Last week was the week of the butter tart. This is the week of the date square, another Canadian dessert mainstay. Tell me of your regional delicacies.
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread
Last week was the week of the butter tart. This is the week of the date square, another Canadian dessert mainstay. Tell me of your regional delicacies.
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread
OKAY, SO.
(If you hang out on Twitter, or Hangout on Google, you have heard me rant about this before and are free to roll your eyes and continue).
I work with a lady who, while pleasant, has begun to get on my last petty nerve. She covers my half-hour lunch every day and announces herself by saying in the highest-pitched voice she can muster “It’s time for your lunchies!” She also moves the height of my chair, puts my mouse on the wrong side of the keyboard and occasionally leaves the radio playing on just static – none of which I mind if she just puts them back before she goes to her own damn desk. The high-pitched voice fluctuates throughout the day. She also has the habit of ‘cleaning up’ my desk, which usually necessitates me spending valuable time trying to find whatever she has cleaned up.
I’ve asked her to stop, especially the chair thing (I’m petty, as I mentioned) and it just doesn’t seem to stick. Today she is in an interview room behind me and I can hear every single word she’s saying, punctuated by loud laughter and hitting the desk (I assume for emphasis to the loud laughter). SO distracting. Sets my teeth on edge.
Query: Am I being TOO petty and should just suck it up?
Yes. Other people will never be your ideal version of how people should talk/be ect. You just have you work on managing your expectations and letting go of the stress that someone else being who they are causes you.
Yeah it sucks, but it doesn’t sound like she is doing it maliciously. I would try talking to her about it again, nicely.
Perhaps other people will disagree, interested to hear thoughts on this.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I wonder what I would think of her in the ‘real world’ – not when I’m trying to get work done. As I said, she is a perfectly pleasant person, just has habits I find really difficult to handle.
I don’t know the answer but I sympathize! The perfectly nice people whom we find irritating have a tendency to reveal STILL MORE annoying habits all the damn time, which is why we find them irksome to begin with.
Can you mentally separate the things she habitually does as self-expression — the “lunchies!” and the terrible laughter — from the things she’s doing that disrupt your workflow? That seems like the most productive avenue.
If you’ve asked her only once or twice to stop [e.g., “cleaning” your desk], it’s frustrating but not terribly surprising that she hasn’t stopped. It’s habit, she might not even notice that she does it (or care), and it takes a while to change a habit. That’s the thing with setting even the most simple of boundaries: you also have to patrol those boundaries and reinforce them. It is SO MUCH WORK at first.
If you’ve already told her (if it’s your desk, are you in a position where you can tell her instead of asking her?) repeatedly, that’s stickier. I’d keep at it: unemotionally, briefly, every time, every time, every single time. Let it be awkward. Let her see that she’s making it awkward.
If you can mentally distinguish between the things that directly affect you and the things that don’t, between the personal “this person is annoying” and “this person is disrupting my workspace” — and in similar situations, I sometimes conceptualize those as “changes I am entitled to request/enforce” and “changes I am not entitled to request/enforce” — that might make it easier and less infuriating for you.
This is SO helpful. Thank you! That makes a ton of sense to me – it is my desk, even though she does spend a bit of time at it every day – so I am entitled/allowed to say “Please put my things back or don’t move them.” I really, really like the idea of separating the two in my head, because if my workspace isn’t disrupted, I bet I’ll handle myself around the personal things much better.
That’s what works for me. If you’re like me (and many other people), right now her personal tics that get on your nerves are aggravating the work-related frictions and vice versa until everything is tangled up in a big ball of UGH COULD YOU NOT? Separating those in your own head can quiet some of the discord.
if my workspace isn’t disrupted, I bet I’ll handle myself around the personal things much better.
Exactly! And conversely, if the personal things aren’t setting you off, you’ll be able to treat the workspace disruptions coolly and professionally.
If that doesn’t work, maybe you can “clean up” your desk before she gets there by putting everything she’d be tempted to move into a bin that you hide from her. Then when you get back, you at least know where everything is.
I find peeing and vomiting on all of my belongings in front of my officemates deters them.
Also maybe she is “cleaning up” your desk because there isn’t enough room for her to work on what she needs to? I dunno if it’s relevant in this case but maybe if you just move some piles or whatever so there’s empty space right next to the computer for her to put her stuff, she won’t be tempted to “clean” the rest of it.
I thought of that – I do work with things around me, but I always make sure there’s desk space for her.
I feel better having chatted with her about the noise level, though – and I really do like Elsa is Emily’s advice.
This week I discovered that Hitler has an auto-generated author page which is simultaneously hilarious and terrible: http://www.hmhco.com/bookstore/authors/Adolpf-Hitler/222...
OH MY GOD
Nah, that’s AdolPf Hitler. Totally different guy. Does great balloon animals.
BOOK A CHILDREN’S AUTHOR EVENT
Friday Cat Thread!
Blah, blah, cats. My cats have done nothing especially clever or stupid this week. Bonny has been stupid, Anne has been lazy. Both have been responding to the heat by sprawling out in a breeze and napping, which makes me deeply envious.
We had an interloper cat that stole some of their kibble before I chased it out. Neither of them did anything.
Here is a link to guide you through posting your own kitty pics:
http://hooniverse.com/2010/08/03/how-to-embed-ima…
This is a (slightly blurry-sorry) picture of the stray cat who lives in my apartment complex. I call him Miles. He’s sweet and soft and talks a lot. I think my neighbors feed him on their porch. I just sit on the steps and pet him.
1. Never embedded an image before! HOPE IT WORKS!
2. This is my big bruiser who weighs 25 lbs doing “cozy eyes” which is when he gets in bed and presses his face against my hand or arm and purrs like a maniac. The cutest is when he finally comes up for air and his eyes are all squished shut and he looks like a mole.
ETA: omg it worked. I’m never stopping posting cat pictures.
No seriously guys never. Here’s one of him with my old roommate:
Just one more then I’ll stop:
he has the fluffiest ears imaginable!
I don’t have a picture of her (I should!), but there’s a friendly, skinny, vocal gray-and-white stray who hangs around the back of my apartment complex. I have not yet convinced my husband to take her in (and I kind of hate that I’m making him the Bad Guy for saying no, when it’s perfectly reasonable to do so), BUT I made an appointment this week to bring her to the humane society clinic to be spayed. $40, we can get cheap vaccinations at the same time, and she’ll no longer have to be pregnant all the time! (Landlords, who used to feed her, say they’ve seen her preggers at least three times, which is saddddd because she’s such a tiny scrawny little thing.)
Luna is in the dog house. We attempted to switch to a new brand of cat litter and she has expressed her displeasure by peeing on us while we were sleeping.
I shouldn’t laugh. But I’m going to anyway.
Me too. (Sorry.)
I met a sweet, friendly dilute calico kitty on Sunday — some friends and I went to spend an afternoon at the Russian baths, and the bathhouse we went to has a resident cat. We all took turns petting her, and it turns out there’s nothing more relaxing than doing the full steam-room-sauna-cold-tub-hot-tub bath experience and then petting a cat. (Alas, I couldn’t get a picture of her because all my valuables were locked in a locker when we saw her.)
Some awful dude grabbed me and attempted to sexually assault me on my block only 50 ft or so from my house.
He came up behind me, said “let me have that pussy,” grabbed me across the chest and up my crotch and picked me up. I hit him instinctively and he dropped me and ran away. It was about 1am after a long day (I was in the pride parade! this happened after pride!) and my phone was dead. I just took a shower and went to bed. I still haven’t reported to the police. How the hell am I going to feel comfortable in the neighborhood I love again? Any advice out there?
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I don’t have any advice – I know there’s debate on always reporting/report only you feel comfortable, etc. – but I am so, so sorry.
Oh my God, I have no advice, but that is terrifying and horrible and I’m sorry it happened to you.
Uuuugh, I’m so sorry that happened to you. It takes time, and therapy if you can afford it. Keep friends with you if that makes you feel more comfortable. Pepper spray, if legal in your area, if that makes you feel more comfortable. But really, therapy or at least talking to a good friend about it.
Oh, that is so terrible. I’m sorry you went through that. I don’t know that there’s anything you can really do. I have been known to carry a pocket knife for a few days after something like that because it makes me feel better, but I’d be an idiot to ever try to use it for self-defense. The comfort does come back eventually, after many times walking home without issues, at least for me.
Report! I know that there was a dude in Toronto who was doing similar things to ladies last summer (knocking them down, grabbing at breasts, etc), and when people starting coming forward, they came in droves. The cops might not help, but they might put out a description and get others to come forward too!
Also, jesus, what a terrible thing. I’m so sorry.
Definitely let the police know. My city has a non-emergency number, and if I were to call to tell them something like that happened (even without filing an official report), they would send more patrol cars through my neighborhood.
Yep, I’d report it to. How dare he?!
I’m so sorry this happened, but GO YOU for having the presence of mind to sock him. Geez, what an arsehole.
I am really sorry that happened to you.
I have no advice, except that there’s a good chance that there exists a hotline for your area that would be happy to talk to you, if that’s something you think might help.
Oh, Jesus. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re able to find a way to be safe and comfortable in your neighborhood again.
UGH, I’m so sorry! That sounds like an awful, scary experience. I’m glad you’re safe.
Jesus, that’s awful and scary. That fucker. These fuckers.
Ugggghhhhhhh that is SO awful. I am seething with anger reading that. I totally understand why it would make you uncomfortable in your neighborhood, because I think I’d feel the same way. Maybe one thought that would be helpful is, “This kind of stuff can (and will, and DOES) happen anywhere.” My husband and I used to live in a very “safe” neighborhood (lots of doormen, major street with people around at all hours), but he got mugged and beaten less than 50 ft from our front door one night. Fuckfaces like this don’t seem to care what street you live on.
@all thank you thank you for the support. People suck. I’ve definitely been thinking about pepper spray, it is not illegal in DC but you have to register it? Looking into it this weekend hopefully.
Aside: I ordered bear mace online when I moved to DC and tried to register it with the police over the phone. The lady on the line first asked me where I got it, then told me it was illegal in the District; but said that if I ever needed to use it (as a woman out in the world) no cop in the city would prosecute me or do anything about it. Then she told me to keep it and be safe. All of that to say, do what makes you feel safe and I’m SO SORRY this happened to you.
I’m so so sorry. Be gentle with yourself, I would say, and that remember that healing takes time and it might be ok to just process and feel scared for a while.
Also, maybe try recruiting people to walk around the hood with you so you can feel like you’re part of life?
I encountered a guy masturbating in a driveway not far from my house in a “safe” neighborhood at like 7 pm on a random weeknight (it wasn’t even dark out!). Luckily he didn’t come near me, but it was jarring and definitely made me feel uncomfortable when walking around for a LONG time after that. I would second the advice to call the non-emergency number – when my roommate and I did that, they increased patrol cars in the neighborhood. Seeing them drive by frequently made me feel a little more comfortable.
I am really sorry that happened to you, but WOW you totally handled it! Congratulations on defending yourself! It is really, really awesome that you responded instinctively and made him stop and leave you alone.
Our advice is a lot of things so I am going to make you a list and you should ignore it or use it as is best for you.
1. Look into women’s resources in your area and make use of them. Talk to a counsellor, go to a support group, drop in to a welcoming women’s centre, whatever might be available. Defending yourself against an assault is a big thing to have done and getting support around it is important.
2. Be good to your body, and if energy tries to process through (like getting the shakes or crying or fits of rage or anything), make space for it. I know this is really easier said than done, but in our experience (we taught self-defense for a number of years) this is one of the things that really helps a horrible experience like this end up ‘just a bad thing that happened ugh’ instead of sticking around as trauma. So, cry, yell, break things, shake, whatever it is you need to do. And if you don’t need to do any of this, that’s okay too!
3. Consider taking a self-defense class? You have great instincts, and they worked, and building on those instincts can really help you feel better ownership of your space as you walk down the street. There are all sorts of awesome types of self-defense out there, but I highly reccomend something designed for women by women, and ideally something full-impact, so you can both practise kicking the crap out of people wearing protective suits and so it focuses on your body strengths rather than being a lot of punching/upper body stuff that takes a while to learn.
4. CELEBRATE YOURSELF. It sucks that you had to defense yourself, but you did it, you did fantastic, and you deserve celebration for it. Go out to dinner, treat yourself to a spa day, have a movie marathon with cake, whatever is celebration for you.
This is all very good and thorough advice – thank you!
You are in DC? I took a RAD self-defense class through the Bowie police department that was pretty good and free, too! I’m not sure when they’re running the next one, but if you can get up to Bowie I thought it was totally worthwhile–it was one evening a week for several weeks, and was women-only, and also fun. They don’t seem to be super into putting things on the internet, but if you call them they are nice: 301-575-2015
That is awful and I’m so sorry. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police, I would still suggest putting the information out into your neighborhood — you could even copy what you wrote here onto plain paper and post them on telephone poles nearby, so that folks are aware and any attackers know they are being looked out for/should go elsewhere. Having it out in the open can relieve you of having to carry all that weight inside of yourself.
Someone got pistol-whipped in my driveway a few months ago, and one thing that helped me not be frightened of my own home was to coordinate a nighttime walk on my neighborhood email list. One night a week, a group of 3-6 people (whoever showed up) walked around the neighborhood together for about an hour. Being in a group allowed me to feel comfortable and not threatened. I don’t know if that’s a possibility for you but it helped me.
Seconding EB on the flyer and Bryn (Plus Others), above, on the steps to reinhabit your body and space. Putting the story in a really basic form that you can stand to utter out loud, to people you trust, may help also.
What a shit, I’m so sorry he did that to you!
I’m so sorry to hear this and furious that it happened to you. Definitely report it if you feel comfortable with that, and if it feels freaky look into reporting online. Garbage was happening so regularly in my neighborhood that I got used to phoning it in, but would also report “suspicious activity” on an email tip line. Take care of yourself.
what a disgusting, violating, scary thing to happen! i’m so sorry to hear this. it does sound like your instincts were right on the money and hitting him worked.
i’m not sure how to help people feel safe after scary incidents, but i have been able to by realizing that they were very random and exceptions to the rules. take it easy, walk with friends, do whatever works to reinforce your positive experiences at your own pace.
Ugh I’m so sorry that happened to you 🙁
what a jerk. also, you are amazing. do what everyone else said. especially about your body, and taking time and space. I am theoretically pro-reporting, but now I live in a country where I don’t trust the police (That country is the US). (I am Canadian).
I would talk to someone at a rape crisis center. there’s probably a phone number you can find on the web for your location. This helped a lot when something like this happened to me. The person really can tell you things that help emotionally.
Well…I’m from the land of cioppino and sourdough and Dungeness Crab that fell off the back of a boat if you know the right people (I do). My mom’s side of the family is via Tennessee and we have secret recipes for fried pies and divinity. My current state’s regional delicacy appears to be buffets and shame, though the internet claims there is a Rocky Mountain Oyster festival about 20 miles away from me.
I’ve been to that! We weren’t brave enough to try it and had Virginia City-style Chinese instead. It was a weird day.
I *still* haven’t been up to Virginia City, and I’ve been in Reno 9 years. When I have time to go somewhere, I mostly end up going down to Sacramento or SF. I’m really gonna try this year though. One of my friends is getting involved with the haunted VC thing they do at Halloween.
You have to see it, not even at Halloween but just for regulars. One of the coolest places I’ve ever been. You can look right thru all the tourist goo into the actual past.
Ahh sourdouuuugh. I just moved to London and I can’t find any of the good shit–all the “sourdough” here is either a horrible white bread joke flavored with citric acid, or expensive, too tough, and not really sour enough. Britain, why do you fail at bread?
I’ve heard that the sourness is due to native yeasts that don’t survive well in most other locations, so if you take sourdough starter from one location to another it will gradually change flavor. That doesn’t bode well for your bread hunting, sorry.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
BIG DECISION: a number of my dance friends and I have decided to enter a pole dance competition in September! my first competition! YIKES! and YAY! but YIKES!
Regional delicacies? Crabs, I guess, since I live in Maryland. Damn now I want soft shell crabs…
Toasties there was a young woman on the train this morning reading Fault in Our Stars, only I read it as “The Fart in Our Stars” which obviously I texted my wife about, and she responded, “Gassy stars! Get it?” I swear half of our relationship is built on fart and poop jokes and I FUCKING LOVE IT.
In other news, I’m kind of getting more into tumblr? But like I don’t contribute much I mostly just reblog. I know this has been done before, but where can I find you people on tumblr? I’m swtrilman.tumblr.com
rebelliousjez.tumblr.com , it’s all reblogs of feminism and fandom and feminism in fandom. And sometimes the really weird conversations I have with my coworkers, kitty pictures, and random life stuff.
Feminism and fandom is like 90% of my dashboard, so you should fit right in. Yay!
I’m normally a slightly finnicky eater, but I love soft shell crabs because they make me feel like I’m on some Food Network challenge. Oh, I’ll just pick up this whole crab and stick it between some slices of bread and then “NOM NOM NOM.” And who wants to bother with the endless picking for a bite of meat? Just eat the whole damn thing and then go get some hush puppies or something.
I’m clevermanka.tumblr.com. Random fandom stuff, political stuff, body positive stuff, and not a small amount of rage. Every Tuesday (or nearly) I put up a collection of themed images. Topics range from boys kissing to color hues to yoga, etc.
Oh man, I don’t know what Clever Manka is, but it’s come up a weird amount in the past week. I have a sort-of date thing with a boy tonight and he promised to tell me the Clever Manka story. That’s… is that as dirty as it sounds?
Ha ha ha ha! No, it’s not a dirty story at all. Which is….amusing? Because I’m a pretty filthy person. But no. Here is one version of the story. Happy reading! Have a good date!
I am still not used to the fact that I have a tumblr, but I do:
shakespearemonologues.tumblr.com
It’s 95% Shakespeare, 4% pictures of my face, and 1% complaints about Boston and life.
thatsaturdayfeeling.tumblr.com! I post a lot about music (k-pop, schlocky 70’s stuff, classical, weird ambient/electronic, etc. etc.), sometimes with pedantic digressions.
brynplusplus.tumblr.com — but I have only ever posted one thing so far and it was a reblog from another toastie. 🙂
I’m hepatosaurus on tumblr – right now you’ll find soccer, fandom stuff, art, cute dogs, and any interesting/pretty things that catch my eye. 🙂
acciomjollnir.tumblr.com, and I, like you, use it mostly to reblog. Sometimes feminist things, more frequently stuff I find pretty and interesting. Occasional Chris Hemsworth binges.
I have two articles of great news, fellow Toastrons.
Firstly, I got half-way through my gormenghast sleeve before I had to quit because I was getting wobbly. Still to do: Shading on the lower arm, more owl silhouettes, splashes of colour
Those are by Jen, of Underground Ink in Norwich.
Also, I have freelance gig, writing up jobs for a government website. MONEY SWEET MONEY. I WILL HAVE MONEY AGAIN.
So so so so so so great! Everything in this post is awesome!
oh wow, I LOVE those lines! hope you post pics once it’s finished 🙂
Oh, absolutely. I’m hoping for a second session some time in July, and then once we’re all healed up, pictures!
That tattoo is amazing, I can’t wait to see it when it’s done.
Wow! Even half finished, it looks really sweet already.
That artwork is amazing!!! I especially love the flying owl silhouettes.
That’s looking lovely – realy captures the feel of it.
Such an awesome tattoo!
And hurray for having some money again soon too (I know what that can be like, after a period of no money)!
