I Am Dear Prudence Now Also In Addition To The Toast

by Mallory Ortberg · November 9, 2015

That is not a MELLIFLUOUS headline, but I wanted to make sure I hit the main bullet points of 1. I am Dear Prudence now, over at Slate, and also 2. I am not leaving the Toast in even the slightest bit, I am doing both things, and I feel I accomplished my goal, headline-wise. I will run through a little FAQ here because this is very new and exciting!

Is this a joke? It feels like a joke.

It is not a joke! It is for real and for true.

Wait, didn’t you JUST write a thing about Dear Prudence like, a month ago? Is that why they gave this to you?

Yes! I did! I do not know if that was something Slate took into consideration.

Are you excited?

God, yes!

Isn’t this two jobs? I don’t think you can do two jobs. 

Nuts to you! I think I’ll be great.

But aren’t you worried about burnout? What if you want to sleep, or have a baby, or something? 

Then I’ll take a nap or get pregnant or induce pregnancy in someone else! If I’m not worried about it, I don’t know why you should be. I have plenty of time, I’m always watching TV.

Why did you imagine such an antagonistic FAQ?

I gotta lot of nervous energy from all the excitement. Sorry if I jumped down your throat. What a day!

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

223 Comments

    1. gavinbyrnes +42

      please say that you said “whaaaaaaat” in the thomas jefferson voice

      if you didn’t i’m doing that for you anyway so at least one of us is

      1. bookwormV +12

        Sadly, I did not (I know nothing about Hamilton except for what I have picked up from comments here).

        1. stirringsofconsciousness +27

          I imagine Mallory’s first chat will have a lot of, “what to do when everyone around you is quoting HAMILTON. It’s just…NON-STOP.”

          #sorrynotsorry

      2. philifox +19

        Oh I am so glad it isn’t just me – this is now the only way I say “whaaaaaat”.

        I also add “Burr” every time I say “You are the worst” – which it turns out is a lot :/

        1. Theo_Winterwood +9

          I also add “Burr” every time I say “You are the worst” – which it turns out is a lot :/

          . . . I am so glad I’m not the only person doing this . . .

        2. evieskye +19

          When someone messes up and I experience delicious schadenfreude I do a little dance and sing “You’re never gon’ be president now!”

        3. gavinbyrnes +14

          My problem there is that I already (obviously) do the Jean-Ralphio “the woooooooooooooorst”…so then I have to add Burr onto it as well and it really ends up taking a while

    2. StarFootSneech +2

      You’ve pretty much taken the words out of my mouth. A long whaaaaat, was my exact response to being pointed towards this news.

  3. mikelywhiplash +112

    The advice letter-writers of the world will celebrate like when they tore down that statue of Saddam Hussein in Iraq.

    Fun Times: ACCOMPLISHED.

      1. Apollonia +18

        Exactly. Asking the goddess of marriage for advice sounds like a snooze. I propose Ask Sekhmet,the goddess of vengeance and lions. Which is sincerely what I hope Mallory will turn Ask Prudence into.

  4. kilks401 +27

    Congrats! I do still roll my eyes at Slate sometimes, but between this and Jamelle Bouie, now lots of reasons to read Slate. Great Stuff.

    1. stirringsofconsciousness +10

      Yeah, goddammit, just when I thought I was over Slate entirely, Jamelle Bouie and now Mallory — Slate headlines are such obnoxious clickbait, but they’re actually getting me to click!

  5. The_Dowager +105

    I am an avid reader of advice columns, including Dear Prudence (I don’t care how many made up secret baby/infidelity/horrible in-law letters there are), and an avid reader of the Toast, so this is PERFECT! Hooray!!

      1. allofthewhine +100

        Mallory– will you learn The Truth about the twincest letter now that you’re Prudence? is it like a presidential thing where they hand over a book of state secrets to the new leader?

        1. The_Dowager +19

          Oh my god, I hope that is true: twincest is basically like the nuclear go-code of the advice column world.

        2. Apollonia +28

          Can we have a code word you slip into Toast articles to indicate which of the letters is fake? Like if letter number one is fake, you use “Milli” and if it’s letter number two, it’s “Vanilli”? I’m not sure how you’re going to write about one half of that late 80’s smooth pop sensation week after week and make it seem organic, but if anyone can, it’s Mallory.

