Hello, Open Threadlings! It is time for the threads to open, yes indeed. Now that you’re familiar with Murphles and Sansa, I’d like to introduce my cat Ophelia. She was originally my best friend’s cat but chose my husband as her human when the three of us lived together, and now they shall never part. There’s another cat, but perhaps she is a ghost. We will never know.
(I promise I’ll get normal at these if/when I do them.)
I’m feeling pretty dang chipper today! It’s Friday! I’m going to write Christmas cards and make mulled wine and bake banana bread this weekend. I have a lot of my Christmas shopping done already, I have good books to read which I will neglect in favour of fanfiction as usual. I found out that a coworker I particularly dislike is leaving as of next week. AND my awesome former boss from my previous job emailed me to say they’re hiring a reference librarian at her new department and to send her my updated CV. Fingers crossed that it works out and I get to leave this place!
Writing Christmas cards and making mulled wines gives me ALL the cozy winter feelings! And your GIF is well played, Madam, well played. I’ve been procrastinating with my own Holiday A Listers (friends that actually get a card in the mail) time to start putting pen to Christmas paper, thanks for the inspiration!
Oh man, what is better than mulled wine? I’ve been stocking up on wine to make some this weekend. Your weekend sounds pretty awesome.
Yay! I too am feeling chipper: I’m going to my favorite craft fair and I have budgeted some money to spend on cards, gifts, and something for myself. I’m taking monday off to do my christmas baking. I had a work-sanctioned irish coffee this morning at a holiday party and I’m feeling just fine.
(It’s SPQR guy who’s leaving, right?)
You’re weekend plans sound great! Have fun!
SPQR guy left in August, actually. I kind of liked him. He was one of the least terrible people here!
Ophelia you are a Good Kitty, yes you ARE.
(hi I have started my new job and it is LOVELY and I am so BUSY and I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH)
Yay for lovely new jobs! Miss you, too, bb!
happy friday, toasties! i am sure you are the people to ask:
i know a man who is curious about feminism and is super open to learn and examine points of view that he has never considered before—but. BUT. 1) i don’t feel up to educating him myself, nor do i think that’s my responsibility 2) the things i’m reading are, may i say, a bit advanced for him.
give me recommendations—books, articles, websites, whatever—that would be a good place for him to start. once he covers the basics, a focus on benevolent sexism would not be amiss, i suspect. i feel conflicted about “feminism, explained for men!” stuff, but i don’t know! maybe it would be easier for him to digest? tell me your own experiences!
I tend to like the writing of John Scalzi for this kind of beginner feminism for dudes thing. “Straight White Male: The Lowest Difficulty Setting There Is” is the blog post that comes to mind first.
i forgot about this article, but i remember thinking it did a great job of explaining privilege. thank you for reminding me of it!
This is the one I go to for ALL my explaining-male-privilege-to-clueless-dudes needs.
Jessica Valenti’s first couple books “Full-Frontal Feminism” and “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut” are super basic.
thanks for the recommendation! i’ve never read these myself, so i might as well give them a try myself!
bell hooks’ Feminism Is For Everybody is s nice starter text that specifically addresses masculinity, but doesn’t seem compromised or watered down for doing so.
i had this one in mind! it’s fairly simple and bell hooks is great.
as a guy who read that to educate myself, I also was going to recommend that.
I browsed through my femninism tag on Tumblr and found these two videos.
Adam Levine-Peres discusses mansplaining.
Deconstructing Masculinity & Manhood with Michael Kimmel (long but good).
thank you! all good links!
You could follow Sweden’s lead and give him a copy of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s We Should All Be Feminists: http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/dec/04/ever…
dang, sweden! i can even lend him my own copy, not a bad idea…
Everyday Feminism, maybe?
I think “feminism, explained for men” stuff is perfect for a beginner; that’s what it’s there for! I’d recommend Lindy West’s writing, which covers a wide range of issues in a hilarious, compassionate, and easy to understand manner. She’s got stuff published in a lot of places, but her website’s a good place to start: http://www.lindywest.net/
thanks for the recommendation! i enjoy her writing, the vast majority of the time.
This one might make him feel defensive, but it is still worth trying: the Schrodinger’s Rapist argument.
it’s a good one. thank you for the recommendation!
I’ve also found that “I don’t feel like teaching you feminism 101 but I can answer specific thoughtful questions” can be a good place to work from. It’s much more “go learn stuff and when you really start thinking through things and feel conflicted, let’s have some thoughtful and informed conversations” than a one-way information flow.
(For example, “I’ve read x and y and z and there are so many conflicting points of view about sex work, I’d be interested to know what you think.”)
yeah, that’s the route i’ve been going so far, and what’s been nice is that i know his interest has stemmed from those conversations, rather than him just coming to me for answers as some kind of spokesperson.
I do like to give a bit of a 101, though, just to make sure a dude doesn’t run into White Feminists and TERFS unawares.
What comes to mind first is Feminist on Tinder, an instagram account, website, and Twitter. It consists of a lot of screenshots of feminists, especially the founder herself, shutting down misogynists on Tinder in an often educational way. There are also great essays and comments on the website. It might be jarring for him, but it would definitely be educational. I just discovered it and got sucked into an equal parts empowering and disturbing vortex.
https://twitter.com/feministtinder
http://feministontinder.tumblr.com/
i’ve never even heard of this! thanks for the recommendation!
I really like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s book “We Should All Be Feminists”. It’s **super** short, I read it on my 20 min subway ride home, and it’s a good very basic-level book but covers a lot of diverse topics. It’s also the book Sweden just decided to give for free to every 16 year old in the country. So, like, Sweden agrees with me. That’s always nice.
yes, i enjoyed it a lot myself and i have a copy ready to lend him!
Is there a feminist version of Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack?
hmmmm it might be good for him to read regardless.
I like this breakdown of Dude Social Fallacies that someone compiled from the comments of a Captain Awkward post: http://spcsnaptags.tumblr.com/post/115253287239/d…
this is great! thanks for the link.
Wowww, what a great post!
Articles by Arthur Chu might also be good (or maybe those are Feminism 201? not sure)
at the very least, good to keep in mind after he covers the basics. thanks for the recommendation!
Arthur Chu is great, I think his writing is clear and easy to relate to.
Oh man I love the idea of a reading list for men to learn about feminism, but I do not like the idea of that list being made up of male writers! Captain Awkward has some great stuff about how men who want to learn more about feminism/women in general should consume media made by women and not by men and I love that.
Sooo that said, the books I tell my female friends to read when they’re just starting to look into feminism are Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay, Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions by Gloria Steinem (because it’s so funny in so many places!), the Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf and feminist memoirs like Audre Lorde’s Zami (because memoirs are so much easier to read and sympathize with than essays and arguments). Also everything by Margaret Atwood if he likes fiction! I’m planning to make my baby brothers read Kate Harding’s “Asking For It: The Alarming Rise Of Rape Culture – And What We Can Do About It” before they go off to college so maybe that too!
yes! i lent him the handmaid’s tale, and he really liked it and we had some great conversations about it. i also love bad feminist dearly and actually sent him a page out of the titular essay to help explain something we were talking about, so that might not be a bad idea, either!
i didn’t think of kate harding’s book, though, and there are some other titles here that sound great, so thank you for the recommendations!
Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks. It’s a book but very short, intentionally written in simple language, and can be found as a pdf by googling.
this was definitely on my list, but i didn’t realize it was available as a pdf! thanks for the heads up!
Speaking of cats! Does anyone have any advice for traveling on a plane with a cat? Flying Southwest from Indiana to Providence, and each flight (couldn’t avoid the layover, alas) is about an hour and a half long. This particular cat is very loud. I am also waiting for my vet to call me back.
I am on this thread to hear the responses, because we are taking a five-hour flight with our kitties in less than a month and I am pretty worried about it! I made an appointment with my vet, and I’m hoping that she can prescribe something like cat valium to keep them quiet and docile. Otherwise I fear that the other passengers will revolt.
Kitty xanax, and leaving the carrier out for a few days beforehand so that she can investigate it.
I am using the same carrier that I use to take her to her playdates (it’s airline approved) so I’m hoping that this will reduce the kitty anxiety.
Plus 1000 for Xanax (it’s actually just people Xanax chopped up, you can pop one if you need to!) (of course you would never take drugs prescribed for your cat) (but you know, you could…)
YMMV on the kitty Xanax. We recently moved several states away with a cat who doesn’t travel well and got a prescription from the vet. She recommended we give him a test dose before traveling, and I’m so glad we did. It turns out our cat was one of the few percent who have an adverse reaction, and the Xanax took away his motor function while increasing his energy, so he was stumbling around drunk while crying because he was scared. Looking back it’s sort of funny in hindsight (especially when he got the munchies and wolfed down every speck of his food) but it was so terrible at the time. I almost took the other Xanax to get through the guilt of having drugged my cat.
Half a Benadryl! I flew my cats from Chicago to Massachusetts (one at a time) and that’s what the vet had me give each of them. I think they meowed quietly to themselves for a lot of the flight, but sound doesn’t actually travel that well on a plane, so they were barely audible.
def try out the Benadryl on them beforehand, if you can. It made my kit froth at the mouth like fiend, poor thing. But I bought Feliway spray for her when we moved and she became a full-time inside kit, and she seemed to at the very least not hate it. I sometimes spray it on the blanket in her carrier when we drive, and she is much quieter.
i helped my mom and my sister move 2 cats each across the country, as passengers on the plane, and in all cases they surprised us and were great.
definitely talk to your vet, and see if you can get an extra dose so you can experiment at home, maybe take the cat for a drive and see how it does. i’m not sure how the drug works with food, but i might limit food from 6 hours to flight time just to make sure they go before they get on the plane. my mom bought the drug but only wanted to give it to them if things got bad [which naturally made me nervous about how long bad things would be going on] but it never happened and we didn’t use it. her cats were socialized late and on the feral spectrum, so maybe they were just smartly waiting out their fears quietly.
line your carrier with a towel, but bring an extra and a plastic bag in case they pee in a panic, you can zip up the soiled towel and replace it. if you have a carrier you can discreetly open to pet them, that’s nice for when they need reassurance.
some cats may surprise you, since they’re scared and unfamiliar with this travel, in cases where they’d cry loudly, sometimes they stay quiet. but if you have something naturally vocal like a siamese, they’re going to want to talk. i’ve found that in normal or home scary situations, they’re more comfortable being vocal, but as things get more unfamiliar, they tend to stay quiet.
i was worried some passengers would be irritated or allergic but everyone who interacted with us was excited to see 2 cats on the plane, so that was nice.
I’ve never traveled with cats but these seem like excellent tips!
I flew Southwest with my cat when I moved from the Midwest to California. My cat is also very vocal and he complained the whole time but everyone I interacted with at the airport and on the plane was very understanding. On this trip I paid extra for priority boarding (or whatever Southwest calls it) and it was one of the best decisions I made during the move. I ended up with boarding number A1! I know it may not be in everyone’s budget, but it was such a relief to be one of the first to board because then I could warn people boarding around me that there was a cat under the seat, in case they were allergic. Also got a seat near the front for fast de-planing. After talking with my vet I chose not to drug him. He had never taken any of those medications and I didn’t want to worry about adverse reactions. I lined his carrier with doggie pee-pads but there were no issues. Good luck; you are both going to be stressed but ultimately fine!!
I flew with my cat from Seattle to Miami last year (in a middle seat!) and was terrified it would go horribly but it was completely fine. I didn’t give him any medication (when I asked my vet she said she didn’t recommend any) but he was very quiet and good (though I could tell he was super freaked out and he was mad at me for days upon arrival). I felt bad for the cat, but he caused no disturbance whatsoever. The only really worrisome part was taking him out of his carrier to go through security, but I had bought a harness and put it on him before leaving the apartment, so I had a good grip on him. And it turned out he was so freaked that he just clung to me in terror, which, while sad, was preferable to him escaping and hiding in Seatac. Good luck!
Same for when I moved my cats cross-country. The good news is that the airplane engine is pretty loud, so even if your cats start meowing or howling in the middle of the flight, no one will hear unless they put their face down to the carrier.
Def get the absorbent pads because my cats not only peed themselves as soon as they got scared, they sprayed. Taking them out of the carriers at the end of the day was not pretty.
I am a dog person, but the kennel I use takes kitties too. My kennel doubles as a vet practice, so I like that their advice comes from a real veterinarian. The staff uses Adaptil. It’s liquid pheromones. They have diffusers of it in every room in the building. And they spray down the exam tables after sanitizing them. They also spray Adaptil on every staff person’s clothing daily. I’ve been using the spray on our bed linens when we expect a thunderstorm. It is amazingly effective at calming our little dog.
Kitty tranquilizers are definitely a thing. Years ago, my mother and I were on a flight that was delayed five hours (!) and there was a woman on our flight who was flying with a cat in a carrier. When it became obvious that we’d all be sitting at the gate for hours, the woman let the cat out of the carrier. She told us the cat was on tranquilizers for the flight, at which point someone else said “Can I have some of those?”
My cat is chatty and meows a lot in cars, but she shuts right up in a plane, no tranquilizers needed, I do think it tends to scare most cats. I second the recommendations for making sure your cat has a harness to go through security, using Feliway and be sure you get a soft side carrier. Lastly, my cat FREAKED out a security and I was dreading it until I asked the security lady right at the things and she said you have the right to ask for a private search and then they can take you to a room!
So I said, I’m asking for a private search so I can take the cat out in an enclosed space please, she gets really stressed. So they took me and the cat and the carrier to a room, let me take the cat out and hold her in the room, and searched me. It was great. They were like, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GET THE PAT DOWN, about 10 times because they had to find a woman to do it, but just be like, “yes please my cat will be stressed if she has to come out of the carrier in here, I need the room” and they’ll pull you off to one side and take you to the room, it was really a 100 times easier on my cat.
Ah! Pink-nosed kitties!!! Love pink-nosed kitties.
Today’s my last day in the office until January. So weird. But I will (I hope!) be on The Toast a little more than I have been lately. I’m not supposed to work more than 20 hours a week and not at all the first week after my surgery. Which is Monday, btw. God, this is surreal.
Thanks in advance to all for the well-wishes, in case I don’t get a chance to say so directly.
wishing you all the best and the fastest, easiest recovery!
Sending you a million billion loves.
Hope it all goes well!
Hope it goes super smoothly!
Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
Good luck!!
All the best to ya!
Will be sending all the good vibes to you!
So much love to youuuuuuu
All the good thoughts for quick recovery!
Good luck!
Hope everything goes perfectly and you have a lovely, easy recovery!
Best wishes! Sending all the hope your way for a speedy and uneventful recovery. 🙂
Best of luck on the surgery!
I wish I had an on-point gif expressing luck and best wishes!
Best of luck, hope you’ll get well soon!!!
Thinking healing thoughts at you!!
It’s going to go GREAT and I hope you recover very easily <3333
Wishing you a very ordinary, uneventful procedure and a swift recovery. ::Toasthugs::
May you have an uncomplicated successful procedure and a whiz-bang speedy recovery!
Have a restful and happy weekend, and best of luck with the surgery. Be well! Please let us know how it goes…(I know you will, but had to say it to make sure!)
Thank you to EVERYONE! I didn’t have time to be on OT as much as I’d hoped today, but I so much appreciate all the lovely comments.
A late-arriving well wish. I hope that all goes smoothly, and that post-surgery recovery is gentle, and that you are tended to with the best of love.
Today is my birthday! I am celebrating by not telling anyone, then going out for a fancy meal and movie with my closest female friend. We are going to the 21+ plus theatre to drink a bottle of wine and watch the Hunger Games and cry and clutch each other’s hands, it’s going to be great.
Happy birthday! That sounds like an excellent celebration.
happiest of happy birthdays! that sounds like a most excellent way to spend a birthday.
Happy birthday!
What a great celebration! Happy birthday!
Hi birthday twin!!!!!! I am celebrating by indulging myself with both a massage and a haircut (both things I rarely do at all much less two in one day). Then I shall go to a restaurant where the thing is to drink beer and cook pieces of meat on a rock, and it shall be glorious.
Hello!!! I wholeheartedly endorse your plan. Be sure to let your friends know you may need to recline like a pasha due to your extreme post-massage relaxedness, and they should be prepared to tend to your meat if necessary as is your due.
Happy birthday!
I promised this XKCD/Firefly thing to y’all last week, now I deliver (although I will probably delete the image later, tbh):
Back in 2008, when Randall used to go to Conbust(great con, y’all should come). Well, the day I had a chance to go talk to him, I was dressed up as River Tam, and as I got near the front of the line, I was talking to the person behind me about my costume, and Randall heard me, and asked me to repeat the bit he’d missed, and so I was telling him about how, in the DVD commentary, they talk about how the costume design for River was, mostly, to dress her in things that would make sense as hand-me-downs from Kaylee, because River didn’t get to the ship with a large selection of outfits. So my approach for the costume had been to raid the closet of a friend who was more Kaylee in body shape (at the time, I was River-esque). He then doodled this for me:
this is truly amazing.
Fun article, convo between Randall and astronaut Chris Hadfield: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/…
oh my god that conversation just made my entire week. Thank you!
So good!
That’s fantastic!
That is EXCELLENT.
This is the best!!!
That is outstanding, and I am v. jealous.
Amazing!
Canadian Toasts who know about finance and stuff, can I please crowdsource to you a question I got from a client and about which I am clueless?
Client has the name of a family trust and wants to find out who the beneficiaries are and what value and assets the trust has. My instinct is that this kind of information isn’t publicly available because it’s really nobody’s dang business but I don’t have any hard evidence to back this up. CRA’s website is (unsurprisingly) unhelpful and I can’t find anything relevant in the Bank Act. This is not my field at all but I don’t want to admit defeat.
My instincts are with yours- this sounds like private financial information. Does your client know who the trustees are?
CRA does publish the tax returns of charitable organizations run by trustees, but that is a whole different kettle of fish.
A couple of links – http://www.landrymcgillivray.ca/brochure_trust.ht… http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/per…
http://www.canadianliving.com/life/money/5_reason… says this:
“Keep your wealth a secret
When you die your will becomes public. Anyone can find out what assets you had and who got what. That, not surprisingly, irks a lot of people, especially Canadians who have a lot of money. A trust keeps all those details private. You can do whatever you want with your money and no prying eyes will ever find out.”
Thank you! And no, all he has is the name of the trust. Like, “Smith Family Trust.”
Looking into this sent me down a rabbithole that ended in dormant baronetcies.
There are worse ways to spend a Friday afternoon 🙂
I know less than nothing about Canadian law, but (in the US) people often put assets in trust specifically because the details are not publicly accessible. (Like a will would be).
Oh yeah, this is not likely available publicly.
Privacy laws will definitely protect this tightly. Depending on your client’s situation, there might be some avenues for asking pointed questions: if they or the person they’re inquiring on behalf of is a minor beneficiary, or if they aren’t legally or medically able to control their affairs, or if it’s a disability trust, and they have reason to suspect that there has been misappropriation, for example. I’m in BC & if I had to point someone to a resource, or do some research myself, I’d likely begin with the Public Guardian & Trustee: http://www.trustee.bc.ca/Pages/default.aspx
Thank you! The downside to living in the ~Information Age~ is that some people think literally all the information they could ever want is just a Google search away. Some clients look at me like I have 3 heads when I mention that what they’re looking for is not accessible or does not exist or (worst of all!) they’d have to pay for it.
Alright Toasties, it’s been a rough ass week, so tell me what’s bringing you joy right now.
For me, it’s having all the Harry Potter books on Audible and finally breaking down and buying myself candy canes because I love them (despite being a Grinch otherwise)
it has indeed also been a rough-ass week here.
trader joe’s has these seasonal chocolate “batons” and there is one that has crushed espresso beans in it. that’s what’s gettin’ me through!
This morning I got to the office and I was the only one here, so I hooked my laptop up to the Sonos system and started playing Hamilton.
NOT ONE FULL MEASURE IN, one of the guys from the other company that shares our space came in. I quickly paused and made a joke about taking advantage of the alone-ness to listen to hip-hop Broadway, and he fairly shouted, “Do you mean Hamilton?? Because, by all means, you should play it because we’ve all been listening to it for a few weeks and have become, as a group, pretty much obsessed.”
Then I ate an apricot danish.
Guys, this place is amazing.
True fact: like five people in my Dramatic Leadership class wrote their papers on Hamilton and cited SO MANY toast articles.
My school as whole is obsessed with it, I still get knocks on my door because of my Hamilton pumpkin.
Yesterday I demoed the application I’ve been working on, and a bunch of my test data is Hamilton lyrics. It was one of the first things my coworker noticed and asked about, which delighted me more than it should have because I’m the newbie here. Someone else is obsessed!
I wish my coworkers were into Hamilton! I worked for three hours in the lab by myself the day after Thanksgiving and blasted the cast recording the entire time.
The HPs going on audible are making me happy too, I had to do the three extra credit thing and get the first three in one go!
An excellent thing to do with candy canes if you want to do something other than just eat them is to bash them into bits, melt some dark chocolate, pour it out onto greaseproof aper on a tray and then sprinkle the bits of cane (and edible glitter if you like things sparkly) over it, then into the fridge until it sets.
If I wanted to Treat Myself to the HP audiobooks, should I go with Stephen Fry or Jim Dale?
Jim Dale. I think Audible only has his, but that’s fine with me because as far as I am concerned he is the One True Narrator of All Things In Life.
I haven’t heard the Jim Dale ones but Fry is excellent.
I prefer Stephen Fry so much that I can’t listen to the Jim Dale ones anymore. His voice grates on my nerves comparatively, but that’s just me. You can probably find samples online to compare. The Stephen Fry ones are harder to find in the US, though.
Jim Dale! But you can also hear snippets of both of them online.
I am a Stephen Fry partisan, myself.
I’m happy thinking about all the potatoes (and potato chips) I bought for post-surgery eating because I know I’m not gonna have much of an appetite but I can always muster enthusiasm for potatoes.
Fireplace, a trip to the library and the newest Mira Grant loaded on my ereader.
I’m getting my hair colored as I type and I scheduled a massage for this weekend. And going to yoga 2x a week has basically eliminated the horrible back pain I’d had for more than a year. So basically taking care of my meatsack is making me happy!
Lifting weights! I got back into the gym seriously a few months ago. My first goal was just to get back to a 1RM of 100/200/300/400 for overhead press/bench/squat/deadlift, which is where I was four years ago after I lost a ton of weight and before I started a relationship, moved cities, and changed careers (all of which, unsurprisingly, took some toll on my waistline and totals). I’ve hit the goal for overhead, bench, and squat, and based on a 1RM calculator, I am 8 pounds away from the DL goal. The next goal is 200/300/400/500, which I haven’t even come near since I left high school/stopped playing football/got super overweight.
Getting strong again is the best feeling in the world. It’s nice to go into the gym and just move weight and let the outer world recede, especially when the outer world sucks as much as it has lately. Plus, I get to lift with my girlfriend’s cousin, who’s an awesome guy that I’ve become pretty good friends with since we started lifting together.
This is awesome! I want to start lifting but my knees are an achy pudding.
And I read the last sentence as: “I get to lift my girlfriend’s cousin, who’s an awesome guy”, and I got even more impressed because you were lifting grown up men all over the place.
So a few days ago, a friend of mine who’s an excellent writer was taking fic requests. I requested a short fic for The Bartimaeus Trilogy, because I knew they could do Bartimaeus’ voice very well (and they are also a huge fan). I told them I didn’t have any preferences for the topic beyond that.
They wrote me a Bartimaeus/Hamilton crossover fic. The world is full of goodness and joy.
Dude. It really has been a rough week. I hope you’re enjoying your candy canes.
I have a bar of sea salt and almond chocolate in my desk. I have a big experiment to do this afternoon but I don’t think I will have to talk to anyone else for the rest of the day, and it is Friday.
Also my cats are very cute and Atticus hasn’t been sent to cat time out in a whole month.
My husband and I watched Top Chef for the first time last night and loved it, and also spent the entire time making fun of the contestant heretofore known as Man Bun. It was delightful, and since he and I have little overlap in terms of tv shows we like, I’m super excited to have found another one.
I’m listening to a lot of Tracy Chapman and if I can ever manage to adjust the bowl height on my mixer (I’m open to suggestions because brute force and wd-40 have not budged the screw!) I’m going to make tons of cookies this weekend.
Tracy Chapman and cookies sounds like an excellent weekend
Any chance you’re trying to adjust the bowl height because your mixers don’t reach down to the bottom of your bowl? I have a hard time beating butter or eggs because of this.
I’m having the opposite problem – it’s a new-to-me mixer and the beater scrapes the bottom constantly.
Hmmmmmmm. This might be a stupid question, but is there any chance it’s a model mix-up? I.e. wrong beater for your mixer?
Regardless, when I get home I’m going to go see if there’s a way to raise my bowl just a fraction of an inch. I want to be able to make effortless meringues, damn it.
That would be a much easier solution! I’ll look into it. I hope effortless meringues are in your future.
This adorable Vine that Bim posted: https://twitter.com/bimadew/status/67275641949042…
Every year I think that I will be a Grinch and then… I am not. This week, the #1 thing to bring me joy was buying a 3-foot tall Christmas tree and taking it home on the bus and having everyone on the bus (it was late rush-hour, so it was pretty full) compliment me on how cute my Christmas tree was. That made me really happy.
It’s been a good but incredibly full week for me, so I’m looking forward to ordering a pizza for dinner and sitting down tonight with the leftover bottle of wine from Thanksgiving and whatever looks good on Netflix (Jessica Jones if I can stomach it; Miss Fisher if I need something less stressful)
I am weaving ridiculous little pile rugs to use as coasters. It hasn’t stopped amusing me.
My computer’s hard drive completely shat the bed last week, but luckily my gf has an old laptop of hers that still (barely) works, but I realized how dependent I am on having my things in the places I have them, and it was really, REALLY anxiety inducing. So maybe I have a problem.
BUT, I got a new hard drive and installed it last night AND MY LAPTOP HAS RISEN. It’s an SSD and it just runs so NICELY, and QUIETLY.
Also, I love Christmas and my group house has started putting up some decorations. We have a wicker steer head mounted above our non-working fireplace that we got on clearance at Target, and we have taken to giving it hats. So obvs it has a Santa hat jauntily perched on one of its horns. Jaunty hats make me very happy.
I paid enough attention to make sure I didn’t oversteep my tea this morning. When I finally wriggle out of my comfy robe, I will put on my favorite dress. There is a piece of sunlight on the blinds this morning that’s perfect pale gold despite the winter.
I have a promising second date tonight, of which I was trying to be cautiously optimistic and now I’m openly admitting that I am VERY excited.
BF has been staying with me this past week as a kind of first ‘trial run’ to see what it would be like to live together. So far, so good. It’s comforting knowing that at the end of the night he’ll be back from work, and not just texting/messaging from his own apartment.
I ran a computer class at my library this week and everyone remembered their email passwords. This has happened exactly zero times before.
Also, we are int eh very beginning stages of planning a new building and our current blueprints give me my own office. SAY WHAT
I just bought the first Harry Potter on audible and it has been great! I listen to it while wandering around in the cold and looking at decorations.
Apart from the various awful stuff happening everywhere, I’ve had an incredibly stressful and exhausting few months at work. (Particularly this past week).
I escaped work today for a couple of hours, and went out to lunch with my boyfriend at our favorite place– it’s a combined Russian grocery store/ European-style cafe that has wonderful things. I had my usual (poached eggs and Black Forest ham on a crepe, with smoky Russian tea), which is making me feel a million times better already. He had the cabbage rolls, which were also great.
Also, I really enjoyed hearing all the elderly Russian and Ukrainian ladies haggling at the deli counter.
I have also have a rough week–i feel like I am being made to pay for the delightful Thanksgiving break last weekend.
Today I am happy, though, because after work I get to leave for Santa Fe! We are staying in a delightful adobe B&B with kiva fireplaces in all the rooms that burn real wood and I’m going to go to the Georgia O’Keefe Museum, eat too much red chile (although I suspect there’s no such thing), and generally have a grand old time, New Mexican style.
Have a sopapilla for me!
Having a day off to lie around in bed! And I got books in the mail (Gayl Jones YASS).
But mostly, me and a friend sorted out a tricky subject between us by email, and I think there’s goodwill on both sides.
On Tuesday I was anxious about going out, but did so anyway, and went to a cafe with my friends where I had literally the best veggieburger I have ever eaten (seriously, it was such a good burger). Then we saw Mockingjay pt 2 which was pretty great.
I’ve ordered a face mask and warm winter clothes so I can walk the dog in the cold with fewer asthma problems, which I hope will help me feel better. I also splurged on a larger tree (4′! twice as tall as the old one) and decorated it with two colors, which makes me so happy. It’s festive but not elaborate. I’m hoping to feel motivated enough to get my space clean and get the sparkly ornaments hanging in the window AND get the snowflake quilt hung on the living room wall.
Axe Cop and Chopin.
It’s stormy outside and I spent the most relaxing afternoon in ages catching up on comics while listening to a “111 years of Deutsche Grammophon” box set. Odd combo, but it hit a perfect sweet spot between serenity and childish glee.
Realizing there is a second season of Jane the Virgin out there and then binge-watching the hell out of it this weekend. So much drama!
I just bought my mom and I tickets to see Billy Joel at the Garden for Christmas. I AM THE BEST DAUGHTER
dear toast fellows,
I asked my girlfriend what happened today and she said “everyone is dying. nothing is okay. finals are upon us.” That about sums it up. I luckily don’t have any finals, just performances and papers. I got a B+ on my Dramatic Leadership paper, Ill put a link in here to the rough draft https://www.dropbox.com/s/chrjxz5go59ygti/queer%2… I kinda skimped on the sources because most of it came from my head. Thank you for the help though, Toast Hive Mind. If anyone knows queer shakespeare (shakesqueer, if you will) it’s my Toasties.
Everyone else here is dead. We’ve begun scheduling our breakdowns so they are staggered. Unfortunately my endometriotic uterus didn’t get the memo so I was on the floor in my electric blanket dying and crying and my roommate was on the floor in her electric blanket dying and crying because chemistry. Neither of us could muster the energy to eat so we ordered pizza and cried and watched netflix. I called the girlfriend to comfort the roomie because they’re super close and it’s great
okay….okay….good things that are happening…
As soon as I finish my queer final I can go home and see my brother who’s Algie in our school’s production of The Importance of Being Earnest and see everyone again… but Im missing my sister as Scrooge in A Christmas Carol.
I presented for 15 minutes on the Lesbian Herstory Archives in Queer and I think it went really well.
I will survive in some way, I’ve got a great roommate and a great girlfriend and it’s going to be okay.
Finals pep talks please, toasties. It’s my first time.
You can do it!! I always enjoyed finals, actually, because it was so satisfying to get stuff done and know that I’d never have to think about it again if I didn’t want to.
Two of my favorite things about this time of year that I hope they’re still doing are self-scheduled exams and the Pre-Exam Pancake Jam. If they’re still doing the latter, GO TO IT, it is amazing, you go to the dining hall and the res life staff feeds you all the breakfast for dinner you can handle, and then you go back to writing your papers or whatever full of bacon and eggs and pancakes and happiness. If you don’t have any exams this semester you won’t get to experience the joy of the self-scheduled exam just yet, but for future reference: it is great.
PANCAKE JAM
honestly it sealed the deal for me.
Also, I hosted another prospie this week who also fell in love with it.
It’s on Tuesday and Im PUMPED
There are like 2 weeks left in the semester and that’s it. 14 times you have to get up with finals hanging over your head. Tomorrow it’ll be 13, and then 12, and before you know it you’ll be on the bus back home.
I use an Advent calendar to help visualize this, because a) I like having an end point that isn’t just “no more pain,” b) it reminds me of my Catholic family, and c) I’m guaranteed chocolate at the end of the day. Sometimes that’s all that matters.
I showed this to the Roomie (who is a biochem major and I dont know how she does it) and she said it was really smart.
Of course, being the catholic fangirl I am, I am SO PUMPED for advent calendars.
I’m doing one final here, staying until pancake jam, and then hopping on that bus home and doing the rest of the work there. So I’ll be home on Wednesday, everyone else is home on Friday. THE END IS IN SIGHT.
I have exam tips. Would you like exam tips?
I don’t have any formal exams but all my friends do so yes please.
Okay!
1) Whatever it is, essays, exams, presentations: when you’re writing it, make a list of your points in advance. Write them all down, with your main point underlined, and look at it as you write, so you don’t get off track.
2) To study, swap notes with your friends, even if your notes are great, because other people focus on other things.
3) Sit down and have a real chat, with jokes and tea, about exam topics. It’s one of the best ways to get a handle on what you understand and what you don’t.
4) If you know what you’re writing on, make sure you have details, dates and names, not just an understanding.
5) Make sure that you understand the professor’s interests and opinions, and try to stick things in that they will agree with.
A big old YES to #5, especially.
I had one particular class where (in my final essays) I basically just repeated all the stuff my professor had told us in his lectures. He wrote a note saying, “Some very good ideas expressed in these essays!”
Yup! It can feel smarmy at first, to rewrite the professor’s opinions, but it was SO helpful, and professors love it.
Hi.
THE GIRLFRIEND HAS COMMENTED EVERYONE.
I’m just impressed there are partners who ask you how you are, what happened etc… I haven’t been asked that in a long time. Points for you!
So I’m going home for Christmas, and I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am an Adult because I booked my (reluctantly indoor) cat a week’s stay at the fanciest “pet resort” I could find, with private suites and bird-watching balconies and gourmet treats and 24/7 WEBCAM ACCESS so I can sit at my hometown dive bar and force strangers to spy on my cat with me.
This is a cat who would be perfectly happy (thrilled, actually) if I just put her outside and told her to go be feral for a week. I have money, and I am spending it on a beautiful cat who doesn’t care about anything except killing, and it feels so good.
Also, if anyone could remind me how to post pictures in comments I would be happy to regale everyone with pictures of said beautiful cat. It’s what I do best.
Write something like this:
[img src=”link_to_picture.jpeg”]
except replace the hard brackets with < > symbols. If you want to shrink the image a little bit, you can write this:
[img src=”link_to_picture.jpeg” style=”width:400px”]
Same replacement rule. I’ve noticed that usually makes images work pretty well.
Here are your photo-posting steps:
1. Post the photos online somewhere (imgur, instagram, anywhere public)
2. Right click on the image and select “Copy Image URL”
3. In the comment box, type in <*img src=”yourcopiedimageurl.jpg”*> (with the * removed)
Thanks! I am having the wooorst time getting Instagram (my repository of all cat pictures) to cough up an image url and I’m technically supposed to be working right now, but so help me there will be cat pictures before the day is out.
Yeah, I’d forgotten that instagram is silly and doesn’t let you do that. My apologies! Sometimes I just screencap my instagram post and dump that into imgur or photobucket.
OMG amazing. We hire a cat-nanny, because our cats are homebodies. One literally screams bloody murder in the car, and pants and drools, so cat-nanny it is! 2 visits a day, and she tries to pet and play with our cats, who don’t care about her or like her at all.
Jaya, are you the Bartender? Is the Bartender OK?
Toasts, what do you want for Christmas or for the holidays? Acceptable answers include both realistic and conceptual ideas.
I want new earrings, a couple books, to get pregnant, a new job, and a new wardrobe.
I want to get a job once I get my PhD, someone to give me that Victorian lady’s book so I can hate read it without spending my own money on it, and also sensible policies on gun control and mental health care.
I’m not getting any of those, am I
I kind of want to get the Victorian lady’s book just so me and my mother can hate read it together. This is how we bond in my family. Mutual loathing of a chosen outsider.
“mutual loathing of a chosen outsider” cackling irl
True story. Out shopping with my mother, she pulls into parking lot, complaining about her beat up, dustball of a car. As we sit in it she notes a nice, professional appearing woman getting out of a nice, very clean car.
“I bet her husband bought her that. Some people are allowed nice things. The bitch.”
“Maybe she bought it herself with her own money like a tough, scrappy working woman who’s made good.”
“Yeah. Maybe that’s it. Double bitch.”
It is amusing only if you knew my mother and what a generally repressed, uptight, shy, moral, polo wearing woman she is. But every now and then she’ll spot a random stranger and go off in terribly foul mouthed, judgemental ways. But only from the safety of her car.
At least she keeps the windows rolled up. My father doesn’t. And he doesn’t make snide remarks, he booms.
The book is on Scribd and you can do a free trial on Scribd too, so you wouldn’t directly be paying their awfulness but they might get paid by Scribd.
“Mutual loathing of a chosen outsider”
It’s the proven best way to bring people together!!
If somebody does get a copy of the book, let’s circulate it amongst ourselves. Because I really want to hate-read it without financially supporting them, too.
things i want to get for myself: a leather jacket, new boots, better jeans, better job security, that ridiculous $200 neko case vinyl box set
things i want other people to get me: books? hugs. i am not very good at accepting gifts.
Mmmmm that box set
Wondered the same thing about the Bartender. Was this Jaya’s super-subtle way of admitting it was her all along? IDK.
For Christmas this year I would like a substantial raise, for everything I went through at work this year, and a set of audio books to get me through my awful commute. That’s really all I want this year, 2015 has been good to me. Aside from the family drama. There could always be less of that. But I’ve wished for that every year and it still hasn’t come true.
Seconding ppyajunebug below on better gun control and mental healthcare in this country.
Jaya is NOT The Bartender, but I usually wordpress for The Bartender, and today I went to the gym and forgot and texted Jaya and asked her to do one.
Thanks Nicole! Curiosity satisfied. Have fun at the gym.
do you usually wordpress for The Bartender because you are The Bartender
nothing will drive this conviction from my mind
I always thought the Bartender was a gestalt of you and Mallory.
I’ve been enjoying imagining that the Bartender is Nicole’s zen teacher so nobody tell me otherwise please.
Doorknobs. For real. All the doorknobs in my house are mismatched (as in the sides of each doorknob don’t even match each other) and it’s driving my nuts. But doorknobs are surprisingly expensive!
Mismatched doorknobs at my last apartment drove me crazy. Gold on one side silver on the other? Seriously? Don’t they come in a set?
Architectural salvage places always have cool doorknobs, often not for too much money and sometimes you can get a deal for buying in bulk in my experience. Not sure your style/aesthetic preference, but leaning in to it and making EVERY SINGLE doorknob different can be a fun choice which also might require changing fewer existing doorknobs.
My office has different trims around all the doors, which drives me crazy (all white, just all different styles) because when you look down the hall the top of the door frames aren’t all the same height due to different widths of trim. I imagine the doorknobs would be equally crazy-making
That sounds like something anthropologie would market on purpose, though! So whimsy!
I want a set of fancy-pants Sferra sheets — since my birthday and Christmas are close to each other (So, I spend about $200 on myself both at Christmas and my birthday) I figure I can afford to buy a set on sale on Amazon or something.
Worth it worth it worth it — I commandeered a set from my parents and they make sleep heavenly.
Oh that’s great to know! I’m always nervous buying new things on the internet but heavenly sleep is worth everything!
I want boots and books and travel funding for my conferences D:
Copper cookware, and a snowblower (note – I don’t actually WANT this want this, but we could probably use one after last year’s snowpocalypse).
Conceptually, I want the time, energy, money, and drive to see through actually redoing my house in the colorful mid-century meets space age style I desire.
Yes to copper cookware (* goes back to amend Christmas list *)
I would also love the energy and motivation to redo my house. I have had “remove bathroom wallpaper” on my to do list for several months now. Still not done. I have paint for said bathroom, but it may dry in the cans before I actually remove that wallpaper at this rate.
Oh my god, I have wallpaper in both bathrooms. UNSURPRISINGLY, it is peeling off the wall in the the one we use to shower, but of course not quite enough that we could just pull it off. I haven’t bought paint yet because I keep bringing samples home that magically change colors when i get them anywhere near the hideous tile.
My (wise) sister in law maintains that anyone who installed wallpaper ever should be required BY LAW to remove it before closing on a sale. Wallpaper is EVIL.
I find our snowblower strangely satisfying to use, actually. (Something about being in control of a big noisy machine?) And definitely better than shoveling.
When I lived in Wisconsin, I never minded doing the snowblowing. It’s a great way to warm up, actually! I’d go outside all bundled and strip down to a sweater and gloves by the end.
I want a new job! Would actually prefer a new job for my husband since realistically he will always out-earn me, and if he got one of the jobs he recently applied for, that would mean relocating (back) to Europe, which has been #1 on my list of not-quite-pipe-dreams for years. (Is “My wife fucking loves Moomins” an appropriate answer if an interviewer asks you why you want to work there?)
I want to run my hands, however briefly, through Justin Trudeau’s intimidatingly beautiful hair.
And two eyeshadow palettes, which I don’t want with any particular urgency because I have enough makeup as it is.
Moomins is a good answer to most things.
That is always an appropriate answer.
A new job is at the top of my list, too, and a new job for my boyfriend. Gray boots (flats) and pants that fit perfectly, without having to go to the mall. And, if there is no hope for a new job just yet, adjustable work furniture so I can have my feet touch the floor and type at the same time.
More realistically, I want a quilting ruler, rotary cutter, and mat, but I think my mom is giving me those, yay.
“not having to go to the mall” is a good wish, at all times.
Yay new quilting supplies!
Oh man, I also want to run my hands through Justin Trudeau’s beautiful hair.
Yes to the Moomin answer if the job is in Moomish territory, otherwise no. Italy no, Denmark yes. Good luck.
I want the heads of my enemies presented to me on a platter, a 1991 colorado red grand wagoneer, and an official Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.
you’ll shoot your eye out, kid
I want a nap, a new job, another nap, and to be able to eat tomatoes without being in pain for a week afterward. I would not object to a couple outfits that fit me.
