She woke up like she did every day: slowly pulling her motorcycle helmet off, then shaking her head slowly back and forth to reveal a long, blonde ponytail. Everyone gasped. "That's right," she said, kicking the winning football goal before sliding into a sheer, sexy camisole under a blazer and playing as hard as she worked, "I've been a girl this whole time."
Hello, dear Toasties. Early and abbreviated Toast Points this week, as we won't be posting much over the holiday weekend -- but there will be an open thread and some classic posts from days of Toast past, so don't despair.
I would like to take this opportunity to apologize if you were offended by my recent behavior. Sadly, there is no way to determine whether you have in fact been offended at this time, as the science just isn't there yet. We may never know if you were offended or not -- in fact, can it truly be said that we can ever know anything?
INT. DAY. A bucolic college campus; a book-strewn corner office. Two MALE PROFESSORS, HANK and SMITTY, have their feet up on their respective desks at the end of a long day. Their faces are haggard and drawn. Even their elbow patches look tired. HANK sighs.
What is it about tea that is so wonderful, so calming? It is a delightful elixir, sweetly fragrant, older than coffee and more subtle. It’s not especially difficult to make a good cup of tea. So why is it almost impossible to get one here?
Adoption has such a huge effect on how I see gifts now. If I am expected to be grateful for anything, I would rather not have it. I don’t want to feel in debt. I find it hard even to write the word grateful in an email. I feel both overly thankful for any offer, for any help, and yet extremely stressed out about having to pay it back.
I work in a nondescript multi-story county building in a university city in the United States. People have mistaken our building for everything from a hotel to a bank to a suite of medical offices. One day not long ago, we all had to attend a half-day of "Active Shooter Training" led by officers from the county sheriff's department, because -- to quote one of the officers -- the mindset we should all have is…
Well, the holidays are at last upon us, as "upon us" is a holiday's favorite place to sprawl, and that means one thing: making sure that you get enough to eat at holiday parties. There's nothing worse than waking up in January and realizing you've practiced careful moderation in the face of temptation, also watching that waistline, and cravings, and jeans that fit: food is everywhere.