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RIP, James Foley. Here’s a piece from 2013 by his friend Clare Gillis.
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Tits and Sass (always excellent) on sex work and partner violence:
When I was working at a dungeon, on top of having abusive management, I stumbled into an abusive living situation as well. And every day, I thought to myself, “I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone at home because of what I do.” Which is totally backwards, but we live in a crazy whorephobic world, so it’s very easy to slip into these bad personal situations and ideas while working. Most of the rest of the world supports these kinds of ideas, but that doesn’t make them any less abusive. Just know you deserve to be loved, period. You aren’t “lucky” to have found a guy who vaguely accepts what you do most of the time but calls you a whore when he’s really angry. He hasn’t truly accepted your work, and he’s a dick. I was being told things like, “You don’t deserve food” by people at home and at work. Recognize when people are saying insane shit like that. It is verbal abuse and nothing about your job changes that. I am still recovering from that experience, and it happened over a year ago.
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It was nice to read this yesterday.
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Friend of The Toast Alexis Coe reports that she is now up to 30 Tramp pushups. Editor of The Toast Nicole Cliffe is now down to [Redacted] TRX pushups, as her belly hits the ground before her triceps have much to do at this point.
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UH, YEAH, feel like I could have heard more about this in the news coverage of Jay Adams’ death!
While I appreciate Adams’s contribution to skateboarding as much as the next guy, it seems odd that virtually every obituary published over the last four days has glossed over or completely failed to mention that one time in 1982 when he helped kill a guy. Adams, describing the incident to Juice magazine in 2000, said, “After a show at the Starwood we went to a place called the Okiedogs and two homosexual guys walked by and I started a fight.” One of those homosexuals was named Dan Bradbury, and, as mentioned above, was killed in the brawl. Although Adams was charged with murder, he claimed that he had left the fight by the time the man died, and was convicted of felony assault. He served just six months in prison.
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“it’s just a sex thing, whatever, do it or don’t do it” is my answer to so many Prudie questions:
Q. Giving Wife a Free Pass: So, my wife just turned 50 and I offered her a free pass to find a man or woman and have a fling. I would be fine with her doing it with me there or on her own and telling me about it afterward. We have used this fantasy for most of our 14 year marriage. Now that I offer it to her, she’s mad, saying I must not love her. I do and it is a big turn on. Am I a bad husband?
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E.B. Bartels, of yesterday’s Dead Pet fame, found some old Polaroids of Aristotle after the piece went live, so I thought I’d let you see the lil dude:
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Kacy Kacy Kacy Kacy KACY KACY KACY
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My mom and husband and I watched the all-time best episode of Inspector Morse last night, “Second Time Around.” I have probably seen it eight times, but Morse episodes are so complicated that I never really remember the specifics, I just kind of let the performances wash over me. But the three main things about last night, for me, and “Second Time Around,” were a) oh, what a perfect show! What a perfect, perfect show Inspector Morse was (giving Endeavour a shot now, by the way) and b) the scene in which Morse beats the old woman whose granddaughter’s cold case murder he has just solved in a game of chess, and Lewis says “you couldn’t let her win?” and Morse looks at him in DISGUST and says “that is the worst kind of deception.” And I realized, hearing that line, that that is the exact (intentional) phrasing my father used in response to me when I said “I feel like Germany could have let up on Brazil a bit.” And then, c) the fact that we kind of ape our parents’ marriages in one way or another, regardless of their success or failure, and I’ve always wanted to be married to someone who would watch Inspector Morse with me and enjoy it, because marriage is about drinking tea companionably while watching British mysteries.
Oh, and d) the recurring musical motif in the episode is “Senza Mamma” from Puccini’s “Suor Angelica.” KINDA GETS YOU. KINDA GETS YOU IN THE HEART.
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The world lost one hell of an art historian last week.
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It’s been TEN YEARS since Rilo Kiley’s “More Adventurous,” so here’s the video for “Portions for Foxes”:
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Tags: feminism, link roundup, the internet
Lowlights: “It was during the Punk Rock days in Hollywood and it was a violent time. […] We weren’t bashing gays, we were just out to bash anyone who we came in contact with.”
“As far as how I view gay relationships and gay marriage,” he told Wildland, “I am 100 percent against them, however I do respect gay people, I just tell them what the Bible says.”
And as always, don’t read the comments anywhere but the Toast and selected other sites, as it will wreck your day and make you sad for the future.
Ah yes, ye olde “I respect gay people but am totally against any normal human interaction they may have with another human. Totally respect them though! Nothing but respect. Except for everything about them, I totally respect them” gambit.
“I totally respect them AND tell them they’re going to burn in hell, as am I for wearing mixed-fiber clothing as it says in Leviticus. To do otherwise would be really hypocritical, right? And I totally believe in telling all kinds of people my opinions on their lives because that is an awesome way to make friends and influence people! Everyone loves having other opinions on their lives!”
“Pass the lobster, please.”
It amazes me that after 50,000 years on the planet, homo sapiens have not yet figured out, as a species, that unsolicited opinions are never, ever wanted.
ughh 🙁 i had no clue
now i’m going to feel like a grumpalump all morning long. why can’t people just be cool??
I have a link to add, if I may? My friend Lucy is doing this absolutely wonderful and bizarre-sounding alternate-17th-century demonology book, and it has a blog and everything. http://www.praeterlimina.co.uk/
I figured Toasties would be the perfect audience for her work.
I originally read this as “17th-century dermatology book.” I am equally interested in skin and demons, though, so thanks for the link!
What about skin eating demons?
[ETA: Took three tries, but I DID IT! I DID THE THING!]
I love everything about this, except for the gray images under the white text. I wish people wouldn’t do that.
Do not bring your boyfriend to brunch. Do not bring your husband to brunch. Do not bring your male child to brunch. Brunch among women is for women alone. It is the morning-drinking Meal of Misandry where men should fear to tread, unless it is to bring you another side of bacon or some hot sauce and then retreat back into the smoky kitchen from whence they came.
Don’t bring your boyfriend to girls drinks and girly emotional movie night either, please. (Especially if you live with your boyfriend? Because after the movie you will go home and sleep in the same bed anyway? I’m uptalking because I’m annoyed?)
“I’m uptalking because I’m annoyed?” is my new catchphrase.
It’s more like a fair warning.
I’m behind this as a general rule, but somehow I married an exception? My husband and I used to have Ladies’ Night with our two best female friends (one of whom was his Best Friend at our wedding), with sundae bars and Steel Magnolias AND the African-American Steel Magnolias with Queen Latifah…and it was wonderful. I came along on bro-down afternoons, too, and looked at recipe slideshows while they played video games.
Also, one time a Ladies’ Night friend decided that Looking for Mr. Goodbar was a great movie for us all to watch, and she was never allowed to pick the movie again.
I fully accept that we are bizarre alien outliers. 😀
Oh, I can’t come to brunch now? FINE. I will just sit on the other side of the restaurant and eat my triple-stuffed marzapan French Toast and talk about football statistics with the waiter.
ACCEPTABLE. Men may do Men’s Brunch.
“Hello I would like to discuss football statistics thank you.”
“I would like a coffee, black, the triple-stuffed marzapan French Toast, a side of organic applewood-smoked pork sausage, and your opinion about Jay Cutler’s turnover rate.”
