Our Toast service pup in training looks majestically at her kingdom.
Utterly fascinated by this piece on makeup and politicians:
Her brush wields influence; she spent September 11, 2001 at Logan Airport with Tom Brokaw, waiting for George W. Bush to reopen the airways for Americans after the attacks; she made up future president Barack Obama in the basement of the Kodak Theatre adjacent from her hero Max Factor’s original manufacturing plant. The Los Angeles Times has called her “the face of power.” Soterion-Blevens has long channeled the strength of her artistry unto others: “I want to make people feel comfortable as they deliver the message of their lives,” she said.
Sometimes, that influence lies in actions as small as lint-brushing during commercial breaks. “At the NBC debate, I was in charge of Bernie Sanders. HD is like a microscope, and anything from the air you’ll see it. All the producers will be watching intently, and then you’ll hear one of them yell, He’s got a lint on his lapel!” said Soterion. “He was regrouping and taking notes, and I was removing lint from his jacket.”
LOVED AHP on the transfiguration of Jennifer Garner:
After their wedding, Garner — whose first marriage to Scott Foley was rumored to have fallen apart because of her rising star — allowed her career to take a backseat. She had three children, stopped showing her midriff, and started covering her shoulders. While she was still as beloved as ever, she gradually segued into roles as a supporting actress, the mom in children’s films or, most recently, in “mainstream” faith-based fare like Miracles From Heaven.
Garner’s appeal is no longer sexual, but emotional: When she appeared on the cover ofVanity Fair this month, it wasn’t actually to promote Miracles so much as her own resilience after the scandal of the last year: Affleck’s public dalliance with the family’s former nanny. Yet the success of Garner’s image transformation serves as a powerful reminder of the sort of traditional femininity still cherished by a vast and influential swath of the American public. Garner may no longer be “cool” or “sexy” or even a mainstream actress — but she’s also never been a more powerful, or ideologically potent, star.
YEAH, Yolanda (my least least fav thing is white people who pay jack shit attention to the black community until it’s time to be sad over black people getting Too Many Abortions):
White men need to stop speaking for the African-American community as far as Planned Parenthood is concerned.
Indian Wells CEO Raymond Moore is a tool:
The interview went really well. I knew walking out of it that I had nailed it. The interviewer seemed genuinely impressed, asked me a lot of questions even after he finished the ones he had prepared, and tried to sell me on the company, and we really clicked personality-wise. The interview was supposed to last an hour, but it was about 1 hour and 45 minutes. Afterwards, he walked me around the office and introduced me to several people. We even discussed a potential start date in mid-April.
I got a call on Wednesday from the recruiter, who told me the hiring manager said I did “exceedingly well” in the interview, that I was an “extremely impressive” candidate, and they wanted me to work for them. Then she said, “Unfortunately, we don’t have any positions available right now.” I was very confused and asked if they had hired someone. She said they had not, that there was never an open position, and that they were only exploring external candidates for potential future openings. They do not have any openings anticipated at this time. She said they were very impressed with me, though, and that the hiring manager wants to find a position for me somewhere with the company. So she offered me the opportunity to interview again with a different manager for a position that pays about $10k less annually.
Drake’s dad’s social media presence:
I am one of those fans. I follow Melissa Forde, best friend of Rihanna, to get supplementary behind-the-scenes content of the singer at work and at play. I check Tina Lawson’s account obsessively, not for insights into her daughter Beyoncé’s life — because there are none — but for the rush of normalcy that comes when Lawson posts photos of her Sunday-morning trips to Costco for the free samples. The casual mundanity is a thrilling reminder of the mortality of our biggest celebrities (They’re Just Like Us! Their Moms Eat!), most likely the only thing they still share in common with their fan base.
But then there is Dennis Graham, father to Aubrey Drake Graham, the biggest rapper in the world, whose feed lies somewhere between celebrity-backed extravagance and boring supermarket trips. It’s a doting, excessive, almost embarrassing record of his life with his son, a virtual refrigerator door where fans can discover scores of new information and Graham, above all, can flex on his progeny.
What it’s like to cover the Trump campaign (it’s bad):
Jeb Bush rallies were not like this. Covering a Jeb event meant freely mingling with 40 people sitting calmly on folding chairs. Covering a Trump event is like watching a 1970s Black Flag concert from inside a shark cage.
What’s it like to be on the Trump beat all the time? To have enlisted for the noble civic duty of election reportage, only to find yourself smack at the center of tinderbox crowds and pro-wrestling atmospherics? Is it tough to endure the troubling, media-bashing behavior of the Trump campaign itself?
I followed the circus from Chicago to Cleveland and then down to Florida for a series of rallies, hanging out with Trump’s press pack along the way to find out. When they weren’t busy darting from one skirmish to the next, several Trump reporters (who spoke anonymously because they were not willing or permitted by their news organizations to go on the record) described their experiences out on the trail.
The place of polyamory in House of Cards:
Today, misgivings about open relationships extend beyond the strict moral code of politics: Just last week, the New York Times published a biological anthropologist’s skeptical take on Mo’Nique’s open marriage, which Dan Savage roundly dismissed. Though House of Cards’ depiction of nonmonogamy strikes me as the warmest, most compassionate arc of the series, the carefully negotiated arrangement that is Claire and Frank’s marriage serves to support the show’s larger narrative of a sociopathic couple that prioritizes power over passion. Depending on who’s watching, their open marriage and Frank’s queer sexuality can complicate and humanize the Underwoods, or it can solidify their characters as depraved utilitarians with no solid moral compass. A show less cynical than House of Cards might have used their progressive relationship as a lens for interpreting the political marriages we love to probe and mock. Instead, the show seems to conclude that the polyamorous Underwoods are void of emotional attachment, divorcing sex from love and vice-versa, with hearts too frozen to burst into flames when a spouse’s desires lead her astray.
I tweeted about the Romanovs for like three hours and now The Guardian is paying me to write about the enduring charms of Robert K. Massie’s Nicholas and Alexandra, so Twitter works:
Our nanny fosters dogs and cats (she’s amazing) and is currently fostering a very sweet 130 lb Newfoundland, here are my children mobbing her (yes, our nanny made a Welcome! sign for a dog):
Aubrey Drake Graham! You learn something new every day.
Aubrey Graham as a music theatre kid in Les Mis.
I’m not totally up on pop music so a couple of years ago, I was walking by Madison Square Garden and saw a big sign for Drake’s concert. “Drake?” thought I, “he looks exactly like Aubrey Graham from Degrassi!” Little did I know…
OMG MASSIE’S NICHOLAS AND ALEXANDRA
(My obsession started with Radzinsky’s The Last Tsar, so I’m just saying that if you ever need someone to listen who isn’t legally bound to you I AM THERE FOR IT)
Are these the books I should be heading for if I want to dive deeply into the Romanovs? Nicole’s twitter has my interest piqued!
I highly recommend Catherine the Great by Massie, if you want to start at the very beginning of the line. She is freaking unbelievable. His Peter the Great is fantastic as well, if you REALLY want to go down the rabbit hole.
Thank you!!
Seconded! Also Helen Rappaport’s Last Days of the Romanovs and The Romanov Sisters, which I’m currently reading. She also has a fantastic one about Victoria & Albert, if that’s your jam.
Even though I already knew how it turned out, I seriously spent part of The Romanov Sisters yelling, “Alexandra, get the kids out of Russia!”
I can 100% recommend Catherine the Great by Massie as excellent audiobook content! I listened to the whole thing at work and it made the days fly by. So good.
Ooh, also his Peter The Great is utterly and completely captivating.
But yeah, I think Nicholas and Alexandra was my gateway drug.
Once you are fully hooked, I also recommend Massie’s *The Romanovs: The Final Chapter*. It is about the discovery of their bodies in 1991 and the historical/scientific investigative work that had to be done to put together what happened to them. It is FASCINATING!
Yessss.
No, I didn’t read everything I could get my hands on about a) the Romanovs and b) Anna Anderson when I was in high school, not me.
(The corsets sewn with diamonds so the bullets bounced off!)
THEORETICALLY bounced off.
I’ve been having a tough time getting back into reading (which sounds…ridiculous if not heretical I know I know) but maybe I’ve been trying to read the wrong stuff. I’m gonna give biographies a try. I was never into them before, so maybe now’s the time. Thanks for the rec, bb!
Also the mitford sisters biography is delightful if just a little bit nazi-sympathetic. also HIGHLY reccomend The Last Curtsey about the final class of debutantes to curtsey before the queen.
There is a NEW bio of the Mitford sisters coming out this fall! Fingers crossed it is less nakedly pro-Diana. http://www.amazon.com/Six-Lives-Mitford-Sisters/d…
How is there still a market for Mitford bios? (I mean, I will almost certainly buy it, but STILL.)
Maybe since Debo died, they can really get into the dirt now?
Ooh, fingers crossed. (I am not a Debo fan.)
One thing I would love to know about is Diana’s letter to Decca right before Decca died (or was it Decca’s to Diana? I think the former). I suspect it was destroyed many years ago, though.
The one by her son and granddaughter (The House of Mitford) is painfully Nazi-sympathetic. The Mitford Girls by Mary S Lovell seemed less bad, though!
The Lovell one is REALLY pro-Diana, b/c she was still alive and cooperated with the writing. If I recall, she compares Diana being in jail to people at Dachau, so . . .
Ughhhh. (I still feel like it’s a bit fairer to Decca, though. The Guiness one is not great.)
OH yeah, definitely!
I have also had a hard time with starting new books, which is why all the reading I’ve been doing lately is Dramione fanfic. I was in bed last night, huddled over my phone under the covers, and was just like, yep. This is my life now.
I’ve been reading fanfic pretty much exclusively for the past two years.
I AM AN ADULT! I READ WHAT I WANT!
You are definitely not alone on the difficulty getting back into reading. Even my fanfic reading has fallen a bit by the wayside. Hope biographies work for you.
Thank you, I hope so, too!
I used to have three or four books going at a time, and would get through several dozen a year. Nowadays, it takes a lot (and more to do with willpower than quality of book) to keep me going past the first chapter. I think it’s indicative of how much illness has changed my brain chemistry. Kind of creepy to think about.
