“Red Pill, Blue Pill”: A Tale For MRA Children

by Jaya Saxena and Matt Lubchansky · November 10, 2015

One pill, two pill
Red pill, blue pill

redpill1

Take the red pill
Unlock free will

This one opens up your mind
This one leaves the lies behind
Say! What a lot of truth to find

Yes some are red, and some are blue
The red will show you something new
If gender roles were flipped, do you
Think that’d be fair?
Now do you?

Females can be sad or glad
But females are all very bad
Why are they all sad, glad, bad?
Human nature. Ask your dad.

Some are thin
And some are fat
Neg them all
They asked for that

redpill2  

Manipulative
And illogical
Don’t blame me
It’s biological

There are some
Who’ll try to claim
That men and women
Are the same

They are wrong
So tell them so
Red pill red pill
Go! Go! Go!

Why are they like that?
I can’t say
Maybe they got
Their period that day

The beta males
Are almost worse
Spot them toting
A feminist’s purse

Look at these guys!
Falling for tricks
It’s almost like
They hate their dicks

redpill3  

They’re in the friendzone!
What a pity
Stuck in the orbit
Of a girl that’s pretty

One, two, three, four
Five and six
Play the game
And you’ll get chicks

Display your value!
Don’t be shy
Find some ways to show it’s high

Less is more
So shut your trap
To fuck the females
And avoid the fap

The choice is yours
Don’t be naive
Just think of what you can achieve

redpill4  

Take the red pill
Don’t be scared
Your mind is finally unimpaired

Jaya Saxena is a New Yorker who writes for lots of things. The Toast, Uncommon Courtesy, and New Amsterdam Mystery Company are some of them. Follow her on Twitter @jayasax. Matt Lubchansky makes comics and occasionally leaves his apartment in New York. His work includes Please Listen to Me and New Amsterdam Mystery Company. He’s on Twitter, and doesn’t expect you to get his name right.


116 Comments

          1. Sarah +117

            It’s men who suffer
            the discrimination!
            On TV, in the movies,
            And in education!

            ( <3 too all of you
            I must say
            Though I’ll be thinking in rhyme
            for the rest of the day )

          2. logicbutton +143

            Harassment spring, harassment fall
            I don’t condone it, not at all.
            Abusers, rapists, they’re bad, friend
            But don’t forget: they’re not all men!

          3. sausagedog +210

            Did you know that, ACTually,
            Make-up’s so uncanny valley?
            If she uses it, that’s a LIE
            I’m a “natural beauty” kind of guy
            (Unless she’s got stray hairs, dry skin, or zits,
            “unconventional” features or less-than-great tits)
            But don’t insult my neckbeard, then
            your argument’s ad hominem

  5. malloryelis +198

    I only learned about Red Pill like, THIS YEAR, and I still don’t really understand it, but bless

      1. sausagedog +53

        Wait, is there something to understand beyond it being a tired pop-culture reference?

        Poor Lawrence Fishburne.

        1. ughanothername +31

          The redpillers seem to think there’s more to it but I definitely agree with you. Tired old reference that taints a perfectly good movie.

          2. ughanothername +33

            I’m really good at ignoring things I don’t like. I developed that skill as a child when I had to do the dishes and managed to TOTALLY not see any of the dirty dishes on the stove. Ever.

    2. ofTrebond +73

      I hadn’t heard about it before reading this masterpiece. I am firmly convinced that this is all that I need to know on the subject.

        1. entropyjukebox +33

          If you haven’t gone down that rabbit hole, don’t. It’s really depressing and strangely addictive. Trying to detox.

          1. MilesofMountain +37

            Oh thank god someone else found it strangely addictive. I got sucked into hate-reading reading a horrible red pill message board for a while and it was so horrible I couldn’t look away.

          2. v_d_budenmayer +21

            I’ve been periodically visiting the Red Pill Reddit board for ages now, and I don’t know that I’ll ever feel completely clean again.

          3. popelizbet +37

            I read We Hunted The Mammoth on occasion to see what they’re up to, but I have to enforce strictly a “no going down the related links” anti-rabbit hole policy.

          4. olives +8

            Agreed on all of this, the hate-reading can really suck you in. Such a terrible place, and yet you can’t stop watching!

    4. projectbeks +91

      True story: when I was in college I was part of an evangelical church who used the whole “Red Pill, Blue Pill” (complete with faux-Matrix graphics and videos!) as part of it’s on-campus college ministry. Needless to say, the first time I saw MRAs referring to “Red Pill” stuff, I was really confused and thought that perhaps my nightmares had come true and two of the most outspoken groups of trolls on the internet had merged into some freakish Voltron of Troll.

      1. regularmegan +14

        Ah! Yes, we used those in our college ministry as well. I held a small group in my dorm. My poor dorm mates. I feel the need to apologize for it even now, 10+ years later. Shudder.