It’s pouring rain and 55F, the car is in the shop, and I have to go out to the store. It’s only a few blocks, but I’d get drenched getting there and back and also, I don’t know if this is clear, but I’d have to go outside. Of my home.
I just want to crawl back into bed and pull the blanket over my head, but I invited a friend for dinner and she deserves a treat. I just need a handful of things — cream cheese, maybe some ice cream (because the berry cake I made last night doesn’t look too fabulous, honestly) — but UGH PUTTING ON SHOES. You know how it is.
But just think how nice it will be to come home and get warm again!
The “get warm again” argument would be very persuasive if I were warm right now.
My LEAP INTO ACTION plan: drink this cup of tea right here, sit and stare blankly for a bit, then do all the tidying & sweeping I can before going to the store in hopes that the rain will slack off. I was able to slap together a pretty great meal from what we had on hand, so time isn’t a huge factor.
OH NO I LEFT MY COAT IN THE CAR
THE CAR THAT IS OUT FOR REPAIRS
I GIVE UP
ON
EVERYTHING
jk, I’ll just get wet, whevs
It’s raining here too, and like a chump I did not wear my raincoat OR my rainboots today, AND I ran out of lunches so I have to go out and buy lunch. Boooooooo.
UGH let’s just stay in and go hungry together.
I would call friend and ask her to grab cream cheese and ice cream on her way over but you’re probably a much nicer person than I am.
Not much nicer: I thought of that, but she’ll be on foot, too, and walking a mile in the pouring rain to get here. I don’t want to add even a few blocks to that trudge.
It’s really no hardship to run out in the rain; I am making it a hardship by thinking about it instead of just doing it.
Going outside is terrible. Do you want to make a blanket fort under my desk with me?
The answer to that is always YES YES PLEASE YES i brought blankets i am already there
Regional Delicacies?
The glorious and little known Samphire. Samphire is a marsh plant that grows only in two places – the salty marshes of norfolk/suffolk and across the coast in France. Norfolk samphire is know to be superior.
It is a juicy, salty plant that is best boiled and served with a little lemon juice. It tastes delicate, and a bit like the sea.
It is coming into season very soon (if not now) and for two glorious months there will be the best samphire in the world, and I will buy it by the sack and eat it. It’s good with fish.
We also breed the Norfolk Blackleg Turkey round here, supposedly the tenderest, most flavourful turkey you can buy.
Oh it totally grows on the west coast of of Canada! Maybe ours is inferior because I haven’t like it much when I’ve picked it and eaten it, but I’m open to re-trying it cooked your way.
There are a few plants called samphire. I’ve enver heard of it growing on the west coast of Canada – it tends to like warm, sandy, salt-marshes to grow in. Norfolk and Suffolk Samphire grows very plump, our conditions are apparently perfect.
I dunno! The stuff I pick looks basically like this:
(I learned to embed images about 20 minutes ago, and am loving it.)
Yep, that’s the stuff! But Norfolk Samphire looks more like his
My no-fail samphire recipe involves soaking and rinsing to get rid of the grit, then boiling for about 10-15 minutes, and serving with olive oil and lemon juice.
Yours DOES look better!
I’ve only ever picked it when at my family’s cabin, and never or only once or twice seen it for sale. I’m going to try cooking it like you suggested – I think I was undercooking mine.
It should be tender enough to pull the flesh off the stalks with your teeth.
Oh! We call those seabeans here.
Yep, lotta sea beans on fancy restaurant menus in Seattle.
Oh, cool! I’m surprised it grows so widely as my reading suggested that Marsh Samphire grew in very specific pockets – but maybe it’s only the specific variety we have that does that.
I have never heard of this thing and now I want it the way Rapunzel’s mother wanted those greens.
It’s good. It has a unique taste that I can’t really compare to anything else. I say it tastes like the sea, because it’s fragrant and salty and slightly bitter and tangy.
OH MAN, I have heard of it, just by a different name. I wrote a paper ages ago about less-documented sources of plant foods in the medieval diet. Rock samphire was one of the maritime foods I researched, though it was often called crithmon. I still haven’t had a chance to taste it.
Who has terrible job horror stories for me? My boss is so awful (so so so awful) (see last week about: nonpayment of minimum wage, and pitching fits, and his wife is our “HR” person, and so many other issues) that I want to commiserate with other people who have had terrible jobs.
Please share your stories!
My last job forgot to file the paperwork to fire me so they had me work for another week knowing that I would be fired the week after.
Not mine, but my friend walked out of her terrible job shouting ‘you’re a joke’ at the manager, after they failed to pay her for two months and she found out they’d paid none of the suppliers and the tills were getting repossessed.
They’d been open three months.
I work for an Ivy League teaching hospital as an administrative assistant. I am at the bottom of the hill upon which shit rolls down. My position is treated with minimal respect, even amongst our ranks. There is constant bickering and backstabbing. And once I’m done with my nursing degree, there is no guarantee that I’ll have a job in this hospital, but I have to stay here for a year to avoid having to repay all the money they’ve paid for my degree. so… there’s that?
I left my totally dysfunctional last place of employment because neither I nor anyone else could work with the director. (Who did fun things like refuse to give me the budget info I needed to create a fundraising plan or do any fundraising because the board had hurt their feelings, and then offer to go without pay to keep paying me and my coworker–and also to keep us indebted to them.) After I and others left, the Director had a breakdown and told several people they were going to commit suicide, including leaving a long message on one former employee’s phone saying that if Director committed suicide, it would be her fault. Director also texted me saying they “didn’t want to live in a world where we treat each other this way.” I didn’t reply. Two weeks later, Director texted me again asking for my feedback on a blog post they’d written, saying they hadn’t been blogging for a while because their “brain was broken.” I still didn’t reply.
BUT after I quit that job, even though I basically had no money and it’s hard to explain to people why I left my job so soon, I was immediately so much happier! The director was literally making me sick, and suddenly I felt so much lighter.
During crunch time (fiscal quarter end) at a place I tempted at, we worked 16 hour days six days straight. After one day off, back to work where it only measly 12 hour days.
The overtime was not worth the minimal sleep, the stress and the “Oh god, is this all there is to my life now” trains of thought.
My previous job hired me already knowing they were going to lay me off because they were having severe financial issues. They also had no one to train me and little work for me to do. That soon became no work after they stopped paying their vendors. So for my last three weeks there they had me fill in for the receptionist that they had already let go. I wouldn’t have been as pissed if I hadn’t left a decent job where I was appreciated and had growth opportunity for what was meant to be a better position.
Oh my god if this was eleven years ago and you live in the KC area… o_O
No, 4 years ago in MD, but it makes me sad this seems all too common.
At my last job we would have to come in a Saturday every quarter to “keep the discipline,” regardless of how much work we had done. (My and a coworker’s hire had eliminated the need for Saturdays at quarter end, but the CEO didn’t think that made sense, so added the work days back in. You can sure as hell bet I never got any work done early after that)
I once worked for an interior design firm under the operations manager who hated me intensely but couldn’t find real, actual things to criticize me for. So he’d make things up, saying “people” had complained about my work performance. It was a very small company, so I would go around asking every single individual, down to the loading dock folks, asking about how I could improve as an employee. Everyone said I was great. I put my findings into a report and gave it to him. Then when it came time for my annual review, he couldn’t produce a reason not to give me a raise, so he wrote “Clever Manka unfortunately relies on the most efficient way of solving a problem instead of researching other solutions first.” When I refused to sign the evaluation form and instead turned in my resignation, the company president begged me to stay and put me under a different manager. Two weeks later I got laid off because the ops manager (my previous boss) had withheld so much information from the company president that the president had no idea they were failing. So I got two weeks more pay *and* unemployment benefits because they didn’t just let me walk out the door when I quit.
That was my worst job ever. It was worse than retail and that’s saying something.
I once quite a terrible cashier job at a restaurant after I confronted my boss about how the other employee (her son) was essentially getting paid to do nothing while I cleaned up after him. My boss responded by writing me a four page letter (which she hid in the register for me to find) where she angrily detailed all of my perceived faults as an employee and person (my voice was too loud, I was ugly, I was a goody-two shoes, I wouldn’t lie to the health inspector when she asked, my taste in music was gross) building up to the conclusion that I was “A HUUGGGGGGEEEEE GODDAMM BITCH!!!!!!!! WHO AIN’T SHIT TO ANYONE.”
I was 17, she was 40. I still gave my full two weeks, though.
Last year after I finished an apprenticeship, but was still getting scheduled in my apprentice role, I wrote a note full of truths to my bosses, and they screamed in my face about how I was wrong about everything, and everything with the business was FINE and I wasn’t in charge around there and how dare I and similar things. And now their business is dissolving, and I feel vindicated. (I am a bad person.)
You are not a bad person. You deserve your vindication.
I got fired from a part time job at a local frozen yogurt shop after 2 weeks. In an email. After I quit a different job for that one. They said I had ‘a rain cloud over my head’, oh maybe it’s because I have depression and my boyfriend had just broken up with me. Then a few weeks later my house was robbed and all my shit was stolen and it was my fault because I left the window open. That’s when I started going to therapy…
At my last job, the outgoing office manager who’s position I was taking over, was supposed to train me but spent the entire time on her cell phone. So I was inadequately trained, and then the owner was incredibly behind on paperwork. Which meant that the daily accounting/processing reports I was doing weren’t being read for 2-3 months. So when it turned out that I was doing something wrong because I had never been trained on it (or been told wrong), it was a huge delay in finding that out; which meant a lot of backtracking to fix stuff.
And then after 8 months my boss decided to fire me because of my health condition (this was a medical clinic I was working at). When she told me I was fired, she asked me to work another week. Which I did because money, and then she has the nerve to thank me on the last day for being so professional during that last week (like what, I was going to trash the place or steal all the money?). When I went to file an unemployment claim, my ex-boss lied to the state about the reason she fired me, making up completely bogus reasons. I still got my claim approved, but have now been unemployed for a year. I can’t lodge a discrimination complaint against her, because our clinic had less than 5 employees, so discrimination laws don’t apply.
That sucks. So sorry. Words are inadequate. Damn.
Thank you, and I meant to say that I’m sorry to hear about your situation as well. Toxic job environments are the worst.
WHAT. Discrimination laws don’t apply for small businesses? Wow. That is one hell of a stupid loophole. I’m so sorry.
Thank you, and yep, federal law says employee discrimination laws apply to businesses with 6 or more employees. So under those numbers, you’re free to discriminate away I guess. My state does take that down to 5 or more employees, but we only had 4 so still didn’t make the cut.
I used to work at a supermarket and the cash office manager used to bully me by not telling me things I needed to know so I would get into trouble, talking about me behind my back to the other employees (I was the assistant manager, so she was basically bad-mouthing me to people to whom I’d be giving instructions, you can imagine how that would improve my standing with them), blaming me for things that happened when I wasn’t at work. She was horrible. I stayed there for about five months and resigned. I used to go home at the end of the week and sob. I mean, it’s not like working in a supermarket is a barrel of laughs anyway, but when someone is out to just be awful? Ugh.
I got offered a job! At a place I’ve been wanting to work for ages! Except I screwed it up by answering their call while I was still half-asleep and asked if I could have some time to think it over (I have a good shot at a job that I think would suit me a bit more but where I haven’t interviewed yet).
After coffee, I decided to go for the sure thing and called them back, but they didn’t answer. I really need to put “able to complicate/ruin anything simple and good” on my resume. So I’m biting my nails in the meantime and trying not to think about what it’ll mean to actually be able to spend money again (not always saving half my meal in restaurants! buying friends drinks when something great/terrible has happened to them! maybe even finally getting a car!) until the ink is dry.
Well, technically they can’t renege on the offer unless they said “accept now or we withdraw”. So you should be ok.
ETA: CONGRATULATIONS!
(Pats you on the shoulder) I’m sure it’s fine! People take time to think about things! They’re not going to yank a job offer because you took some time to think about it–they probably expected you to take some time. Everything will be fine.
It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for some time to think it over! You should be fine, dear.
And if they’re the kind of people who would pull an offer based on you asking for a bit of time to think it over, you probably don’t want to work there anyway.
I think I’m more worried that I was such a mess on the phone! Between still being in bed and having had dreams about talking about the job (we played phone tag yesterday, so I knew they had news for me) but not knowing if they were offering it to me or if I should take it, I was kind of a disaster. I did tell them I was 90% sure that I would take it, though, so hopefully they believed me. (I also had dreams about semi-tame bears catching frisbees in a lake…some dreams are more believable than others.)
Thank you for the nice/calming, everyone. I’m not used to things I want to happen actually happening, so it’s hard for me to trust that it’ll turn out okay.
Toasticles, I am hosting a small tea party in my garden tomorrow. Please give me ideas for tea sandwiches. And also please cross your fingers that I can procure a bottle of Pimm’s for… after our one cup of tea each, let’s be honest.
This may be controversial, but liverwurst!
I like the cut of your jib. That never occurred to me.
Smoked salmon, thinly sliced cucumber, and either cream cheese or chevre!
The key to good tea sandwiches is a truly wasteful amount of butter, right to the edge (even though you will of course cut the edge off). Compound butters if you are being fancy are really great. Also more fanciness: if you are doing tomato the way to avoid having them soggy is to peel the tomatoes and cut them in quarters, then remove all the seeds and blot the “petals” you just created and use those.
Egg salad & tuna salad ribbon sandwiches. They’re delicious, they’re fancy looking, you can make a bunch at a time, and you don’t have to roll anything up.
Sweet potato and cream cheese!
Oh man, I love little sandwiches. I am partial to thinly sliced cucumber with some kind of zesty mayo, egg salad with very thinly sliced radishes, and chopped chicken with cream cheese and olives. You’re going to have to take my word on that one–it’s delicious, and the cream cheese kind of keeps things from spilling out the sides.
Oh and sundried tomato pesto. YASS.
OHMYGOD these all sound so good. You guys are amazing.
Pimento cheese! (Sounds gross but when it’s homemade and not too sloppy it’s so good) Like this recipe: http://www.thekitchn.com/simple-pleasures-pimento…
Chicken salad on cinnamon bread! Or strawberry bread, if you can find or make that! Chicken salad + sweet is amazingly tasty.
Romesco sauce and goat cheese. Even easier, red pepper and goat cheese.
Fancy chicken salad, with the chicken chopped fine. “Fancy” could mean with curried chicken salad, or with grapes in, or with lots of fresh herbs, or whatever you like.
Dark bread — sweet or not — spread with cream cheese with toasted walnuts or pecans.
Open-faced radish-and-butter sandwiches sprinkled with coarse salt.
Most grocery stores will have some savory preserves in jars: onion jam or pepper jelly or chutney or sun-dried tomato pesto or whatever. Get a jar of whatever and spread it on buttered bread, with or without [goat cheese/cream cheese].
goat cheese goat cheese goat cheese
goat cheese
goat cheese
also did you consider goat cheese?
Pimento cheese on buttery white sandwich bread (Pullman loaf is the most traditional).
I always vote watercress. Butter, thin white bread, and those delicious peppery leaves. Umm.
Aw man, I go super traditional with my tea sandwiches. That weird thin bread if you can find it, spread both sides with half cream cheese and half butter, add thinly-sliced cucumbers, and dress with salt and pepper. DELICIOUS.
If you ask the people at your bakery (or grocery store bakery department), they can probably slice a loaf at the thickness you want. They can also put the loaf through the slicer the other way, so that you get giant slices, and you can make a few giant sandwiches and cut them up instead of a whole bunch of regular-size sandwiches.
I saw this tip in one of my cookbooks, one old enough that it didn’t assume all readers had access to machine-sliced bread, and it remains among my favorite catering tips. So efficient!
If you’re making large numbers of tea sandwiches, you may be able to find a bakery that will make extra long loaves for you, so you can make even gianter sandwiches to cut up. The church where I grew up used to get long loaves for sandwiches for the annual fundraising tea. They did have to order them in advance, though, and I have no idea how they found a long-loaf-making bakery.
Hot damn these sandwich ideas made me want to host a party ASAP! Good thread idea, Jack!
Roasted red pepper with pesto!
Cucumber and mint are also good. And tomato/basil/goat cheese.
This thread is making me hungry. And also making me think of Rat and Mole’s picnic lunch from The Wind in the Willows:
Hold hard a minute, then!’ said the Rat. He looped the painter through a ring in his landing-stage, climbed up into his hole above, and after a short interval reappeared staggering under a fat, wicker luncheon-basket. …
`What’s inside it?’ asked the Mole, wriggling with curiosity.
`There’s cold chicken inside it,’ replied the Rat briefly; `coldtonguecoldhamcoldbeefpickledgherkinssaladfrenchrollscresssandwichespottedmeatgingerbeerlemonadesodawater — — ‘
`O stop, stop,’ cried the Mole in ecstacies: `This is too much!’
The highlight of my week was last night, when after a long grumpy day, my boyfriend suggested that he teach me some Krav Maga and I teach him some Zumba, and we did that, and then made grilled cheese sandwiches and it was just really great.
What was the best thing about your week, Toasties? Were there good things? How is June going, as a month?
I went to a community sing of the Carmina Burana! I wrecked my voice but it was SO WORTH IT.
Oh my gosh, I am in strong support of just about anything involving community singing. I hope your voice feels better, though! Tea with honey!
Oooh, I sang Carmina Burana in college! O FORTUNA FOREVER
My apartment recently flooded pretty badly, so I’ve been living in the company of six horrifically loud and powerful industrial fans, but things finally dried out and the fans are GONE and it is once more quiet and GLORIOUS.
No complaints here! I had a birthday, it was grand; World Cup has started and I look forward to watching some soccer/football; I’ve got a vacation coming up in a few weeks; and last night I went to this hella rad production of Macbeth, and it was a 3rd date with a dude and we had a good time and he kissed me goodnight and that was pretty cool, too. So all-in-all, I’d say June is shaping up pretty great for me!
Your Krav Maga/Zumba trade off sounds delightful – y’all should find a way to combine the two into one exercise.
My boss was in a wildly different time zone this week, and I thought I would get so much done without distractions. That didn’t happen, unfortunately. But, next week I’ve been invited to four days of sitting around giving my opinion on things which is pretty much what my fantasy work life is like so that’s going to be great.
I biked to work for the first time today! I had to get up early to drink my coffee at home instead of out of my thermos on the train, but I’m pretty sure biking was slightly faster than the train and I feel so much more awake. I don’t know if I’ll do it every day, but it’s exciting.
I bike to work! How far do you bike?
5.5 miles. It’s on busy streets with a lot of lights and other people on bikes, though, so it’s hard to get up much speed. I did pass a lot of other bikes and feel really smug.
I left the house in the evening to socialize with people my own age!! TWICE! Sunday for trivia with my husband and four roller derby girls–we won handily; and Monday for pizza and Trivial Pursuit with my hs BFF, her husband, and her five-year-old daughter. Tomorrow I’m going to the little girl’s sixth birthday party, and giving her my much-loved stuffed unicorn, which she always carries around the whole time she visits. And that night is a double-bachelorette party! With margaritas and swimming!
Of course, in between I exhausted myself and spent two days forcing myself to be inactive while my legs and hands stopped being in constant pain. FIBROMYALGIA IS AWESOME.
Boo. Sorry about your fibro issues. I hope you feel better soon.
It’s a matter of evaluating my energy every day and portioning it out accordingly. Much better today, thanks!
I killed it at work this week. (She says at she hangs out in the open thread at work.) I spent a few days to get organized and rearranged and everything is running smoothly and my coworkers are great. I haven’t had a great week at work for awhile so I’m feeling extra good about it.
