Thank you for making my birthday so nice yesterday! I picked Fury Road for my birthday movie (the NON-cut-for-Delta Airlines-version, SAUCY!) and ate an A+++ frozen mac & cheese I had shipped from Murray’s in NYC for breakfast, then fasted and drank tons of water all day to create the MAXIMUM amount of space in my stomach for Indian takeout for dinner. So, all in all, I would say I crushed it.
OH! OH! ANNNNDDD my friend is having a baby next month, and I texted her and her husband and offered very graciously to babysit their massive golden retriever and long-haired weimaraner (that’s a real thing!) while she’s in the hospital, and they were all “OH WOULD YOU? That’s so nice! What a relief!” and I’m just:
gonna let them sleep in our bedddd gonna rub their belliesss
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This single mom dealing with mental health stuff is a friend of the luminous Stacia L. Brown, and I would encourage all of you to toss a little money her way, if you have it.
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Why the Canadian election (and Canada in general) needs to pay more attention to aboriginal issues:
Education, poverty, housing, safe drinking water, youth suicides, jobs, natural resources, the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples, property rights, specific and comprehensive land claims, the Idle No More movement, substance abuse, food security, high incarceration rates, financial accountability, missing and murdered women and girls, culture, language, family violence, treaty rights, residential schools, the environment, infrastructure, children in care, floods . . . .
The challenges can be so immediate and overwhelming that National Chief Perry Bellegarde of the Assembly of First Nations mentions it as one of the reasons — along with the idea of sovereignty and nationhood — behind low voter turnout among Aboriginal peoples.
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Make sure you don’t miss Nikki’s great conversation with Celeste Ng, author of Everything I Never Told You:
Not long ago, you compiled a list of Asian American fiction writers in response to someone remarking, “There aren’t a lot of you out there.” (I love that that was your response to that comment!) Do you feel a responsibility to speak and write about issues surrounding race and diversity?
I’m starting to. I used to feel reluctant to talk about race, as I think many people of color sometimes do — there’s an exhaustion that sets in after a while because you’re constantly forced to confront your race in a way that Caucasians aren’t. Like, “Just because I’m Asian it doesn’t mean I have to talk about Asian issues, I think (and write!) about more than that!” All of that is true, but these are issues that have always been important to me, and now that the book is out in the world and found an audience, it feels like I have a responsibility to speak up while anyone is listening.
And I’ve seen firsthand how these issues affect me personally — we might like to think of ourselves outside of racial terms, but the fact is that your race is a big part of how the world sees you.
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This piece on a covered-up rape (of a woman by a woman) at MichFest AND the mistreatment of a trans kid who tried to attend broke my heart about nine times:
What does it say about the ethic animating the WBW narrative that around the same time MichFest escorted a rapist off the land after actually raping a MichFest women, a trans kid was also escorted off the land after being mobbed, constructed and castigated as a “rapist” and then publicly threatened with a knife? Over 100 MichFesters gathered to confront a 16 year old trans kid and when a MichFest rape victim disclosed her story, nobody cared to acknowledge it.
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This is a Guardian story about the Syrian refugee tragedy, and it has a picture of a drowned little precious boy in it (Aylan Kurdi, age 3), so that may not be something you can handle (although that image is hard to avoid at this point, honestly, and that may be a good thing ultimately for Europe.) This is a good and legit place that you can send money to to help, but this is something that really needs political change from a variety of nations, and if you are in a position to lobby for that, please do.
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My friend Carrie’s new puppy has a red leash:
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Also, Logan Sachon made me this birthday card:
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Deleted comment of the day:
Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
Toasts, I bring you a Taylor Swift Socratic dialogue.
SWIFT: I’m thinking of the dirty, dirty cheats of the world. Those about whom so many get down and out while they could be getting down to sick beats. Alcibiades, for example, abandoned Athens and sought refuge in Sparta, then left Sparta for Persia before finally returning to Athens, leaving an inter-imperial trail of broken hearts.
SOCRATES: Yes, I see. Alcibiades is, in fact, a player who will play, play, play.
However, my favourite Socratic dialogue of all time is still Socrates and Glaucon on the Home Shopping Network.
That Home Shopping link is hilarious, thank you for sharing!
Is the deleted commenter proposing murder there, or what?
all my problems have the same solution, except the problem of my vegetable garden being suspiciously mounded six feet over ground level
I’ve just started watching Hannibal, and from that I have learned that a vegetable garden looking suspiciously high and lumpy generally shouldn’t stop you.
[started writing a response, realized that yet again I thought things through just a little too thoroughly, deleted]
‘It’s hugelculture, officer!’
“when u type all caps u seem illiterate. That’s why u wanna learn lowercase.”
I stopped cackling at the irony of this syntax thinking maybe this was an attempt at some kind of joke. I recommenced hag cackle when I kept reading.
NO GENEROUS READINGS FOR JERKWADS.
Those comments were giving me the creeps. What an asshole.
That is some Donald Trump- level twitter flailing. “u r dumb. what a loser! whatever, moron”
We need a word for that thing when someone thinks they’re zinging you but all they’re doing is repeating schoolyard insults.
Trumpling?
Ditto to the swapping your/you’re. What a laughable asshole.
You guys, I read a disgusting article about a woman whose doctor found a ball of cat hair in her vagina. If you want to read it, here’s the link: http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/my-gyneco…. It’s… not nice. You have been warned.
WHAT ON EARTH WAS SHE DOING WITH THE CAT! (not going to read. just ate.)
Ugh, no, not like that! Ewww!
I do not want to read this for multiple reasons, but I do want it explained to me. How did this happen? I can’t even imagine.
Me too!!
She had an IUD, and apparently there were cat hairs that got caught on the strings and tangled there. The gyn apparently thought they were tampon fibers. The author’s theory is that the cats shed on the bedsheets, the boyfriend would get cat hair on his penis, and then (since they don’t use condoms), the cat hair ended up inside her.
I am now very glad that I a) do not have a cat and b) double-down on birth control.
Another reason to always use condoms!
I am dissatisfied with her explanation. How much cat hair was in their sheets?!? I feel like it would take a lot of cat hair to form a hair ball? Also, I’m alarmed that even though she cites a failure to make her bed as the culprit, with no mention of regularly changing the sheets or vacuuming. That whole last paragraph when she was going on about buying a speculum online and making her boyfriend shower, I just kept thinking, “Wash yo sheets, woman!”
Yeah. I mean, my hair gets tangled up in the laundry sometimes (my boyfriend is forever finding it in his socks), but still.
Hahaha, finding it in his socks? If your bf knew the alternative, he’d be thanking his lucky stars that that’s the only place he finds it!
Or fix the dryer? If it’s not doing a good job catching hair in the lint trap, there could be hairs on her undies? and the sheets?
Someone in the comments also suggested that and the author replied that that might be possible. But still, one would notice there was hair in their underwear before putting it on, right?
To be fair, the author posted in the comments section and said that she changes the sheets every other week (before the incident, that is).
The thing that gets me (even though I totally understand it, but it’s NOT RATIONAL) is that she’s so embarrassed that she doesn’t tell the gyn what she thinks it is, she will go to another gyn next time… but she writes about it on the internet.
Which is all totally something I would do….
Vagina Furtata is seared in my brain. Also I can’t help but feel betrayed by my cat even though he’s done nothing.
That was amazing, thank you. Now my routine cervix-checking will maybe incorporate a rummage around for hairballs & other mystery objects — or I could invest in a speculum and rig up a mirror situation?
What I like about this story is that it was entirely non-fatal but totally horrific so you have the recoil but the happy ending.
This is amazing, thank you.
I will never complain about getting shed fur from my RPG game’s hosts’ pets on my clothes ever again.
I know it’s not open thread, etc. But.