          2. Apollonia +9

            Ok, that’s a really good point. But, you know, let’s not be too hasty in taking a bi-weekly Milli Vanilli feature off the table, eh?

  6. Pygmalion24 +27

    This is absolutely the best thing ever! I LOVE advice columns and I LOVE the Toast so what a perfect fit! You will be great!

  7. collectdust +5

    i don’t think i can possibly be more excited for this news! you are a perfect pick, mallory.

    2. mandarinmarie +25

      COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF! What??? I mean, it’s amazing, obviously, but I could not be more surprised.

      1. NicoleCliffe +45

        I am young Jim Gordon from Gotham, but with the face and body of his girlfriend (not murder girlfriend, the new doctor girlfriend.)

  10. grace_adieu +48

    I still can’t quite believe that this isn’t a joke because it seems like something that is TOO EXCELLENT to possibly be true.

    Congratulations Mallory!

  12. NicoleCliffe +219

    “Masturbate drunk in lingerie on the steps of a frat house if you want!” FIRST COLUMN

    1. olives +30

      YES PLEASE. Like was Slate aware that they were heading in a completely different direction with this in this move?

      I take this to mean that Complaining On The Internet (and specifically my Prudence / Slate boycott) are valuable uses of my time.

    2. sheistolerable +92

      YESSS. As if more Mallory on the Internet weren’t reason enough to celebrate, try . . . “Dear Prudence, Now With 100% Less Victim-Blaming.”

    3. RocktheDebit +25

      I would still advise against it, if only because if a cop comes by you might end up charged with public lewdness and get on a sex offender registry. Also, Sharpie is a bitch to remove from skin.

  13. Teka Lynn +19

    WOOT! OMG, permanent popcorn, this is going to be epic and change the online advice column world.

  14. NicoleCliffe +296

    On a personal note, as an advice column stan, I could not be more excited about this. As a reader! As a Mallory life and work partner! As someone who gets to delete comments!

  15. ofTrebond +220

    It still really feels like a joke. Even though I saw the slate article from twitter, then checked the slate homepage in case twitter had fooled me, and then came here to a very pertinent FAQ (first question only; I am confident Mallory’s hypothetical baby can fend for itself on the free market). I plan to be incredibly excited once I believe it, though.

    I would also like to emphasize how little we care if the questions are all made up.

    1. malloryelis +146

      Can you imagine how dull an advice column would be if half the answers were just “I suspect this of being made up, and will not answer it.”

      1. Unreadaethel +69

        “I refuse to engage with this letter, as it is stupid, and almost certainly untrue.”

      2. mbculver +88

        I can’t be the only one hoping that if the questions are made up, they are things like, “Dear Mallory, I think my girlfriend is a Faerie Queene. What do I do with this selkie baby she left me?”

        2. cosetthetable +47

          I think that Mallory will probably have a special pile of letters she’ll label “Clearly from a Toastie”.

          ie: “My father keeps playing me dirges! even though I always have this really bored look on my face. it’s like he can’t even tell that I’m bored. how to I make him stop?”

  17. ppyajunebug +103

    I am so excited for this, but I may be the most excited for the deleted comments that will appear in the Link Roundup. Deleted Slate commenters + puppies = what The Toast is all about

    1. gripyfish +104

      I feel like I shouldn’t be so excited about the bloodbath that will result when the howling maenads that are the Toasties take on the Slate commenters, but here we are.

      1. Abanthis +54

        “howling maenads” oo, thank you for describing my aesthetic and ideal life philosophy! Though I am now imagining a library staffed by maenads with attendant dogs, and it seems less than efficient.

        1. slowseptember +28

          Yep, I saw “howling maenads” and thought FINALLY, something perfect for my twitter bio.

          1. sorrycassandra +49

            I had “maenad for hire” on my department bio for a while back in the old academic days.

            I actually did arrange to crash people’s classes when they were teaching Bacchae and ululate in incoherent semi-Greek while waving around a pinecone on a stick.

        2. Lady_Honoria +9

          Well we do need somewhere to go to recover from those frenzies. A library sounds like the perfect place. We can take shifts staffing it.