:hug: I definitely take longer to get through new-to-me books that have any complexity, and my memory is shot for complicated plots. And I have longer stretches of just not feeling that into anything, even my tried and trues. Also, I’m getting awful at reading in bed, although that’s mostly Cat-Calliope’s fault, who can ignore me all night and then need massive amounts of kneading and head-bumping once I’m in bed.
Ohhhh, me too. I was thinking of (semi-shamefully!) asking for some OT recs for things to read if you’re going through a reading slump. I used to devour books and now I don’t even know what to pick up.
Even when I’m slumping I pretty much live to press books on people (muahahaha I’m forcing my composition students to read a book over spring break so they can write a review) so do ask!
I really love Francine Prose’s Lives of the Muses, bio-wise. (Bought it because I will buy pretty much anything talking about Alice Liddell; ended up obsessed with Lee Miller, fangirling Hester Thrale’s awesomeness, and getting very emo about Suzanne Ferrell.)
I did my 5th grade project on hemophelia and the downfall of the Czars so I’m totally up for this conversation. Also, I will be in your neck of the woods this weekend!
!!!!! Text me! We are free all weekend.
Will do!
Kate Spade is having a surprise sale!! I know that when article about her was posted in the Round Up a couple weeks ago, there were a lot of Toasties who expressed their undying love/lust. I lust right along with you.. and today we can do it for a discount!
There’s a special link and and you have to give them your email. I posted the link as a reply.
TREAT YO’ SELF!
https://surprise.katespade.com/
Hedgehog bag! I don’t need you but I want you…
I came. I saw. I purchased. I know I’m supposed to save monies rn, but this investment will help me front as a Successful BusinessLadyPerson this spring and summer, until I become a Real Boy.
Farewell tax return, I hardly knew thee!
I have never been a big Kate Spade person, but holy moly this may have just turned me. Now how to figure out how to purchase things with negative monies.
I feel like wearing a slice of cake as a purse would really compliment my personal aesthetic.
You are the worst/best.
I need a new midsize bag for travelling and the holden street lanie is really speaking to me.
Just your friendly, neighborhood enabler!
You really are providing a valuable service here, and
and oh my god I just placed a second order help
I got bought the holden street lanie in red!!!! This is my first expensive purse, and I have always admired Kate Spade style from afar, so am very excited for this!!!!
Me too! Also my first grown up purse.
Was comtemplating the neutral, but then realized that I basically only wear black and blue and red makes me happy.
I got the Holden Street Lanie as well, in cream and black.
And a bow black and white bracelet. BECAUSE I HAVE LUSTED OVER IT FOR MANY MONTHS.
GOOD BYE MONEY.
Oh hell yes, I treated myself! I need a new small cross-body bag and they were only $79! Down from $229! I AM A REASONABLE SHOPPER AND IT’S SUCH A PRETTY BLUE
Mine was $79 marked down from $258, ahhh! I am celebrating the discovery that I am a thrifty spender and budgeter by RECKLESSLY SHOPPING, I’m sure this will turn out fine for me.
Um, just bought some cream and gold bow earrings. I wanted them so bad that I didn’t even flinch when I saw that I had to pay $5 shipping for my $19 purchase.
FINE LEATHER GOODS
I got the cove street colorblock airel and I regret NOTHING.
Thank you!!! I was just checking out the lemon items on ebay yesterday. Lemon coin purse is now on its way to me. And a pair of earrings, because why not?
Oh FUCK
Well, now I own the ostrich leather bag I have dreamed about since I learned about ostrich leather.
You are a wicked, wicked person. Please always do this for/to us.
I will always share access to deeply discounted luxury goods.
I got the Mikas Pond Stacy wallet and the boat earrings, so everybody will know that I’m both fancy and nautical. Ahoy!!
I also got the same wallet! My current one gets compliments and was made by a local artisan, but it’s also made of cloth and the outside pattern has worn away entirely, so I’d have to upgrade anyway eventually, right?
Of course! My friend has the Tiffany blue version (I bought the purple) and I always compliment her on it whenever I see it so it seems like an excellent upgrade to me!
I just got the one in purple because the color will match my business card case!
Does anyone else miss Kate Spade Saturday? I miss Kate Spade Saturday.
I’m genuinely relieved that nothing struck my fancy. I just don’t think I’m an expensive handbag kind of person.
Thank you for the adorable link, Nicole, and for the puppy and dog pictures. It’s one of those days when it’s easy to succumb to hopelessness about the world, and – even if you didn’t plan it, I know you often assemble these the night before – all positive things are very welcome.
ToastiewithCheese, are you OK?
I’m okay, thank you for checking 🙂 The attacks in Brussels just got to me, partly because they didn’t shock me that much. I know exactly what the next few days will bring: the same discussions again, the same rising Islamophobia that’ll just make the problem worse, the same bickering about who is reacting in the exact right way… I’m exhausted just thinking about it. But puppies help!
Man I am in a foul mood today, I watched the news this morning and right after the report on the terrorist attacks in Brussels they had (mercifully not Donald Trump) some guy called a “Former Security Consultant” talking about how ISIS’s man goals were to expand their territory throughout the world, “We’ve seen it in San Bernadino, in the Paris attacks” &c.
WHO is this dumb motherfucker that thinks ISIS holds territory in San Bernadino, California? How does he even think that fucking suicide bombs help people secure territory? And why does anyone put him on my god-dam television?
Anyway, I found a good interview with a guy who spent a lot of time studying terrorist attacks:
http://www.thenation.com/article/heres-what-a-man…
Maybe I just like it because it confirms what every expert who isn’t a Former Security Consultant getting interviewed on whatever TV News channel I was watching this morning has to say: the point of sponsoring terrorism overseas is to encourage western powers to overreact and over-commit themselves to a ground war that will help shore up the ISIS caliphate on the one hand and on the other to drive a wedge between western countries and the peaceful Muslim populations who live there.
Thank you I might be using this when people start demonizing the all the residents of Molenbeek.
another surprisingly good source of information is this Cracked article (I know, that’s why I’m saying surprisingly):
http://www.cracked.com/blog/isis-wants-us-to-inva…
turns out ISIS has a magazine, and you can read it, and a guy did, and this might lead to some insight into what they want.
(It is violent reprisals from western powers.)
Thank you I have read that one already Cracked and Buzzfeed both are websites that have will occasionally have spectacular articles hidden among the dreck of listicles and quizzes
Ugh, this. I saw that a Belgian friend on Facebook was upset this morning, and when I did a quick google news search to see what was up the first thing I found was an article with an insulting, accusatory tone criticizing Belgium as a whole and its Muslim residents in particular. Like you, I’m glad to have an article from a more reasonable perspective to read and share.
You might enjoy this security expert’s excellent blog: https://www.schneier.com/essays/
This essay is great, for example: https://www.schneier.com/essays/archives/2007/07/…
“Two people are sitting in a room together: an experimenter and a subject. The experimenter gets up and closes the door, and the room becomes quieter. The subject is likely to believe that the experimenter’s purpose in closing the door was to make the room quieter.
This is an example of correspondent inference theory. People tend to infer the motives — and also the disposition — of someone who performs an action based on the effects of his actions, and not on external or situational factors. If you see someone violently hitting someone else, you assume it’s because he wanted to — and is a violent person — and not because he’s play-acting. If you read about someone getting into a car accident, you assume it’s because he’s a bad driver and not because he was simply unlucky. And — more importantly for this column — if you read about a terrorist, you assume that terrorism is his ultimate goal.”
I presume he was referring to that mass shooting a few months back, where the killers supposedly had some ties or contacts with al-Qaeda organizations. Because al-Qaeda and ISIS are basically the same, aren’t they. I suspect this may be a clue as to why this fellow is a FORMER security consultant. “What do you mean all Muslims aren’t completely identical?”
Yeah, but in addition to being wrong about who was responsible for it, at no point did either ISIS or Al-Qaeda actually seize and hold territory in California, which may be ANOTHER reason why he’s a Former Security Consultant.
Well, I suppose one could argue that al-Qaeda successfully rented a two-story townhouse in Redlands for several months.
It’s amazing the extent to which some people just live in a wholly different world than I do. It’s kind of fun if in their world, the government is dissecting aliens and mind-controlling us via fluoridation or chemtrails or whatever. But the joke’s over, now.
The appetite for this nonsense and paranoia is enormous. I don’t get it at all.
“Security Consultant” ain’t exactly a PhD, it’s like one of those titles the Nightcrawler guy gave himself except you don’t ever have to have actually used a camera or seen a car accident, you just are willing to say that 4chan is going to hack all the nuclear power plants to melt down on CNN for money.
Ugh! When I googled this morning the thing that came up was “Trump agrees to call into Today show, Clinton declined!” tweet from Matt Lauer’s people. And it’s like, how about someone figures out what happened before they open their big bazzoo about shutting down borders? It doesn’t need to be a race to have an opinion. So of course, Hillary had to make a comment.
I’m reminded of an interview in the New Yorker with a student dean at Princeton who said that he worries his students aren’t getting enough sleep, aren’t giving themselves time to learn how to think something through, because they have to react immediately at all hours, and hope their reaction is the “right” reaction of the hivemind. It was an insightful interview in a totally different context, but it’s how I’m feeling about the news reporting today.
yeah, I think we’re starting to see the evolution of sort of suppression channels to immediate reactions on Twitter — like, a larger and larger percentage of the population is subscribing to notions of “hold on, calm down, let’s figure out what happened first” and that’s actually going to slow down the dissemination of bad or incendiary stuff, but the regular news organizations don’t seem to have gotten the message.
Maybe it’s the same dumb motherfucker from the Trump press corps article who asked Sopan Deb if he (Deb) was taking pictures for ISIS at their fucking Trump rally?
I know it’s wishful thinking that the stupidity is that contained. . .
“Of course Mrs. Darling brushed him, but he began to talk again about its being a mistake to have a dog for a nurse.
“‘George, Nana is a treasure.’
“‘No doubt, but I have an uneasy feeling at times that she looks upon the children as puppies.’
“‘Oh no, dear one, I feel sure she knows they have souls.’
“‘I wonder,’ said Mr. Darling thoughtfully, ‘I wonder.'”
The implication that humans have a thing called a “soul” which is lacked by dogs was, I thought, put firmly to rest many years ago in the celebrated Don Bluth documentary film. I am disappointed by the continued spread of this blatant misinformation.
