Liz Rosema grew up in a nice Protestant cult and only set her face on fire that one time. She draws cartoons and sticks them on the internet here.
52 Comments
hugpunch+94
THIS IS VERY GOOD AND ACCURATE THANK YOU
blizzard+75
Thanks! I am am happy that people identify with this because I sometimes feel like everyone else just strides confidently into the men’s section and purchases button up shirts with little martinis on them with no qualms whatsoever while I try to slide into the men’s section from the side while no one else is in it.
iiiiimnotsorryy+54
My solution to this problem is to just never go shopping ever and wear my few clothes until they are collections of holes held together by small pieces of fabric. Butch shopping anxiety is real!
viviennestreet+16
I feel this. I’m not butch, but I prefer men’s gym shorts and I feel crazy awkward going over to the men’s section to buy them.
despoticpoodle+16
When I’m having one of my bantam-butch moments, I have to sidle into the boy’s section due to my, you know lack of size. The selection is terrible, and little martinis aren’t considered age appropriate. In the end, I’m less embarrassed shopping in the boy’s section where I could be getting something for my imaginary son than I am answering a question later about where I bought whatever item of clothing I am wearing. Maybe not because I’m a cis female, but because I. Am. So. Old.
edbles+1
These guys helped me out with the wedding clothes problem. SUITS for everyone!
RealReasonableLez+8
If it takes that much anxiety and neuroticism to try to fit a label, you’re most likely trying too hard to be a part of it at all. That is where the origin of the anxiety is. You shouldn’t have to try to be yourself. There is no gender to follow. It’s a social concept meant to keep certain roles. And if, in the end, you still identify as a masculine woman, know that clothes can’t yell at you.
neuromanticism+6
No. Anxiety isn’t a sign of anything. That’s why it’s anxiety. If it really had something important to say, it wouldn’t be neuroticism – it would be insight. If an anxious person assumes that any anxiety is a True Sign of Truth, their life will get very complicated very quickly. Anxious butches exist! Why wouldn’t they?
standgale+1
yes, very true. And when you believe that your anxiety is a True Sign, things don’t just get complicated, they get worse. Part of dealing with anxiety is recognising that it’s just an overactive fear response and it doesn’t MEAN anything. If you believe its a True Sign – that’s an emotional disaster. If I can’t contact my partner and I get anxious, it isn’t a sign from the universe that he’s died in a car crash. It’s just anxiety.
RudyRed+34
IT ME
V-V+14
I literally came here to post this exact thing.
tejanojim+42
Cis, hetero identified male here. I don’t care. None of my guy friends care. Please shop and be welcome!
Nashirakins+38
The women who work in the men’s section sometimes REALLY CARE though. Like I’m breaking the code by not wearing women’s clothing even though literally none of it fits me and also it’s the wrong clothing for me.
Like I use the “men’s” dressing room and the guys there don’t care but their girlfriends get weird once they realize I have tits.
edbles+5
Also try walking up up to the women’s dressing room holding men’s shirts with an androgynous physicality and look and see how quickly the folks working the dressing room prepare to defend the battlements from your invasion. I’m cis-female but have to consciously focus on passing as female to get into the women’s dressing room.
night_squirrel+78
This is how I feel in the “teen” section of the public library.
iiiiimnotsorryy+28
At my library, we are supposed to stop adults from going into the teen room and it is my least favorite policy 🙁 Supposedly teens won’t go in if there’s adults hanging around, but adults read YA too dammit
rhymeswitheight+17
If an adult wants a book, can they ask a librarian to get it for them? (Although, as a YA reading adult, I would definitely be a little embarrassed to ask for some of the really ridiculous teenager books I’ve read…)
iiiiimnotsorryy+12
Yes! It’s mostly not enforced, and most staffers aren’t going to bug someone who is obviously looking at the books and not, like, settling up all their mobile office equipment in a corner. But the official line is no adults allowed, we have to get their books for them.
daisicles+21
Really? I’d be so upset if that was the policy at my local library, at least for the books. (Computers and seating, another matter.) They finally set aside an area upstairs in the regular fiction for graphic novels, but before they did that, pretty much all the graphic novels were shelved in the teen section because it’s like they wanted me to get the stinkeye from a bunch of 12 year olds.
pigeonsquid+15
I dunno, it seems like that policy would make it easier to kick out any adults who were making teens uncomfortable…
mmcoulston+30
The whole-self heartbeat nervousness, yes, very accurate. Well done with the naming of the feeling!
