1. Just read everything; gather ye Toast while ye may.

    (One more week.)

    18 comments
  2. Dearest Toasties,
    Thank you for being the kindest, cleverest, most wonderful people. The Bartender will miss pictures of all your animals, your advice, your brilliant hilarity, and the goodness and care you show one another.

    1323 comments
  3. Hardly any of these things are on sale today because when I commit to a theme, rules be damned! This is the last Bargain Bin here at The Toast. Don't ask me what we're gonna do now because I do not even know. Just jerk off all day, I guess?

    35 comments
  4. I IS DOG. MIGHTY AND TALL.

    353 comments
  5. Well, this morning is far more depressing than we had expected, so this seems like a bit of a broken balloon now. But you can still buy a tote.

    197 comments
  6. First, you should know that creating these recipes involved a totally normal number of open tabs related to cheesecake (roughly 10).

    31 comments
  7. Those of us with the types of depression that ebb and flow, insidiously creeping up when we least expect it, might not have our shields up and ready when the tide comes in. But a few months ago I happened to feel another bout of depression looming before it knocked me off my feet and accidentally discovered a strategy for fighting it.

    26 comments
  8. You have just swept someone a magnificent, yet insolent, leg.

    You have interrupted a game of wist to introduce the players to your ward.

    You have been pronounced a social success by the greatest bitch in Paris.

    156 comments
  9. Thank you so much to everyone who commented and emailed and entrusted me with your secrets over the duration of my time as Aunt Acid. I had many more good questions than I could answer, especially for this last column. I will miss you.

    64 comments
  10. If Cate Blanchett were your girlfriend, the two of you would sleep in lilac silk pajamas piped around the wrists and ankles in indigo. They would smell of actual lilacs, and they would be more comfortable than your oldest, softest t-shirts.

    47 comments
  11. Many readers familiar with Charles Dickens' Great Expectations are aware that he originally wrote an ending where Pip and Estella meet years after their painful parting only to solemnly shake hands and go their separate ways again:
    It was four years more, before I saw herself.

    21 comments
  12. "I is so big. How I get so big?"

    667 comments
  13. I know I can’t represent All Asians Everywhere any more than Jubilee could. I can’t give everyone everything they want and need in art, in stories. But I hope that those who don’t find what they need in my stories will find it elsewhere, that we’ll keep working toward having a variety of superheroes to choose favorites from.

    10 comments
  14. Right-ho, we're all relatively familiar with the story of the ant and the grasshopper, wherein the grasshopper plays the violin instead of farming, I guess, and then in the winter the ant reminds him that you have to farm if you want to live through the solstice, and everyone's happy, or starves to death. The point is, it's about a grasshopper and an ant.

    72 comments