The Amazing Lady Godiva
this minx distracts her foes with nudity & chocolate
*
Catlady
Catlady’s superpowers include feeding feral specimens and getting called before the health board
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The Spectacular Gluten Boy
Gluten Boy eats those tempting grains, so you don’t have to.
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Sports Trivia Triathlete-Man
this brainiac can tell you every starting lineup of the Boston Red Sox going back 112 years. He is also well-versed in Celtics and Bruins history. His mother finds this all very impressive but wishes he wouldn’t monopolize the television so much.
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Man Who Doesn’t Look Silly Driving a Scion
he pulls off that non-ironic mustache, too!
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Guy With a Semi-Reliable Coke Connection
“Of course I can help — just let me make 12 phone calls and then we’ll wait for my guy behind the 7-11. Shouldn’t be more than three or four hours.”
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Ironic Maiden
Ironic Maiden has bangs that’ll slice right through you.
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Guy Who Is Awkward About Tipping
“Not to be a dick, Batgirl, but I mean it’s pretty clear that I drank only water and hardly touched the falafel platter, so I’mma just leave this JFK 50-cent piece and you can handle the rest. We cool?”
*
Woman Who Always Finds Change in the Couch
you thought you’d dug out all those nickels. YOU WERE WRONG
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Man Who Can Say ‘The C-Word’ With Impunity
seriously, it’s insane what this guy gets away with
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Graphic-Designer Man
this mysterious Brooklynite spends his free time designing t-shirts that are mildly amusing
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TXT Force-Field Lady
this lady’s superpower is the ability to block all digital communications from former congressman Anthony Weiner
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Captain Marble
this superhero may look like a loaf of rye bread — but he can fly!
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Undead Emily Brontë
this literary sister is jonesing for brains. Wuthering Heights? More like Wuthering Bites!
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Lady Who More or Less Remembers French from High School
Are you backpacking across Europe? Did you leave your phrasebook in that nice Alsatian boy’s apartment? Fear not! Lady More-or-Less will help you ask where the bathroom is, and what the bathroom calls itself
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The Man of Latex
like Superman, except he targets villains allergic to synthetic rubber
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Rex “Luthor” Reed
a diabolical film critic with superhuman myopia
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Man Who “Doesn’t See Race, Really”
this superhero has preternaturally sharp vision, except where race is concerned, he swears. “I don’t even know what color Kanye is,” he says. “Maybe purple? He sounds purple.”
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Woman Who’s Totally Cool With Her Ex Getting Married
“Oh I think that’s just great for Craig. They look happy together, and he always needed someone more matronly. Plus basically she’s just the cutest, right? I mean, if you’re into unibrows, which apparently he is now.”
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Crayon Man
Crayon Man (a.k.a. Cray-Cray, a.k.a. Mauves Like Jagger) achieved enlightenment after he swallowed a burnt sienna with the wrapper still on. Now, he is very good at coloring books but not very good at digestion.
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Woman Who Is Great at Giving Handjobs
they’re almost as good as the ones Triathlete-Man gives himself!!
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Illustrator: Aimee Fleck is a freelance illustrator and writer with a particular interest in fashion, feminism, and science fiction. Her most recent publication is DAMN GIRL THAT STYLE IS FAT, a basic style guide for plus-size women.
Tags: aimee fleck, artwork, cartoons, edward scheinman, superheroes
Okay guys which one does your city need the most?
AIMEE FLECK FOREVER
I think my city already has most of these people. I feel safe. 🙂
I was just saying the other day that handjobs are awful. That girl really is a hero.
They are an utter waste of your time and talents.
That is exactly what I believe.
WRONG hand jobs are the best. My new year’s resolution is going to be to give more hand jobs.
lol oh my god why would you even touch it with your HANDS
I… was ALSO saying this the other day. So weird. Apparently I am in the minority though, the othe 3 people I was having the conversation with (2 ladies/1 dude) were more or less pro-handies.
is that really how people get cocaine
I’ve said this already but ted that author picture is awfully saucy
Wait wait is the author that Ted dude or Aimee Fleck??
ted dude
oh my god if that was a lazily saucy-faced GIRL with a little stubble do you seriously think i would not already be dating her??
FAIR POINT, LADY. But I ask because under the last superhero is this little blurb in italics:
“Aimee Fleck is a freelance illustrator and writer with a particular interest in fashion, feminism, and science fiction. Her most recent publication is DAMN GIRL THAT STYLE IS FAT, a basic style guide for plus-size women.”
Ted wrote, she illustrated. We always like to run a little bio for the artist down at the bottom. (I’ve tossed in an “illustrator” prefix.)
Ah! I should’ve assumed as much, and I love that we get bios for both parties. Sorry if I was a pill! {don’t be mad at meeeeeee}
MAJOR CONFLICT.
🙁
We’re going to want a mediation session.
Don’t believe her, she no-showed our Five Guys appointment
Mallory I conjure such sauciness only for you.
Man Who Can Say ‘The C-Word’ With Impunity
seriously, it’s insane what this guy gets away with
I used to work with this guy! Oh man. He had us all saying it after a while.
My friend is this guy. He gets away with saying all kinds of crazy things. I don’t know how!
Lady Godiva is already naked, so she’d probaby be a very successful superhero. I mean like, commercially, although probably in a real life superhero context too. Like, if you don’t already love chocolate, then you’re allergic to it, so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah, I thought this through way too much.
Mallory I conjure such sauciness only for you.
Guy Who is Awkward About Tipping totally needs to get kicked out of the Hall of Justice. Or at least my next restaurant outing with friends.
Guy Who is Awkward About Tipping totally needs to get kicked out of the Hall of Justice. Or at least my next restaurant outing with friends.
Don't believe her, she no-showed our Five Guys appointment
I would absolutely read this.
This is a boring comment but I’m loving all these collaborations with illustrators. And the puns! It takes balls to pun so freely.
Man Who Can Say ‘The C-Word’ With Impunity: also known as Irish-Man
I AM LADY MORE OR LESS
“Et comment s’appelle le toilette?”
GLORIOUS