All I want for Christmas is someone else to revamp my resume for me. Because I look at it and I don’t know how I ever got a job in the first place and feel completely skill-less and useless and panic and freak out.
Oh and one of those home DNA kits to trace your ancestry, which I’ve been hinting about for YEARS to people who will never, ever take the hint.
…as a person who used to volunteer/occasionally freelances as a resume coach, that is an entirely feasible Christmas wish. Check reviews for job assistance places in your city? Some of them are crap, but some of them are very helpful.
Yeah…I feel like at this point the difficulty has to be 99% anxiety at making a Big Life Change. Because I’ve DONE THIS BEFORE. Seriously, I know how to write a resume, it *can’t* be this hard, I’m just going crazy over it.
Any other time I would turn to the local library for help…but now I work there and I’m not ready for them to know I’m looking elsewhere. So.
I’m not an HR professional (just a writer who has the misfortune to work in an HR department), but I’m familiar with some of the things they look for, and I do a fair bit of resume editing on a freelance/volunteer basis. I’d be happy to have a look at yours, if that would be helpful, though I couldn’t get to it before the end of the month. Feel free to drop me a line: inamorata dot jones at gmail dot com.
I am not an HR person, but I recruit for my company and look at hundreds of resumes a season– I’d be happy to throw a friendly eye over yours? Just reply and I’ll give you my email so it’s kind of buried, since I don’t usually give it out.
That’s really kind of you but there’s no need…mostly I think I just needed a venting session. I really appreciate it, though!
new headphones, because all I have right now are little earbuds that won’t stay in my ears and I hate them.
fancy pajamas, always
hockey tickets, because my true dream of Hamilton tickets is way too outrageous to ask for.
All I am asking for this Christmas are books and knives.
This seems like a perfectly reasonable Christmas list.
I read this and IMMEDIATELY texted my husband that what we should give my parents this year is “knives that don’t suck so bad,” so thank you! They are impossible to shop for, but their kitchen knives really do suck and maybe with this gift I can save them from horrible dull-knife injury.
I gifted my mother two quality knives last year and she was so happy. Once she got over the fear of using them, anyway.
“Christmas lists made horrific.”
I would like the temperatures to get seasonal because I keep seeing trees budding and that is Not Okay
I want to be gifted with sudden and thorough marketing know-how
(for real, Hamilton tickets and/or and Apple watch, both are v v unrealistic)
I want a 3.5 Gpa
and the collected works of Sarah Vowell.
and sue perkins’ book because SUE PERKINS
and Hamilton tickets.
and my family to accept my girlfriend.
Wait, Sue Perkins wrote a book? How did I not know that? *furiously googles to add to Christmas list*
I want my graduate program to email me and tell me they know I still have a semester left, but the quality of my work has convinced them that I can finish the program immediately. I also want a new pair of cigarette jeans that fit me perfectly.
What I want is simply a paid job that I can just fall into, love, and keep until I can’t do it anymore. (Background context: almost 50, only ever managed to get a Fine Arts diploma, been floundering in low wage, menial and/or retail for the last 20+ years due to undiagnosed ADD and mild to moderate anxiety issues. I can draw but lack a technological brain to get creations to computer, I can never get the fucking pixels or JPEG or whateverthefuck it takes to make it happen, FRUSTRATED SIGH and I’m getting so tired of just everything, you know?)
Sorry, that got a little dark…but dammit, feels good to finally let that wee confession out. Also, I’m taking steps to rectify aforementioned computer woes and I did manage to garner my first horse portrait commission AND I’m not financially destitute (even though I HATE HATE HATE relying on my partner for the bulk of most everything), so something to cheer about, I guess.
Where were we? Right: a really nice, good fitting Zaldi saddle and Duberry boots because I’m a horse gear addict.
I want fancy notebooks, the ability to clean my goddamn apartment, and fun cookie cutters.
Tickets to Hamilton, someone to give me all the money so I can redo my bathroom, a Phillie Phanatic tree topper, and for my people to stop giving me food/candy as gifts without having to tell them about my (perpetually recovering) eating disorder
To crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their menfolk. You know, same as every year. But I’ll settle for a new winter coat.
That is good!
I want, of course, the trifecta of a great relationship, a great job, and a great apartment.
I’m moving into a (great) four-month sublet on 1/1 so that (temporarily) takes care of the last one, but I’m still working on the first two to little avail.
I would like to become a bestselling author so I can quit my job and finally get cracking on this giant novel about Innsmouth that I want to write.
I want that too, because I want to read all the giant novels about Innsmouth.
Yes, same, please, I would like to read giant novels about Innsmouth (especially if written by people who are better about women than HPL was)
Do you have anything that I could read if I were so inclined? Self published or otherwise published?
Hey, sure.
I got one of your online-novella’s available here if you’re interested in some kind of alt-fantasy swashbuckling revenge adventures that are also free:
https://swordofsavonarola.wordpress.com/2013/11/04/chapter-1/
And a novel here if you like some kind of leaky industrial fantasy detective stories:
http://www.amazon.com/Translated-Man-Other-Stories/dp/0982888422/
alt-fantasy swashbuckling is more my style, so novella it is!
I want a new chandelier for the dining room, an assortment of beautiful and unreasonably expensive throw pillows (my dog loves flopping on them and even though that means they don’t last a year I cannot deny him his throw pillows), a fancy fountain pen, and (pipe dream) a fly-ass jumpsuit that makes me look stunning, capable of wearing statement clothing, and tall (I’m 5’2″).
If we’re going *full* pipe dream, I want a clear research agenda, laser-like focus, the guts to actually publish my writing online, and lots and lots of antique Turkish rugs. I also want my husband either to start liking Turkish rugs or to agree to cede all interior decorating decisions to me.
a clear research agenda, laser-like focus
*swoons*
I too would like my husband to cede all interior decorating decisions to me. But as he is a set designer, that’s not happening.
Instead I will wish for my landlord to suddenly and benevolently decide that no, he would love to take on the logistics and expense of fixing the kitchen and hallway floors and stripping the wall paper and refinishing the walls in the two bedroom upstairs he wants my husband and I to move into. And also that we don’t have to move in until February 1. (We’d also like to move into it, but it’s a lot of work to do over the holiday season and we already put a ton of work into the apartment we’re currently in.)
Or you know, maybe I could wish that we could move out of this city, buy a home and actually get a return on any home improvement investments we might make.
This is why I could never live with anyone else. My decorating decisions are the only decorating decisions and if you don’t like my white xmas tree and my WWI propaganda posters and my pink couch and my skulls then you can gtfo.
Sometimes I do fantasize about living on my own…
But really, we work it out in the end. He has good taste (even if it’s not my exact taste), which helps. It just means we have to have a few conversations before doing anything like buying paint or arranging a room.
Also, he does 3D renderings, which is totally a skill I do not possess.
I love all of the things you are describing here, too. I bet you have a kickass place.
I’m coming to visit
Bring tea and/or hot chocolate. I’m running low.
Yep, kickass*
*my definition of kickass is somewhat elastic
That couch is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.
That couch (and accompanying chair) was the best hundred bucks I’ve ever spent.
My parents have, gosh, at least 20 antique Turkish rugs, and they are great and I recommend them.
I want a beautiful apartment with a fireplace and a balcony and some built-in bookshelves in a place I feel safe living. I want my meds to keep working as well as they have been for the past month. I want to pay less than $3000 for my move. I want the State of Illinois not to screw me over on my way out. And I want a microwave, because damn I miss making cake in a mug.
The state of Illinois is sucking pretty hard right now. 🙁 My bff is stuck there and the new gov is screwing state employees had.
What I’ve gotten so far is tea, flannel pjs, and a copy of that new annotated Little Women. Everyone in my life is concerned with my coziness, I think. What I want is every type of Christmas cookie/treat under the sun. So far I’ve had the peppermint jojos from TJs AND the peppermint jojo ice cream. I am a peppermint monster.
Also, I want to move to Prague.
How is the annotated Little Women? I have been eyeing it longingly.
Well, a LOT of the annotations are biographical info, so if you’ve already read a biography of LMA or even Bronson Alcott, you might already know quite a bit of all that. But there’s a lot of information answering all the weird questions I had as a kid, like “What is this blancmange thing?” and “Why are they quoting this rhyme and why is that apparently funny?” So yeah, if you’ve read Little Women regularly and are very emotionally invested in it, I’d recommend it.
Perfection, I have always wondered what blancmange is!
Spoiler: it’s pretty gross. (Sorry, “acquired taste”)
There’s an annotated Little Women?!? *updates list*
I actually have a Hannukah wish list for the first time since elementary school this year! The doable: kindle, a new/better Swiss Army knife, a massage appointment, and a nice sweater. The dream: a new car, someone else to complete my grad school applications, being accepted to grad school, some plane tickets somewhere beautiful.
Also tickets to see Hamilton again. Seeing it doesn’t stop the bug. I will never be satisfied.
Also having doctors figure out a healthy, safe, non-invasive way to remove my uterus so I can stop dealing with this shit.
Netrunner cards, mostly. Netrunner has too many cards.
I want: a new better paying job (and to figure out what kind of job I want), a skincare routine that is both effective and inexpensive, jewelry stands that are functional and beautiful, and a therapist.
I want enough allsaints gift cards that I can stack them to make the jacket of my choice affordable. I want the buses to run on time. I want a goddamn 401(k). I want to know how I’m going to pay the rent three months from now. I want to already be done with my MA and like halfway through my PhD. I want my fountain pens to refill themselves. I want the perfect midshaft biker boot for under $150 but it has to have a heel because of my stupid arches.
…Thank you for this thread. It’s very liberating somehow to be able to say “I want.”
Seconded on the goddamn buses. In my city, they’re either 5 minutes early or 10 minutes late. No in between.
Realistic: a massage, a nice dinner and new socks
Semi-Realistic: to make it through the holidays without getting into a fight with my sister
Semi-Demi-Realistic: new job, to live on my own
Pie-in the Sky: to have one day where I feel justified in all my decisions and life choices. Just throughout an entire day feeling “yes, these are the right choices and appropriate things to do, your life is on track”
I want respect, and the right to research funding, as an unaffiliated citizen-scholar.
I want a really good new pair of winter boots, both stylish and practical.
I want 20 more reading-hours every week.
I want a raise, Haflinger elephant slippers, noise-cancelling headphones, Shrewsbury College femslash, lots of time with my niece and little cousins and godkids, and acceptance from those I love. I also want my sister to stop calling rolls “buns,” just when she’s at home with us. I don’t know why it gets under my skin so much.
All I want for Christmas is to MAKE FINALS STAHP, which is kind of a given.
I want a way to get a UK visa, to finish my novel, Hamilton tickets, and this bag- ( http://www.mulberry.com/us/shop/women/bags/bayswa… )
but in a universe where it isn’t stupid amounts of money.
I want to get into a top-tier law school, mostly, hopefully with a load of scholarship money. Short of that, a Kindle and some yoga gear would be rad!
whew….I want a lot, but mainly…to have either this ridiculous plan to start grad school next MONTH when I haven’t finished applying yet (but many people in the dept. are rooting for me/waiting for it/writing me rec’s) OR to get the dream job that lets me be more than $500 over the free-lunch budget and maybe, just maybe, start to pay things down.
Plus maybe can I please meet a guy and get laid it’s been a long 6 years kthanxbai
I want, realistically and conceptually, a small, nice place to live in a potentially supportive community, and more friends and better-paying work. And then a TV and Netflix/Hulu.
snow in the scottish ski resorts. some direction in my life. either of those things is fine.
I want new earrings, our wedding invitations and guest list to be managed by someone else entirely, and… I mean… that’s it?
OH I want to be able to take a honeymoon on which I do not answer or even read a single work email HAHAHA.
OH AND: I want Donald Trump to stop campaigning for President, and for people to stop supporting him, and I want our city’s housing crisis to be solved in such a way that both allows me to keep living here but doesn’t eviscerate my mother’s retirement fund, which is currently sitting in her price-inflated home.
I want a real job that can give me more than 10 hours a week. I also want bike parts.
I want reassurance from The Partner’s mom that, even if TP has other partners he brings home, or he decides not to be with me anymore, that she still wants to be my mom-away-from-Mom. My relationship with her is kind, fortifying, and so much less complicated than the one I have with my own mother, and I’m really scared about how it might change.
Also, to have a life I feel uncomplicatedly good about.
Hamilton tickets seem more reasonable at this point.
I would like a husband, a house, and some new cardigans.
At least 8 hours of holiday pay.
I’d like more time. Or perhaps someone to teach me to better organise the time I have. Sigh. She says, while on The Toast, when she should be proofreading the hundreds of pages she’s editing right now.
Other requests include a self-cleaning house, and for my course application to be accepted (note to self: you’ll have to actually complete the application for this to happen). If I have any wishes left over, some Lady Grey tea would be lovely, too.
All I want for Giftmas is:
1. Hamilton tickets
2. To see the new Star Wars with my Gentleman Caller
One of these might happen. Fingers crossed!
WE NEED A COMMENT FOR PEOPLE TO DISCUSS THE WIZ.
Please describe all the ways in which it was GREAT below.
This video of the cast and crew clapping for Our Lord and Savior Shanice Williams made me burst into tears. So so so wonderful!
She’s amazing and I hope she gets everything she wants in life. She’s only 19!!!!!!!!
But her mind is older!
My gf & I just watched it! So great!!!!!
I want Uzo Aduba to sing everything forever. Her gown was perfect, her hair was perfect, she looked like an angel descending from the heavens, she is a flawless human.
Here she is singing “Lily’s Eyes” from the Secret Garden musical. I’ve been spamming everyone I know with this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82N-E1ao4P8&a…
Boy, I was so glad they did not have her in that yellow wig they used for the promo pictures.
That gown tho. I almost heart that gown as much as I heart Uzo (almost…)
I tragically fell asleep at 9:00pm so I am looking forward to watching the rest of it tonight. Super excited about Queen Latifah.
Everyone on Twitter seemed annoyed that Ne-Yo’s grill gave him a lisp…but I kind of liked it? Like he was still a bit rusty.
I LOVED his lisp, and imo it seemed affected, rather than accidental? It was like a whistling kettle.
That’s what I thought originally, too! Then everyone mentioned the grill and I doubted myself. No, I was right all along!
It seems way too pronounced to be accidental. Like, maybe it did make him talk weird, but they played it up until it was more than that? Anyway, it was great & v endearing.
this costume: http://giphy.com/gifs/fierce-the-wiz-live-26tPd9H…
is the best thing.
Book/reading thread!
I just got the new bio of the Disraeli marriage, which looks FUN and SASSY and EDUCATIONAL, and was on the Slate list of great books this year.
I have been reading Stormlight Archive, and loved it and also had problems with it – any other Sanderson Toasties?
I’ve read it! And the majority of his other stuff. I am pretty sure I liked the second Stormlight book better than the first but they are so many pages that I am not 100% sure what happened in each book.
Book 1 was the book that changed me from “I only want real books!” to “I need a Kindle” because the hardcover book literally bruised my stomach where I was resting it while reading.
I had a bought of serious depression a few weeks back, and literally all I did was go to work and read Stormlight Archive. It took me five days to get through both books, and that was how I could tell I was depressed, because I just cannot read like that when is my brain is on. Those books are SO LONG that he almost had to have them printed an entirely different way from regular books.
I read (well, listened to) Way of Kings back when there weren’t any sequels published. I like Sanderson* for his…plot worldbuilding? It’s like reading a mystery–he gives you just enough details and they can come together and you can figure out the reveal before it happens, which is fun.
I do have some problems with him, but it’s been a while so I can’t remember any specifics off the top of my head.
*Accidentally wrote Branderson, first
I’ve read all of Sanderson’s adult books. I can think of a couple things, but what did you have problems with? I enjoyed it a lot, though it dragged through parts of the first book as he caused problems for his characters.
I just thought the whole lighteyes/paleness = an expectation of goodness and purity was ILL-CONSIDERED, even if he was doing it on purpose to make a point. Also, I get bored with the fighting sometimes; go back to Shallan learning to be a scholarly con-artist princess, I would read that forever!
(This was the same problem I had with Wheel of Time, which was my Sanderson gateway drug – I loooooved all the Aes Sedai stuff, and could basically take or leave the Great Military War Fantasy Battle Hero War bits.)
yeah, the fighting stuff got tiresome. I can definitely see the lighteyes/ paleness stuff.
I just started reading Mistborn over Thanksgiving…liking it so far but I think I picked it up too close to finishing a book that is similar in tone (City of Stairs by Robert Jackson Bennett)
I read his first Mistborn trilogy. It was so good but also so bad? It was kind of Mormon? Which, I know, he is Mormon. The type of violence in it though was really squicky for me and I don’t think I could read any more Mistborn-verse books. He has a novella called “The Emperor’s Soul” though which is really interesting and not violent if anyone’s interested.
Oh is he? That’s…kind of making sense of some things.
I won a book from Smart Bitches and it’s got a couple forced to pretend to be dating and also Doctor Who jokes and acting and I can’t wait to finish it this weekend.
Also, I need to finish the new Maiden Lane book
Wait, what is this pretend dating Dr Who book?
Act Like It by Lucy Parker! I’m only two or three chapters in and I’m thoroughly enjoying it so far.
I’m nearing the end of Life After Life by Kate Atkinson – so gooood. though the brief interlude in Germany threw me for a loop at first.
I have absolutely no idea what I’ll read next, but as I’m three books behind schedule (trying to reach my 2015 Goodreads goal) I think it ought to be something that’s not 500+ pages long…
Life After Life! So good! There is a companion book from Teddy’s POV that I recommend – A God in Ruins.
For a quick read, I adore The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie and 6 successive volumes.
Ohhh, I didn’t know that A God in Ruins was from Teddy’s POV! I am very fond of him, so hooray. My mom’s also recommended that one, so it’s definitely going on my to-read list.
I LOVE Life After Life, but I have complicated feelings about A God in Ruins — fortunately it’s not one of those things where it ruins the original book for me (sometimes sequels/related books have that effect), but at the end of I kind of wished she had explored the themes/setting (it’s pretty obvious that after doing a Blitz book Kate Atkinson wanted to do a bombers-over-Europe WWII book) in a book that had no ties at all to the first one. I didn’t think that was necessary and in some ways distracted from the power of the second book.
That being said, on balance I still think A God in Ruins is worth reading, because many portions of it are really, really good.
Warning: I am not a person who cries at books, but I cried TONS when I finished A God in Ruins, like with fat tears and ragged gasping sobs.
I just finished The Master & Margarita.
Yes.
My black cat needs to step up his game.
Love that book. Also have useless black cat.
yes, this is also me.
quoth Behemoth, “Nevermore.”
I’m reading The Hired Girl and I LOVE IT. So good so far.
Yesterday I finished listening to Brene Brown’s Rising Strong and really was taken with the concept of “stealth expectations” – those expectations that you have of a person/place/situation that you don’t express to your partner/companion/maybe even yourself but then feel upset about when they are not met. I’ve gotten caught in this trap before, but never really saw it for what it was or had words to describe it. It’s helpful to have someone else describe it and now I feel like I have TOOLS and a PLAN to move forward with.
Now I’m listening to Career of Evil by Robert Galbraith/JK Rowling and man, this book gets into SRS BSNS right off the start!
Career of Evil was def. my favorite Cormoran Strike book so far, I feel like the pacing was a lot better (although I continue to be frustrated at Robin for a variety of reasons).
Robin needs to dump that jerk she’s with and get with a man who DESERVES HER.
The subject matter of this one made it harder for me to read than the first two, but agree that the pacing was great and Robin continues to be frustrating for being (potentially) such a great character.
I’ve been slowly picking my way through The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath for the past few weeks. It’s been slow going, but they’re really interesting, and Sylvia Plath’s observations/feelings are still so relateable today!
I also am about halfway through Where’d You Go Bernadette? which I picked up for some lighter reading for when I needed a Plath break. I’m really enjoying it!
I LOVED Where’d You Go Bernadette?! Such a sweet, compelling mystery, and I loved the way it was written.
I know! I don’t usually care for books that are written as a series of e-mails or letters, but I’m really liking the way that it’s done in Bernadette, and the story itself is much more interesting than the blurb originally made it seem like it would be.
Is it possible to give me a non-spoilery but “more than the book jacket” blurb about what the books is about? It seemed interesting but also… maybe not complex enough to be interesting from the official summary.
I’m sorry I’m only just not getting to responding to this! I meant to do it right after I got the notification for it, but it slipped my mind! Anyway, I’ll do my best to summarize it without getting spoilery…
So the book is told from the POV of Bernadette’s daughter, Bee, who just got accepted into boarding school after getting perfect grades through middle school. As part of her reward for her hard work she asks for a trip to Antarctica and her parents agree. The first half of the book is mostly made up of e-mails and notes between characters, which is great because you get a view inside the minds of each of the characters. Most of Bernadette’s e-mails are to someone in India who is working as her personal assistant. Eventually Bernadette’s husband begins to think that Bernadette is having some issues mentally, and tries to hold an intervention for her, during which Bernadette goes into the bathroom and completely disappears. The second half of the book is more of a straight narrative of Bee trying to piece together what happened and where Bernadette went.
I’m not sure what I was expecting when I started it, but it ended up being a really quick and engaging read. The way that it was set up made it easy to identify with the characters, and I ended up really enjoying it. It’s silly in a lot of ways, but it was pretty well-suited to what I was mentally able to handle at the time of reading. I would say that if it at all looks interesting you should check it out. It’s not really a complex missing persons mystery type book like Gone Girl or Girl on the Train. I don’t know if this summary helps at all (I’m so bad at writing book summaries!), but hopefully it’s a bit better than the book jacket blurb!
I saw it! Thanks for following up! That sounds nice. Not as dark/ complex as Gone Girl, but still entertaining– I can work with that 🙂
I finished Uprooted and it was amz
I am disappointed I am not loving it more. I keep starting it, reading a few pages and losing interest. It has everything in it I ought to love but I’m just not feeling it.
I know you’ve probably heard this, but I’d highly recommend trying again and at least getting past the first few pages. I was raising my eyebrows at the first few pages (“Another girl defined by being klutzy? Really?”) but then it swept me away.
Same here. I had a hard time the first few pages but then there was a dramatic, exponential upswing in the quality.
I’m quite a way in – it’s kindled so it picks up where it leaves off each time. She’s been there a while and doing stuff and I think last time I put it down some other dude had come and attacked her or something?
I just checked that out from the library this week. I’ll move it to the top of my tbr stack for this weekend.
Every single time someone online talks about Uprooted I get excited and then I realize that I’m thinking of the new book by Lynne Reid Banks while they’re talking about the Naomi Novik one which I haven’t read yet.
So. Yeah.
Basically I’m saying I haven’t read that one yet, but I really enjoyed the other one, which I found out was based on Banks’ own childhood as a war evacuee during WWII and it’s sweet and sad and beautiful.
I just finished that – I did enjoy it in the end though I always have a bit of a raised eyebrow at relationships where the dude is such a CRITIC. the relationship in uprooted reminded me exactly of another one I can’t remember…maybe cold magic? or the trudi canavan ones? it is gone from my brain, but it felt so familiar.
I’ve been working my way through Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge and I’m almost finished! I’m about halfway through Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin and holy wow. Breathtaking.
I’m bad at html, so here’s the link to the challenge: http://bookriot.com/2014/12/15/book-riot-2015-rea…
It’s just so amazing, and the resurgence of interest in Baldwin is rightful and proper. I really want to see a biopic of him (with Don Cheadle /fancast)
City on Fire. Into it.
George by Alex Gino is an excellent middle grade book with a trans girl main character. Gino did a wonderful job and I am looking forward to more books by them.
Just finished Divorced, Beheaded, Survived about the wives of Henry VIII, which has been much talked up on the Toast, and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Also read: Stuff – Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things – which was fascinating and thought provoking and very timely as I am cleaning out my basement.
somehow i missed hearing about “divorced, beheaded, survived”? can give a more detailed review? i just looked it up on amazon and their quoted booklist review is…well, it made me shudder.
It goes chronologically through the wives, trying to bring a more feminist lens without being anachronistic.
I liked it because now I know who the wives all were, and it was an engaging, conversational read.
The women were centred, with all the politics and religion provided as their context. And the author kept working at uncovering their subject selves and motivations, while recognizing the extent to which they were objectified by others (powerful men, mostly Henry)
I read The Things She Left Behind for book club recently, and it was so terrible I can’t bring myself to ever read anything again.
Re-reading Megan Whalen Turner’s “Queen’s Thief” series (of which there will apparently be two more books SOMEDAY but whyyyyyy is it taking so long) and also just finished N. K. Jemisen’s “Hundred Thousand Kingdoms.” I had never read anything of hers before and was delighted.
What, more Queen’s Thief books? Aaaah, that’s wonderful news even if it takes her forever.
I am very much hoping it will be soon! She’s generally taken about 5 years between books, and A Conspiracy of Kings came out in 2010, so based on past trends, we should be expecting something anytime now.
Hundred Thousand Kingdoms is so delightful! And Jemisin is overall such a fabulous person. When I get depressed about SFF fandom I read her blog and become righteous and determined again.
I’ve actually followed her on Twitter for ages, but had never gotten around to picking up her writing. I have the next book on hold at the library right now.
I loooove N. K. Jemisen! Her latest, The Fifth Season, may actually be better than Hundred Thousand Kingdoms.
I needed a bit of a break from some heavier books I was reading, so I checked “Moon Over Manifest” out from the library. It was lovely and touching and slightly predictable but still so heartbreaking.
I am reading Georgette Heyer and life is so good right now. There is nothing I love more than nonsense arranged marriage romances – any other recommendations? Will take mainstream, indie, or fanfiction, I just don’t buy from Amazon.
I’m reading Love in a Cold Climate, which so far is not nearly as funny and charming as The Pursuit of Love, but I’ll bravely read on.
The Pursuit of Love is definitely the more moving/relatable of the two. Love in a Cold Climate is great but more of a social tragedy. I think the key is understanding that Polly and Boy and pretty much everyone else are trying to live out their own fantasies; they just see other people as props to move about. Ultimately this is a sad for everyone involved, because the main players are ultimately left with a cardboard version of their dreams, and the onlookers don’t know how to explain it to them, in spite of having made the same mistakes themselves. It is good to read it in comparison to The Pursuit of Love, in which Linda is looking for pure love without any particular structure and Fanny is looking for conventional love.
Clearly I have read these books too many times.
It gets there! She is such a brilliant writer, it’s great to have more on a line-by-line basis, even. You have some wonderful Lady Montdore quotes still waiting for you!
(…no, it isn’t as good, but you haven’t reached the really shocking weird bit about halfway through, and it is worth it for the “…what?”. And also for Cedric, who is fabulous.)
Have you read any of her other novels? Any other gold there?
I am reading he Love Song of Jonny Valentine which is about this 12 year old pop star who is so totally Bieber. He’s insufferable, but you feel for him, and it’s funny.
I am also reading Does Jesus Really Love Me, which Nicole recommended in that comment thread on her How I Pray essay as something that might help with my aversion to Christianity, which is rooted in being queerbashed by evangelicals as a teen. And it’s interesting but it’s also driving me nuts because Bi Erasure. Like last night I read a scene where he quotes this guy’s story of coming out as bi to his folks and then calls him gay for the rest of the chapter. I had to stop reading and go back to Jonny Valentine.
I’m reading Deborah Harkness’s A Discovery of Witches, and…I mostly like it? But I am getting so many shades of Twilight from it, given that the main characters are a mysterious sexy vampire and a woman who neither knows her own power nor how beautiful she truly is. HE CLIMBS THROUGH HER WINDOW AND WATCHES HER SLEEP, you guys. (This is later acknowledged as being hella creepy, but he has yet to apologize.) Everyone thinks their relationship is a bad idea and frankly as much as I enjoy their chemistry, I’m kind of rooting for him to turn out to be the villain or something.
I had to quit reading that one about a quarter of the way through it because I just couldn’t take the cliches and the similarities to Twilight. I liked the general premise, but then the story itself just turned into something I was not interested in.
Once she got past the Twilight-ness and started really developing her own mythos I enjoyed it (though I did listen to the first 2 on audio, and I think that seriously affects my engagement with a book, often for the better). I got the ARC of the third book, but haven’t gotten around to reading it yet.
Yeah, unless things really turn around I doubt I’ll bother with the sequels.
I will be interested to hear your further thoughts on that one! (I, um, hate-read the first two books in that series. I find the author tedious.)
Hoping to finish it this weekend, so I’ll let you know! 🙂
Oh yes, thank you. They all have great reviews on Amazon, but I only finished the first one because of my compulsion to finish anything I start reading — I’m getting better at throwing in the towel on the really bad stuff, but this one was at least entertaining enough for me to finish it. . . but I was annoyed with the writing and the story until the very end.
She was on a panel at a conference I went to last year and she was really just so pretentious and smug. She has a very high opinion of herself and how DIFFERENT and INTELLIGENT her vampire novels are, compared to everything else on offer. My friend loaned me both books, which she’d been given to review, so I didn’t have to pay to read them, thankfully.
i agree with that but also i loved twilight in all its horrific misogynistic melodrama. and so i also really liked the whole harkness trilogy for taking all the twilight shit, reproducing it, and being like “BUT ALSO MY PROTAGONIST IS SMARTER.” i am a sucker for academic protags (see also “the historian” by elizabeth kostova and “possession,” though i wish “possession” were as smart as every other byatt novel). the romance of the archive!! yes please. the second harkness book is awesome because time travel; the third one sucks but ties up all the strings which i guess one needs.
eta: if anyone is reading this who has other archival romance recs COME AT ME BRO PLEASE (i am repurposing this phrase i just decided).
Me too – I really wanted to like it but once he got creepy I just stopped being interested.
I just spent about a week going hard on Jennifer McMahon – I adored The Winter People, and The Night Sister was also very good but I didn’t love it quite as much. I’m now reading Usher’s Passing by Robert McCammon.
Just read Sacred Heart (link is SFW, but going any further into the comic is very much NSFW) and it was amazing and I want to talk to everyone who’s read it about how we are meant to interpret what’s going on.
“Fierce Attachments” by Vivian Gornick
“The Chaperone,” mostly b/c it’s read by Elizabeth McGovern
Just bought James Purdy’s short story collection
“The Price of Salt,” Patricia Highsmith
My daughter is reading her first grown-up Terry Pratchett. Monstrous Regiment. I am so proud.
I am reading Station 11 (I believe a few of you have opinions on it?) and just Brideshead Revisited. I just started the latter, but have quickly developed the impression that I’m going to find it dull. Tell me how wrong (or possibly right) I am, please.
I’ll be doing a lot of Shakespeare in the near future because I docent at a museum that will have an exhibit up. I’d like to take the opportunity to watch some of his works that I haven’t seen a bajillion times. Any suggestions for good versions of his plays that aren’t Hamlet or Midsummer Night’s Dream and that are available via places like Netflix and Amazon?
Check out the histories! There is a really interesting Richard III that’s set in fascist 1930’s England, starring Ian McKellen, and I think it’s available on Netflix (or it was, anyway). The Laurence Olivier Henry V is a classic, too, obv.
And if you haven’t seen the Much Ado with Denzel Washington and Emma Thompson, remedy that posthaste.
I love that Richard III. But Ian McKellan is always fabulous.
Prime also has McKellan as King Lear, which I have not seen but which is bound to be excellent, and his life partner Patrick Stewart as Macbeth, which I have not seen even though I own on DVD and is likewise bound to be amazing. I liked Ralph Fiennes’ Coriolanus better than the Hiddleston production (blasphemy, I know), and it’s supposed to be on Netflix.
and then hate/love-watch the whedon because everyone in it is adorable but SO AFFECTED
I loved the Whedon one, but it is entirely possible that I have no taste. (Actors I like being adorable! Happy dance-party ending! I need nothing more to enjoy something.)
Here for the Whedon Much Ado! All day!
Titus with Anthony Hopkins is supposed to be very good, but I have not seen it. Prospero’s Books (Tempest) and the 2010 Tempest with Helen Mirren as Prospera are two others to look for.
I’m diving into a pile of easy reading fantasy/YA on my kindle. Just finished Uprooted (ok!) and Court of Fives (daft, but shaping up to be a series about Revenge, and I love a good revenge story, so I’ll be in for the sequels). Just starting Court of Thorns and Roses, which seems so far to be about some girl who accidentally kills a fairy, and fairies are Scary and Evil so they come and get her all >:| like. Not sure if it’s gonna be a murder book or a kissing book. Maybe both!
i like the distinction murder book vs. kissing book, stealing it
The Moonstone. It’s my first Victorian novel in quite some time, and once the racism and such is mostly out of the way, lots of fun. I’m reading about a page a day so will probably finish it in 2025.
I’ve been reading The Turner House by Angela Flournoy and After the Parade by Lori Ostlund. Both are great so far.
Everything I Never Told You. Incredibly well written and sad. Love it, but will need to read something funny and upbeat afterward.
I know I am crazy late to this but I just finished The Goldfinch and I think I am going to have to take a good long break from fiction because that was incredible.
Are there many horror readers on the Toast? I just received the advance galley for the new Joyce Carol Oates collection of horror short stories. I’ve only read the first story so far (The Doll Master) and I…I can’t really even put into words my feelings about this story. In only 33 pages she evoked such a sense of creeping dread, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Like, I woke up this morning thinking about that story and not quite able to shake this sense of disquiet it gave me. She’s an absolute genius.
My two friends (we are all British in this story) live in Hong Kong and the guy is transferring back to the London branch of his company, which is great for me as I will see them more! His company automatically sent him an “Adjusting to life in the UK” info pack, which includes some amazing facts about how to interact with British people. It’s my favourite thing I’ve ever read.
“Since Britons tend to minimize facial expressions, it may be difficult to know what they are thinking. It is important, therefore, to pay attention to their non-verbal behavior. Seemingly innocuous actions such as raising an eyebrow or smiling could be telling gestures that add to the spoken word.”
“The British are somewhat guarded and maintain a professional demeanor during meetings that borders on detachment. They may observe your behavior carefully, even when they appear to be doing something else.”
“Do not jump ahead in the queue. You will queue for many things.”
“Avoid derogatory comments about the Royal Family, even if the other person has.”
This is the BEST THING (except for the last point; I always welcome derogatory comments about the Royal Family).
I’m American but work for a British company and this is AMAZING.
“Do not jump ahead in the queue. You will queue for many things.”
Ahahahahah is queuing really THAT uncommon in Honk Kong????
Everybody else in the entire world except maybe Russians find British queuing behavior at least a little over the top.
but… a queue is a queue. you line up or you don’t. if more than 1 person wants to do or be somewhere, you form a line. does the rest of the world not do that? what DO they do???
Clump, drift around a little bit, form a rough line, look very sternly at cutters in the rough line (if you’re WASPy), actively yell at cutters (this is the single greatest part of New Yorkers’ behavior, you will never convince me otherwise), shove, do that thing where you sorta look at them and they sorta look at you and you’re sizing each other up so when the person says “Next customer”, you know whether you can beat them there.
i have lived in the US my entire life and i have never lived anywhere that this sort of behavior is acceptable. that is all horrifying to all of my senses of decorum.
Same!
I have lived pretty much everywhere in the US except the West Coast and Midwest (unless Oklahoma counts, but I don’t buy it) and this is 100% accurate.
I’m an Iowan who’s ended up in Chicago, and I would say that Iowa tends towards the “silent disapproval” side, and my natural inclination (which is more the “Hey buddy, THERE’S A LINE.”) is roughly in line with Chicago.
Here in the Upper Midwest we’re both casual enough and un-crowded enough that, a lot of the time, standing in line just seems like an unnecessary formality. I will most certainly do it if there is some clear place for a line to form, but if there are only two people waiting in a reasonably large area, the tendency is to space ourselves out rather than go stand in front of one another. Not that this doesn’t cause some problems if two or three people are standing around waiting to be served and someone else barges in and marches right up to the counter.
Yes! My grandmother was a born and bred New Yorker, and yelling at cutters happened often, sometimes I think to initiate a cutting-the-cutter manoeuvre and also to embarrass a young me. She was tough as nails and did not take crap from anyone.
My New Jersey grandmother does this and it never fails to send me into a spiral of embarrassment on her behalf. She is all Ukrainian and Irish and temper. I am mostly English from my father’s side and will just sort of nod and politely wait when put into almost any lining up type situation. (The military’s policy of ‘hurry up and wait’ definitely helped.)
I will not barrel my way to the front, Gran, neither will I argue loudly with the foodcourt chinese food guy about the quality of the fried rice please just stop already there’s a reason we keep a list of restaurants you are no longer welcome at…
Okay, but also! I recently moved from England to (French) Canada, and embarrassed myself several times before I understood you were supposed to queue for the bus. I’m pretty sure this is somewhere England is coming up short on the queue front, unless I’ve been rude the entire time I’ve waited for buses in England? But if that’s the case, the queues should have been as clear as they are here in Quebec, where they neatly extend along (and sometimes around) the block.
You’re from England and you don’t queue for the bus? You’re not standing there mentally noting who arrived first, second and so on, so that when the bus arrives, a straggly gaggle of people magically resolves into the correct boarding order? (Except for old ladies, who get subtly bumped to the front.) Oh dear oh dear oh dear…
Actually, Hong Kong’s a funny example, because it has the British obsession with queueing properly as well as a tendency to jostle. So we have this tension where there’s disdain for those who do not queue alongside a desire not to queue. It’s fascinating. There’s a small business in paying people to queue for you for launches of certain products/things. I saw a story about it on the HK news a few years ago but can’t find a link to it now…
I genuinely don’t get the stereotype that the British love queues. Not because we don’t (we do) but because I can’t imagine a working society without some form of queueing. Do other countries not do this?? How does that work?? Or is this just national stereotype hyperbole?
I’ve found that unless Americans are purposefully directed to stand in a line at a store the end result is more a disorderly clump of people vaguely pointed towards the nearest cash register. Four people will reach it at the same time. They will all insist they got there first.
This is baffling to me, I have to admit.
It’s baffling to us, too. Someday maybe we’ll do something about it.
Yes, I’d agree that this is exactly the distinction. I’ve been told to queue (haha, there are so many e’s and u’s there… I kind of miss the word line) correctly in a situation where there was only me and the person who told me to go stand where the queue theoretically started. Even though we were the only two people waiting, and I was standing a mere three feet from the (in my defense, obscured by Christmas decorations) mark on the floor. When I did move over, she stood directly behind me with a smile that seemed to indicate genuine pleasure at having put the world to rights again. I was honestly baffled, because my American sensibility would have been to just kind of mutually remember that I walked in first and then she walked in after me, and since the room was empty before we entered, there would just be a kind of natural progression that wouldn’t need to be reflected in our standing positions.
And (ugh sorry, I have a lot of queuing stories to get off my chest tonight), once there was some confusion in a queue my husband was standing in (there seemed to be two cash registers, but only one was running) and he somehow got skipped over. And when the person he was skipped over for realized what had happened. He was anguished and offered to buy my husband a coffee or at least let him have his frequent coffee buyer stamp. There was a genuine effort to make amends for a skipping that wasn’t even intentional. I don’t think that would ever happen where I’m from. At most you’d get an apology, and I wouldn’t even expect that.
Sometimes this is because there’s not enough room for people to line up behind the register? I often find the lines in my supermarket take crazy turns and sometimes run into each other, because there’s approximately six feet between the registers and the aisles, and they are set off from each other. So you run the risk of crashing into a display of canned tomatoes if you line up properly.
At my grocery stores it really depends on time of day. Weekend afternoons and other non-busy times those four people will all insist that the others go first until a rough order is decided on based on a combination of factors such as age and how long it appears it will take them to get checked out with each person insisting the others have priority. When it’s busy though it becomes a game theory thing of “I was here after person a and before person b” so you attempt an alliance with person a but gain the enmity of person b who then attempts to engage person c in saying they were there before person a but usually that’s impossible so it shuffles out rather fairly. Again though- if someone appears to have only one item they might get bumped to the front just to save hassle.
I have read some Mass Observation diaries from immediately after the Second World War, and queueing is talked about as a weird new innovation that some people don’t like. So maybe we didn’t always do it.
BUT WITHOUT ORDER THERE IS ONLY CHAOS!
i’m going to lie down. i just can’t even with this entire conversation.
I dunno, I studied abroad in Italy in college and routinely got shoved out of my place in line by adorable old ladies with very sharp elbows.
Also, boarding airplanes (at least in the US?) tends to quickly devolve into panicked, anxious clumping for reasons I have never quite understood.
Right? Why does everyone RUSH to the doors, even when their row/group isn’t called yet? It’s a PLANE. You have an assigned seat. Chill the fuck out.
(On a related note, I TOTALLY understand the rush to get to commuter trains because I need a seat!)
I’ve spent more time than I should thinking about this very thing, and I think it’s to beat other people to space in the overhead compartments.
I dunno, I’ve seen people do this to ticketed events that involve NO seating (beer festival), so I think some people just really, really value being there FIRST.
That is definitely true. And maybe there’s a sort of panic about Something Unpleasant if you’re last?
this is one of the reasons I love Southwest Airlines. Everybody gets a number and lines up politely and patiently. (Except for one time in Denver when some asshole told me the numbers were just a suggestion and I was so out of it I just dealt with the assholery and take my revenge by telling this story constantly)
JUST A SUGGESTION!?
I would have done the same thing as you and then been like “I should have said ‘Well I suggest you get in your proper place then’ opportunity missed!”
During that day of travel, I was extremely disoriented for several reasons, but if I had had my wits about me, I probably would have said something. However, one must tread lightly when being assertive in airport situations, and it really wasn’t worth the effort.