Nana is probably the only emotionally healthy character in that entire story.
NEWFIE! Newfie welcome sign! Clearly you have found a jewel of a nanny.
I have a friend who works for the European Parliament in Brussels. She didn’t answer my text this morning, and until another friend told me at lunch that she had marked herself safe on facebook, I didn’t know whether she was alright.
I’m still worried now. I may be relatively safe in tiny university town, but I have family and friends all over the place. Something happens everyday in so many countries, and I’m so scared.
I’m so glad she was okay!
I work in the Capitol and was surprised to find that I was a bit afraid to go to work this morning. Which felt simultaneously silly and not silly at all.
Thank you. It’s good to hear you’re alright, too. And I don’t think it’s silly to be afraid, I’d be more concerned if I weren’t afraid.
It’s too late to fill in your brackets now, but the @dog_rates account on twitter is doing “Mutt Madness”, which involves the top most popular posts on the account being put into a bracket, and then everyone who follows them voting on twitter until we get down to the winner, just like the much less adorable and interesting “March Madness”. It’s pretty darn fun even if you didn’t join in time to do a bracket, tbh. I just like voting on puppers. Also getting to do this:
Me: Oh yeah, I’m doing so great on my bracket!
Person: Yeah? Who did you pick to win?
Me: Well, I’m really disappointed Tristan’s Mom lost to Mongolian Grass Snake, but on the other hand I Maple winning over Dunkin, and Penguin Pup over Kenneth, so I was right about both of those in my Sweet Sixteen!
Person: Wait… what teams are those? Isn’t the Sweet Sixteen Kansas and Maryland and [idk basketball I googled]
Me: What? *with a disdainful sniff* Oh, you’re thinking about March Madness. No, no, I’m playing Mutt Madness. WITH PUPPERS.
/Scene.
Maple all the way!!
“On other campaigns, the press operatives develop chummy relationships with the press corps. ‘There’s no collegiality,’ said one reporter.”
How does no one on the Trump team know that this is how things work? Have they not watched The West Wing? Veep? Or – name a show or movie about presidential politics?
They only watched The Apprentice.
Or House of Cards
Apparently, it’s a good tactic to get constant, fawning coverage from every major media outlet.
I guess negging works for someone?
They watched Dave and sided with Frank Langella’s character.
*tiny voice* I did, too. Couldn’t stand the main character, and it’s Frank Langella.
On the off chance that Ms. Averette is reading the comments on the Link Roundup, I just want to say THANK YOU and also I am super proud to hail, originally and long ago, from the city where you live.
SAME!
I want to say thank you to Ms. Averette, and to also voice a loud “UGH” at the white, male commenter on her letter who says, and I quote:
“…i would agree black women probably have had a contentious relationship with conservative white men since 1776. perhaps you’ve just been too busy being narrow-minded to listen to liberal white men who understand what you’re saying.”
LORD SAVE US from liberal white men who get so butthurt when people criticize white men that they end up insulting the very people they purport to care about.
LORD DELIVER US from liberal entitled white dudes!
— The-Toast Book of Common and Extraordinary Prayer
The picture of Nicole’s kids with that giant sweetpie puppers is making me so happy.
Is Nicole’s daughter bearing a rose for the dog? Too, too cute.
Looks to me like the rose is taped to the wall as part of the welcome poster presentation. And yes, the cute goes on and on. The dog, the children. Exponential cute.
Oh, you are right, that is a rose taped to a garage door(?) to welcome a dog home. Still very very cute.
Had to buy more memory for my phone for puppy pictures-totally worth it
I am going to be chewing on this tidbit about Jennifer’s current publicity tour all day: ““He has to be perfect — and you can’t trust that sort of responsibility to Ben Affleck in his own hands. Jennifer Garner, however, can sell Ben Affleck better than Ben Affleck can sell Ben Affleck.”
ETA: #AHP4eva
I will read any and every article written by AHP.
In summation:
Ben Affleck is a tool and Jennifer Garner is too good for him.
in my next life when I come back I want to be someone in the WTA, (laughter)
Hahaha, a man wanting to be a woman! What a funny joke! Silly Raymond Moore, don’t you know women are less than men? So you wanting to be one is a reversal of the usual or expected situation, which makes it funny, I get it. Hahaha.
Dude has resigned from that post now, but I’m sure he still has some major platforms to speak from. He seems like a winner.
Nicole I saw on the Twitter that you said Anastasia UNDOUBTEDLY was killed with the rest of them, can you plz explain further? I was mildly obsessed with Anastasia when I was in 6th grade and my book report was on her biography and I gave a presentation dressed up as her. I THOUGHT that her death was still a ~~mySTeRy~~, which I said to my classmates in creepy tones after my presentation was over. When my Sunday School teacher or something asked us what we would ask God when we were in heaven, I said that I would like for him to explain to me what happened to Anastasia. So if y’all can go ahead and do that for me, I can save up my Unsolved Mystery Question For God for something better. Like who killed Hae Min Lee.
They found the two missing bodies (well, the remains of them) several years ago and I believe DNA testing confirmed they were Romanovs! They were interred with the other remains, and ultimately it leaves for no more unaccounted Romanovs. The confusion was that the bodies were burned at a different location. Also, while the Anastasia story really took off, I don’t think it was ever confirmed if the missing daughter was Anastasia or Maria. http://articles.latimes.com/2009/mar/11/science/s…
Yeah, I googled it yesterday after seeing Nicole’s tweets yesterday. Apparently originally they found five bodies (the Tsar, Tsarina, and three of their daughters) which were exhumed in 1991. They couldn’t completely identify all three girls, one of them was either Anastasia or Maria. (A Russian scientist first thought the body was Anastasia and that Maria was missing, then an American scientist claimed the body was Maria’s, and Anastasia was missing.) Then, in 2007, the bodies of the son Alexei, and the final daughter (again, either Anastasia or Maria) were found in the same general area (well, somewhat).
” The archaeologists said the bones are from a boy who was roughly between the ages of ten and thirteen years at the time of his death and of a young woman who was roughly between the ages of eighteen and twenty-three years old. Anastasia was seventeen years and one month old at the time of the murder, while Maria was nineteen years and one month old. Alexei would have been fourteen in two weeks’ time. Alexei’s elder sisters Olga and Tatiana were twenty-two and twenty-one years old at the time of the murder respectively.” (Source.)
If I remember correctly, Anastasia’s body was found in another grave years and years later. The woman who claimed to be Anastasia was not her because their EARS DID NOT MATCH, which I learned about while watching a video on the subject in biology class.
Here is a good update
On Friday in the OT I posted that my brother and his wife were staying with us for the weekend – I added an update on Saturday, but I’m re-posting that bit and including Sunday too.
On Friday night, my dumbass brother neglected take our spare key with him when they went out. I did not know this, but waited up until 1am anyway because it’s the polite thing to do (I am too polite); when they got home at 2am, I was dead to the world and also their phone calls. Luckily for them, they had my husband’s number (he says they were apparently very apologetic), because otherwise they’d have had to find a hotel for the night. And I would have felt very slightly guilty for not waking up, but mostly I’d have laughed hysterically, because it would’ve served them right.
Saturday night was actually fun, but that’s because we did a brewery tour and indulged in copious amounts of beer and pizza, and I deal best with my brother while drinking. That said, they are veeeeery physically affectionate with each other and there is not enough alcohol in the world to block out the image of their constant smooching.
Sunday we all got brunch with my parents so we were all on good behavior, but that night my brother was making constant “that’s what she said” jokes anytime there was even the mildest innuendo. (This is a GROWN MAN.) He also bought his own milk to literally have one glass of milk before bed, because, as ever, my 2% was not acceptable. (We actually bought him his stupid half-and-half and they didn’t even drink any coffee while they were staying here anyway!) Also, my cat apparently hates his wife, which is hysterical. She (the cat) will avoid a lot of people, but I’ve never seen her be flat-out aggressive towards someone without provocation.
And yesterday, while my husband was taking the sheets off the guest bed to wash them, he discovered that my brother had left behind a pair of dirty underwear.
That last part made me laugh out loud, but I can imagine how annoying this whole visit must have been for you. I hope you have a quiet week to recover from that visit and that they won’t visit again anytime soon.
Also people who are very physically affectionate when other people are around are the worst.
I started reading your comment thinking “oh, this is the brother with the half and half” and I was SHOCKED by the dairy dénouement!!!!
What a wonderful, particular relief it is, the Egress of Houseguests.
I am heartened to know that my brother will live on in Toast memory as “He of the irrational dairy habits.”
Charlie Potato has a new dog bed! Which someone pointed out is kind of potato-coloured, so it’s very suitable. When it’s on the floor he mostly just chews on it, but when I put it on the couch he’ll curl up in it or lounge half on it and half on my lap.
The return of The Potato pleases me greatly.
Oh Charlie Potato, you are such a good potato. <3
What breed of dog is he, if you don’t mind my asking?
Potato.
At a guess, I’d say a Cavalier King Edward Spaniel crossed with a Jack Russet Terrier and a bit of Yukon Golden Retriever thrown in for good measure.
This reply is art.
I have just fallen irrevocably in love with Charlie Potato.
MY SPUD.
He is such a cutie patootie!!!!
or…..cutie paTATOieeeeeeee
haha, my cats would have NOTHING TO DO with the cat bed when it was on the floor. (They accept it now because it’s on the floor right by the balcony door, which is probably the maximum of sun the place gets.)
so much floof!
What are all of your opinions on the Gawker case with Hulk Hogan?!
We talked about this a little last week; some of these thoughts are synthesized from what other people here said. I feel like Gawker is in a Jekyll and Hyde situation. One side of them is the good part of muckraking journalism: they’re one of the very few institutions in journalism committed to journalism as advocacy, journalism as a means to afflict the comfortable. They’re loudly, publicly pro-union, pro-regulation, pro-gay-rights, anti-racism. They publish a wide range of smart writers; it’s not as diverse as it could or should be, but it’s better than what you’re going to see almost anywhere else in new or old media. They’re what a news organization should be.
