hey babe im gonna be out late tonight
dont wait up
you’ll have to take care of the kids but it should be pretty easy
theyre dead so
you dont really have to do anything lol
MEDEA: Jason
babe
i love you SO much
JASON: ahh
i love you too
MEDEA: and i’ll do everything i can to make sure you complete the tasks my father set before you
JASON: ahh thank you so much
MEDEA: then just to be safe
i’ll murder my brother
JASON: what
MEDEA: to make sure my family is distracted when i leave with you
JASON: what
babe i just want you to know
that there is nothing i wouldn’t poison for you
like even if it was someone that didn’t need poisoning
or someone i shouldnt have poisoned
i would still poison them for you
if you fuckers think im going to A put on a shirt or B let these kids out of this cave along you’ve got two things coming
because if there’s one thing i hate more than letting children live when im in a bad mood
its keeping me from getting a little sun and fresh air on my tits
oh, hell
I could have chopped up ALL my brothers instead of just one to distract everyone
that would have taken them much longer, to find all my brother-pieces
MEDEA: here drink this
i made it for you
JASON: what’s in it?
MEDEA: i love you
SO much
JASON: i love you too
so what’s in it?
MEDEA: hate is a bottomless cup that pours and pours
JASON: what?
MEDEA: grape
grape is a bottomless cup
hi babe i made you somethingggg
for you to drink
with your mouuuuthhh
in front of me while i watch you
unrelated everything behind me is dead??
so we should probably get that cleaned up
[Images via]
Tags: euripedes, greek mythology, medea, teenage dirtbags
because if there’s one thing i hate more than letting children live when im in a bad mood
its keeping me from getting a little sun and fresh air on my tits
I feel you, Medea. I really do. Come hang with me and (not so penitent) Mary Magdalene and the conveniently placed skull collection. Topless.
Wait in that second picture… What is going ON in Jason’s groin region?!?!?!?!? That looks really uncomfortable. People in the renaissance would go to great lengths (*snerk*) to avoid painting male genitalia I guess.
It’s gift wrapped!
Some people think wrapping a dick is too difficult, and they just put that dick in a box. Not our Jason. He’s meticulous, he’s through, and that really comes through in his dick-wrapping.
He knows that presentation matters.
I… I am now envisioning that scene from Megamind merged with this artwork, and this is proof that my brain hates me.
“What is this nonsense? ‘Cut a hole in a box, put your junk in that box?’ Please. I got silk organza, I got tissue paper, I got some damn RHINESTONE ENCRUSTED RIBBON. I ain’t gotta ‘make her’ unwrap me, she’s practically salivating at the sight of my curling ribbon, thank you very much. Check out the calligraphy on my gift tag.”
I… need to do some experiments, see if this is a fetish I have.
Cuz he’s wise enough to know when a gift needs givin’…
sometimes a man’s just gotta knot a scarf to his dick.
Renaissance cock ring.
Finnick’s Quarter Quell outfit.
Is that what it’s about, painterly skill? I had assumed modesty, but uh all that extra yardage really blows modesty right out of the water.
I actually just assumed that they were freaked out by the idea of looking at a dong for long enough to paint it.
Okay, maybe this is too obscure, but did anyone else ever read a book called “Egalia’s Daughters”? It’s like a satirical novel from the 60’s where men are oppressed by women, and in the book the “equivalent” of bras is this really complicated underwear that men have to wear on their stuff, but I don’t remember what they call it. Anyway that is what Jason’s getup in that painting reminds me of. Please dear Toasties, tell me I’m not the only weirdo who had to read that book in class once.
Alas, if only I knew how to add pictures!
Well, hopefully this will lead you right: http://www.litteraturmagazinet.se/content/images/…
It’s the Swedish 1978 edition of “Egalia’s daughters”. (“Glansholms”, at the bottom of the picture, is the (un)fortunate name of the bookstore)
That is a must-see.
I read it! Not even in class… I think. But I was definitely in my teens. It’s a pretty good novel though, in the sense that it really highlights the stupidity that is the gender role system.
From vague memory, it was something like “pehoe”, wasn’t it?
Is this not Actual Medea? I see no difference.
the facial expression on #3 has me sort of imagining Mona Lisa Saperstein as Medea, now…
Babe
Did you order ur tailor to poison my fancy new robe
“I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life” – Medea, definitely
I get it. You guys want a threesome.