“Brunch among women is for women alone”.
Yes, yes, yes! Unless you’re forced into a family function situation, ie. Mother’s Day brunch at the golf course then, unfortunately, all you can do is try to sit beside your favourite SIL and make the most of it (as in, get buzzed together on Caesars and trash talk FIL).
Yeah, this all falls apart with an “OK” that really means “what the hell is wrong with you? No.”
Corollary for the queers: Men are allowed if they possess the Drag/Ace/Bi/Pan qualifications and are willing to submit to misandrist judgement, but no girlfriends at friend brunch. No non-binary romantic partners at friend brunch. No “oh we’re totally best friends who just happen to cuddle platonically” exes at friend brunch. If I’m going to listen to my straight friends bitch about their boy problems, then I demand the right to freely bitch about my every-gender problems in return.
Agreed x1000. Squeeze-of-the-moment is DENIED, regardless of gender.
Brunch sucks, normal breakfast and normal lunch 4EVA *mic drop*
get out
WAIT NO:
AGREED, brunch is terrible. (This is my favorite Unpopular Opinion.)
Who wouldn’t want an extra meal between 7am and 2pm?? Emby, it’s extra food! It’s Second Breakfast! It’s cocktails and pancakes AT THE SAME MEAL and you have time to nap after and still have plenty of day left after!
I hate day drinking and pancakes and love sandwiches so brunch is basically my nightmare meal
Every weekend we have brunch once, possibly twice with my inlaws: it is a million dollars and they judge everything the spouse orders* and EVERYTHING is “soft-hard boiled eggs” and ARTISAN TOAST and FUCKING SHELL BEANS and a thousand ways to make coffee mediocre.
They would judge what I order but they fear me. Also previous judgings of me have resulted in the spouse doing his level glare and making them feel small.
What the hell is a fucking shell bean?
There’s a stage between green beans and dry beans where a bean is at its least delicious; this is a shell bean. They are apparently a thing.
That dear Prudence letter about the dude who wants to get married and make his wife pay for half of his extravagant lifestyle: set him on fire, please.
Also to set on fire: the guy going “My wife makes up these stupid words! I am an Important Man Professor of English, what is the best way to embarrass her?”
“Bomblastic” is the best word I’ve heard all month and I’ll punch anyone who says otherwise. Bomblastically.
Goal for today is to use “bomblastic” at least three times, balls to that guy.
I will be rewarding comment-section usage of “bomblastic” with puppy gifs.
Editing Bombastic Love to “Bomblastic Love” forever in my mind
It was so generous of him, a Man Professor of English, to even consider marrying a woman with an inferior educational background and a childhood learning disability.
It’s like he never even saw or read Darcy’s first proposal. Dude, that shit wasn’t even ok in the eighteenth century. You are literally three centuries shy of acceptable. Set yourself on fire.
Whatta humanitarian
Maybe he’s just insecure because his wife is obviously more popular at parties than he is.
They can go halfsies on the lighter fluid.
GUFFAW IRL
SERIOUSLY. In what universe does someone think that’s okay?
marriage is about drinking tea companionably while watching British mysteries
*snaps* not sure my husband realized this before he married me, but he does now.
I like Morse, but I love the spinoffs–Inspector Lewis and now Endeavour. Still not over the season 2 Endeavour finale. NOT. OVER. IT.
I’m Doing It All Backwards and have only watched Lewis and Endeavour, but not Morse – must rectify that ASAP!
I started with Lewis too, and now I am saving Morse in my Netflix queue the way my grandmother used to hide her good chocolate in her sock drawer.
if y’all haven’t watched Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries yet, you really should. I’m living in agony until season 3 comes out.
I’ve been mainlining the books recently and got season 1 on DVD the other week.
I LOVE MISS FISHER SO SO SO MUCH.
I’m big time into Endeavour right now. Goddamn, that finale was good, totally agree. I tried an original Morse episode recently, but had a hard time. I need to watch Second Time Around.
On a side note, I spend a fair amount of time dreaming up fanfic scenarios for Morse from Endeavour (set in the mid 60’s) and Lucy from Bletchley Circle (set in late 40’s/early 50’s). I extrapolate Lucy into the 60’s and have them figure shit out together. And then bang. It…fills up a lot of my day.
Should’ve said “And then make out.” Or “And then fall in love.” I don’t know what’s going on with me today. *sigh* They deserve better than banging.
Lucy and Young Morse would make an adorable crime-fighting duo. Although I really like Endeavour’s girl on the show, and I’m worried about how he’s going to screw it up.
I saw a friend say “SHIT GOT REAL” about the finale, and I was desperately afraid that she was going to be murdered. The nice nurse lady, not my friend.
Endeavour is wonderful. It’s like watching a two-seasons-long Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner, but with opera.
Oh, man, I watched Endeavour first, and now I actually kind of find the old Morse ones a little boring?
A friend of mine and I were talking about making a Comprehensive Timeline of British detectives, though, since if you went back and did a prequel to Endeavour about Fred Thursday, he’d have been a contemporary of Inspector Alleyn (and actually Morse would have been at Oxford just a year or two after Lord Peter Wimsey’s famous cricketing at Baliol), and I kind of think that they can just go all the way back to Sherlock Holmes.
(Also, presumably Rumpole of the Bailey is the defense barrister in all of these shows, just constantly grumbling and rolling his eyes at ANOTHER mystery solved by Elaborate Detection.)
I think you have to start with Morse to fully appreciate it in comparison to newer, sleeker spinoffs. Morse seems to move sloooowly when I go back to watch it now.
I need you to write up this Comprehensive Timeline of British Detectives and, you know, submit it to The Toast.
have you read any of the Laurie King Mary Russel beekeeper’s apprentice books? In the book “A Letter of Mary” she sneaks in a little Lord Peter, but she had to stop because the estate got grouchy and I love that it’s just this ever so teeny hint. She never says his name. I read the Beekeeper books first and then read dorothy sayers and then on a re-read realized it was Peter and died of joy.
This is the literary link to Sherlock.
oh my god this is why I love The Toast commenters; you guys are MY PEOPLE. I try to tell less cool people about Peter Wimsey’s brief cameo in A Letter of Mary all the time, and they’re always like, who’s Peter Wimsey? What are you talking about? And then I weep for humanity.
I have read the Russell books, and I like A Monstrous Regiment of Women the best. They’re not really mysteries in the classic sense, because King often doesn’t present facts/hints/suspects in such a way that allows you to really solve the thing. Sometimes she just tells you who it is, which isn’t very fun. I enjoy a lot of the books but only if I don’t think of them as mysteries I can potentially solve as I read.
I think the thing I love is that her books are just so gorgeously written. They definitely aren’t the “we have 10 people and a diagram of the house and here are the alibis, come solve with us!” type of mystery. They’re just historical fiction (sherlock holmes fantasy?) with a thin mystery gloss. The later books aren’t as good- around about the one with Sherlock’s son they start to get a bit thing, but I was re-reading Locked Rooms recently and that was just lovely.
Another author that does a good fictional time travel is Kage Baker’s company series- it’s sci-fi though.
Also the book Folly about the woman rebuilding the old house on the island?! Ahhh! I love that one and the one about the cult and the Kate Martinelli ones (queer protagonist alert!).