But there’s also the ugly side, which is the muckraking journalism turned on the places and people it shouldn’t be. Obviously the Conde Nast exec they outed. The Hogan video. Countless other things, although fewer over the last few years, and they’re clearly moving away from that. And that’s the side that got them in trouble, and it’s the reason a lot of people hate them, and I totally get that. But burning the whole thing down means we lose both Gawkers, and I’m not sure that’s a positive outcome. I don’t necessarily believe someone else will automatically arise to fill the void. I don’t think investigative journalism is currently something where many people want to put their money and their effort. For all his sins, Nick Denton has decided to use his money for something that is frequently a force for good. I don’t see any other news organizations that are ready or able to fill the gap that Gawker would leave.
Those are my exact feelings – when they are good, they are GOOD! But there is definitely the nasty side to them.
Thank you for your response 🙂
I can understand the concerns about the amount of the award or the impact it could have on journalism in general, but I admit I no longer see Gawker as being anything but a gossipy tabloid for all their pro-this and pro-that stances. because they are only stances. When it came right down to it, they sure weren’t pro gay rights when they outed that Conde Nast exec. And any moves they’ve made away from that model have been extremely slow going.
I regularly see better investigative journalism coming from outlets like Vice, which is odd but there you have it.
I think that it’s a gap that’s surprisingly fillable, as these sites depend on good writers that tend to move around every few years or so anyway, depending on where the better offer is coming from, and you could either have a Salon or Slate that will pick up the slack, or some dot-com/app billionaire who wants to get into the content business. (I mean, Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post, FFS.)
And whoever or whatever that might end up being, I’ll bet that they’ll be much less inclined to listen to whichever imp of the perverse that has or had Nick Denton’s ear. I’m reminded of a certain TV character who recently got a new job, his dream job, really, and when he goes to his lovely office, there’s a little sign next to a light switch that says “DO NOT TURN OFF” with tape over the switch itself… and he peels the tape off, just to see what it will do. (It doesn’t seem to do anything, but this is a series where small actions can have big consequences down the pike.) I would not at all be surprised to learn that Denton or one of his senior people contemplated not running the Hulk Hogan thing, but in the end they couldn’t get over the fact that it was a sex tape of Hulk Hogan. There may not have been as much rational consideration of the matter as some people seem to think.
The trick is that the good writers aren’t just Good in a vaccuum, you need to pay them to do actual work, and then hire editors and fact-checkers to support it, which is a lot more expensive than paying English BAs five bucks an article to write Ten Ways Donald Trump Is Like Homer Simpson
the top writers tend to job-hop a lot because the industry is so unstable and the places that can and will actually support good writing so few and transitory, not because they’re constantly getting periodicals beating down their door throwing 100% salary increases at them
and I think we saw the full extent of the Gawker crew’s reasoning in the trial, where they seemed utterly convinced that “but Hulk is a racist” was as impenetrable a defense in court as on Twitter.
Serious alarm that AJ Daulerio’s net worth is apparently -$27,000, and this is the former editor of a supposedly successful online media outlet? Journalism is such a wreck.
In all seriousness, I would welcome any good info or informed opinions on the 1st Amendment implications of the case. I was very skeeved out by Gawker’s argument that publishing a sex tape was fine because Hulk Hogan had talked about sex publicly. I do like that we’ve got a high bar for pissing off public figures in this country, though, so hopefully this wouldn’t turn into something where the powerful can sue the news media out of its remaining existence.
I believe someone linked to this article last week from the Guardian last week that I thought did a good job of explaining the case http://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/mar/12/hulk…
And Slate has an excellent rundown of the implications of the case for the press. http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/j…
The TLDR of it all is that basically Gawker is arguing that the tape is newsworthy which is a defense against the privacy violation tort that they are being sued for violating. Historically the courts have been very very deferential to the press on determining what is newsworthy when it comes to public figures because of the free press protections in the first amendment. The ruling as it stands could potentially give public figures more power to control what appears about them in the press under the guise of privacy protection.Granted this is a ruling in a district federal court so the ruling is not going to be binding across the US but it could be persuasive especially given all the press the case has had.
I think potentially it could create a free press legal regime similar to the UK where there are way more restrictions about publishing info on private persons which is why a lot of American celebrities sue UK rather than American tabloids because its easier to win there.
Hope this is all helpful and not too long.
Very, and thank you for the links!
Reading Donald Trump’s theories on “opening up” the libel laws is making me cringe.
‘you can’t sell copies of someone fucking without their consent just because they’re famous’ is not actually in any way a brave new world of censorship in the US
The situation is a little more nuanced than that.
1. Gawker did not sell copies, and the press regularly prints info about public figures without consent.
2. Gawker shouldn’t have done it but that doesn’t mean its illegal.
3. There have been very few cases that pits the “newsworthy” defense for printing information about public figures against the first amendment freedom of the press protections and those that have largely sided with the press so if this case goes up the court system and Gawker keeps losing it would add a new restriction. Once you open that door to restricting the press allows other judges to build on that.
4. Decisions at the higher court are not going to say “don’t put up sex tapes of famous people” but craft a ruling that is a description and distillation of the laws and principles at play so its possible that a decision could open the door to further restrictions on freedom of the press or not. It depends on how broadly or tightly the judge crafts his decision.
5. This is all probably moot because Gawker would likely win an appeal but may not be financially able to continue to the appeal stage since they have to put all the money they are being fined in an escrow account upfront.
I feel conflicted about the amount of the award. On one hand, the judgment has to be large enough to hurt, or it would be ineffective punishment. On the other hand, how did this possibly cause Hulk Hogan $140 million worth of damages? I mean, of all the other injustices in the world, police shootings and poisoned water supplies and amputations of the wrong leg and stuff, how is it fair that a multi-millionaire is awarded this much money for having his privacy violated?
Not to mention, as protocoach points out, maybe Gawker is a website that did not need to be DESTROYED, just punished. Geez.
AGREE!!!
i think it’s entirely plausible they’d have gotten off with a much lighter sentence if the defense hadn’t been smirking on the stand about how they’d totally publish revenge porn of five-year-olds
Daulerio and Denton made an incredibly persuasive case that Gawker actually should be destroyed, whatever its merits elsewhere (certainly not located in them)
That Gawker is that kid at school who thinks they’re funnier than they are, and act up in class and lose recess for EVERYONE by doing DUMB SHIT. And they have some bros who will always be admiring of how little they care about consequences, but the rest of us–who are just trying to keep our heads down and get through our day–want to punch the little jerk right in the face. At least, that’s the way I feel, as a professional journalist. Shut UP, shut UP, you’re going to get EVERYONE in trouble, you shits!!!
Broadly speaking, I’m glad that nonconsensually publishing sex tapes isn’t something that’s entitled to broad free speech protection as being ‘newsworthy’. I’m not sure how broadly that protection will extend out from Hulk Hogan, but I don’t think there’s some great freedom of the press here in need of protection.
That said, the award is ridiculous and destructive, and probably won’t hold up. That’s for the best.
The problem is that Gawker has to fund the award in escrow, in full, before they can appeal. So regardless of whether the award amounts go down on appeal, Gawker might not survive it.
I hope this is an ok place to ask this, I’d wait until the open thread on Friday but that’ll be too late. It’s been a while since I’ve been to any Holy Week services and I’d like to go again, but I’m new to NYC this year, don’t attend mass regularly myself, and don’t know anyone else who goes to church regularly enough to ask. So: are there any NYC/Brooklyn people here who can recommend a good Catholic church for Holy Week? My church back home always had a ton of music so I prefer that but my quick googling has only turned up places really far away from me and much as I want to go I don’t necessarily want to spend an hour and a half getting there.
Thank you!!
Hi! I’m a catholic in nyc n im here to tell you – yeah, it’s hard to find a new church. I grew up in a Jesuit parish so I’m a pretty picky liberal type. I’ve been to St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in Little Italy – nice, if a little conservative. I went to St Ignatius Loyola Church wayyy uptown for Ash Wednesday and wasn’t particularly impressed, it was fine but the priest didn’t come out to meet parishioners after?? I’ve been meaning to check out Church of St. Francis Xavier at Union Square, but there’s a St. Francis Xavier Church in Brooklyn too. Fordham also offers services in Midtown, and their politics are pretty good??
I hope this helps! Let me know if you end up trying any of them.
St Francis Xavier church in Brooklyn is pretty, the people are nice but not overly ~welcoming~, and the music is okay. It’s really close to where I live and I WANT it to be amazing but it’s mostly just adequate.
I’ve been meaning to go to the Oratory Church of St Boniface in downtown Brooklyn.
St Francis Xavier in Manhattan is very inclusive and progressive but I felt it was too big. Apparently I’m very picky!
My dad, who is a hard-core Catholic (which I am not, nor do I live in NY) is extremely fond of St. Francis Assisi on West 31st Street near Penn Station. Full disclosure: I think this might have more to do with the fact that they still have confessionals than with anything he enjoys about the actual liturgy.
I go to St. Paul the Apostle on 9th Ave and 60th. Not sure if that is too far for you. They have great music (next door to Lincoln Center and Julliard) and several Holy Week activities. They also have a very active young adults group and a very active LGBT group.
Here’s the link to the Holy Week schedule.
http://www.stpaultheapostle.org/events_saintpaul….
Failing other alternatives, you could attend the Episcopalian services at St. Thomas in Midtown; they have a fantastic choir and are fairly high church, so you would probably not find it too jarringly different. As with all Episcopalian services, all baptized Christians are welcome to take communion.
Speaking of Episcopalian congregations, St Luke’s of the Fields in Greenwich Village is a good bet as well!
I have yet to find a priest as I like as much as the Columbia chaplain. Usually they have services on campus, but I believe the Holy Week ones are at Corpus Christi on 121 and Broadway.
There are at least three Catholic Churches within a ten minute walk of my place in Williamsburg (Polish, Italian and Spanish speakers were apparently not interested in sharing even when masses must have all been in Latin?) but my mom prefers to go uptown when she visits: “Church of St Ignatius 84th St and 980 Park It is austere, beautiful, good choir, great Jesuit homilies, real mix of humanity in pews.”
Hi! I had the worst time finding a new parish after the one I loved deeply closed. When I moved from Manhattan to Astoria I realized I really don’t like the diocese of Brooklyn at all, but I just can’t go into Manhattan every Sunday morning, so I finally found one (that is now close to where I currently live) that works for me. Music has been a little bit of a mess at every church I’ve been to here except for my dearly departed one, but St Agnes right next to Grand Central is pretty good overall.
