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Here is the awesome spreadsheet for editors looking for writers of color which we talked about a few weeks ago! LOTSA TOASTIES ON HERE, which warms my heart. Hire away! You can still add your own deets, too.
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Everything is the worst. Also, I did cloth diapers with Kid One and have not bothered with Kid Two, but I liked it okay. I think cloth diapers are like the DivaCup: they work decently for many people, are not a good option for others, and if you mention having a mediocre experience of the product, billions of women appear to tell you that you’re doing it incorrectly.
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Enjoying the heck out of the New York Times‘ recent coverage of trans issues, but strongly recommend never reading any of the comments.
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TV gossip is the best gossip.
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I really enjoy and have learned a lot from reading The Navelgazing Midwife, who has been on a real journey these last few years to address mistakes and problems within the midwife community (wagon-circling to protect bad midwives, shoddy information, chart falsification, etc.) and I found this post backing up a recent conversation about “Cytotec Tea” to be absolutely horrifying and I’m really glad she’s shining a light on it. Giving a drug without your patient’s consent is so antithetical to the entire IDEA of midwifery, and if you’re lying/slipping meds to your patient in order to keep her from a hospital transfer she might actually need, you are in the wrong line of work. And what if she GETS a hospital transfer, has complications, and the doctors who treat her have no idea she’s gotten Cytotec in the first place? Anyway, worth reading both pieces:
Somewhere near the end of my time there, I learned that some of the women were being given Cytotec without consent. I was horrified. I thought back to all those post-dates women who miraculously went into labor with the Blue & Black Cohosh (that never worked when I gave it to them!) and realized they had probably gotten Cytotec. The only time I was asked to give it to a woman, it was in Gatorade, melted; I refused to give it to her. The midwife shrugged and went and gave it to her herself. I went back and looked at my charts and saw, “Mom sipping Gatorade” in several places… almost always with post-dates women ready to be risked out. I don’t know if they used Cytotec to augment labors; I never saw that occur.
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KLAXON KLAXON COOKING ALERT: I have gotten REALLY into pork chops recently (the thin bone-in kind), and my friend Noted Genius Carvell Wallace introduced me to using chickpea/garbanzo flour (Bob’s Red Mill makes one) and it is a game. changer. My mom has celiac, so it’s a plus on that front, but the FLAVOR!
Here’s what I’ve been doing (two people version = two thin bone-in chops each):
1. Take the pork chops out and let them rest for about half an hour before cooking, to take the chill off.
2. On a large plate, dump out about half a cup of the flour (this also works for regular flour) and add random seasonings (last night I used a couple tablespoons each of smoked paprika, oregano, and cumin), mix with a fork. I try to use enough seasonings to slightly alter the color of the flour, generally speaking.
3. Get your pan nice and hot (I used my 12 inch cast iron, but any large skillet that will fit four chops works) and add a tablespoon of vegetable oil and two tablespoons of butter.
4. Salt and pepper the chops. Dip both sides in the flour mixture (I turn them on their edges to make sure the lovely fat gets a dusting as well.)
5. Once the butter is all melted and the pan is ready to go, put the chops in. Set a timer for four minutes. Flip them. Set another timer for four minutes. Done! Let them rest for at least five minutes so they’ll keep their juice inside and not all over your plate.
6. Eat your chops, then eat the bits of fat your partner inexplicably cuts off their chops. Wish your dog was still here to receive them gleefully. Watch television.
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Speaking of television, I have recently gotten really into Silicon Valley, but because I am now a humorless internet scold, I am struggling with this bizarro galaxy in which there are only two Asian people in Palo Alto, one of whom cannot speak English. I have just started season two, so perhaps that will pick up! It makes me mad because I like the show so much, and I expect better from shows which were clearly made with care, you know?
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Yesterday’s workout! This is horrible:
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
Make sure you guys are here at 1pm, when I publish my favourite deleted comments from the white men reading list. Those guys are MAD.
Mad Men? You don’t say.
Should we make up bingo cards ahead of time? Unfortunately 1pm is a bit early for a drinking game…
I’ve never wished for a day off more sincerely.
I’m claiming the words “canon” and “cannon” to be safe, and will be doing coffee shots, because yes I will still be at the office. Someone else can take “universal” because I only have so much coffee.
ooh ooh! I’ll take “I guess we have to stop reading [great/classic white male author; 2 drinks if Shakespeare] now.” And I’ll be drinking tea.
I have those canned Starbucks doubleshots in the office fridge, gonna get caffeinated!
I’ll take on “classic,” when it is applied to writing that is neither classical nor published more than 30 years ago.
I cannot wait! I am going to have enough caffeine in my system by the end of today to stand on my desk and shout, “I’m queen of the world.”
I’m gonna snag any claims of a book being on an assigned reading list.
(Also, my ex texted me around midnight to say, “So I read that White Men Books list you posted and I only have like, 32/79,so you know…brb, going to Barnes and Noble.” There is a reason I keep him around.)
Aw, man, I was gonna take “assigned reading list”!
And good white manning, ex! Well done.
Can we just say “classic” in general? A friendly debate about what does or doesn’t qualify as ‘classic’ is all well and good when you’re trying to get awkward academic-types engaged, but I basically never want to hear the term again in an argument that doesn’t start with ground rules. Which is all of the internet.
If this were an actual drinking game, I’d say you were trying to kill me. But sure, I’ll expand to all uses of “classic.”
Darn, I drank no coffee. Should have joined team “classic”.
