Marissa Maciel’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.
The bride is a confirmed tea drinker; the groom worked as a barista at her local cafe. He knew she was interested when she ordered six shots of espresso.
The bride is a children’s librarian; the groom restores and repairs books.
The brides met while competing in Judo and Ultimate Fighting events. Their first dance will be to the Dean Martin song “Ain’t That A Kick in the Head.”
Both grooms are Morse Code enthusiasts. For the proposal, Greg wired their dining room chandelier to a switch under the table, tapping out in Morse Code, “Zac, will you marry me?” Zac spoke his reply: “-.– . …”
The couple had spent the weekend building furniture together from IKEA. Tracy had replaced the instructions for the last piece to assemble — an Ektorp sofa — with her proposal. Luke was nearly brought to tears of frustration upon seeing no diagrams on the (replaced) instructions. Only after she insisted he read the instructions did he understand what was happening. The sofa will appear at reception and guests are invited to have their picture taken with it.
Grace had seen Alan staring in disbelief at a flat tire on a car parked in their company’s parking lot. When she asked if he needed help, he confessed to having trouble getting the trunk open. She explained that it was her silver four-door that had the flat tire, not his similar-looking car parked in the aisle over. The couple will arrive at the reception in a restored vintage tow truck.
The mother of the bride is a systems operator for NASA; the bride’s father owns a dog-walking service called The Martian Rovers.
The bride is an orthopedic surgeon; the groom is a semi-professional rodeo clown.
The couple are sommeliers, but decided to serve only beer at the reception when their wine list was getting to be as long as the guest list. “The idea is to get buzzed and have fun,” said the bride.
The groom manages their city’s weekly Swap Meet; the bride owns a successful conflict mediation practice.
Sarah is an aerialist performer, and Sandra researches North American Orb Weaver spiders. They will take their vows while suspended from the Natural History Museum’s ceiling.
Jackson is a hairstylist and makeup artist. Derrick operates a knife and scissor sharpening service. The grooms plan to honeymoon in London.
Caroline works at an indoor trampoline gymnasium. Arthur sells hearing protection.
The couple’s first date started as a picnic in the park on a warm summer afternoon, but ended abruptly when they both admitted they hated picnics. “We were both thinking this was romantic, but then we realized we preferred eating away from bugs and wind,” said the bride. The ceremony and reception will be held securely indoors.
Not but seriously, picnics are THE WORRRRSSSTT.
To quote Luke from the Gilmore Girls: Every time I see a picture of people having a picnic on the ground I think “What the hell are you people doing eating on the ground? Get up…get some beach chairs you cheap skates!”
“Both grooms are Morse Code enthusiasts. For the proposal, Greg wired their dining room chandelier to a switch under the table, tapping out in Morse Code, “Zac, will you marry me?” Zac spoke his reply: “-.– . …”
This is the best stunt proposal for the following reasons:
It was done in PRIVATE, so it belongs to just the two of them.
No marching bands, movie directors, random strangers, and photographers were involved.
and and and it was THEIR thing, not Generic Romantic Thing! Seriously, I want to know these fictional dudes, even if they get a little too into explaining Morse code at parties.
Totally want to have Zac and Greg over for dinner
I almost feel sorry for my husband, because he tried to engineer a textbook romantic public proposal (we were in the foyer of La Scala during intermission, for crying out loud) but it… didn’t go as planned.
ME: (idly sipping champagne) How do I look?
HIM: You’re the most beautiful woman here. (A beat) I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. (Starts to sink down on one knee) Will you –
ME: (overcome by visceral horror) NO! NO!!! (grabs him by the shoulders and yanks him forcefully back to his feet)
You do refer to him as your husband, so presumably it worked out?
It did! The visceral horror was at the idea of a public proposal, not of marrying him. He tried again later when it was just us (and a statue of Victor Emmanuel II) and wasn’t met with angry hissing that time.
omg, this is beautiful. saving this comment to explain to future love interest that I WILL DO THIS INVOLUNTARILY if a public proposal spontaneously happens. 😛
This is one of my favourite Toast comments ever.
Yes PRIVATE engagements!