On a scale of one to destroy him utterly, where would you stand on bringing the hammer down on a professor who prides himself on flashing his super duper speshul activist credentials ™ at every opportunity, then proceeds to do a mocking imitation of a flamboyant gay man and call his entire class “a bunch of fucking pussies” for apparently lacking convictions? I am only two classes in and I want to ruin him. One of us isn’t going to make it to December and (spoiler) it’s not going to be me. The American taxpayer doesn’t pay enough money for me to sit through this shit. I’m all for some well-placed profanity, but when every other word of your lecture is some variation on fuck there may be a problem.
(Disclaimer: I served in the military. If there’s one thing I’m used to it’s profanity and gendered insults. Most of it in a very locker room-ish sense where I was the only woman in the room so I gave as good as I got. But if a commanding officer or sergeant had ever called subordinates ‘a bunch of fucking pussies’ there would be hell to pay.)
(Also, the man’s just dumb. A direct quote: “Now I know Ghandi didn’t accomplish much politically.” …)
Or am I overreacting? In any case, I needed cute puppy.
I don’t think you’re overreacting, but I doubt there’s much you can do, either. Except for deciding you don’t need that class, of course. Or does your university have an office for equal opportunity (sorry, don’t know what it’s actually called in English)? You could report him or at least ask if there’s anything that can be done.
End him. And do it now. Do you have a personal tutor/advisor person? (In the UK you get a lecturer assigned to you to be a general touch point for everything), if you do complain to them, just an email to get it on record. If you don’t go to your department head/subject head.
I had a lecturer in 3rd year who was a two faced bitch, all nicey nicey in lectures and then would give you 40% on a whim (she had favorites who surprisingly always go 70%+). I got a surprisingly low mark on my christmas exam, and just chalked it up to experience, and then she completely fucked me over after giving obscure instructions for the assignment. anyway I didn’t complain right away, I waited until I got my overall mark (she very nearly tanked my average, which would have fucked my degree classification), but by then it was really too late for anything to be done about it.
Don’t waste your time in this assholes class, complain, get out if you have to and study something that makes you happy.
Hi, I’m sorry that happened to you, terrible professors are the worst.
I feel like there are better, less sexist ways to describe terrible women, though, besides bitch. Maybe the Toasties can suggest some good alternatives. Like shitweasel!
A bitchy fact-sheet.
What kind of class was it? I mean, could you prove there was arbitrary grading going on? Because if I got a 40% and didn’t understand why (and thought others were getting passing grades for comparable work), there sure as hell would be questions asked for a breakdown of her grading system. Even for English essays.
Not trying to criticize how you handled it retrospectively! Just puzzled at how these things work.
40% is much more reasonable in the UK and Ireland than in the US (apologies for assuming wrong if you’re not from there!) – it is low (and generally a failing grade), but it’s very unusual for people to get much above 70% at undergraduate level, so it’s not massively below what might be expected; 50-70 is the normal range, with anything above 60 being quite good. (Not to imply that there wasn’t something weird going on, just that our expected range of marks for university work is apparently bizarre to anyone who’s not used to it.)
I am American and did not know that! Thank you for explaining. 🙂 I felt crestfallen when I got a grade in the 70-80 range, but wouldn’t dispute it as it’s a passing grade (though in the bottom range). Anything below 60 when I had completed the assignment, though? Would have been insane.
Over here, getting a mark in the 70-80 range means you’re doing very well – getting above 80 in an essay-based subject is vanishingly rare, and getting above 70 is cause for celebration. Roughly speaking, 70+ is a First, 60-69 is an Upper Second, 50-59 is a Lower Second, 40-49 is a Third. (According to Wikipedia 30-39 is a Pass and 29 and below is a Fail, so ignore my “40 is generally a failing grade” stuff.)
Holy crap! I’ve read “I’ve gotten a first in —-” so many times, and never knew what it meant!!! Thank you so much!
Go to the department chair.
This is what the Dean’s office for your particular college/portion of the university is for. Department chair won’t be any help, as they’ve obviously allowed this behavior to continue for some time. If you are gonna escalate, go big. The Dean of the College of Humanities (or equivalent) is a good place to start.
Write him an email. Be clear, adult and firm: “I’ve noticed you doing X and saying X on a regular basis in class. This is getting in the way of my learning the material and it’s disrespectful to students. I request that you moderate your language.” There’s a CHANCE this will work, but it will probably either have no effect or make him double down; you’re mostly doing it so that when you do the next things on this list, he can’t be like, “But bighairnoheart didn’t SAY anything to me about it!”
Document everything, as you would with workplace harassment. Jerk move, date and time of jerk move, context of jerk move. Especially document things that are defamatory, unprofessional, aggressive towards students.
This person probably has a boss–a department chair (unless he IS the department chair?) or program director. The department’s website should reveal who that person is. After you send the email, wait a bit and keep documenting. You may also want to ask other students if it’s bothering them. Eventually, you will want to email the department chair: “I have some concerns about Prof. Butt’s behavior towards students and I’d appreciate a chance to talk about them with you in person.” If they say yes, keep it simple and factual when you meet with them, bringing the dossier with you, and including other students’ feedback if it supports you: “Prof. Butt is behaving unprofessionally in these ways and it’s making it hard for me [and my classmates] to concentrate on the material. If you can address this by speaking to him informally, that could make a big difference in our experience of the class, and would keep us from needing to take any official action.”
If they refuse to do this, I think your next step would be a similar conversation with the Dean of Faculty, but would welcome anyone else weighing in to correct this if they think there’s a better path.
Make sure, just for yourself, to create some opportunities to back out without being disappointed in yourself–that is, if you try X and X doesn’t work, you get to decide whether to keep going on to Y. You’re not a jerk for deciding that you’ve given this as much energy as you can stand to give it. You could make that decision right now, even! or you could take a couple steps and see what happens, and still back out at any time.
Yep, going to second this. I had a very similar prof in my last year of school, and when I went to the department chair, she instructed me to go talk to him. His response was basically *shrug emoticon* “It’s my classroom, you’re the only one who’s complained, I do what I want,” but when I went to her a second time, and had everything in writing, they took it a smidge more seriously.
You are not overreacting, but as someone who teaches at a college myself I can say that ‘going big’ right away is probably not the best way to handle it as administrators tend to not take seriously students who don’t at least try to follow established procedures. If there’s an equal opportunity officer you could try there or ask your tutor/advisor about what to do about a ‘hostile learning environment’. Don’t start with the Dean or the Chair, you also might try the director of undergraduate education in the department.
Yes, University ombudsman (if those even exist still?) or University advising would be a good place to start.
Accredited schools in the US are, I believe, required to have a Title IX coordinator or ombudsperson or something.
Question on ethics: could one film the class to send relevant clips/proof to the relevant authorities?
(Obviously what I really want to see happen is for the video clips to be ranged across the internet in a vast sea of shaming but that has very real drawbacks and isn’t polite so I don’t think anyone is going to recommend that.)
I want to. Just because he’s such a Public Figure with his Activism. Two seconds don’t go by without him bragging about how much he does for the downtrodden.
Given the comments you’ve described, I have to wonder which downtrodden he could actually mean.
He bragged that he was fired from his last job because of his being an ‘LGBT Activist.’ And he… well, I can’t post about his one claim to fame (the one that prompted his calling a bunch of college students out as pussies for not having changed the world through radical action yet) since googling it just pulls up a score of fairly self-aggrandizing articles he wrote for the huffington post about it. Someone designed an alternate logo for something. He plastered it around town.
[Edited because I don’t want to call him out or anything. Yet]
Email your dean very very politely. Your weapons are direct quotes from this dude and an air of slight, well-mannered incredulity.
Ugh. This is horrible and I’m so sorry you’ve gotta deal with it.
I’m an admin in academia and I don’t know that contacting him directly first thing is the best idea. He’s already proven himself to be an asshole. That might backfire in an ugly way.