  22. mzh +27

    Holy shit, awesome!!!

    (Also, wow I forgot how awful Yoffe is. Non-ironically linking to Cathy Young all over her Twitter feed.)

    1. Ethylbenzene +17

      God she really is a garbage nightmare person. I’m so excited to read a Mallory advice column, though, which will, as near as I can tell, be pretty much the exact opposite of Yoffe’s advice?

  25. projectbeks +4

    Hooray hooray!!!! Congratulations!!! I’m sure you’re more than capable of handling all the things.

  27. rawrbook +89

    I had to check my calendar to confirm that today was not April 1st. It is not and therefore I can offer a hearty Congrats!

    Lol, all the commenters are OUTRAGED that Mallory is under 30. How can anyone have an opinion at such a youthful age!?!?

    1. Unreadaethel +63

      There’s also the implication that Emily Yoffe, with her experience and wisdom, gave good advice. And I think we all know that’s just not true.

      1. rawrbook +26

        Right? Or the implication that age is somehow more important to good advise writing than empathy.

        1. Unreadaethel +44

          And, like, it’s not as if people are writing in to Dear Prudence with the sorts of life-shattering philosophical quandaries that have plagued humanity for generations. They’re writing in about domestic squabbles, workplace conflicts, and made-up twincest concerns. Not that Mallory’s not qualified to address Matters of Great Import, but it’s an advice column, not the Summa Theologica.

      1. anniekate76 +26

        They’ve been given a magnificent gift. They should be hand writing thank you notes right now but instead they’re all flipping out.

      2. shellygrrl +20

        They will only be happy when Millennials and certain Gen Xers die in a fire or start colonizing space. Then they will have the Baby Boomer utopia they saw in their acid trips in the 1960s.

  31. Shaqattaq32 +11

    Oh my god. I will really miss Emily Yoffe but you are like the best possible replacement. I can’t wait to see what you do with it.

  32. builtahouse +28

    OH BOY. I always wonder how on earth does one deal with the GLORIOUSLY BATSHIT questions that column gets?? Where is the balance between ironic & heartfelt? Looking forward to seeing this delicate hilarious waltz occur!

  34. janekathy1 +17

    I was all set to get upset about someone asking her about getting pregnant IRT “working too much” (a cis-man would never be asked this!) when I saw it was a made-up Q&A. But, it happens.

    Anyway enough grumping and congratulations Mallory! I am so looking forward to this

  35. anon210 +86

    The advice quality delta from Emily Yoffe to Mallory Ortberg is massive. You’re removing a replacement-level columnist and replacing her with a Hall of Famer.

    I just hope the people with the more unusual and stupid problems don’t stop writing in once Mallory establishes that she’s actually good at this whole advice-giving thing.

    1. neuromanticism +131

      What no it has to be the other way around. Of everyone/anyone on the internet, who would you want to write to if you have a truly bananas life problem?

      a. a certified Normal Person, the sensible, prudish and judgemental lady next door
      b. our dark queen, the Witch of the Desert and the Seven Seas

      And what kind of advice might you want?

      a. stop liking weird sex and alcohol, go get married to someone
      b. take to the sea and crush your enemies, never apologise, fake your death and display your beautiful corpse near a natural wonder until everyone is sorry

      Case closed.

    2. arc315 +8

      Advanced stats are everywhere now!

      … actually, I hope I never learn about my win shares or VORP or whatever.

      2. anon210 +5

        I think their application to columnists and bloggers is useful, because you have so many peers to compare them to! Like Captain Awkward is the advice columnist equivalent of a 6-WAR baseball player, while Yoffe is, as I’ve mentioned, about a 0-WAR adviser; there are literally hundreds of people with lower-visibility writing gigs who could do just as good a job as she does.

    3. Mrs_Peel +73

      What percentage of the new letters do you suppose will be from Toasties?

      “Dear Mall- uh, Prudence,

      I’m a librarian who can’t stop spending money on yarn…”

      1. sorrycassandra +29

        “…would it be too much to knit myself a sweater saying FUCK THE PATRIARCHY, or would it be okay once I got some [dog/cat] hair on it?”

