I really struggled with choosing my final Crush Cake for The Toast. I’ve loved writing this series so much, channeling my flailing and swooning into cakes and the cakes into words. After overthinking it for a while, I decided to simply follow the strenuous pleas of my dear friend Charlotte, who sent me a barrage of texts featuring just one name, in all caps: SPENCER HASTINGS.
Have you ever seen Pretty Little Liars? It is a modern noir soap opera; an overwrought tale of deception and betrayal; like The Wire but with four teenage girls and set in affluent, largely white Pennsylvania. For a while it was honestly rather like The L Word: The Teenage Years, and has of late gone downhill — but it remains deeply compelling nevertheless.
Deeply compelling is also the only way to describe the character of Spencer Hastings, played by Troian Bellisario. When we first meet her she is only 16, but she ages up with the show, and in the last season we jump forward five years and all the characters are 23, which allowed me to breathe a sigh of crush-appropriate relief. (Bellisario herself was born in 1985, which also made me feel a bit more chill about it, since it’s what she brings to the character that makes Spencer so wonderful.)
Spencer Hastings is an overachieving, grade-me-look-at-me-evaluate-and-rank-me, coffee-drinking, underslept Slytherin queen who will casually wear a cloche hat to high school and dispense advice such as “Why enjoy today when you can worry about tomorrow?” She is nothing short of an inspiration. What kind of cake do you make for someone who has survived numerous threats to her life, including: being on a deadly train; a horse kick attack; a murderous brother-in-law; a big fire; and an evil steam room? What do you bake for someone whose chin dimple and shiny, shiny hair and slightly husky voice make you melt into a small puddle? Something bloody fancy, that’s what.
And that’s how I ended up with this Espresso Martini Cheesecake. Crushed-up Oreos make up the base, followed by a cheesecake tinted with coffee liqueur and espresso, and finally a dark dark glaze that’s actually made of white chocolate — deceptive and rich, just like Spencer’s family. (Plus, Spencer’s constant necking of coffee is a running lighthearted thread on the show.) This cake is surprisingly easy to make if you have a food processor — I’ve never made a baked cheesecake before, and I basically made this one up on the spot and it worked perfectly, so I have high hopes for all of you.
Espresso Martini Cheesecake with Oreos and White Chocolate Mocha Glaze
Base:
1 1/2 packets of Oreos (about 16 Oreos in total)
50g butter
Filling:
500g cream cheese (this is two standard packets/tubs, usually)
one heaped tablespoon instant espresso powder
¾ cup sugar
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons (or more!) kahlua or similar coffee liqueur
Glaze:
200g white chocolate, broken into pieces
1/2 cup cream
1 tablespoon instant espresso powder
Directions:
Set your oven to 150C/300F. Line the base of a 21cm springform tin with baking paper.
Tip all the Oreos into a food processor and whizz a few times to break them up. Then add the butter and blitz thoroughly until they resemble soft, damp crumbs. Transfer this to the cake tin and press down evenly with the back of a spoon to form the base of your cheesecake. Refrigerate while you get on with the filling.
In the same food processor bowl — just give it a quick wipe, it should be fairly clean — process together the cream cheese, sugar, eggs, and coffee liqueur till a smooth, airy liquid forms.
Dissolve the coffee granules into a little boiling water — a tablespoon or so — and pour this into the food processor. Blend until well incorporated. Spatula all of this over the Oreo base and smooth out the top.
Bake for one hour until the top is quite firm, with a little wobble to it. Remove from the oven.
For the glaze, simply melt the cream, broken-up white chocolate, and espresso powder together in a saucepan over low heat until a rich, dark, creamy liquid has formed. Pour this over the cheesecake and refrigerate for at least an hour. When you’re ready to serve it, run a knife around the edge of the cheesecake to loosen it, then unclip the springform tin and transfer it onto a serving plate.
The bitter taste of coffee paired with the tart, almost savory cream cheese and sweetness of the white chocolate is a spectacular combination, and despite being very intensely rich this cake is also nicely balanced without making you feel like your teeth are about to dissolve.
It’s also ideal to tuck into while watching one of my favorite episodes of all time, “Shadow Play,” the season four nod to classic noir film, in which Spencer has an insomniac-fueled black-and-white fever dream full of clues and twists and incredible 1930s costumes. Spencer Hastings, wherever you are, at the mercy of the show’s writers and your own incredibly high standards: this cheesecake is for you.
The night I made this cake, my aforementioned friend Charlotte came over to my house and we ate some together while sharing our sorrow and horror over the tragedy in Orlando. Friends are a comfort and cake can help bring them together. Thanks to all of you who supported my incessant crushing and cake-making at The Toast! You can always find more of my work at Hungry and Frozen.
