How To Care For Your New Changeling

“A changeling is the offspring of a fairy, troll, or elf that has been secretly left in the place of a human child. Sometimes the term is also used to refer to the child who was taken. The apparent changeling could also be a stock or fetch, an enchanted piece of wood that would soon appear to grow sick and die.

A human child might be taken due to many factors: to act as a servant, the love of a human child, or malice. In some rare cases, the very elderly of the Fairy people are exchanged in the place of a human baby, and then the old fairy can live in comfort, being coddled by its human parents. Simple charms, such as an inverted coat or open iron scissors left where the child sleeps, were thought to ward them off; other measures included a constant watch over the child.”

So your newborn human baby has been stolen and exchanged for a changeling child! Congratulations, and also my deepest sympathies. You have a difficult road ahead of you, full of challenges but also rewards. I won’t pretend that parenting a changeling is easy — it isn’t — but it can be incredibly meaningful to look into a pair of unearthly blue, too-large eyes and know that the Unseelie Court has chosen you to care for a creature older than time itself.

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Red Dragon vs. Manhunter

I think remakes get a bad rap, I really do. We re-stage plays all the time, adding different time periods, costumes, and interpretations; why not movies? Movies are big complex things with many moving parts made by lots of people, why not open them up to a new take on the same material? The biggest problem modern remakes/adaptations have is hemming too close to the source material, having to hit-off a check list of “has to be in” moments and quotes until the movie becomes a game of Trope Bingo.

Red Dragon (2006, Brett Ratner ) vs. Manhunter (1986, Michael Mann) provides a wonderful example.

Because both movies were based on the same source material, Thomas Harris’ 1981 novel Red Dragon (re-titled Manhunter for fear audiences would think it was a kung-fu movie and changing Hannibal Lecter’s name to ‘Lecktor’ for license reasons, please take note Bryan Fuller.) They share not only the same basic story and characters, but  whole chunks of dialogue. The meeting between Will Graham and Hannibal is almost identical in both movies, providing an opportunity to look at two sets of casts and crew working from (nearly) the same script ending up in different places.

It’s not just that Michael Mann is a better director than Brett “X3″ Ratner (although he is.) Mann, who wrote the screenplay, had much more freedom to create his version of the story. Ratner, even with his glaring limitations as a director, was still working under two decades of cultural cruft built up around the Hannibal Lecter mythos and dealing with a studio that desperately wanted to make people forget about 2001′s little-loved Hannibal. Manhunter could be whatever the hell Mann wanted it to be, Red Dragon had to remind people of Silence Of The Lambs until they screamed Bingo.

Now, please enjoy this shot-by-shot video comparison of the opening scenes that I made WITH MY OWN HANDS.

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Watching Doll & Em

The reasons I watched Doll & Em with increasing enthusiasm, joy and anticipation are many. It’s a funny show; the writing is tight and subtle; it’s set primarily in Los Angeles which is sunny, and I live in Scotland and can always do with a little vicarious warm weather; and there is a John Cusack cameo, but mainly I enjoyed it because it is an honest and recognisable depiction of friendship, and this is a rare thing in tv comedy.

Dolly Wells and Emily Mortimer, who wrote, produced and star in Doll & Em have been friends for over three decades, and the characters they’ve written are based on themselves – Emily is, indeed, an actor who has found success in Hollywood while Doll is the unknown quantity (yet also a talented actor, both in and out of character). The storyline that has been manufactured is that Doll, in need of an escape from London and her failed relationship, is hired by Emily to work as her assistant while she makes a film (‘the female Godfather’) in LA.

That the two women have a real-life longterm friendship which is mirrored, and made somewhat monstrous, in the show, is a cute gimmick, and one which probably sold the series. But, for me at least, the fact that a friendship between a couple of women in their forties is portrayed as important and vital is the truly unique aspect of Doll & Em.

