Karen W. first talked about her nonsense terrible experience of FMLA here.
Hi, everyone! It is I, the FMLA Lady*, here with some interesting updates to the state of working motherhood. When last I transmitted general thoughts in this regard to you via the Toast and electrons, things were pretty dire. My employer, [redacted], had screwed me out of a month and half of sick leave due to an FMLA policy that was neither clear nor coherent. I was, as you may have noticed, madder than a rattlesnake trying to climb a ladder. Fortunately for me (and you), Jessica Grose read my tale of woe and emailed Nicole with contact information for A Better Balance, a parents’-rights legal group dedicated to helping people like me (and possibly you).
Over the course of a phone call with Phoebe and Elizabeth, two awesome ABB lawyers, I learned something extremely useful, which I will now spell out in bold because it’s that big of a deal:
Employers can’t deny accrued sick leave to pregnant or recently pregnant people if they allow other employees to use accrued sick leave for other major medical conditions. Doing so is both sex discrimination and pregnancy discrimination.
In other words: [redacted]’s FMLA policy was flat-out illegal, and ABB thought I had a solid case to sue for at least back pay. This in turn would probably get [redacted] to change their policy in an efficient fashion. I could finally enact some change ‘round these parts, and keep anyone else from crying her eyes out on her kitchen floor. I would wield the mighty ABB hammer, for I was worthy, and it would be freakin’ sweet!
“You know they’ll fire you for that,” said Mr. W, when I told him about my plan of attack.
I thought about it for a minute. “Yeah,” I said wearily, “they probably will.” My department would have been fine with it—in fact, my supervisor had encouraged me to go balls-out in this regard—but the university as a whole is not big on whistleblowers. When I expressed my concerns to ABB, they assured me that any kind of employer retaliation would also be illegal, but as I pointed out to them, there’s retaliation and then there’s retaliation. I depend on HR to do a slew of things for my job, and it can be difficult to determine between incompetence and malice.
ABB’s lawyers also did some poking around in [redacted]’s online sick leave policy, and promptly discovered something fascinating. Had I noticed that the policy said that “Time off due to personal illness, injury, or medical treatment (including pregnancy and childbirth), prescheduled doctor and dentist appointments, and other related medical conditions may be charged to sick leave”, they asked?
Around this point, the gaslights started flickering. I had gone over anything and everything pertaining to sick leave and FMLA policy in my previous attempt to figure out what the hell was up, and I certainly would have noticed childbirth listed as the second item on that list. I had been complaining to various HR people at the top of my lungs—was someone finally listening?
My department had also acquired a new HR liaison, as the previous liaison had been promoted (!?!) Fortuitously, this guy was a new dad and had recently watched his wife deal with some major frustration trying to take FMLA at her company. He was confused by what he’d heard about [redacted]’s policy regarding sick leave too, and commenced to poking around as well. After about a week, he mentioned a conversation with a co-worker, who happened to be the same childless guy who had helped develop [redacted]’s FMLA childbirth policy and who had been an absolute dick to me previously. He had told New HR Liaison that women could indeed use sick leave for recovery from childbirth if they had a doctor’s note, but not if “they were just sitting around the house taking care of the baby.”
You can probably guess my internal reaction to that particular statement, but to my credit, I did not cry this time. Instead, I politely asked if I could submit a retroactive doctor’s note and swap my sick leave balance for my annual leave balance. NHRL assured me that it was worth a try. A day later, I submitted a payroll revision request form with a letter signed by my doctor stating that childbirth was indeed a major medical event from which I had been recovering from [date] to [date], and I only had to explain myself three times to the nice lady in charge of leave revisions. The third time, I used the magic words “sex discrimination,” and it is amazing how fast that will clear things up.
So I now have no sick leave balance left, but a tidy chunk of annual leave, which I can use as I see fit and which will also be paid out in the event that I leave [redacted]. My attempt to get that annual leave balance to my leave without pay balance from last year has gone nowhere, and at this point, doing so would screw up my W-2 in an epic fashion. I’m calling this effort a qualified success. Part of me regrets not siccing ABB on [redacted], but mostly because it would have made for a much more dramatic post for y’all.
It still isn’t clear to me whether my previous experience was the result of a single very anal, very aggressive, and very unsympathetic HR liaison or if it was in fact institution-wide. NHRL’s experience suggests to me that at least one other employee here at [redacted] had a similar issue, which makes me think that yes, this was in fact a policy at one point. My various investigations into FMLA-related issues online have revealed a staggering level of resentment and rage directed at women who have the temerity to get pregnant and not quit their jobs, and—rampant speculation ahoy—I wonder if some of that was in effect with my department’s previous HR liaison. There may also be another, more prosaic reason: [redacted] has gone through a number of state funding cuts over the past decade, and in lieu of raises, it’s opted to compensate employees with leave. (For those of you in the comments of my previous post who wondered how I managed to save so much leave, this is why.) Trouble is, when people finally take that leave, [redacted] has to pay it out. It’s in the university’s interest to force people to take annual leave instead of sick leave whenever possible.