I think I’m going to do Good Friday at St Agnes, and probably for the Saturday vigil as well… although my favorite priest in NYC is now at St Michaels on 34th St and 9th Ave, so I miiiiiiight go the extra distance.
For what it’s worth, by the way, St Malachy’s near Times Square is also known as the Actor’s Chapel, because a LOT of the Catholics on Broadway go, and the music is supposed to be epic. I have never been on a Sunday so I cannot attest to this, but if music is important to you, it’s probably worth a shot.
PS: I won’t go to Brooklyn, but if you want to meet up with someone for any of the services, shoot me an email (allicooke5 at gmail dot com) and maybe we can work something out!
On a happier note, I just picked up my diploma! [Charles Lee voice:] I’m a graduate! Wheee!!
You are TOTALLY the one I would have gone with !
😀
Wisconsin is both my home state and my alma mater, so this article on the damage Scott Walker has wrought on the university breaks my heart and fills me with rage: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/education/2016…
As someone who got their start in science research at Wisconsin, in a sprawling powerhouse of a program with top-notch faculty, I’m almost tempted to move back for the 2018 election to help try and fix this. Gahh.
I work at private school in Wisconsin. We started snapping up UW faculty last year and this year will be no different.
I know someone who was medical research faculty at UW – he left last year after spending two years having to turn down major collaborative projects that are making significant contributions to his niche field because UW no longer has the infrastructure to handle those kinds of projects.
please come get me too
This is so, so sad. I’m from Wisconsin and now work in academia and I’d love to move back – but not now.
Same. It’s so deeply disappointing.
I live in North Carolina, and this looks like our future. A “beautiful” case of cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face.
I’m at Wisconsin and working hard to maintain my belief that the damage is, to an extent, reversible under a different executive. This state and its public universities are important to me. I’m a little annoyed by the level of apocalyptic glee I’ve seen from some of my faculty friends on social media.* It’s usually the ones who have the power (professional, financial, social, etc.) to pack up and move on easily, which is disappointing.
I see we share the same level of desperate hope. Let’s hold hands and hope together.
I’m in Iowa and terrified that we’re next to follow you, between Branstead and Herrald.
I really, really miss being able to vote in Wisconsin. I don’t feel like I even understand politic in Boston/Massachusetts, but in Wisconsin I understood and felt like I could make a difference.
Sadly, I legitimately have not reason to be able to vote there, so I must watch from afar and weep.
Toasties, I’m in Brussels. I was on the last train before the blast at Maelbeek station, and now we are all cooped up at the office one stop from there. It feels horribly surreal. Thankfully everyone I know is safe and sound, but no one is doing any work. I think everyone is in shock.
I’m scared.
I’m happy you’re alright! And I can’t imagine doing any work when you’re so close. I mean, I’m about two hours away from Brussels and I’ve barely gotten anything done.
Thank you for your message! Glad you are safe too, and glad there are more Belgium-based Toasties! It is very crazy.
I’m in the Netherlands, actually, but in the Southern part, so Belgium feels very close by. It also feels like terrorism is slowly creeping northward, so while I think my city is probably safe (if only for PR reasons), it sometimes feel like it’s closing in.
Good luck getting home safe tonight, and I hope you manage to regain a sense of normalcy soon.
I’m not even close, but have a friend there, and I was so incredibly worried. I’m glad you and your loved ones are alright. I just want these things to stop happening.
Thank you! I hope your friend and her friends and family are all right. It is very crazy.
She is fine, thankfully. I hope you got home safe.
*hugs*
Thank you! I need them today. I am touched by all this Toastie support.
I’m so grateful you’re okay.
Thank you! :3
I’m also so glad you’re okay. Continue to take care of yourself, okay?
Another voice of Toastie support right here. Hugs if you want them, and I’m glad you and your office-mates have a place where you can all freak out together in a safe environment.
Oh my goodness, that is terrifying! The pictures of the bombing on the train particularly affected me this morning as I take the NYC subway every day and that is definitely a major fear of mine. I cannot imagine how scared you must be. Sending you lots of strength <3
Thank you! It is very surreal. Thankfully I can also cycle to work, but that doesn’t make it less scary.
Glad you have shelter. ::worried Toasthugs::
Thank you! I am fine, thankfully, but this is crazy.
I am glad you are safe, and I feel like there is absolutely no reason for anyone to do any work.
Glad your ok, stay safe!
I have a friend studying in Brussels, but I saw his check in before I saw what had happened thank god.
You don’t need to do any work-work right now because you are doing the work of being safe and caring for yourself right now. The day of a terror attack is horrible simply for people who live near the site of the attack, which I learned on 9/11. I can’t imagine how you feel right now.
I pray you and your people and the people around you are safe and as well as possible, and hold you in my heart going forward.
Yes, your work right now is to recover your equilibrium, and to be close to colleagues, friends, and family as they recover theirs. I went through this in NYC on/after 9/11, and I can tell you that you will recover, but only after mourning a lot. Love the people you are with.
(((Hugs))) for you as soon as you’re out of an overcrowded, scary place and need them.
Thanks for checking in, and I’m so sorry this is happening in the world, much less in your immediate world.
I am so glad you’re all right. The best thing to do right now is huddle together and support one another. Be well.
Oh wow that is scary! Please take care of yourself. Right now your number one job is to stay safe. Sending warm thoughts your way from California.
I’m so very glad that you and yours are safe. (((hugs)))
*offers Toastie hugs*
Thoughts and prayers with you.
So many hugs. I lived in Boston when the marathon bombings happened and I was at the site shortly before shit went down. It’s a horribly surreal and difficult feeling to have been so close to something and to have come out okay. Stay safe, take care of yourself, and my best wishes to you and yours.
I applied as an editor/translator at a media analysis company sometime in spring/early summer 2014. Didn’t hear anything back but chalked it up to too many applicants/too lazy a company/whatever.
In November of 2014 an HR person from said company calls me and asks whether I’m still interested in the position. So it turns out they just always have the job ad up, regardless of openings, just trawling the applicant-seas :-0
The job was pretty lousy, of course.
The job does sound pretty rubbish, but what are your language pairs? I want more fellow translator Toasties in my life. I do ES <>EN, FR>EN, and my work is usually a good balance of translation, interpreting and editing 🙂
Ehem, just German into English, which is unusual considering I’m German. But I’m also not trained as a translator, so there’s that 🙂
But, yay, I really liked translating. I’m a librarian, but wish I could do both!!
Good balance is the key in pretty much everything, I found..
Translator Toastie checking in! I mostly do copyediting in English for bio/med/chem scientists, but started IT>EN and DE>EN translation last year.
I am in awe of interpreters. There is a single slot marked ‘foreign language’ in the speaking parts of my brain and it always takes at least an hour to uninstall German and install Italian in that slot, and vice versa.
Another (currently unemployed) translator here! EN>FR, RU>FR.
I applied for a government job in 2010 and was surprised to get a call for an interview in late 2012 (after I obviously had found another spot). The weird thing was they acted like I had just applied – no acknowledgement of the 2-year delay.
My first professional job also interviewed me despite not having any open positions, but at least they were up front about it during my interview. And I was lucky that something opened up just a couple months after the interview.
Mr. Valky and I are preparing to seriously look for our first dog to adopt. There are a lot of great rescue orgs around here (Washington, DC).
I’ve been dying for a Newfie or a similar gentle giant, but dogs of that delightful Nana-esque sort don’t seem to end up here. That photo of the dog with the kids is wonderful.
More appropriate for OT but the Romanovs reminded me that I am going to the library after work and I want to get a real good, well-written, entertaining biography – recommendations? I’m interested in most human subjects, with leanings towards women writers, Hollywood stars and behind-the-scenes-ters, badass women from history, especially those who pioneered social change.
I’m not in the States, so the library is not likely to have US publications except for the most well-known, so English-language material published in the UK/Europe would be ideal.
Thanks!!
This is an autobiography, but Jessica Mitford’s Hons and Rebels is one of the most wonderful memoirs I’ve ever read. Talk about a badass woman.
I haven’t read it yet, but I was recommended here on the Toast “Georgiana: Duchess of Devonshire” by Amanda Foreman.
Other books I want tor ead but still haven’t: Maude Gonne’s autobiography and the Journal of Katherine Manfield!
Ooh seconding Amanda Foreman’s book on Georgiana! Also, Antonia Fraser is great for biographies on awesome and complicated women.
Maude Gonne wrote an autobiography? To the internets!
“Max Perkins: Editor of Genius” by A. Scott Berg is ridiculously short on strong women characters but very well written and likely to be widely available. Plus there’s apparently a movie in the works, and after reading the book you may have Thoughts about the wisdom of casting fun-size Jude Law as gentle giant Thomas Wolfe, who was so tall he used the top of his refrigerator as a desk.
“Bring On the Empty Horses” and “The Moon’s a Balloon” by David Niven (Old Hollywood), and “Women of Mystery” by Martha Hailey DuBose (short bios of women mystery writers) and “The Five of Hearts” by Patricia O’Toole (Henry and Clover Adams, John and Clara Hay (he was the Sec of State to three assassinated Presidents), Clarence King (the geologist and ladies’ man) and their friends- an interesting look at Power Couples in America during the Gilded Age).
I found Bring on the Empty Horses, and there, on the same shelf, was Full Service by Scotty Bowers!!!! I’d never have dreamed I’d find it in my local library! Clearly it’s fate, so I will spend my evening immersed in glorious, glorious smut.
Toast Serendipity! Happy reading!
Also, David Niven is fascinating but sometimes whatever the well-mannered British gentleman equivalent of a bro is.
Recs from my personal library:
Jane Goodall by Dale Peterson
Ida: A Sword Among Lions by Paula J. Giddings
Catherine the Great by Robert K. Massie
Hermione Lee wrote a biography of Edith Wharton fairly recently. You may think of her as a vaguely genteel figure but she was hard-core (albeit relatively conservative politically). She ran a significant war relief effort in France during WWI! She divorced her unreliable husband despite the social repercussions! She bossed Henry James around!
The Heir Apparent by Jane Ridley!
