By Carmen Maria Machado

Carmen Maria Machado has written for for The New Yorker, The Paris Review, The Hairpin, The Rumpus, and VICE. She has the entirety of Milo and Otis memorized, tweets as @carmenmmachado, and lives in Philadelphia with her girlfriend.

  1. (With apologies to the good people doing good work at the Cleveland Clinic.) No Color: Probably you shouldn’t be playing that drinking game at work, that game where every time your boss makes you want to down a martini you leave your desk instead and go to the water fountain, filling your environmentally-friendly aluminum bottle while you count to ten and imagine a cornucopia of violent deaths, a whirring, churning food processor of possibilities…

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