Dearly beloved family and friends,
Thank you for being here tonight, and please help yourself to the appetizers. I’ve gathered you all here to say goodbye to a caring husband, wonderful friend, and supportive side dish, Summer Squash Casserole, who as we sadly learned today, is to die.
We all know Summer Squash Casserole as a creamy, crowd-pleasing side dish that features summer squash, carrots, stuffing mix and cheese baked in a creamy sauce. Crispy on top and creamy in the center, it’s a winner on any menu, and in many hearts. We are all sure of Summer Squash Casserole’s innocence, but today the local CSA courts have issued a grave sentencing.
Who knows what hatred lay in the hearts of the jury of our pears? If anything, Summer Squash Casserole was guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and was thrown under the bus. Let us remember we’ve heard nothing from Red Cabbage Stir Fry on that fateful night. We have tried to save Summer Squash Casserole, but to no avail.
Instead of lingering on what tomorrow brings, we’d like to take this time to honor the life Summer Squash Casserole led. Summer Squash Casserole was born of Campbell’s Condensed Cream of Chicken soup and Pepperidge Farm Cornbread Stuffing. He was baked at 350 degrees for 40 minutes, and found a dedicated career serving eight. But he was also a fun-loving casserole–he never let his dish go without a little baked-on cheese to remember him by!
Summer Squash Casserole’s memory will live on in the recipes that people who enjoyed him liked–Chicken & Noodles, Chicken Crunch, and Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Beef Bake.
Let us have a moment of silence.
Tags: food, RIP squash casserole, this was a real ad
“jury of our pears” yesss
I was just going to do this, and then you did.
I’m so sorry, everyone.
If you’re sorry for bringing tears to my eyes for laughing as heartily, yet silently, as I could, than I accept your apology.
Is this your solution to writer’s block?
Never apologize for genius
It’s true what they say, you never know what you got til it’s gone (they paved paradise and put up a parking lot)
This is what happens when you legalize Casserole Punishment.
Those pears should never have been on the jury! If a Hubbard squash had been allowed to serve, or even a Delicata, Summer
Squash Casserole would never have been found guilty!
This is injustice! Summer squash casserole was nothing more than a patsy(pan)!
“Serving eight” seems like a miscarriage of proportional justice. I see only two servings in that pan, four at MOST.
So soon after being Promoted, too. He really had a new lease on life, or so it seemed. Just a sad day all around.
Ahhhh I was trying to keep my laughter inside but this comment broke me.
Ode to a Casserole
O Casserole, for whom it is to die
We salute thee, in your pan you lie
That which we never got to nosh
the epitome of Summer Squash.
Perhaps the Summer Squash was an innocent, but as far as I’m concerned, butternut squash deserves everything it’s got coming.
Please make a “things Jaya does for no reason tag”, and make this a series.
To paraphrase Martha’s immortal words, it was a good thing.
Thank you for this essay, I didn’t know what to make for my family’s dinner tonight until I saw this. BUT NOW I KNOW.
I’mma use this recipe though. http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/zucchini-squash-c…
Ave coque, morituri te salutamus!
[edited because I forgot about vocative case and plurals]
At my grandmother’s house, since there were biscuits at most meals, the squash casserole had buttered biscuit crumbs on top.
At my grandmother's house, since there were biscuits at most meals, the squash casserole had buttered biscuit crumbs on top.
Never apologize for genius
But… by using cream of chicken soup you are rendering inedible the dish any vegetarians present would be regarding as their entree.
Perhaps that is why it has been sentenced to death?
All-vegetarian jury, clearly biased