Botched is a television show that follows two Hollywood plastic surgeons who specialize in repairing the mismanaged work of other, lesser plastic surgeons. One of the most common recurring characters is the Supportive Partner who is terrified above all else of saying something accidentally unsupportive. They (almost always, but not exclusively, he) cannot appear disapproving of their patient-girlfriend’s choice, but neither can they sound over-eager, lest they come across as an ogre on national television. Theirs is a narrow path beset with thorns.
The SP usually wears an unnecessary hat and a deer-in-the-headlights expression.
“I love the way she looks now, but I understand it’s important to X that her stomach no longer be full of cement, which the last doctor left in her abdominal cavity.”
“I think she looks perfect no matter how many nipples she has.”
[After Dr. Nassif jokingly suggests that he, the Supportive Partner, will prefer sex with his girlfriend after she gets breast implants] “I…whoa. I don’t know, man. I just…[physically backs away as if from an open flame]”
“She’s doing this for her. She’s not doing it for me. She’s never done anything for me. Which is a good thing. I have never expressed a preference in my life. I do not possess opinions, nor would I wish for her to do anything for me. I am content merely to sit here in this waiting room and listen to ska.”
“If it were up to me, he’d never get surgery. Which – [panicked realization] that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t get surgery. Or couldn’t. I mean, it’s not up to me. It isn’t up to me, at all. I think he’s going to look great after, but he already looks great now. And he looks great now. Not but. I should say. Not that there is anything wrong with his butt!”
“As long as she’s happy, I’m happy. I just want her to be happy. By coincidence, this would also make me happy, but that has nothing to do with the thing that makes her happy.”
“Please do not suggest in any way that I am capable of noticing a physical change in my partner. If she were a tree ghost with fourteen cloud-arms, I would honestly have no idea. I truly cannot see her. I only sense her happiness, like a heartbeat pulsing across my own face. My eyes can no longer register her physical form. Dr. Dubrow is a wonderful surgeon.”
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Oh man do I love this show and in no way does this article impact that negatively.
Saaaaaaaaaame
Sigh, me too! There was a Botched marathon playing on the teevee just a little while ago and I was in heaven. HEAVEN. It’s the transformation part that sucks me in, honest to goodness.
I love the contrast of inane Hollywood reality show bluster with the fact that they are actually highly trained, talented surgeons.
The good elliptical at my gym is directly underneath the E! tv that shows Botched marathons and it’s extremely motivating because I keep trying to run away from the surgeries.
lol the “good elliptical”
I haven’t switched from the more expensive gym to the cheaper one that recently opened closer to my house because I would miss ‘my’ treadmill.
this show sounds like one of those apex moments of cultural dissolution. that we have created an era that wants this.
I was just in Florida, where there are ads for plastic surgery pretty much everywhere. Between that and the theme parks, it feels like endless summer, endless childhood, endless id. There are no more adults.
This is how a really good horror novel starts.
why the fuck wouldn’t you want this
people think the whales are singing, but actually they are very slowly and melodically mourning being smart enough to comprehend plastic surgery reality shows but too big and aquatic to watch them
I have to admit that is a very persuasive case and should probably be framed
Can I borrow this? I mean, can I just have it? From now on, every chance I get, “sure, you think the whales are singing, but actually they are MOURNING (insert pathetic First World anything).
I like 75% lifted it from Herzog anyway so yeah by all means
Well, I’m glad I asked, otherwise I wouldn’t have received that Herzog link. Going home sick and watching all of these.
hey, I know that little monologue. sa birdss aren’t singing, sey are screaming!
I’ve never heard of this show before and this was the most hilarious thing I’ve read all week. Brava!
Please please tell me these are real. I was convinced until I hit “tree ghost with fourteen cloud-arms” and now I suspect Mallory may be laying another trap for me.
I mean, if I went to a plastic surgeon and their waiting room was playing ska, I would find their practice highly suspect and most likely not go through with the procedure, tbh
Too Much Pressure! https://youtu.be/n0cKm7ObfK0
I enjoyed that detail about ska in the waiting room, because it really played into my understanding of southern California, which is that everything there is the exact opposite of the way I would want it to be/think appropriate or pleasing.
Why be a hater, rusalka? What did SoCal do to you?
absolutely nothing, it’s just not the place for me
Depends on which ska. First wave? Totally legit, these dudes know their stuff, cut away, cutty. Second wave? Well… If Specials, full points, if Bad Manners, maybe you would like to listen to their lyrics and think about their gender politics? Third wave? You are FAR TOO YOUNG FOR THIS, young surgeon, I will be wandering on now.
This reminds me of when, one day on the drive to work, I demanded that my intended tell me whether he would rather I work a lot in private practice and having a banging career and tons of money, or me taking a different, lower-key job where I left at 5 every day and made less money.
Ever so carefully my own SP says “I want whatever would make you happy.”
NOT HELPFUL WHEN I’M TRYING TO START A FIGHT, DUDE.