I second the suggestions to first talk to a faculty member in the department who serves in an administrative role appropriate to you–either the undergraduate director, graduate director, or (if neither of those exist) the department chair. Tell them that you have concerns about how to approach him with your grievance and ask them for advice/suggestions on how to initiate contact with him about that. They might tell you to go ahead and speak with him directly, or they might have a different suggestion (like talking about it in a way that leaves you anonymous). Unless they themselves are jerks (always a possibility, unfortunately), they will be sympathetic and understand the danger in which you could place yourself by exposing yourself directly. I know in my department, we have instructors who would react much better to a fellow faculty member pointing this stuff out to them than they would a student.
Good luck, and please keep us posted.
THIS! What CleverManka said.
I would add to that: document EVERYTHING. When you go talk to the other faculty member, follow up with an email that says something like, “Just to make sure I understood correctly, you suggested X.” If you have to go to a dean, follow up there too. The key is to build a solid chronology of the process you followed so that there can be no question that you have handled the situation appropriately and seriously. Plus the record itself will help build a case; disciplinary action against faculty/staff can take a long time (most universities will have a policy that starts with, say, first warning, then second warning with probation, all the way up to termination*), so having a written record of your complaint will be tremendously useful in the event you’re not the only student who spoke/speaks up. You might be the tipping point that takes this guy from “we’ve warned you multiple times and you’ve been on probation” to “thanks for your service; enjoy your mandatory resignation.”
By the way, the length (both in number of steps and in overall elapsed time) of the process of admin taking disciplinary action against faculty/staff may contribute to the (inaccurate) assumption that (as Megano put it) if the prof has tenure, “you’re fucked.” Sure, some departments/schools may not pursue student grievances – I’m not denying that this happens, because it absolutely does – but I would suggest that sometimes what looks like inaction is actually the non-public parts of the process slowly grinding through in the background.
(*This is how discipline works for academic staff at my institution, which is what I know best; it differs slightly for faculty.)
You may be the tipping point. Or you may be one of the points at the start where they go ‘well, no one else has complained yet but we’ll file it’. And then next time there’s a complaint, they’ll be able to say ‘oh, someone said the same thing last year, hmmmm’. You may not get immediate results. But it’s still important to complain because I GUARANTEE that there are more people who have hated this and haven’t complained, and if all of them had complained, they might have already warned and fired him.
Another from inside the academic machine.
The most conservative strategy is to follow a chain of command. Complain to dude himself first, next his immediate supervisor (undergraduate director or equivalent), next a chair, next a dean. There are sometimes workarounds or backdoors or nuclear options, but if you don’t know the local culture VERY WELL already you can get way burnt trying to obviate the hierarchy. Your student handbook will have a procedure laid out.
I agree with this. Work your way up the chain of command. If he doesn’t immediately shape up when you contact him, start involving your Title IX coordinator concurrently, and let them know. “I’ve also reached out to Jane Smith, the University Title IX coordinator, to ask for her guidance on how to handle the situation.”
Yes! Although as someone who works at a university, I would add that sometimes people in the chain will be unresponsive, but there are administrators out there who take these issues very seriously. Ombuds, coordinators at the women & gender center if your university has one, or campus climate admins. If you hit a brick wall within the department, there are people outside of it who will be happy to help.
Right! I meant to start low, and when someone stonewalls you go to their boss. “I talked with Mr. Your Subordinate, but he wasn’t able to resolve the issue.”
Totally! I just meant to add that if the people at the top (deans and such) are unresponsive to issues about harassment and abuse of classroom authority, which in several colleges at my university is unfortunately the case, you haven’t even remotely exhausted your options because there’s very likely a plethora of support staff who want to, well, support. But I totally agree about the sequence.
My experience with terrible profs is that if they have tenure you’re fucked.
I don’t have anything to add to the suggestions for who you should talk to, but I will point out that if you’re worried about convincing the administration that there’s a problem, making audio recordings of lectures to supplement your notes or instead of taking notes is a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to do. A lot of my university classes had a few people who sat near the front with their recorder on the chair-arm-desk-thing.
If you have a smartphone, you can just use an app for recording. I have this one, which works well and is free, but it’s Android only. Someone here might be able to recommend an iPhone app if needed.
Does your school have a Title IX officer? If so, that might be a good place to start. You wouldn’t even have to tell them who the professor was if you didn’t want to; you could simply ask for guidance about how to handle the situation. Or if you wanted to tell them, that would start a paper trail if it happens again.
Seconded.
Yep- this is likely to be a violation of Title IX if you’re in the U.S. (http://knowyourix.org/title-ix/title-ix-the-basics/). Although the specific prohibited forms of discrimination may vary based on your school’s policy, generally gender-based or sexual-orientation based harassment will be actionable.
Report it to your TIX Coordinator.
I vote for “bring the hammer down, and in fact let that hammer be Mjolnir”.
Apparently, the Harper government had rejected the family’s refugee claim: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/news/national/chris+…
Immigration minister and awful person, Chris Alexander, blamed the media for not drawing enough attention to the crisis.
AND THEN ROSIE BARTON DRAGGED HIM STRAIGHT TO HELL AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE: http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/chris-alexander-i…
THAT WAS GLORIOUS.
Chris Alexander is such a limp wrist & a convenient shill to maintain the status quo since Jason Kenney shifted out of CIC. Stories like this bring me to tears because, after having worked at an immigration law firm here for 4 years, I know how dehumanizing & difficult it has become to have a successful application for refugee status (or any immigrant status) in Canada.
The sad truth is a vast majority of lawyers won’t even touch refugee cases now because they’re almost always refused no matter how legitimate the threat is to the applicant’s life. Not just refugees of war, but rape victims & families targeted by crime lords are turned away by panels (that don’t even require the presence of a judge) that determine the asylum seekers “have the resources available in their home countries” to keep them safe. It’s pathetic & soul-crushing.
I feel like “minister and awful person” describes about 90% of the current cabinet, but good god how terrible a human do you have to say that?!
I’m torn between being relieved on the one hand that that terrible photo seems to have finally broken through to people, and seems to have made the plight of refugees tangible for so many people, and might lead to actual changes… and being fucking pissed at people that THIS is what it took, that thousands drowning in the Mediterranean wasn’t enough, that 72 died crammed together in the back of a truck wasn’t enough.
Fuck you if you can only see humanity if it looks like a cute three-year old whose life ended tragically early. Fuck you if you were commenting “good riddance” on facebook at sunk ships (there are truly horrifying “we love the Netherlands!” fb pages), but NOW you cry.
um so yeah I have feelings about this. Some sad. Many composed mainly of rage.
Same. A few weeks ago the UK government and public were all going on about ‘the cockroaches’ and ‘migrant crisis’, essentially de-humanising them so that they can forgive themselves for behaving and thinking this way.
THESE ARE PEOPLE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.
These are people who’s homes have been destroyed (largely because of unjust wars started by the UK/US), its only right that you should have to take in the people that you have caused this shit to happen to.
I would like to know how many people of Irish decent (those ones who proudly claim their Irish-ness on Patricks day) are going around talking all this shit. It wasn’t that long ago that we had a refugee crisis and fled to the four corners of the earth.
This doesn’t address the larger systemic issue, but the lead photo for this article did give me hope that all people are not, in fact, fucking assholes: http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/sep/02/refu…
It’s a start?
Here’s some scathing satire on how this is all playing out on social media (Waterford Whispers is an Irish version of The Onion, with a much more prominent political slant, I rarely read the articles, but the headlines get me every time.)
http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2015/09/03/dubli…
Oh man, that was both hilarious and insightful. Thank you.
Amen. I’m in the Netherlands and the cries of “we’re not racist, we just hate refugees!” make me want to throw up or cry or claw someone’s eyes out.
If our governments had gotten off their asses earlier, perhaps that little boy would have been able to grow up. Heartbroken.
agreed. humanity should be a given, and compassion should be a given. it shouldn’t be contingent on the right pictures.
in one of a series of nonprofit courses i took, we discussed the Darfur Puppy idea – that people are more likely to directly contribute to 1 person in need than to many…and that 1 puppy can generate more interest and support than thousands of people (here’s a good breakdown at http://lanetwork.facinghistory.org/save-the-darfu… )
the course i was in encouraged us to “hack” this tendency in human nature to get around it, and keep interest in your cause. still not sure how i feel about the whole thing.