Laura+18
Got a little teary at the end there.
catmanscrothers+31
ahhhh this so much! I feel like I’m more “soft butch,” so I’ll breeze by the women’s section and probably pick up something, then go over to the men’s and get MASSIVE, WORLD-SHATTERING anxiety even though there’s stuff over there I want equally as much. It sucks, but it’s comforting to know that there are other people who go through the exact same process I do
theburnersmydestination+17
Huh, I’ve never really considered myself “butch”, and I shop in the men’s section all the time! The nerd shirts are way better there (cause only guys are nerds, apparently) and they fit way better on my (massive) shoulders, same with button-downs. It never even occurred to me to be self-conscious about it! (although I give zero fucks in general. I am one of those people who tries things on in the isles). Love the comic!
rebeccalibrarian+23
THIS. Why on earth do most major realtors believe that women don’t wear nerd/geek shirts (unless they’re pink, and then only maybe will they have an option)?!
tinypaperme+7
I shop in the men’s a lot, too. But after reading this comic, I think the reason can do that without thinking about it is that it’s never had any identity association for me? It’s always been, “These men’s shorts fit me better because I have a thick wasit and no hips” or “Hmm, my giant swimmer’s shoulders don’t fit into women’s dress shirts.” IN other words, for me the men’s department is convenient. (I also try on clothing in the aisles! Though only over what I’m already wearing.)
I’m not sure that made sense. Teal deer: I’m sorry that buying clothes that fit and that make us happy can be so fraught and/or result in judgement from observers. They’re clothes; anyone should be “allowed” to wear them.
germanrocketcat+43
Ah yes yup bingo. I treat the men’s section like a NO EYE CONTACT ZONE.
Luckily men seem to treat shopping the way they treat bathrooms: huuuuge personal space zones where everyone politely vacates a rack as soon as someone else starts browsing it because it’s weird for dudes to stand too close to each other for problematic masculinity reasons.
I still get the anxiety, like I’m constantly worried someone will just yell “Hey! Imposter! You don’t belong here!”
Hannah Richards+6
I notice that men crowd me whenever I’m in the men’s section, and then *they’ll* get visibly upset when I don’t move to another rack. It’s bizarre and gives me panic attacks. And I think it’s a result of the phenomenon you mentioned, actually? I mean they’ll literally *brush* by me, then move back and forth, trying to browse, ostensibly, and continually touching me and brushing against me. Which, I mean, at least when women do it they make sure, carefully, not to touch, and to say “excuse me, haha” as they go by, and we kinda do a switcheroo, but whenever I try the old switcheroo with men they just *continue* to brush by me, one way, and then back again, like they’re just angry that I think I have any right to stay in the same general area as them. Idk whether they realize how aggressive it is, and they’re doing it accidentally, or they’re unconsciously being aggressive cuz they feel I should move and leave them alone, or if it’s all on purpose, and the fact that I don’t know and have no way of knowing their intentions is even scarier. Tbf, it only happens in department stores like Target, but also to be fair, there are hardly any men’s boutiques, so I have nowhere else to shop for good button downs or geek tees. And I mean I tend to be androgenous – sometimes very femme, sometimes straight butch, but usually somewhere in between – so I really gotta shop in the men’s section *sometime*. (At least in my town there’s a large LGBT+ population, so generally the vintage clothing boutiques have lots of cool buttondowns, cowboy boots, bow ties, ballcaps, tees, and are staffed by queer people who compliment my shaved sides square top hair cut, but STILL) *sigh* P.S. At least they completely leave me alone when I shop for boxers. Everyone does. At first I thought people were freaked out and wanted to avoid me, but now I’m beginning to think people think women (I’m afab and have huge tits that not even the boxiest shirt can hide) buying boxers for men/boys is a normal thing that every woman does. Which is SO WEIRD to me.
lbolesta+8
Heh, I buy underwears for Mr Knowsey all the damn time. If I didn’t, he’d be wearing elastic with three threads hanging from it.
germanrocketcat+113
One more comment: I always loved the Toast for being a non-queer specific website with a dedication to publishing queer content on a regular basis, especially about gender and trans things. The amount of butch-affirming stuff on here made my heart sing and made me feel appreciated and attractive and understood in a unique way.