After a few recent airplane trips, I have determined that the anxious panicked clumping is due to people with their giant carry-on suitcases and being worried if they board too late, all the overhead bin space will be gone. But will any of these people check their bags to save themselves, and everyone else around them, the long search of having to find overhead bin space, of having to stand in the aisle for several minutes trying to shove it in, or of having to ask people around them for assistance, so that what could be a quick boarding process always takes 40 minutes because of your stupid bag? No, no they will not.
(it’s possible I have a lot of feelings about this.)
I just said this very thing. I could have written this. I have *so* many feelings about it.
Well, they might check their bags if there wasn’t the constant risk of airlines losing all your shit, or taking ten thousand years to off-load everything and then having your luggage look like it got kicked down ten flights of stairs covered in knives on the way to the baggage carousel.
Basically, airlines are the worst.
That I agree on. So much the worst.
But checking your bag costs $$$, and a lot of people (myself included) find that it’s worth saving the $25 or so to just wait until you get to the gate and rush the line instead.
I definitely understand the money thing. But it also happens on airlines that don’t charge for your first bag; or happens on regional planes where the overhead bins are too small for those carry-on suitcases at all (but on the other hand, the airlines really need to prominently tell you when you book that it’s a regional jet so you’ll be required to check all roller bags). I also freely admit that a little of this is jealousy because due to chronic pain reasons, I’m unable to haul a suitcase around multiple airports or lift it into a bin, no matter how small the suitcase may be. So I have to check, whatever it costs.
Oh my, plane clumping. Spouse is one of those who collects his things and starts milling around the boarding lane when the gate folk are at LEAST two boarding groups away from us. He’s getting on with, at most, a jacket and a shoulder-weekender bag that can fit underneath the seat. Why the rush, babe?
“Surviving The Night Bus” on this very site recommends being at the front of the queue so you can get the optimum seating placement.
My friends who are Indian regard the whole idea of orderly lines as a sort of humorous thing white people dreamed up that is entirely optional no matter what. It is utterly maddening.
When I was studying in Australia, there were no queues and I loved it. You could just elbow your way right to the front, and people did not consider it very rude. How soon you were served depended on how aggressive you felt that day.
Where in Australia was this? In inner Melbourne we spend a lot of time asking ‘are you in the queue? where is the back of the line?’ Not true at markets or bars though.
Oh yeah, USians don’t queue at bars, it’s just sort of jostle to the front and whoever has the best cleavage gets served first (which I use to my advantage all the time sorry not sorry).
Yes, cleavage and eye contact while standing on my tip toes
I’m an American who spent time in China, and I didn’t find queues particularly common there; where they exist they are not always serious business. People surge ahead or mill around or fight their way forward or stand still talking to someone and you get to the front when you get yourself there. Places that I expected to be like a post office were instead like a bar: I might have arrived ten minutes ago, but if someone shows up after me who’s loud or attention-grabbing or tall or willing to throw some elbows, they may well get served first. This isn’t true in all places or all cases (there were pretty orderly lines in airports, e.g.), but it happened a lot. Sometimes I would clear my throat or say something to a person who had cut in front of me, and they would turn around with a quizzical expression like, What? Why are you trying to get my attention? Some people would then offer me help, which seemed to be because I was a foreigner who obviously had language difficulties, not because they had stepped in front of me.
Yes this oh my god.
It’s me first and whoever’s most assertive wins.
I still remember a tiny old lady standing directly behind me poking me in the back to get me to move forward because I left a 20 centimetre gap between the guy in front of me and myself. She also said, 你府! 你府! (You pay! You pay!) (But my characters might be wrong), as if to remind me that THIS IS A PAYING HOSPITAL, CHOP CHOP.
The lack of organized queueing in China really got on my tits. I feel ashamed admitting it, but it’s definitely part of the reason I left. It was a big contributor to those ‘China days’. But that’s a wider issue to be explored, because it ties into all these weird assumptions of superiority (at least for me) about order and progress and people ‘not knowing how to queue’, as opposed to cultural differences.
Yeah… China really forced me to face a lot of my unacknowledged privilege and ideas about who knows how to do society right and who doesn’t. I’m still taking lessons away from my 3 years there, and I left in the summer.
Anyway, massive digression over, yes, China is excellent at many things, but not queueing!
So in Japan we queue in a very orderly fashion, and in Singapore it’s… orderly unless it’s for food or there are old aunties around. In Malaysia (disclaimer: haven’t been back in years) we throw elbows and push.
America is not much better than Malaysia.
In Japan queuing is like a hobby. I know Japanese people who, if they see a queue, will join it even if they don’t know what is at the head of the line. Because (they explained) if there is a queue, it must be for something worth queuing for!
When the Krispy Kreme outlet opened in Shinjuku (some 10 years ago now I guess) the queue was like half a mile long. It was crazy.
I have only visited Malaysia, never lived there, but found both the queuing system and the driving to be a terrifying (to this Midwest-raised American) free-for-all.
I have to confess that whenever I go back to Japan I hop into queues a lot. I have never been disappointed with what I get out of the experience (usually cake or crepes or macarons).
I have only travelled through Malaysia (there were floods, which meant our trip to Kuala Lumpar did not happen and instead we were stuck on a train for four days), but I found Thailand pretty similar. The time the driver of the tuk-tuk we were in did a u-turn across six lanes of traffic was memorable. India driving was an even more terrifying free-for-all, and I essentially just ended up telling myself that if I died, I died, because there was nothing else I could do.
We love a queue in Australia too, don’t worry. I am also struggling to comprehend how a world functions without queues. How do use ATM? Just push and shove? Does that mean the strongest person always gets to be first? This is not the way a civilised society should work!
AMAZING. My day is made.
Signed,
A Scot
What I’m getting from this is that the British are all secretly spying on each other in meetings.
Cats and dogs:
Nap buddies:
Helping with the dishes:
What a handsome cat!
Atticus:
Gertie:
Your pets are too beautiful. Tell me they pee everywhere, just literally all the time, so I’m less jealous.
Actually…. the corgi does.
It gets cold and I see less of Saffron.
OMG, the expression on “helping with the dishes”…DYING!
Asa on a whole pile of pillows and still somehow feeling that her life isn’t good enough.
NEED MORE SOFT THINGS
Reaction to noisy neighbors.
Blueberry did this herself, but she looks like we tied her down to the bed and she’s trying to tell someone to rescue her.
Saffron does that too, the only way you know where she is is the little paw.
Cats and dogs lying together!? What dire omen is this?
I’m thinking about getting the Paragard IUD. Anyone have any experience with it?
i have one! i like it. the first 1-2 days of the cycle are *very* heavy (much heavier than i was used to – both cramping and bleeding), but that has eased up a bit over time. i used to have a mirena and my period basically disappeared with that, so having the paraguard was an adjustment at first. but i’ve had the paraguard for about a year now and it’s definitely gotten less crampy/bleedy over time.
That is reassuring! I’m a little worried about the additional garbage added on to my period, but I’m very sensitive to hormones, so I’m thinking I can handle extra cramps and blood for the sake of my sanity. Glad the periods have gotten easier for you! Hopefully that will be the case for me as well.
Seconding this. My cramps and bleeding were extra heavy the first year, manageable, but definitely heavy. I popped aleve like tic-tacs and only aleve worked. Mysteries of the female body.
But now, over a year later, I barely cramp at all and the heavy bleeding has definitely subsided.
In other words, strong recommend. Life is so easy and beautiful now.
I have it, and it does its job, which is great, because I lose my mind when on hormonal BCs. I’ve had it now for 2.5 years, and for at least a year, I had very heavy bleeding at the beginning, as well as spotting in between periods, which sucked. I’ve also found that wearing tampons has become quite painful when flow is heavy, because it basically feels like the tampon just pokes at the angry bear that is my uterus. I don’t know if this is normal (or normal for me, bc I’ve always had painful periods, regardless of whether I have a bc method) but I guess I should get it checked out. So yeah, it’s mostly good, however only wearing pads and getting very painful cramps sucks, but everyone is different, and it has gotten better over time.
I’m going to be following this thread closely – my Paragard insertion is scheduled for next month, and I’m getting progressively more nervous.
You can do it! For me it was uncomfortable for a minute, then I had some cramping for a few days, then it was smooth sailing. Have a couple different pain meds on hand, for some reason ibuprofen and acetaminophen were useless but sodium naproxin (Aleve) worked wonders. Oooh and get a hot water bottle, because they’re warm and comforting even if not super effective.
I call naproxen / anaprox my Wonder Drug for a reason — it is the best.
I have it and it’s fine but I don’t love it. I’ve had it for just over two years now, and my periods are still kind of long and heavy (although it’s possible that’s just How My Periods Are in the absence of hormones – I was on oral contraceptives for several years before this, so I don’t really know). I found it painful to adjust to, and I swear it made me a little bit incontinent at first, although that does not appear to be a recognized symptom (which led me to panic that I have a copper allergy or something – but in retrospect I think it was probably psychosomatic?). That went away within a month, though. For the first year or so I had pretty bad cramps and very, very heavy periods, like change-your-Diva-cup-every-hour heavy, sometimes on the first few days and sometimes on the last few. The pinnacle of this was realizing that I was going to be on the second day of my period ON MY WEDDING DAY, which I averted by taking several of my leftover birth control pills a couple weeks before to fuck with my cycle (not doctor recommended, but it worked!). I still get cramps the day before my period, but usually not bad ones, and it’s kind of nice in that it lets me know that it’s coming.
I’ve had mine for three months- and I totally love it!
I was concerned about the possibility of heavier periods and more cramping- but those haven’t changed for me at all. I haven’t used hormonal BC in the past several years, and I wonder if that is why I haven’t noticed a big change in my periods. I dunno, YMMV and life is a rich tapestry, etc- I’ve been lucky to not have significantly worse periods! I’m also a Diva cup user and after talking with the PA who placed my IUD, I feel okay about continuing to use the Diva cup, but I’m way more careful about removing it these days.
Despite having read about the process, I was surprised at how painful the insertion process was. I took ibuprofen before as recommended- but it still hurt more than I thought it would. It was over fairly quickly, and I’d say it’s been totally worth it.
The strings were really poky for my partner at first- but after a few weeks they had softened. Now, three months on, there are still a few positions which don’t work because of the poky strings- but honestly that is maybe just because of how our anatomy fits together.
Okay! Wow, that may have been way more personal perspective than what you were asking for. Best wishes for happy & healthy contraception selection!
My paraguard insertion felt like nothing at all. Literally – I had such a non-reaction that the doctor thought I had fainted. I had not – I was starting at the ceiling, waiting for the thing to start.
I had cramping for a couple of days after, but it was minor. This isn’t supposed to be the case, but my period has gotten lighter since I’ve had it.
Good luck! It’s probably going to be great.
I got mine about 6 months ago and I love it! The first couple of cycles were metal as hell (as in… continuously heavy bleeding for about 2 weeks). There was a also a bit more cramping than I’m used to. After that, things pretty much returned to normal. YMMV, though, my periods were really easy before BC.
I would suggest taking a full day off for the appointment. For me, pain was on par with getting a charlie horse or something similar. Emotional affects of the insertion were more significant, though I wouldn’t be able to explain why. Aftercare for that side of things definitely helped a lot.
One thing that I have noticed is that I’m getting much more acne. I’m not sure if it’s the Paragard or other things.
I have one, too, and I love it. All varieties of hormonal BC were the literal worst for me, and I regret not getting my paragard sooner.
Insertion was very painful for me, so I second the comment about taking the day off, even if only as a precaution. I also expelled my first paragard, which meant I had double the insertion agony, but the second one is at 5 years and counting. During which the heavier periods have evened out, as well.
Please report back with how your experience goes!
I’ve had it for a few months. My periods have been lighter than before, which is atypical, but yay for me! I really like not having any extra hormones messing with my feelings.
I had Paraguard in for only a couple months before my Diva cup suctioned it out 😧. Getting it inserted was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, and that was even after taking vicodin, so I def recommend booking the whole day off to be gentle to yourself. Because I only had it a short time, I didn’t notice any effects on my period severity, but I have endometriosis so always have hell periods. Looking back, I wish I had known the potential issues with IUDs and cups in combo (of course not everyone will have a problem here, bodies all being unique and such :)) cause then I could have at least saved myself the pain.
I finished watching Columbo, guys!! It was so good!! Except the episode that had logic problems in it was super sexist, terribly upsetting. But for the most part: so good!!
Then I watched Miss Fisher!! It was so good!! And not sexist at any point!! Dot and Hugh are Ron and Hermione!! Which I guess would make Hugh a young Dumbledore!!
Now I’m watching Star Trek: TOS for the first time!! Why didn’t any of you people tell me it was hilarious?
In non-Netflix news, book club was last night, and it was great times even though only a couple of people had actually read the book. I made friends with a baby who, it transpired, was happiest when he could stand on my lap and smush my face with the back of his head. Accommodating men is a duty and an honor.
If you think TOS is hilarious, you have got to check out the animated series.
Is…is that a giant tribble? In the Captain’s chair?
I just started watching Miss Fisher this week and while I still don’t pronounce Phryne right about 75% of the time, I love it! Dot and Huugggghhhhhhhhh *heart eyes emoji*
Oh my werd, I just finished watching TOS and found it hilarious and a lot more interesting than I anticipated.
“Which I guess would make Hugh a young Dumbledore!!”
This is, like, the most Toast sentence I’ve read today.
I saw this video of Star Trek: TOS clips set to Monty Python’s “Camelot” and said to a friend “I never realised the original series had so much prancing about in it.”
Book thread!
After lots of recommendations on the Toast, I’ve finally started the Vorkosigan saga. I found the omnibuses, so I’m reading them in that order. So far I like it a lot, but my brain is having a hard time deciding how to pronounce stuff.
I’m almost done with the Nexus trilogy, and it’s really great. definitely a page-turner, lot’s of action. The author is clearly pro- posthumanism but that is ok because i am too.
I am envious that you’re starting it and you have it all to look forward to!
I’m reading Uprooted, which I’ve seen a few Toasties recommend, and I love it! About halfway though and I sort of don’t want it to end.
Yay! I loved the Vorkosigan saga but I thought it really started picking up around Mirror Dance. I’ve read that even the Russian audiobook versions pronounce Ivan as EYE-van instead of ee-VAHN so I just roll with that. As for the Vor names, I usually emphasize the second syllable, vorKOsigan, vorPATril, vorBARra.
I *cannot* pronounce it ee-VAHN, I’ve tried, my brain won’t do it.
Am I the only one whose favorite book is Cetaganda, if only for Ivan’s reaction to the kitten tree?
I actually read Cetaganda last of all the books and spent pretty much the whole book doing this 😀 😀 :D. Same with Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance.
My sister wanted to name her son Ivan, but she was afraid we would all go around saying “Ivan you idiot!”
I love Cetaganda! It’s great to read when I just want to read Miles and Co going around solving stuff.
I have a hard time picking one favorite, Memory and A Civil Campaign are my top two depending on what I want out of the story, but Cetaganda holds a special place in my heart because I read it first, years and years before I actually read any of the others. I picked it up at the library when I was…oh, in middle school? And loved it, but was sort of put off from getting any of the other books because I found the covers embarrassing and I was very sensitive to that sort of thing as a child.
Oh my gosh, I’m so excited about this thread! My mom read the Vorkosigan books out loud to me when I was in highschool, and then she read them out loud again to each of my three younger siblings for the sheer joy of it. We’re a very reading-out-loud family. She always pronounced vorKOUGHsigan, like in “ought” or “mop”. Then when I heard it was actually pronounced vorKOEsigan, I had a hard time wrapping my brain around it. But I’m used to it now after also listening to the excellent audiobooks.
Hurrah! Welcome to the Vorkosigan fandom. You are in for the sort of crazy ride that doesn’t feel crazy until you try to explain it to other people.
That is a perfect way to describe it! But when you do ferret out others, it is SUCH FUN.
I made myself a What Would Admiral Naismith Do bumper sticker. So far no one in real life has outed themselves as a fan 🙁
That is awesome. I have one that says “Protected by Barrayaran Imperial Security,” and I have actually met two fans out in the wild! Two in eleven years…we are not legion, but we are loyal!
I remember asking you about being Bothari months ago, I was so excited to find another Vor fan!
I read my first Vorkosigan last month, after years of being too overwhelmed to start it. My queer book group read Ethan of Athos and I really enjoyed it. Enough to want to read more.
I’m currently reading the Lunar Chronicals – ya dystopian retellings of fairy tales. I’m starting book two, Scarlet (little red riding hood). My younger cousin enthusiastically recommended them to me and while they are not my most favoritist books in the world yet, I’m enjoying the series.
Beautiful kitty, and that fabric with the mirror bits embroidered in is giving me all kinds of childhood feels. Nose beeps and mirror beeps. I was inspired by last week’s tea post to invest in a box of Red Rose, which contained a tiny porcelain seagull. If any of you double up on nautical-themed doodads and want to unload them let me know. I’m a little obsessed with the diver’s helmet.
If you are not watching Person of Interest, I feel it is my solemn duty to
persuade you to give it a chance. I used to be like you! I watched the
pilot episode way back in 2011 and gave it up in disgust. I did not know I
had thrown out the baby with the bathwater.
It appeared to be an episodic procedural starring two white guys running
around saving people with the help of an SSN-dispensing computer. Yawn,
right?
Four seasons later, it is unrecognizable. It’s gone full-on dystopia,
complete with waring artificial intelligences and an oppressive
surveillance state (and it’s freaking amazing–the AIs end up as characters
in their own rights, but would never be mistaken for human). There
are a bunch of awesome women, some of whom have the sort of major heroic,
vengeful, or redemptive arcs usually only given to men. Two women have the
most developed romantic relationship in the entire show (and I have
extremely high hopes for where it’ll go in the fifth season). And just in
general—all the members of Team Machine have such great relationships with
each other.
This stuff only starts to appear around the end of the second/beginning of
the third seasons. A lot of the first two is running around saving people.
YMMV, here. Some people find the first season interminable. I quickly
became attached to both white male leads (their interactions are
adorable), and was very invested in when and how badass Detective
Carter would join their saving-people business. Detective Carter is played
by Taraji Henson.
Also, there’s a dog.
I rest my case. Thank you for reading.
It’s so so so good. I can’t believe it is on CBS.
I know! I’m still amazed at the Shoot kiss. The subtext has become text and I’m so excited.
This is the first show on my watch list after I finish Leverage!
LEVERAGE YES
I’m going to be so sad when it’s done. This is the first show I can imagine searching out gen fic for.
My spouse and I were blown away by this show! When it’s bad, it’s fucking terrible, but when it’s good, it’s one of my favorite things on TV right now. The dog stuff is icing on the cake.
Should we start from the beginning, or with season 3?
I’d say, if you can, try starting from the beginning and give it two or three episodes (the pilot is especially eh in the way that some pilots are). If it’s watchable, then you should definitely watch it–there’s some character building, flashbacks, and recurring characters introduced in the first season.
If it’s really not doing it for you (and hey, life is short, I get it!) try skipping ahead to episode 22 or 23 of season 1. 22 has some good reveals about the origin of the Machine, while 23 introduces a character who ends up being a big part of the series.
Okay, will do! I’ve been looking for a new tv show.
The first season is fine if you like typical procedural stuff.
It really is so good. I’m actually quite fond of procedurals myself, but PoI’s shift has been so awesome.
I have been trying to reconcile myself with the fact that season five will probably be the last, though. Miracles could happen, but I get the feeling CBS didn’t really know what they were getting.
Ugh, yes. And we don’t even know when it’s going to start airing. It’s so sad!
I think my main problem with procedurals is that the character development feels static (or cyclical). It kills me when characters are stuck in a never ending will-they-won’t-they. (Or, in the case of shows like Bones or Castle, I give up before they get together.) In other ways, I do like how comfortable the status quo is. Sometimes I just want my cinnamon rolls to be left alone.
Ah, yes, that is pretty true of procedurals and that might actually be why I do tend to walk away from them at a certain point. But I think a lot of that is a lack of imagination. I was so pissed off with The Mentalist once I finally quit watching. It was never that great – I was watching mostly on the strength of Simon Baker’s smile – but they missed real opportunities for development that would’ve changed the show but kept the dynamics in place.
So I guess extra kudos to the PoI people for being willing to change things.
MICHAEL EMERSON IS EVERYTHING.
Seriously, I would watch that man in pretty much anything ever.
Even though he was why I gave Person of Interest a chance, I quickly got caught up in the larger story and I want more.
Also, when I was getting my MLIS I mentioned The Machine at least once a week in discussion board conversations and no one every knew what I was talking about and it made me cry.
I LOVE PERSON OF INTEREST. I only know like two people who watch it and I can never talk about it because no one knows what i’m on about. I’m amazed at how attached I am to the Machine, even though it’s not got a physical presence or anything. It’s still my fave character. (also the dog <3)
I don’t watch it but I’m glad it went full on dystopia because from the commercials it’s always seemed like it was probably funded in an attempt to shift the Overton Window so that the NSA/PATRIOTACT/Minority-Report-Pre-Crime seemed like acceptable ideas.
Oh noo, not at all. There’s a lot of discussion, especially in the later seasons, about the balance between having information (and preventing actual tragedies), having information (but you draw the wrong conclusions or the information is wrong so you jail the wrong person), or not having access to information because it will be abused. Team Surveillance even engineered a “terrorist” attack so that the US government would react the way it always does and give them access to all the spy feeds. It’s pretty cynical about human nature and the politics of our spy agencies.
Do they, despite their discussion, still use their big brother machine to stop tragedy more often then not?
Kind of? The first big brother machine (called The Machine) was designed by a person who was very cynical about both humans and AI, so he hobbled it and made it into a black box. It has access to all the information, but all that comes out is an identifying number. The Machine sorts the numbers into “relevant” or “irrelevant” (to national security). The relevant numbers make their way to the CIA, the irrelevant ones get deleted. The catch is that the number is not necessarily that of a perpetrator; it might be a victim or unwitting participant. The CIA has to gather their own data to figure out what’s going on; they don’t have access to all the data The Machine does, because it’s too much for a human to sift through.
Partway through the series, a group (who wants all the spy feeds information for their own ends) convinces the US government to hand over the data to their AI, which is very much not a black box. It gives the group access to whatever data they want, and it can also influence technology. Team Surveillance kills people who might oppose them, rigs elections, crashes the stock market, messes with peoples’ lives, etc.
Even if Team Machine stops tragedies more often than not (and that’s arguable, because their saving people business is a cottage industry; they generally screw it up when they’re trying to save people on a large scale), I don’t think anyone would take away the message that this would be a good thing to try in real life. The potential for abuse is way too high.
That does sound much less like an argument for pre-crime than the commercials.
RE: criticism of intelligence communities/agencies, they very casually drop the whole CIA-traffics-drugs-for-money thing.
Baking question and advice. I tried to make lemon meringue pie, which tasted great, but was more like lemon meringue soup because the lemon filling didn’t set. I have no idea what went wrong. Help!?!
What does the filling use to set it? Cornstarch?
Yeah, it was cornstarch. And I had to hand whisk everything b/c I don’t have a stand mixer, which I think made the meringue not very fluffy.
Cornstarch based puddings have soupified for me in the past, and I don’t know why. So I have no answers, but I feel your pain. Pies are so much work, to go so wrong.
Yeah, luckily I went into this knowing it was an experiment pie. I also made an apple, chocolate tofu, and pumpkin, which all turned out delicious if I do say so myself. I just have no idea what went wrong with the lemon and I kinda want to try it again, but not if I get lemon soup haha
Hmmmm I wonder if the meringue portion wasn’t whipped sufficiently, so it leaked liquid into the filling, throwing off the balance? Cornstarch is a pain, IMO.
Meringue is super duper leaky, I would suspect this as well. We made a chocolate meringue pie for Thanksgiving, and fortunately didn’t make the meringue a day ahead the way the recipe suggested, because that stuff was gloppy and wet by Friday morning.
Hmmmmmm I am a bit suspicious of cornstarch here. Mine sets by cooking the egg yolks (along with the butter and lemon juice). Describe your recipe more thoroughly please.
Not enough cornstarch? Read teaspoon for tablespoon maybe?
I successfully moved! To Boston! With only the help of two burly men with heavy Bostonian accents! I am starting a beyond cool new job on Monday and everything is coming up bundtpan, so it would seem.
Boston toast friends: what should I do here? Where should I go? Where are the best bookstores and coffee shops? Do you want to come hang out with my dog when he arrives in two weeks?
Hi! I’m a New Yorker now but I am from Boston! Hopefully none of these places has closed since I have been there! Bookstores: Trident Books & Cafe and Avenue Victor Hugo on Newbury Street, Harvard Bookstore in Harvard Sq. (not the Coop). Coffee shops abound and I should let someone current recommend them but Diesel in Davis Square in Somerville is A+, and 1369 (I think) in Central Square. Enjoy!
Excellent! I have a bunch of time this weekend to explore and these are all on the list now.
All of those places are alive and kicking except for Avenue Victor Hugo, whose demise I am still mourning 10 years after they went out of business.
ALSO – the fabulous folks who started Diesel (and its sister-cafe Bloc in Union Square) have opened FORGE in Somerville. relatively undiscovered and out-of-the-way, so easy to get seats, good coffee, FANTASTIC baked goods, and you can even watch the bakers bake (which is a thing I like).
I love love love Porter Square Books – it’s an independent book store with a tiny independent cafe in it, that was started by a group of folks who had all worked at different indie bookshops and wanted to start their own. It’s my local favorite. If you like comics and graphic novels, HUB Comics in Union Square is wonderful, right next door to the great Bloc Cafe, and right across the street from Union Square Donuts which you must go to some time. The brown butter hazelnut crunch donut is worth any length of trip.
I don’t know how close you are (although everything in Boston is fairly close) but the food trucks and lunch options in the Financial District are great. I love the Bon Me food truck and the Cafe de Boston and Boston Kebab House meze buffets (but always manage to pick the heaviest possible items.) The Harborwalk is a nice walk along the water and the Aquarium is great.
I’m working out in Brookline (with an abundance, even a boon, of food in the office) but am always willing to travel for food trucks. Always.
Thanks!
I too work in Brookline! I am normally a hesitant-to-blend-“real”-and-internet-lives sorta person but would potentially be willing to meet up sometime–speaking of which, we should maybe arrange a Boston area Toast meetup at a museum or bookstore or something…
Crema Cafe in Harvard Sq is nice, seconding 1369, Bloc 11, and Trident.
welcome!!
my favorite bookstore is Brookline Booksmith, but that could be a little out of the way depending on where you live. But when you’re there see a movie at the Coolidge Corner theater!!
Hello new Bostonian!
Seconding most of the recommendations that have already appeared an adding: Brookline Booksmith in Coolidge Corner, Raven Books in Harvard Sq and on Newbury.
Also the Coolidge Corner Theater is stunning and usually gets the *~*indie*~* films, the Davis Square theater is slightly less beautiful but also gets a nice mix of movies.
we are brain twins…
Oh my god, that’s so great! I went to school in Boston. What neighborhood will you be living in? There’s just to much to list, but I’m concurring with the other commenters on Brookline Booksmith. Also, Brattle Books on Newbury St.! A great coffeeshop not far from there on Newbury St. is L’Aroma Cafe, and it has a bomb “Everything” cookie you should try.
Also, if you want the best, most authentic diner experience, go to Busy Bee in Brookline on Beacon St. It was my Place for years of college. I went almost every Saturday morning for breakfast my senior year. The decor, waitstaff, and prices basically haven’t changed since it opened in the 60s, and I miss it ALL THE TIME.
You’ll love Beantown. I’m so excited for you!
Yes, perfect, thank you for the diner suggestion. I’ve missed living in diner/coney country and am so glad to be back! I’m living and working in Brookline so many of these suggestions from everyone are nearby!
I am very excited too! Exclamation pointsssss!
I dooo, I want to come hang out with your dog! Also welcome! What neighborhood are you in?
He’s very large but thinks he is very small, also likes to perch on shoulders like a parrot. I’m in Brookline!
All the things! Somerville (Davis/Union Sq.) is grand – if you like hot yoga be|yoga in Union is amazeballs. Davis has Diesel coffee, which is a great haunt. Since it’s holiday time, if you like people-watching and sparkly things, check out Newbury street. Davis also has a winter farmer’s market. The Harvard bookstore (not the coop linked to the blasted uni) in Harvard Sq. has a whole downstairs of used and remaindered books) and it does great author events. You are in for such treats!
I’m so thrilled that there seems to be an abundance of places to be around books and good food. Treats, indeed!
For coffee go to Pavement! And definitely go the the public library which is very beautiful.
Hi I live in Somerville and want to hang out with your dog!
Go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum, it is a delight. And Toro for really good tapas, and Gourmet Dumpling House for really good Chinese. Walk through the Harvard Arboretum before the weather gets crazy, and take advantage of Harvard’s free museum days for MA residents on the weekends!
Gus, the dog, will be arriving after Christmas and he told me he expects a welcoming parade of those wishing to rub his soft ears and smell his corn chip paws. I’ll put you on the list.
And yes, all of these are excellent. I’m dying for good Chinese food, I moved from a dead zone that had nothing.
Also, if you have a Facebook join here.
BROOKLINE!!!! I lived there during grad school a couple of years ago. I was in Cleveland Circle (last stop on the C train!) and adored it so.
Everyone’s covered Coolidge Corner, so how about Brookline Village? The main branch of the Brookline Public Library is lovely. The Village also has a ton of coffee shops, restaurants and resale stores that are fun to paw through. Oh! And Washington Square on the C line has Athan’s Bakery which is OUT OF THIS WORLD. You gotta go there.
And Refuge Café in Allston has good breakfast sandwiches and coffee. Keep Allston Shitty!
Keep Allston Shitty is my new favorite slogan.
C’mon down to JP, walk your dog around Jamaica Pond and the Arboretum, get ice cream at JP Licks or Fomu (vegan), get pastries at Ula’s and eat dinner at JP Seafood. We have a new bookshop, too: Papercuts. In Brookline I’m a huge fan of Orinoco (for food) and Brookline Booksmith (for books).
If you make it to JP and like burgers (vegetarian or not) go to Grass Fed. I miss it so still 3 years after I moved away from JP.
Seconding the recommendation for Trident Books where you can get huevos rancheros while you contemplate your purchase. Also if you are in Cambridge Porter Square Books is great and has amazing spring rolls.
Also seconding the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, it is one of my favorite museums in the world and it is a delightful refuge from the Boston winter.
One of my favorite restaurants in Boston/Cambridge is Baraka Cafe which is a bit hidden but everything is sooooo good.
For pubs Publick House has the best belgian beer selection on tap. James’s gate in Jamaica Plain has a cozy fire.
So what I’m getting from this is that Toasties besides me love the Isabella Stewart Gardner and we should all go there.
I love Boston! I lived there for 5-6 years after college and would love to move back some day. There are a ton great suggestions already.
The Boston museum of Science is a super fun place. Lots of cool hands-on things to play with.
The Red Sox are a huge part of Boston’s local culture. And Fenway Park is one of the best (and oldest) ballparks in the country with tons of character. Even if you’re not a sportsball fan, I recommend finding a friend who is and going to a game this summer.
Harvard has a bunch of cool museums, including their Natural History one, which is a Victorian-ish type collection of eclectic fossils, skeletons, minerals and other neat things.
JP Licks is excellent. There’s also Toscanini’s and Christina’s for ice cream, plus probably a bunch of newer places that are also really good.
For spectacular hot chocolate, go to L.A. Burdick in Harvard Square. So thick and rich.
Kitten cotching update:
Stupendously uneventful it seems. Open can of cat food, place in carrier, shut door behind kitten, no kitten complaints until the food ran out. In sad news, kitten will not come home with husband but instead seduced a coworker and will be heading home with her.
So, to sum up:
Kitten Cotching success – yay!
Kitten has new home – yay!
Kitten not coming home to me – selfishly boo!
Pictures coming to us anyways???
So this means….no pictures? I’m bereft.
the good news is: there are always more kittens!
NOT EVEN ANY PICS???
That is the second most easy kitten-cotching I have ever heard of. (obv. Jeeves is the most because it was “leave door open, close door behind kitten” which is insane.)
You are not wrong to be sad not to get kitten time. I am sad for you even though I am super happy for cotched kitten.
I broke my ankle playing roller derby a few weeks ago and it’s not healing like it is supposed to but I don’t need surgery yet. Also, I got my first cold sore this week on my way to go get a drink with my crush which didn’t go well and I think I blew my chances. So I’m just kind of here in all kinds of physical and mental anguish and I can deal with one but not both.
Sending you an internet hug, if that’s ok…your poor ankle, that sounds so painful (as for your crush, if the Sparks didn’t fly, try again, blame the disappointing meet-up on your sore ankle and lousy cold sore. And if The Crush can’t take a little nervousness or ouchy-body awkwardness, you may have dodged a bullet, as Judge Judy would say).
No, it wasn’t the ankle, it was all social awkwardness. I talked too much and didn’t ask them enough about themselves. I’m really bad at that. Also, we got stuck in boring conversations about work instead of interesting things. Also, I think I just misinterpreted attention for affection again.
Goodness, are we the awkward sisters? Because you described me to a tee…being socially awkward is the worst. THE WORST. Sorry your date didn’t turn out (offers another hug).
Oh, you poor thing! I’m so sorry. I hope you have lots of warm blankets and tea (if you like that kind of thing).
Toasties, finals are upon me. I am bereft. Sing to me of your nights spent with fun books instead of textbooks.
you and me both.
If Hamilton can write 51 Federalist Papers we can take on finals.
Alas, I have neither the laser focus not the ability to Care Very Much About Everything that Ham does. Dude wrote eight essays about taxation in seven days.
You can do it!!
The only thing standing between me and freedom from one of my classes is this small final assignment due by midnight tonight. It’s short, it’s not really that hard, and I should’ve finished it yesterday, but I just don’t want to do it. Sigh.
London Toasties! Thinx are doing a pop up this week… https://www.facebook.com/events/892785204170362/
Guys! I’ve been writing for the Iowa Writer’s MOOC for the past couple of months, and so I’ve been gone from the Open Thread. Three things to talk about:
* My daughter’s father — I have to think about him this way — has been staying with me for the past 7 days so he could be here for Thanksgiving and be with his daughter. I’m not a morning person, he is, and every single day he started mansplaining to me as soon as I was out of bed. He can talk for days and he’s an expert on everything, even things he knows nothing about. He’s gone now and I’m exhausted and a little traumatized, but … he only sees his daughter once a year (he lives in New York but is often in Europe and the Middle East) and so 7 days of agony is worth it, for her sake.
* I received notice a few weeks ago that my rent would be going up by $200 a month, and I would probably have to move out of my lovely, beautiful, wonderful apartment that I love and cherish. I was in meltdown mode for a while there. But then the apartment manager called and said my rent would increase by less than $50/month. I was dancing around my apartment after she told me that and it was great and a relief.
* My daughter is now out of rehab, which she’s been in since March. She has her own apartment now and will be starting a new job in late December. I get to help her decorate her apartment, yay! Everything is going well for her, so far, although she still has cravings. Most of all, I have my daughter back and that is wonderful all by itself.
In other words, I’m grateful for many things today and life is good.
Gurl, you deserve a fucking medal. You get on with your bad self.
I’m so happy to hear that about your daughter 🙂
It’s been a long haul for her but she thinks she has the coping skills now to stay clean and sober. Plus she lives in a place where she can keep in touch with the “sisters” who went through rehab with her. Any and all coping skills to keep her clean are welcome actually!
Hey, hooray for your good things! How was the Iowa MOOC? I signed up for it and was really psyched but ended up not participating b/c work, life, etc. I would love to hear how it was for you!
I thought the MOOC was amazing. Writers from all over the world, lots of different kinds of writing styles, lots of different levels of writers, from beginners to really quite good. The MOOC writing assignments were not easy, they really made you stretch your abilities. Plus, it was the first time that people, other than my family, read my work — it’s such a vulnerable, risky thing to put your writing out there for the general public, but it proved to me that I have thicker skin than I thought, and that I appreciate any and all constructive criticism. (A lot of people were really good readers and a lot had good comments and instructive things to say about my writing.) I learned so much, and I grew to feel a kinship with the other Toasties who took the course. I got to know their writing and the Toasties were, generally, much better writers than other MOOC participants.
In fact, we formed a Toasties group on Slack, and if you want more info on that I can get it to you (have to look up stuff). All in all, the MOOC was a great experience. I’m going to take it again next year, and perhaps do the NaNoWriMo with other Toasties next year as well.
And BTW if you signed up you still have access to the teaching materials on the MOOC site until early next year. You can’t comment or post your writing, but you can view videos and read course comments … .
Thank you!!! This is all intriguing. I did a full-time MFA program a few years ago, and it was awesome, (not doing much with it these days, hence wanting to try the MOOC to force myself to get back to it) but I really like how diverse this sounds in terms of perspectives, aesthetics, skills, and styles. So glad to hear that a lot of people were good readers, giving a writer useful feedback on their work is an art unto itself!
Fantastic news all around, I’m raising a mug of tea in your direction!
Good for you, putting up with seven days of your daughter’s father! Seven days with any houseguest is hard but with someone who doesn’t stop talking… well, I’m sure you’re glad he’s gone!
Great news about your daughter. Yay ♥
I think I am going to finally do it
“it” equals ordering a bespoke suit from Bindle & Keep EVEN THOUGH I am not completely confident there are not more perfect tailors out there. I think their willingness to pander to women makes them a good choice I hope? they have a space in the information request form to indicate your preferred aesthetic so I am going to tell them to make me look like Donna Tartt and the young(er) Nick Cave, both at the same time. that is if they can’t make me look like Lou Doillon in Gigola, which I suppose they probably cannot. that is a lot for a suit to accomplish but I mean if you don’t ask for what you want you can’t get it, that’s what they say.
speaking of “It” I wanted to say ‘Is “It” from Heavenly Creatures feminist?’ on the It thread yesterday but I was afraid I would be laughing at my Orson Welles joke all by myself in a corner. somebody say they get it.
(answer: no, It is the most hideous man alive, Juliet says so)
Nothing hotter than a woman in a suit. *fans self*
ANY person in a suit. Especially a bespoke suit!
OK! Your hotness may vary. 🙂 I think women and trans and genderqueer people are hot in suits but cis men and trans men who I don’t know are trans just look like boring businesspeople, lol. I mean, very nice looking boring businesspeople, but. So therefore I think a significant portion of the hotness is in my knowledge that the suit is subverting traditional gender expectations.
Nothing hotter than subverting traditional gender expectations! *fans self*
Those are wonderful goals for a suit!
alls it’s got to do is make my legs half a foot longer and give me an air of overpowering sexual menace. that’s only two jobs and a suit has three pieces so no problem there
This sounds amazing! I hope you’ll update us on the process and how awesome/sexy/confident/badass you are in your finished suit.
I got your joke and I thank you for it.
Etsy thread? For either Toastie shops or your favorite shops!
I am here: Olivette Designs decoupage accessories for comic book lovers!
Oh yay! I am at Bell Lake Arts & Crafts. I have exactly 1 item for sale!
You can also find us on Instagram.
i just found these asymmetric knits people and some of their stuff is just so amazing i had to order a couple things and a wood/metal safety pin. https://www.etsy.com/shop/ZUZABARTSHOP
I haven’t seen the products yet so I can’t make recommendations, but this week I ordered two Christmas presents for my 11 month old niece from etsy. They are a rainbow tutu and a pink knitted hat with bunny ears so I can dress her like Louise Belcher.
I sell prints, paintings, and occasional stationery & other non-fine-art items here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ArsenicGreen
and my art instagram is here: https://www.instagram.com/arsenic.green/
It’s been a while since I’ve posted pet pictures, so here is one of my rabbits, Gaius Buntar. (Ask me which BSG character I inappropriately identify with!) He is judging you.
Here is a tastefully decorated bunny selfie. He is still judging you.
oh my god, bunnyyyyy
also, your lipstick is on point!
Thank you! It is Hang Up by MAC.
I am so here for bunnies! Gaius is adorable and looks so, so soft.
Awwww, Gaius can judge me all he wants.
Rabbit thread, awesome!
Bunnies together, because they both want to sit in the tiny box:
The friendly bunny that loves humans and desires nothing more in life than to sit in your lap for 3 hours while you read a book:
“Bitch I will cut you” is her motto:
I need a rabbit in my life stat. All of these are so freakin’ adorable.
I approve of Ophelia’s judgy little face.
Hypothetically (as I am not likely to have the money), if you lived in New England and had a birthday coming up in early January, where would you escape to for said event? I suspect that by then I’ll be craving a break from the snow, and I know that I’ll be wanting to repress my fear of aging with booze.
New Orleans might be for you. I’m going for Christmas. … heard it’s the best time to go.
Ottawa Toasties! Is there a group or something I can join? Apparently the plan is to extend my work assignment by six more months and if I don’t make some friends soon I am going to lose my damn mind.
I’m nice, I promise! I am not an especially prolific commenter here because I can’t log in at work, but I’m nice.
There’s not really a group (that I know of anyway), but maybe there should be? There’s a few of us here.
Ah. Well, in that case, I’ll keep an eye out for meetup posts in open threads, and hopefully will not be unwelcome if I show up to something! 🙂
If there’s not a group, I would love for there to be one.
Oof, Ottawa can be a hard crowd to break into. I found a lovely group of ladies at Ravelry, if you are into textiles, the Wed downtown group is great. Otherwise… i made my friends in school? This is not helpful, really. Sorry.
There was a google doc, once. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_26MiL9WN…
I don’t see an Ottawa group, but maybe there could be one?
