Trending in 2014 and always: state-sanctioned streetside executions of racial minorities.
Request: Let’s keep #CrimingWhileWhite stories out of these comments. I think those are great for white people talking to other white people; I don’t think it was something black people needed to see all over their timelines YESTERDAY, however kindly meant. It’s already taking a lot of attention away from black voices because the media has never needed an excuse to amplify white stories, and I personally would prefer to not see them here or in my submissions box.
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Roxane wrote this incredible, wrenching thing yesterday:
We don’t know how to hear stories about any kind of violence, because it is hard to accept that these things are complicated, that you can love someone who hurts you, that you can stay with someone who hurts you, that you can be hurt by someone who loves you, that you can be hurt by a complete stranger, that you can be hurt.
I believe in the importance of sharing histories of violence. I am reticent to share my own history of violence.
There was a boy. I loved him. His name was Christopher. That is not really his name. You know that.
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The new rules for black people in America:
Black people are not supposed to post too frequently on Facebook or Twitter.
Black people are not supposed to be social justice warriors.
Black people are not supposed to demonstrate during sporting events.
Black people are not supposed to use our hard won positions of power to express our true frustrations or fears.
Black people are not supposed to help each other.
Black people are not supposed to make people feel uncomfortable or threatened or left out.
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Jian Ghomeshi is the worst, and the CBC really screwed the pooch for its other employees:
My old union issued a memo along similar lines, saying that no union staff members had heard of any complaints of sexual harassment. I emailed Bruce May, a staff representative at the CMG, and told him the memo was wrong, because I’d spoken to Neesam. May replied that technically the memo was correct, because Neesam was an “elected representative” and not a union “staff member”. He asked if that “clarified” things for me, and I said that it did: it clarified that the union was carefully parsing its words to leave casual readers with the impression that I was lying and they had done the right thing.
Chris Boyce, the executive director of radio at the CBC, has been equally coy – saying that management launched an investigation into Ghomeshi’s workplace conduct in the summer, while dodging the question of who, specifically, he talked to. None of my former colleagues were contacted, nor was I. Meanwhile, when my former boss, Noorani, was identified as the executive who told me that I had to learn to cope with Ghomeshi’s harassment, he was shuffled to another show, instead of being shown the door.
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This spot had been me cheerfully saying Tilda Swinton was great, but I had not known she was one of the aggravating pro-Polanski apologists until commenters pointed it out (Polanski is fucking awful), and now this spot no longer contains said perky fondness for Tilda Swinton.
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Scott has been in a relationship with Michael Rausch since 1986, when they met in a Portland, Ore., bar during Scott’s first off-season after reaching the majors. They were married in California last year. Baseball officials and fellow umpires have known that Scott is gay since the late 1990s, he said.
But it is only now that Scott decided to nudge the news into the public realm. It began when Referee magazine wrote an article about Scott for its October issue. While the article did not delve into his personal life, Scott submitted a photograph of him with Rausch. The caption noted that Rausch was Scott’s longtime companion.
“He has been on this journey with me for 28 years, and I felt like he should be included in this also, because he’s such an important part of my life,” Scott said.
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Toni Morrison has a new novel coming out in April!
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Cheating in the world of bass fishing:
Whenever I told friends of mine I was working on a story about cheating at bass fishing, they always asked the same thing: How in the world do you cheat at bass fishing? Let me count the ways, I’d tell them.
By far, the most common way people cheat is to store a fish basket or pet taxi under a dock, filled with lunkers they’d caught before the event, and then retrieve the fish while they were supposed to be out fishing. A variation on this would be to attach a string to a stump in the water and hook various fish to the string. This way allows fishermen to retrieve the fish while faking that they actually caught them, just in case they were paired up in the boat with a competitor. There was the story that Ray Scott told me about a man who showed up for a tournament wearing a full-length raincoat even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky — his partner later discovered the man had a string of bass draped around his neck. There was the guy in the U.K. who last year won a bass fishing tournament with a 13-pounder, only to have the second-place finisher recognize the giant bass from a recent trip he had taken to the local aquarium with his daughter. They called the aquarium and, sure enough, it was missing a big bass. People have been caught buying fish off of noncompetitors on the lake during an event, or sharing fish between colluding teams.
