967 Comments

  1. aravisthequeen +16

    Toasties! Who wants to indulge in some children’s/YA book nostalgia with me? For the past couple weeks I’ve been rereading the Dear Canada and Dear America books, which I love dearly and find really awesome. (With exceptions.) Also, does anyone have a recommendation for journal-style fiction written for adults? There is something I find really appealing about books “where nothing much happens,” in a sort of slice-of-life way instead of a Waiting-for-Godot way.

    I think the Dear Canada books in particular (the earlier ones more than the later ones) are really underrated—most are written by terrific children’s authors and they deal with surprisingly dark topics. Dear America does this as well—but the relaunched books, not so much. I was probably far better off reading these than reading the teenagers’-historical-romance series in my library of “Woman’s Name And the Profession,” which were like….oh god…Gwyneth and the Thief! Emily and the Scot! Catherine and the Pirate! Miranda and the Warrior! They were SO bad and I ate those things like popcorn.

    Please tell me I’m not the only adult who still remembers and adores/reads/enjoys these books?

    1. GreenGrasses +7

      OMMMGGG DEAR AMERICA!! And the Royal Diaries!! Yesss. I still have a special place in my heart for Marie Antoinette because I think her Royal Diaries novel was written so well.

      It’s not journal-style, but I absolutely adore Michael Korda’s book “Country Matters,” about buying an old farmhouse with his wife. There’s nothing giant or dramatic that happens, instead it’s just his recounting all of the random little things they had to do, the way their lives changed, and the people they met and became close with. I re-read it alllll the time.

      1. aravisthequeen +4

        YES IT REALLY WAS. I felt bad for her after that book–same for Anastasia! Same for fucking Cleopatra! WHAT.

      2. ballisticjaguar +8

        I reaaalllly loved Lady of Ch’iao Kuo: Warrior of the South, I think in major part because it was based in a history almost totally unknown to me, which was SO COOL. I also really like the Marie Antoinette one, and the one about Kaiulani (a Hawaiian princess). That last one I remember being super sad though at the end.

        1. aravisthequeen +2

          The Royal Diaries actually did quite well with branching out from Europe–they did a Native girl, an African girl, India, Korea, Japan, China, Central America, and Hawaii in addition to the “traditional” Euros–which I thought was terrific.

          1. GreenGrasses +5

            I loooooved the one for the Indian princess! I learned so much about the culture of the time, and the warfare, and women’s rituals, and possibly that was my first introduction to the idea of an eunuch?

    2. kilks401 +3

      I plan on going back and reading Redwall after Mallory’s post this week. Those books got me into reading long fantasy series more than anything else.

    3. rangiferina +6

      I loved the Dear America books! I haven’t read them in ages, but they were a staple of my childhood.

      My dad found one of the more recent books at the dump over the summer and brought it home, because he thought it was the diary of an actual freed slave – he was so disappointed when I told him that no, this is a historical fiction series that I read in 5th grade. aw, dad.

    4. ppyajunebug +6

      Oh God, I loved (and still love) the Dear America/Royal Diaries books SO SO MUCH. My favorites: the Jewish immigrant one, the Titanic one, the Oregon Trail one, Anastasia’s book and Elizabeth I’s book. I stupidly gave them away ages ago, so now I am sad and without them.

      2. sausagedog +5

        Oh! Oh the Jewish immigrant one, was that the one where she goes on to be a stage actor? Zipporah? That one was great!

        1. ppyajunebug +2

          Yes! For a while I told my mother that I was going to name my future daughter Zipporah (mostly because of the book, but also because that was the name of my favorite camp counselor). She was relieved when I decided that might be a little too out of the mainstream, unless I ended up going full Orthodox.

      3. Nausikaa +3

        The Titanic one is Ellen Emerson White doing her Ellen Emerson White thing (writing smart-alecky teenagers who seem like they might grow up to be Katharine Hepburn) and it’s sooo good until she gets to the part where the boat has to sink and then it all gets depressing.

    5. freshwaterpearl +16

      My favorite journal-style novel for adults is I Capture the Castle, which might be an obvious one for the Toastie crowd but always seems worth mentioning.

      2. constancecg +2

        Ugh this is my favorite book of all time (don’t tell Jane Eyre I said that). Cassandra has one of the most appealing voices of any narrator I’ve ever read.

    6. Diana_monkey +3

      I *just* found out about Dear Canada and I’m hoping that my parents will take my really obvious hinting and get me a few cheap copies on Amazon for Christmas/Chanukah/my birthday.

      Have you read Nothing Daunted: Letters of a Woman Homesteader? It is excellent.

    7. evieskye +6

      I had no idea there was a Dear Canada series! I’m going to have to find some of those. I was allllll about the Dear America ones. Zipporah, the girl who was tangentially involved with the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, was my favorite. And remember the Oregon Trail girl who poison (or like almost poisoned, I don’t remember) people by picking the wrong root vegetable.

      1. aravisthequeen +4

        I don’t know how available DC is in the States, but they’re AWESOME. And I love all those ones–I read the Oregon Trail one so often the ribbon disintegrated. (DON’T EAT HEMLOCK.)

      2. ectocool +2

        A Dear America about the Triangle Shirtwaist factory came out not too long ago! It’s called Hear My Sorrow.

    8. PRockette +1

      Suddenly, I remembered a book I loved when I was about 10 or 11. Some quick Googling revealed it was Samantha’s Secret Room by Lyn Cook. I think Lyn Cook wrote a lot of historical fiction and it feels like she was a segue to Jane Urquhart and other Southern Ontario Gothic for adult me.

    9. ballisticjaguar +4

      Those books were wonderful! I remember particularly loving the one about the War of 1812 and Brothers far from Home. The Filles du Roi Diary of Helene St. Onge I remember well because I was skeeved out that a 13/14-year-old girl married a man in his 30s/40s who was also the father of her best friend.

      Did anyone read their (I think companion?) series called The Royal Diaries that did the same thing, but with various historical princesses and queens? Because I also loved those.

      1. aravisthequeen +3

        Oh yes, all of those ones are SO good. The newer ones aren’t as good–they’re more plot-ty, in a way, which is a weird complaint, but I like the old ones much more. I’m building up my library by buying penny copies off Amazon all the time.

    10. ballisticjaguar +2

      Oh! I recently read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society and loved it, but it was quite well known when it first came out so you probably have already heard of it.

    11. GlowCloud +5

      Oh man, I looooooved the Royal Diaries and Dear Canada books as a kid, and I maintain that they were what got me interested in history and especially women’s history. And it also didn’t hurt that so many of them were written by my favourite authors.

      I just looked on my library’s website and a bunch of them are available on Overdrive (including Christmas stories!) so I guess I have plans for winter break.

    12. friendofdaja +5

      Everything I knew about history until age 14 came from those books (well, and American Girl and Liberty’s Kids)! My favorites were Zippy’s diary, the one about the Mormon pioneer girl (she lost her toes!), Queen Elizabeth, and the one about Patsy, who I think was a freed slave post-Civil War. (And I just remembered another excellent book in a similar style called Dear Ellen Bee, about a free black girl and her mother’s not-owner spying for the North)

      The best part about having read all these is the sheer amount of useless but fascinating things I know about day-to-day life in different time periods. Like, sugar loaves in colonial times, and pioneer women tying stones to their dresses so they wouldn’t fly up.

      1. aravisthequeen +2

        You’re going to have to fill me in because there’s no Dear America about a Mormon girl who loses her toes! I would have read the SHIT out of that.

        1. friendofdaja +3

          Man, I just spent like an hour googling it, and I think maybe I conflated two different books? Or else I read some diary-form Mormon novel and assumed it was Dear America? This is really bugging me now.

          I did find out that there was a real Mormon pioneer girl who lost her feet to frostbite-there’s a statue of her called “Standing Tall on Her Knees” (omg). So maybe I’m not completely crazy!

    13. actualmeg +3

      Okay, that’s weird, I actually JUST thought about those books yesterday for the first time in about 10 years, and went “…hm. You know, I actually want to revisit those.” (Also the Royal Diaries series, which I believe were related/a spinoff? I remember being especially into the Cleopatra one.)

      1. aravisthequeen +3

        DO IT, REREAD THEM. But stick to the old, not the relaunch, which I don’t care for as much. Classics 4ever.

        1. actualmeg +1

          Some of the relaunched ones are reprints of the originals, though, right? I definitely remember Winter of Red Snow and Picture of Freedom from back in the day. (Also I just looked them up on my library’s ebook collection and they seem to only have the newer ones.)

          1. aravisthequeen +2

            Oh yes, I should have specified–there are reprints of some of the originals, but the new-new ones aren’t quite as good. Like the WIllow Tree (meh), With The Might of Angels (was an outstanding concept but the book itself kind of dragged), The Fences Between Us I straight up didn’t like (if you want to write about Japanese internment there were plenty of Japanese girls instead of a white girl to write about–Dear Canada did it, so can you), and I didn’t even bother with the one about the San Francisco earthquake.

    14. lassotabasco +2

      I think you might really enjoy The Death of the Heart by Elizabeth Bowen (super dramatic title but a truly masterful piece of pre-war British lit)

    15. actualmeg +4

      Also, I just checked Wikipedia and apparently there was a dude version of the books called My Name is America, which I would not bring up (because men) except for the fact that it looks like there is one about the Donner Party. Which, WOW, seems dark for kids’ lit.

      1. aravisthequeen +6

        Ben Uchida, the My Name is America book, is legit outstanding, and it’s about Japanese internment camps. I loved it. Those tend to be shorter, though?

        The Dear Canada books are really shockingly dark for YA lit. Literally, the plots behind most of them are “People die and/or forced into tragic circumstances.” There’s one about the typhoid epidemic where the girl’s mother, father, and baby brother die, and then her brother loses her. In the flu epidemic diary (right there you know it’s going to be good) her twin sister almost dies and her older sister does die. And so on and so forth.

        1. actualmeg +5

          I guess I am overlooking teenagers’ penchant for intense sad feelings. For a hot second in about eighth grade I was really into those Lurlene McDaniel books, which are essentially tragedy porn, and they were SO POPULAR. (Do not re-read those, though. Not worth it.)

          1. aravisthequeen +2

            God, I had an intense relationship with those books for a minute before snapping out of it. SO INTENSE.

      2. notebook-keeper +3

        I remember one Dear America one about a Native American girl who was sent to a boarding school to be “Westernized” and it was very very sad. Also one about Pearl Harbor. They could be dark! History is dark.

        I forget about how sad the American Girl ones are, too. Kirsten’s friend dies of cholera in the first book!

        1. aravisthequeen +5

          That one by Ann Rinaldi had a ton of controversy around it, because a few Lakota groups described it as outstandingly racist, and wow, it kind of was, on rereading it. I think the American Library Association’s journal did a writeup?

          The Dear Canada books are MEGADARK. The vast majority of them involve death or abuse or horrible incidents or war or some combination of the above, but oh man.

          1. gracefruits +1

            Oh no, was Ann Rinaldi bad about that? I remember liking her Quilt Trilogy, but I haven’t read it recently — that kind of thing makes me question my ability to recommend much-loved books from childhood.

          2. aravisthequeen +3

            I don’t know about her other books, I think they tended to be OK, but her My Heart is On the Ground was particularly….not good. It was very “Me Indian, me go to school” and….you know, the Lakota people didn’t really look kindly on that?

          4. aravisthequeen +2

            Some of the discussion in that one surrounding the format of the book was a little weird–i.e., it’s not actually difficult to tell that they’re fictional stories and you don’t have to be “an expert, a detective, or naturally suspicious,” but the criticism of the writing and the STORY ITSELF as being bad, racist, fucked-up, etc., in a ton of different ways = 100% CORRECT.

      3. friendofdaja +3

        I read the shit out of that Donner Party one! I was really into gritty historical fiction (for a YA audience) as a kid, and wow was that intense. The My Name is America ones were always darker, though, since most of them were told from a soldier’s perspective (the Vietnam one was a particularly tough read).

    16. onehundredthjen +4

      Diary of a Provincial Lady by E.M. Delafield! I fully confess to having purchased the book based on the pretty cover design and nothing else, and it’s very white and somewhat snobbish perhaps? but charming all the same.

    17. depizan +2

      For adults, the Sarah Prine novels by Nancy Turner are excellent (the first one is called These is My Words), very loosely based on the author’s badass grandma.

    18. emilysaysgo +5

      Okay, a weird thing when I was a kid was that there were a lot of books and movies I wasn’t allowed to read or see, and all my homeschooled conservative Christian peers and their families assumed it was for religious reasons, when actually it was because my mom was a huge stickler for historical accuracy and she didn’t want me to get the wrong idea. Hence why I didn’t see Pocahontas until adulthood. But I remember reading the Royal Diaries book about the Hawaiian princess and and then going to my mom and being like AMERICA SUCKS DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS and she was like…yeah. Sorry about that.

  2. houblonchouffe +33

    I just want to say that I love all of you.

    How are you doing? What kind of self-care is getting you by right now? I may treat myself to a LUSH bath tonight after we go to see the Xmas tree lighting and Santa in town tonight.

    1. winterbymorning +5

      Mmmmm, Lush. Which bath bomb/bubble bar are you planning to use?

      I’m really enjoying this lemongrass sugar scrub I got a few weeks ago at a craft fair, although I always feel silly for buying scrubs because I could probably come up with something very similar in my own kitchen if I weren’t so lazy.

      1. houblonchouffe +1

        I don’t know, actually. I bought several when we were downstate at the nearest shop and I think I have have half a French Kiss bath melt left. There’s one of the special Xmas hedgehog melts as well but I think it’s Chris’s technically.

        On second thought it may just be a bath with lavender epsom salts, Lush stash perilously low 🙁

      2. Es_Petal +3

        My favourite is called the Comforter over here – smells like blackcurrant. It’s like having a bath in hot ribena!

        1. houblonchouffe +2

          That sounds fabulous! Last Xmas, my MIL and SIL chipped in and bought me a giant box of UK Lush goodies and I am hoping against all hope that they do that every year. The Lush Pud is so much better in UK version than US…

    2. Olgasrevenge +9

      I am giving myself loooots of time in the sauna at the gym and letting my friends say nice things about me without arguing with them.

    3. thecaitd +11

      I took the day off for some self-care today. I’m doing my nails and watching Absolutely Fabulous!

    4. CleverManka +13

      Self-care. Well, I’m considering starting therapy to learn how to better deal with my anger issues. So that’s gonna be fun.

      1. llama-j +1

        Ooh, have you read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner? It’s been so helpful to me, and it’s written in the best non-shaming way. I’ve almost found it more useful than therapy? For some interpersonal issues, at least. If you decide to start therapy, though, I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find a therapist that you really click with.

        1. CleverManka +8

          Wow, thank you so much for the recommendation! I’ll try just about anything with “dance” in the title. My anger issues are more directed at The World and General Injustice. I don’t often get angry with people in my day-to-day interactions. I don’t think it’ll take a whole lot of sessions. I know what I need to do. I need to find a way to channel my anger in productive ways instead of allowing my heart to remain at a medium simmer all the damn time.

    5. paddlepickle +16

      I am reminding myself that I am allowed to go home from protests so I can be well rested in the morning, and I am allowed to feel anxious about and try to avoid getting arrested. Also I am allowed to watch as much damn silly TV as I want when I’m not at work thinking/writing about injustice and in the streets protesting injustice. I am still really, really tired.
      Read more at http://the-toast.net/2014/12/05/friday-open-threa…

    6. Ethylbenzene +12

      All the TNG, coupled with my very favorite cheap bubbly wine.

      My Grammy’s funeral was unexpectedly difficult and I’m worn out and feel just this *void* in my life now. I took a half day/work from home day on Wednesday when I got back in town and am just still feeling off and starting to get that weird itchy “sick” feeling in my nose and throat. Ugh forever.

    8. katekari +8

      Love all of you! The Toast is such a blessing right now.

      Self-care:
      • Lots of indoor lighting: battery-operated “candles” (so I don’t worry about setting things on fire that shouldn’t be on fire, haha), fairy lights, and my beloved full-spectrum lamp on my work desk.
      • Not having it with being cold: blankets and big socks at home, unashamed shawl-wearing and lots of hot tea at work, shamelessly unfashionable parka/snowpants/boots combo for outside.
      • Bought myself a couple of pretty water bottles so I drink lots of water.
      • Laying down books and DVDs for the upcoming season so I have lots to look forward to.

      Hope you are all also self-caring! It’s a hard world to be in right now.

    9. llama-j +26

      For self care today, I’ve been really listening to the extremely anxious voice inside of me. I usually try to swat it away and push it down, drown it out with music, whatever it takes for me not to acknowledge it. But today, I’ve been trying to be present with it in a very loving way. I’ve even been imagining it as a bee, buzzing around in my head or stomach area when I’m nervous. So I’m trying to love that little bee and listen to what he (it’s a he; I’ve named it even) has to say, even if it’s hard for me. I wish love and peace to everyone who deals with anxiety.

      2. elsajeni +9

        Yes. This is such a good one. I “hear” my anxiety as a tiny voice coming from my left side, and picturing it as a little hamster-like creature perching on my shoulder makes it so much easier to be kind to my anxious self. The hamster can’t help it. He’s just a nervous little rodent in a big, confusing world.

        1. llama-j +1

          Oh my god, that is so cute! A li’l hamster! Does s/he have big eyes? My bee does, like the Honey Nut Cheerios bee. 🙂 They just want to be loved, it seems.

    10. MmeSiniichulok +11

      I just invented a salad (or at least I think I did–I never had or read about it before). I cut up two Japanese eggplants and fried them in a small amount of olive oil along with dried chiles. I poured some soy sauce over them when they were pretty much browned, and then I put them on a bed of greens, sprinkled them with green onion, and then made a dressing of lime juice, tahini, maple syrup, a tiny bit of soy sauce, white pepper, and nigella seeds, and poured it on top. It’s not bad, and I’m feeling much more competent after my four-day marathon migraine (when I could barely take care of my toddler) than I have for the past four days.

    11. Atalanta_Is +5

      I dropped some serious cash on moisturizers and skin care; just because I hate myself doesn’t mean I should let my poor face dry and crack and just flake away. Some of them are arriving TODAY and I’m pretty pumped to not be all dry and gross.

      1. feisty +2

        I just did the same! and also indulging in fancy looking dry oil after showering I bought while passing through duty free. is it actually doing anything for my skin? who knows, but it smells amazing.

      2. Ethylbenzene +2

        Yes, ordering things from Sephora and getting ALL THE SAMPLES is definitely part of my self-care. I try to have a box waiting for me when I get home from work trips.

    12. alicia +18

      I decorated for the season last week, which makes me happy every time I walk in the door. I used a lot of candles too, so I’m instituting a “candle hour” where I light all the candles at night and turn down the lights and enjoy it for an hour without any electronics. It’s also too dark to read, so all I can do is look at pretty things and pet the cat and sip a beverage. It’s surprisingly hard to just relax for an hour with only my own thoughts, but I feel a lot better afterwards.

    13. laurenipsum +5

      I haven’t quite figured out what self-care really means for me. I’m not into scented things or cosmetics really, or like beauty or fashion in general. And while a glass of wine (or several, lbr) is comforting, it doesn’t seem like something I should rely on.

      I thought I read a piece a while back about self-care that’s not beauty-based, but I can’t find it again. Does that ring a bell for anyone?

      Anyway, ideas for non-booze self-care that’s also not beauty or scented?

      1. houblonchouffe +9

        Exercise is a big one for me. Sitting down with a good book for a full uninterrupted hour and giving myself permission to not sweep/wash dishes/do laundry/scoop the cat box/etc. Getting out in the woods. Binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy.

        Last year I was unemployed for several months and it was very stressful and very hard on my relationship, and one of the things that really really helped me stay with it was allowing myself one afternoon a week to go sit in the library atrium and relax with a book and a cup of coffee–by myself, outside of the house, not thinking about job hunt or money or anything except how pretty the lake was.

      2. PaigePoo +2

        My self-care often involves taking long naps (including pajamas and getting all the way under the covers), listening to comedy or pop-culture podcasts,doing ginormous puzzles, and/or watching Bob’s Burgers on Netflix.

      3. Es_Petal +1

        I sit in the quiet or with non-lyricsy music on (I have a thunderstorm sounds playlist, or the Powaqaatsi soundtrack, or something like that) and read detective stories where I already know whodunnit, or draw, or play totally mindless match-3 games on facebook with chat turned off and ignoring all the notifications. And eat cake.

      4. thedaela +7

        I’m sure it varies for everyone, but for me:

        Exercise.

        Fresh air.

        Alone time.

        Good books.

        Brainteasers.

        Longer-term, free Coursera courses.

        When I have money, things that make my stomach dip a little (roller coasters, hanggliding, etc.).

        Connecting with like-minded people in person or online.

        Connecting with people who make me feel known.

        Revisiting something from childhood (water balloons, Nerf guns, remote-controlled cars, trampolines).

      5. Beakses +6

        Going to bed on time is my #1 self care activity (a game I am losing lately). Followed closely by exercise (my favorite form of exercise is also very social, so I get a two for one exercise + people deal).

        Making my space the way I like it- which for me means stuff put away, dusted, maybe even (gasp) mopped does a surprising amount of good for me- I forget how much having stuff all over the place stresses me out until I put it away.

        Baking- the contemplative kind, where I make bread and mosey my way through hours of rise time, or do something terribly fussy with cookies, or whatever, is a good indulgence.

        In the depths of winter, taking myself for walks at noon makes a big difference- getting as much light as I can plus some activity plus fresh air is good stuff.

    14. QueenofPickles +3

      Yoga and vitamins (B & D). My little lightbox for Seasonal Affective (got it a year ago, total gamechanger). Shearling slippers & rooibos tea.

      And weirdly, cleaning my room calms me down in a big way. Everything properly put away, old clothes bagged up to donate, floor swept, drawers all shut…

      1. nelly_bly +1

        Oh man, I’ve been using a lightbox for a couple weeks and I *love* it. I realized that before I started using it I was spending like, half my waking hours wishing I was asleep.

    15. no_blues +3

      Everything bagels.
      Carved out tons of ladies-only or -mostly hangs over this past week after feeling a bit worn down from lots of time at my extremely male-dominated workplace.
      Really fucking loud music when my roommates aren’t home.

    16. Cupcake Queen +1

      I thought about what I’m grateful for today before talking to a friend (also a woman of color) about what we can do to help effect change via fiction, and then we went to paint pottery. 🙂

    17. nelly_bly +2

      Getting an actual Christmas tree and generally making it feel cozy in my apartment. Fell into a deeeep insecurity spiral last night (over the stupid GRE! which sounds silly with everything that has been going on in the world. But math is pretty much my #1 trigger of “I’m a worthless moron!” feelings and just…..yeah, math). We went out and got a tree, which we haven’t gotten around to doing the past couple of years, and it cheered me up a lot. Proceeded to take the the evening off from math drills up to lie under the twinkly Christmas tree and read “The Paying Guests”.

  4. RoseCamelia +48

    This week’s Dinosaur Chronicles from my workplace:

    1. S needed a phone number. A told her to look in the paper file. They searched for the file together for 15 minutes because it was lost in one of the many piles kept by the attorney I babysit. Once found, A pointed inside the file and said, “There’s the number, in this email I printed.” I would bet no one here has ever used or heard of Ctrl-F.

    2. The attorney I babysit carefully told me which letters to capitalize as he spelled out an email address for me.

    3. My attorney made me type “telecopied” in correspondence. It means “old and inflexible”.

    4. My attorney’s email is not receiving. Still on hold for AOL tech support after a long time, my attoney concludes that all of AOL must be down. He wonders why I ignore him when he “explains” IT issues to me.

    5. S says there’s nothing in the paper today, that it was a waste to print it. Toastfriends, give me credit. I wanted to, but I did not ask her why they didn’t just put the newsfeed on the internet in order to be less wasteful.

    ::headdesk:: so many times this week

    1. paperbgprincess +14

      My boss insists on capitalizing certain letters in my email address, even after I have repeatedly told him that a) it doesn’t make a difference, b) NO ONE does that, and c) it’s dumb. I had to fight him to get it printed in normal lowercase on my business cards.

    2. houblonchouffe +10

      My boss asked me if I could write her out a detailed set of instructions on how to use Square to run a credit card.
      She followed that up by asking our bookkeeper to fill out a paper form that we could keep on-hand (it is a DOL form and of literally no use to us in the office, we have a confirmation that it was submitted online).

      I share your pains.

    3. m98widow +24

      Not job related, but I spent the last week among various 60-70 year old family members. All of whom wanted to know which routes we would be taking to our various destinations, and would not take “we have GPS, we will see which route has the fastest travel time when we leave” for an answer. Multiple times physical maps had to be hauled out (which we had as backup anyway! but maps can’t tell you about traffic!), the merits of different roads debated, etc. Then three hours later the whole conversation would restart as if it hadn’t already been decided.

      Also I turned off frame interpolation/motion smoothing on everyone’s televisions.

      2. waterbears28 +13

        It feels so good to fix minor technical problems for people who can’t do that sort of thing themselves, though! My husband set up wireless in my mom’s house like 3 years ago and she still talks about it. Explaining Netflix instant to my dad has become a yearly ritual.

        People who insist on knowing which route you will take are the bane of my life. I have no sense of direction. I have used a GPS to get everywhere for my entire (driving) life. Even after I arrive at my destination, I probably will not be able to tell you which route I took to get there. Please stop.

    4. winterbymorning +30

      Back in October a colleague called me, all in a tizzy, telling me she urgently needed to get her hands on a report that she had to read before a meeting she was attending that same afternoon (how does that saying go? “Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine” something something?…) so could I put in a rush order for it ASAP with the research/consulting firm that had published it.

      I emailed her to confirm I had placed the rush order and she replied, “Oh it’s okay, cancel the order, I found the report somewhere else.” I headdesked a little bit.

      I headdesked a hell of a lot more earlier this week when she emailed me again saying, “What happened to that report you said you rush-ordered for me? Why didn’t you send it to me? Send it to me ASAP.”

      Instead I sent her a copy of the email in which she had instructed me to cancel the rush order. Haven’t heard from her since.

    5. Ethylbenzene +15

      I had to explain to someone today that just because I created an Excel document on a Mac, it doesn’t make Excel function differently for her on her PC, so she should still be able to adjust the page breaks and print options (she hadn’t actually tried, mind you).

      1. gorebooth +26

        reminds me of:

        1) the relative who said she didn’t accept attachments e-mailed from people who use Macs, because “I don’t have time to sit and fix the formatting for a PC.”

        2) the colleague who asked for two different versions of an Excel spreadsheet to be sent to her, one sorted by column A and one by column B.

        1. winterbymorning +17

          I once had to request feedback on a spreadsheet I had made, and one coworker sent me this snide email like “It would have been much more useful if you had included [vital information], perhaps in column A!” I was confused because I am not an idiot and so of course I had included [vital information] and it was indeed in column A. It turned out that he hit the right arrow key without realizing it and had shifted one column to the right, so he hadn’t seen it.

    7. Car_Hole +29

      I can’t believe that AOL still has tech support! Is it just one lone person sitting in an empty warehouse, startling every time some ancient telephone rings?

      2. LeastBittern +15

        There are two; the above boss called in the middle of their ping-pong tournament so they let him wait.

      3. RoseCamelia +6

        That is exactly how I picture it! Help desk jobs always suck, but can you imagine the callers this poor soul gets? AOL users have unique IT troubles, I’m sure. And the job has turnover twice a month. No one bothers to learn their names.

    8. feisty +10

      hi, are you me? I feel your struggles and headdesk in solidarity.

      I spent upwards of 5 hours last friday with my boss as he pretty much dictated his presentation to me while I sat there and formatted it into powerpoint. why couldnt he type and format himself? or even, give me the materials in text and have me format it in ~30 minutes? I wish I knew.

      1. coryyc +5

        I manage spatial data for a small city. They have a 14 year old planning and zoning database that uses MS Access. On it are the records of all the addresses that they record. The county sends me files of the parcels as they are recorded. I have to merge the two. I asked the woman (who has the same name as me ARGH) who has been there the longest for the location of the access tables IN their database management system. “I just need the list”. She pulls up the data entry window. I said, yes, I know but I need WHERE that goes when you hit “enter”. “Well, see, we just click this box and click “find address”, and it comes up….”. Me: “Yes, I know, but where it that information stored? Where is the whole list?” “Oh, we don’t know, we just see it one at a time. You’ll have to call Kevin.”
        Kevin is the guy who mansplained to me on my third day of the job why his product (this 14 year old outdated database/workflow software) needs me to use output all the maps I make into archaic versions of the software because…well, I don’t know, because I was going “shut up and let me get out of this room” in my head while he spoke.

      2. MoniqueAC +4

        I work for a small organization that publishes a newsletter twice a year. One of our board members dictates his (always lengthy) submissions to me over the phone. I just go with it now (although I still have so many questions about this…).

    9. houblonchouffe +11

      Boss’s phone dings
      Boss: What was that noise?!
      Me: It was your phone.
      Boss: But my phone doesn’t MAKE that sound.
      Me: …

    10. bookwormV +5

      My coworker asked for help with using her iPad recently. She has had the iPad for some months; I do not own an iPad and never have (I don’t even have a smartphone).

      (The problem: “my email has the same password on my laptop and my iPad, but I can’t get it to work on here! I’d ask N [our computing services librarian; gets roped into showing this person how to do basic tech stuff an awful lot] but he’s not here!”. The screen was showing the National Rail app. “I don’t understand this!” I pressed the home button and – like magic! – her home screen appeared. Pressed the email icon. “My friend sent me an email with pictures recently, but I can’t find it!” I looked at the emails. For some reason, the scroll bar was right at the bottom, and the inbox was showing messages from a year ago. I scrolled up and pointed to an email received a week ago. “Is this it?” Yes. ARGH, technically-incompetent colleagues are awful. Another one has asked me to show her how to access her phone bill online, to explain a charge on the invoice for a cruise she’d booked, and to tell me how much an amount in US dollars was in pounds.)

  5. shinkickmorning +17

    So I’m basically done with my Christmas shopping but still have GIVING urges that I want to direct towards good. I’ve donated to the Tamir Rice memorial fund and bought some stuff off the Holiday Gifts from Incarcerated Moms to their Children Amazon Wish List. Any other suggestions?