  36. Livefortoast +8

    Congratulations, Mallory! I so love The Toast and can only imagine what delicious buttery goodness you will bring to Dear Prudence. Rock on …

  39. annecara +10

    Ok so I saw the headline and thought it was a joke, and then the Slate article was literally next in my Feedly and I was like WHAT and OMG and CONGRATULATIONS MALLORY!

  40. LaughableWalrus +9

    I never even dreamed big enough for this, but this is everything I never knew I wanted. CONGRATS!

  41. Eleanor +10

    I am SO EXCITED about this. Mallory,you are going to do AMAZINGLY with the totally bonkers questions that Dear Prudence gets.

  42. SmrtCookie +49

    So now is the time to start sending in all the ridiculous fake questions we’ve all been writing?? Or should we wait a few weeks??

  43. RoseCamelia +94

    1. Be born magnificent
    2. Grow up to become terrifying awesome adult Mallory
    3. Meet Nicole Cliffe
    4. Start The Hyphen Toast Dot Net
    5. Get a gig at Slate
    6. Dominate entire internet

    It’s all so clear. This has always been your plan, hasn’t it, Mallory? I, for one, welcome our new internet overlord, er, overlady, um, overperson … OVERMALLORY!

  44. mfreeman115 +7

    Congrats Mallory! This is EXCELLENT! I wish you all the weirdly troubled letters in the world.

  45. blueberrypancakes +28

    I’m addicted to advice columns and read Dear Prudence regularly so I’m mystified that these two parts of my life are colliding. but I think Mallory will do a very amazing job.

    Also my immediate reaction was jealousy! How awesome is this job!

    One of my favorite things about advice columns is the leeway they get in asking lawyers/specialists/felons questions for their opinions. Like you can ask a lawyer ANYTHING you want, hypothetically.

  46. champagneghost +12

    i saw via slate on twitter this morning and yelped* “MALLORY!” once i realised that it was not an elaborate early april fool’s joke. congratulations!!

    *in my head. out loud yelping is still reserved for the new star wars trailers atm SORRY MALLORY

  47. katenepveu +7

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (I’m sorry, I’m too amazed and delighted, I don’t have any actual words)

  48. Alli525 +12

    SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    \:D/

  49. philifox +24

    I …. didn’t know Dear Prudence wasn’t called Prudence. I’ve heard tell of this Emily Yoffe all ooooover the shop for years, and never made the connection.

    Anyway CONGRATULATIONS this is super exciting for everyone who loves advice columns and hates rape apology.

  50. olives +13

    All hail Lady Mallory! (Or, rightly, Lord Mallory, because screw gender-specific royal titles.)

    I am the most excited about this that I have been about nearly anything that has ever happened on the Internetz, and even though I will have to check this page REGULARLY to truly Believe that it has come to pass, I am 100% on board. Can’t wait to see the advice flow =D

  52. elsamac +98

    If I’d been asked out of the blue what to do about Dear Prudence, I’d’ve replied “Salt the earth where it rooted itself,” but YEAH THIS IS GOOD TOO

  53. 30Litresof +55

    One of the commenters, responding to someone saying that Mallory is smart and funny:

    “Maybe we just have different standards for what is smart and funny. I’m afraid she doesn’t meet mine. To each his/her own.”

    I’m kind of impressed by how much condescension is packed into those words.

    2. malloryelis +37

      But they’re not wrong! I mean, obviously, I disagree, as I find myself both smart AND funny, but “we have different standards” is just a different way of saying “life is a rich tapestry,” WHICH IT IS.

  54. Michelle +30

    I wish there had been a Dear Prudence job interview question where they asked you to re-assess controversial probably-made-up questions of yore, like the mother-in-law who was poisoning the letter-writer’s dinners every week, or the Incest twins. Please revisit them anyway!!

    1. malloryelis +45

      They did, actually! I wrote two sample columns for them using old Prudie questions. I GOT THE SANDWICH-WAGGLER!

  55. Anna +48

    I AM SO INCANDESCENT WITH JOY
    I AM LIKE A DRAGON THAT IS BREATHING FIRE
    I CAN LITERALLY SEE CHUNKS OF RAPE-APOLOGY PATRIARCHY GETTING SMASHED AND FLYING PAST MY HEAD

    (subscribes to blog)

  56. RuncibleSpoon +5

    This is fantastic!!! Congratulations, you will continue to be your kickass self across multiple media platforms, antagonistic FAQ be damned!