Gotta be more subtle starting fights, yo. Start with something innocuous like “Isn’t it crazy how life plans can change?” or “I don’t know, it’s not necessarily SETTLING if you enjoy it, right?”
Then swoop in, talons out and sharp for the kill.
My goddess.
You are good at this.
Would you mind if I stole “Robot needs love but starts fights instead” as the theme for a short story?
Or like my partner if you are really determined to start a fight here is a fool proof system:
Come home at midnight and mention as the door closes, that you are thinking of moving to Gibraltar.
Of course, you don’t expect your partner to move…. immediately, but you are required to be supportive (or else it clearly demonstrates that the relationship has to be ended).
Then mention 5 mins later, casually, that you will actually need your partner to move to Gibraltar unless you want a permanent long distance relationship.
Brew for 5 mins and stir on occasion. Fight guaranteed.
Is…is this the right place to talk about my crush on Terry Dubrow?
I have never seen this “Terry Dubrow” you speak of, but if this isn’t the place, friend, there is no place. (so this must be the place!)
And now I have a Talking Heads song stuck in my head.
(It’s my fave, so that’s fine.)
Here’s the thing, though – people tell me they’ve lost or gained weight and I cannot. effin. tell. I feel like I’m maybe a pre-Supportive Partner and am just waiting on deck for my husband to have some horrible plastic surgery and then subsequent consultation to fix said horrible plastic surgery. I’m ready! (Spongebob voice, obviously.)
Me too! Especially if they’re co-workers you see every day and even if it was a big change, it’s so gradual that you don’t notice.
Whoa nipple implants are an option? I’ll take three dozen, added periodically on increasingly unlikely parts of my body. Just to see if the mister notices.
‘No, honey, there’s always been a nipple on my elbow, why do you ask?’
I laughed so hard at this I started wheezing. Just so you know.
Just be careful never to walk into Witchfinder Sergeant Shadwell.
I had a dream that I had one of those faces of women you can’t tell how old they are because they have so much going on with lip implants, cheek implants, botox, etc. It was terrifying. I obviously need to watch this show.
I read that as “Dr. Dudbrow,” and thought you were making a play on words. I was upset to realize that 1. you were not, and 2. I had misread the gentleman’s name.
Although Dr. Dudebro would be the perfect name for a plastic surgeon.
But did you see the episode where they found out a woman had a terrible, LIFE-THREATENING tumor that could have been exasperated at ANY MOMENT and would have KILLED HER?!?!?! She almost rode a roller coaster and it would have been the DEATH OF HER!
No, but seriously, that woman was a total peach and it’s cases like hers that make me like the show. Doctor after doctor fucked up her face and Dr. Dubrow and Dr. Paul Nasiff saved her!
Also: does anyone picture the doctors as a gay couple who have been together for so long no one can remember when they weren’t? And Dubrow is the dramatic one who describes himself as “a bit queeny,” while Paul is definitely the one who handles their budget and researches everything before purchase.
Does “exasperated” have some sort of alternate, tumor-related definition of which I am unaware? Because I am super confused by that first sentence.
Aspirated, maybe? Metastasized?
I think it’s supposed to be exacerbated.
Exacerbated, I suspect.
“I’m doing my best to be a hideous shadow over your life and you’re still enjoying yourself? Why don’t I just kill us now?”
I believe it was a brain aneurysm, possibly. Are we talking about the one with the lovely woman with the disproportionately tiny nose who had a scooter accident in Italy?
(Clearly I am a huge fan of this show #TeamNassif)
Yes! Sorry, tumor, aneurysm…my tiny lady brain can’t keep them all straight.
“I have never expressed a preference in my life. I do not possess opinions, nor would I wish for her to do anything for me.”
oh god. the realism. it hurts.
There is really no way to say, “Yes, I will be super relieved when her ass cheeks no longer flip around inside the skin and I will find it much sexier when her ass doesn’t do that” on t.v. without sounding like an asshole (especially given that on the list of reasons to have such a condition fixed, “sexiness” should probably be pretty far down the list). The first partner to be honest on this show will probably get their head handed to them on a platter.
But…why do people say this in real life? My husband says this to me on occasion and I know it’s not true. The man has opinions on everything. Just…if I’m asking, just tell me.
I need to watch every episode of this show immediately, please someone tell me where I can stream it.
Cosigned, I badly need a moderately terrible reality TV show to play while I do school stuff.
I also have a crush on Terry Dubrow, but at the same time I have to admit between his big head and general level of excitability, I have to admit he kind of looks like a puppet.
Or like my partner if you are really determined to start a fight here is a fool proof system:
Come home at midnight and mention as the door closes, that you are thinking of moving to Gibraltar.
Of course, you don't expect your partner to move…. immediately, but you are required to be supportive (or else it clearly demonstrates that the relationship has to be ended).
Then mention 5 mins later, casually, that you will actually need your partner to move to Gibraltar unless you want a permanent long distance relationship.
Brew for 5 mins and stir on occasion. Fight guaranteed.