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DON’T YOU DARE APOLOGIZE TO THAT BITCH, LADY:
Q. Her Weight Problem, Not Mine: Over Thanksgiving, I volunteered to host my relatives. This included my cousin who used to be a plus-sized woman, had gastric bypass five years ago, and now believes in fat shaming. She targets me especially because of the fact I am a plus-sized woman too, but love my body. During Thanksgiving, she talked about my weight to anyone that would listen, even after I told her to stop it. I am ashamed to say that after she made a reference to my black swimsuit as a Shamu suit, my temper got the better of me, and I grabbed some mashed potatoes with my hands and started throwing them at her, screaming that she was a hateful, horrible person and then tossed her out of my house.
Now that the dust has settled, my family feels I owe HER an apology and an invitation to spend Christmas with me! Please help me get them off my back already!
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Just read the summary of House’s series ending and I can’t stop laughing pic.twitter.com/QzqStB8T9X
— Christian Brown (@DeepOmega) December 3, 2014
Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
My fat ass would have gone with something more pain inflicting. Possibly the fucking turkey.
E-fucking-xactly.
Had I been at that dinner, I would have cheered her on and joined in with the potato-tossing. Seriously.
Prudie gives the worst advice. Yeah, in some perfect version of the world, this lady could apologize for snapping and her cousin would apologize for her comments and they could all sing “Jingle Bells” together this Christmas. What’s actually going to happen if she apologizes is that the terrible cousin will see it as an admission that the LW was wrong and she was right, and she’ll keep on being evil. This is time for a good old-fashioned cut-off of all contact if there ever was one.
#notsorryiamnotsorry
Ugh Prudie is the worst. Terrible cousin is also the worst. Also LW’s family, who seem to feel that “keeping the peace” is more important than not surrounding yourself with people who harm you.
My response to that question would be “make some more mashed potatoes and chuck them at her windows”.
Waste of good potatoes.
Although to be fair, I’m pretty sure none of that ever happened.
Sometimes I’m really happy for my family because I think if anyone uttered the words “Shamu suit” we’d get together and upend the dinner table.
Forcibly removed from my home by her ear, never allowed back.
“It’s already taking a lot of attention away from black voices because the media has never needed an excuse to amplify white stories”
THANK YOU. I was pretty shocked that that is what started popping up everywhere last night. It may have been well intentioned, but it was just not the right time.
This is how I also feel about ALL lives matter – saying this really means you are missing the point by a mile and should shut up immediately.
I saw a great tweet that said something like “saying #alllivesmatter right now is like storming into a funeral and yelling “I’VE FELT LOSS TOO” – it’s not the right time or place, this isn’t about you”
It was Arthur Chu! Thank god for Arthur Chu.
thank you! I couldn’t find where I had seen it, glad someone was able to attribute it!
I just went back on Arthur Chu’s twitter until I found that tweet just so I could retweet it. Such a great tweet.
it struck me as weird that we all made Nate Silver apologize for basically the same thing. But when a CRITICAL MASS of white people do it on a HASHTAG it’s ALLYSHIP.
Not to elevate another white voice but Richard Lawson tweeted something about this that I loved: “I wonder how much ‘I was a cool, crazy, teen’ bragging I can sneak into my hashtag tweet about the inequalities of the justice system.”
I think context matters. Stories of lenience against white criminality are useful for conversations between white people. I have sent a couple of good pieces to white reactionaries making arguments about Brown’s alleged criminality to highlight the disparity in black/white experiences with law enforcement and it shut them up. On the other hand, there are so many damn stories of white people taking up way too much space at Ferguson protests, being obnoxious without thinking about the consequences their actions will have for black protestors, whining about being asked to step back, and so on, and #CrimingWhileWhite fits into that picture. That hashtag ultimately has little to add because there are already black activists pointing out stories of white mass shooters being taken alive etc.
Tilda Swinton signed the stop-being-so-mean-to-that-nice-Roman-Polanski petition. I just cannot get behind her as cool icon.
I am 100% behind Threw Mashed Potato woman as icon.
Co-signed 100000%. I have no problem with liking her acting or her aesthetic, but she is hella problematic, and no one seems to want to acknowledge that.