Ursula+3
Yeah, sometimes I read these things and go, ah – there is a way to live like that! It’s just a movies thing!
twenty4as+19
Beautifully captured! This is why I online shop for almost everything. My medical transition has now made it so people don’t do double takes anymore, but that anxiety is still with me…
ThatBassett+56
Thank you so much for this.
This made me think about the straight privilege I’m not even aware of having most of the time. As a very femme-presenting straight woman I buy clothes in the men’s section all the time and it never even OCCURS to me to be self-conscious about it. People probably just assume I am buying clothes for my husband/brother/dad…
Not sure if that makes sense but I just wanted to say thank you for opening my eyes to a butch perspective of clothes buying.
jennycieplak+41
Aw, I love the last image. <3 I hope reading these comments gives everyone some comfort and we can all go shopping in a big pack and hit both the mens and ladies sections, because even though I tend more toward the dress and heels side of things everyone on here is so nice and I just love being part of this community. [wipes tear] That is all.
blizzard+38
I have really felt more comfortable even since writing this! If writing this makes one other person more confident about buying a cute tie they want I will be very happy!
MassifAlPoon+8
Thank you. I am feeling more comfort now as my baggy cargos match my heels. I can now trip in style.
daisicles+43
I understand some of the anxiety, but it makes me a little sad. When I was working retail handling clothes, butch women were some of my favorite customers. For one, they tended not to unfold everything and leave displays a mess, unlike the hellbeasts shopping in the women’s section. I even had a soft spot for the butch teenage girls with mom in tow, even though together they usually did tear up my displays while mom offered every slightly femme men’s shirt to her daughter in hopes that just maybe they wouldn’t be leaving with a cartful of flannel and oversized basketball shorts this time.
I don’t know, maybe it just gave me hope that I was less alone in my town, even though I’m not butch myself.
Hannah Richards+12
Right?! Butch women, and most other queer people in general, are *much* better shoppers! I worked in a women’s boutique for three years and I can affirm this is totally true. The WORST shoppers were models – they just are so used to throwing clothes on and off as quickly as possible and treating others as assistants (read: pack mules) and it’s horrible. Like fucking tornados. Literally, clothes flying everywhere (mostly *onto* you – they just *expect* you to hold 60lbs of clothes for them), and afterwards more than a hundred clothes strewn about the fitting room. Also, they’d generally only buy three things, and within the week they’d return all of them (they’d come in in person, so they could repeat the process). Usually the clothes they’d return would have developed mysterious new wine stains. I think eventually we banned those two women. Contrast this to butch women, who’re nervous and cautious in any shopping situation. I felt bad my shop only ever had femme clothes, honestly, but at least we had clothes and a friendly environment for trans women, one of whom was actually laughed out of another boutique a block away, poor lady. (The other trans lady clearly wasn’t out, and was also clearly a construction worker, and would come in wearing the same clothes she’d worn to work, a very dirty pair of jeans and a torn t-shirt – plus 6 inch heels that were the exact color of the dress she’d been longing for in the window, with a spare pair of black heels just in case, as you do. I loved that shopper. She was so great.)
daisicles+12
Laughed out of another boutique? What assholes! I was just working in a big box store and my general attitude was ‘it’s none of my business why you want a particular item of clothing, and if you need help with it, I will help you’. Because at the end of the day, it’s all just fancy bits of cloth and people should be able to wear what they want.
LGBTRex+25
This is so accurate, but the moments of butch bonding in the menswear section almost make it all worth it. It’s such a relief to be seen by someone who Gets It. (And also probably Can Get It. Butch people are pretty dang attractive.)
NeuroticChihuahua
I feel this. I'm not butch, but I prefer men's gym shorts and I feel crazy awkward going over to the men's section to buy them.
Nashirakins+17
This has me realizing how many interwoven strategies I have for buying clothes. Like, my AMAB nonbinary partner passes for a cis dude in his work clothes, so we pretend to just be shopping for him. Then I casually grab stuff for me. Then we try stuff at the same time, both for feedback and feeling comfortable. And essentially only shop at JC Penney’s and Target locally because the staff overwhelmingly and demonstrably don’t care.
I’m glad I can shop and not worry but it’s strange realizing how detailed my method is for avoiding the anxiety. I have literally been wearing men’s clothing for 2/3 of my life but it still persists.
