Velcro puppy and dignified cat.
My baby decided to cry every hour on the hour for twenty minutes from 3:30am on, and then I gave up and checked Twitter on my phone, to discover he had merely tapped into the universal grief of living in a world without Alan Rickman, a man who was the best part of anything he touched. Please know that the perky tone of anything that follows in this link roundup is from the happiness I knew yesterday, when I composed it.
I SAW STAR WARS I SAW IT STAR WARS HAS BEEN SEEN BY ME. I spent the entire movie BOUNCING in my seat, and making lil exuberant thumbs-up gestures to Steve and wolfing down my ONE DOLLAR MINI POPCORN (Utah!):
HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS:
Oscar Isaac is as sexy as everyone said.
JOHN BOYEGA IS SO ADORABLE AND HAS EXQUISITE COMIC TIMING and I agree with every word of this.
Rey. Rey. Rey. I love her, I cherish her, I reject ANY SUGGESTION she is a Mary Sue, she is a FUCKING JEDI, and you are garbage (men who say she’s a Mary Sue, not you as in my innocent readers.)
Also, thank you to Mallory for puppy-and-baby-sitting so we could have our Star Wars date night.
tough shit, that’s on you, and would create a HORRIBLY adversarial working relationship (not just for her, but for anyone else who heard about it):
1. Cutting the salary of a disappointing new hire
We hired an employee almost two months ago who seemed to have quite a lot of experience in our field (which is rare in our city). She asked for a higher salary than entry-level, which we were okay with giving based on her experience. Now, almost two months in, it’s become obvious to us that she actually doesn’t have as much experience in the field as she thought she did and her work is only slightly better than what we get from candidates straight out of school or switching into this industry from another one. Essentially, we regret paying her the higher salary and feel that she isn’t worth it. Legally, we know that we can reduce it a bit, but should we? And if so, how do we handle that situation? (She is at $60k. Entry level for us is $45k, possibly $50k. We haven’t settled on a firm number yet.)
Gov. Rick Snyder and his mishandling of the HORRIBLE situation in Flint:
LANSING — Gov. Rick Snyder’s statement Monday that he wasn’t aware of a problem with lead in Flint’s drinking water until about Oct. 1 has prompted questions about his office’s role in quietly delivering 1,500 water filters to the city in August.
Snyder’s statement also raises questions about the speed and scope of the state’s response since Oct. 1 and why state officials did not immediately instruct Flint residents, on Oct. 1, not to drink the water without a filter. A 10-point plan for Flint water that Snyder released Oct. 2 said the state was making water filters and water testing available to residents, but did not include a warning not to drink the water without a filter.
The fuckery at CalTech came up in the comments yesterday, but I’m mad enough to link formally:
In a letter sent to Kleiser in September, the university acknowledged that her firing “was prompted by [Ott’s] romantic or sexual feelings for you,” and that his behavior “significantly and adversely affected your educational opportunities at Caltech.” A letter sent to Gossan concluded that Ott’s interactions with her “placed an inappropriate and undue burden on you that adversely affected your emotional and physical well-being.”
In addition to Kleiser and Gossan, seven other students have left Ott’s research group since 2012. All of them spoke with BuzzFeed News. Four said they were fired, abruptly. Many said that Ott’s erratic behavior created a hostile and demanding work environment where bullying was the norm.
Casey Handmer was a grad student in Ott’s group until June 2013, when he was fired partly because Ott didn’t want him to keep his bicycle locked up inside.
Jane Marie went off her depression meds when she was pregnant, and is now ready to talk about it:
At the grocery store, strangers would ask if my baby was my “first.”
“She’s my only,” I’d respond. End of discussion.
I’d be chatting with close friends who were thinking about getting pregnant and my advice became, “I wouldn’t recommend it.”
“Really? But your kid is awesome!”
“I know, she’s incredible, I got very lucky. But yeah, no, really. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t.”
If you think this makes me sound like a monster, you’ve probably never been a depressed new mother.
Here is a dressage freestyle set to the music of David Bowie:
Guys, I am PETRIFIED of under-cooked chicken (IT DOESN’T EVEN TASTE BETTER, UNLIKE BEEF, PUT IT BACK IN THE FUCKING OVEN), so I had to read this while peeking through my fingers and dry-heaving (this is more about tainted chicken and who is responsible for it):
At the hospital, five employees helped move Schiller from the car to a consulting room. When a doctor examined his leg, she warned him that it was so swollen there was a chance it might burst. She tried to remove fluid with a needle, but nothing came out. “So she goes in with a bigger needle—nothing comes out,” Schiller said. “Then she goes in with a huge needle, like the size of a pencil lead—nothing comes out.” When the doctor tugged on the plunger, the syringe filled with a chunky, meatlike substance. “And then she gasped,” Schiller said.
also, PLEASE do not rinse chicken unless you bleach everything in a quarter-mile radius afterwards
The Morning News’ ToB SHORTLIST is here, along with the judges, several of whom are Beloved Friends Of The Toast, esp:
Jess Zimmerman is a writer and editor who’s appeared in Hazlitt, the New Republic, the Guardian, The Hairpin, and others. The Toast once said she was “on fire” but it turned out she was fine. She lives in Brooklyn with all the other writers, and when not working spends most of her time aging, feeling terrible about aging, or frequently both.
Dan Savage tapped in two of my friends (Joel Kim Booster and Jeff Chu) to answer a question about dating while gay and Asian (which, based on the comments I STILL get on Joel’s piece about this issue, can be really tough):
The last word goes to Booster: “A note to the rice queens who will undoubtedly write in about this man: We like that you like us. But liking us solely because of our race can be uncomfortable at best, and creepy as hell at worst. In my experience, it’s perfectly okay to keep some of those preferences behind the curtain while you get to know us a bit as humans first.”
Alan Rickman, you guys, I am not okay with this.
This hits me harder than David Bowie, I have to admit.
Same. And Bowie was a hard, hard pill to swallow.
IKR? First Bowie, then Rickman. Ya’ll need to stop dying. I had things to do this week other than crying into my keyboard. 🙁
Ugh, me too. I’ve been attempting to console myself with youtube videos of him reading poetry, but it’s not really working.
Same. Bowie I admired in a distant sense. Alan…he’s my fucking CHILDHOOD.
Yes, exactly! He seemed to be so close and so familiar.
this this this this
Same. I barely made it through my morning meeting.
Someone just said to me “some British actor just died’ and I nearly LOST IT.
Definitely hit me harder.
Unbelievable
Unbearable
Unkind world
I have no problems crying at my desk today. Cancer, you feckless thug, you go and SUCK IT.
I AM REALLY REALLY NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW
No really guys I just want to lie in bed underneath the covers and not engage with the world but i have to go to work and i am really really not okay i need this shit to stop
massive hugs to you, I don’t know how this even WORKS anymore
I was already fighting a desire to just hibernate for the next 3 weeks, and this isn’t fucking helping.
I made it to work today only because I was living in blissful ignorance.
I found out about both Alan Rickman and Leonard Nimoy when I was already at work, and how am I supposed to create customer estimates at a time like this?
Everyone around me at work is just going on with their lives like THE PLANET DIDN’T JUST LOSE ALAN RICKMAN or something, like come on, people
I found out as I was heading out the door for work and I *almost* called in sick. I need a hug.
*hugs tightly*
i just
i can’t.
i found out right after i got to work and now i just want to go home and cry all day.
I am staying huddled at my desk until I get myself under control.
Dr. Lazarus can’t be dead. He can’t be. I reject this reality.
I will be saying ” . . . What a savings” in my head all day just to comfort myself. And picturing him jerking that photo out of a fan’s hand to sign it in the most perfect “I hate everything about my life right now” way.
By Grabthar’s hammer…
🙁
Nope.
So terrible.
They filmed one of his movies on my campus and I saw him walk up the steps into his trailer…from afar.
I got the second news alert and really truly believed that it was going to be the Times redacting the news. It was about the Revenant, which I care even less about now.
I found out an hour ago, and was hoping I could share my grief here. I refuse to accept this reality. Tonight I’ll watch Sense and Sensibility and cry myself to sleep.
I had the TV on this morning and the Today show just flashed it up for approximately 5 seconds and I was so shocked, I started crying. (After spending most of yesterday crying due to some bad medical news…. so this week can go.to.hell.)
*Toast hugs* about your bad medical news.
Also, cancer can fuck itself in the ear.
I WAILED in my office when I saw the news before lunch. My deskmate told a story of how once, Alan Rickman phoned our office (we work in a media type org) and she answered the phone and asked who was calling, and he said, “It’s Alan Rickman”, and even though she was sitting down, her knees buckled and all the breath left her body.
Here is a video of him singing in French – it is lovely and romantic (possibly, can’t understand a word) and soothing, but will also break your heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mTHqyNe9MA
Here is a recording of him reading Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130.
I didn’t have time to internet before work because shovelling, so guess who has to try to remain professional at work 🙁
I have no emotional capability to react to anything else in the link round-up today because
ALAN RICKMAN THO!!!!!
Out of respect for everything else in the round-up I’ll revisit them another day.
Colonel Brandon! I got a bit teary when I heard the news this morning. Honestly, I think my reaction to this and to David Bowie’s death is as much about anxiety about my parents as anything else (my dad will be 67 this year), but knowing that hasn’t made me less anxious.
This! My parents are 64 and 70, and I’m suddenly much more aware of their mortality 🙁
Obviously losing David Bowie was a huge blow to artists and weirdos everywhere, but I never really encountered his music or movies (I was raised… oddly). Losing ALAN RICKMAN, though… I am trying to hold back tears at my desk and not really succeeding. This day is gonna SUCK.
Also, can we fucking cure cancer already?
Also I just started working with a personal trainer, like, YESTERDAY, and I am sore all over and everything sucks… but I am VERY glad we do a Mon-Wed-Fri schedule because clearly I need to go straight home after work and just cry into a pillow and re-watch HP.
I haven’t been okay since Robin Williams. This is just, fuck.
i came here specifically to mourn him and now i have nothing to say. just no no no no no no no NO as i crumble into a heap.
Toastie msbias commented on Monday that she* was outraged because she truly believed she would get to sleep with David Bowie someday. This was my exact reaction in regard to the news about Alan Rickman.
*My sincere apologies if I have misidentified msbias’s gender.
Mine too.
You can stream Truly Madly Deeply on youtube.
THE BEST!
I am so glad of this because in the two hours between when I looked for it in the library’s online catalogue and then went to get it, someone else had stolen it out from under me.
So. Youtube is plan b.
I am also not okay with this.
If you want fuel for your tears, here’s a favorite scene from Truly Madly Deeply, which permanently ruined me for all regular romance:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj1BlyOcmBs
My boss came in this morning and asked how I was doing and all I managed to say was, “Alan Rickman is dead and nothing matters anymore.”
Alan Rickman was one of my favourite actors and I just don’t want to believe this.
I would have worked from home instead of the office, if I had known about this before I left. As it is I’m sitting here trying not to cry. Open plan offices are the worst.
What ABOUT Alan Rickman.
No.
What.
Oh, hell.
(Sorry, I was skimming through the roundup at work and all my eyes took in of the first paragraph of the Roundup was something about My baby… something something Alan Rickman. Like they literally refused to take it in. So seeing this comment was my first notification that he had died.)
OH MY GOD UGLY CRYING AGAIN
I have had no fewer than 7 emails and FB messages today offering sympathies for my loss. Clearly my love for Snape (and Rickman) is well known among my friends. (For which I am, of course, grateful, given that I started to cry in bed when I saw the NYT obit in someone’s FB feed.)
I was mostly keeping it together but then first Nicole tweeted this and then while writing a short obit I found out he actually was still with his first girlfriend who he met when he was 19 and she was 18 and they didn’t get married until 2012 and were still together and well, then I was not keeping it together any more/
My boyfriend and I got together when I was 19 and he was 18. I do not want to imagine myself in this situation.
I was offline all morning, so I found out this afternoon when BoingBoing posted the death scene from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Not cool, guys.
SHUT. IT. DOWN.
