For those of you who weren’t at XOXO Fest this year, here’s a video of the talk I gave (with subtitles). It’s very funny and you’ll learn a lot. It was the first talk I ever gave! I had a pretty great time! Also, my hair looked terrific and I didn’t throw up out of nervousness even once.
“Don’t go to an impressive school or have a good job. Work at Yelp for three weeks, embrace your death, and do your best,” that’s what life is mostly all about, probably.
Oh, yay! I’m so glad that we can see this here. Thanks!
One of these days, surely, your hair will not look terrific. I mean, you are human, right? Humans, even those with naturally terrific hair, sometimes have moments of hair-unterrificness.
(Only a pic of you without terrific hair will prove that you are human.)
For some reason, I thought your voice would sound like a thousand whispers screaming for vengeance from forgotten memories, creeping up my spine as I stutter awake in a slightly dilapidated estate as my host, an old classmate who has fallen upon dark times, wails in mourning over his dying sister. The fantastic hair is the same though!
Did Anil talk about the correct amount of money he asked for in the speech? Just wondering.
(Back story for those curious here, https://twitter.com/mallelis/status/6598442147719…
Here’s a better link: https://twitter.com/mallelis/status/6598442147719…
QUEER LIBRARIANS
Commenting here is my job. Or at least my employer would think so if they knew how much time I spend here.
Your talk is a delight to watch and is arriving at a particularly confusing time for me, career-wise. It will be okay and then I will die!
p.s. big time thanks for creating the Toast. Been a reader since day 1 and it’s getting better and better.
I did not think Mallory live could be cooler than Mallory in writing. But of course she would. How very, very naive of me.
Type “a beautiful woman” into the search box and you can see more.
I am a queer librarian and sometime female weightlifter and that was thrilling/scary as I always did suspect the Toast was just for me and maybe ten other people on earth!
also INTJ although I’ve never murdered an entire party full of people
There’s still time.
But really, isn’t that what an INTJ who had murdered an entire party full of people would say?
An INTJ who had murdered an entire party full of people would have a whole strategy about not looking like they had murdered an entire party full of people.
Your comments make me want to be your best friend. Me and half of the people reading this
Yay!
– ISFJ who hasn’t murdered anyone
Hearing Mallory read some of her own pieces has been a dream of mine for a while, and it was just as wonderful as I hoped it would be. *sighs wistfully and contentedly*
Stay-at-home medievalist! Woo!
I’ve watched this twice and “those are a mulligan” is my new just out of college catchphrase.
The first sentence of my NaNoWriMo a few years back was “If ever there were a good time to go to your high school reunion unemployed, it was 2009.”
It was wonderful live. I was laughing too hard to tweet.
GIVE MORE TALKS AND FILM THEM FOR US PLEASE. this was so delightful and great and funny and encouraging.
MAN, THAT’S where I went wrong, I felt guilty about leaving comments on my favourite blogs so I stopped and actually started doing that work and now I’m still at that job and oh wait I’m crying…
Female weightlifter reporting for Toast duty
this talk is, without hyperbole, one of the most inspiring things I’ve seen in mine adult life and makes me feel strangely optimistic even though I don’t intend to ever apply Mallory’s experiences to my future plans.
related, Mallory: when are you starting your self-help cult?
GUYS I showed this to my husband on my phone and he put it on our big tv and the kids came in and we all had dinner in front of the Mallory. And husband totally gets it now.
I’m not a librarian, I’m not a weightlifter, I’m not queer, and I exist on the far fringes of femaleness, but I’m here and you’ll never be rid of me and thank you for making this place.
GET OVER HERE YOU WEIRDO WE LOVE YOU
Congratulations on your first ever talk. You did it! And it was great. Way to be. And thanks for sharing.
I have nothing funny or clever to say. I’m just happy.
You are adorable.
MALLORY. This is amazing. I would really love to hear some of your other pieces aloud. I bet Curious George would be EVEN MORE horrifying.
Thank you for this place Mallory. It’s a good place. It’s my favourite place on the Internet. And watching you read your pieces aloud was majestic.
The Toast is my internet! You are delightful, and your talk was fantastic. Thank you especially for saying that there’s a lot of room to screw up and still turn out fine. I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear that.
This was terrific, and I like knowing that somewhere in the world people are paid to speak at a festival devoted to hugs and kisses, or oxen. brb, got to call the Choire hotline before bed to find out what other words it rhymes with.
Late to the party but felt this would be a good time to add my sincere thanks to The Toast for existing. I don’t comment often enough but half the time it’s coz I feel like everything I have to say has been covered – you are my people.
This was so great!
Also mwahahahaha now we all know how to pronounce Choire’s name (and it’s strangely anticlimactic!).
I love you and I covet your hair. In an entirely creepy way. Also this talk is a complete delight to watch.
I first heard of the toast on NPR on the way to my first library internship. Maybe I thought it would help my library cred, but I became a regular reader and I am now a full time librarian happily bookmarking all the western art posts to reread when I need a pick me up.
…so are you saying that my devotion to this site will surely end up in an excellent job when I graduate with my MLIS in December? Great!
Have faith in the power of the Toast.
I first heard of the toast on NPR on the way to my first library internship. Maybe I thought it would help my library cred, but I became a regular reader and I am now a full time librarian happily bookmarking all the western art posts to reread when I need a pick me up.
I don’t know how helpful this talk was because I was distracted the entire time by trying to figure out what lipstick you are wearing. IT IS AMAZING.
I would really like to read your summaries of Vampire Diaries episodes. Just saying.
Your comments make me want to be your best friend. Me and half of the people reading this
An INTJ who had murdered an entire party full of people would have a whole strategy about not looking like they had murdered an entire party full of people.
That anchor shirt kills me, I tried to be cool about it but here I am 2 days later to finally break down and ask where a person can get an anchor shirt just like that.
Thank you thank you THANK YOU for making paying writers part of your model and a priority from the beginning. Showers of blessings upon you forever and ever, world without end, amen.
Have faith in the power of the Toast.