Might be a stretch for you to find, but I loved “James Tiptree Jr. :The Double Life of Alice B. Sheldon.” She was a badass woman from history, as was her mom, and she was a science fiction writer.
Great recs all! While sourcing one I found a copy of Full Service by Scotty Bowers, so clearly some Spirit of the Toast was guiding my quest.
I really liked Emily Post: Daughter of the Gilded Age, Mistress of American Manners- looks like it’s been published in the UK as well as the States. She was a fascinating lady and she lived through some pretty major social and technological changes- even took a very early cross-country trip via automobile.
The Godwins and the Shelleys, by (I think) Carl St. Clair is amazing (includes Mary Wollstonecraft, and so are Claire Tomalin’s bios of Mary Wollstonecraft and Jane Austen.
That interview makes NO SENSE. Interviewing is a pain! It uses up time and resources! Why on earth would you ever do it if you didn’t actually have a job to fill?
My first professional employer did this because they often got client projects that needed quick turnaround (the classic “hair on fire” stage when companies decide to hire outside resources to get the job done), so I interviewed with them in September despite how they didn’t have any positions currently open. At least they were upfront about that during the interview, and my interviewer explained they like to keep good candidates on file, in case something happens, and sometimes it’s just for part-time or contract work if they get hired elsewhere. I was lucky in that a full-time (contract) job emerged a couple of months later, and they brought me on.
This has happened to me, although it wasn’t a true interview, but I went in *twice* to meet with the team, see the office, have lunch… and then it turned out they didn’t really have a job for me. They called me six months later to ask if I wanted to come in for an interview but I’d taken another (much less cool) job.
OK, so this is from July, but new to me. And, my dears, it is wonderful: When You Give a Tree an Email Address
“The city of Melbourne assigned trees email addresses so citizens could report problems. Instead, people wrote thousands of love letters to their favorite trees.” http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/201…
I loved that so much I emailed it immediately to my husband.
This is exactly the sort of article I need on a day like today.
I LOVED that
The article at the above link clearly does not have enough examples, so I am investigating further in the interest of making this day better, twig by twig.
a of all) Variegated Elm, Tree ID 1033102
Dear Elm, I was delighted to find you alive and flourishing, because a lot of your family used to live in the UK, but they all caught a terrible infection and died. Do be very careful, and if you notice any unfamiliar insects e-mail an arboriculturist at once. I miss your characteristic silhouettes and beautifully shaped branches — used to be one of the glories of the English landscape — more than I can say.
Melbourne must be a beautiful city.
Sincere good wishes, D
Second of b) Weeping Myrtle, Tree ID 1494392
Hello Weeping Myrtle,
I’m sitting inside near you and I noticed on the urban tree map you don’t have many friends nearby. I think that’s sad so I want you to know I’m thinking of you. I also want to thank you for providing oxygen for us to breath in the hustle and bustle of the city.
Best Regards, N.
C-wise) Hi tree on the corner of Punt Road and Alexandra Avenue and that little street that goes up the side,
How are you? How old are you? I’ve always wondered about you ever since my slightly strange driving instructor (who always smelled like cat food and peppermints) told me you were his favourite tree. I hope they don’t knock you down.
Fourthally) Dear Gum,
Apologies if that’s not the form of address you prefer. I wanted very much to tell you how much I miss your family. I’ve lived in Texas for two and a half years now, and I so fervently miss the heady scent of your cologne as the morning sun warms you. I miss your gentle swish swish as the wind tousles your leaves playfully. I miss your strong white trunk, rising majestically from the earth, striking up towards the clouds. I miss the dappled shade you so generously provide. The sound of magpies, harbouring in your foliage, does not grace my ears. The silver green of your long, lithe leaves does not appear in my current surrounds. I miss you, Gum. I miss all that you represent for me. Stand tall and strong, and know that my heart reaches out to you across the seas.
With immense fondness, A
ohhhhhh heart!
“Always, always,” [the tree] sighed, “faithfulness beyond any man’s deserving. I will keep the color of your eyes when no other in the world remembers your name. There is no immortality but a tree’s love.”
— Peter S Beagle, The Last Unicorn
I also saw this and fell madly in love well after it was initially published, to the point of sneaking it into my company’s social media calendar so I could force strangers to swoon with me.
SWOON WITH ME OVER TREES, STRANGERS
Somehow the Germanic adoration of trees settled in my heart. I know this is an Anglo/Germanic thing (very Druid) but is it also true for other Western cultures? Greece doesn’t have a lot of trees left so does that mean trees are more important spiritually or less?
My heart just grew three sizes. I lovelovelove this. My people!
A friend of mine (actual friend, not just person I know on facebook) posted a pro-Trump meme yesterday. So far no indication that she isn’t totally serious.
I’m not quite sure what to do! I want to address it but I don’t know how. I can’t just pretend like that it’s okay with me.
unfriend on facebook?
That’s honestly an option I’m considering. Part of me wants to talk to her, but I also don’t know what she could say that would change how I feel about it. Unless it was “ha ha my terrible boyfriend hacked my facebook”
I realize my response maybe comes off harsh but I think it’s totally fine to remove people that actively support hate from your circle of (facebook) friends. The way I rationalise it is their support shows a clear lack of respect for me and my family and so they don’t get to have facebook access to my life any more.
I don’t think you’re harsh at all. I usually defriend. I think that it’s just that I’m just so surprised! And I kind of don’t want to talk to her in real life either if she is serious about it.
Yeah I understand the surprise and disappointment and sort of wanting to talk to make sure she didn’t suffer a stroke or was being ironic but not wanting to get dragged into a conversation with an actual Trump supporter. Maybe a ? comment on the meme though that would draw more attention to the defriending if you go that route.
Post something from cthulhuforamerica.com
The guy I just broke up with told me he’s going to vote for Trump out of spite (but he was already going to because he thinks it’d be funny if he were president)
It made the breakup a lot easier.
“Don’t keep making that face or it’s going to stick like that”
is something I wish someone had told me in the last few weeks because lo and behold, my resting bitch face has evolved into something truly terrifying and probably permanent and very much like this pony here.
Don’t be sorry, you have achieved greatness.
not Trump related but i recently had a friend post some terrible shit and i just… unfriended them. i’ve seen them a couple of times since and they haven’t brought it up. i don’t know if they haven’t noticed, don’t care, or are afraid to bring it up. i say unfriend and let the chips fall where they may.
When FB friends post offensive stuff, I usually post a single comment, just to have it on record that I don’t agree and to let anyone who also doesn’t agree know that they’re not alone. I don’t respond to any replies. If it turns into a pattern with that person, I unfriend or hide their posts. (There was a Judge John Hodgman kind of about this: http://www.maximumfun.org/judge-john-hodgman/judg…
NEWFIE DOGS. They are the best a gentlest of all creatures. We had one when I was a kid and she was practically our babysitter. Lookit that face!
AHP’s writing is as fascinating as it always is. I’m so glad we have her.
There’s a couple in my neighborhood who has newfies and when they got their newest one she was about 9 weeks old and they pushed her on walks in one of these: http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Small-Shoppi… and she took up the whole thing.
I’VE BEEN INTERVIEWED FOR A JOB THAT DOESN’T EXIST BEFORE!! It was such a sketch interview, too. Like, I was legit worried I might get murdered. Anyways I definitely did not get a call back because my face was like, “What the FUCK” for that whole interview.
Now that I think of it, so have I! It was really weird, I think it was some kind of door-to-door company (I was a student looking for any job that paid money), but the interview was in an empty office in an industrial estate in the middle of nowhere, and the office was clearly un-used, just basic furniture and dust everywhere!
They never called.
I also have been interviewed for a job that doesn’t exist but it was clearly the company trying to get information from someone with experience so they could create a new position. It was a “how do we teach a new college graduate to do your job but for way less money” situation. Skeevy as hell but they had free sandwiches, 2/5 stars.
OK so mine was I thought I was interviewing for a content writing job at a start-up – so doing content about their products and other related things, so that’s what I prepared for. When I looked up how to get there, I found out it was in an apartment building (in a fancy part of town, but still a bit concerning when you’re a woman alone), which was red flag number 1. It’s also not the same place as the woman who emailed me back about it was. I get there, and it is indeed an apartment building, which does not really do anything to help my unease. But I finally get there, and it does turn out there is an office there, and lots of other people, mostly young men. The guy has me go to his office, makes me sit on a very high stool in a skirt, then starts telling me about his pie-in-the-sky dream of starting like, a full tech publication, and he’s looking for someone to take that on. But this isn’t a position that’s set in stone or anything, and as far as I can tell, isn’t going to happen because this guy doesn’t know the first thing about running a website. His vision for it isn’t clear, I can barely even tell what he’s looking for or trying to do, and I’m pretty sure my eyebrow was up the whole time.
Sooo I basically got out of there as fast as I could and immediatley tweeted, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?” Never heard from them again, pretty sure that website never happened.
Anyways, this is why I don’t answer job ads on Craigslist anymore, even if they have supposedly been vetted by a third party.
That Jennifer Garner piece is fascinating. Especially this bit.
“But neither the desexualization of Garner’s image nor the deceleration of her once-promising career feel like decisions she owned so much as stepping into Affleck’s massive and devouring shadow.”
I remember loving Jennifer Garner in the early 00s. I watched her win the Golden Globe for Alias. 13 Going on 30 is still one of my favorite movies. I definitely thought she was going to be the next Meg Ryan or Julia Roberts, so I remember being perplexed when she just disappeared. I’ve also wondered before about the different trajectory her career would take if she hadn’t met Ben Affleck. (who, even though I love Good Will Hunting and Argo, has always rubbed me a little bit the wrong way).
I wonder how her first marriage affected the choices she made in her second. The rumors were that Foley left because he couldn’t handle her being more successful. I wonder if that played a role in how she chose to pursue her career once she fell in love with Affleck.
I just finished it; she’s very invested in being a ‘good’ girl, that’s a bit weird isn’t it?
I don’t follow any celeb gossip really, so I haven’t heard anything about in the last 10 years until the break up story broke, I had no idea she’d built up this ‘mommy’ image
I will admit that I found the “Garner Girls” moniker a little grating. And the contrasts pointed out in this article about her Alias image v. real life are really interesting.