    5. geekcrackteam +16

      Me too! On one of my rare visits to Reddit I saw it in the side bar and thought ‘oh matrix board, that could be interesting’

      I was very confused for a few minutes and then I noped outta there faster than I previously thought possible!

  6. ppyajunebug +358

    THE DELETED COMMENTS ON THIS ARE GONNA BE

    (also the best because this is amazing and there are gonna be so many butthurt MRAs COME AT US BROS)

    2. chasgoose +33

      I know can we like archive them somewhere for when I need to scream at my computer and rage blackout?

    3. gothicfemale +92

      Yeah, can we get one of those “deleted comments from x post” posts for this one? PLEASE?!

      1. projectbeks +84

        Excellent for use in upcoming misandrist spells. “Add one tsp. Essence of Deleted Comment…”

    5. jennycieplak +34

      I feel like for some posts we should just leave the deleted comments up for, like, x hours so we can play with them?

      1. OpheliaInWaders +25

        Yeah, I kind of want this thread to go unmoderated for juuuuust long enough that we can have some fun.

    6. ofTrebond +182

      I don’t particularly want to see the deleted comments, but I do like to think of them spending their time shouting unpleasantness here where they can be deleted with no hesitation by our valiant leaders. Maybe some woman on the internet will have a nicer day because they are busy being outraged into the void.

      1. Julia Lambert +54

        Yasssss 100% with you on this one. It is the lord’s work you do, Goody Jaya and Brother Matt. [Praise hands emoji, many other emojis too]

        1. deleted6707794 +12

          This is worth at least 3 taco emojis and the cat with heart eyes in addition to praise hands.

      1. April +10

        completely out of context I will now be thinking about this gif for the rest of the day

        doesn’t help that on the roundup I’ve been chatting about Who for HOURS

      1. octopoda +10

        It is HTML, you need the image link, and post inside < img src=”link.gif” / > (remove spaces between brackets and code).

    1. grumblyqueer +79

      I am so confused by those women. I mean, you get oppressed people siding with oppressors all the time, but these men are telling them they’re stupid irrational fucktoys and they’re just…. going with it.

      1. NicoleCliffe +146

        Well, the Red Pill Women actually do not play a bunch with the Red Pill Men, they are a little more Randian in that they want to use the Red Pill stuff for their own personal happiness.

        oh no they got me

        1. builtahouse +33

          I’m definitely outraged much less on Red Pill Women.

          Main Emotions: 1. really sad, 2. WTCRAP is happening, & 3. a tiiiiinnny part that wants to grab drinks with the most sensible because their utter lack of BS is refreshing.

          ( oh no they got me too )

    4. leahbear +45

      Did you ever see the Blue Pill? They are dead on accurate mocking their posts. Much needed blast of sanity if you’re ever lurking too long…

    5. shombalor +39

      Me too, it’s pretty interesting. Actually, a lot of them -surprise surprise – seem to ascribe goddess-like powers to women, and this is their way of dealing with our great power. Sometimes it’s even kind of satisfying.

    6. LacaunaKale +18

      I’ll look at them occasionally. How do you keep from bleeding out of your ears due to rage?

    7. ipomoea +41

      I just took 30 seconds to look at Red Pill and I think that would have been better spent changing a shitty diaper. How do you read it without walking into the world and crotch-punching the first dude you see?

    8. Lurk +7

      Yep. Do you have a favorite user to lurk on? Was lurking on “GayLubeOil” (with a name like that, it has to be good!) but now “Whisper” is the one I tend to lurk harder.

      Now I’m off to look at some eye bleach.

      1. entropyjukebox +3

        GayLubeOil is just…amazing! I wonder what that guy is like irl? I feel like he’s someone I would cross the street to stay away from (but then, that whole “alpha bro I lift therefore I am a stud” I find pathetic).

  9. SarahDances +140

    If she wants sex, she’s a slut,
    If not, then she’s a tease.
    Attraction is the only difference
    Between romance and sleaze!

  10. littlehuntingcreek +260

    One pill
    Two pills
    Red Pill
    Blue pill
    What pill is best?
    Try one and see

    I do not red pills and man
    I do not like them, Matt I Am
    I do not like them with a goat
    I do not like them in a boat
    I do not like them with a neg
    I do not like them with an egg
    I do not like the MRA
    I do not like them ANY WAY

  12. m98widow +280

    “Women shouldn’t have short hair, it makes disgusting bigoted reductionist horroshows like me not want to have sex with them!”

    It’s a feature, not a bug, dude. Working exactly as planned.

  13. Cat +190

    OH, the places you’ll go
    You’ll go your own way
    That girl didn’t like you
    (She’s probably gay)

    1. LezzyBeaverman +20

      Gay girls don’t exist
      We all know this
      She’s just on the hunt
      for the perfect penis!