Mashed-potato-throwing lady is hereby invited to spend any and all holidays with my family, where any hint of fat-shaming (or meanness of any kind, really) would be shut down well before it got to the potato-throwing stage.
Oh god, I had no idea. Thanks (I guess) for the education.
In entertainment news, Lea Seydoux will be in the next Bond movie playing someone named Madeleine Swann.
I love highbrow literary references as much as the next person, but Proust doesn’t strike me as the best basis for an action-packed spy thriller, so hopefully that’s the only inspiration they took from him…
Stupid, but better than “Pussy Galore”…
There was an awesome radio sketch with a Fleming-ish writer trying to come up with a new Sexy Bond Girl name, which ME and my partner quote all the time. “Pleased to meet you, Mr Bond. I am … Breasty McBooberson! God, no. … I am .. Mrs Sex! UGH, no.”
“Do you expect me to talk, Proust?”
“Non, Monsieur Bond: I expect you to enact the texture of experience through a vast contrapuntal work of art!”
I am now imagining Sean Connery saying “Proust” and it is delightful (Proosht!). Thanks for that!
Yay, Toni Morrison! Maybe a selection for a spring Toastie book club?
I haven’t finished it yet, but I am SO INTO this bass fishing article, oh man. I didn’t know it was so high stakes!
Re: Prudie, fuck that cousin. I would have thrown the entire gravy boat at them, scalding hot gravy and all.
DUDE Prudie is always batshit but who saw this question???? My husband and I have had a rocky sexual relationship. One day, while looking for something on his computer, I stumbled across websites where he’d posted compromising pictures of me. When confronted, he admitted it and apologized. I’m feeling betrayed because these photos he took of me I expressly said I wanted to be for his eyes only. “But your photos made it into the top 10!” he told me, based on the rating system. Please help.
I’m actually surprised that Prudie’s advice was “get him to take everything down and hie thee to marriage counselling” because my advice would have been “Do you have a good defense lawyer because once they find the body in the woods you’re going to be in trouble.”
ugghhhhhhhhhh. this is why i stopped reading Prudie. There is no recovering from that kind of breech of trust and disrespect for your wife as a HUMAN
Best advice would have be how to hide a body and what’s the least messy method for dispatching your husband.
My advice would be move to California and throw his ass in jail.
2nd that
how could he think “you made it into the top 10” was an acceptable response to her confronting him?
For the same reasons men think catcalling is a compliment.
Men. The answer is men.
Sounds like a job for Annalise Keating.
That bass fishing cheaters excerpt provided my first laugh in a couple of days, so thank you. BASS NECKLACE.
I am also impressed by the “I recognized that fish” part. Like, REALLY impressed.
It must be a hard thing to prove, though! I dunno if the restaurant could swear to unique markings on that particular fish.
Seriously, I love that that guy must have been really communing with that aquarium fish for him to recognize it later.
OMG, I never considered that intense “fish to person” aspect to the story. Extra Awesome Weirdness Points!
(Although I will admit I fucking LOVED the Vancouver Aquarium’s octopus and if my parents allowed it, I would have happily parked myself across from it for hours. Still love octopi to this day!)
Yeah, I agree with previous comments: Prudie is awful and I really wish The Toast would stop linking to her.
I am strengthened by the amount of Prudie-bashing here today. I’m always surprised when Toast commenters take her even the slightest bit seriously. Emily Yoffe, you seem like a nice enough person and all, but please stop writing on the internets.
agreed… also, sometimes it’s like, the toast often links to the same sites… slate, the awl, longreads, medium, probably some others… so after the first couple mentions, i kindof just go to the source itself instead of the link roundup. but the comments here are the only ones i read, so, i guess that’s the whole point of the toast!
But then I wouldn’t get to read hundreds of comments mocking Prudie. She is awful, but making fun of her is a delight.
Look something’s gotta fill the void in our collective lives left by Jerry Springer going off the air
Agree. I have finally recognized the many Prudie links and learned not to click on them, but I kind of wish The Toast would just stop directing traffic Prudie’s way to begin with.
I hope that’s exactly how Sherlock ends, too.