Not to reveal too much about myself, but I’ve been doing work this semester at another SoCal branch of one of the org’s attacked in the San Bernardino shooting. Didn’t know anyone hurt, but heard about it at work and it was terrible. Any terrorism is awful, but I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that someone could carry out such a horrible plan in a location that serves children with disabilities.
TOASTS
do you have any recs for a good book to ask for as a Christmas gift? My mom and grandma both specifically said “one book that you would like” and I’m overwhelmed by choice. Maybe something really great that came out in the past year? Or an old favorite? I’m open to any suggestions
What are some other books you like?
Are there any really nice editions available of an old favorite? Something that would appeal very nicely to all senses the next time you sit down to read it? Otherwise I would ask for something published this year or last, I think.
that’s a nice idea, I’ll have to do some research!
Check Bookpage – there are a lot of beautiful annotated editions coming out this year. (Alice in Wonderland and Little Women I know for sure, there was a good Dracula a couple years ago.)
If you are following the Victorian fun-fest over on Links, you might like Ruth Goodman’s “How to be a Victorian”.
Three new lovely hardbacksI can happily recommend (without knowing your taste, of course): City on Fire, Fates and Furies, M Train.
Two of the books in my top five I constantly recommend to people because I can’t imagine who wouldn’t love them: All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr (this came out in 2014), and East of Eden, by John Steinbeck.
I would ask for Fifteen Dogs since everyone seems to be raving about it.
Everyone is correct, it is impeccable, the best thing I have read in years!
My go to recommendation (and I have yet to have anyone I’ve recommended it to not like it *crosses fingers*) is The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. It has something for everybody and there is a scene where the main character explains that she dumped her boyfriend because he tried to get rid of her books that just resonates with me so much.
I always ask for biographies of women. This year I asked for biographies of Ann Richards.
Pioneer Girl, if you ever read the Little House Books
Americanah, by Chimamanda Adichie – about a woman heading back to Nigeria after college in the US
The Warmth of Other Suns, by Isabel Wilkerson – nonfiction about the Great Migration. Totally engrossing.
I’ve been reccing Anita Loos’ Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to lots of people this Xmas – an under-read Jazz age classic that’s incredibly fun, light but with a distinct edge. There’s some beautiful editions out there, too.
I was just thinking of that this afternoon! My word is it the best.
I really loved Jane Smileys ‘Last Hundred Years: A Family Saga’ it’s a trilogy: “Some Luck”, “Early Warning”, and “Golden Age”.
It’s eppppiicccc American historic fiction but it’s soooo good. In fact, I just got the last book from the library and have no big plans other than to read it this weekend.
Good Luck!
I love cooking, so I’d probably use the opportunity to ask for a big, reference-style tome, something like How To Cook Everything, or Mastering the Art of French Cooking, or something like that.
Negativity ahead:
I’m having an essay crisis please send help and love it’s all going horribly. How do I look after myself when I have no time? My flat is a mess.
Also I am trying to quit my unpaid internship early because it’s all gone horrible and I really can’t be dealing with it right now. I spent yesterday morning weeping at my therapist and this really cannot continue. I am not having a good week.
Let the flat be a mess, as long as you can get to the door, your fridge and your bedroom it’s all fine. It can be tidied when the essay is done.
Prioritise stuff, make sure to set aside time for working on the essay and then actually do it rather than messing about online (she speaks from experience), break it down into manageable bits and let the stuff go that doesn’t need to be done now.
“messing about online” AND HERE I AM!
From personal experience, I recommend not spending a lot of time sitting on the floor under a pile of blankets intending to write your essay but really messing around online while having an anxiety attack.
Uhhhhh been there so many times! I have a really cute desk where I don’t pick up much wifi so I’m planning on piling on the blankets and setting up there
Everything is going to be fine! Just work on the essay for ten minutes, set a timer. Then read The Toast for 30, then another ten minutes of essay. Eventually you’ll have an essay!
Tidiness is overrated, think about the mess later.
If the messy flat stresses you out, then maybe clean the one small area in which you spend the most time-your desk? kitchen table? Sofa? Bed? so that you can have a bubble of tidy comfort while you do what you need to do. Then ignore the rest of the mess. It will keep until you have time for it.
Otherwise, ignore all of the mess. It will still keep until you have time for it. Defs quit the internship!!
I’ve set aside the awkward slot between waking up and going to the museum where I volunteer for a cleaning blitz tomorrow! AND THE INTERNSHIP HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN QUIT. Thank you!
Promise yourself a break after 20 min of work on the essay. If it makes you happy, your break could be 5 min of tidying. If it doesn’t make you happy, do something that does, but also pick up one item from the floor and put it away.
I like the “pick up one thing” plan! Thank you
If it’s an unpaid internship, just stop showing up? What are they gonna do, dock your pay?
Some unpaid internships are with people who have a lot of clout in your field. If you are just starting out it can be really helpful to even have them on your resume/reference list, and ghosting on them does not look particularly professional.
The twelve year old boy of my acquaintance has just started reading the His Dark Materials books. Which, naturally, led to a discussion of the most important question of our times: What would your daemon be? At the time I couldn’t answer him properly since I couldn’t whip out my phone while driving. But here it is.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zzCD4ik6JAA
The screaming mongoose.
What would yours be, fellow Toasties?
I would like an owl – excellent at judgemental staring, links with Athena (wisdom and war, yay!), fierce predator. And having a daemon with the ability to fly would be amazing.
plus bonus points for creepiness?
Definitely. It would be able to turn its head right round to glare at people while sitting on my shoulder.
This is exactly also my pick and reasoning.
Same, only mine would be the most misanthropic, grumpiest owl.
HECK YEAH. Mine would be a ring-tailed cat.
I didn’t get into those books (I saw the depressing ending coming a mile away and stopped about a third of the way into the second book), so I didn’t get attached enough to try to figure out my daemon but I’m pretty sure my patronus is a vulture. Close enough?
Mine would be either a Pallas cat (fat, fluffy, constant bitchface, is a cat) or a tawny frogmouth (small, described as both “big-headed” and “stocky”, expression vacillates between 😐 and :D).
tawny frogmouths are objectively the world’s best animal
it me
I have thought a LOT about this and feel like a sparrow best represents my personality. Sociable, unobtrusive, slightly anxious, and will eat ANYTHING even if sometimes it has (shhh) fallen on the ground.
Mine would 100% be a cat. Probably a calico.
carrion buddies
and no one was shocked. the end.
I am just trying to participate 🙁
That’s a beautiful bird! I think if I were that close in real life, I’d be a bit intimidated, but as a photo, I can really enjoy the redness of the eyes and spikiness of the feathers.
Did you know! Lammergeiers are actually a kind of buff-white or light brown color, and they purposefully paint themselves with red and orange dirt in order to appear more intimidating?
Oooh I didn’t know! That’s a very smooth move. And now I’m hoping this piece of trivia comes in handy at a quiz night or similar (or maybe if I need to make some adornments to appear more intimidating).
apparently, they always do this in secret, so as to keep other lammergeiers from learning the location of the reddest dirt, so that they can intimidate with esoteric knowledge as well as their feathers.
A big, kinda scruffy dog. Which isn’t at all cool, but it still kinda makes me happy.
That is 100% the best possible animal there is. It goes Big Kinda Scruffy Dog, Big Slightly Less Scruffy Dog, Big Unscruffy Dog, All Other Entries.
A pallas cat.
I haven’t read any of the His Dark Materials books, but I have always said that my patronus would be a grumpy porcupine. Perhaps like this https://youtu.be/UGz8jcbJjRw
Lion. Sleeps most of the day, eats and plays for the rest. Loves the sun. Social animal focused on the good of the pride while also looking out for oneself. Beautiful.
Sorry, but as a screaming Egyptian mongoose this means that you are now apparently my sworn enemy?
While I will always miss what we could have had, who am I to disagree with the animal kingdom and circle of life. En garde. Or raaaawr, as the case may be.
To be fair, I’m pretty sure the most noble and terrible mongoose has no friends. Only sworn enemies.
I’m convinced mine was the cat I had growing up who hated everyone and everything until one day she decided we were worthy of petting her. We had her for twenty years, and she avoided any and all human contact for the first twelve or thirteen. That cat and I understood each other in ways I can’t explain.
Large percentage of cats and cat-like things on this list.
There does indeed seem to be a trend.
But only one lammergeier.
JUST AS THERE IS ONLY ONE BRAAK
I now imagine that “braak” is the noise that lammergeiers make
Maine Coon: likes my people but iffy around strangers, loves dogs and swimming, sometimes goofy but independent, made for the cold, never shuts the hell up.
Tough question!
I was once told it’d be a border collie when I had this discussion with friends (different children’s book series but a similar animal-connection thing going on).
But I don’t actually think I have the work ethic for that, even if I do display a herding instinct in groups…plus my hair is nowhere near as thick and luxurious.
Squidward from “Spongebob Squarepants”
Holiday crafting thread! What have you made? More importantly, what do you have left to do??
I have made nothing and I have everything left to do. My dad is having surgery right before xmas so he gets a couple new pairs of pj pants for his recovery. My sister has asked for approximately 36 things, all of which are handmade. I’m thinking 1 big thing (dress) and a couple little things (earring holder, boot stuffers, cat toy?)
I have made some stacks of small scraps of red and green fabric! Which I intend to turn into some sort of ornaments, but who knows. Maybe I will just take pictures of the stack and give that to people. Still festive!
You sound like a very accomplished and generous clothier. I’m so jealous.
I’m making a gnome Christmas village. So far I have painted 3 gourds to look like little houses and I am in the process of giving them some texture by affixing sticks and pine cone scales to them for the doorframes, roof, etc. I have painted some wooden peg people and now I am going to attempt to make them some clothing out of felt. This is the first crafty thing I have done in a long time and I am really enjoying it. When my husband saw me cutting up the pine cones, he gave me the side-eye and said I was turning into a squirrel, but now that he’s seen the results he is impressed.
I am making my sister a dress, too! And maybe a whole-cloth quilt for my brother but maybe just a pillow cover of the same fabrics and the quilt to come for his birthday, because I only remembered that I have the stuff to make it two days ago, whoops.
I have the pieces of a sweater blocked and need to put it together; I finished a pair of slipper socks a while ago. You are a saint for making multiple things for your sister.
I also have made nothing and have everything left to do! I need to make Mr Thuja a new pair of PJ pants and I bought some adorable fox fabric last weekend that I have to find a project for to give to a small child of my acquaintance. Beyond that I haven’t even gotten to the point of planning holiday crafts *sticks fingers in ears, looks away from calendar, sings softly to self*
I forgot! I do already have something done- I made a pair of slipper socks last winter for my mom and forgot to give them to her for mother’s day or her birthday so they are her xmas present. I feel much better now.
I think fox fabrics are a thing right now- there are so many cute ones! My friends have hit a reproductive lull so I don’t have any babies to quilt for but all I want to do is make a cute fox quilt.
Make one for yourself!
I could! But I already have fabric for 5 or 6 quilts for myself so maayyyyyybe I should work on those before I buy more fabric…
I am the same with yarn. Doesn’t seem to stop me from acquiring more, though.
I am very frustrated right now because I put in a lot of work on a quilt that I’m not going to get to finish. I designed a baby quilt for a friend whose baby is due in a few days, and before starting work on it I checked with the only other woman in our circle who quilts, to make sure she wasn’t also making one. Then I injured my hand and missed several weeks of quilting time and didn’t have it done by the baby shower, so I showed up and explained that I was making something and it would be done soon – and then another friend, who doesn’t quilt, turned out to have commissioned a homemade quilt for her gift. So now there’s zero point in my finishing the quilt I designed, because I know there’s no need for it and it won’t get used. And the design of the quilt was pretty much an inside joke meant for this particular couple, so I can’t even hang onto it and give it to another baby.
It was a Bear’s Paw pattern on a background of snow camo, because we’re in Alaska and the baby’s dad loves snow camo. The blocks were arranged in a double line, to look like actual bear tracks. I’m pretty sure nobody else is going to want such a quilt, so I think at this point I’ll just have to cannibalize it for potholders and call it good.
Oh, I’m sorry to hear about your injury.
I think your quilt sounds lovely and personal. I’m just an internet stranger but I think you should give them the blanket anyways. Blankets are great. I live alone but I have almost a dozen blankets that all get used. It’s my understanding that babies like blankets too! I’ve had friends use them for car blankets and nursing blankets and tummy time blankets and day care blankets so I’m fairly certain that another blanket, especially one that you’ve put so much care into, would be very welcome. Also the useful timer doesn’t run out once the baby is born!
Nooooo!! It sounds beautiful, and perfect! I’m with the Smart Cookie above – my first child had three quilts, and the second had two, and the ones that I loved were the ones that were inside jokes and not random commissions. Plus and also, if they are in Alaska they will need extra warmth, and extra also kids puke on everything and you need spares so you can actually accomplish laundry every other day instead of daily.
Give it to them when it is done, all quiet and private-like, and they will be SO happy!
i have all of it left to do, too! in the past i’ve made my own twist on peanut butter cups, and i’m thinking i might do that again, with this cashew butter [which is amazing!] and dark chocolate. i also like to make pumpkin bread, and since i grew some pumpkins this year, i might do that and put them in those little brown & gold paper loaf pans.
i guess it’s time to look at the calendar, figure out delivery times and work backwards to when i have to start this stuff.
Nooo! I haven’t even thought about baking!
I have made two loom-woven wall hangings for the babies in my family which took way too long. I foolishly decided to weave their first initials into them in very intricate, complicated ways. I hope those babies appreciate it someday! Also I decided to be ~radical~ and use the green-orange-pink color scheme for the boy and the yellow-orange-blue color scheme for the girl! Haha! Take that, gender norms!
I’m also take a beginners ceramics class so depending on how my work from that turns out, some of my relatives may be receiving some wonky cylinders of indeterminate use this year. I really love it though so hopefully by next year I will be able to give them some actual like bowls and mugs and stuff!
So glad there are going to be fewer relatives than I thought at Christmas this year! Was about to be really in over my head.
I found an amazing cross stitch pattern with “You will be visited by three ghosts” and three PacMan ghosts that I am super excited to make!
I should either be making a nice bag for my Aunty’s secret santa gift or better yet, cleaning my apartment (particularly my bombsite of a sewing room) before my house inspection next week. Instead, I have decided that I really truly need a new dress this very minute.
(In my defense, I spent the last few weeks sewing SIX satin bridal party robes, so I am really excited about making something new)
Crafting question for y’all: how do you learn to cross stitch? Does it take a lot of practice to get the basics down?
Asking because I want to hop on the “samplers with rude phrases” bandwagon, hah
Cross stitch is super easy! The hardest part is probably threading the needle! You can buy a kit that has everything you need and then watch a couple youtube videos and get rolling pretty easily!
I went to Michael’s earlier this week in the hopes of finding an ornament making kit aimed at older kids/incompetent adults but only found stuff geared towards really little kids, so I just bought those. I have some foam penguins and Santas and snowmen to stick together as well as the same sorts of critters but made of wood that we can color in/paint. Plus I got those plastic beads you make into a shape and then iron–I’ve never actually had to be the ironer, so this should be interesting.
(I’m honestly pretty pumped for my exceedingly simple crafts, but if anyone wants to point me toward something a bit more sophisticated, that would also be appreciated.)
The clear glass ornaments are fun to decorate and not super expensive. Not great if you have folks traveling though! If you get a few colors of acrylic paint they can do swirls on the inside or use a brush to paint the outside. Or they can get filled with just about anything you have laying around.
I’ve woven a set of pretty purple dishtowels and am in the process of weaving a scarf from a lovely silk/wool blend that is shiny and soft. If I can finish that next week I will put enough yarn on my loom to do 6 more towels. (And then when Christmas finally hits I will ignore my loom for at least a month OR weave something thoroughly frivolous for myself–we shall see how I feel come January.)
I’m going to finally finish the stocking I started last year (for my SIL, using the pattern that Grandma used for all the grandkids’ stockings, with her name on the top), and I’m making various flavored vinegars for my dad. I currently have rosemary, pomegranate, and cranberry (different jars) sitting on top of my fridge. I have to figure out what to make for my brother, though, and I should probably make something small and cozy for my mom to go with the bath salts I’m giving her. I’m thinking an herbal tea blend.
Can I hear stories of times people took on way, way more responsibilities at work, good or bad? I’m up for a promotion from a part time, fairly chill job to a director-level position in an extremely small organization and I’m nervous about it. Also I’m chronically ill, so that’s another whole angle.
This happened to me a couple of times (I never manage to progress incrementally.) If the senior position is something you really want–go for it. The first 6 months- 1 year are pretty brutal though, as is the switch from part-time work. You will need very careful and strict plans about self care, particularly finding the time for self-care. It’s a big step and lots of things to learn and shape and change and consider–plus senior managers have to deal with more conflict and team
building. It’s exciting but it can easily take up all your waking hours (only for you to dream about it). It doesn’t need to stay that full-on, 18 months in and I’m really starting to take time for me. It sounds like a massive honour and a massive opportunity–so if it’s the chance you’ve been waiting for, the very best of luck!
The anticipation of it is almost always worse than the actual doing. But map out your support system and plan, plan, plan. Running through he likely outcomes in your head, and working through the nerves, even visualising yourself suceeding and coping, genuinely helps.
It’s also OK to make mistakes, tap out, and (like my current fav video says) Go the Fuck Home.
They hired someone else, I just found out. Thanks for your insights anyway.
Toasties!
I have been thinking recently about someday maybe converting to Judaism, but I have the misfortune of not being near any Jewish community so getting first person perspectives is difficult. I am curious if anyone can tell me about Judaism, their experiences being Jewish, ways to find out more about it, or literally anything else on the subject?
Hi there! I am a Jewish girl in my early 20s from Maine, a place with a small Jewish population that I was very much not in due to distance, so I get the Jewish without a Jewish community feel. Catholic father, Jewish mother, raised Reform. And that’s just my JDate profile! But seriously, if any of those things sound like they would be useful or interesting in your experience I would love to talk!
Sure! If you want to send me an email, you can do so at ocwutthetoast at gmail dot com. 🙂
I am no help to you. But I wanted to pop in and say Hi! I’ve missed you. I hope you are happy and healthy.
I am also maybe converting to Judaism, and therefore am no help to you BUT if you’d like a maybe-converting-to-Judaism buddy to talk to / swap books with, I am so here for that.
I am “Jew…ish” and didn’t know much about if for my childhood but really came into it in college (at Brandeis, obv.) and I would suggest that you do some reading! Jews are all about books and there are some really great ones (To Be a Jew, Living a Jewish Life, and The Jewish Book of Why are three that I started with).
Hi there! I am an atheist Reform Jew of interfaith parents who’s slowly becoming more practicing. I’d be happy to chat if you’re interested.
Also I found this cool tumblr post with a roundup of resources that you might find helpful
http://jewishhenna.tumblr.com/post/134545372420/c…
I’ve been “Jewpiscopalian” for a while– origin family liberal Christian, partner-and-child family currently pretty liberal Jewish, and have been thinking about converting for a while too. “Essential Judaism” is a good kind of encyclopedic guide to Jewish history and practice (as we call it, the Big Book of Jews), and I’ve been using an app/website called “tiyulim” to try to learn the Hebrew alphabet so I can feel a little less clueless. It might help to learn a little about all the varieties of Orthodox, Modern Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, etc., just to get a sense of how people figure out in different ways what they think it means to live Jewishly. One thing that’s kind of given me pause is how ready I am to think of myself as belonging to a worldwide cross-denominational Jewish community (which includes some positions that really tick me off) as opposed to a local community with my family and people I mostly agree with (not that Christianity is any different there, but having been born into it I feel more license to pick and choose there, I guess). I guess I’m still on the fence about that. But I’d say generally read around, see what appeals to you and what pisses you off, and see if you can find a niche that feels right.
I have a date tomorrow with a man that…is fine? Is just…very fine. He’s great on paper AND really likes me but…meh. This will only be our second date so I’m not cancelling or anything but…it’s not the most exciting prospect in the world.
Also this is my last week of quiet before Holiday Parties (TM) and I have no outfits! Do I go boring and get a Holiday type dress? Should I be adventurous and do like, a wide legged high waisted pant? I have two friend parties and our office party so far on the calendar.
What are toasties rocking this holiday season?
Sequins. Always sequins.
I should do more sequins…I always forget about them!
Ughhhh, I have the opposite problem – I went on the most wonderful date on Monday, but have not heard back from him at all and am fairly sure he’s just not interested. Dating is just absolutely miserable.
Party clothes: I always wear my plainest LBD and crazy jewellery for Holiday Parties. But my best friend is an evangelist for the Holiday Party Jumpsuit, which she does admittedly rock; I would be fascinated to see more of them in the wild.
That was the problem I had last time! Great date, great talk, then he ghosted. Whyyyyyy.
My friends have been trying to get me to wear jumpsuits because I am apparently tall enough- but I had to wear a horrid one for a dance performance once and it has scarred me for life.
You need to be thinking Allison Williams at Dior, not 70s doo-wop girls.
I do sometimes wonder if my radar is just way off. Do these people go on lots of really wonderful dates where they laugh loads and talk for four hours straight? Am I being humoured? Who can know.
RIGHT??!
http://www.modcloth.com/shop/skirts/eternal-echo-…
I wanted to get this skirt to wear to parties (with an ugly sweater?? I’m so fashion) but I’ve put off buying it because I really hate how modcloth does sizes. I might bite the bullet and get it rush shipped, though.
I love sooo many of the ModCloth ones but like…do I feel like spending Modcloth $$$?
And their sizing is perplexing to me. Agree there.
I am right there with you in the world of ‘well you’re, extremely okay, I guess.’
I’m not sure if this is me not really being as ready to date as I think I am, or just a few aggressively mediocre dudes, but it’s annoying me. I want sparks dammit!
Thank you for making the second half of your comment! It just clicked in my head that “office christmas party” may mean ‘slightly fancier than jeans and a t-shirt’ in which case… I am unprepared as well and will be closely watching a suggestions.
I have a black velvet suit jacket I found at a local market for $30. It’s glorious and excessive and I can’t wait to wear it out to the office party on Saturday night.
Vintage black satin smoking jacket with gold embroidery, way too much gold jewelry, over a simple tank & pants. Really needs a cigarette holder, but I don’t smoke so always try to have a bourbon cocktail on hand.
Pertinent to today’s Link Roundup, what’s everyone’s favorite (and least favorite) Christmas songs? I love all of the traditional carols, and I’d have to say my favorite is Joy to the World. Of Christmas music written within the last century, my favorites are probably All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey (It’s so happy! It’s so fun to sing! The slow, melancholy cover of it is a travesty) and the Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Carol of the Bells (It sounds like trailer music for an epic fantasy movie).
I can’t stand the Christmas Shoes, and I get very angry at Mary Did You Know and Do They Know It’s Christmastime.
Veni Veni Emmanuel! My family is secular Catholic, if that’s a thing, so I like my Christmas songs in Latin so I don’t really understand any religious aspects.
Veni Veni Emmanuel is my favorite too! It gives me chills every time. I also like In the Bleak Midwinter, and Gaudete.
I was just coming down to say exactly that, thank you! Also Adeste Fidelis. My then-fiancé took me to his old school’s carol concert once (it was in Bath Abbey, that is a better date than it sounds), and they sang it in ENGLISH, and I was very indignant and confused and mumbled about Anglicans all the way home.
(He also sang the descant, because he is a tenor with like five octaves, and I am a grumpy alto with one and a half. So there was that.)
I remember going to a Mass at one of the God Bless Vatican II-style churches where they only had the first verse in Latin, and they sang it AFTER they did the whole thing in English. It was bad enough to shame even a cultural Catholic.
Christmas carols in foreign languages are the best! Some of my Christmas albums have Silent Night and Lo, How A Rose E’er Blooming in German. I might have O Holy Night in French somewhere. Then there’s In Dulci Jubilo, which is this goofy mix of Latin and English that I totally love.
We sang Lo, How A Rose in my staff meeting yesterday. English and French.
The church my family goes to for Christmas Eve mass always sings Tu Scendi Dalle Stelle and I really like that one. It feels special because I don’t hear it all the time.
I also love All I Want For Christmas Is You and TSO’s Carol of the Bells! I also have an inappropriate love for Last Christmas, by Wham.
As far as traditional carols, I adore O Holy Night, even though my love for it makes me feel weird because I am decidedly non-Christian.
Pretty Paper. The Roy Orbison version. It is the best and no one ever plays it.
Baby It’s Cold Outside can freeze to death in a hedge maze.
I hate Baby It’s Cold Outside with a burning passionate….. flames-flames…flames on the side of my face…breathing…breath…heaving breaths…
My favorite is Judy Garland’s version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” because I like melancholy around this time of year? I don’t know, it’s always been my favorite though. I also love Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s “Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24” and “A Mad Russian’s Christmas” (which is probably because I used to do ballet and so Nutcracker music forever has me in its clutches). “All I Want For Christmas” and Eartha Kitt’s version of “Santa Baby” are also definitely in my top songs list!
I’m 100% with you on your bad songs list. Christmas Shoes and Do They Know It’s Christmastime are the worst. I find Mary Did You Know annoying, but I have a weird Clay Aiken version that I kind of like because he makes it super dramatic and over the top.
I love so many Christmas songs, but I love O Come, O Come Emmanuel and Josh Groban’s I’ll be Home for Christmas always makes me tear up.
My kid is doing her Christmas dance recital to “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, which I did not like before and definitely do not like now.
What is the “new old-fashioned way”? What does that MEAN?
My sisters and I just discovered the Hanover Winter Song which mentions wraiths, gnomes, witches and fire gods, thus catapulting it to the top of my list. But I am also very found of Pat a Pan, the Coventry Carol, and carol of the bells.
If I never hear that foul two front teeth song again it will be too soon.
A few years ago at Harry and the Potters’ Yule Ball, the between-sets playlist consisted ENTIRELY of every single cover version of Last Christmas in existence. I think I was stockholmed into unironically and wholeheartedly enjoying it ever since.
re: traditional carols, We Three Kings but only if you get to do the myrrh verse (SORROWING, SIGHING, BLEEDING, DYING), which my church sometimes leaves out, the wimps.
My parents would always play a CD of collected Bing Crosby – Frank Sinatra – Nat King Cole Christmas tunes, and that to me is the most and best Christmas.
YES, people who leave out verses in Christmas carols are such wimps. See also people leaving out the “No more let sin and sorrows grow” verse of Joy to the World (Far as the curse is found! Far as the curse is found! Fa-ar a-aaaaas, far aaaaa-a-as the curse is found!)
You are my people. Hells yes on Joy to the World.
Also, Good King Wenceslas. Dude. Just… SING ALL THE VERSES! Or it truly does not work.
We Three Kings because it has major *and* minor keys. And doesn’t it feel like traveling by camel, the way it rolls along?
White Christmas by Otis Redding
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love
Fairy Tale of New York by The Pogues and Kristy MacColl
The only christmas song which I will acknowledge the existence of is “Fairytale of New York.”
I love Christmas Wrapping by the Waitresses, and I enjoy most versions of Carol of the Bells and O Holy Night.
Last Christmas is the worst, both because of the song and the ranting from my mom it provokes.
My two favorite Christmas songs are Veni Veni Emmanuel and Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence, as well as Silent Night. I like singing along to the songs I grew up on in church choir, preferably the ones we sang in the dark with a bunch of candles.
Baby It’s Cold Outside is the worst Christmas song ever created, with the *single* exception of the version by Abney Park. This is because, in that version, when the lady asks “what’s in this drink”, the guy GIVES HER AN ANSWER (“rum”) instead of trying to deflect the question.
Oops I just tried to start a Christmas music thread farther down without seeing this first. I’ll park myself here instead!
I like Carol of the Bells (especially that TSO version; doesn’t everyone?!) and Still, Still, Still, a gorgeous lullaby that deserves to be better known. Also I’ve had music from the Messiah and the Nutcracker on heavy rotation. I tend to like O Holy Night better in theory than in overwrought practice.
The worst Christmas song is Christmas Shoes, obviously. The Little Drummer Boy is also terrible – it’s a snorefest musically, and the whole concept of the song is stupid. You know what this newborn and this lady who just finished giving birth would probably like? some dipshit kid drumming in their general direction.
Just want you all to know you’re all participating in the Little Drummer Boy Challenge (whether you know it or not): http://littledrummerboychallenge.com/
I love the Cherry Tree Carol, because misandry: https://youtu.be/D7JzmJTUUko
Pas/Cal’s cover of “Last Christmas” redeems the song, and has wholly replaced the original in my headcanon: https://youtu.be/dYc4TU2oWSA
And “The Christmas Massacre of Charlie Brown” subverts the seasonal earworm quite nicely: https://youtu.be/-DLvmKP85ac
My favorite is the Snoopy Christmas song. I tear up every single time I hear it, thinking of the Christmas truces during World War I.
Peace O’er the World! gotta love those sightless eyeballs. Also O Come, O Come Emmanuel, We Three Kings, Gaudete, Star in the East, Down in Yon Forest, Personent Hodie… basically this entire CD.
and All I Want for Christmas Is You and Last Christmas (I don’t care, I love it), of course. 🙂
As for least favorite… I dont’ HATE it, but I’m really not a fan of In the Bleak Midwinter. bleeech
I was a teen when the original Do They Know It’s Christmas came out, and the experience for me had nothing to do with the idiocy of the message and everything to do with singing, “At Christmastime, it’s HARD,” and then laughing through the entire rest of the song. Beyond that, my dad liked Babs Streisand, whose version of Jingle Bells is possibly the most punk rock thing I’ve ever heard, and my mom liked Johnny Mathis, who always sounded like he was sitting on top of a broken washing machine while singing. Maybe carols aren’t entirely my thing.
Boney M’s Christmas Album for all the flashbacks of my youth.____Bad Religion’s Christmas Songs because it’s beautiful and they harmonize so well and they don’t make a joke of it at all which brings joy into my atheist-christmas-loving heart.
It’s hard to pick a favorite! As a Young Person, I did ALL THE CHOIR in school and church, so I know them all and in multiple languages.*
But, pressed, I’d say Mannheim Steamroller’s version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.
*Relatedly, where does a (VERY) secular adult go to sing Christmas songs with other people who just like to sing and not think too hard about the liturgical implications? Alone in my car isn’t the same feeling as being in some old hall with friends harmonizing on Veni, Veni.
If you find the answer to this question, pass it along. I quit my local community chorus because it was focused fairly firmly on the liturgical implications (well put), but I SO MISS SINGING CHRISTMAS SONGS WITH PEOPLE OTHER THAN MYSELF. And my four-year-old.
-Adeste Fidelis
-O Holy Night
-anything where you get to sing “gloooooooooria” for a very long time (so, Angels We Have Heard on High and Ding-Dong Merrily on High, basically)
-anything in a minor key
Despite being an agnostic, I hate basically all modern non-religious Christmas songs,* from Rudolph and Jingle Bell Rock up through present-day stuff.
Oooh, the only thing better than a nice long glooooooooria is a FIVE GOOOLDEN RINGS.
There’s a great Grauniad article about Crimbo songs just up, but it misses out my favourite: Christmas TV by Slow Club.
omg I’d never heard of Mary Did You Know until I was unsuspectingly listening to the radio last year and I was FLABBERGASTED. Like, who is this random dude mansplaining at the Mother of God?
Get yourself the Mary J Blige version, where it’s more pensive and woman-to-woman, sort of like “girl your son’s going to be amazing but your days with him are numbered from the start, do you know what you’re getting yourself into?”
I basically hate any Christmas songs that play on the radio, just because they remind me of working in retail (and particularly of working in retail during December, when it’s too busy and people get angry waiting in queues).
But I really like carols, although I’m not at all religious.
I have almost nothing left of my childhood Catholicism except a moral framework and a deep, abiding love for Advent and Lent-style contemplation. It’s fucking freezing, there’s no fresh produce, and if I see any more tinsel I’m gonna puke; let me sit in the dark with my playlist of centuries-old songs in Latin and god-knows-what Eastern European language.
I’m very very excited to listen to all of Sufjan Stevens Christmas albums again!!! No one loves Christmas like Sufjan Stevens loves Christmas.
Omg I love hate-listening to the one where she’s lonely, cooking alone at home, then goes to the store and sees a guy in line who she’s been crushin’ on all year. “YOU FORGOT CRANBERRIES TOO?” I always sneer-sing alone in my car.
“River,” by Joni Mitchell, or anything else similarly melancholy.
Though I do have an unabashed love for “Dominick, the Italian Christmas Donkey” and that super schmaltzy “Merry Christmas, Darling” (I think the version I’m thinking of is the Carpenters?).
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and that one that goes “Last christmas, I gave you my heart…” can go to hell.
Fairytale of New York is my fave Christmas song, and Coventry Carol my fave carol 😀
I love moody instrumental versions of Good King Wenceslas, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, and especially Carol of the Bells. Growing up my family had a sort of Celtic Christmas album that had a lovely flute version of the Holly and the Ivy, so I’m partial to that one too.
Also, the soundtrack to the Charlie Brown Christmas movie, of course.
As for least favourite… the classic recording of The Little Drummer Boy gives me the creeps. The eerie echoing chanting, the deep “RUM… RUM…” in the background… nope. Sadly no one else I’ve talked to about it so far seems to find it that creepy.
Okay, so last night I stayed up until 3 trying to get my old Twitter usernames removed from Google, because I was dumb enough to use my real name in the real name part, and now I’m afraid people are going to connect my Twitter account to my old Tumblr account and trace it back to me, because if I Google myself I get my old Twitter usernames (though clicking on them leads to a “there’s nothing there” page, so I submitted a “remove outdated content” thing from Google which is still pending). I’m worried about this because in my Tumblr days (I deleted my Tumblr a few days before Thanksgiving due to having a minor nervous breakdown around the time, someone accused Hamilton of being problematic, I had reblogged a lot of Hamilton and I decided to just get rid of everything), I sent a few kinda rude asks to some people I admire, one because of something I said when I was 15 that I now deeply, deeply regret and two because of the aforementioned “Hamilton is problematic” because I really wanted to be reassured that no, it wasn’t, and I should have phrased all of it more tactfully. I did send apologies to everyone after I sent the asks, so there’s that. Anyway, I’m just afraid that someday I’ll reach the point where other people will Google me and this’ll all come back to destroy me. I’m well aware that that is a stupid thing to be afraid of, and people aren’t super likely to hold me accountable for kinda-rude things I did when I was 18, but I can’t get it out of my head.
This is way longer than I thought it would be.
It’s a genuine thing to worry about, though from what you say – and what you’ve done – it seems like you’ve sorted it out well. Another option is to set up a tumblr/twitter/Blogger with your real name and load it with anodyne content (cat pictures, landscape portraits, etc). Twitter content is only spottily archived, for a start (Adele – Adele! – has tweets that have been scrubbed from the web), especially if this is pre-2015.
And being a bit tactless on the internet, though it can very occasionally blow up for a person, generally doesn’t. It’s hard to keep that in mind with all the talk of ‘mass shaming’ and ‘mob mentality’ but usually it passes unnoticed. What matters more is that you apologised afterwards. Now forgive yourself. Words are tricky little beasts sometimes.
I just want to let everyone know, because I just figured it out, that when the reply or comment box is too small (like only 1-2 lines tall), you can drag it bigger using the lower right hand corner!
OOOOOH thankyou.
Bless you
Toasties, I am in a glass case of emotion this week. First off, I start my new job on the other side of the country in a month! I still don’t have a place to live or movers booked or anything. So that’s causing quite a bit of worry, but I think I can handle it, as long as copious amounts of cookies and mulled wine are shoved in my direction.
Now I’m gonna go all feminine health on y’all, because that is something I know that the Toast is here for. I got a call from my doctor yesterday to say that my last pap results were abnormal. She did say “IT’S NOT CANCER” very firmly about 10 times in our five-minute conversation, but I’m still freaked out. Apparently I have high-grade changes to the ol’ cells, which I gather from Dr Internet means that I have a persistent HPV infection, so I need to go to a gynaecologist and get a biopsy. Has anyone had this done before? Please reassure me that it will all be okay.
Ending on a happy note: my weekend plans are to make tourtière and watch the Muppets Christmas Carol.
I have had that same thing and it’s going to be okay. There’s a small amount of pain after the biopsy (I believe they cut a little in the general cervical area. I’m…not a doctor.), but it wasn’t anything more than slight cramping. Good luck and HPV sounds scary, but isn’t always. Plus, everyone (nearly?) has it, so, doctors deal with it all the time. Since that biopsy and freak out (on my part), I’ve had years and years of normal PAP smears.
I did not know about the Muppet’s Christmas Carol! I only know about Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas. Now I will look into it!
I had a colposcopy when I had the LSIL cells – is that what they’re planning to do?
A colposcopy…well, I’m not gonna lie to you. It hurts. They took a pretty sizable chunk out of me (to the point where my wife, who has perfected a deadpan face and who works in health care looked utterly horrified and muttered “that’s a PIECE of my WIFE”). There may or may not have been a small pool of blood. Bring someone who will crack jokes and let you squish their hands, because the doctor will just tell you to cough before he removes bits and the coughing does NOTHING.
The great news, though, is that after the first day of unpleasant cramping and bleeding you will pretty much never have to worry again. I haven’t had an abnormal pap since. I can honestly say that it was worth it. It sucked, as all gynecological health care seems to suck, but it was totally worth it.
When I got biopsied it was no big deal. My doctor told me to cough every time she took a snip off my cervix and I couldn’t feel anything. So I kept coughing like 5 times every time she asked even though she snipped during the first cough and she commented on how thorough of a cough-er I was.
Also, just to repeat your doctor- it’s not cancer!
Haha thanks. I think my partner was more worried about cancer than I was, TBH. I figured if it was cancer they wouldn’t have waited a dang month to get back to me.
I’ll take your advice with the coughing 🙂
Also, here is the article from The Pool that convinced me it was time to stop whining and make an appointment after a decade of ignoring my gynaecological health.
no cheeses for us meeces! </3 </3
Every time I see them I full-body writhe because of the cuteness. It makes my boyfriend so embarrassed, even though we’re at home alone.
Muppet Christmas Carol is the best adaptation of A Christmas Carol, I will fight anyone who disagrees.
Light the lamp, not the rat!
THE MUPPET FREAKIN CHRISTMAS FREAKIN CAROL. THE greatest movie of all time. Every scene is perfect. One thing I think the Muppets do really well is detail, and there’s just this overabundance of beautiful and weird characters in every frame. From the singing vegetables to the rat clerks (HEAT WAVE!!) I even have a place in my heart for Belle’s grindingly slow breakup song.
THE ONLY THING I STILL LIKE ABOUT CHRISTMAS.
AHHHHHH the singing vegetables, I’d forgotten about them!!!
this irregular pap thing happened to me many years ago, and all they did was send me home with a scary brochure about EVERY cervical problem EVER, and schedule a follow-up pap before a biopsy. the 2nd pap was fine and we never spoke of it again. but there were 2 weeks of wtf-ing about cancer and genital warts and all kinds of crap. thanks, scary brochure!
i’m older than the HPV vaccine, so i never had it. i also never knew i had HPV until a few years ago, i was sick 3 times i a row [eta: with 3 colds], had a pap and they said i was testing positive and just to get my immunity up to knock it out. first i ever heard of having it. :/
Tourtière makers unite! (Dad’s side of the family is French Canadian.) Do you add mashed potato as glue, basically?
(Good luck on your biopsy!)
I make tourtière the way my grand-mère, who is from the Gaspé, made it. It is a weird way and makes a very different tourtière than the one that most people are familiar with! No ground meat or spices up in here.
To whit: 1/3 beef, 1/3 pork, 1/3 potatoes, all cubed to about 1/2 inch square, boiled to hell and dumped in a pie shell with no spices at all, not even salt or pepper. Bake and serve each hungry family member a quarter of a pie, topped with ketchup or (if you’re a heretic, like me) gravy.
It’s really, really good. I swear. More than that, it’s a very emotional/sentimental dish for me!
I hear you! My recipe was not passed down from my great-grandmother–I think she did something much more complicated–but the end result is pretty similar. Dad used to eat it with ketchup, but I never did, just plain.
That looks delicious! It is also more what I think of when I hear the words “meat pie.” The beauty of tourtière is that it is incredibly versatile but always meaningful, I find.
I have had this. My pap showed irregularities and the HPV test revealed one of the strains that is linked to cervical cancer and is not covered by the Gardasil vaccine, which I’ve had.
I had the biopsy, which I remember as being very painful. (I see that others above found it NBD, which is great, but suggests that it is ymmv). The procedure was short and I had clots for a day or two after, which was uncomfortable. I think all this was made worse by my partner at that time being a real jerk about it.
So, not a great experience, but the outcome was this: the biopsy showed no cancer cells. Checkups at six and twelve months revealed no cancer cells and no further irregularities. HPV tests showed that the virus went away after about a year. (It does this.) And I ditched the boyfriend. So, this is why we do these annual exams: to know, to prevent, to get treatment if necessary. Don’t worry. You’re going to be okay and even if it hurts it will only be for a little while.
Thanks. I’ve never had the Gardasil vaccine (see above comment about ignoring my gynaecological health for a decade). Boyfriend has been really supportive and concerned, and he also feels really shitty for giving me HPV in the first place. I am encouraged, mostly, by so many kind responses.
I got that too! Without the “it’s not cancer” line and of course googling “abnormal pap smear” comes up with a bunch of results that say HPV! Cancer! HPV! So I freaked out a little yesterday.
Would also appreciate reassurences that abnormal pap smear ≠ everything is terrible.
