“Sorry, I need to put you on hold – or not hold, I need to put the phone down for a second because it’s a hotel phone and they have cords. There’s no milk in my tea. I have to go get some milk, I’ll be right back, please don’t worry.”
“Please don’t ask me about politics just because I’m an American and we have an election on. I don’t have anything useful to say about politics. Also, I’m sorry for saying that, I know you probably have to ask.”
“Oh, it’s pronounced An-tip-oh-dees? I only ever saw it written out, I thought it was Anti-poads. I guess it’s not.”
“My talk is called ‘The Happy Feminist.’ I didn’t choose that topic.”
“I don’t mean I don’t think it’s a good topic. I just didn’t choose it.”
“Please don’t think I’m suggesting the conference-makers chose a bad topic. I’m happy to talk about it! It just wasn’t my idea. I don’t want to take credit for something that wasn’t my idea.”
“I didn’t mean to criticize this country, I just was surprised when they had sweet tea. I don’t think unsweet tea is better than sweet tea. And it all worked out fine, honestly. They were super nice about it.”
“I don’t think you have to be happy. Or a feminist, either. I mean, feminism has historically left out a lot of people, and made some huge missteps, so I understand why someone might feel like feminism is too exclusive and not for them. I mean, I like it, but I also acknowledge it has massive flaws. Anyhow, that’s my topic.”
[not understanding their beautiful accent] “Sorry, what was that? One more time? Oh God, I am so sorry, but I did not quite catch that?” [Giving up and swinging wildly] “Oh, yes, definitely.”
[Don’t mention that one Simpsons episode, don’t mention that one Simpsons episode, everyone already knows that line from that one Simpsons episode]
“Okay, but why is Mardis Gras a month late here?”
“No, it’s not a religious festival anywhere else, either – I mean, it’s pegged to Lent, but everyone else has a big bacchanal too, you didn’t invent that – WHY DON’T YOU JUST CALL IT PRIDE, THEN?”
“Hi, sorry I missed your call, I was asleep.”
I only ever saw it written out, I thought it was Anti-poads.
…wait, you mean it’s not pronounced anti-poads?
poads
I only learned this during my recent Miss Fisher phase. Shocked, I tell you, shocked.
I learned it from Much Ado About Nothing.
At least the singular is anti-poad. If it’s any consolation, I’ve heard the word dozens of times a nary a oh-dees. What a confusing bit of pluralization!
I learned the an-ti-po-dees pronunciation years ago from a song and even now I can’t see the word written out without singing it in my head \o/
[Don’t mention that one Simpsons episode, don’t mention that one Simpsons episode, everyone already knows that line from that one Simpsons episode]
You’re a stronger woman than I if you succeeded.
It took an awful lot of willpower to not make constant references to that episode when I had an Australian housemate. (She did not find that episode very funny, either).
there’s so many “sorry”s in there I feel like we should give you honorary Canadian status.
Sadly, I think that’s just a woman thing. As an US woman, I apologize a LOT, and I can’t seem to stop myself.
I think it has a lot to do with visiting another country and being conscience of the likelihood of treading on the toes of cultural customs.
I do it a lot here in my own country, but you are totally right, when I’m in another country, I’m constantly afraid that I’m unintentionally doing something offensive.
Oof. One of my promises to myself this year is that I will not apologize simply for taking up space. (Like, getting off an elevator into a crowd of men who refuse to move the fuck out of the way so I can exit, and I’m the one who says sorry. No, sneepsnake, you are not the one who needs to be apologizing in this scenario!)
Okay but sneepsnake is way too cute to be an effective insult, c’mon.
Count me in on that as well. Need to work on it. I’m not sorry, I’m not sorry…
True story: I got to watch that Simpsons episode in Australia and it was glorious.
wait, why *don’t* they just call it Pride?
Even better, why aren’t all the months from February to June one big queer street party?? Seems silly to bother with separate events when they’re so close together already…
Between Easter and Folsom the gay district in Berlin in basically this.
To the question about why we don’t call Mardi Gras “Pride”: Because we just don’t. The people who started it as a protest in 1978 didn’t, and it’s just one of those things.
Is “Mardis Gras” a Mallory thing or an Australia thing? Either way it’s much cuter than boring old Mardi Gras!
http://www.mardigras.org.au/ Very real! A sort-of-friend of mine is there for it now! Or whenever in the recent past it was, he’s still down there so that’s what matters.
Well the one he’s at is spelled right, so it must be a Mallory antipoad.
It was last weekend 🙂
Pride in Manchester used to be called Mardi Gras, now it’s just plain old Pride and some people are still very bitter about that.
I think Mardis, rather than Mardi, is a charming mallellism .
Mardis Gras is what it became after the creation of and consolidation with Taco Tuesdays.
Well, it seems like the obvious plural to me. It’s the mardis that would be pluralized, not the grases. Probably.
I like it…why stick with one mardi when you can celebrate on lots of mardis? Let’s do it every week!
How about *mardes* to rhyme with *antipodes*
parts of this felt very reminiscent of “I FEEL A LOT OF PRESSURE TO SOUND SMART WHEN I’M CALLED ON PLEASE LET ME SUBMIT FEEDBACK AFTERWARDS IN WRITTEN FORM” and I really enjoyed that.
If it makes you feel any better, I have been married to a Kiwi for eight years and STILL don’t always understand his accent. I do a looooot of pretending…
“He. May. Be. Dead.”
“He maybe did what?”
Maybe he did maybe he didn’t!!!
Bonus points for deft handling of the political issue. That’s a sticky wicket.
Possibly related: the Mr. is Aussie and it just occurred to me that I actually understand where the phrase “sticky wicket” came from now, thanks Mr.
No milk in my tea: eet’s an e-maayr-gency!
TOBIAS!
NINE HUNDRED DOLLERYDOOS?!
New fan here, aussie guy, grew up in the outback, now an old veteran soldier. Love your work!
PS: Good with the word ‘an-tip-oh-dees’ but shocked by the spelling!
OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS can’t believe I missed you coming to Wellington !!! While I was hungoverly dragging myself around the kitchen cleaning up wine puddles, YOU WERE JUST AROUND THE CORNER TALKING TO THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE THINGS.
Am both hungover and sad now.
We promise not to judge you by GWB/Trump if you promise not to judge us by Tony Abbott
Is the tea the reason you didnt visit us in Auckland? Because we’re sorry.
I have one of those accents and honey, beautiful is not the word, but bless you for trying.
(Bet the sweet tea was in Australia.)
I love how embarrassed we are about our accents. I saw travel agent sign in Manchester saying go somewhere your accent is an aphrodisiac and me and my other kiwi mate wer just…….. ahahahaha nowhere then
Oh but Hugh Jackman was so charming in those ads
It's also a brand of overpriced 'artisanal' water in NZ
And Aussies speak louder
I could not agree more. If I wanted sugary lemon water, that's what I would buy. Something called 'tea' is supposed to taste like tea was involved at some point in its production.
What’s this sweet tea business? I’m Australian. Typically, we let you add your own sugar. I think you met a rogue.
Wait. You’re talking iced tea. Yes, I think we adopted our iced tea from a lot of our Asian neighbouring countries, so it’s usually fruity or sweet.
Also, I too thought it was anti-poads, and I live here!