Letters From George McClellan: A Dramatic Reading

A few months ago I wrote a couple of knockoff letters from Union General and Certifiably The Worst Ever Guy George McClellan, who spent the entire Civil War complaining about his oyster and champagne supplies and professionally not attacking the Confederate line.

This week, I heard from a group of Civil War enthusiasts who had enjoyed my work so much they performed a dramatic reading of the letters set to the song “Ashokan Farewell” from Ken Burns’ The Civil War.

When I saw it, I burst into tears and called my father. It was the proudest either of us have ever been of me. Now I want you to see it.

I have never loved my own work more. This is the greatest gift I have ever been given. Nathan Easton and Ken MacLennan are the only men I have ever, or will ever, love. Fuck George McClellan right in the ear.


42 Comments

  1. GreenGrasses +124

    I’m pretty convinced that the Civil War itself was set to “Ashokan Farewell,” and that it could be heard everywhere in the US at all times, playing on a constant loop from 1861 to 1865.

    1. lrljhnsn +45

      this is relevant to nothing, but i have played this song approximately one trillion times on the violin because it’s my dad’s favorite. my own name is seared into my brain to a lesser extent than Ashokan Farewell is.

      and yet i still enjoy it. so that’s a testament to….something.

      1. darthita +16

        My dad *also* loves him some Ashokan Farewell! (Which I, too, play on the violin.) Perhaps it is another of those universal Dad Things?

        1. lrljhnsn +10

          ahoy there!

          it feels like a universal Dad Thing to me, but then again, i’ve only got the one Dad. but if there are two of us there are surely many more.

          1. Caroline +7

            My father loved it. We played it at his funeral. I haven’t listened to it since so I’m trying to psyche up for this video.

    2. PRockette +28

      At Christmas, someone was playing this in my office’s lobby on a violin and I instantly felt this wave of winter melancholy go over me. It was intense.

    3. darchildre +28

      We are singing “Ashokan Farewell” in my community choir right now.

      The words are…they are not very good. It is very much a song that does not need words.

      1. Räven +11

        It is literally a summer camp farewell song. Iirc it is the composer, not the lyricist, who runs the camp.

        1. darchildre +18

          Yeah, when we got the sheet music I was hoping for a bit more “tragic Yankee soldier marching off to die (probably of dysentery)” and less “rejected Girl Scout song”.

  2. eastcoastanne +30

    Did you know there is a bar named after him not far from that statue that serves civil war era inspired drinks????

    1. smallpistachio +62

      I read that as there is a statue that serves civil war era inspired drinks and was ALL FOR IT.

  3. Lizzie_Sidds +21

    Goddammit now I have Ashokan Farewell stuck in my head and a pressing need to get out my banjo. Magical.

  4. The Wyzard +158

    Nathan Easton here. We’re all just overjoyed that you liked it. Please keep writing!

    Also, being called out on the Toast is definitely going to be the high point of my day, or even some arbitrarily longer period of time than that. 😀

    1. thebellewitch +33

      She totally looks like a candidate for one of Mallory’s “Women Being Super-Interested in Men in Western Art History” posts, except without the “art” part.

  5. champagneghost +58

    my heart almost burst when i saw how excited they were that mallory watched the video.

    one of us! one of us!

  6. PallasPerilous +43

    Sent this along to my Civil War-obsessed Dad, and he adored it. Thank you all for bringing the generations together around McClellan being a knob.

  7. bighairnoheart +12

    Have sent this to everyone I know and love. Christmas has come early. I’m good for the rest of the year now.

  8. rosemarybush +44

    I’m so glad I finished Liar, Temptress, Soldier, Spy! The book quotes from a bunch of his letters to his wife, and oh my GOD, how did she STAND him?

    I imagined her skimming all those letters before stuffing each one of them in the desk as she announces to the empty room, “No one cares, George! You’re not as amazing as you think you are. Put a sock in it already.” Then she goes about the rest of her day grateful that if he’s not attacking the Confederates, at least he’s out of the house not attacking them.

  9. Empsk

    I only discovered this Ashokan Farewell from the Toast – possibly from the original Toast post – and went 'oh, this is the music from Pillows and Blankets – huh, that makes it an even funnier episode'.

    And thanks to the Toastie who linked to the clip of they guy playing it alone in the woods – it's been on heavy rotation ever since

  10. Rebecca +7

    Always remember that Washington set the bar low by threatening to quit during the winter at Valley Forge unless congress gave him a raise, more and better wine, and special food.

    Well done, US’s first top general, well done.