Food Sins: A Primer for the Confused -The Toast

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urlActual Food Sins

– Coveting thy neighbor’s kohlrabi

– Refusing to honor thy mother and father’s quiche

– Bearing false witness regarding who ate the last mallomar

– Worshipping cheese

– Worshipping graven images and sculptures of cheese

– Using celery as a murder weapon

– Baking bread on the Sabbath

– Stealing your dining partner’s last pork bun when they weren’t looking

Not Actually Food Sins

– Eating food containing a higher quantity of calories, fat, and/or sugar than you usually consume

– Deriving pleasure from the consumption of food

Mary Anne Limoncelli works for a non-profit grantmaking organization in Washington DC, a job which requires essentially zero writing. She is grateful that the internet provides her with an outlet to make up for that.

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