Truffle Babybel.- Potato chip-crusted manchego.
- A full block of whatever they use for Cheetos.
- Smartfood white cheddar popcorn inside white cheddar.
- A cheese that would tell you if you’re actually lactose intolerant or if you just eat a cup of cheese per sitting so of course your stomach hurts.
- Something with the texture of sharp cheddar but the flavor of American cheese.
- Cheese that shows you exactly where and how to cut it because even if you know that rounds are cut into wedges and wedges are cut so the nose is reserved invariably you wind up with some weird shaped thing at the end.
- Those yogurt whips things that were really whipped mozzarella. (Wait this just means I want to eat a tub of ricotta nevermind.)
- Ricotta that came in the little yogurt containers for snacking.
- Garam. Masala. Ricotta.
- Velveeta queso dip that didn’t start to congeal 30 seconds after you take it out of the microwave.
- String Brie.
Tags: all the wonderful cheeses, cheese, velveeta and rotel is the only queso dip i need thank you very much
oh my god, this is unreal. i am so hungry right now.
I’m not sure what the point of ricotta in little snacking containers would be, since I can eat a normal sized container without any real issue.
ETA: By real issue, I mean moral/health/getting sick of it issue. There is always the issue that then there is none left.
As someone who just last night finished off a tub of cheese dip with crackers that advertised themselves as “the crisp made from nothing but cheese”, I feel you in ways that are totally unhealthy but entirely delicious.
Just from the description of this action, I know that we will someday be good friends.
I have leftover cheese crisps now, and am seriously considering buying another tub of cheese dip to eat it with. Or possibly onion/garlic jam, since that shit is almost as addictive as cheese.
The parmesan ones, or am I missing out on other all-cheese snacks?
The parmesan ones. I was so disappointed when I realized that their “other flavors” were just additions to parmesan and not other kinds of cheese.
My grocery store makes these in-house. They are ridiculously addictive.
WAIT WHAT GROCERY STORE. Because unlike the cheese bar mentioned elsewhere, I can probably actually get there.
The ‘Central Markets’ chain… we go to the one in Mill Creek now but used to shop at the Ballard Market. I love them in general as their prices are competitive (better than QFC even) and their meat and produce are really really good.
Haha, I shop at Ballard Market all the time and never found these. My cheese-seeking senses have let me down.
They seemed to put them out kind of randomly? Also the Mill Creek store is bigger than the Ballard one so maybe they do more stuff there? I dunno. Love these markets though.
Those markets are so great! One of the reasons I’m willing to get a roommate rather than move somewhere cheaper is that I live less than a mile from the Ballard Market.
I used to live right across the street! Then later we lived in Magnolia right across the Ballard bridge. That was nice. Now we drive about 20 minutes just to go to the Mill Creek market as it is so much better than anything else.
You can make your own parmesan crackers pretty easily! Just spoon grated parm onto a baking sheet (with parchment paper) and heat em up. Ina Garten has a recipe (of course). If there are Whole Foods stores near you… they also sell ones that they make in-house. Regular AND garlic.
Yes yes yes yes yes all of these please
If I weren’t on mobile I would include any number of applause gifs, including but not limited to Orson Welles and Shia LeBeouf.
I typed ‘cheese applause’ into Giphy search and it gave me very confused results. Disappointing lack of gifs with both subjects though.
nnnnngh now I am thinking about the lasagnas one could make with garam masala ricotta. lots of onions & spinach & roasted garlic & tomatoes roasted to the point of sweetness. [falls over]
This seems like a good place to talk about my love of red dragon cheese. Sharp cheddar with mustard seeds and ale. Goes great with crusty bread and watching Hannibal from between your fingers.
Oooooooh, yes. There’s a bakery here that makes a beer and cheese bread, which would be amazing with that.
I wish someone would sell a whole bag of just those little burnt bits of cheese from the sides of a casserole.
I’ve found those at Whole Foods! Nnnngh parmesan crisps…
And they’re supposedly easy to make, though I fear that making them once will spiral into an unstoppable wave of cheese crisp consumption so…I should really give it a try. (Lol at the headline on Slate’s cheese crisp recipe. Relax, Slate!)
Ooh! I think we’re supposed to get a Whole Foods sometime. (camps out at construction site)
That’s always good Slate advice.
I once went to this Italian restaurant and got risotto that came with some kind of fancy garnish thing I didn’t really pay attention to at the time. I was merrily eating my risotto, which was delicious, and then decided to take a bite of the garnish, which turned out to be an enormous parmesan crisp, and I had to stop and have A Moment.
UPDATE:
I made this the other day and it was kind of amazing even with crappy pre-sliced supermarket cheese. Would put it on anything.
That looks fabulous! I just got a bunch of CSA tomatoes, too.
You. You’re a good person.