The best thing about this week is that I got ASKED if I would be willing to switch projects at work, with the statement that I would basically be able to choose what I want to do on that project. The PD sounded like he was asking me to prom, which was intensely flattering.
June as a month has gone pretty well. Things at work are really exciting, I got to see a bunch of my college friends I hadn’t seen in ages. Life doesn’t suck.
The best thing about my week, hands down, is that I *finally* figured out what was going wrong with my research, and I’m not going to have to quit and walk away because I have nothing, nothing! because MY SCIENCE WOOOOOORKS. Toasties, I am so relieved.
Oh my gosh, get down with your bad self! Solving science problems is almost even better than solving science. Go you!
Yeah, I think my shoulders lost a metric tonne of stress when I figured it out 😀
Ran into my old boss (don’t think I’ve seen her in a year) and we had a glass of wine like old friends. I never know how often is appropriate to reach out or try to catch up, so this was a lovely surprise.
Started off the week by taking the LSAT (blergh) but had drinks and thai food on my friend’s sunny patio afterwards, which made it better. Also my recreational summer volleyball league started again, which makes me very happy.
I have a bitter and complicated relationship with frittatas, but this week I nailed one with asparagus, new potatoes, and feta.
My best frittatas are always the ones that include dill. Might be worth a try! Yours sounds amazing though.
Ooh, dill, yum. Will try that next time!
June, as a month, is going to be going a lot better once I get through my commitments for this weekend, because I am taking next week off for no reason whatsoever.
I know it’s been a crap week when the best thing to happen to me is my period started early so at least now I don’t have to worry about bleeding and cramping for my bellydance performance next Friday.
Best thing was probably catching two pop flies, one line drive, and tagging someone out at home at my softball game. I had a bad batting day, but somehow didn’t let it get to my head and made a good contribution in the field woo!
Last night my husband and I were arguing about the lyrics to “How Deep Is Your Love” and it turned into an impromptu karaoke/interpretive dance session.
ILU
There have not been many good things for me personally this week, BUT I think we finally worked out some internal stuff so that the inside of my head will be a less annoying place and I will hopefully remember to start paying more attention to the outside world which is probably full of awesome things if I am just there to notice them.
June is not my favourite month but I am determined that it is going to look up. OR ELSE! Get it together June!
June is a pretty awesome month. We had one week away visiting friends, and are about to leave (SUNDAY!) for a month long UK trip. Of which almost everything is planned.
YAY!
Also it is summer and summer is always awesome.
June is sucking bc I’m struggling to find a place to live and currently living in a place where I have less than zero support for the actual search. I say all that to get it out of the way because I sure as hell kicked ass at TRYING to find a place this week, and also wrote five chunky pieces toward a manuscript I’m piecing together, which left me feeling drained in the best possible way. Oh, and I put up a clothesline today, so eco-points for me.
This is the best month. Last weekend, College Friend 1 visited. This Sunday, College Friend 2 comes to stay with me for 3 weeks!! I haven’t seen her in 3 years, and she is like a sister to me, I am bursting with excitement. Aaaand, last week & last night I spent some time kissing my favorite coworker. Like I said, best month.
I’m finished with finals as of yesterday! And I’m going to San Diego for my step-brothers graduation this weekend. And I’ve been seeing a boy and we kissed more this week so June is pretty good so far!
Best thing was for sure getting my tattoo.
Best thing about my week: I went to a drag king workshop! And it was fantastic! We learned how to make up our faces and do fake facial hair (eyebrow pencil ‘staches FTW), we learned about male impersonators in history, we did some before-and-after photos, and we practiced a little bit of body language and lip-syncing. And the six of us taking the workshop ended up going out for lunch and drinks afterward, friending each other on Facebook, and starting to make plans for going to drag shows together and maybe meeting up to practice our performance skills. And I was like, oh, right, sometimes you go out and do new things and wind up making new friends in the bargain.
The other highlight of my week: watching a whole bunch of poets read every single one of Frank O’Hara’s Lunch Poems over the course of an evening.
That’s so cool!
We have fire! We had the chimney sweep out to fix and clean our fire and now I can light it and it’s so awesome!
Also, even though our washing machine is still broken, I took washing over to my mum and dad’s house and when I went to pick it up, not only was it dry (it’s winter here, so that’s no mean feat) but also my mum had folded it and put in layers in the basket, according to family member. Once again, I’m glad we moved to be closer to my parents.
I get to go see my parents this weekend, but I forgot to take off today from work so I am only there for 32 hours! I plan on eating a lot of snacks and watching Jeopardy on their giant TV and telling them everything I have done in the last four months (which will take up an hour of conversation, MAX). I will scare the bejeezus out of their stupid little orange cat because he is terrified of strangers and I see him so infrequently that his tiny brain just forgets who I am.
Have fun with your folks!
Today my office is closing and we get to ‘play’ golf at a charity tournament all day. By which I mean wander slowly across the golf course and drink beer. The best kind of Friday at work.
I am getting married in the fall! Wheee! Also, it’s totally freaking me out and I keep picturing things like people getting food poisoning at the reception or fainting at the ceremony or saying the wrong name like some kind of cartoonish sitcom character. Please tell me all of your favourite memories of weddings so I can scrub these weirdo thoughts out of my obsessive brain, and focus on the really important things, like what kind of tacos to serve with the cocktails.
Also, any amazing tips or tricks on hosting a reception for about 100 would be DOPE.
xo!
My wedding was a few weeks ago and it was lovely and everything was perfect!
My biggest tip was to just hire other people. I would not have been able to handle catering for 100, or doing my own flowers, etc., even though I had wanted to do my own flowers and decor and stuff. I was so stressed by the end that I was just done. I ended up hiring hair and makeup people with two weeks left, and it was an AWESOME decision–one less thing I had to do! And I looked awesome! And they were super friendly and put me at ease! Outsourcing all that stuff made my life 100% easier and was worth every single penny. (And the venue we used came with a day-of coordinator, who was absolutely indispensable in helping us do things like “figure out exactly when to start walking down the aisle” and all that.
If you’re comfortable sharing, by the way, I’d LOVE to see photos from your wedding.
We don’t have the photos back yet except a couple (which has been bugging me–dude I know it’s busy season, but RESPOND TO MY EMAILS, it’s been seven weeks). I will probably delete this in a day or so, but for the time being:
OH!!!!
How lovely. Wow.
You must be so excited to see the rest.
Gorgeous!
Toasties have got to be the most attractive bunch of people on the internet, hands down. You both look awesome!
I just went to a good friend’s wedding and my favorite memory of it is that it was small enough that he and his bride could spend some quality time with almost all the guests! It was totally worth it to travel down to Virginia from Boston because I felt like I got a lot of time to chat with my friend and get to know his bride.
Oh hello, are you me from a year ago? Fall weddings the best, in my totally unbiased opinion. Here is a funny moment about mine!
We asked my uncle to officiate the ceremony, because we are not religious at all and my uncle is awesome, and in MA anyone can get one-day authority to officiate marriages.
A couple of days before the wedding, my uncle e-mailed me a document entitled “Marryin’ Dave’s Wedding Packages”, which included the following ‘options’:
1) Basic Wedding (Quick, Before We Change Our Minds) $7.95
2) Las Vegas Special (What Happens in Vegas/What was Your Name Again?) $29.95
I perform the ceremony dressed in a white, sequined jumpsuit.
Bride is provided with a low-cut dress with a gold tiara.
For the Groom, we provide a pitcher of Bloody Marys, a bottle of aspirin and a pair of sun glasses.
Music “Oh What a Night”
3) Super Deluxe Extravaganza, $10,000.00 *, **
I perform the ceremony with hands and feet bound and suspended upside down over roaring bonfire.
The Bride is escorted down the aisle by members of the Boston Red Sox, while the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sings; “Going to the Chapel of Love.”
After the pronouncement of vows, 50 white doves are released and the song, “The Wind Beneath My Wings” is played.
(* $50.00 non-refundable deposit required, ** Includes $30.00 dove clean-up fee)
We did not choose any of these options, alas. 🙂
My tip for hosting a reception is to find vendors who know what they’re doing, and basically put your life in their capable hands. I’m terrible at making decisions, so finding people whose decision-making skills I could trust was key for me.
Aravisthequeen is correct. Delegation is key. You probably take weddings more seriously than I do, so YMMV, but I can simplify this way: a wedding is only a ceremony; a reception is only a party; a honeymoon is only a vacation. The focus of a ceremony is the vows and those making them, and the fact that they make them in public. The focus of a party is the comfort of the guests. The focus of a vacation is relaxation. The rest is unimportant. To me, anyway.
That is an amazing way to rephrase wedding planning into something that sounds doable and not terrifying!
I have no experience with having a wedding, but have been IN one and TO several recently, and I really think that just choosing things that are meaningful to you is the best idea – even if they seem silly or less than great to other people.
Also! The literal worst thing that can happen is that the day is bad, which would be really shitty. But then you’re married to a person that you like a lot, and you can have a huge cool anniversary party at 10 or 25 years or something like that.
I’m getting married (welllll we’re already married legally but this is The Wedding) next weekend, and I am going a little crazy but everything is coming together all at once (imagine an entire party skidding into home plate), and I’m expecting 100 people to show up, so if it turns out okay, I’ll give you all my secrets in a few weeks. Until then there’s still time for a meteor to hit our venue or whatever.
So far the thing I’m most proud of is buying all the booze myself–I got to save money, completely customize it to what we and our friends like, and if there are any leftovers we get to keep them.
But beyond that, I agree with everyone else–don’t take it too seriously. In the end, it’s a wonderful day ofcelebrating love surrounded by all your friends.
Congratulations!
I got married a month ago and my officiant gave us all a lecture at the rehearsal about how not to faint – DON’T lock your knees. Bob if you have to. He said sometimes his ceremonies look a bit funny when people start bobbing up and down but he rarely has a fainter. (Also if you do faint, don’t get up till someone tells you to! And drink water during the day – I drank a ton of water and only peed once – that’s how much you’ll be sweating and whatnot. I also got Mr. September’s name wrong at the rehearsal.
Eat all kinds of tacos with cocktails.
Our reception was for 100. We did wine on tables, buffet dinner, speeches DURING dinner, cash bar, had wedding cake and ice cream and berries for dessert, and popcorn and taco chips and salsa for a late-night snack. We partied, man – it was great. Would have been even better with tacos. 😉
My favourite memory of our wedding is two of my bridesmaids got the Edmonton (I live in Calgary, about three hours south) band who wrote our first dance song to come and perform it as a surprise. It was completely unexpected and so, so wonderful.
Also, we didn’t have many flowers (bridesmaids carried books and I had a brooch bouquet), so we ordered them online and they ended up being beautiful and working perfectly.
Everything is better with tacos.
Oh, what band was that? Your entire day sounds so fabulous!
The Collective West!
Envoyé de m
Ooh, I like. They remind me of Joy Kills Sorrow.
Weddings! My best piece of advice would be to designate a point person for the day of–whether you hire a day of coordinator, talk a bridesmaid into it, or whatever. Someone whose cell number you can give out if the caterer has a question or the florist is late so you don’t have to deal with that stuff and can just focused on yay you’re getting maaaaaaaaaaarried.
This. One of my friends silently volunteered herself for this duty and I was so, so grateful.
It’s all gonna be fine.
My wedding was a few years ago, it was absolutely small, there were a couple of mistakes but everyone laughed and it was fine, you will be fine.
Designate someone to be sure you eat – it’s easy to NOT eat, with all the running around you do.
Regional delicacies would be Salmon, Dungeness Crab, Oysters, Mussels, Apples, Coffee. There’s good foraging around here so wild mushrooms and fiddlehead ferns. Oh, and geoduck.
West Coast Best Coast?
So I went to Evergreen for grad school, whose mascot is the geoduck (the most phallic clam!) and for a while when I saw words like geography I would pronounce them like geoduck, which is way more fun.
Oh god, I’m sitting at my desk trying to say these now! Geology… GOO-ee-luh-gee…
DUNGENESS CRAB IS MY ONE TRUE LOVE
YAY my PNW peeps. Are there meetups? I want meetups. I’m outside of Tacoma but work in Seattle.
Nothing formal, but a couple of us have met for drinks/coffee/wev. Not surprisingly, it went great because we are great people.
This is the region for me!
I posted this on Wednesday, but I’m still very excited: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/tr…
One third of all BC lawyers showed up IN PERSON (that’s a big deal, you guys) to vote no by a 77% majority to a new Christian law school that forces its students to sign a covenant that they will not engage in “sexual intimacy that violates the sacredness of marriage between a man and a woman” which means they can expel people for having gay sex and expel women for being pregnant out of wedlock.
Very proud this week.
that didn’t get passed? Canada, I will return to you one day. One day.
Well…. It’s more accurate to say that the majority of the legal profession came out opposed. The Law Society executive has approved the school. After that, our profession resolved to direct the executive to overturn its decision. Our post-approval vote is not binding, but does lay the groundwork for a later binding referendum. Considering the result I imagine the executive HAS to do deal with this. It’s all a bit complicated, but you can be sure that lawyers in BC made a resounding statement.
Regional delicacies? Baltimore will shoehorn blue crab into everything: crab on our fries, pretzels, burgers, mac & cheese, hot dogs – it’s awesome and you can usually find all of those at the stadium. Usually they’re accompanied with liberal Old Bay seasoning. A local brewery just made Old Bay beer, which is actually pretty good, especially when with crabs. For dessert there’s always Berger cookies – a plain vanilla cookie covered in absolute slab of thick, chocolate frosting.
I talked up both the Berger cookie and the crab pretzel below and then found you had beat me to the punch! My bad. God, they’re so good though, aren’t they?
Berger cookies deserve all the love they can get. Hoo boy those things are delicious.
Ah, I know that feeling. I typed as fast as I could, hoping I wouldn’t be duplicating either. I think a crab pretzel is going to half to make a dinner appearance tonight!
Regional delicacies from my homeland of Wisconsin include morels, provided by my woodsman-dad. They test like rich dirt in the best imaginable way and grow in the woods that my family has owned since the 1840s.
Oh my god, homegrown morels…..
HOOKS CHEDDAR I LOVE IT TO DEATH
Ohhhhhh morels. Sometimes the mushroom stand at the farmer’s market here has morels and they are THE BEST. I cannot imagine the joy of having your own morel woods. How do you like eating them?
Just cooked in butter with a little salt the way god intended (I have no idea what god intends but that’s how my mom and grandma make them and I’ve never thought to question it). Do you have good recipes?
The short answer: put them into fettucine alfredo! Some variant of “real” alfredo not the scary stuff where you make a white sauce.
Longer answer: ‘Real’ alfredo is hot pasta tossed with cubed butter and grated parmesan so that the butter and parmesan melt together to make a sauce for the pasta and it is delicious. I like it more with a little cream and nutmeg, so that is how my partner makes it, and this is his recipe cut & pasted from google chat for any toasties who might enjoy it:
Alfredo – 1/4c melted butter, 1/4c grated real parmigiana, 1/4c cream, salt pepper and nutmeg to taste (I typically go with 1/4-1/2tbsp). Mix all of those together, then toss well with 1kb of hot pasta, with whatever water clings to the pasta when you fish it out.
So when he adds the morels, he cooks them in the butter and adds them in. It is amazing and delicious, yes, just like rich dirt.
I have this vague body-childhood memory that there is some part of the first Narnia book where Lewis is describing the dryads and the kinds of dirt they like to grow in as though he’s describing food and when I first tasted morels I was like OH YES HERE WE GO.
ALSO CHEESE DON’T FORGET THE CHEESE
I have a something I need advice on…
Some of my roommates (boys…silly silly boys), got a dog without my consent. We have talked about dogs before and getting one, especially when a roommate (now gone) had a foster pit bull. I am against pit bulls. I had one who was very well trained and fiercely loved, but she still almost killed a man and a dog and she was only 20 pounds. They know this story. I have told them over and over, “A dog would be great, as long as it is not a pit bull.” And I know that not all pit bulls go crazy, but the risk is too high and the damage that they can do with just one bite…it’s obscene. Well, they went behind my back and did this anyway and the dog is here. They have put me in the position to either be the bad guy or live a dog I vehemently do not want and that I have repeatedly asked not to have….I am not sure what to do…
You’re gonna have to move, bro. They’ve gone and got a dog they know you don’t want, so there’s no way they are going to give it back because you don’t want it. And that dog is going to know that you don’t want it, and it will choose your stuff to tear up and your room to poop in.*
*This happened in a shared house I lived in, although not to me.
ETA: I feel the need to clarify that I love pitbulls and know that they can be loving, gentle, and obedient. With good care and training. Which I do not feel optimistic about this particular dog receiving from your household of boundary-disregarding, non-consensus-building boys.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the choice to move. I am on athletic and academic scholarship and I have registered this residence with my school and to change it and move somewhere else would cost money I don’t have. Knowing these boys and being a smaller female, this dog will not be cared for in the manner that it should, so I agree with you on that front. Thank very much for your advice. I really appreciate it.
I am really sorry this happened, and I hear you about the money, but … you are going to have to move *eventually* because people who will ignore your boundaries like that are not going to be safe people to share space with. So if you cannot move now, deal with the dog situation as best you can & save up money to move as soon as possible? I realise that is a big thing to say and it is not what you are hoping to hear, but it is what I truly think.
Talk to the people in the housing office at your school. They probably have some kind of resources for students who find themselves in unfortunate housing situations.
If they can’t help, then research when/where you could move with minimal extra expense. Even if you end up staying, knowing a little more about your other options will probably be helpful.
Addendum: I saw your post below, that the dog is going. I’m glad! But I would still suggest asking the housing office what resources are available, so that if these guys get worse you will know what options you have.
“Being the bad guy” in this situation is actually not being the bad guy. It’s being the reasonable person who made their interests and needs clear from the beginning. So yes, tell them that you and this dog cannot live in the same space.
That being said, they will probably view you as the bad guy. And it’s likely that you may have to move, if you really do not want to live with this dog. (Unless the lease is in your name, in which case, they have to move, much better.)
Some scripts: “I know you’re excited about this dog, but I repeatedly said this is the one kind of dog that I would not be okay with. I have been clear about this, and I will not change my mind.” “I know not all pit bulls are harmful, but I have had bad experiences, and I won’t be scared and uncomfortable in my own home. My opinion will not change.” etc. etc.
Fortunately, I just talked to my landlord and he said that I am uncomfortable, he will tell them the dog must go. They did not tell him they were getting a pit bull until the shelter called him to verify the residence. He was not happy about a pit bull, but the boys begged him. He also did not know that I was not informed. Unfortunately, it turns out that the boy who is the official owner did not know that I felt so unsafe around them, as he is new to the house and the two that I have lived with (for a year with no problem) knew about my problem and did not tell him, only saying, “She will be mad, but she’ll get over it.” So, I feel very bad about taking this dog away from someone who did not explicitly know how I felt; however, I am still slightly pissed that he did not think, “Hmmm maybe we should tell her,” or “Why in the world would they not want her to know?” And as I said to Sara, I don’t have the choice to move out. A rock and a hard place have found a meeting point and that is point is me.
I’m glad your landlord is stepping in, and that the person who got the dog wasn’t totally aware. It’s too bad that you can’t move out sooner, but I’m glad the situation is getting resolved so you don’t have to live with this dog.
In addition to what Sara Davis said, even if they did get rid of the dog, your roommates would probably still be people who think pulling this sort of crap is ok. So I’m with her: you’re gonna have to move.