An abnormal pap smear doesn’t mean everything is terrible! This explanation is great and very reassuring: http://thehairpin.com/2012/01/a-scenic-guide-to-y…
Oh this is the best article. And this is the best line: “We’re here, we’re queer, pap smear.”
Thank you! This is very helpful.
Coming back quickly to add THIS should be what shows up first in Google when you search for “abnormal pap smear.” Silly internet.
I will keep you/The Toast updated as to how this goes. Right now, I am just hoping that I can have the biopsy before I move to another part of the country, where I can recover at home with my kittens and/or my mom.
Hey! This happened to me last year, and again this year when I had a follow-up. I know this is a bit late for the open thread, but since my experience went on a bit longer than others, I thought it might help to have my perspective!
I’m not sure what your doctor told you, but probably your first step will be to go to a gyno and get what they call a colposcopy, with includes taking the biopsies. It’s basically a more in-detail pap smear. I’ve had two now where they took biopsies. I’m not gonna lie, it doesn’t feel great, but it’s not terrible (IMO). You can take an aspirin or ibuprofen an hour/half an hour beforehand and that will help with any cramps you might get afterward, and try deep breathing as well.
After the biopsy your doctor should call you back and let you know the results. In my case, they found some level 1 & 2 changed cells [they have a fancier word for it, CIN 1 and CIN 2, but that’s what it means.] Even if this happens to you, don’t panic! It doesn’t mean you have cancer! Unfortunately, it does mean you might have to go for a procedure called a LEEP, in which they basically take a hot wire to those bad cells and burn ’em out.
You can do this while awake (and they just numb you down below) or they can knock you out completely. I was really nervous, so I chose to be put to sleep for the procedure. As a result, I don’t remember anything about it, which was nice! There were no weird aftereffects, for me. You can’t have penetrative sex for about a month, and you might have some weird bleeding or other things, but it wasn’t particularly painful. They gave me the good drugs, but I only used them once or twice. The general anesthetic made me woozier and caused a longer recovery time than anything else!
After that, I went back for a follow up appointment to make sure everything was OK, a few weeks later.
Unfortunately, they found a medium-to-high risk HPV strain when I got my next pap smear, so I had to have another colposcopy. We shall see what comes of that…
Good luck! Hope it helps to hear about someone else’s experience. 🙂
Toast friends, I am looking for new poems and poets to love. Suggestions?
In trade, here’s some poems that a IRL friend suggested for me (she met the poet at a conference): http://verdadmagazine.org/vol16/poetry/bass.html
I like the way “Relax” is sort of in conversation with Antilamentation, which a lovely Toastie suggested a couple of weeks ago: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?d…
(Sorry I can’t do nice looking links today.)
My favorite poem of all time: “Eve,” by Enid Dame
I also love Marie Howe when I need a good cry, and John Ashbery (especially The Tennis Court Oath) 🙂
Thanks! That is excellent.
Have you read any of Randall Jarrell’s poetry criticism? It won’t help if you’re looking for contemporary poets, but he’s great on early 20th century poets, and his writing is really excellent in its own right.
I found this poem by Edwin Morgan this week. http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/one-cigarette/
Also, I’m in love with Manic Panic by Marisa Crawford (to the extent I’m thinking of getting a line from it as a tattoo): https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/manic-panic
Two poets whose work you can find online who I like are Jeni Olin and Sasha Fletcher!
Have you read any/much Rita Dove? I’m a big fan of her book Sonata Mulattica, a poem series about a mixed-race violinist who worked with Beethoven.
Allow me to share my poetry notebook on Evernote, where I archive random things I like. I cannot share the rest of the stack but I also have a notebook full of poems by Ursula Le Guin and another for Jo Walton.
I’m also very partial to Albert Goldbarth, who writes a lot of sciency poems.
I don’t get enraptured by poetry very much, but I very much like Amber Dawn.
I am deeply into Anna Akhmatova!
Me too! And Anne Carson, anything really, but the Autobiography of Red in particular.
Leah Umansky. Bryan Thao Worra. Catherynne M. Valente. Rose Lemberg. Bogí Takacs.
I am not really a poetry person, but I was introduced to Adrienne Rich in a grad class and I really enjoy her. I also liked Anne Sexton’s Transformations.
I don’t read a lot of poetry, but an acquaintance of mine (and former Hairpinner) just put out this book that I love. Lots of feminism/misandry, plus food & Russian folklore imagery.
One of my favorite writers, Amber Dawn, published a collection this called Where the Words End and My Body Begins, where each poem is a response to/riff on a poem from a queer lady poet. (This is apparently a style called glosa, I don’t know, I only minored in English.) It’s very Toasty! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23129956-wher…
Patricia Smith, full stop. Gwendolyn Brooks. Marilyn Hacker. MARY OLIVER, GO READ “WILD GEESE” AND REJOICE. Eileen Myles, June Jordan, and Staceyann Chin, whose “Faggot Haiku” is perhaps my life motto:
Faggots reach into
Their own asses we are not
Afraid of our shit
I pre-ordered Magic Mike XXL on bluray and it arrived today and tonight my friend is coming over to watch it and then we’re going dancing to a local 90s rnb night, and I’m also having a second Magic Mike XXL viewing next Sunday too with other friends and there are EXTRAS and life is glorious.
What are the extras???
We didn’t have time to watch them before we went dancing! Will save them til next Sunday’s viewing. But, there’s a making of featurette and the best thing is “Extended dance scene – Malik”!!
Okay, so last night I stayed up until 3 trying to get my old Twitter usernames removed from Google, because I was dumb enough to use my real name in the real name part, and now I’m afraid people are going to connect my Twitter account to my old Tumblr account and trace it back to me, because if I Google myself I get my old Twitter usernames (though clicking on them leads to a “there’s nothing there” page, so I submitted a “remove outdated content” thing from Google which is still pending). I’m worried about this because in my Tumblr days (I deleted my Tumblr a few days before Thanksgiving due to having a minor nervous breakdown around the time, someone accused Hamilton of being problematic, I had reblogged a lot of Hamilton and I decided to just get rid of everything), I sent a few kinda rude asks to some people I admire, one because of something I said when I was 15 that I now deeply, deeply regret and two because of the aforementioned “Hamilton is problematic” because I really wanted to be reassured that no, it wasn’t, and I should have phrased all of it more tactfully. I did send apologies to everyone after I sent the asks, so there’s that. Anyway, I’m just afraid that someday I’ll reach the point where other people will Google me and this’ll all come back to destroy me. I’m well aware that that is a stupid thing to be afraid of, and people aren’t super likely to hold me accountable for kinda-rude things I did when I was 18, but I can’t get it out of my head.
Oh, orthoclase. I hope Google goes ahead and removes the outdated content. Even if they don’t, try to take comfort in the fact that a) sending mildly rude asks on Tumblr probably won’t lead to your downfall even if people find out and b) if you keep putting stuff online the current stuff will move way down in your search results anyway.
Thanks. Intellectually, I know that, but sometimes I need to hear it from someone else. I seem to have this problem where I feel like I can’t express an opinion unless it’s one I’ve heard other people say.
Being kinda stupid on the internet is a thing that we all do. I’ve done it! Plenty of times! And I’ve scrubbed some stuff from Google, too. You’ve already taken a good first step by submitting a “remove outdated content” request to Google – it takes a few days, but it shouldn’t be a problem. I had to do a lot of this deep-diving into my internet presence when I got doxed a while ago (over a *librarian-related thing*, ugh), and even though it’s crappy, it’s good to know what is showing up.
It’s also true that most people only look at the first page of Google search results. It might be a good idea to do some good populating, like making yourself a professional-ish website and having a twitter account with your actual name that never strays out of acceptability (or, if you prefer, is strictly professional.) I try to keep my primary twitter account limited to librarian/archivist things, chatting with friends, and Hamilton-related silliness. My facebook is locked down within an inch of its life and I’ve removed my tag from any photo that’s less than flattering (I’ve also activated the “approve all tags/wall posts” thing, because I do have some professional friends on FB who don’t need to know about my life). Instagram is for cat photos, scenery, and food porn. Tumblr is for reposting my art and talking about comic books. My personal website has my CV and other professional things, and will someday have a blog maybe.
Honestly though, you will be fine. As long as you didn’t post, like, extreme hate speech, I think most people are understanding about the fact that 18 year olds are idiots. It sounds like you are taking steps to apologize for some of your more ill-advised decisions and trying to be a better internet citizen. We all go through the same thing. It will all be okay.
Thanks! It means a lot to hear from someone older and wiser than I am. (And I’m happy to say it was not extreme hate speech.)
If you don’t already have a linkedin account or google+, it’s worth creating them and loading them with safe content. Google prioritizes both in it’s algorithm for people’s names. It’ll push the other content farther down.
Thanks, will do!
I’m the only person with my real name in the world, as far as I’ve been able to tell, and I *also* have an internet alias that I’ve been going by since I was 11 years old. So I have quite a trail of silly things I’ve said in the past associated with both my names. None of those ancient posts have ever cropped up in inappropriate situations. Just check your name on Google every now and then, and you’ll be fine. Your post reminded me to search myself, which I hadn’t done in about a year. In addition to all the innocuous things (seconding the LinkedIn and Twitter suggestions below), a public facebook post thanking me with both my real name and my internet alias was the third result. So I’m asking my friend to take that down, and then it will all be good again. Thanks for the inadvertent reminder to check my name! 🙂
My friend has peer pressured me into doing a thing I wanted to do for a while, which is make historical costumes because reasons and pretty. I don’t want to live in the past. I just want to visit while touching pretty fabrics.
So, I’m going to my first SCA event tomorrow and now I’m worried about people judging my sewing because I whipped up an out in about a week or so with my sewing machine and no patterns, and instructions for 1 dress, but not the other.
AND OMG I AM EXCITED AND I MIGHT VOMIT.
All the SCA people I’ve known are always happy to get new blood in the group. The cool folks will welcome you with open arms and the pretentious assholes…well, this is a good way to figure out who they are early, right? Hope you have fun!
People who make historical costumes are the best. Of course, I may be a little biased as that is the way coloneldad would spend all of his time if he could. I’ve never known anyone who can derive such pure, uncomplicated satisfaction from handsewing eighteenth century buttonholes.
As long as you aren’t going to Calontir you should be fine. Coastal kingdoms are usually the most welcoming (in my experience), and most of the hard-core costumers love to talk shop with interested newbies. Have fun! Even if it is Calontir – I confess I’m biased.
What’s with Calontir?
IS THIS A THING? (I’m located in Northshield, in apparently the dorkiest barony of them all.)
I don’t know – there are a few good people in the kingdom, but after several poor experiences with various groups after moving to the Midwest from Caid several years ago, we gave up. I can assure you, having visited a couple Northshield events, you got nuthin’ on Calontir for dorkdom. As a side note, my husband is putting a new set of armor together with the intention of getting out on the field again and Northshield is likely where he will decide to go play, other than the odd war. That means I’ll have to haul out the old gear, shoo the spiders out, and then remake everything because nothing fits anymore.
The King of Calontir visited Boar’s Head this weekend and I heard rumors that some folks were like “Oh you shouldn’t visit Calontir from like November to March. The weather is terrible.” Since we’re all upper midwesterners, the response was apparently, “Actually, February in Kansas sounds pretty nice.”
Well, it looks like I can go to 12th night in Milwaukee, so if you want to hang we should figure something out, because right now I’m clinging to workfriend and the Chatelaine like a very burgundian limpet and that’s not gonna get old for either of them anytime soon…
Also, I might go to free fighting practice on thursday so because hitting things sounds like fun and why not.
My friends-who-are-as-family-to-me are all SCAdians and would never be judgey about what someone else has made, especially if you’re just starting out. And these are some very hard-core people, like my friend who has her own kiln to make period-appropriate viking glass beads (!!!)
At any rate, I hope you have an amazingly awesome time there!
Toasts! I put in an offer on ANOTHER nother house. sigh. Fingers crossed that this one works out. Cute lil’ townhouse with a spiral staircase to a loft. I’m so sick of looking, and I really like this one.
ALSO AND MORE IMPORTANTLY: I find myself in need of some Toast-recommended resources for a person of a certain age looking to explore nonbinary identities ‘n’ such. I’m staring down the barrel of 40, and maybe it’s time I stop Not Thinking About It.
Good luck! On both!
Good luck! House hunting is so stressful and losing out after you start picturing your life in a home is rough (I put in 4 offers before getting the house I now love – other than the frickin HOA – on the 5th).
So am currently trying to sift out symptoms of what could be anxiety from symptoms that could be something else, while waiting for my most recent bloodwork to be processed and my follow up EKG next week. (I don’t think I’m anxious enough to lose this much hair, you know? For example.) Can’t really do anything about it so am planning on spending the weekend sitting very very still and knitting and watching a shit load of television. Maybe I’ll make a pie and order in kababs. Fuck bodies, though, man.
I lose my hair from stress – also get stress-induced asthma, eczema, insomnia and on two memorable occasions chostocondritis (being so tense that the muscles between my ribs tear themselves and the cartilage). I lost about 2/3 of my hair altogether and it nearly all came back.
Man, I love this? I mean, I’m genuinely sorry because that all sounds truly, truly terrible to experience, and I would never wish any of that on anyone. However, I would LOVE for this all to be anxiety based so they can just give me some chill-out pills, and also for my hair to come back. The thing that gives me pause is that the hair falling out started before event zero occurred and maybe could’ve been part of what caused event zero? But conjecture is useless, and I just need to put the thoughts down and wait for the test results.
I hope that your stressors have all been removed and you are basically living a life composed of standing in a sun-dappled field while wind ruffles your luxuriously thick hair because you have EARNED it. Chostocondritis! Fuck that shit.
I kind of *have* to live in a sun-dappled field now, because my body now goes into massive overdrive at the sight of even a tiny amount of stress hormone and I get all these symptoms at things that 10 years ago would have given me a mild case of tense shoulders. I had a bit of a cascade of hideous life events all in a row over about two years and my body just had no time to get over the first thing before the second started, and so on.
Now (7 years on), the slightest stressy thing makes me start wheezing and stop sleeping and that is a sign to load up on the steroid inhaler and figure out what is going on and sort it out before it gets worse. On the plus side, I am zen as a motherfucker about almost everything now and it really is a much nicer way to live than worrying about work and stuff like that. I take no shit and give no fucks because my health will not allow me to!
I hope yours is easy to pinpoint and start getting past.
I also really don’t want to minimize anything by saying “just” anxiety – I know how fucking terrible panic attacks are, and stress-based illnesses are obviously quite real. It’s just that I HAVE anxiety and mystery weirdo EKG results do not help with that and I would just prefer if it was one thing I have to deal with (stress/anxiety) and not stress/anxiety + more physiological bullshit.
Oh, also my gentleman caller lost loads of his hair – in patches, and his beard – from stress a couple of years back, his has all come back except for where he was losing it anyway in a normal baldy man fashion.
Aaaaand it turns out I’m just pretty anemic, which is to be expected for my situation. Weekend plans revised to “sitting on couch eating lots of meat and willing red blood cells
to come back.”
Yay steak!
Load up on vitamin c while you eat your meat, too, it helps your gut absorb iron better. /former blood lab person/chronic anemic.
Feel better soon, both anxiety and anemia are unpleasant as hell.
This may not help, but while I was dealing with some serious health problems a few years ago, I was so stressed out that I lost a lot of hair (though my mane is thick enough that I was the only one who really noticed.) It all came back once the stressors were resolved! I’m hope hope hoping this is all stress for you and that whatever is so stressful flings itself into the void very, very soon.
This is really helpful, thank you! I’m at the point where I can’t pull my hair back in a ponytail b/c of the clear shot you get of my scalp in various spots. Unfortunately, my stress thing is not going anywhere for a while (3rd pregnancy loss in 18 months which of course is super stressful AND will jack up a body real good, as everyone keeps reminding me) but I hope I can figure out how to manage it all better, if that is indeed what is happening.
Are they checking your B12 levels? I started losing hair, having heart palpitations and feeling not myself mentally when I had B12 anemia.
They’re checking all the things, I think – my bloodwork should be back in a couple of days so hopefully that will give some answers! I’m glad that you found an answer and it helped – heart palpitations are so goddamn scary. How long did it take for them to go away, once you were treated, if I may ask? For me, I’ve gone through 3 pretty big periods of blood loss in the last year and a half and my potassium levels have been testing low ever since then so there could be something to the nutritional deficiency aspect for sure. So many possibilities.
I think it was a few weeks/months. To be honest, the tail end of 2009/beginning of 2010 is a bit of a weird blur because the anemia affected my memory. For example: I forgot that was the year I got my simple-minded lab mix and the year my dad had a stroke. I remember that these things happened. I just have a hard time slotting them into my personal timeline.
I apparently don’t process B12 very well, so I have to take megadoses of it. Also, I was very low on vitamin D. Never hurts to have more of that.
Fingers crossed the bloodwork gets you some clear answers! (Autocorrect voted for bloodworm, which is sooo much weirder). I recently did the reverse of your experience- had bloodwork come back with odd results, and no noticeable physical symptoms (until I started looking things up on the internet- so great that a symptom of hyper thyroid is anxiety…) Luckily things appear to have sorted themselves out, but that period of “what the fuck is up with my body” is no fun and I hope yours is sorted quickly!
Anemia! My revised best possible outcome! Explains all my symptoms and easily resolvable! And my vegetarian spouse will now cook me steaks.
The internet really is the best/worst huh? And SO MANY THINGS have heart palpitations and anxiety as symptoms. So glad your issues resolved themselves swiftly. Also I kept getting bloodworms too! In what context do people use bloodworms more frequently than bloodwork?
So glad it’s something straightforward! And delicious at that! Hope you get it sorted quickly.
I’m really concerned about the autocorrect robots, though- clearly something nefarious and bloodworm filled going down… There’s probably a very creepy story in there.
On Monday I thought I was falling into a trough of crippling lonliness and then on Tuesday I spent 5 hours burning through a fever. Fuck bodies indeed.
Like, I get that we can’t be incorporeal beings of light, detached from the needs of the flesh, but couldn’t the body/mind delineations be just a little bit more clear?
I almost would prefer having the bout of post-holiday blues I thought I was having rather than the bout of gastroenteritis it turned into the next day. No, no almost about it. Would have been better.
I am there with the weird body shit and hair loss, they think it might be my antidepressant (which, great, it took me 20 years to find one that worked, not stopping that!) or maybe stress. I’m hoping it’s stress. I am trying to dig out from a month of mystery kidney things and fever so I hope your body problems resolve themselves more quickly. And greek or lebanese meat-onna-stick?
Hey Toasts! Bummer of a day, bummer of a fall, really, just wanted to say hi. Things are hard and sad (both personally and generally, of course), but I always feel better coming here.
I really need to do some binge watching, but don’t know what to watch. I found Master of None at the least, meh and at the most, extremely annoying. I found Jessica Jones extremely awesome and compelling, but ultimately triggering in a way that I’m particularly vulnerable to right now. (Kilgrave reminds me of my mom! And sister! Yay me!) What to do? In the midst of IT Crowd. Need something light and/or romantic. Oooh, or a British mystery series. I loved Vera. Suggestions?
Do you like period pieces? Have you watched North and South yet? The BBC version, not the Civil War movie. I am not sure I would call it light, but romantic, OMG yes, Richard Armitage is the lovliest melancholy brooding darkling you could ask for, if you like the gentlemen.
Jane the Virgin is both light and romantic!
Gilmore Girls
Pushing Daisies (tragically I don’t know if it’s available to stream anywhere?)
Broad City
Community
Parks and Rec
Bob’s Burgers
All have served me well in times of trouble. For British mysteries, one of my friends really loves Foyle’s War. And I’ve heard that Gossip Girl makes for some seriously enjoyable cotton candy television.
I’m adding a GIANT YES for Foyle’s War. It’s on Netflix and the only reason I don’t watch it every day is because I have a lack of motivation to rewatch mysteries once I know how they’ve been solved. But it is *truly great*- acting, costumes, main female character who is a bit of a tomboy and curious and brilliant and more than just a “look! a female in a period piece based in WW2 England who isn’t a nurse!”.
Also, for a *seriously creepy* but well done modern day Welsh mystery series: Hinterland (also on Netflix).
I agree with the Jane the Virgin recommendations. Also, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is wonderful.
Have you watched Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries??!?!?!?! It is are charming in a very Agatha Christie kind of way, and I highly recommend it as a binge-watcher myself.
Seconding MFMM. Also Poirot with David Suchet. Such fantastic costumes and sets and he is just a wonderful Poirot.
Have you watched Rosemary and Thyme yet? British mystery series, very cozy.
A truly appalling name but Scrotal Recall on Netflix is super sweet. Miss Fisher always. And honestly, when I’m extra sad, I binge on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic 🙂
If you can handle subtitles, Rita on Netflix is great. Light-ish, romantic-ish, clever and funny. I also really like Mom.
I really liked “the Almighty Johnsons”, a New Zealand series on Netflix streaming. Three seasons long with a completed story arc (I’m not big on never-ending soapy shows – I like to know there will be closure at some point).
British mystery series recommendation: Jonathan Creek. It is very 90s and the first episode has an amazingly flamboyant Anthony Head doing a bad American accent, and there is lots of endearing platonic banter between Jonathan and his co-investigator Maddie.
Hello! I made the classic “texted something TO a coworker that was supposed to be to someone else ABOUT them” mistake yesterday. It could have been much, much worse than it was (slightly grouchy tone that she might not even notice due to a language barrier, rather than actively insulting), but I am still struggling not to spend the rest of the week/my life hiding under my desk in shame.
Can you please share embarrassing stories of a similar nature for my comfort and amusement?
I’m really glad your story wasn’t as bad as it could have been! But for the grace of god go we all…
This is a story about my boss, not myself.
We have a fraught relationship with a group of collaborators. After disconnecting a particularly difficult conference call, my boss says “That was painful.” We all nod and sigh, and then we hear the collaborator say “… Yeah.” She’d disconnected desktop sharing but not the phone line.
The boss’s boss starts laughing hysterically, my boss turns scarlet and hangs up the phone as quickly as possible without saying anything else, and the rest of our group just dissolve. I think I cried, I was laughing so hard.
When she talks about it now she says “Okay that was unprofessional and extremely embarrassing but also it was so painful.“
Hahaha omg, that is rough. There are so many ways for technology to screw us these days.
The silver lining was the roommates and I have been rewatching Arrested Development, so I had an excuse to come home and immediately announce “I’ve made a Huge Mistake”.
I was supposed to keep tabs on an employee’s arrival times in the morning and report back to her supervisor in an email. I always tried for a bit a levity in these emails and one day I wrote “LA arrived at (whatever time it was) this morning and her outfit is fantastic” then proceeded to send it to the entire company (small company but still). Good times!
But see, that’s fantastic. That makes it sound less like you were monitoring and more like you were super excited for her fabulous fashion.
I certainly lucked out and it could’ve been way worse. Still embarrassing, though. Ugh.
This happened about a month ago, but a zillion people on Twitter started sharing their own embarrassing anecdotes:
http://thebloggess.com/2015/11/and-then-that-one-…
(There are four pages of this, I think there’s a link at the bottom that will take you to the other installments.)
When in high school before the first class started, I once said something along the lines of “Do you think I don’t have anything better to do in class than listen to Mr. X?” He had walked into the room behind me as I was saying it…
I still feel terrible.
At a staff meeting, when my boss announced that she was pregnant again and going on maternity leave, I audibly said “Oh No!”.
(To be clear, I wasn’t upset about her pregnancy and I am a big supporter of family leave, but her first maternity leave had been a nightmare for multiple reasons and I really wasn’t looking forward to a second one. She later said that we all looked horrified by her announcement – although I was the only one tacky enough to say anything out loud. But the 2nd leave went much more smoothly, and my boss forgave me and even joked about it much later and we all lived through it).
I once sent to an email to a colleague sort of complaining about my assistant that she read. Background: my colleague and I had been discussing high-maintenance friendships in the coffee room. I get back to my desk to long string of back-and-forth emails between my former assistant (who still was working on some files) and my current assistant bickering about some detail, all of which I had been cc’ed on.
I forwarded to the email string to my colleague with the annotation “talk about high-maintenance…”
Well, the email got filed to the file because of some tech detail I was unaware of. My assistant is very sensitive. She wouldn’t discuss it with me. I had to call her into my office and make her sit down so I could apologize. She cried. I mea culpa’ed.
And that is when I made my very proficient and dedicated assistant, who is 20 years older than me, cry and feel publicly humiliated because she had been trying to do her best on my work.
If you want nice closure, we have a very good relationship now.
Back when email was a newfangled thing I tried to set up my address book in Unix mail one day. Then I sent an email to my brother, using my spiffy new address book, discussing (among other things) how my friend was planning to break up with her boyfriend who thought they were about to move in together. But instead the email went to everyone in my address book, because apparently I used email groups instead of individual names. Including the boyfriend. Who didn’t know his girlfriend was thinking about breaking up with him. That was the end of that relationship.
Hello Toast! I have a job interview in Prague this weekend that I’m nervous about because I’d really like to move to Prague. I’m trying to be positive and think about the fact that if I don’t get it, at least I’ve had a mini vacation. But after paying $220 for a flight to spend less than 3 days there, I’d really like that job.
Good luck! Prague is the bomb. Have you been to Bohemia Bagel? If not, I highly recommend their sausage egg and cheese bagel sandwich.
Thanks! I get there tomorrow around noon. Feel free to suggest more places to eat!
I hope you get the job! Living in Prague would be such a dream.
Cute animal GIFs or job advice welcome: I just found out I didn’t get a job I wanted, which was the only one I’d heard back from after months of applying. My only other job opportunity is a part-time thing and my connection there hasn’t emailed me back in a month.
I know I just have to suck it up and start another round of applications, which I’ve lost steam on. I have a job now, so I shouldn’t complain, but I’ve been miserable here and hoping for a chance to quit. Can’t help feeling disheartened.
Much appreciated. I need that white bunny in my life!
Aww, job hunting is The Worst. 🙁 Here’s a cheerleading crab for encouragement:
After the conversation about scents a couple of weeks ago where multiple people talked about how good Nest Indigo is, I went to Sephora and bought myself a set of seven mini Nest rollerballs. It turns out I like almost all of them, so I am very happy with this purchase. Also, considering how infrequently I actually wear perfume, I imagine it’ll last me a decently long time.
Hah, me too, and I hardly ever wear perfume either! With any luck I have the rollerball set waiting for me in my mailbox downstairs 😀
I treated myself to the Atelier Cologne giftset from Sephora last week, and it is divine and I’m wearing it every day just because it makes me happy.
I am surprisingly excited about their vetiver, considering vetiver isn’t usually exciting. Mostly I wear the mistral – I keep meaning to sell the rose and vanilla on eBay because I won’t touch them though.
Toasts! Oh, Toasts. On Wednesday I had my job interview (literally twelve hours of travel for one fifty-minute interview) and on Thursday afternoon they called me with a provisional offer, so I am moving to Washington in January to work for the Timberland Library System. My head is spinning. I still haven’t slept properly since Wednesday. I also don’t have the written offer yet (sent in the background check paperwork this morning) so I’m biting my tongue waiting to see a) what the salary will be and b) when I need to put in my notice. Which I want to do ASAP, because I have projects to hand off.
Not to mention moving things. I’ve gotten five phone calls from movers already, and I’m seriously considering getting an airbnb for a month so I don’t have to apartment-hunt remotely. Crap, and I need to call my current landlord to talk about getting out of this lease. I know I can do it, we talked about it when I first moved in, but I don’t know what they need.
Any Toasties familiar with the I-5 corridor/Olympia area? (Olympia would be a longish commute for me but it’s conceivable I might want to live there.) Anything I ought to know? Any tips for moving cross-country (other than ‘sell everything you own and plan an Ikea trip when you get there’)?
Congratulations! I’m just south of Seattle, but somehow I don’t know much about Olympia beyond “gee I hear it’s cool”.
I have moved across the country twice with the ABF u-pack thing, where you rent a set amount of square footage on a trailer, pack it, and then they backload. It was cheaper than the other options, but really works best if you are primarily moving nice square things like boxes and dressers. Also if you can semi-accurately estimate the square footage of your stuff.
u-pack is on my list of options! I am only letting movers touch my square things; I have a harp that they are not allowed near.
Ah!!!! Congratulations!
thank youuuuuuuu
Congratulations! Also, negotiate your salary!
I am reading alllllll the Ask a Manager posts on negotiation, and I am definitely planning on it. I think I have a good chance at a decent raise (which would functionally be a huge raise since I’ll be moving somewhere with a much lower cost of living)
Congratulations! I went school in Olympia. It is a delightful, and strange place. Would you be commuting further south along I-5, or maybe west on the peninsula? In either of those cases I would probably want to live in Oly. It totally depends on what you like to be near & where you’re headed.
good luck & welcome to the PNW!
I’d be going south – so I will look. Thank you! I am delighted to hear of the strangeness; I could use a little more strangeness in my life. 😀
I think your idea of getting an Airbnb for a short time as a landing place makes a lot of sense. That way you can get an idea of how the drive is and if you might want to live in whichever community you’ll be serving.
Unfortunately, it sounds like you’ll be landing in the area during its least appealing season (coming from a life long PNW resident.) Oly has a great farmers market and really fun spring and fall arts walks.
I did the same thing when I studied abroad in Ireland – I went spring term, January to June. I could not imagine what was wrong with me. Then it was spring in February and beautiful in March and I realized I would have hated it the other way around. So I am more than happy to move in at a low point – it can only get better, right?
jenavira, if you need storage space, hit me up. go to my username dot com for an email address.
OH YAY I was thinking of you and that bonkers travel for that interview. I’m so glad it worked out!
I am not super familiar with Oly but I understand there’s a cool art scene (Nikki McClure!). And maybe we’ll get enough folks together to have a South Sound meetup, someday!
Will you be serving the whole system? I never looked at its map before — it’s huge! All the way down to Ilwaco??
It is a massive system! I will be in just one library (being deliberately vague because I will be the only librarian and I don’t want to out myself) but I am stoked to have alllllllll that collection available to me.
Welcome to the South Sound! Olympia is great, not sure how bad the commute would be. Timberland serves a BIG area! My pal who is moving out of Lacy this week says housing is not that difficult to find, college town and all.
I am a boring queen bee, and have only moved cross-country once. I sent what few belongings I wanted to hang onto via very slow mail to my cousin, packed my car with cats/books/precious cast iron, and drove.
Google maps insists on telling me it’s only thirty to forty minutes to Olympia, which isn’t bad (my boss lives in Lacey). So that’s not bad at all, particularly since I’m used to Chicagoland where literally everything is half an hour away.
It’s starting to look like driving is the way to go. The only question is do I go through Montana or Nebraska….
South Dakota is gorgeous, go north even though it’s crazy. Nebraska is bleh.
I am from Olympia! I don’t know what direction you’d be commuting, but if it’s north to Tacoma or thereabouts, be warned of the Fort Lewis traffic. I think it’s better in other directions, but don’t have much personal experience. And I would definitely say that Olympia is worth it. It can be a bit much, but usually in a good way. I always have a lot to say about Olympia, having spent most of my life here, but I’m not sure exactly what sort of information would be helpful to you.
Congratulations!
I just moved across country and I did all my stuff in the ABF and it was pretty great and the only damage to my things was one mug has a tiny chip. that’s it. They store it at your home city for about 100 bucks a month too, so you can send it off, and if you think you can find an apartment in 2 weeks or so, you can just let it get there ahead of you.
You can sell everything you own if you like. I did a cost comparison of cross country which was about 3k versus trying to buy newish versions of everything I owned and decided it was worth it. The list looked like: “couch new equals x. could sell current couch on craigslist for x ” and so on, until I realized I’d probably spend more than 5k to replace my not particularly special things and some special things too.
I also sold lots on craigslist and that went well. I mixed craigslist with Facebook groups (like the hairpin group). First I did a huge mass post, then I narrowed down by individual big items. Make sure anyone who comes to pick up a big thing gets a list of the little stuff like, “need anything else? frames, shoe hanger, etc?” I got a lot of the little crap out the door that way.
Lastly I highly recommend a road trip to move some of your stuff if you have a car. Its so awesome. it felt like a really good transition- to see the whole country change and so empowering to drive myself to my new home. Seriously I’m now filled with a lust for the open road. If you can, stop in Pie Town New Mexico. It’s what it sounds like.
Oooh PS Roadtrippers.com that’s what we used in combination with a gas station atlas. And get a national park pass, its $80 and if you get to three parks in the next year you paid for it.
Toasts, I’m thrilled to say that my partner is giving up his apartment and moving in.
Any and all advice on transitions are very welcome. It’s been 20 years since I last did this.
Congrats, that’s so exciting! I would recommend a conversation about housework right off the bat, to see who prefers to do what chores and figure out how to divide everything.
That is excellent advice, thank you. I’m going to start that conversation today
Chore boards! I don’t care that we are grownups, chore boards are great for accountability and stopping the argument before it starts.
Thank you! I wouldn’t have thought of that.
It sounds really dumb, but: make sure you each know one another’s expectations re: chores and bills, AND ALSO what each other’s dealbreakers are with those things/what you’re willing to put up with or absolutely not. For instance, when my best friend and her now-husband moved in together, she discovered that they have drastically different ways of cleaning the kitchen. She can’t go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink, but he doesn’t really care about that specific thing and didn’t understand how much it stressed her out. It became a surprisingly big issue for them after a few months of not having that discussion, and they’ve solved it now, but it took some serious conversations about housework to get there.
The other thing, and I can’t say this enough, is to remember that your partner can’t read your mind. I take MrChouffe at his word, so when he says there’s nothing I can help with for dinner or that I shouldn’t worry about the dishes right away, I accept that at face value. For a long time, he would say that I didn’t need to help with dinner or do the dishes right away but then get super pissy when I wouldn’t subsequently help with dinner or do the dishes, until I finally lost patience with the pissiness and told him flat out that if he tells me this stuff, I will believe him, and if he wants me to get something done right away he needs to actually use his words to say it. Things have gotten a lot more pleasant since that conversation.
We’ve already started the kitchen conversation, because we are in different camps (slovenly wouldn’t be entirely off base to describe my kitchen); and because the old, original 1925 kitchen in this house is problematic. So I appreciate the reminder to keep talking about it; and be mindful that this is a big one for me/us.
And YES to the mind reading. I worry a bit that Mr. Lass and I are both a bit conflict avoidant, and that he doesn’t always tell me what his preference/needs are.
If you’re both conflict avoidant, may I suggest bi-monthly house meetings. There’s nothing like bringing something up under the guise of an “agenda” and then writing it down in the house meeting minutes. It makes it feel less like a conflict and more like a very business-like point of order. And then I can ask myself, is this bothering me enough to bring up at the house meeting? Or do I not actually care all that much? It means that problems aren’t ongoing, so much as cyclical, which is a great fit for my confrontation (or lack thereof) style.
That’s a really helpful suggestion, since it isn’t just the two of us but my teenager as well.
Regular meetings would hopefully reduce the potential for constant triangulation.
If space allows clear out a space and let that space be only your partner’s. Also flag out a space that is just yours. If separate alone spaces won’t work talk about how to handle needing alone time.
Seconded — having your own space, even if it’s just a corner or alcove or whatever, is super important.
Oh! thank you – separate space doesn’t have to be a whole room, does it.
Thanks, we are in a small bungalow, so space is at a premium and it will take some good communication to not be on top of each other all the damn time.
Good luck! Talk a lot about boundaries and expectations – and how to deal with it when expectations aren’t met (cause inevitably there will be things you didn’t expect). Try to think of everything that might be an issue and at least address it, so it’s out there (will you be sharing all food and groceries? does it drive you crazy when someone finishes the milk and doesn’t buy more? how often do you each typically do dishes/sweep/wipe down counters, etc)
We are starting those conversations, have figured out our mortgage a.d bills split, discussions about dishes and putting things away.
It helped us to differentiate between tolerance for messy and tolerance for dirty. Thank you!
Ooh a big one could also be stuff. You have stuff he has stuff, what happens if you hate his stuff or he hates your stuff? We’re slowly narrowing in, but I think it can be hard in a hetero relationship to give up rulership over decor if you are a woman, so just be mindful of that, plus everyone is a hoarder. I just have friends who are like “his stuff is HIDEOUS and he wants to put it in MY PLACE” and like I get it, I hate ugly stuff too, but man that sets up a real expectation about who owns the domesticity. Do you guys get veto or a space to each decorate on your own or what? Those are good questions.
I agree, this is a.big one, full of gendered expectations.
I’ve been working on it in my own head especially since it will be his stuff moving into what has been my house.
We’re currently negotiating on curtains. 🙂
Beware stealth expectations – your unstated expectations that frustrate and annoy you to no end when they are not met (but how could they be, since you never stated them?) – from all three parties! Make sure your teen is communicating her/his expectations also, and that she/he knows what is expected.
it’s my birthday so i treated myself to lunch at a cafe near my work that i’ve been wanting to try and let me just say: i want to live inside the sandwich i am currently consuming. i want to eat it so quickly but also never finish it so i can enjoy it forever. and i got to pet a dog while waiting for the sandwich so all in all a fairly solid birthday so far.
WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH IS IT. We must know.
it was roast turkey with jarlsberg, apple chutney and pesto mayo. it was heaven. it was everything good in the world.
I’m going to my parents’ this weekend to bake apology cookies for my ex-roommate. Anybody know any recipes that say “sorry for my passive aggressiveness, have a happy New Year?”
Anything chocolate and peanut butter:
Buckeyes.
Those peanut butter cookies with the hershey kiss on them
Thanks!
The answer to this, and many other cookie questions, is Ottolenghi’s spice cookies.
Rum balls, covered in pretty pretty sprinkles. Unless your roommate is a no-alcohol person for whatever reason, in which case I would say some kind of double-chocolate cookie.
He’s under 21, but I will save this for the future!
When I was in high school, my friend Becky used to make her boyfriend these cookies whenever his team lost a soccer game. She called them her “I’m sorry you suck” cookies. They were bomb.
http://www.popsugar.com/food/Cake-Mix-Cookie-Reci…
Those flourless peanut butter cookies that arise on the internet anew every few years (and, before the internet, in those fundraising cookbooks). For example: https://glutenfreegirl.com/2006/10/yum-yum-peanut… And for people with PB allergies, they are also good with sunflower butter. And egg substitutes work well, too.
Also, these are amazing: http://nymag.com/restaurants/recipes/inseason/459… I usually make them with pecans instead of walnuts.
If you add a little extra flour to a double-chocolate cookie dough (or any dough, but especially this one), you can stick a Rollo in each one and sea salt on top for chocolate-caramel sea salt cookies. They are delicious witchcraft.
Thanks to whoever it was the recommend Batiste dry shampoo in the open thread a couple of weeks ago! I bought some and it is amazing, and also probably dangerous considering how lazy I sometimes get re: hair-washing already.
I love this stuff! The best tip I learned wrt dry shampoo is to use it the night before so that the oil in your hair has more time to absorb (I usually top it up in the morning but it’s not really necessary). I remember to do this about 65% of the time and it is always great.
Yes! I love when I wake up and last night me has remembered to dry shampoo her hair. My hair is naturally very flat but when I’ve slept with dry shampoo on I actually have something approaching volume.
YES OMG I thought I just hated dry shampoo but it turns out I just hate *most* dry shampoo.
Does it help with the way oiliness changes one’s hair color?
I’m a blonde and whenever my hair gets oily it also gets noticeably darker. (sorry if gross image). Not the end of the world, but it can be a little disconcerting/make me feel gross. My hair color already varies by season with the amount of sunshine I’m getting; would rather not have it also vary based on how lazy I am about washing it. Does the dry shampoo prevent this, since the oil is no longer weighing down the hair??
thanks!
I am also blonde and my hair does the same thing! I think the dry shampoo helps with that, although my oiliness clusters at the back of my head (sorry), so it can be hard to tell.
I am deep into Finals Time and despair of the holidays ever actually coming. If I can make it through the next week and a half, I think I should be okay, but that seems like a long time off.
HOWEVER, fiance and I just booked our flights for our honeymoon next summer (we got an alert that fares had dropped significantly, so we made extremely hasty final decisions on dates/locations). We are now looking at Airbnb listings, which are so very much cheaper (and nicer-looking) than I had anticipated that a large amount of my anxiety about the cost of this trip has subsided.
Finally, TOASTIE TWITTER, GET AT ME. I follow a bunch of you but would love to meet more! I am at @actualmeg, where I mostly post mundane complaints, flailing reactions to TV shows, links to articles I think are worth reading, and pictures of my cats.
Can I ask where you’re going for your honeymoon? I’m in full planning mode for my own wedding/honeymoon and I’m just on high alert for related happy planning posts.
I’m @bindavisdraws on twitter where I post about cats and video games and puns.
My fiance is doing an artist residency in Berlin for the entire month of July, so I’m meeting him there for the weekend. Then we’re heading to Arezzo (with day trips around Tuscany), then Nice (with day trips around the French Riviera). This still seems like a panic-inducing amount of money, but honestly the main cost is getting to Europe, and then we’re planning to be super frugal. (Plus, since his Berlin trip is funded by a grant, he’s flying over there for free.)
Where are you thinking of going?
Oh wow that sounds AMAZING! I’ve backpacked around parts of Europe (although I haven’t been to either Tuscany or Nice!) but I can second that it’s totally possible to do really cheap as long as you can get over there. I basically survived on pop tarts that I bought in bulk at costco before I flew over there so I could avoid paying for food, but I am sure you have a much better plan for being frugal.
We’re debating whether to go to a national park (probably Yosemite) immediately after the wedding, because national parks are cheap and we’re wilderness backpackers. Or, we could wait a year after the wedding so we can save and fly someplace cool (I’d like to go to patagonia but that is a dang expensive flight).