What a shitty week this has turned out to be.
true that. true that.
The finalists for the 2016 Tournament of Books were announced!
I haven’t read any of these (although a few of them are awaiting me in my giant stack of unread books), but there are many fine authors represented and many friends of the Toast among the judges. Should be a good time.
I’ve read 2
My libraries have most of the rest, which is good. I’ve long been a TOB completist. I plan my work schedule so I have time in March to go mad for it.
I haven’t read a single one of these books. Hmmm.
No Miranda July? No Seveneves*? Shit, another year where I will have read zero of the selections, although I just checked out Fates & Furies from the library a few days ago.
*The TOB doesn’t really ever do Sci-Fi or Fantasy does it?
Alan Rickman and Stratford Festival’s Brian Bedford this week. I don’t feel well.
Edit: Also my father is recuperating from cancer surgery right now (he had it yesterday) and I just want no more cancer for anyone please and thank you
Oh, god. I didn’t know about Bedford. Come ON, universe. RIP you sexy fox.
I’m sorry you had to hear it from me.
Oh, I’m not. I much prefer to hear everything from Toasties. I hope your dad’s recovery is swift as possible. Screw you, cancer!
Hands up if Robin Hood was one of your first crushes.
*hand, waving*
Absolutely. And I didn’t even realize it at the time.
Wishes for a solid and long-enduring recovery and remission for your dad.
Thank you.
I know. I never saw Alan Rickman on stage, but I did see Brian Bedford at the Stratford Festival multiple times, and FUCK YOU 2016.
(And fingers crossed for your dad.)
Healing thoughts for your father.
NOOOOOOOO. okay well that pushed me into actually crying at my desk.
ROBIN HOOD NOOOO. You were my childhood crush!
*Jedi hugs (if you want them)* Best thoughts to you, your dad, and your loved ones.
Damnit.
(I don’t know if it’s really any comfort, but I know two actors from Chicago who have performed at the Festival and they report that Slings and Arrows is eerily accurate.)
Best wishes for your father and your family.
Toasties, I feel like I am growing up (or growing old) just to see all my heroes fade into the West. I have to believe in a realm after this one, because all of these people can’t just be gone forever and ever.
“I feel like I am (growing old)”
THIS. I am in my late 40’s and, like you said, all my heroes are fading away: Ray Bradbury, David Bowie, Alan Rickman. I had always thought that strangers keening over dead celebrities was somehow….I don’t know. But this onetwo punch got me right in the gut.
Federal law permits a certain level of salmonella contamination in raw meat. But when federal limits are breached, and officials believe that a recall is necessary, their only option is to ask the producer to remove the product voluntarily. Even then, officials may only request a recall when they have proof that the meat is already making customers sick. As evidence, the F.S.I.S. typically must find a genetic match between the salmonella in a victim’s body and the salmonella in a package of meat that is still in the victim’s possession, with its label still attached.
Uh. What? The…the FDA doesn’t have the power to require people to recall tainted meat?
” For whole chickens, the salmonella “performance standard” was set at twenty per cent, meaning that one in every five bird carcasses could be contaminated. That standard has since been lowered to 7.5 per cent, but the performance standard for salmonella in ground chicken is much higher—44.6 per cent—and for ground turkey it is 49.9 per cent. “Which means that almost half of all your ground chicken that goes off the line can actually test positive for salmonella,” Urvashi Rangan, the director of food safety at Consumer Reports, told me.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
“Some products, such as cut-up chicken parts, have no performance standard at all. A hundred per cent of the product in supermarkets may be contaminated without running afoul of federal limits. Rangan told me that she was stunned when she discovered this, just recently: “We’ve asked the U.S.D.A. point blank, ‘So does that mean there aren’t standards for lamb chops and pork ribs?’ And they said, ‘Yeah, we don’t have standards for those.’ ””
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Look braak you’re just gonna have to take this one for the team.
and by team I mean capitalism.
and by capitalism I mean a double grip of billionaire oligarchs.
that’s as fine a description of capitalism as I’ve ever heard
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1tj2zJ2Wvg
You know, I’ve mostly drifted from the convictions that led me to become a vegetarian in my teens, but with stuff like this, I’m not sure I’ll ever go back.
SAME
The fact that there is an acceptable percent of poop in our food, and sometimes that acceptable percent is 100, makes me glad I can at least wash the fuck out of my veggies before I eat them.
Yeah but like, cooking.
Animals poop, food grows in the ground (which contains a large amount of poop.), there’s germs on everything, that’s why we wash and cook our food.
Sure there are exceptions that are more extreme, but having an acceptable level of bacteria its actually logical since it would be impossible to eliminate it completely, especially with industrial farming because people want cheap food all year around.
If you were raising and butchering your own animals and growing your own veg, there’d still be a whole load of bacteria all over it. In fact, there’d probably be more
Oh, yeah. I don’t expect the acceptable level to be zero. And it isn’t the poop itself, so much as the deadly stuff that rides around in the poop, which tends to be worse in industrialized agriculture with no regulations or oversight.
I use small amounts of manure in my garden, which I eat out of, it’s just been processed so that the bad poop germs don’t make me sick. Also I wash off the poop.
Poop.
I basically came here to be like “SO GLAD I AM VEG”.
Did, uh…did you all read the article? The salmonella stuff’s gross, and certainly the main focus, but this is popping up in fruits and vegetables too.
Indeed, at the Jensen Farms plant, where the contaminated cantaloupes originated, a mechanized system had been washing the melons with tap water, rather than the antimicrobial solution recommended by the F.D.A. The C.D.C. counts a hundred and forty-seven victims in the cantaloupe case.
This isn’t a meat or vegetables thing, it’s a regulatory bureaucracy that’s been systematically handcuffed and dismantled wherever and whenever possible.
Ha, I am still reading. But yes, I am aware of salmonella (and other bugs) on melons, spinach, and many, many other things. I still live in fear. Just slightly LESS fear, and I will appreciate it if you do not take my cognitive dissonance away 😉 *sticks fingers in ears and hums*
I can understand how a person could make the argument against classifying salmonella as an adulterant, but listeria? Come on!
Tangentially related: I feel a lot less like a princess for not eating undercooked poultry. I’m pretty hard line about it and I think I’ve hurt my wife’s feelings a couple times, but, like, salmonella.
I feel like “not eating undercooked food that could kill you” is a pretty acceptable line on which to be hard. About which to be hard? Whatever, eating undercooked chicken and pork is bad, so don’t feel bad.
Don’t feel like a princess. The mother of my best friend growing up was a microbiologist working with salmonella and you better believe all their meat – especially poultry – got cooked to death as a result.
Yeah, my veg motives have shifted over the year but holy crap do things like that article ever solidify my conviction.
Most of the product recalls that I remember in recent years (for e. coli, listeria, etc.) have been for tainted fruits and vegetables, so I guess NOTHING IS SAFE
Maybe that freeze-dried astronaut ice cream… Can you live on that?
I’m willing to be the one to find out! You can probably get a freeze-dried ice cream delivery subscription through someone, right?
I should hope so! Maybe Amazon.
Yup. Most of the time I’m vegetarian out of sheer habit. But reading stuff like this and I’m like WOW NO.
*dances onstage with tophat and cane, does jazz hands* America! *dances off*
Pretty much sums it up, yes.
Regulatory capture is a hell of a drug.
In high school, I read a horrifying article about food safety that led me down a path of trying to find out how much authority the FDA actually has. It very little, and almost certainly much less than most people would think. (That is probably the moment to which I can pinpoint my disillusionment with the United States regulatory system!!!)
But they carry badges. And if they knock on my (institutional) door, I have to let them in.
YES. It infuriates me how much power companies have to block or thwart recalls on unsafe food or products. The “free hand of the market” shouldn’t require people to DIE.
Yeah, speaking as your friendly, neighborhood USDA reg writer I can definitely vouch for the horror that is FDA regs and enforcement (we get a lot of public comments asking about pesticide levels in imported produce so I’ve had to become pretty familiar with FDA programs on tolerances).
The FDA simply doesn’t have enough people or funding to carry out the programs that fall under their regulatory authority. We’re a little better in my particular corner of the USDA; we also spend a lot of time fighting with rich and powerful industry groups.
It does not. Effective regulation has not been popular in congress recently. Current legislative philosophy has been quite….pro industry.
Noooooooooooooooo. I don’t eat a lot of meat because I’m a terrible cook and I’m terrified of this. Last night, my roommate made fried chicken and my first bite I spit out because it was RAW inside. Slimy, gross, raw chicken was in my mouth. Half of the pieces weren’t done. (I love her and appreciate free dinner but nooooooooooo)
I feel like I’m going to ralph at my desk right now. My leg will swell up and the FDA or CDC can’t do anything to stop it. I’m pretty sure it’s just from reading the article BUT WHAT IF I’M REALLY SICK
I’m probably going to die. It’s been fun, guys.
They are a bit pricey but these are great for cooking meat (I just got one):
http://thermoworks.com/products/thermapen/
Especially foods you don’t want to cut open and mangle just to check if it’s done (which is still inaccurate as you can’t always tell done-ness from looking).
I need this! Such a good idea!
They will pry my thermapen out of my cold, dead hands. I just got one for my girlfriend for Christmas because we wanted to cook chicken at her place, and I outright refused if we couldn’t track the chicken’s temperature.
I got one from my parents from xmas as I got a new charcoal grill. My dad was amazed he hadn’t gotten one for me already. “I thought I had bought everyone these years ago!”
Dads.
Yes, I asked for one for Christmas last year, and it was totally my dad who was excited to get it for me.
I don’t even cook meat that often, but when I do, it’s great. So much better than my old, slow, inaccurate meat thermometer. I can just pop open the oven door and check my food every couple of minutes without screwing up the roasting, and I haven’t served a still half-raw pork tenderloin or hella dried out chicken breast, since I got it.
ack! it’s $100! I’m a poor college student, but I don’t want to die of salmonella either. Anyone have another idea?
It looks like you can get the older models (which are just marginally slower, I think) on eBay for about half that, or maybe less.
I had extremely undercooked chicken at university once. There was blood seeping onto my plate, and because I was still new to university and didn’t want to take my plate back and demand new food from the staff I just built a mashed-potato dam to hold it back and ate the stuff on the other side of the plate. (I did not get ill!)
I’m not sure the CFIA does, either. :/
Stories like this make me glad I don’t eat meat. Oof, when it’s bad it’s very bad.
Yeah, don’t eat cantaloupe either, it turns out.
OR CHOCOLATE
kill me now
What do you mean, OR CHOCOLATE? WHAT?
The other thread, started by jillheather. There’s a link. *cries loudly*
Ugh, I just saw that! What is life even when we can get salmonella from chocolate?
Or alphapha sprouts, or various lettuces.
Actually I think the reason so many outbreaks have been from vegetables lately is that people know to cook meat properly, but you generally don’t cook your salad (and don’t expect e. coli or others to be there).
Marion Nestle’s Safe Food is an excellent, albeit horrifying, book on FDA regulation, contamination, and bioterrorism. It’s a bit out of date by now but I’d be surprised if she didn’t have a more recent edition.
dang I am not sure how much more I want to be horrified
They do not. It is voluntary. Because the major beef producers all banded together and decided it wouldn’t be fair for the government to force them to recall, so they made it so the government can’t.
It’s actually why eating ground beef at a large, established chain (McDs or Burger King) is usually safer than local mom-and-pop shops. . . because the larger organizations do not want to suffer the blow of e coli infections/deaths related to their hamburgers, so they work to ensure their suppliers keep the meat as clean as possible. Not necessarily true for smaller organizations.
To be clear, I firmly support small mom-and-pop shops and would choose one over a chain any day. I just refuse to eat ground beef at any of them (McD’s and BK included).
A couple of years ago my parents sent me a stack of photographs (actual photographs, on paper, printed from film) from the early part of my life, and I swear, change a few minor details and they could be these photographs of Sansa + Nicole’s daughter.
Also, Utah should really be advertising this one dollar popcorn thing more, like the way some states advertise that they’re friendly to business or have low taxes or what have you. DOLLAR POPCORN ARE YOU KIDDING?