Yeah, these are not the kind of people you’re going to want to live with long term. They didn’t have to agree with your reasoning, but they needed to respect you and respect it, and they didn’t.
Toasties, I took your advice and told the guy I like about my Feelings and he pretty much shrugged it off and changed the subject. Yesterday I was devastated and today I am angry.
(ETA: angry at him for being sketchy, not at you all for giving me sound advice)
Gingkotree is most correct. He was unworthy of you and your awesomeness.
Oh, man, I’m sorry. Dude obviously has some good qualities, or you wouldn’t like him (because you are a good person and I trust your judgment), but he’s at least got an asshole streak in him and you are better off without him. I give you a big sqooshy hug!
Can I thank you for saying that so wonderfully? Like, we get to be angry at him together but I don’t have to feel terrible for having liked him. Genius!
Aw, you’re welcome! It’s borne of experience – I have a few well-meaning friends who always try to comfort me after breakups with the “traditional”, “he’s a horrible person and an asshole and ugly too and has no good traits” lines and…I understand what they’re trying to do, but what it sounds like instead is “BOY are you dumb for having loved that doofus for 2 years” and that isn’t what I wanted or needed to hear when I was hurting at the end of what had been a happy relationship, you know?
I will join in the being angry at him with you for being a jerk about it! I am sorry that happened.
That stinks, I’m sorry. You feel as angry as you need, this is a good place for that.
The good news is now you know and you can stop pouring any energy into that emotional sinkhole. (Whether “sinkhole” describes the state of unrequitedness or the guy, I leave as an exercise for the reader.)
It is a relief, in a way. Now I know! I didn’t find out what I was hoping to, but I found out nonetheless. I feel silly for being upset over something that was never actually a Relationship, but that’s what wine and Cartoon Network on Netflix is for.
Also, good on you for doing that in the first place. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable to someone.
It is perfectly fine to be upset even when something isn’t a Relationship, because feelings aren’t bound by that sort of thing. I’ve always been of the opinion that the status of a Relationship should only govern how you act on those feelings to them, not whether you have feelings at all: that is, essentially, to respect that they have the right to define how they are in a relationship with you just like how you have the right to define how you are in a relationship with them. But not hitting them over the head with your feelings does not make your feelings wrong, or silly, or anything like that. Be angry, be hurt, be whatever you feel. You seem to be handling this very well, and you deserve that wine and Cartoon Network time.
Sounds like you have a good plan for soothing those feelings. And I want to chime in that feeling that way is perfectly reasonable and not silly: no, it wasn’t a capital-R Relationship, but it was a bundle of potential, with all the emotion and excitement that entails. Now you can be kind to yourself as you let it go and make room for more potential in your life.
I am so glad to hear tales of bravery! Not glad to hear tales of dickbags.
But! Now you know his true character and can be more prepared to be brave again in the future!
For some reason (because I have two x chromosomes) I got included on a mass email about which color my coworker should choose for her birthday pedicure. Everyone is replying-all with many caps an explanation points. I’ll say hi to Jen and Allie for all of you.
Oh, we should brainstorm ideas for her.
I say neon yellow with navy accent nails.
Can someone tell me what a party toe is? Apparently it’s a thing…
That’s the toe that brings the keg and is generally obnoxious. Toes Icing Toes.
Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!
Plaid.
Everyone is replying-all with many caps an explanation points
ahahahahaha I just imagined replying-all with
“OH WOW NO THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! : )”
“unsubscribe”
I had convinced myself that there was no need to get a Nintendo console this generation, and then they had to go and blow me away with their E3 presentation. Everything they are making is SO ADORABLE. They fooled me twice into thinking they were announcing a new Metroid game, though. I want one so bad, but only if it makes up for the mess that was Other M.
I also have been rolling my eyes for days over all the Ubisoft apologists. Their explanation for not having female characters in the new Assassin’s Creed sounds plausible only if you accept the premise that having female characters is “extra”… which I don’t. Female voices/animations/motion capture should be built into your budget and game plan from day one. Jettison something else if you can’t meet your deadline. Or maybe don’t release an Assassin’s Creed game every six months.
It’s so damn ridiculous, and that one former Ubisoft animator tore them apart on twitter, appropriately. If Mass Effect could make beautifully rendered male and female main characters for the last decade, along with awesome story and graphics and voices (and let’s be honest Jennifer Hale’s voice work DESTROYED the… guy voiced Dude!Shep) then the idea that a AAA game doesn’t have the time or budget to do this is absolutely infuriating.
I HATE the fact that everyone is just buying into it and getting all mansplainy about it, like “well you see the MARKET determines all” and “LOGICALLY it made sense to do this” etc etc. If Bioware could animate female turians strictly for DLC and multiplayer then you’d think Ubisoft could do it for a full game.
The Ubisoft clusterfuck is so bad it just has me cracking up. I have seen angry reactions from feminists, from game developers, and – my favorite – HISTORIANS. Because the most famous assassin of the French Revolution was… A WOMAN.
Seriously. Is Marie Antoinette NOT in this game? If so, are you not animating her? If not, why the fuck not?
I’ve never even played Assassin’s Creed and I’m annoyed.
Regional delicacies: clam chowder, I guess? Also the town next to my hometown has really great asparagus and had an asparagus festival a couple weeks ago.
So last week we found out we’re on a wage freeze this year (despite the administration saying last year we were getting a COL increase every year for the next three years) (but they said it in a budget meeting so it wasn’t IN WRITING anywhere) and yesterday we found out people got laid off. And they’re blaming this on, in large part, increased employee healthcare contributions. Except that’s less than ten percent of the budget shortfall, so… FUCK THAT NOISE. I am applying to a million jobs and had one interview and might have another soon. Everybody cross your fingers that I join the rats deserting this sinking ship.
I left New England 18 months ago and OMG do I miss clam chowdah!
Fingers crossed for you! (Also, does the Fluffernutter count as a regional delicacy? If not, it should.)
THE FLUFFERNUTTER
OF COURSE
There is an honest-to-goodness Fluff festival in Somerville.
Fingers crossed SO HARD for you.
I’m going to visit Seattle this coming August by way of Portland, where I’m seeing a dear friend.
I plan on moving to Seattle next year, which is something I’ve been wanting to do for nearly ten years but Life kept getting in the way. So I’m going to take the plunge because doing the “sensible thing” the last couple of years have left me lonely and miserable.
Does anyone have recommendations on what to check out for someone who wants to live there? I’ve visited a couple times before so I’m aware of the typical tourist attractions. One person told me to check out the Richard Hugo House which makes me all the more excited.
Portland and Seattle! Go to Pike Place Market and go to the Crumpet Shop, it is delicious AND usually the son is there and he is a charming man to buy crumpets from! Also there are like a million other things to do and I will see if I can think of some more that you might not have seen.
So appreciated! I’m trying to do as much planning as I can so any information will make me happy!
Go hike around Discovery Park! I had to look up what the Richard Hugo House is, and I’ve lived here for 8 years. I mostly just know good places to eat and drink.
Food is very important to me, so food and drink recommendations are much appreciated!
I’ll definitely check out Discovery Park. I never had a chance to go there.
I’d suggest just spending time in some of the neighborhoods, getting a feel for them. Most of my Seattle living/hanging out was in North Seattle (U-District, Wallingford, Ballard) but it seems like some of the more central and southern areas (Central District, Beacon Hill, ??) are where things are happening now. Maybe someone who still lives in the city proper can chime in.
And maybe there should be a Toast meetup while you are here! I want a meetup. I’ll stop mentioning it now (for today).
I would love to go to a Toast Meet up! I went to a Hairpin meet up in San Francisco a few years ago (when I briefly tried to live in the Bay Area) and it was one of the best nights I had when I was there.
Capitol Hill is always alive with good food, downtown is good for shopping and people watching and not much else.
U-District/University Way(The Ave) is a cheaper good time if you don’t mind students.
Queen Anne (lower and upper) has quite a lot of good restaurants, as does Belltown which abuts QA. I love Mecca for a dive, and The Innkeeper for nicer (also a patio!).
In Ballard, I like The Root Table or Bastille. Also a good area for barhopping and a few music venues.
All of those places are great if you have no car. I now live in West Seattle, which is okay if you have no car, but not ideal, and kind of a ways out to visit if you don’t live there. That said, in West Seattle, there is Alki Beach which is lovely if a bit dirty, and most definitely a place that actual people who actually live here go to.
Go you! I am DYING to move to the Pacific NW.
Regional delicacies of my hometown include sweet shrimp (which are technically prawns) and ridgeback prawns (which are technically shrimp). Also Santa Maria barbeque (which is technically grilled). Naming is clearly not our strength.
Up the coast a bit they grow Olallieberries which make the best berry pie you’ve ever had.
My partner and I have endeavored to teach ourselves Icelandic! I am so happy to be engaging my brain in language-learning again, and it’s nice to have something where we are both starting at square zero together. Did anyone else have success teaching themselves a language? It can feel quite daunting at times, but I think we can do it!
Wow, so cool! What’s the resource you’re using? Doesn’t seem like Duolingo would have it (although perhaps it does!)
Said partner actually works at a bookstore that only sells foreign-language and language-learning books, so we bought a couple of things from there and most of them include a CD or other material. The audio stuff is definitely the most helpful! Also I just looked up Duolingo and it seems like a great idea. Have you used it successfully?
We were using Duolingo to work on our high school level French for a while and it was really fun, but it’s one of those things that works best when you do it every day so we got out of the habit again.
Icelandic sounds amazing!
Cool! Why Icelandic?
We’ve both always wanted to go to Iceland, and since we can’t afford the trip right now we figured we’d keep the dream alive by learning the language! That way, when we arrive there at some point in the future, all the Icelanders will be in awe of us and love us and vote us their presidents and we can live there forever and ever.
An excellent plan!
Also, I don’t know if this is a motivation for GreenGrasses, but it’s the closest living language to the language in the Eddas, the source documents for Norse mythology, as well as some awesome sagas and skaldic poetry. As far as I know, it’s not close enough to let you just read the Eddas, but it would give you a leg up if that were a goal (it is for me!).
Yes! The historical badassness of the language is a huge deal to us as well!
Hey, I want to learn Icelandic (and actually bought some tapes/book for it). We should practice. The idea of practicing gives me performance anxiety, but þetta reddast right?
Wooo! Yes we should definitely practice together! But at the moment I can really only introduce myself and pronounce the alphabet, so I will take a rain check for when I’m actually useful haha.
Sometimes I open up a browser tab and listen to whatever is on RUV at the time, just to get a bit more comfortable with the rhythm and sounds of the language.
That’s a great idea!
Icelandic is mad hard, though, right? They’ve got, like, extra letters and shit. The only Icelandic I know is takk, which means thank you, and I spent nine days there.
The extra letters aren’t so much the hard part, the ones you are probably thinking of are sounds we have in English but spell as “th” so it’s really just a symbol representing that. The grammar is pretty insane though, and I say that as someone who already learned German and didn’t think it was hard. They decline their names.
Aaaaahhh great choice! I learned Icelandic in college and it was really fun. I did a semester of Old Norse (reading sagas) at school, and then a summer in Iceland learning Modern Icelandic (as folks mention upthread, they are basically the same grammatically). The grammar *is* challenging – I especially had trouble with the fact that you just have to memorize the gender of nouns because it’s not clear from the words themselves – but “challenging” doesn’t mean it can’t be learned, just that it takes more time and brain space. You can do it!
There are those who argue that Icelandic is not that useful to learn because people there speak English, but I think you’re totally right that it’s a great way to feel a connection to a place and culture. It’s also just a really cute, fun, weird little language.
You should know about this free online course by the University of Iceland if you don’t already: http://icelandiconline.is/ We had to do the whole course before we arrived for the summer, and it was really helpful.
Have fun!
Ahhhh awesome! Thanks for that website and your words of encouragement! I am a bit afraid of the grammar but it’s not like we have a deadline so I am just gonna take it as it comes, weird genders and all!
We don’t have much in the way of regional delicacies here in CA’s Central Valley that I can think of–good produce, I guess? Asparagus?
I originated at the top of the Central Valley and I can really only thing of produce, but also: it’s really, really good produce! Not to be sneezed at! Now that I live in the Midwest, I think of all those road side stands with SUCH longing.
I lived at the top of the Central Valley for a couple of years, and I miss the strawberries and the apricots and the peaches and the swimming. Don’t miss a lot of other things, but the strawberries and swimming are almost good enough to make up for it.
I sound like a poop. What I mean is “Redding? Redding? I lived in Redding too, want to be same residence in the past and similar tastes in media acquaintences? Or where do you call the top of the Central Valley? I have ecoregion maps, we could scientifically determine this!”
My best friend lives in Hawaii; I text her pictures of stonefruit every summer and she sends back pictures of her sad sad face. We hit the produce jackpot.
Also if anyone comes to MN for regional delicacies, ideally they would come during the state fair. If not, you still have to try fried cheese curds and a juicy lucy (burger with cheese melted inside.)
Literally drooling right now.
If you’re ever near the Twin Cities, I can give you all the recommendations for melted cheese delicacies.
STATE FAIR. My must haves are Martha’s cookies, malt, fried pickles, gator sausage, wine ice cream, pork chop on a stick, corn fritters, and a pronto pup. Outside chance of fried oreos and local jerky.
What! I want that burger RIGHT. NOW.
Do you ever go to Sebastian Joe’s in Minneapolis; I love their ice cream.
THE BEST
Hi toasties! Can we talk about long distance relationships? I’m having a Serious Conversation about the Future this weekend with someone an ocean away (we met and dated while I was living abroad for a work thing and it’s been on and off since then for the past 1.5 years). This talk should, I hope, have some finality. From this whole experience I’ve become quite interested in other LDRs, so I want to hear about your trials and tribulations, if you think absence makes the heart grow fonder, etc, etc.
Dude, they’re super hard, but I think they’re doable as long as there’s an end-date in sight. I could never do a LDR indefinitely.
Seconded. Having a defined end point (end of school, end of contract job, whatever) is crucial to making it work.
That was my thinking also. I think we’re deciding this weekend if we can commit to working very hard towards being in the same city (or at least general area) in a year or so…
I was in an LDR for about a year and honestly, I loved it, because I had the safety and comfort of feeling like I was Cared For and Special but at the same time, I didn’t have to deal with somebody being all up in mah bizniz all the time (I feel suffocated very easily.) We broke up because he was a cheating manipulative man-child liar asshole, otherwise the set-up really worked for me. Although for me, and LDR is not a temporary limbo with an end goal of being in the same space together, permanently. I just like having my freedom and my privacy and my ability to go out in public and be perceived as an individual rather than as part of a couple.
Reading that back. I realize now that I just don’t like having a boyfriend. Ha!
My partner and I were long distance for 3 ish years, and we didn’t have the idea of an end date ’till about a year before I moved. (We have been living together for a year now, and still going pretty good I’d say?) I know a lot (A LOT) of people say that LDRs without end dates don’t work, but it worked well for our situation – basically getting to know each other while LDR, having commitments in different places, and being unwilling to prioritise a new relationship over already laid plans.
Anyway, if you have any questions HIT ME UP!
Always good to hear success stories! 🙂
Did a year of this, then we moved in together. Always liked having another visit in the books when I left; it made leaving a little less terrible. Care packages are the best: books, CDs, oddball presents, food. We talked on the phone once or twice a week, but that was it–some couples Skype while they cook dinner or whatever. Everybody has a different style.
Six years later, I’m really glad we had that time apart; it let us both take some time to grow in separate spheres, prioritize our work lives, and to fight / learn to talk things through. Weird things can knock you down: bad phone service, a cancelled meeting, being too broke to travel. But visits are great, and it sets a good precedent for a relationship in the same place where you both want a lot of independence. tl;dr It sucks a lot of the time, but being on the other side is pretty good. Hope you can get through it.
Thank you! We try to skype once a week and text throughout the week, but it can feel so strange to be in different time zones
I met my husband on a 6 month trip abroad, and we proceeded to see other people for the 2+ years we were apart before he graduated and joined me here. Knowing he would get here eventually made things easier. I generally don’t think LDRs work if you were not together for long before the LDR started, or if there is no end date. If he had stayed and gone to grad school, I would not have waited for my husband because him coming here was the only thing that glued our feelings together into an actual relationship while it was happening.
I will also say that the first year of him being here was ROUGH. We were on such different pages that I don’t really understand how we stayed together during that time.
It was our third anniversary on Sunday! We live 300 miles apart, have done since we met and no prospect of that changing for at least another year. Like lassotabasco I also don’t really like having a boyfriend though, but I don’t think he really likes having a girlfriend either, but we both like each other, so it’s working fine at the minute. We’re both very independent and like our own space – even when/if he does move down here (his kid has to finish school first) we won’t live together, if only because he has a dog who likes chasing cats and I have cats.
I get irritated when he doesn’t reply to texts or answer his phone, but it is the only thing about him that irritates me so I can deal with it. I do think communication is important (which is why it irritates me) but really you just have to find what’s acceptable for *you*, which will probably be totally different to the rest of us.
The regional delicacy I’m most excited about right now is cherries! It’s almost cherry season! And I got my first local strawberries of the season yesterday and ate too too many.
My parents are coming to visit this weekend. Annnnd they’re meeting my boyfriend. I haven’t introduced my parents to a significant other since I lived under their roof (like over a decade ago) so this is WEIRD y’all. I’m worried they won’t like him. I’m obviously not super into getting their approval (at all) but they’re not subtle and he’ll take it hard. So yes, I’m a little anxious.
Eeek. Good luck. That’s such a stressful situation. I hope it all goes well.
Regional delicacies, New England Style: Fiddleheads. The season is pretty much over, but May and early June are fiddlehead extravaganzas.
Speaking of May and June. I’m so tired of this rainy, dreary spring in Boston. BRING THE HEAT. I have cute shorts and sandals to wear! I haven’t been able to put sweaters away! This is an abomination.
I have never understood the appeal of fiddleheads. Boston cream donuts, the TRUE Boston delicacy, you can pry from my cold dead hands.
Fiddleheads are my least favorite food. And now I want a donut.
YET ANOTHER REASON WHY WE’RE FRIENDS
Oh, man, I love fiddleheads! And it turns out I’m allergic to them, based on my highly scientific test where I keep eating them and then break out in weird hives and welts.
Wait, it’s not as dumb as it sounds! (Maybe it is.) I’d only had them a few times and I thought maybe, just maybe, the welts were unrelated. So I tried them again, for what is almost certainly the last time, at a family celebration a few weeks ago. Aaaaaand broke out itchy all over. Aaaaaand resisted taking the Benadryl I always carry with me because I didn’t want to get sleepy and miss the fun.
But! It led to one of the great moments in my auntly life: my 20-ish niece gave me a level look and said “You’re being a real Ilana Wexler about this.” [“Broad City” season finale spoilers in that link!]
And I laughed and laughed and laughed, and then I took the Benadryl. She unerringly said the single most persuasive thing in the world.
Behold, the donnoli:
http://www.zagat.com/b/philadelphia/donut-cannoli…
I want it.
It is available only in Philadelphia, where all of the finest saturated-fat-based delicacies are found.
As a Marylander I’m pretty disdainful of our regional delicacies because picking crabs is too much work and Smith Island Cake is bullshit (cake mix? puh-lease!). But I apply my Old Bay liberally and I love Maryland Crab Soup and soft shell crabs, so they’re probably not going to banish me just yet. But if I had to choose between such local delicacies and all the delicious ethnic food in my area it would be no fucking contest.
Old Bay is not actually a good thing, generally. FYI.
Whatever. All the other states are just jealous.