RE Peter, I’ve read EVERYTHING, except the posthumous ones which I’m sure I’ll turn to soonish. I’ve read them all multiple times, even the one about the bell ringer and the short story about the crossword puzzle.
Ok done now, maybe.
Yay! Toastie Dorothy Sayers fan club! Gaudy Night, and the commentary on women & academia, is my favourite…
Have you ever tried to do the crossword puzzle? Nothing makes me feel less smart.
I love it when I realise I can actually understand and answer some of the clues. Not enough, though. I would never have found that will.
“the one about the bell ringer” lol. I love Nine Tailors! It might be the best actual *mystery* story she wrote. I love the Peter/Harriet books best, of course, Gaudy Night in particular. And such is my love for them that I actually HAVE read the posthumous works, the ones completed and/or written by Jill Paton Walsh. Not the same, though not bad either–the best is A Presumption of Death, probably because Walsh actually used letters Dorothy Sayers wrote (from The Wimsey Papers) in the preface.
Yes, British Detectives rule. And could you please start this timeline with Cadfael?
Definitely Cadfael, though there’s an unfortunately large gap between him and everybody else.
Dupin narrows the gap somewhat 🙂
This comment isn’t important enough for this conversation, but I just wanna be part of it, as crime fiction is my favourite thing in the world. Can I play with you guys please? 😀
Wait — how does that timeline work? Wimsey was at Balliol in 1911 — is my timeframe of Morse completely off? I thought he was Oxford in the ’60s.
I think you should write this up though. If you need help, I will volunteer. I will also happily debate British women mystery writers and the merits of Poirot, Wimsey, and Campion (Sayers vs Allingham is a subject of much bitterness in my household).
Sorry, yeah, Morse would have been there I think in the late 50s (Endeavour is set in 1965, and Morse has been out of school for a little while); it’s Inspector Alleyn that I’m thinking of who would have been a rough contemporary of Peter Wimsy.
NEVERTHELESS, you see why it’s clear that further research is warranted!
Yes. Yes. Further research is definitely needed. I’m thinking charts, timelines, tropes, family trees — I think a research trip to Oxford would be necessary.
I need the prequel-Fred-Thursday show and I need him to work, however briefly, with a young DI Gene Hunt. NEED.
Oh god, you guys. I can’t talk about Rory Alleyn. I was obsessed with Ngaio Marsh in grade school/high school and, despite being equipped with neither money nor internet (it was the late ’80s), I eventually managed to put together a complete set of the paperbacks. But then – THEN – seven years ago, I was possessed by some demon generosity beast that convinced me to GIVE THEM AWAY to someone. I GAVE THEM AWAAAAAAY. What was I thinking? And the lady I gave them to passed them on to someone else! What if they landed with someone who doesn’t care? Someone who – gasp – split them up? Please, if any of you ever come across a DSW bag packed with 32 vintage Rory Alleyn novels, know that they were deeply loved, and that their original owner is a moron. Ugh.
Oh man, I’m so sorry! My mom had a bunch of them as well, and then shipped them off to the local library earlier this year in a fit of housecleaning. I at least wanted a shot at the best of them. Sigh.
My feelings for Alleyn are a little more ambivalent than they are for Campion. I have discussed these feelings at length in another forum.
That is absolutely the definition of marriage. (Thank goodness for Morse airing on TVO: my husband watched it with his granny as a teen, I watched it with my dad).
On another note: Poirot is coming to an end after 25 years of airing.
I know! I’m already feeling a little verklempt.
Despite having already seen every episode of Poirot about three times (but with sufficient time inbetween to only hazily remember the twists), I am distraught at this news. Poirot is as an essential part of having the flu as tomato soup and pillow nests.
don’t even talk about poirot, i am going to go all weepy.
poirot is the reason my family is a group of loons who will declare, “i SAY” hastings-style at anything vaguely alarming.
But isn’t it at least wonderful that it’s coming to an end because David Suchet is going to have done every single one?!
He is perfect, he is literally finishing his life’s work…its sort of gorgeous and perfect.
Also I guess I should save up now to buy the complete poirot DVD set. Which will probably cost…300 dollars?
Best casting in the history of the universe: David Suchet as Poirot (followed close by Joan Hickson as Miss Marple).
Agatha Christie’s stories — terrible to read, awesome TV.
Agree with your casting, strongly disagree with your assertion about reading Aunt Agatha’s stories.
I read her at the same time as Sayers and Allingham… and Christie’s just so … fluffy?
Yes, well, she’s not as good a writer as either Sayers or Allingham (the latter is my absolute favorite, and I freely admit having a giant crush on Albert Campion).
But I’ve been re-reading the Poirot mysteries lately and there’s a bit more there than I thought, including (often) a fairly healthy disdain for the pretense of civilization. And her puzzles are good.
Ahhh… Campion crushes. Such a thing. I’m more of a Peter Wimsey person myself, but that’s possibly because of my infatuation with Harriet Vane.
I might be overly harsh on Christie. I do find that her works translate really well to television in a way that her contemporaries’ works don’t. The things that irk me in her novels/short stories (flimsy characterizations/gaping plot holes) are completely smoothed out on television, and the vivid settings and situations come through so much more. Plus, the simplicity of characters and plots work much better on TV. Also, I do feel that the Poirot works are much better than the Marple works (as much as I adore the character of Jane Marple).
My love for Harriet Vane is unquenchable, but Lord Peter has a way of driving me absolutely batshit crazy. (I have <a href=”http://aharmlessvice.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/lord-peter-revisited/”reconciled with him a bit since then.)
Christie’s characters are often fairly shallow, and she does have some crazy plot holes. But there must be *something* about her writing that appeals to people, as she’s sold more than 2 billion books. And she’s the one that started my giant classic mystery obsession, so I’m forever grateful.
You are entirely right about Poirot vs. Miss Marple. The Poirot mysteries are generally better…and the character of Poirot is more compelling as well. Nowhere is this more true than in Curtain, which blew my mind the first time I read it (but also in Orient Express).
To be entirely honest, my entire opinion of Christie’s writing might be derived a little bit by my 17-year-old book-snob self tossing aside “Murder in the Library” and “Tuesday Club Murders” with a disdainful sniff. I should revisit and give her another chance (as you did with Lord Peter!).
I have been a little bit in love with David Suchet’s Poirot since Poirot first aired. (A lot about my future taste in men can be deduced from this.)
Ditto! Sometimes marriage involves nice surprises, and one of them for me was discovering that Mr. Mittens could love Inspector Lewis as much as I do.
I have just got to the end of the first year living with my boyfriend. In that year, we have watched every episode of Jonathan Creek. It’s been pretty great. Companionably watching British mysteries, hurrah!
oh man do i love lewis. by which i mean, ‘oh man ds hathaway is my imaginary boyfriend’
YEP
still not over the time he was singing to that baby, “row row row your boat, gently down the stream. merrily merrily merrily merrily, life is…somewhat repetitive.”
I don’t understand how Laurence Fox manages to be so attractive, despite having no chin to speak of. Maybe he uses extra smolder.
If that is what marriage is about, I may need to reconsider my stance on it. I’m tired of drinking tea and watching British mysteries alone.
I started watching Endeavor but Netflix pulled it from Watch Instantly 🙁 I think Morse is still on, though, which is good since I’ve only seen the first few episodes (and LOVE it).
