Previous Literary Ladies Cage Fight columns can be found here.
Hey, gal-pals! We have a super-duper amazing column for you this week…I literally cannot even.
Well, I “can even,” so it is with great pleasure that I announce to you a highly requested matchup: Harry Potter’s Hermione Granger versus The Hunger Games’s Katniss Everdeen!
I hardly need to introduce these two women, lionesses of the YA genre that they are. Young women all over the world revere and idolize this pair, and deservedly so. They are strong, complicated ladies who prove that you can be feminine AND badass, and that imperfections can be our strongest assets. Hang on to your hats, ladies…this one will be a doozy.
ROUND ONE: Sorting Hat
Well, this one’s easy! Hermione is a Gryffindor, and a fine Gryffindor to boot. She is smart enough to be a Ravenclaw and loyal enough to be a Hufflepuff, but she ends up a Gryffindor. Some cynics might say that JK Rowling didn’t want to bother with inter-house main characters, but to them I say no way! You don’t have to the be the star of the show to be a Gryffindor. Heck, Neville is a Gryffindor! You just have to know that when it’s time to step up, you better be ready. Hermione proves over and over again that she is ready to step up and save the day.
Katniss is a difficult one to place. She’s tough enough to be a Slytherin, strong enough to be a Gryffindor, and clever enough to be a Ravenclaw. But Katniss, ultimately, is a Hufflepuff. Her love and loyalty to her sister is what drives her entire story. She is the most reluctant of heroes: caught up in a game she never wanted to be a part of, a symbol for a movement she had no intention of joining. Part of what makes her so fantastic is her utter humanity—she’s not interested in being a hero, she is terrified and wants to save her sister. Before legions of readers cry foul and demand my head—remember the patron saint of Hufflepuffery—Cedric Diggory. School Champion, Rightful Winner of Tri-Wizard Tournament, and Object of Cho Chang’s Affection Whose Last Wish Was to Have His Body Returned to His Parents. Go ahead and tell me Hufflepuffs are weak or dorky or what have you. I dare you. In the name of Cedric, I dare you.
Winner: Hermione. Because when a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor tie, Voldemort shows up and shit gets real.
ROUND TWO: Sidekick
(Let’s be honest—there are two Hermiones: the one JK wrote and the one Emma Watson played. Emma Watson is adored for her strength, power, and beauty, while JK’s Hermione is described as frizzy-haired, buck-toothed, and annoying. I wish — oh, how I wish — that the Hermione of our hearts was the Hermione of the page, and she was really the heroine of the story with Ron and Harry as her sidekicks, but it is just not so.)
Artie, have you been watching YouTube fan videos again? You can’t rewrite the books! Hermione is basically a sidekick to Harry—but a really amazing one. She helps him solve problems with her photographic recall of Hogwarts: A History and she is the smartest witch in school, no contest. She is always there for Harry, taking his side, cheering him on, and showing him the way. So she doesn’t have a sidekick, really, but she is such a wonderful one–the best kind, really—that I think she deserves points.
No can do, sister. Those aren’t the rules! Until my dreams become a reality, Hermione will be sidekick-less and thus ineligible for points. Now Katniss on the other hand, has many sidekicks. There’s Prim, her sweet sister who starts this whole journey off; Rue, of whom no more needs to be said. (Except to all the racists out there who said a black Rue ruined the movie…Artemis is displeased with you. Watch your back.) But her real sidekick, the one that makes all the others pale in comparison, is Cinna. Cinna is a stylist. Cinna is a revolutionary. Cinna uses beautiful clothes as political theater. Cinna, oh Cinna…when I find a fanfic that ends with you and Katniss together instead of her and Peeta, sometimes I don’t even mind, even though Everlark is my OTP.
Winner: Katniss. No contest.
ROUND THREE: Love Interest
Hermione’s true love is Ron Weasley, youngest Weasley boy. His cute red hair and charming manner—
(Can you even hear yourself? True love? Charming manner? Ron Weasley is about as charming as a pet rock. After he wins a game of wizard chess in Book 1, he is utterly useless for the rest of the series. In fact, I hereby change his name to Useless Ron. And Useless Ron isn’t anyone’s true love. Hermione should have done three things rather than marry Useless Ron: 1) marry Harry and rule the magical world justly but fairly as their King and Queen, 2) Marry Luna Lovegood and open up a vegan witch fair-trade bakery which doubles as a rehab/job skills program for liberated house elves, 3) take a cue from Emma Watson and be the Witch Ambassador to Muggle United Nations. Any of these options would have been vastly, vastly superior to Useless Ron. UR is the reason I am the Goddess of Chastity.)