I’m very sorry to have to tell you that you are wrong.
Word on the Smith Island Cakes. Every time I try one, I keep thinking I’ll finally understand the hoopla, but no. It just tastes like cake. Cake I could get for 1/3 of the price.
Maryland does have CRAB CHIPS which are amazing. I buy at least two “family”-sized bags every trip.
like potato chips that are crab flavored?
http://instagram.com/p/nb086ZvqEQ/
The crabs bring the chips up from a chip mine at the bottom of the Chesapeake.
Chips with generic Old Bay
Old Bay is a delicacy particular to the region of my mouth. Old Bay on popcorn! Or Chex Mix. Oh man. Love that stuff.
Also, regional delicacies of Calgary… Beef? Stampede breakfasts? Bison, I suppose, and river fish. Alberta pork. Yak, although that’s more northerly. Sylvan Star Cheese!
Saskatoons! Or do you not get them that far south?
Sure do!
Rad. Also rad: Sylvan Star Cheese.
My grandma’s saskatoon + black currant pies always got labeled Sask+BC so we referred to them as province pie. That’s all I’ve got for regional delicacies that aren’t shared by the entire rest of the country, beyond your list.
Where are you at? Isn’t Sylvan Star the best???
E-town! And yes, yes it is. *drool*
I live in Pittsburgh, where the regional delicacy is putting french fries on things where french fries don’t belong.
I’m from the Pittsburgh area and was struggling to come up with a regional delicacy beyond putting fries on stuff. Pierogies? Heinz ketchup?
I will go to bat for Heinz ketchup. It’s hands-down the best culinary export from Pittsburgh.
I’m from south of Pittsburgh and I would def say Polish/Hungarian food of all sorts. Plus ramps (yes, foodies, ramps existed before you “discovered” them), but that’s more of a rural thing.
In San Diego they put french fries in burritos, and I do not object at all.
Oh I forgot about California Burritos! I concur, they are not a bad thing.
I approve of this delicacy.
I was going to say Primanti’s!
OH thought of another one: chip-chopped ham + ketchup masquerading as BBQ! Barf.
ummmm that shit is delicious tho
Primanti’s actually has decent fries, but on the sandwich that’s too much starch! I don’t get it.
The sweet tooth in me would like to say Nanaimo Bars, because yessssss, they are the delicious-est, and everyone should eat them.
I have run into a roadblock with the Cute Boy I’m seeing, in that we can no longer meet up at my place, and his place is unsuitable too because there’s always someone else there. So the summer months and the coming semester are going to have to involve the occasional hotel booking, and I don’t even know what else, and I’m getting a wee bit impatient about my eventual move so that I don’t have to worry about this stuff & can just have him over whenever I damn well feel like it.
But I did get to hang out with him for a bit this week and he still makes me smiley on the inside and we get to go camping together in August so things are not completely terrible.
The link about true names got me thinking I should ask you all about baby names! Do you have lists you wouldn’t mind sharing? Websites or books about baby names you like reading? My boy/girl twins are due soon, and my husband and I are still looking!
Too lazy to look up the link, but the US Social Security Administration has a list of most popular baby names by year. Many parents I know have used this list to avoid saddling their kid with the same name a third of their classmates will share. Looking at formerly popular names from long ago provides almost-unique-but-not-weird alternatives.
Here’s my mom’s list for potential kids: Fern, Eve, Pearl, Frances
Daughters only, apparently.
Favorites for boys: Ambrose, Floyd, Milo, Stanley, Walter
For girls: Anna, Eva, Lydia, Nora, Sylvia
Mallory and Nicole.
The and Toast.
And Nick for a boy, naturally. Or just ampersand, if going with the second choice.
Don’t forget Hyphen. It’s gender-neutral.
If you’re in the US, once you have some names you like, I really like http://nametrends.net/ for investigating the popularity of those names. It is just some nice scripts over the SSA data, but it does maps and stuff like that so you can see where names are popular and how they change over time.
Before our daughter was born we came up with a list of like 20 names for her and then went through nametrends and discovered that we were part of the generational zeitgeist in that like 90% of the names which naturally sounded great was one of the most popular girls names of the moment. So she did not end up being named Olivia. 🙂
Swistle! She answers questions and provides name suggestions for parents-to-be in a suuuuuuper thorough and thoughtful manner–her commenters are also kind and helpful.
Behind the name is one of my favourites if you just want to browse names, especially by country/nationality/etc.
But if we are to give out suggestions – Iris and Ines are on the top of my list, as are Annalise, Alina and Edie. And Oliver is possibly my favourite boy name ever.
Behind the Name has been one of my favorite sites since I was a dorky teen roleplayer. (I mean, it’s still one of my favorites as a dorky adult roleplayer.)
I love the name Oliver, but my husband won’t agree to it. It took us soooo long to find names we agree on.
The thing with Oliver, though, is that is verrrry popular right now in my country so if I were to have a son in the next few years, I couldn’t use it because I wouldn’t want him to be the third Oliver in his class. Which is a bummer since I have no back-up names, so it’s either fingers crossed for girls or to hope it will suddenly decline in its popularity.
I was on time to work three days in a row this week! But I broke both my no-crying-at-work and no-crying-in-public streaks yesterday. But the Lego movie is coming out on DVD next week and I have it on order! And I slept really well last night probably because I was wearing my Ronbledore shirt. So it could be better but it could be worse.
Oof, I’m sorry. Hang in there.
I had a good talk recently with my boss, who is amazing. I said something along the lines of “hahah I’d like to learn how to cry less at work!” And she noted that a) she’s cried at work, so no big, and b) it’s a pretty gendered thing, isn’t it? Dudes can get angry and shout but getting emotional scares everyone.
Not that I’m encouraging you to cry at work, but if you do, don’t worry.
I understand not wanting to cry at either place (esp at work), but I am pro-crying in public, because who cares. Sometimes you are just having a bad day and need to silently cry the whole walk/train ride home.
I’ve had a bit of a crazy week. My boyfriend and I both received amazing news for our careers, but the news will have unfortunate repercussions for our personal lives.
On the (massive, massive) upside, my boyfriend got into med school after two years of trying, and I got an amazing paid internship in DC doing exactly the sort of work I want to do when I finish grad school. Both of these developments are incredibly exciting, and I’m super proud of both of us for making such brilliant steps forward in our respective careers.
On the other hand, since he’ll be in Cleveland for at least the next four years and there are very, very few jobs in my field in that city, our current long distance is likely to stretch on for at least another four years. Also, the backcountry hiking trip my boyfriend and I had been planning for months can’t happen until next summer at the earliest. He’ll be in classes during our original dates, and I’ll be in DC until he starts classes, so we can’t reschedule.
We’re old hands at the long distance relationship thing (about 2/3 of our 4-year relationship has been long distance), but knowing that we’re likely to be living in different cities for several years is a huge bummer. I’d love to have some advice/commiseration/success stories from other long distance relationshippers.
That’s awesome news! I know you’re bummed, but knowing that a LTR will end at some point is the key, I think. Also, that distance isn’t too prohibitive. At the end of your internship, maybe you can look into those few Cleveland jobs. Just because there are few doesn’t mean the ones that exist aren’t good.
We are now no longer long distance (but who can tell the future) but were for a good couple of years. So I will commiserate, but also will say that you two can do this, you have been doing this, and you have been doing this well. The next couple of years will be hard but worth it. You two are pros.
Congratulations on your internship! I hear all the challenges ahead and I definitely commiserate, but it is awesome that you are going to get to do the work you want to do.
Hey, I’m in Cleveland! Congrats to your boyfriend on getting into med school (CCF/Lerner is no joke) and congrats to you on your internship!! What field is your internship in?
Regional delicacies: Cincinnati chili which I get to make tonight because my mom sent me a spice packet because she is kinder than I deserve, for I am ungrateful spawn.
Still waiting to hear news back on job thing, but I’m supposed to hear today? *stares into abyss of panic*
Look away from the abyss. Toasties got your back. All will be well.
I don’t know about “delicacy,” ain’t nothing delicate about it, but the chicken-fried steak is a regional specialty.
Yum, just yum. I haven’t had it in forever but I grew up with it. Yum.
Oh, gosh. Some colleagues were in Austin for a conference recently and tweeting about barbecue and tacos and Blue Bell ice cream and I just ’bout fell over, but what I really, really wanted myself was chicken fried steak. I mean, I could make it myself, but COME ON.
To be honest, I actually prefer chicken-fried chicken, myself. But yes, either way I think a key part of the experience is that someone else makes it for you and you don’t have to spend all day, like, making gravy and hitting a steak with a hammer.
House update!!! We’ve released our contingencies and will be closing next week!!! My nerves are finally starting to calm down and barring any huge unforeseen complications in the next week, bam, HOUSE MOTHALOVAS. I’m pumped.
We’re going to tear down the current shoddy patio overhand and I’m going to build a pergola with my own two hands and I couldn’t be more excited.
That is so exciting! Congrats! Many fingers crossed that the closing goes as planned!
that sounds brilliant! Post pics of your pergola!
Regional delicacies here include pulled pork sandwiches, half-smokes (a kind of spicy hot dog), blue crab, soft shell crabs, crab cakes, Virginia peaches, and Hanover tomatoes.
Now I have a craving for a pulled pork sandwich.
So: Men.
If you are even the slightest bit prone to reading magazines or books on the ‘luring in & keeping of dudes’, the strongest messages seems to be, time and time again, to never ever ever be needy, desparate, clingy or hasty. And then (if you’re like me) you try to act accordingly, no matter how difficult it might be and how contrary to your actual emotions it sometimes is.
Aaaaaanyway. Not once in this construction has it ever even crossed your mind that there are mén out there who might act needyclingydesparatehasty. It’s somehow implied that men simply don’t do that, easily scared woodland creatures that they are…
But…I met one. And OMG it was scary, and weird. Like having your dreams come true, but it feels all wrong. Wanting us to be in a relationship straight away, being vaguely clingy, giving me a list of ‘how to be his girlfriend’ on our first date (which was fáscinating by the way, I totally took mental notes)…
But in the end his apparently búrning desire to be in a relationship STAT made me turn him down (with great sadness, for he was so shiny, and everything that I ever dreamt of ON PAPER), because it felt downright awful to be near his neeed, his desire, his desparation.
Has any of you ever experienced this? I’d like to swap stories & lessons & bafflement, and would also love to know what became of your needyhasty man.
I don’t have quite the experience you do, but I remember the first date with my ex being very awkward. We went with different expectations. I was thinking that we could go on a couple dates to get to know each other better and see how we gelled. He wanted to know right after that date if we “officially dating.” I was really taken aback by that and basically said, “Sure, why not?”
And that mistake lasted 4.5 years.
I had basically the same conversation with one ex, except that we weren’t even on a date.
As for what became of him, we broke up after six months. He almost never listened to anything I said, on any topic, but for some reason I didn’t really realize that at the time.
Yeah, wanting to be in a relationship instantly is a red flag whoever does it. He couldn’t know you that well on a first date [assuming there wasn’t prior friendship], so it seems like he wants the idea of a relationship and not the person.
More importantly! What was on his “how to be his girlfriend” list?
Yes, yes, tell us about the list!!
The List (da-da-dun)
Him: “I like your long finters, and your nails, though when you’re my gf you’d have to put nailpolish on them every now and again”
Me: (on the inside: WTF you antifeminist douche/hmmmm this is intiguing)
Me: Ooh, what colour?
Him: oranje, or black
Me: (wanting to MILK this) Any more ‘requirements’
Him: ooh no no, not requirements (backtrack, backtrack), but you know, I like that kind of thing.
Me: no, come on, I’m curious now.
Him: Well, if I see something nice in a clothes shop, I would like it if you let me sometimes buy it for you. (Me-brain: NO!/YES! free stuff, clothes)
Him: And you have to let me open a jar or something like that at least twice a month, even if you can actually do it yoursel, it makes me feel manly (Me-brain: ok, I can do that)
Him: And you when I do something good, you have to tell me at least 6 times and praise me a lot.
Me: Well, I love giving compliments, I’m sure I can manage
Him: and please don’t constantly tell me what I’m bad at, I do that in my head enough already, of course, when there’s a real issue we can totally talk about it (Me-brain: seems reasonable)
And now for the kicker 😉
Him: And when you go grocery shopping please always buy beer and applesauce.
And yes, he was clearly looking for ‘female to fulfill anti-loneliness, cuddle- and comfort function’, please apply within, start asap.
BEER AND APPLESAUCE.
Right? It’s like he’s part needy insecure adult man, part five year old.
WHAT
THE
FUCK
“And you have to let me open a jar or something like that at least twice a month, even if you can actually do it yoursel, it makes me feel manly (Me-brain: ok, I can do that) ”
D:
Definitely silly, but not so bad, particularly if it’s presented at “Let me do you this favor occasionally because it makes me feel good” (e.g., “let me cook dinner for you once a week”) and not “pretend you are incapable of doing this sometimes.” Not clear to me which he wanted.
I asked him, and he was totally OK with it being fake. Well, at least he knew himself 😉
I feel okay laughing, laughing, laughing at this because I too was once young and totally not ready to be in a relationship with a real person.
Hopefully he gets there someday. I’m glad you got out, though – and seem to have embraced the silver lining! 🙂
Would you actually die of laughter if I told you he was 42….?
Oh NO! D:
I’m currently dying of horrified laughter. Because I’m 43.
YIKES.
AT LEAST 6 TIMES
Thank you for sharing this with us.
That was my favorite part too!! Is he a puppy or something that you have to coo over him every time he doesn’t pee on the carpet?
Asked me to marry him on the second date. I was too shocked to stifle a burst of laughter and apologized, then talked him down. Eventually got him to understand he could never see me again unless he accepted that he and I would *never* get serious. (I had gained enough knowledge of him on the first date to know this.) We did have a few more dates and had fun.
A mutual friend had introduced us and called me after that premature proposal. Mutual Friend said “Buddy” had last dated a person who had never left the county she was born in and he was head-over-heels at meeting me just because I had a larger geographic experience and seemed so brave by comparison. Mutual had talked Buddy down, too. If I hadn’t had Mutual in the mix, I would have avoided Buddy out of fear. What else does he assume he can know about me though we just met? Mutual cared about both of us and worked with me to keep Buddy grounded.
I can really relate to a dude projecting stuff onto you like being more worldly than him. Because I’ve had a nomadic life and have rarely lived anywhere longer than 5 years, I am more than willing to risk a lot give a brand new place a try. My ex thought he was like that too, until he actually had to do move to a brand new place without any friends or social network. It ended up killing our relationship.
I assume it was his arrogance or immaturity that killed the relationship. It’s f-ing hard work to build a life in a new place. He was not your equal, not worthy of you.
Aw, thanks!
You’re right, it was more than just moving to a new place and I hope we find partners worthy of us. Unless you are already partnered with a worthy one, then yay!
I have a friend like that, and I keep telling him he’s going to have to cool it. Not just because it drives people away, but rather because fundamentally, I think that kind of behavior is disrespectful to the person you’re out with, or at least it is in his case. It’s perfectly normal to be lonely and want affection and to value all the stability that a good relationship can give you emotionally. It’s another to have a plan for your life with a hole in it marked “Partner Goes Here.” He’s needy and pushes at the beginning of a relationship because he’s anxious about “having a girlfriend” because it’s something (note: thing) that he thinks he needs. He’s not out to meet interesting human beings who he might like on a personal level, as a friend. That kind of a relationship with a symbol instead of a person is never going to last.
YES YES YES.
It is using other people to meet your needs. Which is a terrible thing to do, even though much of society totally expects everyone to do it and looks at people funny when they do not.
Yes! I find this so often in the guys I meet online. We chat, exchange numbers, and sometimes before we even meet, I am overwhelmed with messages. ‘Good morning. How are you ? What are you up to? How was lunch? What are you doing tonight? Tell me your innermost thoughts over text.’ Sometimes I wonder if they think that’s what women want.
I chatted with a guy for four days and was originally happy to meet him but he sent so many texts I was afraid he wasn’t just desperately needy but might actually be a controlling abusive jerk.
Oof, clinginess. I know it’s a thing that I have trouble with, but it’s something that I’m actively working on! And I would never ever give a dude a list about how to be my boyfriend, that is INSANE
I find the list “problematic” . A relationship is not something you can order off the menu at a restaurant.
Oh yes. And it ended terribly. At the time, I was very much charmed because his attention/eagerness was so flattering (he was more chill than your dude). But, in the end, he wanted to so badly to be liked by everyone in his life that the second I showed a sign of being unhappy with him, he morphed into a total asshole.
Oh yes, many times, and because some of us were much the same it has led to many terrible co-dependent relationships in which we live in each other’s pockets and have no life or interests outside of the other person and then it fell apart horribly.
A few years back we began to have the Great Sea Change into being self-sufficient people who actually treat others like human beings rather than vending machines, and many of the needyhasty people in our lives (men and women both) retreated in dismay and horror. It has led to much, much painful change between us and our partner, who was happily codependent with us, but it has been life-saving.
And yes, gosh, now that we are getting over it, it feels AWFUL being next to someone’s desperation like that, kind of like being near a black hole. I am really glad you turned him down, I hope you find someone who is just that shiny but actually able to stand on their own feet.
being self-sufficient people who actually treat others like human beings rather than vending machines
Yes, this. Well said.
I also want to note that there is a HUGE difference between really wanting to be in a relationship (not a bad thing) and having terrible boundaries!
Also Nicole, where is the date bar recipe?
Yes, give us all your mysterious Canadian secret sorcery recipes.
Agreed. I want to try this! Date bars sound amazing.
Now see, date bars are a delicacy which I associate with Manitoba rather than Ontario. Date bars and matrimonial cake.
Now Lemon Slice? That’s Ontario.
may I ask a fitness question?
I recently moved and joined a gym close by my house for various reasons (good hours, corporate discount etc etc). They had one of those intro personal training packages that I decided to treat myself to, and it has largely been a great experience. However, a few days ago, my trainer did the thing I guess they are meant to do and attempted to sell me more sessions, in the realm of 6 to 7K for about 100 sessions. I had to decline as I cannot afford this even remotely, but I was just wondering – are these the usual rates for larger gyms? Google tells me yes, but I was wondering what other people’s experience with personal training has been like.
I’ve always been too scared to ask.
I bet it depends on where you are, but yeah, that’s totally normal where I am, although there doesn’t seem to be much discount for buying so much at at time.
hah, the discount was “you don’t have to pay 25% interest on financing”. Something at least!
Depending where you live, that’s probably within the range. I’m in suburban MD and had a trainer for while. I didn’t have to sign up for that many sessions, I signed up for 6 sessions at a time and paid monthly, but it was $55/session. If you’re really interested in a personal trainer, see if they do group sessions. That’s an option at my gym. It’s typically 2-3 other people training with you and in my case, then the cost is $35/session.
oh, I never even thought about that, that’s a great suggestion, thanks!
I actually prefer small-group training to personal training. It can be intense to have one person focused on you the whole time! I like the camaraderie of working out with a few other people.
