- The pocket of my own shirt, where I would be small and safe and warm and protected from wind and dust
- The inside of a big blue chair, like the meat insides, where all the stuffing and insulation lives
- Exactly on the place of any furniture where a small dog was just asleep on it so it’s still warm and he’s coming back any minute
- Inside the orange powder of any boxed macaroni but I am also orange powder, just bright orange powder
- chest feathers of a bright bird, fluffy chest feathers ONLY not pinions
- a hamper of only clean but rumpled clothes
- one of those boxes with all the filed-off needles that you can smush your face on to leave an impression of the shape of your face, you know the kind I mean? so you always have the feeling of those little blunt pins against your skin
- That hallucinogenic desert from the episode of the Simpsons where Johnny Cash is a space coyote that tells Homer to buy a computer
- inside QuestWorld from The New Adventures of Jonny Quest
- Inside of the way a really new penny tastes or I guess also just the penny would be good
- In a jar that was labeled SAFETY
- One cloud, but just one, so whenever it broke up I would too
- Inside Yosemite Sam’s mustache but only after he’s so old it turns white
- that’s it, bye
GET OUT OF MY HEAD MALLORY
Ooh, fluffy chest feathers when they’re all puffed up in the cold, lovely birdies. I approve.
I have the flu (possibly just a bug that feels like the flu) and this soothed me.
I have a sinus infection (or possibly just really severe congestion that feels like the start of a sinus infection), and I also found this soothing.
I am coping with long distance parental health issues and reading this brought my blood pressure down several mm Hg.
Your reply made me wonder… has anyone else here ever had the flu so bad that you lie around half asleep and half awake, with semi-hallucinatory fever dreams that make you feel like the room isn’t just spinning, but like your head is actually turning inside out while space folds itself in on your shivering form, and you wish you could feel the soothing comfort of a warm safe place where everything would just be all right? This post felt like that to me; in a good way.
Yes.
I discovered the lyrics to Archer’s closing credits music while in such a state.
I have two big blue chairs and this is exactly right.
Inside the stuffing of a chair sounds like a horror show, I can’t even put the bedclothes over my head when my nose is cold.
I have to have my nose stuck out when the rest of the duvet is over my head – cannot bear breathing in under-duvet air.
Yup same. Also when we were kids my brother used to take this ginormous cushion/beanbag thing my parents had and put it on top of me and sit on it until I stopped screaming. So.
Older brothers. They are terrible.
Once an older brotherish cousin zipped me into a sleeping bag so I couldn’t get out. Same memory/sensation.
I do that! Covers over my head but with a small breathing hole for my nose and mouth.
Yep. That’s how I’ve ended up with a pillow over my head, but just down to my nose level, and covers pulled up to just under my bottom lip.
Me toooooo! I thought it was only me.
I’ve found a cpap machine acts as a snorkel. Also if you have dry nose problems one with a humidifier on it is great.
When I first got my cpap machine, it felt like a torture apparatus and all the people saying “Oh, you’ll adjust, and then you won’t be able to sleep without it” sounded like the worst type of lying liars. But after not very long I DID adjust, and a large portion of that was being able to burrow all the way under the covers, with no nose poking out, and still breathe fresh cool air.
I’ve also heard that you can put a tiny, tiny bit of essential oil in the machine’s water reservoir to make all your dreams will smell like vanilla or whatever… but when I tried that, I used a downright homeopathic amount of fragrance and was still overwhelmed by the scent.
I just tore apart a chair. Can confirm. It was indeed a horror show.
Dust mites.
Yes! Because cool air is fresh and clean, warm air is stale. Like, I imagine it’s just all CO2 from being breathed once already, and I know that’s not how science works, but it’s how my half-asleep brain THINKS it works, so I always need a nose/mouth window.
Same. I had panic attacks as a child from putting my covers over my head, because it made me feel like I was suffocating. Quite reassuring to know I’m not the only one.
I want to live in a home made completely of comfy sofas.