It’s basically how Due South ends, except that they ride off into the sunset on a snowmobile. (Was it two snowmobiles? I can’t remember anymore, but my heart says it was only one snowmobile.)
I thought it was a dogsled? But there’s definitely only one.
One dog sled, with Ray riding while Fraser drives. FIND THAT REACHING OUT HAND.
I have no idea if you intended this comment to be as slashy as I read it but I’m dyin’ here.
IT’S REALLY HARD (lol hard) NOT TO WITH THESE TWO.
(It was a total accident or just latent from 2006)
The actors even shipped it for godssake.
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD DUE SOUTH IN THE HOUSE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS
IT’S A CLEVERMANKA DUE SOUTH GIF MY LIFE IS COMPLETE
And Mycroft and Lestrade are just kissing in the background. So much kissing. Right?
Moriarty is going to be in the new Bond. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And Molly Hooper is waving goodbye as the new director of St. Bart’s hand in hand with a rich and handsome new husband. Or maybe Irene Adler.
God, I want something so much better for her.
Definitely Irene Adler.
ME TOO. In the latest season I was like “yay she’s getting so much more airtime!” Then it was like “Oh no she’s getting so much more airtime!”
I fully admit to being a bit of Sherlock/Molly shipper but as I get farther away from series 3, I hope Molly moves on with Lestrade and also Sherlock/John drive off into the sunset together…
I want to see Molly bring Irene Adler to her knees.
House was based on Sherlock Holmes (Homes–House) and this new Sherlock fella is apparently based on House, so, yeah, I think you’ve nailed it
That seems extremely obvious now that you say that. So much so, that I am a wee bit ashamed that thought NEVER occurred to me…
Yesterday (and many days before) was terrible. If anyone is in Boston and wants to coordinate going to the protest in support of Eric in Boston Common tonight, let me know.
But despite all the awful: that Tilda piece is making me live. I’m quitting my job to go write celebrity profiles, with the hope of one day being allowed to spend just 12 hours with Tilda and her dogs and eggs. Wish me luck.
ETA: Realizing from the comments that she signed that petition in support of Polanski, which is gross and inexcusable. Oh well. Wasn’t actually going to quit my day job, but still bummed about her defending a pedophile rapist.
I am so sad and angry at The World In General right now that I’m just humming stuff from Into the Woods (there is a new clip of “The Steps of The Palace” out today, and it is cheerful) because otherwise I will just lose my shit on the next person who looks at me sideways.
he’s a very nice prince
he’s a prince who prepares
knowing this time I’d run from him
he spread pitch on the stairs
…who wants to recite the entire musical right now, I would but I have a day job.
And I thought,
Well… he cares?
no no wait, he’s a smart prince, not a nice prince
He has charm for a prince I guess.
Guess?
…I don’t meet a wide range.
If the end is right it justifies the beans.
Driving fast through the Highlands sounds horrible. You’d miss so much scenery, and you’d probably be trying not to vomit considering the egregious number of upanddownandupanddownandupanddown stretches along the way.
When I was in Scotland, the ride back from the lochs to Edinburgh involved watching the movie Braveheart from the back of the bus. I felt terribly sick, but probably not as sick as I would’ve had Tilda Swinton been driving the bus.
Tilda Swinton driving a bus. That is all.
I really wish I had the balls to throw mashed potatoes at someone! It’s interesting that she’s being pressurized to apologize by her family and I’m assuming her cousin isn’t even though she was being a bitch. I just don’t like it. Her apology should be “I’m sorry for not being sorry”
Or “I’m sorry I threw mashed potatoes at you. I should have thrown something heavier instead.”
My main objection is that it is a waste of perfectly good mashed potatoes. Shoulda thrown the green bean casserole.
No, no! The FRUITCAKE.
Or she should just go with the classic “I’m sorry if you were offended.” All the look of an apology, no guilt actually admitted!
Except she wasn’t offended, she was covered in mashed potato (because oh gopd I want the mashed potato part to be literally true. So maybe the equivalent would be, “I’m sorry you were in the path of my entirely impersonal mashed potato art.”
“I’m sorry I had to waste these delicious potatoes after you were an ass.”
“I’m sorry you caused that to happen.”
Or maybe she should invite her for Christmas and ask her to bring the mashed potatoes.
