Okay, now that I’ve read it, TNC is back on the top of the roundup:
I have a friend who has a kid who was caught with drugs at school. The kid is white. The administrators wanted to kick the kid out of school. They were trying to put the kid into one of these schools for kids who get kicked out of schools. The parents went to those hearings, did everything in their power to keep the kid in his original school. They won. That kid is in a very, very nice college right now. That has nothing to do with the individual effort of that kid.
You can talk about that kid individually. But then it starts sprawling out into millions. That’s the kind of room to make mistakes that millions of people have but another community of millions doesn’t have. So I don’t know how you don’t talk about policy.
Hildale, the small Utah town that nearly got washed away by flash flooding yesterday, is one of the scariest places in the world, and I honestly fear that something like this is only going to make lives worse for the boys and girls who will somehow be blamed for bringing tribulation upon their community.
Here is an excellent piece on the decline of the loathsome Tony Abbott:
“Boat people” and the “carbon tax” were the issues that swept Abbott to power, and no one could accuse him of not dealing with them once in office. But, as Labor continued its infighting, there were signs that Abbott wanted to deal with other things, too—things about which Australians felt more fond, like the largely functional health-care system, the national broadcaster, and the progressive taxation system for repaying university fees. As a young man, Abbott had entered a seminary, for which the media called him the “Mad Monk.” There were fears in the fiercely secular electorate that he was letting his religion get in the way of governing, like when he was asked about issues such as gay marriage and abortion. He reintroduced knights and dames to the Australian honors system, and this year gave the nation’s newest, highest honor to Prince Philip, who in 2002 asked an indigenous Australian, “Do you still throw spears at each other?” The world’s most famous ex-Australian, formerly a supporter, complained. “Abbott knighthood a joke and an embarrassment,” Rupert Murdoch tweeted, and, shortly after, Abbott conceded, “I probably overdid it on awards.”
ALWAYS here for a salute to the women of American Ninja Warrior:
When Kacy got up the Warped Wall, she was also the shortest person to do so, Weed says. In the spirit of equality, the producers do take height into consideration when designing obstacles: One test, the Body Prop, has three different settings. But otherwise, it’s just everyone versus the course, and people may be surprised by the Ninjas who do well, says Kristen Stabile, co-executive producer of ANW. For instance, former NFL players and Olympic gymnasts have come and fallen. “When you see a guy who’s well-built, maybe 220 pounds, go down on the third obstacle and then the 145-pound, five-foot-seven athlete comes up and whips right through the course, that’s exciting,” she says. “We’ve given a forum to an athlete that’s not necessarily celebrated in traditional sports.”
Why is air travel worse than so many other things?
In other words, because bus travel has always been awful, people expect a ride on the Greyhound to be only marginally more bearable than being dragged behind a horse, and so they are not disappointed. Whereas passengers have seen air travel look sexy, even fun, in movies and on TV, which makes the sharp contrast with reality all the more maddening.
Especially since some select passengers do still get the Don Draper experience denied to everyone else: those in first class. And there’s the rub. In most areas of life, Americans can believe the polite fiction that life is fair and that everyone receives relatively equal treatment. My subway train is delayed? So is his.
this is BANANAS:
On the night of September 10, 1987, my father vanished from this place. He called my mother to say he was on his way home; he never showed up. From the start, our family was sure that his business partner, Augie, had him murdered after my father accused him of embezzlement — all vehemently denied by Augie. Detectives at Baltimore City Homicide have said they had similar suspicions, but no charges were ever brought. Over the years the case first grew cold and then became the stuff of cop campfire lore. David Simon based an episode of Homicide on it in 1997 and later mentioned my father by name in The Wire. In 2008, Sergeant Roger Nolan, then head of the cold case unit, told me, “We sit around this office sometimes and wonder, Whatever happened to Eddy Crane?”
A woman was arrested at her gynecologist’s office after being identified as an undocumented Mexican immigrant. She had come to the clinic seeking a routine checkup; now she is being held in a Texas detention center on a $35,000 bond.
I liked this thing on the class and political backdrop to Springsteen’s “Born to Run” (I am, however, down with Chuck Klosterman’s old observation that Springsteen has been rich as God for several decades now and still pretends he’s pumping gas in Nebraska somewhere):
Springsteen’s critics misread his appeal. Absent from their analysis was class. The young heroes in “Thunder Road” and “Born to Run” are in flight from a very specific condition. Marsh recounts an interview in which Bruce explained, “I know what it’s like not to be able to do what you want to do, because when I go home, that’s what I see. It’s not fun, it’s no joke. I see my sister and her husband. They’re living the lives of my parents in a certain kind of way. They got kids; they’re working hard. These are people, you can see something in their eyes … I asked my sister, ‘What do you do for fun?’ ‘I don’t have any fun,’ she says. She wasn’t kidding.”
I feel highly confident in my readers’ abilities to identify Agatha Christie novels from their covers, I must say.
My friend Carrie’s new puppy has a frog:
Oh no, that flash flood was in Warren Jeffs’ town? I agree that I fear for the vulnerable people in that community, particularly now.
(I read an excellent profile of life in Hildale several years ago, but unfortunately can’t find it at the moment.)
I saw the footage on Al-Jazeera, just a few seconds of women being pulled from cars, and their appearance is so distinctive my heart just sank. Like their lives aren’t hard enough??!
6/10, which is apparently below the British average. I’m sorry, I’ll take my non-Christie reading self off the site so as not to drag down the Toastie average score…
I got 6/10 too, but considering I’ve never read a single Christie novel I’m pretty proud of that score.
toasties,
I hate to hijack the link roundup but Ive had a horrid night.
Since I have moved in to college, I have barely exhibited any social anxiety symptoms. I never did whenever I visited Agnes, it’s full of amazing young women.
Last night however, was a seeming perfect storm of anxiety. I succumbed to “the lady sickness” for the first time since move in, and for me that means no walking and cramps that double me over. My roommate, as Ive said before, is an angel on earth. She brought me dinner, and walked super far to get me ice cream because she is amazing. But she suffers from her own issues, and we are both non-confrontational so I don’t know when Im asking for too much.
On top of that I’ve been asked to write more songs for my school government’s fundraiser, which is really stressful to me. I would usually find it fun but commissions hardly ever are.
The straw that broke the camels back, however, was a friend (well, the roomie’s friend that I adopted as my own) telling me he’s sick of talking to me because of my poor social skills. That made me break down. The tears and hyperventilation made the cramps worse, so I ended up in a clump on our carpet.
My questions are:
1. How the heck do I deal with the anxiety of college as well as just people in general? How do I be better at socializing? I keep messing up and saying non sequiturs without context and my friend is helping me become aware of that.
2. Any tips and tricks for the lady sickness? BC, besides being against my religion, doesn’t work on me, and painkillers don’t much either.
It’s not all bad news. Call the Midwife Season Four was added to Netflix out of nowhere and it helps to see why the heck Im going through all this. It’s all my favorite things: Babies, nuns, and period costuming (no pun intended).
“a friend (well, the roomie’s friend that I adopted as my own) telling me he’s sick of talking to me because of my poor social skills”
Uh, that guy has poor social skills. And you will find that lots, LOTS of people are still figuring out social life and social anxiety well into their 30s. Be kind and considerate of other people, take an interest and ask them the occasional question about themselves (you can practice this one) and no one will fault you unless they, themselves, are a jerk.
You can take four ibuprofens every six hours for cramps, for up to 24 hours.
People are asking you to write songs! That makes you one of the cool kids in my book.
I’ve always had realllll bad hormonal issues surrounding Lady Time and BC made me 10000% crazy, for the past few months I’ve been taking a red raspberry leaf supplement that helps immensely, to my surprise. You can also drink it in a tea, I take the supplement because it has to stay in your system to be effective, and it’s not perfect, but it helped my previously debilitating cramps get down to a small light 20 minute episode rather than me reaching for the Percocet at 2 am once a month.
I like that tea! I’m still not 100% sure what the packaging means when it says it “tones your uterus”, but it tastes pretty good.
“a friend (well, the roomie’s friend that I adopted as my own) telling me he’s sick of talking to me because of my poor social skills.”
This person is an asshole.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time!! I think that when people start college, they all feel kind of nervous and awkward. Some people feel like you, others act on their social nerves by being obnoxious and rude (such as the dude who was a jerkwad to you). PLUS, all of this on top of living in a new space, eating new food, starting classes, and on and on – it’s stressful! But as you get settled in and meet more people, it will get a bit easier. A lot of the people I hung around my first semester freshman year were just around for that first semester. They made me feel self conscious and dumb, but I eventually found better friends. I bet the same will happen to you! (Side note – the songs for the student government thing sounds awesome! I did student government in college and met a lot of people that way. If you feel ok writing the songs and being involved with this event, it might be a way to start meeting more folks on campus.) In the meantime, I’d definitely check out any counseling or mental health resources on your campus. They are usually free or very low cost to students. It can help a lot to figure out strategies for managing your social anxiety and just feeling more comfortable in this new stage. Sending you lots of hugs and good vibes. I believe in you and I believe things will get better for you!
Seconding availing yourself of any and all campus medical and mental health resources! The college transition is tough no matter what. I wish I’d been quicker to ask for help at the time.
Also, this may go without saying but FUCK THAT GUY. What an insensitive clod. You sound like you’re internalizing the blame here – don’t. He’s got gall telling you you’re the unskilled one – Nothing about what he said to you is socially acceptable.
1) Your roomie’s friend is a dick. On the one hand I say, try not to let him get to you too much because he sounds like an ass? Who says that to someone! I’m not surprised it’s a guy, tbh. On the other hand, I understand how much someone saying something like that can affect you, no matter what. Try not to fixate on it and let his words stick in your mind; maybe you don’t have the best social skills, sure, but a lot of people don’t. HE, for example, clearly has awful social skills if he thought that was okay to say. As someone with anxiety and hates socializing, my suggestion is to prepare yourself in advance. Try going to events/etc where you can limit your time. I’ve found that knowing I can leave at a certain time (one hour, two) makes it easier for me. Maybe bring something with you that helps keep you calm? Some people like something physical that they can hold onto (a stress ball, something fiddly to distract them with, etc). I like to bring a little vial of peppermint oil in my purse. Sounds silly, but peppermint oil is great for anxiety and the routine of it (smelling it) calms me somehow, too. It’s a mental thing. As for doing better at socializing/convos in general, I guess practice makes perfect. Stay quiet, if you need to. Take a few seconds to think before speaking, there’s nothing wrong with that. Try to go with small groups if you can, and ‘practice’ getting used to smaller groups of people you’re familiar with! But just remember that it’s okay to be anxious and if you’re uncomfortable, it’s okay to leave, too. College comes with a lot of nice, ready-made excuses for that. “I have homework/a paper due/a class early/etc”.
