To say that God has left this place
Is to imply that he was once here
At this team-building
Improv workshop
What is the best Chrome plugin
For
Dismantling the
Patriarchy?
I went to a networking function
How successful I was!
How easy it is to speak to
And sneak shrimp into
The pocket of a businessman
Being somewhat of an expert on
Fascists
When you call every supervisor one, Megan,
It gets, how you say,
Diluted
An inclination to throw paint at a
Municipal building
But
The shade is such a nice salmon
So
Nothing
Megan
Please do not mistake me, for we support your
Post
Third
Wave
Feminist
Agenda
But “Halt and Catch Fire” has had an improved second season
We must discuss first
The PowerPoint is On
The Audio is Peaked
An Embedded Video Plays
The Cursor remains in the
Middle of the Slide
Your Spirit shucks its Ragged Meat Casing
No Twitter at work, you say?
It would be a shame if someone used
An
Incognito
Window.
RAGE
RAGE
RAGE
AU BON PAIN
RAGE
How can you report me to
Human Resources
When we are all Human Resources
For the SYSTEM
Now, if you’ll allow me to
FINISH
Upper-deckering this
TOILET
A standing desk
Lofted
Perfect for beating a hasty retreat
Upon the eve of uprising
Also it’s, like, two inches higher than Megan’s standing desk
She’s so mad
So
So
Mad
Sexual harassment training
I gaze at your lips
Your prescient lips
Ever moving
And I pretend
That you are mouthing the words to
“You Can Call Me Al”
By Paul Simon
Remember?
Paul Simon
Simon
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Paul Simon!
Welcome to the Alan Moore book club.
The man bun is not
Required
But it is
Encouraged.
I received a 2.5% increase in my compensation!
A proper reward
For 365 days
Without
Desk Screaming
*pounding on desk, wordless tears of laughter*
Your incognito will not save you from network monitoring. The only thing it does is keep it out of your browser’s history. Beware.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
this chrome plugin: https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/jailbre…
[crying/laughing in recognition]
All along (along) there were incidents and accidents / there were hints and allegations
But no one found Megan’s body (hint: look under the standing desk)
Upperdecking the toilet is passé. Next time try the filing cabinet. It will have more of an effect.
I once filed a banana peel.
It was my last day, and it was an inside joke with the people I was doing filing for. I hope they enjoyed the joke. Or at least found it quickly.
They probably found it pretty quickly. Anything that breaks up a boring day is a good thing, right? Seems like a similar level of crime to shrimp pocketing.
I spent so much boring time as a kid at my dad’s office parties. I wish I’d heard of shrimp pocketing years ago.
I feel like shrimp pocketing could be the next big social game-slash-“event.”
1 point for pocketing a regular, plain shrimp.
2 points for pocketing a jumbo shrimp (This is based on the honor system. Respect the game; don’t lie about shrimp weight)
An extra point each for:
–Battered shrimp
–Shrimp dipped in cocktail sauce (or any other sauce)
–Pocketing your boss
Two extra points each for:
–Pocketing into trousers rather than a shirt or jacket.
–Pocketing someone famous
–Pocketing your ex
Three extra points for pocketing a politician and/or diplomat.
Now we know why lady-clothes never have functional pockets. It’s defensive!
Oh god, you put that out there, and now it’s going to become an MRA talking point.
“Women want the right to secretly put shrimp in our pockets, but where are their pockets, huh? MISANDRY.”
This reminds me of sooooo many of my internet leftist friends who really want to smash capitalism but also really want to keep Netflix.
Despite my ill-fated New Year’s resolution to avoid the comments section, I’m glad I showed up this time to see this. Sooooo spot on.
No conflict there – imagine how good Netflix would be without copyright issues!
This is grand.
Is that how networking works? I have never understood what to do. Thank you!
“I received a 2.5% increase in my compensation!
A proper reward
For 365 days
Without
Desk Screaming”
If I were less of a timid anarchist, this would be done up in needlepoint. In my cubicle.
This is the best thing anyone has ever said about anything I’ve done
It’s no needlepoint, but I did print this (on the office printer!) and post it in my cubicle. 🙂
Halt and Catch Fire improves? Timid Anarchist Poet, you have sold me!
I identify with this so much more than I ought to. Bravo!
(angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity)
Thank you. Now I will remember the secret, timid RAGE in my heart, every time I pass an AU BON PAIN.
Thank you. Now I will remember the secret, timid RAGE in my heart, every time I pass an AU BON PAIN.
Now we know why lady-clothes never have functional pockets. It's defensive!
Being somewhat of an expert on
Fascists
When you call every supervisor one, Megan,
It gets, how you say,
Diluted
Let’s make this into a macro and flood marxist-leninist tumblr with it.
This is me.
This is me.