Hi, I followed you! I’m ghoul_nakano.
Yes please, Toastie Twitter! My Twitter following is currently a smattering of randos and mostly inactive IRL friends and I’m desperate for people to engage with my thoughts on TV and the occasional feminist outburst. Also more cat photos are always welcome.
@keyohso
For fans of Dorothy Sayers, and particularly the Wimsey/Vane stories, this made me feel All The Things: http://tightropegirl.livejournal.com/23764.html
(Lots of discussion of the Jill Paton Walsh continuations; I agree with the essayist that they’re very good fanfiction, and that I don’t mean that to be derogatory.)
Thanks for this!
I agree SO STRONGLY about the JPW continuations. Even though my heart has not entirely forgiven her for killing Pickled Gherkins and making Peter the Duke.
(ETA: Sobbing at that article, All The Feelings indeed.)
I *believe* that the first death came from Sayers herself, but I can’t seem to prove it. I did find this backed-up collection of the Wimsey Papers, her wartime columns, if anyone wants to fall deep down a rabbit hole: http://web.archive.org/web/20030711112319/www.pem…
I also agree with that. I feel strongly that she was reacting totally reasonably to the feeling that all the young men who flew were dying and would have eventually changed her mind and let him be horribly injured in a crash leaving him with serious disabilities rather than outright killing him off.
I just finished “The Attenbury Emeralds” so I shall savor this essay greatly.
1) everything is terrible
2) AGAIN
3) as always, it’s entirely my own fault
5) I should not even have avoided consequences for this long, but I have been lucky and/or privileged
4) I can’t talk to the person I want to talk to about this because she’s overinvested in my life and tends to translate her anxiety into anger
5) I feel guilty and anxious and also just very sad
6) the urge to curl up in bed and cry is getting in the way of my ability to salvage this situation
1. That sucks and I am sorry that is happening to you!
2. You are a good person and it is okay to make mistakes.
3. Your mistakes do not define you. The important thing is what you will do next.
4. What you must do next is the best you are able to do. No matter what that is.
5. All of your feelings are valid. They also do not define you.
6. Crying is also okay and valid and sometimes you do have to just cry yourself empty before you can decide how you are going to fill yourself up again.
7. We believe in you.
Sending you big warm internet hugs. When I feel that way, it helps to get it out of me, either talking to someone who will just listen or writing it down in my journal. Do you have an option like that?
And know that you are strong and smart and deserve good things and you will find a way to Fix Things, but it’s also ok if you need to curl up and cry before you roll up your sleeves and get started. You can do this. You can get through this.
Thank you for your kind comment. I’ve been thinking about the journal thing, and though I’ve never kept one before, it might be helpful for me. One of the things I’m not very good at is noticing when things are going from Fine to ReallyNotFine, and making a note of the situation every day or week might help me with that.
*internet ninja hugs*
You use a lot of words like EVERYTHING, ENTIRELY, CAN’T, SHOULD – all these absolutes – and I know, I trust, that those are what you are feeling. But there are far more softer edges to matters of human relationships.
Think about someone you care for saying that to you. Think about a complete stranger saying it. You are neither that lucky nor that terrible. You’re closer to normal than you think or feel.
Cry and sleep and eat first. Then talk to someone.
You are so wise.
The Bargain Bin got me thinking about loafers like I never have before. Anyone have a favorite pair they can recommend, or more generally, what are your shoe staples? I’m not one for heels but otherwise I’m not picky!
I really like the Everlane ones! I’m not much of a loafer person myself but these look nice on others whenever I see them.
I want to be an oxford person but I’ve never really found a pair I loved. Instead I’m deeply committed to low-heeled ankle boots. Most recently I like the tyre tread ones from Keen!
I have a pair of Bass Weejuns that are lovely and classic-looking. I’d recommend!
2nd-ing Weejuns! I have a pair from a thrift shop that I’m wearing right now.
I have a pair of burgundy Weejuns that I LOVE but are nowhere near being broken-in comfy yet even after years. (Of course, part of the problem is that I never wear them because they’re so stiff…)
I have a pair of brown leather desert boots from Clark’s that are perfect in every way unless it’s raining. Definitely my go-to everyday shoe.
Also, I spent entirely too much money on a pair of black Frye oxfords but they make me feel badass and powerful and that’s worth it in my book.
My shoe staples are high-top Chuck Taylors because I an secretly a 14-year-old boy and they’re also the same shoes I lift in.
I alternate between black leather Chelsea boots, brown Danksos and my Birkenstocks. I am v happy that orthopedic shoe brands have actually become trendy recently. Even my go-to fancy shoes are a pair of medium-heeled Sven clogs.
I could use some “just getting through normal life is hard sometimes so remember that not everything sucks and the good things in your life actually really do outweigh the small insignificant nuisances currently occupying your day” vibes today. Finals, spending the day at the mechanic to fix my broken car, plus I forgot to take my pill so now I’m getting my period and have cramps today. For any of you having one of those kind of days as well, I send my positive vibes and a recommendation to google goats in trees. Goats. They are the darnedest things.
Aww good vibes to you.
Thank you!
I’m new to IntenseDebate. How do you imbed images and gifs in comments?
The way I do it is to use a link, and use the img src tag, which goes as follows, using angle brackets instead of square:
[img src=”http://here.goes.your.link”]
Positive vibes right back atcha (my go-to Google image search on bad days is “Cher stage outfit”)
I’m gonna throw this out there into the Toastverse in hopes that someone out there can commiserate – do any of you get allergic (?) reactions to things you’ve eaten that take the form of bumps/swelling on your lips? I’ve been dealing with this for months now and it’s so frustrating. I THINK it’s a result of eating certain spicy/gingery foods, but it’s really hard to tell. My doctor gave me some hydrocortisone which helps a bit but does not prevent or clear up the problem 100%. If this happens to anyone else I would love to hear about it and feel less alone in the world!!
This happens to me also! One or two small but painful bumps appear on the edge/margins of my lips after eating spicy food made with any kind of strong chilies or lemongrass. Spicy food made with horseradish or wasabi doesn’t trigger it. I don’t use any cream or allergy medicine for it but do try to avoid trigger foods. If I cave and put hot sauce on my taco, keeping the food oils wiped off of my lips while eating and rinsing my mouth & chin area with a splash of water after the meal helps to prevent or alleviate the reaction.
Yay it’s not just me!!! I’m kinda jealous of you though – my bumps appear alllll over my lips 🙁
Stupid spicy food and its stupid deliciousness! Why must we suffer?
Are they bumps but not itchy? Do you ever have a burning sensation in your mouth/throat? It could be acid reflux instead of an allergy (I get both… And I get panic attacks from the acid reflux thinking I’m dying of my allergy grumblegrumblestupidbrain)
You might try going to a gastro as well as an allergist… Or test using an otc reflux med like Prilosec first. If it really is an allergy you would have the antibody stuff in your bloodstream (so they can blood test to settle this one way or another)
My best friend gets this whenever she eats apples.
Do you know if she’s ever gotten any treatment for it? Or did she just stop eating apples entirely?
I think she just stopped eating apples, mostly; she had a ton of food allergies even before this one developed, so cutting one more thing out of her diet wasn’t a big deal.
I don’t know if it’s the same thing as GreenGrasses’ thing, but the apples one is almost certainly oral allergy syndrome. I get it with apples but only when my allergies are already bad. Also I get it with fresh snap peas off the vine, which is so sad.
Bananas. I don’t get bumps, but every time, my lips start hurting and swell up and feel kind of itchy (can lips feel itchy?). I don’t have a solution for it except don’t eat bananas (this is fine. I don’t actually like bananas all that much. The window in which they are acceptably firm is small and I can never seem to open them correctly and I don’t trust them). But, you are not alone.
Thank you! People on this thread are definitely helping me consider things I hadn’t thought of before as the cause, so I am grateful for all the responses. I don’t eat bananas that often, but I’ll certainly pay attention to my symptoms the next time I do!
Ugh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! I had food allergies all through my childhood that ranged from itchy lips to emergency room visits. If you haven’t already, I’d recommend getting allergy testing. Skin prick tests are annoying – poking your arm with a little bit of allergen to see what gets a reaction – but not as scary/hurty as shots or drawing blood.
My less severe ones were from proteins in certain raw fruits and veggies (apples, carrots, corn, eggplant, etc.), and those got better after a series of allergy shots. I don’t know if that works for other kinds of foods, but there’s hope!
Oh man, I never considered my beloved raw veggies to be a cause!! I had always blamed spicy foods because they hurt my lips more whenever they were aggravated already. I will do some research into the raw veggie thing – thanks so much for the lead! Hopefully I can get referred to an allergist and can get the test.
Mangoes are related to poison ivy? I think? and you can be allergic to the outside of the skin. Have you been eating a lot of smoothies with mango? Also tomato sensitivities can do that, in my experience.
I’m not a mango eater, but tomatoes definitely. I had never even considered that – thank you!
This happens to me with mangoes, definitely.
Yes! If you can isolate what it is, do – mine never progressed (which is good because I don’t know what’s causing it), but my brother’s began to cause some mild anaphylaxis symptoms. Benadryl right away is hugely helpful for both of us, might be worth a try.
Eta: he’s allergic to drupes. No stone fruit or almonds anymore. Food allergies can be basically anything, so a food diary might ‘ve most helpful.
My dad and brother both have drupe allergies with anaphylaxis, and my sisters and I are all allergic to pineapple with burning lips/tongues and little bumps.
My dad is also highly allergic to honey that has been made with drupe pollen (and bee pollen too), so have your brother be on the lookout for that. It developed about 5-10 years after the drupe allergy began
My sister gets something similar with shellfish. Over the counter Zyrtec helps with hers.
For me, mangos.
I’ve fallen in love with this web comic: http://www.alwaysraininghere.com
It’s Canadian, well-drawn, well-written (by students! how so young and talented?). I inhaled it over the last couple of days.
It’s just so sweet and angsty. Oh, teenage romance. I think it mostly appeals to me because the central couple makes out at a party and then awkwardly enter a weird friend/boyfriend limbo which reminds me so much of my romantical orgin story with my husband.
Thanks for the recommendation, I’ve added that to my comics list. It’s so sweet and lovely.
CHRISTMAS MUSIC! What’s everyone listening to? What do you love, what do you hate, what’s your Pandora station serving you, what are you forced to listen to at work/while shopping/etc?
I have a favorite Boston Pops album that I’ve been listening to. It sounds like Christmas – warm and shiny, lots of brass – and the arrangements are terrific. Here’s my favorite track from the album, a long-ass medley of a bunch of Christmas songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49qI0BwjXSY
Well when I was little kid I didn’t understand racism so…. I LOVE the Christmas album by the California Raisins and it is my holiday-themed problematic fave.
Fairy Tale of New York is offish the best Christmas song of all time, according to me. And Peanuts, obvs. I also like I Can Hear the Bells by Mike Doughty, because it’s not officially a Christmas song but the lyrics are seasonally appropriate. Also, it plays during a key Veronica/Logan moment in S2 of V. Mars.
Oh godddddd.
I have too much Christmas music. Most of it old. Some of it terrible. All terribly meaningful. (To me. Otherwise there’s no excuse, I’m looking at you, Garth Brooks xmas album.)
But the second I hear the intro to this song from this particular album (“A couple of, uh, teenaged tunesmiths around Hollywood here, Mel Torme and Bob Wells, have penned an item which I consider quite appropriate for tonight. It’s sort of a musical Christmas card…”) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GBTnTjpC9bo
I’m gone. Break out the ornaments and the hot chocolate. It was the first song on the first holiday cd my parents would play when I was very, very small and to this day it elicits a Pavlovian response that Christmas begins NOW. I’ve memorized all of Bing’s banter between the various tracks, right down to the inflections. I am not ashamed.
I also make it a hobby to try to find as many Tommy Dorsey xmas tracks as possible. Not just because I love big band music, but also because there’s a certain connectedness that comes from knowing great-grandpa’s blowing the trumpet. So he’s still a part of my Christmas, even if we never met.
I especially love a capella at Christmas, so I’m totally into Pentatonix and Go Fish (their first Christmas album, before they made it big and got totally obnoxious).
I’m very fond of instrumental Christmas music. One of my favorites recently has been Kim Robertson: https://youtu.be/tdcq5qIArZs
Anonymous 4 has a CD of medieval rounds and polyphony that is my go-to.
I’m arranging “Coventry Carol” for solo easy banjo right now. Essentially anything medieval is my choice for Christmas music.
I love Anonymous 4! And your banjo carol sounds so cool.
Thank you! I was trying to remember their name and having a huge mental block. Couldn’t even think of any good search terms. I always buy myself a new Christmas album every year to listen to while I do my baking and this is absolutely the vibe I’m feeling this year.
I put all the Christmas music on my ipod on friday, all 600 tracks. I like a mix, but I grew up listening to Bing Crosby and Motown, the Osmonds, and MoTab christmas albums, so I can’t not listen to them. I love The Priests album Noel so much, it might be my favorite.
I tend not to listen to “traditional” Xmas music until the tree is up, so I’ve been listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens holiday tunes to bridge the gap.
I love choral Christmas music and a small selection of more modern songs, but my biggest Christmas shame is that I honestly find “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” funny and charming. And weird novelty songs like “Surfin’ Santa” (the Lord Douglas Byron one — apparently there are others).
I will listen to Fairy Tale of New York forever or Silver Bells by Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney twice.
otherwise I despise all christmas music.
The Darkness (of 2004 hit “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” fame) have not one, but two absolutely fantastic campy Christmas songs. Here you go, and you’re welcome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5dVCPH8f5Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbQ_vRFmfdU
We played A Christmas Festival and Fantasia on Greensleeves in band in high school and it was so great. And I’m seeing the Pops this weekend!
I’m really loving this playlist at 8tracks : http://8tracks.com/deeannahandbury/merry-christma…
It’s got a mix of winter-themed music, classic Christmas music, the Nutcracker, and some classic tunes like “Dream a Little Dream of Me”. The first time you listen through it will play them in order so all the songs from the different subthemes will be grouped together but if you listen a second time it will be shuffled. There is a version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” on there, so feel free to skip that if you want.
My favorite Christmas song of all time is “Baby Please Come Home” (U2 version). Also a big fan of “That’s What Christmas Means To Me” by Stevie Wonder.
“Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime” has always been my least favorite by a mile. but I heard “You Make It Feel Like Christmas” by Neil Diamond in CVS yesterday and I might dislike that one even more.
I love, love, love the Liona Boyd album A Guitar for Christmas.
Pandora’s Hipster Christmas station is pretty good if you like banjo rock. And I always enjoy The Killers’ annual Christmas song (they donate the proceeds to the Global Fund to fight AIDS).
My absolute, undisputed favorite holiday album for 20 years running is Leon Redbones’s Christmas Island. I just put it on repeat for most of the month of December.
Bay Area Toasties meet up planning thread ACTIVATE.
Last time I tried to organize one some Shit Happened in my life and I fell off the ball with no explanation and I still feel guilty about it because Bay Area Toasties (and all Toasties) are so excellent but I am super, super down to go and/or help out as needed!
politeyeti and I are talking about meeting up on Sunday afternoon in Oakland, are you available for that?
Alas no 🙁 🙁 🙁
I’m happy to organize. I know OliviaPJones was taking about it yesterday. I’m free Sunday afternoon if that’s not too soon.
Are you on twitter? There’s a group of us there, we have brunch sometimes.
I’m not, twitter scares me a little (so fast, so many people!). I think I have an unused account, though. I could try to brave it for Toast meet ups, but I suspect I’d forget to check it and miss them.
Ok, well I’m open for Sunday afternoon anyway. Are you in the city, East Bay, other…?
I’m in the East Bay, but I work in the city and will get out of work around 2 on Sunday. You?
I’m in Oakland, near Uptown.
I’m open to suggestions local to you! I’m still newish to the area and don’t have a lot of coffee shop preferences.
Oh! Hmm. What does it say about me that I mostly have bar recommendations? Don’t answer that…
I am on twitter and I’d love to do an East Bay Toasties brunch. How do I get on that?
Ooh, hi! I’m in the East Bay :3
I don’t Twitter but I am in the east bay and would love to meet people!
Had to have the first ’this is how we’ve decided to divide up the wedding budget/we are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves’ conversation with my Very Traditional Banker Dad last night, and I think it went…okay?
I’m still worried that he’s taking the fact that my fiancee and I want to pay for the majority of the wedding because a) we are in our 30s and b) we want to eliminate as much of the ‘I am paying for [x] so I get final say in what [x] looks like’ as possible to mean that a) we do not love him (or really I do not love him) and b) we have no concept of money and will be digging ourselves into a pit we shall also be living in because we’ll be bankrupt. I’ve told him we’ll be sharing our projected budget with him and Mom/my fiancee’s parents, and that we really think we’ve divided things up fairly/in a way that will not lead to financial ruin for any of us, but ugh, it’s hard being firm with him. Especially given that even after all that, he’s still saying “when we pay for [xyz]” when [xyz] is not a thing he’ll be paying for.
Sorry to just dump this here, but I needed to share/vent a little, I guess? If there are Toasties who’ve been at this rodeo before, I could use some advice.
When our parents expressed an interest in contributing to our wedding, I found it was helpful to give my parents concrete things they could pay for, rather than ideas/concepts, such as “catering” or “flowers”.
For example, we wanted to have 8″ individual cakes on each guest table rather than one giant cake. So my mom was in charge of selecting and buying antique/thrifted cake plates for each table. This doubled as her contributing monetarily (cake plates can be surprisingly pricey) and planning-wise.
Good luck!! And A+ to you for having an ongoing conversation with your family about wedding budget expectations!
Hey, Toasts. Update on the recently lost job situation: At the start of the new year, I’ll be moving back to Dallas. I’m actually looking *forward* to this, because A) I miss my friends and family back there something awful, and B) I’m going back with the intent to start grad school. Thank you all for the advice a couple of weeks ago; I’m following up with HR about the relocation assistance.
With the perspective this whole ordeal has given me, it’s clear I’d be much happier doing research from a position closer to the scientific side than the medical/coordinating side, so that’s what I’m after. Probably never would’ve realized that were it not for this experience, so there’ s something.
Therefore: Grad school student/graduate Toasts! I’ve never done this before. What do I need to know? What do I need to avoid? I’m currently aiming for one of the life sciences or biomedical engineering, if that helps.
1) It’s fun!
2) Don’t go if it’s not funded.
3) Find a mentor or four in your faculty, and make sure they know you expect them to assist you in your research, your future job prospects, and any/all life stuff. THEY OWE IT TO YOU.
When you say “don’t go if it’s not funded”, does that count for Masters, or just PhD? Sorry to quibble, I’m only asking bc the universities in my area don’t seem to fund Masters programs. (This is a long way off though, I have catch-up undergrad stuff to do before that.) Thank you very much!
Both masters and PhDs. If you can’t get funding from the university itself, you can probably find full scholarships from other places. (Though it puts you in a bind: some scholarships won’t come through without proof of enrolment.)
Grad school is great but it’s not worth debt. Ever.
Strongly, strongly seconded.
allanaa has great advice! I would add look at the kind of jobs you want to do and see what kind of degree you need to do those jobs. PhD is not automatically better if what you want to do doesn’t require it. And if you want a job that requires a PhD you probably won’t gain much by doing a masters first.
Masters or PhD? For a PhD especially, make sure you have a clear, defined, and considered reason for pursuing it. PhDs are a long hard slog, and doing it because “it sounded good” or “it seemed like the next logical step…?” is a quick road to heartache and unhappiness.
I GOT A PROMOTION!!!!!
I have basically no time to explain because today is the busiest day of the year, but my CEO pulled me into his office yesterday evening and called me a rockstar and told me he is giving me the official title (Media Relations Manager) for the new additional responsibilities I took on earlier this year. His admin came over to congratulate me, and I joked that “all I need now is the salary bump to go along with it” and she implied that that might happen too. We don’t get bonus & raise numbers for another week or two but I AM SO EXCITED.
YOU ARE THE WINNER HUZZAH!
Toasties! In a couple weeks I am going to drive for two days and then a week and a half later I’ll do it again in the opposite direction. Any audiobook recommendations?
I’m digging the 3 Cormoran Strike books by JK Rowling writing as Robert Galbraith. They’re dark and gritty murder mysteries, and very good. I’m not usually a dark and gritty mystery girl, but these are fantastic.
The Outlander books
The Bloody Jack series (YA)
I also like scary books with good performances:
Lock In (written by John Scalzi, read by Amber Benson/Tara from Buffy)
N0S4A2 (written by Joe Hill/Stephen King’s son, read by Kate Mulgrew/Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager)
Locke & Key (read by a lot of famous people who do a good job)
Bloody Jack is so good although I didn’t know there is an audio version!
Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making is amazing and read by the author.
What do you like? For road trips, I often enjoy something funny, so anything Carl Hiaasen, or Peter and the Starcatchers, is a YA novel read by Jim Dale
I like mysteries and fantasy – audiobooks are hit or miss for me but I need a non-music option for this trip.
We do a lot of podcasts for roadtrips- RadioLab, Death Sex and Money, and Longest Shortest Time all seem to keep us both awake (I have about a zillion more options if you want).
In non-fiction, Mark Kurlansky’s Cod has been well road tested in my family.
anything from Bruce Coville’s Full Cast Audio series – more like theater, less like someone reading to you. We are fond of the Enchanted forest Chronicles, but I think a bunch of Tamora Pierce’s works are also available.
I have a confession: I have been quietly sitting on Hamilton tickets since July, and next Saturday (my birthday), I get to use them.
I am also going to a bar that looks like this:
Bestill my 18th-century-loving heart.
That is such a gorgeous fancy bar, I feel like there’s a dress code to even look at that picture
I made a reservation, and then looked in my closet, declared all my clothing unworthy, and then ordered a fabulous new dress.
You can’t just say that and then not post pictures of the dress, tho.
Yaay! Please report back on both Hamilton and the bar.
Please drink absinthe in this bar. Please.
I really, really, really hope that bar’s dress code includes mandatory powdered wigs.
I would have no objections, nor to dusting off the old robe à la française.
Ah. But it looks like there’s a Hogarth on one wall and a Gainsborough on the other. Surely a robe à l’anglaise would be more appropriate.
You are right. Good eye!
Also, do you know about this Gin Lane Doc Marten line?
I don’t know how to get it to the US, but I can dream of hauling my books around in that bag.
oh goddddd
I WANT IT. I WANT IT SO MUCH.
Is it socially acceptable for me to just slather everything in my life with Hogarth? I come from a long line of 18th century nerds. Surely my family will understand my life choices.
I envy your lineage. Especially now that I am out of academia, I’m just a lone weirdo.
My parents do rev war reenacting. There is a Charleville hanging over their mantle along with coloneldad’s actual cavalry sword. My baby brother bought himself a completely accurate reproduction century military drum that is probably worth more than my car. My grandparents live in Williamsburg. I named my cat Casimir Pulaskitty and my dog after one of Washington’s foxhounds.
It isn’t a hobby, it’s a sickness.
I had to look up Casimir Pulaski (I did British literature for grad school), and found this painting. I hope your cat has delicate whiskers and a fierce glare.
He has a certain dapper, noble, appropriately Polish bearing at times, and a propensity for charging headlong at danger, but his glare is rather lacking. Also none of the gender ambiguity.
But I still think his name and rank suit him.
(The Brigadier, as seen on appropriately 18th century chair.)
I am going to NY relatively soon so um
what is this bar
?!
eta I could reverse image search but I would rather be told by a Cool Toastie
unless I am very wrong, it’s this
(i am uncool and reverse imaged)
It is Dear Irving, indeed. Reverse images searches are magic.
What is this bar? If I were dressed fancier, I would be tempted to go there straight from work.
EDIT: Found it. Know where next fancy date will be.
Board/card/tabletop games thread!
I went to a board games night last week where I taught two people Sushi Go! and then taught one person Netrunner. I am going to a different event with board games tonight, but I didn’t have time to put my Netrunner demo decks together again, which is probably for the best for this particular event.
Also, I finally am getting close to having enough Netrunner cards to use netdecks without making a zillion substitutions. I am currently playing a Chaos Theory Stimshop deck that is exactly as someone posted it and a SYNC tagstorm deck that I only made small changes to. I think I will stick with them for a few weeks, because I feel like I often almost understand how they work.
Sunday is a local Netrunner singleton tournament, which should be silly and fun and I’m looking forward to it. (Usually a Netrunner deck can have up to three copies of any card; for this tournament it can’t have more than one copy of any card.)
How are everyone else’s analog gaming adventures going?
Tonight is our group’s semi-monthly board game night, but it’ll just be four of us and we don’t really have anything new to play. I still haven’t played my Eldritch Horror expansion but that is more fun with more people and on a day when we have more time to play.
I am working to organize a bunch of friends and my girlfriend’s cousins into a board game day and even though I have gamed with everyone else in this situation, and they all like gaming, and they all want to do this, it is brutally difficult to organize 8 mid-20s to mid-30s working adults to do anything.
That said, I did get to play Guillotine with the gf and some friends last week. It was fun, and I won. (The “and” should maybe be replaced with “because”.) I actually have a Guillotine rules/wording interpretation question if anyone else has played it or would like to take a crack at a ruling.
I have played Guillotine recently and am decent at interpreting rules and great at making up answers in a clear, authoritative voice! What is your question?
Greatest possible skill set.
Setting: first turn, first day. I was dealt an action card that lets you take a noble from another player’s pile, and then lets them take one from yours. I played third; my opponent played first. They took Marie Antoinette. When it was my turn, I played the aforementioned action card. I took Marie Antoinette from them. Obviously, my noble pile featured no nobles and thus offered them nothing to take. I said this was a fair play; they disagreed. What is your ruling on this use of that card?
Hm, I tried to reply through email but failed to follow directions and now my reply is out there in the ether somewhere. Let’s try that again: I say that’s absolutely a fair move! If the card said “Trade one noble from your pile for one noble from another player’s pile,” I would consider that to mean that you must have at least one noble to play it, but as it’s worded I don’t see anything wrong with your play. For one thing, it would obviously be legit to play that card if you only had negative-value nobles in your pile, which would be even worse for your opponent’s score — I’d even argue that it would be legit to do the opposite of what you did, to play it against someone who had no nobles just to force them to take the Hero of the People off your hands, although I’m not sure it’s actually possible to set up that situation in-game.
(Whether it’s an advisable move is a different question, since obviously it is the kind of move that will result in that player being your sworn nemesis for the rest of the game.)
Ok. I will just take this approval and hold it in my heart, because she would probably be a grump at me if I told her that, in addition to losing, she was wrong about that interpretation.
I had some people over last weekend for boardgames and we played a bunch of western themed games and it was super fun. Plus I just backed a game on kickstarter called “why the long face” that involves bad taxidermy (I think a Toastie linked to it), so I’m excited to get that and play it over the holidays.
I’ve hit the 2 month mark with my sexual consort and it’s kind of freaking me out because I haven’t dated anyone longer than that in years (and the last person I got to 2 months with dumped me on Valentine’s Day). For a loooot of reasons I’m okay with the fact that terms are currently undefined, but the constantly wondering if he’s gonna ghost (which is based purely on past behavior of others; he is consistently but not overly affectionate and communicative) is unpleasant. (Basically I go through oxytocin/happy-brain-chemical withdrawal a few days after I see him, every time, and feel slightly insane. And then slightly high when I see him again? Ugh brains.)
But I’m glad I have a forum for the free-floating anxiety I’m too cool to share with IRL friends. Thanks, Toast.
everything you said, yes. fuckin’ brain chemicals, man.
i enjoy playing little games with myself where it’s like we’re in a mexican standoff and i’m determined not to blink first.
when he blinks first, it feels so good.
also i have really outdone myself with that mixed metaphor.
I know that feel bb. My heart goes out to you. <3<3<3
Big sympathy on pesky brain chemicals.
A wee bit of practical advice if you can stand it: tell the consort that you have a Thing about ghosting, and that you would be much easier and happier with whatever it is you’re doing if he could promise to communicate directly with you if he needs or wants to disappear. Maybe mention that he hasn’t done anything to make you think he’s ghost, but it’s a Thing that’s in the world and worries you.
It’s a tiny bit of awkwardness conversation-wise (because who wants to bring up endings when you’re full of post-coital bliss and all?), but will give you peace of mind. It’s worked for me (and I got consolation chocolate when a consort did eventually break up with me).
WHY HAS IT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME TO DO THIS
This is a great dating tip. Thank you.
I’ve been reading The Toast on and off for over a year, without commenting, I just needed to hear advice on this (every comment section I read on here is full of friendly helpful people, so please offer advice if you can).
Reading The Convert series has helped me seriously reconsider my own approach to religion/spirituality. I’d already progressed from aggressively atheist to casually agnostic (with a side of ‘huh, Judaism seems really cool’ and ‘Paganism/witchcraft sounds awesome’). But I thought I was fine with just a healthy appreciation of the wonders of the universe (STEM major here) without having to add in anything else.
But I’ve grappled with some depressive episodes that involved wishing there was a deity out there, because my intellectual appreciation of the universe wasn’t enough reason to keep living (at the time! I’m out of that dark place now). And I grew up reading enough fantasy that I often find myself wanting “something else” to be real, just because it would be so cool if Faerieland (or w/e) was really a parallel universe, or people could tell my future from my palms.
So I recently sat down and realised that I want “something else” to exist, I’ve had times when I needed “something else” to exist, and hey look, I’ve been reading about all these women finding that “something else.”
So I tried – I tried praying for the first time in my life, being as honest and open as possible. I asked any deity out there to talk to me, said I was willing to admit I was wrong, I just needed something I didn’t have and wanted to work with the universe/a deity to get there. I just asked for communication from whoever was out there.
Every time my Christian friends in school had talked about God, that was all they needed to do – ask openly and honestly.
And nothing. No one spoke to me. I was emotional, I cried a bit, I was angry that I needed something and these other women had found faith that they needed and why couldn’t I. Then I admitted that I was upset and angry, and tried again, and nothing.
So, what do I do now?
I was fine being agnostic, my life isn’t over because a deity didn’t speak to me, but I really truly wanted one to, and it’s hard not to fall back into that annoyingly atheist ‘If their god was real, then He/She/They would have spoken to me when I needed Them.’
It was easier to appreciate/respect other people’s faith when I didn’t want it.
So please, any Toasties out there who found faith after looking for it, either because of The Convert series or not, please talk to me.
This must feel so depressing and sad for you–you didn’t want it, and now you do and it doesn’t even show.
Maybe this isn’t answer you want to hear, and I am hardly religious, but….maybe someone or something did speak to you? But it wasn’t right then, and it wasn’t the way you expected. Maybe in the next few days, or just like, till the end of the year, if you commit yourself to looking out for signs, you’ll see them. And what you might have chalked up to coincidence and might still chalk up to coincidence can be what you’re looking for. Sometimes when I have been struggling it’s not what I find inside myself that helps me, but a totally offhand remark from someone else, or a strange turn of phrase on a sign, that illuminates things.
This is what I wanted to write, but I was struggling with a gentle, kind, correct way to do it. Thank you, tuochadoucha.
I’m going to second this. It took me years. Years of trying things and listening and praying and meditating and reading and learning. And when it did come, it was nothing like what I was expecting AT ALL. (I was driving. I almost went off the road.)
So, I would say, if you really are committed (and it’s fine if you’re not) keep trying, but perhaps try something different. You may be asking the wrong question, or listening for the wrong words. It’s not the same for everyone.
Wow okay, as long as you can get a sign like that, maybe I should keep looking for one.
If it’s worth it, I’ll keep trying. I just had this idea that God would speak to me if I truly wanted it and when it didn’t happen like that, I didn’t know what to do next.
I don’t even know where to start, honestly: while I think certain organised religions have a better idea than others, if I’m looking for Absolute Truth then my opinion seems like the wrong place to start.
Especially since I just asked for what I needed – please, anyone out there, I need to know if you’re there.
Okay, I want you to know, my heart is breaking for you. Taking that first step to actually ASK is incredibly humbling and terrifying. And if you want to contact me directly I’m at girlnamedjack dot toast at gmail.
So the last thing I’ll say is… ok it’s two things. First, this can be incredibly frustrating. It’s kind of like when you’ve been single forever and yet another happy paired-off person tells you “it’ll happen when you stop trying” or “just keep putting yourself out there” and you want to punch them in the teeth.
Second, I think for most people, it takes more than just asking. There’s a reason organized religions are so popular: they teach a lot of people how to listen for the answer. That didn’t work for me so I had to figure it out on my own. So what I’m trying to say is that… ugh this is hard. I was asking and asking and I thought I wasn’t getting an answer, when in reality I was. I just didn’t recognize it. It’s like… learning a new language? Sort of? Or hearing a bunch of noise and suddenly realizing there’s music in there, a tune you can follow. Ugh words are garbage. Sorry. I’m going to shut up before I make things worse.
Thank you so much. I’m actually tearing up reading these answers and people understanding me (or just trying to), which I wasn’t expecting at all.
As I was saying to RoseCamelia, I don’t like the idea of treating subconscious thoughts as quiet responses from who I’m looking for. I’m very used to anxiety-type intrusive thoughts, as well as purely imaginative conversations with myself in my head. So I couldn’t trust a thought in my head as being a communication.
Right now I’m just, ugh, I don’t want to start anything unless I know what I’m doing. I like what you said about organised religions (I’d never thought of it that way) but – I guess what I was hoping for when I tried praying was just the heavens opening and someOne saying yes my child I am here, but I wasn’t expecting that. I was really just looking for someOne saying ‘hey, these people have got it right. Go join that group and I’ll start speaking with you.’
So like I wouldn’t join a religion unless I knew that was the place to start. And even what you did, keep trying and reading for years, that requires some kind of faith that you’ll get somewhere in the end. Or it would for me. So I need faith to start looking for faith? And for me faith is proof.
Anyway, thank you for talking to me. I think I’ll do more thinking (hah) and then I probably will email you.
Thank you for replying but honestly that’s exactly the answer I don’t want.
[It annoyed me to no end when my religious friends chalked coincidences up to God (especially because they didn’t include bad things). And while I can see that in a worldview in which a god is responsible for everything, they must be responsible for coincidences as well, it was such an obvious fallacy to me.]
And what I really want/need, at this point, is something sure. Some knowledge. Someone I can talk to and know that they’re responding. I’ve heard people say that God wants faith without proof, but if someone needs proof, then surely they’d get it?
People talk about having conversations with their god, knowing that they’re there. I’ve tried just talking to the universe, many times, but I don’t have that assuredness, that comfort that other people apparently get from praying.
I don’t know. I’ll try what you suggest, keeping an eye out for a sign, and maybe it will be a true sign and I’ll just know it’s true.
I don’t know. But thank you.
This may not be the answer you want to hear either, but I have found that a meditation practice has really helped shift my sense of the world being a place without meaning and purpose. Now it feels to me like a place where everyone is trying to do their best, and we can help when we are not so hung up on our own stories and mental habits.
Thank you for replying. That is actually helpful to me. I’ve been considering starting meditation for other reasons, and maybe I should. I didn’t consider other ways to find a ‘spiritual’ sense of meaning and purpose. Maybe that will be what I’m looking for (or at least help fill this unexpected void).
You said ‘a practice’ – do you have any recommendations?
I am in the zen line of things myself, but any kind of meditation or mindfulness can be equally beneficial – but you have to do them. It’s like going to the gym to build up strength, you have to keep practising, not just read the books or pay your membership. One quote that I really love, from a Japanese zen person, and which your words above reminded me of: ”Buddha dharma is immeasurable and boundless; it cannot be something which fulfils your desire for satisfaction’
Funnily enough, part of what I was looking for in this ‘spiritual search’ was a sense of purpose to give me motivation to do other things in life – like long term commitments. But it sounds like the meditations are good in and of themselves, so I like the idea.
Thank you.
Two ideas- one this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Wisdom-Escape-Path-Lovi… I find buddist ideas to be sort of shockingly bleak and atheist in a way I can enjoy, but also full of spirit in another way. Part two is try a Quaker meeting if you can find one. make sure you go in for unprogrammed worship. Its about learning to find your own voice of godly-ness, and from a practical standpoint it’s about the most non-aggressive version of going to church every week you can find out there
Huh okay, I hadn’t considered Quaker meetings (honestly didn’t know they were still a thing). Thank you, both of those sound like they could help. Seems like a lot of Toasties found help in Buddhist ideas.
I got Meditation for Dummies out of the library about a decade ago, when I hadn’t yet realized that the reason my job was so awful was that I had PTSD, and my boss’s yelling was triggering me. A think I found appealing about the book was that it was nonsectarian and had a large range of exercises from different religious and ethical traditions.
The practice I settled on at that time was lovingkindness (sometimes referred to as Metta), which involves remembering feeling unconditional love, then generating that feeling and sending it out to a loved one, a stranger, and a difficult person. It did not result in my feeling deep compassion for my boss (or liking my job), but it made it easier to get out of the house in the morning and easier to wind down at night, which was about as good as that situation was going to get.
And I would second eegghh’s recommendation of trying a Quaker meeting. I don’t go regularly, because the ones in my area conflict with the worship service I attend, but I have found being in intentional, focused quiet, in the company of other people, to be powerful and moving.
SmrtCookie already suggested some form of God is Love. This sounds like maybe a good way to practice that?
I’ll see if I can find a copy of that book. And the same for the Quaker meetings. Maybe the whole group-mind-intuition that humans are so good at will work for me in this case.
Thank you.
I’m not sure if this is helpful to you since I’m an atheist, but I find it comforting that literally anything in the universe is possible. Maybe Faerieland does exist out there! Maybe there are things that we don’t even know how to name, or conceive of, and maybe that’s what people are getting at when they talk about “God.” On my good days, I enjoy not knowing. On my bad days, it makes me sad to think that there will never be an answer. But, on the plus side, I don’t spend any time waiting for A Sign From Above.
Haha yeah, that’s how I’ve spent most of my life. Even came to peace with the concept of death and ending, while holding human experience sacred.
I just think I’m at the point where on my good days, I don’t think about it, and on my bad days, I’m missing something.
I wasn’t expecting to get to this point, and maybe it won’t last, and I’ll go back to being gleefully agnostic. But right now I need something else, and I thought this was it.
Gently atheist here. Some people who feel responses to their prayers are feeling their own subconscious thoughts. This is true for a few people I know well. However, I leave room for others, those who know their own inner thoughts a little better, to feel responses when they pray that are less internal.
So I’m with the Toastfriends of faith who say that maybe the responses you want are yet to come, or are present and not yet recognizable.
I want you to have what you need. I cannot offer faith, but I offer earnest caring.
That’s kinda what I’m afraid of – I’m used to talking to myself and I’ve had the kind of intrusive thoughts that come with anxiety, so I couldn’t trust any little internal response.
And I would hope that a deity would understand that. I’ll keep hoping.
Thank you for caring.
I relate to the mistrust of your internal responses. (I know I said I’d shut up. I’m sorry.) And a deity might understand that, but they also might not care. Unfortunately for many of us, this kind of faith requires going well outside of our comfort zone. That might be the price of admission for you – letting go of the fear that you’re actually just talking to yourself.
Last thing I promise, I promise: if you have a feeling of resistance, you may want to explore that. From a certain point of view, it sounds like you’re asking a deity for something, but you’re also simultaneously closing off avenues for a response. You might want to try to get more comfortable with the idea that this might happen on the deity’s terms, not yours. What if the answer actually does sound like a voice in your head? It’s not so much faith without proof, as it is faith to trust the proof you are (probably already) being given.
As an atheist who’s happy to be an atheist, I’m going to kind of chime in with this. It sounds to me like the problem is that your mind is a minefield right now and talking to yourself is something you can’t do without setting up walls and marking the places where you’re not going to go. And you’re thinking of God as something totally external to your mind that’s going to come in and bypass all that and speak directly to you. But (and this is coming from a total atheist, so it’s probably not worth much) I would think that if you’re going to try to believe in God, you have to accept the possibility that our minds are the mechanism through which God speaks to us. And if you’re so afraid of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that you cannot access that part of you (God or not) that makes you feel a sense of meaning and connection to the world as a whole, then maybe that means that what you are doing to manage your anxiety is not working as well as you need it to work.
Thank you for chiming in. I already knew that I wasn’t managing my anxiety well enough, hah, but it’s partially a brain thing, which I need to get professional help with, and partially an environmental thing, which I’ve solved by removing myself from major stressors and trying to find better ways of living life. I’m working on it, basically.
I’m probably going to expand on this when I email Girl Named Jack, but my issues isn’t that I can’t go places in my mind, it’s that I’m already there : when I have an idea I immediately expand upon it, my subconscious makes connections and then just gives them to me, which I normally enjoy and appreciate.
But if I was to say to myself, for example, ‘It would be cool if I could mind-read’, I’d instantly be imagining that situation, complete with “hearing” those imaginary minds. So wanting God to speak to me, I know my own subconscious would immediately and literally say “Hello, I am here”. And if I responded to that, I would be talking to myself (which I do often).
The intrusive thought part contributes when I say ‘I don’t want to imagine xyz’ and suddenly I’m imagining xyz.
Hence, if I thought ‘I want God to speak to me and I don’t want my imaginary mind-self to speak instead’, I *know* that I would imagine a voice or two speaking to me.
So right now, a God that would only choose to speak to me in that way is being cruel? or just unnecessarily unhelpful? Because if I’m expected to believe that a voice that doesn’t *feel* any different from an uncontrollable inner voice is actually God, with no way of knowing which voice or when, that’s … just not going to work.
I think I’m going to try the meditation practices several commentors have suggested, in the hopes that I’ll eventually be able to clear my mind enough to know when such a voice isn’t me.