RebeccaTheLibrarian
THIS. Why on earth do most major realtors believe that women don't wear nerd/geek shirts (unless they're pink, and then only maybe will they have an option)?!
grumblyqueer+21
I barely ever shop in the men’s section, mostly because my boobs are Not Having It and my gender situation doesn’t require a binder. But every time I walk past a row of sturdy, no-dainty-pink-bullshit Star Wars t-shirts, or slacks that don’t fit like they’re painted on, or dozens of different button-ups with cool patterns and matching bow ties, I start wanting so badly that if I were in a Disney movie it would be my breakout solo moment.
alicia+18
I’m not butch but I have huge feet so I buy shoes in men’s sizes and I totally feel this. Like, I just want some sneakers/loafers/espadrilles please don’t look at me, but it’s hard enough that I mostly shop online.
Hollis+28
Thank you so much for writing/drawing this and to the Toast for publishing it. I feel small and self-conscious and a little scared when shopping in the men’s section, and then I also feel guilty for being scared because I know it is ten million times easier for a female-presenting person to shop in the men’s section than for a male-presenting person to shop in the women’s section, and if I were a male-presenting person wanting to shop in the women’s section I know I would never be brave enough. And because I’m shopping in San Francisco in 2016 and NO ONE CARES, except one time I went shopping with a straight female friend and her straight female friend, and, at the latter’s friendly insistence, I showed her the shirt I was trying on, and she gave me a weird look and said, “Are you wearing a guys’ shirt?” and I shrank back into the fitting room. I bought the shirt, though. I guess that’s something.
MassifAlPoon+101
I always go to the boys’ section, but end up crying because they do not fit my body. Perhaps I should stop looking at the pajamas for 8 year olds. It is a hard life. I feel oppressed because of my chest.
specialsexual+35
I’ve been in LGBTIAAQBS+ for years. But the situation is totally opposite for me! I like to go to try on women’s clothes, but the top part just wont fit my chest right. It’s just harsh and transphobish.
Knowsey
Heh, I buy underwears for Mr Knowsey all the damn time. If I didn't, he'd be wearing elastic with three threads hanging from it.
kweekweeBertha+16
This is like clothes are trying to label us! Thanks for making this comic! It reminds me of my favorite adult film.
The Elitist Semicolon
I shop in the men's a lot, too. But after reading this comic, I think the reason can do that without thinking about it is that it's never had any identity association for me? It's always been, "These men's shorts fit me better because I have a thick wasit and no hips" or "Hmm, my giant swimmer's shoulders don't fit into women's dress shirts." IN other words, for me the men's department is convenient. (I also try on clothing in the aisles! Though only over what I'm already wearing.)
I'm not sure that made sense. Teal deer: I'm sorry that buying clothes that fit and that make us happy can be so fraught and/or result in judgement from observers. They're clothes; anyone should be "allowed" to wear them.
TechieJackie
Totally! I have to shop in the men's department all the time for work – why can't they just make good, plain, black work pants and shirts (for carpentry and hanging lights, not for an office) for girls? Everything I buy is always too big, though. I wish they made clothes in men's styles in all sizes.
THIS IS VERY GOOD AND ACCURATE THANK YOU
Thanks!
I am am happy that people identify with this because I sometimes feel like everyone else just strides confidently into the men’s section and purchases button up shirts with little martinis on them with no qualms whatsoever while I try to slide into the men’s section from the side while no one else is in it.
My solution to this problem is to just never go shopping ever and wear my few clothes until they are collections of holes held together by small pieces of fabric. Butch shopping anxiety is real!
I feel this. I’m not butch, but I prefer men’s gym shorts and I feel crazy awkward going over to the men’s section to buy them.
When I’m having one of my bantam-butch moments, I have to sidle into the boy’s section due to my, you know lack of size. The selection is terrible, and little martinis aren’t considered age appropriate. In the end, I’m less embarrassed shopping in the boy’s section where I could be getting something for my imaginary son than I am answering a question later about where I bought whatever item of clothing I am wearing. Maybe not because I’m a cis female, but because I. Am. So. Old.
These guys helped me out with the wedding clothes problem. SUITS for everyone!
If it takes that much anxiety and neuroticism to try to fit a label, you’re most likely trying too hard to be a part of it at all. That is where the origin of the anxiety is. You shouldn’t have to try to be yourself. There is no gender to follow. It’s a social concept meant to keep certain roles. And if, in the end, you still identify as a masculine woman, know that clothes can’t yell at you.
No. Anxiety isn’t a sign of anything. That’s why it’s anxiety. If it really had something important to say, it wouldn’t be neuroticism – it would be insight. If an anxious person assumes that any anxiety is a True Sign of Truth, their life will get very complicated very quickly. Anxious butches exist! Why wouldn’t they?
yes, very true.