I’m taking any mention of a female author, two drinks if having read one book by a female author is supposed to cancel out more than one book by a male author (ie, “my AP English class read The Bluest Eye, so it’s okay that we also read the collected works of Dickens”).
I am so glad I finally remembered to bring in my looseleaf chai (there was a period there where I had brought my new tea strainer, but did not yet have any tea to put in it).
yessss, I’m gleefully awaiting the snide references to Toni Morrison or….well, let’s be honest, it’ll be Toni Morrison…that prove they have never read a single book of hers. “They’re all about how white men are bad!” Yes dear, yes they are.
if it’s a sff guy it will be Octavia Butler or Le Guin and only those 2! No other women have written sff, apparently.
I’m not drinking this week because I have an exam on monday, but I’ll participate: I claim “reverse sexist” and any and all clarifications of the definition of “literally”.
Am I digging myself into a bad situation (water only, sadly) if I claim #notallwhitemen?
We are all going to be so hydrated!
Here, you forgot to link this.
I’m claiming “politically correct” and “censorship”!
Dibs on “clickbait” but I can only chug seltzer at that hour. The bourbon cocktails will have to wait ’til later.
I claim “but these are just books that they make you read in school!” because it’s my favourite. Oh really? Funny how there’s such a large overlap between books we read in school and books written about the white male experience, isn’t it?
I had a free half hour this morning loved this idea so much I made up a card real quick.
Bless you
I love how all squares end in an exclamation mark (as they should)
I want to print this out so bad! But it would give me away at work. I’m aiming for the diagonal, but then I need Cicero and Shakespeare, but that seems like a long shot… or is it?
I’m printing it out and strategically taking my lunch break at 12:50 so I can have food and be sitting down at 1, ready to go.
yeeeeessssss
You’re my favorite person in the world. Literally. (Wait – what does that mean again?)
PERFECTION.
FEMINAZI! I’ll be so excited if it appears.
I literally sat down to read the facebook comments with my dinner last night, and I felt exactly like this gif.
Pretty sad that I’ll be teaching at that time and won’t be able to immediately come read them.
Oh crap! I have meetings from 1-3. Noooooooooooo!!!
You are doing God’s work, Nicole Cliffe.
Oh good, my store of man tears was running low. Now I can refill it.
Pretty sure most of these bottles contain white MAN tears:
WHERE HAS THIS GIF BEEN ALL MY LIFE, this might be even better than the deleted comments (wait, what am I saying, such blasphemy, but also such gif)
Once we GET the deleted comments, they will be so glorious that they will easily outshine this gif. But this gif is definitely tiding me over until then.
Wait, 1pm in which time zone? EST or Nicole’s time zone? Crossing my fingers for Utah time because I’ll be done with work by then.
I had my secretary cancel all my appointments. I’m ready for this.
CAAAN’T WAAIIIITTTT!! It’s like the Facebook comments were a cheeky preview…
I’m going to go with something along the lines of “but there is a reason they’re so well-read — objectively speaking, these are classics that have stood the test of time.”
How many of the bros out there who are sooooooo upset about being exposed as white men do you think are the same ones who were chuckling over lists of Things Basic Bitches Do back during that whole craze?
NICOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLE I have to be at work at one and my workplace doesn’t have computers. How can I feast on men’s tears if I can’t access The Toast?
I read “Those guys are MAD” and immediately think “YES!!! Mission: Accomplished!”
Well done, all!
I cannot wrap my head around the Amtrak derailment photos. How does a train car even BEND like that? It’s just so, so sad and horrible. I was listening to the Philly F.D. radio feed on their Facebook page, and it just gets worse and worse.
It was literally a half mile from my home and I didn’t even know it. It’s just awful… I don’t understand how a train could get messed up like that at that point of the rail line, they’re usually not going that fast? My heart hurts.
It’s horrendous. And now I’m in the office hearing people bitch about the messed-up commute this morning. Are you fucking kidding me?
Re: speed – I thought this was interesting: http://nrhs1.org/images/Dispatcher_Sep_09.pdf. The train in the terrible 1943 Frankford crash was only going 45mph, but the photos are eerily similar.
I’ve taken that route quite a few times, both to Trenton/NYC and to Atlantic City – I think the derailment is just a few yards from that rail split – and you can clearly see the sharp curves. I really hope speed wasn’t a factor.
I hope this is a big wake-up call to finally update the infrastructure.
Amtrak is ridiculously antiquated. But it is so much better for the environment and more pleasant than flying or cars, and it *can* be safe and fast and affordable, it just isn’t especially right now. I recognize that part of the tracks, too — so sad.
I take that train all the time. I have former colleagues who were supposed to be on that train this morning and ended up road-tripping from DC instead because it was the cheapest last-minute option for five of them. It’s so horrible and scary as hell.
Silicon Valley: the show that spends seven episodes building up to a single dick joke in the finale and you can’t even be a little bit mad because it’s so great. It’s easily the moment my friends and I reference the most at any given party. And then there’s 50 drunk neuroscientists all doing this:
Season two is better with representation on a lot of fronts, but they definitely still have a ways to go. But at least they’re including way more Jared, which is the best because he’s my absolute favorite.
“I mean, when Bill Gates got married on Lanai, he rented every helicopter on the Hawaiian islands… although in that case it was a positive, because now you can imagine that wedding any way you’d like.”
“Interested, very interested, or very interested? Which one? Which one?”
Jared is the GREATEST. His arc where he was trapped in a self-driving car was just pure delight.