She should show up with an enormous bowl of pudding or a sloppy joe (anything that is messy) and eat it while she “apologizes” to her cousin, knowing it will get her cousin’s knickers in a serious twist.
No, right, but I don’t mean *basically.* I mean *literally.* I mean I hope there is leather and motorcycles and that Cumberbatch’s last words of the series are “Cancer is boring.” I want THAT EXACT ENDING.
(reply to upthread, obvs. I hate the Reply Button Roulette.)
Everyone should follow #alivewhileblack
Husband and I are going on a trip to Scotland this summer. How do I get in touch with Tilda so she can drive us around in her Skoda? I’ll bring balls for the dogs.
BTW the S in Skoda is supposed to have an accent so you pronounce it SH. Shkoda.
“Shkoda” is the word that my Ukrainian grandmother uses to mean “don’t waste it” or in so many words “there’s still good food there let me eat it.” I don’t know if this is close to any word or phrase in either Ukrainian or Russian, but I will always associate it with that. What does it say about those cars, though??
In the UK, “Skoda” is shorthand for “really bad car” (although I think that’s a fairly outdated stereoype now).
We see them all over Croatia when we visit. They replaced all the Yugos people used to have, so they are dinky, cheap cars.
Škodas are Czech and the word literally means like… damage, harm, injury, etc. Have no idea what the original story was for choosing that overtly honest name for the company.
It can also be used as “what a pity, what a shame,”—which may be similar in phrasing to how your grandma was using it in Russian/Ukrainian?
In Russian, it means “flaw” or “mischief” (or something along the lines of “mischief maker”/”scamp” when you’re talking about a person).
So yeah, your grandma was gently chiding you.
Mary already mentioned this, but I will also, because it bears repeating:
Tilda Swinton has and to my knowledge continues to defend Roman Polanski, child rapist.
Tilda Swinton actively defends Roman Polanski, child rapist.
Tilda Swinton actively defends Roman Polanski, child rapist.
She IS NOT better than me.
She is not better than the VAST MAJORITY of readers here.
I have never before taken serious issue with something posted here at The Toast, but I am taking a firm stand on this one. If you’re going to get all swoon-y about her — and I do still watch her films, and Only Lovers Left Alive was amazing — that’s not terrible or even unwarranted. But unqualified statements about “She is better than all of us!” really set my teeth on edge.
I did not know that I and I am disappointed in her. Wow.
I did not either, actually, and I was very relieved when Emma Thompson UN-signed, so I will have to inform myself and be bummed out.
Aaaaand I didn’t know Emma Thompson had either signed or un-signed, and now I am in a fog of disappointment. I mean, good for her changing her mind, but what the fuck.
She figured it out pretty quickly, at least, and did not get defensive: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/tho…
Natalie Portman?! Harrison Ford!? Ugh I forgot how terrible that was. But thank you for the link, I’m glad Emma Thompson reconsidered.
GUILLERMO DEL TORO signed that fucking thing, and I am forever heartbroken.
GUILLERMO NO.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GUILLERMO I BELIEVED IN YOU.
Seriously. I respect the hell out of her for listening to a young woman in her teens (!) and taking a principled stand on this, but you kind of wish she’d gotten to the principled part sooner, right? :/
Yeah, with Swinton and other similarly-positioned individuals, one gets the sense that at some level the thought process is, “A celebrity is at risk of going to jail for something he did? Could that possibly mean that I, another celebrity, could similarly be held responsible for my actions?”
not to further stir the pot, but it seems especially reprehensible to both link Roxane Gay’s beautiful and powerful piece from yesterday and then applaud a child rape apologist in the same post.
I did not know that Tilda Swinton was on the Polanski Apologia Crew, and the post has been edited.
Thank you.
(I truly appreciate how considerate and thoughtful the Toast is, even when it missteps slightly.)
(Especially when it missteps slightly)
I mean, if you cannot detach yourself without a bunch of hand-wringing from a fondness for a celebrity who defends a child rapist, probably you are an asshole.
Your rapid, non-defensive, and appropriate response is awesome, and you are awesome. Thank you.
I had no idea!