The most striking thing about that link is that it’s from (exactly) 2 years ago, but it already mentions the Syrian refugee crisis. We’ve had so much time to do something … and we did nothing.
i hadn’t registered that detail about the date…… :/
This reminds me of a book a read recently* that had a chapter about how our unconscious, ‘old’ cognition provides a much more powerful drive than what conscious reason tells us. And that ‘old’ brain is adapted for very small communities, not being a global citizen. Don’t know if this is a very common theory in (evolution)psychology, but it fits the ‘hacking’ idea. The author talks mostly about hacking yourself: becoming involved with the world by expanding these natural tendencies by reading personal stories and fiction about people who are different from yourself.
Just hacking to get some money in the way you can does sound bleak, but perhaps it can also change people long-term?
* Trying not to Try by Slingerland. Not summarising very accurately.
i tend to be a bit wary of some of the ideas i see associated with evolutionary psychology, but this book does look overall interesting
Yeah, I’ve already forgotten the psychological experiments that are quoted, but I find it so interesting that he takes inspiration from a Chinese philosopher (Mencius) who thousands of years ago already worried about how you can care about your larger community as you would about your family. His solution was to nurture pre-existing ‘sprouts’ of love for your near environment into broader empathy. And already then, there were also pure rationalists who thought people should be taught by reason to exert themselves for the larger community.
So, Chinese philosophy as remembered by me from a book.
This is why I get so annoyed when people dismiss evolutionary psychology. Being more aware of our lizard brains is absolutely necessary to being the best people and society we can be.
Yeah, this is a Thing. It’s called the dual process model, if I recall correctly, but the point is that yeah we really do have two “modes” for thinking. System 1 is the “instinctual” mode, and system 2 is when you deliberately reason through something.
It’s easier for the brain to default to a simple system that doesn’t require much concentrating. You just float along in your life, not really truly evaluating everything but acting on habit, on emotional judgements, immediate impressions and so on. You break out your system 2 deliberate thinking only when you need it.
And also, we’re inherently aren’t “good” at math like a computer is good at math. To the computer, every number is made up the same way – a “one” is “one”, and “two” is twice the size of “one”, and “a million” is a million “ones”. But the brain doesn’t operate like that. Brain math is proportional. One person drowning is a horrible tragedy, but one more drowned refugee out of thousands dead means less because you put them in the context of “thousands of refugees die”.
Also, the brain is attuned to patterns and exceptions – it tries to spot oddness. So you’ll never forget that swimming means that you can be eaten by a shark, because it happened to someone once, but you don’t really think that you’ll be one of this summer’s drowning victims. Drowning is more normal than being eaten by a shark, so you don’t really notice the risk. It doesn’t stand out.
Basically, everything between our ears functions in a way that makes it hard work to understand the drowning refugees. We have to break out system 2 to truly understand the numbers, but we’re still calibrated to prioritise immediate emotions before difficult abstract thought, so our system 2 math results still feel less real than the picture of one named dead little kid. The kid was a person, the numbers just seem like numbers. And there’s an evolutionary reason for being extra touched when something happens to kids, of course.
You can’t uninstall system 1, and you wouldn’t want to, because it’s great at what it’s supposed to do. Instead, we have to know how to use it right, and it’s also good to check in with system 2 every now and then.
The people who discovered this got the Nobel prize (verrrrry rare for psychologists), and one of them writes great popular science, so if you want to learn more, you can go straight to the source and check out “Thinking fast and slow” by Daniel Kahnemann.
I work for a nonprofit that uses the “sponsor a child in need” mode of fundraising, but in a slightly altered way: instead of just going “here’s a cute kid! Don’t you want to help them?” we invest in whole communities at a time and get the kids involved by making them “project ambassadors.” The idea is, saying “won’t you help this large group of people?” won’t do much, because of the apathy factor, but saying “won’t you help this large group of people, as represented by this adorable baby” generates a lot more interest and support. People who are socially aware/compassionate enough sign on to donate because they recognize the need for change, and people who are still in the Darfur Puppy mindset sign on because hey, a cute kid! I want to help that cute kid!
(And of course all the kids involved volunteer to do it, and we get their consent/their families’ consent before bringing them into the program.)
it’s also nice that you’re building a model for direct representation and self-advocacy, and giving those cute kids experience to build from in that arena.
i think you’re also right that that kind of approach grabs a broader swath of people’s attention to needs and issues
That’s one of my favourite parts! Some of our programs are aimed directly at letting the kids self-advocate- like giving them suggestion boxes where they can anonymously (or not, as they choose) submit concerns to be read by the local government, or helping them start up their own radio shows to talk about the issues they’re seeing in the area, or sponsoring them to attend UN conferences so that they can speak directly to the people making decisions. It’s the same with the adults, really- instead of chucking a bunch of money at them and going “welp, problem solved!” or going in and saying “we’re here to fix your problems! and you have to do exactly as we say,” it’s more like “what are your biggest problems right now? What have you tried so far? Okay, when we’ve seen this problem in other areas, we’ve done X, Y, and Z to fix them, and we’ve found that Y works best in places with similar profiles to yours’. Do you think that program would also work here, or are there issues with it?” And then listen to what they have to say/suggest, and make alterations until everyone’s happy with the way things are working. It’s called “community-based development” (well our literature calls it that anyway- I haven’t really studied international development, so idk) and to my mind, it works a lot better than the “we went on a trip to Africa and built this house! WE CHANGED THE WORLD!” mode, because it’s more about the them it is about us.
Er. Sorry for rambling. I just really love my job. 😛
no need to apologize, your org sounds AWESOME
can you give the name of the non-profit?
It’s Plan International, but individual country branches are all called after the country they’re operating in- so if you’re in the United States, it’s Plan USA, if you’re in Germany it’s Plan Germany, etc. The central website is here: https://plan-international.org/ with all the info on how/where we work and how you can support us. We also run Because I Am A Girl: http://becauseiamagirl.ca/ which I’m always really excited to tell people about because then I get to say “My employer works with Malala Yousafzai and Mo’ne Davis!” I also don’t know if other countries’ branches have this (I think they do) but Plan Canada also has a Gifts of Hope option, which is basically a one-time donation that goes towards a specific goal (like buying a family a goat, or mosquito nets to protect people from malaria) for people who don’t want to/can’t sign up to donate monthly.
(Wow, it’s my job to talk to people about Plan, and this is the nicest conversation about it I’ve had all week. Maybe we should be canvassing online instead of in the mall!)
You guys are great! (I work for a big aid contractor, and we don’t work with you often because we mostly run contracts, but I think you do really cool stuff!).
Personally, I always avoid charity muggers, because it’s impossible for me to know which ones are really doing good work, and which have problems with the way they do things – for instance, I won’t donate to places that allow you to directly sponsor a child by themselves, because of the problems that causes, and I won’t donate to Oxfam canvassers here because I know they are paid on commission and if I donate on the website instead 100% of my donation goes to the cause, without paying for their commission. And also because usually I’m in a rush to catch my train and also I feel awkward 😛 Whereas online, I can do a quick google and it’s immediately obvious if there are concerns about the way the organisation works.
Yours sounds WONDERFUL!
Addressing the main comment, it also makes me QUITE CRANKY that this is a lightskinned, blond boy. I don’t think that is insignificant. NOT that that makes his and his families tragedy any less tragic, but I don’t doubt that there are people who would feel less sad if it were a dark skinned boy.