Oh, you beat me to it 🙂
I am eternally delighted to learn that others love Jared as fiercely as I do. Zach Woods is a treasure.
I vacillated between deeply hating and deeply loving him on The Office (well, I started out loving him, but it took a sharp turn when he started getting aggressively weird with Ellie Kemper’s character), but if he keeps getting typecast in these types of roles I will be a very happy girl indeed.
I love all of them so much but Jared is my special favorite as well. I probably reference negging- “It’s a manipulative sex strategy used by lonely chauvinists”- a couple times a week now.
So, I see this show only occasionally when we fail to turn the TV off at Game of Thrones watching parties, but do they have ANY women developers on this show? Industry numbers are usually around 9-10%, and we’ve definitely met at least ten developers, so we should either have a woman programmer somewhere or some pointed satire making fun of the industry for not having them. Did I just miss it?
They do now! They hired her in the episode that aired two weeks ago, and she made things miserable for Gilfoyle and Dinesh in the most satisfying way.
HOORAY. That sounds amazing, I will have to go track that down now.
Yes, she is utter perfection and I loved her the second she stepped on the screen. There’s also a female CEO this season and she is also hilarious in her own weird way.
Alice Wetterlund is a great addition. She’s hilarious.
Jared <3 <3 <3
I saw Zach Woods do improv at UCB in LA and he was a GENIUS.
I want to date the shit out of Jared.
Oh man, if someone made a twitter list of all of the editors and writers of colour so that I could go through and follow them all, that would be the best.
DivaCup question: You’re supposed to clean it after you dump it out and before you put it back in, right? What do you do in a public restroom with stalls? Do you carry it out to the sink, clean it, and then go back to a stall to put it in? Or is there a way to clean it while you’re in the stall? Or do you just not clean it that time and figure it’s fine and you’ll clean it next time when you’re at home?
I have lots of DivaCup questions, I guess.
I manage as best I can with toilet paper. I have a tiny ziploc full of nitrile gloves, which makes it a little easier. (I steal them from work, mostly accidentally.) On really strong days, I have a travel size screw-top bottle that I fill with warm water at the sink before I even enter the stall, but I think I might be the only person who bothers doing that. It’s more than a bit awkward scooting back far enough to not get water all over your pants.
For when I’m at work, I just use tissue to wipe it out , put it back in, and then when I get home, I clean it. Seems fine for me! I love the Divacup and that’s all I’m saying (but if you’re in the DC area, there is a meet up this coming Tuesday with the bike group I’m involved in, called Sustainable Cycles!) 🙂
In the stall you just wipe it off with some paper, then wash it for real next time you get a chance. I think they tell you in the instructions to wash it every time you change it, just to be on the safe side, but obviously that’s not always possible/practical.
It’s probably not super hygienic, but if I’m in a restroom with stalls, I wipe it out with toilet paper and put it back in. I couldn’t put my coworkers through that visual…
Then I clean it when I get home.
So, much of the time, it’s not an issue for me, because my flow is USUALLY not heavy enough for me to have to empty more often than right before work and right after work. But, yeah, like others have said, I just clean it well next time.
Sometimes if I am feeling extra tidy I’ll dampen a paper towel to take with me into the stall, and wipe it out with that (also handy for wiping bloody fingers, though TP works fine too).
I sometimes just go out and clean it in the sink, but not if that means I’ll have to line up again, and it depends on where I am. Otherwise I just dump it and shove it back in, and clean it when I get home.
Oh! oh! DivaCup thread!!
I’m on the verge of getting a DivaCup, and I also have a question: how hard is it to get out? I’ve heard several horror stories about people not being able to grip the thingy for hours on end, which sounds horrible. How often does this actually happen?
I have always had the opposite problem, with it poking out or sliding down…
I think it probably depends on personal anatomy, but the tip is easy to grab, and the cup’s not small.
It’s happened to me twice in ten years of using… so not often? And it wasn’t really hours; it was just an irritating few minutes with me swearing at my vagina and the cup. Really, the first time was kind of difficult and I wondered what the hell I’d gotten myself into, but I kept at it and now I’ll never go back. NEVER. If you’re having trouble, just bear down with your muscles, see if that moves it. And then try relaxing those muscles so you can get your fingers right up in there to grab the base of the cup, rather than relying on the stem. Honestly, though, it’s so worth it. There’s a reason most of us won’t shut up about it when asked.
This hasn’t happened to me. Basically, if it gets a bit high, you just bear down and it will lower enough to grab. I even cut the thingy off. Maybe I have a shallow vagina or something.
I had a bit of a learning curve when I first got mine. I had to consciously decide to relax and not to freak out if it was hard to grasp, and I figured it out. Now, years later, I never have problems getting it out. I got a lot of help from this LiveJournal community; browsing the front page can be a little nervous-making because people mostly post there when they have questions or problems, but the tags & archives are priceless. I don’t think I ever would have managed to insert the thing without the advice I found there.
Ok. Um.
First, I definitely had a little trouble getting it out when I was getting used to it, but nowhere near several hours of trouble, and it didn’t take that long to improve my cup grabbing skills.
Second, I found the stem quite long and very easy to grip. It might be a teensy bit more tricky now that I’ve cut off the stem because it bothered me, but I practiced grabbing it above the stem before I cut the stem off, so I knew what I was getting into there.
Third, panicking or rushing does make the situation worse, at least for me. If you can arrange to be at home with lots of time the first few times you remove it, and if you can try to stay calm and think of it as annoying rather than horrible, that will help a lot.