And when you believe that your anxiety is a True Sign, things don’t just get complicated, they get worse. Part of dealing with anxiety is recognising that it’s just an overactive fear response and it doesn’t MEAN anything. If you believe its a True Sign – that’s an emotional disaster. If I can’t contact my partner and I get anxious, it isn’t a sign from the universe that he’s died in a car crash. It’s just anxiety.
IT ME
I literally came here to post this exact thing.
Cis, hetero identified male here. I don’t care. None of my guy friends care. Please shop and be welcome!
The women who work in the men’s section sometimes REALLY CARE though. Like I’m breaking the code by not wearing women’s clothing even though literally none of it fits me and also it’s the wrong clothing for me.
Like I use the “men’s” dressing room and the guys there don’t care but their girlfriends get weird once they realize I have tits.
Also try walking up up to the women’s dressing room holding men’s shirts with an androgynous physicality and look and see how quickly the folks working the dressing room prepare to defend the battlements from your invasion. I’m cis-female but have to consciously focus on passing as female to get into the women’s dressing room.
This is how I feel in the “teen” section of the public library.
At my library, we are supposed to stop adults from going into the teen room and it is my least favorite policy 🙁 Supposedly teens won’t go in if there’s adults hanging around, but adults read YA too dammit
If an adult wants a book, can they ask a librarian to get it for them? (Although, as a YA reading adult, I would definitely be a little embarrassed to ask for some of the really ridiculous teenager books I’ve read…)
Yes! It’s mostly not enforced, and most staffers aren’t going to bug someone who is obviously looking at the books and not, like, settling up all their mobile office equipment in a corner. But the official line is no adults allowed, we have to get their books for them.
Really? I’d be so upset if that was the policy at my local library, at least for the books. (Computers and seating, another matter.) They finally set aside an area upstairs in the regular fiction for graphic novels, but before they did that, pretty much all the graphic novels were shelved in the teen section because it’s like they wanted me to get the stinkeye from a bunch of 12 year olds.
I dunno, it seems like that policy would make it easier to kick out any adults who were making teens uncomfortable…
The whole-self heartbeat nervousness, yes, very accurate. Well done with the naming of the feeling!
Got a little teary at the end there.
ahhhh this so much! I feel like I’m more “soft butch,” so I’ll breeze by the women’s section and probably pick up something, then go over to the men’s and get MASSIVE, WORLD-SHATTERING anxiety even though there’s stuff over there I want equally as much. It sucks, but it’s comforting to know that there are other people who go through the exact same process I do
Huh, I’ve never really considered myself “butch”, and I shop in the men’s section all the time! The nerd shirts are way better there (cause only guys are nerds, apparently) and they fit way better on my (massive) shoulders, same with button-downs. It never even occurred to me to be self-conscious about it! (although I give zero fucks in general. I am one of those people who tries things on in the isles). Love the comic!
THIS. Why on earth do most major realtors believe that women don’t wear nerd/geek shirts (unless they’re pink, and then only maybe will they have an option)?!
I shop in the men’s a lot, too. But after reading this comic, I think the reason can do that without thinking about it is that it’s never had any identity association for me? It’s always been, “These men’s shorts fit me better because I have a thick wasit and no hips” or “Hmm, my giant swimmer’s shoulders don’t fit into women’s dress shirts.” IN other words, for me the men’s department is convenient. (I also try on clothing in the aisles! Though only over what I’m already wearing.)
I’m not sure that made sense. Teal deer: I’m sorry that buying clothes that fit and that make us happy can be so fraught and/or result in judgement from observers. They’re clothes; anyone should be “allowed” to wear them.
Ah yes yup bingo. I treat the men’s section like a NO EYE CONTACT ZONE.
Luckily men seem to treat shopping the way they treat bathrooms: huuuuge personal space zones where everyone politely vacates a rack as soon as someone else starts browsing it because it’s weird for dudes to stand too close to each other for problematic masculinity reasons.
I still get the anxiety, like I’m constantly worried someone will just yell “Hey! Imposter! You don’t belong here!”
I notice that men crowd me whenever I’m in the men’s section, and then *they’ll* get visibly upset when I don’t move to another rack. It’s bizarre and gives me panic attacks. And I think it’s a result of the phenomenon you mentioned, actually?