The second-place finisher RECOGNIZED THE WINNING BASS FROM THE LOCAL AQUARIUM. This dude RECOGNIZED. A FISH. From SOMEWHERE ELSE. Talk about burying the lede!
“I would recognize that fish anywhere. I fell in love with it when I first saw it.”
Professional fishermen are a breed unto their on.
Whoa. That’s amazing.
If someone accused me of cheating based on “recognizing a fish” I would totally at least try for, “oh c’mon, he says he RECOGNIZES THE FISH? Does anyone believe that?”
Not the same thing obvs, but I kinda had a Troy McClure flashback just now.
Follow Me to Springfield Aquarium!
Hot damn, I’m going to SeaWorld!
The whole article is great, and then I got sucked into reading that writer’s piece about Diplomacy. I want to read about all the obscure stuff this dude’s written about.
Thank you for highlighting this fact, as it is amazing.
A number of serious, upstanding young people who attend the university where I work decided to stage a silent protest outside of the Big Important Basketball Game last night. They used Twitter to record the things that were shouted at them by their classmates as they left the game.
I’d really like to call in “fuck you” to work today, but then I’d leave the serious, upstanding young people alone with their idiot classmates. It’s something of a dilemma.
I think I went to that same university. I’m really proud of those students (and the student athletes participated!).
Edit – never mind, my university’s protest wasn’t silent. But, still proud of the students from my alma mater and the ones at this other university as well.
Please tell me you work where I do? (Does one of the schools have a ground-dwelling animal mascot?) There is an alarming lack of Toasties in my daily life.
By the bright shining light, by the light of the moon. 🙂
YOU DO YOU DO YOU DO. Someday we must meet.
I’ll be unavoidably late, so I’ll probably miss any coordination efforts, but I’ll be there.
(ETA: reply to sausagedog — Boston Commons, protest at the tree lighting at 7pm)
Chiming in on the Prudie NOPE. This is the only place I see her. My unasked-for recommendation: Amy Aikon, The Advice Goddess. Punny advice+ Science; Toast-worthy.
HOORAY for a new advice column to binge on! Thank you for the tip.
Yes, but does this Amy person ever receive letters about twincest? That is my #1 criterion wrt advice columns.
YES! thank you, I was about to say the same thing.
Yeah, I think a lot of white people — at least the ones in my social circle, who want to do the right thing — are feeling very caught between “White people, please do not ignore this very important thing, it will not be dealt with if it’s always only POC who object!” and “White people, please do not interrupt POC like we need to hear you speak about every damn thing all the time!” It’s honestly not an easy line to walk. I know that I tend to err on the side of “shut up, no one cares what you think,” but I can’t wholly fault people who err on the side of “I need it to be understood that I care about this issue, too!”
I think it’s about the difference between private and public voice. As a white person, my voice isn’t particularly useful on social media- there are people out there with a much stronger claim to this anger and fear than I do, and who can express that much more eloquently and effectively than I can. But my voice IS useful when discussing this with, say, friends and family- people who are much more likely to listen to me personally, however fucked-up that may be.
Yep. I am trying to amplify the voices of POC on social media without adding comments, and engage in person when I can. It’s challenging.
Yes. It reminds me of this excellent article about how to talk to people who are going through trauma: articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407
At times like these I think it’s generally best for white folks like me to direct comfort and support towards Black people who are unquestionably closer to the experience of that trauma than I am. And I think it’s totally appropriate for me to ponder and question my own privilege, too, but only with people who are further away from that trauma.
Throwing absolutely so much weight behind that link. (It circulated around my family when my mother died, and had come to mind this week. Thank you for linking to it, I couldn’t remember the name!)
Ugh that’s so incredibly disappointing about Tilda. I hadn’t known she supports Polanski either, and until today had certainly been fond of her for being a weirdo. The GQ profile is even pretty good, but..ughh.. Tillddaaa whyyyy??
Since many people are talking about Tilda Swinton and defending Roman Polanski–here’s a list of more celebs who have defended him: http://www.imdb.com/list/ls000021488/
And here’s another article with more people listed: http://www.eonline.com/news/146558/what-s-with-al…
Thank you for the lists. I mean, they’re incredibly depressing lists, but it’s good to know who’s willing to name themselves as an asshole in public.