(I cried about refugees three times last night. First time reading about this boy, Second time thinking about my own country’s total failure, and Nauru, third time when I watched a video about a family who runs private search and rescue in Europe because they think it’s important)
That’s a good article. I don’t think it’s much use to rail against human nature. And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that with the exception of the outright racists — those saying a drowned kid is the cost of “line jumping” and what have you — it’s not that people are hard-hearted, it’s just a limitation of what we can process. When you hear stories of dozens or hundreds of people dying, the response is paralysis. What can measly little you do to stop a refugee crisis? It’s overwhelming and makes people feel powerless.
When it’s personalized, suddenly you see yourself as part of a community with that person. It becomes easier to imagine making a difference. Yeah, it’s emotionally driven and illogical, but that’s the human brain for you.
it’s also this knowing that it’s not your job, or in your power, as an individual to help solve a crisis for millions of people…like, this is why we have governments! It is so frustrating to watch the only entities in the world with enough power & resources to address the crisis talk about why they can’t or even why they think it’d be wrong to help, especially when so many of us are responding to individual asks for help that ARE within our power…
and, gah, “line jumping” sounds just like the American “anchor baby,” like this fucked up idea that people in other countries are somehow cold & strategic about their families in ways we would certainly never be, it’s a lack of empathy that is beyond mind-boggling.
The current favorite word of Dutch racists is “gelukszoeker”, which means “happiness seeker”. As if that’s a bad thing to be.
wow, I don’t know if we have a pejorative kind of word for “people seeking a better life.” Maybe it’s a little too close to the “life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness” we like to talk about, though I wouldn’t put any level of hypocrisy/terrible irony past our political discourse.
I’ve interpreted it more as “luck seeker”. Makes a bit more sense as a refuse-to-empathise-name.
Oh hey, do you know why European racists don’t whine about anchor babies?
Spoiler: it is for the worst possible reason! Here in the glorious European Union, you don’t earn citizenship merely by being born here. You need to pick at least one parent who is already a citizen.
Didn’t manage that? You’ll be deported as the stranger you are. Can’t trick us into believing you’re a real European by scheming to be born here, there’s no fooling us. We’ll find out and send you away, yes we will, though it might take us a few years of bureaucracy first. No one can say we don’t respect our paperwork. That’s what being a European is about (literally) – paperwork.
So if you happen to be a few years old when we send you back to your real country which you’ve never been to, speaking our language because you’ve learned to speak here in the only home you’ve ever known, that’s not anything to be bothered by. Nothing personal, really. Seriously, baby (literally), it’s totally not you, it’s me!
oh, i think that’s very much along the lines of the article itself – the idea is very much that it’s harder to hold onto the idea of the suffering of millions. BUT it’s also harder to do many things. it is harder to remember to floss. it is more imperative to remember to do something regarding human suffering, i am not trying to make light of that, but just because something is harder for understandable reasons doesn’t mean you can’t get angry about human nature regarding these kinds of consequences.
and i agree with you on the idea that the bulk are not horrible people
Yes, I agree it’s okay to get angry! I just think it’s more effective to be like lauraelizabeth’s organization above, trying to harness this tendency for good rather than fight against it. Venting about it, though, yes, a-okay in my book.
What’s worse is I’ve seen some comments on the articles in my European country (a country that has produced millions of emigrants and refugees themselves) saying that those photos change nothing and it was the parent’s fault for putting their children at risk. I need to go back to my only-read-internet-comments-on-the-toast.net- stance.
Oh dang, I had not seen this photo until I read the link roundup and I really was not prepared for how hard that hit me. I don’t live in Europe, so I don’t know the full context of the issue, or what the average person’s attitude is. But I can imagine it’s a lot like the migrant crisis in the US, in which case– I don’t care how it happens, but people need to change their minds. Because solutions are being blocked by idle citizens who only think about these issues in the abstract. Like you say, this kind of tragedy is already happening and has been happening for years, both in the Mediterranean and in the southwestern US. Maybe people need to be shocked, because it IS shocking. And maybe that means gruesome photos on the front page of the paper.
I recognise the rhetoric when American politicians rant about “illegals”. So, basically, to envision a modern European racist, picture an American racist going off about to Hispanics who cross the desert to get into the US, BUT with the addition that most Hispanics are Muslims, Brazil is a huge Muslim dictatorship, Guatemala has a civil war with many Islamist guerrillas, Mexico is quietly interfering to make life as unpleasant as possible for an ethnic minority that is oppressed in several countries, and Ecuador (I want to say Chile or Argentina, but they’re too far from the US to work in the analogy) used to be a tightly run dictatorship that “balanced out” Brazil, but then the EU waged war against it for ten years and the US participated and now every Ecuadorian man who wants to make a name for himself tries to get a piece of the civil war in Central America (okay my geography has officially failed, imagine them all as large neighbouring countries pretty much next door to North America). Now, how does your racist feel about refugees from that war, who cross the Caribbean to get to Florida?
Americans seem to have split their racism into different parts, but Europeans use every anti-immigrant, anti-muslim, anti-black and anti-everyone-except-us at once. (Warning: I’m a white European with no education in this, I’m saying that because I like to read about American racism on the Internet and compare. I may be completely wrong.) It’s an awful combination of
“they’re taking are jerbs”, “they’re welfare seekers”, “they’re terrorists”, “they’re Muslims”, “they don’t have it that bad really”, “why do they insist on drowning in gross ways at sea instead of travelling properly like normal people”, “yeah but they’re ILLEGAL, why won’t they just follow the RULES”, “they’re childlike and ignorant “, “they’re a DIFFERENT CULTURE AND RELIGION”, “we can’t help everybody so we shouldn’t even try to help anybody”, “they don’t want to mix with us, they want to live in crowded unsanitary ghettos”, “they mistreat their women and children, so they’re evil and don’t deserve help”, “they have low IQ”, “they’re swarming us, storming us, they’re at our walls”, “EURABIA! CLASH OF CIVILISATIONS! OR CLASH OF MY PROPER CIVILISATION AND THEIR DIRTY STRANGE FOREIGN HABITS”, “if no one else is doing their part I’m not going to do mine either”, “they’re peeing in our gene pool”, “War on Christmas, seeing a mosque turns our white children into Muslims”, “they’ll make us stop eating [beloved national food], they’ll make us stop [beloved racist tradition]”, “we have to take care of our own”, “INVASION FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD WAVES MASSES VOLUME”, “our old people feel unsafe because young brown men exist, they built this country and we must spare them this pain”, “VIOLENT THUGS”, “yeah their kids are cute but who’s going to pay”, “if they can’t be mature and get along why is that my problem, why can’t they be stable democratic nation states like us”, “this country is going to the dogs”, “you fancy city people want to be culturally enriched but here in the real rural parts we don’t want any of that big city crap”, “the real racists are those rednecks, I just think that people shouldn’t live in crowded ghettos, so it’s for their own sake that I don’t want them to come here”, “why is everyone so upset, it’s great that immigrants come here to work as cleaners, health aides and underpaid restaurant slaves so that we don’t have to”, “MY WHITE CHILDREN’S FUTURE” etc etc etc etc etc
It’s head-spinning, heartbreaking, infuriating, disgusting, dehumanising and historically incorrect (certainly no European has the right to complain that other regions of the world are “too warlike”). It’s condescending, fascist, naive and immoral. It’s crazy-making. We have to fix our stupid continent, and we could start by letting people move here if they want to. We need to stop being so tribal, in the worst sense of the word. I hope we’re able to save us from ourselves. Otherwise, someone else will have hell to pay. That’s our proud cultural heritage, after all.
It’s horrible. There’s been stuff in the news this week about a Eurostar train that was stuck in the Channel Tunnel with the doors locked and power out for four hours, because there were people on the tracks trying to get onto the train, and it was all about how awful it was for the passengers – and, yes, it didn’t sound like a hugely pleasant experience (high temperatures, people throwing up, no water, etc.), but you might think it could have been an opportunity to think about how much worse things are for the people who are trying desperately to get onto the train, and how what is a temporary inconvenience for the passengers is an everyday thing for many refugees. But no.