2) Re: the period cramps. It really depends on the person, but I’ve sometimes found that when mine are particularly intense, taking iron pills helps. In general though, if you’re not going on birth control (I’m not on it either), my honest advice is just to take a day off the way you would if you were sick. If you can, anyway. I find it best to just lay down for as much of the day as possible, put a heating pad (or a pet, haha) on your stomach, relax, watch TV, etc. Getting up and down will make the cramps worse. I don’t know what painkillers you’re using, but if you haven’t tried them, I would suggest Excedrin (my go-to, always works for me on headaches, cramps, etc) or Midol (more specifically made for period cramps).
*hugs hugs hugs hugs*
I lost all my high school friends due to greek life, tbh, so he’s like my one male friend, which is why I got so upset.
Im on a regime of Naproxin for a week leading up to it, that limits the time of the bedridden screaming pain cramps but doesnt eliminate them.
Thank you so much though!!
Ugh, well, that does suck too. But hopefully you’ll find a better, less rude male friend eventually! Definitely don’t hold onto him just for that, because he sounds like a real jerk.
At least the Naproxin helps, that’s good. I would try the iron pills if you can! You can buy them as a supplement. And then just take it easy, when they’re bothering you. Laying down/sitting and resting usually helps me the most.
Just a word of caution- iron supplements can cause stomach upset in a lot of people, especially when they first start taking them. So you can sometimes end up getting a bad stomach ache on top of your cramps.
If you can tolerate them, though, they can be really useful. (I tend to be anemic, especially after a period, and supplementation can help reduce symptoms like lightheadedness, dizziness, etc., from anemia).
Iron pills! These are my jam http://www.amazon.com/Salus-Haus-Floradix-Iron-Ta…
They don’t upset my stomach, and I have heard that as feedback from everyone I have recommended them to. There is also an iron drink that is even easier on the tum. I take them daily, as I was anemic even though my IUD totally stopped my period, and my iron levels have like tripled. My doc was so proud.
I’ll give those a try! I usually take the multivitamins that have iron in them, but I don’t think those work as well for me (plus they make me a little queasy).
Cool! I take one a day with food. I think they might have some complimentary vitamins in them, as well.
There is something in them that true health food people/vegans balk at, so they can be hard to find at natural food stores, which will usually carry the more expensive drink. Whole Foods carries these pills – maybe take a good look at the label if you are concerned about ingredients.
Yeah I get really anemic and fainty too. I have been meaning to get some iron pills but the reviews always scared me off, but Ill try it out!
I need to get on a good regime of Happy Peppy vitamins since my eating habits have *thumbs down and raspberries* since college.
Floradix Iron + Herbs! It’s a liquid iron supplement and tends to be easier on the stomach. Taste is kinda weird (fruity metal) but totally drinkable. (I speak as a person who still drops a spoonful of sugar on her tongue before taking Nyquil.)Any slightly hippie grocery store will have it, and you can get it online too.
Someone telling you they’re sick of talking to you because of your poor social skills doesn’t sound like a very good friend–it’s an unkind thing to do! Is this friend also the one telling you every time you “mess up”? If someone was doing that to me I’d probably go into a fugue state of anxiety–and maybe at some point punch them or be found wandering off in the wilds muttering to myself.
It’s natural to be nervous to talk to strangers. It’s natural to be on high anxiety when you’re surrounded by a sea of strangers. A lot of people are feeling the same way–TRUST. I know it’s scary, but maybe it would be good to find some of these folk–people who would be happy to talk to a friendly face, rather than pick apart every little word. They are out there. They are probably blurting non-sequiturs, forgetting what they were saying, telling half-baked jokes and meandering stories that lost their plot, and doing a lot of nervous giggling. It will all be fine.
This was like the third time I’ve “messed up”. Something about how I say things with no context and expect him to keep up because I dont care enough.
Yet Im aware, I try, it’s just DIFFICULT.
thank you for your kind words though.
Conversations with my husband are a sea of non-sequiturs (he has a habit of continuing earlier conversations hours later). So, I always say something like, “What are you referring to?” or “Wait. I need a little context here.” It’s not on you to hold this dude’s conversational hand, is what I’m saying.
I had friends/roommates in my first go-round at university that were like this. They were constantly picking at me about something (the way I talked, what I talked about, how I lived in the world basically) and I thought I was an awful person. Until I moved out and made new friends and they liked me as I was (and I’m still friends with them) and I realized it wasn’t me. It was them all along. Insecure, troubled people project their problems onto others. He’s making you feel like shit because he feels like shit and he’s trying to make himself feel better. He is not your friend.
Man, my mom and all my friends do this constantly, (I think everyone does this from time to time) and the only time it would be “poor social skills” to do so would be if you REFUSED to elaborate context, and like threw a tantrum when he couldn’t read your mind.
What I do whenever I don’t understand at all the context someone is talking about is to interrupt them–usually at a natural pause, but sometimes by talking over if it becomes clear they’re moving quickly and there’s going to be no natural pause soon–and say something like “I’m sorry, I’m a little lost. What are you talking about?” or “Mom, you keep saying “that” and “it’s”, but I really have no idea what you’re referring to. What’s the context here?”.
And I tend to do the non-sequiter conversation shift a lot and have shy friends/friends who consider it the height of rudeness to interrupt, so if I notice they seem a little confused I’ll usually pause and ask “wait did I just switch topics without context?” and give it if they say yes.
OR, if I’m aware I’m drastically shifting topics, I’ll try to say something right before, like “And now to completely change topics to that movie we watched last night” or “Oh! So, random, but we were talking about candles before, and I was thinking” or something like that.
(Apologies if you didn’t want suggestions, but for a lot of my life I was a hyper, ADHD, fast-talking, really smart and verbose topic-switcher with virtually no friends, and around college I managed to learn a few techniques that made it a lot easier for acquaintances to follow my train of thought and stick around long enough to become friends!)
Yeah… I’m going with the rest of the Toastrons on this one and declaring this guy unworthy of your care and attention. This guy sounds like a worthless sack of need and entitlement at best and an abuser looking for a target at worst. That “because I don’t care enough” part just sends shivers up my spine. Expecting you to consider his feelings with your every sentence? NOPE NOPE NOPE.
Personally, I would ninja on out of there when this guy came around.
Well the best part is he’s not nearby, my roomie just skypes so often and so Ive grown to be friends with her friends, so I can cut him out of there pretty easily. I told him I’d talk to him again when I wasnt bedridden and could put actual effort into keeping tact.
i have an idea… can you call him, tell him you’ve been thinking about his feedback regarding context, and how he thinks you have no social skills, and that was really helpful, thanks, so now maybe he has enough context to understand when you say he ought to go fuck himself. Then hang up.
😀
Oh, I’m so sorry you’re going through all that. I don’t have much for you on lady sickness, but I have a few ideas about college & social anxiety.
The major thing to remember, is that the first few months of college socializing are not representative of college, or people in general. There is a rush to make instant friends with everyone you happen to be in proximity to, usually in the dorms. That can be nice because people talk to you, and will often lead to a few real friendships, but the downside is that you do not necessarily like the people you’re hanging out with enough to be real friends, and visa versa. There is also this culture in the early dorm days that rewards just going over and knocking on the room door to hang out, or whatever, and I certainly could never do that. This is practice that will help you get better at socializing. More importantly, though, as you branch out, have more classes, and join activities, you will find your people–chosen friends as well as proximity friends–and that will help a lot. You do not have to spend all four years with jerks like your roomie’s friend. The friends you want to keep around will like your non-sequiturs, or at least like enough things about you to not mind occasionally saying “hey, conversation is on this topic right now.”
Oh, and if your roomie got you ice cream, assume it’s because she liked you and wanted to help you. I’m sure you’re not asking too much.
Gosh, that “randomly knocking on doors” thing. My first week of college I had a SUPER SOCIAL roommate. She would drag me around to visit anyone with an open door and I was so painfully shy and anxious, I would eventually flee and hide in the room. Forever glad she ended up leaving to go back home (she lived like 10 mins from the school, she’d wanted the ‘dorm experience’ but changed her mind), because I ended up meeting my actual college friends (and a better roomie who was more similar to me in the socializing department) after that.
tl;dr to the OP, as ofTrebond said above, you will eventually meet ‘your people’. Don’t feel too pressured to make it work with the people you’re hanging out with if you don’t actually like them!
My roomie is very similar to me, we hardly ever go out, but when we do we stick together. Our neighbor is the social one, ran for president and is friends with everyone. I try to keep up with her sometimes when I can handle it.
When I was in college, I spent a lot of my first month or so hiding in my room. But eventually I did find a group of people similar to me, and we did our own forms of socializing. Movie nights, going out driving, late night diner runs, etc. (My fondest memory is of us all staying out the whole night driving and visiting a cemetery of all places, eating at a diner at 3am, and watching the sunrise from the parking garage, haha, just the five of us.) You just have to find ‘your’ people. If you have anxiety, you’re never going to be the kind of person who is friends with ‘everyone’, and that’s okay! Your roomie sounds like ‘your people’ and eventually maybe you’ll find more people like that! 🙂
Movies are great for people who are introverted, but also want to meet people. You can just sit there a good part of the time without having to talk, and then you have something to talk about at the end!
I worked at the campus movie theater the whole time I was in college, which was a really fun job and also provided most of my social life. (Plus, I met all of my college boyfriends there!)
Being a volunteer usher at campus events is a good way to get out and about (and see stuff for free), too.
tiny womens college limits that, but Im hoping to look cute at swing dancing and hope a Georgia Tech boy looks my way.
Never underestimate the power of a petticoat and swing dress.
I spent the first few months of college looking at transfer websites for other schools because I despised my roommates and, in fact, most of the people I had met so far. Took me a long time to find my fellow weirdos and art freaks but once I figured out where they were hiding, I suddenly had a huge circle of friends. Don’t give up, they’re out there!