    (i have been too busy to Toast much lately, so glad i checked in this morning)

    (( ^_^ ))

  57. logicbutton +52

    I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but just as a reminder: if you do decide to induce pregnancy in someone else, it is polite to inform them of your intentions beforehand.

  60. manuscriptgeek +30

    This news makes my YEAR.

    I DON’T HAVE TO HATEREAD DEAR PRUDENCE ANYMORE. I CAN JUST LOVEREAD DEAR PRUDENCE.

    *dances*

  61. thesarahgirl +24

    I hope you’re working on a suitable smug photo as we speak to rival the one Emily Yoffe has always had displayed with the column!

    1. anthemyst +18

      This reminds me, someone on Facebook was like, “She doesn’t look very happy to have the job” and it’s like…don’t you know that photo predates her getting the gig? Don’t you know it’s as old as the sea?

  63. EnchiladaTaco +79

    Ok, so my first response to this was to stamp my foot and go “NO. Mallory is OURS. You can’t have her!”

    But then I thought, no, no, EnchiladaTaco. Mallory is vast, she contains multitudes. There is more than enough to go around, and let’s be real, the Slaties need her. She is like the land, and cannot be owned. She must run free and be ever more Mallory. So now I’m just really excited to see her confuse and bedazzle on a grand scale. Mallory stan 4 life.

  64. frumpasaurus +6

    OH MY GOD MALLORYYYYYYYY this is the best YOU ARE THE BEST i never comment but this joyous news has inspired me YOU WILL BE SO AMAZING AT THIS holy shit all my dreams are coming true !!!!!!

  66. rachelliez +31

    Thank God because Yoffe was kind of a slut shamer. I used to love Dear Prudence but I stopped reading it when she wrote that AWFUL piece about how girls wouldn’t get raped if they didn’t drink as much. Now I can read it again, yay!

  73. tekkah +9

    *FLAILS WITH EXCITEMENT* I am such an advice-column junkie! I have long felt that Prudie was in need of new life, and I think that you’re going to do the most amazing job!! Congratulations!!

  74. redheadedwolf +8

    WHAAAAAT! In the words of our VP, THIS IS A BIG FUCKING DEAL!

    I hope they are paying you large sacks of cash, metaphorically speaking.

      1. redheadedwolf +13

        It they are literal sacks of cash, I would worry that Slate’s shady business practices would end up causing an undesirable impact on Mallory’s life.

  75. coldsassy +10

    Congratulations Mallory!!! This is the greatest news I could have hoped for on a Monday morning!

    Also, godspeed with Slate’s ilk that will be trying to comment over here.

  76. emmysuhweeks +15

    UM THE MORE MALLORY POSTING THE BETTER.

    In the mighty words of Shakira, “Whenever! Wherever!”

    Bring it on, sister!!

  79. thebellewitch +44

    Mallory, CONGRATS and I hope all your advice is “Report the person causing your problem to the DMV.” I will be super-happy if the first, say, year of your column is just straight trolling Emily Yoffe.

  80. speakingofcake +5

    I just found this out and I want to yell out loud in astonishment and excitement but none of my co-workers will know what I am talking about! I’ll just have to yell on Twitter instead. Congrats Mallory!

    1. speakingofcake +6

      Also, this is a weird sentence from the Slate article:

      “Mallory’s website, The Toast, is one you should be reading if you don’t already because it’s home to some of the smartest, sliest writing on the Internet”

      “Sliest”?? Does that mean “most sly?” Also, why would you use the word “sly” to describe the writing on the Toast?

      1. Lady_Honoria +4

        I would have gone with ‘slyest’ myself but [shrug]. I can kind of see it, like ‘sly wit’, etc. It’s not the first word I’d choose but it kind of makes sense if you’re coming from a Slate angle I guess?

  82. Felicity +4

    Yay!

    Personal testimony: I’m pretty sure the first thing I read on The Toast was Mallory and Nicole’s old advice column, which I greatly miss. So excited we are getting more Mallory advice!