We have $30 popcorn.
A theater near me (upstate NY) has dollar popcorn Wednesdays AND recliners. I love it.
I work right down the street from there, if you ever want to meet up for a Wed. movie!
Also, the Cinema on S. Clinton has cheap concessions, $5 double features, AND its own cat who will sometimes sit and watch the movie next to you.
Movie meetup!!! Sounds fantastic.
I was just at the Cinema for the Spotlight/Macbeth double feature! The new cat doesn’t like me as much as the old one did. 🙁
I’m sad about Alan Rickman. His voice has been a source of many flustered moments for me.
But here is Charlie Potato Hashbrowns, who has been very obliging about the cuddling this morning.
(he is taking a tumblr break from his next writing project, which hopefully will involve less misrepresentation of grandmothers)
I love you
I’m still laughing every time I think about your dream.
*cuddles Charlie from afar*
He looks like a very nice comforting pup
He is so soft and fluffy and warm and loving, I highly recommend puppy comfort.
Charlie makes everything better. Not good, but less terrible.
Even when I’m mad at him, I love him so much that I kind of never shut up about him. It’s pretty ridiculous.
His face is just the best! He truly is the best potato he can be.
Charlie Potato Hashbrowns is an impossible dog and every picture of him makes me smile. So much fluffy cuddliness!
The service you do us all is a good one, Charlie. You are a Good Pup.
I love this pup
*cuddles* Bless you, CP Hashbrowns. You’re doing Ceiling Doge’s work.
ohhh the fluff
I swear I read the phrase Charlie Potato Hashbrowns somewhere else recently, because I remember thinking, “No, I’ve definitely seen that before and THIS wasn’t the context.” CPH is awesome.
i have the bowtie pic saved in my phone. i may or may not send it to friends who need cheered up. The Potatoes’ influence is felt far and wide, dear Toasties.
I have never heard of a chocolate-based food-borne illness. Stay safe.
I read this comment before the article and thought there was going to be something in there about someone getting horribly sick from chocolate and I was really scared.
Me too. like, WHAT NEW horrors could this week bring?!
I…hmm, I don’t want to squash your dreams, but I used to work at a lab that primarily tested M&M/Mars products because chocolate is a well known carrier of salmonella. I am so so sorry. Bowie, Rickman, now this.
http://greatist.com/health/salmonella-risk-chocol…
How odd, a totally blank comment in reply to mine.
NO.
That’s it.
Nuke it from orbit.
That’s the only way to be sure.
@Crickwooder capslocked that someone needs to check on Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart right away. Frankly, since we’ve got two Brit legends from arts and music, I think someone should take a peek and see how QEII and Prince Philip are doing.
ALSO TIM CURRY, who is another 69-year-old Brit who is frankly not in the greatest health
It’s the new 27 club.
don’t you dare DON’T YOU DARE
I’M SORRY I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS
Oh SHIT, I jokingly invoked his name this morning in anger (“If Tim Curry goes I am QUITTING THIS WORLD”), I didn’t realize he was also 69…
Stop giving ideas to Death!!
And Helen Mirren!
NO SHE IS IMMORTAL SHUT UP
HOW DARE YOU
NO.
DON’T EVEN THINK THAT. Sir Patrick is immortal.
We’re starting a deathpool at work – apparently there used to be one years ago but it fizzled out, and interest has been revived with all the, y’know, DEATHS of late – and the Queen and Prince Philip were the first names to come up as possibilities. Neither would be particularly tragic tbh (especially Philip) so they’re welcome to it.
My money’s on Iggy Pop, who is either going to die soon or live forever, who knows.
SHHHH, Iggy Pop is going to live forever
That’s what we all thought about Bowie, though.
Precisely.
Nobody is safe, and death stalks these halls.
I think someone should take a peek and see how QEII and Prince Philip are doing.
Hm. On the one hand, I don’t care about the Queen and Prince Philip; on the other, I care about Prince Charles EVEN LESS. I’m conflicted.
I would really prefer if Charles died before QE2… in my own personal headcanon she is clinging to life just to try to outlast him so Will and Kate can go straight to the throne.
Sheer force of will and a squad of supportive corgis can only help.
Corgi Death Squad is totally going to be my imaginary band name from now on.
A++
Keep Calm and Corgi On
I would be very okay with this!
YES.
The thought of William and Kate on the throne also depresses me (I just really hate the existence of the monarchy, and in some cases strongly dislike the individuals in the Royal Family).
The monarchy angers me too. Oh, hundreds of years ago your lunatic ancestors claimed divine right, so now you get to just sit around and enjoy obscene amounts of wealth and force “common” people to treat you with respect you don’t really deserve? No thanks.
Exactly! It’s not ok to be a monarch just because your children are still in the cute stage and you wear Reiss dresses omg!
I’m not looking forward to William becoming king because I imagine it’ll make people a lot more well-disposed towards the monarchy than Charles as king will. The fact that he and Kate are reasonably young and photogenic seems to have led to a big upsurge in popularity for the Royal Family, and it makes me really uncomfortable.
I daydream about Charles, at his coronation announcing that he has discussed this with his sons and they are agreed. He is going to dismantle the monarchy. Royals may keep their titles, but will henceforth have no more benefits not also accruing to all other British citizens.
That’s exactly why Charles has to survive. Republicanism will do a lot better with Charles on the throne than William.
Take Chuckles, spare our beloved artists, entertainers and intellectuals who *did* something with their lives!
And now I’m really tearing up at my desk 🙁
Shush, don’t listen to these evil women. Nobody else is going to die this year, I’ll go and have a stern talk with Lady Death about this.
I’ll also start writing gushing fan letters to all the actors/writers/musicians I admire, just, you know, in case. I hugely regret never writing to Pratchett before he went.
If anything happens to Patrick Stewart, I am for sure leaving this planet
Oscar nominations are out let’s talk
Yay Mad Max and Saoirse Ronan! But honestly it seems like a pretty lackluster (and overwhelmingly white) group of candidates
why so fucking white
give mad max literally everything it was nominated for
if that boring ass spectre song wins a fucking oscar i am going to punch a wall
Give Mad Max some Oscars it wasn’t nominated for, as well
Yes! Where are its Best Actor-type nominations?
Yes, very disappointed Charlize didn’t get nominated.
She deserved to. She conveys so much with just her face! (I realise that is an actor’s job, but still.)
Just give it all the Oscars and call it a day.
If that crappy Spectre song wins, Shirley Bassey should rush the stage and body check that Sam Smith kid into next Tuesday.
I would pay good money to see this. Can we get a Kickstarter going and alert Shirley?
I just heard her belting GOOOOOLDFINGAAAAA in my head while I envisioned her body checking Sam Smith off the stage. That was a good audiovisual for a morning when Alan Rickman is no longer in the world and therefore can never play a villain on Sherlock who blackmails Mycroft about his long dead Russian spy lover.
This comment only reminded me we’ll never have any Rickman villains ever again.
The world is so much less…urbanely sinister now.
I literally cannot remember a worse Bond song.
And that includes the Madonna monstrosity. Didn’t think it could get worse.
That’s what I get for thinking.
didn’t Sam Smith tell everybody he wrote that song in under 20 minutes? Why would you want to reward that???
IT SHOWED >:|
Have you heard Radiohead’s rejected Bond theme for the movie?
It is literally at least 50X better and more memorable.
ugh Eddie Redmayne (I know someone else said it, but still ugh)
Too white. Way too white as you say.
Mad Max being nominated for best picture seems like it is going to be the only good news of the day.
It’s never going to win, but goddamn did I never think I was going to see the day where a movie with crow people on stilts would get a best picture nod.
Also, no Carol for best picture is a surprise.
Carol not being nominated is total BS and I’m also very sad that Todd Haynes didn’t get a Best Director nomination because if he had won I would have considered it a retroactive award for directing Velvet Goldmine.
Like, obviously nothing is going to win except Bearded White Men Fight Bears Also Maybe Each Other?: The Movie (I have no idea what The Revenant is about), but to have it get shafted entirely save for Cate and Rooney’s acting noms is very weird to me. Carol is like perfect Oscar fodder. Also Rooney Mara for supporting actress??
Yeah, I’d say if anything Cate is the supporting actress in that movie but at least it gives them both a better shot at winning.
Yes, this is bogus, Rooney should have been lead and Cate supporting. I get that it is because Cate is the bigger name (and the movie is named CAROL after all), but it is entirely Therese’s story, not Carol’s.
Someone saw it last night and told me it was terrible. It’s basically just Leonardo DiCaprio getting into danger with no dialogue and an occasional subplot that’s insensitive to Native Americans.
CARRROLLLL. I saw a bunch of people’s commentary on who got the nomination and who didn’t, and so eventually I looked at the full list and WHERE IS CAROL YOU MONSTERS. So basically, yeah, don’t think I’ll watch this year either.
yeah, I was really surprised about no best pic/director for Carol. dang.
Surprised and really sad. That movie made me feel more deeply than almost any movie I’ve seen this year – with the exception of the AW YEAH KICK ASS WOMEN SAVING WOMEN feelings I had while watching Mad Max.
Especially Best Director. I know, I know, there’s more room in Best Picture, but I think that even if you don’t like Carol much as a movie, you have to admit Haynes directed the shit out of it.
Tom Hardy got a supporting actor nom! Which is surprising, since he didn’t get a Golden Globe or a SAG nom.
Yay Mad Max but seriously, can we get some scifi in something other than the “yes great visuals and sound” categories? I mean there’s the Martian, okay, but eh.
Ex Machina did get a screenplay nomination and a couple others, but should have had more.
Not Oscar-related, but I want to set fire to whoever thought it was appropriate to put The Martian up for Best Comedy at the Golden Globes. Just because there’s laughs doesn’t make it a comedy! *rage-flails*
Why is Theron not nominated for Best Actress?
Second.
Ugh Eddie Redmayne.
I’m going to pretend all his awards are for Jupiter Ascending.
You know Cranston got that nom for Breaking Bad.
Whiiiite people AMIRITE?
That’s really I got on those.
About 89% of registered Republicans are non-Hispanic white, as are 93% of Republican Senators and something like 95% of Republican Representatives. 100% of the Academy Award acting nominees this year are non-Hispanic white.
1. give it all to Mad Max
2. v pleased for Nick Hornby tho, I like him very much and hope he wins
3. I still need to see the documentary about Amy Winehouse so thanks for reminding me, AMPAS
Pleasantly surprised to see Inside Out get a screenplay nod, and my inner teen gives a hearty “I am a consumer whore!” to Don Hertzfeldt’s first Oscar nomination.
Didn’t he get a nom for Rejected?
…you’re right, he did! I went to his imdb page, saw “1 Oscar nomination” and assumed it had already been updated.
World of Tomorrow got nominated? God, that was such a beautiful/weird/fucked up thing!
My spoon is too big!
(I genuinely didn’t know he was still making shit??? MUST FIND.)
I am disappointed that Michael Giacchino’s Inside Out score didn’t get nominated. I’m also disappointed that Inside Out didn’t get nominated for Best Picture. It was my favorite film of 2015.
On the positive side, I’m glad Room got the nominations it did (especially for Brie Larson). I thought it was incredibly well-done and powerful, if hard to sit through.
Oh, I missed that Giacchino didn’t get nominated! That’s a shame; that score was beautiful.
Ok, I would like to know if anyone else has seen The Revenant because I have a lot of thoughts, and for most of the movie I was firmly #TeamFitzgerald even though I know Tom Hardy was supposed to be the “villain.”
Everyone I’ve talked to has agreed Tom Hardy stole that movie. I think Fitzgerald was a villain but not as a black and white “bad guy.” You could argue that Glass would have done the same thing (left Fitzgerald for dead) had it been reversed. Especially if his son was in danger, Glass would ditch anyone in a heartbeat.
Bill Weasley should’ve just shot him! What a shitty captain.
Where is Michael B. Jordan? Where is Ryan Coogler? WTF.
My mind immediately went to “Where’s Wallace, String?”