So many hugs and commiserations for you. I struggled (and struggle) a lot with anxiety at university and I know it sucks so much. Everyone has already given you great advice, so I don’t have much to add except to take it easy and not to take on too many new things at once. College is a big adjustment for so many reasons and you’re dealing with a lot. Getting into a routine might help you feel more at ease and make you feel more confident in situations when you are meeting new people. I’m not sure how to explain it well, but having a feeling of security because you are familiar with the places around you and where you want to go when, can really help.
That guy is a piece of shit though. He’s not worth your effort even remotely.
Re: Your roomie’s friend– That guy is an asshole, and here’s why: if he doesn’t like someone, the solution is to stop hanging out with them, and if you can’t, to keep your mouth shut. Explaining his reason means that he wants you to feel bad, and is playing on anxieties that you may have mentioned. I heartily suggest telling him to fuck off, particularly if that makes you feel better.
Re: Cramps– Exercise! Or at least, see if it works for you. Try to get some solid exercise in the couple days before, and then when you feel cramps coming on, go for a brisk walk if you can bear it, before they really hit. It doesn’t help me 100%, but it definitely works. YMMV, though, figuratively and literally.
Re: Anxiety in general– I am always more anxious when I’m worried that I’m going to be socially awkward, and vice versa, which doesn’t help anyone. I have worked out four solutions:
1) Find a group of people who make you feel good about yourself, and spend time with them even as you branch out.
2) Find a character from a book you like, and channel them in social situations. I’d go with Phryne Fisher or Bertie Wooster, but it’s really a personal choice.
3) Find calming things to do when you can: movies, books, meditation, going for long walks, instead of feeling like you have to subject yourself to anxiety like it’s a tunnel.
4) Practice. Come up with conversation topics in advance, and then try them on different people. Decide in advance why you’re having the conversation (to make a new friend, to ask a question, to pass the time in line, etc.), and evaluate how the conversation went on those criteria, instead of how socially adept the conversation was, because it always goes better than you think.
BONUS) Go look into campus mental health support, because why not?
I was literally watching Miss Fisher last night. Phryne Fisher is a BAMF to end all BAMFS.
Plus, that show and Call the Midwife make my inner theater costumer go all happy inside.
I think Im going to make an appointment at the wellness center for SOMETHING, be it counseling or supplements or anything.
I went to my campus wellness center for the first time on Monday (I’m an early 30’s grad student!) and it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Plus, the person I’m seeing has all sorts of fun stickers to look at when I get nervy about eye contact, like “I <3 consent.” <3!
I was up until almost midnight last night after Netflix emailed me saying that season 3 of Miss Fisher had been added.
Ooh! UK Netflix, by any chance?
Sadly I watch US Netflix. Hopefully that means it’s coming to UK Netflix soon (or already) as well.
Netflix just told me. I was planning on getting stuff done tomorrow night, but I think I’m just going to binge-watch Miss Fisher after I get home from work. And then finish off North & South, just for the change.
Exercise can also be great for anxiety! You get all the nice endorphins from working out and it can help burn off some nervous energy.
This is such good advice for anxiety! When I was struggling in grad school I signed up for a bunch of different classes at the campus rec center – pilates, yoga, dance, just whatever, and it felt so good to get my mind off my troubles, and I felt amazing and accomplished afterwards.
Yeah, especially anything that really requires you to be in the moment, like dance, because then you can’t be worried about everything else, you have to be in your body in the moment. Yoga is also good for that, because it also teaches you how to really pay attention to your breath and work on recentering yourself. You can drift off, but part of the practice is then coming back to the present moment, to your body and your breathing.
(I had a job as a tour guide in grad school and it was great because I had to be in the moment of where I was and what I was saying and couldn’t be staring out the window worrying about papers or whatever).
I have a fitbit, which I LOVE, and my rule is that I need to get 12,000 steps (5-6 miles) daily. It helps immensely with anxiety, and has given me a pretty good baseline for how much exercise I actually need for anxiety. I strongly recommend audiobooks or podcasts while walking (I’m partial to Harry Potter, Welcome to Night Vale, Planet Money, and Bill Bryson).
My boyfriend who in his adulthood is a genius at making other people open up and feel comfortable talking to him swears a)that he felt horribly socially awkward in college and b)that Dale Carnegie’s “How to Make Friends and Influence People” was a formative book for him, even though it really only contains the one point that other people like it when you show sincere interest. It really is a disarming tactic.
I gather it helps if you like other people to begin with. But is not required. He has it dialed in to where he can plausibly relate to people he thinks are idiots. It is a useful skill.
Yes! And actually, the Dale Carnagie mention reminds me of a book that was very helpful to me in this regard: “Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” which talks about the example of Dale Carnagie for a bit, and some other introverts who stretched past their original shyness (and covers the difference between shyness and introversion); it’s basically was an all-around interesting read that pushes on the accept who you are, as you are message.
Another thought on cramps: Calcium supplements. And I don’t know how your previous doctor experiences have been, but don’t hesitate to doctor-shop. So many gynos don’t take cramps seriously, or just throw up their hands if their magic cure-all BC pill doesn’t help. You deserve a doc who cares and will work with you over time.
So true! I’ve been lucky to have sympathetic and understanding doctors, for the most part, but I had one **horrible** experience with a nurse practitioner who was totally dismissive of my concerns. And I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from friends about their medical experiences.
If you think that college is going to present mental health challenges for you, go to a psychiatrist. Now. If you don’t have/ can’t afford one, go to your campus health center. It’s easy to think “everyone is stressed out in college” and push all this stuff under the rug until it turns into a much, much bigger problem. I didn’t have routine mental health care until one night my junior year when I called 911 during a mental breakdown and the police came to my apartment while I was crying in my underwear and made me go to the doctor. Don’t be me! Get on top of this shit from the start.
Yeah, I did not take advantage of campus mental health services nearly as much as I should have. Learn from our mistakes!
Depending on where you are in school, your school health center probably has a counseling center that is available to students, which is a good way to deal with anxiety.
As for the cramps, I think you need to talk to your doctor (or a different one) about your options. My docs have been very anti-cramps and very adamant about telling me to take ibuprofen (up to 4 at once) on a schedule to stay on top of the pain. But my cramps don’t have me doubling over. I know some people who have been given prescription painkillers for cramps. Obviously there are downsides to that, but if you’re in so much pain you can’t function, you need to find something. Hot water bottles, heating pads and those chemical heat wraps all can help, in the meantime.
To go back to the social thing – it takes time to make friends in college (or, you know, life). My first year I had “friends,” but they were the sort of friends that you have because you need someone to eat lunch with, not real, deep friends and they often made me feel left out or excluded or hurt my feelings. But starting in my second year and even later I made real, deep friendships that are still going strong over 10 years later (like, in their wedding, would be godmother to their children if I were eligible strong). That was a shitty thing for that guy to do, and the fact that he either didn’t realize or didn’t care makes me question HIS social skills.
There is a great quote from Brideshead Revisited (surely not! I hear you cry, down the internet), where Charles Ryder’s cousin advises him that he’ll spend his second year getting rid of the undesirable friends he made in his first, and it is SO true still. The rest of the advice that he gives Charles is… accurate for the novel, he’s one of those characters who gives Charles exactly the advice that he needs, which Charles then ignores, like Anthony Blanche and Sebastian’s father’s mistress, …but possibly not as helpful for university life in general.
Only thing I can advise is on #2, Get a heating pad to the affected area as soon as you feel like it is starting. Using over the counter pain meds only goes so far, and the heating pad will relax the area in a different way than anti-inflamatories do. Plus, heating pads are generally more cost-effective than pain meds in the long run. I’ve had one for over 10 years (cost about $25 at the time), and the one I had before it was my mom’s from the 80s.
I have awful, horrible cramps due to fibroids, so I sympathize 1000%.
Having cramps so bad that you can’t walk is not normal, though, or something you should have to just live with. That could point to any number of underlying medical conditions (e.g., endometriosis, fibroids, etc.), and there could be other medical or surgical treatment options beyond the type of BC you’ve already tried. It’s worth trying different things. And if they can’t fix the underlying issue, they may at least be able to prescribe stronger pain relief so you can function.
I know campus health care often sucks, but I would strongly suggest pursuing this with as many doctors as it takes. It’s something they should take seriously.
(Also, I would never claim to be any kind of expert on religious practices, but I find it hard to respect any religion that insists that women can’t take BC even to relieve horrible pain. Plenty of people use BC for medical reasons beyond contraception).
Also, a tip from my mom who’s a nurse: you can take ibuprofen and Tylenol at the same time (since one is absorbed by the kidneys and the other by the liver).
Pain relief is also more effective if you take it early (e.g., when you’re first starting to get cramps, rather than waiting until the pain is severe).
Im afraid it isnt E or fibroids because my mother had it this awful, and her mother, and hers….
Irish genes were not kind to me.
Things like that can run in families, too! (e.g., a genetic predisposition to develop fibroids). Endometriosis has been linked to specific genes, so your risk is much higher if you have a close family member who has it.
Hey, fellow Scottie. It’s been awhile since I graduated (almost 10 years, damn) but while I was there I used both the student health center and the mental health services and had a pretty decent experience with both. Of course everyone’s experience is individual and it might not go as well for you, but it’s a good place to start. The nice thing about the people who do mental health work at colleges is that they know alllll about social anxiety.
It’s not totally clear from your post how much it’s affecting you, but if the songwriting commission is causing you serious stress, I think you should bow out. They’ll manage, and there will be other opportunities.
As for your social skills, here’s the thing. Aside from the basics of respecting people and their boundaries, the actual most important thing is to be yourself. So be the person who says things out of context, if that’s who you are. That guy is a dumbass babyman who doesn’t know what he’s talking about; this is why we need women’s colleges.
Love from your Vixen sister!
AH I love my scottie siblings. Watch this space, because Black Cat is in two weeks and Ill be freaking out about how awesome it is.
UPDATE: My cramps are gone and better, and I received two new swing dresses in the mail from Lindy Bop, plus Fiddler on the Roof on vinyl.
It’s a good day 🙂
Eeeeeeee Black Cat!! I want all the Black Cat news. Which were the best Junior Production skits, which class totally got robbed, which senior was the silliest drunk and what she did (it was me, I was the silliest drunk senior, I went to JP pantsless and heckled people from the audience). (EDIT: and then I stole one of the painted plywood signs with Vixen artwork. I still have it!)