I watched an episode of Endeavour with my parents the other day and all I could think of was “Morse gets results you stupid chief”.
My boyfriend is allergic to old timey brits solving crimes and I’m thinking of writing a dear prudence about it. Also he called Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries something wonderful the other day…. I think it was…Miss Marblely’s Marvellous Murder Montages? Something like that. She was definitely Miss Marblely, because we covered the fact that he didn’t know of Miss Marple with his conscious mind.
PS I would be willing to loan my DVDs of season 2 of miss fisher to toasties in the LA area.
There is no such state as over the season 2 Endeavour finale.
YESSS KACY! Every time that I’m climbing and I almost fall but I bring it back I imagine that I’m as awesome as she is.
Also, a challenge Toasties might be interested in. Tacos. Beers. Reproductive Rights.
That taco or beer challenge is my kind of thing. I will be completing it posthaste.
There is a ridiculous hipster taco place as well as a ridiculous hipster beer place (distributor? something) within walking distance of my apartment; such is fate.
Can Canadians play, too? I just came back from a horsemanship clinic (Harry Whitney in Cashmere, WA. You were great, Harry!) and have some sad American one dollar bills needing a good home.
I’m sure anything is appreciated. Also Tacos and Beer are international.
Well I know what I’m having for lunch.
I’m reading the EW interview about Kacy Catanzaro and the interviewer keeps asking if the network was concerned about the lack of qualifying women. The guy can’t or won’t address it head-on, so the answer seems to be “it never occurred to them to worry about that”.
Yeah. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Like, I get the idea of making it tough for everyone, and I wouldn’t necessarily want them to alter the course to be more lady friendly, but hmm. I’d be interested to hear what other Toasties think.
Yeah, you know, I think the imbalance in competitors has more to do with the culture that produces competitors than it specifically has to do with a course that favors men over women. We have seen women complete the obstacles now and, all respect to Kacy Catanzaro &c., they aren’t radioactive cyborgs or anything. When Ninja Warrior first started in Japan, it seemed like EVERYONE failed at it, and I think that has a lot to do with how people train for it and prepare for it.
What we’re seeing now is a culture that prefers strength and athleticism for men, but is also much more likely to be lenient on a man who quits his job to go the American Ninja Warrior tryouts than it would be for a woman, that generally considers it more acceptable for a man to just spend his entire life training to run an obstacle course on TV, and that is what skews the qualifying finalists.
yeah the whole thing seemed a little squicky. Like the contention that balance feats are easier from women somehow? And why was he surprised that women were just as bad as men at the trampoline? Is there something inherently feminine about bouncing…?
OH.
:/
Also, I don’t like the constant focus on her size (~100 lbs, in case you missed it!) and the implication that the challenge was easier for her and thus not as awesome of an accomplishment.
Like, yeah, I’m sure it’s an advantage to be light, but it’s also an advantage to have arms and legs that can reach things (she had to jump in places that an average-sized person could just reach). If being light were all you needed, then SO MANY women (and men) would be acing the course.
Uuuuuugggh I didn’t even finish it because of the line at the beginning –
“(If you’re a woman, it makes you want to go the gym. If you’re a man, it makes you really want to go the gym).”
And then all the references to how the course was DEFINITELY DESIGNED TO BE FAIR, it just HAPPENED to have stuff that ONLY PLAYS TO MUSCLE STRENGTH.
He also refers to women as “females” throughout, so I’m guessing that guy doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking about humanity as a multi-gendered place.
All of my favorite albums are having their ten year anniversaries and I’m just saying I would give LOTS OF MONEY to have a 10x tour for More Adventurous, Jenny Lewis. I know you secretly read The Toast. You must.
And if I can throw another link into the mix, Canada’s hitchhiking robot managed to make it all the way across the country safely! If I could do the same thing without getting murderated, I totally would. Work Husband made a really great point – there’s no guarantee that the same treatment would be given to a human, because robots are (for now) harmless.
YAY TO HITCHBOT
We have to be kind to robots now or they will torture us before they kill us in the future.
It interrupted a wedding toast to tell everyone, “I like to make new friends!” ADORABLE
I think it might actually be the robot version of “interviews with dogs about smells.”
In high school I had a friend who brought her boyfriend along everywhere. The rest of the group eventually stopped inviting her to hang out because we knew she would drag him along and it would be mega awks for everyone. For prom, she picked out his tie for him, because it absolutely had to match her shoes.
Ugh, this reminds me of what my mother wants to do for my wedding. THE MENS’ TIES MUST ABSOLUTELY GO WITH THE BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES.
I do not understand why people get so worked up about weddings, especially when it’s not even their own. Like, where do these intense emotions come from? My maid of honour was appalled that my attitude toward the bridesmaids’ dresses was “I don’t know, maybe get something blue?” She wanted them all to have the same dress, but had to relent when she realzied that I really did not care.
I once attended a wedding where a selection of pies was served instead of wedding cake, and the mother of the bride was outraged by this and told the bride that she was bringing shame upon their family by not serving cake. I guess she was worried it made them look cheap? In reality absolutely 0 people were bothered by this because pie is bomblastic.
Excellent use of bomblastic, you get a puppy gif.
That puppy keeps trying to bite my nose, and I’m incredibly frustrated on its behalf that it doesn’t get to bite my nose.
We had pie. And I didn’t see the dresses my bridesmaids picked until day-of, though I knew they’d be dark blue–two of ’em had picked that color on their own, so I shrugged and said, “why not?”
I mean. They were my sister and two of my oldest female friends (and my brother, who didn’t wear a dress). How would I not trust them to pick something nice?
you should have forced your brother to wear a dress tbh
I’m sure he would’ve done it, though I suspect it’s hard to find dresses that fit when you’re over 6′.
He could get one with a train and pretend it’s meant to be one of those mullet dresses.
“mullet dresses”
THUMBS UP
We had two fruit tarts for our “wedding cake” and I had one attendant so she automatically matched herself because there was only one of her.
Pie beats cake any day. We had bread pudding, and it was heavenly. (Also, you have the best username ever!)
Me? Thank you. It’s my aspirational roller derby name.
I mean, look at us. Would we really look happier if everybody matched?!?
Would be better if your brother wore a dress but otherwise A+ happy people good job
And made C.’s Best Woman wear a suit? (Ha, I cannot express how much she would never ever had done that.)
This is a great picture and you look so happy, I hope I look that happy at my wedding. I really don’t care about people matching – well, I did ask the bridesmaids to all get something in the same color family, and we ended up going to a bridal store and ordering things, but I was really like “get whatever you want!!!” and my mother was like NOOOOOOOOO THEY CANNOT CLASH” oh and also I really love your dress!
Thank you! It was my mom’s, hemmed up 6″ because she is a beautiful Amazon.
I love love LOVE your dress!
Now this is funny, because I’m about to have FEELINGS about weddings in vacuo, but I find all matching bridesmaids dresses SO aesthetically weird and unpleasing. I want them all to NOT have the same dress. I better have a wedding, because then I will be entitled to an opinion.
I remember an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where one of the sales staff said that bridesmaids have to have matching dresses because they’re a “frame” for the bride and your eye is basically supposed to glide over them and to the bride. So if they don’t match then the eye gets confused and… doesn’t notice the woman in the big white dress? idk it didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Also, as an introvert and a misanthrope, the last thing I want is to be the center of attention and have everyone looking at me all the time, even if it is my wedding day.