  83. k4renbr00ks +12

    Pssst… maybe you should make that link open in a new window… (in case you were too excited to remember that)

  84. typewriterandgramophone +9

    Congratulations!

    And I thought advice columns were putting me off heterosexual marriage *before*.

  85. alula_auburn +12

    Yaaaaaaay! There will be an advice column I trust as much as Miss Manners!

    And double yaaaaaaay for a column that won’t suddenly veer into icky victim blaming (yeah, looking at you, too, Amy).

    Congrats, Mallory!

    eta: “Nuts to you!” absolutely needs to be a larger part of the lexicon. In fact, I would be perfectly happy if Mallory uses it to open or close every answer.

  87. loosechange +12

    also, as someone who just took a second job that I don’t really have time for but really really want—we can totally do it.

    1. thatwasntme +3

      Ugh, sorry, that was poor interneting. Just pretend it’s the “happiest day of my life” Broad City gif.

  93. StarFootSneech +5

    I love advice columns and I love The Toast. I feel like my interests are colliding in a weird but awesome way. Congratulations!

  95. readalongcassidy +6

    More Mallory everywhere, all the time! Step one in plan “Take over Internet” completed!

  96. Mrs_Peel +15

    As a former Prudie devotee/ obsessive Slate commenter (who defected to The Toast), this is like Thanksgiving and Christmanukkah all rolled into one!! Huzzah!

    The main reason I abandoned Slate was that they ban their regular commenters left and right. Not for doing anything horrible, but just for joking or going mildly off-topic (or sometimes for no apparent reason at all). So be warned if you try to comment over there. Also, I’ve had all kinds of technical problems with their LyveFire commenting system.

    If we can talk about the letters here instead, that would be ~~WONDERFUL~~!!

    1. haunting_of +3

      Ugh I’ve never tried to read Slate comments before today and they are TERRIBLE to navigate. I have a deep appreciation for intensedebate now.

      1. Mrs_Peel +2

        It’s definitely the least awful of all the commenting systems I’ve used. (I also used to comment a lot on the AV Club, which uses Disqus, and that sucks pretty bad, too).

  97. China Rowe +5

    I really hope to see at least a 15% increase in Miss Lonelyhearts(Nathaniel West) advise.

  98. MunchletteBelle +18

    An ex of mine with whom I am still in friendly contact has a lot of questions. Here are all of them:

    “Who is this Mallory Ortberg?!!?! Will she be unnecessarily judgey towards people who drink?? will she tell people without fail they should speak to a psychiatrist, lawyer, or both??? Will she call out all the women who write in starting with “I love my husband and he’s a great father and person, but I think he is abusing our child/cheating on me/is really into feet etc?!!?!

    I can’t handle this news. I need to know where my advice is coming from. Not some brown haired ingenue who will probably tell them to use more emoji’s and soothing all emotional issues with a link to a food-related listicle!”

    HOW LITTLE HE KNOWS!!!!!!!!!!!! (ETA: j/k clearly he knows a lot about Dear Prudie. Just not a lot about Mallory. But he will learn!!!)

  101. themegnapkin +50

    Colonel Brandon listened to her with silent attention, and on her ceasing to speak, rose directly from his seat, and after saying in a voice of emotion, “To Mallory I wish all imaginable happiness; to Slate that it may endeavour to deserve her,” — took leave, and went away.

    1. redheadedwolf +7

      FORTUNATELY SHE’S NOT LEAVING US. Your application of that quote made me anxious, until I remembered the title of this post.

  103. sevanetta +8

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Seriously feels like worlds colliding.

    Also is it weird that I’m like MALLORY, I KNOW HER. No, I don’t know you, I just know of your brilliance, etc.

    I’ve always liked Prudie’s stance on people not being obligated to deal with their shitty families, but I’m soooo looking forward to seeing what you do with the column!

  104. Astrea +7

    Congratulations, Mallory!! I’m excited for you while I am sad to see Emily Yoffe move on. Please, please, please don’t neglect the Western Art series over here. It is often the humor highlight of my week. You’re the best and I look forward to reading you both places!

  107. rosemarynotroses +4

    I had to check the date to make sure this wasn’t April Fool’s Day, because I thought it was too perfect to be serious. Congratulations Mallory! I wish you all the incestuous twin brothers (seriously link in the Slate story announcing the news, WTF?) and judgemental women whose son’s girlfriends don’t wear bras in the world.