    (I figure retail therapy directed outward is as good a way as any to deal with this week/month/year)

    1. safvn +5

      Not sure about ones in your area, but in my city around this time, food banks and women’s shelters will post lists of specific items they need on their website (if you’re in the mood to buy specific items). If they don’t have them listed on a website, you could call and ask. This is slightly tougher because you have to physically bring those items to the place, but definitely worth donating to, and it’s good to know you’re donating exactly what they need!

      1. shinkickmorning +2

        That’s why I was hoping more places would have Amazon Wish Lists! I liked picking out books and a basketball for the kids, it feels more gifty than just giving (very helpful and useful) cash.

        1. haliegirl +1

          I just received an amazon giftcard through the wellness program at my work and was just thinking about how to spend it. Thank you for reminding me that I can spend it on better things than just stuff for myself.

    2. robotneedslove +3

      This may not be helpful but my house and I are making a hamper for our local rape relief shelter and man, its the most excited for Christmas I’ve been in years.

      As an aside, does anyone have any gift ideas for a 2 year old who “likes cats”?

      1. shinkickmorning +10

        That’s an awesome idea.

        I would just give an entire outfit that is cats on cats on cats on cats. Definitely include a hat with ears.

        1. robotneedslove +5

          A HAT WITH EARS YAS.

          Mom wants a shoppers drug mart gift card, so I’m definitely doing that. Lots of food, both basics and fancies (smoked salmon, nice olive oil, real maple syrup, fancy cheese). An amaryllis for mom, and maybe some nice bath stuff for indulging. Some books for kiddo.

          Any other boss ideas from the Toastariat?

        2. SarcasticFringehead +4

          Ooh, that’s great because also they’ll probably grow out of it about the same time they’ve become distracted from cats.

      3. Absotively +3

        Stuffed cat? Cat shirt? Board books with cats?

        Alternately, Duplo or a Brio-style train set, because I’m pretty sure that all small children like those things, and the stuffed cats everyone else is going to buy can ride the train or live in a Duplo house. (But my experience with small children is limited, so I could be wrong here, and I’m not sure exactly what the lower recommended age for those is.)

      4. Beakses +1

        Cat related board book- ideally one of those ones that has fur you can pet/ touch?

        I’m really into the hat with ears idea.

    3. lil_gary +4

      Left Bank Books, an independent bookstore in St. Louis, is doing a book drive for Airport Elementary in the Ferguson-Florrisant school district. Pick a class, buy the selected book, and give a kid a book to keep forever!

    4. spring chickens +5

      It’s fun to pick out things on http://www.donorschoose.org

      Teachers post projects that their classes need/want, and you can decide to fund part or all of what they need, searching for projects by geography, or by subject, or whatever you like. If you are the person who funds the project to completion, and you would like this, the class will even send you a bunch of thank-you notes (I once got the most adorable ones from 2-nd-graders in Baltimore for whom I had funded a pet hermit crab!).

      The annoying thing about it is that a lot of teachers believe technology is a good thing to ask for, which as a teacher myself I really don’t unless it is high school — iPads, computer software, etc. often shortcuts thinking or makes for rote learning. So you have to screen out that. But even after screening for silly tech requests, there are a lot of great projects. I especially like funding classroom pets, reading nooks, and arts projects!

    5. MissAndrie +5

      What about something called the December 6th fund? It’s a Canadian thing, from the YWCA, which supports women who are leaving violent situations with microloans for rent, etc.

    6. depizan +3

      The Ferguson library (they’ve been providing lots of community support and holding elementary classes there when school is closed due to protests, all with only one full-time librarian who just started this summer; with lots of donations coming in the last few weeks, they’re working on buying more “healing kits” for kids with books on how to deal with trauma and a stuffed animal to keep) http://www.ferguson.lib.mo.us/
      They also have a wishlist at Powell’s Bookstore website–a lot of their requests are fulfilled already, but still plenty that aren’t, and I’m sure duplicate copies are welcome http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/wishlist?email=boo…

  6. Olgasrevenge +15

    Alright People of the Toast, I recently went through a serious breakup and have been getting by on a combination of Taylor Swift and the Mountain Goats, but I am looking to expand my breakup music repertoire. Does anyone have suggestions? I’m very open, genre-wise.

    1. noodge4lyfe +5

      Sia! her most recent album 1000 forms of fear got me through my recent divorce – I’m talking blasting her whilst driving on the highway, singing along at alarming volumes. SO GOOD. (ETA: elastic heart will make you BELIEVE that you’re a BAMF who will survive)

      (so sorry about your breakup too… sounds like you’re working through it – let us know if you need more boosters!)

      1. Olgasrevenge +1

        Chandelier has been getting me to work in the mornings, but I hadn’t thought to look into the rest of the album. Thanks!

    2. houblonchouffe +6

      Arcade Fire “Funeral” and Beck “Sea Change” got me though a couple of really nasty ones.

      1. Olgasrevenge +1

        Ooo those are high school favorites of mine. Hopefully putting them back in rotation will allow me to tap into that “angry and sad but I have a better future somewhere else” feeling that I had when I was a teen.

    4. 2for1cheesecake +8

      First Aid Kit (melodic, but still a bummer). Sharon Van Etten (just this week described to me as “aggressively depressing”).

      1. seapartridge +4

        OH MY GOD, I love First Aid Kit and Stay Gold is my recent breakup in album form (their Stay Gold concert in Boston was sort of my last real date with that boyfriend of 3+ years). It was actually so much my breakup album that I couldn’t listen to it for MONTHS because I’m not into sadness catharsis.

    5. blunderbusst +4

      I’ve probably said it one thousand times, but “Fight Songs” by Old 97s is my go-to album for any foul mood. It isn’t particularly soothing or poignant or helpful. It’s just a great record and one can either sing along with it (loudly) or ignore it as needed. It is perfect for those moments when you don’t want to FEEL, but you don’t want to be alone with silence, either.

      For happy weeping (as in, “this is awful, but the world is a beautiful place, and everything comes in cycles, and I am going to be fine”) this is my absolute favorite song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofVcr3yMMtQ

      Sorry about the crap breakup. I’m here if you want to vent about it. (And I might be back later with more music choices.)

    7. Rosie_M_Banks +8

      I would recommend Frightened Rabbit, particularly Midnight Organ Fight. It’s pretty intense and Scottish, if you’re into that sort of thing.

      1. Olgasrevenge +2

        Ok, Midnight Organ Fight is my all-time favorite album for rage singing in the car. This is a perfect suggestion thank you so much.

    10. sausagedog +3

      Mountain Goats are a balm to all things.

      My last breakup I listened to a lot of Girls, which is now defunct. The EP with “The Oh-So Protective One” is really good/sad/broken. And then a lot of angry stuff, for cathartic purposes– I used Slipknot and Fall Out Boy, personally.

    11. madgeylou +4

      “back to black” by amy winehouse helped me out there for a while. especially “tears dry on their own”

      <3 to you, hope you get a glimpse of the phoenix rising from the ashes feeling very soon

    12. thecaitd +6

      I went through a breakup in September and the running playlist I keep on Rdio definitely reflects my angst…the tracks that help me most are
      Last Day of our Acquaintance – Sinead O’Connor
      Go Home – Lucius
      Bridge on Fire – Shovels and Rope
      Portions for Foxes – Rilo Kiley
      Where Does the Good Go – Tegan and Sara
      Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac

      1. Olgasrevenge +4

        Oooo I am listening to Where Does the Good Go right now and it’s perfect, thank you! I am on a self-imposed break from Fleetwood Mac right now because the first few days after the breakup I just listened to Landslide and sobbed uncontrollably. Apparently that and I’ve Never Loved Someone by Shara Worden are my limits as far as pain from breakup songs go.

        1. thecaitd +2

          I get so much high school nostalgia from listening to Tegan and Sara. Their album from last year also has some good post-breakup jams.

    14. seapartridge +4

      If you’re more into “fuck this, I’m over it” (fake it until it’s true…?) than wallowing music, I don’t think I can recommend Haim’s Days Are Gone highly enough.

      1. winterbymorning +2

        Fine Day For Sailing by Go Sailor has a similar mood, if you like your music a bit on the twee side.

    15. tragicallyludicrous +2

      I’ve been really into Bright Light Bright Light’s “Life is Easy” (I think I recommended it here to someone else for another reason, but it can be many things.) His first one, “Make Me Believe in Hope” is also pretty good for this. “Disco Moment” from the first album and “I Wish We Were Leaving” from the second are recommended breakup songs.

      1. Olgasrevenge +2

        “The best part of a break up is that now every song is about you” – this is a gift, thank you.

    18. lassotabasco +3

      I really, really believe that Noah and the Whale- First Days of Spring is the best breakup album of all time.

    19. lesliejroot +3

      So sorry about your breakup! 🙁 Here are some songs on the “I’m hurt as hell but also strong slash better than you” end of the spectrum:

      Girlyman, “Storms Were Mine”
      Gillian Welch, “The Way It Will Be” (“The Way The Whole Thing Ends” also, for a little less hurt and a little more sass)
      April Smith and the Great Picture Show, “Stop Wondering”

    20. SarcasticFringehead +3

      So because sometimes it’s just really therapeutic to get melodramatic, I literally made a playlist called “Love’s for Babies and Fools.” Here are some selections:

      Love’s for Babies and Fools, by Linda Thompson (with guitar by her ex-husband Richard Thompson, so that’s a thing)
      All My Little Words, the Magnetic Fields
      How it Ends, by DeVotchKa
      I Can’t Love You Anymore, by Lyle Lovett
      I Miss You, by Kacey Musgraves
      It Ought to be Easier, by Lyle Lovett
      Keep it to Yourself, by Kacey Musgraves
      Only Lies, by Richard Ellis
      Somebody Loved Me Once, by Reel Big Fish
      What do we do Now, by John Hiatt

    21. lesliejroot +2

      Also if you speak Russian/enjoy Russian music (idk, just a guess based on username) then just a bunch of Zemfira. Specifically her album “Vendetta.”

      1. Olgasrevenge +2

        Ah thank you for the rec! I do speak Russian but I never did the research to get into Russian music (aside from the couple songs Regina Spektor sings in Russian). If you have any other suggestions of Russian musicians you like, I would be thrilled to hear them!

        1. lesliejroot +1

          Oh gosh, well, it’s really hard for me to separate out whether I like the Russian music I like because it’s good music, because it’s Russian and I like Russian, or because it reminds me of when I was in Russia and I’m nostalgic for that. But here are some:

          Ночные снайперы – like Zemfira, a gay (or probably gay?) lady rocker
          5’nizza – Ukrainian reggae-folk? pretty strange but kind of fun
          КИНО – ’80’s rock, so beloved, if nothing else the song Группа крови (Blood type) is worth knowing
          Звери – pretty standard dude pop-rock
          VIA-Гра – basically just as trashy as their name makes them sound, a rotating-lineup girl pop group
          Фабрика – similar girl-group, but with a little more of a cutesy, fake-folk approach
          Billy’s Band – fake Russian Tom Waits

          The Russian songs Regina sings on What We Saw From The Cheap Seats are both by 20th-century bard/poet Bulat Okudzhava. I absolutely adore him but that’s definitely not common for our generation (I fell in love with him because my middle-aged male Russian teacher used his songs a lot in class). I feel like of that generation/style of singer, Vladimir Vysotsky has more intergenerational popularity, but I don’t know, I never got that into him. (Russians tend to be impressed if you are into him, though.)

    22. thenotestaken +2

      Angel Olsen’s new album Burn Your Fire For No Witness, perfect blend of sadness and anger! If you have a chance to see her in concert too it’s very inspiring, she so clearly gives no fucks.

    25. supernanify +2

      I’m sorry to hear this – good luck to you! Simon & Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water has gotten me through some seriously tough times. And it’s totally their break-up album, so a lot of the content is appropriate.

    26. rolotomassi5 +2

      From experience I can say it’s almost impossible to be sad while listening to a constant rotation of Curtis Mayfield & James Brown. I wait a while post-breakup and then just listen to their discographies.

      Also good: the Brawlers disc from Tom Waits’ Orphans collection. I repeat: Brawlers. Do not under any circumstances listen to Bawlers post-breakup.

    27. new glasses +2

      John Luther Adams. There’s a good intro to his work on one of WQXR’s Meet the Composers. Pandora slots in Philip Glass and suchlike when I made an Adams channel, but I like Adams much more than I like Glass. Yeah, I still use Pandora. It works.

      Best listened to with actual headphones, not earbuds, to immerse yourself into the multilevels of sound. And, someday, someday, I will go to the Place Where We Listen.

    30. Nausikaa +1

      I firmly believe that Bob Dylan is the greatest breakup song writer in the world, and of all his breakup songs (and there are many) “Idiot Wind” is the greatest, It takes you through the entire goddamn breakup, from the “I hate you so much you are a horrible person go die” stage, to the “Actually I’m just heartbroken and miss you” stage, to the “Actually this sucks for both of us” moment of clarity. It includes the line “I can’t even touch the books you read.” That’s how good it is.

      1. Olgasrevenge +1

        My copy of Blood on the Tracks has a weird skip in the middle of Idiot Wind so I actually never listened to the whole thing. Thanks for the tip!

    33. magggiejay +2

      My breakup was a lot of Feist (“Let It Die”, “Pine Moon”, “The Bad in Each Other”), tons of Fleetwood Mac, Amy Winehouse, Bon Iver… One of the big albums for that part of my life was the Dismemberment Plan’s “Emergency & I.” Not necessarily a breakup album, but it was my soundtrack while I transitioned from “I am in pain because my heart has broken” to “I am in pain because I feel empty”.

    34. eleventysix +2

      I’m sorry to hear about your breakup, i hope something from this list helps…

      I oddly (oh, life) have seasonal breakup songs, if you’d like to shuffle some coping music through your normal holiday stuff:
      • silent night – lisa hannigan
      • the heartache can wait – brandi carlile
      • all alone at christmas – slow club
      • christmas moon – emmy the great & tim wheeler

      And the regular stuff:
      • happy ending mika
      • love is a game – the magic numbers
      • how – regina spektor
      • you’ll remember – patty griffin

      And for when you’re feeling ready to kick ass again:
      • someone new on my mind – lex land
      • shake it out – florence

  7. kilks401 +9

    can’t wait for today to end! So looking forward to this weekend. I really need to work on being better when library patrons make me angry. I rarely get angry in general at people, so when it happens I don’t handle it that well.

    Anyways, what are some good YA and middle grade books from this year? Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson and Althea & Oliver by Cristina Moracho were my favorite this year. At least that I’ve read recently.

    1. CleverManka +2

      Natalie Parker’s Beware the Wild and Tessa Gratton’s United States of Asgard series–there are two novels and the collection of novellas just came out last month. Final book in the series comes out spring 2015.

    2. Beakses +1

      I don’t read much YA, but Gail Carriger’s Finishing School series is making me really happy lately, and technically Waistcoats & Weaponry just came out last month…(they’re very silly, but they’re my kind of silly).

  8. perianwen +3

    Toastfolk in the Lower Mainland of BC (or other parts of BC, if sometimes you visit us?)! There was some interest in trying to arrange a Fun Get-Together in January after the hubbub of the holidays has faded. Yes? Thoughts on what you might like to do?

    Since not everyone is on FB or twitter, is there another digital venue that makes sense for gathering everyone for organizing purposes?

    1. PonyAlong +2

      Oh, please, please, please let me know (a week in advance, I’m in the mountains) and I’ll MAKE IT!

    2. floridagal1 +1

      I think I am one of y’all now! Is Kelowna Lower Mainland?? Just moved here from Edmonton and loving the weather.

  9. queenofbithynia +70

    hi toast, guess what

    1. I am getting laid off at the end of the month because my company is getting assimilated into and disassembled by a bigger and more horrible company and I could not be happier unless, I guess, I had been saving enough money to be able to pay my rent through the exciting times ahead. that would have been a good idea. Over the last couple of years I got old and cowardly enough not to just quit and storm off to another city like I did with my last job, so I am very grateful to be forced into the thrilling life change I could not be bothered to make happen on my own.

    2. my mother is such an aggravating human being that even stage IV cancer could not stand to stay with her over the holidays, it has given some bullshit excuse to its supervisors and gone off into remission. Death is still presumably on its way for her but it is probably thankful for the chance to stop and have a drink first and finish the job in the new year when it feels more up to it. my mom takes a lot out of people, and cosmic entities. sorry, Death. hope you do not get in too much trouble for moving your deadlines back.

    1. 2for1cheesecake +35

      Is it really terrible that I laughed (A LOT) at your second point? You seem totally amazing, and I hope cosmic entities are lining up to do right by you.

    2. Goomaly +27

      wow, that was basically hilarious, also I don’t know whether I am sorry or happy for you? A bit of both?

    3. CleverManka +29

      Okay, so I need to tell you, you are really funny and this comment, despite the content, was a fucking delight to read.

    4. queenofbithynia +79

      addendum: even terminal illness cannot make my mother’s and my personalities compatible but I must say she is turning out to be pretty good at being very old. it gives me a lot of hope that one day forty or fifty years from now all my irremediable defects will suddenly be completely adorable in the eyes of the world, old women being like dancing bears to most people. infantilizing and disempowering yes, but if you are a lucid monster in your seventies and eighties you can do any old awful thing you want and people will think it is just terrific that you still have it in you. you can just straight up stab people in public and your social worker will call you marvelously feisty. the final reward of the patriarchy I call it.

      2. thecaitd +9

        You’re hysterical. I’m sorry that life is giving you shit that requires processing through humor, but we are definitely all benefiting from it.

    5. blunderbusst +4

      Holy crap, that is hysterical and terrible all at once.

      Do you live in a place where unemployment insurance is a thing? I was never happier than the day I got laid off from my call center job, and then I blissfully collected unemployment for almost two whole years while I tried to figure out what the heck to do next.

      1. queenofbithynia +4

        I do ( I think (DC)) but I know nothing about how it works & I am actually attempting to research that at this very moment. (I have never been laid off before, I always quit.)They seem to be saying that you only have to apply for two jobs a week to maintain eligibility which is a great and low standard.

        My main concern is that the new company may choose to offer us the chance to stay on at greatly reduced wages, and I’m trying to figure out whether that would disqualify us from our tiny severance package & UI. currently sending a lot of irritating emails to HR demanding to know the precise legal definition of a “comparable” position and demanding to have that put in writing in our severance agreement as I do not trust any verbal clarification they offer. god I love making demands. If I can get UI and if it is true that you can have a part-time job and not disqualify yourself I am looking forward to the best year ever.

        1. blunderbusst +7

          My own experience in Nevada in 2009-2010 was like this:

          * Apply online the day after being laid off and receive immediate approval.

          * Go to mandatory 30-day meeting with actual people in the UI office to discuss job boards, etc. They tell me that I do not have to apply for or accept any job under a certain hourly wage.

          * Receive absolutely no oversight re: my job search for the entirety of my claim. As there are relatively few jobs that meet the application criteria, I spend a lot of time walking dogs and teaching myself about website content management.

          * Take multiple part-time or seasonal positions: when the amount of pay for a given week EXCEEDS the amount of the UI benefit, I don’t file that week, which effectively pushes the “expiration date” of the claim back another week. When the amount of pay for a given week is LESS than the amount of the UI benefit, the benefit is reduced by approximately the same amount.

          My advice, even though you didn’t ask and I assume you will do this anyway, is to be completely honest at every step of the way, as the system generally punishes people who try to get over on it. I was clear about my goals and expectations in that initial meeting, and whenever I would file a partial claim, I always put in the real amounts that I had earned for the week. It’s possible that because Nevada was hit pretty hard during the Great Recession (14% unemployment for a looooong time), we didn’t have the resources to police UI claims the way I have seen done in the past, but I also saw other people (ahem, men) try to be sneakier about their claims and get thrown on their asses after 6 months. YMMV.

          Good luck!

        2. blushingflower +2

          It has been a few years, but when I got laid off in DC the UI process was super easy. I never went to an office; I was able to fill out the forms online and file for my check every week via their website.
          I later got a job that paid me less than unemployment would, and eventually I was able to figure out how to get them to pay me the difference. So you can’t collect full unemployment, but they will give you something.

        3. depizan +3

          It will take 30 days to kick in so claim as soon as you are able (especially because the first week you claim is always called a “waiting week” and never paid, so plan on having that unpaid week). Each state might be different, but In Oregon you have to go in to the unemployment office once your claim is first approved, and then they do random callbacks so you might have to go back at other times. And it’s now up to 5 job related things a week–at least three definite job contacts and then 2 more that can be something less concrete, like continuing education in your field, a networking conference, etc.

  10. rolotomassi5 +12

    Serial thread!

    My hearty thanks go out to Sara for not playing a ridiculous number of clips from the trial. That attorney’s speaking style is nails on a chalk board. I guess my main problem with her now is how she got the first case dismissed by being abrasive toward the judge when it sounds like it was going swimmingly for all involved, especially Adnan.

    1. robotneedslove +9

      Her voice is terrible.

      That whole thing about the judge – after the judge accused her of lying, she had no choice. That was when the mistrial happened, in my view, right there. I bet it’s a really hard line to walk as a defense counsel – to be as aggressive as you need to be and not be too abrasive.

    2. 10secondsofmaryland +8

      I’ve had mixed feelings about Christina Gutierrez since the first few episodes, and this one just made everything more confusing. She’s supposedly brilliant, but can’t file briefs until the very last minute? Adnan loved her and said she was a lifesaver, while she was gouging his family for money for experts that didn’t show up? Some people are attributing the inconsistencies to her illness, but it really serves to make the whole case more of a mess.

      1. octopoda +4

        Did it seem to anyone else like she was skimming that money that was supposed to be for experts (maybe to pay for medical treatments or something else)? Or was she just completely disorganized with the financial side of things (IANAL but I’d think a law firm would have support staff to help keep track of that stuff).

        It seems really unfortuante for Adnan and her other clients that despite the reputation for being a brilliant defense attorney they got her counsel just when she seemed to be unravelling.

        1. fakely_mctest +6

          That was my feeling as well. I think it’s very clear that she was deeply in denial about how sick she was becoming and overestimating her ability to continue to provide effective counsel. From a personal perspective, she sounds like a terrifying person to work with/for but then I’m not a fan of bosses who come barrelling into the office and start yelling right off.

          I do think that it was a mistake for the judge not to declare a second mistrial over the pro bono lawyer benefit though. It seems like such a flimsy thing to be like, “Oh, well Jay (who I don’t know well) doesn’t SEEM like he feels obligated to testify a certain way.” I mean, dude was calling the public defender’s office a lot and then all of a sudden he’s charged and he’s got a pro bono lawyer that the prosecutor introduced him to? Come on.

          Anyone else been reading The View From LL2‘s take on the whole thing? A lawyer wades through the transcripts of Jay and Jenn’s interviews and there’s some interesting stuff there.

          I was personally delighted to find out that Sam Irby, who writes Bitches Gotta Eat, is a newly-minted Serial fan and proceeded to laugh my butt off through her blog post on the subject.

          1. octopoda +3

            For sure on your second point, Christina Gutierrez was greating on me as well just hearing the excerpts but that doesn’t mean she didn’t have a totally valid point there. That seemed like a massive conflict of interest.

            Thanks for the links! I’ll check those out.

    3. Frumiosa +10

      This was the first episode that made me cry. It’s seems clear to me that Gutierrez took such awful advantage of desperate people in horrible circumstances, and that Adnan lost because of her. Do you read Rabia Chaudry’s blog? Her latest is here, and it’s very convincing: http://www.splitthemoon.com/?p=339

    4. blunderbusst +11

      Since the beginning, I have been saying (loudly, to anyone who will listen, which is pretty much no one), that Adnan was probably convicted because his lawyer was so unlikable. Every time I hear a clip of her in the courtroom, I want to scream.

    5. seapartridge +3

      I downloaded but have not yet listened to this episode, but whenever Gutierrez has come up in past episodes, I’ve always thought “Wow, no wonder he lost the case — his lawyer is AWFUL.”

    7. actualmeg +22

      Yeah, that lawyer, man. I feel like if I were on the jury, I would have been inclined to some extent to lean Team Jay/Team Prosecution just because of how annoying Gutierrez’s voice is. Which is not logical or objective, but people’s decision-making is influenced by a lot of not-so-logical things, and I cannot help but feel that her demeanor would have played into the outcome.

      ALSO, on another note, is anyone else continually shocked at how naive Koenig appears to be re: racism as a factor? She just sounded so incredulous during that clip with Adnan’s mom that I wanted to scream.

      2. feisty +9

        YES! I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for the entire community that their support of Adnan and their testimonies of his good character was brushed off as “oh they’re going to help him escape to Pakistan.” Never mind that Adnan has never been to Pakistan.

        Also the guy on the jury who was like, oh I might be a little prejudiced but who would let their daughter date someone named Adnan Syed — a LITTLE prejudiced? and the “oh it wasn’t his religion, but it might have been his culture?” come on.

        When will ethnic minority communities in north america (not white/black) actually be considered american or canadian instead of some alien “other”?

        1. pantone292 +5

          In fairness, that particular bigot was not a juror but the webmaster of the Leakin Park Corpses website, and I’m sure a complete delight.

      3. umbrellaribs +5

        OH MY FUCKING GOD. I wanted to yell at Sarah so badly in that instance. As a white person, it is NOT ever acceptable to tell a person of color that their claims of racism are unwarranted. Part of me thinks she might be playing a little dumb to connect to the audience – only because she followed it up with evidence of actual racism against Adnan, but even then, she made comments about how racism might have “seeped in a little” and it all just seems glaringly ignorant of structural racism.

        1. actualmeg +5

          Dude, I don’t know if she’s playing dumb. IIRC, she even added in an aside during her conversation with Adnan’s mother that said she STILL, even after the fact, doesn’t think racism played a major role. What the HELL.

  11. rallisaurus +9

    Toasties, I need some encouragement!

    I’ve been asked to give a presentation next week for some “important people.” I’m totally prepared and I know my shit, but I haaaaaaaate public speaking. I’ve got the prep and practice down, I just need to psych myself up to talk to a room full of people (let’s face it, probably all men) and not feel like an imposter. I just had to give a much shorter talk to our governing board and I think I did okay? Somehow I got myself into beast mode, but now I’ve lost it! Help!

    Any other Toasties doing some holiday cookie baking? What are your favorite recipes? My all time favorite cookie recipe is the Oreo from Joanne Chang’s book Flour. But I have room in my heart (and belly) for many cookies!

    1. RoseCamelia +15

      No one is better at being me than I am. They are goddamned lucky to receive my presentation. I am that good.

      Attitude, friend. You can do it. I believe in you.

      2. bethanykj +4

        I teach public speaking, but I can’t really beat this advice. I’d add that I tend to do best when I’m more focused on the content than myself. I also find that beast mode is best found in the moment, you will find it again!

    2. m98widow +1

      Right now I really want to make cookies – I love Chocolate Crinkle Cookies and the peanut butter ones with the giant Hershey’s Kiss in them, but every year I always find myself wanting to quit two batches into the project.

    3. 2for1cheesecake +6

      Social psychologist Amy Cuddy gave a TED talk on “power posing” before presentations, interviews etc. And, yes, most of those talks are ridiculous, but this one really stuck with me. Basically you just have to do Wonder Woman poses in the mirror for a few minutes before you do something where confidence and self-assurance are important. It makes you feel a bit more powerful or, barring that, it makes you giggle at your own silliness, which doesn’t hurt either.

      1. rallisaurus +2

        Oh, I’ve heard about that! I shall have to try it. It can’t hurt right? I usually find the two best things to get me past my fears are giggles or anger. And giggles are preferable.

    4. deleted2997279 +4

      I make a citrus biscotti (a modified Joy of Baking recipe) that DARE I SAY, is better than my mother’s? She makes a standard anise style which, while amazing and the taste of my childhood, etc etc, I just really love orange? I also make this chocolate cookie from Smitten Kitchen, I think, which you roll out real thick and don’t bake for TOO long and it’s almost half-brownie half-cookie and I love it.

      Re: your presentation, you will be awesome! Give yourself some space, emotionally speaking, to amp yourself up again to get into beast mode and I bet you’ll get there and rock it.

      1. rallisaurus +1

        I really love citrus flavors at the holidays. I got one of my friend’s to give me her grandmother’s lemon bar recipe (I’ve never had bakerly ancestors to pass down recipes to me) and I truly treasure them.

    5. rangiferina +2

      Oooh holiday cookies! My standards:
      Candied ginger shortbread, only I roll out the dough and make ’em into cute little stars (no wedges)
      Chai spice balls (a bit like Mexican wedding cookies?)
      Coconut macaroons (from random baking cookbook)
      Thumbprint cookies with whatever jams I have in the fridge (Mrs. Fields cookbook from the early 90s)
      Cranberry walnut tartlets (from a random Christmas cookie magazine, circa 1999)
      Rainbow cookies (Gourmet? Epicurious?)
      Raspberry chocolate rugelach (Smitten Kitchen Cookbook)
      and your basic decorated roll cookies (Joy of Cooking)

      now, WHEN I’m going to make these cookies… that’s a good question. gulp. (I’m going to try to make springerle cookies for my uncle, since he’s notoriously difficult to find presents for… but I KNOW he loves those cookies.)

      1. rallisaurus +1

        I think I over rugelach-ed myself last year, but now I’m tempted to do it again. They’re just so damn delicious! This whole list is making me very hungry!

    6. aqueousmedium +4

      RoseCamelia offers sage and excellent advice. Good luck!

      I’ve already started baking the first of many batches of the whipped shortbread recipe that makes grown men cry. This year I’m also doing up a bunch of Joanne Chang’s ginger molasses cookies (hello Flour you are the best cookbook in the world and that recipe is one of the best among many).

      And now, obviously, there will also be lots of chocolate chip cookies.

      1. rallisaurus +1

        Flour is the best! Have you tried the pineapple upside down cake? It’s heavenly! I altered it a few years ago to be a cranberry cake and now it is a holiday staple. I have yet to try a bad recipe from her.

        1. aqueousmedium +1

          I have not, but sign me up for cranberry upside down cake! Her lemon meringue pie recipe is straight up ridiculously delicious, and I want to marry the nutmeg spice cake.