Yes, its interesting too see how manufactured it was compared to how she was IRL
I know a lot of people who are very invested in that as well. They can’t operate outside of it. It’s like a very pretty straitjacket.
I’m trying not to judge, but it does make her seem like a woman who has bought into her patriarcy conditioning and that skeevs me out a bit. The quotes are old so she may have changed, but the whole thing of not having tattoos cause that’s not what ‘good girls’ do… Yeah no.
I think what bothers me about it is that there’s no room for error. They feel like if they mess up, they are forever ruined. There is not only no room for grace, there is no room for them to explore their own curiosities or make different decisions.
Of course, there is always perspective too. To my in-laws and sundry other conservatives, I am a Bad Girl. To pretty much everyone else, I am Hermione Fucking Granger. Depends on what you think of as ‘good’ and ‘bad’.
Its so restricting to constantly judge your life choices and actions against someone elses idea of ‘perfect’ or ‘good’. And the flip side of it implies that if you do some thing that good girls don’t ‘do’ (like get a tattoo, or a divorce or what not), you are not a good person, you are infact a bad person and will never be good again.
Like fuck that, women are human and we all make choices, some good some bad and everyone has the right to that and should be allowed to have nuance and redeem themselves when necessary (redemption is not necessary for tattoos. Tattoos are awesome.).
Sometimes I feel really lucky that I escaped a lot of that conditioning (My mother was a gay divorcee with children out of wedlock in a very Catholic country, I had no chance.), but it shouldn’t be something we have to feel ‘lucky’ for.
I am very much like this, and I think it must correlate very strongly with perfectionism (rooted in shame and insecurity). At least in my case, I think it’s from growing up with a critical parent. I KNOW it’s not a good way to be, but when you’ve been conditioned to seek a parent’s approval and s/he withholds it, but also drops hints of what you might be able to be “good enough,” it’s really hard to shake off, even in adulthood.
I think your situation is pretty common. There is someone somewhere (a parent or parental figure, or a religious influence, etc) that has made you feel you have to perform it or else. I have had a minor form of it and have worked incredibly hard to leave it behind (and so salute you in your attempts, because it is so damn hard), but I know some women who are contorting themselves in extraordinary ways, but who look at you cross-eyed when you suggest they stop. They CAN’T stop because JESUS (but not actually Jesus, just their awful churches). It just sucks so much.
Yeah, there’s no religious component for me, I think that must make it exponentially harder because it’s a whole community with expectations instead of just your parents.
I kind of remember that it really worked out for, er, Rachel From Friends (real name escapes me right now) to depict herself as a saintly Wronged Woman whose man was bewitched by the she-devil Angelina Jolie, so maybe it’s positioning like that.
Sounds a bit odd though, given her roles as sexy action girl in Alias and Electra and such, but we contain multitudes and all that.
lol, I didn’t realise I had ~*feelings*~ about this, but what I always found interesting about the Brangelina-Aniston triangle is that Aniston very clearly called out Brad for being a dick (which isn’t to say all parties didn’t and don’t play the publicity game behind the scenes, I don’t doubt Aniston benefited from the Wronged Woman thing, and likewise Angelina for Giving Her Man Babies, and Pitt for just having a penis) and it’s Brad who seems to be more open about talking to the press about his ex and his kids and his ‘congenital sadness’ every time he has a movie out; yet the media has always focused on the ‘Bitches be catfighting!’ thing. There have been female celebrities who have openly said ‘My husband cheated, and it’s my fault/the other woman’s fault’, but I don’t think Jennifer Aniston was one of them.
(I always remember Brad Pitt did some interview about how he was cutting down his drinking because one of his children choked on a ice cube when he’d had a few beers; and how it received almost no comment, with the small reaction being ‘Aw, fatherhood sounds so good for him!”; like, can you imagine the reaction to a woman saying that?)
OT, but I might need to kill my co-worker. Co-worker who has flat out said she doesn’t want to do her job. Co-worker who’s job keeps getting to yours truly who is also overworked.
This weekend she texted me to ask if she could use dspace, which I run, so she could look good for an upcoming job application. Dspace requires me to do things, because I have POWERS (or am a superuser, whatever). So now helping her prep for this application, she’s suddenly doing parts of her job and making work for me. I am not amused.
Boss asked me down to her office to discuss co-worker’s lack of work and enthusiasm. Co-worker and I are also working on a poster together for a conference. I am doing much of the work. I have made myself first author, in an executive decision benefitting myself.
I am 100% done.
That is so Not Cool of her. I’m glad your boss seems to have noticed at least.
It’s only taken 6 months.
But honestly, it’s gotten super disruptive in the past 2 months, ever since she got back with her pretentious boyfriend.
I am of the rather strongly-held opinion that libraryland would be a better place if it was easier to fire clowns like your coworker. Which is to say, erm, solidarity.
I’m applying for a job at another institution for a whole host of reasons, but also because I know she’s applying and I’m a better candidate organically for it than she is when she tries.
That last paragraph in the AHP is so haunting, omg.
“It’s easy to point to the most exciting, boundary-breaking stars as the future of culture and the identity politics that flow from it. Yet those stars fight the stolid inertia of stars like Garner: beautiful, totally palatable, perhaps just a bit beige, whose images enjoy the solid foundation of decades of resistance to change. Jennifer Garner might be our most old-fashioned film star. But that doesn’t mean she’s not indicative of the values and attitudes that will structure, inspire, and police women’s behavior in the years to come.”
:-/ x infinity
It actually really bothered me and I couldn’t figure out why until currerbell789 posted another quote a bit further up, about how Garner’s career deceleration doesn’t feel like a decision she owned so much as what happened when she stepped into Affleck’s shadow. I don’t think she chose to have her career take backseat to being a mom in order to appeal to the Midwestern masses. I think she’s an example of many regular women who genuinely think they will continue to be their own person and center their career in their lives, who then realize that they cannot do that and give their children the kind of childhood they valued for themselves while also being married to someone with an all-consuming career.
The quote almost seems like it’s blaming Garner for women’s oppression because she’s not kicking ass and taking names like a Jennifer Lawerence. But priorities switch when we get older, especially when we have other people to care for. It seems like Garner was someone who really valued having a simple life as a child and wants to give her children something like that too. It’s certainly unfair that it seems like that happened by her career taking a total backseat to Affleck’s when a better balance could have been obtained. But that happens so much in regular life too. Like, you decide to move because your spouse gets an amazing job offer, but then you can’t find anything great in your career path, so then your spouse is the high earner and any time a new decision needs to be made where one career favors the other, you’re pretty much stuck favoring the more successful one, who in turn keeps getting more opportunities and it’s like an out-of-control train you had no idea was going to start chugging that way. Is it your fault for agreeing to that one move? No. It’s because society is fucked up and having a relationship where two people are equally committed to high-power jobs plus kids = nearly impossible.
To make it more personal, I don’t like Garner because she reflects my values in a way I approve of, but I do see myself in her in a way I don’t a lot of the other celebrities listed. And there’s something comforting almost in seeing someone who theoretically had infinite options choosing to have glamour take a backseat and still really enjoying the life she has made for herself. A more attainable kind of aspirational? Less threatening feeling? And maybe that is a problem. IDK.
IDK if that makes any sense.
Oh yes, jennjennboben, it makes sense. Well said.
“But that happens so much in regular life too. Like, you decide to move because your spouse gets an amazing job offer, but then you can’t find anything great in your career path, so then your spouse is the high earner and any time a new decision needs to be made where one career favors the other, you’re pretty much stuck favoring the more successful one, who in turn keeps getting more opportunities and it’s like an out-of-control train you had no idea was going to start chugging that way. Is it your fault for agreeing to that one move? No. It’s because society is fucked up….”
It me.
Yes, 100%.
Yes, I think it’s really important to separate frustration at the situation from “blaming one person for not magically beating and transforming an overwhelmingly powerful system.”
Yes! I may be misreading AHP’s bits about Garner’s image as more blaming her personally than AHP actually intended. IDK.
That makes a lot of sense.
And by extension, no one is asking Affleck what he’s doing to protect his children and care for them and give them the kind of childhood that he valued growing up. No, of course not, because that’s the mother’s role. So even where two parents realize that they can’t both have high-demand careers plus kids and one of them moves for the other (which, wow y’all, I *feel* that so hard these days!), the pressure is on the female half of that hetero couple to make the hard choices between career desires and family responsibilities. And that pressure isn’t necessarily overt, but it’s still there–the question “but what about the children?” is a question with a gendered aim.
And to look at Garner and Affleck in particular, when they first got together, his career was in the toilet and hers was on the rise. WHY was she the one to take the backseat, then, when the logical answer would be for him to do that? I think the answer has a lot to do generally with those gendered expectations and specifically with the douchebaggery of Ben Affleck.
Yes!! I suspect she took the backseat because she instantly got pregnant but, yeah, that plays into the whole gendered expectations big time.
I know filming schedules generally consist of very long days, but no one would blink at a dad being gone for a 2-3 month shoot in baby’s first year (especially if the mom could come with and pop by for little daily visits on set), but imagine the shit a new mom would get for making a similar choice.
I can see the faux-concern article in People now.
It’s just amazing! how Actress able to juggle! everything! Of course, one of three nannies is with baby most of the day, and even Superdad Husband swoops in to take care of baby while she’s in the middle of filming! (Wow!) “It’s not easy, but we make it work” says Superdad. An insider source has said that Actress plans to take a break after filming, and the family is planning to go to Disneyland together in May. Maybe then, she’ll have some real quality time with her baby!
So realistic it made my insides clench up.
and photos of the baby with captions like “Who wouldn’t want to spend time with with cutie?!”
It makes so much sense. I once moved across the country for a partner, left behind friends and family and put my career at risk, was depressed to the point of losing my appetite and dropping down to 95 lbs (not a healthy weight for me), and was accused by him of “not trying.” To him a woman sacrificing career, lifestyle and goals for a man seems natural to the point where moving across the country for him doesn’t count as “trying.” I’ll never understand, but reading stuff like this and seeing how commonly women put their partner’s careers and priorities first makes me realize his view isn’t entirely out of the mainstream, even if it 100% made him not right for me.