But Artie, don’t you think you’re being a little unfair? After all, he’s very kind and—
(No buts, Dita. If you want to work in my column, you have to follow my rules. Step out of line again and you’ll have to find yourself another column.)
Okay, sorry. But can I at least do Katniss, since you did Hermione? Katniss has two hunky guys to choose from, the brooding revolutionary Gale and the sensitive baker’s son Peeta. PEETA. He is, besides his silly name that is also bread, a love interest for the ages. He makes Katniss stronger without overpowering her. He is skilled in places she lacks. Although he’s kind and loving, he’s not weak or effeminate. Peeta would die for Katniss and proves it multiple times. He lets Katniss shine without hiding himself under a bushel, which is like the greatest ever. Plus, he’s super cute and knows how to bake! Who could ask for anything more?
Winner: Katniss! Because Peeta can hold you when you cry AND bake you a cupcake afterwards.
ROUND FOUR: Tragic Flaw
Well, Hermione doesn’t believe in herself enough, I think. She’s super smart but regularly gets overshadowed by Ron and Harry. She doesn’t have any female friends really, and she’s always worried about what Ron and Harry are up to instead of worried about herself. She is so, so awesome and amazing and doesn’t celebrate that nearly enough! There’s a line between obnoxious bragging and justly being confident in yourself, and Hermione is SO on the wrong side. Is that good, Artie?
You forgot to mention her inexplicable attachment (and eventual marriage—Ugh!) to Useless Ron, but otherwise your analysis is good. Katniss’s biggest flaw is how long she takes to declare her agency. From the very beginning, she is somebody’s pawn; everyone is using her for their own agenda. Once District 12 falls, she is still a pawn, only now she is being used by President Coin. It’s not until she shoots Coin that she’s really able to make decisions for herself. And it’s a long way through two and a half books before she really comes into her own.
Winner: Hermione. Being saddled Til Death Do Us Part with Useless Ron is as tragic as it gets.
ROUND FIVE: Happy Ending
Hermione loses a lot of friends in the war. She also has to erase herself from her family’s memory (but most likely can give herself back once she survives the war). So she suffers a lot through the last few books, but ultimately she ends up married to Ron, sending her own kids off to Hogwarts. And that’s okay, Artie! Because some women want to get married and have kids and not work at the UN. And being a woman means we get to choose! So even though I know you’ll have something to say, I stand by it that Hermione’s ending is happy.
(Ugh. You are 100% right that having a family is COMPLETELY as valid as any career. And women are allowed to choose what they want and don’t want and should NEVER be bullied by other women for the choices they’ve made. BUT—there’s a difference between Hermione choosing a family and choosing Useless Ron’s family. You just know that Ron is going to hold her back from reaching her full potential. He doesn’t value her brains or her spirit. He doesn’t really love her, as I do.)
Katniss suffers even more than Hermione in her final battle. Her beloved sister, her impetus to get involved in this in the first place, is killed in battle. Katniss has a breakdown and her fate seems uncertain for a long time. In her epilogue, however, she and Peeta are raising a family and are, if not overjoyed, at least content. I think this is a good illustration of your point—because many readers felt that Katniss with babies was a total sellout of her character. I disagree. She grew up in a world that was unsafe and had no good futures. Her decision to marry and have children meant that she had, in some way, found hope for her world and the futures it contained. She was finally safe enough to let her guard down and let someone in. So I’d say, despite the haters, that Katniss’s ending is happy, too.
Winner: Draw. Both women find some version of happiness as adults, but the costs are high.
So in one of our closest fights ever, Katniss edges out Hermione! In a different world—a different book—Hermione might have been able to take her, but Katniss’s claim to fame is literally winning a game where she kills people, so it was going to be tough to defeat her in combat. But remember: in the battle for more quality literary heroines, EVERYONE WINS!
See you next time for our special Mother’s Day edition.
