I don’t even watch football, and I still love this (also, I bet lots of you do watch football and will therefore love it all the more):
Jay Smooth is the dude. I didn’t even know until last week that football players had to go to interviews after their games! I hope Marshawn Lynch starts bringing jigsaw puzzles to interviews and will only answer jigsaw-puzzle related questions (OR DOES WHATEVER HE WANTS TO DO, he does not have to do puzzles).
Tags: jay smooth, marshawn lynch, sports, talking and not talking
I was watching the superbowl with some friends of friends who were all like, “he signed a contract!” and I was like, “the NFL is terrible! Their contracts are terrible! All of the undertones in this conversation about how he should just shut up and be grateful for the opportunity to play football are SUUUUUUUPER uncomfortable!”
(I’ve been having a lot of Thoughts about the NFL, particularly regarding race)
Also, everybody needs to watch him on Conan (NSFW even with headphones by reason of ridiculous video game gore)
Yes! This exchange made my heart grow three sizes, for some reason.
“What do you like doing?”
“I like driving.”
“Driving?”
“Yeah.”
“…and you like driving as Toad?”
“Yeah.” *makes driving motion*
“…and that’s you driving?”
“Yeah. That’s how Toad do.”
“That’s how Toad do” is a magnificent response to almost any question.
It sound like something from one of ze franks’s “True Facts” videos. “That is how the sea pig do.”
Ok, Mr. Lynch just made the top 10 of my Pro Athletes with Whom I Would Like to Eat Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
And his little “heyyy” when Conan hands him the $50? Adorable.
oh my gosh, when he teaches Conan how to grab his crotch I started sweating, I was laughing so hard.
I just want to start yelling “yes the fuck you can!!!” at any time where it is even remotely appropriate.
There is a non-zero chance that if Marshawn Lynch looked different and had a different accent and word usage he’d be soundly hailed for “standing up for himself” and being a “rebel” and “being honest.”
Now let’s all pause, steeple our fingers together, and imagine what on earth that “different” way would be and how a man who looks and speaks like he does is, instead, a “thug” and “ungrateful.” It must be just some sort of strange coincidence. [shrug emoji]
I guess we’ll just never know!
Also he’s a proud son of Oakland, California, a town not without a tradition of African-American resistance and rebellion.
Marshawn is an ungrateful thug for not talking. Richard Sherman is an arrogant thug for doing a lot of talking.
Is it that people are just biased… against people who live in Seattle??? That must be it. Geographic discrimination. Can’t think of what else it might be.
We Seattleites are well-known for our belligerence and aggressive behavior, it’s true.
My dad, who does not have a great track record with being sensitive to race (along with other things), turned to me on Sunday and said “The NFL and the media need to leave Marshawn Lynch alone. He doesn’t want to talk to them, he isn’t interested in playing their games, why the hell are they so invested in making him do these things? They’re just making themselves look stupid. If he was white, nobody would care.”
My mouth kinda hung open for a minute and then I beamed at him and happily agreed and didn’t make a big deal out of it.
So if my dad can see the bs they’re piling on Beast Mode, it should be glaringly obvious to literally everyone else.
That was awesome.
And yeah, you don’t make that call unless you just do. not. want. Marshawn to be the hero, but you do want Russel Wilson to be. Fuck everyone.
ETA: Mostly fuck all the old white pieces of male garbage running the NFL. Really just them.
WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Sorry I’m still a little emotional.
I know I’m not a Hawks fan, but
(sniffle) thank you
I am English so have no idea at all what any of this is about and I still loved it, but I love Jay Smooth. So now I’m going to go and find out who Marshawn Lynch is and what he’s done!
He likes Skittles.
He likes to play Mario Kart as Toad.
Of Toad Hall?
COINTELPRO cross route!
If you need a soundtrack for work, look no futher
Omg this is my new jam
I’m going to play this, volume turned as low as I can while keeping it audible, at a horrid, horrid in-service I am being forced to attend in a few months. And I’m going to nod my head slowly with the beat and maybe do some rapper hands periodically.
This whole situation has so many overtones of “You don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you, boy” that I just cannot deal. *Especially* all the commentary on how he’s teaching African American boys to disrespect authority.
So much rage.
As a wise man once said, “I’m working, but I’m not working for YOU.”
*points at nose, points at you*
As a football fan, I will say that it is already weird and gross enough that the team owners and the NFL think they own the bodies of the Black men that play for them, and it is even weirder or grosser that people just *in their living rooms* watching the game who have nothing to do with the outcome also think they are entitled to a player’s body, voice, face, general media presence.
I work with opera singers and we’re incredibly respectful of them with the media–they set the tone for how they want to be presented by us. Professional football players and professional opera singers have a lot in common because they can do something nobody else can do! They’re the best in the world at this thing that we love! So why can’t we show the same respect to football players that we do to artists?