    7. bocadelperro +3

      I just mailed off my cookie packages to my far-flung family yesterday!
      Along with my customary biscotti, cuccidati, and chocolate chip cookies, I made Scarletta’s tarted-up version of Bizocochitos (New Mexico’s state cookie). They’re short cookies with orange, ginger and anise flavor, sprinkled with cinnamon sugar. They are mind-blowingly good. http://scarlettabakes.com/new-mexican-bizcochitos…

        1. bocadelperro +1

          Try these–they are surprisingly easy to make, esp. if you skip the rolling out stage and just slice them off the log (which is what I did).

          They are normally just made with lard and anise, which I like, but they’re very heavy that way. This recipe uses shortening, which makes them lighter, and adds orange and ginger, which makes them MIND-BLOWINGLY GOOD.

          I have heard a rumor that in Albuquerque, you can get raspberry-habanero bizcochitos, and that sounds amazing to me.

    8. aravisthequeen +3

      Not cookies, but brownies, I make from the Smitten Kitchen cocoa brownie recipe. AMAZING. They’re almost an exact dupe for Two-Bite Brownies except better.

    9. gentlehangovers +2

      I always make the smitten kitchen espresso-chocolate shortbread, I don’t’ know why. They are not particularly holiday-y, but they are easy, can be cut small, and are always a huge hit!

      Sometimes I make surprise kiss cookies which are basically balls of cookie dough with a chocolate kiss hidden inside..they are awesome and are the taste of my childhood, but are a lot more work.

    10. ach_so +1

      Thoughts on bringing baked goods into the office? I love to bake, and love my (~12) coworkers, but have always been veeeery hesitant to be that person (and let’s be real, that person is always a woman). I bring in cookies every now & then because I love to bake and live alone/am single, so someone needs to eat them! And I’d love to do it for holiday time, but…

      1. alicia +2

        This is me too, with the addition of the fact that I’m also the most senior person in the office and so older than my current coworkers. I don’t want to be the office mom, but since I don’t conform to that stereotype in other ways I’m not too worried about it. Bake if it makes you happy.

      2. rallisaurus +4

        Yeah, I apparently have no shame. And also, most of my coworkers are ladies. My big problem is all my coworkers are dieting in some form or another, so every time I bring something in they say stuff like “who’s to blame for the cookies?” and “oh I’m being so baaaad.” So I stopped bringing stuff in. And now they complain about a lack of my baked goods. So basically, the lesson I’ve taken out of this is, you can’t please anyone, so you should do whatever you want. If you want to bring in baked goodies then do it. Cliches be damned!

        1. ach_so +3

          It’s just that I am in a male-dominated field and want to be known for my (non-baking) skillz, ya know? But you’re right & cookies will most likely be happening.

          1. rallisaurus +3

            I mean, as long as you don’t bring in cookies every week, you’re probably not going to be nick-named the cookie lady or anything. Though I admit, I’m in a very female field, so I don’t have to deal with too much BS.

            Or, find some new group to bake for? I’ve started doing this and it’s made me feel less resentful of my old coworkers.

          2. gentlehangovers +1

            I’m in a male-dominated field and I bring in baked goods all the time. My immediate co-workers are all great (and all male) so I haven’t experienced anything negative. I did think about it before I started, and can definitely see that with a certain type of asshole bringing cookies to work would cause some bullshit to occur. I also think that if someone is determined to be a sexist pig, bringing cookies in or not isn’t going to change anyone’s opinion.

            So! I saw bring the cookies in if it’s what you want, and if you’re nervous the first few times just treat it extremely casually, like, “oh, I like to bake as a hobby but I don’t want to have a ton of cookies around the house.”

    11. alicia +2

      I have been requested to make Ginger Spice Cookies for the fifth year in a row by more than one friend. They are now a much a part of the holidays as the smell of pine forests and snowflake cut-outs.

    12. robotneedslove +10

      Listen, you are better than every dude there. The only difference is that they believe they should be there. Get in touch with your ovaries and just be like I AM BOSS.

      I coach the young female lawyers in my office in this stuff, with mixed success. But yeah, I’ve heard my biggest and most respected boss be a bit wrong, but with such CONFIDENCE that he carried the day. The confidence is the trick. It’s not the cart pulled by the horse of competence. It’s the other way around. It’s the horse that pulls the cart of competence. You have the competence, now saddle up!

    13. MmeSiniichulok +2

      I’m going to attempt cheese pogaca (a Turkish pastry that’s probably Hungarian in origin, or vice versa), and also sfinge (North African doughnut thing) for Hanukkah. And maybe tahini rolls this weekend. I’m possibly nuts, or afflicted with Turkish cookbook-itis.

    14. MaladyDee +2

      Posture is huge. Walk tall, and keep your head up, not just metaphorically but for real. (and I personally found it helpful to walk and talk and talk with my hands a bit but YMMV)

      This is my first year holiday baking in a while and I made ginger snaps, with the recipe off the molasses carton and they turned out amazing.

  12. katiemcgillicuddy +27

    So uh, who else watched Christopher Walken (possibly halfway through a bottle of whiskey, or a stroke) play Christopher Walken dressed as Captain Hook last night?

    1. ppyajunebug +3

      What was that even. I never knew how much I liked Cyril Ritchards as Hook until last night.

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +21

        I’m fairly certain that’s just how the TV guide put it. “Tonight! Allison Williams as Young Brian Williams as Peter Pan and Christopher Walken gets drunk and leads a band of gay pirates! 8 pm on NBC!” So, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.

          1. katiemcgillicuddy +6

            They weren’t kidding, which I mean, that was probably the best part about the whole thing.

    3. BobbieWickham +3

      He was basically playing Christopher Walken but with eyebrows on fleek and I LOVED IT.
      And how cute and charming was Allison Williams! And how much of a lovable goober was Taylor Louderman!

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +6

        I have to say, she wasn’t perfect but Allison Williams really did seem at least to be into the whole thing. I half expected Walken to start talking about how Captain Hook just wanted more cowbell, or about the time he shoved a pocketwatch up his ass for 2 years. It was like watching him pretend to be himself.

    4. Frumiosa +5

      Tap. Dancing. Pirates. Still could not make the damn thing exciting. Problem was that Williams has zero charisma and Walken was barely phoning it in.

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +12

        Tap dancing Walken dressed as a pirate couldn’t make it exciting. I mean, what a world we live in that I was able to even type that sentence.

  13. effableobject +72

    So, uh, last night when I was falling asleep, my boyfriend of almost five years had curled around me and was holding my hand and he said, “Let’s get married.” And I said, “Why?”

    I would have said that if I weren’t half-asleep, too, but BECAUSE I was half-asleep, I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT HE ANSWERED.

    Anyway, IDK if I should bring up the conversation or just let him try again when I’m actually awake.

    1. RoseCamelia +55

      Bring it up. Getting engaged is a conversation, not an event. For adults, anyway.

      Congratulations!

      1. effableobject +54

        Oh, we’ve talked about it before! But I told him he had to propose. I’m just not sure he realized he has to do so while I’m awake.

        1. Aine +4

          well that sounds a bit like my proposal story. Staying with his family over Christmas (long distance across two continents, not so fun), I flew in maybe two days before and was jetlagged as all hell, and on Christmas morning got woken up (eventually) around 9am by my boyfriend saying it was time to go downstairs. I’m not sure what my reply was, or even if there were words in it. He said here, this will wake you up and gave me a package of so much paper it wasn’t square any more.

          I opened this with my eyes still closed, felt the box adn thought, “oh, he got me earrings, I love earrings.” Opened the box.
          Looked at the ring.
          Looked at boyf.
          Back at the ring, repeat until he said, “Well?”
          I didn’t even hear him propose, I was too surprised.

          Then we went down and told everyone, and got told off by my youngest brother in law (24 at the time?) for taking time away from presents. He went on to be our best man, so I think he forgave us.

      1. effableobject +18

        I mean, earlier that evening I’d been watching Arsenic and Old Lace, and commenting on how I want to be the Brewster sisters when I’m old.

    4. CleverManka +15

      I would bring it up because not doing so is just going to make everyone feel awkward, I think.

      That said, the one time The Burgomaster suggested marriage to me was during a time that I was off the sauce due to some health issues and I told him to never bring up the subject again unless I had a drink in hand. It…hasn’t really come up since.

    5. craneyourneck +25

      I think it’s OK to say, “Did that actually happen?” Hope the conversation goes well!

    7. ladyimogen +8

      mr.imogen and I got engaged while half asleep and dosed heavily with cold medicine, but we did talk about it afterward. Seven years on, it seems to be working!

  14. blunderbusst +48

    Hey guys. I haven’t had much to contribute lately, so I’ve mostly been lurking in the shadows. I just wanted to say hello, and tell you that I think you are all fantastic and I’m very fond of you. And now I will return to leaving weak-ass comments on everyone’s excellent witticisms. Love.

  15. sausagedog +4

    Not a great week indeed. I’m going to make the world’s best vegetarian chili this weekend, and go to a friend’s mid-year university completion party, and see a few people I haven’t seen in a while.

    Anyone want to talk about poetry? Favorite poems, favorite poets? Anything you’ve written that you want to share? I don’t know enough about poetry to “critique” or anything but I will read and enjoy anything you post 🙂

    I finally picked up a bound copy of Autobiography of Red, which I have read parts of and love, but I don’t think I have the emotional capacity to read the whole thing right now.

    2. catoclock +6

      I just sent this poem in a Toastcard! It’s one of my favorites, by the fabulous Kay Ryan:

      Crustacean Island

      There could be an island paradise
      where crustaceans prevail.
      Click, click, go the lobsters
      with their china mitts and
      articulated tails.
      It would not be sad like whales
      with their immense and patient sieving
      and the sobering modesty
      of their general way of living.
      It would be an island blessed
      with only cold-blooded residents
      and no human angle.
      It would echo with a thousand castanets
      and no flamencos.

    3. seapartridge +3

      Alice Oswald is brilliant and doubly brilliant when she reads her poems. The recently-deceased Galway Kinnell is another I really like, particularly “The Seekonk Woods” and “The Apple Tree.”

      Dylan Thomas will always be my favorite, and I think “The Winter’s Tale” will always be my favorite of his.

    5. thenotestaken +2

      Not poetry related, but tell me about this chili? I’m pretty sure the title belongs to my concoction but I’m always down for collaboration!

        1. thenotestaken +1

          Ooh! This isn’t too far off from mine. I don’t keep exact proportions but I use a mix of black and kidney beans, onion, bell pepper, mushrooms (never tried it with shiitake though), sweet potatoes (essential!), tomatoes, and drained canned pineapple (sounds weird, soooo good). For spicing, I also do cumin, chili powder, cinnamon, chipotles in adobo, and cocoa powder (instead of chopped chocolate) but I also use lots of smoked paprika. I haven’t tried it with tempeh or beer but those are definitely both going in next time when you come over!

          1. Miss B

            You will never see this, because I am four days late, but in _case_ for some reason you happen upon it — add peanut butter!!! Cumin, chili powder, chipotles in adobo, cinnamon, cocoa powder, and a few good spoonfuls of peanut butter. It sounds weird (maybe), but it makes the final product sort of like mole (imagine the accent mark on the E — mo-lay, not the burrowing animal) and it’s crazy good. (I also use a mixture of beans, yams/sweet potatoes, bell pepper, onion, canned tomatoes, and corn — either frozen or canned.)

    7. floridagal1 +1

      My favourite poetry is Emily Dickinson’s. I recently moved and just unpacked/found my book of her poems and hope to spend some time with them this weekend, preferably over tea or while holding a warm bunny rabbit.

    8. bmorganjoy +1

      AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RED!!!! That was assigned reading when I was a freshman in college! It was also a bit out of print at the time and may have been the second most expensive book of the semester.

      I hold Claudia Rankine’s Don’t Let me Be Lonely rather dearly in my heart, but it’s a brutal read.
      Oooh, Alice Notley’s The Descent of Alette is weird and wonderful. The Sore Throat, Aaron Kunin. The Book of Frank, CA Conrad.
      Not poetry, but by a professor of poetry, The Two Kinds of Decay by Sarah Manguso (again, a brutal read).
      Dictée by Theresa Hak Kyung Cha.
      Literally anything ever published by Litmus Press (full disclosure, I was an intern there a few years ago), they put out great stuff.

    2. mandarinmarie +6

      These are my boys spooning–the Big Spoon here, Nico, is actually kind of a grump, he’s our original cat and is pretty mean to Little Spoon, Easy. Obviously it’s just for the great make-up snuggles.

      Ok, can someone please help? I feel like an idiot for still having trouble with this but I swear I am doing everything correctly. Here’s what my code looks like, plus a starting carrrot:

      img src=”https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=774875118043&l=13384b8092″>

      1. Es_Petal +1

        It looks right – when I went to ‘open image in new tab’ though, clicking on the not-showing box, it said the content wasn’t available. It looks exactly like the FB link I use though! Could you have missed a number off the end maybe?

      2. blunderbusst +1

        You might have your privacy settings set so that we can’t see the photo? When I try to go directly to the link on FB, I get a “content not available” error.

      3. mandarinmarie +1

        Hmmm, I just updated the privacy and it still doesn’t seem to be working. Oh well 🙁

        1. Es_Petal +2

          I can see it now when I ‘open image in a new tab’ and they are adorable cuddlemonsters!

    3. everyspacehasasound +21

      We set up our fake Christmas tree, aka house cat habitat. we used to store it in the closet and then discovered that the cats had ripped open the garbage bag covering the bottom section and were sleeping in it all year. When I pulled it out last year, it looked a little like we had a badger living in our closet because of the animal shaped nest and long matted cat fur in it.

    4. Es_Petal +18

      Has anyone else seen that thing going round facebook at the minute about trapping your cats by drawing a circle on the floor with tape or something and saying that the cats can’t resist sitting in it?

      Saffron can resist.

      Cat, remaining resolutely untrapped.

      The household is also thrilled that it’s the time of year where the doorbell-ringing man brings them new boxes.

      Yay it's box-delivery season for the cats!

    5. lobsterhug +11

      Pounce helped with Thanksgiving baking:

      And she was suitably impressed by the Christmas tree

    7. BourneApprox +10

      Instead, a gross anecdote!

      We took our two cats to the vet today for their annual checkup. The vet likes to do an annual stool sample, so I’d been waiting for them to finally goddamn poop in their litter box for the previous 12 hours so I could grab this and not drive to go back and forth twice. For the first time in cat history, no poop was forthcoming. Oh well. We take them to the vet. They make the saddest sounds imaginable during the car ride, but they behave fine. The little shy boy cat even manages to not pee his pants this time (which he’s done the previous three years). We drive back and they cry in the car again.

      Upon opening their cages at home, I find that the boy cat has only peed himself, but also finally pooped all over his bedding.

      Goddamn cats, man.

    8. tragicallyludicrous +14

      Here is Meneer Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, enjoying the comforts of a warm lap and keeping me from going to eat.

        1. tragicallyludicrous +8

          He’s such a soft handsome boy. Shy, though, around anyone but myself- only sometimes lets my housemates pet him (although he’s definitely warmed up to the one who feeds him when I’m gone), and makes himself scarce when there’s anyone else in the house. With me, though, he’s attention-demanding and goofy and very active.

          Also he is a fine bug-catcher. The flies that get in in the summer are no match for his quick paws. A few days ago I saw a moth, and then ten minutes later he was in the room, batting it down. A fine protector and little sillybutt.

        1. Kitling +4

          He always makes sure he settles himself where he looks prettiest. Either that or the place that’s most inconvenient for you.

    11. haliegirl +11

      Here is Oliver, the big dork, after Asa managed to sneak up on him. The tail poof makes me laugh hysterically every time.

  17. ejbaker13 +18

    Hey Toasticles, how’s everyone hanging in there? In addition to the mind numbing and inescapable horribleness we’ve all been combating lately, this past weekend I had a Not Quite Breakup with the Gentleman Caller I had been Not Quite Dating. So it’s been a week of a lot of very serious introspection and wondering what the hell is wrong with me and the world, without many real productive conclusions.

    BUT, in a shining beacon of hope, my boss told me this morning that, very unexpectedly, they’re extending my contract at the job I love until April, which is an unspeakably wonderful relief.

    How do y’all reboot from emotional roller coasters? Does anyone in the Boston area want to be friends?

    1. allanaaa +4

      Hi, I’m your Canadian mirror.

      I got an encouraging “gonna extend yr contract” conversation earlier this week, which was great (or was it last week, I can’t even).

      But my boyfriend situation is basically causing us both mental health problems and we might break it off without even talking issues, just so we can both have space to feel like not-failures in general.
      There is a lot of wondering what’s wrong with me. I smoked pot for the first time in four years, this week, just in an attempt to get some better sleep, but it did devolve into some worrisome thoughts.

      It’s been a huge weird-feeling week trying to deal with my own issues while everything else is going on in the world. I feel really helpless, and it’s come out as a sort of head-down-work-quietly week at work. Thank god I have no serious responsibilities.

      1. ejbaker13 +3

        Solidarity, Canadian doppelgänger. I hope you can find the space to be kind to yourself <3

    2. testingwithfire +3

      ejbaker – there is a Boston Toast Google group open to all except Ronbledore deniers. Eventually I will leave my anchorage in the north for a Toastie meetup but wanted to let you know it was out there.

    3. fictitious +1

      you can also find locals on the Facebook group “Boston ToastPin” (nomenclature reflecting our Hairpin-era origins).

  18. 2for1cheesecake +6

    Minneapolis/St Paul Toasties!
    I am going to the Omar Souleyman concert at The Cedar this evening, and would love to know if any of you are going. This is very impromptu/last minute, I know, but worth a shot.

    And for any of you on the fence, or anyone who just needs 7 minutes and 10 seconds of escapist bliss, I propose that you watch this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVlgMEFu1PI

  19. catoclock +70

    Hello Toast! I would like to share my dad’s very dad Christmas wishlist with you:

    1. “Rolling Stones Sticky Fingers cd”
    2. “Looper sci fi”
    3. “A new international economics text used at college or graduate school level” (for reasons unknown as he is not a professor or a student)

    DADS

    1. deleted2997279 +4

      I could definitely see my dad asking for number 3, no doubt. He always reads the longest, densest books he can find on whatever subject he’s interested in.

    2. BobbieWickham +28

      I got mine an antique “weather station,” which is like a wall clock but instead of a clock it has a barometer, a hygrometer, and a thermometer. So now he can sit on the porch and smoke his pipe and look at the barometer and go “hmmmmm” and then probably make an excited post on the Weather Underground message boards

      1. Ethylbenzene +20

        “Weather Underground message boards.”

        Just….don’t tell my dad about these…..

    3. gorebooth +3

      Just don’t buy him Mankiw for #3! (I’d vote for Piketty but that’s cheating, I know.)

      1. catoclock +5

        Ha, my mom is actually planning to get him Piketty! I also have a friend who works on econ texts for one of the big publishers, so she’s going to send me their newest. Calling in all my sweet publishing connections, YOU’RE WELCOME DAD.

    4. deleted7410012 +6

      *dad intensifies*

      my dad is so hard to shop for. he won’t read the books or listen to the records you buy him. he doesn’t really like things. the only thing he will for sure consume + enjoy is candy, but he’s diabetic, so…

    5. projectbeks +23

      Mine sent me this via text “So I think maybe pants that are not jeans that are nice or casual. Still working on losing some in the middle, so 34×32 should do the trick. Or a shirt. I still really like that one you got me at [department store name] that year. Just, you know, basic stuff. I’m a basic kind of guy.”
      that one shirt you got me that year. WHICH YEAR? WHICH SHIRT? DADS.

      2. catoclock +9

        That’s amazing and also sounds distressingly like my boyfriend, who is… not a dad (or is he???????)

    6. tragicallyludicrous +4

      My dad is impossible to shop for because he is extremely picky about clothes, and he’s pretty proactive about getting anything else he wants for himself, so there’s nothing else to get him. He’s a big Sleater-Kinney fan so I was thinking of banding together with the siblings to get the new box set, but I bet he’s already bought it for himself.

    8. floridagal1 +7

      My Dad’s christmas request: “the sequel to that book you got me for my birthday or maybe it isn’t the sequel and just another book by the same author, I don’t know the name of it.”

  20. testingwithfire +6

    I would like to know how Nick celebrated his birthday.

    And now about me. Tomorrow morning I will be nerding around with some big data thanks to the Boston Data Mining Meetup group, and then I will be going to a Really Gay live DJ spin event for a local good cause. Techie and aspiring-techie Toasties, there are some excellent meetup groups in the Boston area, including chapters of Women Who Code and Girl Develop It.

    1. ejbaker13 +2

      Are those spaces where a very green web designer whose coding knowledge amounts to introductory levels of HTML and CSS might feel useful?

      1. testingwithfire +2

        I’m pretty sure many of them are newb-friendly (I’m counting on that myself for some technologies) and some seem geared toward web development specifically.

  22. seapartridge +7

    I have moved! It was stressful as hell but I can finally start to get settled. Questions:

    1. My mattress might be trying to kill me. I’ve never had back pain after sleeping anywhere, including floors, couches, cars, outside, but after one night most of my back hurt and after last night I had a hard time WALKING (good lord) and currently, nearly 6 hours after waking up, I still have shooting pain pretty much everywhere. I realize this is very specific, but does anyone have a firm mattress that they like that is (a) available on mattress.com and (b) over $510 for a queen size?

    2. I need SO MUCH HELP decorating. Anyone have good tips/resources for how to start from scratch — rug placement, wall decoration, what to do with a room that is weirdly too large? Seriously, anything, help me, I’m totally unqualified. For the first time ever, I’m starting with nothing (save a mattress, a tiny typewriter desk, and a rug that clashes horribly with my duvet cover). I moved waaaay out of state and therefore can’t use any of my old furniture.

    1. robotneedslove +7

      Here’s a decorating hot tip! Don’t hang your pictures too high. Hang them at eye level for the average person who comes into your house, or if you are hanging them in relation to furniture, pretty close to the furniture over which you are hanging them. Trust me.

      1. robotneedslove +8

        Ok, a few more (I’m no genius, but my house looks pretty good these days). Get some framed pictures – however you want to do it is fine. I like checking out the sale bin for prints at the art gallery gift store. Sometimes you can get really great stuff for not too much. Vintage posters are cool too. Ikea frames are cheap cheap (Ikea is terrible, and busts unions). Professional framing is much more expensive.

        Orchids are pretty cheap, last like 3 months, and are very pretty. A really cost-effective way to have fresh flowers around. Plants in general make huge difference to me.

        A great rug makes a huge difference. Shop vintage, even Value Village or whatever. Modern furniture rugs are really terrible. I’m very lucky to have an amazing kilim handed down to me that makes my living SO BOSS.

        Lampshades are another cost-effective way to really make things look better. Cool (weird) lamps can be found at thrift stores. Then throw a cheap but new shade on it, and it will look boss.

    2. RoseCamelia +3

      Each room has one focal point. Decide what that is, then make all other choices in keeping with that focal point. E.g., that big red sofa you love will dominate everything else in the room. Make sure everything else works with it.

    3. GreenGrasses +2

      Needle & Tuft apparently has really good mattresses for reasonable prices! As for decorating – get on the blogs, kiddo! A Beautiful Mess, Apartment Therapy, Design Sponge, etc…

      1. seapartridge +1

        My roommate got a Tuft & Needle mattress! It’s really nice, but unfortunately I can’t get anything from another store, because I’m trying to exchange the new mattress I just bought.

    4. Momthra +2

      Have you looked at Casper or Tuft and Needle mattresses? They’re online too, but with great return policies. (I’m going to order a Casper after the holidays.)

    5. Absotively +2

      If you haven’t turned your mattress recently, try doing that. It probably won’t fix things forever, but it might help a bit until you find a new mattress and it gets delivered.

      For decorating, I just add a few things at a time. Usually from IKEA because I like their style and lack of salespeople, but some of it is not the greatest quality stuff ever and I know not everyone likes it.

      1. seapartridge +1

        Unfortunately (fortunately? kind of?) it’s a brand new mattress, so I think I’m going to try to exchange it.

    6. SarcasticFringehead +3

      My way to get Art for cheap is to buy like postcard-size or similar prints, and then go to Goodwill where there are literally bins of that size picture frames, and then spray paint (or just regular acrylic paint) them in lots of different bright colors. Plus they’re so light you can use those removable strip things and don’t have to put nails everywhere, if that’s a concern.

    7. bird_internet +5

      I don’t know if you can paint where you are, but there’s no better way to make a place look put together than a rich color in a flat paint. If the room is too large, divide it into “areas”– like, instead of putting your bed in the middle, put it off to one side near your dresser and side table, and then make a separate desk or sitting area in the remaining space. Use the rug to define the sitting space. The rug should end at least a foot or two from the wall, and you don’t want to put large furniture items like a couch or your bed right on top of it.

      Houseplants and long curtains will go a really long way towards making your room look “decorated,” too.

    8. octopoda +2

      One thing that helped my wife’s back pain a bit was a memory foam mattress topper. Much much cheaper than a full memory foam mattress (though not as good).

      1. deleted1508189 +2

        Replying very late to say this: Yes! Second the memory foam topper. It’s 3-4″ of memory foam that covers your mattress. It worked really well for me when my mattress got old and abusively firm. It also doubled as a place for friends to sleep on the floor, but then I had to brave the abusive mattress. If you go this route, it helps if your fitted sheets have deep pockets, so that you can still tuck them in over the mattress+topper.

  23. ppyajunebug +8

    Okay guys, after last night’s interesting take on Peter Pan, we clearly must provide NBC with our own suggestions for who to cast in The Music Man next year.

    My thoughts: I’d love Christian Borle to finally get to play a leading role in one of these, but NPH would do just fine by me. And Kelli O’Hara as Marian. Because I want her in everything.

    1. evsarah +7

      I know it’s been…. well, eleven years… but Kristin Chenoweth and Matthew Broderick could totally do it all over again, live, right?

      1. coloredlights +4

        I don’t care who they cast in the most boring musical on the planet, but they should probably just play Kristin’s “‘Til There Was You” over whoever actually plays the role. It is pretty much the definitive one, as far as I’m concerned.

  25. IHaveBangsNow +1

    @houblonchouffe That sounds lovely. Self care for me includes listening to lots of podcasts, painting, and trying to exercise! In between full time working/parenting/wifing. And sometimes during.

    Love all of you too.

  26. meetapossum +3

    Hello, Toasties! I’m going to New Orleans between Christmas and New Year’s. Do you have any suggestions on things to do? I will be there with two of my girlfriends and we all love drinking and music and food and spooky things.

    I am also here to talk about American Horror Story, if anyone is interested!

    2. Es_Petal +1

      I bought AHS 3 on a whim last month when the gentleman caller and I were rained off from our planned day and had nothing to do other than sit on the sofa and watch a box set and really liked it, although (after the New Orleans ghost tour story on here and associated wikipedia hole) I knew far tooo much about Delphine and was really quite disturbed about those bits knowing they were pretty much real. Haven’t watched any other series yet though.

  27. lindaisnotaflower +14

    Toasties, I need some kind words right now.
    I just got dumped by my girlfriend. I lost my job in October and I still haven’t found anything. My family is in debt so they won’t be able to come here for Christmas/my graduation. Next week is rent day and I don’t have enough money to pay it. I am a foreigner living in the UK so I get zero help, including funding for the PhD idea that I was toying with (mostly to cheer myself up, ha.)
    I haven’t left my room since Monday and I’m driving myself crazy.
    Why is it so hard to feel better 🙁

    1. osutein +7

      I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles. I know what it’s like to be alone and feeling helpless when living abroad, so I sympathize completely. I wish I could say something to cheer you up.

      1. lindaisnotaflower +10

        Did I mention how I was robbed on my way to watch Guardians of the Galaxy?

        (I’m kidding. And that is heartwarming gif.<3)

    4. IntensiveClare +2

      I’m so sorry. Those things are crappy individually–happening all together, I can’t imagine.

      Where in the UK are you? Do you have any friends nearby you can talk to? Or any student support resources? As another (ex) foreigner in the UK, I know postgrad funding can be really hard to come by, but there are channels for foreign students.

      Massive hugs.

      1. lindaisnotaflower +3

        I live with 3 other persons but I just moved in with them and I don’t feel comfortable enough around them. I have a couple of close-ish friends but they are DUDES. I mean they’re very sweet and they buy me chocolate but are not great at dealing with emotions. That leaves my now ex-girlfriend who’s not really replying to my texts.

        I live in Brighton and I love it. The problem with funding is that I’m a EU citizen and most of the bursaries for foreign students are for international students (and rightly so considering they pay 3 times what I’d have to pay). I could get the funding to cover my fees easily, but rent here in Brighton is really expensive and I wouldn’t be able to live off a part-time job.

        And hugs back. Hugs are always nice, even when they’re virtual.

      2. lindaisnotaflower +1

        I live with 3 other persons but I just moved in with them and I don’t feel comfortable enough around them. I have a couple of close-ish friends but they are DUDES. I mean they’re very sweet and they buy me chocolate but are not great at dealing with emotions. That leaves my now ex-girlfriend who’s not really replying to my texts.

        I live in Brighton and I love it. The problem with funding is that I’m a EU citizen and most of the bursaries for foreign students are for international students (and rightly so considering they pay 3 times what I’d have to pay). I could get the funding to cover my fees easily, but rent here in Brighton is really expensive and I wouldn’t be able to live off a part-time job.

        And hugs back. Hugs are always nice, even when they’re virtual.

        1. Es_Petal +1

          I’m sorry you’re having a rotten time. I’m a bit down the coast from you in Dorset, so have a substantially nearer virtual hug!

        2. HotDoom +1

          Ah, I’ve only just seen this, but I live in Hove! If you’d ever like to meet up for a coffee or vent, please do drop a line to me at balcasaurus at gmail.com!

          I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now.

    5. gorebooth +6

      I hope you feel better soon. Remember to get enough vitamin D, too. Those short days are murder right about now.

  28. lindaisnotaflower +4

    Toasties, I need some kind words right now.
    I just got dumped by my girlfriend. I lost my job in October and I still haven’t found anything. My family is in debt so they won’t be able to come here for Christmas/my graduation. Next week is rent day and I don’t have enough money to pay it. I am a foreigner living in the UK so I get zero help, including funding for the PhD idea that I was toying with (mostly to cheer myself up, ha.)
    I haven’t left my room since Monday and I’m driving myself crazy.
    Why is it so hard to feel better 🙁

    1. katiemcgillicuddy +2

      I am so sorry about all the bullshit happening to you right now, I can offer nothing but internet hugs and lots of hope that things will get better for you. Take care of yourself.

