There’s a lot of stuff about personality type going around! I have not bothered to look at what any of them mean, until now! What I found is really surprising.
Rest assured; all of us are very special and interesting!
ENTJ: Empathetic, Normally, Towards Jaguars
INTJ: Introverted Nine-Toed Juggler
ENTP: Emerging Nameless Terrifying Phantasm
INTP: Internet Nonconformist, Too Persnickety
ENFJ: Earner of No Free Jelly
INFJ: Into Nasty Fucking, Jeeeez
ENFP: For you, Eels Nominally Feel Pity
INFP: Is NOT Fearful of Potatoes
ESTJ: Easily Scorned, a Titanic Jerk
ISTJ: Is Scared of Thomas Jefferson
ESFJ: Earnestly Scintillated by Franz Joseph I of Austria
ISFJ: Imprisoned for Stealing Forty Jumbo Jets
ESTP: Electronically Shops for Toilet Paper
ISTP: Interested Specifically in Turtle Penises
ESFP: Enormous Super-Fan of Pizza
ISFP: Into Snakes, For Porn
Haha what? Why would you even think I’d be afraid of potatoes? That’s crazy, no one’s afraid of potatoes, certainly not me. I just don’t like them or see why you have to have them in the house all the time, it’s a totally normal thing.
It’s not like they sprout tentacles from their eyes or anything! Ha ha ha. Totally not scary.
Is it a Kelly Link story I’m thinking of? With the potatoes tubering their tentacled way into the guest bedroom? I’d look it up, but then my nightmares would recur.
Possibly? It also sounds like the plot to Nicolas Baker’s “Subsoil.” (A while ago, I admitted in the Toast comments to finding potatoes to be creepy, and people responded with the scariest potato stories!)
one time I left my potatoes in the pantry too long and it turned into Potato Cthulu and had like 3 foot long root tentacles
Well, I wasn’t afraid of potatoes…
I mean, they’re no Thomas Jefferson.
If snakes and turtle penises don’t fall into that category, I wonder what exactly being into nasty fucking entails. Jeez!
I’ve never been happier to be an INFJ.
Samesies!
Can’t wait to talk about it during our weekly tea and conversation at the leather shop!
I SWEAR I’M NOT INTO TURTLE PENISES, MALLORY *MADE* ME WATCH THAT VIDEO
Wow, after 36 years I finally figured out my type–ESFP. Now to celebrate with a slice! Thanks Matt!
I quite want to be all of them. Is that wrong?
If it’s wrong then I don’t want to be right. (But I’ll settle for being empathetic towards jaguars.)
I can never remember the stupid letters for my type and always have to google the Harry Potter Myers-Briggs chart to see which one corresponds to Luna Lovegood. (Aside: How many Toast readers are Luna Lovegood? I’m betting like 25-30% of us.) Now I have a fairly accurate potato mnemonic instead!
Which Harry Potter chart do you use? I prefer the one with photos from the cast, rather than illustrations, because then I get to be Tonks instead of stupid Ron.
I’d never seen the cast photo one before, but apparently INFP is Luna in both!
It makes sense. You just know that if there was a terrifying tuber that sidled up to Luna she’d be completely serene. (Also Luna here, also not afraid of potatoes. Carbs, glorious carbs!)
I’d guess that 25% of toasties are Luna Lovegood while simultaneously believing they’d be sorted into Ravenclaw. (Or maybe that’s just me).
Haha yes, Toasties are like 50% Ravenclaw, 35% Hufflepuff (but only half of them realize it), 12% Gryffindor, 3% Slytherin. IMHO.
Yeah, my biggest problem with being the Luna Lovegood type is that it makes me worry that I’m actually a Hufflepuff in denial.
SLYTHERIN REPRESENT.
WE ARE THE 3%.
INFP! And my sister is INFJ — it’s a great little dichotomy — any question or decision, I hem and haw and say I need more info — and she just goes “nope, option A! Any choice is better than no choice”. Surprise, she actually gets stuff done.
I GCHATTED SOMEONE A TURTLE PENIS VIDEO LITERALLY 40 MINUTES AGO, THIS CANNOT BE A COINCIDENCE
I’m on the INFP-INFJ cusp, so apparently I’m fearful of potatoes but into nastily fucking them. This explains a lot of things.
I can’t tell what the jaguar-hugger’s expression is but I love him all the same.
It’s the exact same face that I made upon reading this is because I too am an ENTJ. That illustration speaks to me on a deep, personal level.
I may be a terrifying phantasm but I have a NAME
I am definitely not fearful of potatoes, this checks out. 100% accurate.
INTP: Internet Nonconformist, Too Persnickety– Yes. This is entirely correct.
Yes. Accurate.
Welp off to watch some more snake porn. laterz
Wow, I’m pretty ENFP, but occasionally am INFP which is what I’m going with from now on because, as an Irish girl, I can confirm that I am NOT afraid of potatoes.
/stiches “NOT AFRAID OF POTATOES” onto an Irish flag
//salutes flag
///eats potato
////wipes hand on flag, I mean I was eating it with one hand and typing with the other, what do you want from me
I have never been happier to be on the “introverted” side of the spectrum than I am today (and yes, I know, Myers-Briggs is pseudo-psychology, but in my own experience, INFPs are particularly likely to know their type and wholeheartedly agree with it). I mean, embracing the potato versus being pitied by eels. No contest, really.
Eels can go kick rocks, let’s go eat some fries
Okay, so I don’t have electricity powers OR the ability to breathe underwater. Just rub it in eels, rub it in. This is how villains are born.
Matt, I love your contributions to The Toast. This is amazing.
Dude if you leave the jumbo jet running with the key in the ignition, you’re just asking for it to be stolen.
My ten toes and lack of juggling skills beg to differ!
…OR IS THIS PROPHETIC
You start with ten toes. Then you try juggling hatchets …
I never remember my type, but I did just order 36 double rolls of Charmain, so I guess that’s one question answered.
I like that the “these are real” tag applies to this and Ayn Rand, Cat Fancier and nothing else
Welp, now I know the real reason I’m a borderline INFJ rather than an INTJ: not only do I still have all my birth toes, but I am also physically incapable of juggling. Once, during my childhood, a camp counselor actually told me that I was -the- worst prospective juggler they had ever seen. From that day forward, I clowned no more.
Yeah, my biggest problem with being the Luna Lovegood type is that it makes me worry that I'm actually a Hufflepuff in denial.
My husband is a very reserved INFJ who would be appalled at such a suggestion … so this is hillarious!
That is literally the plotline of an R. L. Stine book.
Accurate. I am the opposite of afraid of potatoes. (Also how are there so many INFPs here??)