Actual Food Sins

– Coveting thy neighbor’s kohlrabi

– Refusing to honor thy mother and father’s quiche

– Bearing false witness regarding who ate the last mallomar

– Worshipping cheese

– Worshipping graven images and sculptures of cheese

– Using celery as a murder weapon

– Baking bread on the Sabbath

– Stealing your dining partner’s last pork bun when they weren’t looking

Not Actually Food Sins

– Eating food containing a higher quantity of calories, fat, and/or sugar than you usually consume

– Deriving pleasure from the consumption of food