I would never in a million years sign up for 100 sessions at once. That’s outrageous. I guess I’m spoiled by my local trainer who works at a locally-owned gym. I pay him for ~3 months of sessions at a time, sometimes less depending on if I’ve had other financial stuff come up. One hundred sessions, man. That’s, A LOT of sessions, even if you’re seeing a trainer three times a week (which I think is a little outrageous). I see mine once a week and the other days of the week I do the stuff he prescribes. Unless you’re in competition training, I’m not sure why you’d need to see a trainer that often…
Committing to that many sessions all at once seem like a bit of a ridiculous proposition at the time, which seemed to be skirted around every time I brought it up. This also contributed to my lack of excitement for the whole plan
Anyone who skirts around an issue after a direct query doesn’t deserve your money or your time. End of story.
well said
In other news, I went on a rebound date with a guy who works the night shift. It was kind of fantastic, because I was home by 11 (he had to be at work at 10pm). I don’t think I want to pursue anything romantic with him, but it could be a FANTASTIC hookup situation. On weeknights, I get to bed at a decent time. On weekend nights, I can go meet up with friends after!
That sounds lovely! Also, I am imagining him as the perfect hookup guy – attractive, polite, able to hold a conversation, respects boundaries, nice but not too nice and is awesome at hooking up.
(Not that I have much dating experience, but the late nights were THE WORST. Sleep is important dammit!)
Kansas regional delicacies…uhm, wheat?
The spring harvest of which has been really bad, unfortunately. Rain came too late. (N.B. I know not whereof I speak, really, being from the state’s largest city. My husband has far more experience with rural Kansas than I, since he’s a rural mail carrier. Did you know they have to drive their own cars, and don’t get to wear uniforms?)
Oh. Hey. Fellow Kansan commiseration fistbump.
Hey!! Awesome. Do you have to constantly explain that you don’t live on a farm? I’ve got a spiel about Wichita where I say it’s got “ethnic grocery stores and gay people and EVERYTHING.” I love it here, actually–big enough to be interesting, small enough to be affordable.
I’m in Lawrence, but grew up near Wichita. I don’t explain anything to anyone about how great it is here because honestly I don’t want my little college town to get any bigger. Also, I would like to shoot in the face anyone who makes Oz jokes.
I lived in Brooklyn for a while, and I allowed everyone ONE “not in Kansas anymore” joke before setting them on fire.
You’re a better person than I am.
BBQ? Kansas has some pretty good bbq.
YES IT DOES.
Doesn’t make up for the crap politics and social conservatism, though.
Sad but oh so very true!
barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue. barbecue.
I miss good barbecue.
I helped a NorCal hippie deliver mail once. No uniforms, and he was chastised by the postal clerk who helped with his orientation for losing mail under his car seat and leaving the back hatch of the car open (while driving. With the mail back there). Sorry if you didn’t get your magazines that week.
YIKES. My husband’s far more conscientious.
Regional delicacy: Lobster.
I think I’ve decided what to do for my birthday this year, and “what to do” = lobster rolls.
I said “rolls,” plural.
I lived in Maine ’til I was seven, spent every summer at my grandparents’ home here, moved back in 2000, and in all those years, I’ve never had a lobster roll. My father was appalled to learn that and promised to make a project of it; sadly, he died before we had a chance to undertake The Great Lobster Roll Project. This summer, I’m going to try some of the local lobster-roll legends and see which I like best.
Report back! I honeymooned in Maine and Lobster Rolls were consumed almost daily.
Please, please report back! I once had a lobster roll so good, I cried. (I might have been drunk).
Lobster rolls are the BEST. I think we ate them two meals a day when we were in Maine.For breakfast we had blueberry pancakes, as a break from the lobster
YOU GUUUUYYYYYSSSSSSS i am leaving for a 2 week gallivant around europe in exactly a week and all i can do is ASFJKL:SLADJASH!!!!!!
my wonderful man and i are spending a week in dublin, then hop/skip/jumping over to italy to whirlwind through cinque terre, venice, florence and rome!
SUGGESTIONS ARE MOST WELCOME ALL I CAN DO IS EXPRESS EMOTIONS IN CAPS RIGHT NOOOOOW.
i’m so excited, i’m even willing to not violently throttle the off-duty goodlife trainer that (ass)umed the only reason i’d be using the squat rack is because “as a girl, you’re probably worried about toning your butt.”
(no, but seriously. i very nearly clobbered him with the 135lbs i was pressing. because murder by misandry is a great band name and legal defence!)
“as a girl, you’re probably worried about toning your butt.”
KILL HIM.
Also, a 135 press? *iz mega impressed*
SUCH MURDER.
(i can only assume his testicles are the size of raisins.)
and thank yooooooouuuuu 🙂
… i’m actually super proud of myself! i’ve surpassed my body weight, so the next goal is out-squatting my man!
because lifting heavy things so as to be able to lift heavier things later on is The Dream.
There is an amazing Sicilian place in Vernazza. I googled that phrase and found it – Il Pirata Della Cinque Terre. GO THERE. EAT. That is all. The Cinque Terre is awesome, I just hope it cools down for you a bit! Have an awesome time.
OOOOOH.
that place looks delicious! also: right around the corner from our hotel.
BAM!
#winnnnning
thanks so SO much!
have so much fun! no suggestions other than to tell you that the hikes between the cinque terre towns are soo beautiful, and that you should go to all the pubs in dublin and eat alll the gelato. (I think I had gelato twice a day while backpacking Italy) If you have some extra time in Ireland, galway, cliffs of moher & aran islands are worth visiting and only 3ish hours away from dublin by bus!
Get out into the rest of Ireland! It’s a small country so day trips are pretty easy if you want to keep a home base but he countryside and coast are lovely.
If you are a museum-y person pick the museums you most want to see in Italy and line up outside their doors before they are open. You’ll spend less time waiting in line than if you come later in the day, the lines get out of control quickly.
Eat all the food!!!!!
SO MANY MUSEUMS! … we’re totally doing the romapass for rome, just to make sure we get the biggest bang for our cheap-but-thoroughly-enthusiastic-buck.
i also fully plan on eating my weight in gelato/pasta/guinness and rolling onto the airplane home.
Seconded! I took a bus trip from Dublin to Galway, and it was 1)inexpensive, 2)only a day trip, so I didn’t have to bring all my things, 3)lovely and beautiful and perfect.
Enjoy Europe!!!
Ohhh, have fun!! some Italy suggestions:
Florence: Trattoria Mario for lunch, near the Mercato Centrale (which you should also visit!). it’s tiny, you’ll probably share a table, the menu is scribbled on a piece of paper on the wall, and I had one of the best meals I ate in Italy there. Just simple, homestyle food. Gusta Pizza has cheap and tasty pizza. (I also found it was very easy to get burned out on art museums, so… pace yourself, if you plan on going to a lot of them?)
Venice: definitely visiting Burano and Torcello if you want to get away from the crowds, they were lovely. I wasn’t blown away by Murano (no pun intended), but that might just be me.
Cinque Terre is just beautiful and stunning and ahhhh. Go for all the hikes, eat ALL the gelato. Had some especially tasty gelato in… Vernazza? I think? but gelato is tasty whenever you go, so. 🙂
Dublin suggestions!
National Museum, Kildare Street: so much ancient gold! Then across the courtyard is the gorgeous library. Use the restroom there (seriously, it’s a work of art) and go to the cafe.
Take the DART to Howth Head–closer than Galway, but excellent.
If you like that sort of thing, the National Museum of Decorative Arts at Collins Barracks is great.
Kilmainham Gaol has a good tour (or did ten years ago…)
The Irish Film Institute shows good films, but they also have a terrific bar and cafe, a nice and very modern-Irish break from pubs etc.
I’ll be in Dublin on Monday! Well, in the suburb where my mother-in-law lives. We go every summer, so I’ve done ALL THE THINGS and been to ALL THE PLACES. Tell me what you & the wonderful man enjoy & I’ll throw some ideas at you. This year we’re day-tripping to Kilkenny, Powerscourt (in Wicklow), not sure where else. Lots of Dublin time, too.
goddamn i love me some toastie suggestions!
we’re pretty excited to check out some of the medieval history sites, and are planning a day trip excursion to kilkenny, toooooo!
(plus the guinness + jameson distilleries because of reasons.)
BIZARRELY SPECIFIC QUERY: any thoughts on good comedy clubs? i’ve heard ‘the comedy crunch’ gives out free ice cream … so, this has become an obvious focal point.
Friends are getting married tomorrow in a church which is 3 blocks from my house and perhaps the prettiest building in all Chicago. Sorry, all other weddings, you have lost in the battle to most carefully meet my needs.
Oooh, where in Chicago?
St. Paul’s on Hoyne!
I’ve been asked to bring Chex Mix to a bridal shower next week. While Chex Mix is delicious I can’t bring myself to make it for a group of woman who are all dressed up and celebrating one of my best friends and her impending nuptials. Does anyone have a recipe for a fancier snack mix or something I can take that hits the same salty/crunchy notes but it a little fancier??
Oh, you can just replace the Chex with other crunchy things like pretzel sticks and bagel chips. Also I recommend increasing the butter (making this the second time in one thread I have made that recommendation).
What, no! The Chex pieces are the best part of any Chex mix!
If they want Chex mix specifically, maybe fancy it up with an herb? I’d go for rosemary. Here’s a recipe for Rosemary-Parmesan Chex Mix and here’s one for Lemon Rosemary Chex Mix. You could fancy it up more by using nicer nuts– almonds, macadamia nuts and/or pistachios are my favorites.
My mom makes this cranberry orange chex mix every year at Christmas, and it’s a huge hit. Plus, no dust on your fingers.
Could you fancy up the Chex mix by adding or replacing some ingredients? Sesame sticks, nori sticks, arare crackers, smoked almonds, pecans, cashews, macadamia nuts — any of those would make it feel a little bit special.
So would serving it in fancy little cups — look in the party section or the bridal section of a paper-goods store, craft store, or dollar store for fancy candy cups or small drinking cups or even goody bags/boxes — instead of in a honkin’ great bowl with everyone shoveling their delicious greasy paws in again and again.
You’re the best judge of whether Chex mix is necessary or if a genteel imposter can take its place; I am a little too fond of Chex mix to recommend anything else.
You could make some delicious herbed/spiced nuts, which seem a bit fancier.
ETA: I wouldn’t be able to bring chex mix either, which I hope doesn’t mean I’m a snob.
ETA again: someone I know recently made a “popcorn trio” for a baby shower with caramel-nut corn, sesame corn (which was delish) and maybe parmesan-rosemary corn? It seemed lovely and a bit dressier.
These are super great and helpful suggestions. I love the idea of swapping ingredients, it will be done.
Thank you The Toast and Toasties for:
(A) Nicole’s past words of encouragement for a children’s book I had written and finally submitted three days ago to a New York literary agent (don’t have a chance in Hell but I figure start at the top and work my way down!)
(B) Your good advice and encouraging words! Weeks ago I posted about my nervousness with a wee horse that has confidence issues and going on a group ride with him. Well, I took those commenters to heart and last Saturday we went on a small group ride in a strange and unfamiliar area and Red did great! Considering his complete lack of exposure to being trailered, crossing weird trestle bridges, being tied to trees (he stood quietly and patiently while we ate our lunch) and bicyclists (only melted down with the woman who got off her bike and stood staring at him; tried to bolt but I got him in time), I’m still shaking my head over our good fortune.
Long live The Toast; long may she reign/rein!
Congratulations on submitting your book! Yes, start at the top!
Hurrah for Red and you!
Can’t think of much for DC beyond half-smokes and mumbo sauce. Jumbo slice, maybe? Or is that more of a general college/drunk food thing?
If you want to get simultaneously global and hyperlocal, pupusas. Would anyone local be interested in a pupusa crawl up Mount Pleasant Street? I can think of at least 6 places that serve them off the top of my head, and I really want to try them all before we move in August.
My wife grew up in Mt. Pleasant, largely on pupusas! We have a pupuseria in our neighborhood now and she is so happy. The cook at the pupuseria wears an FMLN beret.
So yeah, get ’em all!
Ben’s Chilli Bowl?
Yes, would be up for papusa crawl.
You should send out an email to the DC Toast group. I’m sure a lot of people would be up for that.
I’m from the land of seafood and lavender. Our main seafood is Dungeness Crab and one of the delicacies is lavender lemon ice cream which is delightful as a milkshake. We have festivals for both seafood and lavender and you should definitely come.
I know where you are! I used to be on an island in Kitsap (you know the one) and now am down outside Tacoma. I’ve never been to the festivals though.
It’s next month, starts the 18th and there’s a free farm tour and fair and a paid farm tour ($15 and a passport to like 5 different farms). There was a split in the group because some farms wanted to charge and have their own little parties. You should consider coming; it’s great fun.
I want to go to a lavender festival stat.
Lavender honey ice cream is sooooo good.
I hope everyone has been falling Modern Farmer’s farm dog week on twitter? Hosted by friend of Toast, @darth. They’ve basically been posting photos and stories of farm dogs all week long on twitter.com/modfarm. It’s sooo great.
I am DEVOURING this. Perfect amazing wonderful and perfect. Thanks for the tip!
Regional “delicacies”: RI clam chowder, which I don’t think people from RI even eat, NY System Hot Wieners, which are inexplicably named for another state, Del’s Lemonade, and coffee milk.
We also have delicious Portuguese food and Awful Awfuls.
What’s up, fellow Rhode Islander! As you know, if you eat meat, NY System Hot Weiners are pretty good-tasting but you will smell like them for the next 20 months.
Ha yes. Only eat one, or maybe one and a half. You will want to eat at least two, but do not. You will regret it. Especially if it’s 1 AM and you have been drinking.
Other lovely people have covered the delight of Maryland cuisine- mmm, crabs and Old Bay everywhere- so I’ll just throw in a pitch for Berger’s cookies, which are a Baltimore classic. They’re a soft vanilla wafer absolutely covered with fudge. Imagine a black and white cookie where the black part has mutated and sprawled out over the entire cookie like a delicious beanbag chair.
ETA: Also, because I haven’t seen this discussed elsewhere: Crab pretzels. Oh my god, crab pretzels. A big doughy soft pretzel with crab dip generously spread on top, with cheese melted onto that. The pinnacle of succulence.
Big news this week (WARNING: slightly gross, possibly TMI content ahead) is that I’m thinking of starting fiber supplements to help out my chronically cranky intestines. Unfortunately, one of my very necessary medications tends to do a number on the whole lower tract. I’ve been able to manage it mostly through diet, but things have gotten worse since an appendectomy earlier this year; I’ve had to miss work twice since April due to intestinal distress. So. Fingers crossed this has a relatively easy fix.
Solidarity! The sad fact of my life is that if I eat healthy and exercise I completely stop pooping. And when I say “healthy,” I mean I am eating plenty of healthy fats and dried fruits and veggies, so what the fuck, body?
Yesterday I had coffee, prunes, (lol at the more expensive bags labeled “dried plums” next to the prunes), salad with ranch dressing, dried cranberries, and more prunes. And lots of water. And nothing. I’m praying that I don’t need to use nuclear intervention, aka Milk of Magnesia.
What the eff, body! C’mon! I tend to have the opposite problem; like I said, I try to control it with diet, but there’s only so much yogurt and applesauce and white rice a girl can eat. I’d like to be able to eat salads with dressing and the occasional container of french fries without feeling like I’m lighting a fuse.
Try nixing the prunes. All dried fruit, especially prunes, are inflammatory and can make your intestines unhappy if they’re already prone to inflammation. Try adding in cooked greens–lots of ’em. Sauteed kale is best, IMO. If you don’t have dairy issues, yogurt and kefir (anything with happy probiotics) can also help with the pooping.
Oh, gosh. Um. Fiber supplements. Um. Be careful? I’ve heard horror stories about fiber supplements. They can cause serious gut inflammation. It could be that you picked up some bad bacteria during or post surgery, and supplementing with fiber (especially ones that contain psyllium or other grains) could just make things worse.
Thanks for the heads-up. I’m talking to my doctor before I go on anything new in any case, just to be safe- I’ve got some complicating factors so I try to give him advance warning before I make any changes.
It’s been my experience that general practitioners don’t know beans (heh) about nutrition and functional gut health, so don’t be surprised if he pushes Metamucil at you. My beloved spent a decade eating high-fiber bread and downing a glass of Metamucil every day to regulate his bowels. Once I finally got him to ditch the bread and start eating more greens (and fermented dairy), his issues cleared up completely.
Good luck. I know that navigating nutritional issues in today’s social and medical world is a nightmare.
I’m mostly checking to see that it won’t affect my kidney transplant or any of the related immunosuppressant meds (which is why I’m asking my nephrologist). I would prefer to regulate through your dietary suggestions, but as I said daily yogurt is not cutting it, and greens only make things worse. I’d be happy with Metamucil as long as it (a) works and (b) doesn’t interfere with my transplant. Thanks for your well-wishes- glad to hear your husband found something that works for him!
OMG YOU POOR THING.
I hope the supplementation helps! My stomach freaks out at both ends of the activity spectrum if I am happy, sad, awake, you name it. I can sometimes bracket this into reasonable stability by eating pretzels by day and taking Yakult (or, more affordably, “Sabor Cool”) probiotics at night. My dad was on dialysis for a few years and white flour + probiotics were a go for him, but definitely keep it friendly for *your* kidney. Those things are fussy as hell.
STOMACHS. WHY ARE YOU COMPLICATED. Thanks for the kind words! If this doesn’t settle things, I may look into some probiotics or prebiotics to supplement my regular yogurt. Morning oatmeal seems to keep the tum-tum steadier too. Hope your dad’s doing well, and hope your stomach settles down a little for you!
Thank you everyone last week who helped me through my Relationship Big Talk! (it went kinda poorly, by the way, and hurtful but true things were said… but I got through it!)
Today’s my last day of work at a super underpaid temp gig, and I’m moving to DC on Monday! I’m playing Viola in a production of Twelfth Night, and I know it shouldn’t be so exciting, but it makes me feel like my career is Going Somewhere.
AND I’ve decided that I have no moral qualms with going out with a guy tonight. My longlonglongterm boyfriend and I are on an indefinite break (his idea!) but, as this was a super recent thing, we’re still living together and generally acting coupley (which is weird as hell and had a lot to do with our Big Talk). And he wouldn’t be happy with me going out with anyone, but it’s not a serious thing, and anyhow if he doesn’t want me to do that he shouldn’t have fucking broken up with me.
(also maybe TMI warning: thank god for menstruation, because now I am absolutely positive I won’t fuck this guy tonight, which, while it would be enjoyable, might make my personal life messier than it needs to be)
also! I wrote a cute little poem on the train yesterday! I am feeling happy, despite the grey (and i am getting 0% work done whoops)
Twelfth Night is great, that should absolutely be so exciting.
And, yes, when someone breaks up with you you are then allowed to go on dates with other people, have sex with other people, and do whatever you damn well please. You are fully justified in laughing at him if he tries to guilt you about it. Have fun on your date!
Yes! Laughter is so often the best response to the boundary-challenged.
Thank you for that! I’ve been going back and forth on whether or not I should feel guilty — but really, fuck feeling guilty. I’m not about to go marry someone else. It’s just drinks.
Congratulations for getting through the talk! I’m sorry it didn’t go well, but glad stuff got said, and that you’re going out tonight qualm-free!
Playing Viola is AWESOME. I do not think there is a too excited about it that you could be.
Which production of Twelfth Night? I’m going to be in DC for a while, and I’d love to check it out!
Congrats on getting through the talk!
I remember living with my ex after we broke up, and in retrospect it was AWFUL, although we both thought it was a good idea at the time. We were in a very different situation than you are, it sounds like (like, actually broken up, although we kept doing things like have sex and hanging out).
But, after my experience, I would encourage you to get a break if you can, even if it’s just staying at a friend’s place for a night or two. Space can be SOOOO good.
Halfmoon cookies and chicken riggies. And Saranac (including Saranac sodas). But you can get Saranac anywhere. I only go home once a year, generally speaking, but I do miss Halfmoons.