Also, yay, good day!
First of all: Your anxiety about school and about socializing are both completely normal, and one of the reasons so many toast people have responded to you is because we recognize little bits of ourselves in you, and we know how tough it can be. We made it through, and you can too.
more specifically re: your questions
1. Therapy and psych meds have both helped me. You probably know that anxiety can be this vicious cycle. For example, if I’m anxious about socializing, holding on a conversation becomes that much more difficult for me, which gives me more reason to be anxious. therapy has helped me recognize when that cycle was going on and snap out of it more quickly. meds have made me a little less likely to enter that cycle in the first place.
Also, some of the language you use makes me think your self confidence isn’t too great. You are not “messing up” in social situations. You are saying non sequiters and maybe you’re a little hard to follow, but honestly, plenty of people who aren’t your asshole “friend” will find that charming, not annoying. You can maybe learn to interact more smoothly with people around you, but it’ll work better if you can stop beating yourself up. Therapy can help with that too.
2. Your doctors at school have almost certainly seen lots of young, college aged women with bad periods. See what they have to say! Maybe they will be useless, but maybe they won’t be. It’s worth at least trying.
If you might consider changing your mind about BC, there are more methods you could try. I’ve heard that the ring has a more localized effect, and doesn’t mess with your emotions as much as being on the pill does, for example. I think it also has a lower hormone dose, which might lead to less cramping? But don’t sweat it if hormonal BC just isn’t for you. It certainly isn’t for me!
What’s worked for me (exercise, and honestly, just getting older and my body changing on its own) has already been mentioned, or is not particularly relevant to you, so I thought I’d bring up what worked for my roommate. She gets acupuncture. I have no idea what the mechanism is there, but she has pretty severe endometriosis and pain killers don’t do much for her, but for some reason, the acupuncture helps. Our student health insurance covers acupuncture, which is freaking awesome, but if your insurance doesn’t cover it, the search terms “community acupuncture” might help you find something low cost in your area.
good luck! I’m rooting for you!
Get checked for fibroids. They are easy to treat with keyhole surgery and if that is the problem getting rid of them will fix it.
I got 8/10… but to be fair I have not read any of these books (shame, shame) and I was pretty much going on context clues, whoops.
10/10
I am excellent at guessing on multiple choice quizzes.
Don’t you love that skill?? I have it too. 😀
This story is deeply upsetting and I wish there was a way to help the teen. A Muslim 9th grader was arrested for bringing a clock to school that he made, because the police and school refused to believe it wasn’t a fake bomb. http://www.dallasnews.com/news/community-news/nor…
Oh my God. I read this with deepening horror. Welcome to the USA, where Christians complain about being persecuted because they can’t force their religion on others.
Not about this kid specifically, but talk to ALL the teachers and educators you know. Ask them to really dig down and figure out how their perception of a student’s race changes how they behave toward that student–their tone of voice when speaking to them, their stated and unstated expectations of them, who they put them with when they’re making groups of students, everything. Teachers have an incredible power to make a difference, as advertised, but that difference can be negative as easily, and MORE unconsciously, as it can be positive. If any of us are educators or close with educators, this is a good moment for us to ask and discuss how we can use our power wisely–and how our own conscious and unconscious biases might be causing us to misuse it. (This is actually quite related to the pull quote at the top of the link roundup!)
And, obviously, once we figure it out, we need to adjust it so that we’re not being dillholes to students of color–you may want to put it more professionally than that when you talk with the ones you know, though.
Can I steal this and post it on the FB? I have a few teacher friends and would like them to share it too.
Sure, go for it!
That story has me filled with rage this morning. Islamophobia, pig-ignorant officials, the school-to-prison pipeline. It’s got it all!
But mostly, it’s the picture of his face as he stands there in handcuffs. I want to hug him and punch everyone else at the same time.
God his face. His poor face in that photo, it’s breaking my heart.
This makes me so, so upset. People on twitter have been posting photos– one of him at a robotics competition, one of him getting arrested in his NASA shirt and my heart feels like it has broken in two. Building circuits early and often is a really big and important step towards becoming an engineer. Going into tech when you’re not a white man is discouraging enough as it is, but having violence perpetrated against you because of it– by the very people who are supposed to encourage you to expand your mind? It’s an entirely new level.
I used to run a robotics competition in Rhode Island and still am in contact with the organizers. Maybe we could invite him out to attend, although if he never wanted to think about a circuit again in his life I couldn’t blame him.
ETA: Found this Google survey set up by Anil Dash for offers and messages for support! https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1ws7e8WyQvrsLfhSF…
Yeah, the image of him getting arrested in the NASA shirt filled me w/ such visceral rage that I needed to take a walk. The only thing that gives me comfort is seeing how this story is everywhere– twitter, facebook, all the major news sites, etc. I know there’s been a lot of debate over the so-called internet outrage machine, but I’m happy to see the people responsible for this getting shamed (they SHOULD be ashamed of themselves!). I’d bet money that he and his family will get a six figure paycheck to appear on a morning talk show and I imagine they’ll sue the district and police department for all they’re worth.
I saw that yesterday and I just……. holy shit, what a bunch of ignorant, bigoted assholes. I mean, it’s not like the kid in a NASA shirt and in the engineering class would be interested in building clocks and electronics, right? That poor kid. 🙁
Ahmed’s family is on twitter @IStandWithAhmed. I have been heartened by the outpouring of support from the geek community and plans to support him in fabulous ways. @anildash is organizing offers of support. It helps douse the rage flames.
thank you for letting me know. Still so mad. I wonder if there is a teen librarian in the city, since now would be a very good time to offer some kind of robotics programming or club. I already plan on doing that kind of thing at my library (waiting for a fancy new branch with actual programming space to be built), and will now be extra diligent about inviting the Muslim teens we have in my community.
The school actually does have a robotics club; hopefully he will still join and share his talents and passion!
See also: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/30/kiera-wi…
It breaks my heart that he was so excited he wanted to show everyone, including his English teacher, who should have said something along the lines of “very impressive, but put it away,” instead of calling THA POLICE. Between this story and the woman going to a health clinic and getting arrested by immigration, I’m so mad at the world today.
the health clinic story is so awful. How can people be so heartless. I mean, I know how they can. I see it all the time. But it still sometimes stops me in my tracks anew.
The poor kid is like a younger version of my brother. He did stuff like that, especially with sound and lights, starting in middle school. He’s studying mechanical engineering and works installing LEDs and sound systems in cars. Smart kid, stupid teacher.
It looks like this is getting a LOT of attention. POTUS just invited Ahmed to the White House. Which isn’t a neat ending to the story by any means, but I think it’s important that people underscore the fact that this is Not Okay, using the national spotlight.
POTUS was standing with him, which is something, at least: https://twitter.com/potus/status/6441937558143426…
That is honestly the best use of Twitter I’ve ever seen. I hope he does get to go to the White House and that memory buries the one of being in handcuffs. 🙁
I showed this story to Mr. Delperro (who is a robotics engineer who builds satellite payloads) and this was his response. “14 year old kid build a digital clock without a kit? I’m impressed.” He’s angrier than me. This is just the sort of thing that he and his coworkers go to high schools to encourage kids to do, to prep them for an engineering career! This kid should be praised, not cuffed!!
This, of course, is leaving out the number of former 14 year old boys (Including Mr. Delperro!!) who built and detonated actual bombs with zero consequences, because teenage boys are dumb and reckless, and they mostly grow out of it.
My dream for Ahmed is for him to go to a science magnet school in Dallas where his skills will be praised and encouraged, and then hopefully to MIT, CalTech, Stanford, etc. etc. etc.
Right? like my mom’s friend’s so who got caught with an actual functional *pipe bomb* that he’d built with a friend because they wanted to “throw it in a pond and make a waterspout”. yes, they got in trouble. and now they have MBAs … helps to be white and sorta rich.
When Mr. Delperro was 14, he emptied the contents of a bunch of m-80 fireworks (which he had smuggled into the country from Mexico) into a tennis ball, and exploded it in the desert, and (naturally) caused a small brush fire, which he frantically and successfully put out. So that’s at least three laws broken. Another time he and his friends used a homemade potato gun to launch stuff onto a major urban freeway. They are all successful engineers, now.
I know part of the reason they got away with it is because they were white and well-off, but I’m sure another part is that people were less-inclined to criminalize the behavior of teenagers 20 years ago. Both things came together to screw over poor Ahmed (who appears to be winning, now).
Mr. Delperro also built a functioning railgun his first semester in Engineering school, for which he received an A.
“We live in an age where you can’t take things like that to school,” he said. “Of course we’ve seen across our country horrific things happen, so we have to err on the side of caution.”
This guy had better not open up his phone, or watch, or, anything really.
More like, “We live in an age where you can’t take things like that to school IF YOU’RE BLACK OR BROWN.”
*ALL THE ONE-FINGERED SALUTES*
I’m seeing a lot of discussion around of the fact that his family are politically active Muslims (the dad did a debate of some kind on Quran burning in Florida last year, I think) and the mayor is a VEHEMENT anti-muslim racist, so it’s starting to seem more and more like this isn’t even just (JUST?!) racial profiling, but also targeting families of color trying to make things better, Jim Crow style. This whole thing is just such a nightmare.
This is how small of a city Baltimore is: the minute the Eddie Crane piece mentioned “Matt” and “scouting a location” in the same sentence, I knew she was talking about Matt Porterfield.
My rational brain knows that Bruce is rich but that will never stop me from loving him. “Long Walk Home” is my soul song.
I hope that now that bruce springsteen is Bruce Springsteen, his sister is able to have some fun?
Right!? Like, Bruce, hey, spring for a spa day for your sister already!
Hey, Bruce’s daughter needs those INCREDIBLY EXPENSIVE Grand Prix and Reining show horses, coaches and Hermes saddles. They don’t grow on trees, ya know! Sheesh!
#richpeoplepets
I got 9/10 despite not knowing those covers/it being forever since I thought about Christie. However, I’m pretty good at guessing what the illustrator had in mind.