Fourth, the cup kind of forms a vacuum seal, which caused me more trouble than gripping it ever did. But if you can’t break the seal by pinching/pulling/tilting the bottom, you can always stick a finger up beside the cup and sort of poke the rim in and kind of semi-re-fold it. This will be quite messy, so it’s not a good solution for every time you use the cup forever, but I found it a very helpful backup removal method when I was learning. It was also helpful on the staying calm front to know that I had a backup method, even when I wasn’t ready to resort to it yet.
Fifth, there is a menstrual cups Livejournal community which has been around forever and has answers to basically any question you can think of. (And last I checked they’d moved used cup sales to a different comm, which is nice if you’re like me and have less than zero interest in used cups, though you may still run across mentions of them or old sales posts.)
These replies are really useful, thank you!!
Late to the thread but jumping on anyway! I’ve been thinking about getting a DivaCup for ages. However, I have an IUD and am terrified that the vacuum seal will somehow suck the IUD out of my uterus and into the toilet. On a scale of macadamias to bananas, how crazy am I for being worried about that?
No worries. The cup’s suction is released before it ever moves. Not possible for it to move without some release of suction. So your IUD stays where it belongs. Your IUD would stay in your uterus anyway, even if there were some amazingly strong suction. Any suction strong enough to pull as far as your cervix would collapse your vaginal walls against each other and the force would be stopped before ever reaching your cervix, never mind your uterus beyond. But call and ask the nurse at your gyno’s office to get some reassurance.
i am only hear to applaud the phrasing of “macadamias to bananas,” and also to giggle about nuts and phalli
There’s a study floating around if you google. You’re fine. I got my IUD in ’06 and have used cups the whole time.
Thank you! That’s very helpful. Off to find that study…
I recommend tightly tying a little bit of dental floss to the pull at the end of the cup the first couple of times. Don’t use it/get used to using it, though – just for peace of mind and just-in-case scenarios. Train yourself to reach in and grab it the right way, then take your floss ‘training wheels’ off!
This is advice from an unlucky lady who spent her birthday evening at a medical clinic with a very nice group of nurses who helped me get mine out.
I comsider myself to be comfortable with my body and I’m not grossed out by these things, but some of us have uteruses that sit up high and that can make things more difficult to reach, especially if you feel particularly sensitive in that area at the time of your period.
Anyhow, an interesting side note was that only one of the three nurses there had heard of menstrual cups and she only recalled them from the one that didn’t do well on the market from the early 70’s. She was not very old, either! (This clinic was in a suburb of a large , progressive West Coast city!)
I don’t mean to discourage – I think they’re great! Just wanted to give you a tip I learned the hard way. 🙂
Like everyone else, I just wipe it with TP, but also it rarely comes up because I rarely have to empty it at work.
The one thing I will add is that wiping it with TP works much better than I would have thought before I tried it, because stuff doesn’t really stick to the silicone.
For me, I can go 12 hours without changing it, except on the super heavy day…I bring wipes with me into the office that day.
No Diva Cup. No tampons. Wear a skirt and no panties. It’s your right as a woman.
Well, you’d say that, wouldn’t you
I put a water bottle in my purse and pour water on the cup while holding the cup over the toilet. But this situation is rare for me; dunno about the rest of you but I can generally go all day with mine. Also, I use a Keeper instead of a Diva Cup. Nobody talks about the Keeper anymore (*sniff*).
I considered the Keeper, eons ago when I was getting a cup, but a substantial number of the people who were talking about it were talking about having developed latex sensitivities from using it, and it seemed to me like the worst possible way to discover a latex sensitivity if one did develop one.
Also I’m not sure the Toronto Women’s Bookstore carried them, which was probably a bigger factor.
I used to use a Keeper! It was my first menstrual cup, and I still have it though I’ve not used it for a few years now. (Stopped using it after the recommended 10 year life and currently use a Diva Cup.)
I can do 8-12 hours with light to moderate flow, about half that with heavy flow. Clean with towlettes (if any) when in public.
I just don’t change it in public restrooms most of the time. Even at the heaviest point in my cycle (day two!) I can go without changing my cup from when I leave my apartment in the morning until I get home at night, even if that’s closer to 12 or 13 hours than 8 or 9.
I guess if I were, like, doing serious international travel or something and needed to change it in an airport restroom OR ELSE, I would probably just bring a water bottle into the stall and do the best I can and wash it properly when I get to a private bathroom.
Heyyyy toasties. I do not mean to thread-jack, but excitingly, I found out this morning I’m pregnant! And less excitingly, I am a person who suffers from panic and anxiety, so I wanted to hop on here ASAP and ask for all your favourite hilarious non-anxiety provoking pregnancy resources, so I can learn and feel good and also keep as cool as humanly possible. (I’m thinking along the lines of Nicole’s excellent knocked-up versions of Feel The Burn, but about, you know, everything.)
PLEASE ADVISE.
I will be following this thread with interest, because I am planning to become pregnant in a few months, and I also have a panic/anxiety disorder, which has already been rearing it’s head just thinking about pregnancy/babies.
Yay, mazel tov!! i posted something similar a few months ago. Everyone recommended Emily Oster, Expecting Better, which is excellent and reassuring on many fronts.