    2. MmeSiniichulok +3

      From personal experience, being a foreigner is HARD, even if you’re the adventurous, anthropologically oriented type. Lack of support network can really hit you in times of personal turmoil, or transition (like celebrating a wedding or baby’s birth, which we did, or graduation). And not being a citizen (don’t know your details, but just guessing), one may not have access to all the structural benefits (like funding–I lived in a somewhat xenophobic Nordic country as a Ph.D. student, sigh) that locals have. It’s not you, it’s “it.” You’re very brave to be doing all that.

      Is there anything there, big, small, silly, serious, etc. that cheers you up or soothes you? (Not that that band-aid should or can fix things–I’m just curious!) One of mine (I’m living in Canada) is Coronation Street. I also like studying Ottolenghi and Rachel Khoo cookbooks, and also trying to internalize the instructions in my Turkish-language ones (“one matchbox of saffron,” “bird-head meat,” etc.).

    3. PonyAlong +5

      Aw, dude..life is dealing you a really shitty hand. Is there a free mental health clinic in the area where you can just unload? It IS hard feeling better when sadness is strapped in for the ride, but you’re not riding alone, you have The Toast trotting along beside you.

      1. lindaisnotaflower +6

        The Toast is already making this evening substantially better.
        I know there’s a free counselling thing for LGBTQ people but you have to sign a form and it takes up to 8 weeks. I will look into it right now, it’s just really overwhelming and confusing. People really need to hire better designers for their websites.

      2. lindaisnotaflower +1

        The Toast is already making this evening substantially better.
        I know there’s a free counselling thing for LGBTQ people but you have to sign a form and it takes up to 8 weeks. I will look into it right now, it’s just really overwhelming and confusing. People really need to hire better designers for their websites.

        1. PonyAlong +5

          “People really need to design…” Couldn’t agree with you more! God, I hated navigating government websites when I was having mental health issues. I swear they do it to discourage disadvantaged people on purpose.

          Sent from my iPad

  29. nikkijhu +22

    Happy to be almost done with grad school (thesis committee should be making decisions next week). So bummed that I won’t be seeing my fun classmates on a regular basis anymore. Everyone says they will keep in touch, but. We all know how that goes!

    The whole reason I went back to school was to be part of a community of writers. But soon I won’t really be a part of it anymore, I will just be a sad lonely alumna who can’t get anyone to come meet her way out in the boring suburbs where she lives.

    On the plus side, the Metro keeps raising fares, so I will save a TON of money not commuting.

    1. allanaaa +2

      I met up with a bunch of colleagues for drinks last Friday. It was organized on Twitter and I had never met any of them beforehand. It went swimmingly. You should figure out what social media your profession uses most and get on that shit.

    2. jessicalhdoyle +1

      hi, I am almost done with grad school (um, in a very-big-picture sort of way, as I have to finish by spring 2017) and live in the suburbs where none of my soon-to-be-again classmates want to venture, let’s be friends

  30. IHaveBangsNow +2

    @RoseCamelia ugh I am so there with you. Just wanted to give you a fist bump in solidarity.

  31. sausagedog +4

    I loved Dear America! My favorite was Coal Miner’s Bride. That’s the only one I really remember.

    My own YA nostalgia has been pretty high lately. I’ll be visiting my childhood home for the holidays and you KNOW I’m going to re-read a bunch. I have too many favorites to list, but my favorites in the category of “deeply traumatizing YA lit” are: Mrs. Frisbee and the Rats of NIMH, the second book in Tamora Pierce’s “The Circle Opens” series, and this awful/wonderful sci-fi murder mystery called Alien Secrets.

    1. aravisthequeen +1

      I loved Coal Miner’s Bride so much I just bought my own copy of it. I LOVE that damn book.

    2. actualmeg +1

      THE CIRCLE OPENS. (The second one is the Briar one, right?) My favorite was always Shatterglass.

      1. sausagedog +1

        Yes! Briar! It was the first Tamora Pierce book I read, and I read it several times, then went back and read the Circle Opens in order, THEN read the original Circle of Magic. I don’t remember them very well now, but I loved the family dynamic of the three girls + Briar, and how nicely they treated each other and how there was 0 chance at any romance.

  32. mollyculetheory +64

    Guys over Thanksgiving my mom showed me photos of her & my dad from when they were my age/wedding album/etc and so I may present to you this diptych of marvelous misandry side-eye/nosegrab

      1. mollyculetheory +2

        Hahaha I never noticed the resemblance because by the time I was born he always wore glasses but you guys are totally right!

    5. rolotomassi5 +8

      I am trying not to see young Julianne Moore, but my brain won’t let me believe that’s not her.

      Is your mom Julianne Moore?

      1. mollyculetheory +6

        Secret twin sister maybe? When my hair was red I got Julianne Moore a lot but my mom is even more uncannily similar.

  33. bastardsnow +12

    Toasties, I need escape the week, so let’s talk Marvel! They’ve officially announced Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, and while I’m sure he’ll do a solid job, it’s just… boring. That’s all. It isn’t remotely interesting. Safe.

    On the OTHER hand, Mike Colter (aka Lemond Bishop from the current Best Show On TV) is going to be Luke Cage, and I think this is phenomenal casting. He is just pitch perfect casting for that role. And then also apparently Krysten Ritter is going to be Jessica Jones? Which, I’m going to be honest, I can’t really judge because I haven’t read much of Jessica Jones stuff (I hear Alias is great, but it is also expensive?). But I have enjoyed Krysten Ritter in Veronica Mars, she’s maybe the most interesting person on Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 (though I’ve seen maybe 4 episodes of that?) and I think she’s good at what she does.

    Also I think we’re going to see Wild this weekend, and also maybe (not at the same time ) get drunk, so that should be fun! What are your weekend plans, toasties?

    1. ppyajunebug +3

      Alias is AMAZING. SO AMAZING. I totally fell in love with Jessica Jones halfway through the first issue and now she’s my second favorite Marvel character. I think Krysten makes for interesting casting- not who I would have picked off the top of my head, but she could be great. AND I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT MIKE COLTER AS LUKE CAGE, HE LOOKS EXACTLY RIGHT AND I LOVE LUKE/JESSICA WITH ALL MY HEART.

      1. bastardsnow +1

        I’m probably going to buy Alias sometime after Christmas. I’m looking forward to it.

    2. osutein +16

      I was hoping for Chiwetel Ejiofor as Dr. Strange. Dude does haunted, dignified, and dangerously powerful really well (see: Serenity).

      1. bastardsnow +9

        Yeah, I think a lot of non-white dude casting for that role was all just fooling ourselves. I personally wanted Pedro Pascal

    3. onehundredthjen +5

      Weekend plans: 8th annual whiskey potluck with my nearest and dearest. I am so excited despite the numbing horror of the week.

      Y’all, steal this idea. Whiskey Fucking Potluck. It is a thing of beauty and joy forever.

        1. onehundredthjen +2

          Indeed! We do occasionally double up (so embarrassing) but that is the general idea.

          We started doing it to learn about whiskey and develop a palate for it. That definitely worked, and now is more of an opportunity to sample many different kinds and share opinions and so forth.

          Also everyone gets loaded.

    4. RocktheDebit +6

      Agree re the Batch–I’d like to see him as a less HEROIC character in the Marvel ‘verse, more Martin Crieff than Sherlock. Hell, I even wrote out a page drafting my ideas for a Nurse Normal, whose superpower is… canceling out magic spells. That’s it. He has also been having a crisis of masculinity based on a) no longer being in the military, b) in a female-coded profession, and c) married to a woman who can now bench four times his weight and works with THOR. (Did I mention his wife is Carol Danvers?)

      1. bastardsnow +2

        Wife *is* Carol Danvers? Or *was* Carol Danvers. Didn’t she date Cap for a while, and then also Rhodey?

        1. RocktheDebit +2

          I honestly have no idea, but it’s a Jossed AU of the MCU, so I do what I want *grin*, which is a past relationship with Rhodey, a drunken hookup with Tony Stark, and then a deployment fling with a British medic in Afghanistan

    5. CleverManka +8

      After they announced the casting of Bandersnatch Moldyspore and the titles of Civil War and Ragnarok, I declared my emotional divorce from MCU. If I wanted white man-pain, I’d watch DC movies.

      1. bastardsnow +2

        I understand that. I haven’t read Ragnarok, and Civil War was kind of a mess. I’m hoping they do Civil War better, especially since there’s no Spidey and no secret identities.

        1. deleted7410012 +3

          i’ve read some interesting stuff about how without spidey/secret identities, civil war might actually be more about the fate of bucky barnes.

          which makes sense, no? if steve gets bucky back, there’s no way in hell he’s going to hand him over to…the government? a barely-rebuilt shield, run by tony? basically, it would put captain america in a situation where he’d have to choose between his country and his best friend, and we all know he’d choose bucky.

          if that’s what it actually turns out to be, i might be happy with it. if they try to go with a more canon civil war storyline, it’s going to be awfullllll.

    6. houblonchouffe +1

      Tonight is city tree lighting and SANTA, and possibly a burlesque show but maybe we’ll do that tomorrow after Xmas shopping? Not sure yet. We both have tomorrow off from SecondJob so the world is our oyster and we’ll probably go wine tasting.

    7. deleted7410012 +7

      ugh, i’m so bored by cucumberpatch. there’s a lot of overlap between his roles in the past few years—genius, eccentric, cold, superior. i’m tired of it!

      i’ve also read some stuff about dr. strange being occasionally read as racially ambiguous aka an excellent opportunity for marvel to not cast the whitest actor ever. i personally would have looooved oscar isaac but i guess now he’s going to be a villain in x-men instead.

    8. Prawns +1

      I told my husband about it last night and he was more delighted by my calling him Benjo Cucumber than by the actual news. Very boring. Too many rolls for him.

  34. MuseKray +2

    Hey!
    I’m sorry to keep bombarding the posts with my questions but I don’t know a IRL person who can help.

    So I want to move to the Pacific Northwest in a few months and I want to be as prepared as possible so I’ve been applying for jobs like crazy. I even got one phone interview so I did something right. Alas, I know being out of state is seriously hindering me so I’m going to have to take the chance and actually move there. I want to live in Seattle but I have a friend in Portland who I can crash with temporarily.

    So, does anyone have any recommendation on which job sites or staffing agencies I can look up that have been successful for anyone else?

    1. SarcasticFringehead +2

      My firm usually goes through Robert Half recruiting (we do legal stuff, but they have other divisions). I haven’t experienced them from the other side, but they seem decent. (I’m in Seattle, and I love it! Sometimes it doesn’t even rain!) (It actually doesn’t rain that much) (It’s just cloudy for 3 solid months in the winter, is all).

      1. MuseKray +1

        Oh! I’ve heard of Robert Half and it’s good to know they’re pretty reputable. I’ve had bad experiences with staffing agencies so thanks for telling me about it.

        Also I fell in love with Seattle years ago and I even love rainy, grey days!

    2. octopoda +3

      Not sure how much I can help you with staffing agencies, but I live in Seattle, so if you need any adivce on that front let me know :).

      I got my job at the University of Washington by working through the UW temp agency, which placed me in a temp postion that I transitioned out of into a full time job.

      Amazon is of course, a hiring monster right now.

      What kind of work are you looking for?

        1. octopoda +1

          Hello! Are you an alum too? It is always kind of weird working here, it sort-of feels like I never left school (except I no longer have homework). Except I also love my dept so I’m glad I have this job.

          2. octopoda +1

            Let’s! I’m usually at the Health Sciences building or Roosevelt clinic but could wander up to campus too. You can reach me at enorwood at the uw email if you’d like.

      2. MuseKray +3

        I’ve actually been applying to a lot of UW jobs because I happen to find positions I qualify for. I have a degree in Library Science but I’ve been using that for more research-type jobs instead of traditional library jobs.
        I also have nearly two years of experience in a graphic design type position. I’m not actually a graphic designer but I use Photoshop and Illustrator at my current job.

        Learning about the UW temp agency is super helpful. I’ll look into them.

        1. octopoda +1

          I will say this, I started out temping in our chair’s office front desk position. I, plus the 3 people after me workign that position have moved into full time jobs in this dept, including one grpahics designer and two finacial positions (I’m in IT). So it is definitely a good place to start out / temp for!

    3. MuseKray +3

      I just want to say thank you to all of you for responding!
      Seriously, I had a depressive episode a few days ago about how I’ll never move from my current place and your help has really cheered me up.

      1. Scarlet_Flight +1

        You can do it! (I know I’m late to this party but I’m in Seattle and can’t get on the Toast at work)

        Just stopped by to say that I, too, recently moved to Seattle from out of state and successfully found a job. I definitely went through many of those depressive episodes thinking I don’t have the right connections to find a job in a new city, but it will happen!

        And happy to give you the deets about other Seattle things, too 🙂

        1. laurenipsum +3

          Seattle Toastrons, would you join a Seattle Toast facebook group if there was such a thing?

          1. Scarlet_Flight +1

            Oh definitely! Are you creating one? When we can we all meet up to talk about Toast things together?!

          2. laurenipsum +1

            I will create one if there is interest! There’s a Hairpin group but I was never on there, I came to The Toast from scratch, so while I am in the group I don’t really know anyone. It’s kind of quiet, too. Anyway I’ll make a group!

          3. laurenipsum +1

            that was easy. I’m on my phone and can’t get a URL to paste, but try searching for “Seattle toast”

  35. Atalanta_Is +19

    Well, that week sure happened

    On Sunday I completely fell off the mental health wagon and had a spectacular meltdown (which included self-injuring for the first time in several years), which was — well, I don’t really recommend it. But, on the plus side, it finally motivated me to start going back to therapy and actually get my shit together in a meaningful way — I just kind of wish my epiphanies about being actually for real unwell weren’t solely because I did something too damaging to myself to be able to ignore.

    On the plus side, I finally had a painful-but-necessary conversation in which I actually expressed hurt and anger in not-damaging ways, which is a really big deal for me (generally I don’t express negative feelings to people because if I am ever anything less than happiness and doormat-ish everyone will ditch me, and then hate myself furiously), and also got laid most righteously (and might be starting a fwb situation with a good friend of mine), so, I guess that’s a net win? Maybe?

    1. Pocket_Witch +5

      Oof. I’m also putting myself back together after a recent mental health trainwreck. I hope you’re going to be okay, someday soon.

    2. CleverManka +11

      I actually expressed hurt and anger in not-damaging ways…and also got laid most righteously

    3. elsamac +6

      it finally motivated me to start going back to therapy and actually get my shit together in a meaningful way

      YAAAAAAAY FOR YOU

      No kidding. I know you’d prefer it had not happened this way, but that can be a goal for the future. For now, you are taking care of yourself the best you can and that is good.

      1. Atalanta_Is +2

        Yeah, I’m trying to hold on to that — it’s easy to think that this is a failure either for getting crazy in the first place or for not going earlier before things got really bad, but that’s not actually helpful.

  36. sednarea51 +7

    The heat is broken in our office for the second time this week. This is the same building in which we are not allowed to use space heaters. I am considering buying a heated blanket to keep myself toasty at my desk.
    I committed the fatal error of agreeing to knit three (3) presents for Christmas- two scarves in worsted weight and handwarmers in fingering weight. However, I am trying to frame this less as a crisis and more as a reason to have an extended knitting-and-Sailor-Moon marathon this Saturday. Also I am probably making refried beans so I can fill my gaping maw with bean and chicken burritos covered in enchilada sauce for most of next week. Om nom.
    What are your favorite traditional holiday recipes, Toasties? I’m partial to gingerbread, so I might make some cookies this month, but I’m also tempted to track down my aunt’s recipe for eggnog, which starts with a full handle of bourbon.

    1. Pocket_Witch +2

      My family always makes ridiculous quantities of cutout cookies and decorates them. My very artistic sister makes the prettiest cookies, while my brother and I cover all available surface area with frosting and then dip the cookie in a plate of mixed sprinkles.

      edit: this buttermilk custard with pecans pie is a major sugarbomb, but so, so good.

  37. smeesmeesmee +26

    My work is currently engaging in emergency planning and is going to have a fake surprise emergency at some point soon. I’m super hoping it’s like the emergency planning ep of Parks and Rec! I’m my department’s fire warden and get to go to the secret planning meeting. Our company’s Head of Security (I’m in London) is a former US Secret Service agent, which I am excited about. His meeting request email said to ‘go to reception and pick up your high vis vest before the meeting’. It’s just a planning meeting! Do we get to sit in the meeting wearing luminous tabards? I sure hope so. I said in my office earlier when wondering about it, ‘For surely I can apply the same logic to his email and the meeting as Chekhov’s Gun?’ but drew mainly blank stares from my colleagues.

    I’m just really excited about the fake emergency

    1. CleverManka +7

      I know someone who helps plan those fake emergencies for a living and I know a couple people who’ve acted in them. They sound amazing.

    2. RoseCamelia +2

      In 1998 I was assigned to that committee when I worked on Wall Street. The scenario we were assigned to prepare for was “a plan crashes on Wall Street”. I moved to DC later than year. I was still in DC when a planes crashed into the Pentagon *and* The World Trade Center AT THE END OF WALL STREET. Still shuddering over it.

    4. cuminafterall +10

      I used to work at Homeland Security, which as you might imagine took their fake emergencies VERY seriously. Once we had a fake pandemic response (mass vaccination)! It was like getting your flu shot, but instead of getting stuck in the arm you got a raspberry creme swirl Hershey’s kiss.

  38. coloredlights +11

    Deutsche Toasts! (Brötchen? It’s no fun that the word is the same.) Anyone out there?

    I am flying to Frankfurt tonight to spend nine entire days with just my parents. Does anyone know what I should do with them, or how I should maintain my sanity? I do speak German (or I did 7 years ago), as does my mother, so we will probably be fine just winging it, but I haven’t been to this part of the country before and would love some tips! We are definitely going to all the Christmas markets we can find. Anything else?

    1. tragicallyludicrous +4

      Ooo man! Unfortunately, I don’t know Frankfurt very well except for the airport (it’s a good large airport), but Christmas markets are always the answer in Deutschland this time of year. Drink glühwein! Have sausages! Look around at everyone! If there’s art museums or something, that’s always good. And maybe day trips to other cities in the area? I’m not sure how far Cologne is (but if it’s only 2.5 hours from middle-Netherlands where I am, it can’t be that far) but it’s a beautiful city with a cathedral and Roman ruins. And Düsseldorf has Japanese food. This is basically all I know, so I hope it’s helpful.

      1. coloredlights +1

        Thanks for your suggestions! Köln and Düsseldorf are actually my two favorite cities in Germany (having only barely experienced Berlin), so you are right on. And yes, they are pretty close, and we’re planning on day trips but my mom would rather explore smaller towns. So, Christmas markets it is!

    2. PonyAlong +5

      I got nothing to add but TOTAL JEALOUSY! Have loads of fun, safe journey, and eat & drink plenty of good German food while hitting those Christmas craft fairs!

    3. spring chickens +1

      the Deutsches Filmmuseum in Frankfurt is cool! one of the best in the country.

      I also really liked the Liebieghaus, which is basically the home of a literal robber Baron (he made his fortune in Bohemian cloth, I think) filled with all the art he collected, hung in the old-school eighteenth-century manner that he preferred.

      Frankfurt is a little bland but the museums are great, especially these two!

    4. houblonchouffe +1

      Funny-ish, pseudo-related story: when MrChouffe and I were staying at a little B&B in London in 2011, we found ourselves often seated with a group of German travelers who would order their entire meals in German, except TOAST, which they just called toast. MrChouffe is still convinced that one can’t trust a group of people who don’t have a word for toast. (Bear in mind that he would also mutter lines from Fawlty Towers at me during this process and honestly there wasn’t enough orange juice available for me to spare the spit-takes, so he ended up getting kicked in the shins kind of a lot.)

    5. Radialcell +2

      German Toastie checking in! I live right outside of Frankfurt.

      I definitely recommend spending a day in Heidelberg. It’s about 50 minutes from the Frankfurt main station by IC/EC train. The Xmas market is lovely, as is the whole Altstadt, and you can wander around the castle. If you want to go to a cute small town Xmas market, take the IC/EC to Bensheim (1/2 hour from Frankfurt in the same direction). If you want more castle-time (and who doesn’t?) you can also check out Schwetzingen, which is near Heidelberg. Have fun!

  39. PRockette +11

    Pants I could wear last week, I can’t pull up over my thighs today. Truthfully, I haven’t been exercising a lot lately, but this seems — not right? Bodies. Why are they so weird.

    1. allanaaa +4

      I went off BC in like September and got my first period last week. My body was all sorts of crazy shapes.

    2. CleverManka +4

      I dunno, but ain’t they a kick in the head? Sorry you’re having to deal with that. Random and inexplicable bloating is the worst.

    3. Goomaly +7

      Yeah I quit lifting weights, then I quit jogging because I am a lazy fuck depressed, so first I lost muscle and got squishy, now the squish is expanding. It seems completely random which clothes I am failing to fit into and which still fit perfectly.

    4. thecaitd +3

      Solidarity with the body struggles lately. The small amount of weight I gained in late September hasn’t gone anywhere, I’m having my first post-IUD period, and I have a hacking cough. And I’m going to a Toastie meet-single-men event tonight. There’s no way this could possibly go wrong.

    5. elsamac +6

      I am always surprised at how rapidly my body reacts to even small changes. I spent an afternoon doing the hard hauling work of clearing out our cellar storage and (in addition to some pulled thigh muscles), I immediately saw a difference in the tone and shape of the long muscles of my legs. And experience tells me they’ll vanish just as fast. Bodies are weird.

  40. freshwaterpearl +8

    “So Peter Pan has found a mother. Ugggghhhh. Wuuhhhhhfffff. Aaaahhh. Peter Pan has found a motherrrr.”

    what the hell was that

  41. paddlepickle +20

    Gilmore Girls O’clock! Man, I did not believe everyone who said seasons 6 and 7 were lame, and it’s still very enjoyable to watch but WHAT IS HAPPENING. What is this shit where Ms. Kim just has a complete personality reversal where suddenly her main concern is that her daughter’s white fiance is a successful rock musician? Why is nobody asking if she has a brain tumor? Why are they acting like it’s a good thing that she’s marrying this angry, jealous tool?

    In addition, if Lorelai does not end up with Luke in the end I will FREAK OUT (no spoilers on that please even though I have sort of looked through the Netflix descriptions of episodes to get a vague sense because I am way too worried about this).

      1. teresamackadoo +6

        Oh man, 6 & 7 are rough. Despite being obsessed with Gilmore Girls and owning a full set of DVDs, I’ve never made it through season 7. I’ve been promising my best friend that I would for three years now. Netflix is making it easier, though, so maybe this time it will happen?

    2. MmeSiniichulok +7

      Seeing the actor who plays Rory’s dad come out of a nearby office whenever I go to a weekly appointment with my toddler in tow (he’s very kind to my toddler!) has reminded me of Gilmore Girls in a big way, and how I can’t stand how the show treated Lane (I mean, who can, but really!). She deserves so much better than that…DOOFUS. I guess a big problem is that she’s meant to be Rory’s foil, so maybe they’re not as consistent with her storyline and her supporting characters as they should have been.

    3. notebook-keeper +11

      I’m still in season 4 and I’m beginning to realize that I don’t like Rory that much? I want a show just about Lane and Paris and Emily please.

    4. msjinxie +5

      For what it’s worth, the series finale – the last 2 episodes actually – were a rare return to form and pretty satisfying, all things considered. Hopefully that will help you get through the shiiiiiiiiit that is most of that era.

  42. Goomaly +3

    FALLEN LONDON

    I am parked in the Forgotten Quarter digging for secrets and going insane! They are going to lock me up for a week after they drag me out of here.

    THE WALLS ARE WRONG

    1. winterbymorning +3

      I have opened up paths to Wilmot’s End and the Labyrinth of Tigers, but I still have to solve the murder at the University. Too many things to do! Can’t pick one to focus on! Also, most of the fun stuff you can do as a POSI requires so many high-end items, it is going to take me ages just to get a landau. I did join God’s Editors though.

      QUERY: is banishment from the Court really permanent? Are the storylines unlocked by banishment worth it? I like hanging out with the cream of Society, and writing operas for them, and eating their delicious food, and robbing them and suchlike.

      1. wallofillusion +2

        It’s definitely completely permanent–more permanent than getting kicked out of the University, in fact. Getting banished gets you access to the Foreign Office, which is basically Wilmot’s End part II. I am not very fond of Wilmot’s End or the Foreign Office, so it was not worth it for me to get kicked out of court, but others may disagree!

        1. haliegirl +1

          I am still sad that I got kicked out of the University, I wasn’t paying close attention, so it was a complete surprise to me!

      2. Goomaly +2

        similarly, I accidentally made myself HATED by the clay men, is it permanent? (I clicked a choice that didn’t do what I thought it did)

    2. aqueousmedium +4

      I found an Eyeless Skull on my very first expedition to the Shrine of the Deep Blue Heaven! Which was lovely except now it seems to want to feed on my life force and clog up my deck, and I don’t really have the skills yet to tackle the Cave of the Nadir (I cannot shake the lingering suspicion that the Melancholy Curate and his “sister” are actually the Secular Missionary and the Revolutionary Firebrand in deep cover and possibly time-travelling).

      Also, despite having moved on to the high-end heists, robbing drunks in the gutter never gets old.

      1. Goomaly +3

        “clog up my deck” I pictured a giant skull on the deck every time you go out for a cigarette “Oh damn, I forgot about this, also I wonder why I’m so tired all the time”

        1. aqueousmedium +2

          tbh that is kind of the way it feels. Oh well, it’s a good excuse to go pickpocketting.

      2. winterbymorning +6

        At the end of the Cave of the Nadir expedition you get to keep the Missionary or the Firebrand as a pet!

    3. mittensblum +3

      I GOT RATS I am so upset. This is what I get for letting that one live.

      And then I accidentally murdered the disappearing heiress and now I feel really guilty.

    4. Meenalives +1

      I got my Persuasive to 100 so I got to start the “Person of Some Importance” story line. But now I need to get all my other stats up there, and my Dangerous and Shadowy are still in the mid 50s. I’m really enjoying sending and receiving Christmas cards. Can anyone send me an invite to the Knife and Candle Game? I joined as soon as my Dangerous hit 50, but then promptly died and lost my tokens. I’m Renata Mangiafuoco.

      1. brsanders +2

        I have been sick with the flu all week and nursing my pride after a breakup last week so the mindless grinding at the start of the Person of Some Importance story has been ideal for me. My Dangerous was at 42 I think? And now it’s at like 59. I just got into the the Knife and Candle Game. I *think* I can send you an invite. I’m Hemlock Cantarella in game.

        1. MsPiggleWiggles +2

          I learned of this game on an open thread here just as I came down with pneumonia, such a good way to pass the time. I blame the ridiculous amount of nex I purchased(goddamit all I want to be is a person of importance) on the fever and codiene cough syrup. Hope you feel better soon:)

      2. MsPiggleWiggles +1

        I’m in a similar situation I so very much want to be invited to play the knife and candle. Can we form a Toastie gang and win all of the battles? I will send out Christmas cards to all who wish to celebrate the season. Always looking to make more Neathy friends

    5. elsajeni +5

      This week I died AND got sent to the Tomb-Colonies AND went insane! So it’s been a busy week. I also worked out that what I actually need to do to advance my Ambition is to go to the university, THEN the Shuttered Palace, which means that most of my recent grinding was SOMEWHAT BESIDE THE POINT and I’m a little annoyed about it, but on the other hand this means I need to shift my attention to Forgotten Quarter expeditions and I haven’t done any of those yet, so that should be fun.

      Also I still haven’t gotten to bone that devil. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, GAME.

    6. Bunburying +4

      I’m delighted by the advent calendar. FREE SHIT YES PLZ. Also I’ve been enjoying sending christmas cards so much that I’ve run out of them within two days! D: If anyone sends me one you might have to wait a while for a reply!

    7. rhymeswitheight +1

      I just started playing last week and I’m SO INTO IT. It has been a very happy distraction.
      Does anyone want an acquaintance? This is me! http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/kanger… (I haven’t been able to do any of the social actions because I’m sort of hesitant to send things to absolute strangers that the game suggests.)

      1. rhymeswitheight +1

        And already two new acquaintances! Thanks Toasties 🙂 When I get my actions refreshed, I will send some Christmas cards your way!!

    8. octopoda +1

      I had to get through the labyrinth in the Flit to continue my ambition, got through but then failed the challenge at teh end so now I have to start over. Except I’m out of Foxfire Candles. So now trying to find more to go again, without buying them cause I don’t want to pay for them.

    9. spring chickens +2

      I’ve finally made my way to the Cave of the Nadir, so that was fun. But then I went and tried to rob the Bazaar and got caught by bats, so the Masters made me insane and half-dead and I am just barely recovered. I have also given etiquette lessons to a louche devil and have collected an awful lot of fake decapitated John-the-Baptist heads.

      I’m befuddled about becoming a Person of Importance! The Ambitious Barrister visited me for getting to 100 in my worst skill, Danger, but I only did it through equipment and am much higher in other ones. QUERY: is there a reason one has to go through the POSI process in Watchmaker Hill, or can one change this?

      1. winterbymorning +1

        You need to have at least 100 in all 4 stats but it doesn’t matter whether or not the stat is boosted with equipment. I’m a POSI and my unboosted Shadowy and Dangerous are in the low 90s. The Ambitious Barrister starts you off in Watchmaker’s Hill and then takes you to the other 3 “beginner” areas but I don’t remember in what order – I think Veilgarden was #3.

        1. spring chickens +1

          oh, thanks! I just tried it out, and she took me on a tour of Fallen London and now I am supposed to make myself fancy by buying accoutrements and a nice place to live. Including some godawful “magnificent midnight blue gown” when I would like to save up for a frock made of parabola linen, to unsettle all I come across! Will polish myself up and see what happens.

          1. winterbymorning +1

            Hmmmm, I don’t remember her telling me to buy the blue gown! And yet I got the velocipede and everything and am now a Significant Individual. Odd.

          2. spring chickens +1

            Interesting! Well, I went on a heist and accidentally lost her card telling me to go get fancily attired, so maybe she’ll forget about it. I did buy dancing slippers so far based on her advice, but I don’t really want more of that stuff (I just want transportation! and “home comforts”!) so I will cross fingers that it is not totally necessary.