Air travel for me– that I pay for, that I choose the airline and the times and dates, and book a reasonable amount of time out– I don’t love, but it’s not the worst. I do pretty well on planes. Air travel for work, on the other hand, is ♫ the wooooorst ♫. Aside from the truly rotten luck I’ve had (stranded overnight once, nearly stranded 2 more times in the year I’ve worked here) there is a different sense of entitlement, like the article mentions. I don’t mind delays and minor issues when I personally want to be traveling, but when I’m flying out on a Sunday afternoon because I can’t trust an AM flight to get there when it says it will get there, every. little. thing. drives me nuts.
(I have never read a book by Agatha Christie, and will not attempt this quiz. I am sorry to have let you all down like that.)
Or flying out Sunday afternoon because otherwise you’re up at 3 in the morning to catch a 6 am flight Monday that may or may not make it in time for a meeting where you need to be functional.
It’s the truly unforeseen (to the passenger) things that are rage inducing, like the time that Air Canada put us on a bus from Halifax to Charlottetown – a 3 hour drive as opposed to a 30 minute flight – and I discovered in conversation with the driver that this happened frequently enough that they kept a bus company on call. At least it was summer, unlike the same trip my coworker had to make in December when the same thing happened to him.
I don’t know why, but Air Canada is THE WORST. For the past 6 months, I’ve been traveling to Canada regularly for work, and every single time there is some ridiculous fuckup. I actually haven’t had good luck with WestJet either, so I’m starting to think it may just be Canadian airlines in general, or perhaps Canadian airspace is cursed.
WestJet has not been fantastic for me either. I have a trip to Australia coming up in December with a ton of connections and the first two on Air Canada are the ones that worry me; perhaps a smudge ahead of time to de-cursify Canadian airspace is called for.
OK guys I have to apologize for something. I realized last night that I had totally pulled a #notallwhitewomen on yesterday’s link roundup (we were talking about bad retail experiences). I am sorry. And I totally acknowledge that wealthy white women as a group generally deserve the bad rap they get. And I pledge, when I see something horrible happening in a retail setting, that I will speak up.
A couple of months back, I mocked a truly obnoxious (white, middle-aged) woman who was being awful to a sales clerk at a department store. I had never done anything quite like it before, it was glorious, and I am here to encourage and support your speaking up.
You struck a blow for justice!
That is actually one of the things that’s the most fun about watching American Ninja Warrior – it is really about practical strength and movement, relating to one’s own body, so women doing well in it feels very organic.
I get all misty when they show crowd shots during the women’s runs and it is just hordes of girls and young women LOSING THEIR MARBLES. You can practically see the thought bubbles of “I’m going to do that someday!”
The athletes cheering each other on is awesome too – after the first guy completed stage 4 they cut to a reaction shot of a guy who’d failed earlier and tears were running down his face as he was clapping, he was so excited.
I love how positive the whole thing is. I don’t watch regularly, but all the clips I’ve seen have been people super excited for everyone else competing, no matter how well or how poorly they’ve done.
6/10 which I think is respectable considering that everything I know about Agatha Christie and her works comes from that one episode of Doctor Who with the giant space bee.
SAME. The one with the bee on the cover was literally the only one I knew without guessing from clues because it was in The Unicon and the Wasp, lmao.
10/10, but I’m considering someday doing a PhD on Christie, so that’s really the baseline.
On the TNC story: I just really believe that teenagers in particular should be able to screw up without huge, life-changing repercussions, and that currently feels like such a privilege.
Also, this is such a small thing, but: The Unbelievable Truth, a BBC4 show that I love, had an all-female panel this week, which so rarely happens with comedy, and it was a funny episode and I enjoyed it immensely. (And you can listen to it here because BBC radio is accessible worldwide- http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b069r813#play )
Toasties, a little OT, but my friend just confronted two posh white men at the airport who were rating their female colleagues out of 10 in what was a lengthy and disgustingly sexist conversation. She filmed it on her phone as she did it because she was nervous and also wanted proof that she’d done it and they’d been gross. They actually acknowledged that they’d been rating their colleagues, barely looked her in the eye, claimed it was ok because they were ‘old’, and were incredibly patronising all round. But she stood her ground and told them how sexist they were being and that it wasn’t ok, and age was no excuse.
Only now some stupid guy on her Facebook is giving her a hard time about the ‘moral implications’ of videoing them. He’s being so fucking sanctimonious and patronising and talking about ‘ruining lives’ and doing ‘huge damage’ to ‘the cause’, as though white men being pieces of shit in the first place wasn’t ruining lives and doing damage.
Can we collectively burn them all down? I’m so mad that my friend is being chastised for doing something so brave when she was on her own, and standing her ground while doing it.
the only “cause” that’s doing damage to is the one of the men in the video. Moral codes and social decency were broken, the step was necessary.
Please tell your friend that she has earned herself a Secret Admirer! And fuck that Facebook dude, he’s just upset because he probably does the same thing all the time and doesn’t like being (indirectly) called on it.
I love how white men always think they are the authority on what harms everyone else’s causes. It’s funny, FUNNY, how what “damages the cause” is always what makes those dudes uncomfortable about their own out of control privilege.
Yessssssssss. I tried and failed to articulate this earlier. Thank you!!
What “cause” are we talking about exactly here?
The cause of white dudes being able to do whatever they want with zero repercussions.
Too bad your friend didn’t find out what company they were from! I would not hesitate to email the HR director there and let them know that two employees were sexually objectifying several other employees, which was clearly at LEAST a precursor to sexual harassment, if harassment hadn’t already happened or if the incident doesn’t already qualify as sexual harassment (I’m not in HR, I have no idea of such things).
She asked them were they worked (with doing that in mind) and they were all ‘We’re not going to tell you that’ so they KNEW they KNEWWWWW that they were doing wrong. I love that a 25 year old young woman was calling these two middle-aged men out and they tried to claim old age as an excuse. Pathetic.
I want to know this woman because she is awesome. Striking another blow for justice!
An airport is a public place where you do not have a reasonable expectation of privacy for your conversations, so I don’t think videotaping them was in any way uncool and that dude can suck it.
I’m so glad your friend did this. Interestingly enough, the biggest confrontation I’ve had over rating people in this way has been with a girlfriend of mine who considers herself a feminist. She often uses it in referenced to herself (e.g. “I am only a 6 here, but I’d be like an 8 if I moved to X”). I’ve called her on it every time she’s done it, and she’s either come around, or she’s stopped doing it around me because she’s tired of having the same argument. I think she feels like it’s no big deal, but to me, it matters because it’s so pernicious. In numerous ways, both big and small, we are reminded that women are valued first and foremost for their looks, and sometimes it’s striking how much we all internalize all of those dehumanizing and sexist notions about women.
You’re so awesome for calling her on it. That internalization IS so damaging–not to mention the social, economic, etc. repercussions. I think just about all the women on here could testify to that.
I get so angry when people say racist, sexist, etc. stuff around me that it’s really difficult for me to say anything. Thanks for standing up and making the world a better place. The ripple effect matters.
“ok because we’re old.” Nah, dudes, you’re not as old as Roger Sterling (and it wasn’t okay when his generation did it either). If you’re young enough to still be in the workforce, you have had PLENTY of opportunities to hear women say, in very public & articulate ways, that they do not like this shit.
Your friend is brave, those three men are complete pieces of shit (I’m including Facebook Jackwagon in that group). She did the right thing, and I applaud her.
If I was a drag king, Facebook Jackwagon would be my runway name.
“In most areas of life, Americans can believe the polite fiction that life is fair and that everyone receives relatively equal treatment.” I am often shocked by what suckers we are. The United States of Pollyanna.
I think it’s part of how (some of us) are educated. I grew up thinking that was true, because it was what I was taught in school. I mean, as a little kid I truly believed everyone was treated equally in America, because America was awesome and the best. There were certain things that kinda exposed me to different treatment as a kid (being Jewish, female, a period of poverty issues), but mostly it was exposure to the internet that really opened my eyes to all the biases, and -isms and institutional discrimination, etc etc. I think a lot of (privileged) people never have their eyes opened to that… maybe because they don’t want to? They don’t seek it out? They don’t get discriminated against or treated unequally, so they don’t have that little push to realize that hey, if I get treated unequally for this thing, maybe lots of other people get treated that way for other reasons? I don’t know. But I do think there’s a bit of an… indoctrination issue that starts it when we’re kids, if we’re lucky enough to not be exposed to discrimination.
Right? Everything was presented as “a problem in the past, but it’s over now and everything is equal and no need to notice the very persistent and obvious inequalities all around us, right down to how girls and boys are treated in this very school.” Ugh.
Yes, exactly! School always made all those things seem very, very much in the past for me. In retrospect it’s really a bit disturbing to look back on, but it explains a lot. I think it also doesn’t help that the sort of people who continue to believe that life in the U.S. is so fair also grew up with parents who probably taught them the same thing.
Middle/high school taught me that academically, and then un-taught me that every time I got away with some dumb minor rule breaking while a black or Latino kid didn’t.
Ugh. Yeah, my experience as a kid was more in regards to religion (getting penalized for taking off the Jewish High Holidays, etc etc), but I don’t think I really registered that as discrimination (nor became aware of all the other levels of discrimination) until I was a lot older.
Growing up as a working class kid I didn’t realize how things were until I got scholarships to a college far above my ability to pay for in any normal way. My eyes were opened by the lifestyles my fellow students enjoyed, and the opportunities they expected upon graduation. Rich family = big opportunities. I worked during vacations while my fellows flew to Majorca to work on their tans.
Oh, yes. I had some mad culture shock attending a private women’s college, being the only person on my dorm floor who attended public school (the majority went to private boarding schools), and only one of 10 in my entire dorm who participated in work-study. There was a lot of supportive women shit, and a whole lot of subtle class warfare crap I didn’t want to deal with; the contrast was confusing. I couldn’t hack it and transferred out.
Yup, that was what I was taught as well. Growing up in an extremely white, middle class area, then going to a college that was pretty non-diverse, and then grad school… All the same. I had some amazing conversations in college and grad school that really started opening my eyes to things, and then came the internet that REALLY opened my eyes. But if I had never left my hometown… I don’t know.
Definitely a reason we need more diversity, everywhere.
For me, I have a little bit of trouble relating when people get super-defensive about privilege, because I felt so much like I had been taught that everything is totally equal now and I was like, oh thank God, there’s a word for this vague sense of unfairness I see but don’t think I’m supposed to notice or talk about!