Also, this might just be my personality, but as I contemplate the nameless terror of bringing new life into this vale of tears, I take strange comfort in this Philip Larkin poem (though I obviously disregarded the final line…)
This Be The Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
I realize that taking comfort in this poem is kind of perverse. I think I find it reassuring to be reminded that perfection is impossible, that I WILL fuck up, but probably not more than most people, and most of us manage to muddle through this life despite said fucked-up-edness. YMMV.
Or, as Whitney put it, “It’s not right, but it’s okay.”
I still miss Whitney
Yay, congrats! The world is desperately in need of non-horrible pregnancy resources, but I liked Pregnant Chicken pretty well. It’s not hilarious, but the Day-By-Day Baby Book is nice in that it’s not all about the rare and awful diseases your baby could have (Looking at you, What to Expect series). And it tells you how your baby is developing, giving you a sense of progress when your newborn is basically a hungry blob.
I hope other people have good suggestions, because I would love to hear them… I also liked the Birth Without Fear blog, but had to stop reading even positive birth stories before my first because they gave me anxiety. Sometimes the answer is definitely to think less about everything.
Expecting Better is fantastic and VERY reassuring. Do not read What to Expect, and stay away from internet baby boards until after the first trimester unless you want to be afraid that every twinge is a miscarriage.
I’ll also give you the advice I gave to a friend recently, who said later that it was some of the best advice she got: don’t read so many books about pregnancy and labor, because it doesn’t really last that long and there’s not much you can do anyway besides try to get some exercise and eat relatively healthfully. Instead, read books about what to do when you actually have the damn baby, because by then it will be too late and you will (probably) feel panicky and clueless.
Also, I’m trying to make a weekly pregnancy thread happen on Open Thread (I’m 32 weeks with #2), so look for that 🙂
And congratulations!!
Yes, get a jump-start on learning about the baby instead of the pregnancy! There’s really not much for you to do about being pregnant, but there are plenty of things to do with a baby. For instance, I was planning on doing some baby signing, but I did not learn any before baby came out, and now my brain is mush and learning is impossible. It’s too bad too, because that baby sure does want to tell me things now! She’ll learn to talk soon enough I guess, but in the mean time, it’s very frustrating for all of us.
Congrats Kai_Ko and firstmute!
I’m afraid to inflict this on you if you’ve escaped it so far, but have you tried watching any of the Signing Time videos? That’s about all my daughter watched for about a year, and she did actually learn a bunch of signs (although she could also talk by then, so probably not that useful in the end, but a relatively guilt-free way of getting a half hour to zone out).
We did use three or four signs before she was verbal: nurse (squeeze your hand like milking a cow, awesome), water, more, and food. But that pretty much covers it at that age, right?
Ha, if my baby wants to nurse, she just crawls over and clamps on through my shirt… I suppose if I relax my draconian screen time standards, we might try out some Signing Time (currently I only just let her play Candy Crush when I can’t take the crying any more, because that is some educational shit right there – color matching! fine motor control! shiny! (she is very bad at it, being only 13 months old)). But probably I will just continue guessing randomly what she wants, which is often quite specific (not toddler puffs, not baby food, not dried peas, not strawberries, not banana, not my dinner that I’m eating, but a piece of toast with butter! Probably would never have bothered learning the signs for that anyway…) She did invent her own sign for no/stop, which I enjoy, though I rarely respect it (no wiping my nose! no making me hold still for a diaper change!)
Ah, babies. Such confusing little beasts.
As far as reading-about-baby goes, I really like the RIE book Baby Knows Best. It’s an easy read, and the philosophy behind it made sense to me and my husband. It also helped spark discussion between me and my husband about how we want to parent.
Oooh I will have to look out for that OT, at least on Fridays when I’m not in meetings. Apropos of your advice: what books DO you recommend about the actual damn baby?
Congratulations!
Oh man congratulations!
I wish I could hook you up my mom, who is a doc specializing in pregnancy stuff (not an obsgyn, a GP). She’s so way chill about it all. She would definitely be telling you to do what just feels right, and that you will be ok. Good luck!
Oh, and somewhat on your original topic of anxiety, I had my placenta encapsulated, and I swear it helped post-partum. I took it for a while, then stopped, and then whenever I would feel a sense of creeping dread, I’d take it for a few days, and feel better. Who knows if it is secret hippy hormones or the placebo effect… (I was raised hippy but am now a practicing yuppy – I wasn’t fully decided on this, but then I figured I’d wasted a couple hundred bucks on less useful things, so why not give it a try?)
Congratulations!!
I’m 25 weeks pregnant and also have anxiety, which unfortunately has gotten worse with all the hormone fluctuations and lack of sleep. Seconding Expecting Better by Emily Oster – it’s essentially a lit review of the more medical/physical issues you may encounter from conception through delivery, from a very charming and relatably type A economist. Tbh rereading this book is one of the most soothing things for me, because it involves a lot of well researched statistics on how everything is probably going to be fine. I’ve probably recommended it here before because I recommend it to everyone and have bought copies for pregnant friends.
Also, I just want to put in a little plug for talking to your OB about your anxiety – mine has pre-registered me for follow ups from postpartum support people and wrote me a prescription for Zoloft, which I did not realize she could just do without consulting a psychiatrist until she suggested it.
Everyone’s said Expecting Better, and I second it! I also HIGHLY RECOMMEND getting the American Academy of Pediatric’s book, Caring for Your Baby and Young Child. It talks some about pregnancy and birth, but it will be your bible. Their accounting of milestones, simple instructions for basic care, reference on illnesses and symptoms, advice for dads and grandparents and other caretakers, advice for finding child care – all awesome. So awesome. Read it cover to cover, twice. Then keep it to refer to. I don’t think I could have lived with out it.
http://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Young-Child-Edi…
Congrats! My kids are two of my favorite people, so i must not have broken them?