Ooooh I’m glad we differ on something wedding-related, and can now have a fight. As a total peacock I will demand that EVERYONE LOOK AT ME at my wedding, but will accomplish this by wearing something so miraculously sparkly that people look at me once and immediately are blinded for life, but are blessed by their last vision being of me on my wedding day. Bridesmaids dresses will be beside the point. It appears we are at least both misanthropic.
PEACOCK FIGHT
This picture now makes up the entirety of my future wedding mood board.
I heartily encourage everyone to do a google image search for “peacock fight,” the results are pure magic
HOLY- you’re not kidding!
Wedding with two brides? THERE’S A PEACOCK FIGHT FOR THAT:
This is the most beautiful dance of conflict and spite I’ve ever seen. It’s like a ballet based on “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.”
THANK YOU
I would prefer to imagine this peacock fight narrated by Parole des Chats and in the same mood as >Dansons la Capuchin.
I cannot tell you how much my life, today and from this day forward, has been improved by that video link. You are a hero to all.
Oh, the bride at the wedding I mentioned above was BLINDINGLY glamorous. We all did our parts by looking rather sedate in comparison. Seriously, I have known her since we were eight, and I just about died when I saw her.
HA YES I was told the bridesmaids dresses can’t look too much like mine and I was like “well, hopefully the groom will still recognize me and not marry one of them by mistake, because that would be sad.”
When we got to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, I collapsed on a couch in the lobby because I was so exhausted. Another guest beamed at me and asked if I had been in a wedding. I thought that was a weird question but answered in the affirmative.
She asked, “Oh, were you a bridesmaid?”
I was wearing a white satin ballgown.
Having to answer, “Uh… no… I’m the… bride?” was one of the weirdest moments of my life.
So basically we dress bridesmaids similarly in order to make it difficult for a predator to pick one out from the herd/flock? The eye just glides over all of them and then they stampede and escape while the bride is devoured?
I refused to have a wedding cake. It is the dumbest Western wedding tradition and I have never been to a single wedding where anyone gave a shit about the cake. It’s always an afterthought. I was not going to pay 2 grand for shitty cake that everyone would be too drunk to even taste by the time we got around to it.
We had cupcakes instead, and they were glorious.
I also subscribed to “I’m not paying some ludicrous sum for crappy cake everyone hates covered in unedible fondant.” Instead I got THREE cakes from a regular bakery for the cost of one-seventh of a wedding cake and they were amazing. One red velvet cake, one lemon cream cheesecake, one chocolate cake with cream icing. Done. Amazing.
As someone who’s currently baking a shit-ton of wedding desserts (including cake!), them’s fighting words. I am a firm believer in Celebratory Baked Goods AS LONG AS they are tasty and reasonably priced.
CAVEATS: I do this for fun, I do not use fondant, I do not charge my friends exorbitant amounts, and my cake is baller beyond recognition. I have gone through five pounds of butter this week alone.
COME AT ME, BRO.
I’m all for reasonably priced, tasty wedding cakes and other desserts. Especially made by friends! That is wonderful. I’m just anti- taking out a second mortage to buy a flavorless, fondant-covered cake because you’re “supposed to.”
I HAVE COME AT YOU, BRO, TO REGISTER MY GENERAL AGREEMENT AND MY JEALOUSY OF YOUR BAKING SKILLZ.
WE ARE IN AGREEMENT, HAVE SOME CAKE (oh god please have some cake I have so much. so much.)
Let me send you my address. Or heck, I’ll travel for cake.
You are a wonderful beacon of butter and sugar. DOWN WITH FONDANT.
Beacon of butter and sugar. Loving that.
We had pie. My mom made some of it. (sisters and MIL made the rest.) It was amazing.
I am three weeks away from my own wedding of pie, un-matched bridesmaids dresses, and no ties, O MY SISTERS IN TOAST!
Quick, have all the bridesmaids pick out different, completely clashing dresses. 😛
PLAID FOR EVERYONE
NO THEY MUST NOT. The men’s ties can do whatever they want.
Including but not limited to strangling all the men.
Am I doing ironic misandry rite?
I my brain, your friend’s prom shoes like this. http://shop.irregularchoice.com/blog/wp-content/u…
AMAZING
Holy Jesus God. It’s like the shoes never finish loading completely. And there’s also a horse made of waves.
Ack I think I was kind of this person in HS. I was the only person in my friend group who had ever had a boyfriend at that point and I didn’t really know what I was doing. I didn’t understand at the time why my friends didn’t want me to invite him along to things. Then again all of my high school relationships were basically long chains of me doing the wrong thing but that’s how I learned! At least I never picked out any matching clothing items.
Portions for Foxes may be the song with a video, but Does He Love You is the greatest song from the album, and the greatest Rilo Kiley song of all time. I have strong feelings about this.
It might be the best, actually! I’ve never really thought about this. I know it’s been my favorite, but right now “Spectacular Views” probably holds that coveted title.
They played “Portions for Foxes” before Pop Culture Happy Hour live started last night, and I remembered that a server at my favorite bar in my hometown had a tattoo of a fox on her leg with the phrase “Baby, I’m Bad News” surrounding it. Great tattoo or greatest tattoo?
that’s amazing
Yes yes yes yes yes agreed 5000%. Does He Love You? has been on so many mixes I’ve made and I have cried to it so many times.
“A Man/Me/Then Jim” remains in the top spot for me. It lets me confront my fear of being slowly less and less loved until I am forever alone.
yeah, the whole album is kind of a downer
I do love Portions for Foxes though. The first few notes of that song are SO GOOD and every time I hear them, it sends a thrill up my spine.
Um. Also. You will not be forever alone. The Toast is everywhere and so you will have friends wherever you go. And if you are in the DC area and want to hang out, let me know.
Some people are afraid of ghosts or spiders. I’m afraid of feelings.
I like the idea that The Toast is my friend for all times!
Me tooo. I saw her play that live recently and cried. It was great!
I’m sorry I’m hard to live with/Living is the problem for me
The whole album is one of my favorites, but I think I agree with you. That line especially echoes whenever I or someone I’m close to is being difficult.
I love both of those songs so much. I identified–maybe still do a little– so deeply with her persona on that record: a little cynical, a little slutty, a little wounded, a little aloof.
Same! sometimes I wonder if it’s weird that it still speaks to me so clearly 10 years down the line. Also gonna give a little shoutout to the beginning of Accidntal Death which is my jam. Jenny 4eva!
Does He Love You is possibly the greatest song of all time. Who else drops bombshells like that at the climax of a song?? I text one of my best friends at least once a year with “PLEASE RELISTEN TO DOES HE LOVE YOU RIGHT NOW #allthefeels” and it’s so true. Hits me like a brick sometimes.
ACCURATE
“pictures of success” is the hill i will die on when it comes to greatest rilo kiley songs.
Oh man. The opening of that song sends me straight back to hearing it for the first time at 13 in my bedroom, totally stunned. That album was my first experience with the archetype of the sexually liberated/ makes lots of mistakes american woman and I cherish it always.