I don’t know why it is but hate-reading Prudie gives me a kind of joy I don’t get much of elsewhere.
For legitimate great advice-giving I cannot recommend Carolyn Hax and Captain Awkward more than I already do. They are hands down the two best, most consistently thoughtful advice columnists on the internet.
Hate-reading bad advice columns (and the commentes thereupon) brings me SO much joy, I can’t even explain it.
Do you read That Bad Advice? It’s like the perfect mix of questions you can hate-read (and her scathing replies) and actual good advice.
YES I love that blog! So much fun.
and that most of the Actual Advice includes “learn to paint or some shit” which is 100% useful every time.
I keep it in mind a lot.
Dear Sugar (written by Cheryl Strayed) was also great. Defunct now, but there’s a published collection of them called Tiny Beautiful Things.
Ask Polly over at The Cut has a similar style to Dear Sugar, if you’re looking to fill the void.
Yeah– I definitely understand that this twitter hashtag is problematic because it may get more attention than the voices of people of color, but it’s definitely not the same thing as changing Black Lives Matter to All Lives Matter. It’s an attempt to bring home, mostly for other white people, that the way we get treated by cops is radically different- it’s not like when white people post “but white people get harassed by cops too, this isn’t about race!”
I really believe that everyone should be attending the protests and posting on social media because a critical mass of outrage being expressed is important. BUT we should be at the protests in solidarity and not put ourselves at the center of attention or take the mic, and our social media posts should focus on amplifying the voices of people of color, or addressing other white people we may be able to uniquely influence. Idk– I’m white so I feel uncomfortable typing this, as if I may be missing some gaping thing and it’s making me tone deaf. But I just can’t see how complete silence could possibly be the way to go.
Thank you for not giving Polanski and his apologists a pass!
On the note of Roman Polanski, I’ve been thinking about how Jian Ghomeshi and Bill Cosby have been called out viciously (GOOD) but people like Polanski and Woody Allen are just lightning rods for a bit and then forgotten again. Obviously Ghomeshi’s situation is different, and charges have actually been filed against him. But Bill Cosby was a lightning rod for a while too, so maybe Polanski & Allen will get their just desserts soon?
we can only hope! But there is an obvious difference between Ghomeshi&Cosby and Polanski&Allen.
I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BE
I honestly wonder if it is that, or if it is the fact that we only know about one victim of Allen and Polanski. (please correct me if I am wrong on this, as I very well might be). We should believe one victim as much as we believe 10+, but unfortunately that is not the way many people see it.
If only one woman from 1969 had accused Cosby, would any of this outrage be happening?
I’m wondering if it isn’t- at least in part- a question of their respective public images. Cosby and Ghomeshi were both public figures- they were broadcast into peoples’ homes, they cultivated an emotional connection with their viewers. Polanski and Allen are directors- they work behind the camera, and they aren’t familiar to people the way Cosby and Ghomeshi were/are. That sense of betrayal isn’t as intimate.
But Woody Allen’s personality is almost as bit a part of his public image as his directing, I’d say. I actually don’t think I’ve seen a full Woody Allen movie (and have no intention of seeing one) but I know what people mean when they describe a character as being like Woody Allen. I think for a lot of white people, the emotional connection to Woody Allen as a nerdy, awkward man who turned his awkwardness into a strength is part of the reason they defend him so unflaggingly, since they reject the idea of him as a powerful man who used that power to abuse someone.
Cosby’s rep was in part based on being ultra-wholesome, though — I mean, Cliff Huxtable? How could such a warm, lovable man who wears wacky sweaters and lip-synchs with his family for his parents’ 50th wedding anniversary do any of those things?
I don’t doubt race plays a role in the difference here, but I don’t think the overall reaction is so much “black guy raped women” as is it “my childhood icon did WHAT?”
I’d say Woody Allen is as intimate for a lot of people as Bill Cosby– I think he is for me, at least. His east-coast-Jewish-neurosis brand of humor was a major cultural influencer for me my whole life, and it still fucks me up frequently when I’m reminded of one of his jokes and remember that it’s all been marred.
