Ayelet Waldman, why why why why why?! Just…no.
(also, what does ‘IISSM’ mean?)
My best guess is “if I say so myself,” in an extremely token nod to humility.
Do people say, “if I say so myself?” I thought it was “if I may say so myself,” since otherwise it’s entirely tautological. And doesn’t even really nod to humility.
She’s a groundbreaking riter who invents her own cliches and her own undecipherable Twitter acronyms for them
If I Say So Myself.
I’m Insufferable So Sue Me
Id Impermeable, Super -Success Mandated
I! I! See! See! Meeeee!
It’s a synonym for FIGJAM – Fuck I’m Good Just Ask Me.
“if I say so myself” is my guess. That took a bit of pondering for me, too. There was a moment of pride when I got it.
Nicole, I’m so excited for you and your upcoming labor/delivery! I hope you get the exact experience you want, both with giving birth and breastfeeding afterwards (if that’s still your plan). You are a warrior woman, just like every other woman who’s given birth, regardless of the method of delivery and whether pain meds are involved.
And thank you, Mallory and Nick (and now Roxane and Nicole C.) for creating such an amazing space and community on the internet. There is so much love and support here and I’m so grateful for this community. Thank you for giving birth to this site. 🙂
That Ayelet Waldman fit is AMAZING. And it led me to this teddy bear related author meltdown which may be the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. WEEKS.
The teddy bear thing! I just read it! Whaaaaaaaaat was that guy thinking? One angry post about how the reviewer misunderstood his book would have been bad enough, but dozens?
(And sorry, dude, your prose *is* workmanlike.)
Three bottles of Macallan?! *stares at photo dreamily*
Steve is a goddamn treasure.
He also barely drinks wine, so he pours mom these huge sloppy glasses of Scotch bc he doesn’t know any better. They are besties, obviously.
If I were your mom I would for sure never leave; his plan is solid.
I keep a running mental list of places in my area that serve good Scotch but do not understand how to pour it, so I can sip on my one overpriced drink that is actually two very cheap drinks all night – not knowing how to pour Scotch is a great quality in any bartender (or son-in-law).
I didn’t ever play the Theresa Duncan games, but now I’m thinking about Purple Moon and wishing they were still around too. I spent hours with those games–and the website!
I came down here to ask if anyone was into those games! I would play both Rockett’s New School and Rockett’s Adventure Maker for hours on end.
Read more at http://the-toast.net/2014/12/05/link-roundup-231/…
Ooh yes, I loved Purple Moon as well! My favorite game was “Secret Paths in the Forest.” I had to Google to find the name, and came across an interesting, kind of sad article about the company: http://kotaku.com/5913019/she-tried-to-make-good-…
God, Nicole, you are way more hardcore than me. Pregnancy/kids is not on my radar, but if it ever is, I know I will be all about the drugs.
(Somewhat related news, I learned from my therapist yesterday that my dad’s been receiving disability pay for paranoid schizophrenia for at least ten years now! I never knew it had been officially diagnosed. It’s nice to have that affirmed, though it doesn’t do much good now. Also, Texas family law sucks so, so hard.)
How could your therapist have/share that information? I guess it is Texas.
I found giving birth with no pain meds not as bad as I had expected. Unlike other pain, you know what’s causing this pain and that it can’t really kill you (statistically unlikely) so that makes it easier to handle. My first birth was on pitocin and much more painful. Second birth was almost laid back by comparison. The awful doctor bullying me to push before I was feeling like it left a bad taste in my mouth for a long time. OTOH, I had a LARGE blood-filled hemorrhoid which he purposely nicked with a scalpel, and got himself sprayed in the face. We hid our chuckles.
The Utah liquor store? Like…there’s just one? (Please god tell me there’s not just the one.)
I think they mean they have just the one state-owned store? (Utahns, correct me?) Like here in Ontario, where liquor is only available at state-owned retail outlets, but it’s not like there’s only one physical store or anything.
Please do not make me think of the wonders of the LCBO at this time.
If there was only one physical location of the LCBO in all of Ontario, it would be located in Toronto and it would be the size of two Air Canada Centres, and people would take unpaid time off their jobs to travel to it and there would be hotels for miles. Like a pilgrimage site.