I mean they’ll literally *brush* by me, then move back and forth, trying to browse, ostensibly, and continually touching me and brushing against me. Which, I mean, at least when women do it they make sure, carefully, not to touch, and to say “excuse me, haha” as they go by, and we kinda do a switcheroo, but whenever I try the old switcheroo with men they just *continue* to brush by me, one way, and then back again, like they’re just angry that I think I have any right to stay in the same general area as them.
Idk whether they realize how aggressive it is, and they’re doing it accidentally, or they’re unconsciously being aggressive cuz they feel I should move and leave them alone, or if it’s all on purpose, and the fact that I don’t know and have no way of knowing their intentions is even scarier. Tbf, it only happens in department stores like Target, but also to be fair, there are hardly any men’s boutiques, so I have nowhere else to shop for good button downs or geek tees. And I mean I tend to be androgenous – sometimes very femme, sometimes straight butch, but usually somewhere in between – so I really gotta shop in the men’s section *sometime*. (At least in my town there’s a large LGBT+ population, so generally the vintage clothing boutiques have lots of cool buttondowns, cowboy boots, bow ties, ballcaps, tees, and are staffed by queer people who compliment my shaved sides square top hair cut, but STILL)
*sigh*
P.S. At least they completely leave me alone when I shop for boxers. Everyone does. At first I thought people were freaked out and wanted to avoid me, but now I’m beginning to think people think women (I’m afab and have huge tits that not even the boxiest shirt can hide) buying boxers for men/boys is a normal thing that every woman does. Which is SO WEIRD to me.
Heh, I buy underwears for Mr Knowsey all the damn time. If I didn’t, he’d be wearing elastic with three threads hanging from it.
One more comment: I always loved the Toast for being a non-queer specific website with a dedication to publishing queer content on a regular basis, especially about gender and trans things. The amount of butch-affirming stuff on here made my heart sing and made me feel appreciated and attractive and understood in a unique way.
Yeah, sometimes I read these things and go, ah – there is a way to live like that! It’s just a movies thing!
Beautifully captured! This is why I online shop for almost everything. My medical transition has now made it so people don’t do double takes anymore, but that anxiety is still with me…
Thank you so much for this.
This made me think about the straight privilege I’m not even aware of having most of the time. As a very femme-presenting straight woman I buy clothes in the men’s section all the time and it never even OCCURS to me to be self-conscious about it. People probably just assume I am buying clothes for my husband/brother/dad…
Not sure if that makes sense but I just wanted to say thank you for opening my eyes to a butch perspective of clothes buying.
Aw, I love the last image. <3 I hope reading these comments gives everyone some comfort and we can all go shopping in a big pack and hit both the mens and ladies sections, because even though I tend more toward the dress and heels side of things everyone on here is so nice and I just love being part of this community. [wipes tear] That is all.
I have really felt more comfortable even since writing this!
If writing this makes one other person more confident about buying a cute tie they want I will be very happy!
Thank you. I am feeling more comfort now as my baggy cargos match my heels. I can now trip in style.
I understand some of the anxiety, but it makes me a little sad. When I was working retail handling clothes, butch women were some of my favorite customers. For one, they tended not to unfold everything and leave displays a mess, unlike the hellbeasts shopping in the women’s section. I even had a soft spot for the butch teenage girls with mom in tow, even though together they usually did tear up my displays while mom offered every slightly femme men’s shirt to her daughter in hopes that just maybe they wouldn’t be leaving with a cartful of flannel and oversized basketball shorts this time.
I don’t know, maybe it just gave me hope that I was less alone in my town, even though I’m not butch myself.
Right?! Butch women, and most other queer people in general, are *much* better shoppers! I worked in a women’s boutique for three years and I can affirm this is totally true. The WORST shoppers were models – they just are so used to throwing clothes on and off as quickly as possible and treating others as assistants (read: pack mules) and it’s horrible. Like fucking tornados. Literally, clothes flying everywhere (mostly *onto* you – they just *expect* you to hold 60lbs of clothes for them), and afterwards more than a hundred clothes strewn about the fitting room. Also, they’d generally only buy three things, and within the week they’d return all of them (they’d come in in person, so they could repeat the process). Usually the clothes they’d return would have developed mysterious new wine stains. I think eventually we banned those two women. Contrast this to butch women, who’re nervous and cautious in any shopping situation. I felt bad my shop only ever had femme clothes, honestly, but at least we had clothes and a friendly environment for trans women, one of whom was actually laughed out of another boutique a block away, poor lady. (The other trans lady clearly wasn’t out, and was also clearly a construction worker, and would come in wearing the same clothes she’d worn to work, a very dirty pair of jeans and a torn t-shirt – plus 6 inch heels that were the exact color of the dress she’d been longing for in the window, with a spare pair of black heels just in case, as you do. I loved that shopper. She was so great.)