Yeah, and it goes beyond just what we were taught in school. I think indoctrination is the perfect way to describe it. I feel like as a nation, we are deeply protective of our supposed American ethos. There’s the more obvious, “Americuh, fuck yeah!”/freedom fries contingent, but I’d argue that there are many so-called liberals out there who get that there is a lot of injustice in this country, but don’t care to reconcile those on the ground facts with their idealized version of America. For a recent example, see all the hand wringing over whether or not Ta-Nehisi Coates’ writing is too negative, or any of the #notall type hashtags.
Speaking of air travel, this video showed up in my Facebook feed this morning and it is hilarious: https://www.facebook.com/kaz.s.brown/videos/89882…
Oh god flying. Even people who get the Don Draper experience get hosed for no reason. My dad, who came out of retirement in order to assist on the Fukushima disaster, accumulated more frequent flyer miles than anyone can reasonably use in their lifetime during his frequent trips to Japan during that time. So in order to celebrate his re-retirement, he took the whole family on a trip to Italy, and flew everyone first class there and back. Flying first class was great! What wasn’t great was that my sister, flying out of NYC, and my spouse and I, flying out of upstate NY, had to be on the exact same itinerary or we would lose our first class seats for the long pond-hopping leg. So that meant, for some reason, that my sister had to HAD TO fly from NYC to Syracuse, then we all 3 of us flew BACK TO NYC to catch the connection to Europe. No matter who my sister, me, my dad, my mom, or the travel agent spoke to at the airline, we couldn’t figure out a) why on earth this should be, or b) why they couldn’t now just change her to her own “itinerary” or whatever. She wound up having to pay for an entire extra day of pet boarding, plus the flight here was at butt crack o’clock in the morning, plus it was just damned STUPID. And nobody could explain to us why or how this had happened or why they can’t fix it!!!!
I will say though, that that was the first time any of us besides my parents had ever flown first class and it was terrific.
Wow, that is really dumb. But it sounds like an incredible trip!
My father offered to upgrade our honeymoon flights to first class as a wedding present. First Class tickets were fifteen thousand dollars. Per person. One way. Noooope.
I told him not to worry about it, and we were able to find “premium economy” flights for a decent price.
Was your honeymoon in space?
That’s INSANE woah.
Plus the Syracuse airport sucks.
It really, really, really does. At least the bars have Saranac and like, Southern Tier these days.
Let me know when you will be in Pgh next and I will set up another Toast hang out… BEER!
I’m very fortunate to be able to fly once or twice a year. I’m mostly inured to the indignities and anxieties of air travel by now, but finding and booking flights is still baffling, and I don’t think anyone understands how ticket pricing works.
We’ll be spending Christmas with my parents in Switzerland, and wanted a few days to ourselves somewhere non-Swiss as well. I was poking around online trying to figure out our itinerary. I found a relatively inexpensive Montreal-Amsterdam flight, but when I plugged in the return flight, Zurich-Montreal, the first flight just vanished. I could fly Montreal-Amsterdam-Montreal direct, but the moment I mentioned that I wanted to return from Zurich instead, KLM just went “NOPE, you’re either with me all the way or not at all!” So clingy.
I ended up booking Montreal-Munich, Zurich-Montreal. Both flights are codeshared with Air Canada, so I had the option of purchasing through Lufthansa, Swiss or Air Canada. I went with Lufthansa because it was $70 less per ticket than Swiss and almost $500 less per ticket than Air Canada. It’s the same flight! The plane and the crew are German/Swiss! Air Canada isn’t actually involved in any way in the operation of the flight! Where do they get off selling tickets at all, never mind selling them at such an absurd markup?
This is why I had only thumbs up for that guy featured in the Link Roundup a few weeks ago, who flies first class all over the world practically for free by gaming the airline rewards systems.
I flew SwissAir once…oh, the luxury of my own little bottle of red wine…
I flew Air New Zealand once when I was a wee cookie. My own little bottle of wine when I was 19 and still underage in the States! I thought I was the fanciest person ever.
My very first flight was with KLM and they gave me CRAYONS and TOYS and CHOCOLATE, which makes it extra disappointing that they won’t let me fly with them this December. Let’s be real, I would be just as excited by crayons and small model airplanes at 27 as I was at 7.
Mr. Rose is 30+ years your senior, has a PhD, but just this month played with crayons while waiting for our order at a restaurant. He would be so jealous if he knew you got toy airplanes. Don’t ever outgrow your childhood pleasures.
This is why I secretly like having to fly “real” airlines sometimes instead of EasyJet (which is actually fine for short flights, I have no real problem with it). If I get to go Lufthansa or KLM or British Airways, the booze is free!
There’s an evening flight between where I live now and my hometown that never has more than 20 people on it. Since there’s always extra space, and since I have a lot of airline miles from business travel, I always get bumped to first class when I visit my parents. I pray to god they don’t cancel that route because it’s not only not-degrading, it’s a genuinely pleasant way to spend my time.
Air Canada is an all around failure.
Ugh, I had to book a Zurich-Montreal flight for work one time and it was $3600! I do a lot of flight booking and that was by far the most difficult itinerary I’ve encountered. It was easier to book flights from Addis Ababa to Montreal.
Good job getting that itinerary for some kind of reasonable price, is what I’m saying. And thank goodness Air Canada isn’t involved in operating the flight – it would probably get canceled.
I find it difficult to believe that Bruce Springsteen has ever pretended he is pumping gas anywhere but in New Jersey.
Also, what is this “pumping gas,” that is apparently implied to be a paying job of some kind?
We can’t pump our own gas in New Jersey, it is a full-service state. Job creators~!
True fact: Having grown up in NJ and now living in a city sans car, I have never pumped gas in my life. I am not entirely sure that I would do it correctly.
My dad had to drive me to Philadelphia to teach me how to fill the tank myself. I now live in MA with a car so I can, but I definitely miss being able to stay inside.
I’m in upstate NY, where there’s maybe one full-service gas station in the entire city. But it happens to be right in my neighborhood, YAY! (I hate pumping gas, both for “going outside” and “OCD” reasons).
I went to a wedding in New Jersey and the bride sent some very useful New Jersey facts for us out-of-towners, including that we wouldn’t be allowed to pump our own gas. I found full-service very stressful actually, though I could probably get used to it. I love the right-turns only, though!
Yeah the couple of times that I have had someone pump gas for me, they have failed to put the gas cap on correctly, so I always feel the need to supervise anyway.
Man, so many non-NJ-ers shit on the jug handle situation, but, I guess because I’m from there, I love them. Glad to see that someone else appreciates it!
How very keen, I did not know this! I feel more Springsteenian already, all labory and blued of collar. Well that just clinches it, obviously the man pumps imaginary gas in New Jersey, why would anyone even think it was Nebraska? That is just crazy talk.
If I am ever passing through New Jersey, I am about 300% more likely to buy gas now, even if I don’t have to. I trust that the station attendants are all dressed sharply in pressed coveralls and maybe a peaked cap of some sort. If this is not the case, please get somebody to take care of this before my media-driven faux-nostalgic illusions are shattered.
It’s the same in Oregon too.
But what about the fantastic album Nebraska??
Turns out life was so hard there because people had to pump their own gas.
I agree mostly with this bit of the flying article: “Not too long ago, flying could be a relatively pleasant experience, but executives focused on cutting costs have stripped away everything flyers associated with luxury or even dignity.”
Like, I don’t particularly remember a time when flying was luxurious. It was always kind of a chore with weird, dry air and changes in air pressure and people squeezed together tightly who were encouraged to not get up and move around for varying periods of time. I do find flying these days to be actively degrading and a lot of that is down to the various layers of security theater. You have to shuffle through long lines, remove your shoes for tenuous reasons, do the body scanner thing, pick up all your stuff and plop it into a pile while you put your shoes back on.
I take the train a lot these days, even for relatively long journeys, because it affords movement, there’s an observation car, you can basically bring all your food from home if you want, and people are usually pretty darn friendly. I have the luxury of time (although I basically see the journey as part of the vacation). In some cases it’s cheaper than flying, which is a nice bonus.
Been flying for the past 20 years and it’s always pretty much sucked. I feel bad for saying this, because a lot of that travel was to awesome places for vacation (though increasingly it’s for work), and thus I am extremely privileged, and as that famous Louis CK monologue goes, I’m SITTING IN A CHAIR IN THE SKY. But Christ, I don’t think it’s been convenient and hassle-free since the 1960s, before you had security checkpoints, and even then you still had the recycled air and pressure changes (and fuck, people SMOKED back then). The past 40 years have just slipped further and further into discomfort and hassle. I remember irrational rage when Virgin Atlantic wouldn’t let me keep my blanket on my lap during takeoff and landing for…reasons. There’s been some tiny progress: at least I can read my Kindle for the entire flight now. That said, I did get to do LAX-EWR first class once, and that was pretty damn nice (still had a baby next to me…but that baby had lots of space and thus was happy!).
I’m writing this comment from an Amtrak train with my legs happily stretched out and ears and skin not feeling like crap. Best trip ever = first class Acela up the northeast corridor (treat yo self). They brought me a menu and I had a seat with no one next to me. It was super.
I’ve never taken the Acela! The DC->NY route I use most frequently never seemed like enough time-savings and I’m usually like: just get me to the quiet car and everything will be okay. BUT I now have an Amtrak Rewards credit card, so maybe I’ll use points for an upgrade one of these days.
Also traveling the Sunset Limited is on my list. I did the northernmost cross country route a couple years ago and it was AWESOME.
Yeah, the Acela/Regional different for Philly-Providence is 4 versus 5 hours. That hour never seems like much on paper, but it always feels monumental when I’m actually on the train. Still hard to justify the extra $100+ most trips, though. The Acela train is a little nicer, I suppose, too, with more reliable internet.
I was expecting regular Acela vs First to be just bigger seats and maybe a free drink service, but holy shit it was a pleasant surprise. Bag handlers, full (free!) meal service with cutlery and better food, and pretty much everything else you’d expect from a domestic first class flight, but for a MUCH lower price (I think one-way for the Providence trip was $350 or so?). A++ would treat yo self again!
The train!!!!! I hear they aren’t great in the US. But I am Canadian and I unreservedly love Via Rail.
Leg room!!! Reasonable bathrooms!!! No security checkpoints!!! Free wifi!!! Cell service except when you’re going through a rural area between cell towers!!! Outlets at your seat for you to charge your devices!!! The train station is usually right downtown and the airport is always out in the middle of nowhere!!! Looking out the window at the beautiful countryside!!! The food cart goes by every hour and the food is usually fresh even if slightly overpriced!!!