One year in high-school I did an internship where all the people in the program stayed in a college dorm over the summer. We found out that one of the music practice rooms that you could get keys for was being used for pillow storage. There must have been about a thousand pillows in there! Even since then, my dream house has contained a pillow room.
Isn’t that sort of what a padded room is?
Buried inside a case of tiny beads so that it’s the sensation of sticking your hand into the beads except with your whole body.
I’m pretty sure you’d suffocate from the pressure on your chest, though. Lotta people have died that way in grain silos.
Grain silos can also spontaneously explode! They’re loads of lethal fun
That would be a problem, certainly!
Iiiii misread “heads” instead of “beads” at first (my bad) and was a liiiiittle concerned.
The inside of a big blue chair, like the meat insides, where all the stuffing and insulation lives
There’s an Edogawa Ranpo story about this and now that I’ve thought about it again I’m going to have to stay standing for the rest of the day.
Omg, did you know that they made an anime based off of Edogawa Ranpo’s mysteries?? The first two episodes covered the fricking chair story, and boy, was it an intro.
That’s going right to the top of the list of “Things I Am Never Going to Watch.”
A few months ago one of those old clips from Real Sex was circulating. Latex fetish lady had a bed that vacuum sealed one in latex. I’m not into tree rubber as a kink, but if that could be made with like a feather duvet? Bliss.
This reminds me of Temple Grandin’s hug machine. I think I remember her saying she liked to get under her mattress as a child. I never did that, but I’ve always liked really really heavy comforters.
– On the bare back of a horse who likes me, so we just take naps in his stall together
– In a pile of blankets and cats when it’s just cool enough out to make being burrito-ed feel good
– In the ivy church at Texas renfest after dark
When I was about 10 or 12, I used to lay on my horse’s back with my head on his butt and my legs crossed over his withers. So so unsafe now that I think back to it, but at the time it was the best and most comfortable thing around.
I was still doing that into my 30s on the old git, but Petal has a horror of anything touching her bum while being ridden so I am not doing it on her. Once I decorated her for Xmas with tinsel in her tail and whenever there was a gust of wind and it hit her on the backside she leapt 10 feet.
If that hamper of rumpled clean clothes has just come out of the dryer and is lovely and so so warm, I am THERE.
Holding a pile of just-from-the-dryer clothes is THE best feeling when it’s cold out.
Slipping into bed after you’ve put freshly-laundered, still-warm sheets on it.
soooooooooooooooooooooo niiiiiiiiiiice
It’s probably the most luxurious feeling in the entire world. Other sensations may come at a higher cost, or be more decadent, but you just can’t beat the feeling of those sheets. Particularly if you sleep naked.
I 100% endorse that entire comment.
One of my favorite small pleasures in life: taking a shower in a bathroom I just cleaned, putting on a freshly-clean nightie, and climbing into a bed freshly made-up with clean sheets. Aaaaah.
I really want to do this, only that would require cleaning my bathroom.
I’m going away for a long weekend on Wednesday morning and someone is coming to stay in my house and watch the dogs, so I have to clean my bathroom. And kitchen. And the rest of the house. Oh crap, why am I still here?
My roommates know my feelings on this. I have so many blankets on my bed they get washed in rotation, and occasionally a roommate will just come dump a freshly dried blanket or two on my recumbent form and enjoy the effusive thanks.
Me, now. Yesssssss.
As a child I remember wishing that I was miniature so I could live inside my mom’s purse. It looked so fancy and off-limits, and besides I would be able to chew gum that was as big as I was without having to ask my mom if I could have a piece.
Was this wish perchance inspired by the narrator of Roald Dahl’s The Witches, who gets turned into a tiny soft mouse and gets to go places in his grandmother’s handbag? I remember thinking that actually sounded rather nice…
This does sound vaguely familiar.
In a sand bank underneath the roots of a big fir tree.
In college, I worked at the PE Center folding warm towels after they’d been washed, and sometimes I fell asleep in the giant rolling bin of warm towels.
