Previous installments of This Week in Reading can be found here.
French women don’t get lupus french women don’t have food stuck in their teeth french women don’t lose their keys french women don’t slouch french women don’t buy movie snacks french women don’t molt french women don’t need to shave their toes french women don’t indulge french women don’t sleep alone french women don’t read xojane french women don’t forget to wash their makeup brushes french women don’t have eating disorders french women don’t ask their boyfriends hypothetical questions based on satc situations french women don’t buy pre-sliced mushrooms french women don’t wear linen pants without ironing them french women don’t get facelifts french women don’t do it in the road french women don’t want to get married french women don’t want french women don’t let their gum spill out into their purses french women don’t buy cheap shoes french women don’t finish whole bags of chips french women don’t use strollers french women don’t have sticky hands.
french women don’t live in algeria french women don’t live in les banlieues french women don’t put their delicates in the washing machine french women don’t work in the sex trade french women aren’t refugees french women don’t have bra sweat french women don’t need bras french women don’t wear bras except balconet bras french women don’t work out
French women take one thing off french women don’t throw out shoes they get them resoled french women don’t take twenty euros out of atms french women don’t look at car accidents french women don’t get fired french women don’t care what you think french women don’t eat over the sink french women don’t sag french women don’t sweat french women don’t perspire french women don’t need him french women don’t forget you’ve met french women don’t need you to remember them french women don’t mistake basic courtesies for affection french women don’t live in morocco french women don’t smile inappropriately french women don’t take too long to come french women don’t come too quickly and want you to hurry up french women don’t leave floss hanging over the edge of the trash can french women don’t get fat french women don’t put on socks because floors are dirty french women don’t wash the floor french women don’t need people to wash the floor french women don’t have floors that acquire dirt.
French women don’t spend too much time at work french women don’t have cats who excrete french women don’t have dogs that shed french women don’t stare across the void french women don’t have too much space between their breasts french women don’t live in les zones urbaines sensibles french women have the right amount of space between their legs french women don’t come in brown french women don’t come in black french women don’t ever listen to the smiths and cry french women don’t find themselves born with male genitalia french women don’t drink wine without food french women don’t buy paper napkins french women don’t suffer from the soft bigotry of low expectations french women don’t grow old and sad and die french women don’t appear on the street on bad days french women don’t eat tissues to stay thin french women don’t get promoted french women don’t french women.
Works Referenced:
French Women Don’t, Work in Retail (Pay retail | Steal formula)
French Women Don’t, Wear Hijab (Get hemorrhoids | Need wheelchairs)
French Women Don’t, Feel God’s Love as Once They Did (Limp | Fear sleeping alone)
Photo via Flickr
Tags: books, french women, this week in reading
whoa.
(word on the floss and the floors yo)
Yeah, those two really spoke to me also! Man, my dude has SO MANY floss hanging over the trash can type habits (and worse). I don’t know how I’ve managed to live with him this long.
Sounds like someone needs some domestic wine WITHOUT FOOD.
“french women don’t put on socks because floors are dirty french women don’t wash the floor french women don’t need people to wash the floor french women don’t have floors that acquire dirt” This whole part made me breathe out a big sigh of relief, because it means I amn’t the only one despondent about mopping and scrubbing and I am not a Big Failure.
I would be fine and all french-lady-zen about my floors if they would just stay clean for, like, FIVE MINUTES after I mop them. But no! They are clean and then within 10 minutes SOMEONE is dropping a trail of granola bar crumbs through the kitchen and within the half-hour there are tumbleweeds of dust and strange sticky smears everywhere.
French women don’t neglect to make a tag for “the soft bigotry of low expections”
wrench women don’t want your hammer wrench women don’t need no nails wrench women don’t ask for help wrench women can fix it on their own wrench women own their own toolboxes wrench women roll up their sleeves and get to work
wrench women do it for themselves wrench women will help you out wrench women can work as a team wrench women like to work solo wrench women teach you how it’s done
wrench women can hang drywall wrench women don’t like to paint wrench women want to borrow your drill wrench women teach you how to change a tire wrench women don’t clean up after wrench women don’t leave a mess
wrench women have strong arms wrench women have slim arms wrench women have skinny spaghetti arms wrench women have soft round arms wrench women have arms of two different lengths wrench women don’t worry how their arms look wrench women get to work wrench women make it work wrench women can work it out wrench women work it
Oh mon dieu. Zous bisou bisou.
French women don’t get corns or bunions from their designer high heels, french women don’t laugh awkwardly, french women don’t care if they’re liked, french women don’t have to trry, french women don’t ramble (and i had to add to this because i loved it)
…paging @stuffisthings
My wife’s purse and shoes beg to disagree!
Also, note to tourists, the weight loss secret of Parisian women is that they don’t spend €1,500 each week eating out in quaint bistros and taking gastronomic tours, they cook plain dinners at home like normal people everywhere.
If not for tourists there’d seriously be like four bistros in all of Île-de-France. I don’t think I know anybody who regularly eats in places like that, because they are mostly overpriced and bad.
French women don’t eat the wrong things at the wrong places when they’re on vacation.
I’m just pointing out the key bit of silliness of those “how do they do it?” articles which are so often based on the assumption that French women are doing the exact same things as tourists, or at least the things that tourists imagine all French people do, but have some ineffable French woman secret to weight loss and perfect poise.
You mean Parisian women aren’t eating steak frites at every meal??
I use cloth napkins instead of paper. I MUST BE A FRENCH WOMAN
(It seems classy, but really it just means I don't have to remember to buy napkins ever. Also today I draped one over my newborn son on the couch because I was too lazy to get up and grab his blanket.)
French women gently fricassee their babies before draping them in fine napkins.
French women have all read the Second Sex and discuss it over coffee.
Québecoise women think that French women aren’t properly French.
Québecoise women think that French women aren't properly French.