And Via is always cheaper than flying. Sometimes even first class train fare is cheaper than economy airfare! My work will pay for first class if the trip is longer than six hours. And first class on Via is SO NICE. You get free cocktails, meal, snacks, dessert, wine, coffee and tea, after dinner drinks… the seats are enormous… you get to wait in the business lounge which also has free snacks and very comfy seats, and board the train first…
(this comment not sponsored by Via Rail, although if they WANT to donate me some extra Via Preference points…)
Yeah, the US rail system is…flawed (thanks, Henry Ford). Riding the train over very long distances can be a crapshoot in terms of when you might actually arrive (I was once delayed for hours in North Dakota). Amtrak mostly holds it together in the Northeast Corridor section because that is where a staggering amount of their revenue is generated.
For the rest of it, it’s not for everyone because you have to be able to reach optimal travel levels of “just roll with it,” but there’s always stuff to see and the longer routes have park rangers board at various points to talk about things, which is neat. I also think it sounds like an awesome retirement activity: you catch the one train out and do your demo, get off, then ride another train back and do your demo again. I’m NOT just saying that because I got a junior ranger badge, but that was pretty sweet.
I would love to take the train more, but in the US (a) there’s usually only one train scheduled at the most inconvenient time of day (like, leaving at 2 a.m.), and (b) they’re legally required to give priority to freight trains, so it’s always 1-2 hours late.
I’ve taken the train a number of times from Cleveland to Rochester, or Rochester to NYC, and it’s ALWAYS been at least an hour late every time.
(I lived in the UK for a while, and I absolutely loved the train service there. It’s absolutely the nicest way to travel, if it actually works).
Yeah, it definitely depends on where you’re located apart from the huge hub stations with tons of trains per day. I caught a train out of Cleveland once and it was absolutely at the creepiest, deadest hour at night.
The train station there is particularly creepy, too (completely cut off from the rest of downtown, and kind of tucked away in a murder-y looking corner).
They used to run passenger trains in and out of Tower City years ago (which is a very cool Art Deco building, more in the center of things downtown), but they only have commuter trains going there now so Amtrak had to relocate.
I feel like you must not live in Western Canada? Or maybe it’s just the particular route I looked into, but when I wanted to take a train instead of flying, it was more expensive than flying and the combination of a very long travel time and infrequent departure options Via Rail has seemed nearly impossible to take.
Most of my train travel is within the Windsor-Quebec City corridor so I’m probably privileged that way!
I’d rather pay $75 for a five-hour train ride from Toronto to Montreal than $110 (plus the cost of getting to and from the airport) for an hour-and-a-half flight from Pearson to Trudeau (plus two hours waiting in the airport AND the time it takes to and from the airport!).
Oh yeah for sure if I had that option that would be waaaaaaaaay better, but sadly from Edmonton there don’t seem to decent options. At least not to anywhere I looked into. The only one I particularly remember was trying to go from Edmonton to Vancouver and it was going to take a day and a half one way, it was more expensive than a flight and would have required extending our trip for several days because the train didn’t travel on the days we wanted. I mean I guess it does involve going through a fair number mountains, but still.
I really wish more rail options existed. Especially, some in-province ones (Like say a Calgary-Edmonton-Ft Mac line)
Via pretty much sucks in the west unless you’re hopping between ski towns – I took a train a few years ago from Jasper to Whistler and it was pretty nice.
Ohh that sounds fun!
Yeah, trains in western Canada are *terrible*. Terrible routes, terrible schedules, terrible delays. A friend of mine recently tried to take the train with her two kids and ended up stranded in downtown Prince George at 2 am (and PG is NOT where you want to be in the middle of the night) until her husband was able to drive four hours to pick them up and take them home. All of that and it’s still cheaper to fly.
IMPORTANT: please take some time out of your day to watch this video of a fat hedgehog getting belly rubs.
http://m.imgur.com/gallery/K14y4zS
I LOVE THIS AND YOU.
5/10. Started off alright, then it all went downhill with a couple of bounce-backs.
Yikes. That Eddy Crane article had a bleaker, less satisfying ending than Serial.
So Bernie Sanders made an appearance at Liberty University, and has apparently changed at least one person’s mind. I am fighting back tears reading this sermon, you guys. It is EVERYTHING.
That was lovely!
I’m really happy for that guy, and he clearly knows how to preach in the vernacular of his people to his people, as it were. But I have to say that my I’m a little weirded out by his emphasis on Sanders’ Jewishness. Like…is this a common reaction among Evangelicals when they meet one of us? To be like, “omg a JEW! They really exist! I feel like I am living the Gospels right now! (I know that, obviously, this guy’s reaction was mediated through the fact that it was a political exhortation he was listening to, and I bet Sanders/his speech writers made some effort to hit Biblical notes because that would be a sensible strategy for trying to show common ground. But I still found it a bit weird
I would not be at all surprised if that was a common reaction. There aren’t really that many of us outside of major metro areas. (And I’m guessing the folks who attend Liberty University may have led particularly sheltered lives beforehand).
I think part of it is that this guy really wants to hammer home the comparison between Sanders and John the Baptist, and Jewishness is one of the points of similarity. He mentions Sanders’ wild hair almost as many times for the same reason. I think that kind of repetition of the main point is pretty common in sermons, and this is a very sermon-y speech.
Which is not to say that there’s definitely no “omg a JEW!” reaction involved, just that I don’t think it’s the only thing driving this.
(Disclaimer: I am not a Jew, so I don’t have a lot of experience with how people react to meeting Jews. I have listened to a lot of sermons, but pretty much none of them were evangelical sermons, so my sermon-listening experience may not be 100% relevant.)
I see what you mean, for sure. I guess I didn’t hear it that way, especially after listening to the tape. The guy is a skilled speaker, he knows how to hit points and make emphasis and he uses a lot of speechifying tricks of the trade in that, in large part repetition, and I have a theory as to why this particular point came up.
I think this is because a) as much time as a lot of Evangelicals spend on Bible study, it honestly seems like a lot a lot A LOT of them forget that Jesus was a Jewish man in a Jewish area talking to a lot of Jewish people about their existing religion; therefore b) he was rightly reminding his listeners of this fact by c) emphasizing the similarities between Jesus/John the Baptist and Bernie Sanders; important because d) these same Evangelicals forget (some intentionally, some not intentionally) that they are not the only arbiters of morality or the only bringers of good news, and the idea that a crazy-haired Jewish guy with a hoarse voice could be talking about the Gospels in a way they could hear and understand and relate to current politics is huge, so by emphasizing the fact that Bernie’s Jewish, he’s not-so-subtly kicking all of them into remembering these facts.
idk that’s how I took it, totally understand your point.
I am thoroughly enjoying the dumb comments on that air travel piece. Someone is hardcore doubling down on “you’re mad you have to pay for water on a plane? WELL SOME PEOPLE IN THE THIRD WORLD DON’T EVEN HAVE WATER SO YOU CAN’T EVER COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING EVER AGAIN YOU MONSTER.”
Hahhaha thank you for reading and reporting on the comments for me so that I don’t have to! Love, Ester / Aunt Acid / the author of the Air Rage piece
I have the Eddy Crane article open in a tab so I can read it when I have a minute and the only part of the title that is visible on the tab is “Whatever Happened to” so every time I glance at it I get the Full House theme song stuck in my head.
I have it open, and then another Toast article open after that, so it looks like “Whatever happened to… Dad Magazine: September”
GOOD QUESTION!
ALSO, Toasties I wanted to share my excitement pre-open thread since I won’t be around Friday: on Saturday, the pie I entered in the DC State Fair (their motto is, essentially, “yes, this is a thing that exists”) won first prize for sweet pies AND third prize out of all crusts across all categories of pie.
Even though I had to stay all day due to bad info about when judging would be (and missed the Kumail Nanjiani show), I was and am still SO excited. This is the first time I’ve won anything in a really long time and I got ribbons! The ribbons please me immensely.
That’s awesome! what kind of pie?
It was a rosemary honey shoofly pie, the recipe for which I did not make up: http://thebakingbird.com/pie/rosemary-honey-shoof…
I have my own small tweak on the crust that involves using bread flour instead of AP. I’ve been doing that for a while with my crusts and the higher gluten content seems to resonate well with people. I think it makes the dough more workable more quickly as well, so the danger of over-working is vastly reduced.
ooooh, I’ve never made (or even had) shoofly pie, but I am awfully tempted now. also gotta try your bread flour tweak. good crust >>> all else, imo!
It works on other things as well, I’ve found. Unless you’re making something that’s meant to be delicate and/or airy (e.g., angelfood cake, lace cookies) I’ve been able to substitute it successfully.
I’ve never made traditional shoofly pie, although I might give it a shot one of these days! I do love molasses.
did you find it makes a difference when blind baking the crust? I’ve always had terrible luck doing that (the crust always, always shrinks – gah!)
I mean, there’s always going to be a little shrinkage, but I’ve largely not had that problem so maybe?
The thing I really like about the recipe, which I may incorporate into other blind-baked recipes I use, is where you brush the whole interior and sides of the crust with egg wash. Definitely helps keep things from getting soggy. That’s particularly something that’s occasionally plagued any sort of [____] cream pie I’ve made in the past.
Ahhh, congratulations! Seconding the request for a description of this marvelous pie.
Thanks! Posted a link to the recipe above. Everyone should make it. Super delicious. 😀
THAT IS FANTASTIC!!!! CONGRATS! I am dying to go next year 🙂
Thank you! I’m not going to lie: sometimes the pouring rain made it…unfun to be standing around, but it was largely really cool. I’m bummed I missed the pet parade.
Hopefully there will be better weather next year!
1–Congratulations!
B–Your state fair had Kumail Nanjiani performing? We would be lucky to get Brad Paisley
iii-Here is a link to my most favorite song about pie, and also it’s the Wood Brothers .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbqpyqOyUKI
Aw, thanks! There is no need for jealousy though because Kumail was doing a show elsewhere in DC that I had eagerly purchased a ticket for months in advance. The show started at 6pm and the info I’d gotten about judging was that it would start once all the pies arrived (so before noon). But then it didn’t start until 1 and just took a long time and I didn’t want to leave and miss the announcement and it was after 6 when that finished up.