  108. sudden_eyes +2

    Holy heck! Fantastic news. Which has been said quite a few times already, but I feel the need to add my good wishes.

  109. blunderbusst +4

    Has someone started the thread of Advice Columns We Will Hateread Now? Because I guess Prudie is going back in the “Love” column!!!!!!!!!!!

  110. systemed7 +4

    I absolutely ADORE advice columns, and for a very long time, I have absolutely DELIGHTED in hate-reading Dear Prudence.

    What shall I do now?

    Will I finally, at long last, be able to love-read Dear Prudence, without any internal conflict, and without irony?

    ONLY TIME WILL TELL

  112. stephiecakes +8

    I’m hoping for a post on the toast that’s like ‘letters we should send to dear prudie now mallory is forced to answer them’

  113. Justine +3

    Wait … what?! Is this is joke? This is not a joke? I am scared and excited and confused, but in a way that is so pregnant with anticipation and promise I can hardly stand. I have not felt this way since I first kissed a girl AND I LIKE IT.

  115. onamission5 +5

    Pretty much I have all my digits crossed in hope that you will, at least occasionally, decide to dispense advice in the narrative voice of Monksplaining.

    (congrats!)

  120. LeslieNope +2

    I’ve been reading Prudie for ages … admittedly, because of posts about it here … and when I saw the headline about her leaving I was sad at first, because what am I going to read while I eat lunch before students invade the library and I have to actually work?! But then I saw that Mallory was the new Prudie and my reaction was probably pretty comical to watch – if I hadn’t been surrounded by students I probably would’ve done a dance! This couldn’t be more perfect, I am so excited to read even more from Mallory!

  121. Readerly +1

    I was SO HAPPY to read this on Slate yesterday. Can’t wait for the Mallory Era! Prudie is gone — long live Prudie!

  122. Smiling Shadow +1

    For now you are simply “Prudie Apprentice”. The Commentariat shall issue its verdict after we see the quality of your advice. Good luck… and don’t suck.

    Regards,
    Hard Core Fan of Emily Yoffe.

      1. Smiling Shadow +1

        Let me take this opportunity to say “Welcome to Slate”. It may be not obvious from the tone of the 2,400 or so comments under your introduction to Slate, but we do want you to succeed… 🙂

        In other words: we whine, because we care.

        Of course you may not necessarily think it is an ideal situation to deal with people who show concern through whining, contrarian defeatism, malcontentedness, and preemptive posturing of lack of faith in the fellow human being, but hey, you took the job… Welcome to the family 🙂

        Once again, good luck!

  124. tartofdarkness +2

    Okay, but how much do you know about reporting child abuse to DCS? Do you know that school personnel cannot make reports based on what some random person who calls them on the phone says? That’s all I care about. Please don’t tell people to call a kid’s school to trigger a mandated report. Also, mandated reporters are not mandated outside of their work setting. We can call DCS if we see a kid being abused in public but we don’t have to. We are not protected from prosecution for misreporting outside of our work setting. Thanks! I am so excited to hear what you have to say!!

  125. Mary

    Happy birthday to you, and it’s our good fortune that you are taking up Slate but not leaving Toast, it’s like a present to your readers.

  126. Donnalkj +1

    Reluctant congrats. I know it’s selfish, but I am bummed we’ll probably be seeing less posts by you on The Toast. On the upside, now I can start to read Dear Prudence, I mean if you bring you to it. It was kind of such a drag to read before…..but I guess you can’t really be irreverent and hilarious when you’re giving out advice about serious life issues. If anyone can, though, it is you!

  127. insearchofmornings +2

    That’s fantastic! Well done that Mallory!

    I may have mentioned this before, but my grandmother was named Prudence, and she had five husbands and still managed to have a child out of wedlock. It’s a big name to live up to, that’s all I’m saying.

  128. AnnaHowe

    That's fantastic! Well done that Mallory!

    I may have mentioned this before, but my grandmother was named Prudence, and she had five husbands and still managed to have a child out of wedlock. It's a big name to live up to, that's all I'm saying.