#catlife
That sounds like heaven! Were they white towels, with that bleachy clean white laundry smell? Help transport me.
Bleachy clean smell, yes, white: eh. They all had lines (red or blue) on the trim, and they were very soft when heaped. Sometimes I also climbed on the folding table and slept in them there. It was a good job.
i have fallen asleep in baskets of laundry on hot days. i would like to live there yes, with a bed of chest feathers that have just been sat on by a cat.
I have a hamper full of clean but rumpled clothes, if anyone wants to come over. Also I took them out of the dryer right before bed last night so I’m betting the ones in the middle are still magically a tiny bit warm (how does that work???).
In a hot air balloon anchored to Donald Trump’s hair. It would be a luxurious, gold-plated balloon but it would still float forever.
In the water of a fountain, at night, watching the moonlight through the rippling surface.
In a dollhouse with the kind of miniature furniture that’s made lovingly by hand with padded cushions.
In a cabinet. (I used to try to shut myself in them when I was younger until my dad made me stop.)
Well, people do get trapped in cabinets all the time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhL-SYQ_UKk
In the vent of an apartment building’s laundry room, where it is always pleasantly warm and filled with the aroma of dryer sheets.
Where no one ever, ever forgets their laundry and lets it get that horrible moldy smell.
A+ Maria Bamford usage <3
Inside of an itty bitty sun-drenched terrarium filled with mosses and leaves and a tiny puddle-lake. The terrarium is on the windowsill in a kitchen where a lot of bread gets baked. The terrarium is sealed but the smell of fresh bread can still get through somehow.
I don’t feel like this is too much to ask for.
Every time a see a big patch of really fuzzy-looking moss I think about resting my face on it, like just for a second.
Do it. (It is lovely.)
Moss is exactly what I thought of.
I eat so much boxed macaroni and cheese that sometimes I truly wonder is I HAVE become the orange powder, and everyone around is just humoring me, the giant orange power cloud in the shape of a human, and pretending that I am still made of flesh and bone.
I’m reasonably sure that my kitchen is fully coated in a fine layer of boxed macaroni and cheese orange powder. I’m scared to clean it and find out that I’m right.
In a cozy tent with a down sleeping bag while it rains all around outside.
Oh man, when you have a good tent you know won’t leak on you, and the rain is a gentle one, and there’s a breeze through the trees, and you have a fluffy warm-enough sleeping bag and a perfectly-inflated air mattress, and you are pleasantly tired from hiking or bicycling, this is one of the best ways to fall asleep. Close seconds are camping next to a creek and camping near the beach.
I guess I just like the sound of water?
This made me happy.
Within this endless expanse of magnificent belly floof:
Yiss. The only place superior to a bird’s fluffy chest feathers is in a kitty’s floofy chest fur.
I should add that I come pretty close to this in real life, because one of her most endearing habits is climbing onto the pillow in the middle of the night, smooshing up against my head, and purring like heck. The most soothing experience in the world.
It’s very unkind of you to just steal my cat like this. Please send her back asap.
In a Polly Pocket. The one with a garden and courtyard.
Oh, oh, I’ve got another one. There are certain songs I’d like to live inside of, just inhabiting them being one with the melodies and harmonies, inhaling them like oxygen and feeling them hum in my palms.
Inside of a cello being played.
When I was a kid I drew up plans for walling off the space beneath the aluminum slide in our backyard, creating a snug country getaway. Here’s a recreation of the cross section:
(I no longer quite remember my plans for ventilation, flooring, and the two entrances required by state fire codes.)
When my parents remodeled our old basement they actually created a cupboard under the stairs. I tried to live there for a weekend, but for the sake of authenticity the cupboard developed a Daddy Longlegs infestation and I noped out.
I wanted there to be a cupboard under our stairs so much, and I grew up in the Time Before Potter. I’m not sure what prompted that desire given those facts.
On the deck of a boat that glides through a perpetually calm and soothing ocean, with the sun just about to set.
And yes to the cloud. In fact, yes to all of this.