The silly thing is that I could have walked over if I’d had my ticket, but I did not and the round trip would have been ~60 minutes. Womp womp. Especially galling to me because I pride myself on being excessively over-prepared at all times.
In fairness, one aspect of Don Draper air travel glamour I’m glad has changed is smoking bans. My first international flight was on a plane where people could smoke, and it made me feel so headache-y and nauseated. (Okay, there was also a troop of boy scouts on board (I will take babies over large groups of kids/teens on a flight anyway; I feel sympathy for babies but while I normally like kids, groups of them shrieking on a plane makes me want to strangle them or myself with the oxygen mask), and I had just seen my father have a total meltdown at the ticket desk, so it wasn’t going to be a great experience anyway, but I have a visceral memory of the smoke smell drifting over the seat in front of me.
8/10; correct identification of Death in the Clouds and Mr. Quin being thanks to recent binge-watching of Poirot on Netflix.
Nicole’s friend’s Carrie’s new puppy keeps me clicking on the Link Roundup every. single. day.
Re: the woman arrested at her gynecologist’s office: the LA Times reports that a bail bondsman bailed her out for free (yay) and meanwhile everyone else involved is saying “We would never do anything like that!” So it’s–what? A collective hallucination?
Yeah, they wouldn’t do something like that… TO A WHITE PERSON.
Ugh, fellow white people.
Carmella’s elbow wrinkles, you guys. For some reason they just slay me. And her little ear over her froggie…
*i am ded*
Any Toasties in Russia/been to Russia with travel advice? Cheap flights NYC—> Moscow mean I think I’m going to go for 2 weeks in October by myself. How easy is it to get around? I would assume Moscow to St. Petersburg wouldn’t be too hard, but is it realistic to hope to visit some of the countryside? Maybe a flight to Lake Baikal?
I’m here! I teach English a couple hours away from Moscow. Moscow to St Petersburg by train shouldn’t be hard, but it will take up a night (or day, but if you can sleep on a train then night makes more sense). Flights from Moscow to other parts of Russia aren’t necessarily cheap just like flights within the US can be expensive, but it’ll probably be cheaper to fly to Lake Baikal from Moscow than from another country, so it might be worth it if you really want to visit. Or maybe you’ll find a cheap flight!
Moscow and St. Petersburg both have nice, clean metros that are fairly easy to navigate. Honestly, the part of traveling that takes the longest on the Moscow metro is just walking from one line to another if you have to change at a station, because the stations are huge and very far underground.
I don’t think English is as common in Moscow as in a lot of European capitals, but there are still a good amount of signs in English and people in most shops or restaurants will either have someone who speaks some English or at least be understanding that you don’t speak Russian (unless you do, in which case no problems). I honestly can’t remember right now if the metro in Moscow has English signs, but I’m pretty sure they do. You can also download an app for the Moscow metro that works without internet to help you figure out where you’re going, and that’s in English. It’s called Yandex Metro.
If you stay in a hostel, one thing to know is that they generally aren’t as social as European hostels. A lot of the people staying in Russian hostels are Russians who actually live there for long periods of time. So it’s usually not the same kind of friendly backpacker atmosphere that you find other places. Vagabond Hostel was the friendliest one I’ve stayed in so far, and they also have outlets for every single bed, which is great. No hotel recommendations though, if that’s the way you’re leaning.
Have fun! Let me know if you have any Moscow-specific questions.
Re: the countryside: It’s very easy to take a bus from Moscow and end up somewhere country-ish. Just keep in mind there might not necessarily be anything to do there and people probably won’t speak much English.
Oooh honestly, I studied abroad several years ago in Moscow and… would think hard about doing that. I found that people outside of Moscow & Petersburg are generally not particularly helpful or friendly if you don’t speak any Russian (which I did), and anti-American sentiment is pretty high right now (if you are American). Not saying it would be bad or dangerous! Just something to consider, that it’s not like a happy fun vacation type time in Moscow right now, especially alone. Of course I say all this knowing that I wouldn’t take back my time there for anything. Moscow is an amazing city.
That said, St. Petersburg (built to be, and still is, a “window to the west” is a very friendly and approachable city with gorgeous and interesting things to see and do! And it’s very very easy to get around, trains are wonderful there (overnight train Moscow->Petersburg is especially lovely, and countryside can easily be train-visited). If you’re ok with not having a very specific plan, I might fly into and out of Petersburg and gauge once you’re there if you want to go to Moscow, out in the countryside, or jaunt over by bus/boat to the Estonia/Finland/etc part of the scene.
Hope this doesn’t come across as patronizing or pearl-clutching or anything; I love travel and am not a scaredy-traveler type. Just wouldn’t want a Toastie to go there without knowing that stuff!
Ah Russia! <3 Absolutely do overnight it between Moscow and SPB–must see both cities if you have a couple of weeks. It’s totally possible also to take a day trip to one of the suburban touristy places near Moscow or SPB if you like visiting restored palaces (my mom super loved our trip to the Catherine Palace)–there are commuter trains that are quite cheap, and you’d get at least a hint of how different the world looks outside the very wealthy urban centers. If you do have a full two weeks another option to see more of the country is to take an overnight train to one of the provincial capitals like Kazan (where you’ll get a hint of Tatar language and culture and history) or Nizhniy Novgorod. A lot depends on whether you know any Russian or have a contact who can help you buy tickets etc–it’s doable if you don’t but way easier if you do; random Russians you pass by may be friendly and helpful but certainly don’t feel obligated to, nor do public officials or employees.
That said, I have had very good luck using Couchsurfing to connect with Russians who are interested in getting to know foreigners–while I was living in Moscow in 2012 they had at least one weekly meetup, and you might find someone to give you a local city tour, take you to their favorite spot in the countryside, tell you where the good dance club is, etc. Final thing I must add as a person who researches Russia is that the place is very diverse in all kinds of interesting ways, and if you want to check out a Vagina Monologues performance or gay-friendly dance night those things are also possible to find (if not always easy and often officially frowned on.)
Flying does suck, but when I get frustrated I always try to remember a Louis CK bit about how air travel is AMAZING and you’re flying through the air in a METAL TUBE and people used to DIE JUST CROSSING THE COUNTRY. I mean it helps for like 5 seconds and at least (maybe?) helps prevent me from being an asshole in an airport, so.
“In other words, because bus travel has always been awful, people expect a ride on the Greyhound to be only marginally more bearable than being dragged behind a horse, and so they are not disappointed. ”
Am I the only person in the world who enjoys greyhound trips? Idk, all I need is a seat to myself, at least 3 snack options, headphones and a colouring book. You have no responsibilities! Very little could possibly go wrong and if it does, you’re not to blame! You have literally nothing to do except sit and zone out, so you don’t feel guilty about being bored, and can consequently enjoy the floaty unhinged thoughts that come from complete boredom. It’s super nice, provided you’re adequately prepared.
In my experience, it depends how many people are passed out drunk near me…
Or yelling death threats at another passenger. (I am pretty sure that dude was, uh, in an altered state of consciousness. It made for quite the bus trip. Happily, it was a fairly short one.)
Yikes! That would be rather unpleasant
Yeah. I was pretty surprised by the lack of cops when we arrived, to be honest.
Maybe American Greyhound and Canadian Greyhound attract different crowds, I haven’t had that experience. That said, being discreetly stoned on the bus does tend to make the trip more bearable
So true! This has been the majority of my (long) experience Greyhounding in the U.S. It does suck being close to loud, rude, borderline-abusing-their-kid passengers, but that doesn’t happen all the time. And earbuds are a fucking mass transit miracle.
If you have the time, the bus wins over flying handsdown. When I first flew I was shocked at how uncomfortable it was–really tight quarters, generally felt dirtier than buses, loud engines, can’t see anything most of the time, and of course the more stress at airports than bus stations. Just, ugh, hated it.
I am going with Megabus nowadays, as their schedules in my area are way better. And their not having stations is okay because my only layover happens in Chicago, at Union Station. They’re decently reliable.
Trains of course are the most awesome. SOOO amazing. Of course riding them is totally impractical for me because Governor Shithead (aka Walker) decided we didn’t want that federal project to connect us to rail after all, and with the latest fossil fuel boom traveling on the rails and the freight companies owning them, last times I’ve tried to ride you literally do not know when the train will come, like 5 hours late. Connections are hopeless. Forget about getting anyone to pick you up (at your rural destination). And schedules are often at really awkward times, anyway.
So of course once again the United States is going in the exact opposite direction we should be, this time in transportation.
I don’t mind short bus rides either, but have you ever needed to go overnight (like, the same distance a quick plane flight would take you)?
Oh yeah! I do Montreal-Winnipeg pretty regularly, it’s about 35 hours. I’ve also done Winnipeg-Vancouver, Montreal-Baltimore and Montreal-Delaware. When I was a teenager I took a 10-day-each-way charter bus trip to Whitehorse with my church group. I’m greatly helped by being the kind of person who can sleep anywhere, and I also tend to like meditating on the bus. When I was a kid my dad was a semi-pro race car driver and I spent a lot of time in an RV driving across the prairies, so the motion of a large vehicle is insta-childhood for me. It’s very soothing and I can easily reach that little kid imaginative headspace while spacing out at the window.
Aha, yes, I imagine that early training helps a great deal!
Totally! Sometimes there are awful people, but it’s not like you don’t get them on planes too. I loooooooooooove long bus rides – no, I Can’t be Productive, I’m on a BUS. I’ll just sit here and read for seven hours straight with no guilt!
Listen to an entire album of ambient noise and colour with crayons? Don’t mind if I do!
Anyone else ever play the game of making up acronyms with airline names? It worked better when they weren’t all “Air X Country” but my two favorites are:
Sabena – Such A Bad Experience, Never Again
Delta – Doesn’t Ever Leave the Airport
I know I had others, but I can’t remember now.
I was all set to make a detailed argument about how Bruce’s later songs from working class perspectives aren’t claiming that he, personally, is pumping gas anymore. . .but then I was too turned on by that young picture of him to function. YOWZA.
My favorite pictures of Springsteen are the ones where he’s kissing Clarence Clemons.
ME TOO. I saw him live a few months after Clarence died and they did a beautiful mashup video of Bruce and Clarence together that culminated with a kiss shot and I cried.
YES! 10/10, you did better than 100% of other people. 🙂