Nothing for Ryan Coogler is a travesty. Michael B. Jordan was good, but Coogler did wonders with the film.
This Nightly Show bit about upcoming black Oscar snubs was certainly really fucking sadly prescient.
It’s straight up trolling at this point–the only nomination from Creed was the white supporting actor, the only nomination from Straight outta Compton was 2 white screenwriters.
I haven’t seen Joy, but everything I read about it said that Jennifer Lawrence isn’t actually that awesome in it. Is there a rule that she has to be nominated every year now?
I did see Joy and I didn’t like it at all. JLaw wasn’t bad or anything, but no way did she deserve to be nominated for it.
If anything, we should stop encouraging David O. Russell and anyone who chooses to work with him.
AGREED.
PLEASE
I’m doing my part! I’ve seen a grand total of 2 of his films (last one in 2010) and nothing since!
Well, given Meryl Streep didn’t get her by-default nomination this time around…
Well it was either her or someone who’s not white and we can’t have that, apparently.
My in-laws saw it and said it was a waste and a horrible movie. I disagree with my in-laws about many, many things, but for this one, I’ll take their word for it.
We saw it Christmas Day (I argued for The Big Short) and to me it felt like a Lifetime movie with higher than typical production values. JLaw does fine with what she has to work with; it’s just pretty blah.
SNOOZE. All white acting nominees, all male directing nominees, boring.
#OscarsSoWhite is back, and rightly so.
Annoyed at the lack of big nominations (Picture, Director) for Carol. Pleased that my friend’s boyfriend got his third nomination for Production Design!
So many white dudes. Just so many.
I would’ve liked to see some production design or costume type nods for Toast Favorite Crimson Peak, that movie was sooooooooo pretty.
I’m convinced the people who do oscar nominations for costuming don’t actually know anything about costuming. Crimson Peak’s costuming was AMAZING. And on the other hand, there’s a movie from the 70’s I once watched that got costuming for its year, and it was a Victorian-period movie where the dresses were obviously polyester with zippers up the back. D:
No Benecio, Blunt or Best Picture for Sicario? Some BS, IMHO. That said, thrilled it got a cinematography nomination.
Did Crimson Peak get anything for sound mixing or design? It should have because of that ceramic spoon scene.
No Nina Hoss or Phoenix for Best Foreign Film? Gah!
I see When Marnie Was There was nominated, which makes me happy because now maybe another person will see it and I can actually talk about it with someone???
I reserved a copy at the library the minute I saw it was nominated! 🙂 any preference for dubbed vs subbed for this one?
I’ve only seen the dub! I would be really interested in hearing about any differences between the scripts for each version, though.
I saw it! And I thought it was lovely and sad.
It was! And it was lovely and sad in such a believable way, too. Anna was such a realistic preteen, everything she felt and went through, all her reactions felt incredibly genuine.
What I am really curious about, though, is how much the cultural divide between me and Japan shaped the way I saw it, because after seeing it all I can think about is SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT was it supposed to be that homoerotic? Like NOTHING about Marnie and Anna’s relationship felt familial or platonic to me at ALL. Is it just my western perspective? “I called out for you and in my heart I shouted” WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK?
I know nothing about this movie except what’s in this comment and I feel a strong need to see it now.
It felt very romantic to me too. Especially all the longing glances and all that.
The thing I look forward to most about the oscars are the articles where voters anonymously say why they voted for whatever and it’s always like ‘well, I didn’t SEE any of these, but my next door neighbour Steve thought this one was good!’ or ‘She was good in this movie my wife likes? I vote for her!’ and ‘what is…Cina..ma..to…gra…phy?? I like the title of this one, I choose that!’
It was always going to be a long shot, but I’m still bummed that Tangerine wasn’t nominated for ANYTHING. Probably the best, most genuine movie I saw last year.
How the fuck was Crimson Peak not nominated for Production Design. How. The. Fuck.
If you think this makes me sound like a monster, you’ve probably never been a depressed new mother.
This is the sort of thing that solidifies my belief that I should probably not have children (I do not want children, so it’s fine), because they sound like completely reasonable and non-monstery things to say. Going through pregnancy and labour and having a baby sounds exhausting and demoralising! (See also: my mum talking about how when my siblings and I were newborns she wanted to throw us out of the window, and me thinking, “yeah, sounds like an understandable response”.)
(Not that I want to imply that post-natal depression is just a standard logical response or anything other than an unpleasant illness; it is shit and people shouldn’t have to experience it. Having a baby just feels really scary to me.)
I do want kids, and I still think it would be weird NOT to want to defenestrate your newborn at times
I do want kids, but I’m fully aware of how hard it is and how selfless you need to be as a mother, which is why I know I’m not ready yet (no matter how cute by brain says babies are); I’m far too selfish at the moment and I don’t want to resent my child/ren if/when they come along.
I think as a culture we tend to downplay the real struggle and sacrifice of being a mother; you’re giving your body to another human being for at least 9 months, more if you breast feed. And yet new parents are told that they’ll be able to put the baby down and do other things, or that they’ll be sleeping through the night (and therefore not disturbing the parents sleep anymore) by X-months, when in reality babies aren’t supposed to sleep through the night until their over a year (or something like that) and have evolved to be carried at all times, so many babies cry if you put them down; but instead of saying that’s normal and new parents need support so that they can care for their baby 24/7, we say that baby is a ‘bad’ or ‘fussy’ baby’
And that’s just the normal stuff; throw in mental illness + raging hormones + new baby stress, no wonder some women don’t want to do it or don’t enjoy it when they do.
My daughter is 15 months, and to be honest I was prepared for it to be a LOT harder. Like, it is annoying when you have to get up in the middle of the night, but it’s annoying in the way that getting out of bed to go to the loo is, not being woken up because your partner’s come home late and drunk and inconsiderate. I just get on with it and, well, she’s lovely, and way more fascinating and fun than I was expecting.
I haven’t had PND and I don’t mean to diminish the experience of anyone who found it really really bloody hard, of course. Just, the “OMG ITS SOOOO HARD” version is not universal either.
I’m holding it together mental health-wise by sticking to a hard-earned and fine-tuned regimen that includes plenty of sleep. I know that my mom was depressed for most of my childhood, I know that I’ve been through multiple major depressive episodes– it just sounds like such a fucking stupid idea to put all that on the line. (Not to mention my terror that no matter how feminist my partner says he is, I could end up doing all the work/ taking all the career sacrifices just for being female)
I have been feeling verrrrry ambivalent about having children, and narratives like this help me understand that my ambivalence is for good reason.
I want kids more than anything, and it still sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to say to me. But I’ve never really understood why people take statements about babies so personally anyway. They’re babies, they’re not like people people yet! Their personalities are like their teeth, even if they have some it’s not their permanent set yet!
I’m not so sure about that. They’re full of personality from day one, and the basic temperament is present even though the baby has limited means of expression. This is why you can’t train a child to be the person you wanted/expected. They are who they are–even aspects of the self that don’t manifest for years are already set (sexual preference, for one).
Oh, I’m definitely not trying to claim babies are blank slates or anything, just that whether a baby is a “good” or “bad” baby (which is a pretty loaded way to think about a baby anyway) is not much of a predictor of whether they grow up to be a good or bad human being.
There are no bad babies.
There certainly are babies whose personalities might not mesh well with their mothers’, and that’s a difficult issue, one that is practically taboo in parenting conversations.
Yes, I hate “good baby” especially when it means “eas(ier) baby.” Babies do not have colic to annoy you!
Yup, seconding this. Having a still-developing personality doesn’t make you not yet a “person” person.
My very very lovely godfather once talked about having newborn twins. He talked about dreaming about putting babies in the washing machines and trying to feed laundry. He talked about the non-stop crying. He talked about how hard it was, even with money, even with people to help, even with family and a partner and education and being old enough to have skills and a house and security.
He looked at me and said “I have no idea how young single mothers DON’T shake their babies. Every one of them is a hero.”
I am a triplet. I think it’s amazing and impressive that my parents kept us all alive.
Remaining child-free is a good choice for many of us. Though I am not a parent, I have a couple of decades of childcare experience and new parents sometimes consult me. The best gift I can give them is to tell them, “It’s OK to *want* to kill your children. Wanting to is normal.” The ones with newborns or toddlers or both (::gasp::) usually express relief upon hearing this. They felt so alone until then.
One last, long fall off of Nakatomi plaza. 🙁
NYT! I don’t want an alert about The Revenant being nominated for 12 oscars. The loss of Alan Rickman is enough of a bear attack for this morning!
How can the governor not have known? I feel like I’ve known about this issue for a lot longer than October 1st and I’m a totally unconcerned person on the other side of the world
The governor knew. He knew. It’s getting to the point where his plausible deniability isn’t plausible anymore.
Rick Snyder is an actual monster. It’s kinda terrifying how many Republican politicians, as soon as they get any kind of actual chance, will just blatantly fuck over anybody who’s poor, or a racial minority, or any other demographic that’s unlikely to vote for the party of Voldemort.
He IS an actual monster and I am pissed at my state for electing him TWICE
AND not recalling him immediately. How is he still governor???
I DO NOT ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND THAT
(actually Michigan’s recall system is super difficult from what I remember, so that’s probably it)
He’s part of the reason I refuse to move back to Michigan.
I keep reading about Rick Snyder this week and having to remember that it’s NOT Rick Scott’s name I’m seeing.
Because a) Florida already has Gov. Voldemort, we don’t need 2 and b) seriously, none of Snyder’s actions would surprise me to hear them from Scott.
He absolutely knew, he is a garbage monster human liar.
as someone from downriver Michigan, this was my exact thought process when this first became news:
radio: … Flint is now using the Flint River as the source of its drinking water.
me: well that’s a terrible idea. that can’t be safe.
I am stiff baffled as to how anyone thought this was an OK idea. i know it’s apparently the pipes that are the actual problem but even if they weren’t, no one in their right mind thinks drinking river water on the east side of michigan is A Good Idea. jesus.
The suuuuper terrible thing is Flint River water is actually fine and the pipes are actually fine! River water and lake water (Detroit pulls water from Lake St Clair) just need to be treated slightly differently to avoid corroding the pipes, which is not exactly a secret, and they just decided not to treat the water. This could have been avoided!
Yeah, it sounds like during the switching process, they were given an incorrect water treatment process for the Flint River water, which is why the pipes started corroding. Ugh, I wish I could remember which agency made the recommendation.
He knows; he just doesn’t care.
My feelings about this week:
An intersection of many official Toast interests: Colin Meloy of The Decemberists got people on twitter to write erotic gay fanfic about the Oregon Militia http://www.oregonlive.com/geek/2016/01/decemberis…
OT but I’m on a painkiller drip before a possible tonsillectomy and it’s making this shitty day a lil easier to take
Make sure you get lots of pain pills for the recovery period!!! (But do not get addicted to said pain pills. Please.) My daughter had a tonsillectomy a year ago and day four was hella tough. Good luck and btw, it was completely, totally worth it, but still, tough.
I…. don’t think I got a painkiller drip beforehand. Enjoy that!
I’m sure your nurses are giving you lots and lots of excellent advice that the docs forgot to mention for during recovery, but for me the winning two were:
1. Set a timer for those pain pills, take the new ones when the timer goes off, even if you don’t think you need ’em yet.
2. Everyone talks about cold liquids/smooth foods being the best, but I was in the “everything warm, please”. Tubs full of warm pho broth were my salvation for the first few days.
Star Wars was the best, right???? RIGHT??? I did the same thing, hitting my husband every time something wonderful happened (which happened right away and then continued happening frequently). God, and I hadn’t expected it, you know? I just thought, yea, well, I somehow watched all of Episode 1, so… And then I laughed and adored Rey and everything and everything.
If it seems like I’m fixating on something wonderful that happened a few weeks ago, it’s because I am because I lost Colonel Brandon today. We all lost Colonel Brandon (and Snape, and so many others and well, just him).
Hugs to Toasties. You guys help so much. In, like, a general sense and a specific sense. In all senses.
I’m trying to find comfort in the notion that Metatron was needed to sort some shit out upstairs, but…not so much.