Channelwood, Riven, Tomahna and all the ages contained within J’Nanin in Myst III Exile.
I realize we’re all talking about things that are not places you could actually occupy, but I likes what I likes.
Oh absolutely yes. But I would pick Tay over Riven – less sunny, granted, but fewer earthquakes and fewer murderous imperialists. And who wouldn’t want to live in a giant beehive commune, home to a secret resistance movement, full of lanterns and rope bridges, on an island in the middle of a lake guarded by poison dart ninjas?
I’d like to live in the grass and flowers of an early summer morning, right when the dew evaporates and the air turns warm.
I want to live in a crevice in the bark of a sun-warmed tree.
Also in a swing, swooshing back and forth, forever. Or on the back of a bird, one of those that are good at soaring.
I want to live on a comet hurtling through space, unflinching, and fly too close to the sun.
If we’re going for Simpsons references, the Land of Chocolate.
Under the register of the gift shop where I used to work, on the big shelf where we kept a huge thick stack of tissue paper for wrapping fragile things.
Inside the fluffiest cat tail you can possibly imagine.
Also, cocooned in several of those fluffy microfibre blankets in my own plastic bubble, able to observe the world but not forced to interact with it.
Your second one sounds like my portal fantasy.
Some of these ideas seem entirely doable given the generous aid of a sufficiently ambitious crafting circle, or perhaps in the context of a reality show.
“Adding the sensation of nighttime motion to this enlarged version of the backseat of your Dad’s car was a relatively simple matter of gyroscopic motors and mood lighting. The real challenge was recreating the authentic aroma of night road and Dadsmell.”
I’ll have that too, please, but also with that specific feeling when you’re home from a vacation or long summer weekend and the car turns this exact corner that leads into your street and shortly after that, garage. I sometimes dream about this street corner, because I’m adamant that the car sounded differently there, almost like it gave a little content sigh “there, we’re home again.”
FYI, I have no less than 6 clean laundry piles for you to live in at any given time. You want towels? Clean sheets and pillowcases? Perhaps assorted socks and undergarments would be more comfortable? THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
This should be a children’s book with illustrations!
I want to live on the fungus shelves that stick out from some trees in the New England woods, in a tiny house, with ladders and slides to other fungi for stretching legs and visiting friends who also live on fungi.
To my delight, my spare dad and I were talking about something else when tree fungi came up and he admitted he had always wanted to live on one too. It was a moment of instant, delighted mutual astonishment.
LIKE A FAIRY
THE POCKET ONE yes
In a bath made of hot cocoa with unlimited buttered toast.
I want to be a small country mouse taking a nap on a bed of embroidery floss. I didn’t know that until tonight, but it came to me and I can’t unknow it.
I think I would most like to live in the gently swaying shadows the old tree made on the curtains of my room in my parent’s old house. Before they fell the tree, and moved out of the house.
On a springy little tuft of moss, under a sheltering mushroom cap. Possibly inside the mushroom stem.
Springy little tufts of moss are the best. If I were a forest creature I would try to make blankets out of them.
Inside a screened in porch where it’s always gently drizzling or just finished raining outside so it’s cool and fresh at all times, wrapped up in a pile of soft blankets on a couch.
Wedged into the corner of my couch.
DON’T EAT PENNIES
I am feeling very emotionally fragile at the moment and “Exactly on the place of any furniture where a small dog was just asleep on it so it’s still warm and he’s coming back any minute” made me start crying. Why? This is not a sad thing! I will pet my small dog and try to forget she is mortal.
I am feeling very emotionally fragile at the moment and "Exactly on the place of any furniture where a small dog was just asleep on it so it’s still warm and he’s coming back any minute" made me start crying. Why? This is not a sad thing! I will pet my small dog and try to forget she is mortal.
Springy little tufts of moss are the best. If I were a forest creature I would try to make blankets out of them.
Inside of a cello being played.
Where no one ever, ever forgets their laundry and lets it get that horrible moldy smell.