Pre-partum, and early post- I was reading all the Jane Goodall I could find to get a feel for the underlying biology of chimps which seemed like it might be related to human biology. And to balance that out, I read Miss Manners’ Guide to Raising Perfect Children – I felt like i needed to know my ultimate goals for childrearing, and she is simultaneously correct and so hilarious that I found it soothing. And helpful, surprisingly enough.
Okay, so I have just discovered this podcast today and have not actually started listening to it yet, but it seems interesting and maybe other Toasties have listened and can tell us both if it’s any good: The Longest Shortest Time. It looks more early parenthood than pregnancy specific, but seems fairly broad ranging and fascinating.
I enjoyed NPR’s analysis of the economy of the island of Sodor and the role of Thomas the Tank Engine and friends. Is Sir Topham Hatt a despot who maintains an iron-fisted monopoly on the island’s means of production? Is the railway a cooperative in which all the engines have a share? Are the trains unionized? DISCUSS.
!!!! That piece was on in the car on our way to dinner last night and it was great. I like the idea of the trains being a co-op, but it really does seem more iron-fisted than that…
I overheard my husband tell my son, then five years old, that Sir Topham Hatt was “the embodiment of corporate malfeasance.”
This made me actually LOL at work. Fantastic!
I’ve always though of Sodor as a Randian hellscape. Would very much like to see Mallory’s take on this.
I think this may have been covered in an “Ayn Rand reviews children’s books” post.
Short story + Q– I have super sensitive skin, and have been using Aquaphor on my lips as moisturizer for yrs because its the only thing that doesnt break them out, UNTIL LAST MONTH when my lips started dramatically cracking. Toasties, what else is on the market that’s gentle and effective? I cant seem to use bees wax products, so Burts Bees is off the list. Chapstick gives me hives on contact. Straight petroelum jelly breaks me out too. For a while I was using the lip balm from Sephora brand Caudalie (sp?) but its like $18 a tube and… really now. Any suggestions?
Lush makes a lip balm called None of your Beeswax which is beeswax-free (the first 3 ingredients are shea butter, glycerine and coconut oil). I really like Rosebud Salve, but it has a petroleum jelly base, so probably not ideal for you.
I use a huge jar of shea butter I got from Bath & Body Works….it was like $20, but it’s gotten me through a brutal winter and is still half full almost six months later.
coconut oil?
I am a big, big fan of C.O. Bigelow Rose Salve. I put it on every night and often during the day. The first thing on its ingredient list is “petrolatum” which I guess is petroleum jelly? But the rose extract is supposed to be soothing. Anyway, unless you see something on the ingredient list that makes you wary, might be worth trying out! That $5.50 tin will last me for quite a long time.
I haven’t tried it, but a friend who struggles with dry lips swears by CO Bigelow My Favorite Night Balm. Not sure about sensitivity, but the list of ingredients is on the website.
I love Smith’s Rosebud Salve Balm, which is a petrolatum product like Aquaphor. It isn’t all that expensive. Best of luck in your search. Skin sensitivity sucks.
Booda butter. It comes in a tub or in little chap stick dispensers. Either way it’s amazing.
So, if the aquaphor is not breaking you out, it’s just not cutting it anymore, I’d suggest just using it WAY more often for a while, see if that does anything. I did the accutane thing for a while, and I seriously needed to reapply about every half hour for a while, but I didn’t find anything better.
(also, I’ve found that the CVS version of aquaphor is a lot cheaper and just as good for me, although they don’t (didn’t?) have one with SPF, so I save my aquaphor brand one for when i’m actually outside.)
You can also make your own chapstick, if you want more control over what’s in it. You can buy empty chapstick tubes–I know someone who does this.
THANKS ALL –> amazon prime
check the ingredients, but Weleda Everon is my patron saint of chapsticks.
Jojoba oil is basically the only thing that doesn’t irritate my skin. I use it as a face moisturiser but I just went and put some on my lips in the interests of Research and… they seem good, five minutes later. It can be quite pricey but you only need a tiny bit and it has a shelf-life of 2-3 years. Health food stores often have it and maybe there’d be a tester bottle so you could see if it irritated your lips before shelling out for it?
I left it in my other purse, but I just started using this Nivea lip balm. I don’t have the same issues you do except that petroleum jelly and Aquaphor make my lips worse.
But I just started using Nivea’s A Kiss of Milk & Honey lip balm (they have other types in that line too) and I really like it. However, I don’t know what affects you so I would check that it doesn’t have anything that would irritate your skin.
I love the nivea lip butters at night and the balms during the day. My favorite lip butter is macadamia and vanilla (smells of cake!) I have super dry lips (and sensitive skin) and it really helps me.
can you handle lanolin?
Another vote for lanolin!
Not sure! I’ll def look into it though.
If the problem with aquaphor is cracking rather than breaking out, maybe you could put [moisurizer of your choice–I like a stick of cocoa butter, coconut oil would also be nice] ion and then put the aquaphor on over it as a kind of moisture barrier?
OMG is this even a THING? Its been my stop-gap measure for the past 2 wks while I”ve been trying to sort things out. This is good to know.
Not exactly what you asked, but I have found that since I’ve been drinking tons and tons of water, I almost never need lip balm, since they just don’t seem to dry out. Maybe do some extra hydrating if you can’t find a topical solution?