My husband, son, and brother all read the Toast, but they say they never comment due to fear of somehow accidentally becoming the deleted comment of the day.
Are they the kind of person who can say with a straight face (I assume) things like “If you don’t like someone just pretend they don’t exist”? Must be nice on your little private island where you never have to interact with another human being, dude.
I assure them they would never be deleted because they are sweet intelligent humans, and we do love men (#notallmen though), but my husband remarked that, “you don’t really need to hear yet another man’s opinion,do you?” and I had to agree that this was in fact, true.
On the one hand, I don’t need more men’s opinions in my life YET I feel that Mr. Littlehuntingcreek, Master Littlehuntingcreek, and Brother Littlehuntingcreek are probably A+ men (since they are associated with you) and there is a certain joy that comes from men demonstrating that they Get It. Of course, them NOT commenting is in itself a demonstration of such, so either way, good on them.
The most upvoted comment I’ve ever gotten on The Toast was citing a pun of my husband’s. From this I gather that while we don’t need men’s opinions, commentariat loves a damn good pun regardless of gender. So if he can bring that…
I kinda love your husband just for getting that.
“you don’t really need to hear yet another man’s opinion, do you?”
BLESS.
When I started a feminist zine and started hanging up posters to call for submissions, some boy emailed me, very tentatively, to ask if I wanted to accept submissions from males. It almost made up for the other query that began “As a staunch male feminist…”
The real difficulty here is that the men who realize we don’t really need to hear their opinions are, in fact, the only men whose opinions we want to hear. It’s a whole Dunning-Kruger thing.
I have this fear from time to time, but then I read the deleted comments, and I realize that if I say something that dumb, I kinda deserve to be put on blast for it.
What stellar men you have surrounding you!
The Burgomaster mentioned last week how he might like to join the Toast commentary and I told him it wouldn’t really matter if he did (because MEN) and bless him he took it the right way and we had a good chuckle about misandry.
I have been enjoying his Tumblr! He would fit in, I think, if he did end up here. (Which is not surprising, because he is associated with you.)
Oh, thank you! I’ll let him know. I’m sure he would fit in fine, too (although he sometimes tries to keep up with me in the gif game, I’m like baby, no, just stop).
Since Nicole has only just now seen it, I will link once again to the article about the Max and Furiosa stunt doubles who fell in love. Because now there will be a full appreciation of the line:
“We’ve said it before and it’s quite cheesy, but it really was love at first sight. While we were punching each other we were falling for each other – quite rapidly.”
“She fell off a truck — and into my heart.”
Those people just shouldn’t exist for you
the secret to happiness is to create an impenetrable barrier between yourself and anything that makes you unhappy, and then the more unhappy things you find, you just make the bubble smaller and smaller until the universe is nothing but yourself and your happiest feelings, forever untouched by the outside world, you are always happy happy happy nothing exists but you and happiness you are alone and perfect you are in the womb you are in your grave
Braak, I’m working on it, ok? Soon my world bubble will coalesce around me and I will be free from all of these damn people.
This is sort of what having ADHD is like and let me tell you, it’s not a winning strategy.
ME: “I like everybody I work with, if they’re being annoying I just tune it out. It’s great!”
OTHER PEOPLE: “Hey, why do you have a bunch of unopened collection notices from three months ago?”
Or an anxiety disorder- I haven’t had a panic attack in almost a year! (I also haven’t left my house after dark or gone to any event with a crowd for a year… hmmmm…)
Wait, um, are you okay? Do you need a random person from the internet to talk to?
Thank you, I’m much better now! had this realization a couple of years back and have slowly been getting myself out more. Mostly through a bunch of cat TNR stuff which sure does get you to meet a bunch of different people and it often involves going out at night.
PS this is Walrathem I just can’t log in from my iPad for some reason.
My response to the deleted comment: my god, he’s struck upon the advice to end all advice columns. He should open a tumblr proposing to take advice on every subject, then just post those few lines to the top of the page, and never answer any submission.
Dear Abby,
I have a problem with –
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND WISH IT AWAY
Wish that problem into a cornfield. Wish it there.
Now let’s all go watch TV.
(nervously) That’s good, GruntledDave! That’s real good!
The universe is a spheroid region, 705m in diameter.
(I dunno why, but that episode of TNG pops into my head whenever someone talks about shrinking universes. I guess it was formative.)
HA! I’m so glad I’m not the only nerd who immediately thought of that. <3
For perspectives on the Canadian election from a diverse group of First Nations, Métis, and Inuit perspectives I highly recommend following @IndigenousXca on Twitter. It’s an account that rotates hosts weekly. Almost all the hosts of late have commented on the election and shared their perspective on FNMI voting. They also dedicated a week to the vote/ no-vote debate – here’s a piece from Chelsea Vowel (who administrates the account) on why & why this is beyond an election issue. (She also co-hosts a podcast that sci-fi Toasties might like – critiques portayals of Indigenous people in classic sci-fi called Métis in Space)
The thing that’s especially hilarious/terrible about that particular deleted comment is that, in that very comments thread, there was a woman who went from (these are all paraphrasing): “Aren’t guys annoying when they use gendered insults?” to “My living situation isn’t fun” to “oh, wait, this is… abuse? really?” to “oh my god” to “packed overnight bag, i am nope!ing it the hell out of there”.
In, like, three days and one comment thread. (I am BURSTING with relief and pride in her and all sorts of other feelings besides) (while trying to also be realistic about cycles of abuse, etc etc).
But, sure, instead she could “just deal with it”. That’d be a good strategy. For EVERY situation!
Oh man. I hadn’t seen that. Great job, Toasties, and congratulations to Tarragoner for getting out of that shit. (and yeah, please stay safe and away from that asshole!
Oh my gosh, I hadn’t seen that either until now. So, so proud of the Toast community. Best of luck, Tarragoner! Keep on being good to yourself!
The advice you gave over there was SO, SO GOOD. Thank you so much for being there, for her, and for anyone else who might have needed to read it.
Thanks, that one was TRULY a team effort– gingkotree who seemed to sense something was off, and then everyone else who came with links and hugs and thumbsups and validation of her personhood…….. and, of course, that it seems like we were all just in the right place at the right time, when Tarragoner was already on an upswing and making an effort to be better to herself, and, of course of course,she’s the one doing all of the hard things!!!!!
(which is not to say i’m not patting myself, and the rest of us, on the back here just a bit, i totally am, but i’m trying to carefully calibrate the back-pats to appropriate levels of “it is good to do nice things” and “good job choosing to be a part of a wonderful community”)
Isn’t it great to be part of a community that takes care of each other? (And yes, absolutely, she is the one doing the hard stuff, and I am SO PROUD of her for doing it, because it is hard, but she is worth it)
High five! I think your comments were so helpful and so detailed, though, and hopefully anyone else who reads that comment thread and who needs to hear that kind of thing will find them!
YOU also really brought it with the book rec and the appropriate CA link!
High five back!!
(we should create some sort of Toast Signal and a Toast Handbook for situations like this. “ASSEMBLE, ASSEMBLE, it’s my turn to post the links, a’s turn to suggest books, b’s turn to provide detailed individualized advice” “GUYS c is on vacation, we need someone to cover her affirmations of support!!!!” etc….)
I was kind of thinking of recommending to Mallory or Nicole to ask Cossetthetable if she would turn that comment into a full-blown post. Because then it would turn up in searches.
Ooof. Thank you, that’s kind of you to say. And I do think that some sort of piece would be really helpful. Something that sort of combines “here are some resources for people in bad relationships” and/or “here are some things you can say to people you encounter who are in bad relationships”. But I feel SO unqualified to write that post. I escaped an abusive relationships, but I wasn’t living with him, didn’t have any shared accounts or children or belongings. I don’t have any special training.