    10. CaptainNancy +1

      I’ve been getting Christmas Cards, which is lovely (and helpful!) but I don’t have any yet, so can’t reciprocate.

      Thanks dear Toasties, I promise I’ll send some back eventually!

      1. spring chickens +2

        you can get some extra ones if you go to the Advent Calendar on the Echo Bazaar’s twitter account and click some of the links. I think Dec. 2nd’s code is extra Christmas cards. Just don’t click on today, the 5th — it was a wriggling cat in a box.

        1. Bunburying +3

          Hey now, those things are useful. Say, if I was HYPOTHETICALLY trying to send someone a big box of live rats, and wanted them to think I was merely sending them the cat in a box I got from the advent calendar. That would HYPOTHETICALLY be very convenient for me.

    12. maryling83 +3

      I have just joined FL this week and could use acquaintances! I am Maryling, a somewhat Persuasive person of indistinct gender living in a widow’s spare bedroom. I have…very little clue as to what I should be doing? I’m going through storylets and just have no idea what I should be aiming for other than boosting my attributes. But until I find something to focus on, acquaintances would be nice!

      1. octopoda +1

        Starting out, just boost all your attributes. As you do so, more interesting things will open up to you, plus you’ll acquire more resources to be able to do more stories.

      2. rhymeswitheight +1

        We are acquaintances, yaay. Thanks for your Christmas card, it made my nightmares go away! Feel free to hit me up with any social actions/I’m happy to do the same with you if you want! My new player strategy has just been randomly clicking things … so far it’s going ok? Haha. Definitely true above, once I sort of found out what things did or which areas of the city I liked, I got some cool new plotlines.

    14. craftalchemy +1

      I am so late to this party, but still …. new Ambition: Nemesis content! FINALLY! I’ve only got about a third of the way through it, because I had forgotten how perishingly expensive Ambitions are at this level. But it is looking gooood.

  43. thecaitd +12

    Book thread! nananananananana book threaaaad!

    I have a huge stack of books next to my bed right now, accumulated from several visits to Housing Works/Strand/NYPL plus the NYC Toastie book swap.

    Just finished: Room – Emma Donoghue, Tampa – Alissa Nutting

    In the middle of: Lightspeed Women Destroy Science Fiction!, Brothers in Arms – Lois McMaster Bujold (whichever Toastie shared her Dropbox with all the Vorkosigan ebooks, bless you)

    About to begin: Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit – Jeanette Winterson, Never Let Me Go – Kazuo Ishiguro

    On deck after that: rereading The Handmaiden’s Tale and Streetcar Named Desire, Bad Feminist – Roxane Gay, Fences – August Wilson

    Wanted: someone to lend me a book/link to a free or cheap ebook of the best Shirley Jackson short stories

    Et toi?

    1. allanaaa +3

      Paul Kingsnorth – Wake. I am four pages in and I am sick of sounding things out. I will get over it, maybe, but also maybe not.

      I can’t get my shit together on books. I’ve been 50 pages into White Teeth (I know I know) for like two months now. And four went back to the library unopened last week.

      Wanted: time to reeeeeeeeeeeeead

      1. daisicles +3

        I have that problem too, with the untouched library books, it’s driving me up a wall. Though it isn’t that I don’t have time, it’s that I keep picking books that sound interesting at the time and then end up demoted to ‘well, this sounds potentially interesting but not right now’ by the time I get them home.

        If I weren’t currently devouring comic books by the handful, I’d be really worried that I just don’t want to read any more.

      2. thenotestaken +1

        Have you read any of Kingsnorth’s Dark Mountain stuff? A couple articles about the movement caught my eye before and I’ve been interested in finding one of those books. The description of the Old English-ish language of Wake scared me off!

        1. allanaaa +1

          I haven’t read any of his other stuff, no! I don’t even know how I found out about this book; I am one of those people who puts holds on a bunch of stuff at the library and then reads it whenever it gets in without remembering why the hold was originally placed.

          I’m finding as I read it that I start to dissociate — you know when there’s one word in a sentence you can’t figure out, and you sort of guess at its definition based on the context, but the more you read the less sure you are of your assertion? It’s like that times about three per sentence.

      3. thenotestaken +5

        Also, I too have a Zadie Smith (NW) out from the library now sitting around untouched. I’m underemployed right now so you’d think I’d have a lot of time to read but I keep getting anxious when doing anything that’s not directly related to job searching/feeding myself so it’s been difficult to make time.

    2. aqueousmedium +5

      Just finished: Laurie Penny’s Unspeakable Things, which was a delightful and angry-making polemic with some very Toastesque language (one of her problems with the issue of not enough women in the boardroom is that “there are altogether too many boardrooms and none of them are on fire”).

      Also just finished Jeff Vandermeer’s Acceptance, which was a whole creepy trilogy where everything basically happened just outside your range of vision.

      Now reading: William Gibson’s The Peripheral. It’s a super good time, and for some reason, his descriptions of tech kind of remind me of Ayn Rand’s descriptions of clothing (Mallory’s piece a couple weeks ago crystallized the notion).

      1. octopoda +1

        I just finished Acceptance as well. Much subtler than his other work (which I love as well). They are going to make a movie of this trilogy… how!?

        I need to get that new Gibson.

        1. aqueousmedium +1

          I have absolutely no clue how they plan to film the trilogy considering there’s not a lot of dialogue and what there is comes from unreliable narrators and the alien presence is….a presence. It could be really cool or it could be just a trainwreck.

          1. octopoda +3

            Apparently VanderMeer is on board with the director so here’s hoping it is the former. Would love to have more adaptions of weird stories in movies or on tv.

    3. bocadelperro +3

      I tore through (seriously, stayed up past midnight three nights in a row, annoyed poor Mr. Delperro by reading in bed with a light until 2AM) all three books in Robin LaFever’s His Fair Assasin series this week. YA fantasy about teenage girl assassins serving a convent devoted to death in a fictionalized, pagan version of 15th century Burgundy. If that sounds up your alley, I strongly suggest you check them out, because they are SO MUCH FUN. The first one is called Grave Mercy.

      1. chandrahildebrand +7

        I LOVED Grave Mercy, much more than I thought I would, what with judging books by their covers and all. I guess I should read the whole series?

        One of the boys I used to teach is reading it right now, and everyday he pops by my classroom just to jubilantly exclaim “Killer nuns!”

        1. bocadelperro +1

          The second one is by far the best. It’s Sybella’s book, and it’s uh-may-zing. The third one is Aniths, and it gets a little (very) weird, but it’s also fun.
          Seriously, though I kind of just want to read them over because they’re SO GOOD.

    4. rangiferina +3

      I’m about 150 pages from the end of The Goldfinch and LOVING it. Honestly I had no idea what it was about before I started out (besides the obvious “stolen painting” bit), but it ticks so many of my boxes. I’m working from home today and I’m really really sad I won’t have that hour of built-in reading time from my commute.

      Not sure what I’ll read next, but there’s a copy of The Alienist by Caleb Carr sitting right in front of me, so maybe that. Anyone read it?

    5. craneyourneck +1

      Would love to hear your thoughts on Tampa! I started it but had a hard time continuing, even though I think Nutting is amazing in interviews and respect what she is trying to do with this book.

      Just finished Faces in the Crowd by Valeria Luiselli and am finally, finally, finally reading Speedboat by Renata Adler. It’s an excellent before-bed book because the sections are short and episodic.

      I’m halfway through The Wallcreeper by Nell Zink and it’s so different than I expected it to be. What are others reading?

      1. ach_so +1

        I finished The Wallcreeper this week. It was SO good! Easily one of the best books I’ve read in the past few years.

      2. thecaitd +1

        I read Tampa in less than three days. After a while you become kind of inured to the explicit sex – honestly I read most of it on the subway! I think the author does a really good job of illustrating the mind of someone who’s clearly a sociopath but also is aware that she is different from other people. I thought it was fascinating.

      3. Es_Petal +1

        I’ve started and stopped as well, although I loved her short story collection, which was why I got Tampa. I’m fine wit the explicit sex, although I didn’t get very far with it – I just didn’t like her and didn’t care what happened to her.

      4. bocadelperro +2

        My problem with Tampa was that I keep comparing it to books in the Germanophone Feminist tradition where the explicit sex actually is a political statement (The Piano Teacher, Wetlands) and I don’t think (in comparison to those books) Nutting was particularly successful in making the explicitness say something, so it kept coming up short for me.

        So, um, if you liked Tampa, you should read Elfriede Jelinek’s books.

    6. Pocket_Witch +2

      Book thread, you say? I have a recommendation and a request for recs.

      The Martian by Andy Weir — so good it made me stop being a total Golden Age of SF snob. (I still prefer older SF as a rule, but this book, damn.) A guy gets stranded on Mars and has to do SCIENCE to try to survive. I won’t spoil it by telling you whether or not he lives, because the suspense makes it that much harder to put down. The science is cool (SCIENCE!), the depiction of how a human would react in that situation is neither overwrought nor ignored in favor of macho crap, it’s surprisingly funny in places. It’s now on the short list of my favorite books, and I am a hardcore bookworm.

      Now. Has anyone read The Truth-Teller’s Tale by Sharon Shinn? I have, and I desperately want more books like it. Specific aspects that appealed to me are the slightly medieval but not “realistic” or “gritty” setting with a little bit of magic; relationship between sisters who are very different but very close; and the, for lack of a better word, homeyness of the story. I’m not opposed to YA fantasy where the heroine is or becomes royalty or a powerful mage or revolutionary hero, but I’m at a place in my life where I want to read about stories happening in peace and relative happiness and stability.

      1. thecaitd +1

        Just added the Martian to my library list this week! I’m glad it’s not just hard science – I’m still easing my way into sci fi and haven’t read a lot of hard sci fi yet.

      2. gracefruits +2

        I haven’t read The Truth-Teller’s Tale (now I need to!) but a couple books by Sherwood Smith might fit that description — The Trouble With Kings and A Posse of Princesses are my go-to fun, homey, admittedly romantic books. (I love some of her others but they are more in the gritty/unstable plot-driven department.)

        SUPER highly recommend Patricia Wrede’s Frontier Magic trilogy, which is basically “what happens when a girl grows up on the western frontier, but with some magic?” I also just read a few other books by Gail Carson Levine (Fairest, The Two Princesses of Bamarre), and loved them.

        And maybe something I consider feel-good reading cotton candy, Debora Geary’s witches books? They go through several different main characters who are modern-day Berkeley hereditary witches, with babies learning how to use magic and new witches discovering what they can do and all of the regular parts of life happening along the way. I think they were self-published, so they’re available as super cheap e-books. Sometimes a bit repetitive, but always fun, diverting, quick reads.

        1. Pocket_Witch +1

          I think I recognize a couple of those names. I first read Gail Carson Levine’s Ella Enchanted years ago and it’s still one of my feel-good books. I’ll look for the others you recommended next time I’m at a used bookstore.

          (I’m trying to reply via email here; let’s see if this works.)

      3. actualmeg +4

        I have also not read The Truth-Teller’s Tale, but are you familiar with the Circle of Magic series by Tamora Pierce? The first few are pitched at a slightly younger audience than most YA, but are still pretty great. They focus on a group of four children who come from very different backgrounds but become each other’s surrogate family, and the stakes are lower than most fantasy–there’s almost no central conflict at all in the first book, other than the kids’ having to overcome their own preconceived notion about each other and become friends.

        Also, I would recommend anything by Diana Wynne Jones. Dark Lord of Derkholm is great if you want a fairly lighthearted parody/send-up of fantasy, and the Chrestomanci books are also light and pretty great.

        1. Pocket_Witch +1

          I have the Circle of Magic series. I like them well enough, but they never really clicked with me. I might try reading the Alanna books again, because it’s been the better part of a decade since last time.

          I’ve only read the Howl’s Moving Castle series by Diana Wynne Jones, although I have the first omnibus volume of the Chrestomanci series somewhere in my apartment. I’ll dig it out and get started.

          1. actualmeg +4

            Honestly, the Alanna books are by far the weakest of Pierce’s, at least in terms of the writing–they were her first, and she’s improved a lot since. My favorites of hers are probably the Protector of the Small quartet.

    7. perianwen +4

      I <3 Jeanette Winterson. That is all.

      I am in the middle of ‘The Legend of Sigrid and Gudrun’ by Tolkien, and ‘We Two’ which is about Queen Victoria & Albert. I also have half a dozen poetry books I need to plow through this weekend to nab good poems from for a birthday present for a young man.

    8. lassotabasco +2

      I LOVE Oranges!! Great choice!

      I just finished The Paying Guests-Sarah Waters (I thought it was wretchedly awful and would love to talk about it with someone!)

      Just started The Bell Jar- Sylvia Plath

      Next up is the Age of Innocence- Edith Wharton

    9. Es_Petal +2

      Just been reading: Kaitangata Twitch by Margaret Mahy, the complete Miss Marple collection (found it online), Mary Boleyn by Alison Weir, and She-Wolves – the Women who ruled England before Elizabeth, by Helen Castor. I binged the Rex Factor podcasts in the last couple of weeks since someone recommended them to me and have been on a history book spree since.

      Currently listening to the Gone-Away World by Nick Harkaway – read it when it first came out and loved it, but have been reluctant to reread since due to knowing The Twist, as I wasn’t sure how that would affect it. Loving the audiobook though.

      1. floridagal1 +2

        I am also listening to the Rex Factor podcasts, they are so interesting! Mr. Floridagal doesn’t seem to like them much tho which means we are progressing slowly. I’m still on like Ethelburga or somebody.

    10. actualmeg +1

      Oof, Tampa. I basically couldn’t put it down, but then I felt gross after. Which I actually think might be the intended effect.

      I tend to read multiple things at once:

      Hild – Nicola Griffith (so good but I find myself having to pace myself rather than rushing through it)
      Blood on the Table – Colin Evans (about the history of the NYC medical examiner’s office, a little dry but I hate not finishing books)
      Will of the Empress – Tamora Pierce (re-reading, still have issues with it, nearly all her other Circle books are better)
      Beloved – Toni Morrison (self-explanatory but I have never read it and finally decided to rectify that)

      ETA: I just five minutes ago started re-reading the Dear America books because aravisthequeen said to in another thread. So. That too.

    11. MmeSiniichulok +2

      I just finished The Mark of the Midnight Manzanilla by Lauren Willig. It was great, like a couple of others in the Pink Carnation series (I love The Seduction of the Crimson Rose and The Mischief of the Mistletoe, like parts of The Orchid Affair and The Betrayal of the Blood Lily, and don’t particularly care for the rest). I’m also getting ready to dive into Albanian Urban Lyric Song in the 1930s, which I bought for myself in 2008 but never read/listened to (it has a CD), and I just rescued it from my boxes in storage in my dad’s house over Thanksgiving. I’m also reading North and South for approximately the billionth time.

    12. squiffyocelot +3

      Yesterday I sat in the BPL all afternoon and read “The Answer to the Riddle is Me” by David Maclean; it’s the first time I’ve finished a book all in one sitting in ages and I was delighted to find I still have the capacity to do so.

      Currently in progress: Excellent Women – Barbara Pym (which is delightful), and re-reading The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

      Sidebar: any Boston toasties been to the BPL central library recently? I knew they were renovating the Johnson building, but somehow had not acknowledged that that means the building will be closed for some time, and was surprisingly discombobulated by it (I believe my exact response when the guard told me the building was closed was, “B-b-but…where are all the books?”).

      1. Prawns +2

        I love love loved Ancillary Justice, and I think I may just dive into Ancillary Sword as an After-Christmas treat in a few weeks.

        1. SarcasticFringehead +1

          They are SO GOOD and I am SO GLAD that there’s a release date for the third one because if it was just like, “coming eventually, probably!” I would be very very sad.

    14. rolotomassi5 +1

      Just finished All The Light We Cannot See – Anthony Doerr. Loved it to death. Memorable characters, incredible setting (the city of Saint Marlo during Nazi occupation), beautiful writing. Just heartbreaking and gut-wrenching. Highly recommended.

      Now reading Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage and predictably I am having a great deal of fun with it. The last Murakami I read was Hard Boiled Wonderland & The End of the World, which I only sort of liked.

    15. emilysaysgo +1

      Currently reading : Bad Feminist, The Silkworm (I read the first JK Rowling pseudonym detective novel and liked it, but I’m having a harder time getting into the second one?), and a sequel to a book I read as a kid that I didn’t know about until a couple of days ago (do you guys remember Sorcery and Cecelia, co-written by Patricia Wrede, who I know has gotten some Toast attention?).

      Anyway, once I’m done with those I’m going to spend my winter break reading books about Antarctica.

    16. floridagal1 +1

      I just finished Pain, Parties, Work which was a sort of portrait of Sylvia Plaths’ summer in NY in 1953. I’d never read any Plath but it made me want to read her work so now I am reading The Bell Jar and love it so far. It’s also making me want to finally get through Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, so maybe I will pick that back up after I finish the Bell Jar.

  44. paddlepickle +17

    A big question I have about the whole show is, are they having all the characters fall in love with men who suck on purpose, or are we actually expected to like these people?

    1. katiemcgillicuddy +6

      It’s because secretly they hated the viewers all along (this is the only explanation)

    2. seapartridge +10

      The thing I find frustrating about re-watching the show is I think you ARE supposed to like these people. It’s supposed to be totally okay that Dean is jealous and controlling and doesn’t want to do anything that Rory is interested in — even waaaay after the fact, they always talk about him as “the perfect boyfriend” and say things like “you were really spoiled by your first love, he was so great!” Zach is allowed to complain and make Lane do everything and just always be an asshole, but it’s okay, because he cleaned the dishes for Lane once so obviously he’s a real stand-up guy. Marty is a nice guy. He might be the prototypical Nice Guy. And I don’t even want to talk about Christopher.

      (and the thing that I DON’T get is how the show treats the aforementioned guys as “good” and demonizes others for no reason — like, yeah, Jess was an asshole teenager but then got basically no credit, story-wise, for turning his life around and admitting that he was a jerk. And Logan, beyond the general entitled Rich White Boy attitude, might be the best boyfriend on the whole series — he treats Rory with respect, apologizes when he does mess up, isn’t demanding or controlling, manages the healthy level of independence/being in a relationship balance pretty well, and makes an effort to understand Rory’s interests and do nice things for her and her family without expecting anything in return. And yet the narrative of the show is very “ugh, isn’t Logan the WORST”)

      1. deleted7410012 +7

        yes, i was just talking about this with a friend!

        jess’ awfulness seemed more tied to his adolescence and circumstances than to his actual personality. not to say he’s a perfect peach or anything, but his less stellar qualities seem like things he could potentially grow out of–and when he appears later, it seems like he did indeed grow out of them. dean, on the other hand, showed his true (abusive, controlling, jealous) colors pretty early on, and sticks to them. and for some reason, the show keep treating him like a “perfect first love” and jess as a “terrible dirtbag.” it makes no sense.

    3. deleted7410012 +3

      the men on gilmore girls have pretty much always been terrible, though.

      even as early as season 1, dean’s awful jealous streak and emotional manipulation show up and when rory mentions it, lorelai is like “he’s such a nice young man, though.”

    1. 1sic1 +2

      I quite enjoyed the 2 first seasons (even the embarrassingly autobiographical one, *ugh* get over yourself, Charlie Brooker). Which episode is your favorite?

        1. octopoda +1

          I went into this show (with my wife) knowing very little about it, only hear that it was great and that it was “sci-fi”-ish. Watching that first episode was pretty confusing (great but confusing). It is simultaneously hilarious and very very dark.

        1. 1sic1 +1

          Yup, that’s the one.
          Me, it just made me go “Yes, Charlie, you’re oh so tortured, and so completely unlike every other person who got offered a pile of money and took it. Woe is you.”

    2. deleted7410012 +2

      i’m scared to watch it. how scary is it?

      i can handle “luther” scary but that’s about it.

      1. thecaitd +3

        It’s not scary per se, but there is at least one moment per episode of…revulsion, I guess? Horror. But not fear.

      2. octopoda +3

        “White Bear” is probably the scariest one, though it is not a scary episode per-se. It is also one of the best episodes.

    3. octopoda +3

      Black Mirror is awesome (i’ve seen all except the last one, which I’ve heard is not so great so I’m not so motivated to watch it).

  46. wallofillusion +9

    Everything is terrible, I am starting Prozac to reduce my PMS anxiety but apparently it is increasing my anxiety until my body gets used to it and this morning I picked a facebook fight with my dad re: MN high school league’s decision to let transgender kids choose their team based on their gender identity because I thought it would stress me out more to stay silent but instead the arguing just killed my appetite. So now I have a hunger headache with no hunger.

    Which is not even getting into the everything terrible that’s happening in the US at large.

    2. blushingflower +3

      ugh.
      I can really related to the hunger headache with no hunger. I have had a lot of stress at work lately, and that has led to a few days where I can tell that I am hungry but I have no appetite and a knot in my stomach so it is hard to eat. And if I skip meals, I get migraines, so that is extra fun.
      I hope your meds start working appropriately soon!

    3. llama-j +2

      Oh god, I did that recently too: started prozac for anxiety/minor depression and it made my anxiety go through the roof! It was horrible. I’m sure that might be a side effect that goes away with time, but I couldn’t stand the increased anxiety and stopped taking it after 3 days…

      1. wallofillusion +3

        There are a number of comments online reporting that it goes away in a few weeks, so I’m hanging in there for now, but I’m sure not enjoying the ride in the meantime. u_u Did you get any insomnia with it? I’ve been having a bit of that–mostly feeling very wakeful at odd times of night.
        I hope you can find something that does not worsen the very thing you are trying to treat!

        1. llama-j +2

          Aaah! I did get insomnia–it was horrible. I LOVE my sleep and hate when it’s interfered with! 🙂 I’m still looking for something else to try, but I’m not in a hurry. My husband has been on 20mg of prozac for many years and it’s just the perfect drug for him (really treats his depression and has no side effects…that we know of!). I hope to find something that works similarly well for my anxiety.

          1. wallofillusion +2

            Oof, I hope my insomnia doesn’t get any worse, then. So far it’s only about an hour of lost sleep a night–but if it gets worse I might ask to be tried on something else.
            I’m glad it works well for your husband, and good luck to both of us finding something to nudge our brains in the right direction. 🙂

  47. Passing_Strange +39

    Oh thank goodness, the open thread, I need to tell someone about my Ben Affleck sex dream. In real life I am pretty meh on Ben Affleck, and so to it was in the dream, until he convinced me with a very sexy dance (was it actually Ben Affleck with the body/moves of Chris Messina, maybe). So then we were getting hot and heavy when he realized I was on my period and bolted. WTH, Ben Affleck! In real life I would not insist on forcing anyone into sexual activity they were uncomfortable with (although everyone should get over it, it’s just a little menstrual fluid), but the dream ended with me marching up to Ben and demanding he come back and sex me up. It was his idea, after all.

    The end.

    2. tragicallyludicrous +1

      Sex dreams are weird, man. I once had one involving Nicklas Bendtner, except then we didn’t have condoms so we ended up just cuddling? It was actually pretty nice and dream-Bendtner was probably much nicer than the actual one would ever be.

  48. deleted7410012 +5

    these weekend was fucking rough. on top of all the horrible news, i’m sick, which makes me 500% less able to deal with stuff because i am a huge whiny baby.

    good things: my writing group has put together a chapbook to sell at zinefest this weekend. a good friend is visiting me and she’s coming with me as my +1 for my work holiday party tonight. i can sorta breathe through both my nostrils again. sort of.

  49. carolinekn +40

    Can we talk about The Butter? I’m really curious how others are reading it. I’m having a hard time fitting it into my existing Toast-al reading habits, and it’s making me reflect on what I come to The Toast for—solidarity, this sensation of relief afforded by complex humor, a certain admixture of wrenching-ness made tolerable by a context of solidarity and complex humor… And I think I usually read Toast pieces fairly quickly, which doesn’t seem to work with The Butter. So I’m curious how others are thinking about the difference so far. To be clear, I’m not asking, “Do you like it?” but “How are you framing it?” Does that make sense? Too soon?

    1. Passing_Strange +13

      Yes, I have liked what I read there so far quite a bit, but I find I have to sit with each piece a bit more, so it doesn’t fit into my workday reading the same way The Toast neatly does. I haven’t found a way to make it a habit yet, but sometimes I go back and read things at after a few days.

    2. eegghh +46

      I feel like having it in the boxes too is a bit off putting- it sort of gives me pause that is like, “can i handle one of these right now? Its in the seriousness box.”

      1. Es_Petal +10

        Yes! It is definitely a seriousness box – I do need to be in the mood for Serious Things and ATM with all the shitty news going on I just haven’t been.

    3. CaptainNancy +12

      I haven’t quite figured out what’s the best way for me to frame it yet. It definitely feels like a different beast to The Toast, as eegghh said the content is more ‘serious’, and I feel like I need to carve out some space / be in the right frame of mind to read The Butter posts. I can read The Toast while in the same room as other people, but The Butter (for me) needs more concentration, otherwise I feel I’m not appreciating the richness of the writing/content enough. If that makes any sense?

    4. testingwithfire +15

      The Butter is more of a long-reads site for me, not that the pieces are very long but they tend to be, well, denser in impact and content.

    5. sarah_jay +5

      I’ve been marking articles to read later in my feed aggregator, along with other articles that I know will take more brain power (like from Standard Issue Magazine), and reading them mostly on Sunday afternoons when I used to read op/ed pages from the newspaper, now that I no longer subscribe.

  50. CleverManka +9

    This has been a rough week. I’m seeing a new doctor and that’s actually going really well, but my body is experiencing all sorts of weird stuff like marked decreased appetite and insomnia. Not a good combo for someone who already has sleep problems and a history of disordered eating.

    My hair looks great today, but alas, I don’t have a camera.

    1. RoseCamelia +9

      Yes, your hair looks great. It always does, when I picture you in my mind’s eye. You are lovely and deserving of the best medical care. Sorry you’re struggling. I’ll be keeping good thoughts about you.

    3. Es_Petal +5

      Your hair always looks great.

      Will some glittery banana=bread dinosaurs tempt your appetite?
      Glittery bananabread dinosaurs

        1. Es_Petal +3

          Your wish, my command. I even remembered to look on US ebay!
          http://www.ebay.com/itm/Dinosaur-Set-e-Flexible-S…

          The other thing I do with them apart from cake is use a pastry brush to cover the insides with melted chocolate,then fill it with angel delight (instant whip? Is that what you call it?) and then gently heat it to turn them out without the chocolate melting. Also good with jelly.

  51. Goomaly +49

    Went to my first AA meeting last night and it had been canceled :(( But there was a lady in the office doing paperwork and she invited me in for a meeting. It was nice and actually, maybe ideal for my first meeting. But I want a nice big group of course so now I have to find one.

    Also I learned about where they’re having Meeting marathon during the holidays! All day Meetings for when I hate everyone and it’s fucking Christmas and god grant me the serenity to avoid the liquor aisle.

    Also I’m an atheist so it might take me a lot of determination to find a group, but I think I’ve got it.

    1. RoseCamelia +7

      Good work, going to a meeting! I am proud to know you. I’m gently atheist and I understand. Keep that determination to find a group. I’m pulling for you.

    3. elsamac +6

      High-five for seeking out the meeting!

      Went to my first AA meeting last night and it had been canceled

      That seems… sub-optimal… for new attendees. But how great that the office-person was able to make a small-scale meeting right away!

      1. Goomaly +4

        Sub-optimal! I quite agree!

        It wasn’t completely unexpected; it was held in a small business that I knew was struggling. The lady who was there runs the place and is also a 15-year member, so it turned out much better than it could have.

    4. rebeccacsjanzen +2

      I hope that you will go back to enough meetings so that you can find the one that is for you. 100% rooting for you

  52. turanga_leela +3

    We discovered the game Dragonvale this week and now we (husband, two daughters and I) are all addicted. We have three games going on three different devices so we can all play at the same time (the daughters are sharing a game). Anyone else playing? Any tips for a novice?

    1. coloredlights +2

      I have been playing for years! It is fun. Make sure you’re all friends with each other so you can gift gems back and forth. And keep an eye out for the holiday events – the mini games are fun and you can win cool in-game prizes.

    2. maryling83 +1

      Coming in on this sooo late but yay Dragonvale! I use this site to help me decide on what to breed: http://www.2084.org/dragonvale/breeding-sandbox/

      You can use the first tab to see what happens when you breed two specific dragons, and the second tab will tell you what to breed to get your target egg.

      Also, one of my friends stopped sending me gems so if anyone needs a friend add daineNYU on GameCenter.

      1. turanga_leela +1

        Thanks for the info.

        We have been trying to get the Facebook stuff to work for our games but it seems because we have our games saved locally instead of on Facebook we can’t get it set up. How do we share gems with GameCenter? Would it work with locally stored games? If I can get that set up I will send you gems.

  53. ejbaker13 +11

    OH!!! AND!! Suggestions for gifts (probably in the book genre) for an unbelievably smart 14 year old gal who wants to study politics? I want to radicalize her and/or welcome her into the misandrist fold.

    1. houblonchouffe +5

      Madam Secretary by Madeleine Albright changed my entire goddamn life.

      eta Handmaid’s Tale, also a DVD of Spring Awakening

      edited again for CODE NAME VERITY

    2. CleverManka +2

      I finished Unspeakable Things and didn’t come across any Caitlin Moran-style disappointment bombs. If you think she’s up for that level of Anger and Realism, I recommend it. Who knows, it might help her avoid some of the socialized behaviors Penny rails against.

    3. bird_internet +2

      “Open Veins of Latin America” was a good radicalizing force in my youth. Not sure if it qualifies as misandrist.

    6. depizan +2

      I just started Kirsten Gillibrand’s Off the Sidelines which is all about how to get more women in politics, it’s quite good so far.
      I am Malala by Malala Yousafzai
      My Beloved World by Sonai Sotomayor

  54. happyharbingers +9

    What kind of makeup does one wear with a very tight, very red dress? I can’t find an image of it online, but it’s knee-length and very structured with cap sleeves, and would probably look like formal upscale business wear if it was black?

    It is not black. It is RED.

    1. shinkickmorning +13

      to what kind of event? because my gut says go full vamp and have a red lip and winged black eyeliner.

    2. RoseCamelia +13

      Only 2 ways to go with a dress like that : full-on big bright makeup with a very red lip, or understated with nude tones.