This is going to sound like Terrible Internet Advice, but have you tried experimenting with cutting out wheat? My horribly chapped lips completely heal themselves whenever I avoid wheat, which is not enough of an incentive on its own to actually stop eating bread and pasta, but it’s good to know that there’s at least a root cause here. Other than that, the only advice I can offer is layering enough vaseline at night that you’re definitely ingesting some.
This resonates deeply w my So Cal spirit.
Heh. I hope that this is not what’s causing your issues, because it is creating deep conflicts in my life to know that if I have a sandwich at lunch I can’t wear lipstick in the evening. (And oops, just saw that the vaseline advice is a no-go.)
Cococare lip balm. Hard to find in drugstores, at least in the north, but I order six packs off of Amazon. It is super soft and tasty and doesn’t have any drying ingredients. Personally, I find Aquaphor and Carmex terribly drying, but not this stuff.
My derm friends said if you have sensitive skin aquaphor is not great b/c it has lanolin (I think?). She said that vasoline is better. But take that for what it’s worth: petroleum base, and all. (And also, clearly, if straight petroleum breaks you out, too…)
Seconding (or whatever-ing) the plain shea butter suggestion. Also (and this is stupid expensive _but_ it will last you for AGES) the Josie Maran argan balm is fucking amazing. You can get it online at Sephora (I don’t think they carry it in the physical store anymore…?), it’s unscented, and it’s, like, emulsified argan oil plus other moisturizey stuff. It’s got a similar-to-shea butter texture (but a little more melty/smooth), no scent, and I use it daily on the problem dry parts of my face, on my knuckles, and my elbows — and sometimes on various other body parts — and one 4oz. tin of the stuff lasts me for a solid year, which makes the $40 price worth it to me, but I can see that being a deal-breaker for plenty of people.
Also, on my face I generally start with some kind of plain oil as my first moisture layer before I put on cream/lotion moisturizer (and often I have a thick salve/balm step in between those two layers, for my problematic dry skin areas) so maybe try layering on your lips? Jojoba oil or coconut oil or something first, and after a few minutes of letting that soak in, a thick layer of some kind of creamier lip balm to seal it in?
I took bets with myself how many comments I’d have to read on the diaper article before someone said CHILDREN ARE BAD FOR THE PLANET, DON’T HAVE THEM. Answer: one.
I’m sure they’re reaching PLENTY of undecided nonparents who’ll be swayed by this argument in the comments section of an article about diapers….
Would any of the DC-area toasties on the writing list be interested in forming a writer’s workshop type group? Nothing super formal, just meet at a coffee shop and write/discuss every once in a while?
Also, my go to recipe for pork chops is this pork chops w/ dijon sauce recipe. You thicken the sauce by cooking it down so no flour necessary! Also, always, always, always brine your chops first! If you’re going to have them out for an hour and a half to rest anyways, it might as well be in a brine. Makes a world of difference. http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/pork_chops_w…
For Toasties that have that sort of inclination, NYCC tickets go on sale at noon EST today. May the odds be ever in our favor.
Oh man, good luck. I swear, all the hoops you have to jump through just to get to SDCC has given me low-level PTSD (and the ability to handle long lines without losing it).
Good morning, pollen counts! I feel like a freight train hit me, and had to brave early-morning Target because I was out of Claritin. So many screaming toddlers. And they were sold out of the gel caps.
That midwifery article is blowing my mind a little bit. That’s very scary stuff she’s talking about. And at the end, when she says there’s no accountability– is that right? What do the certification agencies even do, then? Shoddy oversight is one thing, but no oversight seems like it would make the practice illegal in the US, we typically err on the side of caution with medical practices and their legality, I feel.
My world is nothing but a devilishly golden cloud of pollen right now. It’s so high I can taste it when I go outside. Thank goodness for The Toast and all the white male tears it provides to replenish my depleted stores of saline solution.
That list of PoC writers is awesome and makes excellent reading all on its own! I just love the different ways all of the writers described themselves/their interests, and I wish I could hire everyone for everything.
1) That pork chop recipe looks AMAZING and i will be trying that out asap (once I get over this crap cough/sore throat thing i have going on).
2) I gave up on cloth diapering the Mini when I realized my water bill was higher per month than the cost of biodegradable diapers. It made me sad, but I don’t miss the extra laundry.
3) Guys, the Philly Ren Faire is this weekend, and I have the opportunity to meet The Mountain from Game of Thrones/get a picture. Is it uncouth to ask him to pick me up for said photo op??? 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀
I’m so jealous you get to go to the Faire–I’m out of town this weekend for my brother’s graduation. I really want to hear how it goes–I heard it’s trying to be more inclusive than the usual all-people-in-Europe-are-white faires.
I’m so jealous anyone is going to any Faires this weekend. The local one doesn’t start up until fall, and the start-of-summer weather always gets me thinking about how to lace up the bodice for end-of-summer weather.
Do it. Ask him to pick you up. As long as he’s not injured and nursing a sore arm or something–that pic will be absolutely worth it.
I have no idea what a Wall Ball is, but I want to believe that it’s always done to the tune of this song.
Day of action is starting now in Madison. I know this because there is a news helicopter hovering over my house.
Sent pork recipe immediately to Fellow, who has trying to make me appreciate pork more for ages. It’s FINE but I would eat most meats before I ate pork.
This whole comment feels vaguely unsavoury. (Unlike the pork recipe).