I can’t think of any DC regional delicacies (I can think of great restaurants). My joke is that in MD they will put Old Bay on anything if they think they can get away with it.
Mmmm. Chicken riggies. I haven’t had that in years. I used to have an Aunt and Uncle that lived in Rome. I still have to go to Utica for work occasionally. I should take some home with me the next time I have a meeting there.
OMG, y’all. My husband and I just put in an offer on a house, and it was accepted! We’ve had the inspection, and I’m going to lock in a mortgage rate today. We’d already been pre-approved, but I know we still have a ton of paperwork ahead of us, and I’m not looking forward to it.
This is all great, but I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing! And I wish my realtor was more responsive.
Our realtor is almost too responsive, in that he feels compelled to respond to things before he actually investigates what it is we’re asking, and then kinda assumes he answered it. So I feel ya, from the other side.
But, fret not! We have just about finished with all our paperwork and while there have been plenty of headaches, it’s a kind of orderly chaos. The looming deadlines force things to march ahead, and force decisions to get made. It’s stressful as all get-out, but somehow things progress.
Good luck!
Oof! Thanks! This definitely counts as the most grown-up thing I have every done, mainly because we have to keep making so many money-based decisions! It can definitely be overwhelming.
Good luck through the rest of your process!!
Food allergy sufferers: Is it worth it to get tested when you already pretty much know the answer?
I’ve been doing my own experimentation over the past several weeks and have determined that I’m mildly lactose intolerant and that the source of my occasional bouts of hives is wheat. Should I go get this confirmed? I’m leaning towards yes, because although abstaining from both has made me much happier (no cramps/bloating after lunch! no doping up with benedryl to get through the day without scratching my face off!) there’s always the chance it could be something else that I usually eat along with them or something. What say you?
YES IT IS WORTH IT.
I highly suspected that I was allergic to wheat and dairy, but got tested anyway. Found out that yeah, I was allergic to both, but I’m allergic to casein, not lactose (big difference), and also I’m allergic to about a dozen other things that I never suspected.
Tip: Don’t just get tested for those two things. Bite the bullet and have a full allergen panel run for both IGa and IGg allergens. No point in doing this half-assed.
Ooooh I had not considered that. I was busy thinking “maybe I’m only allergic to [other thing not as common] after all!” and not “maybe I’m really allergic to [even more common thing]. I’ve never had any food allergies before so it’s all a little weird and scary, but I can see how just knowing would be better than suspecting even if I’m completely right.
Also be aware that if you haven’t eaten the offending food for a while it won’t show up on your panel. Example, if I got tested for wheat allergy right now it would show up negative because I don’t have any of those antigens in my blood anymore. It sucks, but have some toast and milk (or whatever) regularly in the days before your test so it comes out as accurate as possible.
My current region’s delicacy: POUTINE. 😀
yeaaaaaaaaah, poutine forever!
Now I want some!
NOM NOM NOM!
mmm yes. I miss that squeaky cheese.
Give me your stories of stifling your rage at your delightful partner’s horrifically annoying traits. My betrothed does this thing where he wiggles his feet in bed violently but he does it in his sleep so being mad at him is either (1) pointless, because his slumber prevents him from seeing my wrath, or (2) if he’s awake, it’s like smacking a puppy for something it didn’t even know it did. Yet here I am, running on very little sleep and with a crick in my neck from huffing to the couch at 4:00 am.
He snores, which is bad enough, but worst is what he does before he snores. He clicks on the outbreath and I want to kill him.
Also, it has taken me ten years to get him to cut his toenails (which he does with a craftknife) in the bathroom, not the living room. It is a testament to how great he is that I consider that minor.
OMG SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS ABOUT THIS.
I CLICK ON THE OUTBREATH.
I don’t do it often, and when I do only I can hear it and it drives me fucking nuts. I can’t sleep when I’m doing it. And no one has ever understood me when I try to explain. Do you have any tips for stopping?
Alas, no. He finds that sleeping on his front reduces it, and that sometimes an over-the-counter anti-snoring spray can prevent it, but no real idea how to make it go away for good.
Oh well, it was worth a try.
(I am still sooo excited that someone else knows about it. I will be excited for a while methinks)
ugh, toenails. Man toenails. The worst. Craftknife imagery is making me shudder.
EXTREMELY LOUD BURPING. Like, listen, I know it’s a natural phenomenon and you can’t necessarily prevent yourself from burping, but YOU COULD CLOSE YOUR MOUTH PARTWAY, LIKE THE REST OF US WHO ARE NOT BARNEY FROM THE SIMPSONS DO.
Separate beds.
Yeah, people look at you like your relationship is going to fall apart because you don’t sleep together but I’m telling you, my beloved and I started sleeping in different bedrooms last year and our relationship is SO MUCH BETTER NOW. If you don’t have a spare bedroom, at least try separate beds.
Good luck.
My mattress is old and crappy, and my bedfellow needed to sleep in the spare bed after hurting his back. That was months and months ago, his back long healed, and we never really talked about it but I think this is turning into a permanent thing. It’s… it’s kind of awesome. No snoring issues on either side, choice of curtains open or closed, fan on or off, whatever music you want or don’t want. And I don’t have to feel guilty when my alarm goes off.
It’s funny how much judgment there is for couples who don’t sleep together! I have would crawled to our spare bed last night (or made him get in it) but we had a dumb guest in it. I think it makes perfect sense if your partner is lovely in the daylight but their sleep hygiene makes you murdersome.
My husband slept in our guest bed a lot while I was pregnant and snoring, and it also means that I can stay up a little longer and read without bugging him with my book light, so… separate beds is not the worst.
Semi-boyfriend (we’re on a break): he thinks it’s totally acceptable to brush his teeth only once a day. …no! Not if he’s planning on kissing me goodnight!
(sorry if I have offended any once-a-day-brushers — I’m a bit obsessive about teeth-brushing and usually brush my teeth 4 or 5 times a day)
Do not undermine your annoyance about gross things! It is not a pet peeve or personal obsession if civilized society has generally agreed upon a personal hygiene standard or declared a particular habit gross. And if the accepted standard is twice per day, he is being gross. Stay on that break!
This might be a parasomnia! Our partner has it too. Your betrothed might want to go do a sleep study as life/time permits to see if it’s actually impacting the quality of his sleep — not to mention that it is clearly impacting yours.
Fascinating! That makes perfect sense, because it really only a problem when he is sick or overworked. Otherwise it stops after about 10-20 minutes after he falls asleep. Thanks for the info.
You’re welcome!
We have been with our partner for, wow, eleven years now, and the day we found out that the foot-flailing/leg-kicking behaviour was something neurological was a banner day for our ability to tolerate it. We ended up buying a king-sized bed a few years back (baby #2 on the way was a good excuse) and that has been the biggest help of all because there is enough room that we can just scoot over where he won’t kick us.
Oh my god I don’t know how you endured, I feel like we like we need a CalKing for two very small people. I’m a super light sleeper though with uncontrollable rage at things that disrupt my ephemeral grasp on sleep. I do think having a name and explanation for this will help though.
My partner is like a bull in a china shop. He has to climb over me to get out of bed (we live in a studio with a bed nook, so only one side of the bed is open) and he cannot do it without squishing one of my appendages with his full weight. I tired sleeping on the other side, but then he rolls over and I get trapped between him and the wall and feel claustrophobic. He is a dead 220 pounds when sleeping and it is impossible to move him.
He told me he just can’t control his appendages, and connected this to his knocking our toothbrushes all over the other morning (which was the loud crash I heard while trying to catch a few min of sleep, but chose to pretend I didn’t hear)
But I don’t know, I love him.
This sounds infuriating and adorable at the same time. “it’s my appendages, babe. Just can’t control ’em.”
regional delicacies: I guess the obvious choices would be New York style pizza, bagels, pastrami, black and white cookies… lots of good produce and seafood out here on Long Island too. (and I remain convinced that the pizza and bagels on LI are superior to those found in NYC)
BAGEL BOSS. omg I miss it.
Baaaaaaaaggeeellllllll Booooossssssssssss
My in-laws live 2 minutes from a Bagel Boss and those bagels are the only thing we ever eat for breakfast when we’re there. I’d eat them for every meal if I could.
I have a question…YOURE CRAZY!
(I already posted, but)
Businessy people: I need some quick work advice!
I’m doing a temp job, and today’s my last day. There are two of us temps — we’re from the same agency, make the same amount, do the exact same job, and both of us are leaving today. I just found out that the other temp called her recruiter (different from mine, but again, same agency) on the first day and was told that the company pays up for up to a half hour lunch break every day. I was never told this, so I’ve been subtracting the time from my timesheet, and have been getting paid for 2 and a half hours less every week. It’s not a huge amount of monetary difference — just a bit over $100 — but I’m broke as hell and I feel like I should be getting paid the same amount.
I called my recruiter at the agency and her response was pretty much “Yeah, we don’t pay for lunch, so I can’t give you that money” — but the other temp was paid for it, so that doesn’t seem like the strongest argument. What should I do? Is it worth fighting?
I hate to say it, but it sounds like a lost cause to me. On your next gig, be sure to ask immediately if they’ll pay you for lunch! I was a 1099 for a while and even though it’s not conventional to pay a 1099 for lunch, I always asked. The answer was usually yes.
I’d ask your fellow temp if you can invoke her and her recruiter in an email regarding the lunch policy.
Finally nailed down my cosplay for Philadelphia comicon AND managed to get someone to attend Philadelphia Bloomsday with me!! I wish I could combine the two but wearing a Dalek dress and screaming EXTERMINATE!!! every time Blazes Boylan is mentioned in the reading (Haman style) might not win me any favors.
Is anyone else planning on attending Bloomsday festivities??
ETA: Or Philadelphia Comicon??
Oh, I wish I still lived in Philly! I went to Bloomsday one year when I lived there, and it was fantastic. Especially watching local politicians trying to read Joyce out loud. And hearing singers perform all the songs that come up in Ulysses. And getting gelato from Capogiro while listening to the reading.
Does anyone know anything about freelance proofreading/copyediting? I’ve been thinking about doing some on the side to get a little extra income. I have no formal training in it or anything
I would be interested to hear about this also! My roommate just signed up for Elance is doing a bit of it. It seems to be good money for her, but I have no idea how she actually got the job.
Us three! There is a Goodreads group for freelance copyeditors/editors to post that they are looking for work on and people seem to connect up with a lot of authors who want to self-publish there but I have been nervous about taking the plunge.
The company I work at uses freelancers! From what I know, you just email us and ask if we’re looking for any copyeditors and then you have to pass our copyedit test. Of course it’s nice if you have references, and you would definitely want to send your resume, but it seems to me that seeking out work is the way to go! Plus, I like getting to know our different freelancers and it’s nice to have people who all kinda operate on different schedules.
What’s your company? I’m interested.
O’Reilly Media. You’re in Boston, right? We’re in Alewife, and we publish technical/computer books.
Damn, I tried to post this from my phone earlier and it ate the second half!
I have no formal training, but I’ve always had excellent spelling and grammar. I proofread a 400-page book that my day job published a couple of months ago, but that’s it as far as “professional experience.” It seems difficult to get started without other experience. Anyone have any tips in general or especially how to get started?
I changed career to be a subeditor – I did a short course first, which helped me get in the door. I am in the UK so no point giving links but I’d say look into that, especially if you want to work in print, as there’s a whole set of proofreading symbols that are impenetrable without being shown, but used pretty much industry-wide for marking up copy. (at least over here.) I work 99% online but I think it impressed them when I used the proper symbols in my editing test at my interview.
Also the course showed me a lot of things I’d never even considered – I had always been able to spell and so on but there’s stuff like libel, techniques for working on long pieces specifically (like taking notes on names, appearances etc so you can check for inconsistencies 400 pages later), transliteration conventions if you’re dealing with forieign names, loads of things that hadn’t occurred to me but that it was very handy in interviews to be able to talk about.
Happy to chat further if I can be any more help!
Oh, those are good tips, thank you! Maybe I will look into some courses. I bet there are some online classes I could take.
One of our cats (and these are indoor cats) somehow got an abscess, so Scott had to bring him to the vet today. The vet has no idea how the abscess happened, but they drained it and bandaged it and now we have to do a whole bunch of stupid upkeep with pills. Most importantly, though, he got a cone of shame. I’m so excited to see it. About as not excited as I am about the vet bill.
One of the other cats may have bitten him. Cat teeth can cause nasty infections, easily.
Orange is the New Black thread? I just finished and I need to talk about it!
I just finished it yesterday!!! SO GOOD. I have rarely wanted to reach through a screen to strangle someone the way I wanted to strangle Vee.
ROSA THO
How did you feel about showing her as a young woman at the end? I kind of felt like, it was awesome that this woman who doesn’t look like a normal TV protagonist is running around being awesome and we’re feeling her full feelings, and then they were like, “don’t forget she used to be young and hot so it’s OK.” Rosa is so awesome though.
I just found out that I didn’t get either of the two jobs I interviewed for last week. Fuuuuuck. Boston Toasties, can a bitch get a job? Non-profit/arts admin, development, marketing. I’m also a great writer and editor. SOS.
I just got knocked out of contention for a job I was interviewing for ohh, about 5 minutes ago, by e-mail. It wasn’t even a job I wanted so much, but it was a step in the right direction and I had thought the last interview went well, so I was pretty bummed and almost cried when I saw it.
So unfortunately I don’t have a job for you, but I can commiserate :/
Thanks for commiserating. Your name makes me laugh 🙂
I work in non-profit communication in Boston–wish I had a magical job opening at my org to suggest to you, but in lieu of that here are a couple of Boston non profit job boards I like: http://www.massnonprofitnet.org/resources-2/nonpr…
http://www.agmconnect.org/jobs/
Also, if you have not already check out the Boston chapter of Young Non-Profit Professionals– if you sign up for their listserv you will get a gazillion emails but there’s a ton of job leads.
Manitoba has date squares called matrimonial cake that are like Ontario date squares, but that are somehow more intense. Possibly there’s more butter in the crumb topping? I think it’s a Ukrainian thing. My best friend’s mom makes it all the time because she is the best.
Also, all dessert squares are called dainties in Manitoba. And no social (a fundraiser for a wedding or other life event) is complete without trays of dainties and cold cuts, cheese, pickles and rye bread. The food is brought out at midnight and is so acceptable when you’re already very drunk.
Saskatoon berries are like a cross between elderberries and blueberries and make the best filling for pies. But summer here is kind of blink and you’ll miss it, so the window for saskatoon berry desserts is small.
Noooooo. No. No. Just Nope.
Them’s fighting words.
My mother, born and bred in Winnipeg, Manitoba, made BOTH date squares/bars and Matrimonial Cake. The date squares have sugared oatmeal on top. The matrimonial cake has a cooked topping that does not feature oats.
I shall have to dig out her recipe box.
I’m from Ontario so the ways of matrimonial cake are a mystery. All I know is delicious. And I don’t like traditional date squares. I suspect my friend’s mom would not share her recipe.
DAINTIES! I miss the dainty tables, especially the ones with Nanaimo bars.
Saskatoon berries are excellent. I am in Ontario (Ottawa, in fact) and there is (or at least was) a Saskatoon berry (?shrub, small tree?) in the yard of my kids’ primary school. We all avoided the berries until that one spring there was a parent who recognized what they were. The kids were *so happy* to be able to pick and eat berries in the schoolyard.
Toasties, I would like advice!
My friend who has lots of money but no organisational skills has asked if I would like to get paid by the hour to help her organise her finances. We are not talking anything expert-level here (which I could not do), but just going through her bills, coming up with a strategy for things getting paid (probably helping her set up automatic bill-pay through her bank), maybe making a simple budget, stuff like that.
How much money should I charge for this? I’m not doing it for free, because this is actual work and I think I ought to get paid for my organisation skills and happiness with paperwork and spreadsheets and stuff. But she’s not sure how much to offer & I’m not sure how much to ask, so we decided I would ask here and get the opinions of internet strangers. 🙂
Whatever you currently make ‘net’ which is to say 20-40% less than your on paper wage.
Edit: unless you expect this to be enough that you’ll have to report it next year, the just hourly minus insurance/401k.
$10/hr because it is a round number
A friend charges $30/hr for this. But that’s in New England. Other regions may have a lower cost of living to go with lower wages.
I am near San Francisco so that number is a really helpful baseline, thanks.
Fitness fun!
Inspired by Nicole’s posts, I have begun doing pushups! As it turns out I can do exactly… ZERO. Not even lady style can I get my chest up off the floor. So I am doing wall push ups to start with, and using http://www.pushupslogger.com/ to track them for my own fun. It is clearly already making a distance, as I am getting MUCH closer to actually being able to do them on the floor. It is a very weird thing to be doing something exercise-y for my own enjoyment and challenge, but I am loving it.
GURL YOU ARE DOING PUSH-UPS. Those wall push-ups? Notice the second word on the phrase “Wall Push-Ups?” It’s “push-ups.” YOU ARE DOING PUSH-UPS. GO YOU!
Thank you!
I just did my set for today so clearly I ought to be talking about it more since then I am fired up to go do it. 🙂
I’m doing the same thing, starting this week! 🙂 I didn’t know about that website, though – I’ll have to check it out.
It is meant to work in combination with this:
http://hundredpushups.com/
So that is how I am doing it, but it is really just a website with really simple scripts, so it is easy to use however works best.
If you have an excercise ball, there is a thing you can do where you lay on it on your belly, then armwalk out from it so the ball is under your mid thighs (you can progress to the knees as you get stronger), then do push ups. Only kind I have ever been able to do.
Trying to rent an apt in a major city is basically a mini escrow and ours didn’t go through this wk and I feel defeated by ALL the life forces although I am trying VIGOROUSLY to get my life together and I am supposed to be at a wedding tomorrow? That might almost definitely won’t happen. Im too upset to even drink.
Even to drink Pinot? I would pass it to you!
lol i didnt recognize the irony until now! On 2nd thought i would appreciate that 🙂
Here, have a nice large glass of good Pinot and some cheese and crackers. Moving sucks and trying to rent an apartment sucks and money sucks, but there is wine and cheese and next week is another week!
THANK YOU!!!
UPDATE: CAT CONE OF SHAME.
Aww, fuzzbaby. I would snuggle your kitty but I think it might end in mauling.
I’ll be real with you here: Garrus isn’t really a snuggler, but he would groom you like nobody’s business. Scott informs me that no less than four employees at the vet’s office mentioned how gentle and sweet of a kitty he is. We’ve raised him right, except for the part where he’s pretty dumb.
Love the name! We were briefly considering Garrus or Wrex for our new buy but he’s just so big and lovey and silly that we just named him Gus.
Mass Effect names are so great. We’d pretty much settled on Garrus for a boy or Tali for a girl before we’d even met the kitty. And then I picked this tiny ginger guy who bit my nose. (Our other cat is also named for a video game character–Midna from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.)
I’m not there at the moment but in spirit:
Bis/zcochitos
Carne Adovada
Sopapillas
Green Chili whatever
mmmmmm NM food is so underrated
SOPAPILLAS! I haven’t been to NM in over a decade, but I still regale people with my tales of love and loss (due to eating) of NM sopapillas.
Right? I mean green chili is the distinctive well publicized “New Mexican Food” but fuck it I can buy them in a can. I miss baskets of sopapillas to soak up sauce during meals and more steaming hot sopapillas with honey for desert and just heaps of frybread far as the eye can see.
I’m cracking up at this editorial from a local high school…
“Therefore, there is no need to walk into the school assuming a pretentious complex and exclaiming that there’s “hella white people.”
