Alternate Titles For Ted 2 I Have Thought To Myself While Guiltily Laughing At The Radio Trailer Where Mark Wahlberg Says “Briefcase” In A Funny Voice And I Am Not Ashamed

bear cubThe Second Shame Bear

Fur Sex Mammal

Return Of The Idling Effigy

Bad Cotton Friend

The Drug-Ursine Regression

The False-Eyed Layabout

Masturbation Friendship

The Stuffed Shirker

Small Ears Inseminator

Friends Who Eat But Do Not Work

Fur And Non-Compliance

Theft And Couch Friend

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17 Comments

  1. Joss +55

    My favorite alternate title so far is, “If I hear one more fucking ad for this fucking movie on Spotify I am going to put my fist through my monitor,” but I worry that’s long for a movie poster.

    1. Perdita McLeod +17

      Hulu is saturated with them too. Between Ted 2 trailers, Sea World’s garbage PR attempts, and Crystal Geyser commercials, all of the ads on Hulu right now are making me want to burn down the world.

      1. sarah_jay +8

        Crystal Geyser has commercials? Are they all “be sure to get one at your child’s next sporting event for way too much money?”

    2. friendofdaja +5

      At least Spotify is done with all the DUFF ads. I don’t know how easy it is to put your fist through a laptop, but I was dangerously close to finding out.

    3. mbculver +6

      This is the most compelling value proposition for shelling out for Spotify Premium I’ve ever heard.

  2. nicoledieker +87

    The only alternate title I have for Ted 2 is:
    I Saw the First One With Some Guy Because He Wanted To
    And Now I Am Astonished At How Much My Life Has Changed and How I Feel Like a Completely Different Person
    And Yet the Concept That People Want to See a Stuffed Bear That Fucks and Makes Vulgar Jokes
    Is Still the Same

  3. PierrePoutine +96

    Seth McFarlane Is Forever Loathsome Even When You Repackage Him As A Teddy Bear

  4. bah 2 +19

    For me, in light of the first one, I’m assuming this one would really be called “Why am I here where’s the emergency exit?”

    Part 2.

  5. patrickcbrady

    Oh wow, that's what I call my cats when they're being truculent.
    "You're being Little Fart Bears right now. Be good instead please!"

  6. dang

    An Odd Pair of Man and Bear
    The Truculent Teddy and His Master, the Rube
    Ted 2: A Dream De-furred
    A Fraudulent Roosevelt in Boston

  7. Catrina +25

    I laughed a lot over here, and then I realized that you didn’t mean the TEDx conference, but the second Ted movie. I laughed again, differently. Though I suppose they could work equally well.

  8. Bittersweet

    This is the most compelling value proposition for shelling out for Spotify Premium I've ever heard.

  9. bookwormV +10

    I saw a trailer for Ted 2 while waiting to watch Mad Max, as well as one for Knock Knock. Both looked infuriating, and i was very glad to have two hours’ worth of cleansing feminism afterwards.

    1. shartbreaker +14

      Do you feel personally attacked, as a creative creator/absorber and a woman, by the patriarchy when you see movie space and money wasted on shit like that? Because I. Do.