I live in fear of a large public proposal of any kind (I don’t even like birthday parties, please don’t bring public attention to me.) I would full on say no and walk away if I guy didn’t know me well enough to think that proposing in public is a good idea! I’d rather cause a scene than be forced to say yes because of peoples expectations!
In a similar vein, I have a friend who got engaged on her 19th birthday (to a guy who was 30 and desperate to lock her down) largely because he asked in public in front of all of her friends and the entire restaurant, and there was a camera on her at the time. She’s a total people pleaser, so she never could have said no in that situation! (And he well knew that!). Luckily she came to her senses pretty quick and broke it off. Then got pregnant and engaged to a different guy within the next year (But he did ask in the car, in private, so she’s climbing up the ladder of douchebags!)
I want to have all these people over for dinner.
seriously, I would like to invite them all to a party. Indoors.
I do not love anyone enough to drink espresso for them.
Also I was at a wedding the other day and one of the other guests at my table was a wine merchant and he legit had a wine key on his belt. I don’t know what he was planning on opening, but he was prepared!
I carried a wine tool in my purse for YEARS! You really never know when it will come in handy, because it only comes in handy in the most bizarre and random circumstances.
I feel like in your purse is different than on your belt though! Like, there is stuff that just lives in my purse (e.g. my crochet hooks, lip balm), but that is different than actively putting it on when you get dressed (though I suppose if it’s just part of your daily routine you just don’t even notice, just like those people who show up with guns at the airport because they always carry).
My favourite wrench has a bottle opener on one end, it comes with me everywhere in my pocket. Although I guess it says more about me as a person that I have a favourite wrench.
The bride is a children’s librarian; the groom restores and repairs books.
the things i have seen done to reading room books….the horrible horrible things….
I loved all of these but at the last one I threw my head back and laughed at work in front of people. Luckily my co-workers are used to me.
The Gentlemen Prefer Blondes wedding dresses are still my dream wedding dresses.
I now have Two Little Girls from Little Rock stuck in my head.
So, I have the same IRL name as one of the suspension brides, and now that wedding is all I want in life.
Their wedding dresses would have huuuuuuge trains, and as they’re lifted up into the air the trains would drape down to the ground
I went to a circus wedding some years ago and the bride and groom did this. A long train would have made it even more fabulous!
Jackson and Derrick are stopping by Fleet Street on their honeymoon, aren’t they?
That picture of Jane and Marilyn is a Femslash Friday all by itself.
She was Kirk/Spock all the way, he was Janeway/Seven. Then they figured out who their true OTP was.
She was Kirk/Spock all the way, he was Janeway/Seven. Then they figured out who their true OTP was.
Yes PRIVATE engagements!
I live in fear of a large public proposal of any kind (I don't even like birthday parties, please don't bring public attention to me.) I would full on say no and walk away if I guy didn't know me well enough to think that proposing in public is a good idea! I'd rather cause a scene than be forced to say yes because of peoples expectations!
In a similar vein, I have a friend who got engaged on her 19th birthday (to a guy who was 30 and desperate to lock her down) largely because he asked in public in front of all of her friends and the entire restaurant, and there was a camera on her at the time. She's a total people pleaser, so she never could have said no in that situation! (And he well knew that!). Luckily she came to her senses pretty quick and broke it off. Then got pregnant and engaged to a different guy within the next year (But he did ask in the car, in private, so she's climbing up the ladder of douchebags!)
The bride is an orthopedic surgeon; the groom is a semi-professional rodeo clown.
Did you read my mind but swap genders?
Person who wishes they were a pro horse rider seeking sports medicine doctor to be life companion and supply extensive free medical care for many injuries and chronic bockedy-ness.
The bride is an orthopedic surgeon; the groom is a semi-professional rodeo clown.
Did you read my mind but swap genders?
Person who wishes they were a pro horse rider seeking sports medicine doctor to be life companion and supply extensive free medical care for many injuries and chronic bockedy-ness.
Classic
“The bride is an orthopedic surgeon; the groom is a semi-professional rodeo clown.”
Well down the-toast team. Quite fascinating really when your read them out loud, and humourous.
it is nice post.