      1. projectbeks +12

        Yes, this was exactly what I was going to say.
        You can also use your shoes to guide you. Understated shoes? Understated makeup. Hot sexy shoes? VAMP IT UP.

    3. Goomaly +13

      Perfect eyebrows, strong eyeliner but not too much wing, an orangey or purpley red lip (depending on what you have around and/or your skin tone) and don’t go all-matte on the foundation if you have that option. Aim for glowing like ON FIRE from this dress.

      Also, send pics 😀

    4. thecaitd +11

      I would actually do a nude lip – no other color to compete with the dress. Then full coverage foundation and strong eyebrows and lots of highlighting around the eyes.

  55. tragicallyludicrous +9

    I’m going home next Tuesday! I am going to watch Ancient Aliens a LOT and sit on the couch and eat sandwiches my mom makes for me, I can’t wait.

  56. Absotively +1

    Edmonton Toastfolk!

    There was some discussion in the holiday open thread about having a meetup. It kind of petered out before any decisions were made, so I’m just going to propose something based on the things that got suggested: How about we meet on Saturday December 13, in the afternoon (let’s say 2pm), at the new Nosh on 124 St?

    1. GlowCloud +1

      Edmonton toasties exist? (I’m not around much so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but HI.)

      1. Absotively +1

        We do! Hi!

        We had like five of us on the open thread, and there is at least one more who wasn’t on last week’s open thread but is around sometimes.

    4. annieleeroth +1

      Hiiiiiii! I’ve been really busy so I didn’t get a chance to come here earlier and post something, so thanks for remembering and posting about it! And yes, I am so totally into this. Next Saturday at 2! It looks like the address is 10235 – 124 Street on the main floor. See (some? all?) of you then!

    5. jackiechandra +1

      Blast! I have a meeting that day (yes, a MEETING. On a SATURDAY. What fresh hell…) I would love to meet up with you #yeg Toasties next time!

  57. mittensblum +5

    Cosmetically-inclined Toasties, I need assistance. I am looking for the one magical easy-to-apply product that I can put on my face to make my skin look even and happy and not red and alternately dry and shiny and covered in acne. (Yes, I know acne is unfortunately three-dimensional so the bumps will still be there. But at least I can make them blend in.) Does this thing actually exist?

    I have taken this question to Sephora a few times and they usually end up recommending Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer, which I’ve been generally pleased with but am wondering if I should try something else.

    1. Momthra +2

      I like the Juice Beauty BB cream (it only comes in two fair tones though, which might not work for you). It looks good on but it’s also not irritating to my very sensitive skin and I actually think it’s helped to minimize breakouts for me. Plus SPF!

      1. mittensblum +1

        SPF is a bonus, though I am what is usually described as “olive-skinned” in the food as skin tones world so fair tones are not always great for me. I will investigate though!

    2. shinkickmorning +2

      tinted moisturizer or a BB cream is my preferred method for sure. I started out with Laura Mercier but have been using Smashbox BB cream for a year? maybe more.

    3. thecaitd +1

      Smashbox BB Cream is pretty miraculous. Cons: expensive and acts like an under-eye magnet for my mascara.
      Garnier is much more sheer and dewy, but affordable.

    4. GreenGrasses +2

      I really like the Laura Mercier oil-tree tinted moisturizer! I tried the normal one and liked it OK, but returned it for the oil-free one, which has made a huge difference. Also, use a Beauty Blender! That little sucker will make everything look smooth and even and wonderful.

      Also, as someone who is waging war on acne, going to my doctor really, really helped! I feel like people think that it’s a silly reason to go to the doctor but now that I’ve gone I’ve started some really effective medication and I feel much better about myself.

      1. mittensblum +2

        I finally caved to the need for medical assistance a few weeks ago and they gave me a tretinoin prescription. I think I just entered the “your skin will get worse around week 3-4 before it starts getting better” stage and I’m losing my mind. WORK FASTER, PHARMACEUTICALS. I would love my IUD so much more if it hadn’t made me break out like a 13-year-old before their first big dance.

        Tell me more about this Beauty Blender? Specifically if the only option is the $20 one that I found on Sephora’s website or if it comes in generic, I am cheap.

        1. GreenGrasses +1

          I’m on tretinoin too! The percentage I started out on didn’t work well enough for me, so now I’m on a stronger version and I love it. Plus, retinol is basically the only thing ever actually proven to prevent aging stuff (wrinkles etc) so it’s making your skin happier and fighting the acne!!

          The Beauty Blender is definitely overpriced (I got mine in my Birchbox so I’ve never dropped the full cash on it), but I think Sephora makes its own version. I bet you could find a generic one in the drugstore these days too!

        2. catoclock +5

          OKAY HELLO can we talk about the IUD thing? I’ve never really had skin problems other than dryness, even as a teenager, but I got a Mirena IUD about a year ago after being on the pill for ages, and my skin has gotten WEIRD. I’m not really getting pimples — I think my skin is too dry? — but I’m getting tons of these tiny flesh-colored bumps all over the place. They aren’t super visible from a normal distance, but they drive me nuts. They can sometimes be coaxed into expelling a little bit of waxy stuff if you squeeze them enough, which just means that I pick at my face all the time until I have big old red spots that look exactly like pimples and then I’m sad.

          Is this a thing? If so, WHY

          1. mittensblum +3

            WE CAN I am very displeased about it. I have the Paragard though. I was on the Nuvaring for like…7ish years? Starting when I was 19. And I had mild acne as a teenager but not terrible and foolishly thought the fact that it cleared up on the Nuvaring was maybe just magically because I was growing out of it. NOPE. I gave my body its regular unmedicated hormones back and it is flipping its shit. I also had to deal with my hair falling out for a while, that was fun.

          2. catoclock +3

            Yeah, I didn’t figure it was the hormones in Mirena doing it, since they’re so much less than what’s in the pill. I think it’s just letting my body do its thing without hormonal help that’s wigging it out. UGH.

            I am SO sorry your hair was falling out, that is a horrifying surprise.

        3. sarah_jay +2

          Real Techniques has an AMAZING dupe for the beauty blender for about $7 at Ulta. It’s my favorite makeup thing right now. You know how sometimes you find something fabulous and want to shout it from the rooftops? Right now that thing is the Real Techniques Complexion Sponge.

      3. tragicallyludicrous +2

        I feel like my acne has got worse since I’ve got older. After the new year I’m going to have to brave the Dutch medical system again and try to find a dermatologist.

    5. projectbeks +5

      I really like (and this will set you back initially, but it lasts a long time, so worth it) Bare Minerals. If you have the option, go to one of their stores (sometimes they have stores in airports! who knew?). I have sensitive skin and a history of acne/acne treatments, but I find their liquid foundation is SUPER EASY. The reason I recommend going to a store, is that they can show you how to apply it and let you try it yourself to get the hang of it, and they have the appropriate brushes there. They have a huge range of skin tones, too.

    6. emlorark +1

      Not sure if this will help acne so YMMV: I’ve tried dozens of BB/CC creams and tinted moisturizers trying to find a foundation substitute. I finally settled on Yes to Grapefruit CC Cream. It provides just enough coverage for me, without being too dewy or too matte. Basically it makes my skin look like my skin by with less redness and splotchiness. It does not seem to come in very many shades though, unfortunately.

    7. embryoconcepts +3

      BB Cream is the answer, it’s the brand that’s the trick. Remember, you can return stuff to Sephora for something like 90 days, even if you’ve used it. The Smashbox I just could not like. The texture was too weird. I returned it after 89 days and got the Tarte instead. I love the feel and look. I don’t use it often, but it’s one of my favorite non-lipstick beauty items, ever.

    9. Amelia +1

      This isn’t really a one step thing, but it is pretty close to it. What I’ve found is that wearing a sunscreen with zinc oxide in it calms down my super red face so that I need less coverage. Then to cover up the greasies/white cast from the sunscreen I use MUFE Pro Finish Powder foundation. If I have some especially red acne, before I use the powder, I’ll spot conceal those bits by patting on some Revlon Colorstay Foundation. I find that spot concealing + powder foundation makes my skin look much nicer/is much lower maintenance throughout the day than using liquid foundation all over.

    10. floridagal1 +1

      REALTED QUESTION sometimes my face looks so pale that I look like a corpse, like a little greenish and unhealthy. How do I fix this with minimal makeup?

  58. friendofdaja +11

    The Hairpin linked to this piece on SWINTON (http://www.gq.com/moty/2014/tilda-swinton-woman-of-the-year), and may I just share one or two lines that I hope will make your day better immediately:

    “”Zach, you’re here,” she says in the tiny terminal, hugging me as if we’ve met a thousand times before, though our actual count—in this life, anyway; I guess with Tilda Swinton you never know—is zero. She smells like wildflowers and wood smoke. Her sweater is chunky and soft. Her profile is the kind of thing you need to work up to looking at directly.”

    Somehow, knowing that Tilda Swinton smells like wildflowers and wood smoke makes me very happy.

      1. friendofdaja +2

        I feel like she uses Channel Opium (but maybe that’s just because it’s what my mom uses), but probably combined with some more down to earth smell, like baking cookies or potpourri or something.

    2. Household_Opera +1

      I read that piece and immediately wanted to be friends with Tilda Swinton and go visit her in Scotland every summer. TILDA!

  59. Momthra +22

    I find that if I leave clothes in the closet too long, they tend to shrink up a bit. Que misterioso.

  60. anninyn +7

    I officially hate turning short row heels you lot. Hate it. I’m going to learn how to do it but for my next pair of socks I want an easier heel method. Anyone have one?

        1. anninyn +2

          I hope so. I just had to rip out everything I did this evening and I want to cry.

          So I’m knitting my Bisexucowl instead which is just ribbing in a nice soft alpaca.

        2. msjinxie +5

          They do! Oh man, turning heels is one of my favorite knitting things – I’ve done a thousand of them and I’m never not delighted when I turn a flat thing into a cup thing.

    2. BellaG

      Are you doing top-down socks or toe-up, and how are you doing the short rows? (You can’t really do a sock heel without some kind of partial-row knitting, but there are alternatives to the wrap-and-turn method.)

      1. anninyn +1

        Toe up and I’m just following the pattern. I think it’s wrap and turn? At least, my pattern says ‘turn’ after it says all the ‘slip, knit/purl ssk/purl 2 together’ shit.

        I have not been wrapping, but it’s OK, these are the most hideous socks ever and will be bed socks when I’m done. But I’d like slightly more attractive socks with my next lot of yarn, because it’s eye-burning rainbow yarn and I want to wear them with my boots.

        1. BellaG +3

          Okay, it doesn’t sound like a wrap-and-turn heel — what’s the pattern? If the issue is appearance, I tend to prefer wrap-and-turn (the wraps are fiddly until you get used to them, but they make for a clean-looking knit). If it’s not appearance, Cat Bordhi has a video on YouTube about alternative sock heels, but I can’t get to it here (I may or may not be at work right now). It has to do with knitting from the row below, I think (Cat Bordhi is a genius, in a mind-blowing sort of way). I don’t think her method has as strong a turn in the heel as the one I prefer, but it looked nice and seemed like it wasn’t particularly difficult.

          Also, I’m BellaG on Ravelry also, if you want to PM me there.

          1. anninyn +2

            I have no idea. The pattern was given to me after I learned to cast on and increase for the foot at a store. I think I might go back and ask for a little help on the heel next week.

    3. Meenalives +5

      I usually do a flap heel. this is my favorite guide to sock techniques (the socks 101 is good too). Flap heels with gussets are nice because they take into account that your feet are thicker through the instep than at the toe.

    4. WanderingDancer +1

      I really like the Fleegle Heel method. It does involve short rows, but the way you do your decreases means that you don’t have to worry about wrapping and turning, which is the worst part of the standard short row method for me. You work up to the gap made by your previous short row, knit (or purl) together the stitch before and the stitch after the gap, and then work one more stitch. It makes a lovely rounded heel that works well on my foot, and it takes so much less brain power than remembering how to wrap and turn.

  61. lassotabasco +17

    Oh guys, how I’ve missed you of late! I’ve been spending my spare time getting into epic Facebook fights with members of my family and then rocking back and forth sobbing in the fetal position.

    What are your tips and tricks for Internet Activism Burnout? Last night I was descended upon by my mother and a few of her friends who called me “hateful, spiteful and inflammatory” and “trying to start a race war”. I feel so sad and tired. Help?

    1. ach_so +6

      Oh boy. I don’t have any tips for you, just sympathy. I hate arguing with people & definitely do not do it online. I am bracing myself for arguments with family over the holiday, though– my mom has an infuriating habit of always trying to see both sides which, no, that does not work for me.

    2. RoseCamelia +5

      I have poor relationships with my extended family, so you may want to ignore my advice. But I tend to my emotional health by withdrawing. I send one-line email or texts to everyone once a week but refuse to read or respond to any communications. Until I feel better. I make dates with people who treat me well and avoid expending energy on people who don’t. I hope you feel better soon.

    3. CleverManka +7

      I’m pretty ruthless and also IDGAF about maintaining relationships with people who don’t share my views on basic human rights, so I just cut those people out of my life. I’m lucky. I can do that.

      As far as the burnout, I’m (seriously) considering therapy to deal with my anger issues and learn ways to more positively channel that energy. Practically, for the moment, this means I’m no longer posting rage-worthy stuff on Tumblr and am only reblogging posts about how to help protestors and supporters, or inspirational stuff.

      1. lassotabasco +3

        I’m very much like that as well, but I draw the line at my mother. She’s so great and wonderful in so many ways, but she is also emotionally abused by her husband (my stepdad) and has been for many, many years and I think that affects her thinking in a lot of ways. Moms!

  62. BobbieWickham +3

    I’ve hurt my back ☹
    My job is mostly sitting at a desk and typing, but a few weeks ago I was helping the FedEx guy unload his hand truck and did what I now know is pretty much a surefire way to hurt your back – I was lifting a bunch of 30 pound boxes off the floor and twisting to put them into the storage closet behind me. A few days later, I could barely stand or walk. I pushed through the pain because a. I cannot take time off, my office would explode and b. apparently for back injuries like this, the best thing to do is keep moving. So I did my usual commute, schlepped up subway stairs, etc, and by earlier this week, I was mostly back to normal.
    Then my boss decided he hadn’t thrown a tantrum in a while and ordered that the entire office should be rearranged. So I spent all yesterday dragging furniture and boxes around, and the whole time I was thinking “this is a bad idea this is a bad ideathisisabadidea” and as it turns out, it was a bad idea. I can barely walk, it takes me a few minutes to stand fully upright, and even sitting is painful. I’ve been rolling in my desk chair around the office, but I can only go so far – and I’ve still got so much to do.
    Have you ever had to push through a back injury? How’d you do it? Does anybody have some Vicodin they want to sell me?

    2. Bunburying +2

      Have you ever been to a chiropractor? A good one can probably help you and also give you advice about any exercises you can do that would help and what motions you should avoid “pushing through” right now.

      Back injuries are horrible, I hope you recover quickly.

      1. msjinxie +2

        I’ll second this, but only if you can get a recommendation for a chiro from someone you know and trust. I’ve been seeing one to help with some alignment-related issues and pain and the difference my chiro’s made is tremendous. BUT I found her because many of my friends also see her so I knew she was going to be kind and gentle and not back-cracky.

    3. MissAndrie +15

      Dude, see a doctor. I say this because what you describe is an injury that is somewhat unpredictable, and sustained (and aggravated) on the job. Depending on the laws where you live, you’re possibly a candidate for worker’s comp. Consider seeing a doctor now,in case you need time off work/you have medical costs associated with this injury.

      1. octopoda +4

        This, you were injured on the job, you may be able to get worker’s comp. And don’t mess around with back injuries.

      2. CleverManka +4

        YES. This this this this this this. I was going to say this earlier but didn’t want to sound preachy. Now that someone else said it, though, I can’t say THIS enough. Ditto on the workman’s comp, too, even if your boss is a jerk. ESPECIALLY if your boss is a jerk.

        1. MissAndrie +2

          Sorry, dude. I hope I didn’t sound too preachy. I’m a union person so I feel strongly re: worker’s comp. I know more about Canadian law, but let me know if I can be of help.

    4. Lipstickvogue +1

      Acupuncture! My lower back gets really out of sorts (to where I can’t stand fully upright until my back muscles spasm), and a couple rounds of acupuncture make a huge difference.

  63. Frumiosa +36

    You guys, the last production I saw of Peter Pan was at Yale School of Drama, where a directing student did it for his thesis and it starred Bette Midler’s daughter Sophie as Wendy. The director set the whole thing in a WWI-era orphanage in London, with kids playing as the world ends around them. It was kind of brilliant, until the last five minutes, when the orphanage is bombed and everybody but Wendy is very graphically gassed to death. True story.

    So any Peter Pan that doesn’t end in a massacre is a step up, in my book.

    4. rolotomassi5 +7

      I love it when directors just mess with the text and give it a new setting. Sounds like a really great gritty Peter Pan reboot the world never knew it needed.

  64. BourneApprox +5

    Anybody else want to talk about Dragon Age: Inquisition? Cuz I’m like 2/3 of the way through it (about to play What Pride Hath Wrought) and it’s pretty much been all I’ve been thinking about for the past two weeks.

    Come, discuss what hot elves or ambassadors or men with interesting facial hair you’ve been dating. Discuss how awesome Cassandra is. Talk about what amazing piece of armor you’ve crafted recently. Or how BioWare once again ripped your heart out and threw it at your feet.

    1. PunnyDreadful +2

      Cassandraaaaaaaaaa. I mean, I never bring her along because Iron Bull exists but separation makes the heart grow fonder.

      I’m amazed how good this game is and how massive it feels. I never hated Dragon Age II like other people but now I get it – it feels like a rail shooter by comparison.

      1. BourneApprox +2

        Yeah, for me she’s losing out to my boyfriend Blackwall. Sorry lady, I only need one S&S tank. 🙁 She’ll get lots of use when I do a second pro-templar character, though!

        I also like (hell, love) Dragon Age 2, but the environmental difference between the two games is night and day. I’m still amazed at how different each of the regions seems. Also, there’s variety *inside* the individual regions as well. (Crestwood is my favorite so far.)

        1. Angelan_ +2

          I keep just…wandering around. I wandered around the Emerald Graves and found a spooky haunted house (Sera: Uh, Cassandra, seekers go first, yeah?) and a bunch of other quests and just faffed about having fun. I’m literally never going to finish this game.

    2. anon210 +1

      Honestly, I’ve been mildly underwhelmed so far, but I think that’s because I decided to do The Hinterlands to saturation, and things are just now starting to pick up storywise (just visited Redcliffe and found out some of what’s going on with the mages).

      I do find that I’m less inclined to follow down the conversation options–like, I’m not interested in asking Iron Bull’s flunky if it’s weird that he’s working for a Quarian or how he came to join the company. That’s usually the opposite of the head space I’m in with games like this, particularly BioWare and Bethesda games.

      2. BourneApprox +1

        *Points at the post above hers!* Also, I’ll say that it picks up majorly in the next few quests. Besides the main quest stuff there, the side stuff in the Hinterlands is mostly boring. Other areas have a lot more interesting narrative arcs going on.

    3. Angelan_ +2

      I love cassandra so much it hurts me. The guilty pleasures sidequest was so great. IDK how far I am through it – I just did Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, before which I did the Abyss one with the wardens (OMG).

      I have made 2 people tranquil! (Cullen went and smoothed things over, thanks bb! <3 ) I hit Iron Bull with a stick! I made Varric so sad his character selection card changed (and also I genuinely cried)! My on-fire-for-the-maker Inquisitor had a serious crisis of faith!

      It’s so great but it’s going to be weeks before I’m done. I didn’t even kill any dragons yet!!

      1. BourneApprox +1

        The Warden quest. OMG. So painful. Varric I am so very very sorry. (I think we may have made the same decision.) But then I got to dance with Blackwall at Halamshiral and things were happy again! And then Blackwall’s other stuff happened (have you gotten there yet?) and I shook my fist at BioWare and alternately cursed and praised them.

        I looooooove the cameo on Varric’s book cover in Guilty Pleasures. Cass is such a fangirl. Also, Wicked Grace = best scene in the game.

        1. Angelan_ +2

          My choices in the Warden quest are going to come back to bite me, I just know it. Blackwall’s other stuff has just started (I didn’t go on the quest yet) so I have that to look forward to this weekend. I didn’t get any wicked grace yet – hope Varric’s not so angry with me that I miss it!

    4. m98widow +5

      I am enjoying it SO MUCH even though I gave up on DAI after I finally clawed my way out of Orzammar and played DA2 for a grand total of about 5 hours. It’s so much fun! I didn’t go too nuts in the Hinterlands so the game opened up for me pretty early. I did make the mistake of briefly turning Cassandra into a One-Handed Warrior and apparently sold all of our shields, and for a long time I did not find a single other shield so we could not do the Shield Bash move required for the Red Lyrium vein quest. (This was also before I had any other warriors or had enough points for the Shield Bash-esque move on the One-Handed tree). The game refused to drop any other shields, so eventually I spent the majority of my money on a shield schematic in Val Royeaux and made a shield that I called “Finally, A Shield.”

      1. BourneApprox +2

        I did the same thing with all my bows, and couldn’t find anything for Sera to use when she showed up. So I respecced her as a dagger rogue instead, hehe.

        I need to think of better names for my crafted armor. At best I manage “Light Armor Wot Looks Good”. I think I made Solas a “Snuggly Enchanter Coat” too.

        1. MaladyDee +1

          I can’t possibly think of a better name for a coat than that, you should stick with what you’re doing.

        2. MaladyDee +1

          Also I just named a sword with +12 constitution the Stubborn Bastard Sword so I’m kinda biased on the silly naming front.

    5. chandrahildebrand +2

      Ensuring equal time with the Xbox to play Inquisition has so far been the biggest test of my marriage. Usually I get way more into games than my husband, but he’s embraced this one with gusto. I’m also stuck trying to cover every inch of the Hinterlands, so he’s gotten a lot farther than me. *Grumbles*

      1. BourneApprox +2

        Well, if you guys can survive this, you can survive anything! (I got my husband a PC copy to play on his computer as an early Xmas present, so that we could do MP together, but now we just sit in our separate rooms and play singleplayer instead. I’m ahead, so I try not to spoil him, but it’s hard not to gush.)

    6. octopoda +2

      I’m finally really getting ino the game, took some getting used to the controls (I still hope the patch some things) but now that I’ve done some more side missions and gotten past Haven, I’m really into it. Also flirting with Josephine.

    7. coloredlights +2

      A question for those farther along than me! I just did that big quest with, um, a lot of red, and now I’m supposed to go meet everyone in the war room when I’m ready to proceed. Is entering the war room going to trigger the next part? I’m afraid to go back in because I have more running around to do, but I have a lot of power points to use.

      Also, I have no idea who to romance! Sera is fun but hates me because magic. Cassandra is straight (WHY). I guess there’s Solas, but elf mage with elf mage is boring. Maybe Josephine? I apparently have a Dragon Age type, because my Hawke ended up with Isabela.

      1. BourneApprox +2

        For what it’s worth, I’ve heard numerous folks say that the Solas romance is “their favorite since Garrus”. Apparently there’s not a TON of content, but what content exists is A+. Hard to go wrong with Josephine (that accent!), though her relationship is apparently a bit less…physical…than most of the others.

      2. BourneApprox +2

        Oh also, since there are numerous “lots of red” quests…did you just complete [ONE OF TWO BIG CHOICES OF EARLY GAME QUEST]? And are they asking you to go do [BIG TASK FINISHING SOMETHING IN HAVEN]? If so, I think going to the War Table is still fine, since they’ll still want you to click on the location. Generally speaking, the game’s been pretty good about letting you say “Whoa, I’m not ready to go to this place! Don’t trigger the quest yet!”

        Unless you’re much further along than me, in which case I don’t know!

    8. ChloeKEvil +2

      I finished my qunari mage game and promptly started, uh, four more. One of them is now in mid-late storyline, the others are closer to the beginning- I’ve got a human rogue, another mage (human this time), an elven warrior, and a qunari warrior.

      I don’t have a problem this is completely under control honest.

      My human rogue is sleeping with Iron Bull (I LOVE that romance!!!) and my human mage is leaning towards Cullen. I think my elf will go for solas since she’s his type, but my qunari might end up with sera or josephine.

      I’m working on my human mage playthrough for now and trying to be really thorough and experiment with crafting and all that. I’ve been in the mood where mindlessly doing sidequests and finding shards or solving astrariums is really soothing, so that’s been nice.

      1. Amelia +2

        I did the same thing! Except I got to Skyhold on my first one (Female Qunari Mage), realized that Solas could only be romanced by an elf lady, so started a new one, then remembered how much fun playing the beginning of the game was and started a female dwarf archer playthrough. I have got all the way to the end with my elf archer though and am now pondering how my other inquisitors would do things.

      2. BourneApprox +1

        I care / think way too much about DA decisions and particularly romances and it’s really hard to stop myself from making a new alt. Must…finish…qunari mage…before starting…female human archer….and doing…Cullen…

        1. Angelan_ +1

          Not tempting you, but the Cullen romance is cute. “I’m glad you-uh, I mean, I’m glad EVERYONE survived. Yes. Uh… *blush blush blush*”

    9. Amelia +1

      Yeah, so I just finished the game this week and I definitely needed time to process my emotions about the ending. It was amazing, but combined with the romance choice I made, it was a definitely an emotional hit.

      Also, sad forever that Cassandra is straight. I may have to try to play as a dude to romance her even though it always feels weird when my character isn’t a woman.

      1. BourneApprox +1

        I am so divided between rushing to finish the main plot so I can know what happens (I’ve heard similar things from others, and I want to know WHY that particular romantic choice is so poignant!), and between taking my good sweet time so the game never ends.

        1. Amelia +1

          I did kind of rush the last few plot quests but that was in large part because I wanted to make sure there was a decent chunk of stuff that would still be new and exciting on my next playthroughs. I would definitely recommend taking your time though because I’m not sure I’m okay knowing that it is going to take YEARS for me to find out what happens next.

    10. MaladyDee +1

      Oh man. I am all over this thread. I’ve been spending all week Just noodling around in Skyhold trying to avoid advancing the storyline while I do all the sidequests. Also as cute as Josephine is, in my heart I will always love Cassandra best. I don’t even understand why they made her straight. My qunari warrior needs a lady as badass as she is to date, and we could trade tips on how to polish your sword and shield to a perfect mirror finish, and for a date we’d go kill demons together. Ah, if only.

  65. katiemcgillicuddy +4

    SPORTSSS CONTINUE TO HAPPEN DESPITE THEM BEING AWFUL A LOT OF THE TIME

    The Caps don’t start playing hockey until about halfway through the 2nd period most nights, but then they are almost good! Which isn’t really cutting it!

    The Wizards are kicking ass and taking names, and John Wall is a STUD who actually loves playing defense as much as he loves playing offense! Shhh, no one tell him he’s an NBA player! He clearly doesn’t know! Hey, Colin Cowherd, have anything to say (I’m sure he does, actually, so nevermind, Cowherd, keep your racist trashmouth shut)

    The Orioles are having some sort of depressing firesale. Markakis is no longer an Oriole? What? I mean…what?

    HORRIBLE GARBAGE PERSON OF THE WEEK: Jameis Winston! http://deadspin.com/jameis-thinks-being-falsely-a…

    Charles Barkley: SHUT UP.

    Guys, talk to me about yo teams and shit!

    1. Ethylbenzene +1

      Can we talk about our fantasy teams? Because last week I sat Coby Fleener and played Jason Witten instead and Fleener got 24 points!!! 24!!!! How does a TE even get that many points?!?!?!? ARGH.

        1. katiemcgillicuddy +1

          and he straight up dropped what could have been 6 more! it was like we didn’t plan for him at all!

          1. Ethylbenzene +1

            Boo. I mean, at least you don’t habitually lose to the WORST TEAMS IN THE WORLD PITTSBURGH STEELERS I AM LOOKING AT YOU.

      2. bocadelperro +1

        My QBs this year were Carson Palmer and Nick Foles. I now have Andy Dalton. So I have basically been losing for the past month.

          1. bocadelperro +2

            Yes, apparently I am the touch of death for QBs. Next year I need to concentrate on drafting a QB that I actually hate, like Big Ben or Tom Brady, and I can watch them have a catastrophic, career-ending injury. :evil laugh:

          2. Ethylbenzene +2

            I’m FROM Pittsburgh and I hate Ben, so I would be very interested in this plan. I’ve said for years he was overrated as a QB and completely reprehensible as a person and now he’s finally so bad that people are starting to notice. I don’t feel very vindicated though.

            Although I do also approve of Sad Tom Brady (the best kind of Tom Brady!), so.

    2. aravisthequeen +1

      Daniel Alfredsson’s retirement ceremony from the Senators. Floods of tears. Floods.

      I will miss him FOR EVER.

    3. PunnyDreadful +4

      Giants once again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, so that’s been fun. Sell off the whole team, salt the earth at the Meadowlands and let’s start over guys.

      The Wizards though, they comfort me in these times.

        1. katiemcgillicuddy +1

          What’s amazing is we are such a disaster AND YET we might not be as bad as the Giants! We probably are, but it isn’t totally cut and dry!

      3. katiemcgillicuddy +2

        Ha. Snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, indeed.

        The Wizards are possibly the only thing in life sustaining me right now.

      4. ramina +2

        THEY ARE SO BAD THIS YEAR. I can’t even, man. And it’s not like we’re getting any relief from the Jets, either. What is it with the Meadowlands???

        1. Ethylbenzene +1

          Seriously, and Eli just looks so confused and sad all the time, and I just want to hug him and his big ol’ head.

          1. sausagedog +1

            Eli has that expensive watch ad these days, in which he says, “All my past accomplishments mean nothing.” And I laugh, every time, and then feel TERRIBLE, like I’m laughing at a small child crying. I like Eli better than many QBs but he embodies “pathetic.”

          3. ramina +2

            I mean, at least he doesn’t have Peyton’s eighthead nearly as bad, but…Eli, sweetie, it’ll be okay, we sucked forever before 2008 and then look at what you did! You’ll get better.

    4. rangiferina +3

      Liverpool has been SO TERRIBLE lately but they won their last two games so I’m cautiously optimistic (bad idea, I know). amazing how this is the same team that almost won the PL last year, but hey… what can you do. (you can DEFEND, you assbutts!! DEFEND.)