Also I’m sad because I’m imagining Emma Thompson sad. 🙁
Her tribute to him was beautiful.
“Alan was my friend and so this is hard to write because I have just kissed him goodbye.
What I remember most in this moment of painful leave-taking is his humour, intelligence, wisdom, and kindness. His capacity to fell you with a look or lift you with a word.
That intransigence which made him the great artist that he was — his inedible and cynical wit, the clarity with which he saw most things, including me, and the fact that he never spared me the view. I learned a lot from him.
He was the finest of actors and directors. I couldn’t wait to see what he was going to do with his face next. I consider myself hugely privileged to have worked with him so many times and to have been directed by him.
He was the ultimate ally. In like, art and politics. I trusted him absolutely.
He was, above all things, a rare and unique human being and we shall not see his like again.”
Welp, now I’m definitely crying! (But I’m very glad you posted that- it’s lovely).
It has been a bad week for 69-year-old male British celebrities who had secret cancer 🙁
WHO ELSE. WHO ELSE HAS SECRET CANCER.
I just don’t trust anything anymore.
*starts googling the age of various beloved British male celebrities*
Has anyone checked on Tim Curry lately?
He is also 69 according to Wikipedia, so I swear to god…
I was just thinking that! God forbid!
Charles Dance, Timothy Dalton, Barry Gibb: all 69, all entirely capable of keeping mum if they were to receive a bad prognosis.
(I’d also keep an eye on Hayley Mills, just in case.)
Oh no. Charles Dance just had secret (wasn’t really cured) cancer in a role. Someone needs to get a status update on him asap and also figure out how to cure all cancers completely asap
Obama just put Biden on that during SOTU. Someone should call to see how it’s going.
No, not Charles Dance! We need to keep our menacing bastards.
I am just going to start imagining every famous person that I love and admire being dead, so that when it happens, I will be prepared. I was NOT prepared for this week.
Man when Richard Pryor died it was like a week before I realized this wasn’t some sort of Generalissimo Francisco Franco thing.
That is an ancient Stoic mind trick and it works for family/friends too
ETA the idea is to trick yourself into appreciating them more, spending more time with them, etc. And then when they die, you’ll at least know that you didn’t squander them.
That wouldn’t work for me. I’ve had dreams about waking up to find out that Betty White is dead, and then I wake up from the dream in a panic.
I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for the inevitability of Joni Mitchell passing, ever since she fell ill last year. It probably won’t help much.
I am going to lose my shit for at least a week when Arnold Palmer dies.
If anyone is wondering why the music is so strange (and kinda crappy quality) on the Dressage to Bowie video; there’s rules about what music is allowed, and there’s no vocal track allowed (apparently a small bit is allowed, but it has to be a primarily instrumental track) and IFIRC there’s also rules that mean it has to be an original recording/arrangement (with the artists permission, someone got Elton John to recorn with the London Symphony Orchestra for their music on time)
This is really interesting! Is it hard to get music that fits those requirements?
I’ve never done it myself; but I imagine those rules are at least partly responsible for the popularity of classical music, and these days film scores, for freestyles. I think there is, or at least used to be, also a requirement for ‘good taste’ essentially, Dressage is a pretty stuffy sport and the judges like traditional and classic. There is an artistic mark, and since the judges prefer classical music, that’s usually what wins, and everyone copies what wins (for better or worse); but musical freestyles have been getting more modern (there was one to Lady Marmalade a few years ago) and the current World/European/Olympic champion (Charlotte Dujardin) does her freestyle to the soundtrack from How to Train your Dragon 2 and its pretty epic.
Freestyles used to only be for the advanced levels, but they’re trickling down more in the last 10 years (everyone realized that amateurs wanted to do them and would spend money on it, even if it was just a walk/trot test), and so of course, as with anything Horses, there’s now a whole raft of expensive consultants who will help you plan your freestyle and source and arrange your music for you in exchange for the price of a car or so.
You actually can use tracks with vocals! There’s a lot of discussion about whether judges find the vocals distracting, though, so I think most riders tend to play it safe & choose the instrumental track. A lot of people compete the same music & choreography for 3-4 years in a row, so it’s kind of a big risk to pick something that might not be received well.
There’s also no rule that they have to be original recordings, since the USDF has music contracts that cover licensing during shows. (This might be different for FEI tests? Not sure.)
I believe the reason most FEI freestyles don’t have vocals is because they will often have a composer edit the beats to better fit the horse’s movement. This video is a pretty great example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkTzGfW8Xs8
The final music has a few elements that are recognizable as parts of the original song, but there’s a bunch of other elements added in that complement the horse in a way the original doesn’t. I believe the custom music is also probably a lot easier to edit for transitions between gaits.
(Sorry for the major nerd-out! I used to be a ring steward & spent way too much quality time with the rulebooks.)
You know remember having this discission online a few years ago (2008 Olympics I think?) And there being rules, but I went hunting for the exact language last night and couldn’t find anything so I was wrong!
As with many things in horses, there isn’t actually a rule about it, riders just like playing it safe and following the winners so as not to ‘shock’ the judges.
(I was too a ring steward! For eventing though, I didn’t have to read the rule book, I was just a nerd who did.)
My favorite Alan Rickman moment is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrr-tSiCKNM&a…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDhBdKEWi2E
omg yes. this.
I saw that a couple years ago and he was so, so good!
Play clips with Rickman, and one of the characters is wearing a Bowie t-shirt.
GUYS, THIS WEEK
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I feel like a bad person because celebrity deaths don’t upset me and I feel like this means I’m not capable of a depth of feeling I wish I could access.
If you’re a bad person than so am I, it’s okay. <3
(I don’t think it’s a lack of being capable of feeling things though!)
I hear ya. I mean I loved Labyrinth and I’ve been listening to Bowie since I was 12 and decided that I was going to be the sort of person that listens to David Bowie.
Still though its “aw man bummer” not even “I need a minute”. And then I spend the rest of the death cycle trying to figure out exactly how sincere people are being when they say they’re crying at work because… am I a sociopath?
I’ll sit over here in the corner with you guys.
Ditto, same, long-distance validation, nominates self for treasurer of this club.
Was nodding along with all of the above. . . and then I recalled that, when Terry Pratchett died, I actually did cry at my desk at work (like, not sobbing, but I teared up). So maybe it depends on how influential that particular person was to the individual in question?
I loved Terry Pratchett, but I didn’t cry when he died (although I did feel sad! Non-robot points for me!). I think that was because it was so expected – not that it happened so soon, but that it was coming. If it had been out of the blue, like Rickman and Bowie, I would probably have cried.
Still though its “aw man bummer” not even “I need a minute”. And then I spend the rest of the death cycle trying to figure out exactly how sincere people are being when they say they’re crying at work because… am I a sociopath?
So glad this is not just me.
The only celebrity death that has ever upset me is David Bowie, and I highly doubt any celebrity death is ever going to make me feel that way again. It’s about whether you feel involved in their life/it feels like they’re involved in yours, and it doesn’t reflect on you in any way if a celebrity doesn’t make you feel like that.
there are more of you/us than there seems, you just can’t see us cause we’re quiet on social media.
Variant – these celebrity deaths don’t particularly upset me*, and does that mean that I am disconnected from a true understanding of art, music, and beauty that most of my friends seem to access?
*Though they invoke some broad sadness that good people die (esp. before the age of 80) because that’s just generally awful.
I had often felt the same way. Even when my absolute fav, Kurt Vonnegut, died I had some sadness but no real tears or deep emotions.
Then I lost some real-life people for the first time in my adult life and found that depth of emotion was there and I am so glad I can’t tap into it whenever a celebrity who I’ve appreciated dies because it would literally kill me.
I cried like a crazy person when Mr. Rogers died.
David Bowie makes me sad, mostly because I was listening to the new album all weekend and it ruled. Plus no one knew he had cancer at all until late Sunday evening/early Monday morning so it came as a surprise to say the least.
Mr. Rogers died?????
….how did i miss that. wow. i’m sad about alan rickman but now i feel like i have earned my seat at the feelings-less table, since i apparently slept through Mr. Rogers dying.
Ouch, sorry to break the news to you! He died February 27, 2003.
okay that is a comically long time ago. (i was 16, which explains everything.)
Also dead: Ray Charles. Which my mother only discovered this past Christmas, when she mentioned she hadn’t seen him on TV lately. Uh.
Our local newspaper recently printed a blurb that Dave Brubeck would be playing a gig here…
http://www.rochestercitynewspaper.com/rochester/d…
I just replied up above regarding this “depth of feeling over dead celebrities.” I’m sad more for myself; nothing ages you more than seeing your childhood/teenager idols fall by the wayside. (I admit getting weepy over Ray Bradbury.)
I’m there too. I think “oh I liked them, that’s a shame” and that’s usually the extent of it.
Yeah, I feel like this too. Like, when I saw the news about Alan Rickman, I gasped and felt sad for a few minutes, but not to the point where I am in danger of crying at work.
But then I think about if something, god forbid, was to happen to RBG, and even the thought of it makes my heart sink, so I guess it depends.
Oh shit, I think you just identified the one famous person whose death would legit devastate me. Fuuuuck.
Nope, there are dozens of us. Plus also I’ve always had a deep fascination with when people die and how long they live/an encyclopedic knowledge of same, so my reaction is always half “Oh, that’s really too bad” and half “Ahhhhh, how interesting…I’ll file that away”. Which makes me feel like a huge ghoul, but it is what it is (and what it is is Aspergers).
For me it really depends on the celebrity. I wept myself sick when Jim Henson died. Ditto when Sir Terry left us. I didn’t *know* them, had never met them. And yet they had created things that shaped my world in so many ways.
Then there was the time, years ago, when my dad erroneously infomed me that Maurice Sendak had died. It was a few years before I discovered that this wasn’t true, and I tell you, the feeling was amazing. (Of course, then he went and died for real, but I held this special feeling that I had already been blessed with what seemed like extra time with him.)
I intellectually know it’s sad but I haven’t really felt anything. This makes me feel like a robot; it’s concerning.
These deaths have made me realize I really don’t understand my own emotions, because I cried on and off all day about David Bowie and I _wasn’t even a fan_. I didn’t dislike his music, but I would never have described myself as particularly into David Bowie, and yet I was just so sad. Then when Alan Rickman went, who I actually would call myself a fan of, especially as the Metatron from Dogma, and I was like “aw, that sucks” and that was it. Certain ones get me, and others don’t, and my reaction might have more to do with my brain’s need for catharsis at that particular moment than anything else?
Toasties, I’ve already had an emotionally exhausting week since Friday in my personal life. Losing David Bowie and Alan Rickman has just been the icing on this terrible fucking week. Please send good vibes and/or puppies. Pictures of puppies will do as well.
Have some good vibes.
I’m having a shitty year so far too. People I love are in pain. 🙁
THE SIDEWAYS PIZZA STORY THO
I didn’t mean for this to be a reply to you, tyranosauruspex, but maybe it will help cheer you up and if so then it’s where it was meant to be
(ETA: might just be a weird display thing in my browser. NOTHING TO SEE HERE GO READ THE PIZZA STORY)
NOOOOOOOO OMG
When that guy gets home:
I CANNOT TAKE THAT LEVEL OF FAMILIAL DISRESPECT
“They’re for my family.” Who I hate deeply.
And this was every week! Grounds for divorce.
This just made my morning.
OMG best story & best time to send it to us. Thank you!
GUYS, THIS WEEK
<img src=”https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/2b/f3/63/2bf363d4fc6706f7e8226f7eb860cc56.jpg”>
FUCK YOU CANCER. NO MORE CANCER.
I know Joe Biden is on this per the SOTU but if he could please hurry it up.
NO LIE this made me check wikipedia just to be sure Biden was not 69. He is 73, go on about your business.
I am really into former VPs digging in and attacking the evils in the world … Al Gore has the environment, Biden will have cancer – I can really appreciate their dedication to spend what could be their retirement years (or years they could spend running for Prez) continuing their civil service.
Dick Cheney has the concept of a moral universe.