My attitude towards Jason and Medea is “She began as she meant to go on, dude. You really should have seen this coming.”
The freshmen I teach this year might have to read Medea and I desperately hope they do so we can discuss her righteous fury/dirtbagness
Dirtbag Medea sounds amazingly like actual Medea, not that there is anything wrong with that. Jason is a jackass
hey i made you this robe
why are you running
why are you screaming
it’s just a little bit poisoned
hey come back
As a mother I’m uncomfortable with how much I relate to this.
Number 4 REALLY captures the way a screaming toddler squirms his way out of your arms while you’re trying to carry them out of the store during a really bad temper tantrum.
MEDEA: aunt circe I uh
MEDEA: I killed my brother
MEDEA: can you like…fix it
CIRCE: lol OBVIOUSLY
CIRCE: high five btw, get busy killing, fucking, or transforming men or get busy dying
Everyone should have a cool aunt like that.
I really try hard to be that aunt for my nieces and nephews.
get busy killing, fucking, or transforming men or get busy dying
brb getting a neck tattoo
Maybe with a nice illustration of sailors being turned into swine…
babe it’s totally cool that you want a new younger wife, i’m pretty open-minded 😉
seriously, i made this great wedding dress for her because i’m so cool with it
Yeah, I’m finnne with you getting remarried. I’m burning it up on tindr. Here, give your new slut, I mean wife, this robe from me. It’ll really bring out her dead shark eyes.
This post and comments section has made my day so much better. 😀
Mallory please never, ever change.
My students always used to get this Medea mixed up with Tyler Perry’s Madea and now I realize I should have made the final exam question “who would win in a head to head battle?”
This is one of those times when I read something on The Toast and think, how could this be more perfect? and then I read the comments, and it just. gets. better.
I read this, and one thing led to another, and lo I found myself on the Jason wikipedia page where I found THIS, which I leave here with no further comment needed:
“The isle of Lemnos is situated off the Western coast of Asia Minor (modern day Turkey). The island was inhabited by a race of women who had killed their husbands. The women had neglected their worship of Aphrodite, and as a punishment the goddess made the women so foul in stench that their husbands could not bear to be near them. The men then took concubines from the Thracian mainland opposite, and the spurned women, angry at Aphrodite, killed all the male inhabitants while they slept. The king, Thoas, was saved by Hypsipyle, his daughter, who put him out to sea sealed in a chest from which he was later rescued. The women of Lemnos lived for a while without men, with Hypsipyle as their queen.”
Wait.
Saved from murder = put in a box out to sea?
This *feels* like a frying pan/fire situation, but I am no expert. I would like to be, however, so… BRB, putting spouse in box and moving to Lemnos to be queen.
I can’t help but think Medea just figured that if someone ever asked about the old hubs she could give a massive eye roll and be all “well I put him in a box and put him out to sea. I totally SAVED him.” Whilst adjusting her crown and hanging with her lady subjects.
Having recently spent some time at a Japanese onsen, I can say that letting some fresh air and sunshine get on your tits IS pretty magical.
Yeah, that’s what I got from this story. #freetitsnoheart
I read it! Not even in class… I think. But I was definitely in my teens. It's a pretty good novel though, in the sense that it really highlights the stupidity that is the gender role system.
That is a must-see.
You people are a MIRACLE.
You people are a MIRACLE.
Wait.
Saved from murder = put in a box out to sea?
This *feels* like a frying pan/fire situation, but I am no expert. I would like to be, however, so… BRB, putting spouse in box and moving to Lemnos to be queen.
The post and comments are golden. *lives on the toast now*
Transforming men:
http://www.fine-arts-museum.be/fr/la-collection/g…
No. No no no no nooooooooo. It’s all political scapegoating, I tell you. Seriously though, go and read Christa Wolf’s Medea, it is fucking amazing, and pretty much what the Toast is all about. Read it read it read it. Mallory, that means you.
(Hilarious post, obviously, and I see that the practice of the dick ribbon has been taken to new heights. So to speak.)
I’m dressing up as Medea for a dinner party but I need costume ideas, STAT. Toasties help pleeeeease! x