THANK YOU! Thank you for saying this. I know many people will jump in defence of Ron but I just cannot cannot with his relationship to Hermione. And no I don’t mean she should’ve got together with Harry instead. She deserves someone who she did not go to school with, who did not use her as an encyclopaedia to get himself good grades. She deserves a nice witch or wizard who loves her because she is nerdy and dorky and who loves her because of her passion and activism, not despite it! #toomanyfeelings.
How about Krum? I always liked him.
Hermione and GINNY WEASLEY. Who was also too good for Harry.
Ginny and Hermione are too good for anyone else in the books.
THIS IS THE TRUEST OF THINGS
I may have written a fic in which Hermione is offstage because she and Ginny have decamped for greener pastures together. They would make a nice couple.
Snape. Only character in the books who’s as smart as she is, and once he’s rid of both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord he can get some decent sleep and wash his hair and be actually rather nifty.
….
we read the same fanfiction, don’t we
Absolutely. Got any good recs?
I think Ron in the books is a bit better than the one in the movies–he shows flashes of maturity there near the end (and he’s 17, of course he’s an idiot teenage boy), but ultimately, they’re both better suited elsewhere. Rowling probably should have just gone for a different ending where Ron and Hermione have a spectacular break-up, spend a few months not talking, then agree to be friends, and both of them end up with other people. It’s a little too neat and tidy to have Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny (I did like Harry and Ginny together at the end since their romance in the books was so understated, it left a lot of room for imagination about how things went after the battle). Admittedly, there is some great fanfiction where Ron has definitely matured and he and Hermione balance each other out well, but he’d really need to get past the “emotional range of a teaspoon” problem first. I get Ron/Hermione shippers because I am not unlike Hermione and my husband is not unlike Ron, but I’m a little less focused than she is, and he’s a lot more emotionally intelligent and intellectually curious, so we work pretty well.
As to who Hermione should have ended up with, who knows? The pairing that drives me nuts is Harry/Hermione because I see pretty much no chemistry between the two whatsoever. She’s basically Harry’s big sister. It just doesn’t work for me.
Except Hermione’s love interest is actually Ronbledore who is miles better than Peeta so Hermione wins.
Indeed! Disappointed with a lack of Ronbledore (or, if you read The Billfold’s bit about How Ron Weaseley does money, Ron by the end of the piece).
But as written? Agree with the author, 100000%.
I loved that Billfold series! The epilogues those characters deserved.
I have plenty of defenses of Ron as a person, but as a life partner for Hermione? Nah, not convinced. Never will be.
eerrgh but Dumbledore is terrible so Ronbledore is even worse 🙁
I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time figuring out this sentence: “I wish — oh, how I wish — that the Hermione of our hearts was the Hermione of the page.”
Are you saying that you wish Book Hermione was instead more like Emma Watson Hermione? Or are you saying that you wish Emma Watson Hermione was more like Book Hermione?
(I have Very Strong Feelings on this, but I can’t type a comment with my Very Strong Feelings until I understand that sentence!)
Personally, I wish Emma Watson and Book Hermione could merge. She’d still be strong, powerful, and badass, but she would also be unapologetically book-smart, not conventionally beautiful, and 100% the class gunner and proud of it.
But book Hermione was all of those things already! Book Hermione was less “kicking ass and taking names” than film Hermione, maybe, but she was still the cleverest witch of her age. And speaking personally, it was so important to me to see a heroine who could be an annoying know-it-all, a bit too obsessive about grades and her cat, and be no less important or powerful or heroic for it. I have been deeply emotionally invested in fantasy books all my life, and it is really, really, REALLY hard to avoid the impression that a girl has to be “badass” in a few specific ways to be considered important.
I love book Hermione so much; film Hermione pales massively in comparison. The Hermione of my heart and the the Hermione of the page are one.
I won’t bother defending Ron’s honor- you either find him charming like I do or you don’t, and I don’t think either category can really be swayed- but will say I honestly never saw any chemistry between Hermione and Harry. Surely Artemis of all people would understand that men and women can be friends without romance being at the root of it?
THIS.
not to mention, men and women who met WHEN THEY WERE ELEVEN and despite all the growing and changing they did and the heavy stuff they had to deal with, are basically childhood friends. The Hogwarts world is way too small and full of teenage awkwardness for finding lasting adult romance in.
At least Harry doesn’t look like he’s rolled around in french fry grease, though. Ron always seemed like he needed a good scrubbing.