Haha ok former VPs who are Democrats.
Not VP, but Jimmy Carter and homelessness/guinea worms.
My dad, a former butcher and grocery store manager said that you should NOT wash chicken, “it will contaminate everything in your kitchen”.
And years later, the food people finally agree.
My roommate last year insisted that I wash chicken before cooking it (we usually shared meals) and I always pretended to do it and then…didn’t. I had never heard of such a thing before and I’m very glad I stuck to what my mom had taught me!
Sadly, I think quite a number of food people have been saying this few years but people haven’t listened.
A number of years ago I saw an article online that said exactly what your dad said, and the comment section was full of people insisting that they so did not contaminate their kitchen when they rinsed their chicken and they would totally notice if they did. Even though the article clearly said you probably won’t *see* the spray of contamination, the commenters were all “I’ve never seen any spray when I rinsed so this is bullshit.”
I think maybe some people can’t be helped.
BRB driving home and bleaching my entire kitchen now
My brother did a food prep/hygiene course years ago and when we were watching Nigella’s Christmas one year (actually it miight have been Gavin & Stacey where they copy the Nigella recipe…), she recommends soaking the raw turkey in a big bucket of water & stuff, and he pointed out that all that does is make a big bucket of salmonella water in your kitchen.
I never knew people rinsed meat until I heard that you’re not supposed to it. I mean it makes sense to me, if I handle raw meat, I then avoid touching anything until I’ve washed my hands (I am very much not a clean freak, this is the only hygiene measure in my kitchen.)
Also wooden chopping boards are the bomb – actively hostile to bacteria unlike those terrible plastic ones
Love that dressage freestyle! Although it feels like a missed opportunity to not do something with lead changes while “Changes” was playing…
I always love how open and honest Jane Marie’s writing is. This struck me so deeply. I have struggled with similar issues over the years, and had a mother with a profound mental illness. From what I can see, Jane is a loving and fabulous mother. Early motherhood for me was so extreme, very high highs and such low lows. I don’t think a lot of new mothers, especially in those terrible baby groups, own up to how common this all can be. I don’t think we feel we are allowed to, as Jane expressed so perfectly in her piece.
Thanks so much for sharing this in the link roundup today.
Oh, and if matters in Flint weren’t bad enough already? Legionnaire’s disease has killed ten people since the switch to Flint River water.
Oscars talk anyone? I should really stop being surprised by this but all 20 acting nominees are white…. COME ON.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/15/movies/oscar-no…
I’m having a really hard time with the deaths of Alan Rickman and David Bowie not just because of them being amazing heroes of mine, but also because of cancer. When I was 26, I was diagnosed with fairly advanced stage ovarian cancer. Thankfully with surgery and chemo got rid of the cancer and I have made it almost 5 years without it coming back.
While that should be reassuring, I’m so scared I’m going to get cancer again and die before I’ve done anything worthwhile with my life. In my 31 years, I’ve mostly been a poor college kid and now I’m a mediocre teacher. I feel like there’s not enough time and I can’t change enough to make what little time I have count. I’m just going to have die and not done anything that matters. Is anyone else struggling with their mortality like this?
Oh honey, sending so much love.
That feeling of debt, of survival guilt coupled with fear, fades for most of us, but it takes a while and doesn’t leave at a steady speed. Finding things to be joyful about seems to help put the fear and guilt into some perspective: You may not Change The World, but you can find things to lift yourself and others a bit above where they started. Be gentle with yourself; survivorship is a process, not a single destination.
Eeeyy-ooo, young cancer survivor here too! My odds of it returning are low, but they aren’t zero, so of course it’s something that hangs over me at all times. I’m 26 now and definitely struggling with mortality; you aren’t alone. Pre-cancer, I did think about death a lot, but it was still such a remote concept. Now it feels like something that nestles next to me every day and won’t let itself be forgotten. I don’t have a lot of advice because I’m still trying to figure things out for myself, but I guess… forge ahead! There’s not really another choice, is there?
I probably won’t be able to reply more until my lunch break, but thank y’all for the support. Knowing that there are people who care and people who have been through this really helps.
You don’t need to justify your existence. The fact that you are here and you care is enough.
I’m in the same boat. It does get better with time though. I’m 8 years out, and these days I only have nightmares about a recurrence when I have other life-changing stuff going on. I don’t know if that’s reassuring, but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. And I feel like if you’re worried about whether you’re a good teacher, you’re probably really good at teaching.
Sweetie, I have no doubt that you matter! You’re still here, and whatever you’re doing is the right thing for right now. Love and a big, warm embrace.
*sends love*
You have touched and changed and helped more lives than you think you have.
I totally get the “eek what am I doing with my life, am I doing anything that matters?” feeling, and if you have big ambitions that’s awesome and good luck with them, but ALSO I feel like even if you don’t much like your job or feel good at it, you still have more power to do worthwhile stuff than you probably feel like you do? Like, I know my teachers have made brief, seemingly unremarkable comments in passing that they probably don’t even remember making but that meant a LOT to me, or at my job when someone does or says a tiny nice thing it can majorly improve my day and/or my general feelings about the job. “Said thank you to the support staff” is not a thing that will win them any awards or make headlines or be written in their obituaries (I work at an institution with some pretty high-profile people), but it’s a thing that definitely mattered to the person they said thank you to.
I don’t mean this like You Should Be Nice To People Tsk Tsk, I mean it like, you probably already are and think of it as routine, but probably you have done something that you didn’t think twice about but that mattered quite a bit to someone.
Cancer is FUUUUUCKING bullshit. Here’s a poppy music video that involves Alan Rickman pulling the singer into a tango at a gas station.
YES I LOVE THAT TEXAS VIDEO
I mean she got to dance with ALAN RICKMAN
I know almost nothing about pre-90s Tv shows. If you ask me where The Foz is from, I’d come up blank. Maybe that’s why I can’t wrap my head around the fact that Robin Williams played an alien on Happy Days.
In 1977, everybody was watching Happy Days’ folksy portrayal of 1950s middle America. And then one day, show creator Garry Marshall’s eight-year-old son had a brainwave: What if a spaceman visited the Cunningham family and met Fonzie, the show’s popular “greaser” character? When Marshall brought his son’s idea to the Happy Days writers’ room, everybody was sure they had an epic disaster on their hands.
I have so many questions! Why did anyone have to take this suggestion seriously? Why did they have to write the script? Having written the script, why did they have to film it?
The whole story just keeps getting stranger. Mork gets a spin-off show of his very own. Robin Williams becomes increasingly disenchanted with his role. Thanks to network meddling, Mork gets married in the fourth season and gives birth to a baby played by an old man. Then, in the fifth season, they planned to make the show into a Doctor Who ripoff.
I keep expecting this to be one big hoax, like one of those deleted wikipedia articles.
Look you say that but it was totally the best episode of Happy Days.
The Fonz beats Mork by elbowing a jukebox, thereby besting Morks telekineses.
are you trolling me
Here‘s a good deep dive on what-the-fuck-even-was-mork-and-mindy…
(ETA: Same source, same day, different article though?)
I think that’s the longer “oral history” they made out of all the interviews that went into the other article. I’ll check it out!
Aw, the spinoff show Mork and Mindy was the first thing my mom mentioned when we talked about Robin Williams, after his goodbye from earth. It made a huge impression on her as a kid, and she remembered a lot of the jokes and how funny he was.
The Xmas episode of Mork and Mindy was really, really good. Like, really good.
When I learned about puns in the 4th grade, our teacher told us to watch Mork and Mindy for examples. It was a dumb sitcom but it was also hilarious. (I didn’t realize it was a spin off from Happy Days though).
For those of you that need a pick me up may I recommend James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke video with Adele
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nck6BZga7TQ
Yes it is 15 minutes long but every minute is amazing!
People of the toast!
I’ve run across something I’m really uncomfortable with and thought I would share it since you all are people that tend to have pretty, smart nuanced views of religion and LGBT issues. This week, I’ve weirdly, in multiple places, run across Churchs and people who call themselves queer friendly or allies, specifically “side B” allies. Side B allies believe being gay is perfectly okay, as long as you are completely celibate and the church that was brought to my attention as queer welcoming and inclusive actually encourages queer couples in committed relationships to transition to celibacy. And that one of the keynote speakers at a Queer Christian conference was “Side B”. One of the keynote speakers! I’d be so mad and, honestly really triggered if I was expecting to go to a queer, Christian event and I got that same old bullshit from someone who had been specifically invited to speak. I have dear friends who believe same sex relationships are a sin, but would still attend my wedding and have met my girlfriends, yet I would still be really mad if they described themselves as allies because, well, they aren’t. Has anyone else had experience dealing with these “side B allies?”, is this a common thing I didn’t realize? Or is it just coincide I ran across it twice in one week? Does anyone else weirdly feel more uncomfortable with the idea of people who consider themselves allies but aren’t, as opposed to people who at least are honestly homophobic. I’d rather have a Church be honest with me about being homophobic than say they’re queer friendly, but later be like “of course you’re fine, you’re going to hell, but you’re fine. But you are going to hell so you should work on that. But we love you! But hell.” Anyway, is this a common thing I’ve missed before now, or is it just coincide that I’ve ran across it in two places this week?
I am offended by this in serious ways, and the fact that they refer to this as “Side B” is among them. What a dismissive name for such a grotesque take on being an “ally.” I call Side BS.
I mean that’s the Catholic church’s view (the sin is in the act not the inclination) and Church of England clergy are allowed to get married as long as they promise to be celibate. I haven’t heard of this as ‘Side B’, but it’s not an uncommon thing in Christian circles of all stripes.
You explained this very well. I’ve never heard of “Side B” but the Catholic church asks EVERYONE to be celibate until marriage, so it’s less of a “just for the gays!” thing… still unrealistic and irritating for sure, though.
The Catholic Church asks everyone to be celibate til marriage, and says gay people can’t get married. So I would still say kind of different.
That’s totally fair, and I don’t know how my brain didn’t even consider that. Thanks for pointing it out!
Pretty sure CofE vicars can have children, so I don’t think there is an expectation of celibacy once they’re married. (Source: I’ve known people who’s fathers were vicars)
Yeah of course, only the gay ones have to be celibate.
In even more of a mindfuck, married CofE vicars who choose to convert and become Catholic priests can do so, retaining the wife and kids. It’s complete bullshit, especially since so many priests leave the church so they can get married and have kids.
Ah that makes more sense!
It’s also bullshit cause quite a few Catholic priests have partners and children without leaving the church too
To be fair, it would be hard not to retain the kids.
Whoa, I didn’t know that! That kind of seems like the marital version of “I smoked marijuana but I didn’t inhale.”
As 30Litresof said, this is the official Catholic view, but I’ve never ever encountered someone who is of this opinion and still calls themself an ally. (EDIT: I’ve never even met someone who openly expressed this opinion, but I don’t doubt these people exist in my vicinity.) But then again, I’m living in a fairly liberal diocese; a friend of mine works as a religious education teacher and is happily married* to his partner and hasn’t encountered negative responses.
What I’m saying is, maybe it has to do with the area you live in? Or the kind of church? Maybe the churches where you encountered this belong to the same “umbrella church”, and this is their official stance, as horrible as it is?
*They didn’t marry in a church, obviously; that far we are not.
It’s like the parable changed and when the rich man steps over Lazarus on his doorstep, he says, “if you go get some clothes that are just like mine, I might let you come to dinner.” Seriously, fuck this new side b shit.
It’s not UNCOMMON, but I mean, it’s sort of the default state, I guess? Like, they want the straight ppl to be celibate too, so they see the whole thing as “EQUALITY” because no one’s gettin’ any outside of marriage. The straight people could, but only if they got married.
Granted, that used to be super shitty because lgbt folk couldn’t get married, and it’s slightly less shitty now, but I mean… I don’t know, it seems somewhat more theologically consistent now that same sex marriage is legal. There’s probably still people who think celibacy is the only choice for LGBT folks, but they’re jerk faces and should just stfu because marriage is a thing for gay folk now, and you can theologically suck it.