Thanks for your input, I’m glad to be having this conversation with so many different people.
I don’t think it’s “faith without proof” as much as it is “God shows up the way it wants to and unfortunately that isn’t always the way you’re ready for and looking out for.” In some ways, that can be interpreted as a copout, like if you can’t find God it’s because you’re not paying attention, but I’m not saying that about you, or I think the other important thing we can tell you here is that if praying isn’t doing it for you or if, in your quest to meet God(s), you’re not getting there, that’s not *your fault.* I like what that Girl Named Jack said about maybe you’re asking the wrong question. Is it time to deload, as it were, and think about the way you’re looking instead of the answers you’re not getting?
Anyway, may you be at peace.
I’m going to add my story to the stories that may not be helpful. Maybe hearing all these different stories about our relationships with God (or lack thereof) will help you find a relationship that doesn’t look like the one you were expecting. But if you don’t want to read this that’s fine too.
I’m agnostic. I was raised christian but I never heard a voice or saw a sign and The Church is just not for me. But I would love to think there’s something more. If there is a God I’m not super into the idea of a God who picks and chooses who They talk to. My favorite Bible verse is “God is love.” And that’s something I can get on board with. That everytime you see an act of love you see an act of God and everytime you act in love you act in Their name. Or maybe that God really is just Love and not some old dude in the sky with a beard.
Exactly that, I’m not into a God who won’t talk to me just because. I’m not sure I’m even into a God who won’t talk to me for a reason, if the reason is so inscrutable.
I actually kinda like the idea of treating acts of love as a god. Going back to finding meaning in simple humanity. Maybe if this doesn’t work out for me I’ll use that – it’s not what I’m looking for but I think it would help.
Thank you for your story.
A lot of Unitarian Universalist churches take a “service as prayer” stance, while encouraging people to come to their own beliefs within a very, very general framework. Not trying to convert anyone, here, but I found that some of the adult religious ed classes at the UU church near my hometown helped when I was trying to figure out what I do/don’t believe, because they emphasized exploring what I personally felt and believed in a safe space with other people doing the same thing. YMMV.
Thank you, I’ll look into that. I’m glad to hear from people who’ve had positive experiences with this, it gives me hope I’ll find something. I’ll see if there’s a UU church nearby.
Hey. YooHoo.
Let’s leave your idea of a God creature out of this. You are asking for a response to your direct cry for help from the universe, and in turn are engaging in conversation with multiple anonymous entities. Gentle, reassuring entities. All proffering some knowledge, some reassurance, some larger community, some proof of response to your immediate dilemma. Validating your existence.
Surely you get it.
You’re right, this is definitely going some way to fulfil whatever need I’m feeling.
Right now, I’m specifically looking for a super-human entity or being or power, (maybe because I grew up in a majorly-Christian-influenced Western society), because that is the idea that gives me the most comfort and sounds like it would work best with my current attitude towards the universe.
But just having all these suggestions, and ideas, and things I can try now, feels like a good response to the need that led me to pray.
And maybe, if I check out a neopagan ritual or participate in several different holy services or get into Buddhism, I’ll find that I’m still not connecting with a supernatural power. And in that case I think I have a back-up in the whole God is Love idea, that the mass human consciousness and intuition is in itself a superhuman power which I can participate in. Which I think fits in quite nicely with your idea that this conversation is my response from the universe.
I don’t know yet. But I’m going to keep looking and thinking and trying.
Thank you for the new perspective.
I pray the rosary with a group on Facebook in a series of continuous 54-day novenas and oftentimes we move from Petition to Thanksgiving and I’m so bummed and ungrateful because my very clear and specific needs are no closer to being met and of course I have not now or ever had that woo-woo sense of connectedness to spirit. When we review at the end this comes up for others as well, and one of the instructions is to review the experience and attempt to make sense of the small ways in which our prayers *have* been answered. And I go off like Ned Flanders post-hurricane because I can’t live in theoretical constructs or good vibes, but upon closer examination I usually do find some evidence to shore up a sense that things are moving. Did I probably manufacture it all myself? Yes. But am I also still going? Yes. So it works out.
That said, I’m really sorry you are left feeling so disappointed, and I hope you get the big return call you’re asking for!
That’s such a perfect description, thank you. I can’t live in theoretical constructs or good vibes.
I’m not sure whether to feel relieved or more disappointed that other people haven’t felt that connectedness to spirit. It just sounds like such a beautiful thing and it would be so helpful to me right now.
And for me I use the small stuff just to be happy with life/the universe in general, so I get what you mean by “I am also still going”.
So I don’t think those small ways would be enough for me – but I’m going to try to keep trying for something big.
Thank you for your hope.
Hi, FavouritePoem.
I’m worried this is going to sound very wishful thinking of me, but it’s something that makes me feel better when I feel like my prayers aren’t being listened to. Your experience might feel totally different then mine, and if none of this is helpful, then I hope people elsewhere in the thread can say things that help more.
My prayer practice has always felt not quite like a conversation and more like — a monologue, maybe? Like, I am being listened to, but I’m not necessarily going to get a response that day. I …this sounds incredibly silly, but you know how in musicals, people sing because whatever they’re feeling is too big for talking? For me, prayer is kind of like that — it’s something that is too big to say any other way.
There have been times when I’ve … I dunno, felt the attention slipping from the other end? And what I find helps me then is to pray for other people. Like, okay, fine, Higher Power, maybe you don’t have anything to say to me right now, but I want to tell you about these people I care about who I think need your help, and you can at least listen to that.
I usually start with people who are close to me — family, friends — and then circle outward, to people I know might need help. (This includes prayers for people I don’t know well who might be struggling, say, or praying that political leaders be filled with wisdom and compassion. There’s …a fair bit of that.)
And then I circle back to myself, talking about things I want help with, or that I need. Prayer for me always feels like I’m speaking into silence, but the tone of the silence is different when I do this? It shifts from cool to warm, if that makes sense?
I have no idea whether you will find any of this helpful. But I hope that you get to a place where this isn’t something that makes you unhappy.
I’m not sure how specifically useful it was, but it was certainly helpful. In that it’s good to hear from people who have found their faith but still sometimes don’t get an answer.
The fact that you can feel a difference in the ‘silence’ is also good, because that is kind of a sign that there is something/one listening. Or just there.
I guess your specific method isn’t helpful because I don’t even have someone/thing to pray to in the first place. But yeah, I kinda was thinking of prayer as a monologue, not like an actual back-and-forth conversation. Just, even the silence changing is a response. And maybe I should start listening to the silence.
I don’t know. But thank you.
Hard left turn here, and I’m truly sorry if this is unhelpful/unwelcome, but: I believe in Something More because of hallucinogens. Specifically, psilocybin. In my view, I intentionally altered my brain chemistry to see a dimension, and feel a connection, that had been closed off to me before. And now that I’ve been there a few times, I can still feel it, and sometimes still see it, and it’s comforting.
There is science on this, I believe. I’m not a drug evangelist, nor am I prone to spirituality, but I am a fan of using tools to achieve ends.
It’s not a deity like you’re looking for. But, I thought I’d toss my experience out there.
That’s something I’d been aware of for a while. I mean whether all religion is made up or whether the universe only exists because we experience it, it’s all in our heads in the end. So it makes sense that psychoactive drugs would affect our view of it all.
I actually have a minor medical condition that makes it Not The Best Idea to do drugs (or alcohol etc). But if I did it carefully and did my research first, it wouldn’t be The Worst Idea Ever.
I like that it’s comforting to you, and while it wasn’t what I was looking for maybe it’s some thing I should look at.
Thank you.
Oh man, yeah, health and safety first!
Best of luck on your quest. 🙂
The feelings you describe remind me a lot of what I experienced when I was a young adult and, having been raised Catholic, my faith began to fall apart. For years, I searched for something I could believe in. I prayed. A lot. I learned about other religious and spiritual traditions, in the hopes that something would spark. But finally, I had to admit to myself that the faith I had cherished as a child was just…gone.
It was very painful. That was a time in my life when I was struggling with depression. For me, the answer was to find ways to see beauty and meaning and purpose without the frame of spirituality. For you, maybe you will get an answer from a god or gods. One thing that strikes me about conversion stories is that there is no formula. Some people look for god(s), and find them. Others don’t, but find them anyway. Some don’t want to believe, but experience something that fundamentally changes the way they see reality. Others go through the motions of believing until it becomes part of them. That leads me to believe that no one can tell you how to address this yearning that you feel. It may be something that you live with for some time.
I suggest that you attend some religious/spiritual services in your community. Visit different kinds of churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, meetings. If you find a place that feels right to you, reach out to the people there. Even if you’re not an organized religion person, you can find people who think deeply about faith (and crises of faith), who may be able to counsel you through your search (even if it leads you elsewhere).
When I was a teenager, I told my parents that I didn’t think I wanted to stay in the Catholic Church. They asked me to go through confirmation classes, and told me that if I did that and decided not to be confirmed, they would respect my choice.
I took the classes, and they only strengthened my conviction that I could not call myself a Catholic. (Surprise!?) So, I chose not to be confirmed. Part of dropping out of the process meant that I had to meet with my priest and the director of my parish school of religion (PSR) program. I was so nervous. I thought that they would be angry, or disappointed, or some other negative reaction that was beyond my ability to anticipate. I actually don’t remember the conversation with the priest. (He was new-ish, and I didn’t have much of a relationship with him.) I remember my conversation with the PSR leader well, though.
She told me that she was not surprised at my decision. She also told me that she thought I was an old soul, and that she knew I would find my way, whether I was affiliated with the Church or not.
I’m telling you this story because even as I was leaving that religious group, the people in it were teaching me how to be kind, how to be loving, and how to accept someone who rejects something important to me.
Even if you don’t choose to affiliate yourself with an established religion, I think you may get some solace and support from the people within those structures. And hanging out in gods’ houses might spark something for you that praying in your own house may not.
Thank you for letting me know about your story. It’s good to hear that conversion stories don’t follow a formula, so it’s not just me who isn’t getting what they thought they needed. (Although the association with depression is familiar)
I like the idea of visiting gods’ houses, and it’s good to know that in your experience they would welcome questions about faith – but my family doesn’t belong to a church. I would have no idea where to start. I visited an LDS church and a few Jewish community events, but always because of a friend and never for religious reasons.
I guess I would just phone up and say hey, do you take curious visitors, (eep, phoning people), and have to get over my worry about being intrusive.
It’s not really the answer I was looking for, but it’s a way to maybe find that answer, and for that I thank you.
Perhaps you can find faith without needing to believe in god. I am a Zen Buddhist, and I know Buddhists who believe in god, I know Buddhists who don’t, I know Buddhists who are agnostic. Maybe faith can come to you in another form than the type you had in mind.
It was less about ‘a faith’ and more about needing something else. Do you find that Buddhism gives you a sense of understanding and meaning that you wouldn’t have otherwise?
Marmite Soldier suggested meditation along the lines of zen buddhism, and I thought I could give it a try.
I definitely find that Buddhism gives me that sense of meaning and understanding. The ideas of the loss of the ego, impermanence, compassion, and that suffering can be overcome if we stop being ignorant of how things really are and we accept that nothing is forever, even ourselves, and so selfishness, etc. is useless… it helps me a great deal. So, one big thing: the historian of religion Karen Armstrong (she has a lot of awesome popular books about religion) talks about how you can’t really get into religion without DOING it. So, the rituals, chants, community, etc. that some people today reject as just superstition, or meaningless, actually have a great impact. Just reading about a certain religious philosophy, or even just trying to break into a religion/spirituality without any prior action don’t always work. For most people, joining a community and doing these ritual things, whether it be meditating with a group of people, hearing mass, taking communion, sitting quietly with Quakers, seeing the Torah go around the synagogue, etc., is what really ends up opening them to the spiritual experience, and then to God, or a higher power, or to the loss of your own ego. So maybe, instead of trying to pray in a vaccum, you could go and explore different faith communities. The rituals and beliefs may seem silly at first, but if you find one you can enter with your whole heart, it really can change you.
I hadn’t really given that much weight before, but that seems to be the general consensus here. I like the idea of *participating* in faith, and am definitely going to incorporate it into my search.
Thank you for the book suggestion.
That is a really hard and painful thing to deal with, and I’m so sorry you’re suffering. As a neopagan and an animist/polytheist, I would recommend maybe doing some reading about religions of praxis (of which neopaganism is frequently one, but Hinduism is an example that’s sometimes easier to find theoretical discussion of; I like the way Stephen Prothero writes about the differences between a religion of faith and a religion of praxis) and possibly setting up with a devotional practice.
In my tradition it’d be considered unusual to pray for the first time and get an answer – not unheard of, but a sign of a strong connection. You’re expected to build a relationship with the gods and spirits before they pay attention to you. They have a lot to deal with, after all, and no particular reason to pay attention to every human on the planet. Little things like making daily offerings (I use coins, oatmeal, apples, seeds) to a tree or moving water, or picking a god you want to build a relationship with and saying a daily prayer, have gotten me results that do not feel like misattribution of subconscious thoughts.
But I’ve never been about faith, particularly; I never needed to be convinced that something else existed, I only needed to know what to do with it. And when I get depressed and fall out of my regular practice, I do start to feel very alone again. So I don’t know if this is what you’re looking for. But I do know that most pagan communities are very welcoming to seekers, and there’s a major feast coming up on the Solstice – maybe attending a group ritual would be beneficial, or at least interesting?
Okay, wow, thank you. That’s what I’m looking for, “results that do not feel like misattribution of subconscious thoughts.”
I guess at the time I hadn’t considered religions/practices in which gods don’t omnipotently have time for everyone. But that idea makes sense.
I have, for a variety of reasons, had a sort of intellectual interest in paganism for several years. It never progressed further because I didn’t feel that connection, so thank you for sharing your story – and for giving me something specific to try. (Several somethings, actually)
I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a local pagan community here (I recently moved from a big city area to a small town – way less ‘specific interest groups’) but I’ll see what I can find online (any suggestions as to community websites?) and it would be amazing if I did find a Solstice ritual to attend.
Thank you for your understanding and your help.
“results that do not feel like misattribution of subconscious thoughts.” Oh my God, riiiight? That was my crisis of faith. For most of my life I had a very spiritual, mystical perspective, and I was very comfortable speaking with God, having lots of meaningful dreams and feelings. Then at 28 I experienced a time of extreme trauma that resulted in some disassociation and PTSD/anxiety. I still technically believec all the things I had experienced before, but I was going through so much crazy that I stopped being able to trust my brain to tell me what was God and what was my own new tweaky self. Of course the rest of my life was falling apart simultaneously, so nothing seemed good or right. It was very, very humbling, because I went from prayer being super easy to prayer being super hard.
These days I have my PTSD very well treated with therapy and medication, and I found some spiritual practices (painting, chanting, altar tending) that help me relax and trust that God is there in both the wholeness and in the brokenness.
Sometimes I think the best line in the whole Judeo/Christian tradition is “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Once you’ve prayed that, you can pray anything.
Thank you for sharing. it’s good to know that even spiritual people have the same questions (and the same distrust of that internal voice). Right now I can’t even fall back to the trust that God is there (or even that it is God who would be there), but I’m glad that you have it. It’s hopeful.
And finding spirituality in meaningful dreams sounds oddly appealing to me, maybe something like that will turn out to work for me.
And yes, if it turns out that the Abrahamic God is true for me, I’m sure I’ll pray that line eventually. And hopefully I’d pull through, like you.
Neopaganism is really drastically different than the monotheistic religions most of us spend most of our time talking and thinking about; once you remove omniscience and omnipotence from the mix, gods are very different. (Not to mention the assumption that gods are always and necessarily benevolent, and what that might mean.) (If you are the type to find fictional depictions of religion useful, Lois McMaster Bujold’s Chalion series is probably the closest thing I’ve seen to my actual experience of paganism.)
You’d be surprised at where you’ll find pagan groups – pagans like nature, so there might not be one in your town, but it’s likely enough there’ll be someone within driving distance. Witchvox is the classic pagan classifieds (and wow, I do not think their website has changed since 1995, but it is still surprisingly up to date). I’m partial to Ár nDraíocht Féin and became a member earlier this year; they have a listing of groves (the local equivalent of covens) and hold public ritual as one of the goals of the organization. UU churches often attract pagans and sometimes host rituals.
I find neopaganism particularly intellectually interesting and spiritually fulfilling, so I do tend to talk it up a lot, but know that you have my best wishes and hopes for whatever path you wind up on.
Thank you again, so much, it’s so helpful to have specific ideas along with general support. And it’s especially helpful that you could tell me exactly where to look.
Funnily enough, my town is actually surrounded by nature (it’s half college town and half farming community) so it looks like there are some groups in my area, and certainly within driving distance. You’re not the only person to suggest UU churches, either, they sound like a good place to start a general search of ‘organised religion’.
Neopaganism certainly isn’t what I’m used to, but it sounds interesting, and if they’re open to visitors I’d like to try.
Thank you again for your advice and for your hopes.
What you said about praxis is very interesting and cool to me. I am a Christian and as I get older, I find myself getting closer and closer to a praxis religion. Ritual has become more important to me. I joined a church where they put less emphasis on “believing” certain things, and more emphasis on the Eucharistic rite (episcopals amirite?). I realized that eating the bread and drinking the wine is an act of prayer I do with my body, whether or not my mind is cooperating or not. This is very relaxing, because I don’t have to worry about making myself feel a certain way to convince myself that I have faith.
I also started painting icons and keeping an altar with a 24/7 oil lamp. As I make these choices in the physical realm with my hands and my time, I have started to realize that God is in the flame and in the bread and in the air I breath, and maybe that’s why true religion resides in loving your neighbor, and the environment, and caring for people’s practical needs. Because God isn’t just in another dimension, God is also in this dimension, with us. Maybe even primarily with us, since we also believe in God’s human body and the Holy Spirit, which is God within us.
There are two usual ways to approach this question from a Protestant Christian point of view and you might find either of them helpful. My preference is for that thing that Eliot calls ‘a place where prayer has been valid’. Sometimes it helps to add your prayers to those of others to get a response or validation. Eliot suggests places of pilgrimage and that would chime with my experience. Most faith-systems have a holy well, holy tree, holy river–though Neil Gaiman suggests that those ‘Biggest Carousel in the World’ attractions are also marking places of pilgrimage. Anyway, so that might work.
The second way is called ‘laying a fleece’ and more used by evangelical charismatics. It’s a bit hit or miss–and the Christian God has a funny relationship to being tested but is generally keen on new converts so YMMV. The idea comes from the story of Joshua who already has a good two way relationship with God–but he doesn’t like the advice he’s being given so he carries out a series of statistically unlikely tests to see if God really meant it (by laying out fleeces overnight and seeing how they were dewy the next morning). You may find that having a very clear and specific sign that you set in advance (and that will have no consequences except for the confirmation) could help. It means you don’t need to have voices in your head or feelings to get the answer.
In any case, immediate answers are very rare–less to do with making you wait and more to do with the fact that time moves differently for God (as it does for Fae) and because when the answer does come it can be overwhelming and we’re not necessarily ready for it yet. Overnight is usually the fastest, but weeks or years is not uncommon.
Hope this helps! Just adding some more threads to all the stories you already have from others.
Thank you, hearing all of this is helpful, whether it’s advice or just support.
My immediate reaction to the idea of a holy place is negative, just because I never liked the idea of a Christian God who only listened to people if they were in a certain place. But I’m trying to reorient my perspective and it makes some sense that a Something Else would have specific places in which to interact with our dimension. jenavira suggested a similar thing regarding neopaganism, and I think I’ll try to either find a holy place (church, synagogue, mosque, if I can get to any of them) or holy time/ritual.
As for ‘laying the fleece’, I honestly hadn’t heard of that and in fact had gotten the distinct impression that God would disapprove of such a thing. (And I think I casually asked for a sign every time my Mormon friends got really into the whole thing, just to be on the safe side.) But maybe God would approve of something with Tradition (does the test have to be statistically unlikely or can I just go straight for impossible-without-divine-intervention), and I don’t think I’ve tried a specific test before. Just asked for a voice.
I’m definitely getting the idea that the answer isn’t normally an immediate thing.
I’ll keep trying, in different ways.
Thank you.
Here’s another personal story that might or might not connect to anything you are looking for:
I am a practicing Quaker, which is a tradition that, in its contemporary liberal form, has both a pretty developed practice for listening to God, and zero consensus about whether God exists. Basically, we gather in silence and listen. Sometimes someone feels moved to speak, and sometimes an hour passes when no one does. I’ve spoken once. That time I felt physically propelled out of my seat: I knew what I wanted to say, I knew how to say it, and I was actually quaking with the importance and the challenge and the implications of what I wanted to communicate; I can’t say I heard a voice in my head, but I had a growing sense of conviction that wouldn’t let me stay put.
That happened after four years of regularly attending meeting. It took a lot of that time just to get good at listening. I don’t feel any certainty about whether this kind of message is a gift of the holy spirit or if it’s just a person speaking, but I do feel strongly that it was an ardent encounter with truth, and qualitatively different from simply voicing my opinion. That happened last year; so far I haven’t felt moved to speak in worship again, and for all I know that might never happen. I keep going back to meeting because I love the practice itself, and I’ve learned a lot from gathering in silence, whatever the result.
That’s the main insight I have about my spiritual practice–I do it because I love to do it, because it feeds me, and the more dramatic moments come as a result of that workaday showing up. If I were only going for the sake of those dramatic moments, I would have been disappointed long before I had any.
I don’t know if any of this is of interest to you; it just occurred to me, some hours after reading your comment, that despite the fact I would never tell a random person God had spoken to me, I do live as if that is a possibility.
Thank you, thank you so much. I guess I’d just gotten this impression that other religious people had this strong relationship with God, and all these commenters are saying sorry, it doesn’t always work like that, which was comforting, and now you’re describing just an entire Group that is still trying to listen. It’s just an overwhelming reassurance that I’m not alone.
I think I’m looking for more of an actual relationship with the divine, but I do really like the tradition you’re describing.
‘An ardent encounter with truth’ is more than I have now, anyway, and maybe I too could learn something from that practice. I think you’re the third person to mention Quaker meetings, so I’m definitely going to add that to the list of things to try on this journey ahead of me.
Thank you.
Try to reframe it? You got communication already. That was you going from atheist to willing to wanting. You got your body yelling at you that there is more out there. But maybe right now it’s unintelligible because you don’t have the language, so all you can feel is the yell. Go hit the books, go to services, try some really good drugs, meditation… Study, try to find the language to understand what you are already hearing. Until you can understand asking for the universe to speak louder won’t help, and maybe it would be a cruelty if it did.
I don’t know if I believe that really but I do believe that learning the right vocabulary is about 75% of the solution to any problem.
I’m going to keep that line – “Until you can understand, asking for the universe to speak louder won’t help, and maybe it would be a cruelty if it did. ”
Thank you.
This has been a really cool conversation, I love seeing the connections between Pagans and various Christians and Buddhists on this subject. And thank you, FavouritePoem, for reading all of it and writing back so thoughtfully and personally. I really believe the divine is in your heart, because I see it in your kindness and patience with all of us.
Good luck and blessings on your path and I hope it gets easier. Not all who wander are lost. 😉
I would say ‘you’re welcome’ but I’m pretty sure that just starts a cycle of ‘thank you. no, thank you.’ since I wasn’t expecting to be thanked for being helped in the first place.
This conversation is what I was hoping for when I first commented, but wasn’t actually expecting. People with faith have told me it’s okay if I don’t find it and people without faith have encouraged me to keep looking – and vice versa. I think the people who have responded to me showed me such kindness and patience that it was easy to respond similarly. I’m not sure if that means the divine is in my heart, but a love for the levels of goodness humans can achieve certainly is in my heart.
Instead of despairing that I can’t have what I thought I needed, I’m now looking forward to finding what I actually need. I’m grateful to everyone here for helping with that shift and I certainly think that “A light from the shadows has sprung” ; )
I’m sorry; that sounds really hard. I hope you are able to get to a point where you feel happy and secure with the universe and your place in it. There are so many great things in the world that even without a deity, there is meaning.
(This may be overstepping a bit – if it is, I’m sorry – but my best advice would be to try to let go of the desire to search for communication with a higher power, simply because I can’t help feeling that it will only make you disappointed and miserable when it fails to happen. My father was brought up Catholic, and spent his childhood being told that God was there, but feeling absolutely nothing, however hard he tried, and feeling terrible about it. It had a really strong negative effect on him. I know you are not asking for atheists’ advice, but as one, I can’t help feeling that you are only setting yourself up for disappointment by looking for something that isn’t there.)
As I said, I spent most of my life in a very similar place – that there wasn’t something else out there, so why spend time pretending there is.
I’m not expecting to find something, so much as respecting that other people have found some Truth that is deeply meaningful to them, and from that wondering if I could find it.
I paid enough attention in my Physics classes to know that we have a theoretical explanation for pretty much everything we know about (except for equations that explain both quantum and macro physics + exactly what’s up with dark energy/matter). But that doesn’t mean we know everything that exists. There’s certainly room for a deity to have started the Big Bang, and there’s growing evidence that we may actually be in a computer simulation (or at least we don’t have a way to say for sure that we’re not).
All of which is kinda why I went from atheist to agnostic – I’m pretty sure that some religions are test-ably wrong, but I know that I can’t know there’s nothing else out there.
So yes, if I continued on my path of ‘if I pray hard enough the Christian God will speak unto me’, I’d only face disappointment. But I’ve had some really great suggestions from people here about finding a higher spiritual meaning in other ways, and I want to explore those before turning my back on faith/religion again.
I certainly don’t think the universe needs a deity to have meaning, and in fact I think the fact that all the intricacies we see in our world evolved from the gravitational attraction of Hydrogen dust, is in itself beautiful and wonderful.
But I think *I* need more. If there is SomethingElse out there, I want to know it.
(and if I don’t find a deity, I can at least find more connections with other humans in my search)
So, thank you for your advice. You’re contributing both a data point and a suggestion intended to help me find meaning – for which I am grateful and do not think that you’re overstepping.
Thank you also for your sympathy and your hope.
Toasties, Hell Month is driving my simultaneously anxious and depressed mind into the wall. I’m currently one page and an outline into a 4,000 word essay on the Ethical Structure of Mahayana Buddhism, which is due in a week, only an outline into a five page paper entitled “Modern Encroachment and the Fear of Globalization in ‘salem’s Lot: An Historical Dynamic Perspective” which is due Monday, I have to edit two articles for the student paper; one on the Bench Crisis which is currently angering my campus, and another on the Academic Communication Crisis. Not to mention the third article I haven’t been able to start yet highlighting a student artist’s show because HE HASN’T GOTTEN BACK TO ME YET even though I saw him at a dinner party on Wednesday. The deadline is Tuesday.
I have also had to dinner parties this week, and tonight there are simultaneously three important art exhibits, a club meeting, and a fifties cabaret.
I’m going into the woods tomorrow with some people so they can find a Christmas tree and I can find a Yule log, and I have the sinking feeling that I also have something other than my radio show Sunday but I can’t remember what it is…
As I type, I should be typing in a currently untitled presentation for my college’s Indigenous Cultures Center educating teachers about educating Native students, an ongoing project which is due in March but I am still largely beginning.
Then there are the books. I have close to 15 books to purchase for next term and most of them are for a single class. (Gladly, I’ve already read most of the Nature Writers stuff – Thoreau, Abbey, Sigurd Olsen… c’mon environmental college!)
Who is else is enduring madness, work or school related or otherwise? I send goodness to all of you this weekend and beyond.
P.S.
Does the world need anger in its current messy state?
Should we be asking these questions or doing something about it?
I am frustrated both personally and worldly-y, if you know what I mean.
Toasties, I am trying to find a piece I read a couple years ago (inspired to go looking for it by the feminism thread) where a woman recounted her husband’s experience. I believe he’d been at a conference or work retreat and had been shielding a female friend from unwanted advances by another guy (who then tried to say nasty things about their friendship). He and female friend went hiking or something and when they came back, creepy dude was waiting in dark hallway and confronted them about “where they’d been”.
Point of piece was that husband felt uneasy about everything and couldn’t put his finger on why, and wife (and all women who heard/read story) immediately went, “WHY WAS CREEPY DUDE WAITING IN DARK HALLWAY?”
Any chance someone knows this piece/has a link to it?
It’s a Captain Awkward piece, and the story was in the comments. The story came from commenter elodieunderglass.
I’m pretty sure Captain Awkward linked to that story in a subsequent post? I’m not sure what you need to search in order to find it or I would track it down for you, but maybe if you search “creepy” on CA’s site? I wish I could be more helpful!
YES. Thank you!!!
Searching by username brought up the post that it’s in the comments for: http://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-f…
And there’s a nice summary of it here: http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Spot_The_Quest…
Yes it’s in a comment by Elodieunderglass at Captain Awkward. I believe it’s in one of the long creeper comment threads. I am on a Serious Break from that place and the associated community, so I am not gonna link, but hopefully that gets you started!
So we’re super-slammed at work, and everything is crazy, but it’s 1000% less stressful than it was at this time last year, when we had fewer customers and less business. This year, we’re all sharing information, nobody’s yelling at anybody, my one coworker isn’t getting sexually harassed, and I have at no point wound up crying at my desk. Also, it’s time for our vendors to start sending us cookies and things.
This is amazing, you guys. I’d forgotten work could be like this.
I missed the open thread last Friday because I was playing video games all day, but I did want to share the lovely cocktail that I made for the friendsgiving I attended:
Holiday Moscow Mule It was so tasty and festive!
In my mind, that cocktail smells like Skyrim. (Can you try posting the link again? It just goes to this page!)
Silly html nonsense, here’s another try here
Oh jeez, it’s rosemary. I thought that was an honest-to-god sprig of christmas tree in that cup. I am sophisticated and knowledgable about alcoholic beverages.
You could certainly cut a piece of pine if you have some. Spruce preferably as it compliments cranberry well.
admittedly, rosemary does have a rather piney sort of scent to it, so you’re not totally wrong.
GIMME THAT RIGHT NOW
What video games were you playing last Friday?
Mostly Skyrim, but then I bought the game of the year version of Inquisition for my PC and started playing that. It’s so pretty! I keep getting lost because there’s so much more foliage than the 360 version and nothing looks quite the same.
hurrah for moscow mules in a copper mug! it looks like it must taste fantastic.
It was delightful and I still have frozen cranberries in my freezer waiting for another batch (once I get more cranberry juice)
Guys, I had a date last night with a guy I met online. And it went well! And he was cute and smart and normal, and he wants to go out again! This is pretty unprecedented for me, I am basically a confirmed extreme spinster. I’m kinda freaking out, because I am the most awkward human alive, and I am 100% sure I am going to do something offputting and scare him off. Basically, how does anyone do this? How do you human?
I don’t have any advice, but as another ohmygoshimaspinster, you give me hope! Report back from humanity!
Just keep doing your weird shit. The right one will keep coming around.
Suggestions of what to do with about a week of funemployment before the holidays?
I’m in a weird place right now, job-wise. I’m losing my job at the end of next week because they are eliminating my position, but there’s some stuff opening up at my organization that I’m qualified for. At the very least, there’s a position that would be a lateral move but would pay more than my current job and I will probably get it. Also both my supervisors and the HR manager have been really great about trying to help me stay in the organization and do what they can to extend my benefits and pay if something works out. Which is to say, everything will probably be OK but it’s all very up in the air and uncertainty makes me uncomfortable.
Trying to look on the bright side, though: I will have at least the last three weeks of December off with two of those weeks being paid and I’m trying to think of something fun and exciting to do before holiday craziness kicks in.
Something similar happened to a pal of mine recently, and she made herself do something active everyday, and also leave the house everyday – even if it was just a five minute walk.
I feel you! Uncertainty gives me hives.
So those of you who are on online dating sites… do you just not worry that a friend might see you on the site and then tell some other mutual friend and then that friend knows things about you that you don’t know they know about you? Like do you just not care that other peoples opinions of you are not completely mediated by you?
Because I don’t think I’m just missing the OKCupid check box for “psychically prevent anyone I know from seeing this profile”
“Like do you just not care that other peoples opinions of you are not completely mediated by you?”
That’s true of existence, not just online dating. 🙂 Even Kilgrave on JJ can’t mediate people’s opinions of him (after the fact, anyway).
I think the IRL/online dating overlap anxiety is pretty common… it faded for me eventually & establishing a consistent, appropriate & hopefully accurate representation of myself across reality/online dating/social media was actually super positive. BUT, obviously that’s not helpful if you’re using online dating to look for specific things that you don’t want IRL people to know about (I always made my answers to OKC q’s about sexual proclivities private, so they’d be factored into the algorithm but not actually visible)…. I’m sure there are peeps out there with tips on that, and you can definitely see how other people are navigating it in strangers’ profiles!
I can’t control peoples opinions of me (which is fine because I assume everyone resents my existence and generally hates me anyway (I’m aware I have some self esteem issues)), but I can control the information that people have to form opinions of me. Or well I can attempt to act in a way that allows me to believe that I have sufficient control of that information.
Yeah, I made the sexual questions private as well after I got a couple of obnoxious messages about things like saying yes to the question would you have sex on a first date. I did often struggle with this though, especially when I thought about switching the “looking for” part of my profile to be more than men. I’m not sure there’s a good answer :/
I was on OKCupid for a very brief time a year or so ago and the entire time I was super paranoid that I was going to find someone I knew or was going to see someone from the site on the train or out in public or something. I did end up getting matched with my best friend’s ex-boyfriend and that kind of sealed the deal for me. I’m not able to relinquish control enough to be doing online dating like that.
Yeah, it’s terrifying. But I don’t date at all if I’m not online, because I’m bad at meeting people, so it’s a risk I have to take.
I think you kind of just need to own online dating. When I was slightly embarrassed about online dating I was super worried about finding people I know. (And conversely running into people I recognized from okc irl. Which definitely happens if you live in a small city!) When I stopped giving fucks about online dating being “weird” or “desperate” or whatever I stopped worrying about people I know finding me.
Also, set your profile so only people who are logged in can see it. That way anyone who could make a big deal about you online dating would also need to be online dating. I think generally people won’t talk about your profile with people who would judge you negatively because they know they’d also get judged negatively, if that makes sense.
Ugh, I run into people from okc all the time in my small city, including people who never messaged me back or who I never messaged back. The worst is when I can’t figure out at first where I know them from and stare at them trying to figure it out. Mostly everyone is classy and doesn’t acknowledge it, thankfully. One time I ran into someone I had ghosted on after a few messages and really regretted it, they were way hotter in person. Ah well.
I live in a small town so there are definitely people I know on there. The thing that keeps them from looking at my profile and vice versa is the fact you can see who visited you. So far no one has dared cross that threshold. But I don’t have any info on there that I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing with acquaintances anyway, so it’s not a big deal for me I guess?
I like to think that it’s one of those social nicety things that you would just NEVER EVER mention it to anyone (I would not). It would be like running into someone at the Embarrassing Problems Clinic or something.
Exactly! And I make a point not to look at friend’s and acquaintances profiles (unless they ask me to, like if they want feedback) and hope that others will do the same. It’s the classy thing to do.
I’ve decided just to own it and be open about online dating.
I’ve run into a couple of people I know on tinder – a guy on my soccer team (we didn’t match and neither of us have mentioned it), and an old friend of my ex (I swiped right because I hadn’t seen him in years and I wanted to say hi, he swiped right because he didn’t recognise me until we matched, we had a nice chat.)
My favourite thing is that okcupid matched me with my best friend. She hasn’t been active on there since 2012, and is madly in love with her mister, but it was nice to have our 15 year friendship confirmed by algorithm.
I of course immediately texted her about meeting this amazing girl online and dropping more and more details from her profile until she realised what I was doing and there were many lols.
I totally understand this, and used to be terrified of people seeing me on okc, so much so that I left after a week and joined Tinder. Idk why, but Tinder has always seemed less stressful to me, so maybe try that first? Then, after some time passes and you’re less freaked out about the idea of people seeing you online (remember, they’re there too), you can return to okc (which is what I did).
I just check “I don’t want to be seen by straight people,” and that (tragically) works pretty well.
I do a combo of a) owning it, so many people are online dating b) not answering the sexual questions I wouldn’t want random acquaintances to know about me and c) if I see someone I recognize in a thumbnail/”suggestions for you” section, I immediately turn off visitors, go to their profile and block them so they can never find me!
Bonus & raise discussions happen at my work next week and for a bunch of reasons I don’t want to get into I hope for their sakes it’s a good raise with a bonus attached.
I found a job posting on USAJobs this week for something that I would really like to do, and have tentatively decided to apply for it. But I’m now going through the trouble of tailoring my resume to include keywords from the posting, and thinking about how I’m going to answer the extra questions, and about how many other USAJobs postings I’ve gotten excited about only to throw my resume into a black hole never to be heard from again, and I’m getting prematurely discouraged. I had hoped to get the application done today, but I think it’s going to have to be a weekend activity (the deadline is Dec 16, but I want to get everything in early if possible).
I’m not specifically looking for a new job, but I’ve been doing my year-end review self-assessment at work this week and it’s been making me feel like I’m not really getting very much out of my current position. I don’t feel like I’m using my degree (library science, like so many of you), and I really miss the processing work that I got to do in grad school.
Yeah, USAJobs is the PITS. I actually gave up, because even with the tailoring, and answering the questions well, and an internship at the agency I wanted to work at, I wasn’t getting through AT ALL and I had no idea why. Eff that, it’s too much goddamn work for nothing. I wonder how anyone actually gets hired by the federal government, I really do.
Ugh I’m so glad it’s not just me that can’t figure out how to get my resume through! Even looking up tips online doesn’t help because everyone seems to have such inconsistent experiences! I usually avoid it if at all possible, but then sometimes really cool jobs pop up on other job boards and the application is through USAJobs so I have no choice if I’m at all interested. I did get through to one interview once, but it was for a part-time temporary position and I got called in for the interview the same week I was formally offered my current full-time permanent position so I turned the interview down. I have no idea what was different about that one application, and I’ve been unsuccessful trying to replicate that magic on other postings (it also took more than 3 months for them to actually call me for an interview. I had completely forgotten I had even applied to that particular listing).
Hello my beautiful Toasts,
This week has been hard but it’s almost over. I’m listening to Transcendental Youth on repeat today at work as self care. How about you? Any fun weekend plans? Any fun life plans?
Hi sd,
Tomorrow I am getting some lavender highlights done. I’ll post a pic next week.
I picked up a ukulele Tuesday night … I apparently need TWO stringed fretted instruments in my life. First uke meetup on Sunday afternoon.
Wondering about Transcendental Youth now … will check them out.
I think sd means the album by the Mountain Goats.
Bwahahaha … I have now reached my personal Peak Mom.
Definitely do! It’s the second most recent album by the Mountain Goats and the most relatable depiction of depression I’ve ever come across in music (at least for myself). But it’s not a downer album, or anything.
I think being able to play ukelele is such a fantastic skill– it’s tiny, do you can carry it around with you and spread joy wherever you need. And of course lavender highlights are rad 🙂
Also like… even if I thought some other country would take me… emigrating feels like abandoning my Mom which is a bit ridiculous because I call her about once every 4 months and otherwise have already done so AND like I already don’t do things like travel because one of my brothers is terrible with money and has anxiety issues and I feel like it would be rubbing it in, and holy hell would emigrating be that x1000… still though this has been a rough decade or two for telling myself the USA is a place I’m okay with being forever.
‘Course I suspect that from the inside most countries feel like “shit thats getting better way to slowly” or “generally alright but not any better than the US” and the few countries that isn’t true of absolutely wouldn’t take “bachelors+5 years of shelf stocking experience” even if I could deal with family related emotions.
Toasties! Where are you shopping for Christmas presents that is not amazon or a similarly enormous retailer? Last night I found some delightful books put out by Ohio state university’s agricultural extension that are perfect for my dad and step mom- mushrooms and fruit trees with regional specificity for the win! What are your great finds?
The Mysterious Package Company (to make my friend the horror-adventure protagonist she was destined to be!), Scarlet Imprint (because I have friends who are at least conceptually and aesthetically into it), lots of Etsy. Sanshee.com for geek friends.
Can you tell me more about the Mysterious Package Company? Have you done it before? I’m trying to figure out if it would be a good present for my puzzle-aficionado brother.
This is actually the first time I’ve done it! I’m really excited to see how it turns out, though. What drew me to it was that I wanted to build one of these things for my friend the protagonist, but it was just such a lot of work to make what was essentially a 1-person ARG that I was delighted and relieved to find the MPC. Judging by the photos, they can at least make more credible props than I can.
Society6!
This year all my Christmas gifts are from Nozomi Project, who are a small group based in Ishinomaki who make jewellery from pottery broken in the 2011 earthquake and tsunami. It’s particularly important to me because I was living in Fukushima at the time of the earthquake and I have all the PTSDs now, so it was a bit fraught choosing the pieces, but I think everybody will like them. (I got one for myself too.)
Win of the day: realizing that my peace lily plant thrives in shade, not sun! It was previously by my office window getting full AM sunlight, and looking droopy and pathetic every day. It now resides on my desk (which does not see the warmth of the sun, and is thus problematic for my SAD but good for my peace lily!)
Today while browsing the open thread I went from page to another and the image from “Is ‘it’ femnist’ briefly, for like a micro-second, popped up on my screen and then the new page reloaded, so I’m a little freaked out.
Toasties, how are you all?
I moved to Brussels two weeks ago. Are there any Brussels Toasties about? I’d love to meet up!
Hey! I don’t live in Brussels but I go there a lot, used to work there until last year and my family lives in Belgium. How are you liking it?