<3
this list also makes me really miss living in Wisconsin. Why am I at work and not at the cheese bar having a pint & a wedge special right now 🙁
Wait, what is a ‘cheese bar’?
There is a wonderful place in Milwaukee called Wisconsin Cheese Deli or something like that, and it has a bar attached, and there is a happy hour special that is “a pint and a wedge” which is exactly what it sounds like.
I need to go there. That sounds like the best place to go after work.
God bless Wisconsin for promoting the locally-made products that the people really need.
Well. I sense a road trip.
I live in dairy central in upstate NY– WHY DO WE NOT HAVE A CHEESE BAR HERE??
Perhaps an idea for a new Toastfolk business opportunity?
BRB, getting a small business license.
(I guess, technically , I could just buy a whole thing of cheese at Wegmans and eat it there. They have beer in their cafe).
TOAST AND CHEESE. Or Toasted Cheese. Or Let’s All Get Toasted and Eat Cheese Together.
I smell a cheese-scented franchise!
Two Great Things That Go Great Together!™
I think that third one is the perfect name for the Colorado or Washington branch.
I work a 20 minute walk from this place! It’s called Wisconsin Cheese Mart and they currently have a horseradish and chive harvati that makes everything better always.
I’m in Melbourne, Australia, and there are two cheese bars here called Milk the Cow. They sell fondue and baked Camembert and cheese boards with local and international cheeses, and accompaniments such as muscats and quince paste and lavosh, plus alcohol, and THAT IS ALL. No other meals.
One is opposite a really good cinema, and, really, shay could be a better night out than a good movie followed by lots of cheese?
Bleu cheese that tastes good but doesn’t smell like you’re reading on a boat in a storm.
I quite like that smell, myself, but gottdam if that isn’t a great description.
The other day I sauteed some mushrooms in butter and sherry and garlic. Some kind of alchemy happened and I ended up with mushrooms that tasted exactly like Doritos.
Please understand, this is not a complaint.
Have you been able to recreate it?
Not yet. The interesting thing about it was that there was literally no cheese involved whatsoever.
Probably not that different from Doritos actually (i.e. no actual cheese)
There are at least 2 flavours of Doritos that are actually vegan, the least offensive of these being Sweet Chili Heat.
I think both mushrooms and certain kinds of cheeses (e.g., Parmesan) have pretty strong umami flavors.
Yeah! They have the same kind of compounds – glutamates! (My friend once bought a little package of something labeled “umami” and we put it on ALL our food and learned later it was just plain MSG. MSG on sliced plums is delightful.)
I knew there had to be a science-y explanation!
MSG gets a bad rap, but I think maybe I need to eat more of it.
There’s a seasoning called Accent which is also just plain MSG, and it’s delightful, particularly on popcorn with thyme.
I’m 99% sure that’s why my grandma’s lamb chops were so good, and why I’ve never quite been able to duplicate them.
PLEASE let us know if you figure out this mystery. Mushrooms that taste like Doritos are true magic.
I think the key might’ve been that I was out of garlic and had to use garlic powder.
Wait, the ricotta tubs in the store AREN’T snack sized?
This is also news to me.
(See also: entire pieces of Stilton).
No, no. Stilton is also only sold in snack form. It’s weird, actually, how they don’t make it in other quantities.
“Pictured: one snack”
Yeah! Weird, right?
Yup, same with gruyere. Lovely snack-sized portions (“Instructions: 1) Add fire; 2) Insert head”)
A cheese that would tell you if you’re actually lactose intolerant or if you just eat a cup of cheese per sitting
who said you could spy on me, Jaya
I was reading something about weighing out cheese so you only eat (x) ounces at a time, and I was like, “Huh, people moderate their cheese consumption? Why?”
No, that’s just weird.
Phew! (tosses article in the trash, merrily walks away whistling)
I am lactose-intolerant and I literally eat cheese at EVERY MEAL
The farm shop near my parents’ house stocks camberzola.
Yes.
Camembert and Gorgonzola in one beautiful cheese.
I think they have that at Trader Joe’s!
CAMBOZOLA IS MADE OF UNICORN MILK AND FAIRY MOLD.
sorry I got carried away there just a little
So: Assemble a sandwich thusly.
1. Small to medium ciabatta. Split, toast lightly, and drizzle with a little bit of really good Italian dressing.
2. A good half pound of rare, thinly sliced roast beef goes on the bottom part of the ciabatta.
3. Add a layer of oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes atop the beef. Sprinkle some coarse salt and oregano over them.
4. Quarter-inch-thick slices of Cambozola go on top of the tomatoes.
5. Top part of ciabatta over the Cambozola.
I promise it is the only sandwich that you will ever want or need again.
Bookmarking for my eventual return to the US. I need this in my life.