ALSO one time I saw her live and she brought out Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings mid-set and I nearly had a heart attack. Then during “I’ve lied, cheated, stolen, and been ungrateful for what I had” she did this real sexy counting on her fingers dance aaaah jennylewis
Then during “I’ve lied, cheated, stolen, and been ungrateful for what I had” she did this real sexy counting on her fingers dance aaaah jennylewis
I FREAKING LOVE THAT SONG
When she sings “except everything, everything, everything, everything” her voice is made out of pure crystal and feels
Also, Kacy Catanzaro is great, but let’s not forget about Meagan Martin, so far the first lady to succeed at the Jumping Spider, I feel like it is important not to forget about her.
(What I like about her run in particular is how enthusiastic those announcer guys are, like she has just successfully LEAPT TO THE MOON. Those guys are so happy for her success!)
The whole show is super-positive and happy. Everyone is happy for everyone else. It’s so affirming and positive, it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite shows to watch, which is ridiculous, but here we are.
Yes, Martin was pretty awesome. And she also got through the next obstacle. Too bad she ran out of time.
Ooh, I never got to see her, but I promise to like her anyway. I am old enough to have been addicted to Battle of the Network Stars as a child, and have some kind of latent obstacle-course Pavlovian drool issue to this day. If you can run through a bunch of tires on the ground without tripping I love you, so whatever the Jumping Spider is I’ll bet it kicks butt.
What I like best about her is the cutaway to her regular life where clearly someone asked if she was a tomboy, and she said, “Oh, no, I’m not a tomboy at all” and then showed off her hundred pairs of shoes and dresses with bows on them.
REJECT HETERONORMATIVE GENDER STEREOTYPING, DO IT
Oh my god I got to see her last night! I love her for her tenacious leap-and-stick ability, and I love you for directing me to her! She’s my reverse-self somehow, since I look and act like a tomboy, albeit not a physically fit one, but if you cut me open Hello Kitty products come out. Next time I’m in a hallway, though, I’m gonna want to spider it up.
I feel like I would be pissed about getting a “free pass” for my birthday because what, I’m expected to go out and find a willing and attractive dude or lady now? Way to make me do all the work to make this little fantasy happen, husband. How flipping generous of you. (P.S. I’m way too lazy for polyamory.)
“Way too lazy for polyamory”: maybe the best description of my sexual orientation.
Me too!!! I have a close friend who is polyamorous and even going to her parties exhausts me. Related: I hated dating. If I could conjure a mirror version of myself and my partner and we could all just hang out and drink wine and then get in a sex heap later I would be all for it but FINDING people?!
Just reading that pullquote (because I refuse to give Prudie any pageviews), it’s pretty obviously about that dude’s under-articulated cuckold fetish. And while I’m all for happy cuckoldings, it seems like every advice column is drowning in tales of cuckolding gone wrong, almost always on the dude’s part.
Which leads me to believe that there must be some untapped market for “Dudes: Here’s How To Not Be An Idiot When Asking Your Partner To Fulfill Your Cuckold Fantasies”
I believe all those tales of cuckolding gone wrong can fall under the umbrella of Your Penis Your Fault.
Under-articulating your ANYTHING fetish is a recipe for misunderstandings and sadness all around. “I expect you to somehow magically pick up on this thing I’m into even though I never told you about it. If you don’t, I’ll act weird about it. Actually, I’ll act weird about it either way. Good luck.”
You’re a 50-year-old married woman! Now go out and have hot sex with another!*
*Not that 50-year-old married women CAN’T find attractive and willing partners, of course they can, but I mean, my options for casual boning became more limited when I hit like 28**. I would be like THANKS husband, this is a straw offer.
ETA**This is almost certainly in part because of an up-tick in pickiness.
I was fairly picky in my early/mid-twenties, but now at 28 I’m so proud of YoungerWench for being so. Although, yes, I think we (I) can go pickier still.
This was posted by Jame Foley’s family on his facebook page. oh, my heart…
“A message from Jim’s mom, Diane Foley:
We have never been prouder of our son Jim. He gave his life trying to expose the world to the suffering of the Syrian people.
We implore the kidnappers to spare the lives of the remaining hostages. Like Jim, they are innocents. They have no control over American government policy in Iraq, Syria or anywhere in the world.
We thank Jim for all the joy he gave us. He was an extraordinary son, brother, journalist and person. Please respect our privacy in the days ahead as we mourn and cherish Jim.”
What a beautiful and brave tribute. I can’t imagine having the mental and moral fortitude to write that given what they must be going through.
I hate to drop this and run, because there’s a lot to talk about, but here’s the form to fill out if you want to be part of the Toast Postcard Exchange!(aka Toastpost). If you are moving in the next couple of weeks, leave a note in the address box and I’ll follow up with you to confirm your new address – I won’t be matching people until September 1 at the earliest.
Off to the rest of a conference….
This is a fantastic idea. Thanks for coordinating!
My New Year’s resolution this year was to send more snail mail. As with most resolutions, I did a pretty good job at first–mailed piles of postcards and greeting cards out for Valentine’s Day–but after too long of a hiatus, I’m ready to get back in the game.
Glad to help 😀
As a new Toastie (Toastlet?) I feel as though I’m intruding signing up for this, but…postcards.
Aw, don’t feel that way! I’m mostly a lurker (I think I have like 20 posts over the past year under my belt), but I’m totally signing up. Snail mail that isn’t bills/junk!
No no no, we’d love to have you! Please sign up!
you are NOT intruding and in fact are very smart because now you will get to ‘meet’ lots of Toasties!
Yay, just signed up! Quick question: can I create custom postcards vs. store bought? Thanks in advance!
Yes! As long as it meets the postal service’s postcard size requirements (there’s a link on the form to the USPS), any and all creative ideas are awesome!
Kreutzer Sonata is totally effed up and I loved this article about Sophia Tolstoy’s novella in response-
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/20/books/kreutzer-…
“The complaints itemized, in an incandescent rage, by Tolstoy’s narrator find a counterargument in his wife’s rueful narrative of disappointed love, of the mismatch between male sexual desire and female hunger for emotional satisfaction, of the differing expectations and demands imposed by childbirth and child care.”
So I don’t exactly believe in past lives, but my sister dreamed of being Sophia Tolstoy before she knew that was her first name? This sticks in my brain.
That’s awesome/eery. I hope she went around enacting the misandry that Sophia never could.
Oh yeah, she hates EVERYBODY. It’s glorious.
You guys! Anita Sarkeesian finally began the long-awaited Phase 2 of her videogame project last night!:
“@femfreq: We didn’t wanna do this but the Feminist Gaming Illuminati had a meeting & we’re taking your games away until you can be decent human beings.”
FINALLY! It’s a pity it had to come about because people were being absolute fucking shits towards a particular woman in games yesterday (ugh, you really don’t want to know the details). But please join me now in gathering kerosene, going over to entitled white dude gaming culture, and burning it to the motherfucking ground.
I have a few friends involved in the games industry and one of them retweeted this link this morning in the wake of everything that has happened (which I am still unsure of, because your comment and this blog post were the first I’d seen, thankfully): http://botherer.org/2014/08/20/how-internet-hate-…
Yeah, that’s the best description of the Awfulness I’ve seen that describes the crap that went down without drawing more attention to the people affected by it. (John Walker is, for the most part, a very decent guy.) There’s definitely a balance between wanting to call out people vociferously and specifically for being assholes, particularly in this situation, and not wanting to drag the developer further into a shitty situation which she’s clearly tired of dealing with.
