A Cover Letter Template

Mark Kowgier
59 Diego Cres.
Grimsby Ontario CA
905-321-7325 x Ask My Mother For Mark
mark.kowgier@askjeeves.com
 

To Whom It May Concern,

My name is  Mark Kowgier, and I humbly ask that you please consider this application for ________________ at _________________.  I believe, nay, I know, with all my heart, that   ________________________ is the exact job I was born to do. And to highlight the endless amount of innumerable reasons why, here are three things I am passionateabout.

First of all, I am passionate about versatility. Versatility literally applies to all facets of my life. Versatility helped me complete my Masters degree, where I literally faced some life’s Big Questions:  Who am I? Why is life so hard for a young white male? Was 9-11 an inside job? Did I even write a full Masters’ thesis? My versatility says I did.

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Lovely Teen Dirtbags Interviewed

From Humans of New York:humans

“What’s your greatest struggle right now?”
“Hitting a kick flip.”
“Getting my average past 90.”
“Getting some vagina.”
“Me too.”

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Trans People and Bathrooms: It’s Already Happening

The first time I ever used the ladies’ room was absolutely nervewracking. I had just started presenting myself in public as a woman, and I was slowly becoming more confident in where I would go. Starting transition in the American south does not leave a trans girl with a lot of confidence about her right to exist, let alone using the pisser without being hassled. I was at a bar in downtown Dallas, and as one might imagine after drinking a few gin and tonics I really had to go, like really really had to go. There were only two options: the men’s room or the women’s room; there was no “unisex” option.

I knew that if I went into the men’s room I’d be gawked at, insulted, and possibly even harmed. I had been on hormones for so long that using the men’s room would look downright silly anyway. And so I answered the call of my bladder and plunged into the unknown space of the women’s restroom. I spared no time. I did my business, washed my hands, and left as soon as I could. My heart was pounding the whole time, my hands were practically numb, and I was deathly afraid of accidentally making eye contact with anyone for fear of being found out.

But then I realized something as I returned to my friends: I got no weird stares, no derogatory remarks, and certainly no one pointing at me and screaming “PERVERT.” I was able to blend in, and so I was able to use this space without any issues. As time went on, I was able to use women’s restrooms in areas that I knew were even more hostile to transgender folk, and certainly didn’t have legal protections for me: a barbecue joint in Alabama, a Walmart in central Florida, and a Mississippi rest stop bustling with conservative families. I was becoming more confident in my ability to blend in, and I loved it.

So when I hear rhetoric that people use against transgender women using restrooms, I can only assume that they are in a fantasy land.

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Characters From The L Word, In Order

Tasha

Tasha is perfect. Here we have Tasha looking at the sky, perfectly.

tasha5

Here is Tasha smiling. Notice that when she smiles, the entire world turns on.

The L Word - Season 4

Here is Tasha holding a beer and having feelings. Notice how she does both of those things perfectly.

tasha3

Tasha in a suit. (The suit is perfect, and her jaw has more integrity than the entire Constitution of the United States.)tasha2

Here is Tasha kissing someone who is not me. This scene is almost perfect, but it would be better if I were in it.tasha

Dana

Dana! Remember when you were alive? That was so great. I’m so sorry Ilene murdered you.

dana

Bette

Jennifer Beals is like the Queen of Deer transformed into a liquid-eyed, noble human woman. She looks great in suspenders and I didn’t even mind when she cheated on Tina, because Tina is a mealy-mouthed blob of nothing. Here is Bette holding an enormous glass of wine.

The L Word - Season 4

Here is Angry Bette. Nothing in the world is more satisfying than Righteously Angry Bette.bette1

Alice

We are all Alice. No matter how much you might wish to be Marina or Shane or even Dana, if you are reading this article, you are Alice, and there is no shame in that. Alice is a damn delight.

alice

Kit

Kit is played by Pam Grier. Are you Pam Grier? No. No, you are not.

kit

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Things I Have Lost to Exes, Begrudgingly

Endless loaves of bread.