My supermarket (AH, for fellow Dutchies) sells Gormas, which is stripes of Gorgonzola and Mascarpone. I may or may not have finished a packet of it in the last few days. With a spoon.
I wish they had Dorito’s nacho cheese flavoring they sold in a shaker or something.
I mean theoretically you could put a bunch of Doritos in a food processor and pulse them into a powder? It wouldn’t just be the flavoring alone, but you could probably sprinkle it on plenty of things.
Toastie lifehacks: better than anyone else’s.
Write the fine people at Doritos a letter, like Liz Lemon!
That would make for amazing popcorn!
Cheeze popcorn flavouring with cayenne pepper added is pretty close!
seriously, the ricotta snack market is criminally untapped
Garam masala ricotta? How many hours is it till I can stop off at the market on my way home?
Cheese sauce that shouldn’t congeal as quickly: http://aht.seriouseats.com/archives/2010/09/the-b…
Also a vegan version: http://www.seriouseats.com/2014/02/the-food-lab-v…
EDIT:- warning, what follows is unsolicited advice on lactose intolerance from a long time sufferer. please only proceed if actually interested in unsolicited advice.
We all only produce so much lactase (the stuff that breaks down lactose). Now, some of us produce much less than others, but even for the people who generally produce enough, there is SOME limit. Like, I don’t suggest consuming large quantities of straight up lactose. So, if you think you might be just a touch lactose intolerant, you can just take some Lactaid and see if it helps. Absent some REALLY strange biology, it won’t hurt you if you don’t need it. The only problem is that the generally suggested dose isn’t always enough if you are lactose intolerant, I pretty much start at about 6 extra strength tabs…. so if you only take one regular strength and it doesn’t help you, you probably still don’t know for sure if it’s lactose intolerant.
the solution to that, of course, is to repeat the experiment, taking more lactaid, and, of course, MORE CHEESE.
Or you could try a cheese that naturally has way less lactose, like the cabot farms aged cheddar.
Ooh that is a nice article in that first link. I may combine those techniques with my sodium citrate to make a sauce that stays creamy longer.
I love you for that link. We can’t get Velveeta here and I’ve tried so many recipes to get the perfect creamy cheesy consistency. I’ve saved the link, also opened it in my browser AND emailed it to myself to print at work so I never lose it.
You guys, I’ve been reading about cheese all day, and I just got paid today and I’m heading to the fanciest Wegmans cheese department and NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oreo cookies, but with crackers instead of wafers and with soft cheese instead of creme. I feel a need for this every time I try to mash my slightly-too-hard Gorgonzola onto my slightly-too-delicate crackers
FUN FACT ABOUT LACTOSE: The harder the cheese, the less lactose there is in it. Stuff like parmesan is nearly lactose-free, so chow down! Same goes for cheddar and the firmer sorts of Swiss cheese. Checking the nutrition label for “sugar” is a good way to figure out how much lactose is in your cheese. Softer cheeses like feta and ricotta will have more lactose, so you might want to take a Lactaid or something before burying your face in it.
I’m a cheesemonger, and I can tell you that this is true! However, some people are actually allergic to the protein found in cheese, which has nothing to do with lactose.
I discovered the other day that my bf has never had saganaki. So I’ve been scoping out restaurants in his area where we might go to delightfully eat some.
I think I’m going to try that Slate recipe above, but perhaps experiment with non-Parmesan cheeses too. What about Jarlsberg? Or Romano? Or Asiago?
Oooooooooooooooooooooh. I want it alllllllllllll.
Something with the texture of sharp cheddar but the flavor of American cheese.
If I recall correctly from my childhood, that pretty much exactly describes what government cheese is (was?) like. We didn’t have it at my house but my grandma did, and I thought it was the greatest thing in the world because it tasted like American cheese but you could cut much thicker slices of it.
Colby cheese ALSO tastes like that to me – American without the plasticky texture. Also, growing up I thought Velveeta was fancy b/c it was brand name.
STRING BRIE
Wait is ricotta in a snack size only a thing we have in Canada because we definitely have that here. Wait, maybe it’s cottage cheese.
I think I'd suggest something like Dairylea? It's not the same as Velveeta or colby, but the recipe needs a sort of soft melty cheese. Maybe with a bit of a mild cheddar in there too, but not too much.
Or you could find a conveniently located American who's willing to mail you a block of Velveeta, as the stuff is shelf-stable… though I personally wouldn't go to that much trouble for it.
You can make your own parmesan crackers pretty easily! Just spoon grated parm onto a baking sheet (with parchment paper) and heat em up. Ina Garten has a recipe (of course). If there are Whole Foods stores near you… they also sell ones that they make in-house. Regular AND garlic.
My supermarket (AH, for fellow Dutchies) sells Gormas, which is stripes of Gorgonzola and Mascarpone. I may or may not have finished a packet of it in the last few days. With a spoon.