Basically a woman (who released a rather excellent, non-traditional indie game earlier this year and got a lot of shit for it then too) is being accused by an ex boyfriend (and now 4chan) of being a slut who is sleeping her way to the top. Which, arrrggggggggggggggggghhh. Sure, dudebros. Ignore all the cases of websites reviewing the same games they get advertising revenue from, and publishers throwing lavish parties for reviewers and journalists. A developer and a journalist have a brief relationship (the first time in history this has happened!!) a long time after he writes an article briefly mentioning her, and it’s the BIGGEST ETHICAL ISSUE EVER. /rant /burnitalltotheground
I don’t understand this idea that a personal/professional fuckup justifies abusive witch hunt behavior. Each time I saw a tweet imploring people to lay off the abuse, the responses were “well, look what she did! You don’t have all the facts if you think she doesn’t deserve this!” Even if every single accusation is true, you don’t get to just abuse people online. Not to mention, no one is accusing the male partner in this of being a slut.
AND KOTAKU DOESN’T EVEN GIVE LETTER OR NUMBER GRADES. Their reviews are pass/fail! Come on!
At least it seemed to open the eyes of at least one male video game personage to just how bad online abuse can get.
The amazing part is that he never even did a review for Kotaku/RPS. He mentioned the game once in a list of Steam Greenlight games as a highlight (back when it was still a browser game which had gotten very positive press from a LOT of people), and quoted her once in a different article unrelated to her game. Shocking stuff.
It’s amazing how completely convinced these guys are that they are fighting for what is right. I think it partially may be wrapped up in the idea that her game couldn’t have POSSIBLY have become famous just because it was good. And the idea that The Force Destroying Games = Women = Cheating Ungrateful Sluts. You’re right that, like Anita Sarkeesian’s kickstarter, it’s the kind of incident that will really wake people up. Right now it’s mostly making me want to run as far away from gaming as I possibly can. But I love games. 🙁
I don’t even play video games, and I will join in the burning with bomblastic glee because even as an outsider to the culture this shit enrages me, and I can’t imagine what it must be like for women actually IN gaming.
I’ve been trying to write a response to this but I keep getting frustrated and angry and running my sentences on too long, so I’ll just say that fraternization – sexual or not – among devs, writers, and fans is widespread because due to common interests everybody’s part of the same social circles so unless you’re also getting angry about the SANCTITY OF OUR VIDEOGAME MEDIA when writers talk about the existence of games their friends have made shut up.
Also, play Depression Quest. Even if you don’t play games. A lot of people have found that it helps them to contextualize or explain their own experiences with depression, or it helps them understand the experiences of their friends or family.
Yeah, I grabbed it the moment I could on Steam. I actually didn’t play it back when it first came out, because I was kinda worried it might force me to confront my own depression and anxiety issues. I wish I could give her money for it. Time to donate to her patreon instead, methinks.
I think it has to do with a belief in the dichotomy of friendship and sex. Like, dudes who review their friends’ games are clearly maintaining objectivity, because manly bonds between men do not cause irrational things like feelings to happen, but women confuse men with their boobs and vaginas. Because sex is impure, and the mere presence of a woman causes men to sin in their hearts, and so she must have influenced his gaming preferences osmotically with her vagina.
Relevant to yesterday’s link roundup, here is an article about early experiments with laughing gas: “O, Excellent Air Bag”.
Southey’s ecstatic report to his brother Tom set the tone for the explorations that were to follow:
O, Tom! Such a gas has Davy discovered, the gasoeus oxyd! O, Tom! I have had some; it made me laugh and tingle in every toe and finger-tip. Davy has actually invented a new pleasure for which language has no name. O, Tom! I am going for more this evening; it makes one strong and so happy, so gloriously happy! O, excellent air-bag!
I’ve never experienced nitrous – is it really all that great? In that case I might make that long-overdue dentist’s appointment after all.
It’s pretty fly. I woke up from getting my wisdom teeth out feeling greeeeeat. I’m pretty sure my first thought was “Damn, I feel good”. I also remember feeling vaguely annoyed at a little kid who was crying for harshing on my high. My mother tells me I was stumbling down the hallway and could barely walk upright, but I do not remember this!
The Oxycodone they gave me for the pain afterwards made me violently ill though, and that was terrible (but at least now I know that I am unlikely to develop an addiction to painkillers? However, if there was a way to use laughing gas safely and recreationally I WOULD BE ALL ABOUT THAT.)
Hey, I too had an awful reaction to post-wisdom teeth meds! Vomit + open wounds in my mouth = worst. Just worst.
Me too. I have no allergies to prescription drugs, but now I always add “but I would prefer to avoid Percocet.” Because never again, thanks.
Did you know some anti-nausea medications have nausea as a side effect? Isn’t that just great? I was pretty much on Advil + ice by hour 6 after the removal. So much for “good” painkillers.
Well, it’s not too hard to do Whip-its recreationally- all you need are cartridge refills for whipped cream makers (you can buy boxes online or at chef supply stores) and balloons. Each hit only lasts like 30 seconds, though.
… Not that I know anything about it first hand, of course (quickly walks away).
I still have a box of cartridges and a cracker left behind by my ex. I keep meaning to try it for funsies.
I had a lot of teeth pulled as a child, so nitrous was my first drug experience…and yeah, it was lovely. “Hmm,” thought ten-year-old me, “where are my feet?”
I had teeth pulled as a child but my anesthesia consisted of shots in the gums above the teeth in question. My mouth was numb but that was it. I remember the dental surgeon telling my mother not to let me eat anything solid for the rest of the day because I was so numb I could chew and swallow my own tongue and not realize it. I was so horrified by that prospect, I didn’t even trust myself to drink soup through a straw.
I got nitrous when I got my wisdom teeth out and it just made me cough full-on in my dentist’s face and then slur, “Sorryyyyyy,” because my mouth was all numb. I’ve also done nitrous the dirtbag whipped-cream-canister way, and it makes you feel gooood for about a minute, and then maybe you have a headache from killing brain cells or something, I’m not a doctor.
Yes, but that wonderful feeling is brain cells dying, so it’s a mixed bag.
I’m pretty sure they grow back, though, unless you kill them a lot, over the long term.
I had a nightmarish experience with nitrous at the dentist as a little girl. To be fair, we found out later that the dentist I was seeing made me go through all kinds of painful treatments I didn’t need, but damn it, the nitrous part at least should’ve been fun like everyone else talks about. On the maybe plus side, it freaked me out so much that I’ve never done any kind of drugs, even as a (not so) rebellious teenager, so I guess it worked out?
I’ve had nitrous as an adult. I am so anxious in advance of dental work, my doc schedules offers nitrous even when non-phobic patients would not need a thing. But I’ve never gotten high from it. It definitely does its job, bringing my anxiety down to manageable levels. Maybe nitrous does not produce a high in the presence of high anxiety.
Or, like ADD medication, maybe it does get you high, it’s just that the high you’re experiencing puts you at “normal” emotional levels.