After too many mornings of waking up at his house and finding there was absolutely nothing to eat, I started bringing my own food over. The coffee and peanut butter stayed in the cupboard where I’d left them, but the bread would disappear immediately. At one point I was buying a loaf a week for my own house, and up to three loaves for his. Then he started complaining all that bread was making him put on weight.

* Lesson: Bring a man a loaf of bread and he eats for a day. 

Fancy water bottle.

My ex and I had the same water bottle: a red aluminium canister of the kind that will last a decade if you look after it. I’d been looking after mine. Then at some point during the relationship the bottles got swapped, but I didn’t become aware of this until we’d gone through the only breakup I’ve ever had where things got so ugly we no longer speak. And my ex had not been looking after his bottle. I don’t want to think the swap was deliberate, as that would have been petty. But then again, he’d been known to use the Twitter account belonging to the cat he’d shared with his ex to try and make her jealous, so.

* Lesson: Trust no one. 

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Elise Cowen: The Female Beat Poet You’ve Never Heard Of

It’s 1954, and a woman sits alone in front of a typewriter in a Brooklyn boarding house. There’s a half-finished bottle of cheap red wine next to her, and the only other furniture in the room is an unmade bed with dirty sheets. It’s the land lady’s responsibility to provide clean sheets, but it’s the woman’s responsibility to pay the rent on time, so she chooses her battles carefully. She’s surrounded by books stolen from libraries across the city (the only moral way to get books, she believes.) She takes a swig of wine before she leans forward to type.

Someone I could kiss
Has left his, her
             tracks
             A memory
            Heavy as winter breathing
            in the snow

This is Elise Nada Cowen. Today she is most famous for being Alan Ginsberg’s experiment in heterosexuality, and the typist of his poem “Kaddish.” Beat scholars place her as the footnote in the Legend of Ginsberg: a devoted follower of the poet who lived in his intellectual shadow. Others have written her as a tragic-women-poet figure (she suffered from mental illness most of her life, and committed suicide at the age of 27.) But there is more to her story than that. Her surviving poetry shows a unique perspective on the rigid cultural conformity of the 1950s and also the fringe artistic community of the Beat Generation.

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Ronbledore Deniers

Others will try to smear and discredit me. This is how you will know I am telling you the truth about Ronbledore.

The following are comments that various haters and deniers have attempted to leave on every Ronbledore-themed article I have written over the last several months. I do not know if they are all governed by the same shadowy hand, or if their name is Legion. I do know that their objective is the same: to smear and discredit anyone who dares attempt reveal the truth.

The truth is that Ron Weasley is a time-traveling Dumbledore. Open your eyes.

1. “Also Harry sees a picture of a young Dumbledore and Aberforth and yet Ron and Dumbledore look nothing alike, gee. Whackjobs” [Ed. note -- Your almost immediate reliance upon argumentum ad hominem tells me even you realize the tenuous ground upon which your argument rests. Riddle me this, Time Scholar: If Ron and Dumbledore look nothing alike, then why was this the cover of the last three Harry Potter books, all of which were titled "Harry Potter and the RON IS DUMBLEDORE"?]

ronbledore

2. “Interesting theory, but a tiny yet significant point is that Redhead people don’t normally have blue eyes.

In fact, I’m not sure if JKR was aware of this at the time of mentioning it or not, but Redhead with Blue eyes is one of the rarest genetic combinations ever.

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Link Roundup!

The Friend Zone sounds like a place with lots of hot dogs and trampolines! LET’S GO!”

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“quinoarmageddon”

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Francine Prose and Leslie Jamison discuss the ethics of mining real relationships for literary content:

A recent surge of media interest has involved the Norwegian writer Karl Ove Knausgaard, whose multivolume memoir-novel “My Struggle” has been criticized for revealing too much about his close relatives. In a Paris Review interview, Knausgaard says the question of whether a writer ought to use his family as material is akin to asking the question: Would you save the cat or the Rembrandt from the burning house? He says we must save the cat, choose life over art — a somewhat surprising answer from a writer who portrays his own family in such intimate detail.

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Chanel and Jane Marie’s latest “Oh, You Pretty Things!” column over at Rookie!

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