So if someone else with special training or experience wanted to pitch that piece, I’d be SO enthusiastic. There’s got to be someone around here who’s a therapist or volunteer at a shelter. That person or people should pitch it. If there’s someone out there that would like to do it, but not do it alone, I’d be happy to co-write something.
And if someone really thinks that I should be the one to do this, I actually have a bit of time set aside for working on some Toast pitches, so if y’all want this, I can add that to the list. But If I did it alone, It would be link heavy, and from a place of “this is what I needed to hear, this is what I’ve said to people that’s gotten through to people, please comment with what you needed to hear and what worked for you”.
….. okay, at this point, I’m turning this into an openthread post. but i’ll hit post here too.
Every time a comment thread like that happens, people link to the same information I’ve seen before, but I wind up having new insights into previous unhealthy situations (like, I figured out a bunch of stuff about my old boss), even though I’m not in those situations anymore. What I’m saying is that talking about feelings is the best, and “just deal with it” is the worst.
Honestly I credit this website and its commentariat, and the Hairpin too, with getting me into a place where I was finally able to accept myself and make reasonable demands about a relationship (reasonable demands like, “don’t ignore me”). I have SO much more confidence than I did four years ago. Um, also, obviously, shout out to my therapist who is amazing and who was also instrumental in teaching me to stand up for myself. Anyway, I am thankful for the internets, because they helped get me to this place, and I think the commenters here do a fantastic job and the moderators do a fantastic job of making this a space where we can be comfortable and not ALWAYS ARGUING and instead receiving affirmation. I got married earlier this summer, to a wonderful man WHO DOES 90% OF THE HOUSEWORK, so it obviously worked out great for me, and I also know that I have the strength not to be in the kind of awful emotionally abusive relationships that I was in before. So, uh, thanks, you guys do deserve a pat on the back.
YAY for you! I feel the same! Pats of butter for the toast!
“I’m not ignoring you, you just seem to need non-stop attention.”
Uh, you haven’t spoken with me all day, didn’t hug me, didn’t ask me how I was, didn’t thank me for cooking dinner, when I opened my mouth to say something innocuous you derided it, you walked away when I tried to say something about my day, you didn’t say goodnight. You’re right, I apologize for needing non-stop attention so you can be on the computer, in front of the tv, eat your dinner in (everyone else’s) silence so you can continue your daily ranting. And when I try to bring this up tomorrow you can say “Oh for Fuck’s Sake” and make it my fault for not cutting you slack because you were worried about something you didn’t tell me about. And of course bring up AGAIN how needy I am!
Shampoo, Rinse and Repeat.
Wow…just saw this thread. My hair is kinda standing on end. I am feeling the toast power!
I must say, that deleted comment…wtf? Am I Buddha? Am I Gandhi, MLK? Jesus?
NOPE!
I don’t really know where to go to “update” the fabulous people who opened up my eyes, so I’m coming here.
I am now having some delayed stress response to the semi-violent things that began happening. The throwing of things, the incredible hostility whenever I would ask an innocent question. My brain really couldn’t take it when it was happening. I minimized the hell out of it. He got mad because I went to do something on my own when he was busy and flung a laundry basket across the room towards me. I think the temptation to minimize is from knowing there are infinitely worse forms of abuse out there, and part of the minimization is to honor those who have suffered worse. But one must see the escalating signs.
Anyway, that Kurt Metzger guy seems like a shitbag. I think that “I always talk how I talk because I don’t give a fuck” is always a weird thing to say, because it seems like he thinks that everyone’s problem is that he uses the words that a shitbag would use, but I think actually the problem is that he is a shitbag.
Also, 100% this is a pathologized form of that shitty attention-seeking behavior where you harass girls because you want them to notice you, like bullshit that this guy is just trying to speak some essential truth or something.
Will petition the Council of Men to issue a censure on him.
Do these kind of guys not realize that these comments are out there for everyone to read? Its not longer ‘He said, She said’ when it comes to this kind of harassment. We’ve all ready what you wrote, and we’ve all agreed that you’re an asshole, therefore, you are probably an asshole.
I think this is one of those things where a guy has got some kind of terminal narcissism or something, and wraps himself up in the identity of the asshole so that he doesn’t have to feel guilty for being an asshole. He is leaning in to being a garbage person.
No. Because he’s just talking to women. Women don’t “count”. If men aren’t talking about it, it isn’t real.
No, but everybody else has read his words, and decided to participate in a conspiracy where they all put those words through the same filter of “rarr must destroy all men,” and then attach the same completely wrong!meanings to his words on purpose. Because bitches be crazy.
Yes, was coming here to say this. “I just talk how i want and i dont give a fuck. Im not like the other ‘white boys’ haha.” [emphasis mine] Like…being able to talk garbage about people without repercussions is not EXACTLY one of the main privileges of being a “white boy”? UGH.
Right? Like white boys are not particularly well-known for grotesque shitbaggery.
I said it as a joke, but now I think that I actually will create the Council of Men, with like a seal and certificates and such. All authority is fake anyway, might as well just declare myself the officiating body of masculinity.
If we had to study for a certification we might be better dudes IMO. I support this idea.
I second your petition. Or co-sponsor it. Or something… I’m unclear on parliamentary procedure.
Here’s my vote:
“I talk how I talk because I don’t give a fuck wait why are you responding and calling me out and stuff you’re not supposed to do that it’s so unfaaaaaaaaaaiiir.”
I’m going to take that deleted comment’s advice and pretend that TERFs don’t exist.
I only wish. I recently followed a friend on Tumblr, thinking it would be an easy way to stay current with her interests. I didn’t know that one of her interests was supporting and reblogging TERFs. On the one hand, how did I not know? On the other hand, how can I go about pretending that this isn’t happening on my dash? I’ve looked into Tumblr Savior, but as I use Opera on my primary internetting device, most browser extensions will not work for me.
oh weird I guess tumblr unfollowed her somehow. Heck of a glitch, huh
one of her interests was supporting and reblogging TERFs
I mean, I would recommend–just unfollowing her? But I have a salt & burn policy when “friends” reveal unpleasant underbellies.
Understandable policy and A+ use of .gif, but for a variety of reasons I would prefer a more passive mediation than unfollowing or confrontation in this case.
I’m terrible at being non-confrontational so I hope someone else chimes in to help!
not me I am pro salt and burn all the way
Get the Xkit extension (the new one), and utilize the ‘mute’ feature. You can mute all her posts, but you don’t have to go through the confrontation of unfollowing!
http://new-xkit-extension.tumblr.com/ (Links at the top for Firefox or Chrome)
This policy will only last until I actually encounter one of them in the wild at which point aggressive side-eyeing will commence.
I’m going to pretend they’re all on fire and hope my Firestarter abilities kick in.
Is anyone taking bets on how many people in Deleted Commenter’s life complain frequently about this one dude they just can’t stand? Because I have some money I would like to get doubled.
If you can’t donate money to the UNHCR or if you want a more active way of helping out may I suggest contacting your local International Refugee Committee to volunteer. They’re a great organisation that works to help resettle and stabilise refugee families in the U.S. https://www.rescue.org/volunteer.
The IRC is also calling on the U.S to take in more Syrian refugees (the U.S has shamefully only committed to taking in 1,000 families). There’s a whitehouse.gov petition on that here -https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/authorize-and-resettle-syrian-refugees-us.
There’s no local IRC office in my area, but I signed the petition (thank you for sharing the link!) and sent some money to the UNHCR. Also doing ridiculous, sympathetic-parent-panic Googling about how one can just, like, hang on to a refugee family’s kid for a little while. In case that would help.
Your local Red Cross may also be involved in refugee settlement, so that’s another thing you can check out.
Having never seen Inside Amy Schumer and only knowing her from a couple clips/her reputation, it always baffled me that an incomparably shitty person like Metzger was involved with her show. Does this make more sense to people who have seen it? I have a friend of a friend (who I still follow for reasons of Humans are Complicated) on facebook who sometimes puts his statuses in my feed and they are always just totally deplorable (and not probably the worst things this kid has supported, unfortunately).