Laughed out of another boutique? What assholes! I was just working in a big box store and my general attitude was ‘it’s none of my business why you want a particular item of clothing, and if you need help with it, I will help you’. Because at the end of the day, it’s all just fancy bits of cloth and people should be able to wear what they want.
This is so accurate, but the moments of butch bonding in the menswear section almost make it all worth it. It’s such a relief to be seen by someone who Gets It.
(And also probably Can Get It. Butch people are pretty dang attractive.)
I feel this. I'm not butch, but I prefer men's gym shorts and I feel crazy awkward going over to the men's section to buy them.
This has me realizing how many interwoven strategies I have for buying clothes. Like, my AMAB nonbinary partner passes for a cis dude in his work clothes, so we pretend to just be shopping for him. Then I casually grab stuff for me. Then we try stuff at the same time, both for feedback and feeling comfortable. And essentially only shop at JC Penney’s and Target locally because the staff overwhelmingly and demonstrably don’t care.
I’m glad I can shop and not worry but it’s strange realizing how detailed my method is for avoiding the anxiety. I have literally been wearing men’s clothing for 2/3 of my life but it still persists.
THIS. Why on earth do most major realtors believe that women don't wear nerd/geek shirts (unless they're pink, and then only maybe will they have an option)?!
I barely ever shop in the men’s section, mostly because my boobs are Not Having It and my gender situation doesn’t require a binder. But every time I walk past a row of sturdy, no-dainty-pink-bullshit Star Wars t-shirts, or slacks that don’t fit like they’re painted on, or dozens of different button-ups with cool patterns and matching bow ties, I start wanting so badly that if I were in a Disney movie it would be my breakout solo moment.
I’m not butch but I have huge feet so I buy shoes in men’s sizes and I totally feel this. Like, I just want some sneakers/loafers/espadrilles please don’t look at me, but it’s hard enough that I mostly shop online.
Thank you so much for writing/drawing this and to the Toast for publishing it. I feel small and self-conscious and a little scared when shopping in the men’s section, and then I also feel guilty for being scared because I know it is ten million times easier for a female-presenting person to shop in the men’s section than for a male-presenting person to shop in the women’s section, and if I were a male-presenting person wanting to shop in the women’s section I know I would never be brave enough. And because I’m shopping in San Francisco in 2016 and NO ONE CARES, except one time I went shopping with a straight female friend and her straight female friend, and, at the latter’s friendly insistence, I showed her the shirt I was trying on, and she gave me a weird look and said, “Are you wearing a guys’ shirt?” and I shrank back into the fitting room. I bought the shirt, though. I guess that’s something.
I always go to the boys’ section, but end up crying because they do not fit my body. Perhaps I should stop looking at the pajamas for 8 year olds. It is a hard life. I feel oppressed because of my chest.
I’ve been in LGBTIAAQBS+ for years. But the situation is totally opposite for me! I like to go to try on women’s clothes, but the top part just wont fit my chest right. It’s just harsh and transphobish.
Heh, I buy underwears for Mr Knowsey all the damn time. If I didn't, he'd be wearing elastic with three threads hanging from it.
This is like clothes are trying to label us! Thanks for making this comic! It reminds me of my favorite adult film.
I shop in the men's a lot, too. But after reading this comic, I think the reason can do that without thinking about it is that it's never had any identity association for me? It's always been, "These men's shorts fit me better because I have a thick wasit and no hips" or "Hmm, my giant swimmer's shoulders don't fit into women's dress shirts." IN other words, for me the men's department is convenient. (I also try on clothing in the aisles! Though only over what I'm already wearing.)
I'm not sure that made sense. Teal deer: I'm sorry that buying clothes that fit and that make us happy can be so fraught and/or result in judgement from observers. They're clothes; anyone should be "allowed" to wear them.
Totally! I have to shop in the men's department all the time for work – why can't they just make good, plain, black work pants and shirts (for carpentry and hanging lights, not for an office) for girls? Everything I buy is always too big, though. I wish they made clothes in men's styles in all sizes.