Eh, I was in this boat for a bit, and I can see both sides, but I think it’s not as bad as it used to be even in 2008 when I was starting my sexuality and faith crisis because at least now, it’s not “You’re gay, but you will never have sex ever” instead, it’s “you’re gay, better get married first!”
And then we can get into discussing the whole sex before marriage stuff more generally, because that’s a fun can o’ theological/historical worms.
If it was wait until you’re married, I’d be much less grossed out by it. But it’s more, never have sex at all, and instead be single or in committed, platonic partnerships.
UGH. Why can straight ppl have sex then? NO SEX FOR ANYONE. let’s all be miserable.
Ok, just to clarify, these “Side B” churches are fine with gay folks as long as they never ever have sex? Even after they’re married? Because that’s how I’m reading this and that’s really not okay.
Yes, no sex at all, even for the legally married. I guess they reason they see themselves as different is for example, a “side B” person would vote in favor of legislature that would protect LGBT people from getting fired or harassed. Which I guess is better than nothing, but also pretty darn minimal. I think the reason this is throwing me so much is I was raised Catholic, and the idea of the traditional catholic attitude of “it’s only bad if you act on it”, being seen in anyway as liberal or “allyship” is really throwing me for a loop. The pope has openly gay friends, but I wouldn’t say that the Vatican is queer friendly.
Not uncommon. In college I had a “side B” roommate who took me to her pastor for a serious discussion about my sexual orientation. Which was basically like how you phrased it, i.e., “We love you! But hell.”
You have every right to consider this attitude a sign of homophobia and distance yourself. Because well, it is. Or you can decide you’re willing to work with it to stay in a particular faith community if you value it enough. Since it’s your boss’s church, this sounds like a more loaded decision in your case than it would be otherwise. :/
Oooh, no, I hadn’t heard of that. Thanks for bringing that to our attention. These BS allies need to be exposed before they can harm kids.
toooooo late 🙁
Is the B for Bullshit?
So, from what I remember from being a baby bi Christian five or so years ago, the “Side B” language actually comes from the site that hosts that conference–the Gay Christian Network. I think it was once upon a time The Place To Be if you were Christian and un-straight. And I can see Side B being a resting place–temporary or permanent–for actual un-straight Christian people who know their “same-sex attractions” are not going away but who aren’t comfortable with a fully affirming stance yet. GCN and, by extension, the conference tend to pride themselves on welcoming both sides, which is… nnnnnot my favorite part of GCN! (Disclaimer: I’ve never been affiliated with GCN beyond browsing their forums once or twice, and I haven’t gone to the conference.)
But to be a “Side B” “ally”? Oh that is some bullshit. That is not an ally position, and I’m sorry you’ve encountered it twice in one week. And a church that does that should not be describing themselves as queer-friendly. That would trigger the hell out of me, too.
I think the branding of this view of queerness as “ally”-hood per se is probably a pretty recent development, though the “we don’t hate you, we love you! we just think you deserve to burn in hell for all eternity but also, Jesus loves everyone!” thing is not new (see Anita Bryant: “I don’t hate homosexuals. I love homosexuals”). I’m queer and I would SO MUCH rather deal with someone who’s upfront about being homophobic (as long as they aren’t actually physically violent, of course) than with someone who insists they’re not homophobic while, in fact, being homophobic. I read an article recently where the journalist interviewed Donald Trump supporters and one of them was quoted as saying that gay people are “the devil,” and I genuinely felt like, “Finally! Someone refreshingly honest for a change!” I honestly have a tiny soft spot for the Westboro Baptist Church because AT LEAST THEY ADMIT IT instead of spouting a bunch of mealy-mouthed “sanctity of marriage blah blah think of the children” crap, or worse, “God loves everyone even rapists and homosexuals” (gee, thanks). The Westboro Baptist Church is just out to make a buck and would never harm a hair on my head, and they’re explicitly not interested in influencing public policy. Whereas a lot of “love the sinner hate the sin” people ARE interested in influencing public policy and taking concrete rights away from queer people, and they’re very insidious because they know how to pitch their rhetoric to sound reasonable to many people who are in the middle rather than raging homophobes.
Toasties – if you have a mental illness and are interested in reproducing, I highly recommend you check out the work of this group: https://womensmentalhealth.org/doing_wp_cron=1452….
MGH in Boston has a practice entirely dedicated to psychiatry and reproduction, and as someone with anxiety who is maybe-hopefully-in-the-not-too-distant-future going to begin to think about a child, all of my health care professionals as well as plenty of friends have said to call them. If you’re not in Boston, they might know of doctors in your area who would be good to see!
Their blog and website also have a lot of useful, super-up-to-date info on psychiatric drugs and pregnancy, breastfeeding, and infertility.
Thank you for posting that Jane Marie piece. I think it’s unconscionable that she was told to go off meds for that long. Plenty of doctors say that it’s okay, and come on, depression is a life and death issue if there ever was one. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that I wouldn’t have survived my most recent post-partum period without drugs, and even with medication and therapy going into this next birth, I’m terrified of being back in that place. My point is, Jane Marie is so brave for going through that, she shouldn’t fucking have had to in the first place, and she was always, always the mother that her daughter deserved. We’re all just here trying our best, and it makes me so angry that new mothers with depression are pressured into going off meds at their most vulnerable times. I mean seriously what the fuck.
YES. All meds have side effects but goddamn there’s psych meds that are reasonably safe for pregnancy. It infuriates me that pregnant people are supposed to just go cold turkey and suffer because baybeeeees. Mental pain is real and horrific, and it is torture to insist that people tolerate it without support.
I’m in the first trimester of my 2nd pregnancy (1st is a toddler now) and I am so thankful that my OBGYN was supportive of me staying on my depression meds throughout pregnancy. Before I started trying to get pregnant the first time, I went off my meds for a few months to see if I could do it, and it did not go well. I started my meds again and got pregnant and stayed on them throughout the pregnancy and breastfeeding and on. I had to go to the Maternal-Fetal Medicine doctor occasionally while I was pregnant to check in with them because I was on the meds, but no one made me feel like I was doing something wrong by staying on my meds. I feel so bad for Jane Marie and other women that are told to go off their meds. I would not have made it to a second pregnancy without them.
It is such a fraught thing. My psych condition is so serious that if I went off medication for *one* month I would probably land in the hospital. Not to mention that pregnancy itself would be the hormonal equivalent of Russian roulette. I have never been sure I wanted children, luckily, but even so it hurts to know that possibility is a completely closed door. If I had been set on conceiving, it would have been devastating. But stopping medication is a deadly, dangerous game.
And now I have a serious case of the sads. Please send Sansa pics and/or general goodwill because I might be fighting back tears all day.
I really cannot tell you how much I related to this: “I have never been sure I wanted children, luckily, but even so it hurts to know that possibility is a completely closed door. “. So, so true. I’ve never been certain, and yet…it still stings. It really stings.
It’s been very much at the front of my mind this week; I don’t know why. Still, I’m sad, too. Love to you.
My daughter is 7 months old and I stayed on my depression meds the whole time. My doctor and my psychiatrist were a-okay with it.
I don’t even want to think of how it had gone if I had gone off since I tend to self harm when seriously depressed. And considering the fact that my father had a severe stroke while I was pregnant and I was looking after my autistic (and sometimes verbally abusive) sister while my parents were in three different hospitals until just before I gave birth…. If i hadn’t been on my meds I might have tried something that would have harmed my daughter far worse than a bit of withdrawal.
Ugh, y’all, I can’t get to Jane’s Cosmo piece because according to my work filter, “the category ‘sex education'” is not allowed. Oh… kay??
Same here. And my Ppd was so bad and no one stepped in. The entire pregnancy and over 2 years later. It was horrible, I couldnt leave the house at the peak of it.
Me too. For what it’s worth, I was able to copy the link, save it directly to Instapaper, and then read the article there.
The Flint water crisis is so infuriating. But someone has broken into the office where all the records about it have been held, which is kind of exciting in a Watergate-y way… maybe soon everyone will have answers, since the government is giving them the run-around.
http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2016/01…
HERE THIS IS ALL OF EVERYTHING SUMMED UP
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS DONE CRYING
YES.
My amazing husband has reminded me that Alan Rickman did an absolutely fantastic Four Yorkshiremen with Eddie Izzard last year, I think. Good for laughing through tears.
i am both baffled and amused to see that everything has become a reply to tyranosauruspex.
I was wondering why every comment had the reply arrow. Intensedebate strikes again!
Damnit, IntenseDebate, stop doing weird shit to the comments.
whatever it’s doing, it’s letting me +1 things multiple times, so I’ll take it for now.
heheh yes, FINALLY I CAN LITERALLY +1000, MUST TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY WHILE I CAN *clicks madly*
(though okay, it’s also hard to leave a comment now)
Is Nicole’s husband wearing shorts to the movies? He must be, right? But there is definite snow outside the window in the Sansa picture…Nicole, do you have an at home movie theater that offers $1 popcorn?
The whole blanket “Just try not to take any meds at all” advice to women who are pregnant or trying to conceive is really driving me crazy lately. I used to get about 20 migraines a month before I started seeing a neurologist, who quickly cut that number in half for which I will always be grateful. BUT I mentioned possibly having children in the future and she was all, “You MUST talk to me before you start trying”. So I assumed she’d have, like, some strategy when I did so, right?
Skip ahead a year, my husband and I have talked it over, we’re finally ready, I bring this up at my next appointment with her.
“Oh. Well, you can’t take anything. You’ll have to go off all your meds.”
“…really? Because my gynecologist said the beta blockers were totally fine.”
“Well I guess those are okay but it’s REALLY better to not be taking anything at all because <long rant about how the risk of birth defects is higher in the first trimester, something I ALREADY KNOW and is also IRRELEVANT when discussing drugs that DON’T CAUSE BIRTH DEFECTS> and you definitely absolutely cannot take triptans if you even think you might be pregnant.”
“Okay…so what can I take?”
“You REALLY shouldn’t take anything. Maybe a Tylenol. If that doesn’t work and you’re really in pain, then you can give me a call.”
And I’m just, like, way too shy to be like, “Tylenol will definitely do nothing PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT YOUR STRATEGY WOULD BE SO I CAN HAVE THE PILLS ON HAND AHEAD OF TIME INSTEAD OF WRITHING AROUND IN PAIN FOR A DAY OR MORE TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU AND THEN WAITING FOR A PHARMACY TO FILL THE PRESCRIPTION”
Perhaps not, though: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC29029…
And also: http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/829923
I mean, medical knowledge evolves over time, so I would definitely push back on your doctor’s recommendations that you suffer horribly.
The second link is behind a paywall, but I saw that first one the other day! I do hate to be the kind of patient who is like, “I know you have a million years of experience but I read something online so I am an expert too” but in this case it’s probably worthwhile? At least my gynecologist seems to be way more sympathetic, and gynecologist outranks neurologist when it comes to pregnancy-related drug safety, maybe I’ll just bring it up with her directly when the time comes.
Of course I am still crossing my fingers for one of those magical pregnancies that cures migraines forever…
My folks are going through this w/r/t cancer treatment right now – they’re finding that a lot of the doctors they deal with aren’t actually up to speed on the most bleeding-edge treatments, and what’s available to patients in clinical trials, and what’s changed in the last few years. A lot of them ARE, but there are still a handful that think Old-Style thoughts, and they’re not working with all the info.
Best of luck to you!
I feel like “something on the internet from the National Institute of Health” is ok, though.
The whole notion that foregoing things while pregnant is the safest option and has no negatives is the biggest load of complete bullshit- and I include the whole fucking spectrum from medications that are crucial to the mothers well being to bed rest to never lifting more than 25 pounds to the petty shit like avoiding lunch meat.
The lunch meat thing I find especially annoying- yes, pregnancy increases your chances of getting listeria, but for me it increases it to roughly the same as my chance of being in a fatal car accident in my state- and I’m definitely driving while pregnant. I won’t eat the door to door queso fresco, and I’ll wear my seatbelt, but there are reasonable precautions and then there’s treating women, aka human beings, as walking baby incubators. Fuck that.
