A Beautiful, Sweaty Woman Reads “How To Respond To Criticism” To Universal Approval -The Toast

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palinode · 554 weeks ago

Just the titles alone have me laughing helplessly.

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Linette 125p · 554 weeks ago

The faint ongoing noise of the crying baby seems like appropriate background music for How to Respond to Criticism.

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Power_Lloyd 101p · 554 weeks ago

What new mystical camera was able to capture her commanding light and sonorous timbre.

I am of the "Malloy Ortberg once greeted me and spoke with me (briefly), so I have that going for me" demeanor and purpose.

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figwiggin 114p · 554 weeks ago

Continuing dulcet tones. This is the exact opposite of what I sound like when I read my work aloud.

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figwiggin 114p · 554 weeks ago

Also, watching Roxane Gay laugh in the background makes my heart sing.

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1 reply · active 554 weeks ago

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ctrlaultdelete 92p · 554 weeks ago

Isn't this missing the "Roxane Gay is in the background of this video" tag?

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canadienne · 554 weeks ago

GOOD GRIEF WOMAN PLEASE COME TO WHERE I LIVE AND READ ME THE PHONE BOOK OVER AND OVER I PROMISE I'LL MAKE YOU [DIABETIC BAKED GOOD OF CHOICE AND/OR CHEESE] UNTIL YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY CONSUME ANOTHER MORSEL AND THEN WE CAN READ THE PHONE BOOK SOME MORE AND ALSO MAYBE AN EXCERPT OF MISANDRIST LULLABIES FOR GOOD MEASURE.

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lassotabasco 95p · 554 weeks ago

Your voiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I cannot handle it. Marry me.

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1 reply · active 554 weeks ago

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highjump 105p · 554 weeks ago

Only after Mallory marries meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

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mmejoy 121p · 554 weeks ago

Campaign to Have Mallory Ortberg Do Audiobook Versions of my Favorite Novels 2014.

(My husband, who cannot help that he is a man, and I watched Male Novelist Jokes twice last night. Pure delight.)

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1 reply · active 554 weeks ago

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GreenGrasses 121p · 554 weeks ago

My husband, who cannot help that he is a man...

Thank you for this new phrase, which I will be using when introducing my partner from now on.

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ladyknight27 116p · 554 weeks ago

OH SWEET LORD. I am contemplating the relative worth of keeping my job vs. watching this immediately and curling up into the warm nest of Mallory's voice.

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anninyn 124p · 554 weeks ago

Early on in the video, your hair blows around your face and your skirt ripples in the breeze and for a second you look like you're starring inthe climactic point of a romantic film.

It's at the exact point you make eye-contact with someone (me) and both our worlds change for ever.

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DeLoreanGrey 127p · 554 weeks ago

Oh my god can you please start a toastcast called This Amallorican Life. I would listen to it 5ever.

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1 reply · active 554 weeks ago

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highjump 105p · 554 weeks ago

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Also, your username is awesome.

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Currer_Belle 133p · 554 weeks ago

I'd like to submit for consideration that if you start and stop the video at the right time, you can pretend that Mallory Ortberg and her voice are telling you that "You are brave, and you look so beautiful."

If you wish to receive this gift, please begin at 3:23.

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2 replies · active 554 weeks ago

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Kay · 554 weeks ago

You are the best and that is my new blah-day-picker-upper.

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Unreadaethel 127p · 554 weeks ago

Oh god, now I'm going to get trapped in an endless moment of watching, over and over again, Mallory telling me that I'm brave, and beautiful, and I shall slowly waste away and die as I forget the world around me, so enraptured am I by the imagined praise of this glorious creature.

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Ironhoneybee · 554 weeks ago

Please please please, let the next one of these be A Day in the Life of a Troubled Male Antihero.

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1 reply · active 554 weeks ago

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Anonymous_Prime 69p · 554 weeks ago

Okay, that one, and then the next one has to be Stardate: Fuck This Shit.

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stateside_ 114p · 554 weeks ago

This is the greatest. Again. May it continue forever.

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practical cat 77p · 554 weeks ago

Never stop. Please read your writing to the world forever and ever, thanks.

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BobOfSeals 138p · 554 weeks ago

I feel mostly good about being the person who watched the suggested "Man in the Mirror" from Joyful Noise after this video.

Also when Roxane Gay smiles my heart smiles.

And I know its been said but Mallory your voiceeee I want to hear you read everything you've written.

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Unreadaethel 127p · 554 weeks ago

[comment redacted on account of alcohol]

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thekatriarch 93p · 554 weeks ago

Mallory. MALLORY.

You are wonderful.

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farrisonhord 108p · 554 weeks ago

As a beautiful, sweaty woman myself, I find these to be quite true and should be applied in real life.

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MameDC 130p · 554 weeks ago

This time YouTube gives me a video of a kid with a scrunched-up screaming face and the caption: KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING JEALOUS BARREL. The video (which I of course had to watch) is in French, and the child is screaming, "Je vais (?) le bon bon!"

Seems valid. I don't know about the barrel part.

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3 replies · active 554 weeks ago

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