Despite the fact that I hate Pretty Little Liars and think that it is ultimately harmful to the earth, I have watched four entire seasons of it. Spencer is definitely my favorite though. Considering that she is “the smart one” she is also somehow the stupidest and I find that very endearing. Like, you would think that she wouldn’t put up with any nonsense and could see through everybody’s bullshit yet she is also the one who ends up working with A and getting checked into a mental institution.
Loud and wrong, that’s our girl.
Heaven bless. This looks so good.
Wait how did I not notice that you had a food blog before this? I’m checking it out now and everything looks amazing. Scone dough pizza! Holy shit! And it’s not even a fussy scone dough! Making that as soon as I have my own kitchen again.
This cake looks amazing and I am very impressed with your ability to get a cheesecake to set on your first try. *toasts you*
Spencer is my favorite of the four of them.
Also–for the first few seasons on Pretty Little Liars, they would always refer to the area where I grew up in PA as like, this nice vacation place, where people have lakehouses. It’s really pretty and quaint, but it’s not the kind of place teenagers would think was cool to go to? It’s also not the kind of place that people who live in “Rosewood” would have vacation homes in–they’d go to the shore or the Poconos or something.
Bless you, and bless Troian’s voice. Amen.
Proud to be your hysterical friend Charlotte
I gave up at the beginning of S4 (I binge-watch, then have to give up periodically when I can no longer stand the repetitive problems of fabulously wealthy teenagers in a town filled with the Worst Grownups on Earth). Would I be able to watch Shadow Play and have it make sense anyway?
I think so! It exists in the same way that the Halloween episodes do, like everything is slightly heightened and ridiculous but still contributes to the overall arc. It’s just so good!
Does Ezra feature in the episode at all? Because I really hate him.
Yeah -_- also Toby whom I detest; but the costumes are incredible and the Hanna and Mona sass is top notch.
I am remarkably neutral on the subject of Toby, mostly because I find him outrageously boring. Except when he’s being actively terrible, at which point I find him mildly annoying and want him to just not be around anymore.
Truly he is the James Hurley of the 21st century.
Constipated sadface and all.
oh my god
Well, there’s a twist midway through season 4 that justifies Ezra’s presence a little. It doesn’t last, but definitely give Shadow Play a try.
I appreciate your heart-shaped plate, it is ideal.
This sounds heavenly. I’ll miss your crush cakes!
I have such fondness for this batshit show. I love that it’s about the friendships of teenage girls, and so what if absolutely nothing else makes sense. Although, honestly, a terrifying existence of mean girls, fraught relationships, predatory men, and girl power isn’t the most unrealistic thing on TV. And now I’m wondering what crush cake Mona would get. And Hannah. And Emily. (Aria’s cake is vegan and GF I’m sure, so not interested.)
I feel like for Hanna you would make a giant pink cream puff, no? Decorated with, like, fruit loops or skittles or some other high-Pinterest edible accessory…
I have never seen pretty little liars but I neeeeed to make this cake immediately.
Holy crap this looks amazing!
My favourite thing is that Rosewood is the same set as Stars Hollow is the same set as Bluebell. I like to imagine all three shows happening simultaneously in parallel universes which are constantly at risk of bleeding into one another.
I would watch that show
Spencer is way too good for this show. Let her be on How to Get Away With Murder or something like that – also this recipe fits her perfectly!
I would watch that show
This is not an emergency post. It is not. The electricians who are now in my apartment are the same people who showed up last month to rewire my apartment. My biggest question for them, aside of why do I require an electric doorbell now and not 15 years ago, is how long will this take. I think my landlady is getting ready to raise the rent and shove me out of the address I don’t do well with change – I am still reeling about Pluto.
You missed a golden opportunity to make a…. charlotte cake instead.
This 100% bonkers show is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I absolutely love every stupid, stupid minute of it.
I love all of the liars and hate all of the men (except Caleb, he’s fine) and I would watch them drown in garbage problems for A THOUSAND YEARS.
[steps down off soap box]
thank u for ur time.
I choose to believe that PLL ended at 5b (ok, maybe I’d let them get out of the Dollhouse in 6a), because my heart broke in a million pieces with the transphobic bullshit that is to come. I’m still watching, but kind of out of the corner of my eye, as I scowl furiously. Before that awfulness, I would swear up and down that this was the queerest, most slyly subversive show on television. GOD IM STILL NOT OVER MY HEARTACHE. Anyway, whatever. Excellent choice for last Crush Cake.