I wonder if the ages of victims and what Roxane mentioned yesterday about some things just being outside of what people are willing to contemplate comes into play too. If rape is hard to address directly and acknowledge, perhaps rape + pedophilia is a combination we just don’t want to admit exists at all.
kilks401, Polanski may have fewer victims, but so far as I’m aware, he hasn’t actually denied the allegations against him after skipping bail. (Not that he’s come clean and apologized, of course, just that he hasn’t disputed the specifics.) With Polanski, there’s really no murkiness about his guilt, but people just seemingly don’t care.
Again, my suspicion is that while race plays a part, the major factor is that Ghomeshi and Cosby are new (well, Cosby’s actually not new, which kind of bolsters my point–we went through this before with him, and until recently it had barely affected his public standing), while Polanski and Allen are old news. Over time, people would prefer to forget that their favorite celebrities are rapists, so they do.
I think with Polanski it’s almost that it was SO public, and hasn’t been secret for decades. I get the impression that a lot of the petition-signers want to see his drugging and raping a child as part and parcel of the legendary excesses of the 70s.
You can also take it in a different, depressing direction: maybe Cosby will soon be restored to his comfortable spot in the cultural firmament, as new allegations stop pouring in and everything fades in the rearview mirror.
This sounds so depressingly plausible.
At least Ghomeshi is definitely not coming back.
Wow, is that seriously how House ends? I am also tempted to watch it.
Re: Ghomeshi. I mean, I am not surprised the CBC buried and ignored complaints about him. That dude’s face used to be ALL OVER THE BUILDING. It was all over the building until literally the moment he was fired.
All I know about Polanski was what I read on Wikipedia just now. Are his defenders trying to say that he already paid his dues? because that’s sortof true? I mean he hasn’t exactly gotten away with it, seeing as he was convicted and was committed for 90 days.
On the other hand, if his defenders are saying BUT HE HAD SUCH A HARD CHILDHOOOOOOOD then yeah that’s bullshit.
I mean he hasn’t exactly gotten away with it, seeing as he was convicted and was committed for 90 days.
In the same sense that an embezzling CEO fired and denied his golden parachute “hasn’t exactly gotten away with it,” I guess.
There was a specific criminal punishment associated with the offense Polanski pled to, it was more than 90 days, and he hasn’t served his actual time.
You are right and I apologize. I was asking out of ignorance and I should have looked into it more on my own.
No. He did NOT pay his dues. He fled the country to avoid paying his dues. He managed to get most of his charges dismissed, and a ludicrously light assignment (90 days of psych evaluation, after ONLY 42 of which he was released) for the RAPE of a CHILD. He was never actually sentenced, because when he thought the judge was going to give him the jail time he so richly deserves instead of probation, he ran away. How do we consider that paying his dues?
Okay Wikipedia made it sound different, or I didn’t read it carefully… sorry I came across as an apologist. I was afraid of that =/
I get it. For people unfamiliar with the criminal justice system, I can see where “was convicted” reads as the end of the story. Crime procedurals usually make it look like the second the “not guilty” verdict or plea is entered, the person is clapped in irons and everything is a done deal. In reality, sentencing often happens months later, during which time the judge may take recommendations from the attorneys, victims, and expert witnesses (such as psychiatrists) involved in the proceeding.
Ugh, I have encountered the ‘hard childhood’ crowd too many times to count. Funny how it erases all the other Holocaust survivors who managed not to rape children as a means of coping with their trauma.
Watch the documentary about him. It’s incredibly in depth and fascinating, even though he is a creepy awful guy. I loved Venus In Fur & The Ghost Writer, but the man himself is just so problematic.
Footnote 6 of the article on cheating in bass fishing is AMAZING:
BASSMASTER
BASSMASTER CLASSIC
THE SUPERBOWL OF BASS FISHING
The #crimingwhilewhite hashtag has taught me a lot about how I view my social media connections – for some people using the hashtag, I’m pleased and impressed that they are willing to publicly join the conversation and admit to the legacy of racial inequality in this country. For others, I’m surprised they don’t know better than to amplify their own voices and place the focus on well-meaning white folks. (Well, to be honest, it probably says something about my own elitism and assumptions.)
If the end is right it justifies the beans.
YOU DO YOU DO YOU DO. Someday we must meet.