Yeah sure, girl, your school is *only* 65% white. Hella white doesn’t happen until, like, 85%.
Oh man, I wasn’t aware that fuck (I’m sorry, “f**k”) and hella are equally bad swear words! My mouth is even dirtier than I thought!
I’m marveling at the perfection of this sentence:
There needs to be a giant cage for eighteen-year-old boys who still use the term “titties” fruitfully.
I say titties all the time, but I’m not sure if I’m doing it fruitfully or not. I await a determination of my fitness for society with bated breath.
I like to say it in a long, breathy “tiiitttttt-haaaaaas” type of way, which I feel is pretty fruitful.
I don’t actually want to get in a debate (intense or otherwise) on another commenter’s post because the post seems to mainly be about an interpersonal respect issue rather than dogs, and for my own feels, I’ve elected not to refrain from clicking through, but I’m just here to say: Not All Pit Bulls.
This is Animal Atrocity Season in my town, and pits are the most popular dogs in the area, so I have seen a lot of them in bad shape because of human action at the animal shelter closest to my heart lately. I have a lot of feelings.
I actually typed a whole ragey response and then deleted it to make myself feel better but now I’m thinking about it SO HERE I GO AGAIN: If your dog seriously injures someone, YOU mismanaged your perfectly normal, behaviorally-appropriate animal. Biting and attacking is entirely within bounds of normal animal behavior, and you’re not fit to handle an animal if you can’t manage that shit.
This has jack shit to do with breeds. STOP BLAMING YOUR INCOMPETENCE ON THE DOGS OKAY
YES to all of this. Pitties were some of the sweetest dogs I ever encountered when working as a receptionist at a very busy vet hospital. The worst: miniature pinschers.
That said, I had a GSD that displayed severe aggression issues with dogs, people, food, and children that started in puppyhood (“he’s just intense, he’ll come around with obedience training”) that worsened into adulthood. He was my 2nd working line GSD and was going to be my competition obedience dog (managed to get his CKC CD title and go High in Trial both days) but when he began threatening me and my partner, we had him humanely euthanized and privately cremated. We also had him autopsied and discovered he was deaf in one ear, and I always wondered if that had anything to do with it but I’ve since had two more shepherds without any problems and my current guy “Moe” is the lovey-est dog who ADORES people, kids especially.
Yes. Thank you. I had the same response.
So last night I discovered my boyfriend has been flirting with three other women via Facebook message for the past three weeks. So I’m spending a lot of time in the Toast archives, Misandry section.
Ugh. Did you DTMFA?
…nope
and I feel like I’m gonna get judged for it
but I also know that that doesn’t mean I forfeit my future right to DTMFA
so I’m just waiting out my feelings
No judgment. Do watcha gotta. Just don’t let the MF bring you down.
Man, that STINKS, I’m sorry you’re going through this. (BEEN THERE. Ugh. Younger me, why did you date people who made you miserable?)
No judgment, you do what feels right to you. Some people are right to take instant action; some people are right to pause and consider. Taking time to see how you feel once you get some emotional distance sounds sensible and measured. And as you point out, not D-ing TMFA just means that option remains open to you along with other options.
Yeah, I’m in therapy right now to help my emotions NOT overwhelm me, so the fact I am capable of letting myself sit with my feelings right now is huge progress.
At this point, my message to him is “You fucked up once. This is your second and final opportunity to take responsibility for your shit. You will not get a third chance.” And I’m just sitting with that and letting it all be his responsibility. Because it is.
You have to do what’s right for you. No judgement will occur.
LET’S TALK ABOUT DOGS
I adopted one this month and I am so, so emotional about it. I lost my formative dog six years ago, who I had from childhood into adulthood and loved FIERCELY. Losing her was so so so hard, so hard I still get a little verklempt when I think about her too hard. It took about two years to even consider another a dog, and another four to be in a good place (i.e., ~$~$~disposable income~$~$~) to bring one home.
AND NOW THERE IS A STRANGE DOG IN MY HOUSE and I am discovering her wonderful and stupid personality, her quirks, and the disgusting unforgivable smell of her ear infections. It is all very tumultuous and weepy for me because I know how intensely I’ll bond with her and AHHHHH
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DOGS
I very recently adopted a little half-German Shephard, half-Husky sweetiepie and he is SO SWEET and SO PRECIOUS and my heart definitely grew three sizes. Yesterday I bought him a little squeaky alligator and introducing him to it was the greatest thing I’ve done all year because first he was scared, then he played ‘don’t touch it but investigate it’ for like 15 minutes, and then finally he took it and strutted proudly around the house with it as if he had conquered it. My sweetieeeeee!
I put down my favorite dog 4 years ago and still get verklempt, crying in public, even. It’s not something you ever get over.
Congratulations on your new dog. You’ll bond strongly soon and forever.
My awesome, adventurous black lab/great dane mix passed away two years ago and it was really hard. She was the first dog my husband and I adopted together and we still miss her to this day. Now we have two Dobermans (Hedwig and Helmuth) who are lazy, smelly, loving goofballs. We adopted Helmuth when he was just under two years old from a local rescue organization. He was found roaming the streets in a bad part of the city and we think he had been abused or mistreated by his previous owner. I have never had a dog who so appreciates the love and care we provide. He tries really hard to be a good dog and is successful 90% of the time. He is also a great protector and I always feel safe when we’re together!
Congrats on your new best friend. Now you have someone else to blame the farts on. 😉
I barely see the family Golden anymore because college, but she’s the sweetest old bitch and she walks next to you when you take her off a leash and she grunts pointedly when she wants your food. When she was little we went out to buy her a Christmas toy, and came back to find that she’d licked all the candy off our gingerbread house and chewed up a knife handle.
Our old family lab was a grunter! I don’t think he knew how to whine like a normal dog. The best part was when my parents got a chihuahua mix puppy when he was in his middle age, and he taught her to grunt, too.
My dog is a sable GSD and he is the very best company for this “in between jobs for an embarrassing amount of time” person because he gets me out of the house, waits patiently while I goof around on blogs and keeps me safe from the occasional bear when out hiking around the neighbourhood, parks, farm, etc. Moe will always be the apple in his doggy-mum’s eyes. ALWAYS!
I have a black miniature poodle, who rules my house with a benevolent 12 lb paw. She is 12.5 years old now and doesn’t know it yet. She sleeps most of the day, but when she gets a chance to play, she runs like a puppy.
Her favorite toy is a soccer ball, which she pushes with her nose and corrals with her body (even getting up enough speed to balance it on her nose for short distances). In her tiny mind, everyone who comes to our house has arrived for the sole purpose of playing with her (and she can usually coax them into throwing a toy for her, so she’s not really been discouraged in this belief yet.)
She has an extra-long nose and long legs, so she is proportioned more like a standard poodle, We let her hair grow longer than the shaved show trims, but she still has a poof on her tail. And she is a world-class snuggler when it suits her to be. She is never happier but when she can get between two people on the couch and have multiple people petting her at once.
So yesterday, someone posted to a group forum I am a member of a link to a story about the arrest and conviction of the founder of a similar-and-sometimes-overlapping-with-ours group. The guy, a cop, was arrested for child porn and rape charges because he, I repeat A COP, slept with a 15-year-old volunteer from his precinct’s youth outreach program. The person that posted this link posted it as a friend of the perpetrator saying things like “He’s not the predator he’s being painted as,” “he was just stupid and thinking with his dick,” and “lets not pretend the girl didn’t have issues as well.”
Cue flames on the side of my face. In the following comment thread most people pushed back saying of COURSE THIS GUY IS A PREDATOR and other things like “his training as a cop + her being a youth volunteer in his precinct = he knew exactly what he was doing, and is a predatory crapbag who deserves all the punishment he got for it,” and even a few people calling him out on his victim-shaming. One woman offered her own experience as a victim of similar and the poster got pissed off and defensive and somehow the woman ended up apologizing to HIM because of… what? Nonsense reasons?
Anyway I’m now pretty much angry and sad and depressed that this group I’m a part of is harboring such an asshat, and undoubtedly the leadership of this group has taken note, but it’s just… wow. WOW. I am beside myself. There are just so many flames and I only have so much side of face to attach them to.
This “friend of the perpetrator” – yeah, right. It’s the perp himself. Scum.
I actually know for a fact it isn’t, having met both in person before (ugh), but the way he’s talking I can see how it’d come across that way.
Wow. Horrible. Awful. Burn him in effigy.
I’m so so sorry your group isn’t stepping up. I had a randomly assigned college roommate who met her boyfriend when she was one other underage volunteers who tried to buy alcohol and he was the cop that would bust the cashiers that sold. It was not good and awkward to be around and I totally feel for you.
UGH YUCK HORRIBLE
Anyway I’m now pretty much angry and sad and depressed that this group I’m a part of is harboring such an asshat
Of course you are. SO AWFUL.
If you’re going to pursue this topic further with the defending-the-perp friend-of-perp, may I make one suggestion? Can you get the friend-of-perp to acknowledge that, while intentional predators/groomers of young targets are dangerous, now that his illegal, immoral, and predatory actions have been discovered, his intent isn’t important.
His actions are important, and so are the actions of the community to prevent other occurrences like this, to protect the kids under the aegis of the organization, and to express the impropriety of this so the kids understand how their safety and support is valued by trusted adults.
Whether he intentionally targeted and preyed upon her may be legally significant, but it isn’t necessarily important to the conversation around the event. Whether he consciously lured her or not, he was the adult in a position of trust and authority; he was responsible for setting boundaries in a safe and appropriate manner and he is the one who at best failed in his duties in a damaging, criminal way and at worst intentionally positioned himself to exploit a minor.
It makes me sick with rage when adults try to brush this stuff off with “but [minor child] has her issues” because even if true that is not important. [edited to add: by “important,” I mean “relevant to the question of the adult’s guilt.”] An adult in a position of power is always responsible for drawing the line, even if the child doesn’t, can’t, or won’t.
Oh, I need advice on a thing! Toasties, please help.
katekari linked to Sou Sou on the hair extensions article, and I really like their sleeveless cotton dresses. The thing is, I am substantially bigger around than the models shown. Because of the loose shape, I could still wear one, but I’m worried that it would look funny.
So my current plan is to make a similar dress myself, and see how it turns out. It doesn’t look too hard to copy, though mine won’t be as nicely finished and will probably be made from less nice fabric.
The dilemma I’m having is: should I make one the same size as theirs, to see how it looks, with plans of buying more if it turns out ok? Or should I make a larger one, to increase the likelihood of it looking good?
It’s possible that the best answer is “both,” but I worry that I will run out of steam after one.
This looks like a pretty quick and easy sew (and cute!). Here is what I would do: cut the fabric for the bigger size and sew it together but don’t finish the seams or hem or anything. Try it on. If it looks good finish the hems. If you think you might like it smaller don’t dismantle right away, use a long stitch length and don’t backstitch at the beginning and end of the seams but sew new side seams inside your current side seams, if that makes sense. Then you can carefully try it on. It will be a little bit bulkier because of the extra fabric but you can get a feel for whether you like the bigger or smaller size. If you like the bigger the seams you just put in will come out easily. If you like the smaller just sew over the new seams and trim your seam allowance.
Oh, that is smart! Thank you!
I’ll have to add a couple extra steps if I want to include the side seam pockets, but that would still be easier than sewing two, I think. Again, thanks!
This may be what you mean by “make a larger one”, but I would correlate your own actual dimensions with the dimensions of the dress AND with how closely you want it to fit. If your bust is about as big as or bigger than the measurement shown at the bottom of the catalog entry, but you want the dress to hang like the one in the ad, you can add inches accordingly.
It’s also easier (I think) to take in a garment than to let it out! So if you make it bigger than the one in the ad, and it feels too loose or hangs weird, you can try taking it in until it looks how you want.
There’s also the “buy it, try it on, return it if it doesn’t fit” option, which works if A) their return policy lets you do that and 2) that would be comfortable for you — I don’t know your relationship to trying stuff on.
That’s basically what I’m thinking of for a larger one, yes.
I’m not a huge fan of buying things and possibly returning them, partly because I worry that I wouldn’t get around to taking them to the post office in time.
Thank you for the ideas!
Oh! I also forgot to say that my Dirtbag Hamlet shirt showed up in the mail last week, and I’m so excited to finally get to wear it!
I will eat all the regional delicacies because I’M HAVING THE WORST PMS.
Personal finance thread!
I am having the worst day at work, so I am just keeping my retirement fund in mind, and how doing this funds that. My partner and I make a lot of sacrifices with the hope that we’ll be able to move into partial retirement in 10 years and man it can’t come soon enough.
OK, I am SO TEMPTED to back off my 4% contribution to my 401(k) fund for the next year to bump up my cash reserves. I am planning on quitting my job to travel/go back to school some time next year and I’m going to need money! Is it a really bad idea to temporarily stop contributing to my retirement fund? I am 25.
You’ll be OK either way. I am twice your age. When I *was* your age, I put $2K into a particular IRA. Since then, I have invested otherwise, but no further additions to that IRA. 25 years later, it’s value is … $2K. Yup, the market crashed twice in that time. Be sure you’re diversifying, is what I’m saying.
Could you find other ways to up your cash reserves? Or, would dropping a 4% contribution up your cash holdings that much?
This is my first question. My answer to this question is always “trim the fat.” It’s very, very rare that there isn’t fat to trim.
I’ve been holding pretty steady. I’ve spent some money at the bar, but I also turned down opportunities to spend money at the bar. Right now I’m trying to save the amount of money I will need for summer travel. Then the challenge will be staying within that budget.
A friend of mine was on tv (national tv! A house hunting show!) the other day and I didn’t even get to watch because I don’t have cable and HGTV doesn’t much feel like sharing any of their programming with any of my usual alternate tv sources. I feel cheated, not least of all because I didn’t get to find out how they edited her and her husband into smiley tv form. No fun at all!
But this week I did apply to a job that I really want. I’d kinda given up hope on finding anything here and was starting to look for openings outside the area when I found out that the local library is hiring full-time assistants again, so I popped in an application. My sister’s husband works there and says it’s the best place he’s ever worked (my not-so-subtle hints that he should leave so I can take his job have gone ignored, the meanie), so… fingers crossed. I’m still looking away from here because I really do need to find a new job and a new city that’s bigger than here, but it’d be nice to stay near to my family for a little while longer. Send good vibes for me, please?
Southern California food is foremost Mexican food plus a bajillion variations on the good ol’ cheeseburger (most of them amazing and delicious). Also, Korean tacos. It was pretty hard to think of foods beyond that: we have lots of ethnic enclaves that produce restaurants that can be considered some of the best in the country (Little Saigon, Chinese food in the San Gabriel Valley, sushi and ramen in LA) but I’m not sure that counts as regional delicacies.
California style pizzas? Southern California has that San Diego style mexican food (fries in burritos, fries instead of nacho chips), the tuna tartare was born there, so was fast food, french dips, and kind of kicked off the food truck culture as well (for better or worse)
I had no idea that tuna tartare was invented in California, but that’s a fantastic example. I knew about french dips, but I don’t strongly associate it with our food scene, so I left it out.
‘Kay I don’t know if anyone is still around, but I just got back from seeing 22 Jump Street with some girlfriends and MY FACE HURTS FROM LAUGHING Y’ALL. If you liked the first one, the second one will not disappoint.
These last few weeks have been surreal in a bad sort of way. Last Saturday, while I was out visiting my parents, my roommate made threats against himself to his sister, and had the cops called on him. Before they could have him committed he bolted and leapt off our 7th story balcony. We weren’t close – he was on the spectrum as I was and we generally gave each other space, and I really had no idea anything was going on with him – but it’s still a lot to deal with. The rent’s paid til next month, but I have to either find a new roommate, or move. My dad tried to guilt trip me over not being there, but I wasn’t taking it. Being in the apartment is strange now, but I’ve little choice in where I can be. I can’t commute to school from elsewhere.
I guess the other thing is that I saw the fabulist woman (whom you might remember as being the subject of the first essay I’d ever written here), which should have been a seismic sort of event but having come shortly after this death it feels insignificant. Near my uni is a very good bakery (The Market, on Market Street), and I needed to get air and an eclair before my first class of the Summer, and she was sitting outside the shop, conversing. I only noticed her because she was with an old acquaintance from college with a very distinctive birthmark on her forehead.
I entertained the notion of speaking to her, but I couldn’t envision any spoken exchange that wouldn’t result in some manner of cruelty, so I decided that I would be over our history (in the moment, I could barely remember it). I secretly hoped that she would recognize me, but if she did, she didn’t show it. I went in, got my eclair, ate it, and left. When I came back for more pastries after class, she was gone. I wrote a bit about it, and am waiting to hear back.
I’m so sorry. This all sounds unsettling and confusing and upsetting, and I am sorry that you have had to deal with it. I hope that the next steps fall into place soon for you (and easily).
Also you are right and your dad is wrong: you totally should not feel guilty about not being at your apartment that day. I wish you well (as much as an internet stranger can).
Thanks, I appreciate it
Oh, geez. That is a really full-on thing to happen, and definitely a lot to deal with. I’m so sorry.
DAINTIES! I miss the dainty tables, especially the ones with Nanaimo bars.
UPDATE: My hair?? Has still not grown out? It’s just still short???? Ugh.
Anyway, here is our best regional delicacy, shrimp and grits:
I know the University Farmer's market has a salmon tent during salmon season, and I think they sell at a few of the other farmer's markets as well- maybe just chat with those guys and see how you feel? You could also chat with the oyster/ random seafood guy at the same time. If you go for salmon, maybe start with a sockeye or even a coho- they'll be less fatty and fishy tasting than a king salmon. But the salmon guys will totally take care of you on that front- just tell them what's up and I'll bet they can point you the right way.
If the uncooked thing is squicking you out about oysters, what about mussels or clams? They should both be available locally and sustainably and are delicious cooked. You can also grill oysters, although I've never tried…
I'm currently dying of horrified laughter. Because I'm 43.
It's next month, starts the 18th and there's a free farm tour and fair and a paid farm tour ($15 and a passport to like 5 different farms). There was a split in the group because some farms wanted to charge and have their own little parties. You should consider coming; it's great fun.
Aaaaahhh great choice! I learned Icelandic in college and it was really fun. I did a semester of Old Norse (reading sagas) at school, and then a summer in Iceland learning Modern Icelandic (as folks mention upthread, they are basically the same grammatically). The grammar *is* challenging – I especially had trouble with the fact that you just have to memorize the gender of nouns because it's not clear from the words themselves – but "challenging" doesn't mean it can't be learned, just that it takes more time and brain space. You can do it!
There are those who argue that Icelandic is not that useful to learn because people there speak English, but I think you're totally right that it's a great way to feel a connection to a place and culture. It's also just a really cute, fun, weird little language.
You should know about this free online course by the University of Iceland if you don't already: http://icelandiconline.is/ We had to do the whole course before we arrived for the summer, and it was really helpful.
Have fun!
I also grew up in (semi-rural) Ohio! And have always been a little sad that our regional food culture is pretty much just buckeyes, as delicious as they are. There has to be more to uncover, right?
I'm an occasional fish-eating vegetarian, and also (see: Ohio) did not grow up eating fish. I can't work up the stomach to try shellfish, so no recs there, although the idea that oysters don't feel pain is appealing. I personally find that I prefer fish in sushi/otherwise raw form, because of my inability (so far) to get over the fishiness and weirdly chalky texture of cooked fish. You should play around a bit and see what you like! Sounds like you're in a great place for it.