This sounds exactly like the pilgrimages we make from Saskatchewan to Alberta for cheaper booze.
brb submitting idea to Ontario Tourism
There are a handful, they have Very Particular Hours, and the environment is like a needle exchange bc it is Utah so everyone there is intensely self-conscious and on the outskirts of society.
It’s the Utah Liquor Store, Abortion Clinic, Brothel, Gay Marriage Chapel, and Coffee One-Stop-Shop! For all of your Sinner Needs.
Now carrying sex toys for a limited time only!
That’s what vodka drinks in decorative bottles are for, duh. 🙂
I went to the one in Sugarhouse recently – it was right next to a place that sold Belgian waffles and fries, and there wasn’t a pawn shop in sight! it was open until 10pm and there wasn’t even a cop guarding the door. So weird!
What really elevates the Waldman meltdown for me is the whole “WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER MAKING BEAUTIFUL NOVELS FOR YOU PEOPLE, I SHOULD JUST STOP.”
Well, maybe you should. If your enjoyment of your work is so razor-fine that an NYT list is the entire distinction between wanting to do it and not wanting to do it… to me it seems like maybe you don’t want to do it. So don’t. You’re a grown-ass person and nobody’s making you write novels if you don’t get anything out of it.
Oh, I’m sorry, is this the part where all your Twitter followers are supposed to beg you to keep doing exactly what you’re doing forever because we need it so bad and we love you so much? Yeah, uh, pass.
This was exactly my take, as well. My understanding is that writers write. They don’t write-because-they-want-awards.
Dear Ayelet Waldman: I know it must drive you insane, as it would surely drive me, that your husband is taken much more seriously as a writer than you are. But that’s because he’s a much better writer. And because you do shit like this.
Love,
deitybox
YOU GUYS, The New Republic! What a terrible thing.
Do you mind giving me the cliffnotes about what’s happening over there? I know there’s new people in charge, and it’s a white dude, and that’s obnoxious for some reason, and now everyone has resigned???
This is an editorial, but a pretty good description of what’s going on over there.
Thank you!
the white man tears have been something to behold.
Wait okay, birth question: In Possessing the Secret of Joy, which I read earlier this week, Lisette basically masturbates her way through birth and then has an orgasm as she’s actually pushing the baby out. IS THIS A REAL THING. Because if it is, I might reconsider my NOT IN MY UTERUS stance on childbearing.
(Obviously this is far from the most important part of the book.)
In answer to your question, I will mention that I watched an episode of Strange Sex where a woman had an “orgasmic birth” and so she got pregnant again and was like, really hoping to come a second time. Sooooo…
Whoa. Musta been one hell of an orgasm.
I’ve heard it happens, but mostly where I’ve heard it is nutty people who believe that “childbirth doesn’t have to be painful if you don’t believe it is, Western women only experience pain in childbirth because they’re conditioned to do so by the media and you can overcome this by being Worldly and Open and birth will be so enjoyable it will be orgasmic!”
(I have actually read this. I mean, for someone without any kids yet I do a lot of reading about pregnancy and childbirth, and this is one of those Nutty Nut things for sure.)
The only super-fun-time I had while birthing the boys was when my water was broken the first time (he was 8 days late & labor was… eh. Kinda happening, like, a little. So they broke my water to try & speed me up but it didn’t and I had stupid Pitocin but anyway.) And the resident who came at me with a knitting needle or whatever it’s called to do the water-breaking was suuuuuper hot, and I wasn’t expecting that water rush to be, like, a rush? It was a very confusing moment for me. But fun!
Funny story, I interviewed a scientist while I was pregnant with my first who suggested, essentially, masturbation during labor because his work has found that vaginal/clitoral stimulation dulls pain. (It was Barry Komisaruk at Rutgers if you want to Google him, and he’s not creepy like that makes him sound. His wife was terminally ill which triggered his interest in alternative pain medication – basically, he’s hoping to figure out how genital nerve stimulation decreases pain and how to bottle that.)
It wasn’t a technique I used, nor did I have an orgasmic birth, though at one point while checking me, a nurse did put pressure in a place that was, um, rather sexual feeling? I guess my point is, I can see how the pressure at certain points could trigger orgasm, and people have certainly reported surprise orgasms, so.