    5. tragicallyludicrous +1

      Three clean sheets in a row for Arsenal! We’re probably still In Crisis but it’s a better In Crisis than before.

    6. shinkickmorning +2

      I look forward to watching Jermaine Jones this weekend. I mean, the MLS Cup. But mostly Jermaine Jones.

      Also, while Christmas shopping online, I discovered that the MLB store sells team branded Kippahs and I wish I had someone to give one to. (and it’s more complicated than it should be to figure out how to gift a Gameday Audio subscription to someone)

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +1

        I’m guessing that makes you a Revolution fan, so good luck to you, I hope you guys win!

        God, I would love someone to gift me a GameDay Audio subscription, you have excellent taste in (theoretical) gifts.

        1. shinkickmorning +1

          I don’t really have an MLS team, but I like him and I’m Not an LA fan (of anything), so it’s pretty easy.

          It’s only $20, so if that’s in someone’s budget, feel free to drop a casual hint. Or an anvil. But I honestly had to google “gift gameday audio mlb” in order to find a page with that information on it.

    7. anon210 +1

      Braves are breaking my heart (goodbye, Heyward) and also doing baffling things like signing Markakis, who isn’t very good and especially isn’t good for the Braves. I am already resigned to ignoring them in 2015, but I’m getting worried about the possibility of a really prolonged rebuild.

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +2

        Yeah…Markakis isn’t terribly good but he just…it’s really weird to see him on another team, he’s loved here because he’s like, the Oriole-ist of Orioles, and that’s where his value is.

    8. bocadelperro +2

      I am going to the Pac-12 championship game tonight to watch my former employer (The University of Arizona) play the house that Nike built (Oregon). Right now they’re saying 40% chance of rain for kickoff. Even though my seats are in the nosebleeds and I’m sure to be soaked, I’m SO EXCITED. MUD FOOTBALL!

    9. leighbee +3

      THE BLUE JACKETS WON TWO GAMES IN A ROW AND I AM GOING TO LIVE IN THIS MOMENT FOREVER

      BOB MADE 52 SAVES. 52!!!

    10. rolotomassi5 +2

      Can we just talk about how amazing Marshawn Lynch is? I adore that man even and loved his press conference appearance. “Yeah.”

      Go Hawks!

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +2

        I was a big fan of Richard Sherman and Cardboard Doug Baldwin’s press conference.

    11. sednarea51 +1

      Colt McCoy! Apparently had a good game last week despite the loss! RGIII might be gone for good! Ryan Kerrigan is apparently dating a tennis player and continues to be hungry for delicious sacks! MANY HAPS. We will have to see how Washington does against the Rams Sunday, right now I am just hoping to not be beaten too, too badly. Mostly I just want to beat Dallas in the last game, c’mon fellas.

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +1

        Colt was good (just ignore the first half because yiiiikes)! His super scramble away from 3 tacklers which ended in a TD pass to Logan Paulsen (also, he had no wideouts seeming to be actually *trying* to get open on that play, which is concerning, but makes it all the more impressive) was awesome

        It is December, and we all know how the Cowboys do in December. So I feel good.

    12. no_blues +1

      Gleefully not even faking that I’m going to miss Brett Lawrie. Jays making moves! But … not for pitching … ???

      1. katiemcgillicuddy +1

        I’ve been imagining a fight between Josh Donaldson and Brad Pitt the last couple days. It’s been weird, but entertaining.

  66. Emily

    What’s your field? I’m a Seattleite. I can’t recommend any job sites besides library ones though. 🙁

    1. MuseKray +1

      I think this is for me (I know the comments can be out of sync sometimes).
      My experience has been as a research assistant in grad school, one for cataloging online images and another one was a practicum compiling education material on global issues for K-12 for a global studies library. I also did an internship where I basically created a wiki library for engineers.
      So my experience has been all over the place but not in traditional librarianship.

      No need for frowny face! I appreciate you taking the time to help 🙂

  67. m98widow +5

    Everybody post your Inquisitors!

    Ravna (named for Ravna Bergnsdot in A Fire Upon The Deep) is a mage who is fighting for the freedom of all mages and has her eye on Cullen.

    And if that doesn’t work, since my inline images never seem to, here is a link.

    1. BourneApprox +2

      Your inquisitor is gorgeous! Digging the freckles (and the name even more so – excellent book!).

      I already posted a few pictures of my Adaar a while back, and I’ve been bad about uploading recent pictures, so here she is again being badass with two handsome dudes:

        1. BourneApprox +1

          This would imply that Dorian ever looks not-hot. Dorian is alway on-point. Dorian is love. Dorian is life.

          (Also, thanks! :3)

    2. SarcasticFringehead +4

      I don’t have an Inquisitor but Ravna Bergnsdot is one of my favorite characters of all time and as soon as I get time to rename my new wireless network I’m going to name it after her.

      1. m98widow +3

        I just re-read A Deepness In The Sky and then went right into re-reading A Fire Upon The Deep instead of reading any of the new books that I have recently purchased.

    3. octopoda +1

      I am at work so can’t post an image now. I am a little sad that I accidently picked a hair color I didn’t mean to (I am colorblind) and now am stuck with it. But it is not ahuge deal.

      I think the reason your inline image isn’t working is because you are linking the instragem page, and not directly to the image path (it should end in .jpeg or .gif or something in the path). I can’t see an easy way to do this from that Instagram page but I could do it by inspecting the element and grabbign the actual image path:

    4. ChloeKEvil +3

      This is just one of my five- Ten, the Dalish warrior. She’s very practically-minded, doesn’t hold with all this Herald of Andraste nonsense, and is probably going to end up with Solas.

    5. 900ccs +2

      Oh man, I haven’t allowed myself to buy Inquisition because the semester isn’t over yet and I have no self control, but I am looking forward to it A LOT.

  68. evsarah +2

    I remember enjoying it (and I think I saw it before I knew who Kristin Chenoweth was!) but I don’t remember much else. I just feel like Matthew Broderick made a lot of sense for that role, and Kristin Chenoweth is just so fun, I’d enjoy seeing them together again.

    I guess the solution would be to just watch the movie again! 🙂

  69. paddlepickle +8

    I think maybe the kindest possible explanation is that they try to make all the major characters likeable but with major flaws, but they focus a lot more on the women characters so the men don’t get as much character development and end up being just plain shitty. I find it hard to believe that we aren’t supposed to judge Dean for ANY of his shit, but I am possibly just very naive. Dumping her because she was a few minutes late meeting him, then acting as if she was the one who did the dumping? Getting MARRIED to spite her and then cheating? UGH I HATE DEAN SO MUCH.

    I do hate Logan overall, but you are right that he treats Rory better than the rest of them. And I was also very annoyed with the Marty plotline because it completely plays into the ‘girls picks rich jerk over poor nice guy narrative’– I don’t think Marty himself displays resentment or demands anything of her, just says it’s hard for him to be friends because he likes her, but that makes me even madder at the show’s writers.

    1. Atalanta_Is +3

      I don’t know, I honestly felt like the show wanted us to be sympathetic to Dean when he cheated — he was just ~so in love~ with Rory! He didn’t get hitched out of spite, he got married because he was sad about Rory :c and so on and so forth.

      I hated that he didn’t just fall off the planet after they broke up, and I hated that he was always the one doing the dumping and then getting all self-righteous about the breakup(s) after the fact.

    2. Atalanta_Is +1

      My first comment disappeared into the aether; let’s try this again.

      I don’t know, I honestly felt like the show wanted us to be sympathetic to Dean when he cheated — he was just ~so in love~ with Rory! He didn’t get hitched out of spite, he got married because he was sad about Rory :c He wasn’t a self-righteous angry douche to Rory about all the breakups he initiated; he just cared too much! and so on.

  70. sausagedog +4

    Packers beat the Patriots! I live and work in Boston! Overheard in the office:
    “You know, and Belichek said this, they’re a good team, we gotta be careful.” (Part of an hour long conversation next to my cube)
    “That Rodgers!” (to me, multiple times)
    “It was really a moral victory [for the Pats]” (what)
    To my own credit, I have not said anything untoward, nor brought up the game unless it is first brought up to me. I have, however, done a lot of gloating and snarky texting about this to my Wisconsin friends.

    I will be sad when football is over, honestly. Such a short season.

      2. sausagedog +2

        I’m getting this tattooed on my chest.
        (Though maybe not, I still have abandonment issues from Favre.)

  71. GlowCloud +10

    What are you getting your dad for Christmas? Specifically, what do you buy the dad who is in the habit of just getting himself whatever he needs?

    1. PunnyDreadful +2

      Booze? Booze is always good in these situations. My go-to gift is something brewed/distilled in my local area so it feels like a cultural experience. And you also get to have a nip of whisky at 10AM on Christmas morning.

      ETA: My dad is a pretty generic dad, and he has loved these in the past:

      The Anthology of American Folk Music (or some other fancy box set that he wouldn’t just buy)
      A new record player
      Cookbooks featuring American regional dishes (for the dad who cooks)
      A nice (possibly leather) briefcase or bag.
      Opinel peasant knife (pretty sure you can get these engraved)

      You know, dumb dad stuff.

      1. GlowCloud +2

        My dad is the kind of dad who drinks hard liquor pretty well only when my parents have guests, and he’s super cut his beer consumption now that he’s diabetic. This would have been a great gift once! 

        (This is, however, a great gift for my fiance!)

      3. blunderbusst +3

        This is going to sound weird, but a giant sausage (one of those Hickory Farms ones you can get in the mall) has always been a huge hit. Dads love meat!

    2. sausagedog +4

      I am struggling with this question myself. Current leaning is a big faux-fur throw from Restoration Hardware, because I know he gets cold in the deep northern winters. But it’s also… a blanket. Which is not super fun.

      1. Beakses +3

        I have one blanket (the softest blanket ever) that my aunt and uncle gave me for Christmas one year, and it is basically a fixture of my life in the winter months. Do not undervalue the blanket!

    3. CleverManka +2

      I bought mine some sports team tee shirts to replace ones that my mom says are wearing out.

    4. m98widow +1

      I think I might get him a Fitbit, because he loves to walk and was complaining that he’s gained weight since he moved to Florida, but I worry about his ability to sync it up with his phone/computer. I was also debating getting him The Wire season 1, but I’m not sure whether he would have the patience to watch.

      1. GlowCloud +5

        We got my dad a FitBit last year and he looooves it! His favourite thing is to tell us how far he’s walked or how many flights of stairs he’s climbed that day, ha. Also, I don’t think the syncing was too hard to figure out? My brother set it up for him.

      2. robot_dinosaur +3

        Oooh, a fitbit is a great idea! If you set up the sync for him, I wouldn’t worry about it. You can use the USB dongle on the computer and as long as he doesn’t unplug it he won’t have to do anything more to sync it. Setting up the sync with his phone is also easy; he will just need to remember to turn on bluetooth for it to work. When I was regularly using mine, I just left bluetooth on most of the time. It decreases battery life a bit but it wasn’t significant for me.

    5. thecaitd +2

      Does your dad like sports? I got my dad a shirt from Homage last year – they do vintagey sports shirts with references to old team catchphrases and the like. The one I got for my dad had Three Rivers Stadium on it.

      If you can do something a little more spendy, Ebbetts Field Flannels does handmade reproductions of vintage jerseys and hats. They have a lot of defunct teams including Negro League baseball.

      1. GlowCloud +1

        My dad is a hockey fan! Unfortunately, our home team is the Oilers, so, um…his merch won’t need replacing for a while. (Also, I have never seen my dad wear a t-shirt except to work out!)

    6. freshwaterpearl +4

      Oh gosh, someone please answer this question.

      Successful gifts I have given my dad include:
      – a tooled leather belt
      – a super-thin wallet so the old one wouldn’t mess up his posture anymore
      – a new travel mug when I happened to know he had just thrown out his old one
      – a warm, dressed-up looking brimmed hat for winter

      Gifts I have given him out of desperation include:
      – a weird hand-warmer thing you heat up in the microwave
      – soap
      – a USB port multiplier (it was from a museum store so it was kind of cool-looking)
      – spare contact lens cases
      – halvsies on a pricier gift my brother found

    8. shinkickmorning +2

      I’m getting my dad: a Fitbit and Italian Beef shipped straight to the front door (sometimes the dry ice it’s shipped in is still hanging around and he gets to play with it, so that’s like a gift and a half).

      He also wants a new external HD, a GoPro mount so he can put it on the dash of his car while he goes on fun drives and a bunch of obscure surf CDs that I think he bought himself.

    9. Es_Petal +2

      I am Dadless, but for the general person who gets themselves stuff, I am loving photo gifts. The gentleman caller is getting a collage panel of pictures of us, his dog, him and my horse, and places we’ve been, a couple of other people are getting mugs, and someone else is getting a cushion.

    10. aravisthequeen +7

      I went to Etsy, searched my dad’s favourite things, and I found a blueprint print of his favourite airplane. Ordered, I’ll frame it, that and a book, and I am done.

    11. ramina +3

      My sister and I are going halfsies and getting family portraits for my parents, because I am 28 years old and we have never had an actual family portrait done before. My one best friend’s mother passed away somewhat suddenly last year and one of the things that helped her heal was that she had a lovely family portrait she could hold onto, and since my parents are Getting Older (Dad’s 67, mom’s 66) I would like to remember them as I have known them.

      1. GlowCloud +1

        Oh, that is a really lovely idea! We’ve floated it a few times (fiance is a photographer) but it’s never come to pass.

    12. Girl Named Jack +4

      I get my dad a flashlight every year. Kind of a family tradition. Each year the challenge is to find a new variation. This year I’m also getting him an infrared thermometer for cooking. I also have found that my subscription to Handyman magazine has come in, well, handy, since each issue has a section devoted to cool tools.

    13. MuseKray +1

      If your dad is a sentimental sap like mine is, anything handmade or homemade seems to do the trick. Lately I got into baking bread so I food is always a welcome gift.

    14. msjinxie +3

      A pair of hand knit socks (my idea) and a Home Depot gift card (his idea, because you can’t have too many HD gift cards apparently). I’ll probably through in a box of See’s chocolates because I do that every year and it’d be a shame to stop now.

    15. annieleeroth +3

      Oh geeeeeeez, my dad is so hard to shop for. He doesn’t eat wheat or sugar (so baking is out), he doesn’t drink, he only likes really obscure older jazz trombone music, he’s pretty indoorsy, and he’s super busy so he doesn’t really have time to read. I’ve given him a headphones toque and touchscreen gloves before, which he liked, but he takes really good care of his stuff, so that’s in great shape and he won’t need any replacements for years. Augh! What can I get him?

    16. Beakses +1

      My dad is super fond of chocolate. Apparently the 5lb bag of chocolate covered espresso beans I got him for father’s day last year was too much chocolate available all at once, so I have found a place that will send 4 fancy indie dark chocolate bars once a month and am planning on getting him a few months of that so that the temptation is more spread out.

      My father-in-law is getting an LED headlamp and a Red Rocks T-shirt and shot glass (souvenirs totally count as Christmas presents if you just hold on to them until christmas in my family).

    17. Taiga +1

      I got mine Gordie Howe’s new autobiography. He’s always called reading “a waste of time” but retirement must be boring because he asked for Bobby Orr’s book last year, and said he read it and enjoyed it.

  72. craneyourneck +5

    I’m hosting a holiday party for the first time in my adult life. Hooray! Usually we deck out the apartment and haul home a tree and no one but the cats are there to admire it.

    Will definitely make big batches of drinks, but it would be smart to think about food beyond the cheese plate and hummus. Do you have any recipe suggestions that would be easy to make for a crowd?

    2. embryoconcepts +1

      Pinwheels. I like cucumber/cream cheese, caprese, etc. You could do them with thinly sliced meats, too. They are easy, keep well, bite sized, appeal to most.

    3. actualmeg +5

      I am very much in favor of cheese plates, but I like to make them enormous. Several kinds of cheese, cracker or bread options, nuts, olive oil, honey or jam, olives, sliced deli meats, etc.

    4. alicia +1

      What in my group of friends is referred to as “Rupa’s Nuclear Chicken Dip” which is basically a de-constructed buffalo wings recipe with extra cheese. I give it to you as I received it via a much-forwarded email:

      Shred meat one rotisserie chicken and toss with Frank’s hot wing sauce (pour to your liking – i think i used the whole bottle).
      Combine 8 oz of Marie Blue Cheese, 8 oz. cream cheese, 8 ox. hidden valley ranch and pour over chicken.
      top with a bag of shredded cheese
      bake at 350 till hot and bubbliing

      serve with frito scoops

    5. msjinxie +3

      Do you have a crock pot? I usually do a pot of gross/delicious Velveeta “queso”; Swedish meatballs are also nice and party-ish. Pigs in blankets. Mini-quiche. If you have a little more money to spend, maybe a small ham? Then all you need are some rolls, mustard, and people can make their own wee ham sammiches.

  73. kjschapira +12

    Twitter user @amandamichelle had a list of small self-grounding tips on her timeline last night that were pretty great — ways to reset your mind, get it out of fighting mode.

    In addition: set a timer for your internet use. When the timer goes off, you have to physically move away from all screens for a period of time that you decide on. Move your body if that’s possible for you, eat or drink something, put on lotion or splash your face.

    For people you’ve been arguing with, stop arguing. Instead, pick a mantra. “This was wrong and I don’t want it to happen again.” “I don’t want anyone else to die this way.” You can use more specific language if you want — those are just two I pulled out of my ear — but from now on, that is all you will say to these people until they decide it is time to talk about something else. Everything they say, that’s how you reply.

    Again, you may already be doing this, but consider who in your own actual town or city you could do something for, something direct. Donate a coat to a coat drive. See if there are anti-police-brutality organizations near you and what small actions of support they’re looking for. Concrete action is an excellent counterweight to the internet, where everything’s happening in words.

    Also, can I just add as a sidenote, I am so sorry that your mom is one of the people who’s calling you inaccurate names and trying to hurt you. I know moms often do that, but they should not.

    1. fictitious +2

      Thank you so much for sharing @amandamichelle advice, and for adding your own. I really like the mantra idea and will try to incorporate it.

  74. PonyAlong +16

    SO…the right side of my jaw finally threw in the towel after a particularly chewy fig and Spring 2015 plans include oral surgery. On the plus side, I’m finally shedding some unwanted pounds what with all the smoothies, goat yogurt and soft fish (BONUS: my food choices got healthier out of necessity).

    The rescue senior horse we took in didn’t make it, he was too far gone; but he had three good days of being loved with warmed soft food, a cozy blanket and plenty of neck rubs while being told what a good boy he was.

    My wee horse, Red, is still going strong and gives me plenty of laughs but I feel guilty and frustrated over not riding him more: I have no excuses, the boarding facility has a huge indoor arena so cold, shitty winter weather doesn’t count. I did, however, with help from my coach/mentor/best bud, get him started in pulling stuff behind him so he can drag out a Christmas tree when the time comes.

    AND, lastly, although I feel a mid-life crisis coming on, I’m gonna really try putting on my Christmas game face (I draw the line at people invading my house, sorry family loving DH).

    1. laurenipsum +3

      Aw, sorry to hear about the rescue horse. I’m glad you were able to be there for him.

      Also ACK oral surgery! Hope you are not in too much pain?

      1. PonyAlong +5

        The pain is like a small, dull ache: always present, but often overlooked except when yawning, chewing ANYTHING hard and/or rubbery or large-sized. Like, sandwiches, forget it. Healthy mouth openings are 30 millimetres, I’m sitting at 13mm (according to my dentist). That oral surgeon call can’t come soon enough!

        As for Petey-Pie, I’m glad we were there for him, too. He’s buried with his original buddies on the farm where he originally came from (same place where I keep Red) and when I go see him at his resting place I say a little prayer for him and me.

        Sent from my iPad

    2. Es_Petal +4

      I am vastly unmotivated to ride – the only one I am riding (out of the three I ought to be) is the one who had colic surgery in the summer and is just starting work again so I am driving half an hour to ride him in walk for ten minutes four times a week. The others are getting patted.
      Trust me (as the laziest horse owner in Christendom), Red doesn’t care. As long as he is getting time out in the pasture and not stuck in a stable all the time, he is perfectly happy to have a break. You have horses for fun, as long as their needs are met they do not give a flying one about being ridden in shitty weather.

      I’m so sorry abotu the rescue horse, but at least he ended his time warm, comfortable and not hungry. That is a massive gift to him.

      1. PonyAlong +5

        You just made my afternoon, thank you! Horsey Toasties FTW! (ALL Toasties are wonderful, not that it needed saying!).

        Sent from my iPad

    3. elsamac +5

      OH DEAR. I hope you’re not in too much pain. It will be good to have the surgery done and over with, she said hesitantly?

      And I’m so sorry about your senior horse. You did what you could and gave him some lovely, beloved last days, and that’s more than most creatures in this world can count on.

      1. PonyAlong +5

        Aw, thanks for the jaw concern! Somebody once told me I had a big mouth so maybe this is karma telling me to think before I speak? Hah! And double thanks for senior Petey, he was a real gentleman and overall sweetie pie; I wish I got to him sooner but…life goes on. We made a donation to a respected horse rescue society in his name so hopefully some extra good will come out of it!

        Sent from my iPad

  75. ramina +13

    My work husband (now at a new company, but still my work husband) just sent me a stock photo of a pine cone next to a toothbrush with toothpaste on it and I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT.

    Also, one of our PMs is leaving and she was wonderful and I told her so and she gave me her ficus. It’s an excellent ficus.

    I’m so out of it today that I have no idea what’s going on. 🙁

  76. embryoconcepts +33

    There’s a local company in town that I really respect for their work with the community, their actual paying work, and their business policies (100% minority owned, 90% minority employees, co-owners are both LGBT, many awards, great people). I was scoping out their Careers page on Monday, but it didn’t seem like they had any openings, just the general “send your resume to … if you’d like to work with us”. I put it out of my head and went on with my day.

    Tuesday, checking out FB, I see that both principals mentioned that they firm was hiring. (We all follow each other on FB and Twitter, acquaintances from working together on community projects and meetups and the like. ) Sent in my resume, and got an interview invite IN SEVENTEEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!! For Monday. Needless to say, I’m more than a little excited. Also terrified that I’m going to bomb the actual technical interview, but hoping that I can talk them into taking me on (at a decent salary), because I really can bring lots of experience. Just maybe not exactly what they were looking for…Oh, well. Trying not to ove rthink this one, it would be a dream job, if I can make it happen. I don’t know whether to study for the interview this weekend, or just relax and de-stress as much as possible.

    1. actualmeg +3

      Aaahh, that’s so exciting! I hope you get it!

      Re: this weekend, maybe do a little of both? Set aside a specific amount of time for interview prepping, do that, then do something fun and self-care-oriented.

    5. elsamac +2

      Based on everything I’ve ever heard hiring committees say, “not exactly what they’re looking for” isn’t a problem, because “what they’re looking for” is just a template for what’s acceptable unless and until they find someone who’s an unexpectedly great fit — like you seem to be!

      You’re going to be wonderful, and their swift response suggests they think so too. I’m wishing you all the luck in the world!

      1. embryoconcepts +1

        THANK YOU!!! I’m hoping it works out that way. It’s a development job, so there is a level of technical skill that will be essential, but I’m hoping any deficiencies in that area will be made up for with my other experiences.

  77. Marizane +4

    Oh, I know there are some people here I can talk IUDs to! I got mine in a few months ago and it has been doing great! But! Okay, did anyone else get prescribed misoprostol? They said it was to “soften the cervix” and that I “definitely need it” because I haven’t had kids/been pregnant. And I googled it and all the studies I read were like, “doesn’t help at all in terms of pain and aftereffects and effectiveness, actually might hurt” but I didn’t want to, you know, start arguing/imply a lack of medical knowledge with the trained medical doctor who was about to put her hand in my vagina, I mean. So I just said I had forgotten to take it, but yeah, why not try it anyways. What would you guys have done? I figured on three options, but maybe you guys have more: Take it, not but admit the real reason, or pretend forgetfulness. I always think of John Mulaney on the subject of lying to doctors, but you know, whatever..

    Also misoprostol is used for inducing labor and abortions, especially in countries where it is illegal. I still have mine.

    I hear a lot about like, painkillers you can maybe get out of them for the procedure, I never found a good moment to inquire about that, between the “Sure you don’t want the pill?” and “Wait, you DIDN’T take the thing that was prescribed?” How did people go about doing that, if they did? I took a Tylenol or Advil or something beforehand. It was about ten seconds of discomfort, one second of excruciating “STOP NOW PLEASE” and some not-particularly-painful cramping for a day or two afterwards, so generally I feel it went as well as could be expected, so I don’t think I needed it.

    1. houblonchouffe +1

      I never heard about using misoprostol, and I am also an IUD-owner/never pregnant/no kids. They nearly couldn’t do the insertion because I have a quite shallow and unusually angled uterus but it’s all worked out just fine and I’ll re-up in a few months.

    2. loren_smith +1

      Nothing beyond the suggestion of ibprofane was offered to me, and my insertion was as fine as could be!

      IUD question though – I’ve had a Mirena for a bit over 6 weeks, and suddenly my tailbone is killlllling me. I did a casual internet glance, and found all these women’s stories of how IUDs permanently messed up their tailbones (and whole bodies) and now I’m a bit worried. Everything was going swimmingly til this, and now I can’t get it out of my head that it’s the IUD causing it. Tell me I’m wrong and I just must have sat down wrong…

    3. muttershanks +1

      So I had a Mirena IUD for 3 years and I actually had it taken out because of the cramping that never went away and with my mental issues it turns out anything with a hormone turns me into a complete and TOTAL whackjob but I enjoyed the light period part and the “haha no babies are coming out of me!” part because I’ve always had horrendous periods and I don’t need a baby?

      ANYWAY so now there’s sex happening in my life again and I’m considering the copper IUD; does anyone here use one? How are your periods and cramping? I hear horror stories, but I’m bored to death of condoms but I can’t do hormones. Are there any other no-hormone options out there I’m not thinking of?

      1. houblonchouffe +1

        My best friend used a diaphragm for years before she and her husband started Trying, and it seemed to work well in that they don’t have babies.

      2. allanaaa +1

        Were you on other hormonal BC before the Mirena? Did your emotional reactions vary? I keep thinking “I’ve been on the ring for years, a Mirena is probably the same effect, it’ll be fine” but I haven’t actually looked into the exact chemical makeup ….

        1. muttershanks +1

          I’ve been on pills of varying kinds but I don’t really remember what happened with those so much as that was over 10 years ago, and I’ve had the depo shot twice, both times sent me into full-blown violent hypomania jags that lasted for months, and I don’t think I realized how much the Mirena was affecting me until I got it out and I’ve had about a year to get used to “me” without pills and drugs and things and I’m actually quite stable (who knew? me? stable?). Buuuut I had to take an EC due to an accident last week and frick it’s like my entire emotional stability and ability to handle even the smallest things has been jettisoned to the moon. It’s just been yesterday and today that I’ve been able to get a grip and calm down and not be so…. awful.

      3. citystillbreath +2

        I have a copper IUD and it’s lovely! I’ve always had godawful cramps, although they’ve thankfully gotten better as I’ve gotten older, and I’ve noticed no real difference post-IUD; if anything, it gives me warning twinges, which allow me to take ibuprofen immediately, and then I can’t really feel my cramps at all.

        The first day of my first period after I got mine inserted, however, I soaked through a super tampon in one hour, which I do not recommend if you are about to go on a vespa ride in a very short sundress to an isolated, paradisiacal beach with a new-ish boyfriend. Hopefully, if you are in that situation, your boyfriend will be really nice when you explain that you have to turn the vespa around and go right back home, because you have bled all over the seat and even onto his shirt! My periods evened out within a couple months and there’s been nothing crazy since then.

        I did have this irrational fear that I would be stopped by airport security every time, because of the metal, you know, but this has not happened! Mostly, I spent every day insanely grateful for my IUD. I would definitely, definitely do it again.

        1. muttershanks +1

          ooooh my gosh thank you! I’ve had awful cramps my entire life, but at least the past 6 months or so they’ve been… not agony-inducing? so this is really wonderful to hear! thanks!

        2. ladyimogen +1

          I just got a copper IUD last week- I was sore as heck (I took the cervix softener meds, and she still needed to use a clamp and a dilator) for the past week, with cramping and lots of… discharge? But things are settling down now. Just bracing myself for the coming flood.

      4. Aine

        TL;DR version: Paragard, awesome, highly recommend

        Long version:

        I have had a copper IUD in for a few years now, and I love it. Took a little while for my body to get used to taking care of its own hormones and I was pizza face on and off for a bit. I only started getting cramps with this, so I’m sure that means mine are much lighter than a lot of people, and they tend to be painful but I can get on with things. I have had exactly one really bad period in all that time for pain & blood; usually its annoying and a nuisance, but that’s about it. Would never go back to hormonal pills or anything, I used to have the wonderful side effect of constant heartburn and spent months trying to figure out what kind of food intolerance I had before I looked it up and found the BC connection.

    4. kate

      I was prescribed misoprostol too, my gyn said I have a small, high cervix? I read about it online and ended up taking it because I was really nervous about the pain and figured maybe it would help (most of what I read just said it didn’t do anything, not that it could make things worse or anything.) Same boat, never been pregnant etc. My doctor, when I went in, was like oh great, it did just what it was supposed to do! But who knows. I had pretty much the same experience – felt like the worst cramps ever for a few seconds then over. Not sure what it would have been like without. Anecdotally, I didn’t have any weird side effects from the misoprostol except the urge to vomit because it has you dissolve them between your cheek and your gum and that texture of dissolving pills was noooooo.

  78. ebbieann +11

    moisturizing is my self care – having soft skin in winter feels like the ultimate luxury

    1. Atalanta_Is +2

      Oh, for real. I have some pretty major skin problems (sensitive skin + allergies + eczema) so my skin tends to get cracked and dry at the very best of times; on the rare occasions in the winter when my hands aren’t red and crusty I just get so thrilled (and obnoxious; I make people touch my paws all LOOK HOW NOT GROSS THESE ARE I’M NOT BLEEDING)

  79. Momthra +23

    I have the best Toast-adjacent story this week! My very-ex boyfriend (broke up in 2002, haven’t been in the same room in at least 7 years) is always coming back around every 9 months or so, whenever he breaks up with a girlfriend. At one point he joked about one of those “if we’re both not married by 35” deals. About two years ago, I entertained ideas of maybe getting together to see ‘what if’ but he totally blew it and was 100% objectively terrible to me in the planning stages so I never went through with it and we haven’t really talked much since. And I now have a most wonderful mister who I adore.