I hated pork for 20 straight years. I still find the flavour a bit weird, and I swear to god I have cannibalism nightmares when I’ve eaten too much pork, but pulled pork is what got me back into it. The trick is to start by drowning the meat in something delicious, so you can only barely taste it. You’ll want the delicious thing more, and you’ll start to associate the taste of pork with that delicious thing. When the time is right, graduate to ribs (still with plenty of sauce, obvs, but you’re more likely to get a mouthful of just meat). Once you can eat pork ribs, it’s a pretty easy step to the rest.
Mmm, pork ribs. I will make an exception for that (and sometimes pulled pork) – but you’re right, it’s better as a start with lots and lots of sauce. (I like a spicy barbecue sauce on ribs).
Try locally-grown pork rather than commercial pork. Even better if it’s pastured. The flavor and fat are so much better. (Yes I realize I’m biased, as a pork farmer, but I raise pigs because I like to eat them, not the other way around.)
Ooh, I should look into Albertan pork farms. This is a great tip.
(Apparently our Alberta yak is excellent, as a side note?)
If you’re not averse to gamey meats, boar can be an excellent alternative
I LOVE porkchops (so easy! so delicious!), so will be trying this recipe ASAP. Thank you!
I’m late to the PoC writers list, and I don’t have access to Google Docs on this machine, so dumb question time:
Is this a thing people are able to add themselves on for? How does this work?
This might be an obvious one, but I’m loving the Longest Shortest Time podcast. She does all these lovely warm interviews with parents about pregnancy and parenting young kids. I’m not naturally an anxious person, but I work in a pediatric hospital, and there are all these problems kids can get that I know are super rare, but I see them every day, so they do not seem rare to me, so the thought of having kids of my own is scary! This podcast sort of acknowledges that it’s hard, but also makes parenthood sound pretty awesome!
Edit: Reply to Kai_ko. Intense debate! [Fist shaking emoji]
I just ran across this podcast today and wondered if any Toasties listened! Adding it to my list!
I thought I hated all non-cured forms of pork until just this year, when i realized it was due to the horribly bland way my parents cooked it. These changed my life.
Brining! Brining saves Thanksgiving turkeys too.
my lazy cheat for pork chops is greek seasoning. it’s in a yellow bottle in the spices aisle. i have no idea what’s in it or who taught me to start using it but all you gotta do is sprinkle it on and then pan cook your chops. easy peasy.
The night before put on a shit-tonne of oyster sauce, a bunch of fish sauce and some minced garlic. Cook slowish on the bbq or oven.
Does 9 minutes per station x 3 mean you’re doing an hour and a half of that stuff total?? If so I am in even more awe than usual.
My username aside, I am completely sympathetic to the DivaCup Agnostic. I use one and I love it, but if someone doesn’t, feh, maybe it just doesn’t work. People are built differently, and everyone should be comfortable while they’re menstruating.
Related: People insisting that “if you don’t like it you don’t get it” is the reason I am cranky about jazz music, improv shows, and biking. (My complaints in order: I don’t care for about 70%, so leave me alone with the 30% I DO like; I hate entertainment where someone might screw with me and I’ll end up looking like a bad sport; and I love cyclists and yes, I can ride a bike, but sorry, no, I much prefer to walk or take transit.)
Watching bike commuters tie themselves in knots trying to convince you that riding a bike to work is better than walking or taking transit is a personal hobby of mine. Like, I like riding my bike. So much so that sometimes I ride it for 60 miles and then camp at the end. But I like to read on my way to work and I don’t want to have to shower and change clothes once I get there. PLUS, supporting transit supports people who aren’t able to walk or bike for whatever reason. SO THERE.
I get so much shit from my coworkers for taking the Metro when its raining instead of cycling there – I am a bike mechanic! But I don’t like showing up at work soggy and cold, and I refuse to wake up any earlier than I need to to change my clothes.
Umm so we’re all paying attention to the OMG MISANDRY reactions to the new Mad Max movie, right??
Ooooooooooooh. *hauls out the bucket of stale popcorn from last night’s Books All White Men Own FB thread*
Over at the Mary Sue, the article on about that has reached over 1500 comments. They are really good about moderating over there, so comments are usually safe, but when it comes to something like that, or GamerGate or Anita Sarkeesin, they get pretty hammered with trolls. Although I did read through it yesterday when there were almost 700 comments, and they were mostly positive. http://www.themarysue.com/mra-to-the-max/
” Cotton Babies, the maker of bumGenius diapers, runs a 70-person packing facility in St. Louis where employees are paid living wages, can bring their babies to work and get 26 days of paid leave a year.”
WOW. If I try cloth diapers with my next baby, I’m definitely going to give these guys a try.
Okay but re: Silicon Valley, I have a really important questions which is:
Which is OTP: Jared and Richard or Dinesh and Gilfoyle????????????????
Congrats! My kids are two of my favorite people, so i must not have broken them?
Pre-partum, and early post- I was reading all the Jane Goodall I could find to get a feel for the underlying biology of chimps which seemed like it might be related to human biology. And to balance that out, I read Miss Manners' Guide to Raising Perfect Children – I felt like i needed to know my ultimate goals for childrearing, and she is simultaneously correct and so hilarious that I found it soothing. And helpful, surprisingly enough.
I get so much shit from my coworkers for taking the Metro when its raining instead of cycling there – I am a bike mechanic! But I don't like showing up at work soggy and cold, and I refuse to wake up any earlier than I need to to change my clothes.