Whatever the reason, there’s clearly some epic butt-covering currently going on. While reviewing the sick leave policy for this post, I noticed yet another line that had not been there previously:
“Persons affected by pregnancy, childbirth, and related medical conditions must be treated the same as persons affected by other medical conditions.”
You’re goddamned right they do, and now I know who to call if they aren’t.
*I would rather be known as the First Priestess of the High Church of Sophie Turner’s Eyebrows, but you play the hand you’re dealt.
Tags: feminism, fmla, justice, karen w., mothers, parenting, total nonsense
I’m glad this worked out so well for you! It sucks that you had to go to such lengths to get it done, but hopefully the next lady who dares give birth while working for [redacted] will have an easier time of it, thanks to you!
Saved that ABB link, and I’m glad it was resolved for you. I’m starting my four-week “baby bonding” portion of FMLA, which will use up my vacation leave, and then I’ll start back to work at a zero balance. Because that makes sense for a new parent sending their baby to outside childcare.
I did the exact same thing. Going into mat leave I was like PHEW, got enough PTO to cover my check… I did not think about all the doctor’s visits, days the baby would be sick, etc. Luckily I work someplace that is extremely flexible on my hours – I am salaried and do a lot of work on nights and weekends, and so am allowed to take time off during the day to even out my schedule – but even so, I have had to take several days without pay to stay home with a sick baby.
Good luck is what I’m saying.
Yep, my workplace forced you to use all PTO concurrently with or before FMLA. Honestly, it was a significant part of the reason I ended up going freelance when my kid was like 1. I was so frustrated with being worked like a dog and having no PTO!
Not if they were just sitting around the house taking care of the baby
NOT IF THEY WERE JUST SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE TAKING CARE OF THE BABY
NOT. IF. THEY. WERE. JUST. SITTING. AROUND. THE. HOUSE. TAKING. CARE. OF. THE. BABY
Why is that man not being sentenced to a lifetime of solitary confinement in a tiny room that contains a beehive. WHY.
Perfect comment
Why thanks! I put deep thought into the appropriate punishment. I should be a judge.
You really should. This is golden.
If only they had paternity leave, where they could sit around and get drunk all day.
OR: a lifetime of solitary confinement taking care of an infant!
My husband just quit his job to take care of our baby when I went back to work and his brother asked, “oh, so you’re just on vacation now?”
An infant that just cycles for his entire lifetime between the ages of 1 day to 6 weeks old. Over and over and over again.
throw in some colic for fun!
I see where you’re going with it but even locked in a room with a baby forever you would experience some small moments of joy and cuteness and he does not deserve any of that.
Also the baby does not deserve it.
Possibly the fact that I did not think of that is a sign I shouldn’t procreate for a good while.
Oh, not a real infant. Just a disembodied voice that starts crying every time he starts to relax. Or perhaps a small robot that wails unless being held at all times.
Don’t tempt me to smuggle a beehive into his office.
Thanks for this great update! I work at a university that had a good enough but not amazing pregnancy leave policy that they actually dramatically improved on while I was trying to conceive. I am looking forward to a much better leave situation than I expected in the fall, probably in large part because of people like you. So thanks for fighting!
Good for you, that’s amazing! Nevermind the fact that we don’t have national paid parental leave in this ridiculous country; it is mind-boggling what they’ll put you through to take the paltry maternity leave you cobble together by winding down all of your sick leave and disability when you can take it. I was working at a family-friendly community center run by two women and I had to deal with this bullshit. I had to come back from maternity leave to RUN A PROGRAM ON WORK-LIFE BALANCE. I would laugh but then I would start to cry and not stop.
Gahhhhhhhhh. Being forced to come back from maternity leave to run a program on work-life balance is the perfect microcosm for everything that is messed up about the nonprofit world.
Congrats on getting some redress, and FUCK THOSE PEOPLE for making it something you needed to work so hard to do. And yay for ABB!
+1 for Tom Hiddleston.
There’s no way you’re the first person this has happened to. If it were a simple error, not systemic, then the second HR realized what was happening, they would have relented. Trust. This happened at my university to dozens of women til they organized.
glad you got this much figured out, but it is still such utter bullshit that you had to spend so much time and energy on this. Mandatory paid parental leave is a thing that should exist in this woebegotten country of ours.
This is so wonderful. I am so glad you at least got your qualified success, though I wish you hadn’t had to cry on the kitchen floor to get here.