One interesting example is when he tried to clarify that that song “Girl You Don’t Need Makeup” was “intended” to reaffirm the idea that women did in fact need to wear makeup to look good, rather than to skewer the patriarchy. This is why it’s a good thing we have Death of the Author, I suppose.
Does this make more sense to people who have seen it?
No. No it does not. Although now I have this information, I’m not going to watch it any more.
Well, he always but *always* seems to play a complete and utter shitbag on the show, so I suppose that’s one reason he gets to stick around. Somebody’s gotta be the shitbag, right?
But really, fuck that guy. For all the times that show knocks one out of the park, there are a half-dozen times where I’m just like, “NOPE!” so I’m probably just going to stop watching. Especially in light of this.
Ugh ugh ugh Amy Schumer, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler…WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? How are y’all not getting it? I cannot comprehend the willful ignorance and disregard they continuously exhibit.
White fauxminists, ugh.
SERIOUSLY. And don’t even get me started on Taylor Swift’s current shenanigans.
I KNOW! So maddening. Fellow white women, DO BETTER DAMMIT!
. . . what did Amy Poehler do? I’m familiar with the willful ignorance of Tina Fey & Amy Schumer . . .
a really gross joke about Blue Ivy and R. Kelly. (I only learned of this today, I’m way out of the loop I guess)
One that she did not, herself, make, but it was on her show, and it is known that she makes a point of approving everything.
I’m struggling with the fact that I feel defensive of her about this, when I know I shouldn’t, because she fucked up, but also it *wasn’t* technically something that she said. But it was awful. And she shouldn’t have let it go out.
It was something used on her show. So the show could have something like a style guide that one would assume she invested time in creating, and the joke passed via those guidelines. Or she approved the joke herself. Either way, she’s still responsible.
Oh, shit, I forgot about that! Grrrrrr.
(Bad Shelly! Bad Shelly!)
Not sure about more recently, but Amy Poehler — along with Tina — had made some racist rape jokes during the Golden Globes earlier this year. (Mainly joking about Bill C*sby raping black women.)
Other historical AP ickiness… http://yourfaveisproblematic.tumblr.com/tagged/am…
Ray! Ray!!
But not Ray/Ray because Fraser, so lonely. 🙁
LET ME LOVE YOU
Argh, I’m too livid about that MichFest article and the actions of the alleged humans in it to even be coherent at this point.
If you’ve got the strength for it, this poem about the refugee situation is beautiful and heart-breaking.
http://seekershub.org/blog/2015/09/home-warsan-sh…
Sorry I don’t know how to make the link look nice.
On the subject of Canadian aboriginal issues: I recently watched Rhymes for Young Ghouls, which was just super excellent and would recommend to basically anyone. It reminded me a bit of Winter’s Bone except moreso. And it deals with the residential schools, so obviously it’s heavy stuff which may not be everyone’s cup of tea.
Anyone else ever read this NY Times article about the island of Ikaria near Greece where seemingly everyone lives into their 90s/100s. It’s great and the last line of the article is an epic punchline. I want to go to there.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/28/magazine/the-is…
I have a friend whose family is from Ikaria–he and his wife are planning to retire there and live forever. (Though establishing his Greek citizenship through his parents was a long and exciting Adventure in Bureaucracy.)
Thank you for not just posting the picture of the refugee child. I got blasted with it yesterday without warning and it was awful.
Also, I am so sick of the news calling them “migrants” – they’re refugees. Acknowledge how shitty everyone is being.
The US should be taking in far more migrants AND refugees than we currently do. I’m going to be calling my representative to tell him we should be accepting many many many more refugees (though since he’s a republican, it’s likely tilting at windmills).
But maybe it will stop him grandstanding about Obama changing the name of a mountain in Alaska to Denali (which is a much better name for so many reasons).
For some reason I thought it was already called Denali? Wasn’t that a thing at least 10 years ago? In other words, yeah, pick something more important to get riled up about, you have so many options.
Yes. The Alaskan government officially changed the name to Denali in 1975, and it has been known as Denali officially in that state and generally by most climbing/mountaineering enthusiasts ever since. But for the last 40 years the Ohio congressional reps have blocked attempts to get the Alaskan name recognized by the Federal government, repeatedly, so the name was never recognized officially outside of Alaska.
The reason this is all happening now is the Secretary of the Interior, who has the ability to unilaterally change the name of geographic landmarks under certain circumstances, is exercising her ability to do so after receiving a go-ahead from the president’s office (which was timed to coincide with his visit to Alaska right now).
“the ability to unilaterally change the name of geographic landmarks”
Okay now THAT is a tempting political power
For the practical-minded:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/5-…
I will concede that having a deli guy you like and trust could make a significant difference in the calculus of bagel toasting.
Also: congratulations MissSusan, you managed to get two New Yorkers who do not know each other to engage in spirited but friendly debate about how best to enjoy your time here BEFORE EVEN LANDING. A++ New York tourism.
Already crossed one thing off her list! Should we start on pizza next? (I kid, I kid!)
There was an element of I didn’t handle very well, for various reasons and I should have discussed it with her much earlier; part of my issue is that she didn’t/wouldn’t break down her grading system and wouldn’t give me clarification on her criticism of my work.
My main issue with her was when she gave me a barely passing grade with the only criticism being ‘its too long’. But she had given ambiguous/unclear instructions on the word count (this was one part of a 3-part assignment done over the course of the year, there were guidelines given for the approx word count of each part, with a total of 3,000. I did go over the count for this part, but it was because I had taken the instructions to mean that the word count of the parts didn’t matter so long as the total was 3,000). Since her only comment was ‘its too long’, with no feedback on the actual work, I would have liked some comment on the actual work, as well as being given a chance to justify my choice and explain that her instructions were unclear. Similar essays I was doing were getting 60-70%, so I would have liked to have known why her marking was so different to my other lecturers.
When I asked her about it (at the end of class, which I now realize was inappropriate and I should have booked time in her office hours), she basically said ‘Tough shit’. I tried to discuss it with her a few more times but she wasn’t open to it, and I get that she might not ave had time,but she never offered another chance/to arrange a time for a chat about it (which I didn’t know what I should have done, or that it was even an option).
I may also still just be a bit bitter, this was only a year ago and I’ve had other run ins with teachers who take out personal shit onstudents that makes react badly to it
Ahhh, I see. I didn’t mean to make you defend yourself! It does sound like a really awful situation, and school can be so stressful — it’s hard to know the right tactics to take at the time, but easy to beat yourself up for a long time after the grades are recorded. 🙁
I am really sorry you were in a situation like that. I went to a private university without Ivy League pretensions, and I think that’s the reason I escaped the worst stereotypes of academic tyrants. Really hope things get better for you.
Ah don’t worry about it, I’m out of school completely now, so its just bitter memories left!
Do Whiny Men on the Internet have any concept of a proportional response? Because seriously, it’s like one mildly negative tweet, followed by dozens of “you’re not funny omg oversensitive feminazi also you’re a prostitute and I hope you get AIDS and die while on fire” tweets, just escalating rapidly with no further comment from the original tweeter.
Or is it that mild disapproval feels like an all-out war to them? Because that must be exhausting.
Ah don't worry about it, I'm out of school completely now, so its just bitter memories left!
Living my best life…
I am Jewish! I MUST do this! My boyfriend does not understand how someone can get so excited about pickles. His loss.
I am appropriating your pride in me and starting to feel it myself! Thank you!
Re: deleted comment. A random list of things I need to just deal with.
Oh, it’s raining again! And dang, it’s humid!
Dude, we’re in a 45, why are you going 35?
Wifi is down.
Out of hummus.
Approaching death.
Things I will deal with by getting the hell out:
Crazy people.
Crazy, mean people.
Crazy, mean, drunk people.
Crazy, mean, drunk, angry people.
Crazy, mean, drunk, angry, entitled people.