I think trying for it is somewhat bananas because of inevitable-disappointment-related factors, but the orgasmic birth advocate people basically suggest a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere for birth, which I am 100% in favor of and helps a LOT, in my experience, orgasms aside.
jumping in late. This is a thing that CAN happen to SOME women. But, you know, not most women. I promise we’re not all just pretending that labor is painful when really it’s orgasmic. (but there’s research indicating that in cultures where labor is thought to be empowering and exciting, instead of scary, the pain is not as bad, as there’s no fear-adrenaline crushing your joy-oxytocin).
Uuuuurrrrgg I am boiling with rage right now. My wonderful teacher from high school posted a really great status about #blacklivesmatter and got THROWN UP ON by some dude who’s like, “black people kill each other and no one cares! why is it black lives? shouldn’t it be all lives? it’s not about race!!” and I just feel terrible but I know I shouldn’t comment on it and my teacher’s been handling it pretty well and I’ve been liking his answers and everything but goddamit people are so stupid. Oh, and this dude was like, “no one’s posting about the tragedy of abortion in the black community!”
I tend to just like comments silently a lot in these situations. But WOW that guy. WOW. The temptation to drown him in facts and charts and maybe also boiling oil is high.
Everything about Ayelet Waldman’s meltdown is just exquisite, the very stuff of schadenfreude. The weight of NYT’s approval of her livelihood. Threatening a flounce back to her previous career (in law.) Commanding people to buy her book. Promising to donate $1 of each sale to a scholarship fund as a show of ‘channeling hurt into something useful’. Posting a broken link to this fund she’s depending on others to donate to. Tying it into a neat little rant about the cowardly masses hiding behind social media. I’m in awe.
Karnythia has a great piece up about being a black mother right now: really worth reading.
How how how how did that guy’s record from his previous job in law enforcement not even get CHECKED that is FUCKED UP. Ugh. UGH. I fucking hate everything about everything right now.
Also, as I am 14 weeks pregnant I am DEVOURING any and all words on screens about pregnancy so thank you Nicole for being a particularly wonderful and level-headed example of writing about and during pregnancy, because some of the stuff I’ve seen is wildly judgmental and alarming and I am glad to have someone at the Toast who is always thoughtful and bright about it.
Not checked = we saw it, decided to hire him anyway because he shares some hobby or somethingorother with the hiring manager or just seems like a nice guy or because he’s white like us, but we hired him in a way that provides deniability if his bad history becomes public.
Seriously. Like everything else about these police killings, it comes down to “we saw the facts, but didn’t really think they were important.”
I was seriously coming here to say the exact same thing. Nicole is so amazingly reassuring and non-judgmental when it comes to pregnancy and it’s wonderful. I almost wish there was a pregnancy-related spinoff of The Toast, but all the names I can think of would be super-gross and unappealing, so maybe that’s for the better.
(How are things in the second trimester? When does food start being appealing again? Help me, Toast-pregnancy-buddy, you’re my only hope…)
I only just got here to trimester two but I may not be the best reference for you, because I stopped having food aversions and nausea issues after about week 8-9, really. Hopefully things go quickly for you and food appeals to you soon!
I’m still in week 10 so I’m not too far out of range. Hope that things are going well for you!
Week 8-9! Oh, ho ho ho, you lucky lady. I stopped vomiting my guts up around week 29, but I still regularly say HELL NO to a food smell or something and have to find a toilet to hang my head over.
About week 12 with my first and week 16 with my second. Damn unpredictable bodies! I hope you start feeling better soon.
I wonder if those fading remembrances of the pain of childbirth only happen with natural births??
I still remember the pain hitting me after they started the pitocin. Within five minutes I begged for an epidural.
After that, everything really went fast, but whoa.
A DOLLAR AN OUNCE FOR BREAST MILK? That’s… that’s not enough.
Nicole, you are lovely and we are all behind whatever you choose to do. If you’re amped, then push like a boss! <3
I'm a literary agent. In my experience, professional/sane behavior absolutely corresponds to talent.
The fact that I find Ayelet Waldman irritating and I find Amanda Palmer irritating, combined with the fact that Chabon and Gaiman are like the only contemporary male writers I read, makes me feel like I must have some kind of really problematic subconscious resentment of Waldman and Palmer for being married to My Authors, when in fact I think it’s probably just an unfortunate coincidence.
Ahhhh, thank you for that validation!