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Home: The Toast

The O.C. was a television show about four young lesbians loving and living in Newport Beach. Also Sandy Cohen. Allow me to defend my position.

1. He’s short and scrappy and elicits hostile, territorial behavior in other people’s boyfriends

2. Always wearing leather wrist cuffs

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3. Goes for “campy performative toughness” over “actual toughness” every time, like a drag king or also me

4. “Har har ‘lesbian urge to merge’ har har

Marissa: Who are you?
Ryan: Whoever you want me to be.
Marissa: Okay.

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5. Has two styles of dress: Wifebeater only

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Or at least five shirts/hoodies/leather jackets carefully layered over one another

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6. A lesbian would make this face, idk, don’t @ me

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7. Always wearing thin leather necklaces; in love with a straight girl

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8. Always getting emotionally significant haircuts

9. Hates all his girlfriend’s friends

10. Whatever that kind of tank top is, where it’s almost sleeves but then at the last second isn’t, that’s lesbianism

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11. Everyone he loves dies

12. Messenger bags

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13. Best friend is a sensitive guy

14. Working-class and super-defensive

15. Dates a girl who plays in the school orchestra

16. Resents the male gaze particularly as it relates to his girlfriend

17. Has a lot of potential

18. Full of angst and surrounded by people who want to love him but damnit he just won’t let them in

19. Always slouching

20. Yeah man that’s how we dressed for Winter Formal too

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21. Come on

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22. “He at times appears burdened by an almost-compulsive need to rescue others at the expense of his own well-being, however, and is overly protective of Marissa and Theresa, his main love interests on the show”

23. “The fact that he rarely smiles or says much is something of a running joke among other members of the Cohen household; early in the first season when he first moves in with the Cohens, he often looks down and avoids making eye contact, likely a habit of self-preservation born out of his upbringing in an unstable home and would stiffen when hugged”

24. Ryan Atwood is a pretty dykey name, I will not explain further

25. “Ryan’s favorite fruit is peaches, and his favorite band is Journey” honestly the burden of proof is now on YOU to prove that Ryan Atwood ISN’T a lesbian

26. This is a picture of four lesbians, okay bye

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