>:(
Ohhhh, it reminds me of a painfully sharp bit John Hodgman did on The Daily Show, after the Donald Sterling debacle, where he illustrated just how creepy professional sports are, especially with majority-black teams like in basketball — here, I transcribed it:
“Owning a sports team is the last remnant of capitalism’s golden age, when owners controlled every aspect of their workers’ lives. And as an oligarch American, it’s time I acquired my own herd of humans.”
“I think you have the wrong idea here. You own a team, you don’t own the humans —”
“Oh, so you’re saying I and my wealthy friends won’t take turns selecting which of these young men we want?”
“…Technically, that is what you do, that’s how the draft works.”
“Oh, I see, but I suppose you would never arrange a public inspection of their bodies’ strength and agility? Yes or no?”
“…They do scout players in that manner.”
“Oh, I see. Obviously, once I draft them, I wouldn’t be able to dictate their home city?”
“You probably would be able to dictate their home city.”
“So to recap, I take them from their homes and force them to perform physical feats for my own enjoyment and profit, in a place of my choosing, and when I tire of them I can trade them with my wealthy friends without their consent. Is that right, Jon?”
It was really great that we could hear the horror in the audience’s laughter.
The fact that you transcribed this instead of just telling me about it is exactly why I love the Toast and its commenters.
::cough:: I confess, I transcribed it originally for my tumblr, when I posted the video. But yeah, I looked it up with my “john hodgman” tag so I could copy/paste it for you. I MAY BE A TAD COMPULSIVE.
So I buy baseball gear in a store we call Baseball Mecca because it has EVERYTHING and we pilgrimage to it one town over from Oakland. Anyway, last week in baseball mecca the clip of Lynch repeating “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” was playing and I’m in line behind an older white dude being told by the owner that he knows Marshawn from a young age and that he’s disappointed and ashamed because he should be thankful for the position we would all like to be in (ahem!) and that he’s going to have a talk with his Aunt next time she comes in the store. (Bullshit, or, god I want to be there for that) Then I walk up and say I think Lynch is amazing and that he doesn’t owe the media anything. He says “yes he does, that if it weren’t for the media he wouldn’t have all these fans and making millions of dollars” and repeats the same holier than thou racist shit he just said to other old WASP. I look at him and shake my head as he swipes my credit card for more than $100. I’m a regular customer there and now I’m upset that I’ve given so much money to a jerkwad. Next time I go in I’m gonna bring it up again, nicely. Like, “listen man, I’ve been thinking about what you said about Marshawn Lynch and I should’ve disagreed more last time, but I think if you really know him like you claim to, you wouldn’t be saying these things.” or something.
If Lynch weren’t a good player, he wouldn’t have fans, and the media wouldn’t be interested in him. No one likes athletes because the media talks to them (with the exception of maybe Ryan Lochte and the summer of 2012 “oh god let’s see if he can walk and chew gum at the same time” amusement). They like athletes because a) athletes do sports-things and b) athletes play on a team they already like. The media is just a way of connecting with the athletes.
To be fair, I like Marshawn Lynch *because* of his attitude towards the media (and also Richard Sherman for his different but equally delightful attitude), but I’m also not a sports fan by any means, they just give me entertainment/give context to Key & Peele sketches.
Damn I wish I would’ve responded with that. Good points, agreed. I’m not so quick when confronted with this brand of uppity arrogance, I know I’m mad about something in there, but don’t have the debate skills ready to go.
I am wise with staircase wit. Feel free to steal it for any conversations where you see people feeling entitled to Marshawn Lynch’s respect. The only place I see dumber commentary than old-school sports media is on non-Toast comment threads.
” during the interview, Gray asked Lynch about his dog and what the dog does when Lynch is away playing games. That prompted this incredible response from Lynch: ‘He’s out doing his doggie dog thing, living in his doggie dog world. You feel me?’ “
I have come to the comments just to say that this unexpected intersection of things that I love (Mallory/The Toast and Marshawn Lynch/Seahawks) has been a pure delight.
Omg this is my new jam
As John Darnielle here says, EVERYONE feels it in one form or another (and as Jay above said, it’s great to see someone kick against the pricks now and then) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgo5tiE_VHc
As John Darnielle here says, EVERYONE feels it in one form or another (and as Jay above said, it's great to see someone kick against the pricks now and then) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgo5tiE_VHc
I think I’m a little bit in love.
I LOVE JAY SMOOTH. He also has excellent political and hip-hop commentary. One of my favorite bits was back in 2012, when Newt Gingrinch was leading in the primary and Jay observed, “I think if he wins any more primaries, the party leaders are going to take him out to the desert like Joe Pesci in Casino.”
It sound like something from one of ze franks's "True Facts" videos. "That is how the sea pig do."
I'm going to play this, volume turned as low as I can while keeping it audible, at a horrid, horrid in-service I am being forced to attend in a few months. And I'm going to nod my head slowly with the beat and maybe do some rapper hands periodically.
“Everything makes sense, if you’re not a Knicks fan.”
I live in New York. I fell over laughing.