It’s hard to know what drives people. Garner seems like the kind of star who could completely write her own ticket separate from Affleck, even now, but who knows, maybe there’s an alcoholic parent backstory there and her job has always been to make it Shiny.
I’m reminded of Loretta Young, one of Hollywood’s sexiest precode stars whose Catholicism dictated later life beigeness as well as denial of her illegitimate daughter from her “bad old days.”
AHP actually wrote a really heartbreaking piece about Loretta Young that discusses that at length: here
Nothing you said about Loretta Young is inaccurate (sadly), but it came out last summer that her illegitimate daughter was the result of Young being date-raped by Clark Gable, and it makes me so angry. http://www.buzzfeed.com/annehelenpetersen/loretta…
Yes about the hidden backstory – all that stuff about what “Garner girls” do and don’t do seemed very suspect to me. What kind of parenting produces such an enshrined and gendered set of expectations? Keeping things Shiny is a good way to put it.
indeed.
I am glad to know that someone is on hand to dust Bernie Sanders at all times.
The man is a human lint magnet and I love him.
I’ve never been interviewed for a job that didn’t really exist–I’m pretty sure that the would-be employer described in AaM was really catfishing, and meant to fill the lower-paying position all along–but I have interviewed for a job that disappeared before I could get a formal offer. It was for a tenure-track librarian position at a state university, and they had already contacted my references, which is always a good sign… but then I didn’t hear from them for weeks, and when they did get back to me, it was to apologetically let me know that they’d been asked to cut a position due to the new fiscal year rolling around in the interim, and since “mine” was technically unfilled… Well, maybe it was for the best, as our state has hardly been in a decent financial position since then.
OT: Former Toronto mayor Rob Ford has died of cancer. That’s a lousy way to go, and I have no personal dog in this fight, but I know that a lot of Torontonians were embarrassed and infuriated by his actions in office.
The Rob Ford trainwreck was excruciating to watch. It was funny for the first half-second and then you realized that a) this man had actual power and b) he’s a real person with family and coworkers and friends. I wish he’d had a chance to heal and make amends but at least he’s not suffering or causing more suffering any longer.
I love your take on this. My first thought when I saw the news of his death was: I hope he is at peace, he sure seemed to have a hard time finding any in this world.
Very well put.
I can’t help but laugh at the memory of that google docs spreadsheet documenting his transgressions that someone had going, though. That thing was hilarious.
I know! I feel guilty about how much amusement I got out of some of his interviews and pictures. He had amazing screen presence, and real charisma, that’s what makes it hard to think about him and his life outside of all the hoopla. (Gawker raising money to buy the video!)
I just wanted to admit that half the time I think of him as being “that guy with the funny pictures.” I can only be good some of the time!
If that Newfie was being fostered one town over from me, BOOM! my puppers would have a new sibling and I would happily go toe to toe with Mr.PonyAlong’s WTF freak out (who would eventually come around, I think….although he did track down the owner of the pit bull puppy I found running scared in a busy intersection and took home with the exciting flourish of “look what I found!” because…sigh…it was the right thing to do I GUESS, and the owner was very grateful SUPPOSEDLY [I wasn’t there for the hand off, I was howling with grief back home] but this Newfie…be still my beating heart!
It is an OT day for the Link Roundup, apparently, but I just need a second to vent. My sister is having a crisis, and I am tired of it. Which is entirely unfair! She is the one having a problem! I am the one in a different city getting a million text messages at a time! While I am at work and trying to focus! She is the one in the middle of a fellowship that she can’t bail out of with no real benefits! I am the one who finally has a little bit of stability in my own life and just wants to be left alone to enjoy it without having to manage someone else’s crisis for once!
(I love my sister. I am in so much pain for her. This is the fifth crisis in the past year. She just cancelled plans to go with me to a con, and I’m more relieved than anything. And I spent the first hour and a half of my day talking her down from today’s ledge, and my focus is completely shot to hell, never mind the actual work I was going to get done today. Goddamn everything.)
Does she have counseling options? Maybe her fellowship is to a place with a student-health type crisis center? This sounds so hard. . . for you, too.
She has a therapist (who is in the process of finding her someone who is a better fit with the way her diagnosis has evolved) and friends in the area. She feels really bad about asking people for support, partly I think because our mom does not take her mental health issues very seriously and has made her really reluctant to ask for help until she’s in full-blown crisis mode. So now that she’s finally realized that calling mom when she’s having problems doesn’t help, I’ve become the first-string support. Which…I am not super cut out for. I need to set some boundaries around answering texts when I’m at work, but now seems like not the best time.
Thank you.
Edit: My replies don’t seem to work? This is supposed to be in response to jenavira just above.
I’m sorry — and totally get it. My little sister is also having a major mental health crisis right now and even though I am not her first-line of support, my other sister (closer to her in age) IS and I can see how much it wears on her, as well as my parents. She is coming to visit me tomorrow, to basically give the rest of the family a break and hope that being in another place can do her some good (she’s still in high school and not seeing a future for herself). And I’m honestly really scared, even though I love her so much and want to help take care of her — feeling responsible for someone else’s emotional well-being is incredibly hard.
I don’t have a solution but just wanted to say that it’s totally fair to be fed-up and annoyed, and maybe for both your sake’s you do need to set some boundaries (you might be more helpful to her if you’re not angry at her for ruining your day). And also that you might need (and definitely deserve) help as well. Good luck!
No advice, sadly, just solidarity. My best friend is like this and it is hard and exhausting.
“My sister is having a crisis, and I am tired of it. Which is entirely unfair! She is the one having a problem! I am the one in a different city getting a million text messages at a time! While I am at work and trying to focus!”
Are you me? I’m pretty sure you are me, as I have said this same thing and felt this same guilt quite a few times. I am the only person she feels she can lean on, despite her living in the same city (even across the street from) other family members and many friends. And I want to help when a crisis comes up, but there is literally only so much you can do by text *and* I am not an expert on mental health or work issues or finances or almost any of the things she needs, so I can only offer my tiny $.02, which is mostly “you should talk to someone who knows more about these things.” And it feels like any advice I would offer is not going to be used anyway so why bother, and yet if I don’t I feel worse.
All this is to say, I feel your pain. You want to vent out, comfort in, but you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, to mix some metaphors.
Also: http://yahtzee63.tumblr.com/post/141342268167/if-…
Okay, but Serena’s takedown of that horrid now-former Indian Wells CEO was glorious.
http://espn.go.com/tennis/story/_/id/15026527/ind…
Especially this glorious burn…
“Last year, the women’s final at the US Open sold out well before the men. I’m sorry, did Roger play in that final or Rafa or any man play in that final that was sold out before the men’s final? I think not.
“So I just feel like, in order to make a comment, you have to have history, and you have to have facts, and you have to know things. You have to know of everything. I mean, you look at someone like Billie Jean King, who opened so many doors for not only women’s players but women’s athletes in general. So I feel like, you know, that is such a disservice to her and every female — not only a female athlete but every woman on this planet — that has ever tried to stand up for what they believed in and being proud to be a woman.”
This is unrelated to any of the links (sorry) but I had a dream last night in which I HELLA made out with Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager and I thought that y’all would appreciate that fact.
Dang, Chakotay was pretty darn good lookin’.
I mean I was not super into him when I was originally watching the show, but rewatching as an adult? Apparently I would hit that.
Here for Chakotay. He was probably one of my first crushes. Apparently face tattoos and deference to women leaders do it for me.
Today might be a good day to read this: http://nautil.us/blog/this-is-why-americans-are-i… (ignore the slightly incendiary headline – yes, it’s statistically correct, but it sounds kind of mean)
When a disaster/atrocity happens to you, you express mostly grief and sadness, but comparatively little anxiety. A Bad Thing happened, and now you’re dealing with it. The further removed you are, the more your reaction shifts from fear to anxiousness. Distance brings fear.
The same is true when you think about the event abstractly. Sadness is still bigger than fear in the study featured in the article, but the people who thought about abstract causes still reported more fear than the people who thought about the concrete details of the specific attack.
I think this is because grief is about the past, while fear is about the future. Fear makes us change our behaviour, evaluate other people differently, rearrange the world to prevent awful things from happening in the future. It makes us anticipate danger and shift our thinking to spot the slightest of dangers everywhere.
Usually, this isn’t a bug, it’s a feature. But when a very rare thing happens, we must try to stay unafraid, because trying to prevent an extremely rare thing from happening is too impossible. Instead of fearing the future, let’s think about what already did happen. Let’s pay our respects to the dead.
According to Novak Djokovic, male tennis players should earn more money than their female counterparts because more people watch them play. (My reaction: or maybe you should just go fuck yourself.) A columnist in the Times helpfully chipped in to say that he’s quite right, and women’s sports just don’t get the same number of spectators. It makes me want to set things on fire.
OT again: I hauled myself out of bed at waaay too early so I could travel for an hour and still make an 8am interview time. I am really hoping that I performed well and that I make it through to the next stage as the people + role is exactly what I am looking for and good at.. so I am IRRATIONALLY INVESTED AND ANGRY at the fake job interview story and left spluttering “who, who DOES that!?”
(I am reasonably confident this morning is for a role that actually exists)
Oooh, you have a nanny. I have so many feelings about nannies! I would love to see a Toast discussion on this one day.
There was a big Toast discussion about nannies maybe a week ago? The Link Roundup wherein Nicole first mentioned she now has a nanny. The nanny/babysitter distinction was the primary topic. Correction, 2 weeks ago: http://the-toast.net/2016/03/09/link-roundup-528
Thank you!
Here for Chakotay. He was probably one of my first crushes. Apparently face tattoos and deference to women leaders do it for me.
Its so restricting to constantly judge your life choices and actions against someone elses idea of 'perfect' or 'good'. And the flip side of it implies that if you do some thing that good girls don't 'do' (like get a tattoo, or a divorce or what not), you are not a good person, you are infact a bad person and will never be good again.
Like fuck that, women are human and we all make choices, some good some bad and everyone has the right to that and should be allowed to have nuance and redeem themselves when necessary (redemption is not necessary for tattoos. Tattoos are awesome.).
Sometimes I feel really lucky that I escaped a lot of that conditioning (My mother was a gay divorcee with children out of wedlock in a very Catholic country, I had no chance.), but it shouldn't be something we have to feel 'lucky' for.
Thank you!