The Wheeled Assassins: An Infinite Jest-Themed Roller Derby Roster

by Jenny Hayes · November 4, 2014

Team:

Infinite Jessie  #∞

Avril I-Can-Dent-Ya  #56

Kate Stompert  #420

Donna Skately  #12STEP

Madame Psychosis  #60 +/-

Annulate Her  #0

Le Prochain Train  #2359EXPRESS

Blood Sister  #1TOUGHNUN

Ann Kittenslam  #12 ½

Molly Nokkin’  #A FINITE NUMBER

Yushityu Pants  #2007

InYerFace TelEnterpainment  #4.8MB

Hittiest Girl Of All Time (H.G.O.A.T.)  #10

Map Eliminator  #4KEEPS

Coaches:

Himself

David Foster Wallop

Jenny Hayes grew up in Berkeley, California and now lives in Seattle. Her writing has appeared in Spartan,
Eclectica, The Northville Review, and other interesting places. Her
chapbook with an illustrated story about David Bowie will be published
in late 2014 by alice blue books.


16 Comments

  5. rolotomassi5 +3

    USS Millicent Bent
    The Wrath
    (Don’t know exactly how well this would translate as a uniform/name, but here goes): There
    The Black Hell
    Mildred Bonk

  6. catoclock +8

    I definitely talk about trivia way too much around here, but I would like everyone to know that two of the best teams at my weekly trivia night are called The Infinite Jesters and David Foster Walrus.

    I assume it’s only a matter of time before I get drawn into a serious (and probably really boring) conversation about David Foster Wallace and accidentally call him David Foster Walrus and it’s either going to be amazing or mortifying.

  7. LeslieMonster

    I'm in Canada. Which is super vague, ha. I'm in Toronto, I just moved here for school and left my two old leagues (sad!) and joined up here.

    I didn't get to see any of champs this weekend! I was back in ptbo, and neither me or my gf had an account to watch on. We were out at trivia Sunday night, and I was on Facebook and she was looking at a couple of the derby GIF tumblrs, and we are both just so confused/excited/confusing everyone else at our table.

  9. ginkgotree

    Ooh, that's a good thought! I could make friends and not break any bones. I'll check it out and report back.

  12. LeslieMonster

    do it! I could skate medium-okay when I started, but couldn't stop. I forgot I wasn't in rollerblades, fell, and took out a handful of chairs pretty spectacularly at my first-ever practice. And I still have friends! (Actually, though, one of the things I'm proudest of myself for is not just disappearing into thin air after that)

  14. Myotis

    I kept thinking of the book (which I finally read while I was housebound healing my derby-broken ankle last year) the whole time I drove to our scrimmage last night.

    Maybe…

    Howlin' Candace-Uh, #10S
    Kay BessWah #0U1
    Fran Kaphone #N0N
    Unveiled Threat #AC1D
    (For a merby dude) Michael Pummel-us #86