May your will be strong and your neurologist helpful, even if you have to force it out of them.
I wish I could “like” this 100 times.
Nothing gets me more riled up than pseudo-science/ old wives’ tales/ total guesswork being dressed up as “thou-shalt-not” medical commandments. There’s zero medical evidence supporting so many things that pregnant women in the US are told to do or avoid.
The complete lack of acknowledgement that not doing things also carries risk and negative consequences is the part that just drives me completely batshit.
Of course, I also got my O.B. at my pre-conception appointment to say that contact sports aren’t really an additional risk in the first trimester, it’s just that the risk of miscarriage overall is higher and things get misattributed, so I’m hopeful once I’m actually pregnant that she’ll be relatively sane.
ALL OF THIS. Like, I’ll probably avoid sushi when I’m pregnant? But I’m not giving up cheese, or the occasional glass of wine, or whatever… basically, if a French lady can do it, so can I, is my philosophy.
(But what is door-to-door queso? Do you have Girl Scouts coming door to door selling queso instead of cookies? Because if so I will need to know where you live so I can move there.)
Queso fresco is a type of fresh cheese, common in Mexican food- apparently it’s often made in people’s homes and sold door to door in some communities, and is linked to incredibly high rates of listeria due to inadequate sanitation measures. Buy your cheese in stores and you should be fine.
Pregnancy for Dummies was totally okay with sushi (and generally the least alarmist about food of the books I’ve read). My plan is to skip the raw oysters and keep the raw fish, with some attention to mercury content (probably the same as I pay now)
Dunno if I’ve just been lucky or if things are a little saner here in the UK as in my experience it’s been a case of do the benefits outweigh the risks? Which for antidepressants they generally do. I went on sertraline while trying to conceive as the whole process and our lack of success was making me depressed and suicidal. 3ish years later, I’m still on it while breastfeeding my 17 month old daughter. My GP treated me like an adult who could make a decision, explained the (very small) increased risk of heart defects (I think) – basically a small increase on a small risk, and recommended sertraline over prozac as it was known to be safer for breastfeeding so I wouldn’t have to switch postpartum. Admittedly I was lucky that one drug was all I needed, not a combination of several.
I think medical professionals ought to be able to treat people as intelligent beings who can make good decisions given the proper data. For one thing, anyone who’s had to work to find the right combination of drugs and lifestyle changes to support their mental health is probably best placed to work out what’s right _for them_ rather than follow a blanket NO DRUGS BECAUSE BABY ban.
Kate Beaton linked to this online course today. “Learning from Knowledge Keepers of Mi’kma’ki” is free and looks like it will be great.
“ah, the flesh flashes and passes . . . / here just long enough to testify / to a blinding intensity / under that big dry socket of god / the camera mounted to capture / ordinary traffic violations / fixes instead on your final face / a single frame of unadulterated / urgency is what you see, urgency it is”
CD Wright too, you guys
uuuuggghhh I can’t believe it.
Wait, who are these people who are washing chicken? IT’S MEAT, IT’S NOT LIKE IT HAS PESTICIDES ON IT, YOU INSUFFERABLE WEIRDOS. COOK IT IN THE DANG OVEN.
Although I am frankly on team just eat the dang pesticide too.
Like visible dirt? sure that gets a rinse, otherwise it’s going in my mouth.
Popular wisdom USED to be that rinsing the chicken in the sink sent all the murder juice safely down the drain–it was considered the safest thing. Turns out that instead we’ve been painting the entire kitchen with the stuff and it’s a miracle that the earth is still populated.
I never comment, but read every day. Re: Jane’s piece. I’m bipolar and can never, neverrrr go off meds, which means I can’t have a baby. That combined with the fact that Bipolar Disorder is incredibly inheiritable (and the degree to which one suffers from the illness has zero bearing on how strong the degree of your child’s disorder may be) means that adoption is the only conceivable option for me and my husband. People are remarkably blasé about this. “Oh, but you don’t KNOW your kid would be sick” or “is going off meds really that bad? You seem so normal!” Bitch, you’ve never seen me manic and psychotic and that is because I am medicated.
Yes, me too, and I feel this acutely today after reading the article. I think I just realized how much I’ve been stuffing this issue rather than facing it. Do you want children a great deal? How do you cope? I ask sincerely, because I was on the fence about parenthood and it is still distressing and confusing to me.
Ugh why are people so rude???
For catharsis purposes only: Alan Rickman singing “The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine Anymore” in Truly Madly Deeply, which is a great film about moving on from the death of a loved one.
For catharsis purposes only: Alan Rickman singing "The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore" in Truly Madly Deeply, which is a great film about moving on from the death of a loved one.
See, I thought the dildos and candy dicks were just because penises are inherently absurd, and the militia is absurd, so sending them penises is absurdity squared.
Although I am frankly on team just eat the dang pesticide too.
Like visible dirt? sure that gets a rinse, otherwise it's going in my mouth.
This week needs to stop.
I work in a govt bldg. An angry homeowner said, about my boss and the guy who sits behind me, “They are going down”.
The police think the threat is credible enough that they sent my boss home.
I ONLY FOUND OUT WHEN I OVERHEARD OFFICE CHITCHAT. THEY FUCKING EEXPECT AN ACTIVE SHOOTER AND THEY HAVEN’T CLOSED, THE OFFICE LADIES THINK ITS Just over reacting”,
AND NOBODY THOUGHT TO MENTION IT TO ME, WHO WORKS IN THE THREATENED OFFICE.
Please send sanity here. I want to go home. I have my escape route planned. But holy fucking shit. Id like to not get shot making maps, k??
Holy shit. That is not okay. You should go home.
Holy shit. Can you take the day? you shouldn’t have to, but damn. Be safe.
Seriously. In this day and age, there is no overreacting! Thank you for reaffirming my reaction, because it is totally being blown off here. Well, not totally, they did close the non-latchable, non-lockable, don’t even have handles you can stick a mop through to keep them shut, swinging doors. Because that’ll help, not.
Can you suddenly be sick or have a very important appointment you almost forgot about, “oh gosh, gotta go, I’ll see you later, call me on my cell if you need me.”
Be safe, regardless. 🙁
I went home. Screw that.
I am trying to calm down, but dammit, I shouldn’t calm down. I deserve to be angry that they put me in danger, dammit. Not like I can tell off the mayor or the police chief, though. So I may as well lower my blood pressure.
The crazy lady *named names*. She mentioned *our office*. The cops told my office people to “shut the doors and call us if you see her coming” (they are glass doors).
Holy shit, you DEFINITELY made the right call. I’m so glad you took the day! Stay safe 🙁
OH MY GOD I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS ROLE
thank you so much.
Y’all, my rage against Gov. Snyder has taken off again. I just can’t.
#madsadexmichigander
I did not see that Caltech story yesterday and I am a grad student in the sciences and now I am SO. MAD. GAHHHH
NICOLE WHY.
I just started timidly learning to cook meat after not eating it for years, and I was so PROUD of myself last weekend for making chicken soup from scratch, and now everything is poison and I feel like I should never touch any meat at all ever.
Although I read a different thing the other day saying that more people get sick each year from salmonella in vegetables than in poultry? So apparently we are all just going to die no matter what we eat, it is inevitable.
People are a lot more blase about vegetables. Wash vegetables, cook meat, you’ll be fine.
Also if you’ve flushed a toilet without closing the lid you’ve been walking around covered in an aerosolized version of your own feces. Even more so if you use industrial toilets (y’know, like school toilets with their high water pressure).
This is why I can’t stand it when people leave the toilet lid up in my apartment! It’s bad enough that my office restrooms don’t have lids, but I don’t want anyone’s aerosolized poo in my HOME.
IT IS PROBABLY ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH.
NOOOOOOOOOOO ALAN RICKMAN NOOOOOOOOOO
I am SO sad to hear this news! I’ve admired him hugely for the better part of my life.
I had the pleasure of getting to stand very near him one time in NYC (at a very good play he directed, “My Name is Rachel Corrie”). I desperately wanted to meet him, but decided not to bother him since he was having a nice chat with his friends and probably got accosted by crazy women all the time. (And this was even pre-Harry Potter). Probably the right move…
I’ve been reading the obituaries on various sites, and it’s a bit of a shame that they focus so much on “Harry Potter”, “Die Hard”, etc., when he made so many other smaller but exceptionally lovely films. “Truly, Madly, Deeply”, “An Awfully Big Adventure”, and “The Winter Guest” (which he directed) are some of my very favorites and well worth a watch.
SAME. I am not a HP fan, so I am unmoved by that connection but I get it there are millions of people who probably know him only for that. But Die Hard??? Come on, IMDB shows 68 film credits, not to mention his onstage career. SMH American Media, SMFH.
And the HBO docu-drama, Something the Lord Made, in which he manages a Southern accent. It’s a wonderful show anyway; Rickman is just added genius.
ONE DOLLAR MINI POPCORN
Why can’t *I* have mini-popcorn at the movies?
Sansa thinks Nicole’s daughter is her litter-mate, yes? Puppies are supposed to stick together. (My parents’ dachshund thought I was her litter-mate. I was 23 at the time.)
I want to hear about what kind of puppy antics you had to put up with! Sounds adorable. Did she try to groom you?
Dachshunds in general are obsessed with licking the insides of noses so that wasn’t just a puppy thing. When she was only about 6 months old I had my wisdom teeth out and she was frantic to comfort me so mom let her up on the bed and she was so gentle and sweet about no licking anywhere that hurt and not being a rambunctious puppy. The way it really showed up though was when we were both older and I was living at home and one night she came to my door crying so I took her out side and saw the flash of a racoon tail- she knew not to wake mommy up for anything but having to go to the bathroom so she wanted her sister to go hunting with her I guess?
This is a good list of movies to watch and a good exercise in showing why the Oscars are full of it. A list of acting nominees with no white people, http://decider.com/2016/01/14/dear-academy-heres-…
Since it has been A WEEK please all be soothed with this Bernese Mountain Dog puppy that can’t even: http://i.imgur.com/tx7qsfS.gifv.
Since it has been A WEEK please all be soothed with this Bernese Mountain Dog puppy that simply does not know what to make of a lemon: http://i.imgur.com/tx7qsfS.gifv.
Let us all take a moment and imagine that Alan Rickman was reading Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 directly to each and every one of us.
Let us all take a moment and imagine that Alan Rickman was reading Shakespeare’s Sonnet 130 directly to each and every one of us.
I copy/pasted the link into a new tab and it was worth it.
Who else would like to join me in wrapping Tim Curry in Bubble Wrap? The good kind, not the crappy unpoppoable stuff with air pockets instead of bubbles.
Yup. Who has eyes on him? I coudn’t take it if he goes too.
Yooge. That puppy is yooge.
Sansa *and* dressage! *jumpy claps*
That is so eerie. My two year old had the worst night she has had since teething with incisors. Up and crying hysterically and desperately trying to tell me why. She kept repeating, “sad baby, sad baby” and it was wrenching and exhausting. Apparently Alan Rickman held great sway over the little ones. The big ones, too, as I sat down to my desk for a break in the frenzy of prepping for in-laws visiting and I also couldn’t think of anything more perfect than my daughter’s heartbroken little, “sad baby.”
This week, y’all.
Oh, Alan.
*sigh*
Anybody else read the Ask a Manager one and instantly think “oh, that’s totally my boss, talking about me, I’m such a failure, wait the details aren’t right at all IT DOESN’T MATTER IT’S DEFINITELY ME.” #impostorsyndrome
"I have to return the clothes I bought yesterday. My mom didn't like them."
This from the mouth of a man past 30 years of age. I friend-zoned him so fast, there was a sonic boom.
So true. There's also the dudes who seek a woman whose salary falls into the range just below theirs (reported).
"So what you're trying to teach people is that getting you presents is an ultimately futile act, and they should save their time and money?"
The danger there is that this will become a source of regional conflict, and there will be disputes, and somebody will wind up saying something hurtful.
I have actually observed this happen more than once.
I definitely read this as "VERY ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT."
you are my hero