    Earlier this week, he texted me (I was already clued in via the ‘book that he and his fiancee had broken up) and within five minutes he started this exchange:
    “So, we’re both going to be 35 soon”
    “Indeed”
    “Are you going to be married by then?”
    “It’s not impossible”
    “I guess Vegas isn’t far”
    “I’ve always wanted an Elvis wedding”
    “For the record, I distinctly recall that we made an agreement abut 35”
    “Looks like that ship has sailed”
    “How so? Neither of us will be married. Unless you do something about it.”
    “Life is a rich tapestry.”
    [end scene]

    Toasts, he didn’t even respond!

    1. aravisthequeen +22

      You’re a better person than I am because I would have just texted him pictures of hilarious laughing. What a jerkass.

      1. Momthra +8

        I was tempted to be very sassy but then I realized that actually my real life is way more satisfying.

    3. robotneedslove +6

      Oh man, I totally blocked an ex I broke up with in… 2009? recently. FB, blocked his phone number, everything. Feels great. He was even more of a tool, though (still WITH his girlfriend, and it was periodic sexty sexts* not marriage proposals).

      Exes fuck off.

      *More like overtures to have text sex, and not photos. Not photos thank god.

  80. Lily_Rowan +15

    YES! Yes on both counts.

    When I was on a jury, we had to have conversation about how just because we hated one of the lawyers, that didn’t mean we should find against his side.

    And I am also continuously shocked at Sarah Koenig’s naivete. At least she went on to present some actual evidence of racism as a factor, but JFC lady. She’s lived in Baltimore, Chicago (?) , New York (?). Not exactly hotbeds of racial justice or lack of diversity.

    1. beakbreath +2

      Especially when she casually mentions being a crime reporter in Baltimore around the time of Hae’s killing. What? I don’t understand the choice to make her narrator persona so naive all the time (unless it’s…not a persona…).

  82. OshKoshMalosh +9

    Yes! I couldn’t believe her response to Adnan’s mom! Especially given what we’ve seen from cops in the news recently (and, forever, I guess :/ ), it is just unbelievable to me that Koenig would have that attitude.

  83. Rachel8489 +2

    Toasties, the world is totally terrible, I have conflicted feelings about the Jewish solidarity action I attended last night in NYC, and after working what is probably turning into a 50 hour work week, I’m getting push back that is going to force me to redo some really pain in the ass work and slow down an entire massive project that was already working on an unreasonable deadline. And my manager is doing his best to support me, but I’m probably going to end up working like 25 hours between Sunday and Tuesday, and then I have to travel to DC for the events tied to this project. Which, because they didn’t budget well, means taking the bus instead of the train for work travel and means a late night immediately followed by an early morning. And I’m so excited about this project and this event and SO ANGRY about these unreasonable deadlines and I kind of want to break down and cry.

      1. Rachel8489 +1

        You are lovely for offering and reminding me of something I could do this weekend that will be fun and not at all connected to work. <3

    2. paddlepickle +1

      Hey, I was there too (and my name is also Rachel, of course). I had a few conflicted feelings as well but felt overall really good about it. I’m curious to hear what yours were, if you’re in the mood to talk about it.

  84. perianwen +2

    So on chatting to my mom yesterday it sounds like they’re going to help me with some of my moving expenses (a loan? a gift? not sure. Also don’t know if they mean part or all of my damage deposit/first month’s rent). This is a huge relief as I am so broke right now, and given that my main fwb also offered the same, I might just be able to manage something in the early part of the new year.

    Relatedly (*sigh*), if you know any fannish folk who might be interested in some things on my etsy store, send them along? If they want the outfits in time for the movie opening, we can figure out appropriate postage. https://www.etsy.com/shop/perianiel?ref=hdr_shop_… (I moved one of my items to ebay too: http://www.ebay.ca/itm/Hobbit-linen-shirt-and-bre…

  85. alicia +3

    My mom informed me that a NEW bookstore has opened in my home town, a town which already has a couple of good bookstores. I am both excited for it and concerned about the impact it might have on the less well-known existing store.

  87. CleverManka +2

    Apologies for the second post, but I put this up on Tumblr and nobody has responded yet. Perhaps some Toasties can weigh in?

    After reading articles and comments from POC about the destruction and terror that accompanies White Anger, and realizing that my anger, even when held in solidarity with marginalized groups, is not helpful to any of us, I’m making a conscious effort to stop posting rageful things. I shall continue to post inspirational photos and articles about how to help protestors and other supporters, but am unsure of how to tag them. I would very much appreciate hearing from non-white Tumblrites. Am I co-opting the #staywoke and similar tags by using them while white?

    1. paddlepickle +1

      I am curious, have you seen commentary from POC saying specifically that our anger even in solidarity isn’t helpful, or are you feeling that way because of reactions to White rage in general?

      1. CleverManka +2

        I’ve read a couple of articles by POC talking about how white anger is frightening because there are so many examples of white anger being directed at POC. I hadn’t thought about it before but yeah, that makes a lot of sense how it would be triggery.

    2. Kitling +4

      That’s interesting – I would have thought that some people might feel the opposite though? I’m not black and the situation is different, but as a PoC, I quite like it when white people get angry on my behalf about stuff I have to put up with because of the colour of my skin. It makes me feel less alone.

        1. Kitling +3

          Again with the massive proviso that I am not black and cannot speak for black people, I have heard a few black people talk/write about the silencing power of the ‘Angry Black Man/Woman’ stereotype — that they feel hampered from showing anger because it so frequently gets interpreted by white people as aggressive, violent, etc. On the one hand this might mean that it is galling to see white people able to express anger without fear of such stereotypes being imposed upon them, but on the other hand, might it not be quite good to see that at least *someone* is expressing the justifiable anger they feel in the face of being treated as second class citizens? I would be interested to hear from some more black people about this because as a PoC myself, I don’t always want the burden of confrontation and anger to fall on me when I experience racism.

  88. avianbones +3

    My office building also “does not allow” space heaters but we all have them anyway and it’s never been discovered, or, if it has, it has never been brought up to my company by building management. So I say just get a space heater, everything will be fine, but also a heated blanket sounds AMAZING.

    ETA this was supposed to be a reply to @sednarea51 but just plopped down here instead?

  89. ectocool +3

    Did you know they did a reboot of the series? Totally downgraded the cover (no more ribbon bookmark!) BUT there’s a new book written by Lois Lowry about a girl whose parents die of influenza and is sent to live with her uncle in a Shaker village.

    My very favorite was Coal Miner’s Bride, about a Polish girl who is sent to a mining town for an arranged marriage to a widower who is twice her age with three kids. Love triangles! Strikes! The horrors of Gilded Age industry! It’s everything.
    (This is in continuation to the Dear America thread)

    1. aravisthequeen +2

      Yes! I talked a bit about the reboot upthread. I didn’t care for the reboot so much–they’re more plot-driven and they have less of a diary feel, and I was particularly irritated that they had a novel about Japanese internment narrated by a white girl (as if there weren’t any Japanese girls to write about). I picked up the latest one about San Francisco, and just….didn’t bother with it. It wasn’t that good. No thanks.

      That was ALSO my favourite book! Tied with the Oregon Trail one.

  90. ectocool +1

    Just finished Orphan Train. The characters were about as nuanced and three-dimensional as Roald Dahl’s villains. I’ve picked up Joanne Fluke’s bakery murders, because a cozy mystery is good for snowy weather, I think.

  91. SarcasticFringehead +4

    For those who’ve been having problems with IntenseDebate – I finally got around to adding AdBlocker to Chrome, and now I’m not having those issues. Coincidence? Probably. Nevertheless, I thought I would share with you.

    1. whizzdumb +1

      Whoa! I wasn’t even having problems but OF COURSE I want to block ads. Thanks for the suggestion.

    2. octopoda +3

      Interesting, I don’t think I’ve ever had a post jump on me and I do run AdBlock (Sorry the-toast! I will support you directly instead!)

  92. eegghh +23

    Stuff is going on in my life! I know this has been a bad two weeks for america, but for me…. it has been the opposite.

    My post breakup recovery fling morphed into a real thing, and I spent my thanksgiving trip home on 3 very different and romantic and deeply sexy dates, deciding that we were going to give this whole crazy fling a chance. Complicated by the issue of extreme coastal difference in where we live.

    It’s overwhelming and real. And lots of people are reaching out to me to be like, “hang in there honey, we know you are sad about your breakup, we love you so, I’m so proud you are going on this non-dating discovery time for yourself.” And then I have to be like um…well…sort of, except… and then they use words like “rebound” and “take time” and such.

    And I guess I could be wrong, but it doesn’t feel like any of that. My breakup left me feeling like I knew exactly what I wanted. And then I found that sooner than I thought I would, and it’s with someone I already know and like and trust, and the sex and the talking is phenomenal and we’re both taking the breaks off equally, and I am so happy, and these fucking buzzkills warning me of the risks…grahhhhh! Also nothing has been decided. The plan is, me visit him at christmas, him visit me mid january, us decide what we have between us and what we want to do about it, with a mutual understanding that long distance isn’t workable for a long time and without a clear end date.

    I am all in. If I go down in flames for this one I want to go down in flames so hard there’s a cartoon me shaped hole in the wall. I wish people wouldn’t give me advice as if they are 90 years old and I am 13. Especially when they are 34 and I am 30.

    4. CleverManka +2

      GET IT

      Here is my go-to song for risk-taking and damn the torpedoes.

      I won’t I won’t I won’t hesitate
      Even if I’m going down in flames
      Light me up light me up light me up yeah
      Light me up light me up light me up yeah

      I don’t I don’t care what they say
      Even if I’m going down in flames
      Light me up light me up light me up yeah
      Light me up light me up light me up yeah

    5. blunderbusst +4

      “cartoon me shaped hole in the wall” — are you Sam Seaborn?

      (Also, that’s the most mature-sounding relationship agreement I’ve heard in some time! Take comfort in that, and side-eye your naysayers into oblivion.)

    2. catoclock +7

      “Different — And Frequently FAKE — Ears”

      I haven’t gotten to the end but I sincerely hope this is a lizard person thing

  94. lassotabasco +5

    Thanks so much. The mantra idea is great, and so is the idea of doing concrete things within my own community. Sometimes railing against people on the Interwebz feels like its accomplishing nothing, but when you volunteer or give coats or food to a local organization, you can actually SEE the benefit, which feels good.

  95. CaptainNancy +12

    So we moved countries! I’m safely installed in my parents house (along with them), and are starting to get back into the swing of things here. The job hunt is NOT making me feel great however.

    I know a number of Toasties are in job-hunt-hell with me. Commiserations to you all…

  96. plspassthePinot +6

    Focusing on the positive things in life: (1) I GOT A NEW OFFICE CHAIR AND ITS MADE OF DREAMS; (2) Took a museum tour during lunch and the gorgeous architecture / history of past struggles has made me more contemplative; (3) I made chocolate – almond tea this morning and it was BOMB. World Market FTW.

    Looking forward to this wkd + my faux fur throw + baking something and eating it myself from the tray.

    1. actualmeg +1

      Okay, I’m intrigued. What is chocolate-almond tea? Is it, like, actual tea, or is it creamy/dessert-y, or what?

      1. plspassthePinot +2

        Thank you for asking! Its primarily a chocolate tea from World Market ($6) that’s some magical combo of actual tea leaves that are delightfully chocolate-y and caffeine free. I added a sweet almond Italian tea w ceylon from a local tea shop for caffeine + honey + milk = BEST MORNING EVA

      2. rhymeswitheight +3

        I’ve had chocolate tea before, not World Market, but it was FASCINATINGLY TASTY. Very light and chocolate-y, but still more like actual tea than dessert. If you like chocolate, I would definitely recommend it.

  97. emilysaysgo +4

    I’m sorry if I missed this somewhere above, but who else will be at Powell’s this weekend for Mallory’s signing? I’m getting a copy signed for my brother as his Christmas gift. He’s a good one.

    1. depizan +1

      I’m hoping to make it, trying to convince my sister to come with me (she’s not a regular Toast reader. Yet.).

  98. whittingly +8

    This may be too late and get lost in the OT shuffle, but I was in a meeting and missed the OT launch…I’ve been really bummed lately about something kind of heavy, which is nonetheless totally outside my control and futile to worry about. My dad died from complications of a rare genetic disease when he was 31. He started showing symptoms and was diagnosed when he was 27. I turn 27 next year, so it’s been on my mind a lot lately. There’s no guarantee I have it (25% probability of being symptomatic, possibly higher chance of being a carrier), and genetic testing costs more than my wedding. There’s no real point in knowing; I don’t plan on having kids, and I feel confident in my ability to manage the disease to the best of my ability, should I have it (so, not worrying too much while remaining vigilant–for example, there are procedures that could have saved his life had his doctors been aware of them, like installing a pacemaker. If I’m in that situation, I will become Iron Man). However, in the past several months I’ve started experiencing totally innocuous things that may be but probably aren’t related to his symptoms, namely really horrible leg and foot cramps (it’s a musculoskeletal disorder). All I know about his pathology is what I’ve heard from family and read in his medical records, but I do know he had debilitating leg cramps in the years leading up to his death. Are leg cramps a normal thing a lot of people experience? Of course. Were they possibly not related to his disease at all? Very possible. Have I been trying to up my running schedule, and do I have cheap running shoes that are probably making it worse? Yes. Do they scare the crap out of me anyway and reduce me to a gibbering mess of insecurity? DING DING DING.

    The real kicker is that this particular disease doesn’t follow a set pathology, so two individuals with the exact same mutation can exhibit totally different symptoms, so me sharing the same symptoms he did really might be meaningless. Even if I do have it, my version could express itself in a different part of the body or ten or twenty years later than his did. It’s the guessing game that lasts a lifetime!

    I don’t know if I’m really asking for advice so much as blind reassurance…I find it difficult to discuss this with people in person because they find it really disturbing as opposed to something they’ve been facing their whole life and find a natural if anxiety-producing annoyance. When I say I’m going to throw a barn-burning, last days of Rome-style 32nd birthday party for myself, people clam up. So I just wanted a space to express my fears, groundless though they may be, and say that I’m dealing with this. Thanks for listening.

    1. laurenipsum +7

      Oof, that’s heavy!

      I think you sound eminently sensible about it but that doesn’t make it any easier, I know. Will always be here to listen.

      Get some new running shoes, though.

    2. paperbgprincess +4

      I have no personal experience with this so I can’t offer any specific advice or anything, but it sounds like you are being very level-headed about it! I get that genetic testing is not on the table — but maybe you can talk to a doc in another way that would give you some reassurance? Like maybe you could just get a regular checkup and ask about the leg cramps?

      I also second the poster above, you should probably buy new running shoes too. 😛

      Sorry if that was unhelpful, but I’m always happy to listen.

      1. whittingly +2

        Do you have any running shoe recommendations, or do I just have to go to the fancy store and trust them?

        1. houblonchouffe +5

          The latter, really. Everyone’s [foot/stride/needs] is so different that I am always really hesitant to recommend shoes–what works great for me (the Brooks Pure series) gave MrChouffe incredible leg pain, etc. The fancy running stores know their products and know their business and can help you better than any of us probably could.

          1. Rillquiet +2

            Late chiming in to say, YUP. Go let some gristly old dude or whippety youngster do a gait analysis, try on a bunch of shoes by different makers, feel like an eedjit jogging up and down, and find a pair that seems to do the trick. If you’ve got big feet, you might even ask them to bring out some men’s pairs (I do this, because nobody stocks enough women’s shoes in my size). Don’t let them rush you, do tell them about the leg cramps, don’t worry if you think you’re “not a runner”–and please, PLEASE don’t use their expertise and then skip off to buy the same shoes online. If you can afford it, buy at least one pair from their shop, because you’re getting feedback and advice that Zappos won’t give you.

        3. cuminafterall +3

          Go to the fancy store. But you only have to go once– when it’s time to replace your running shoes (your body will tell you when, mine usually last about 18 months), you can just order the same kind on Zappos.

    3. GreenGrasses +3

      We’re here for you! It’s natural to worry, especially when something like this disease is staring you in the face. If you truly feel you need to, go to the doctor just to get some scientific-based reassurance. Otherwise, this may be a great time in your life to take up a new and awesome hobby that will occupy some brainspace!

      But overall, I am sorry you have to deal with this, and you are strong and wonderful, and everything will be OK!

      1. whittingly +3

        That’s another thing, re: doctors and scientific-based reassurance. I’m going to be moving in the next year and getting a new job and thus new insurance, so I’m hoping I can get to a point where I’m financially/coverage-wise able to see a specialist and more importantly, FIND a good one. I freaked out about this same issue in high school because of some arm weakness, and I went to our local Big City World-Renowned Hospital, and they were completely unhelpful. I was shuffled around to people who didn’t know anything about the condition until this Doogie Howser type totally dismissed me, saying it was a recessive gene-linked deal and there was statistically no way I’d have it. That would be great news except he was totally wrong, because my dad’s specific case was a genetic mutation that could go either recessive or dominant. This doc hadn’t even done due diligence on the case file. So I’m scared of running into ignorance and unhelpfulness (I have extraordinarily bad luck with finding good doctors, mostly due to where I live), but I’m older and wiser now and infinitely more knowledgeable and ready to kick ass until I get some answers.

        But first I have to pay for it. (Addendum: Big City Hospital is now apparently has a whole dept. dedicated to this disease? That definitely wasn’t the case 10 years ago. Feeling hopeful.)

    4. CleverManka +5

      That sounds horrible and terrifying.

      Fuck yes for holding that barn-burning, though. For real.

  99. ChloeKEvil +4

    I had a really productive day but it was also very stressful. I went to an intake appointment for a job assistance program and it was an hour and a half of talking about how I fail at working. The program looks great if I end up qualifying, but that was hard and I’m tired. I’m really proud of myself for going!

    I also went to set up an appointment to get my eyes checked so I can get new glasses, which will be great. I haven’t had glasses for a really long time and while my eyesight isn’t terrible, it isn’t good. I can function, but I’d function so much better if I could seeee. I’m looking forward to it!

  100. robot_dinosaur +4

    Oh, man. These probably innocuous symptoms sound terribly awful, dear. What a hard thing. And we’re always here to listen.

  101. ladyimogen +21

    Guys, this week has been terrible in the world but in my little tiny corner of it, my boss just named me Hardball and got me the raise I asked for. It was thrilling.

  102. Toft +33

    Okay, so a couple weeks ago, somehow, by going through a link on my own IntenseDebate page, I ended up in a weird bizarro version of The Toast. It has the same Toast/Butter header as the normal Toast but with the sidebar from the old, pre-Butter site, it has a bunch of Toast articles from November and October (but none more recent than that), some Butter articles, some things that look like first drafts of Link Roundups, and also some test posts that look like they were probably written by Maria or somebody to test out features of the system. It also has a scroll-to-the-top button that the real Toast doesn’t have.

    But the most interesting part is that, in this alternate Toast world, the chat feature is enabled. I typed some stuff into it to see what would happen and got no answer, and then logged out and forgot about it for a while, but then I went back today and saw that some other Toasties had found their way in there, and a couple of them had had a long, pun-filled discussion about the State Fair.

    I feel like this story should have a creepypasta type ending where I find out I’m trapped in the Toast Twilight Zone for all eternity, but so far nothing like that has happened. I’m pretty sure that I just wandered into a behind-the-scenes, editors-only part of the site that I wasn’t supposed to be in. So yeah.

    3. bobthebeau +12

      That was such pun fun. My hat is off to my opponent — someone named Linette? One of their truly memorable opening salvos: I tried to demure and say I couldn’t think of any fair puns, and they asked if I was taking my concession stand.

      I cannot even explain how much I like that pun. We had quite a merry go round from there!

  103. maryling83 +2

    Thank you! Though I must say, people talking about being stuck in nightmare lands does sound intimidating. All i want to do is write poetry!

  104. maryling83 +3

    Awesome, good luck on your clicking! Glad I could help with the nightmares, and your card gave me Sudden Insight which bumped my Watchfulness very handily.

  105. lilsebastian01 +3

    Hey, question about facial and body hair! I, a cis woman, have visible black body hair on my chest (like the décolletage area) and a much lighter but still noticeable mustache. I don’t love it. I’m generally a big fan of tweezers and am happy to use them for other stuff, but both of these types of hair really hurt to pull out. In some ways I love the idea of being someone who walks around like, “I’m a lady with body hair, fuck you and the gender binary,” but in other ways I don’t like how it makes me look. So I guess two questions:

    1) What do other people do in this circumstance, and how do you feel about it?
    2) What are my options here if I decide to get rid of it (at least once)? I don’t think I want to shave it, so am I looking at threading? Lasers? Waxing? I’ve never done any of those so any insights would be helpful.

    1. CleverManka +2

      I have pale skin and a lot of dark hair. I started electrolysis treatments on my face when I was twelve and I still have to wax it. Well, I use one of these instead of waxing, but same general idea. Hurts like the devil, but it’s cheap and effective and doesn’t make me break out like wax. So, that said, I had three laser treatments on my underarms just to reduce it so I didn’t have a shadow by evening after shaving my pits that morning. It worked, but I think you really need to commit to returning for treatment after treatment ($$$) if you’ve got stubborn hair.

      I would say waxing and tweezing are about as equally painful except with waxing you at least get it all off in one swipe. You do have to wait for it to grow back enough to re-wax, though, and that can be annoying. If you’ve got the money, I’d say try the laser treatments first. Honestly, I think they were the least painful.

    2. rhymeswitheight +1

      If you decide to go the laser route, Groupon and the like usually have deals for it (in my city, and I would guess in many others too).

    3. Es_Petal +1

      I have a home IPL machine and it is a GODSEND. I am Iranian/British so have pale skin (thanks mum) and lots of dark hair (thanks dad). I use it on my chin, neckbeard, chest, belly and bikini line (half my thighs), and now I’ve just upgraded my old broken one to a new snazzy one that is way quicker, I’ve just started my lower legs and armpits too. I used mine originally once a week for six weeks as it says to, and then the hair didn’t quite fall out like it was meant to, but I tweezed it and it came out very easily and didnt’ grow back for six months. Now I’m a bit more blase about it, I use the zapper every day for a week and then ignore it all for six months, and when it starts growing back I do another week of it.

  106. sarah_jay +1

    You guys are all so much smarter than I am, and I have a really hard question. What do you get for a 28 year old brother, med/PhD student, with no discernible hobbies, non-drinker (of alcohol, coffee, or tea)? I have super small budget this year, so $15 max. This guy is the hardest to shop for of anyone I know and I am clueless. Everyone else is getting (modern) quilted gifts, but I don’t think he’d appreciate it. (for more about modern quilting visit: http://www.themodernquiltguild.com/)

    2. actualmeg +3

      Is there any particular cause or charity he supports that you could make a small donation to?

      Where does he go to school? Is it cold there? Maybe he could use a warm hat or scarf.

    4. ladyimogen +5

      Would he think a quilted anatomy (or cell division, or something med-y) illustration would be awesome? Because I would!

        2. gentlehangovers +1

          I am so late here – finally catching up on open thread – but I had to jump in and second (third) the praise for the heart pillow. This is amazing, and I can’t imagine anyone not loving it. In fact, if you ever start selling quilted throw pillows please jump in here and let us know. My plain blue couch could use some snazzing up!

  107. jessicalhdoyle +6

    hi Toasties. this is where I admit to lurking a lot and being intimidated by all y’all’s many conversations. like I’m not sure I have enough misandrist wit to keep up.

    this week has actually been pretty smooth, although none of us have been getting enough sleep and, not coincidentally, this afternoon the kids were in full MOM SHE STARTED IT mode and my buttons were very pushable.

    been thinking about blogging, and not blogging. I don’t miss Tumblr — Tumblr is a terrific platform, but I was using it less and less well and getting more and more stressed about not using it well. for a while now I’ve been trying to figure out how to balance writing professionally versus writing less-professionally (by which I mean both “writing for which I don’t get paid” and “writing that is more goofy and less well thought out”) and tend to end up just, y’know, not writing.

    but this video happened, and I am not sure I am capable of explaining the context sufficiently enough that y’all can also find it a giddy, gloriously amateurish, uninhibited marvel.

  108. Household_Opera +5

    Man, it feels like forever since I posted in a Friday thread, even though it’s only been a couple of weeks. I feel like I can’t really talk or think about anything other than the horribleness of the news this week, and not just this week: the cumulative horribleness of months. It’s been the kind of week where I run into coworkers in the bathroom and instead of chatting about the weather we talk about how there is no justice in our so-called justice system.

    In less awful news: I finished up some projects, got some good news about an academic article I’d submitted to a journal, did Thanksgiving with my family last week, and am planning to spend tomorrow going from a drag performance workshop to a friend’s holiday party, where there will be lots of glögg. (On a related note, I made fruitcake! I’m a little worried about its being too soggy. I may have gone slightly overboard basting it with apple brandy.)

  109. RoseCamelia +9

    I will never leave my house after coming home from work. Errands must happen on the way home or they will never happen. But work clothing leads to better service, in my experience. Being a middle-aged white woman with a quick gait and cut-to-the-chase attitude probably have some effect as well.

  110. Beakses +1

    Toasties! Tis the season for giving, and my husband and I have finally gotten our butts in gear and picked some charities to support. However, as we were deciding (or rather, as I was going “what about this (reproductive choice) charity? or this (reproductive choice) charity?”), my husband says “I don’t even know what kinds of charities are out there.” I have my favorites- reproductive choice, domestic violence shelters, food banks, community colleges- but I certainly don’t have a lock on the great big world of charitable giving. So Toasties, what charities or types of charities do you support? What’s out there that you think is awesome even if it’s not at the top of your list?

    1. floridagal1 +1

      Mr. Floridagal and I like to give to the SPCA. I’m also not very aware of what other charities are out there and would appreciate recommendations!

  111. eegghh +6

    We actually have some West Wing in-jokes.

    I really hate people giving advice when it’s not been asked for. Like, if you say, “WHOOHOO I love this ice cream cone, so great, I thought I wasn’t going to be hungry for a while but turns out I am, FOR ICE CREAM.” I do not want someone to put their hand on my arm and be like, “ok, that’s good, but are you sure you need dairy right now? I mean, you just HAD dairy, this could be an attempt to rush into replacing that cheese plate you dropped the other day. Just eat that cone slowly, ok?”

    Believe me, I want the ice cream, and he wants me too. And if I get sick later well at least I got some ice cream right now.

  112. danrichnz +1

    Advice needed down here in New Zealand. HR is sending us on some hideous “customer service enhancement” day. During our unpaid weekend, we are to download, print and complete 10 pages of “homework”. This includes fun, engaging activities such as a “Service Experience Wordfind” and case studies of statistically unlikely scenarios. We are all in our 20s, 30s and 40s. Do I swallow my pride and comply? Every pore of my existence protests but I fear if I open my mouth, a torrent of vitriolic bile will erupt forth and take over.

    Your thoughts on dealing with this fuckery please.

  113. letteradicorsa +1

    I’m so sorry you’r’e going through the PMS anxiety. I used to have terrible premenstrual dysphoria (PMDD), sometimes even to the point of suicidal ideation. I’m much better now thanks to many things, but for awhile Zoloft helped. SSRIs help stop the mind-spinning and sometimes that’s the #1 thing that needs to be dealt with. There is so much more work to do besides that though, to be happy for *real.* Two words: BUTTERNUT SQUASH. (with butter, brown sugar and maple syrup)

    (I went to high school in Minnesota too!)

  114. letteradicorsa +3

    Heads up, just in case: Any OCD-type behavior is a sign your dose is wrong (two low actually, I think?). When I first went on SSRIs for PMS I went on a spending binge on vintage lingerie (ebay), not even realizing what I’d done until I was $2000 deeper in credit card debt.

      1. laurenipsum +1

        Nope, it’s a problem with the commenting system. I think it actually shows up in both places, so it will also still be visible in the context of the thread.

  115. danrichnz +2

    Advice needed down here in New Zealand. HR is sending us on some hideous “customer service enhancement” day. During our unpaid weekend, we are to download, print and complete 10 pages of “homework”. This includes fun, engaging activities such as a “Service Experience Wordfind” and case studies of statistically unlikely scenarios. We are all in our 20s, 30s and 40s. Do I swallow my pride and comply? Every pore of my existence protests but I fear if I open my mouth, a torrent of vitriolic bile will erupt forth and take over.

    1. RoseCamelia +1

      Can you organize your coworkers to passively ignore the assignment as a group, a united front against such bullshit?

  116. MailerMattDaemon

    There are some super awesome ones out there, for sure. Reproductive justice-wise, there’s National Advocates for Pregnant Women (http://advocatesforpregnantwomen.org/). Backline is also a really terrific org (yourbackline.org). Also in the justice arena is the Bronx Defenders, which has a special “client emergency fund” to provide financial assistance for things like metro cards or rent or medicine (http://www.bronxdefenders.org/programs/client-emergency-fund/). I really like the Fortune Society, which does tremendous re-entry work with formerly incarcerated persons (http://fortunesociety.org/). Outside of NYC, the Winter Institute does great work in the South toward racial reconciliation (http://winterinstitute.org/) and Trust Women was set up to honor Dr. Tiller and is based in Kansas (http://trustwomenpac.org/). Also! Every year Katha Pollitt creates a list around this time of her favorite charities – always good ones.

  117. Flower +1

    Yes, please! JUST a suggestion, apparently you can take a group archery class for beginners at the Semiahmoo Fish and Games Club. Or, we can just go out for drinks. I’m easy!

  118. Rebecca J

    I hope that you will go back to enough meetings so that you can find the one that is for you. 100% rooting for you

  119. Rebecca J

    can you direct to a helpful youtube tutorial on this? I want to look hot every day. I look hot, and like my eyebrows, but with my new glasses they are hard to see.

  120. Spaghettius

    Replying very late to say this: Yes! Second the memory foam topper. It's 3-4" of memory foam that covers your mattress. It worked really well for me when my mattress got old and abusively firm. It also doubled as a place for friends to sleep on the floor, but then I had to brave the abusive mattress. If you go this route, it helps if your fitted sheets have deep pockets, so that you can still tuck them in over the mattress+topper.