So glad I’m not the only one annoyed when friends invite significant others to our catch-ups…I’ve always been afraid I’ll seem unreasonable if I object. (Girlfriends as well as boyfriends, friendos – just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she’s one OF the girls, am I right?? We need private time to dish!) When I’m in a relationship I cherish separate friend time…it’s hard for me to fathom wanting to be together ALL the time. :-/
I’ve long been on record as saying that I’m very happy to be invited somewhere sans partner (as is my partner)… but I’m also on record as being opposed to single-sex invite lists. Not because I have to have dudes around – I’m plenty happy without – but if the event is going to be more than a couple of people, I feel like there’s something rather gender normative in the idea that “the girls” are inherently and uniformly different to be around than “the guys”.
Yeah, sometimes friend groups are about more than simply girls vs. guys. Hence I was trying to be more inclusive, haha…my point being, if we’re having a one-on-one friend catch-up, whether your S.O. is a guy or a girl, I would really rather it be just us so we can talk about relationships or private friend stuff, if we so choose. Other hangouts? Sure, your S.O. is more than welcome.
Oh, right, one-on-one catchup time definitely does not include the partners by default.
This! It’s fine to want friend-time, but the men in my life deserve brunch like any other human. They also have to come to baby showers though.
Single sex wedding/baby showers are the wooooorst kind of single sex invite. Especially because they always seem to happen in the far suburbs, and my (male) partner is the one with the driver’s license.
But as previously discussed on the Toast: saying “no” to a shower invite that you don’t want to attend is the bessssst. Especially when your partner enjoys your hissing incantations about heteronormativity while hitting that “regrets” button on the evite.
Your comment caused me to pause and reflect on why it is that my core hangout group is all female now. And I realized that we had been more co-ed in the past, but when the dudes in my friend group got girlfriends they PEACED OUT. Anyone else have this experience?
This happened to me in undergrad. A subset of my male friends pretty much stopped hanging out with the rest of us to do things exclusively with this group of women who they were obviously trying to pursue romantically. In the end I don’t think any of them ended up dating any of those women but instead ended up counseling them through their various relationships. One of those guys was (is) actually pretty horribly misogynistic so it was probably better for me to stop being around him anyway.
Seven years after graduation, the college nebula(e) has consolidated down to a smaller few, but some of those folks started dating/marrying each other. So there’s no “just the actual college peeps, no SO’s” gathering format that make much sense at all. >.<
When I am host and you are guest, you only get to do this once: bring an uninvited guest of your own to my event. My events, no matter how casual, are invitation only. I will not say a thing about your uninvited guest. I will go to great lengths to make that person feel welcome. However, you, original invited guest, will never get another invitation from me.
I do accept requests in advance of my event. If you tell me you must decline and explain it is because you will have house guests, I will ask about them. If you indicate no children, or if my event can accommodate small humans, I might extend an invitation to the rest of your temporary household. Notice: that’s an *invitation*. They are no longer uninvited. Likewise if you decline and mention a prior engagement with another friend. I might extend an invitation to include that friend.
This is an excellent policy and I support it wholeheartedly. (I would co-sign but the simple fact is that all of my social engagements are either 1-on-1 or with a small group of friends who are all equally firm on the point of “friend time means us and no one else,” so it’s honestly never been an issue for me.)
I just saw AHP’s announcement of the Buzzfeed Live/Toast crossover event and screamed. I might have to try to make it to NYC despite the hassles. AHHHHHHH
I KNOW I will put all the info in tomorrow roundup!
I’m sorry if I jumped the gun on your announcement! I’ve been out of town recently and wasn’t sure if you had said something yet. I’m just really excited that you will all be on the East Coast.
Nope! Just reassuring people they’ll hear more.
When I bought tix today, put the event in my calendar as MALLORY NICOLE!!!!!! which nicely offsets the boring status meetings that make up the rest of my schedule
Also “Portions for Foxes” is an amazing song and Jenny Lewis is a goddess.
If you want to cry forever and ever, give Maria Callas’ take on “Senza Mamma” a listen sometime.
Does Dear Prudie run every day now??
Three days a week, which is both too many and too few days. (I’m seriously conflicted on Dear Prudie. I hate it, I love it, I can’t stop reading it or the comments, then I hate myself for reading…)
ALERT ALERT ALERT BBC’s Neverwhere adaptation is today’s Amazon daily deal, so it’s under $2 on Audible, you guys! http://www.audible.com/pd/Radio-TV/Neverwhere-Ada…
Cumberbatch voice INSIDE MY CAR NOW GET IN THERE.
BOUGHT IT. YES.
AND Natalie Dormer! *swoons*
I am well-pleased with how Indiana Jonesesque David Rosand looks in the picture in that article. He sounds like he was a remarkable man!
MORSE yes please. You are going to love Endeavour.
MORSE
god i love morse so much. and inspector lewis, obviously. i was pleasantly surprised by endeavour, too.
‘It has kissing, demon ladies, and warrior gods trying to be aunties’.
Book description which made me think of The Toast. Scale-Bright by Benjanun Sriduangkaew, coming out in a couple of weeks.
Oh my God Senza Mamma. It’s my father’s favourite piece of classical music and I tear up within three seconds.
Libby Anne posted a really great article today on her blog Love, Joy, Feminism about her concerns about the Duggars (from TLC’s 19 kids and counting) and specifically addresses the points that have been used to defend the family’s treatment of their children. I think it is worth reading and considering how little choice those 19+ kids have in their lives, and keep these points in mind if the show comes up in conversation.
“Now I get it, I do! The Duggars look fun, and quaint in a way. In our fast-paced world, the desire to find something to idealize, or to find something untouched by change, can be strong. But life on the inside of the looking glass is often not as fun as it looks from the outside”
“But wait, you say! Why don’t the older Duggar children just leave, if they want to go to college, or move to the city? It’s not like their parents are physically confining them. So let’s talk about something else for a moment: what happens when you grow up in this culture and then leave. And yes, we’ll be using the word shunning, because it is a very real thing that really does happen in these circles”
“If one of the older Duggar children makes choices outside of those laid out for them by their parents, they risk being cut off from all contact with their younger siblings. When the older Duggar children have put so much effort into raising their younger siblings, this becomes only worse. It’s follow the party line, or risk losing the siblings you have raised from infancy, almost as though they were your own children. I raised one of my own sisters this way, and when I moved away from home for college when she was five she felt abandoned. It took years for me to explain to her what had happened, and restore our relationship. I cannot even imagine how much worse this would have been if all contact had been simply severed, indefinitely. She was my baby. And those older Duggar kids have babies too.”
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2014…
Holy crap, Toasties. Margaret Atwood just tweeted a link to one of the Art History posts…
I saw that and I went eeeeeeee!
HOLD THE PHOOONE
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR
THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My future-SIL picked the color, the fabric, and the length, but that's the extent of her controlling our dress choices. Because she recognizes that there's no way a bunch of her friends are all going to look good wearing the same dress.
…I also got away with getting tea-length instead of knee-length, because my legs do not fit the David's Bridal standard. Ha.
Oh my god I got to see her last night! I love her for her tenacious leap-and-stick ability, and I love you for directing me to her! She's my reverse-self somehow, since I look and act like a tomboy, albeit not a physically fit one, but if you cut me open Hello Kitty products come out. Next time I'm in a hallway, though, I'm gonna want to spider it up.