  15. valentine +87

    I do not trust chicks with dyed hair.
    I hate to see them anywhere.
    Their made-up bullshit they call ‘theory’
    Causes them to act quite queerly

  16. LacaunaKale +28

    She said no
    He hears go
    Women love it when you have an ego
    Freud was righto
    All she needs is your tiny little pole-o

    I feel dirty

    1. Alluvial_Fan +28

      That. That is quite…something.

      “And this vagina-zombie-butter-lady-gas is, Sandman suggests, the reason that some men actually seem to like and respect women.”

      The more you know, indeed.

    2. Toft +70

      “If you are within 3 feet of an ovulating woman or group of them YOUR polypeptides are being replaced at a rate of 5% a minute with THEIR copulins.”

      This is why men must never leave the bunker, son. In just 20 minutes, exposure to women would replace all of the proteins in your body with copulins. There would not be anything left of you to identify. Promise me that, no matter how much you may long for the touch of sunlight on your skin, you won’t risk it. We cannot survive in the world above.

      1. octopoda +63

        Imagining men just melting into piles of goo and blowing away from just standing next to women.

      1. Unreadaethel +33

        I just wish somebody had informed me of this before. I’ve been wasting my time trying to reason with male partners like adults, when I could have simply been bending their wills to my own with the power of my vagina.

    4. scstanley7 +49

      “Apparently they smell like butter which is the smell I notice when I’m in any place where I notice girls walking around in their mid to late teenage years.”

      Get him away from girls in their “mid to late teenage years” please???

        1. scstanley7 +8

          I think it is a testament to the creepiness of this dude that even David Futrelle’s commentary could not get me past that line. However, the rest of it was ace and in true we-hunted-the-mammoth form.

    5. Robot_Devil +9

      At first I though that was a prank. I mean, even in a movement as ridiculous as MGTOW, that’s is too much. But then again, the whole movement can be summed as ‘going Galt on women’. And, just as Randians, they assume that when they finally go on strike/self-exile , the people they left outside (collectivists or feminists) would really, really miss them. So that article is probably the real deal.

  19. ipomoea +42

    Between this and Mallory’s horrifying takes on classic children’s literature, I have to restrain myself almost daily from spamming my fellow children’s librarians at work with links to The Toast.

  20. chaarulatha +107

    These whores, they say
    Equality is their mission
    But why do they ignore
    The pain of my circumcision?

    1. ou812 +1

      Because boys are the future oppressors. It doesn’t matter what we do to them; they’ll still grow up to control the world!

  22. alamuzmo +27

    I was waiting for the” so excited to see reddit hate matt even more after this” tag as the capper at the end.

  23. Orla +31

    <3 You beautiful geniuses.
    We appear to have an MRA somewhere in our office. And he thinks he’s very clever / funny.
    At the start of 2013, a colleague put up this sign to stop the guys at work using our (clean) bathroom and making it less so:

    All of about 2 weeks ago, this appeared on the door of the gents:

    Um, dude, none of us *wants* to use your skanky jacks?

    I kind of want to print this article out and hang it up under the sign.

  24. alula_auburn +47

    OMG the picture of the guy who hates his dick is AMAZING.

    /have still not seen The Matrix

    Honestly, I tried reading. . .Dr. NerdLove, I think? and some of the commenters there were depressing enough, pill-wise, that I think the actually Reddit might break something in my brain. My brain I use to thwart men by a) not having sex with them and b) being fat.

    1. Robot_Devil +8

      I don’t think Dr. Nerdlove fits in the whole red-pill thing. In fact, he’s been quite outspoken against toxic masculinity. Some of the commenters might spout some red-pill stuff but that is probably because his target demographic overlaps a lot with the red-pill dudes. Which is actually a good thing because they are the most vulnerable to the myths that the red-pillers peddle as bio-truths and that he tries to dispell in some of his articles.

      1. alula_auburn +16

        No offense intended to Dr. Nerdlove himself, and many of the posters seemed very nice, but there was a constant enough influx of red pill guys that it made the idea of going back to dating seem really unappealing. I mean, great if he actually does manage to change a few minds, but I don’t really want to hang around to watch the painful work in process.

  26. selma

    Me too! On one of my rare visits to Reddit I saw it in the side bar and thought 'oh matrix board, that could be interesting'

    I was very confused for a few minutes and then I noped outta there faster than I previously thought possible!

  27. entropy jukebox

    GayLubeOil is just…amazing! I wonder what that guy is like irl? I feel like he's someone I would cross the street to stay away from (but then, that whole "alpha bro I lift therefore I am a stud" I find pathetic).

  28. SI Rosenbaum +60

    It continues to delight me that this term is derived from a film made by a trans woman and her brother

  29. Norsie +9

    Women cry: “Oh, woe is me”
    Say they’re treated unfairly
    But who gets the custody?

    Laments from gay, bi and trans
    Make me do the angry dance
    Of cognitive dissonance

    True pain stems, it’s plain to see
    From systemic misandry
    In the oppressive matriarchy