I was whining on Twitter t’other day about people who object to Katniss’s choice to have children and I came to an extremely sacrilegious comparison: Katniss has the Peeta chips* when she damn well feels like it and does not explain her thought process to the unworthy reader, just as Offred will use her real name when she damn well feels like it and that does not include “for the benefit of the reader.”
Which led me to wondering: Is The Hunger Games set a couple centuries after the afterword to The Handmaid’s Tale?
Both societies are structured around the ritualistic scapegoating of youngish people. Both books are very much about reproductive rights for those scapegoated (and sartorially-distinguished) young women. I can totally see someone raised in the world of THT rejecting the theocracy elements but having trouble letting go of the rigorously striated social categories. Panem, then, is the Reign of Terror that results from the Revolution of Gilead’s totalitarian France. I don’t know, that’s historically problematic, I haven’t really thought this through okay
What I’m getting at here is, I want to see Offred participate in a new bracket specifically for patriarchal dystopias, and also that intertextuality would be a great tiebreaker category.
*insert credit here to the Toastie who came up with that phrase, I can’t remember who it was, I’m sorry.
That whole epilogue is the most fascinating part of the series to me – it covers like 15-20 years of their lives after the Games, and yet there’s probably as much to unpack as in the rest of the books. Despite being personally completely uninterested in children, I really loved that Katniss chose to have them in the end.
The first 17 years of her life were ruled by the notion that her body was not her own – that it was destined for labor in District 12 at best and for death in the arena at worst, not to mention the fear that she will become her mother, unable to do anything while her children’s bodies waste away in front of her. She wins over the crowd with the beauty of her body in Cinna’s clothes, and wins the competition with the physical strength and skills she’s honed through deprivation. And then, after all the trauma of the Games, she is still capable of physical intimacy, and its on her own terms, when she’s ready. I didn’t see her choice to have children as giving in to Peeta even though she didn’t want to – there’s nothing in the books that indicates that she doesn’t want children as a life-choice, only that she doesn’t want to bring them into the terrible world in which she grew up. Having children is in some ways the ultimate leap of faith – that she was able to do so after all the horror in her life is a testament to her fortitude and her belief that the world was becoming a better place as a direct consequence of her sacrifices. It’s the last act of her body, to give of itself yet again to help the world, and herself, heal.
I was unaware that the katniss/peeta portmanteau was everlark!
I was sort of hoping it’d be kat-piss or pee-niss because I am really immature.
Absolutely. Got any good recs?
Look, Hermione ends up with Ron because she needs a wife to take care of the house while she is off ruling the world, duh. http://www.columbia.edu/~sss31/rainbow/wife.html
So she suffers a lot through the last few books, but ultimately she ends up married to Ron, sending her own kids off to Hogwarts. And that’s okay, Artie! Because some women want to get married and have kids and not work at the UN. And being a woman means we get to choose!
But it’s not as if Hermione chooses to have children rather than a career – she works for the Ministry of Magic! She does important work! I never got the impression that Hermione’s marriage was implied to hold her back.
Yeah, Hermione is “high up in the Ministry” as J.K. Rowling tells it. She definitely DIDN’T give up her career for stupid, useless, inconsiderate, constantly jealous, oblivious Ron.
Harry was a piece of work sometimes too, but at least you felt like he had a glimmer behind his eyes, and he had a lot to work through and deal with, unlike Ron who just was overshadowed by everyone.
Also, Hermione and Ginny. Everyone forgets Ginny because she disappears periodically, but even when we don’t see her directly, Hermione frequently brings up conversations and bits about her, meaning that they probably ave long, late night conversations by the Gryffindor fire, in which both of them discuss how useless their boys are and then, as the fire burns low, they graze hands, and look at each other, and in that moment, they know that they are each other’s only equals in the whole series … *ahem* sorry, got off track there, what was I talking about?
(I would also support Tonks living and later dating Ginny, as I think they would do well together if it weren’t for the whole underage thing).
I interpreted Katniss having children as partly a leap of faith and partly doing something that Peeta really wanted, because real relationships have give and take like that.
With all my love to Emma Watson, book!Hermione was better than movie!Hermione. How I wish much of Ron's cleverness and loyalty in the books had remained with Ron instead of trying to make Hermione somebody with no character flaws.