Toasties! I did it! I proposed to my boyfriend!
Weird related story: a female friend who is also dating a man said “oh no! now I can’t do propose or else it will be copying!”
For your friend: Sincerest form of flattery. For you: Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Can we talk goal setting? I’d love to hear your process of goal setting, how you categorize and prioritize goals, tracking progress, etc. I’m starting to daydream about my 2016 goals, and realized I’m intensely interested in hearing others’ goals.
I’m working on becoming a better illustrator, so I’ve decided to give myself the task of drawing the 78 cards in a tarot deck, which also gives me a chance to experiment with symbols and exploring meanings of esoteric things, which is plenty of fun in itself. And! I’ve started a tumblr to upload them to as I finish, which should help me stay on track, I hope: http://opentarot.tumblr.com/ My other 2016 goals are figure out what I’m doing (or not doing) career-wise, and then continue with the making friends and settling in process. I don’t really have benchmarks for those goals, because it already feels like a lot of pressure to get my life sorted out, so 2016 would be nice, but I’m not making a list or pushing too hard there.
The tarot illustrations is an awesome goal! I’ll definitely follow your tumblr/progress.
Thanks! Yay! It’s nice as a goal in that it’s just enough things that it feels like a challenge to announce, but not so many that I can’t see doing them all. That’s my ideal goal balance: a personal stretch, but doable. Also, as a bonus, I get to try to figure out how tumblr works as I go along.
Yes! I love watching folks illustrate tarot cards!
I’ll def follow you and probably reblog to my tarot blog too. 🙂
Also I really like the art style you have going. That’s a kickass Devil.
Thanks for the encouragement! I’m hoping to branch out with some of the cards that I’ve had trouble connecting to in the past. It’s weird how some things seem to always be at the top of my deck, and others I kind of have to reach for a meaning for. I’m hoping it will be a fun way to engage with all of the cards, even the ones that are tricky for me.
And I’ve started following you! I think. Tumblr is kind of a mystery to me still. But that’s also part of the process…
Because I lost out on a room for rent when I didn’t have a good answer to “What is your five-year plan?” I am now a fan of five-year plans, as in, determine categories (work, wealth, health, home, love, etc.), rough out where you want to be in five years within them, then incrementally walk back in six-month chunks to figure out how to make them happen. Hasn’t led me to a home or new job yet, but a girl can dream.
Was that some kind of agency thing? Or a random private individual asking you that?
It was a couple with a house. And while I’m still angry that I didn’t get it (it would have meant a chance to start over and time spent with my friend who died unexpectedly this year), they were pretty out there (and fanatically into The Secret), so probably all for the worsty best.
Ugh yeah you probably dodged a bullet w/r/t The Secret. But still.
anytime there’s a big project or something overwhelmingly big, i break it down and start making lists. i’m pretty loyal to my lists, and i make it fun with nice notebooks, pencils & pens, but as long as i can get tasks into small items, they will get done.
when i started a business, i decided to do an annual retreat and take some time to check in and help direct my own efforts. the process is mainly to go somewhere out of town for 2-3 days, review everything i wrote last year about what i wanted to do for the year that just past. i write a follow up on how the year went, referencing what i had wanted to do vs. what happened and impressions about everything. then i do some freeform writing for anything that was new that is not a follow up, but did happen and is important to mention. Finally, I start writing about what I want to expand / try / pursue for the next year, everything from different marketing tactics to new clients, time management, work processes, all kinds of things.
Funny thing is, goals change and having the year-to-year perspective is pretty interesting.
Hey Heather! I love how I only see you in threads about organization. You’re like a Fil-O-Fax that I believed in so much it came to life.
ha ha i’m a virgo. and a scatterbrain who tries to compensate in all these organized ways. this is all just a ruse to go to the desert each december.
Toasties I just had an interview for a women’s college and for the first time in a while I’m excited about applying to college.
WOMENS COLLLEGGGGGEEEE
Hearing about your experiences (and othe Toasties) in the open threads definitely influenced me to apply. I have another women’s college interview this week and hopefully everything will work out for the best!
I was VERY opposed to the idea of attending a women’s college when I was applying to schools, but now I live like two blocks from Smith and have a bunch of friends who went there and their stories make me really sad that I just entirely ruled out that possibility. You are a much cooler and more open-minded Teen than I was!
WOMEN’S COLLEGES FOREVERRRRRR
(says the person who never finished school at one and eventually ended up in two almost exclusively male environments instead, but damn if the all ladies experience first didn’t help me)
going to a women’s college was the best decision of my life.
women’s college! whoop whoop!
Hi Toasties!
I’m a longtime reader, first time commenter. The comments section is always to thoughtful and nerdy and generally lovely so I thought I would say hello. I’m procrastinating on my anthropology paper (on Traditional Ecological Knowledge (TEK) and how it is used/not used/not used effectively/mocked by scientists) by reading the toast. I am also looking for any music suggestions that are good for studying and writing. My go-to artists are Tycho, Animals as Leaders, and Agnes Obel, so anything interesting and mostly instrumental is especially appreciated. Thanks!
I used to listen to Godspeed You! Black Emperor while writing my thesis. It’s instrumental but not repetitive, and you can do stuff like say “Ok, I’m only going to write for one more song,” but then it turns out the song is 30 min and you’ve tricked yourself into writing for a half hour.
I’ll have to check them out. Any album I should gravitate towards?
Please send help my terrible downstairs neighbours are being loud again
I thought I had escaped this horror when the guy who constantly played his electric guitar and listened to loud music in the middle of the night moved into another room in the flat but apparently he has taught the new flatmate his ways
I just got home, it’s almost nine in the evening, I want this place to be quiet
help
Do you have a landlord who can help? If not, check your council/local gov. for resources?
It’s a horrible, hateful thing to endure. A hex on them.
My landlords live on the other side of the country, and they basically don’t care about anything besides getting their money on time.
But it’s after ten now, so I’ll go downstairs and tell them to be quiet – and if they don’t, I can call the police. I’ve never done this before although several people have suggested that I do this and maybe today is the day.
Ugh, I hate these people.
Update: Oh my God, it’s sounds like they’re watching Jessica Jones?! But I want to hate them!!
Another update: So I went downstairs. As always, they only opened the second time I rang the bell (this is really always the case). And not even the actual guy living under my room opened – he probably didn’t hear the bell over the sound of Netflix. So I talked to the dude who formerly lived in this particular room and had to ask him to please tell his flatmate to turn down the volume. He actually did so (the flatmate, I mean), and it’s not as loud as before, but I can still hear it if someone on the show is speaking. Great.
Gaming Toasties!!
I have been obsessing over getting through class storylines in SWTOR before January and Chapter X, and have missed the Toasties who delightfully expressed interested in running some stuff because I suck at interacting with other humans, but really want to. I am on Harbinger (Pub – Kytezri and more to come, thinking of trying Commando or maybe smuggler since lighting > rocks always, so screw you, Consular; Imp – Narasimhi, Aihl, Kytzetri, Neveste). Add meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. (Why does BioWare not have realID??) I only have one 65 thus far, but some others that are in the neighborhood and I could level up quickly if there was proper motivation. Leveling is so freaking fast now.
I just got a gently used ps3 so I can Dragon Age in bed when I’m not feeling well, which is so nice. Any otehr ps3 recommendations? Planning on picking up The Last of Us. Anything else?
I want to be excited for Legion, but… ugh. I have fun when I log in to WoW. I really do. I just got Invincible after farming for ages, and wandering Tanaan Jungle for rares is fun enough once I am there (I want the Predator title for my hunter, dammit). I just find without a steady raid group it’s too big and aimless a world, and I am no longer willing to compromise re: the raid groups and guilds I participate in. I don’t have any mini-goals that are compelling at the moment. My BFF wants to go mess around on DKs and level new toons, so that is probably in my future, but what then? What are other WoW nerds doing at the moment?
My sister and b-i-l just got a ps3, and I’m planning on picking up some games for them for the holidays. I’m thinking Skyrim, Katamari, and Big Little Planet.
I got Mad Max in the Steam sale and snappppppppp it’s a fun game. Looks ten times better than Fallout 4 (Bethseda needs to step up their game!). And I’m loving whoever does Max’s voice. Australian accents forever!
if you’ve dragon-aged on the ps3, you may be interested in mass-effecting as well. Be warned, combat in mass effect 1 is…. not great, but the story is good, and the combat in 2 and 3 are greatly improved.
We just picked up Her Story from Steam and I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT IT. I am pretty limited in what I can play due to very very bad motion sickness, so this is perfect, but like….we seem to have a good handle on what went down at this point, but how do you like, win the game?
I also play a lot, a LOT of Civ V.
hi! I am one of the swtor people, but life is seriously busy right now, so I haven’t been Toasting as much. I don’t think I’m up for making yet another character in swtor, since I really, really, really, really hate the expansion. All my characters are on jedi covenant, but if I get a chance I’ll make a guy and email your chars.
I was intrigued by your mention of a private WoW server that didn’t have the newer expansions, but, again, not enough time in the day. I know I won’t ever go back to the Blizzard servers.
What little game time I do have is helping my friend in swtor and playing some Steam games. Hope you have a great time in swtor *and* Wow!
Good evening, Toasties! There seems to be a lot of anxiety, mid-winter blues, and Big Life Changes in the open thread this week. I send you all internet hugs and a nice cuppa’tea.
Even before reading through the threads, I logged in specifically to post a few little recommendations for wintertime comfort this weekend… these things have raised my spirits this week:
– buying a mini cheese tray entirely for myself (Sainsbury’s, on sale, delicious).
– painting clothespin doll ornaments. They are tiny figures of my spouse’s family, for Christmas gifts.
– finding & watching videos of face-painting tutorials, to prep for our work Holiday Party next week. (I volunteered to run a booth with face painting, manicures, and temporary tattoos.)
– watching the Aardman studios film The Pirates! Band of Misfits on Netflix.
– re-reading bits of The Republic of Pirates, to continue my theme. Now I’m hankering for a re-read of True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle as well.
I throughly recommend any and all of these activities for a cosy moment.
Hi all. I am frustrated, open thread and link roundups are not showing up on my facebook anymore and I keep missing them.
High school boy is getting 2 D’s. This has made him distraught, as this is the first time any school was hard ever. We shall see if he gets his essay written while at his father’s house this weekend.
Middle schooler is coasting along.
College boy is doing ok, wish his meds were evened out, and I love him, but having concerts every week 2 hours away is getting to be a tired-making thing.
I have NONE of my Yule presents made. Highschooler is all about Yo, Saturnalia, so that is neat.
I finally know how I want to rearrange my living room and I have nobody to help. Tomorrow I leave at 5 am for a lacrosse coaching lesson. I was hoping to knit in the car but I”m driving, boo.
So the real problem: WHen my advisor suggested I go back to school next semester? It was already a week past the application deadline for my department. I feel like all the relief/expectations that I had over doing something fulfilling was a waste. If I can’t get in for next semester I can’t do the research over the summer and the whole plan goes to …….People in the dept. and administration (see above: my advisor) want me to be in school, so everything in my life is getting put on hold so that I can pound out my research intent statement today/this weekend and get my application in. And pray that the dept. considers me. It’s very difficult talking around my previous research to people in the dept. without telling them why that research isn’t an option right now (due to not being able to work with previous other advisor and not being able to tell anyone why), so writing this statement is going to take some creativity. Plus I have to research my research in terms of two fields (archaeology and geography), so send me patience and efficient google-scholaring vibes, please.
I know they wouldn’t be behind me if they thought this was impossible, but I am sure feeling like this is going to be a lot of work that won’t show fruit until next August, and the thought of being this broke for no reason and losing the research trip makes me just want to cry. Please reassure me that this is worth doing, because being a student mom at the holidays really sucks, even if you are only a hopeful student mom.
Also, non traditional student problems: I am currently working on my 7th college application (as in, I’ve gone to 4 other schools, and this would be the 3rd time at this school, as I finished my undergrad here 16 years ago, too).
Has anyone talked to * lately? I just tried to go to her profile by adding “*” to someone else’s profile URL, but apparently the actual username *l is … someone who posts a lot on Glenn Beck things. I was briefly alarmed before I realized this cannot possibly be *our* *.
Hi, sorry I changed my name! Got to thinking about Nicole’s advice and thought I should change it to something less related to me IRL. I’m still around; went to the doctor and it has been confirmed that yes, I am pregnant and hating it. I have a temporary medicare for the next month, so that should hopefully tide me over until I can get a job b/c between the job interview I had today and the one that I only today found out that I have next Wednesday I will be able to get one of them and then have insurance through that.Mr. Chemicaldefect went to the dr appointment with me and was not helpful, so he will not be welcome at future doctor appointments. I’ll have my panic attacks over getting stuck with needles alone, thank you very much. He’s been gloating today, an we fought a little bit. Even if he can force me to have a baby he can’t force me to stay with him and it afterwards, so I’m holding on to that.
Anyway, I’m going to try and keep this shitstorm a secret IRL as long as I can, which will be a LOT easier if I get the job for which I am interviewing next Wednesday as it is in a different state where I know no one. All of my and Mr. Chemicaldefect’s stuff is still in boxes so we’re ready to move at the drop of a hat if I get the job. It would pay more than the in town job and probably come with insurance (the in town job would not).
TL;DR thanks for thinking of me <3
Well I’m glad for the update but I must say I am fairly unimpressed with Mr.’s behavior.
Thank you for checking in. I’ll be thinking of you too, and wishing you peace and strength during this.
This is me hoping you’re being facetious about the “forcing you to have a baby” thing? Are you sure you want to move somewhere with him? you can PM me if you want to talk about it…I have experience, albeit decades past, navigating this sort of situation. (sorry, but my name is also too close to me to share more here).
You seem to have a pretty good attitude with this life curveball, and a new job sounds hopeful, so I’ll cross my fingers for you.
I am INCENCED at the idea that he is being bitchy about this. And if *you* decide to allow this pregnancy continue to the point that it becomes a baby there is every reason to explain that his behavior makes it clear you can’t be sure he’d be a very good father.
Just remember – The Toast is chock full of women who would REJOICE at the opportunity to call a man and berate him for being a dick. I know that would be the nuclear option but if you need to repeat that to yourself when you’re holding on to your temper for the sake of domestic peace, you should go ahead and do that.
Seriously. REJOICE. I might now be a little disappointed that I’m not going to get to do this.
I am not sure how serious you are about “forcing” you to have a baby, but I want to say, we are all here to help you if you decide you need to not be pregnant and not tell him, or not be with him anymore. This is incredibly not ok, and I am so so so sorry you are stuck in this situation, but there are ways out of it. Toasties can and will help!
This phrasing obviously stuck with me too but I couldn’t figure out how to respond in a nice way. Now that others have, I would also like to add:
he can’t force me to stay with him and it afterwards
Yes. He can. He can via legal and financial means. He can.
I guess what I should have said is, he would not put as much effort/time/$ into forcing me to stay with him afterwards as he would/will/is into forcing me to have a baby. That’s my theory anyway. I think at that point he would probably realize that it wouldn’t be worth it. The thing is, his family is super religious, my family is super religious, and if I do what I want then I will be dead to everyone. They WILL find out because he will tell them. He might not mean to tell them but he would, I know him. I know that probably makes them all sound horrible but they’re really not and I like having siblings and sibling-in-laws and actually, my mother in law is lovely and I would miss her especially. Plus that whole living-with-my-parents thing would be over. It’s not really a choice.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I just want you to maybe make room in your soul for another choice — not an easy choice, definitely a choice that will upend your life and make things a whole lot more difficult than they are, but a choice that leaves you not being forced to carry to term, birth, and parent an actual human being that you resent, and maybe even hate. It’s not by any means an easy choice, and only you can know what is right for you, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
I don’t know what the options are in your area or how feasible this would be, but — have you considered ending the pregnancy and simply telling everyone it was a miscarriage? Would you be able to do so without being found out?
My sister, who is a doula and has taken abortion policy and aftercare classes, confirms that a medical abortion would look exactly like a miscarriage if nobody knows you took the pill.
Edit: I hope you know we’re not trying to pressure you. It just sounds like you’re in such a hopeless place and this way out has been cut off but it doesn’t have to be.
I was actually coming to suggest what Nausikaa said. Would your gyn be supportive if you explained the situation? It sounds like it might still be early enough for a medication abortion…. This sucks so bad, I’m so very sorry and concerned for you.
Another voice for abortion, if that is best for *you*, and calling it a miscarriage if that is also best for you. I will give you my private email address if you want it, after I hear from you at my junk account: rmcd 1974 [at] hotmail [dot] com.
Chiming in with the others to say, abortion is your personal choice, and you don’t have to tell him at all. It’s definitely the choice I’d make in your situation.
I am thinking of you. I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time right now.
Like other commenters, I am deeply unimpressed to hear that your partner is gloating. This is a situation that is causing you serious distress – the fact that he is taking pleasure in it is not acceptable partner behaviour. He also has no right to force you to have a baby (and the mere fact that he would is a massive red flag). If you do not want to have a baby, you have every right to terminate the pregnancy.
FYI I had Nicole change my original comment to remove the previous username that is now no longer in use. Thanks, Nicole!
Toasts, I’m planning my first date since my divorce and of course I’ve convinced myself it’s a disaster (the guy is an acquaintance of mine who is married but poly, which kind of sounds ideal because I don’t want to be someone’s primary emotional support right now, but what if I meet someone else and decide I want to be exclusive with him and break up with this guy and RUIN his LIFE???????!?)
(Answer: it would be just like breaking up with someone who’s not poly, because I wouldn’t be breaking up with him because he’s poly, I would be breaking up with him because it’s not working. And I’m a great person to break up with, what with the respect and emotional maturity and all. And as long as I make a good-faith effort to be a good person about this, any potential disappointment from either party is an inevitable part of the process and not my fault and almost certainly not life-ruining. In conclusion: shut up, brain.)
Your conclusion is nearly what you need. Hush, brain. Not now.
Right now is for enjoying. Enjoy the time you spend with your poly acquaintance. See him again if you want to, that is if you want to right at that moment. Stop seeing him when you no longer want to. Try to stay in the present. (Says the perpetually anxious woman peering into the future at all hours. “Stay in the present” is as much for me as it is for you.)
Yes. And I just need to keep reminding myself that I can only make decisions based on what I know now, and based on what I know now, this is a good decision.
As soon as someone invents the technology that allows us to tattoo gifs on ourselves, this one will be going somewhere easily accessible so I can look at it every time my brain starts to go into anxiety overdrive (aka all the time).
I am waiting for the day when I can use gifs on a screen over my face to communicate with people in person. YES PLEASE.
You got this! Have fun on your date 🙂
I was out at a farm-related dinner this week with some folks from the county conservation district, and a farmer neighbor of ours, a genuinely nice guy, but with Engineer’s Disease, whose kids are about my age. He really likes to explain things, in a paternal but not patronizing way.
We were chatting about Thanksgiving, and the neighbor was discussing having looked up Julia Child’s and Jacques Pepin’s videos on trussing so he could do his turkey. We all murmured the obligatory praises about Julia, and the neighbor said to me (not sure why just to me; maybe I was more vocal in my praise?) “if you haven’t, you really should read this book, it’s called My Life In France, it’s about …”
Me: “Oh, yes, I’ve read it several times. I adore her. There were also several nonfiction books published about her in the last few years. One about her time in the OSS, and one that’s the collected letters between her and her friend Avis DeVoto, do you remember her? She’s in My Life In France, they exchanged letters for years before they met, anyway it’s delightful. Oh, and a very long one called Dearie that’s just a very thorough biography, it’s so interesting, she was so fascinating.”
*pauses for breath*
*observes neighbor silenced and seemingly cowed for probably the first time I’ve ever witnessed*
“… anyway, I really like Julia Child.”
GO YOU!!!! Show those engineers you can stop them in their tracks (unintentional railroad pun but I’ll just go with it).
A+ shutting that dude down. I think Julia would be proud.
Ha, this was great. Good on you.
More rat pictures! The striped one (still no names :/) is getting better with his antibiotics but is still not super social. We also gave them baths because they live in tissue-stuffed boxes full of their pee, but I’m not sure it was worthwhile because they hate it more than anything. Pictures are cute though! They have access to a tissue box on top of their house and they like to go sit in it and also to take tissues down to stuff their nests with, which are both very cute behaviors.
The cutest!
These are ADORABLE.
thanks for the cuteness! rats are so wonderful.
OMG THE CUTENESS IS OVERWHELMING.
So cute! I wonder if there is a way to make the bathing less unpleasant. Not sure if this translates to rats but my cat tolerates bathing slightly more if she is not fully immersed in the water. Something more like a sponge bath might get a better reaction? But I have seen videos of rats swimming so maybe not.
I also saw videos of rats swimming before we got them and looked up how to make that happen. Apparently it’s a pretty difficult task in a home context. The how-to vids I’ve seen make it seem like you have to familiarize them with shallow water over a long period of time before they’re really comfortable with it. But I still want to try it!
Adorable! I love their tiny toes!!
Aw, ratties are so cute. I can’t wait until the children get a bit older and we can have them again (youngest loves on our cats and dogs a bit *too* much and would probably be too overbearing on a rat).
Their little hands! So adorable.
Today a fellow graduate from my master’s program posted an opening at her agency and I’m… highly considering applying. It’s a very different job from what I’m doing now, and would use skills I haven’t flexed in a while. But it works with high schoolers and a camp and !!!.
I’ve been at this job for a year now, and it’s not bad. I love my co-workers and supervisor, but I just feel… stuck. I can’t decide if I had too high of expectations or if it really is a mismatch. I’ve been struggling with the fact that I don’t feel like I’m getting the trainings I need to really do my job well and like I might be stuck on slowly sinking boat. The agency is great, but still. I also feel like I should stick out another year if possible, but I’m not sure if I can.
Anyway, going to be thinking on that this weekend, and possibly updating my resume and dusting off my cover letter skills.
Outside of that, a friend asked me to do a couples tarot reading for her and her partner and I’m just so thrilled! I need to get back to them, but that was super exciting.
Apply! You can always change your mind later.
I think I’m going to. Can’t hurt, right?
COOKING MYSTERY:
Instead of letting my milk and heavy cream go bad, I decided I’d boil ’em up, add some lemon juice, and make ricotta. I boiled, added salt, and then added ALL THE LEMON JUICE and it STILL won’t curdle. What the actual heck? I’m pretty well-versed in cooking science and I cannot figure this out. The cream is just cream, no additives or emulsifiers (it had actually started to separate and get that heavy cream skin on top?), and the milk is just milk. WHAT GIVES, SCIENCE?
I’ll add too that the cream is NOT ultra-pasteurized, just regular pasteurized.
Maybe your lemons weren’t all that acidic. I found an old thread on Serious Eats that suggested very high heat very quickly to shock it into curdling. Good luck!
What kind of milk? I can’t get a really good cheese with anything less than whole. (I use the Smitten Kitchen ricotta recipe!)
Perhaps try a dash of vinegar to pump up the acidity a bit?
At this point, I’ve got nearly 3 quarts of acid for a quart of dairy, added a little bit at a time, including bottled lemon juice and white vinegar and NO curdles. Grr. And now my house smells like boiling vinegar.
Ok so to update — I started with about, oh, 3-4 cups of dairy, about a cup of cream and 2-3 cups of whole milk.
At this point, I’ve added nearly 3 quarts of acid, both bottled lemon juice and white vinegar. I’ve tried boiling it. I took out about 1/4 cup of the mixture and added MORE vinegar to that, and nothing has worked. No curdles. This is a MYSTERY is what I’m saying.
you’ve added three QUARTS of acid??? That … doesn’t seem possible. That’s 3/4 of a gallon.
In any case I don’t know. I had this happen and I thought I came up with a reason but I don’t remember it now. Maybe the pasteurization of the cream was enough to prevent curdling? I dunno.
Yep, my 4 quart pot is FULL of gross acid-milk-cream mixture.
Within the context of this conversation, I am reading that graphic as you lying down in a puddle of boiled acid-cream. 🙁
Uh. Wow. Didn’t mean to doubt you, it just sounds impossible. I do not think you will achieve ricotta at this stage. Probably best to stop and dump. 🙁
I did. And then I only cried a little, and texted spousal unit to bring beer or else there will be no dinner. Luckily the ricotta was for Sunday so I have time.
AND EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE BOILING VINEGAR sobsobsob
Unexpected cooking disasters are THE WORST. It’s not so bad when I’m trying something that I know might not work out (like the first time I tried to roast a turkey). But when it’s something that I fully expect to go swimmingly and it completely fails, I take it as a personal offense. Sorry it happened to you with the dairy products. That sucks.
iiii sometimes make cheese for the restaurant i work at! cook on low heat, normally a 1/3 cream to 2/3 whole milk mixture with salt to taste, until it reaches 185° to 190°F. don’t boil, ever! my secret weapon and what yields the cleanest tasting cheese is citric acid! i use that instead of lemon or vinegar, though of course both are more traditional and probably most people don’t have citric acid just chilling in the pantry. anyway after it gets to that temp, mix in 1/2 teaspoon of acid per gallon of milk and then afterwards DO NOT STIR IT AGAIN. DON’T DO THAT. once a bunch of curds form you can scoop them out and drain them.
sometimes adding too much acid can ruin the cheese! i’m no cheesemonger or anything but i assume from a food sciencey standpoint that probably adding too much acid means there’s less available fat or protein to glom on to and form curds, or whatever. whatever. the curds sink to the bottom and then if you stir it, it breaks apart into a gross mess of notcheese.
Work will be less stressful starting next week! (I hope!) Our new employee starts Monday, which means I can finally stop trying to fill in and do my own job. I may finally get to clean off my desk!
in social news, I’m going a friend of a friend’s party for NYE that is both 20’s themed AND will involve a murder mystery! I’m very excited to get my Miss Fisher on, but I could use suggestions on where to find appropriately themed clothing/accessories and for a era-appropriate cocktail perhaps?
So I am an avid DnD and Call of Cthulhu player, and sometimes in my tabletop setting I hear something along the lines of: “Your character cannot stop reading the book. They mutter strange foreign words no one else can make out. They can’t sleep; they can’t eat; they cannot find any piece. Lose 1d10 sanity.”
But then this week I’ve been reading Hamletmachine and writing about it and I feel as if it were some enchanted tome and not a nine-page German play. Damn you, Heiner Müller, damn you! Damn you and your endless references! Damn you and your “deconstruction.”
I’m going to lose some more sanity over his Ophelia. Don’t mind me.
Today I learned that Hamletmachine is a play, and that you weren’t losing sanity over the dirty gay nsfw webcomic artist Hamletmachine.
Because I can relate more directly to the last one. But I sympathise with anything to do with “deconstruction” *thinks back to painful second-year essay on Pirandello*
1. I am a fairly new Toastie, but I love everything about this site and its commenters.
2. I woke up at 4am this morning for NO REASON and couldn’t go back to sleep so I watched Gilmore Girls until it was time to get up.
3. I had pumpkin roll for dessert at lunch and it was delicious.
4. I particularly like making lists for basically anything and everything.
5. I must end a list on a “right” number. What that “right” number is may change depending on my feeling for the day/what I’m writing/whether I’m feeling 5s or 2s/other random reasons
re: point 5.
I must stop the microwave on a “right” number of seconds, which is always a multiple of 5. A multiple of 2 is acceptable only in extremity, such as porridge explosions.
After reading this I’ve started making sure I don’t put in even numbers on the microwave. I don’t want any numbers to feel left out.
When setting the microwave I always just hit random numbers or numbers in a row – e.g. 1:11 or 1:47 or 2:48
We share a name and a love of Gilmore Girls and lists! Lists are so great. I also make sure there are at least three things on my list that I absolutely know I can cross off with little effort, so that even if I barely get through any of my to-dos, I will be able to cross off ‘make tea’ or set dishwasher going’ etc. I need that sense of achievement.
YES. I always have things like “shower” or “eat lunch” on my to do lists!
SCENE: Department meeting in London, yesterday
INTERIOR Large conference room where a dozen or so young professional CO-WORKERS plus one haggard old CRONE who might as well have UPTIGHT FEMINIST BLEEDING HEART stamped on her chest
CO-WORKER [cheerfully]: “So, who wants to discuss bombing Syria?”
CRONE: *tries to kill him with her mind*
My new life goal is to be described as “one haggard old CRONE who might as well have UPTIGHT FEMINIST BLEEDING HEART stamped on her chest.”
Official Toast Tattoo
I did have a moment where I wondered, “Could I fit that on a t-shirt or would it work better as an embroidery?” Which is to say 100% yes.
And I have a lot of sympathy re not wanting to have that discussion with coworkers, especially if they lead in with anything other than world-weary sorrow.
I’m not even kidding about thinking about getting FEMINIST KILLJOY in swirly fancy-ass lettering across my chest as a collar piece. If I didn’t have commitment issues I’d already have done it.
What if you just commissioned it as a lovely statement necklace instead? Perhaps in lovely twisted wire. You could get one in silver, one in gold, one in copper, gunmetal, etc etc
like I needed one more thing to make this christmas!!!! May I steal your idea?
please do! I would be honored to inspire such creativity. If it gets done, will you post pictures?
Totally.
Good grief, WHAT.
He thinks he is Very Politically Savvy and Knows What Is Best, so why not have a roundtable discussion with everyone in the office where he can school them on the Right Opinions? After all, what sound is lovelier than that of his own voice?
Did it work?
He lives to troll me another day. But I did manage to wrangle the subject around to something else.
i need hellllllllp figuring out WTF to get my mom for Christmas? She is not easy to shop for, generally being picky about things like clothes and jewelry, already owning every kitchen gadget known to humankind, and I’ve used the fallback “random cat-related item” too many times in the recent past (although she did love the picture book of cats as characters in Downton Abbey). ANYWAY.
She loves to read throwaway fiction novels (more mystery/adventure over romance-y stuff) on her Nook. she loves cooking shows and HSN. What’s a good fallback that isn’t bath stuff or candles? AAAUGH
Non resident card to the Philadelphia free library to keep the nook well supplied?
Fancy/interesting ingredients?
– Really nice tea towels/linen/blanket
-Jars of preserves/spices she might not be able to get locally
– Simple one-colour silk scarf
– Stationery (letter sets, etc)
– Subscription to fancy cooking magazine like Lucky Peach
(This one is a bit more effort) Photos of you/loved ones printed up and presented in a frame or photo album
I’ve recently been getting my parents tickets as gifts to the theater/events/concert things as gifts either for just them to go to or as a lets spend time together thing. And they’ve really liked it so far. Bonus if it’s something that you want to go to as well and can introduce them to something you like.
Also, maybe a cooking class for her with some cuisine she has no real experience with? Since it seems like she likes cooking.
Do you live close to your mom? If not, perhaps an assortment of fun foods that are made where you live?
Has she read Swedish crime novels yet? (Good ones, not Dragon Tattoo Whatever).
Here’s a round-up of them in English from The Guardian. http://www.theguardian.com/books/2009/mar/11/cami…
Hello friends! My niece is turning 2 soon, I’m feeling utterly uninspired about what to get her. She loves elephants, trains and Mo Willems books, but I’m looking for something a little bit special/different. Any ideas?
My two year old is wild for Elli the Elephant in the series Pocoyo. It is pretty adorable, and narrated by Stephen Fry, so I hate it less than a lot of kids’ shows. My little one has picked up and/or reinforced a lot of her new words with it. Very cool.
Musical instruments and art supplies are my go-to for kids, usually, but 2 is sort of young for that and depend on the toddler. If parenting a two year old has taught me anything, it’s that they are impossible and unpredictable. Prepare for your gift to be ignored only to be rediscovered months later when no one’s looking.
You might consider adopting an animal for her via Defenders of Wildlife. They send an adorable plush animal and various materials (my little one will treat anything with words as a book and sit down and start seriously reading to me – seriously, this kid likes to read my grocery receipts – never underestimate what toddlers will find fun) and she can have her animal family out there in the great wide world. Of course, this presupposes you can navigate the tantrums if she decides she needs to have said animal family come live with her. Actually, that was a terrible idea. Never mind. 🙂
Toasts, I am alllllllmost done with a writing project that’s been hanging over my head for months (technically I’m late for the deadline, but I’m only a couple of days late), and I am going to be so relieved to finish this thing and send it off, and afterwards I think I’ll write something completely non-academic as a palate cleanser. Like maybe some Doctor Who fanfic or something.
In other news, I made a fruitcake this week — but it fell apart into pieces when I tried to take it out of the baking pan. So I don’t think I’m taking this one home to the family for Christmas. (But that means more unsightly crumbly fruitcake for me, ha ha!)
Sounds like time for fruitcake bread pudding to me.
Any there any Toastie meet-ups in the Hudson Valley? I’m de-lurking after being a reader from nearly the beginning because I just moved permanently to Fishkill after two other temporary moves this year and I really really want to make some friends, or I’ll be trapped in the woods alone forever and go insane! I never have jobs where I can Toast comment because I’m always working outside, but Toasties are so smart and cool and it would be so great if anybody wanted to hang out!
I’m way upstate, but I wanted to let you know we are here in case you ever get up here! And also so that you got at least one response because you were really brave in de-lurking and saying hi!
So, since life in America has been kind of shit this week, and so much of it revolves around gun violence, may I take this space for a suggestion? (If this is too soapbox-y please delete, but I don’t know, I thought it would be okay to post)
If you are physically able, please think about donating blood.
It’s a really little thing, a few minutes of your day, and you can literally save a person’s life. (Like mine! The only reason I’m here right now is because of donated blood.) Blood is needed all the time, but when there are big, violent events in focus like the shootings going on, I think it’s good to focus on some positive things that we as individuals can do.
Thanks for the reminder. I haven’t done it in ages, and I always mean to. Off to go look up donation sites …
Hi Toasties, it has once again become obvious that I need to get myself to therapy, however my specific brand of anxiety is worrying that every therapist/doctor/mental health professional is terrible or at best mediocre because everything is terrible and mediocre and the world is going to hell in a handbasket and there’s nothing decent left. Logically, I know this is not true, however, my brain chemicals disagree. Please hit me with your recommendations for
– mental health professionals of every stripe in the north Austin area
– believing everything is not terrible forever
– dealing with massive waves of anxiety at 11:30 at night and still get to sleep
– self help books that are actually helpful for dealing with anxiety/depression
Me and my out of whack brain chemistry thank you in advance.
The anxiety at night when I’m trying to fall asleep is my biggest problem. I short-circuit the thoughts with comforting audiobooks. I use audiobooks to fall asleep every night, but when the anxiety is especially bad I fall back on some PG Wodehouse or Harry Potter to fall asleep to. I like something that is interesting enough to distract my mind, but not exciting enough to keep me awake. I tend to finish books during my commute or when doing the dishes, so I don’t fall asleep to the climactic scenes. I usually get them on my phone via my local library’s overdrive.
I had MARVELLOUS results this year with the book The Mindful Way Through Depression, which is all about how depression/anxiety is made worse by trying to figure out what’s wrong. (Er, in summary.) They do recommend not trying to start a meditation practice when you’re already in a particularly bad place, but might I recommend a tiny bit of mindfulness? Like, what’s one thing right now that is not terrible. (Even if that one thing is that it’s sunny right now, or the cat is warm, or there is tea.)
I can’t recommend books for helping with anxiety/depression (although I found Monkey Mind by Daniel Smith helpful) I will always recommend Jenny Lawson’s books because damn if they aren’t hilarious. Let’s Pretend This Didn’t Happen has a really sad chapter in the middle and you might want to skip it, I’m pretty sure it comes with a trigger warning.
I’ve been really finding guided mindfulness meditations helpful, and there’s a couple of apps out there that offer free “two week” courses but you can just keep listening to them over and over (my “free 10 day” Headspace course lasted me months until the guy’s voice got to me). Also, I have finally, finally found a great therapist that I really click with, so it really can happen, I swear.
Edited for autocorrect wackiness.
There are yoga poses you can do in bed to calm down your mind. Some of the best are lying like the letter L, with your back on the bed and your legs up against the wall, or lying in the same position but with your knees bent and your feet touching, knees splayed out to the side. “Butterfly” position. You can put pillows under your knees so there is no effort at all. And make na effort to relax your face. Whenever I can’t fall asleep, I usually find I’m holding muscles in my face very tight & nervously and it really helps to just let go. If you pay attention and consciously look for the tension, you’ll find it and you can then let it go. (It makes more sense when you do it than when I write it out — just try it.) Also try breathing a little more slowly.
There’s a book called When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns MD. It’s kind of self-guided cognitive behavioral therapy? My husband found it fairly helpful I think. I would also echo the meditation thing. Also, it’s hard to find the right fit with a therapist/ doctor/ mental health professional but good ones do exist!! Best of luck.
When I read this post, I couldn’t remember the name of the book I wanted to recommend, but then somebody else suggested it! So, that is to say, I second Mindful Way Through Depression, which I thought was very helpful.
If you are of a cerebral sort, you may try The Noonday Demon, which is not a self-help book, but rather a kind of thoughtful l book about depression. For me, it was helpful to have a book that normalized the condition, and game me a more detached way to think about depression as a thing that exists in the world and affects lots of people, rather than this horrible thing that was lurking in my brain alone.
That looks just like my Miette (if yours has green eyes too)!
My life is boring and stressful and paper-writing-ful at the moment.
But my platonic soulmate published her comic, Interdimensional Explorer Girl, and it is awesome! https://www.etsy.com/listing/253658623/interdimen…
Beautiful work!
You guys, I self-published a poetry chapbook! I feel both pretentious and perhaps also a little proud of myself. I had an animator friend design the cover and formatted it all myself (which is not as simple as Kindle Direct Publishing would have you believe) and now it’s out there, In The World. The Handsome Sidekick and I shared Chinese food and drank a bottle of sparkling grape juice (we are bad at drinking alcohol, in that even a tiny bit makes us feel awful, so we just don’t drink it).
Now I have to promote it and I really… don’t want to. I have so much editing work for the next month, and there’s Christmas coming up and the children have all their end-of-year parties and concerts and I have to get my course and scholarship applications in by Friday, AND.
I feel so anxious about writing to websites and asking them to review my book. And I have a tiny Twitter following and I kind of hate that incessant self-promotion stuff on Twitter, anyway. What to do, what to do. Could I just leave it up on Amazon and hope that some random person discovers it and I become world famous by accident? (Or not, because that would make me anxious, too).
Toasties, I really want to donate an end of year gift as a thank you for my current job. I had thought about the LGBT center for seniors in Chicago recently posted, but I also came across this: http://www.windycitymediagroup.com/lgbt/Ex-Center…
I”m torn. I work a nonprofit, so I’m not exactly a stranger to these issues, but it does make me wary of giving them money that I could send elsewhere. Thoughts?
I live in entirely the wrong time zone to effectively interact with the Open Thread…depressing.
Interact when you can! There are often stragglers. Not as many as at the peak, obviously, but we’re here.
Me too. Unless I stay up until the early hours of the morning :/
I’m in Hawaii.
This straggler waves HI!
I also straggle since I have gnarly insomnia 🙂
Hi! Some of us check in on our lazy Saturday mornings too!
Sunday evening here and I am reading it!
My phone bit the dust today, and I need to pick out a new one. Anybody love/hate theirs, and want to tell me about it?
I just got a Motorola Moto G (2nd? 3rd? gen). It’s not that fancy but it’s a good size and does everything I want (messaging, email, mostly)
I have one of those too and I like it.
Assuming you want a smart phone and don’t have Verizon, I have a 2015 Moto G and adore it. Enough water resistance that you can drop it in a puddle/toilet/pitcher of beer and not muck around with that rice nonsense! Micro SD expansion slot! $250ish, unlocked, no contract (and that includes the extra memory and stuff). And it comes in fun colors and feels nice in your hand. Battery life is excellent, camera takes good pictures. Even the very particular tech reviewers couldn’t find anything mean to say about it except that it didn’t meet the same standards as the $600 phones (the lack of things to criticize seemed to upset them, which I found highly enjoyable).
My husband has the new Nexus because he’s a tech guy and wanted the fancier specs (wi-fi calling, extra frequency bands that aren’t even active yet, etc.). It seems fine too.
Just got an iPhone 5s. Not crazy about it. Too tiny. Had a Nokia Lumia Windows Phone which I preferred. Owners of the Samsung Galaxy seem pretty happy.
I have an orchestra concert tomorrow (Dvorak 7 & Tchaik Violin Concerto :DDD) and I finally did some practice the last few days and it made such a difference.
Dear future!dazy, how about you actually practice earlier in the term, then you’ll get to feel this confident and competent for longer!
Also we have a work team training day on Monday and there will be PUPPIES (because the dog squad unit is coming to talk about what they do). PUPPIES!
I don't know – there are a few good people in the kingdom, but after several poor experiences with various groups after moving to the Midwest from Caid several years ago, we gave up. I can assure you, having visited a couple Northshield events, you got nuthin' on Calontir for dorkdom. As a side note, my husband is putting a new set of armor together with the intention of getting out on the field again and Northshield is likely where he will decide to go play, other than the odd war. That means I'll have to haul out the old gear, shoo the spiders out, and then remake everything because nothing fits anymore.
The King of Calontir visited Boar's Head this weekend and I heard rumors that some folks were like "Oh you shouldn't visit Calontir from like November to March. The weather is terrible." Since we're all upper midwesterners, the response was apparently, "Actually, February in Kansas sounds pretty nice."
Well, it looks like I can go to 12th night in Milwaukee, so if you want to hang we should figure something out, because right now I'm clinging to workfriend and the Chatelaine like a very burgundian limpet and that's not gonna get old for either of them anytime soon…
Also, I might go to free fighting practice on thursday so because hitting things sounds like fun and why not.