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History’s Smuggest Brides: Vintage Engagement Photos That Perfectly Embody The Spirit Of “I Got Mine”

engagement“Oh, hello, Myrtle — gosh, but it’s been so long. It’s lovely to see you again. What have y–”

“Bitch, I got mine.”

“Myrtle?”

“BITCH. I. GOT. MINE.”

engagement14“Oh, hello. I suppose you must have noticed that the three of us have got ours.”

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Sex vs. Love in the New Enrique Iglesias Album “Sex & Love”

I’m a Freak

Sex.

 

There Goes My Baby

Love from afar.

 

Bailando (Dancing)

Sex – especially in Spanish.

 

El Perdedor (The Loser)

No love and definitely no sex.

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More Than You Ever Dreamed Of Knowing About Having a Mammoplasty

I loved jump rope games: Lizzie Borden, Ice Cream Sundae, Cinderella (and what part of her fellow was she kissing that she made a mistake and kissed a snake instead?) My sister and I skipped all afternoon, chanting and challenging each other, until I was in fifth grade. That’s when someone in my class first called me “Melons.” The other kids thought it was hilarious, and can I blame them? My name’s Melanie and I had boobs.

My friends had plenty to say about my plenty, too. A cheerleader advised, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it,” while we changed for 7th grade gym. My first boyfriend’s braces gleamed when he repeated, “I just want to get up there.” My 32A BFF spent much of senior year poking fun at my 34DDs, assuring me that “anything more than a handful is too much.”

I wore dresses with waistlines veering toward my sternum, button-downs with gaping plackets, bras I overflowed, XL t-shirts to cover my otherwise M frame. The t-shirts topped my (strictly one-piece) bathing suits from middle school on. I said, “I burn too easily,” when what I meant was, “Those adult men actively ogling my chest make me squeamish.”

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Popular Wedding Traditions Explained

Women scream when their friends get engaged to keep the demon trapped inside her diamond from getting out.

Brides traditionally wear veils over their heads during the ceremony in order to keep their faces from flying off.

It is considered bad luck for the groom to die before the wedding day.

After ceremonially “giving the bride away,” the father of the bride customarily selects a replacement daughter from among the wedding guests, raising her as his own until she is old enough to leave the nest.

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Link Roundup!

If I lived in London, I would go to this, and I would also go to jail (GAOL, perhaps) for stealing a wedding gown and then showing up at Benedict’s house in it like Rosalie when she wastes the dude who raped her in the flashback in Breaking Dawn Pt 1. I mean, I wouldn’t hurt him, but I would have that same look of intensity, I think?

Lead-wedding-dress1000

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The New Yorker unlocked its Annie Baker profile!

To watch Baker’s work is to be drawn into a world that feels as unplotted as real life (characters chat at cross-purposes; costumes and stage settings are uncannily real) but that breaks abruptly into surreal transcendence (a hula hoop being spun for almost a minute, in one case). Onstage, Baker exercises meticulous control in order to make action seem as unrefined as possible. Her characters exchange the kind of knobby dialogue you overhear in diners on Friday mornings: mothers fretting volubly about their young-adult kids’ problems, twentysomething friends chasing back bleary silence with defensive nonchalance. (“I’m really hung over so you guys will have to excuse me if I’m like a little low-energy.”) Her goal is to explore what’s left unsaid along the edges of conversation: it’s the principle of looking at familiar stars so that the galaxies that can’t be seen head on appear out of the corner of your eye.

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The glorious Patricia Lockwood on whether poetry is work:

A common refrain you hear when it comes to poetry is, “That’s not work. Picking up the garbage is work!” The people who say this are usually also the people who think that poetry IS garbage, so I’m not sure what their problem is. If you dislike trash so much then you should be happy that I’m collecting it for free, and rolling around in it for fun, and eating it for dinner, and publishing it in all the finest modern magazines. My name is A.R. Ammons actually, and I wrote a really excellent book called Rubbish, and you just need to shut up about me.

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