I am six weeks pregnant (oh god the nausea), and handcuffed to a job I loathe by the sweet maternity leave policy (24 weeks at full pay, then set your own schedule for a year with a commensurate reduction in salary). Your story makes me want to give more of a damn about my work out of gratitude.
Holy bejeepers. I might stay at a cockroach farm for leave like that.
women could indeed use sick leave for recovery from childbirth if they had a doctor’s note, but not if “they were just sitting around the house taking care of the baby.”
You know the phrase “I was taken aback?”
I was actually, physically taken aback by this… utterance, inhaling sharply, straightening my back and physically pushing myself away from my desk as I read it. I don’t think I’ve had that reaction to something ever before in my life.
No, totally. Sorry, had to say that — but I did a inward hiss of surprise myself. The hostility embedded in such a simple sentence is startling.
oh my god I am so mad for you right now, and all the other women who have to deal with such bullshit! In Australia we get 18 weeks paid at minimum wage by the Federal government, and I am also fortunate enough to get an additional 20 weeks at full pay (or 40 at half pay) because I work for my State government. I think women can still take up to 12 months off unpaid (and I think fathers can do this too if they’re the primary carer, and can also take the 18 weeks paid if they’re primary carer).
I am also super fortunate that I have a right to come back part time until my kid is two years old. I am about 3 months away from taking advantage of all of this (eek!) and frankly, it’s complicated enough figuring out how I take two kinds of paid leave and how to count out to 40 weeks, let alone all of the shit women have to do in the US!
There really is an attitude of ‘you decided to have a kid, you deal with it’ in society at the moment. I think it’s more strident int the US (maybe because the US seems quite individualistic?) but we get it here too. Just absolutely no acknowledgement that having children is making future taxpayers that will continue the human race, and is really just a part of human existence for many people. Our current conservative government is always going on about wanting women to participate int he workforce, but haven’t done anything to make it happen. Apparently they’re releasing a new childcare policy soon, hopefully it might actually help women return to work, but I’m not holding my breath-I think they secretly want women to stay home with their kids!
Anyway, ridiculously long post over now, this is clearly an issue I get fired up about, especially at the moment! I’m glad it worked out for you in the end, and good on you for fighting them as well!
I’m fairly certain it’s not such a secret that T.Abb wants us to stay home with the babies, though.
Wow. Geez. I’m glad you got some resolution here, but wow.
You know, reading this I’m reminded that “redacted” is a fine new insult-by-proxy, my bff and I have discovered. For example, in barfing over the same line about mother’s work that raised the ire of most folks on this thread, one might say:
“Can you believe what a redacting redacted redact that guy is?”
Especially, as it appears from this story, you have children who might start repeating the words that belong in place of [redacted].
You know, reading this I'm reminded that "redacted" is a fine new insult-by-proxy, my bff and I have discovered. For example, in barfing over the same line about mother's work that raised the ire of most folks on this thread, one might say:
"Can you believe what a redacting redacted redact that guy is?"
Especially, as it appears from this story, you have children who might start repeating the words that belong in place of [redacted].
As an OB GYN I cannot tell you the infinite screwy ways patients have had to cobble together any kind of paid leave after childbirth. God forbid you have a preemie etc. also, just FYI, I have had some who had To use FMLA with companies who renewed their 12 weeks available on Jan 1, and some whose companies rolled it over on their hire date anniversary. Get to know HR policy/ ask questions early, and get it all in writing if anything seems fishy. Ask your OB GYN to fill out forms etc., we are used to it. And I always warn women that they may need to use FMLA for days off w sick baby, ped appts, etc when if they want me to put the whole 12 weeks down on their form for the birth itself, no one ever does. I hate the whole thing, it’s ridiculous. Don’t even get me started on companies who are too small to have to offer FMLA and companies who refuse to allow pregnant women sit down 15 min breaks every 4 hours . Ugh.
I got in an argument with a woman in HR when I had cancer and was trying to figure out FMLA/disability insurance issues. She accused me of not planning well enough in advance of my leave… as though I was really inconveniencing her by being diagnosed with cancer at age 31. I gave up dealing with her and just made up my missed days by working weekends. The whole experience was similarly surreal.
Oh my sweet holy Jesus.
AMERICA!! FUCK YEAH!!
Ugh, I have to find out if my workplace will force me to do the same. I'll have several weeks of PTO banked by the time my baby comes, and I'd like to bank as much as possible for emergencies, holiday travel, etc. I planned financially to be able to take unpaid leave for 12 weeks, I'd appreciate the right to choose to use the benefits I've earned as I see fit.
This is *extremely* useful, especially because we do indeed need handy words pretty quickly here.
Thank you! Large parts of this process have made me feel decidedly non-amazing, so I really appreciate it.