Hey there! I saw the door cracked open and I thought I’d drop in and say hi.
“Hi,” ha ha.
Okay technically the door has a crack, between it and the floor. But you know me. I’m just so social!
Gosh, what a nice place. So many windows, and air vents, and spaces where your feet can feel a draft for no reason. I’m surprised you’ve always tried to keep me out of here.
Oh, you go ahead and eat the last of that Christmas candy. I wouldn’t take that away from you. Time’s passage already took away the holiday and its distraction from Seasonal Affective Disorder. So don’t let me gobble up your last foil-wrapped ChocoSanta.
By the way, Jan showed me that Instagram of you all bundled up outside. Hashtag #PolarVortex is right! Ha ha ha.
Good thing that first vortex prepared you for the next several vortices of this year. By the way, can I run some ideas I had for #3 by you? Two words: “ice glisters.” Jan wasn’t into it but I was like “hey, you do your life-threatening weather pattern your way, and I’ll do mine.”
Oh and not to gossip, but March? (You remember March, right?) March has been such a copycat lately. She really needs to get her own personality and do her own thing but every time I see her it’s February this, February that, February’s climate for 31 more days.
Now I hope you’re not putting that coat of yours on because of me. It is such a nice coat, though. I’d wear it indoors myself. So bulky. So warming. So sturdy. Not like how your radiator will be come Me the 4th. Ha ha ha. Just sayin’.
By the way how do you like this shade of gray? I picked it out from Pantone, thought it grayed grayly. Don’t worry, I’m not just testing it out in your living space. I’m giving it a trial run across Gary, Indiana’s sky right now. It’s going over like a lead balloon, but they’ll get used to it. Everyone does.
Come to think of it, “lead balloon” would be the perfect name for this gray.
Nuts, am I tracking rock salt all over your carpet? Gah! I am such a slob. I’m acting like a regular You After Five Months Of Winter Once You No Longer Have The Strength To Fight It.
Anyhoo I’m sure I’ll see you in a few weeks! I’m just so glad we could catch up. Because sometimes people forget about me. Forget that I’m waiting. Waiting to grip them in my gauntlet of ice and decay, like a Lich King unraidable.
Ha ha! Ha! Ha!
Oh and say hi to your New Year’s Resolution for me. Ha ha ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Tags: alex schmidt, winter
February this, February that, February’s climate for 31 more days.
Dammit March, get yourself together.
Ugh, March is gonna be a bitch, isn’t she? I can already feel it.
OUT, OUT, GET OUT.
What’s the legal procedure for evicting a month that has outstayed its welcome and won’t leave?
1. Bro I heard you liked grey so I greyed in your grey so you could grey while you grey.
2. It was a balmy +2 C this weekend and I put the rug out on the balcony while I swept, and the amount of rock salt and dirt that came out of it was truly shocking. The kicker is that I live in a third-floor walk-up so I don’t want to think about the amount of salt in the carpets in the building hallways.
3. You guys, the inside of my car is so filthy with salt and dirt that I’m legit afraid to touch any surfaces. The first really pleasant spring day we have I’m going to wash the rubber floor mats, vacuum, and wash off all the salt and dirt off the entire interior. I can’t wait.
Regarding #3: Same! Same same same same same. I need to vacuum and clean every surface in my car, but I must wait until the temp is above 40 to do so. It is gaaah-rooosssss in my car.
We actually had some rain last week so the OUTSIDE of my car is cleaner than it’s been in months. Prior to that I legit did not want to touch it, it was so filthy.
Springing for the rubber floor mats was the best fucking decision I ever made.
My birthday is in February and it’s depressing when everyone is sad and cranky around your birthday, so I normally try TWICE AS HARD to be happy and excited about February, but this year February has been particularly ill-mannered and unpleasant and I am totally ready for her to just go away.
Agreed. My birthday generally only manages to produce tears for me. February blows.
Yes! In one of Stephen Fry’s memoirs he mentions briefly that he dislikes Tuesdays and February. i was born on a Tuesday inFebruary. It made me very sad.
On the other hand, I grew up in South Texas so my birthday parties generally involved playing in the backyard in the sun. When I moved to Michigan and it snowed on my birthday I freaked out.
I understand your situation, but please. For the rest of us. As a public service. Do not be chipper in February.
We’ll put a vote around to move your birthday towards April if you need it, but some things are just too much to bear.
February, you bastard!
We’ve banned February here in the Bay Area. It’s not so good for the crops withering in the fields from lack of water or the ski resorts, but it’s 75 degrees today, so it’s hard to worry about all that.
You can say this for sub-zero temperatures: at least it’s too cold for clouds to form, so the sky is blue.
*sobs*
You are mean.
You can stay here with me if you want, February. I like you. Bring a bag of that freezing drizzle you like. We’ll have a gray party.
I just looked up the Farmers’ Almanac long-term forecast for the 3rd weekend in May and almost cried because it says we’re supposed to have huge thunderstorms all weekend. Also, maybe tornadoes. You know what else is happening the 3rd weekend in May? My simple garden wedding ceremony, that’s what!
(I bought donuts on the way home from work tonight because why even bother pretending anymore. This year has broken me.)
Here is a reassuring post from an actual meteorologist about why long-term forecasts are nonsense: http://cliffmass.blogspot.com/2013/12/meteorologi…
I am terrified of March this year. This week got nice and temperatures were above 0 and I started a long planned running program in anticipation of doing Tough Mudder in August.
But it’s supposed to get cold again soon and guys, I am not down with cold weather exercise anymore. I used to be a cross country skier. Now I do hot yoga. I like it better this way. I don’t want to abandon my runs. but I know what it’s like to exercise when every inhale hurts.
March, please be nice to me.
*all temperatures in celcius. I forget.
Winnipeg remains unperturbed.
Or, well… precisely as perturbed as usual, actually.
Calgary gives you a perturbed-as-always salute.